#i'll drown this with a lot of reblogs

[sschmendrick]

ok i've been meaning to send this ask all day but never caught the time. I see so much haikyuu on your blog lately! Tell me more! (funny thing is we are doing a rewatch at home too!) tell me your story and EVERYTHING you want. And also!!!! i can see you shipping hinata and kenma?

OK ok, strap yourself in because I cannot guarantee that this will make any sense. But I’ll do my best.

To be off to a great start, I do not remember how I got into Haikyuu. One day it wasn’t and the next it was. From pictures I have I can say that I was into Haikyuu in my last year of middle school (so 2015-2016). By then I already had mangas but I’m pretty sure I was first attracted to it by the anime so I’d already seen the first season (and maybe the second too) and I had started buying the mangas.

(I shall put a read more here cause this post is LONG, beware!!)

Pictured below is one of my productions during my mandatory stage de troisième. I was in a graphic design agency and I was shy so I’d eat real fast at lunch time and use the rest of the time drawing and my supervisor saw me one day and offered to give me an exercise around it that would make me both enjoy what I was doing and also understand more stuff about graphic design. He was awesome. He really went with all my little cringe interests and encouraged me. The exercise he gave me was to create a cover for Haikyuu. I had a lot of fun with the lettering, understanding the dimensions and everything. He then made me create a brand, understanding why brands are called what they are, making my own logo, and then I worked on one of their (maybe) projects.

(top is the cover I did, the second one is what I was working on when he gave me the assignment, last on is me being crazy and drawing yaoi in a room full of adults at 14 and them going good job, you wanna keep drawing ?)

Yes I already had a favourite character but it will become more apparent soon. I got really into volleyball because Haikyuu made it look so cool. I was never a sports guy so it was really hard to want to have fun while being so bad with endurance and athleticism. All I had to my name was my flexibility because of dancing for years. Once again I think I was very lucky with the people I met. My PE teacher was really nice and could have just let me skip the class but he didn’t. Wait no, this needs more context. I didn’t have many friends in middle school. I spent the first year with nobody. The second year someone approached me and more or less dragged me in the world of people and friends (once again, I met an amazing person that was just selflessly nice to me). She got me speaking to people and I met my friends through her. My best friend from elementary had abandoned me in a matter of days after we started middle school so I felt very awkward in all situations. Anyway, I had a few people I hung out with but that was about it. I wasn’t exactly the bestest of friends with them but they accepted me even if I was awkward and didn’t talk much. They all knew each other for a while and were much closer (and popular), so when PE would come around I didn’t have anyone to pair up with. SO, my teacher instead of turning a blind eye offered to help me with the volley practice (this was in quatrième (before last year of middle school) if I remember right ? but it must not have been before I learned about haikyuu). He took the time to make me practice everything and explain everything and honestly I think that helped a lot with my general technique cause otherwise there’s a lot I would not have understood or just learned wrong and would have to readjust when I got to high school.

Back to last year of middle school. My mind has been overtaken by Haikyuu cause it’s brilliant. I dabble in cosplay and I have no money I can use to buy an aliexpress one (yes the dreaded website but we would go there at the time haha) but I want to cosplay Haikyuu. Lucky me, I have found a group of cosplayer on Paris for the next Paris Manga that’s doing Haikyuu ! I was so pumped up. And they didn’t have my character but they did have his partner so we were all excited about it :) My parents were not very thrilled about it all because I was still just 14 and they were mostly adults but my mom still helped me make my own jersey! I still have it but I’m 100% sure it doesn’t fit anymore :’) Here is me starting to fall for the sport and the cosplay progress pictures I still have

(still so proud of it, I did everything by hand !! and last pic is me with a volley ball cause I was a little deranged already)

Yes I was Akaashi, I loved that character. Acting all polite but an overthinker much with a dash of mischievous and admiration for the people around him. Also nothing grand about him like so many of the characters, but he could still hold up with them. I think I have somewhere on my computer a picture of our group but first I don’t know where it is and second you can only see my face on it so I have no picture of my finished cosplay haha. The con was amazing, I had so much fun with these people, we started hanging out a little more often and going to all the anime cons around Paris as a group and we did more group cosplays. I loved it. However at this con I lost my phone and it was in February so when I needed my dad to come pick me up I had to wait for 45 minutes in short shorts and a thin jersey :’)

After that I kept enjoying Haikyuu as one does, and high school started. Oh high school, a lot happened there. First thing I did was being reborn ! And even though it wasn’t much and only social it helped me be a little more free already. Free enough to allow myself to pursue a certain sport I was looking forward to. Yeah I got the volleyball bug. I was so happy my high school had a volleyball “club” and the first day of it we were only two. It was me and another guy, even smaller than me, who had also loved Haikyuu but we didn’t talk much about it. He was just as fired up about it as I was and we really pushed each other to become better. I don’t know what he’s become now but I hope he kept playing volleyball.

Anyway we were off to a great start with…two players. But still our coach/PE teacher was kind enough to teach us. We managed to have a few more people to come now and then but it was rough the first year. In my three years (well two but that’ll come later) we never had 6 “full time” people in the club so any kind of competition, even to get completely massacred by the other teams, was out of the question sadly. We would play on a concrete court ! It was REALLY rough haha ! But these courts were situated in a sort of closed courtyard space that was surrounded by school buildings and on the top floor were the Prepa classes (preparatory classes to get in higher education schools like engineering private schools for anyone not French reading this). Unlike the rest of my classmates, they liked playing volleyball. They were soooo tall compared to us but they would play with us and teach us some stuff and they were really good compared to us. Thanks to them we got the actual practice we needed cause you can’t learn enough by just playing 3x3 or worse 2x2 with people who can barely keep the ball in play (I was one of these people, I get to trash talk past me).

In my first year of high school I was taking riding lessons at the military school since we wouldn’t be able to go to our family’s house village with the more apparent divorce and moving out and other difficulties. It was an experience and I don’t regret doing it but it wasn’t a great place. I stopped the next year. And then…then I have memory problems. I cannot remember if it was during my second or last year of high school that I did it, but I would say it was during my second year of high school, that I entered an outside volleyball club. It was a Sunday lesson, it was all adults and it was for beginners. We would mostly do matches but sometimes they would focus on serves or hitting (I only remember one lesson about it though lol). It was super cool, I got to play volleyball on the Wednesday with my school club, whenever at lunch break when the Prepa were playing, and the Sundays at my outside club. By then, I don’t think I was reading or watching much of Haikyuu. I think I might have gotten my adhd ass hooked on something else while waiting for the next season and I had fallen in love with volleyball for the playing not just Haikyuu by then. Also something that I’m working on (and I’ve noticed it has gotten better already) is that I have a hard time appreciating watching people do something I love (usually a sport) as much as I appreciate doing the sport. For example, I never enjoyed watching any horse jumping competition even though I love doing it. I think it might come from the fact that I am bad at the things I love and therefore cannot truly appreciate what’s going on. As of right now I watch volleyball matches and rallies and really enjoy it.

Last year of high school rolls around the corner and…our PE teacher/coach tells us that they are closing the club down cause we aren’t enough and she would rather not run from our practice to the badminton’s practice (that she also coaches) and only work with the badminton’s club. After all they had the regional and potential national champions there meanwhile we had no hope of ever participating in a competition. And I had learned at my last lesson at my outside club that since we weren’t enough coming to the practice they would close down their beginner lesson. It was a bit of a shock to go from two practice per week to none at all. I missed volleyball. I accepted to participate at the badminton’s practices (cause it’s also a sport I like but at leisure, not on a competitive level, and less than volleyball) but it was just to keep me doing something. What happened though is I got to choose which sports I wanted for my BAC (high school diploma) since I was in a club the year prior and I chose the one with volleyball and I aced that. I only resented the top players of our group a little cause it wasn’t their sport at all but since they were pretty athletic and good at sports in general they had no problem being good at it when it took me sooooo long :’) yes I am petty.

Then I don’t know what the heck happened. Well yes I know but I don’t know why when I arrived in Montreal in my school I didn’t try to get into the volleyball club. Anyway, I didn’t play for a whiiiiile, years ! And the only reason I did again was because my best friend’s parents ( @nyaoi-warrior ) invited me to play with them and their friends when I visited. I was bad at communicating when I was playing in France (I often forget to say “j’ai”) but this was in Czech Rep, and we couldn’t communicate in English. It was HARD but I had so much fun !! My team lost all of the sets but it was so cool :D

Recently I was looking for something in my old stuff in the basement of the building. I didn’t find it but what I did find were my old Haikyuu manga. And oh god the flame it awoken in me. So anyway here is me a few weeks later with a volley ball in my hands, I’ve found a place I can sneak in just for the end of the year and I’ve been looking at clubs I can enter (and hopefully get better and then do some competition).

