#i'll probably post on cheol's birthday and then that will be it til ???

[scoupssolo]

semi-permanent-Idk hiatus

i've been thinking about this for so long it's honestly kind of stupid. But I’ve lost a lot of passion for creating and sharing for seventeen. Don't get me wrong, Cheol and the boys are still the loves of my life i still adore them and i want to create and they make me creative but I just cant take the stress. I feel like I’ve spent so much time and so much money sharing and creating for the fandom and hours upon hours creating things that just don't get traction. and yeah that's whiny I know it, but I literally find myself constantly stopping halfway through an elaborate gfx because im like whats the point when if I don't reblog it 20 times it wont even hit 50 notes. and i know my content isn't for everyone and i know i'm not making content for a more popular member so i can't really expect much, but i spend more time arguing with reposters than anything else on here. And it just really hurts. and i know that's stupid and silly but I can’t help it. I spend so much time recording and compiling things and spend money to share things and I just feel so disconnected from everything. I know i’m also at fault for the fact that i’m so insanely shy I cannot talk to ppl first, ever. but I don't know... I spent a good 20 hours on making content for cheol’s birthday this year and didn't bother to post after a few days because it's so disheartening. 

I don't want to stop making content for him, I love him more than anything in the world to be quite honest, and it just shatters my heart to not make things, but it also just sucks to watch them flop almost constantly. i don't know if i’m just extra sensitive because i’ve had covid for over a week or if i'm just hitting a limit but i don't know if I wanna keep making things or sharing things on here anymore. I wont remove any of the masterlists i've made or paid content i’ve shared, I just won't be making more or any of that. as least not for a while. And I’m not saying. I don't love it here because I do there are so many people I love and adore on here, that I wish I was better at talking to and being friends with because I’d probably feel less bleh. And this isn't anyone else's fault and i'm not upset or mad at ppl (except reposters i still hope they all choke) but i'm just not sure anymore, and until I am i’ll probably just be active on @chanstopher. Im sorry this is so long and full of complaining, I just am sad and needed to finally get it out. 

if you read this far i appreciate it, and I’m sorry for being so negative. I’ll still answer asks and questions and help ppl because I can’t help it, it’s who I am. I just dont think I’ll be making anything for a while, or maybe at all. I’m not sure. I’m hoping a break will help and I’ll want to do it anyway damned the notes, but I’m really just not sure right now.

love Dreamy