#i'm afraid of american (v1)

[chaoticcollectivenightmare]

🟦My Homelander Headcanons [V1]🟦

Picture from: @redchikittymeow ! Spoilers to The Boys Show (1,2,3,4)

✰ I think Homelander doesn't like his hair to be long now and always keeps it short. His long hair always reminds him of his time in the bad room and his teenage years.

✰ But as a teenager he liked his long hair because he could always play with it when he was nervous or bored. It was the only distraction he had between experiments and so on.

✰ Whenever he sees a camera he automatically smiles because that's how he's trained. Even when he's angry or whatever. When he notices he's being filmed he immediately calms down and smiles at the camera.

✰ He has multiple personality disorder. His two main personalities are John and Homelander.

✰ He can't swim. The scientists never taught him because he couldn't leave the lab and as an adult he never had any desire to learn to swim.

✰ That's why he hardly ever performs with the Deep alone, just for that reason and many others. And when he and the Deep do, they are never at sea or near water.

✰ He’s insecure. He has many different things to be insecure and he is afraid to admit it and if someone finds out they will be killed immediately.

✰ He sometimes has nightmares about Madelyn Stillwell, Stormfront, Queen Maeve, Soldier Boy and sometimes even Starlight and Ryan.

✰ With Madelyn Stillwell Nightmares, I think he would dream that he had used her but could have actually changed the ending. That he shouldn't have killed Madelyn and should have entered into a relationship with her that wasn't just sexual. That he might even have been a father to her son if it had turned out differently. That she might not be afraid of him if they were in a relationship. And then he remembered in the dreams that he was an asshole and had killed her.

✰ In Stormfront Nightmares he would definitely dream of a "normal healthy" relationship with her and the American lifestyle. That they would get married, have children and grow old together and then he would be hit by reality. She was a n*zi, she had committed suicide, she was just using him and then he would remember her condition after Ryan had hurt her and everything bad about the relationship.

✰ In Queen Maeve Nightmares he dreams of how he saw this relationship in his eyes and just loves it. He had the perfect relationship with Maeve but then suddenly Elena would come and take her away and then Homelander would be alone and beg Queen Maeve to come back to him but then he realized the reality. She hated him. She never loved him.

✰ In Soldier Boy Nightmares he dreams of growing up as his son and that Soldier Boy was proud of him and stood in the spotlight with him. Everything would be perfect until the dream goes black and he wakes up again and he fights with Soldier Boy and Soldier Boy lets out his hatred on him. He yells at him and fights until Homelander is bloody and then he grabs him by the collar and strangles him and Homelander says with tears in his eyes.

"Please don't Dad….. I'm scared"

"You're not my son, you just a scared Pussy"

Soldier Boy then said full of hatred and the dream ends there.

✰ With Starlight Nightmares it would be that he dreams that Starlight wins or that he is replaced by her. These nightmares don't happen often but when they do happen they are really graphic and show his fear of losing or being replaced.

✰ Ryan's Nightmares are like Starlight Nightmares but I add a dream type where Ryan is very afraid of Homelander in these dreams and doesn't see him as his dad, so it's a reversed Soldier Boy Nightmare because Soldier Boy doesn't see him as his son and Ryan doesn't see him as his father in the nightmares.

✰ And he has general nightmares about the bad room and so on.

✰ He has actually always been afraid of sleeping since he was born because he is paranoid and because of his nightmares.

✰ If he has the chance, he would never like to sleep alone and tries to have someone nearby.

✰ I headcanon that Ryan's bedroom was very close to Homelander's bedroom because when Homelander wakes up from a nightmare, he gets confirmation from his X-Ray that Ryan is okay and that he is sleeping. He always tries to calm himself down by doing this.

That's all that came to mind right now. Maybe I'll make a V2 or if you want you can message me for headcanons for the boys.

