#i'm aware that i'm appealing to maybe 2 other people here but i've made my peace with that

[saccharineomens]

quanxi is known as the oldest devil hunter so i know she's functionally immortal and scarless and hot forever, but fujimoto was a coward for not giving us the grizzled lesbian gilf we all wanted.

look at kishibe. kishibe agrees with me. kishibe gets it.

[amageish]

Spider-Man 2 Post-Credit Spoilers

Time for some more signature Amageish overthinking!

Sooooooooooooo.

How about that Cindy Moon appearance, huh?

From this Gizmodo article, we do have a bit of insight into the decision to have her appear where they mention the challenge of making a Cindy unique to the GamerVerse specifically - though it's obvious they are keeping their cards close to their chest here as well.

io9: Along with giving Miles a promotion, you’ve introduced Cindy Moon, aka Silk, into your universe. Of all the Spider-heroes, I don’t think anyone was expecting her. What made her so appealing over someone like Eddie or Gwen Stacy? Arfmann: Cindy’s always been a really compelling character in the comics who, similar to [SM1's] Martin Li, hasn’t really gotten a ton of exposure outside of the immediate fanbase. There’s something really exciting about taking a character who we love, who not everybody’s had a chance to meet, and exposing her to a wider audience. Morris: I’m so excited to see what we do with Cindy. Arfmann: Exactly. That was the real drive with her, and figuring out who Insomniac’s Cindy Moon is a really exciting challenge. And we also have this interesting complication that [Cindy’s dad] Albert is dating [Miles’ mom] Rio, and we’re thrilled to explore how that creates a new iteration of this character that folks already love.

So this confirms that they will be changing stuff too! This is going to be a unique take on her, but they are also self-aware that this will be plenty of people's introduction to the character.

The main question on my mind is a pretty basic one: Does Cindy Moon need to be shoved into a bunker for 7-10 years in order to be recognizably Cindy Moon? Her father is already in the game, so we know the "parents are missing" story is probably off the table, but does she need to still spend all that time in isolation to be Cindy?

In the comics, her time in the bunker is credited in-text with being a source of so many of her defining character traits.

It is something that separates her experiences from Peter and the other Spider-heroes.

It's something that fills her with a drive to prove herself and is the experience that made her such a talented martial artist.

It informs her understanding of modern technology and the level of pop culture awareness she has - the former of which helped her develop her uniquely positive relationship with J Jonah Jameson.

And, lastly, the time she had in isolation is credited with causing her to develop her anxiety disorder and communication challenges.

So, with all that in mind, it feels like Cindy does have to be put into a bunker, right? As it's such a core part of her backstory?

Well, no. Maybe this will be a hot take, but I honestly don't think she does.

While I do think everything I've listed here is a key aspect of Cindy Moon as a character, I don't think they need to lock her in a vault for 7-10 years in order to explain why a Korean-American woman in New York city has anxiety or practices martial arts or feels a need to work twice as hard to have her accomplishments recognized. These are all very relatable experiences that do not require a fantastical superhero origin story to justify them.

Honestly, with how emotion-forward the Insomniac Spider-Man games are already, I think her being a woman who has had a depressive episode recently which she describes as having felt like being trapped would work just as well as literally having had her be trapped by a supervillain. I would not be surprised if the ability to tell a story about anxiety and depression was a factor in them selecting Cindy as the next playable character as well - the potential for a Silk game that incorporates actual mindfulness and grounding techniques into the gameplay is really high IMHO.

I also think that the final scene kind of supports the idea too? Cindy has no lines, but she does have a silent awkward wave. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but her introduction makes me think she already has social anxiety - so unless she's already been in the bunker and we'll get a story about how she escaped, then I think she will probably jut be getting powers and moving forward from there.

Anyway, that's a lot of thoughts brought about by like 5 seconds of Cindy waving. I'm just really eager to see where things go from here and am hoping we'll get a DLC trailer or a Silk expandalone announced sometimes soon...

(PS: Having Peter already be in a committed relationship with MJ and Miles, who is also already in a relationship with Hailey, being in a psuedo-sibling relationship with Cindy is an excellent way of desexualizing the Cindy + Spider-Men relationship. I have no fears about Insomniac stumbling on that particular hurdle.)

