#i'm a very nostalgic sort of person. i'd go back in time for a day. just for a while

[ybcpatrick]

i was tagged by @trans-asmodeus in this SUPER AWESOME song title q&a!! thank u charlie xoxo mwah

choose an artist you like and use the names of their songs to answer these questions as closely to the truth as possible!

ARTIST CHOSEN: FALL OUT BOOOOOOOY (ofc)

what is your gender? i don't care

describe yourself: reinventing the wheel to run myself over

how do you feel? champion

if you could go anywhere, where would it be? just one yesterday

who is/describe your best friend: the last of the real ones

your favourite time of day: golden

if your life was a tv show, what would it be called? lake effect kid

what is life to you? the kids aren't alright

relationship status? miss missing you

what do you fear? heaven's gate

i'm gonna tag uhhh @thnksfrthmmrs @thekidsarentalright @clandestine-rabbit @the1312daysofchristmas @softnsquishable @infintyonhigh @omegalomania @ibidflash @whimsagoth @setting-in-a-honeymoon and EVERYONE ELSE who wants to play :)!!

[amethystina]

Shipper Tag Game

I was tagged by @a-very-fond-farewell! Thank you so much, darling! Though I'm not sure how good I'll be at it x'D

---

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don’t care anymore?

Honestly? None. While I did have some ships I was interested in, I wasn't obsessed with any of them. And I kind of still care about them? In a very nostalgic way. So I kind of fail at both parts of this question x'D

2. Which ship would you consider your first one?

If I'm going with the one I got really invested in? Destiel tbh. Mainly because I was very much a late bloomer who didn't really discover fandom and fanfics until I was 20-21. I mean, I HAD read some before that but since I didn't have internet in my apartment until I went to university (I was too poor xD), it wasn't easy for me to access them. Shipping is just easier when you have internet.

But, once I had it, I DID revisit a couple of ships that were technically older than Destiel that I had never really gotten into before that, many of them from video games, anime/manga, and books I'd read. But they were all overshadowed by Destiel so that's the one I remember as my first.

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple?

Are we talking reading or writing? I guess I'll do both?

Reading: I think it was a Zell Dincht/Seifer Almasy one from Final Fantasy VIII that a friend printed out on actual paper and gave to me back when I was 16 or 17 (again, no internet). And I honestly can't say why he picked that pairing xD (I'm definitely more of a Squall/Seifer girlie now)

Writing: Sterek. Because it felt interesting but also not too intimidating. And I also just like werewolves?

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over?

Not really, no. Since I've been drawing for so long I spent more time looking for art than fanfics when I was younger so I probably stumbled over a lot of them without even knowing it.

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse?

Not if I can help it, no. I tend to stay away from that sort of thing as best I can and just let people ship whatever they want. It's honestly none of my business.

6. Did you use to have any no-otp or have it currently?

I have several, mostly based on what I find triggering or squicky. But I don't announce them publically because that's just rude to those who DO ship them. And, as stated above, I try not to get involved in what other people ship or don't ship.

7. Who were the couples in the last fanfic you read?

Choi Yoon/Yoon Hwa Pyung from The Guest. Because who doesn't love some pining and Catholic guilt?

For real, though, I read very few fanfics right now and actually had to go check my history on AO3 to figure this out x'D The second to last fanfic was a Strangers From Hell one. And the one before that was a Guardian one!

8. Currently do you have any OTPs?

Several. Honestly too many to list x'D I'm one of those people who don't really let go of ships I like. They're not always at the forefront of my mind, though, but I remember them fondly and coo a little when I think of all the fond memories.

But if we're talking about the ones I'm the most focused on right now I'd say Kang Yo Han/Kim Ga On from The Devil Judge, Yoon Sa Wol/5-8 from Black Knight (currently struggling with chapter 6 x'D), the aforementioned Choi Yoon/Yoon Hwa Pyung from The Guest, and Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan from Guardian.

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?

Sterek. But that has less to do with my dedication to the characters and more to do with the queerbaiting and how extremely shittily Jeff Davis handled that whole thing. To use the Sterek shippers for publicity and hint that maybe it could happen, only to turn around and do everything within his power to not make it happen?

I take that personally, not because I have a huge stake in Stiles and Derek as characters, but as a queer person who, for once, thought that maybe we would actually get to see a couple we really liked get together, and then didn't.

I had more hope for Sterek than I ever did for Destiel, which technically had more in-canon queerbaiting, because the people behind Teen Wolf did their damndest to give me hope. Only for me to be ignored and basically told I was being gullible for ever thinking it would happen.

And that's a betrayal I'm probably never going to forgive.

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?

Not... really? I can't think of any, at least. But that could be because I always have a pretty good reason for disliking the ships I dislike. As mentioned, it's usually based on triggers and squicks and those don't really change. So my opinion on ships I dislike aren't likely to change, either.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

I mean, considering the social climate right now? Even Sterek qualifies because Stiles was underage when I started shipping them and Derek most certainly was not xD That said, I always prefer the fics when Stiles had time to turn 18 before any of the sexy stuff happened.

12. What was your favourite crack ship?

Okay, so, I've actually read a lot of fics for ships I don't actually ship, just for research purposes. Like, I find it FASCINATING to watch what other people like, how they choose to write about the things they like, and how they decide to portray the characters. Basically, I like to analyse authors just as much as I like to analyse characters. It's a hobby of mine.

And one of my absolute favourites was reading fanfics for Newt Scamander and the original Percival Graves from the first Fantastic Beasts movie (Sidenote: She-who-must-not-be-named is an asshole and this is not an endorsement of her franchise or shitty beliefs). And why I loved that so much was because the fics were about THE ORIGINAL Percival Graves who, technically, was never IN the actual movie (he might not even be alive anymore?). Like, it was Grindelwald all the time. We never actually SAW the original Percival Graves, just Grindelwald's impersonation of him.

And I just had so much fun reading various authors' takes on this character who was never actually seen but, based on Grindelwald's impersonation, can sort of be hinted? Because he must have done a good enough job of it that the people around Graves didn't notice? It was like an anthropological dig of Percival Graves transpiring right before my eyes and since I got on the train pretty early, I could see authors being inspired by each other and how the fanon developed over time. 10/10 would recommend if you're interested in watching a fandom evolve.

(also, some of the fics were so fucking good. So there's that, too xD)

13. Who is the couple you read most fanfics of?

I'm not entirely sure if it's Destiel or Stony, but definitely one of them (Sterek is most likely in third place). Partly because there are just so many to partake in (those fandoms are HUGE), but also because they've been with me for so long and numbers accumulate. That said, I haven't read any for those ships in a long, long time. But considering how many fics I devoured during the time I was the most active in those fandoms? It's going to be difficult for any of the ones I'm currently into to catch up.

Also because I tend to be in much smaller fandoms now >_>

14. What do most of your ships usually have in common?

WELL. A while back I would have said that even if there are some enemies-to-lovers tropes and antagonising in some of them, they're all mostly unproblematic and pretty healthy.

... I can't really do that anymore, can I? x'D

I mean, Kang Yo Han is problematic all on his own, but even HE is a green flag compared to Seo Moon Jo. That fucker is just a straight-up psychopath x'D

A more serious answer: An interesting dynamic. Which sounds like a given, but is actually a bit more tricky than that. Because I've only gotten more and more picky over the years. I've actually spoken to my wife and friends about this, because I've seen a pretty noticeable shift in my own shipping practices lately.

I gather fewer and fewer new ships and that's not because I watch/read fewer things, but because I'm getting pickier about them. There has to be an extra spark that interests me, often connected to the characters' personalities and how they play off each other, while, before, a bit of chemistry was enough.

But that also makes me more versatile, I guess? Because I focus less on tropes and more on characters and dynamics. But that also makes it harder to spot similarities xD

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

I mean, hate is a strong word. But, again, it would mostly be connected to my triggers. I don't like ships that are too abusive and unbalanced. A little bit of danger is fine, but things like abuse, infidelity, grooming, non-con etc. don't work for me, personally.

---

I don't really know who to tag so just do it if you want to! :D

[eemamminy-art]

For the ask game you reblogged a little bit ago:

11, 15, 17, and 24! :)

This will be a bit long with all the questions so I'll put in a cut!

11. what do you consider to be romance?

I think just about anything can be romance! To me it's little things that just tell you your partner knows you intimately. Bringing home your favorite snack from the store, setting out your favorite shirt for you, asking you about your ideas or your favorite media. Of course I love words and acts of affection too but I feel like there's nothing quite like this unspoken sort of notion that like.. this other person knows me as well as I know myself and thinks about me so much. Occupying space in someone else's mind while they occupy space in yours, you know? That's love to me 🥰

15. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

I think it's any space that feels safe and feels like it's yours. For me a lot of those spaces are places I'll never go to again, so I do get sad when thinking about it. But where I'm living now feels very much like home to me, even though I don't live anywhere near where I grew up.

I've been having a lot of emotional and nostalgic moments lately but I had a feeling the other night, where the air was warmer and more humid than where I'd been living the last few years, I had made a beef stew and just finished eating it and was drawing a little something for myself and listening to music. And those combination of things kind of transported me to a time half a lifetime ago, like I genuinely felt like I was home with my dad and had just eaten a meal he had made, the air was still warm despite it being evening because that's just how the weather is back home, and I would always sit on the computer and draw after dinner on the weekends. It was so surreal and relaxing!! I'm normally even in my downtime thinking like, "Okay tomorrow I need to do this and that, I should probably prepare this and respond to that message," etc. but I was just.. head empty enjoying myself for the first time in many many years. And all that to say, that made me feel very much at home.