[captainpirateface]

On that tour I was a mess quite honestly. This was the peak of Nine Inch Nails newfound rocket ship of fame. It distorted my personality and became overwhelming: to deal with having everyone treat you different, to going from not being able to afford a gas bill to show up to arenas full of people, who kind of think they know you.

The line starts to blur between the guy onstage and the person you used to be. My way of dealing with life was to numb myself with drugs and alcohol because it made me feel better and more equipped to deal with everything. My career was skyrocketing, but the scaffolding that was holding me up as a person was starting to collapse. I wasn’t fully aware of how bad it was getting, but I knew in my heart that I was on an unsustainable, reckless, self-destructive path. When I met David he had been through that. And he was content. He was at peace with himself with an incredible wife, clearly in love. There were a number of times where the two of us were alone, and he said some things that weren’t scolding, but pieces of wisdom that stuck with me: “You know, there is a better way here, and it doesn’t have to end in despair or in death, in the bottom.” A full year later, I hit bottom.

Once I got clean I felt a tremendous amount of shame, of my actions and missed opportunities and the damage that I’ve caused in the past. And I thought back to the time when we were together a lot and I wonder what that could have been like if I was at 100 percent. The “I’m Afraid of Americans” video falls into that category of me at my worst — out of my mind and ashamed of who I was at that time. So when I see that, I have mixed feelings — grateful to be involved, and flattered to be a part of it, but disgusted at myself, at who I was at that time, and wishing I had been 100 percent me. And it nagged me. A few years later, Bowie came through L.A. I’d been sober for a fair amount of time. I wanted to thank him in the way that he helped me. And I reluctantly went backstage, feeling weird and ashamed like, “Hey, I’m the guy that puked on the rug.” And again, I was met with warmth, and grace, and love. And I started to say, “Hey listen, I’ve been clean for …” I don’t even think I finished the sentence; I got a big hug. And he said, “I knew, I knew you’d do that. I knew you’d come out of that.” I have goosebumps right now just thinking about it. It was another very important moment in my life.

-Trent Reznor

[27thfirefly]

tagged by @nicomrade to list 10 songs off my on repeat...!

1. sin by nine inch nails

2. i'm afraid of americans nin v1 mix by david bowie

3. habsburg lipp by everything everything

4. copy of a by nine inch nails

5. hey man nice shot by filter

6. artificial heart by jonathan coulton

7. less than by nine inch nails

8. the collector by nine inch nails

9. the hand that feeds by nine inch nails

10. getting smaller by nine inch nails

um. oops. guy who put on with teeth on loop for about three days straight teehee. the shuffle economy is in shambles

taggingggg @keingleichgewicht @waxingdissolute @zhalar & @dandyseedlings !!

[fortheturnstiles]

kind of addicted to this i can’t lie

[dilfsuzanneyk]

i love this song so much bc it feels like getting the crap kicked out of you

[maquina-semiotica]

David Bowie, "I'm Afraid of Americans - V1 Edit"

[sarcasmisalifechoice]

Tagged by @jackredfieldwasmyjacob

favorite color: Sea Blur

currently reading: Zapata of Mexico

last song: I'm Afraid of Americans (NIN V1 Mix) - David Bowie

last series: I'm rewatching Gilmore Girls

last movie: Cobweb

sweet/savory/spicy: savoury

currently working on: journalling consistently

Tagging @femmehepbvrn @queerstudiesnatural @faithdeans

[satansluckycigarette]

“God is an American”

[manicpixievideovixen]

I'm Afraid of Americans (Nine Inch Nails V1 Edit Mix)

[hourback]

I'm Afraid of Americans (Nine Inch Nails V1 Mix)

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=40ICrSa29EA&si=6pyiLnOVNcUCM8dl

[elsandifer]

What's the best NiN version of I'm Afraid of Americans?

You really can’t beat the classic V1 Mix.

[maquina-semiotica]

David Bowie, "I'm Afraid of Americans - V1 Edit" #NowPlaying