Now more about Haikyuu. What an amazing sports manga/anime it is. Of course, with the protagonist being a spiker most people when they start volleyball because of Haikyuu want to spike. I was lucky enough to be in the tall half of my year in high school but now I am tiny compared to most volleyball players. And a thing I love in volleyball I quickly discovered is diving for the ball. I’d be running far back or on the side, sliding until my knees burn to keep that ball in play. I thank Haikyuu for giving each role a time in the spotlight in almost every game they play, cause with what we learned in my school club or outside club I would never have heard of the libero. Ofc when you play for leisure having a libero is a bit meh but now I know that if I ever want to play competitive this is the role I should gun for (or maybe setter but I’m still pretty small so idk).

I just finished watching the season 4 recently and I’m on my way to catch up, and then finish with the scans (and then buying the mangas too). I got spoiled about what happens at the nationals after season 4 and what happens after, the time skip etc but just in the grand lines and I’m fine with that. I don’t think that it takes away from it too much. And (IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AFTER/DURING TIME SKIP DON’T READ BUT ALSO WE WON’T HAVE A FULL TIME SKIP ANIMATED SO IF YOU’RE JUST WATCHING THE ANIME I’D SAY MIGHT AS WELL READ IT BUT ALSO IT’S EVERYWHERE SO YOU MIGHT KNOW IT ALREADY) I freaking love Hinata in Brazil. It’s very funny to me too cause here is this little dude who got me into volleyball, with whom I had an anime-level betrayal and tragedy with my clubs, and now I’m learning Portuguese because of my Brazilian friends and I wanna go to Brazil and HE WENT TOO ?? That was hilarious to me. Maybe I should look into beach volleyball hehehe.

About the ships; I started with the “basic” ones, the most obvious ones that come from the strong bonds and non-stop interactions and how they are shown as more or less pairs by the manga/anime (so kagehina, asanoya, daisuga, bokuaka, etc etc etc) but I am a multi shipper now. I don’t know I have a much more relaxed approach to shipping now, especially for big casts where there isn’t clear cut villains, same with one piece. They all have great relationships with everyone around them and I like many of them. And yeah I stumbled upon kenhina recently and I really like their dynamic. I love kagehina just as much, and also the hilarious way Hinata seems to fascinate all setters. I have seen some really funny tsukkihina fanarts too. I’ve put a lot of stuff in my queue so you got some yakunoya coming soon as well haha. Also from what I’ve heard (haven’t got to see it yet) (yes the premiere was Sunday and it’s only out today) that the movie has big kenhina energy so I’m here for it.

This little red-head guy just makes me so happy. I’m so glad I got to discover one of, if not my favourite sport out there (and that says a lot coming from a horsegirl) and I want to keep it in my life. I’m asking around for clubs and selections and I hope I am accepted. And I’ll be celebrating my birthday watching Olympic volleyball matches :D

OH ! Another thing. During my intensive studying period for my current school’s diploma, I was with friends and before we started studying each morning we would put on music or some kind of stuff, and we put anime opening blind tests and one of them had the first Haikyuu opening (which is still my favourite cause yk…it’s the one that started it all) and I was hit with a wall of memories…yeah :’)

I think that’s all I might have forgotten a few things, I don’t know at this point.

I can’t believe you got me writing more about volleyball, in English, in 2 hrs than I’ve written for my THESIS in a WEEK. This is 5 word pages WITHOUT THE PICTURES.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Eartha Kitt (Anna Lucasta, St. Louis Blues)—My friend and I have a saying: NOBODY is Eartha Kitt. A thousand have tried, and they've all come up empty and will continue to do so. Everyone knows her for something: from "Santa Baby" to Yzma in Emperor's New Groove to Catwoman to making Lady Bird Johnson cry for the Vietnam War. She was a master of comedy and sex, an extremely vocal activist, and she aged like fine wine... I honestly don't know what I can say about her that hasn't already been said, so I'll stick to linking all my propaganda. Like what else do you want from me. She was iconic at everything she ever did. Literally name another. How can anyone even think of her and not want to absolutely drown?

Hedy Lamarr (Samson and Delilah, Ziegfeld Girl)—Look. I'm sure someone has already submitted Hedy Lamarr because she was spectacularly beautiful, and a very strong lady too: she fled both an abusive marriage AND nazi persecution at a very young age and rebuilt a life for herself pursuing her love for acting all on her own!! Her career as an actress was stellar; while she began acting outside of Hollywood (her very first movie, Ecstasy, won a prize at the Venice Film Festival), she conquered American hearts very quickly with her first movie in the US, Algiers, and then just kept getting better and better. If all this isn't enough, she was also an inventor: her invention of the frequency-hopping spread spectrum radio transmission technique forms the base of bluetooth and has a lot of applications in all kinds of communication technologies. I think that deserves a prize, don't you?

This is the final poll of the Hot & Vintage Movie Women Tournament. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

THIS POLL LASTS FOR 24 HOURS.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Eartha Kitt:

"A hot vintage woman who was not just known for her voice, beauty, poise, and presence, but also her unapologetic ways of speaking about how she was mistreated in the show business as a girl who grew up on cotton fields in South Carolina in the 1930s through the 1940s coming to Broadway first and then Hollywood."

"Have you watched her sing?? Have you seen her face?? Have you heard her talk?? How could you not fall instantly in love. She makes me incoherent with how hot she is."

"She can ACT she can SING she can speak FOUR LANGUAGES she is a GODDESS!!! Although she is (rightfully) remembered for her singing, TV appearances (Catwoman my beloved), and later film roles, her early appearances in film are no less impressive or noteworthy!! She’s an amazing actress with so much charisma in every role. She was also blacklisted from Hollywood for 10 years for criticizing the Johnson administration/Vietnam War, so. Iconic. Also Orson Welles apparently called her “the most exciting woman in the world.”

"She had such a stunning, remarkable appearance, like she could tear you to shreds with just a glance- but the most undeniable part of her hotness was her voice, and it makes sense that it's what most people nowadays know her for. Nothing encapsulates the sheer magnetism of her singing better than this clip of her and Nat King Cole in St. Louis Blues, she pops in at 2:49. Also I know it's post-1970 but her song that was cut from Emperor's New Groove is likely to make you feel Feelings."

"Even with as racist as Hollywood was in the 1950s and 60s, Eartha Kitt STILL managed to have a thriving career. She also once had a threesome with Paul Newman and James Dean, and called out LBJ over the Vietnam War so hard that it made First Lady Johnson cry. Eartha Kitt was talented, sexy, and a total badass activist."

Hedy Lamarr:

"The only person you can find both on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and in the Inventor's Hall of Fame--her radio-frequency-hopping technology forms the basis for cordless phones, wi-fi, and a dozen other aspects of modern life. She was also passionate in her efforts to aid the Allies in WWII (unsurprising for a Jewish-Austrian Emigree to America), and her name served as the backbone for one of the best running jokes in what is possibly Mel Brooks' best movie. Look, Louis B. Mayer apparently believed he could plausibly promote her as "The world's most beautiful woman". Is an entire website full of people going to be less audacious than one Louis B. Mayer? I didn't think so!"

"Described as "Hedy has the most incredible personal sophistication. She knows the peculiarly European art of being womanly; she knows what men want in a beautiful woman, what attracts them, and she forces herself to be these things. She has magnetism with warmth, something that neither Dietrich nor Garbo has managed to achieve" by Howard Sharpe, she managed to escape her controlling husband (and Nazi Germany) by a) Disguising as her maid and fleeing to Paris or b) Convincing the husband to let her wear all of her jewelry to a dinner, only to disappear afterwards. Also she was particularly clever and helped develop Frequency-Hopping Spread Spectrum (I can't really explain it but anyway...)"

"Her depiction of Delilah and Samson and Delilah just lives rent free in my head. The woman was gorgeous."

"One of the most beautiful women ever in film, spoken by many critics and fans. Beautiful shapely figure, deeper seductive voice, and often played femme fatale roles. She was also brilliant and an inventor. Mainly self-taught, she invested her spare time, including on set between takes, in designing and drafting inventions, which included an improved traffic stoplight and a tablet that would dissolve in water to create a flavored carbonated drink, and much more."

"Gorgeous and brilliant pioneer of modern technology and the middle part."

[lilywastaken]

⇝ midnight .

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!AFAB!Reader.

PART ONE OF MÉNAGE.

SUMMARY: Simon makes the mistake of spending the night before one of the longest missions of his career in the arms of a woman he met at a pub, unaware of the consequences it would have on his life moving forward.

