windows10homelisansanahtari40

[rascheln]

on a less happy note, BB has something going on with her eye and my cousin wants me to get her eye drops for now and keep observing it in case it gets worse and i’d need to do an emergency vet visit. extra fucking stressful on top of all the holiday prep i still need to do and the time constraint of, y’know, the impeding holidays!!!

[pheita]

First Christmas

So this is for the Mistletoe kiss tag from @bloodlessheirbyjacques, and it got steamy in the end. Yeah, these cinnamon buns have some spice once they got together lol Tagging @stormbrightwriter @kainablue @catharticallysarcastic @ashen-crest @chris-the-dragonslayer @weaver-of-fantasies-and-fables @contes-de-rheio @magic-is-something-we-create @queerlilchinchin If anyone feels like writing some holiday kiss for their story now, feel free to tag me lol

The examining looks over the entire living room was necessary one more time. Even though it wasn't the first time Tali would stay overnight, it was special because it was Christmas, and it was their first Christmas together. The Christmas tree was decorated and the fairy lights with artificial fir greenery also hung along the bookcase. Over the back of the sofa were several cozy blankets and in front of them was the new lambskin rug, which he had bought specially because Tali liked it fluffy. His inspection continued in the kitchen, where he checked again to make sure that he had everything needed for the next few days and that nothing was missing. In the bathroom, the small wellness basket was freshly stocked, and Constantine had picked up different bath oils for the two of them. At the thought of how Tali liked to bathe with him he had to smile. Now they just had to get through the staff party and could hide from the world for the next few days. The walk to the archives wasn't far, but the short walk from his apartment to the entrance of the safe haven had already been enough to cover him in snow that his coat got wet as soon as he stepped into the warmth of the safe haven. He hadn't completely shed his scarf and gloves when Tali also half knocked him over with her stormy greeting. "You're late," she reminded him. "The weather is worse than predicted." "Good thing we don't want to go anywhere." "I also have enough marshmallows that you could live on hot chocolate alone for the next few days if you wanted to." He saw she wanted to reply something, but didn't give her the chance, instead taking advantage of her brief speechlessness to kiss her. Embarrassed, she giggled to his amazement, then he heard someone clear their throat. Her parents were standing a few steps away with an amused expression.

"I don't think we have to worry about them getting too cold in this weather," Tali's mother commented. "We have to go." As best she could, Tali tried to pull him along, but her father stopped her. "Didn't you forget something, kitten?" Embarrassed, she let go of Constantine and said goodbye to her parents. Her father stepped toward him with an amused look. "The last time I saw her this excited was at Christmas, when she was ten." "Dad!" "I'm just telling the truth." While Tali was pulled into a hug by her mother, her father leaned in a little. "We hid her Christmas present in her bag. Would you please hide it until tomorrow?" "I'd be happy to." Constantine tried not to grin conspiratorially as Tali's parents prepared to leave. "Have fun you two, and don't forget to check in." "We will, Mom," Tali replied, annoyed. Once again, she grabbed Constantine and her small travel bag and pulled him toward the archives.

Laughter and music already greeted them as they entered. The large staff meeting room had been decorated with fairy lights, a Christmas tree and garlands hanging from the ceiling. To the side was a small buffet with drinks, cookies, and sandwiches. They had left jackets and Tali's bag in the office so it wouldn't get in the way, and they could move around more freely. Constantine was already skeptically scanning the garlands. It was Tali's first Christmas party at the Archives, and she certainly wasn't familiar with the specifics. "It's bordering on a miracle that I can find anything without alcohol," she laughed beside him with two mugs of tea in her hands. "It's a Christmas party, what did you expect?" "Less alcohol?" Instead of answering, Constantine just accepted his mug and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She snuggled into her oversized sweater with reindeer on it, then slid closer to him. If not for the fact that she wanted to join the celebration because it was her first time, Constantine would much rather be snuggled up with her already at home with hot chocolate, music and forgetting about the rest of the world, but that wasn't an option yet. He had promised her that they would stay at least an hour, so they did. He spotted that the sitting area was still empty and gently nudged Tali. "Shall we sit?" Her grin behind her mug said it all. "Take the mug, I'll get cookies." "Cookie Monster." "It's Christmas!" "No, Christmas Eve isn't until tomorrow and depending on what country you live in, even that doesn't count as Christmas yet." Tali stuck her tongue out while handing him her cup and then went to raid the cookies.

He just sat with Tali already on her way with a mountain of cookies when a laugh from another corner demanded his attention. Some colleagues looked to him or more to a point above him. The idea of what had happened and why the seating area was still empty made Constantine look up. Right above him in the middle of the fairy lights hung the sprigs of mistletoe. Basically, they couldn't have been missed if he hadn't been more concerned about counting the minutes until they could leave. "Alright, which one of you did it?" he asked to the group. The conspicuously inconspicuous look away from Francesco said it all. It should have been obvious that only an Imp could come up with such an idea. "What's going on?" By now Tali had arrived at his side, already chewing the first or even second cookie, of course. "Mistletoe," Constantine pointed upward. She acknowledged it with a nervous giggle and leaned down to him for a kiss. "I'm afraid that won't do." "It's not?" "Strip!" roared Lydia from the other corner of the room. Like a snake, Tali's head snapped around to Lydia and then back questioningly to Constantine, who was already tugging his shirt out of his pants. "We have some special rules about that here," he explained, thoroughly amused. It was easy to guess that Tali's higher thought processes were about to stutter, but somehow he also found it cute. "They would be?" "Whoever ends up alone under the mistletoe has to take off an article of clothing." "You're playing strip poker with the mistletoe?" laughed Tali, falling into the small sofa beside him. "You can put it that way if you want." The shirt landed on the backrest next to him and almost at the same moment Tali was on his lap, balancing the plate of cookies in one hand and leaning against him with the other. With a broad smile, she popped a cookie in his mouth and then kissed him. "Hmm, cookie-flavored Constantine..." The plate interfered between them, so he took it from her, put his arms around her and just looked at her. Gradually he could see it seeping into Tali's consciousness that he sat there topless, and she tried not to wander off with her thoughts. She put her hands around his face and leaned her forehead against his. "You could have warned me," she said. "I was trying to avoid the mistletoe." "They set us up?" "I'd actually go so far as to say it was planned." Just by the way Tali licked her lips, Constantine could tell that she was gradually losing the battle against herself, and in a way he just found it charming how something so simple could turn her on so much, and all the more eager to see how she would react to his Christmas gift. "I think the hour is up," she breathed. "You sure?" "Absolutely." They ignored the giggles from colleagues as Constantine collected his shirt, Tali took the cookies with her head held high, and they left. The speed with which she stuffed the cookies down her throat on the way to the office worried him a little, but Constantine said nothing about it.