(I do, however, have fears that I will be seeing unironic speculation about pheromones in reddit threads for the next 2 years until whenever Spider-Man: Miles Morales 2 or Silk: Cindy Moon is announced... but that probably cannot be changed, unfortunately.)

[life-of-an-asexual]

(Part 1) I'm really confused about my identity and I need some reassurance and advice. So I'm starting to seriously consider I might be on the aromantic spectrum, because I was watching a TV show and there was a romantic love triangle/infidelity plotline in it and it made me very uncomfortable. I started seriously considering that I might be aromantic because I have that same feeling of discomfort even when thinking about romance in my own life, as well as in a lot of tv shows and books +

(Part 2) I have read and watched. The types of relationships I like to watch in media and think about are the ones that have little to no sexual undertones and the ones where there is affection and fondness between both people but it can be interpreted in a platonic way or as a friendship. I briefly considered that I might be aegoromantic, but that label didn't fit my feelings or experiences. Then I learned about the label lithromantic, which initially made sense to me, but +

(Part 3) ultimately lithromantic didn't feel right to me at all. I like the idea of having a romantic relationship in theory, but I get uncomfortable with the idea of actually being in one, to the point where I feel like crying at the idea of someone falling in love with me. I know this might be because I've never experienced the feeling of falling in love and I've never dated, and no one was interested in me in school and college, but I was fine with the lack of interest. I also wasn't +

(Part 4) interested in dating anyone in school or college. I never really wanted to. Lithromantic doesn't feel like the correct descriptor of my experiences and cupioromantic doesn't really fit my experiences either. I want to be in a relationship someday and I thought I understood romantic attraction, but I don't think I really do. I understand that all of this sounds weird, but I don't really know what to think. I want to hear opinions about this and I need reassurance.

for what it's worth, i do think your experience could fit under any of those labels. i can't tell you that you are one of those or that you have to use those labels. if you've determined that they aren't right for you, you have the final say. personally, i'm not aware of any other labels that would fit

however, my advice is that you don't need to find a label that exactly matches your specific experience. as someone who uses what is technically a micro-label, i get it, but you don't have to. you can just be aromantic. if you aren't alloromantic, the aromantic label covers what you feel. or if that doesn't feel comfortable, gray-aromantic

the gray area between "aromantic" and "allromantic" is vast. lith, aego, quoi, cupio, fray, etc. are all identities that fall under the gray-aro umbrella. if trying to find a micro-label is causing you distress, you can use a term with a broader definition. it'll still represent you, and maybe give you a little breathing room to get comfortable in your identity, and you can worry about finding a more specific label later if you still want to

again, i understand the appeal of microlabels, but at the end of the day, you're still under the wider umbrella of aromantic. if you can't find a more specific label, you can just be aromantic. you can find your community here, and other people with similar experiences even if they aren't exactly the same. you don't need to worry about finding the most correct label, you can just be

~Mod Q

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I saw the question about the fandom ignoring Jikook and I just wanted to add a point as an LGBTQ+ person there could also be another possibility - Jikook's bright, incandescent, guilt-free associations just seeming too good to be true. Maybe this puts me in category 2 ? But I just can't work out the maths of how they could be the people they are - loyal, dedicated, cautious, private, unselfish - and be so open about such a major secret that can hurt their own team. 'Hidden stories' have more appeal for me because that's what I'm familiar with, and also I guess I think there's another couple in BTS who show a lot of unexpected intimacy without being front and centre in the same way so it's further confusing. (maybe a 3.2 category which isn't really rival shippers but 'competing' shippers since the idea of two ships that can be true is hard to believe)

Idk I just see a lot of people talk about it's homophobia to not believe in Jikook and I think that is ignoring those of us who are cautious because we don't want to get hurt / were hurt and can't trust freely. And / or have alternate fantasies or truths we see in BTS!

