#i'm admittedly a little disappointed because i *did* have high hopes for this month

[shadow-pixelle]

Congrats to everyone that survived NaNo. I managed to pull off like, 5k in total I think? Which is really bad for me but when I consider I spent this month chronically sick and exhausted (and exhausted from being sick), I think I'll let myself off and say that 5k is really good, actually.

I mean I also had some writer's block issues but I think some of those came from the being Persistently Unwell situation. I'm still gonna sit here and be proud of my 5k of writing on whatever I could make my brain work on for this month.

[pseudowho]

Hello Mrs Haitch!

I have a dilemma right now. Here's some background info:

My graduation dinner is next month and I did sign up for it. However, at the start of this month, I got into some shit with my teacher about my overall conduct. To summarise, I got a conduct grade which I thought was undeserving, but my teacher thinks otherwise(I used to get excellent, the top band, but now it's good, the second lowest). Because of this, the graduation awards which I can get are at stake since the majority of the awards I can get need a very good, the middle band between Excellent and Good. Furthermore, she wrote in the conduct comments that I had to put the needs of others in my pursuit of success which I found extremely ridiculous since I devoted 4 years of my school life as a student councillor sucking up to such teachers and overworking myself to compensate junior councillors half-assed works. If not, I'm at fault for their mistakes. To add to this frustration, I have already spoken to her about a conduct change, but she's insisted that there's no need for it since she says that it is what I deserve. I'll admit that I am an overbearing yet curious student who made a stupid mistake that will cost my conduct to drop but not by 2 bands and I just feel very disappointed in my school and teachers after all I did for them (I know I sound like a very selfish person but I really did devote 4 years of my school life to whatever causes I was doing for the school even when I'm on holiday, I couldn't take a break from them.😭)

Now comes the dilemma, I don't feel like going to the graduation dinner because of what has happened, and I know my teacher will be there. However, I don't want to disappoint my friends who are going since I did tell them I signed up for it (I'm a victim of peer pressure). I did ask my parents, and they do agree that I should just go, but seeing my teacher's face there and knowing that she's done this doesn't sit right to me and I don't want to ruin my friends' fun that night by my sourness towards my teacher. I don't know how to feel or what to do.

Please advice, Mrs Haitch! Your husband can weigh in, too. Also, sorry for dropping this dilemma on you and ranting for the first paragraph. I really had to let it out. I hope you have a good day/night!! 💜💜💜

💜

Anon

P.s, I love your stories!! ♡♡♡

Admittedly, without knowing what exactly you did wrong (by your own admission), I cannot make much comment on whether or not your grade deserved to drop that much.

Either way, here is my answer:

You should go to your graduation dinner with your head held high, and enjoy your night with your friends, after reflecting on your own behaviour, and which circumstances may have influenced your teachers' decision.

It's hard being humiliated, but it can also be important. It's interesting, contextually, to recall that while 'humiliating' is a word we view negatively, 'humility' is a word we view positively; sometimes, to gain humility, we need to be humiliated.

The higher the pedestal, the harder the fall; one bad mistake can, deservingly, reduce the impact of the work you've done previously. It's a tough pill to swallow, but one bad action can tarnish the sincerity of all of your previous good actions.

Have there previously been displays of your character which highlight you as perhaps, a little bit too high on your own pedestal, that have reduced your teachers' opinion on the sincerity of your 'self sacrificing' actions? If your devoted actions are seen as ultimately self-serving, or if you have been perceived as arrogant, perhaps this one bad event carried with it a trail of gradually reducing opinion of you, that necessitated a moment of humility?

I was certainly guilty of things like that at your age; high off my own intelligence and success, a star student, utterly deserving of the whole world. I had some humiliating incidents; now, older and wiser, I recognise that they built my character for the better

Equally, your teacher may dislike your personality through no fault of your own. If this is the case, it is the fault of your teacher for letting her own personal opinion overtake what should have been a judgement that could have been made more fairly.

It is okay for you to feel angry, unjustly treated, hard done by and let down. I fully understand it, and I feel your pain and frustration through the screen. It is important to reflect heavily on the events, their provenance, and the whole context around them. Whether you've been truly done dirty, or whether you deserved the humiliation, you must keep moving forwards with good intent and without festering in bitterness.