The snowfall had stopped, thankfully, and they made it to his apartment quickly. As soon as he unlocked the apartment door, he looked over his shoulder at Tali. "I have one more question." "Which one?" "Why this sweater?" Lowering her eyes and giggling, Tali pushed past him. "To cover something up." "Cover up?" He took her coat and scarf while she was already moving on to the living room with the bag. "Oh my god, this is beautiful. Tali turned in a circle to look at the Christmas decorations and what he had changed to make it cozier. Constantine hugged her from behind and rested his head on her shoulder. "I'm glad you like it. I changed a few things in the other rooms, too. You still owe me an answer about the sweater, though." She fidgeted a little in his embrace. "An early Christmas present." "Does that mean I have to unwrap you?" he teased her. The giggle was answer enough. Tali dipped down a little so she could turn around in his arms. "That's what you do with presents." He rubbed the tip of his nose against hers with a smile. "Wait here." After a kiss on the nose, he disengaged from her and disappeared to the side, where her Christmas present waited. He was definitely queasy about whether it was the right one as he handed the box to Tali. A questioning look accompanied the delivery. "Your Christmas present." "Are you sure?" "I am."

She plucked open the ribbon and walked to the sofa with the box. Tense and nervous, Constantine watched as she lifted the lid and peered inside. Frowning, she took out the leather choker with both hands. Carefully, Tali stroked her fingers over the delicate pattern of cutouts and embossing, then her gaze went up to him. "This is beautiful, but I don't quite understand." Constantine sat down beside her and took the choker from her. The dark purple velvet lining the cutouts already stood out against Tali's skin. "After all, we talked at length a while ago about how you find it extremely difficult to express your desires and fantasies when it comes to sex." She nodded with a doubtful expression on her face. He smirked and carefully put the choker on her. The V-shaped cut made it lie more like a necklace at the front of her neck and didn't really interfere with her swallowing or talking. "My thought was that we can try to condition you to the choker in a certain way, that putting it on will put you in a mental state that makes it easier for you to talk about it and let yourself go during sex." "And you think that will work?" "There's a possibility, but I can't promise it." She stroked her fingertips over the top of the choker, which stopped level with her clavicle. An introspective smile appeared on her lips. "I want to try," she said, looking up at him. Stormily, he took her head in his hands and kissed her until they both needed air again. Her giggle confused him. "The shade fits." Tali tugged at her sweater, but it was predominantly green. It took a second for Constantine to remember that she meant she was basically wearing the gift. "It's time I unwrap my present." His hands darted under her sweater, sensing she was still wearing a shirt underneath. The sweater landed on the back of the chair, but Constantine's eyes were glued to Tali. Underneath the white blouse he'd seen so often on her at work, dark purple underwear was clearly peeking out, and if he was spotting the schematics correctly, it wasn't a normal bra. Her blush was already coming back to her face as he looked up, which he tried to alleviate with another kiss. As if she really was a gift, he gradually unbuttoned the blouse and gently pushed the fabric off her shoulders.

The bra was a balconette bra in almost the same purple as the choker, Tali's favorite color, and lifted her breasts tantalizingly. Her nipples were already erect. Constantine's thumb stroked her nipples feather lightly and got a soft sigh in response. He stood up and pulled her with him. "This is a set?" "Yes." Smiling blissfully, he knelt in front of her and unzipped her pants, helping her out of the pant legs and already using it to stroke her legs, which were in black suspender stockings tied to the dark purple suspender belt. The panties were open and had a small fine pearl necklace that was already sparkling wetly. His hands moved up to her hips and Constantine couldn't help but use the tip of his tongue to push the pearl necklace a little deeper into Tali's moist depths. Tali's legs almost gave way under her. He wanted to pull back, but her hands grabbed his hair and held him in place. Even though he had never told her how much it turned him on when she got so bossy, Tali just seemed to know. He played with the beads of the panties and used it as an additional stimulus while he took care of her clit with long strokes until she fell back on the sofa by herself because her legs finally gave way. Even then she didn't let him go and Constantine continued to torture her with slow long strokes, interrupted only now and then when he kissed her clit and lightly sucked on it. Tali's legs crossed behind his neck just a split second after she let go of his head and arched her back. He knew she had climaxed when she fell back into the cushions. Panting and her eyes crossed, she tried to look at him. "Fuck..." "Is that a request?" he teased her.