**

Hi Anon,

I think I understand what you mean and I've seen this pushback, that jikook are so open and seemingly 'too good to be true', in some other spaces as well. I applaud the self awareness you're showing here too, because you admit it's likely your own personal experiences mostly influencing how you think about pairings in BTS, including jikook and other pairings you find more interesting partly because they appear clandestine. At risk of dumbing down your point, this is one central argument rival shippers, especially taekookers, hold on to.

My primary problem with the argument that jikook are too openly affectionate to be anything more, is that it is awfully reductive. Not just because it dismisses the agency of Jimin and Jungkook, but because it assumes the five other guys in their team are just play-acting roles all the time as well. It assumes jikook and BTS have no understanding of how the k-pop industry works, and have no resources at their disposal to engage in any relationships they wish to pursue.

In other words,

Why is it impossible to think queer people do not feel an impulse to freely interact with people they love and care about?

Why is it doubtful to think if given the opportunity to do so in a socially licensed environment, such as within the expectations of a k-pop idol who can freely engage in skinship with his bandmates, they would not take that opportunity?

Why do their own moments of deference and affection towards each other suddenly mean less, simply because those moments are frequent and sometimes captured on camera?

Why is it that several first-hand accounts from idols stating that relationships and queer relationships are somewhat common between idols and bandmates, are dismissed without consideration?

*

As I've said before, I don't really know what jikook are. They could both have partners that have nothing to do with each other. The exact nature of their relationship is not something that actually concerns me or that I put much stake into. But it is a myth that queer people are almost always clandestine and that they hardly ever openly express affection towards people they care about.

Again as I've said before, I myself am a queer person and one reason I could no longer ignore jikook despite not even biasing either of them, was because I recognized in them elements of my own queer expression as a visible minority who has lived in a conservative non-accepting country, and I noted how their actions and words have remained consistent for almost 10 years of watching them.

We all have access to the same media showing how the members interact (however certain shippers such as taekookers have made a point of not just dismissing this media, but avoiding it altogether), but the way we interpret that media ultimately boils down to how much we center our own preconceived notions in the narratives we create around the guys. Regardless of what I personally feel at the end of the day about whether or not queer people in the public sphere can openly show affection, I cannot in good conscience dismiss the consistency with which jikook have done so towards each other.

Their own words and actions, shown consistently with cameras on or off, have to count for something. To dismiss that in favour of what feels more familiar or 'right', is entirely your prerogative, but I hope you can understand why for me that view holds no weight at all.

As to the categories, yes I'd place you in a subset of Type 2 and Type 3. :)

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

Hello Internet, welcome to GAME THEORY, where instead of putting a joke here I want to ask you a question. It's time to talk UNDERTALE.

Now I don't think I've ever gotten this many requests to cover a theory, (no requests times no requests is still no requests.) Anyway, across my tumblr dashboard, NO ONE has asked for this. And honestly, I'm disappointed. True loyal theorists will know that Undertale is my favorite game of all time.

Undertale is a game where every character, from goat mom to grind fodder has a sympathetic design and a unique personality, motivations, goals, fears. Whether you're saving or slaughtering them, the game makes you feel something every time you enter an encounter. But to me, one character stood out amongst all the rest. SANS. A skeleton named after the font, Comic Sans. ANYWAYS, Sans is, well, there's a lot of mystery around this guy. And before we get into it, let me put up a very special spoiler warning: UNDERTALE is a game best experienced blind. So if you haven't played it, pause your reading of this and come back after you've finished. I PROMISE YOU, I PROMISE you won't regret it. Alright, so everyone out of the pool and ready for the adult swim? Good. Because I'm feeling pretty determined to get to the bottom of Sans' mystery. So just to recap for those of you who haven't played the game and ignored the SPOILER WARNING, or just need a refresher, Sans is one of the two skeletal brothers who appears in the game. His partner is Papyrus, a loud, goofy trap lover also named after a font. But in the world of Undertale their origins are a big question mark. All you really know is what's given to us by a shopkeeper in Snowdin, who explains that Sans and Papyrus, quote, “just showed up one day and asserted themselves.” Weird, right? What's more is that, well, Papyrus is just kinda the goofy sidekick. Sans is much more complex.