WARNINGS: AFAB!Fem!Reader (no use of Y/N!) NSFW [ Oral (F receiving), Degradation, Praising, size difference/kink, dacryphilia, dumbification, slight bondage, frottage, unprotected P in V, overstimulation, various orgasms, creampie.], Angst, Pregnancy, mentions of abortion, kind of OOC Simon? He’s just soft when he’s not Ghost, Canon typical violence.

A/N: My first COD fic! It also happens to be the longest piece of writing I've ever done 😵! This is the first part of a series I've been planning on writing for a while, so I'll hopefully get the second part out soon! Please don't forget to reblog/comment if you enjoy the fic, it helps a lot!!! Thanks for all the support!! <3

WORD COUNT: 10.1k.

MASTERLIST.

Also on Ao3!

Going out wasn't one of Ghost's favourite things to do.

Even after getting back to his tiny flat in Manchester following a horribly long mission and shedding his mask, going back to the burly man his neighbours knew as Simon, some random guy who had moved in a few years ago and seldom stepped outside except for the random smoking session some of them would see him having on his balcony; he didn't enjoy going out.

So when he finally was able to relax onto his shitty leather sofa and catch up with some of the footy games he had missed while away, all he wanted more than anything was a good whiskey in his favourite (cleanest) glass.

And almost like a cartoon character staring at their empty wallet, Simon stared ahead at his liquor cabinet, jaw clenched as he spied at the remaining drops of alcohol that were left in the bottle, remembering the mental note he had made before leaving his flat the last time to get himself the alcohol he had chugged down during one of his depressive episodes.

So, in a fit of anger, he shoved on whatever clean clothes he could find in his duffle bag, skull balaclava pulled over his messy hair, and stomped down the stairs to the nearest Tesco…

…only to find it closed.

And fuck him if he was going to walk the extra hour to the nearest Morrison's just to get some shitty whiskey bottle to drown his sorrows in. At this point, he'd just go and sit in a corner of a pub, nursing what he would hope would be an acceptable liquor.

He was absolutely pissed by the time he made it into the homey bar, the universe having decided to make it it's personal mission to fuck him up today and making the worst storm possible start to rain upon Manchester.

Oh, and of course, the pub's tables were all full of teenagers (who definitely had fake IDs, no way they were all 18), and some old geezers who were shouting at the football game on TV (great, Manchester was loosing, another thing to worsen his night), leaving the only available seat one in the middle of the bar next to some woman chatting amicably to the waiter, who seemed a bit more interested in her cleavage than in what she had to say.

He slipped into the seat silently, his clear eyes death-staring into the bartender's, immediately scaring him shitless ("Yer about ta kill me with that look, Lt." Johnny had once joked about his murderous gaze, and to be fair, Simon was slightly hoping the scot would combust and die right there.), no doubt believing that he was with the woman and was about to punch his teeth in for staring longer than he should have.

As he scurried off into the back, you turned to him, taken aback at first as you made eye contact with the towering, wet, balaclava-clad man who was staring back at you, but you were brave enough to smile kindly at him, going back to running your finger over the rim of your drink, which Simon noticed was still and hardly drank out of, despite the lipstick smudges around the top. You'd been here a while, and by the way your leg was nervously jumping up and down as time passed by, he could only assume you'd been stood up.

Now, Simon wasn't dumb, far from it; and Simon was smart enough to recognize when someone was attractive, and he was pretty sure that the woman in front of him was drop-dead gorgeous despite the sad look that adorned your features. So, if he was correct, he couldn't even begin to fathom how someone could even start to think of standing up a woman like you, especially after inviting her to this shitty pub, where the food had definitely given him food poisoning before.

He hadn't realised how deep in thought he must have been while staring at your glass until a soft hand rested against his bicep, eyes instantly flashing back towards yours, instincts haywire from having been pulled out from his thoughts so suddenly.

"Sorry!" You immediately retracted your hand from his arm, smiling apologetically up at him before turning your gaze back to the golden liquid. "I asked if you were okay. I can't imagine walking around in a storm with just that on." You gestured towards his shirt, allowing Simon to look down and stare at the tight T-shirt he had chosen to wear, a few dirt stains decorating it in the worst way possible, having dressed for the occasion that was a 10pm trip to Tesco and not meeting up with a pretty woman at a pub.

"Wasn't planning on walking 'round." He grumbled out, his voice deeper than what you had expected, the thick accent and scratchy sound of it making shivers run down your spine and heat pool into your stomach, becoming horrified with yourself that you allowed such a minimal thing like a masked man's voice get you all hot and flustered like this.

"'Nd you? Doesn't seem like you're dressed for a night out at the Crown's." His eyes moved towards your dress, surprised with himself that he had actively been the one to continue the conversation; his thick hand reaching over to grab his drink from the bartender's hand (which he must have ordered during the haze he had been in before.) as he awaited your answer.

"Oh." He watched you smooth down your hair out from the corner of his eye, your hands shaky as they found comfort around the fancy glass of your whiskey. Or was it bourbon? Maybe rum? You seemed like the type of woman to appreciate a good glass of liquor. "Yeah, 'm waiting for someone."

He watched your eyes dart over to the clock hanging on the wall opposite you both, the little hand nearing the number 11.

"Could've taken you somewhere nicer." He commented, taking a jab at both the pub and your missing date, the small breathless chuckle that left your lips catching his attention.

"Yeah. Not like I expected a reservation at the Ritz, but somewhere that doesn't look like my grandad's favourite pub would be nice." You joked over the sound of some of the old men cheering in the background over some team scoring a goal, and while Simon would've normally turned around to make sure it had been Manchester, he was too focused on the mesmerising way your eyes looked in the dim light, your eyelashes fluttering innocently as you continued what had started as small talk, that evolved into friendly conversation and him buying you another drink, and that ended with him waiting for you outside the bathrooms, holding onto your tiny umbrella.

Simon wasn't one to frequent in hook-ups, but how enticing you had been when talking to him, the way your body looked in that dress and how you'd brushed your soft hand against his bicep (this time with another intent other than to snap him out of his stupor), had left him wanting, nay, craving more from you.

So when you looked out the window behind him before gesturing to the small umbrella hanging from your bag and asked if he wanted to take you home, he would have been demented to deny you.

His screen's brightness lit up his face as he scrolled over the scarce messages he had received across the almost 10 years he had had this crappy phone, about to delete Soap's number before you came out, a smile on your face and makeup freshly applied.

"Some girls helped me with my makeup in there." You commented happily, fingertips brushing over the blush that had been applied to the apples of your cheeks, which made you somehow look even more enticing than before. "I didn't have time to look in the mirror, but I hope it looks okay."

"Looks nice on you." He let out after processing your new look, his chest tightening as your smile somehow widened and your eyes brightened, having learned across the few hours you had spent together that Simon wasn't really one to show his emotions towards anyone, so a short compliment like that was a big step.

"You think?" You didn't wait for an answer, your hand finding his and starting to lead him out of the shadowy corner he had taken refuge in while your time in the bathroom, letting him push open the exit door so he could open up the umbrella, not caring about the raindrops falling onto him and darkening his clothes, the rain getting caught onto his eyelashes like morning dew on a spiders web, the beautiful orbs drawing you in like a butterfly happily flying into a spider's nest.

The umbrella was open and poised on top of you before you could even step out of the pub, Simon doing his best so you wouldn't be touched by the rain, aware of how uncomfortable some people got when it came to water running down your back or touching your face (especially when you looked so so pretty with your make-up.). Along with his massive frame walking next to you, you were pretty sure there was no way a single drop of water would touch your skin the whole way back home.

Which ended up being almost silent, you leading the way and commenting on random stores or things you passed, brightening up every time you got a chuckle out of him and melting whenever his hand would wrap around your waist as you passed some creepy man or a suspicious-looking group of teens, pulling you into his side so no one would even think of messing with you.

You were highly aware of how dangerous it was in hindsight to take some random man home (whose face you hadn't even seen yet!), but Simon made you feel safe, special, in some weird way… like as long as you were in his vicinity, nothing could happen to you, nothing could harm you. And you wanted to cling onto that feeling, onto the feeling of protection and warmth that Simon extruded.

So you didn't think twice about it, even as you slipped the key into the front door to your apartment complex and stood next to him the whole elevator ride up to your floor, his hand curled around yours with his thumb rubbing over your knuckles, the soft action enough to make heat pool into your tummy and your panties, getting worked up over casual affection from the breathtaking man.

"Y'sure about this, lovie?" His raspy voice made you fumble with your keys as he came up behind you, watching you struggle to unlock your flat as his breath hit your ear. "Tell me to leave and I will. Last chance."