Still trying to get her breathing back under control, Tali just looked at him in that unmistakable way that said, "You're still asking so stupid?" The sight of Tali in lingerie, knowing that she had bought it especially to look sexier to him, Constantine enjoyed from this angle. Lost in thought, his hands wandered over her thighs, to her stomach, up to her breasts and back again. Just as he had slowly unbuttoned her blouse before, he repeated it now with his shirt, making a show of it for Tali with the knowledge that it would turn her on even further, but he also had an ulterior motive. Before standing up, he planted kisses on her thighs and got a purr in response. He loved it when she felt so good that she purred, no matter what the context. Pants and underwear followed the shirt and as so often, the sight of his erection brought a pleasurable lick of the lips with an eye roll from Tali. Secretly, he waited for the day she would finger herself at the sight. "The bed is much more comfortable, isn't it?" Constantine held out his hand, which Tali took, giggling, and pulled herself up. She pressed her hips against him, causing the beads of her panties to rub over his cock, eliciting a moan from him. One kiss later, she had sprinted ahead to the bedroom before he realized where she was. This Christmas was going to be more sensual than contemplative, he realized, but on the other hand, hadn't Constantine provided for just that?

[lordymaru]

I'm about to refute this entire essay with the simple explanation being:

The only interaction we've seen of these two is when she's a freaking 8 year old. Your self insert shows no boundaries.

And this is probably the last time I'll make a post about the stupidity behind the way the pair is viewed:

Note: I know there's people out there with a brain who ship these two in a more conventional way. In the end you do you, ship whatever you want, no one can prevent you from doing that, just don't be gross about it.

One of the parts being the Significance of their first encounter:

She’s a poor peasant girl who’s suffered immense trauma, suffering, and loneliness. Her initiative to help Sesshomaru came from her generosity

Exactly, she's alone for her family had been killed before her eyes, the villagers treat her like garbage. When she meets Sess he's wounded and simply in a bad state, both mentally and physically. Both of them are, the difference being he's a demon, a powerful one and for him to have ended in such a bad shape only stabbed at his pride- Rin on the other hand is a child, a human tiny child who is vulnerable and to him she poses no threat. Both of them are weak then.

At this point, it’s observable that despite knowing her story, her scars, and her difficulties, humans do not even empathize, let alone sympathize with Rin. It is the feudal era, after all. She’s a young, disabled orphan and the villagers only see her for what she lacks: a voice, a family, and a place of belonging.

Again with your feudal era shit. I can assure you the world is just as ugly today as it was before you and I existed. Next.

When he asks about her bruises, this is the first time anyone had ever afforded her a second glance.

This was a huge step forward for Sess, a huuuuuuge one for he showed interest in another living creature, not just any creature but a human. And for her it was probably like Christmas, for no one had showed her any mercy or interest. Ok you get a point. But oh, boy, how I'm about to spit on the next one:

The audience can see Sesshomaru calculate her body language, recognizing that she is mute. Instead of pressing her further or ignoring her outright, he attempts to comfort her (in his own way), making her feel that it is okay if she chooses not to answer him; that her desire to reply to him should only be a desire, not an obligation. I think, on one hand, that was the first moment of something that would resemble compassion that Sesshomaru had ever administered, trying to put himself in her shoes — if someone had asked him to do something that required, for example, his left arm, he probably would have appreciated them saying “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to” so to provide him agency for something that he actually cannot do. And the same goes for Rin. He recognizes her disability, maybe even resonates with it and decides to empower her with a choice. Choice is important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic and it’s a word that will come up often. 

Ok why are you comparing the loss of his arm to her not being able to talk? Not all disabilities are the same, you moron. Or am I dumb for thinking this way? If so, feel free to call me out on my lack of common sense kr whatever you wanna call it. Sess physically couldn't do shit with his left arm because well- it was gone! That's a physical disability. Rin had "lost" her voice after what she witnessed and so she wouldn't speak anymore. Have you heard of Psychogenic Dysphonia? If not, you can click here and give it a reading or do your own research. The more you know: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0892199703000158

So you say he "empowers her with a choice" that is "important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic" let me get this straight, a choice because why? She's a child? A female? Because you said so yourself, it's the Feudal Era after all and therefore women had no choice in life, no voice, no agency, no nothing. So he was being magnanimous then? You know... This is where you start edging into the gr00ming territory. Can't you see? No? Alright, moving on.

BRUH WHAT THE FUCK?! Are you fucking good? See how you self insert? Bye. Next

The next time Sesshomaru sees Rin, it is suggested that he actively sought her, whether it be by curiosity or concern for well-being

He did... It is not suggested, he actually did asdfhkl. For both curiosity and he probably was worried. He also states he wants to test out his sword, what a perfect chance to do so for Rin is pretty much dead and that's the only way to make his sword work. So she was both being a guinea pig and an itch he wasn't quite sure how to scratch. Next.

Silence Rin.

Rin screams endlessly, annoying Sesshomaru. Firstly, this is the first time we hear him call her by her name. Secondly, Sesshomaru is visibly annoyed by her noises, however, he does not tell her to “shut up” as he normally would with Jaken or even InuYasha. He simply says “enough of that Rin, stop it.” (In Japanese he says, “Silence, Rin. You make too much noise.”) Even analyzing the Japanese dialogue, it is evidently softer than Sesshomaru’s usual ‘kisama’ (貴樣) manner of speech that we see depicted usually. This is the first time he’s had a companion who is not a demon, someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return. His softer tone is a logical deduction to make.