You've worked hard, and that's a good thing. Nobody can take that away from you; if it was only for a merit, or achieving this award, or helping with college/Uni applications, helping people has a lot less sincerity, although I appreciate it's necessity in this competitive world. If you were helping people because it was the right thing to do, recognition or otherwise, then that's morally, a better representation of you as a person.

I very much hope this helped, even if it was hard to hear.

All my love; keep working hard, and grow from this, whichever way that may be-- because either from reflection on your own poor choices, or your teachers' poor choices, it can guide you into being the adult that you want to be.

-- Haitch xxx

[shaunsummers]

Two Dykes Went Up to Georgia

"He did?" Visibly taken back by the news, Lilith's face twists in mixed reaction. Surely, letting go of the responsibility of keeping her fed was a relief but she had seen her fair share of bad days. How harsh storms or cold could keep her apartment bound. "Isn't that going to be hard on you?" Being construction work, it was her primary concern. With a light pop of her lips, Lilith places the gloss to the side, turning to search for reassurance that had yet to come; but Shaun looked so steadfast and, admittedly, handsome in this light gleam of newfound independence.

There was something about that answer that was a little off. It was weird, with how much Quinn drooled, that she wasn't nose deep into Bumble or whatever the fuck and her eyes narrow in suspension as the order of word salad is served. "I don't exactly believe you but, whatever, if you're into weird shit like being vacuum sealed then you could just say that. I'm sure you could still find someone."

As for herself, well, it was complicated. "But, like, I've told you about Kaine. Big dick, bigger disappointment. I know I don't have to be in a relationship and, ew, don't want that; but where's the fun when you're sharing your location? You know what I mean? Maybe I'll have half an orgasm. Maybe I'll get kidnapped. That's not a level of excitement I want in my life right now. My therapist even said I should focus on me right now and, you know, she's right. I can fuck myself better than any of those losers, anyways. Even if sometimes I get depressed because all my real relationships have been catastrophic failures, I'm still out here winning."

-------

"Maybe sometimes, but I'll sort it." Shaun replies with a small shrug. Lilith had seen plenty of stiff, awkward shuffling and her body crackling like a bowl of Rice Krispies to completely dismiss the notion, but she'd had the thought already, and it wasn't enough to turn her away. "Beatrix's dad isn't an asshat, and I don't think I'm invincible. It's workable."

Too, what else did she have going for her? She didn't have the money to go to college like many of those around her. She'd had good grades before, but after the accident, it'd been a stroke of luck to graduate on time. At all, even. Disability checks had kept her alive, but barely, and it almost seemed like that was the point of them. How could you really live if the most you could ever own at any given time was $1200? Working construction beat that, or any other soul-sucking minimum wage job. She could make things with her hands—something she was good at—and feel like she was doing something worthwhile. The option was the best she could hope for, really, not that she wanted to unload that on Lilith.

"It's hard work, I know, but I can do it. The muscles aren't just for show, you know." Shaun teases lightheartedly, a small smile playing at the edge of her lips. "And, to be fair, he's been up my ass about it since high school. I just finally decided to take him up on it."

Of course, Quinn could only snicker at the accusation of some left-field fetish, but even in the backhanded way Robin always seemed to, she did manage to say something kind of sweet at the end. With the mention of the royal fuckwad himself—along with the many wild stories of dysfunction that managed to slip out of her over the last few months—Robin's therapist was probably right on that one.

"Well, you're sayin' that with your back lookin' like Hamburger Helper right now," Quinn razzes her, cricking a grin over her shoulder. "But I hear ya."

"...I kinda miss it, though. Bein' in a relationship, I mean." She chimes in after a few moments of silence, starting to work the gel along the small cuts running jagged up Robin's form. "Like, it's kinda nice. Just hangin' out, havin' someone to do stuff with and be able to talk about whatever. Bein' able to just have a good time doin' nothin', good sex and cuddlin' and all that. It's just all the crazy shit that comes with it that ruins it. But I do still kinda miss it sometimes. The nice parts, anyway."