#i'm a fucking monster oooops

[antonio-morra]

[ nick zano, thirty-nine, cismale, he/him ] ━ hey, I just saw [ antonio morra ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ on and off his entire life ], and you can catch them around town working as a [ cruise ship entertainer and mc ]. i hear they’re known to be [ intrepid & savant ] and [ stubborn & irascible ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ a crowded room full of laughter, a thumping bass, waves slapping against the side of a boat, a reassuring smile, joints rolled with flavored papers, black coffee, & intense debates about historical theories ].

aaayoo! it’s lisa and here is my new bby ant or tony. he’s going to be a quite a bit like an old muse i used to have here, PJ and i’m reallllly excited to use him because he’s a real goofball. though fair warning, his backstory is very sad and intense.

[ triggers: bad parenting/parental negligence, alcoholism, violence, physical & emotional abuse, pregnancy, drowning, & death ] 

The Morra family has resided in Crownsville, Georgia for generations, each family having fallen in love with the small town a little more than the one before them. Though for one branch of their intricate Italian family tree, the feelings of contentment for their home never existed at all. Alessio Morra knew he would never find happiness in Georgia so at eighteen he enlisted in the US Navy hoping to see enough of the world to find a new place he might like to call home. The home he ended up finding wasn’t a where, but a who. Rosalie Hassen was the first woman he ever fell in love with and for several years their life was more like a fairytale than reality.

He finished his tour with the Navy and brought Rosalie back to Crownsville so they could be married; Alessio was foolish enough to believe that she would be enough to erase the deep-rooted resentment he’d always harbored for his hometown, but unfortunately, she wasn’t. Nor was their healthy, beautiful baby boy who they named Antonio. The three lived together feigning happiness for four years before Alessio’s drinking and Rosalie’s ill-temper tore them apart. In the middle of the night after a screaming match turned violent that resulted in two broken windows, Alessio disappeared leaving only a note stating it was what was best for everyone. 

Unfortunately for Antonio, it wasn’t the case. His mother grew to resent her son in time, just as his father had resented the “perfect American life” his family had tried so hard to force on him. On all of them. All she could see when she looked upon her son was the man she once loved who’d abandoned them. He possessed so many of his father’s best qualities like his intellect and free-spirit, yet she could only focus on the bad ones and blamed the child for what their life had become.

They relied heavily on the Morra family for support in the years to follow, often struggling just to pay their rent and get dinner on the table. Rosalie began to dull the sense in the same way her husband used to, with alcohol. And for a short while, she’d achieved the desired effect, but the booze only brought out the worst in the woman. During her drunken fits of rage, the cruel mother often took out her anger on Antonio, punishing him for things that were never his fault. Putting him down however she could, every step of the way as he grew up. 

Though the beatings and the bruises didn’t go unnoticed by other members of the Morra family and when his Uncle confronted him, demanding the truth, Antonio told him everything. At fifteen, his mother was arrested and for the first time in his life, he felt truly safe and unafraid. He moved in with his Uncle, but it didn’t last more than a few months as his father returned to Crownsville upon receiving the news of what had occurred. 

It was difficult, to say the least, trying to make a relationship that no longer existed work. Alessio tried his best to be a father, but Antonio’s respect for him disappeared the same night he did and the teenager refused to take orders from someone who’d left him and allowed him to be abused. The father who didn’t take him away when he’d had the chance, knowing full well what kind of malicious acts his mother was capable of. It was his own personal resentment toward the man he’d been carrying with him for years, one he didn’t think would ever go away.

Despite Tony’s very troubled home life, he’d always been popular among his classmates, never failing to make everyone around him laugh or smile. The young boy refused to let his mother change him, to turn him cruel and monstrous as she had been, so he always did whatever he could to make everyone around him happy. Happier than he ever thought he could be. While he had plenty of friends, none of them knew what was really going on in his life, except for one very special best friend. They were the only person Antonio shared his darkest secrets with.

After graduation, Tony left for California where he attended Stanford on a full-ride scholarship and studied History and Philosophy. The choice he made to leave Crownsville was all too easy for him, just as it had been for his father when he was the same age. He left his best friend behind and it was something that ate at him for years, but he feared what his life would have become if he’d stayed in the small town he saw as nothing more than a dead-end. 

He graduated from Stanford magna cum laude but was unable to find a job he actually wanted to do. A year later, he found himself working on a cruise ship unsure of exactly what to expect except maybe a little adventure. History seemed to repeat itself as the young Morra found himself quite at home on the cruiseliner, enjoying the open sea more than he’d ever enjoyed anything in his life. The passengers loved Tony and the high energy and can-do attitude he always seemed to carry with him, it was something his higher-ups noticed as well and it helped get him out of hospitality and into entertainment.

Tony couldn’t imagine a life any different, the thought of settling down in one place was enough to give him nightmares, He revisited Crownsville every few years to see his family and nothing ever seemed to change which only made him all the more eager to set sail once more. 