Ok... "someone with compassion, and who has had his general best interests at heart with no expectations in return." Bruh... As if he would even consider meeting someone's expectations. Are you sure you're talking about Sess? Another thing is, he always speaks in a calm tone, he rarely yells or loses his composure- he had no reason to be rude to her either, you're excusing his regular behavior simply because she ain't Jaken. Anything else?

Rin doesn't change Sesshomaru overnight, it's a gradual and long process

Well duh!!! Just like you don't lose the pounds you gained from eating in one sit 12 donuts a week ago. Stating the obvious and for what? What's exactly your mf point?

The silence part is important, idk how to tell you there is a power imbalance in their relationship from the moment he tells her to be quiet. He didn't say please, he didn't ask her to, he told her to be quiet. Like a parent would, if I could count the times my mom told me to shush.... That's your first indicator he is not her friend, he is not her equal.

Letting you Be Yourself: The Panther Demon Arc

the first frame the audience sees in the anime sets the scene, painting the Sessshomaru entourage in a serene manner, indicating a level of comfort between group members (episode 75). This is vastly different from our last depiction of Sesshomaru and Rin’s relationship. In episode 44, he was unable to withstand her (albeit annoying) childish antics. But here, it’s observable that Sesshomaru can accept her and her package of unconventional fun. Not only does he tolerate and even more so, accept Rin, but he accepts her influence on his vassal, Jaken and allows them to be free around him.

Is called developing patience. I can assure you that when you're a parent or an older bro/sis and your kid/younger sibling is noisy af you either learn to tolerate that or get used to it for kids are kids abd you have to let them be kids. Next.

She's a child, she's not stupid.

The Abducted Rin: Calling her Name

The respect that Sesshomaru shows Rin is insurmountable. However, the InuYasha franchise is clever to portray the subtlety of Sesshomaru’s respect for her. KV on Twitter points out how highly he regards his companion and never relegates her to anything less than the value that she as a person embodies (@KVndie via Twitter). He consistently humanizes her. 

He only sees how important she is to him after her ass dies a second time. What do you mean? He respects her enough to not coddle her, she is independent and taught her to be self sufficient from the very start. That's respect. He consistently humanizes her because... She ... Is ... Human! OMG WHAT A SHOCKER!

As Naraku remarks on his hostage to Sesshomaru, "Naturally, the girl you're looking for is not here…,” he continues, “the girl is in custody outside of the castle..." Naraku never makes an attempt to give her personhood, leaving her unnamed, disposable, and relegating her to a mere "girl." But Sesshomaru doesn’t take any of this. He is a cold-hearted Daiyokai, yet he still makes an effort and upholds his principle to refer to her as Rin — not a replaceable “girl.”

Naraku is a mf genius. It didn't quite click until now he wanted to see if she was important or not to him and to what extent. For he planned his moves that way, making people turn against one another. While he wouldn't have made Rin turn against Sess he set everything up so he would end up wanting to kill Kohaku and in doing so, Inugang would have engaged against Sess.

Sesshomaru’s insistence on using Rin’s name isn’t only highlighted in this isolated incident though. It pays off. It is an ongoing theme in their dynamic throughout the series.

That's her name ... How you want him to call her? Baby?

I could go on and on but... This is a fucking essay. And then I stumble against more bullcrap:

The second point I want to highlight here is Sesshomaru’s reaction to Rin’s fall and her risky expedition. At this point, it’s unquestionable that Rin has a special place in his heart.

Of course she has a special spot in his heart. I won't deny that. What worries me is how you're trying to justify the way she's important to him since she was a child. As if his way of seeing her had changed.

I'm gonna disagree by agreeing with you in a few pointers. Kagome and Kikyo were rivals, they both romantically love the same guy. Kagome being the only one who could save Kikyo chooses to help her, knowing damn well Inuyasha would have suffered if Kikyo had died- further more, if it was in Kagome's hands to do something about it.

Rin on the other hand, I will applaud to her how she grew past her fear of Kagura after being kidnapped by her, she saw her body in the river and said fuck it and did her best to try to pull her from the water. I loved how stubborn and brave she was, even tho Sess had to pull everyone out of the water- she deserves a gold star. You go baby girl!!!

Rin later makes a cheeky comment, noting Kagura’s romantic interest in Sesshomaru. Jaken brushes this off as childish naivety. But for the spectator, this establishes two things: (1) That Rin does not see Kagura as a rival for Lord Sesshomaru’s attention, let alone affection; and (2) that Rin is still a child. Rin is certainly a child, with a youthful and fresh outlook on life that brings out the best in people. But even as a child, her relationship with Sesshomaru is incredibly healthy, clear, and surprisingly communicative.

Why would she? She's not a spoiled brat

Nah? I thought her double D indicated otherwise. OF COURSE SHE'S A MF CHILD.

Why do you keep mentioning is healthy? Do you need reassurance of it? Communicative in what way? Cuz if you wanna talk about communication let's talk about how he didn't even acknowledge her ass when she gave birth. He didn't even say her name, didn't even look at her. Tell me now how they are communicative and healthy?

I could go on, I really but all I'm getting from this load of bullshit I'm forcing myself to read is how you do in fact need to reassure yourself thr ship is god tier and is... How you said it was? Ah, healthy.

Anyways, thanks for reading and if you see any typo ... My apologies, I tried. Also if you have any input or I was out of line in some way, my apologies once more.