Your breathing grew shaky as his own warmed your cheek, the way he worded it making it seem like the act you were both about to perform was something akin to letting a beast free, and even if it was, as long as Simon was the one to do it, you would have let him do anything.

"Yes." You managed to get out as your door finally opened, not even getting the time to take a step in before his hands were all over you, pushing you into the apartment and slamming the door closed behind him with his foot, his balaclava somehow being pulled up to his nose, high enough so you could gaze upon his soft pink lips and the blond stubble that adorned his chin and slightly crooked nose, aware that you would have spent hours tracing his features with your eyes, engraving them to memory, but he took away any thoughts away from you as he slotted his lips with yours.

You learned immediately that Simon's kisses were desperate, sloppy, needy. The way his hands gripped at your hips and his teeth nibbled onto your bottom lip, tongue running over yours as he trailed his palms down your thighs onto your feet, wrenching off your heels and ripping apart your tights, ignoring the angered whine that left your lips.

"Easier access, lovie." He murmured against your lips, finally pulling back with a sleazy grin on his lips, a string of spit connecting you both before breaking, allowing you a bit of time to catch your breath while he took in your living room, staring at the doors. "Bedroom?"

"Th- That one-" You hazardly pointed towards one of the doors behind you, squealing out loud as he grabbed you effortlessly and started to carry you towards your room, thighs pressed to his sides and ankles crossed behind his back, making sure to cling onto him so he wouldn't randomly drop you (Although by the way his muscles barely tensed when he had picked you up, and how easily he seemed to navigate around while carrying you made you think that there was no way he'd let you fall.)

Your back finally hit your familiar soft mattress, hands clenching onto your silk sheets as he watched you like a hawk, hands resting on the space of your thighs near your now-dripping cunt, thumbs rubbing into the soft pudge.

"Fuck… Just look t'you." He rumbled out, your cheeks growing warm as he continued to stare without moving, enjoying the way you started to squirm beneath his touch. "Calm, lovie, jus' taking my time wiv' you."

You mewled out at the deep tone his voice took, thighs threatening to close as one of his hands made his way towards your clothed cunt, which had been made accessible thanks to your now-ripped tights that had been left behind in the living room.

Simon forced your thighs back open with a grunt, glassy eyes darkening as he watched your own hands come up to cover your face out of embarrassment, letting himself soak in it for a moment before finally starting to act.

"Lean up f'me." You obeyed immediately, trembling under his touch as he slowly pulled your dress off, letting it pool onto the floor along with his shirt, which he had quickly gotten rid of as soon as you were in your lingerie. His eyes roamed the lace for a moment before letting out a dry chuckle, looking up at you to find you ogling at his scarred chest, almost drooling at the sight of his well built pecs and stomach. "Tryin' to get lucky tonight?" He spoke, fingers snapping your bra strap, thinking back to why you were originally at that pub in the first place.

"Shut up." You grumbled, grabbing him by the arm and pulling him up the bed so you could continue kissing him, having been left craving more ever since that breathtaking one in the foyer.

He didn't complain, quickly indulging you as he slotted his lips with yours once again, his kiss as sloppy as needy as before, openly moaning against them as your hands run under his balaclava to pull at the short strands of his coarse hair, his own hands wrapping your thighs around his waist so your clothed pussy could grind against the hard material of his trousers over his hardened cock, rejoicing in the way your moans and whines sounded as he drank them up.

"S'needy." He chastised softly as he pulled away, moving you both towards the top of the bed so you could rest your head on your pillows, catching your breath while he started slipping off his belt and trousers (the belt being placed on the bed, just in case), and letting you gaze upon the tent in his boxers, shivering at the monstrous sight of his cock, trying to imagine how in the living fuck would he fit inside you if he couldn't even fit properly in his boxers, pulling out a moan from your lipstick smudged lips at the simple thought of being fucked by such a tool.

"Like it?" He chuckled, slowly starting to lean down with his hands on your thighs, pulling one of them over his shoulder so he was face to face with your covered cunt, his breath warm as it hit your clit, making you whine. "Gunna let me have a taste?"

"Y-Yes, god, yes, Simon, please-" You breathed out all at once, desperate for his touch after the slow teasing, watching what was visible of his face scrunch up in mock laughter as he revelled in your whines.

"As you wish, lovie."

He didn't even bother pushing your panties aside before taking a lick of your cunt from bottom to top, pressing soft kisses to your clit to hear your desperate whines and feel your thighs shake beneath his touch, continuing to slowly make out with your clothed pussy, purposefully driving you insane with his limited touches.

"Off, off, pl-please, Si, please -" You whined, pushing his head away in an attempt to start to pull your panties down, crying out in frustration as he didn't budge, a growl leaving his lips and sending vibrations up your cunt.

"Don't touch. I'm taking my fucking time, pretty. Or would you rather me stick my cock into you without any prep?" You moaned out loudly at the thought, back threatening to arch as he slowly grasped at your panties, a humourless chuckle leaving his pretty lips. "Yeah, I bet your slutty pussy'd love that, wouldn't it, lovie?" He purred before finally sliding down your pants, taking a moment to stare at your cunt and let you squirm before slowly spreading your thighs again, immediately shoving his face into his prize and repeating his movements from before, but faster and rougher, letting you feel every inch of his tongue as it ran over your lips and slowly inched inside of your hole, your moans and silent screams only edging him further on until he took your engorged clit into his mouth and started sucking, placing a hand on your stomach and pushing your arching back down onto the mattress.

He was surprised, to say the least. Yes, he'd realised you were sensitive as soon as he had kissed you for the first time, but he hadn't expected you to almost burst into tears from being eaten out (He wasn't even /trying/ to make you cry, he wondered what would happen if he did.), so he wondered if all the men you'd been with before had gone down on you, but by the way you were reacting to such simple touches, he was pretty sure he knew the answer.

"So fuckin' sweet, baby." He murmured into your pussy as he let go of your swollen clit, giving your hole some attention as the hand that was on your tummy ran down to circle your clit, overstimulating you in the best way possible. "Taste like fuckin' heaven."

"Si- Simon-" you whined his name out so so sweetly, music to the normally cold lieutenant's ears. "Gonn- Fuuuck! 'Na cum! Please, please, Si, need to-"

"S'okay, let go for me, lovie." He basically purred into you as he continued licking contently at your gushing hole, fingers tactically rubbing on your clit, before changing spots, taking your clit back into his mouth and letting his fingers slip in to you, preening at the sweet gasp that left your lips at the sudden intrusion, his coarse fingers moving in and out and immediately finding that one spot that made your back arch and toes curl, and just as he was taught in the military, he took advantage of the weak spot (in this case, your sweet spot.) and didn't stop brushing his fingers against it, the increasing sound of his name alerting him of your upcoming orgasm.

And once the coil within your stomach snapped and Simon finally let your back arch of the bed, your release gushing out of you and coating his hand and wrist, you let out the loudest moan of his name, the sound immediately going to his painfully hard cock, but he didn't stop, tongue not ceasing its assault on your clit and fingers continuing to rub against your g-spot until you finally came down from your high, brain mushy and eyes glassy as you stared up at the cream ceiling.

"Such a good girl." He purred out as he finally stopped, retracting his wet fingers and taking them into his mouth, swirling his tongue around and cleaning off all of the slick you had left from your orgasm, savouring it like he would with a lollipop. "Fuckin' taste amazing."

You whined in response, the embarrassment from having cummed so fast and having to watch him lick up all your release finally catching up to you, shaky hands moving to cover your sweaty face.

He clicked his tongue, grabbing them before they could cover your pretty features and holding them together in one hand.

"No, baby. Don't want you fuckin' hiding f'me." He snapped, slowly pulling them upwards so that they were pinned against the headboard, his other hand moving to gather the belt he had discarded not so long ago, quickly taking advantage of your cum-lax state to wrap it around your wrists, making sure it was tight enough to constrict you, but not tight enough to hurt, and letting you lie there while he started on getting rid of his boxers. "Wanna see that pretty face while you come undone on my cock. Isn't that what y'want too?"

You tried moving your head to nod, but it felt so so heavy that even the slightest movement felt like a chore, feeling grateful that Simon was a man able to move you around and dominate you without even breaking sweat, that all you needed to do was lie back and enjoy everything he gave you.

"Fuckin' hell. Not even fucked ya yet and you're 'lready gone?" He sneered, coming to hover over you so he could press wet kisses to your cheeks and neck, purposefully avoiding your lips. "Pretty girl gets her pussy played wiv and turns into a right proper slut, don' she?" He purred against your neck, his words making you shiver and squirm as your body instinctively tried to move away from the stimulus, only for him to pull you back towards him with grubby hands, a loud gasp leaving your lips as he pressed your crotches together, having expected the soft cotton of his boxers and not the hard, hot feeling of his cock flush against your dripping pussy.