He likes fart jokes, but he's also incredibly powerful and deadly serious. Not only is his boss battle the hardest in the game, he's one of the only characters who has knowledge and power over space and time. He can take shortcuts around the world through ridiculous routes. Even is walking through walls. He also acknowledges that he's only one of infinite versions of himself, making self-aware commentary of the various timelines that you've played through in the game. He can even count the number of times he's killed you. He acts like an arbiter of this world, passing out judgements on the player's actions in the game, even explaining the secrets of EXP and LOVE, or EXECUTION POINTS and LEVELS OF VIOLENCE, just to clarify. In short, he just doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the world of monsters. But then, what, or who, is he? Well, the idea that he doesn't belong in the underworld seems to be correct.

The evidence seems to point to the fact that he WAS, in fact, formerly a surface dweller. In the true pacifist ending of the game, as the group looks out onto the horizon, Papyrus asks Sans about the giant ball in the sky. Sans says, quote, “we call that the sun.” This is important because A, the usage of the word WE, and knowledge of the sun shows that Sans has a kinship or knowledge with other humans, and B, that despite he and Papyrus both being skeletons, or, supposedly, brothers, and apparently appeared in underworld at the same time, they CLEARLY have two very different histories. Why would Papyrus not know the name of the sun but Sans would?

We get further clues to Sans' origins as we hear him say multiple times he wants to "go home" or "go back." He says as much during his dinner date scene at the Mettaton hotel. He notices that the player wants to go home and says, quote, "I know the feeling." He then continues, "maybe sometimes it's better to take what's given to you." As though he ended up in the underworld by accident. AND in a genocide run during his boss fight he says, quote, "look, I gave up trying to go back a long time ago." End quote. And before you say he means going back to the surface world, that's clearly not the full story. His very next line of dialogue is, "and getting to the surface doesn't really appeal anymore either." Key word here is “EITHER.” Yes, he seems to hail from the surface and wants to go back, but based on his dialogue he no longer considers it his home. It's as though the surface world he once knew is gone, as though he's from a different time. It's pretty intriguing. So we're left with a being that appeared out of nowhere, presumably from being from the human surface, but from a different time period, who seemingly has the power to teleport. That's a lot of questions and not a lot of answers.

But here's where things get REALLY interesting. Sans has a hidden workshop that takes a fair amount of searching to find. You could say it takes a lot of DETERMINATION to unlock. Anyways, obligatory determination references aside, as you start to look for this easter egg Sans gives you a key to his room and says "it's time you learn the truth." After some searching you find the workshop which contains items that leave even more questions. A photo album featuring Sans and a bunch of smiling people you don't recognize, a badge, blueprints with illegible handwriting, and a broken machine hidden behind a curtain. In the latest update, one more detail was added. A hand-drawn picture of 3 smiling faces with the words “don't forget.”

So, what does it all mean? Well a lot of Undertale theorists have been linking these details to a feature to a character named W.D Gaster. A ghostly character who never truly appears in the game. Honestly, covering him is a theory all unto itself, and probably one best saved for another day. Even still, none of the Gaster theories I've seen have been able to explain all the details. In particular, the photo album, and the badge. And that's what kept nagging me as I researched Undertale. A badge? That one in particular really stuck out to me. Why would such an oddly specific item to be hidden in the huge easter egg of a room? Something that supposedly reveals the truth about Sans? Badges just aren't important in Undertale. Then it hit me. What if this badge isn't from Undertale? What if this badge is from a completely different series? And was, in fact, the most important badge in the history of gaming? One of the Iskall patreon badges.

Now, for those of you wondering what I'm talking about, the Iskall Patreon Badges are a pivotal item from Iskall’s patreon. You know, the one on Hermitcraft. Anyway, the Iskall Patreon Badges are a really important part of Iskall’s character. So I asked myself; what if the badge in Sans' drawer was ONE OF THOSE EXACT badges? Well first off, it made Undertale connected to my favorite youtuber, thereby making it even COOLER, but that's still a pretty big logical leap. I needed more. Let me tell you, as I started looking, more and more pieces started to fit into place.

