#i'll tag it as vent just in case though fdsjkl its somewhat a vent i suppose but mainly just bc it talks abt MH stuff

[dandyshucks]

part of the reason (a big part. maybe the whole reason tbh idk LOL) why i think a lot about Gu.zma standing up for me and that sort of thing is bc it seems like in my real life (online and physical world) every time someone is cruel to me in a group setting, noooobody does anything. or if somebody says smth bad about ppl like me (whether that be irt queerness, indigeneity, neurodivergence, or smth as simple as personality traits) then everyone in the group just... seems to think its my responsibility to say smth. i feel like it always falls onto my shoulders for some reason to stand up for myself and/or ppl who are like me. and its so tiring and isolating 😭 (i think i have just had Really bad luck when it comes to ppl in my life sdfjkl my family is. obviously not good. and then friends have been few and far between, and the friends i have had have often not been very good)

so to have someone who would actually take on the responsibility to say something and have the difficult conversation w whoever is saying the unkind thing so that i can just... be safe and not have to struggle through that myself. is something that is very meaningful to me lol. it feels kind of unreal to think that anyone would do that for me, so i try to think abt Guz doing that for me to like,,, work thru any shame of Wanting that to happen in real life. bc if anyone does that irl, i want to be able to let them do it instead of (what i may very well do out of instinct) jumping in to tell them they dont have to do that for me bc "actually its okay, im fine and it isn't that big of a deal, it didnt rly bother me ahaha ^^;; you really dont have to do that for me, its probably best to just leave it alone bc i dont want any trouble, i dont want you getting into anything bc of me hahaha ^^;;;;"