"Oh- Oh my god, Simon, th-"

"Mm." He cut you off with a soft purr and a nip to your jugular, no doubt making sure that you'd wake up in purple marks the next morning as he did the same all over your neck. "'S me. All me, lovie. F'you."

You moaned at the implication, slowly starting to grind yourself against him as he made it his personal mission to cover your upper body in kisses, stopping at your clavicle and staring down at your bra, that was still to be taken off.

"Fuck, forgot all 'bout these." His hand came up to squeeze one of them softly, a small sound of pleasure leaving your lips at the added stimulation as you continued to rub your cunt against his hardened cock. "Pretty little things."

He started grinding his own hips against yours, watching with amazement at how quickly you reacted to his touch, your back arching enough for him to slip his hands behind and unclasping your bra suspiciously easy, pulling it off and throwing it behind him and landing god knows where, and leaving you finally completely bare beneath him.

"Look t'you." His warm hands immediately cupped your tits, thumb and pointer rubbing your nipples between them, pinching and pulling until they were hard, an amazed chuckle leaving his lips as he listened to your moans increase in sound, his grinding against you not ceasing either.

"Oh fuck- fuck fuck!" It was embarrassing, how quickly he had you whining and mewling beneath him, when you had found yourself struggling before to even feel something with men before him doing the same. It was just something about him, something about the way he sounded and touched, the precise movements against you, almost like he had been trained for your pleasure, to get you over the edge as many times as he could muster before even getting his dick wet.

Because the instant you felt his warm breath hit one of your perky breasts, you knew you were fucked, headed towards your second orgasm of the night. His warm mouth enveloped your hard nipple, pulling and tugging with his teeth and soothing the slight pain he left with his talented tongue, his grinding becoming quicker and rougher as he felt your thighs tremble around his waist, your eyes watering as you neared the release you oh so craved, gasping out loud as one of his hands came up to cup your cheek, thumb rubbing over your flushed skin.

"You gunna cry, baby? S'okay, let it out. Let it out f'me." He growled as he let go of your now throbbing nipple, moving to give your other neglected breast the same attention, hand leaving your face to run down to your core and slowly run over your clit, a huge contrast to the rough movements of his cock against you and his warm mouth on your nipple, all the different stimulations and feelings enough to push you over the edge and let the tears that had been collecting in your waterline finally fall, gasping moans and screams leaving your lips as you soaked his cock, body trembling beneath his ministrations as he chuckled against your nipple, enjoying the way you were slowly falling apart and he hadn't even pushed into you yet.

He didn't stop for a few moments, waiting until the moment where you would inevitably start whining and pushing him off with weak arms to cease, leaning back up with a shit eating grin as he waited for you to come down from your high.

"Oi, look at me." He taps one of his fingers on your face, moving your gaze towards his, a small, patronising pout tugging at his lips as he watches the tears roll down your cheeks. "Poor thing. You all fucked out yet? D'you think y'could still take my cock? Or are you too dumb f'that right now?"

"Y-yes, yes, please, please, need it so bad, Si! So so bad!" You stuttered out between laboured breaths, hands struggling against their binding, itching to be let free and feel his cock in your hands, which you could see between you, almost as girthy as a coke can and with a few prominent veins leading up to his flushed red tip, that was leaking pre spend you would gladly pay money to clean up with your tongue. "O-oh fuck, Simon, please -"

"Sh, shh. Calm down, y'little crybaby." He chastised, leaning down to softly press kisses over the tears that had gathered on your flushed cheeks, chuckling at how desperate you looked under him. "I'll give you what you want. Gon' fuck you so well, yeah? You'll feel me f'weeks, lovie."

"Fuck, yes, please! Want your cock so badly, please!" You cried, legs immediately spreading for him as soon as his calloused hands landed on the pudge of your thighs, slightly digging his fingers into them as he took in the beautiful sight of your soaking wet pussy, having half the mind to shove his cock in you without a second thought. But no.

"Calm." He snapped, one of his hands dropping your thighs and slapping your face softly to get your attention. "Protection, baby. You got a condom?"

He frowned as you shook your head, gasping for breath as you pointed over to your nightstand, where he could faintly see the glint of a packet of tablets in the dark. "Pill. 'M on the pill, Si. Clean. I'm clean."

He couldn't help the smile that crept onto his lips at the thought of being able to cum inside, and how eager you were acting to get him to finally stick his cock inside, whines and whimpers pulling him from his thoughts as he stared down at you.

"You going to let me cum inside then, lovie?" He teased, pulling your other thigh back up so the underside of both of them were resting flush against his bare chest, twitching cock resting on your overstimulated core. "Don' think I'm gonna be able to pull out."

"Don't want you to, fuck! Please, Simon, please!! Inside, want you to cum inside!"

A shiver racked through his body at your words, carefully letting one of your legs go and making sure it would stay there, wrapping around it to grab his cock, slowly sliding the head around your puffy lips to collect the slick, wanting the intrusion to be as painless as possible.

"Fuck… Alright, baby, alright. Breathe f'me." He whispered, letting the head of his cock press against your hole, telling himself to go slow and calm down, but by the way you were pulsing and clenching around the head, almost like you were pulling him in, made it hard to stay sane. "God, slutty lil' cunt's just swallowing me in, huh? Want this cock that bad?"

Your hands shook against their restraint as he started to push himself into your sopping hole, wanting nothing more than to grab onto something for stability, but you didn't want to risk him getting annoyed at you for trying to.

"S'okay, almost there." He mumbled, lying straight through his teeth because with one look down to where he was connected to it would prove that he wasn't even halfway in, and it was already proving difficult for your hole to accommodate to his massive size.

"S'big, Si, you're so biiig." You whined, spreading your legs slightly and pushing your body onto him to help, shivering as you could feel him start throbbing inside of you, no doubt needing his own climax after having spent so much time focusing on you.

You could feel your eyes start to flutter close, mouth dropping open as he finally bottomed out, his heavy balls flush against your ass and cock throbbing inside of you, taking a breather and letting you adjust to his size before he would start on his ruthless pace.

"Fuck, lovie, you droolin'?" He panted, a hand coming up to rest against your face and pull you out of your sex-drunk haze (Despite only getting his cock inside you now.), your eyes drowning in his crystal ones, hypnotised by his gaze as he used his thumb to rub away some of the drool that had dribbled down your chin. "Pretty girl finally gets some cock and turns into a drooling slut, huh?"

You let out a noise of complaint as your hands continued to struggle, the few coarse hairs that were peeking out from under his mask enough to make you want to bury your fingers in them, pull at his strands and dig your nails into his scalp as he rocked your world.

He seemed to to understand what you wanted, a chuckle leaving his swollen lips as he leaned over you, legs folding along with him and allowing him to reach a deeper point in your cunt you didn't know that existed, a loud moan escaping you as his calloused hands start undoing the belt, finally letting your wrists free and throwing the piece of leather away, his hands going back to holding onto one of your thighs and another gripping your waist.

"All yours, baby. All fuckin' yours."

He gave you a moment to react as he bottomed out, leaving you empty for a split moment before he slammed back in, cock head almost instantly hitting that sweet spot deep inside you, your hands immediately finding refuge on his shoulders, nails digging into the scarred skin as he repeated his ruthless thrusts, your body shaking beneath his as he pushed down onto your body, forcing you both into a mating press, your cunt tightening around his cock at the sight of his eyes rolling into the back of his head, tummy fluttering at the thought that he was enjoying this as much as you were.

"Fuck, so good, Simon! So fucking good!" Your hands trailed up to the nape of his neck and pulled at the few short hairs there, urging a growl out of him and causing him to slightly speed up, the head of his cock at this point abusing your g-spot, urging you to near your third orgasm. "Wan- Wanna cum, fuck, gonna cum, Simon!"

"Already, baby?" He spoke through bated breath, his stamina allowing him to keep a good and consistent pace, enough to please both of you and almost bring you to tears again. "That's okay, cum for me, lovie. Cum on my fucking cock, show me how much of a fucking whore you are f'me."

Your back arched, pressing your breasts to his sweaty chest, the extra stimulation from your nipples rubbing against his coarse skin finally pushing you over the edge, your cunt clamping down on his cock and making it near impossible for him to continue thrusting, but as the good soldier Simon was, he persisted, rutting into you with bared teeth and a clenched jaw, fucking you through your orgasm until your slick covered his balls and upper thighs.

"Good girl, good fucking girl." He rasped, hand moving from your waist up to your neck, giving an experimental squeeze and moaning as you clenched around him, a breathless chuckle leaving him. "Fuck, you're still clenchin' around me so nicely, love. Feel so fuckin' good, perfect lil' pussy all f'me..."