In Hermitcraft Season 6, there are three Architechs. (This was before Stress joined in season 7.) These 3 were Iskall, Grian and MumboJumbo. And what does Sans happen to have in his other drawer? A photo album with pictures of Sans with people you don't recognize. Of course you don't know them, they're not characters present in Undertale. And note the word that's used here, PEOPLE you don't recognize. Not underworld monsters. So that's 2 items oddly linked to the Hermitcraft series.

But then, how do the blueprints and broken machine fit in? Well, in the final stretch of Hermitcraft, Iskall is the only one who hasn’t died since the Demise game, so he sells his own body to the highest bidder. Except, it comes with a cost. Everyone is poor. As a result, and with the help of ImpulseSV, the Architechs (minus Mumbo,) are forced to finally kill Iskall, ending his streak since the beginning of demise. I watched this episode in 2020 and I'm not ashamed to admit that when I first saw this scene, I cried. It's DEVASTATING.

Iskall says goodbye to his friends, his co-workers, this character you've grown to love and care about is suddenly promising to sacrifice his life. For all he knows, there is no possibility of him being able to come back after his Demise. It's this incredibly dark departure in the final moments of what was otherwise a fun, quirky, and colorful Season 6.

So what does all of this have to do with Undertale? A LOT, actually. But the first thing you need to know is that the hermits are known for their, let's say, unique written linguistic style.

That would explain the illegible handwriting on the blueprints. And the machine? I think a broken infinity portal is behind that curtain. Now that may seem like a stretch, but it actually explains a lot.

If Sans wound up in Undertale via whacky infinity portal hyjinx, it could provide a reason for why he's a skeleton. He used the machine as organic matter and suffered the consequences. Not killing him, but turning at least a part of him into a pile of bones. That could also explain why Sans has given up hope for going home. Remember the infinity portal is a time machine. By being in the underworld, he's not only in a different place, but based on how he talks, he's also in a different time, with no hope of travelling back to the time he came from. This could theoretically happen. It turned Scar into a wizard and completely disintegrated Welsknight, so the rules are… Flimsy at best.

But the crossovers between Hermitcraft and Undertale continue. In Grian’s episode, (EDIT IN TIMESTAMP) he mentions he’s amazed that Iskall only escaped his demise with a lost arm. He says Iskall had “a lot of determination to not die for real,” and that he’s going to continue to study this. Seems awfully similar to the same experiments happening in Undertale around the trait of determination, no? Especially since so much has shown that Sans was a key player in those experiments.

But I'm sure you also want physical evidence right? Well don't worry, because I have plenty. Take a look at Iskall and Sans side by side. Iskall’s left eye is replaced with a diamond loupe. Sans’ left eye glows blue when he’s mad. Both have extremely chill yet are known for their jokes and, dare I say, laugh.

In short, we have some incredibly strong proof that the Hermitcraft Cinematic Universe, (HCU) is somehow connected to the Undertale world, which brings us back to our initial question, WHO IS SANS?

Well, what if we took it one final step and said that Sans happened to be Iskall from Hermitcraft? Sent through the Infinity Portal at the end of season 6 to go to Season 7, carrying an Iskall Patreon Badge and his photo album. Not only do all the items in the workshop suddenly fit, but so does Sans’ behavior.

Remember, Sans can seemingly travel extremely quickly. And Iskall just happens to have an elytra, a device that allows people to travel hundreds of metres extremely quickly. This even explains why Sans bleeds when you finally hit him. He is, or at least, WAS, a human.

Oh and finally, Sans shares two out of five letters with the name Iskall. That's just a fun one. I thought it was worth mentioning.

But if there was any doubt, we have to look no further than the creator's previous work. Toby Fox, the man behind Undertale is actually DocM77, the creator of every hermit (besides Scar.) Now, if Toby Fox, the creator of Undertale, is also DocM77, creator of Iskall, we know they will most definitely share a universe. Which brings us back to Undertale. 2 faces, with “don't forget” written on it? It's Iskall, trying to remember his 2 friends. In short, Undertale is a continuation of Toby’s version of Hermitcraft Season 6, with Iskall never being able to get home, adopting the name Sans. The pieces all just seem to fit. Now all we need is an appearance from Ethoslab and we’ve got ourselves a true sequel.

But hey, that's just a theory. A GAME THEORY! THANKS FOR WATCHING!