17. name 3 things that make you happy

Lots of things give me fleeting happiness but what always guarantees me to be happy are my partner and our cat 😊 I can be having the worst day but hugging them is like magic and I feel my muscles untense instantly

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

I've been getting better recently about standing up for myself and setting boundaries! I'm a total people pleaser but the older I get the more I realize that I need to worry about my own feelings before those of others.

random questions ask meme

[ahumanbeingtryingherbest]

MY LETTER TO YOUNG ROYALS

Still can't believe Young Royals is coming to an end! I've been watching this series from the very beginning (July 2021). It was incredible to watch, even if from behind a screen, the actors and the story grow and evolve. It's kind of hard realize how quickly time passed. When season 1 first aired I was 15 in a summer camps in the middle of the Swiss Alps. I listened to Olivia Rodrigo first album SOUR the day and watched the series the night hidden underneath the covers. That summer was magical, I was either giggling at the posts other fans made on Tumblr or reflecting on their clever analysis. In my summer camps I distinctly remember there were two swedish girls and me and other people who saw the series asked them so many questions about their country! It was also the summer I made my fist coming out to a group of absolute strangers :)

When season 2 aired I was 17 and at the start of my second year of high school. These time my daily soundtrack was directed by Taylor Swift's "Midnights", fist album who made me fall in love with Taylor's music and religiously listening to it on the bus while going to school. I wasn't exactly happy back then. I thought I had had a big life lesson and that now everything was going to be completely ok. Well, looking back I was also very wrong and I'd say naïve, but I got through it and I'm happy YR and Taylor kept me company during that period.

Now here we are, only one week left before season 3 airs. Still no new album I can enjoy with it, but Taylor's "The Tortureds Poet Department" will swifly (ahah) follow. I'm not stressed about the end (k maybe a bit), I'm already nostalgic looking back how much time passed and how much life and people grew and changed.

To be fair, I really dislike changements. Like, profoundly. For me the end of this series symbolizes a part of my adolescence ending. I'm growing up too. I don't really now what the future will reserve me, I just now that I'll always try to act with respect and love while finding my way.

It was an honor being there when this project started and I'm happy I get to see the end as well. Its not something everyone got to see so I'm glad I was there, even if only by watching and reading others reactions. I hope the actors will find other stimulating projects where they can contribute with their talent. I hope that Lisa is happy she got to tell her story, because we were definitely happy to hear it.

Finally, I want to end on a personal thought. I'm not an actor, I'm not a celebrity and even if I do want to make art and I do want it to be recognised by humanity I'm coming now to terms I don't think I will ever get to live the sort of "succes wave" these actors (around my age, mind you) experienced. I hope, I wonder if they're fine, I hope so. What I think it's just important to remember that these are human beings. I don't know about you but I feel kind of a sick movement to my stomach when I see people being obsessive, and I'm talking about myself as well when I catch myself wondering too much about them too.

These series spread a lot of beautiful message these years and will continue even after I'm sure. So a little note, always be respectful about others life and intimacy. Be curious, but don't be a stalker. Be a fan, but don't be obsessive (for your own good as well). Enjoy the present moment and express your enthusiasm for these people work!!

I hope I'll get to see more of them in the future, and about Lisa's works as well.

xxx G

[penname-artist]

I went through my own personal memory lane today.

As far as I know, you can't get to them anymore, now that my old DeviantArt is deactivated and destroyed, but I dug through the physical drawings I'd posted to that site from 2015 through to 2022 or so.

About half of them are ponies (I was a brony freak, man, don't ask), and the rest where all kinds of things. Original projects, characters, doodles, animals, zentangles, fan works of other materials.

A few things I forgot I'd kept. One I didn't have the heart to look at. The roads of memories have two sides: the nostalgic, and the haunting.

And yet despite that, I'm again faced with this really weird sort of look-back. For probably the first time in my life, I feel entirely disconnected from this era. It seems so far away now. Even though it hasn't been that many years, it's still been so many seasons. So many parts. So many chapters of my life that have gone past this time capsule of colored history.

The things that happened then, they changed me. CoVid was, of course, one facet of the insanity. 2020 was not kind to any of us. But for me, that time struck me for a very different reason. A much more personal reason, that I'm continuing to uncover parts of in therapy today.

None of us are perfect people. None of us have clean slates. We've all done things poorly, embarrassingly, wrongly, and with guilt or shame that it was not just. That doesn't justify the bad, but it does help us forgive ourselves, when we know we're not the only people that screwed up.

I left my previous account, and my old name, for a personal reason. A reason relating to identity, to everything I was and everything I wanted to become, that had been shattered by the reality of what I was doing. What I was causing, who I was hurting.

From each small step I'd taken since that moment in time that the door had been shut, I began to disconnect from it. I cut my hair. I changed my name. I dived further into another fandom. I got a tattoo. I broke off a toxic relationship. And then several more, down the line. I worked on myself. I explored the mental health world, found a therapist and a medication setup that works for now. Made peace with the mistakes I'd made. Moved forward, however slowly.

Now, in just a few months I'll be passing the four year benchmark of when it happened. And I feel as though I don't know the girl I remember, sitting at her desk staring blankly at a note she didn't expect. The beginning of a long, long line of mistakes and problems and struggles and pain. I still remember her, but I don't know her. I was her. But I'm not, now.

But I know that I used to be. And it used to all be different. And though it'll never go back to that time, it'll never come back to those days, they're still here, preserved in a piece of paper with every pencil stroke.

It's a funny feeling, nostalgia.

[maryellencarter]

So I've been tussling with how to write this post for some time now.

Uh, the background good news first? I appear to have worked almost an entire pay period and also March is a three paycheck month, so I'm making some very solid progress on getting caught up on my bills, and it seems like this might even continue. I know I tend to be more optimistic than is usually warranted, but 70 hours in my time clock when working all my scheduled hours would put me at 72 is pretty damn impressive, especially compared to how I've been doing for a really long time.

So then I was poking around and trying to figure out what one even does with disposable income. I've been going to a knitting group at a local yarn shop recently (I forget if I mentioned here but a friend was able to get me some KN95 masks and some helpful information about transmission rates so I can socialize safely again! This is probably a big factor in me being less depressed and more worky again also), but I don't really enjoy owning yarn I don't have A Plan for, so right now I've got a cable sweater for Leia, a fancy silk lace scarf, a puffy hexagon blanket, and a crochet baby blanket going, and I just really don't want any more yarn until I finish with one or two of these projects.

Recently, though, as y'all have probably seen, there was an announcement going around about the American Girl doll brand announcing a pair of 1999-themed Historical Character dolls. Because Tumblr is the "we are getting old" website at this point, there were Noises. (They have a Pizza Hut "Book-It" reading program playset. I have never been smacked in the face with nostalgia so hard in my entire life.)

As some of y'all may also remember, I used to have a whole collection of American Girl dolls and furniture and whatnot, because I was trying to do the whole "believe you can be safe and stable now and have the things you were never allowed to have as a kid" thing with a reasonable part of the money I'd inherited from my then recently deceased grandmother (a lovely human being, and by extreme genetic good luck the relative I take after physically, so that I don't have to deal with the whole "growing up to look exactly like my abuser" thing that some people have to suffer through). Then the 2016 election happened, I had a horrible depressive spiral, was unable to work, sold 90% of my collection to pay the rent, eventually became homeless anyway, and lost the other 10% by trusting the wrong person to keep my stuff safe when I had no other options.

ANYWAY! Not the point. The point is that I started poking my nose back into the American Girl website, and then the wiki in order to try to figure out what all I'd missed, and I'm kind of being like "hey, I could hypothetically afford some of this stuff again now".

(I personally find it hilarious that the brand is trying to walk a line between "Addressing trans and nonbinary identities in our helpful book on puberty for preteens? Sure, we'll do that, we're progressive! Also did you say Harry Potter collaboration? That's a license to basically print money from customers who are nostalgic for the same era we were most popular in, let's do this", which is exactly the kind of seesawing I expect from Disney -- who owns American Girl via Mattel.)

So *anyway*, and this is the part of this post I'm really struggling with: I also used to be heavily involved in the part of the American Girl adult collectors fandom that describes itself as "queer-friendly and socially conscious". That part of the fandom runs the wiki (which is an extremely useful and well-constructed resource). I don't know who-all from those days may still follow me on Tumblr, and I'm actually not looking to cause drama, just sort of thinking out loud as I so often do on the tunglrs, but after five years away from the fandom and having poked my nose back in, I'm running into a royal shitton of memories (and a little new information) that's making me go "Holy fuck, this place was *incredibly* toxic, no wonder I got utterly burned out on trying to interact with the dolls and items the way they demanded everybody should. No wonder I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells to even say anything or post a picture related to this fandom."

So. Let's be real. I'm saying "the way they demanded". It's one person, backed up by other mods who don't create their own separate demands. This particular section of the fandom is ruled with an iron fist by one self-described Angry Black Woman who... the very kindest way I can find to describe it is, she's a walking talking demonstration of how you cannot create a single safe space that's safe for everyone. I made a post several years ago that went a little bit viral, where I pointed out that being uncomfortable with a very verbally aggressive black authority figure can actually be because of the "very verbally aggressive authority figure" part, say if you're a survivor of emotional abuse *koff koff*, and doesn't have to mean you're "uncomfortable with black anger" Because You're Racist. That post was a direct reaction to multiple instances of seeing this person tell people "you're pushing back against me being verbally abusive, that's a racist action on your part".

That's the kindest, most nonconfrontational way I can come up with to talk about the situation. Less tactfully, after going to look over the forum rules for this subsection of the fandom -- hoping to realize I'd just been an extremely sensitive tortellini at the time and they weren't that bad, because I know I was an extremely sensitive tortellini in other matters -- in actual fact, I've been reminded very loudly that these rules are a 13k essay on topics such as You Must Be Okay With Verbal/Emotional Abuse If It's Directed At You By People Of Color, All Cultures Of Color Are Closed Cultures Now (So Don't You Dare Put This Black Doll's Clothes On Any Other Doll), and the real kicker for me, Only Selected Queer Identities Are Suitable For Public Discussion (subsection We're Redefining Queerness To Exclude Polyamory, new since I was last here, with sub-subsection Oops We Didn't Mean To Exclude Asexuals Only Those Icky Cishets, and fun guessing game Are We Excluding Aromantics Or Did We Just Forget They Exist, Ask And See If You Get Banned).