Simon was saying nonsense at this point, becoming near pussy drunk as his cock hammered into your puffy cunt, nearing his own peak after all the foreplay.

"Si- Simon-!" You keened, hands running under his mask to grasp at his hair properly, pulling at it to coax another guttural moan from him and leading him back down to engage in a messy kiss, teeth clanking together and spit being shared, feeling the desperation he was in as he continued to batter your pussy searching for his own orgasm. "Cum, please, please, cum inside!"

Simon's eyes rolled into the back of his head at your begging, eyelashes fluttering as his pace stuttered inside of you, cockhead pressing against the entrance to your cervix and finally going over the edge, his spend gushing into you and almost immediately filling you, his cock acting like a plug inside you.

"O-oh, fuuck…" He moaned out, voice going slightly high pitched as he relished in the euphoria of finishing inside of you, his nails leaving ten moon shaped indents on your hips, the pain nothing compared to the feeling of him finally fucking his spend into you, you'd have to worry about the inevitable bruises and marks in the morning before work. "Fuck, you're… fuck."

Simon lowered himself down, resting his sweaty balaclava-clad face on your shoulder as you both caught your breaths, his cock twitching inside of you as he rode the waves of his orgasm.

Your eyes were blown out, staring up at the ceiling as you were hit with a sudden wave of realisation, your brain finally catching up with your body and taking in everything that had just happened, especially the fact that you had allowed some masked man you'd met at a pub on a tinder date to ravage you like a starved animal.

"Oh my god." You said, voice wavering as you shivered beneath the mountain of a man, who's sweaty body was pressed flush to yours, his cock softening inside of you as you both started to sober up. "O-Oh my god, Simon."

He let out a moan against your skin, languidly thrusting one final time into you before slowly pulling out, peeling himself off of you and letting the cold air envelop your now-shivering body, the feeling of his warm cum dripping down your puffy cunt pulling out another broken whine from your lips.

"Look at that…" You tried moving away as Simon ran a finger down your spent hole, gathering his cum best he could before slowly shoving it back into you, clicking his tongue at your reaction before leaning down and pressing a final kiss to your clit, the loud cry that left you making him smile almost predatorily. "So, so pretty, baby."

Your eyelids fluttered closed as you felt the bed shift beneath Simon's moving weight, allowing you time to set your head on straight and think about the next words that were going to come out of your mouth (That weren't strangled moans of the blond's name and jumbled cries about how good he felt.) while he moved around, no doubt getting his discarded clothes so he could slip away into the night.

"...leavin'?" You finally mustered out, letting your head fall to a side so you could watch him pick up his boxers and slip them on, his balaclava fixed into place like it had been when you met him, leaving you to stare into his mysterious blue eyes, the only gateway into the man who had just finished ravishing you.

"..." He turned to look at you over his shoulder, eyes trailing over your shivering frame as he fought internally over your words.

Ghost knew that it would be dangerous to stay, to indulge in your touch and show himself to you in one of his most vulnerable states. He didn't know you outside of the few hours he had spent with you, and even with that, it wasn't enough for Ghost to let his guard down around you.

Simon wanted to stay, he wanted to climb back into bed and let you curl into his side, let his warm hands run up and down your warm skin like he had done while pleasuring you, listen to your snores and even breathing. And despite probably not being able to fall asleep himself, Simon knew that it would be one of the few tranquil nights of his life.

So despite Ghost's alarming protests ringing in his head, Simon slowly made his way into the empty spot of your bed next to you, the covers soft and cool against his heated skin, soothing the raging fire that seemed to boil inside of him at the mere sight of you, his large arms wrapping around you and pulling you towards his side of the bed.

As soon as your bare body made contact with his, you melted like ice cream on a hot day, curling into his side and allowing him to wrap his tattooed arm around you, calloused hands running up and down your sides, taking his sweet time memorising every curve and dip of your body as you rested your head onto his chest, ear pressed right above his rapidly beating heart.

Not one word was exchanged between you both the whole time you lied together, his fingers tracing every little nook and cranny of your skin he could find, stopping every once in a while to rub on a tense muscle or over a scar, the soft ministrations swiftly lulling you to sleep.

The hand that you had splayed on his chest was mimicking his movements, fingers running over the blond hair that adorned his chest, playing with the small cross that dangled from the small chain necklace around his neck. Every time his hand would come up to rub at your shoulders, you caught a peak at the many tattoos that sleeved his arm, and as much as you wanted to turn around and commit all of them to memory, every time you tried to move, he'd press you closer, as if he knew that if he did allow you to, you'd only put off sleeping for longer.

As your eyelids started drooping, you felt his other hand come up to rest over your smaller one, toughened fingers intertwining with your own softer ones, a tired smile forming at your lips before finally clocking out, his heartbeat a firm rhythm that pulled you further and further into the soft grasp of Hypnos.

As expected, Simon didn't sleep a wink.

He had tried to close his eyes and enjoy the warmth you radiated, trying his best to let your soft snores and murmurs lull him to sleep, but it was impossible.

Despite not having slept for more than two days, he was unable to fall asleep, on edge after the catastrophe that was his last mission.

That was one of the reasons he had decided to step out of his comfort zone and allow himself a night of indulgence with you, a night of letting himself go and take out all his anger on you, but he had been impuissant to hurt you or even come close to actually wound you, instead taking it as slow as he knew how to and muttering soft praises and sweet nicknames into your ear along with the degradation that he'd mixed in.

And even after tiring himself out, he still couldn't let himself fully relax.

But as he turned his head to look down at your sleeping face, he thought that maybe this wasn't so bad. He felt… at ease, for the first time in a while. No strident alarms to wake him up at the crack of dawn, no ringing in his ears as a grenade went off near him, no desperately patching up a wound and drenching his hands in blood, no screams and pleas of mercy reverberating around his head as he disposed of the enemy.

None of that. It was just you. With your body curled into his side and your soft skin beneath a killer's hands.

Which is why he wished he could stay there forever. Lock the door and have you in his arms for the rest of his life, without the paranoia and the horrors that followed him everywhere he went, only focus on you and how mushy you made him feel with only a few hours of knowing him.

Which is why he wished he could have just fallen asleep and ignored the vibrations that came from beneath his discarded clothes, that he didn't leave your side and pick up the phone, that he hadn't followed orders like he always did and hadn't left you alone.

He carefully tucked you in, making his side of the bed before hesitantly brushing his scarred knuckles against your flushed cheeks, an alternative to the kiss he oh-so wanted to press down onto you until you woke up, until you asked him to stay, until he caved in and left the 141 to fend for themselves.

But he didn't.

He closed the door to your bedroom, slipped his phone and keys back into his pockets and headed towards the front door, ready to leave you behind and go back to being Ghost.

But as his hand reached for the doorknob, his eyes caught onto a stack of fluorescent yellow sticky notes on the kitchen counter, and in a stroke of not so genius, he grabbed the nearest pen and scribbled down his number onto the piece of paper, signing it with a simple "S .", hoping that you'd deduce it was from him, and not from some random person whose name started with the letter S that had broken into your apartment just to give you their number.

He stuck it a bit too aggressively to the almost bare fridge, making sure it was in a visible spot that you wouldn't be able to miss before finally stepping out of your flat, adjusting his mask in the elevator's mirror and going back to the cold hearted killer his fellow soldiers knew as Ghost.

He'd expected it to be a short mission.

One that they'd be able to finish within two weeks at best so he could go back to his cramped flat in Manchester and hopefully get back to you.

He'd spent almost every day of the first week of his departure wondering if you'd found the note, if when he'd retrieve his phone back from his locker back at base, he'd find a few messages from an unknown number he hoped was yours, asking him how he was, asking him to meet up again, wondering if he was okay…

That's what mostly kept him going for the first few days.

Until it all went haywire.

The mission escalated quickly into a mess of soldiers and betrayals, flying from place to place and taking more lives with his bare hands than he had ever before.

Blood soaked his hands in a way it never had, the toll of deaths on his name increasing with every passing day, week, month, year.

When the mission that had started off as something simple, something Ghost couldn't even remember, ended after a year, the 141 couldn't be more relieved. And exhausted.

They'd fought for many months straight, barely finding places to get a wink of sleep, and sometimes even running out of food while they camped out in one of the dingy safe houses of whatever city they were currently stranded in.

But it was finally over. Their target had been disposed of and any enemy that remained had either been eliminated or had scurried off.

As the chopper brought them back to base, none of them said a word, even Johnny refrained from making any jokes, knowing that it would only piss off both of his superiors and maybe get a tired chuckle out of Gaz.

Price uttered a "Good job." to all of them before patting them on the shoulder and going to his office, no doubt ready to go back home and have the sleep of his life.