[charincharge]

"Maybe if I stab you, you'll understand what I'm feeling like right now" - for the period one

I Don’t Want To Wait, eighth grade

rowaelin high school bff au: past-take masterlist

AN: Another holiday, another past-take. Enjoy this super sweet ride back to eighth grade with our two favorite idiots. And have a very Happy Valentine’s Weekend! xoxo, Char

Excitement rippled through the halls of Orynth Middle School as the eighth graders gathered their valentines from their lockers and headed to the pick-up circle for the end of the day. A steady stream of whispers flowed through the halls, discussing their big evening plans. It was the grade’s first boy/girl party, and everyone was talking about it — whether they’d been invited or not. It was being thrown by a new student, who’d just transferred schools from Eyllwe. Nehemia was stunningly beautiful with her rich brown skin and long braids clasped in ornate gold accessories, coming into eighth grade with an air of sophistication and worldliness that had everyone clamoring for her attention. And apparently she thought the best way to make friends was to throw an exclusive Valentine’s Day party in her family’s rented house on the outskirts of Terrasen.

Anyone who was anyone had been invited, and though Aelin would never admit it, she was relatively surprised when she’d opened her mailbox last week and found the invitation waiting for her. Surprised, but thrilled.

“What are you going to wear?” Lysandra asked. “What does ‘festive casual’ even mean?”

“Red?” Rowan piped in, shoving his gloved finger into Aelin’s shoulder. “You look good in red, Ace.”

“I do look good in red,” Aelin smiled, hoping that the blush that rose to her cheeks would be hidden by her already flushed skin, red from the cold February winds.

Aelin was grateful that her two closest friends would also be there tonight. She couldn’t imagine being brave enough to go to a party without Lysandra or Rowan.

Lys flicked her chestnut hair dramatically over her shoulder, sighing loudly. “I look fine in red, but I look way better in green.” She pursed her lips. “I do have that pink top I got over Christmas,” Lysandra added thoughtfully.

“The low cut one?” Aelin gasped, remembering the sparkly pink top Lysandra had purchased on a whim. She only remembered it because she’d tried on the same one in blue and had put it back immediately, deeming it much too revealing to feel comfortable in. Though she guessed she didn’t have anything to show off in that particular department quite yet.

A wicked grin appeared on Lysandra’s face as she shrugged. “Some of us are going to try and get kissed tonight.”

Aelin tried her very hardest not to look in Rowan’s direction at the mention of kissing, but she couldn’t help it. She let her blue eyes slide to his face, and she watched as his cheeks paled, staring at her in horror, his jaw tensing as he breathed in deeply.

“There’s going to be kissing at this party?”

“What did you think was going to happen?” Lysandra laughed at Rowan’s discomfort, and Aelin watched as his brow furrowed and his nose scrunched up as if he’d just smelled something terrible. “Don’t you have someone you want to kiss?”

Aelin’s heart thumped erratically in her chest, waiting for him to answer Lysandra’s question with an annoyingly hopeful heart.

“What?” Rowan asked, scrunching his nose further. “No. No way.”

“What about you, Aelin?” Lysandra asked, and Aelin opened her mouth to answer, wondering what she was going to say; it’s not like she could tell anyone the real answer. She was infinitely relieved when a car horn beeped in her direction.

Her dad leaned over and waved to her and her friends, and Aelin had never been more grateful to see him than in that moment. She gathered her backpack from the sidewalk and ran to the car without answering her friend.

“See you tonight!” she called out as she entered the warmth of her dad’s sedan.

Her stomach churned as she glanced out the window and saw Rowan’s curious gaze following after her. She buckled her seatbelt and tore her eyes away from his. As if she hadn’t been nervous enough before, now she had to think about kissing?

She took a deep breath and ignored the uncomfortable pang that settled in her stomach. She’d been looking forward to this party all week, and it was going to be amazing. Whether she was kissed or not.

. . .

“Well, you look very pretty, Fireheart,” Rhoe said as Aelin finally came down the stairs. It had taken her two hours to find the perfect outfit, but she finally had. She spun around, feeling incredibly in her red off the shoulder sweater and black skirt. She loved the way it flared around her knees when she spun, showing off the patterned tights she’d pulled from the bottom of her drawer. They were a little snug and pinched at her waist, but it was far too cold to go anywhere with bare legs.

“Thanks,” she said, wrapping a bright red ribbon around her half ponytail.

“You ready to go?” he asked, and she nodded, excited. They made their way to Rowan’s to pick him up, and Aelin couldn’t help but smile as she saw him. He jogged excitedly to the car, making his way into the backseat with Aelin.

“Where’s your red?” Aelin asked, and she could feel her cheeks heat as he shrugged off his thick jacket to reveal a red and white baseball t-shirt underneath. How did Rowan look so cute in everything?

Aelin let her eyes tear away from her handsome best friend to his Aunt, who was approaching the car with a big wave. Rhoe rolled down the window to greet the woman whose long dark hair was curled into smooth waves and her eyes smudged with dark shadow, making her look even more stunning than usual.

“Whoaaa, big date tonight?” Rhoe asked, and Maeve laughed heartily.

“It’s rare I have a Friday night to myself.” She paused. “I am going out to dinner, but don’t worry, I will have my phone on.”

Rhoe smiled as he handed her Aelin’s overnight bag.

“Reminder,” Rhoe said, pointing to the kids in his backseat. “I am at the station tonight, but if you want to leave this party at any time, Maeve will come and get you.”

“Dadddd,” she whined as Maeve nodded effusively. “We’re going to be fine.”

He sighed and patted Aelin’s knee, squeezing it gently. “You’re so big now. You’re practically grown ups.”

“I’m only thirteen,” she laughed.

Rowan sat up taller as he announced, “I’m fourteen.”

“We know,” Maeve laughed. “Have fun, you two. See you at nine.”