I... genuinely didn't mean to go on that long. But this is exactly why I'm making this post. Because I have a *lot* of trauma from trying to figure out what's actually racist or offensive and what's not, while being in a community where anything the main mod doesn't like can suddenly be declared an offense against social justice, and if you ever step on her toes, you're likely to be relegated to the ranks of the damned (aka the white Christian mommybloggers who own more than six white dolls or less than 50% dolls of color). And as probably all of you know, I do a lot of thinking out loud about trauma. Which is a PROBLEM, because this person definitely still follows me here (I don't know who else from the fandom does), and Tumblr blocks don't keep people from seeing your posts, only interacting with them.

So. Uh. There's probably going to be... more of this. I'm making this post now because I'm almost done sewing a doll skirt, I want to show it off here, and I'm also having a really nasty anxiety attack over how this person is definitely going to metaphorically rip it to shreds in the dedicated forum thread for mocking homemade doll clothes (mostly from Etsy) that don't live up to her exacting standards of Historically Accurate Doll Costuming. (The skirt is gathered instead of using 1800s-style "cartridge pleats"! The horror!)

Yeah. So. Um. I guess... if you follow me from when I was last in AG doll fandom, here's where I stand, at least right now. I'm not going to name any names, but you likely know who I'm talking about. I'm not going to go after anybody or cause trouble on their blog, but I'm not going to pull any punches when I'm talking about the ways they and their policies have made me feel unsafe in the fandom. And I'm not going to follow their byzantine rules based on the concept that a single doll can only have one ethnicity and one backstory. A doll, in its essence, is a shapeshifter the way a character actor is a shapeshifter, and not all of us want to create 50+ fixed individual characters that can't wear each other's clothes.

If you can't live with any of that, feel free to go commiserate with each other. I'm not planning to go back to the forum, so don't worry that I'll see anything you say there. (I'm not even planning to publish the rules publicly, since they're not viewable when logged out, although they are a trip and a half to read without the context of the dramas that shaped them.)

If you're scared what will happen to your standing in the fandom if you like my posts or keep following me, though... maybe that's a place to start thinking.

[cutecherrygirl]

Hey guys! So im really exited for this cuz I've seen this movie hundreds of times and I fell in love with it and I just cant help but imagine Hyunjin and Jisung in this so enjoy! Ill try making this as poetic abd beautiful as possible! I even made a cover 🤭🤭. I wanted to do it on wattpad but idk if anyone would read it tbh so Ill do it here but if y'all want I can write it on wattpad too❤️, and this will be in many many parts ❤️

This will mostly be in Jisungs POV but it might change through the story cuz yeah.

Also Jisung is Elio and Hyunjin is Oliver

This is how I imagine them in this story:

Warnings: boyxbox

Pt. 1

Alma de mi vida

if not later, When?

Jisung POV

"Later!" The word, the voice, the attitude.

I'd never heard anyone use "Later" to say goodbye before. It sounded harsh, curt, and dismissive, spoken with veiled indifference of people who may not care to see or hear from you again.

It is the first thing I remember about him, and I can hear ut still today. Later!

I shut my eyes, say the word, and I'm back in Italy (yes this will be in Italy, sorry 😭), so many years ago, walking down the tree-lined driveway, watching him steo out of the cab , billowy blue shirt, wide open collar, sunglasses, straw hat , skin everywhere. Suddenly he's shaking my hand, handing me his backpack, removing his suitcase from the trunk of the cab, asking if my father is home.

It might have started right there and then: the shirt, the rolled - up sleeves, the rounded balls of his heels slipping in and out of his flip flops, eager to test the hot gravel path that led to our house, every stride already asking, Which way to the beach?

This summer's houseguest. Another bore.

Then, almost without thinking, and with his back already turned to the car, he waves the back of his free hand and utters a careless Later! To another passenger in the car who was probably splut the fare from the station. No name added, no jest to smooth out the ruffled leave-taking, nothing. His one-word send-off: brisk, bold, and blunted -- take your pick, he couldn't be bothered Which.

You watch, I thought, this is how he'll say goodbye to us when the time comes. With a gruff,slapdash Later!

Meanwhile, we'd have to put up with him for six long weeks. I was thoroughly intimidated. The unapproachable sort.

I could grow to like him, though. From sharp jaw to rounded heel. Then, within days, I would learn to hate him.

This, the very person whose photo on the application form months earlier had leapt out with promises of instant affinities.

Taking in summer guests was my parents' way of helping young academics revise a manuscript before publication. For six weeks each summer I'd have to vacate my bedroom and move one room longed to my grandfather. Durning the winter months, when we were away in the city, it became a part time toolshed, storage room, and attic where rummor had it my grandfather, my namesake, still ground his teeth in his enteral sleep. Summer residents didn't have to pay anything, were given the full run of the house, and could basically do anything the pleased. Provided they spent an hour or so a day helping my father with his correspondence and assorted paperwork. They became part of the family, and after about fifteen years of doing this, we had gotten used to a shower of postcards and gift packages not only around Christmas time but all year long from people who were now totally devoted to our family abd would go out of their way when they were in Europe to drop B. for a day or two with their family and take nostalgic tour of their old digs.

At meals there were frequently two or three other guests, sometimes neighbours or relatives, sometimes colleagues, lawyers, doctors, the rich abd famous who'd drop by to see my father on their way to their own summer houses. Sometimes we'd even open our dining room to the occasional tourist couple who'd heard of the old villa and simply wanted to come by and take a peek and were totally enchanted when asked to eat with us and tell us about themselves, while Halmoni, informed at the last minute, dishes out her usual fare. My father, who was reserved and shy in private, loved nothing better than to have some precocious rising expert in a filed keep the conversation going in few languages while the hot summer sun, after a few glasses of rosatello , ushered in the unavoidable afternoon torpot. We named the task dinner drudgery -- and, after a while, so did most of our six-week guests.

Maybe it started soon after his arrival durning one of those grinding lunches when he sat next to me and it finally dawned on me that, despite a light tan acquired durning brief stay in Sicily earlier that summer, the color on the palms of his hands was the same as the pale, soft skin of his soles, if his throat,of the bottom of his forearms, which hadn't really been exposed too much sun. Almost a light pink, as glistening and smooth as the underside of a lizard's belly. Private, chaste, unflaged, like a blush on an athlete's face or an instance of dawn on a story night. It told me things about him I never knew to ask.

It may have started durning those endless hours after lunch when everybody lounged about in bathing suits inside and outside the house, bodies sprawled everywhere, killing time before someone finally suggested we head down to the rocks for a swim. Relatives, cousins, neighbours, friends, friends of friends, colleagues, or just about anyone who cared to knock at our gate and ask if they could use our tennis court -- everyone was welcomed to lounge and swim and eat and, if they stayed long enough, use the guesthouse.

[rinion-b]

since we're about to hit the end of the year soon, and since i've been too busy with dev work to draw much recently, i've been putting some of my thoughts together on my relationship with art, social media, and all that.

like a lot of kids, i did some drawing and painting during my middle and highschool years. unlike a lot of kids, i was homeschooled. not having a social circle to pick up interests from meant two things: i rarely had to deal with people on a day-to-day basis unless they were my family (yay), and my life felt very boring (not yay). the art subjects, and being forced into a dichotomy of acrylic and watercolor as my main options, did not help.

it took me until the middle of college to start drawing for real. that year was the start of a lot of things for me, and tbh a big part of it was simply having other people that i didn't mind being around, even if i never truly connected with them. anyway, i made some assets for a tabletop game, and at that point i was following enough artists to know at least vaguely the kinds of things that i wanted to draw.

if i look at my files, i've been drawing for a bit over 2 years now. and there's undoubtedly a lot of improvement from when i started (i can only stand to look at like 2-3 drawings from back then, aside from the studies).

i do still want to go back to painting things like this eventually, but for the life of me i cannot figure out how to render a character or a full scene like this.

anyway, that's year 1. i started posting some stuff to twitter, and did mostly fanart or studies where i could find the time. i definitely noticed that i had a bit of an unhealthy relationship forming already with social media (i may not be diagnosed with ADHD, but the way notification indicators make me behave is a big reason i suspect i have it). i also started to fall off of drawing fanart of large, popular vtubers because, well... i'm not sure actually. the artificial interaction inflation from a vtuber fanart is definitely one part of it, but i also started to make friends within an indie vtuber's fanbase/friend circle which made me realize i was being a bit parasocial about one or two larger vtubers and hit the brakes there.

also, this was from an event from an art server where we did blind/telephone style chara design iteration off a picture of jewelry, and that opened my eyes to how much fun having an OC can be compared to being constrained by an existing design. (i do still have issues with fanart because i don't entirely understand how to adapt an existing design to my style the first few times i draw it.)

now, to take a slight detour, all this was happening on twitter or discord. i had used tumblr back in the day, but i barely posted anything and never really kept up with the popular stuff happening. until recently it was also still sort of weird memories because i never the friend group i had from back then... not going into detail, but there are some interesting types out there, and we all kind of grew apart until the group fractured and just sort of fell apart.

coming back here to start posting, even if all i have at the moment is reposting older art, is super comfortable and a bit nostalgic. that return also fell at a time where i had time and a proper idea for updating my personal site, and i do think that i'll be implementing a bit of a blog there as well. i don't mind getting personal on social media, but it's impossible to do easily on twitter and even here i'd prefer to never get notified that people i don't know interact with my more personal posts.

so that sort of brings the story to the current year. having a job makes it pretty hard to keep up with the friends i've made the way i want to, but i don't see myself ever going fully freelance because of how easily i burn out from outside pressure to create. i have a few OCs that i want to continue to flesh out, and i think my main goal for the near future is to evolve my art more with their designs until i can really say i like my ability to render a character and a scene at the same time (i have some ideas, but i need the time to tackle them, and to do a lot of studies).

next year, i want to focus on streaming at least a couple times a month after i get some graphics finished (or even before, and just work on those on stream). i want to just get a lot better at art. illustration is a lot of fun once i can get out of the sketch phase, and i also have dabbled a bit in animation, but 3D is also on the table for game dev purposes and also just character modeling (it's really cool i want models of my OCs and i'm a very DIY kind of person). oh and VR too.

basically, i guess next year is my year to push for being a little more "self-sufficient" and also self-indulgent, i suppose. also been picking up the guitar again recently, and might be buying a bass soon. the more time i spend having fun/working on things and the less time i spend looking at socmed notifications, the better it is for me.