The two sergeants withheld from talking too much to their lieutenant, murmuring a goodbye to him before going their own way, Ghost not even bothering to answer, too mentally and physically exhausted to even open his mouth to speak.

The first thing he did once he reached his locker was throw the goddamn mask off, letting the plastic skull clatter against the tiles as he rummaged through his belongings, wanting nothing more than to get into some clean clothes and go back home, where he would drink away the horrors that would no doubt follow him and probably pass out watching reruns of football games he had missed.

The clothes he had worn the day before the mission were tighter, accentuating the change in his physique after putting his muscles to work for a whole year, the seams of his trousers digging uncomfortably into his legs, his pockets full of random junk he had left in there.

He fished for whatever was currently pressing against his backside, pulling out his small phone from the pocket, frowning down at the gadget, which was no doubt out of battery after being left for so long.

Simon was pleasantly surprised when the screen brightened, showing his black lock screen and the time, the battery hanging onto dear life with a 1%. He moved to grab his charger, his eyes still trained on the incoming notifications that would soon flood his home screen, not really expecting much aside from the emails entailing rubbish deals or the occasional spam from a porn site he'd signed up to as a teen and hadn't been able to delete.

Instead, he was bombarded with over a thousand notifications at once, all from the same unknown number, the messages going too quickly for his tired eyes, focusing on the random words he was able to take from the rapidly passing texts.

‍

Answer.

Ignoring.

Asshole.

Appointment.

Doctor.

Pub.

Baby.

Pregnancy.

‍‍

His mind blocked itself off as he processed the last word, trying to make sense of all the confusing messages that had been sent to his phone.

Had it been by accident? Was he the recipient of some prank? Had he unknowingly given out his number to someo-

You.

Simon's throat went dry as the realisation dawned on him. Without sparing another second, he unlocked his phone, clicking onto the notifications and scrolling down as fast he could while still intaking information, afraid that his phone would die out at any point in time and render him utterly confused and terrified.

His body went on autopilot the more he read, brain fuzzy as if he had just drank a whole bottle of hard-hitting liquor, his eyes fixed on the bright screen of his phone in terror.

He was in shock. His mind wasn't in the right state to process any of this, he wasn't able to properly begin to fathom the meaning behind your words, as simple as they were.

‍

— I'm pregnant.

— I'm fucking pregnant, Simon.

— I don't know how it happened, the chances of the pill failing are so fucking low, and of course it happened to us.

‍

— Please pick up.

— I know you're getting the messages.

‍

— The doctor told me it's too dangerous to perform the abortion.

— I have to keep it or risk my life.

‍

— I need you to answer, Simon. Please, I just need to know that you're there.

— I'm scared.

‍

— You're such an asshole, you know that, right?! Fucking gave me your number only to disappear? Left me pregnant with your bloody kid!? And you can't even bother to pick up the goddamn phone.

‍

— Fuck you.

‍

— …

— It's a boy. Thought you'd want to know.

‍

— My due date is in a month. Please… call me, if you're even reading these. I don't want to be alone.

‍

The phone flashed the low power message in hopes that Simon would take mercy on it and finally plug it in, but Simon paid it no mind, clear eyes staring down at the picture you'd attached during one of the first months of your pregnancy.

The blurry picture of an ecography staring back at him disproved any doubts that might have formed in his mind, your full name displayed at the bottom along with the date it was taken, solidifying the fact even more.

It was real. This was real. You'd been carrying his son for 9 months, sending him frantic and terrified messages all throughout the three trimesters in hopes that he'd answer, all the while he had forgotten all about you in the midst of his mission, while you probably didn't spend a single day of that year not thinking about him.

His phone went dark once it finally had enough, leaving him standing there with a dry throat and shaky hands.

It was rare for Ghost to feel fear, but not for Simon. His throat would contract with every breath, his nose would sting as tears threatened to form on his waterline, his hands would get shaky until he balled them up and threw a punch into whatever item was closest.

This time wasn't any different. He punched his locker door, denting the metal effortlessly as he tried to wash away the fear and guilt creeping up to him with the pain that bloomed at his knuckles, that ran up his arms like electric shocks until they went numb.

He was an asshole.

Simon knew that it wasn't his fault that the mission had been extended for way too long, but he kept thinking back to the moment he'd placed his number on your fridge, wondering what would have happened if he'd done the smart thing and added that he'd be unavailable for a while, but that he'd get back to you. Maybe you would have been less scared while going through the pregnancy, comforted by the thought that he hadn't been ignoring you, but he knew that even then, you would have gone through it alone and terrified.

"I'm an asshole."

He rested his head against the dented locker, the cool metal soothing the headache that had quickly formed after all the conflicting feelings that had rushed through him in the matter of a minute.

All he had wanted was to go back home and rest, but fuck him if he was going to be able to even close his eyes after learning he was a father.

He packed everything up as quickly as he could, not bothering to say goodbye or join the other three for a drink at a pub, heading to his car so he could get the fuck out of London and back to Manchester, where he prayed you still lived, in that tiny flat near that dingy pub where he had first laid eyes on you in.

As his gloved hands gripped the steering wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white, a terrifying thought struck him.

Who's to say you had even kept the baby?

Who's to say you couldn't bear to look at the baby, that you'd given him away to a way more functional family?

The thought inflicted fear in him, a type of fear he didn't know if he should be feeling or not, confused with all the unpleasant emotions swirling inside of him.

"God, fuck!" He slammed his hands onto the steering wheel, the roar he had let out no doubt scaring any civilian that had been walking near his car at the time, but he couldn't care less.

All that was important now was getting back to you, to what he hoped was still the mother of his son.

Happy giggles and gurgles filled the living room, your tiny baby outstretching his arms out as you cycled his legs slowly, making silly faces down at him to keep him distracted.

Your doctor had recommended small exercises like these, some that would help develop his future motor skills, but you'd found that Tommy was a curious baby, one that couldn't stay still for longer than five minutes before he was whining and huffing in a futile attempt to get your attention and hopefully release him from his tiny prison; and so, in order to keep him focused, you resorted to having leisured conversations with him, your small son hanging onto your every word with wide blue eyes and a gaping mouth, as if he could understand your frustrations with the man who had blocked your car off and the girl from the bakery that had gotten your order wrong, or making silly faces at him to hear him giggle with glee.

You placed his small feet down and went back to your resting face, his eyes instantly going from your face to the closest toy, small chubby arm reaching out to grab it, your fingers running over his tummy and getting out a few giggles out of him before he finally grasped the toy, pressing it into his side.

As he distracted himself, you let yourself sit down properly, back hitting the edge of the sofa as you watched your son roll around on the blanket you'd laid down, letting yourself look up at the TV for a moment to have a small break, the news reporter standing in front of Big Ben ranting about some resolved political dispute or something.

Your eyes trailed back down to your son, who was wriggling around with a new toy in his grasp, cooing and drooling as he stared up at the ceiling, blue eyes fixed on one of the many cracks in the ceiling.

You winced at the not so friendly reminder of the state your flat was in. Going through a pregnancy on your own without any help and barely any money to take care of yourself left your home in a condition you were not proud of. You'd tried your best to clean and make the nursery as cosy as possible, but at the end of your third trimester you could barely lean down to pick up the hoover. Once you had been allowed back home, you'd cleaned up, but you couldn't really do much to fix the poor way your building had been constructed.

A sigh left your lips, leaning down to rest your head against your knees with closed eyes, giving yourself a few moments of sacred rest, something you seldom got anymore those days.

Sometimes, you thought as you wrapped your arms around your legs, you wished you weren't alone. As much hate you had harboured for your son's father across the year, you couldn't help the longing that still filled you every time you thought about him, wondering if you'd ever see him again, if he'd ever hold his son in his arms.

Frustrated tears filled the corners of your eyes, wiping them away with your sleeves before turning your attention back to your son, who was now squirming in his spot making grabby hands at you.

"I've got you, duck, don't worry." You cooed, picking him up and pressing a few kisses to his chubby cheeks, cradling him to your chest as you got up from the floor, careful to not drop him or bump him into anything.

As you took him back to his room, routinely changing his diaper and clothes, you thought back to the small breakdown you almost had had a few minutes ago, letting out an exhausted sigh. There was no use in imagining a future where Simon fit in, you'd given him enough time to answer, to show any signs of life at all. You were alone.

You were on the verge of tears as you placed Tommy in his tiny crib, handing him the small duck plushie your grandma had knitted a few months back when she had come to visit, watching him cling onto it in his sleep for a few moments, his soft breaths and coos tranquillising the waves of anxiety threatening to drown you.