Despite her best friend at her side, the drive to Nehemia’s house was long enough for the nerves in Aelin’s stomach, which had previously subsided, to start tumbling around furiously again. She tugged at the waistband of her skirt, giving herself room to breathe a little deeper, but it didn’t help. She kept remembering the word ‘kissing’ and getting nervous all over again. Was she going to kiss someone tonight? Would Rowan? Her stomach clenched uncomfortably at that thought.

“You okay?” Rowan asked, noticing her fidgeting beside him.

“Mhm,” she nodded.

He definitely knew she was lying, but she was grateful he didn’t press her. She didn’t think she’d be able to explain what was causing her so much anguish.

“Wow, nice place…” Rhoe commented as he pulled up the long driveway. Nice was a bit of an understatement. The house was much less a house and more of a castle. Giant windows took up most of the front of the house, showing the thriving party inside. “Have fun!” Rhoe called out to them, but Aeiln was only focused on her breathing. The nerves in her gut had multiplied and exploded, and she was starting to feel like she had a real stomach ache.

Rowan exited the car first, and she was grateful that he reached back and helped her out of the car. She felt unsteady on her feet.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked, and Aelin nodded again, relieved that he let her link her arm with his as they made their way into the party.

Inside it was, like, a real party. Aelin struggled to take another breath, looking at the boys and girls dancing closely, backs and fronts pressed against each other with not a millimeter of air between them as hips swayed in time with the music overhead. Grinding. Lysandra had told her the name for that particular dance. People were grinding.

Of course that’s where Lysandra was already, on the dance floor with some boy’s hands placed dangerously low on her hips as they moved together. Aelin gulped. Was she going to have to dance like that? She didn’t think she’d be able to.

“I don’t have to dance, do I?” Rowan asked quietly, and Aelin smiled as she looked over at his panicked face.

“No way,” she said, thinking the exact same thing.

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

“Where do we go first?” Aelin asked, looking to Rowan for guidance, but it was as if his shyness had been activated at the sight of so many people. He shoved his hands into his pockets and his shoulders hunched over as his eyes scanned the crowds of students.

Ugh. He would be no use.

“Aelin!” Aelin gasped as two dark arms wrapped around her shoulders, hugging her tightly and pulling her away from Rowan. “Thank you so much for coming!”

Aelin nodded dumbly at her party host, who smiled widely at the pair who’d just entered her house. She wore a flowy pink top that billowed around her like an ethereal cloud and jeans that looked more expensive than anything Aelin had ever owned. Aelin struggled to say something, but she didn’t have to worry. Nehemia was playing gracious host, explaining the set up to them as she gave them a small guided tour.

“Feel free to join people on the dance floor,” she explained, pointing to the wooden floor that had been set up in the middle of the room. “I think there are a few games going on in the other room, if you’re not up for dancing,” she continued, pointing to the circle of kids on the plush couches on the other side of the hall, hovered around a table. “And we have tons of snacks in the kitchen.”

Aelin could practically hear the relief flow through Rowan as Nehemia led them to her mostly empty kitchen. It was much calmer and quieter without the music blaring overhead, plus… Nehemia might have undersold when she said there were “snacks” available. It looked like the baking display at Maeve’s on special holidays. Despite the uncomfortable band pinching her waist, she couldn’t help but gasp in delight as she saw the spread in the kitchen.

Pink frosted cupcakes were plated by the dozen, surrounded by bowls upon bowls of all kinds of chocolate. Chocolate covered pretzels with red sugar crystals, heart shaped chocolates in beautiful red wrappers, bowls of powder covered truffles…. Aelin licked her lips. She loved chocolate.

“Want something, Ace?” Rowan asked, half laughing because she was certain he already knew the answer.

“Cupcake please!”

Nehemia smiled. “Oh, I’m glad you’re going to take one. We ordered them special from my favorite bakery in Eyllwe,” she told Aelin, and she nodded excitedly, happy that she seemed to have gained approval from the new girl.

She reached for the cupcake in Rowan’s hands and took a large bite immediately. She hummed with happiness as the chocolate cake and strawberry frosting hit her tongue, relishing in the sweetness.

“So good,” she mumbled through the crumbs, earning another smile from Nehemia. She managed to inhale it in about three bites, laughing as Rowan flicked a stray crumb from her nose. “Whoops,” she laughed. Nehemia joined in the laughter but flitted off to welcome her next party guests — an overhead ding announced the front door opening.

“Want to go check out the games?” Rowan asked, and Aelin nodded. Since grinding with Rowan was not an option, games sounded safer.

But as they made their way into the adjacent room, Aelin realized her mistake. A glass bottle spun slowly, making its way around the circle and finally landed on a grinning Dorian Havillard. She felt her stomach tumble as he leaned over the table and pressed his lips against a shy girl in her computer class named Sorscha. Only, she didn’t seem so shy right now. She was kissing Dorian in front of practically her whole class!

Aelin was too afraid to look at Rowan, but out of the corner of her eye she could see him wringing his fingers in front of himself. A sure sign of discomfort.

The crowd cheered as the pair parted, their faces flushed and eyes glowing as Sorscha passed the bottle to a boy on her left. He turned around with a wide smile.

“You two wanna join?” he asked, scooting over to make room for Aelin and Rowan to sit. Umm. No. No they did not. Dancing would be less weird than this.

Aelin’s jaw almost came unhinged as Rowan replied with a quiet, “Sure.”

Sure? SURELY he knew what he was say yes to, right?

Aelin whipped around to look at him, his brow set in a determined line as he glanced back at her. He shrugged, as if to say Why not? And Aelin was positive her face read the thousand reasons why they could not. First, she didn’t want to risk kissing anyone except for Rowan. Second, she didn’t want to see Rowan kiss anyone else, and third, she absolutely didn’t want her first kiss to be in a game of spin the bottle? At a party? In front of all these people?