[vyl3tpwny]

everything in my life is changing

there's no simple way of starting off a writing like this.

but lots of things in my life have been changing, both external and internal forces. i really want to talk about as much of it as i can.

this is sort of a mental health update, an overdue one.

voreburger made this art. im embracing the fact that im a creature nowadays.

–

kicking old habits

it's sort of a weird think to think about how my first two years living independently have been defined by both the pandemic and the widespread unrest across the country in the most politically radicalized displays ive ever seen up close and with my own conscious experiences. it's been very terrifying, but sobering.

in all of that, though, i found myself arguing and fighting more online than i ever have. which is certainly saying something, if you know how i was in the past online. i think these days, my personal beliefs are far more noble and informed than in my past, but despite that i think it's been really unreasonable to go about life as i had been for a while. being confrontational and assertive in this way has always been a very unhealthy side of me.

needless to say, many of the events of the past year and a half — especially confrontations with people i had known before — ushered in a realization that this is something i need to change about myself. it didn't matter if what i was fighting for was moral or noble in any way. it's genuinely just time that i stopped fighting with people all the time. one of the biggest reasons i've accepted this is especially out of fear of going off on someone who genuinely isn't a bad person or acting out of place, and i'm just overreacting or whatever. in most cases, now, i think it's just best to remove myself from situations that could evoke those feelings and learn to be more graceful. its just bad for my mental health, and it's not like it helps anyone else's mental health either. i don't have to be everyone's teacher or moral compass. if someone's a passive asshole, i should probably just preserve my own energy and protect the people that matter to me.

i think this is healthier for everyone.

in general, the transition between teenager-ness and adulthood was so grey and uninformed. its so weird. when you become a legal "adult", it really doesnt feel like anything's changed. when you become aware of your responsibilities and start to examine aspects of yourself that are certainly negative or toxic especially as an adult, THEN it starts to feel like something is happening. but for a while, it was such a grey area and lots of things didnt make sense. i think i have a much better grip on who i am and what i'm supposed to be doing these days.

i took this photo back in late 2016 during some depressive episode. i used it for the cover of my small album project "apathy". its nostalgic and cool looking, but i cant help but think about how i was still very much an unhinged dickhead then. its amazing how much people just tolerated me somehow.

—

cutiemarks; new traumas & old memories

cutiemarks is certainly the most personal and transparent music project i've ever made, and it's not a coincidence that it was written when it was. there are so many stories ive thought about in my head and they all began to fill my heart as drastic things began to happen throughout the last year and a half.

i'm grateful nobody's really prodded about it, but yeah i went through the hardest breakup and most intense social crisis i've ever faced in my entire life at the beginning of 2021. i examined the events of my life and personality as a result of it. i began to experience an unbearable and continued social anxiety and dysphoria unparalleled to anything i'd come to know as well. i'm still in that too, but i hung out with galaxysquid the other week. it was the first time in over a year i had chosen to see someone that isnt a roommate on my own accord. that was a big step for me. cutiemarks is what took shape from all this turmoil.

when thinking about my past memories, i go through a lot of my photos. but none compare to this one. i always come back to this one of me and sylver working on super pony world (2016) in 2015 at a coffee shop.

—

accepting changes and learning things about myself

these are all big things. but as i worked and as i began to spend time in new spaces, falling in love with eden, and taking a step back from everything, i realized how much stuff was happening under the surface that was affecting me on a much bigger level than i would've ever expected.

i came to accept my being neurodivergent, something i never felt like i could've understood or accepted in the past. it explains so many things about myself and has helped me understand a lot of things that have long puzzled me. i've been discovering ways of articulating it all better and living with it. lots of things & mindsets i used to write off as trivial or unhelpful are now becoming important aspects of my life that help me stay organized and think better. it's all been positive. understanding how i process information and respond to things as a result of the way my brain works has been super important too. when things become less of a mystery about yourself, it's super cathartic and just opens up a whole buncha shit in your brain.

coming to terms with my introversion and boundaries is another huge thing. i've always been such a pushover when it comes to social things. it had gotten to the point where i was having panic attacks about like everything. so i've been putting my [hoof] down more about who i want to be around and what i want my spaces to look like. i still felt obligated to stay connected with lots of different people who'd been around since even my edgiest days. and again, i'm not going to be a moral compass for anyone, but i'm just not comfortable around those kinds of people anymore. i want to be around people who make me happy and comfortable. i want to be able to take a deep breath and relax.

setting more boundaries and unfollowing a lot of people who i felt obligated to has been something ive been needing to do too. and now i'm finally doing it. ive been too accessible and too open for too long, and it had gotten to the point where my current place as a creator and my level of introversion and lack of attention span has made it impossible to be who i used to be. i used to respond to every comment and answer every message and thats just totally unrealistic now!

this is literally how i feel (art made by eden <3)

—

being a musician, shifts in perspective, and realizations

between antonymph and lesbian ponies with weapons, i think everyone can feel what i've been thinking lately. and that is: fuck it.

i grew up in music elitism in all the worst ways. i was always in all the wrong spaces, all of which often felt like they perpetuated elitism in some way. my ego was sooooooooo huge for the lonnnnnngest time and even when i finally stopped feeling so pretentious and competitive, feelings of being a perfectionist and feeling limited to what things i was allowed to do in creativity still persisted. after putting out "queen of misfits" i realized that i should be able to do whatever i want within moral reason. so i decided to do just that with the direction i shifted "fairytails" in — then even further with "cutiemarks".

i realized that feeling boxed in creatively perpetuated feelings of depression and competitiveness in the most unhealthy ways. learning to have fun and to create however i felt was huge.

i also realized ive felt inhibited by all my client work, and thats something im going to change a lot moving forward. it's felt difficult to work on any personal projects while client work has loomed over me. ive also definitely not been charging nearly enough to how much i should be. so, moving forward im going to raise my prices a lot more, take very limited slots, and be a lot more reasonable out of it. and i dont want to take anymore commissions for a while anyway. i have a huge queue and its only recently dawned on me how stressed out its been making me feel. i wanna power through everything i have in my queue and then just finally get to working on Promise Complex. i feel so giddy and excited thinking about all the ideas ive been ruminating on for years with regards to the album. i wanna get thru my commissions so i can finally make my dream album.

my creative space feels so comfortable and full though. its like whenever i have an idea for anything i can just jump right on it. its nice.

—

so what does it all mean?

how do i summarize this. honestly, it's high time i lived my life the way i want to. i want to curate my own spaces without feeling guilty that someone will feel left out or jealous. i want to talk to who i want to and answer when i feel comfortable to, rather than doing anything because i feel obligated to. i want to be clear about my boundaries and not feel guilty for having them. i want to create in the ways i want to and denounce elitism for my sake and for the sake of other creators. i want to stop fighting and being a moral compass, especially so as not to hurt well-meaning people in the process. i need to be aware and attentive to how my brain works and just make all the right choices for myself.

i've been making new friends, embracing old ones, it all feels really good. honestly eden, pico/klez, lucas, bunny, izzy, hazel, jamie, kai, chiba, ricky, neko, you've all had such a huge influence on my life in the most positive ways possible. i'm so happy about life.

as a result of all the changes ive been making and all the shifts in my mentality, i've been able to talk about my problems more openly and transparently. i've been able to work out a lot of things and sort things out. it's so refreshing. it feels so refreshing to be able to just talk freely, tell people to their face how i'm feeling. no more games. no more hints. i love life and i love trying to feel positive. i've learned to deal with hard things with a smile, something i never expected to be able to do.

since the big breakup, things have improved for both of us and we're actually the best of friends and actually we're soooooo cool and we'll take on the world as best friends because we're so cool. i think bun is amazing and i think hazel is amazing too. i really love eden and i think we're going to do so many cool things too. as a result of falling in love with eden and making a lot of life changes, ive felt more expressive and colourful than ever before, which i think is something very different than what im used to. its a good thing. its all good shit. forever it felt like i didnt have real emotions and now theres colour in my cheeks as i can feel feelings for what seems like the first time ever.

so. i've learned to be graceful in new ways. and i've learned to be more assertive in others. all my friends are the coolest. eden is the love of my life. and i have so many things i want to create.

thanks for reading this all the way through if you did. it's not organized very well, but it articulates my feelings as they've come.