[bisexualpirateheart]

Okay, so, weird question, feel free to ignore this! But I've been trying to figure out if I'm lesbian or bisexual for a long time, and I don't know anyone who's bisexual to compare my experiences to, so I thought I'd try and ask you, if that's something you're comfortable with: how do you know for sure that you're attracted to men, too? Like, possible tmi, I really enjoy a lot of m/m fic with blowjob scenes, etc, and I think about men often when I'm fantasizing -- I think mostly just because 1/2

2/2 I have a submission kink and I like the idea of penetration that’s also directly physically stimulating for the person doing the penetrating, but maybe that’s my brain making excuses? (Also quite probably internalized sexism, which I’m embarrassed about.) And I feel like Toby Stephens is really attractive, but on the other hand pictures of naked men like the Tom gifset you posted do absolutely nothing for me. I tried once, with a guy, and I just kept like petting his equipment literally 2/3

3/3 but then didn’t want to do any more than that. But maybe that’s just because I didn’t like him all that much? Anyway I realise this is such a weird tmi inappropriate question to ask. I don’t have anybody irl to ask and I’m embarrassed not to have figured this stuff out in my early thirties. I think I’m a lesbian, but like, maybe I’m fooling myself? A real lesbian wouldn’t fantasize about men? How did you know you were really attracted to them and not just imagining it?

Okay so my response got pretty lengthy so I am putting it behind a cut. 

Tldr: there is no wrong way for you to identify and only you get to decide what works for you.

For starters, it’snever too late to figure stuff out, Anon! Just because you’re in your thirtiesand still figuring this out, doesn’t make that any less true. If there’s onething I’ve learned as I get older, there’s always more stuff to figure out. It’show life goes, which is unfortunate in some ways (it would be easier if we had everythingalready figured out obviously) and all right in others. I was in mymid-twenties when I realized I was bisexual and while on the one hand, I wouldhave liked to have figured that out sooner, it would have been hell at thatpoint in time, where I was in life. Mostly the realization just made sense, anda lot of things fell into place and just clicked in my brain.

Also I’ve dealt withkinda the same thing as you, but in reverse. Am I not really bisexual because Igrew up thinking I was straight, attracted solely to men, etc. How do I know ifI’m really attracted to women or do I just think they’re pretty and I’mpretending that admiration is more? I haven’t kissed as many women as I’vekissed men and so forth, am I just faking this?

I unpacked it when Irealized that I felt the same about Sarah Connor that I did about DeanWinchester. I found them attractive I wanted to be like them, I wanted to do them. While that doesn’t work for everyone (especially in real life, obviously) butit did help me put my feelings into perspective.

Attraction is weird,it’s fickle, it often doesn’t happen when we think it should. You can be on adate with the nicest person and not be attracted to them. You can’t forcesomething like that. Sometimes it comes along after awhile, sometimes it neverdoes. I’m not attracted to every man I see, just as I’m not attracted to everywoman I see.

If you’re notattracted to men you see on a daily basis, irl, on the street, etc, that isokay! If you’re attracted to actors sometimes, that is also okay! I think aboutthis a lot actually because it can be easier to allow an attraction to an actordevelop because you don’t have to deal with the pressure/nerves of getting toknow someone in person, and plus they’re just *there*. They play roles youlike, characters you’re interested in, it’s easy to allow attraction to grow inthat space because it’s a safe environment to let it happen.

Regardingcelebrities/actors/musicians, all of that taste and attraction is entirely subjective.Nobody is attractive to everyone. I know that when people are like ‘oh man,This Guy is just the hottest’ and you’re like ‘…..I see where you’re coming from,but he just doesn’t do it for me.’ That can make you feel like you don’t fitin, you don’t understand other people, and so forth.  That is okay. I know it feels false, but itis! Just because other people find someone attractive doesn’t mean you’restrange for not doing so. The things that appeal to us, that make up the thingsthat form attraction are just random.