As Rowan began to sit, Aelin’s stomach flipped again. Like. Really bad. Like, worse than just nerves.

It had to be these tights. They felt like they were squeezing her insides, and now that there was food inside her, it needed to come out immediately. This was not good.

“Uh, does anyone know where the bathroom is?” Aelin asked the circle, avoiding eye contact with Rowan, who had fully sat down now. She knew it wasn’t smart to leave him alone to kiss whoever he wanted, but her stomach did that awful squeezing thing again, and she knew if she waited much longer she’d completely embarrass herself.

“Down the hall and to the right,” Sorscha pointed, and Aelin smiled graciously, ignoring Rowan’s raised brow, seemingly asking her What’s wrong?

“Be right back,” she mumbled, trying to walk calmly down the long hall, despite her insides feeling like they were revolting against her. Luckily, there was no one inside the small powder room, and she was able to slip in and lock the door, quickly divesting herself of her tights as she plopped down onto the toilet.

And that’s when she saw it. The small patch of dark red on the inside of her underwear.

No no no no no. Not now! Anything but this!

She didn’t have any kind of pad to use, and she desperately needed to get back to the game of spin the bottle. But she knew she was stuck.

Her heart pounded and tears stung at the corners of her eyes.

Desperately, she looked around the small bathroom. Surely there had to be something here, right? But as she took in the ornate pedestal sink and scanned the decorative shelves, displaying fancy bottles of perfume and pungent candles, she knew she was out of luck. There was absolutely no place to hide any kind of feminine products in this place.

How could she have been so stupid? It’s not like Aelin didn’t know that this day would come eventually, she just didn’t think it would be this day. Lysandra had gotten her period two years ago! It was so long ago, that Aelin had kind of forgotten that one day it’d happen to her, too. It wasn’t as if Rowan had to deal with anything like this.

Her eyes clouded with unshed tears as she thought of him. He was probably going to end up kissing some amazing girl tonight, and they’d fall in love, and she’d be his girlfriend and then probably wife, and they’d have beautiful children and live happily every after, all because Aelin had to hide inside the bathroom until Maeve came and got them in… she glanced at her phone… two more hours!

Another ripple of pain tightened across her abdomen, and she leaned over, trying to find a more comfortable position, but it was useless. She was going to die alone in the powder room of the coolest new girl in school, missing the party that everyone would surely be talking about come Monday.

She had to get back out there. She couldn’t lose Rowan to some random girl in a game of spin the bottle! And why was he so eager to play? Her worry spiraled again as she imagined his future happy life with some nameless faceless girl he kissed. Maybe she could scrunch up some toilet paper and put it in her underwear? At least she was wearing black, so nothing would show if it leaked. But as she was hit with another pang of nausea, she knew she wasn’t going anywhere.

A knock at the bathroom door startled her, as she cried out, “There’s someone in here!” as confidently as she could while feeling like she was being stabbed in the gut.

“Ace?” The last voice she wanted to hear right now called out. “Are you okay?” Rowan asked. “You’ve been gone for a while.”

“I’m fine!” she called out through clenched teeth.

She could see the shadow of his feet moving on the other side of the door and hoped that meant he’d left her alone, but she knew she wasn’t that lucky.  

“I can call Aunt Maeve to come get us if you’re not feeling well.”

Aelin let her head hang in defeat. She should just let him do that. But she knew Maeve hadn’t gotten all dressed up tonight just to come pick up Aelin, either. No. She could stick it out for a little bit longer.

“I’m not sick,” she said, pulling up her underwear and kicking off her too tight tights all the way. There was no way those were going back on. Not a chance.

“Are you…upset?” Rowan’s voice called through the door, and Aelin knew her best friend wasn’t going to leave her alone until he made sure she was fine. Which meant showing him her face.

She took a deep breath and turned the knob on the door, cracking it open just a fraction of an inch, but he pushed it open further. His eyes examined every inch of her face, looking at her thoroughly as a slow frown appeared on his lips.

“You are sick,” he said, holding the back of his hand to her clammy forehead, his frown deepening at her cool touch. She shivered, and his eyes dipped down to her bare legs in confusion.

“I’m not sick,” she whined. “I…” She took a deep breath. Was she really going to tell him this? Searching his stubborn gaze, she knew was going to. He’d never leave her alone otherwise. “I got my period,” she whispered as low as she could, and Rowan’s jaw loosened, forming a small o as he scanned her again.

“For the first time?” he asked, and she could feel her ire rising as he continued to hover in the doorway.

“Yes, for the first time,” she hissed. “And I don’t have… things.” She could feel her cheeks heating. “Will you please leave me alone and put a note on the door that it’s out of service or something?” she mumbled. The only thing that could make this worse was if she had to evacuate the bathroom.

Rowan nodded, shutting the door, and Aelin finally exhaled and let herself sink to the bathroom floor. She hugged her knees into her chest, realizing that if she pressed on her stomach, the pain slightly subsided there. She had just rested her cheek to her knees when there was another knock on the door.

“It’s just me,” Rowan said, causing Aelin to groan. Hadn’t she asked him to leave her alone? “Can I come in?”

Aelin didn’t bother standing up; she just reached for the doorknob and twisted it open with a loud sigh. Rowan looked around the empty bathroom for her, taking a second to find her curled up on the floor.

“Here,” he said, squatting down to her level and holding out his hand to her. She held hers below and looked up at him with wide eyes as two blue pills fell into her palm. “It’ll help.” He reached his other arm out and handed her a can of coke.