(we love each other actually)

[robotpals]

hey! idk if you're still taking questions about mhc, but i'm committed to mt holyoke for this fall and still not 100% sure. i kind of have a lot, so answer as many or as few as you'd like lol they're in order of priority

completely honestly, how much do people still call it a "women's college"? it was a really big factor for me that mhc was gender diverse, and since visiting has been kind of funky this year, it's been hard to tell how committed the school actually is to trans allyship (full disclosure, i'm a cis girl) and how much the students try to respect that

related to how welcome men and nonbinary folks feel-- when i show up on campus, are like 99% of the students going to be women (trans or cis), or am i being overly pessimistic about the remaining emphasis on women?

sustainability is a big focus for me, and was a factor that actually had me leaning away from mhc (most of the other schools i applied to were shooting for carbon neutrality years before 2037, and had more options for composting and such). the actual question part is: how hard would it be to try to be low/zero waste on campus (esp. plastics)? would the dining halls be able to accommodate that (outside of COVID years)? are there any significant obstacles i might run across?

i'd also like to get more politically involved in college, are there a lot of opportunities for that? (like, protests, or mutual aid, or politically oriented clubs)

how hard is it to get the classes you want? how many classes did you personally take at the other consortium colleges? (or if you're not comfortable with that, what might the average be?)

thank you so much! i'm sorry if this is too much or my tone is weird, and feel free to redirect me for any of this

Hello! Congratulations to you as well -- whether it’s where you end up or not, you should know that I’m proud of you for applying and being accepted! I’m not sure how helpful I’ll be for some of your questions, but I can certainly try to answer them. I’m putting a read-more because I have a feeling my answers may be long!

As to your first question, MHC still is a women’s college -- though a gender diverse one (I know that isn’t a helpful answer, but I think it describes the culture best!). Maybe the best way to think of it is that Mt Holyoke’s history is deeply steeped in what being a women’s college means: a lot of the traditions and details of the school can be traced back to its days as a women’s seminary. The fact that it was a place for women to get an education in a time when typically women couldn’t is something to be proud of, and definitely something that students celebrate -- though of course the category of “woman” who could be educated in the college’s early days was very limited to white affluent women. Something that I appreciated about MHC was it felt like nearly all of my fellow students were as social justice oriented as I am -- so there were always discussions about recognizing the college’s failings and history of discrimination, as well as celebrating those students who pushed for diversity and opened the doors to students who wouldn’t have been admitted in the college’s early days. That doesn’t mean that mhc is perfect, and as a white woman I’m not the best person to talk about those issues, but in general I thought the student body was willing to have hard discussions and advocate for critically examining mhc’s past.

I think my years there were interesting because my first year was the year the college announced it would accept trans women (the first of the “seven sisters” / historic east coast women’s colleges to do so!), though prior to my arrival trans men (those who applied still closeted/questioning and then came out while a student) were enrolled. I should disclose that I, too, am a cis woman! So any thoughts I have on what it’s like for trans students is based entirely on conversations with trans friends and not personal experience. Basically, though MHC is a women’s college, I think the large population of lgbt students means that gender/respect for trans students is more at the forefront than it would be at some other schools. I’m currently a student at a Big 10 state university for a masters program, and I definitely think that MHC was way more accepting of gender diversity than here -- asking about pronouns and respecting people’s gender identities were totally commonplace at MHC seven years ago, but undergrads I know at this university have said that there are lots of students who treat discussions about respecting pronouns as a joke :/ -- I hope that MHC has only continued to improve its treatment of gender diverse students since I was there.

That being said, there are definitely transphobic students -- and unfortunately, old and bigoted staff members. I remember when I was a student, the college released a memo for staff/faculty that said that emails to the student body shouldn’t use gendered language (like saying “Hey girls” or whatever LOL) and while every student I talked was in support of that, there were definitely rumors of some older professors throwing fits about that. I don’t remember any terfs on campus -- thank god -- but there was a “young republicans” student group that was super obnoxious (they only had three members LOL but they complained CONSTANTLY about how other students telling them to shut up was infringing on their first amendment rights). 

I have no idea what the numbers are, but when I was a student, it definitely seemed like the vast majority of students were women/women-aligned (cis, trans, or nb) or nonbinary, so if you really want a campus with more men, MHC may not be a great choice.

As far as sustainability: I really don’t know. I know that a big discussion when I was a student was divestment from fossil fuels, and MHC refused to make any promises to divest. When I was a student, there were a couple student advocacy groups dedicated to challenging the college to be more sustainable, so if you want to learn more, I would try to find info about those organizations and ask them. Sorry I don’t know more! For some reason I thought MHC composted, but I don’t know for sure -- I know that when you finish eating, you just put your plate on a conveyor belt and there are dining hall staff who sort through what’s what. Again, you could reach out to dining and ask! And if you end up at MHC and they aren’t composting, I think that would be something they might be open to implementing -- advocacy is key.

For political involvement, I think there are lots of opportunities! MHC is in a fairly rural location, but students on campus when I was there organized marches, walk-outs, and protests for the student body. There are advocacy groups for different interests, as well as cultural groups that organized events around specific issues. It’s definitely a campus where you can get involved with issues that are important to you. Again, I don’t know what the culture is like at other colleges, but in comparison to my graduate program, activism at MHC was far more robust.

For classes, I never had trouble taking the classes I wanted! But to be fair, my majors were uncommon enough that that isn’t too surprising (religion and ancient studies LOL). Among my friends, no one seemed to have trouble getting the classes they wanted -- the only class that I remember people having trouble getting into was a class on the history of witchcraft in the gender studies department! Which is SO mt holyoke LOL. 

I only took one class outside mhc -- which in retrospect I regret not taking more -- it was a class on Icelandic saga literature at umass amherst. It was a really fun class, and I enjoyed getting the glimpse into what life would have been like if I had gone to a big state school for undergrad! Overall, I thought the process for taking a class off campus was super easy and the only downside was the bus ride was like half an hour.

I hope my answers make sense! I feel like I should disclose that I’m finishing up my grad school program this week (!) so I’ve been particularly nostalgic for undergrad recently -- I’m stressed about exams, so my rose tinted glasses are ON 🙃 but I hope this has been helpful! I think that so many people make it seem like college is the most perfect wonderful time ever, but in actuality it’s pretty weird -- people living away from home for the first time, trying to figure themselves out, exploring their interests and passions, etc. ... so I would encourage you not to think of college as a perfect place, but a place where you will have room to grow! I definitely had times where I HATED being a student at mhc, but I certainly would have had those times anywhere I went -- and in the end, I’m glad I chose mt holyoke and I think it was a place I was able to grow and flourish into who I am today!

[yetanotherreader]

Birthday Surprise

Type: One Shot

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: On Dean's birthday, Y/N gives him a surprise which might just be a payback to his New Year surprise to her.

Warning: Nervous Dean. A very nervous Dean.

Fanfic Masterlist

A/N: Hey everyone. So this is my first ever fic so it's short and I have a feeling that it's going to flop so bad, but I'm still posting it coz shameless.  I'm really nervous, so I wrote one on nervous Dean lol. So, uh, here goes nothing.

ALSO ONE HELP PLEASE: Sis can't understand how to have that Read More Break using the mobile app. It looks very messy without it. If someone could help, I'd do whatever you say for fifteen minutes.

Gif Credit: Google

*

"Dean, relax! You're going to choke yourself." You say looking at your boyfriend's pale face while he fixes his tie as tight as he could, looking at his reflection in the Impala's window.

"I'd rather do that to you sweetheart, but right now choking myself sounds better than what you're getting me into." You roll your eyes at his adorable honesty, trying to calm your tickling nerves yourself.

"Overreacting. That's what you're doing."

"Y/N Y/L/N, you, miss, do not tell me that I'm overreacting when I'm literally a few feet away from your parents' house. Which, might I add, was your birthday surprise for me." He squints his eyes at you, pursing his lips as he turns to face you to show how grumpy he is.

"Well, sir, you proposed to me in front of your parents, just 24 days ago. I just met them, and you proposed! What if they hated me?"

"But they didn't. It was my new year's surprise for you! And no one can hate you, obviously I was confident about proposing in front of parents." He says with a smug smile, kissing your temples softly.

"Aw sweet. It's just payback. 'Sides no one can hate you too, Winnie." You say as you look up at him with a smile and gesture him to walk to the two storey house in front.

"Don't you call me that," He visibly cringes at the nickname you gave him in a drunken state, back when you two weren't dating. The memory bringing a small, nostalgic smile on his lips, "and well, you hated me when we first met, Y/L/N."

"That's not what you said last night," You wink at him for his first statement, just to see him blush at the memory, "Win-nie." You aren't the boldest one in the deck, but the rare times you are, it leaves Dean all fumbling and flustered.

"Shut up," He mutters, embarrassed as he tries to get the blush off his freckled cheeks, "Let's go and get this done with."

"Hey, you're talking about my parents here!" You say slapping him on his suit clad shoulder, as you both make your way to the porch.

Dean's sweaty palm reaches your wrist as you are about to knock on the door, as he looks down at you nervously. This is important to you both, to him especially. He knows how much your parents matter to you, how much you love them. Dean knows there were things going on with you and your family. He knows you've suffered a lot, had to grow up too fast because of them—intentionally or unintentionally—and you still have it in you to love them and make them a part of such an important time of your life. Dean loves you with all his heart, yes, but this is that one reason which makes him respect you a lot as a person. Family has always been important to Dean, he knows the value of it like most people don't. He knows mistakes happen, he knows it takes a lot to forgive, and you did exactly that. Without any complain. That's what you do, you just give and give and give without demanding anything in return. And Dean is certain, has always been, that he'll give you all the love you deserve, just like you have made it your life's goal to give your fiance all the happiness he deserves.

Even after your troubled past with your family, you couldn't get yourself to have any ill feelings for them. You know that they were doing what they thought was best for you, even though it certainly did the opposite. You never really opened up to your parents, like a kid should, but you know they see little of it and are guilty for forcing you into things you didn't want to do. You are working on your relationship with them, and it was very important for you to share the most important time of your life with them. Introduce them to the most important part of your existence. Dean. The man who taught you to love yourself, the man who taught you that it's okay to be broken, that you didn't always have to be the strong one. The man who taught you to cry again when you felt pain, which you had forgotten to do for years. The man who made you believe that you weren't a curse. The man you love more than life. Dean, your Dean.