At thirty-two, Antonio found himself falling in love with another member of the crew and it was something he never expected to personally experience. Always having believed it was the sea who held his heart, but Lydia had stolen it without him even being the wiser until it was too late. They became very close and spent almost every free minute they had together, 

Settling down was never something he’d imagined, but the thought of doing so with Lydia was enough to change his mind, though knowing it was something she didn’t want he was too afraid to speak up and tell her. They had no choice but to keep the severity of their relationship a secret out of fear of being fired for breaking the company’s code of conduct, though they didn’t seem to mind as it only made things all the more exciting. They were so in love with each other they decided that one weekend when they found themselves at port in Florida, they got off the boat and got themselves married.

A few years later, they had no choice but to come clean as Lydia found out she was pregnant. Her contract was terminated early and so Tony insisted she go to Crownsville, knowing his family would help her with anything she needed and he promised he would join her as soon as his own contract was up the following year. Antonio was right and the Morra’s did everything they could for her, including Tony’s own father who helped get her set up in Tony’s childhood home. They wrote to each other constantly and for the first time in his life, he wanted to fo back to his hometown. 

One month before Antonio was set to come home, Lydia gave birth to a healthy baby girl who they decided to name Orabelle, meaning beautiful seacoast. For seven blissful months, they lived in perfect happiness, in a place Tony was once sure he’d never find it. His relationship with his father even began to heal as it meant the world to Antonio that his father took Lydia and their baby in and made sure they were safe in his absence. He continued to work for the same cruise line company having worked out quite the nice deal for himself to stay on as one of their master of ceremonies, but only for special occasion cruises. Which was, of course, his favorite kind. 

They took their first official family vacation together to Florida, excited for their little girl to take her first dip in the ocean. Though the trip quickly turned into an unimaginable nightmare when Lydia found herself trapped in a powerful rip current with no way to escape. By the time Tony left Orabelle in the care of his father and managed to reach her, it was already too late and he nearly drowned himself while trying to rescue her.

Her death broke him in a way he never thought he could be, as though she took the most important piece of him with her when she left this world. Orabelle was a constant reminder of his beloved wife and what he lost, but also what he’d gained. Lydia would be with him forever because they’d created the most precious thing in his entire world, their daughter. Where he is now in life is so far from where he thought he would be, but he’s come to terms with the fact that it’s now exactly where he belongs. 

❦ WANTED CONNECTIONS ❦

childhood best friend — would be happy to have this be a highschool sweetheart type thing

childhood friends

new friends

college friends or roommates

family members 

coworkers

other friends with kids

[aurenflare]

hi.

ok so i'm probably going to regret this later, and i'm Sure it'll result in eventual being found out by parents, but yeah.

so, back in may my tungles was found. for. ah. the second time. i made my account back in july 2021, but it was found by parents in feb and i deactivated. then i created a new account. and it was found by parents in may and i deactivated.

except for some reason i had another tumblr account? idk why but i accidentally found it and went "ok yk what would be great and cool no repercussions at all? if i rejoined the kotlc fandom because i am not in a great place rn and i miss the chaos."

so yeah! here i am! i will definitely not be as active because a) school stuff and b) the crippling fear of having this discovered which is, however, outweighed by the desire to see my moots again

holy shit, i have missed you guys. like, you have no idea. also i have no idea what's been happening in the time ive been gone. like. there is some kind of verified checkmark thing why is that there. Why Is That There. have the twitter people dominated or something. have they fled the self-destructing mess of twitter and made tumblr their home. have i come back to tumblr just to find that it is no longer tumblr. Somebody Explain To Me.

anyways. yeah. i've missed tumblr so, so massively much. also i'm ninety percent sure all my mutuals have changed their urls except for s because i don't see him as a url changer type of dude and i seriously don't think i could function if he was no longer gay-otlc. somebody help who are all of you.

so yeah!

oooops i forgot to write the important stuff. hi i have dropped a couple of my names and gained a couple (one). i have abandoned neos entirely and decided that they/he are the pronouns for me. i have gone through multiple sexuality crises and i'm still aggressively question so yeah!!

names: wren, benn, erez

pronouns: they/he

former url(s): stars-and-sunbursts, everblaeze-and-balefire, everblaezing, aurenflaere

i've spent too long typing this monster of a post and not enough time on trying to understand quadratic word problems. going to tag some mutuals who STILL HAVE THEIR FUCKING URLS AND HAVEN'T MADE IT INSANELY DIFFICULT FOR ME LOOKING AT YOU TOBI AND SWAN

@gay-otlc @whatever the fuck tobi's url is @whoever swan is rn i have other mutuals i promise i'm just braindead rn. love all of you so so so much. also the people i'm forgetting atm i love you so so so so much as well.

yeah! wren is back in the house!