Without questioning how or why, Aelin placed the pills in her mouth and swallowed them quickly, enjoying the way the sweet bubbly liquid felt on her tongue. She was so rarely allowed to have soda, and it was delicious.

Rowan’s cheeks turned a slight shade of pink as he reached into his back pocket and handed her a small yellow wrapped square.

“This was all I could find in one of the upstairs bathrooms,” he said quietly. “I hope it’s okay?”

Aelin’s eyes looked anywhere but at the face that was far too close to hers as she took the pad from his fingers, mumbling out a small “Thanks.”

“Do you know how…” he asked, and Aelin thought she was going to burn alive from embarrassment as she pushed herself up to standing.

“I think I can figure it out,” she snapped, pushing him out of the bathroom and locking the door behind him. UGH! So embarrassing.

She sat on the toilet and unwrapped the square, her eyebrow raising as the pad unfolded itself. She examined it quickly, and deduced that it was pretty intuitive. She peeled off the paper adhesive and affixed the pad to the inside of her underwear, relieved that she wouldn’t have to worry about blood getting anywhere.

After washing her hands, she was about to retreat to her same spot on the floor when she saw those same shadows shuffling around on the other side of the door. Sighing, she opened the door again where a pacing Rowan was waiting for her.

“You’re hovering,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest. “Leave me alone, Buzzard,” she said, enjoying the way the nickname sounded on her tongue.

“I called Aunt Maeve,” he said, his eyes apologetic. “She said she can be here in thirty minutes.” He watched as Aelin sighed again. “Do you want to go back out there? Or…”

He trailed off, and Aelin bit her lip and shook her head. The idea of rejoining the party seemed absolutely awful. “I’m just going to wait in here. Come get me when she’s here?”

Rowan nodded again and headed down the hall, and Aelin sank to the floor again, bringing her knees up to her chest in the only position that had made her feel comfortable so far. The floor was a little cold against the backs of her thighs, so she made a tiny seat for herself out of her scrunched up tights. She settled in and hoped the pills Rowan had brought her would kick in quickly. And that Rowan wouldn’t move on too quickly from her.

When there was a third knock at the door, Aelin didn’t even bother raising her head. She just chuckled softly and called out, “Come in.”

Rowan slipped in and closed the door behind him, settling next to her with a large bowl of chocolates she recognized from the elaborate kitchen spread Nehemia had showed them. She unwrapped one immediately and plopped it into her mouth, smiling when Rowan did the same.

“Don’t settle for a spark,” he read off the inside of the chocolate wrapper. “Light a fire instead.”

He snorted and crumpled up the foil, tossing it into the small trashcan in front of them.

“Calories only exist if you count them,” Aelin said, smiling wider.

“It does not say that,” Rowan laughed, grabbing the foil from her hands, which—did, in fact, say that.

“I’m sorry I ruined the party for you,” Aelin apologized. She felt horrible about that, but Rowan shook his head. “You could go back out there, if you wanted…”

“I only came to hang out with you anyway,” he said, causing something in Aelin’s chest to constrict tightly. Gods, she loved him so, so much.

Aelin sighed and placed her head down on her knees again, this time resting her cheek against them so she could look at Rowan beside her. He mirrored her position, his knees up and his face tilted toward hers, smiling softly. After a few minutes of silence, Rowan finally spoke up again.

“Does it really hurt?” he asked, and Aelin’s smile fell from her face as she acknowledged the all consuming pain residing in her lower stomach.

“Maybe if I stab you you’ll understand what I’m feeling like,” she said, and Rowan cringed.

“That bad?”

“Worse,” Aelin said, hugging her knees in tighter to fight off another wave of pain. “Thanks for…” she shrugged, taking another chocolate and popping it into her mouth.

Rowan shrugged back. “It’s nothing. Aunt Maeve gets cramps really bad.” His brows furrowed as he remembered some conversation with her. “She always told me I needed to be the kind of boyfriend who could buy tampons and pads and not be scared of a little blood.” His cheeks reddened as he sat up suddenly. “Not that I’m your boyfriend or that you have a boyfriend,” he sputtered, and Aelin sighed, knowing that was definitely true. “I just meant…” He sighed as his cheeks dotted with a deeper red. “You understand what I’m saying, right?” He cleared his throat, which was suddenly scratchy and dry. “Anyway, are you feeling better at all? The pain pills should be kicking in, and caffeine is supposed to help, too.”

Aelin snorted at her worrywart of a best friend. “Yes, Buzzard.”

He quirked his eyebrow at her in that way she utterly hated as he inquired about the repeated nickname. “Buzzard?”

“Yeah,” she said, poking at his bony shoulder. “Always circling around, watching me like a hawk.” She widened one eye as large as it could go, leaning her head toward him and causing him to laugh raucously. She loved that sound. She heard it so rarely. “Scavenging for supplies,” she added, nudging her knee into his.

“Buzzard,” he repeated matter-of-factly, solidifying the nickname.

“Thanks again for taking care of me, Buzzard,” she said quietly, watching a smile spread across his face. “I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t here.”

“Any time,” he said, knocking his foot into hers.

“So, once a month?” she asked. “Every month? For the rest of my life?” She knew it was a lot, but if he was offering…she was definitely taking him up on it.

He snorted and handed her another chocolate. “Sure, Ace.”

She stuffed it into her mouth and smiled. Everyone was going to be talking about the fun they had at this party on Monday, but as she looked at her laughing best friend on the floor beside her, she couldn’t bring herself to care.

~*~

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