"What now?" You scowl up at him, for breaking the courage you mustered to knock that door.

"What if they hate me? What if I don't even understand that they hate me? What do you think they'll do? How will they behave if they didn't like me? Will they tell you to not marry me? Oh my god, Y/N, what if they tell you to not marry me? What if they get you married to someone else? Look, I'm not taking that, okay? I'm not letting anyone take you away from me. But they're your parents, they're even scarier than you. They'll beat the shit out of me with a vacuum cleaner and—" You look up at your man's lightspeed rambling with an amused expression and shut him up with a chaste kiss on his lips. With your hands on his chest, you can feel his fast heartbeats and boy, is he scared. As you kiss him, and make circular patterns on his chest from under his blazer, he relaxes.

You break the kiss and join your forehead with his to look into his puppy dog eyes that remind you so much of his taller little brother, as you cup his cheeks. "You'll be fine." You say in a whisper.

"Promise?" He looks into your eyes, as he brings his pinky finger up near your face, like a little child asking for reassurance would.

"Deany promise." You entangle your little finger with his as you giggle at his childlike beauty. You peck his lips once again before searching your bag for something.

Dean exhale a heavy breath and is about to knock, when you stop him this time. "No please not now," he whined defeatedly, "I mustered a lot of courage for that Y/N, now you'll have to kiss me again."

You grin as you reapply your lipstick and bring one of your face-wipes to his lips, "You don't want dad to see my lipstick on your lips now, do you? He owns a gun," Dean's eyes widen in horror, as he rotates on his heels so fast, it takes you a moment to realize what he's doing, "No to the power of hell, Winchester. Where do you think you're going?"

"Uh..I...um... forgot my Impala in the shoes," You raise your eyebrow at his piss poor excuse of an excuse, "My shoes in the Impala." He grins at you nervously before looking down at his shoes. "Arghh, come on. Issa gun, Y/N" He groans.

"Don't act like you haven't seen a gun ever before, Dean. You literally sleep with one next to your head."

"Yeah, well, sorry I haven't ever been shot by my girlfriend's father. So yes I'm so getting out of here." He narrows his eyes challengingly down at you, the action you reciprocate. He finally breaks the staring contest realizing you aren't taking any shit from him. He slowly starts walking back to baby, ignoring your glare when the front door opens as he hears a woman's voice happily taking your name. "Oh take me with you, Luci" He mutters under his breath the nickname you gave to his biggest enemy, shutting his eyes tight.

"Who is Lucy?" A masculine voice interrupts his moment of nervousness as his eyes widen in fear at the gun-owner he knows the voice belong to.

"Hello, s-s-sir." He turns back to the man standing on the doorway, "I'm D-Dean. And Luci is, well" He smiles nervously, and looks over at you for some sort of help.

*

Damn, that was...idk. I hope you found it decent, and well, feedback would be really appreciated—positive or negative (Yeah yo gurl got guts for honesty). I kinda really wanna know how it was. Also if you wanna be tagged in this or any future fics, send me reblog/comment or send me an ask.

[sengenweek]

SenGen Week: Day 04 (Correction)

Day 04: January 01

Soulmate au / first date/meeting

-'-

Title: Colorfools.

-'-

A/N: You can see every color, except for the color of your soulmate's eyes. Once you see the eyes of your soulmate, you can finally see the color that has never been available for your sight.

-'-

He was lonely, and had nothing better to do that day, so he'd gone to a nice coffee shop downtown just to kill some time outside his house. Being indoors all the time was getting to his nerves. The coffee shop was a nice place, decorated with whites and browns in a second floor, and a big window with view to the outside, but the view was plagued with people and cars; nothing interesting to see. He opened a notebook containing drafts for his next book, as his drink and snack arrived, he was already engrossed in his writing and thanked the waiter absently.

He wrote and scratched several lines, using at least three of his pages when he decided to leave his pencil aside to take a sip of his coffee, looking once more to the window as he munched on a donut. And he noticed something, someone who looked briefly upwards and Gen got a glimpse of their eyes. Their eyes. A color he'd never seen before, a beautiful and mesmerizing shade enlightened by the sunlight. And as soon as the person –a boy, a teen?– had glanced up, his eyes went back to the floor, leaving Gen to observe a very strange mop of hair that stuck up. He was with two other people, a tall young man, and a girl with long hair, but Gen barely paid them any mind, he was stuck on the other teen, the one with odd hairstyle, and such beautiful eyes. He was about to get up from his seat and run to him, run to catch him. But as soon as Gen had seen him, the crowd had engulfed him.

Red. He knew what the color he'd never been able to see was called. Red. Gen saw it, again, in the traffic lights, in the neon signs of Tokyo, in the package of his favorite drink, Cola. Red. In the cover of his notebook, in the ink of his pen, in the drawings of his deck of cards. Gen saw red, the color that was missing from his life; and he loved it. He loved the color that painted his soulmate's eyes. And he regretted the fact that he may never see this person again, may never even hear his voice.

-'-

The girls at school –as well as some boys– seemed to have gained an interest in someone named Asagiri Gen, a sort of magician. One day, one of his classmates read aloud a quiz from one of his 'psicology' books, and Senkuu quickly disregarded it's value, and decided it wasn't really worth the effort to read more from it, so he didn't even looked at it.

That afternoon when the rest of his classmates as well as Taiju and Yuzuriha had left the classroom, he noticed his classmate had left the aforementioned book in there, so he took it to put it away and return it the next day, he lifted the book and saw it's cover which portrayed Asagiri Gen himself in the front. Asagiri Gen. A magician. A 'writer'. The complete opposite of him. He saw the deep blue of his eyes. He saw it in the night sky, in his father's tie, in the sea, in the wallpaper of his computer, in his jeans. He saw the color he'd never seen before, and got excited –happy, even–. So he thanked Asagiri Gen for putting his face in his trashy book, and left it at that. There was no need for Senkuu to do anything else about this.

And that was a filthy lie, because he tamed his hair down, wore a hat and glasses to attend one of his shows, he sat on the back row, hidden. Asagiri Gen's magic show was no big thing, he used every old trick in the book with a little personal twist. His smile was big and false. Like his show, Asagiri Gen seemed to be an act. Senkuu wondered what he'd be like in reality. So every now and again, he would read one of his trashy books, aimed towards the public to produce sales, and once or twice, assisted to his shows. Never once did he make contact.

-'-

'AD 5738, April 1st'

Whoever carved that was totally insane. Whoever carved that, had kept track of time while being petrified. Whoever carved that, was awesome. And Shishio Tsukasa feared this person. This Ishigami Senkuu person had to be someone worth knowing. He was hopeful to find him alive, despite having heard Tsukasa say he'd killed him with his own hands. He was quickly despached to go find the village of primitive people and the smell of ramen invaded Gen's nostrils.

'Ishigami Senkuu must have lived, then' was his first thought.

He snuck around the people and snatched a bowl, being his usual confident self even as he got surrounded by three of them, aiming very sharp spears –and knives– at him.

"I thought I'd seen your face somewhere before, Asagiri Gen"

He turns to look at the one he can only asume, is Ishigami Senkuu, and his heart beats so wildly in his ribcage he'd swear it would burst it open. He only ever saw them once, he only ever saw him once, but Gen would recognize that shade of scarlet, that weird mop of hair, anywhere. It took all of his self-control to keep his façade. The young man didn't seem fazed at all, he put Gen to work and got information out of him, not that he was going to keep it a secret anyhow.

"All I have to do is make a false report. 'It was only a primitive village.' 'Senkuu is dead.' With that, I can save you, Senkuu-chan"

'^I can save you^ I don't want you to die'

He hoped Senkuu had gotten the message, since he didn't show any reaction to seeing him. And Gen knew he'd never mistake his soulmate.

'But. Soulmate or not, you're amazing, and I want you to live.'

-'-

He didn't know if Gen was avoiding the subject on purpose, but he supposed it wasn't good to just dodge the situation forever. The matter of being soulmates had to be adressed eventually.

"Senkuu-chan~!" Ah, yes, speaking of the devil.

He turns to look at Gen, smiling brightly, the scar on his cheek making his grin far more devious than it should be.

"What are you doing up so late at night?" he questions.

"I could ask you the same, Gen"

"Insomnia~! Your turn~!"

"Stargazing" he grins.

"You like the stars?"

"Yeah, they're a good way to know your location, and the time at night. Although, after so many years, they shifted in their place. They're not where I remember them being"

"Everything has changed" he mumbles nostalgic.

"It's not so bad. With consistent and sustained effort we can bring it back to being more or less where everything was. It'll take years, perhaps even decades, though"

"Ah, yes. You'll work everyone to exhaustion"

"You damn right, I will" he beams.

Gen can only sigh, a tiny smile tugging on his lips.

-'-

An observatory. Gen really surprised him this time. 'He must've remembered when we spoke of the stars' he mused. He really should speak to him now, he knew jackshit about these kinda feelings, but he was sure this was more than just a gift for his birthday, the words the mentalist spoke were far too much of a hint.

As if being summoned by his thoughts –again– the mentalist burst throught the entrance on the floor elegance in his movements.

"Stargazing?" he asked.

"Yes and no. I'm trying to find where the stars are now"

There's a map on the floor, notes and constellations drawn into it. Gen takes a sit right next to him.

"And how is that going?"

"My hand hurts from scribbling so much" he sighes.

The mentalist takes his right hand gingerly, tracing circles and triangles and squares into his open palm, lips pursed –almost pouting–, inspecting it as if it were an antient text.