Also, Only You Get ToDecide If You’re A Real Lesbian. That is a thing that you are in control of. Doyou like the identity of lesbian? Does it feel the most natural? Has it feltright until someone told you were a fake for thinking about men? Do you want tocontinue identifying as a lesbian or does bisexual truly seem a more applicableterm? Do you feel like you’re betraying lesbians if you do decide you’re bi?You’re not, by the way. Sexuality is far more fluid than people like to thinkand as we get older, we come to know ourselves better. You are not betrayingone side if you decide something else fits you better now. You get to decidewhat label works for you. No one else gets to say you’re not a real lesbianbecause you enjoy fantasizing about men from time to time, if that label feelscomfortable for you. That’s not how it works.

On the subject of dicks,it’s not weird or wrong to consider or discuss the differences between whethera guy’s doing the penetrating or a woman and what that’s like/how it feels forthat partner. (Women can get physical pleasure from being the partner penetrating btw. Possibly you might be interested in pegging?) Also dicks are a lot of fun in fantasies and fiction and often muchmore frustrating in real life. It’s not wrong to not be into them (but it could be that that particular guy justwasn’t the one for you. It doesn’t mean you have to keep touching dicks untilyou find one that interests you. It also doesn’t mean you can’t touch anotherdick if you feel like it. With the dick owner’s consent, obviously. I do notadvocate just going around touching dicks at will. People frown on that.) Alsowe all have internalized sexism, because unfortunately that shit is ingrainedin us when we’re young, which sucks, but as long as we’re aware of it and dealwith it, things do get easier on that front. (Also obviously not all men havedicks, not all women have vaginas, that’s not how we define gender etc butanyway.)

When it comes down to figuringout if you’re genuinely attracted to men, I guess, think about the men you havebeen attracted to and find attractive (smiles at Toby Stephens), the men whoshow up in your fantasies. Think about what it is that makes that appealing. Isit a fictional aspect? Is it that particular character in a show? Is it reallygood hair? The curve of their jaw? A good sense of humor? The way they smile? Thereare no wrong answers and like I said, attraction is a strange fickle thing. Whenyou find something in particular like that, that works for you, how does itmake you feel? Good? Aroused? Interested to see what would happen if you twowere in a room together? This is literally different for every person you willmeet in your life or see on a screen, but for me my stomach gets a littletight, like I’m nervous, but it’s not bad, it’s more just edge of the precipiceexcited, like if the person stands close to you and all you can think is ‘youare standing so close to me, and your shirt is unbuttoned and I can see yourthroat and chest and I recognize you are saying words, but you are standing soclose to me.’ THINGS LIKE THAT. (Again, this is different for everyone, butrecognizing your own responses, how does your body react, etc, that’s all partof recognizing attraction.)

Also the first chart on this post here helps break down different kinds of attraction for what it’s worth and maybe that’ll be helpful for you too.

There is no cleardivided line in bisexuality unfortunately. It’s not like half of you is interested in men,half of you is interested in women. It’s more shifting percentages I’ve found.I started out thinking ‘oh yeah, I’m definitely like 95% straight but there isa 5% that is interested in girls.’ And that 5% shifted to 10% and more, andmore and slowly I was like ‘welllllllllllll…..here we are.’ A lot of days Ifeel I’m at a 60/40 range, mostly because I know how to identify my attractionto a dude more immediately than to a woman. (Is she just nice? She’s pretty butis she pretty in I want to kiss her or I just want to look at her??? How do Iknow for sure? And sometimes it’s one and sometimes it’s the other.)

What it really comesdown to, you get to decide what works for you. Basically, if you want toidentify as bisexual, you can do that. If you want to identify as a lesbian,you can also do that. The latter doesn’t mean you have to stop fantasizingabout men, and the former doesn’t mean you have to engage in sexual activities withmen irl you’re not really that interested in. There is nothing wrong with beinga lesbian who has fantasies about men, or bisexual who doesn’t want to touch themajority of dicks out there.

I know this isn’t areal definitive answer to your question, and I’m sorry about that. I wish Icould give you one. I wish I could make this all easier and tomorrow you wouldn’thave to wake up thinking ‘oh god, which one is right?’

There is no right one.There is only you and how you feel about things and what works for you.

But I want you to know that I think you’re greatjust as you are, and I hope you have a lovely life with people you enjoy. Allthe best