"Don't tell me you read palms too, mentalist" he jokes.

"Why, yes I do~!" Gen answers gaze never leaving his hand.

"Oh really? And what does my future say?"

"You have a tewible luck. As always"

"Mmm"

Senkuu changes the position of their hands, now he's the one tracing figures on Gen's palm, making him chuckle.

"What does my future say, Senkuu-chan~?" he asks amused.

"It says... You will be kissed shortly"

"Eh? Kissed?"

Senkuu leaned –eyes open– and placed a chaste kiss on Gen's lips. And Gen looks cute when he gets paralized and blushing, his eyes three times larger than a moment ago.

"Thank you, for my birthday present. And for the color blue. It's beautiful"

Gen tries to speak a few times, but he only manages to look like a fish, so he gives up, and buries his face on his sleeved hands.

"Never seen you so flustered before. How cute" Senkuu chuckles.

"You're so mean~!" he pouts.

"Sorry. But it seemed like we avoided the subject for too long"

He spreads his fingers, letting only one bright iris to be discerned.

"I suppose you're right" he agrees. "You knew since the modern days who I was"

"I saw your face in one of your trashy books"

"Heh. I saw you once from inside a coffee shop"

"Really?"

"Yes. It was only a fleeting moment when you looked up" he explained sheepishly. "I wanted to go after you then, but you got lost in the crowd. I think you were with Taiju-chan and Yuzuriha-chan"

"Heh, I probably was"

"I like it. Red, I mean"

"I wonder if everyone just loves the color they'd never seen before"

"Probably most people do" he smiles, finally revealing his face.

And Senkuu takes the chance to steal another kiss. This time Gen responds, draping his arms on Senkuu's neck, the other pulls Gen closer by his waist.

Scarlet and cobalt meet, they suit each other quite beautifully.

-'-

A/N: So, I posted day one again for mistake. Kids, don't go operating heavy machinery when you're sleep deprived, just sayin', ya could get something wrong. Also on:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13464121/4/SenGen-Week-2019-2020

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

04 - Learning To Receive

These chapters songs:

Moonlight On The River; Mac Demarco

Nostalgic Feel; Bedroom

New Flesh; Current Joys

——

TW: Self-harm, death.

(Not done by you, don't worry)

——

- K.S. Perspective

      Only two or three days had passed since high school had started, which meant only a couple more walks home with Y/n. They were shorter and quiet, and of course, there weren't any swerving cars.

But so far, what I had suspected was correct. She and I made amends and became buddies, thankfully.

      The only times she was left alone were when I had morning practice, and she had to have one of her friends drive her home. Either that or she would have to walk home alone. I would've loved to accompany her, but volleyball was something I didn't take lightly, and my priorities were important to me.

      Both I and my younger brother participated in volleyball and gave it our all ever since we were able to balance on our feet. Sadly, our parents were far too busy to go to any games, or even help us practice at home. But their goal was for their kids to grow up strong and steady with good grades and good stats, so that's why they made sure my younger brother and I were on top of our shit.

      Once my first year ended, I didn't expect that I would have to carry so many burdens all in one year. That's around the time mother had died from sickness, which left me with doubts, wishes, and an unaccomplished relationship with her.

      After the sudden death, our family didn't move on very well. My brother developed anxiety and depression, and he eventually had to take a break from school and volleyball. Then, my father became dull and increased his hours at work to avoid coming home to such a depressing home, leaving my brother and me to continue caring for ourselves, by ourselves.

      I, on the other hand, had barely anything to say about it. All I could do was pose as if I were handling it better than I had. Truth is, my mother's death changed my entire persona. I grew grim and gummy, deprived myself of rest, and repressed the trauma I've received. Not only did I overwork myself because of volleyball and stress, but I also grieved in harmful ways. It'd either be a blade to the wrist, or a night with a girl; anything that could help distract me from my state of deep dejection.

      It's been that way ever since. Only recently have I realized that I'm ruining whatever recovery I built up. That was all because of my best friend— Daichi— who had helped me come out about my feelings towards my mom's passing. Ever since, I've been able to learn from my mistakes, and slowly pick my life back up. I was beginning to become a better player for my team, better support for my family, and a better person for myself.

      That only happened recently. So now, I'm left with lots of things to mend, and relationships to make. I'm determined that I'll mourn more healthily than before.

——

      "Y/n!" A hopeful call leaves my lips, turning her head. As assumed, it was Y/n. Today she looked even brighter than before; she just has gotten more sleep. Not to mention she wore long socks instead of leggings, which must have been pretty hard in this weather.

      I didn't get to see her this morning due to morning practice, but I did catch her before lunch. Just enough time to tell her I won't be riding the bus tonight either.

      I look both ways of the cross hallway, before grabbing my book bag strap with both hands and jogging towards Y/n. I wasn't sure why I was so eager to see her, but all I knew was I needed a refreshing moment, and she could give me exactly that.

      "Why hello, Mrs. Refreshing!" I joke, bowing my head towards her while she giggled. Looking up, she stands there, shining by the sunlight that reflected on the windows.

      'If I could, I'd take a photo of you right here, just to show you how gorgeous you are.' I quickly put a halter on my thoughts, snapping back to a respectful filter. 'No, I can't do that. Not to myself, most definitely not to Y/n.'

      "You look nice today!" I exclaim, awkwardly patting the side of my hips while smiling at her. Hopefully, I hadn't made her uncomfortable in the first ten seconds of talking to her. The last thing I wanted was to ruin yet another relationship with a girl.

      Thankfully, Y/n responded with kind appreciation to my comment. "Why thank you, sir. And what brings you in my presence?" Her words curl in a formal British accent, adding onto our joke.

      Standing normally, I explain, "Oh, nothing. I just wanted to say hi, and to tell you I might not be walking home with you today. I'm really sorry,  practice has been very necessary for our team. I-I hope you understand." I stutter on the last part, with a gentle tone to add on. Ditching Y/n for most of the week wasn't what I had planned at first, but what I had told her was 100% true. The first years, as well as the rest of us, we're in bad shape. With our spring tournament coming up, we had no time to waste.

      "Oh, that's alright. I understand. I was in volleyball too, after all. Although, I do wish you could still accompany me. It gets a little lonely.." She looks down for a minute while I contemplate my existence entirely. 'So it does bother her.' But she quickly caught onto my thoughts by my expression and came up with a solution. "If— if you'd like, I can simply stay near the gym until practice is over! That way I can see you and your boys in action, yeah?"

      Her fists pop up into the air, as a bright smile appeared on her face. If you didn't know Y/n personally, you would expect them to be cold stone and dull. But in reality, I find they're like everybody else, and have a bright side to them, just like the one that was being portrayed right now.

      Nodding with her statement, I reply hesitantly. "Hm, I'd have to ask the captain, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind—"

      "Oh, Daichi? We're buddies, he'll be alright." I'm dazed by what she'd said, pausing the motion of rubbing my neck. She and Daichi hang in completely different groups, though! 'How is it they know each other? They hang around two very different friend groups.. that is unless they have some type of history I'm unaware about.' I think to myself, trying my best to find a reason they would be friends, but I couldn't. And so, I begin my questioning. "You two know each other?"

      Suddenly, Y/ns gaze twists. "Suga, you introduced me to them during our first year, silly. Remember? I went with you from practice once. And besides that, my good friend Miya is close to him."

      "Oh, yeah! I remember that. That means you only know Asahi, Daichi, and Kiyoko, right? I've gotta introduce you to the rest of the team! I'm sure they've missed you!" I chuckle, throwing an arm around her shoulders cautiously, expecting her to reject it. But she goes on casually with our discussion.

      "That's right.. well... I'm also— sort of— friends with them. Well, except Asahi. But Kiyoko and I are pretty close."

      '?' I tilt my head at the uncertain tone she spoke with. "Pretty close?" I ask, turning into the cafeteria with my arm still around her. The room is, of course, crowded as hell.

      Still, I manage to draw out what Y/n was saying to me, leaning my ear close to her mouth for better audio. "Yes! She's one of my best friends.. we used to date and it didn't work out, but we're pretty tight!"

      'DID I HEAR THAT RIGHT?!' My eyes widen, and I immediately let go of her, tightening my hands around the strap of my school bag. A gulp falls down my throat before I ask, "Did you say.. date?! You mean you two went out?!"

      To my surprise, Y/n nods proudly. "Yes! Why, did you not think she'd go out with a girl? Or is it so astonishing that I could ever get a girl like her?" She teases, while I'm still puzzled. So many questions ran through my head at the sudden fact: was Kiyoko gay? Was Y/n gay?! Does that mean she's gotten closer to Kiyoko than anyone before??

      "Suga, calm down. It's not like we're still together. As I said, it didn't work out!" She smirks towards me, putting a finger up towards her cheek. "Why? You got a little crush on her..? I wouldn't blame you."

      "N-no! It's not like that! It's just— she never told any of us. I guess she just keeps to herself more than predicted." My sentence comes out to sound like a question, rather than a response. It wasn't that I didn't support it, or that I was surprised Kiyoko would be her girlfriend. Honestly, I was just a little jealous of both of them.

      Either way, it seemed it didn't work out. So it didn't matter now. "Anyway, we're about best friends now, so I'm pretty familiar with your team. I don't think they would mind if I came, but just in case, I'll ask Daichi and Kiyoko." She explains, before looking back towards the slowly dying crowd of students in front of the cafeteria. "I better go soon, Suga. I'll let your captain know I'll be heading over there later—"

      "Wait!" I shut my eyes out of nervousness, as my brain wires work to come up with an excuse for why I yelled that. "You used to play volleyball, right?"

      An awkward nod from Y/n is given to me, followed by, "Yes, but I was sort of just a bench warmer. Nothing big." The hands that held her lunch box gripped tighter, as she suspected I would ask her a favor much larger than a lunch.

      "Mind helping me teach one of our new members how to receive?" I say. "His name is Hinata, and he's a first year. He has great talent and has great potential, but he kind of... sucks at volleyball. I mean, from what I've heard, he practices a lot. But I just think he needs some guidance. So, want to?"

      "Uhm... I'm pretty rusty.. but sure! It wouldn't hurt, right? Besides, I think I need a break from my friends wouldn't do any harm."

      'Yes, I did it.' I thought to myself, before leading her towards the doors that led to the gym. "Alright then, right this way!"

      "Suga! Don't you need your bag?" She immediately asks, tugging on my collared shirt. But I shake my head, responding with a light smile.

      "It's already outside, I just came to check on you, is all."

——

      Up, down, and up again went the ball. Each receive that Hinata had tried had failed every time. At this point, I wouldn't blame Y/n if she wanted to leave. But there she sits against the concrete wall of the outside of the gym, licking white rice off a spoon.

      "Hinata, drop your hips down more," I say to him, demonstrating the position I had stated. "Hit the ball like you're trying to return it where it came from. Got it?"

      Hinata's light expression appears on his face once again. "Yeah, got it!" He exclaims, before getting right into position. I signal the ball is going in the air before my palm hits it in the right spot, sending it towards him.

      And it shoots right back, along with a slap against Hinata's wrists. "Nice!" He praises himself, leaving a feeling of proudness deep within me.

      I'd never been able to teach somebody one of my special skills and having them accomplish it, not the way I did with Hinata. But that was mostly because he was driven by his entire body and soul to memorize every movement in his muscles to create a perfect receive. And who had taught him that? Your one and only.

      "Would you like me to start setting for you tomorrow morning?" I ask the ginger with confidence he'd reply with a yes. Thankfully, that's exactly what happened. His eyes light up in the sun, and his hands take full hold of the ball. "Y-you mean it, sir?!"

      The cold wind hits me, as well as another dosage of serotonin from the first year."Well, I am Karasuno's official setter after all! And you wanna practice spikes, right?" I ask, placing my red hands onto my hips.

      "Exactly! I love to spike! It feels so good when you get it right, and it's cooler than anything!" He shouts. I couldn't help but laugh at his excitement, even if it wasn't the first time he'd portrayed it. Hinata sure reminded me of my past self, and I'd do anything to help first-year Sugawara.

      Y/n suddenly joins our conversation, digging into a reason why Hinata is the way he is when it comes to spikes. "You must have a thing for spiking, don't you?"

      Hinata nods, putting a fist towards his face. "Yes. I didn't have a setter throughout middle school, and I was actually the only club member until my third year of junior high. I used to get my friend in the Basketball Club to toss for me, but after I had dropped out of the club, I went to anybody that could help me practice. Take the first years, and the ladies and setters from the girls' team, too. I've made a lot of friends along the way, but none of those people could ever become my real teammates. That's why I was dying to find out what kind of setters were in high school— but now.. you know."

      Hinatas pure passion dies down once he reaches the word 'setter', and I wouldn't blame him. The person he's supposed to be paired with is his complete opposite, and frankly, a dick-head. "Well, as I said, I'm a setter too. I'll toss you a few, Hinata! Don't get all down."

      I was expecting further satisfaction, but instead, his expression twists into envy. "But it's just that if I have you throw to me now, it kind of feels like... I'm losing." He frowns, looking away from my figure in anger.

      "You're just like someone I know, Hinata!   Always competitive." Y/n says, placing her small bento to the side, and lifting herself from the shaded spot she sat in. Her hands dust off her navy blue skirt, and her blazer comes off. "Why're you so competitive when it comes to Kageyama?"

      "If you ask me, it's better to avoid making enemies with those kinds of people." I join in.

      She wraps her hands around Hinatas shoulders, leaning over his shoulder. "You know, Hinata, you're not as bad as you make yourself out to be. Wanna know a secret about Kageyama?"Without hesitation, Hinata is fully interested in what Y/n had to say. Frankly, so was I.

      "Whatever you see from Kageyama is something he's learned from other players. He wasn't always so snobby; he used to be calmer and kinder. But once he was shown what he could do with his talent, it went to his head. Don't let that become you, Hinata! You have so much potential it's insane! I've never met anybody with as much love for volleyball as you." She pulls up her sleeves, getting into position for a receive, signifying I could rest now. "

      "How do you know what he used to be like, Y/n?" Hinata asks her, sending the ball into the air. My eyes follow it, but my ears listen intently to their conversation.

     "Well, I went to the same middle school as him. When he was a first-year, I was a third. Me and my friend we're on the girls' team, while my other three friends were on the boys' team. The four of us practiced every second of the day, which meant the two teams spent a lot of time together. Everything Kageyama knows is from another player; don't think he's just magically good at volleyball. Anyway, I don't know much about Kageyama, but I do know that he's changed dramatically." She explained. Just then, the bell for our sixth period had rung, and doors were heard opening and closing, as well as students fluttering around hallways.

       The three of us pause our mini practice and gather out things where they were settled. Thoughts ran through my head as I put my school blazer back onto my torso. If Y/n went to the same middle school as Kageyama, that must mean she knows a lot about Aoba Johsai: one of our greatest enemies in volleyball. And if she knows him, could she be familiar with his playstyle? In that case, having her around would not harm the team.

      "Sugawara, I'm off." She's heard saying from behind me, while she put her school bag over her shoulders. "Thank you for having me here with you and Hinata, I'm glad I could be of help."

      I nod in response, nervously breathing through the teeth."Yes, of course. Uhm— would you like me to pick you up from your classroom later on? Either that, or you could walk to the gym after band practice." I ask the young girl, longing for more time to hang about her.

      Then, she began walking backward, meanwhile talking. "I think I'll be just fine, Sugawara. No need to worry about me all the time. I've managed without you the past couple of days haven't I?" Her h/c danced with the wind as she did so, and the corners of her lips rose as she said so.

      "That's right.. I'll catch you later then!" I manage to shout out, raising a hand for a gentle wave, but it was too late. Y/n was already turning into the doors of the school, returning the gesture.

      Somehow, she always found a way to make the chains around my heart tighten a bit more. What was it that drew me towards Y/n? Hell, if I knew. "Wow, Sugawara. You've got yourself a pretty friend! She seems nice, too." Hinata expresses, looking agar with me. "Is she your girlfriend, or something?"

      "No, Hinata. Just an old friend. Someone who may know me better than anybody, you know." Y/n; The girl who knew her way around my heart.

—

Hey everybody, sorry I've been M.I.A for a while. Don't worry, I'm not giving up on my ff!!! I would never do that. This fan fiction is super duper important.

Please note my chapters!! It lets me know you guys enjoy them.

Make sure to be taking care of yourself: drink water, go outside, eat something, and heal yourself after hard work:) It's currently mental awareness month, and it's very important to be taking time for yourself.

love you guys

- Sugawara's beauty mark

[luvdsc]

helloooo it's autumn ! (ur fav anon 😉) i'll answer all the questions u asked me last time ! as for my job, i'm what's called a "youth encourager" meaning that i give advice, encouragement, and inspiration to people my age and younger. i started last monday and i'd say it's going well ! as for my bday i plan on going out to eat, having way more ice cream than i should, having a sleepover with my one of my best friends and my older brother, playing video games... ill send another ask :)

(autumn continued 😄) and i'm very excited for it! now it's in 11 days! as for junior year i have to get used to being in person again. i definitely need to catch up with my friends and figure everything out but im definitely more excited than nervous. also for classes, im taking: art, avid (college readiness class), english, environmental systems, geometry, culinary arts, principles of agriculture, and u.s. history. im really looking forward to art and culinary arts especially! sending another >

(yes this is autumn again so sorry the word limit is killing me 😤) i'm so happy ur getting to spend time with friends again and that ur doing well ♡ also u acting like a mom is so cute lol it's always so nice to hear back from u it's like having a distant older sister 😂 (and yes anatomy is just uGH straight up nasty) anywho hope u continue to be happy ! talk to u again soon (yes ! i finally beat the word count 😌)

✿ ✿ ✿

hi, honey bee !!!! 💓 how are you doing? how's your weekend going? and omg that sounds like such a lovely job 🥺 are you enjoying it? have you been speaking with a lot of people? do you get assigned an age group / grade level or do you connect with people at random? i'm glad to hear that it's going well!! 💘 and yesss ice cream is so yummy omg what's your favorite flavor to get? will you be going out to eat your favorite food? and aaa sleepovers are so much fun !!!! i hope you have a good time celebrating with your best friend and older brother 💛 and what's your favorite video game to play? :o

omg aaa your bday is so close now, right? 3 more days if i calculated it correctly?? it's gonna be so much fun now that school is in person again!! and junior year means prom and all that fun stuff too 🌸 will you be hanging out with your friends more over the summer now that it's safer to meet with other people? and omg omg you're taking art?? 🤩 will you be doing a specific type of art like painting or drawing or ceramics or will it be a class where you can dabble in all sorts of art? and culinary arts !!!! aaaa cooking is so much fun, pls tell me all about it when you take it and what sort of recipes you'll learn 💖 hearing about all your classes is making me feel so nostalgic :')

lsjdflakjsd yeah i think the word limit still exists on the website, but it's not there if you use the app 🤧 and thank you so much!! 🥺💗 one of my best friends came to my family's bbq today and i'm really happy i got to spend time with my friend 🥰 asdfhalkjsdf omg is this what being an older sister is like? i'm the youngest in my family, and i have an older sister, so i never got to experience what it's like to have a younger sibling 🤧 (anatomy is long gone now, no need to waste anymore brain cells on it 😤) and thank you so so much, lovebug, i hope you're doing well and are happy too !!! i hope to talk to you soon, sweetpea 💜💜