"Good night, Tom." You whispered, pressing a kiss to his chubby cheek before flicking on the night light, carefully closing the door and resting your body against it, a shaky sigh leaving your chapped lips.

God, you were pathetic. Hung up over a man who you'd only known for a few hours, who'd left you with a baby (unknowingly or not, didn't matter), who still haunted your dreams every time you tried to get some rest. Why couldn't he have just picked up the phone? Why had he just given you his fucking number if he wasn't bothering on answering? Why had he gotten into your head so easily, with his sweet nicknames and soft kisses? Why couldn't you just fucking mov-

Your whole body jumped as the shrill doorbell rang, the sound reverberating around the flat and no doubt reaching Tommy's sensitive ears.

"God, yeah, I hear it!" You cried out as the sound didn't stop, starting to get worried that it would wake your baby up and then you'd have to deal with putting him to sleep all over again. "Fuck! I know, I'm coming!"

You looked through the peephole, eyebrows furrowing as you gazed upon a man's tacky army jacket instead of the normal face, so either this guy was incredibly fucking tall or he was standing on a stool.

Knowing that the area you lived in wasn't the safest, you unlocked the door but kept the chain latch on, a gap big enough so you could see the guy outside but not big enough for him to attack you.

"What?" You snapped, a bit harsher than how you'd normally answer the door, but this guy didn't really deserve any respect after how he'd basically abused your doorbell to the point of the sound still ringing in your ears. "What do you-"

Your gaze had been fixed onto his chest, scanning the army jacket you had spied through the peephole, cringing internally at the Union Jack plastered on his left bicep, hoping to God that he wasn't some type of Tory propagandist going door to door. But as your eyes trailed up to meet his, your mouth went dry.

Crystal blue eyes framed by pretty blonde eyelashes (identical to the blue eyes your son had been staring up at you with for the past three months), contrasting with the black face paint that was smeared around his eyes, the rest of his face obscured by that damn skull balaclava that haunted you.

It was him. It was fucking him.

"Simon." You said his name breathlessly, not missing the way his body stiffened at your shaky tone.

"Yeah. It's me."

[raguiras]

What's this?! Spade of Storms is canon in the game now?! /j

Finally finished this Spade of Storms WIP from early June 😅 Click for better quality!

Reblogs are very appreciated ~

「 Bonus versions & ship ramble below the cut! 」

♤ More Deuce x Allen: ♤

SHIP INTRO: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4

OTHER ART: 1

Ship blog: @spade-of-storms

♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤

♤ Ship ramble ♤

There are many reasons why Allen and Deuce are perfect for each other (list), but a fair share of said reasons are rooted in or can be traced back to one massive, highly important core point: these two have extremely similar experiences in a reversed order.

Said experiences shaped their personalities, goals, insecurities and "masks" — all of which are highly important factors for Deuce and Allen's relationship development.

So today, I'll be talking about how their backstories influence Allen and Deuce's relationship.

Something I noticed is that if Spade of Storms weren't dating, they'd pretty much end up experiencing at least parts of each other's backstory... and end up in a super miserable state.

Allen is a former honor student who overworked himself to the point of burning out, all because he was a people pleaser and his stellar grades still weren't enough for his teachers who expected nothing but the absolute best from him. Additionally, he had to suppress his true self and interests because he was expected to be a model student in every single way, and anger was something only "bad" kids felt.

Sounds familiar? Deuce is unknowingly on the path to end up in the same situation, except in his case, the fact that he can't seem to achieve better grades no matter what causes him even more distress. If he actually ended up becoming a honor student, Deuce would experience a ton of additional pressure, not to mention that he's already struggling to hide the delinquent tendencies that are a fundamental part of his true personality... Sure, "honor student" sounds like a nice and admirable title to have — but the reality behind it is cruel, and Deuce isn't aware of that yet.

Which is why I gave him Allen.

A large part of Allen's trauma is rooted in his past as a honor student and the crushing expectations people (including himself) threw at him, and he desperately wants Deuce to watch out for himself and approach his goal of becoming a honor student carefully and logically rather than bite off more than he can chew and end up drowning in even more pressure, self-suppression and insecurities. Allen doesn't want Deuce to experience all the negative sides of being a honor student and instead supports the Heartslabyul student's goals by working towards them with a pace appropriate for Deuce, helping him study through actually unique methods specifically tailored for Deuce, and — most importantly — giving Deuce a safe and healthy environment where he can be his 100% authentic self and learn how to properly get his impulsiveness under control at the same time.

And the other way around? How does Deuce's past help Allen?

Deuce quit being a delinquent because it not only disappointed his mom, but also caused him a lot of trouble and massively stained his reputation. While Allen can handle his own delinquent tendencies just fine on the outside, his anger is actually much worse than Deuce's, not to mention that he has incredibly violent fantasies about the people he can't stand...

So far, Allen hasn't done anything bad. But Deuce, despite being a delinquent at heart himself, is able to calmly remind Allen to not do anything he might end up regretting or that might stain his reputation, especially since this is a major fear of Allen's. Deuce's worries and loving way manage to keep Allen in check, no matter how strong the Ramshackle student's hatred for society grows.

♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎♤♠︎

Now, HOW exactly are they able to help each other grow? WHY did they form intimate levels of trust to begin with? And especially, why can Allen actually efficiently help Deuce in the first place when nobody else can?

All will be revealed in the next issue Spade of Storms explanation post >:)

[maximoffcarter]

It'll be okay.

Pairings: Emily Prentiss x reader.

Warnings: Mentions of COVID.

Summary: Emily Prentiss was known to always taking care of her team, taking full responsibility of everything, taking the blame, making sure they were okay, etc. But, it was true that she never let anyone know the hard time she was having, that was until y/n entered her life.

A/n: This was requested by anon, and gotta say I dunno if this is even good but I wrote what I felt was right. It’s angst with comfort and fluff😌 I added some backstory cause why nooooot? I mostly based this on the first episode, and maybe after the season ends, I'll do a better one, but I believe this was good enough for now haha. Our baby really does need some comfort and a goddamn break🥹 I also did not proof read this, I never do until it's too late haha, so my apologies. Hope you guys enjoy this, leave comments, hearts, whatever you like and reblog so this gets some love🫶🏻

*not my gif*

COVID had definitely taken a toll on the BAU, not only had the world stopped but a lot of things had happened then. People died, people left, the world entirely changed, and there was no stopping, no one could actually stop it. Emily Prentiss had tried to make it work, to make things a little easier as she tried to focus on her job every single day, drowning in paperwork, zoom meetings, not being able to freely do what they were so used on doing, it had been a hard year. Not only that, but the fact that her breakup had been so messy, but that was the least of all the other things she was going through. Emily thought it couldn’t have gone worse, but then y/n was very present in her life. It was funny the day where it all had gone down.

It was the end of the most painful and difficult year, 2021 was about to arrive, just a week for the so awaited new year. And it so happened that on Christmas day, Emily had gotten COVID. She was in complete denial of being sick, more so because she needed to work, and she also had nothing to help her with the undeniable symptoms; the unbearable headache and body ache, the obvious fever, the terrible cold that her body felt, the stupid and annoying coughing and the stupid stuffed nose. Yes, there was no denial she was sick, but of course she wouldn’t admit how bad it was. But that didn’t stop y/n from going into action and deciding to go to Emily. Emily had been on the phone with her a few hours earlier, and when y/n noticed how bad this had gotten, she couldn’t stop herself from getting everything she needed and off to Emily’s house she was.

“What…on earth are you doing h-here.” Emily was interrupted with a cough, her hand soon landing on her chest as she felt the horrible pain as she coughed.

“I’m here to take care of you. Go to the living room, need to keep our distance.” Y/n said softly as she adjusted her face mask, getting a bottle of spray out.

Emily furrowed her brows but went ahead to the living room, soon enough grabbing a face mask and turning back to look at y/n. “I’m fine, you don’t have to stay here.”

“Oh, but I do. We’re close to get the vaccine, I cannot have you stopping at the hospital just because you were too stubborn to accept that you’re really sick.” Y/n sprayed the whole area where Emily had just been, and then turned to look at her with a raised brow. “Okay, here’s what we’ll do. You stay in your room, I’ll sleep on the couch, you can only use your room and bathroom. I’ll be bringing you food and medication, already talked to a doctor. If we don’t see any progress, we’ll have to go to the hospital, which I hope, you’ll cooperate, Prentiss.”

Emily just stared at her, a bit surprised on how y/n had become so bossy, but she also couldn’t blame her, knowing perfectly well that she’d probably die on her own. “Got it. I will.”

Y/n nodded. “Good, now I’ll go disinfect your room first. You stay here while I do that, no touching anything anymore. Though, I will clean here too.”

Emily couldn’t help the small smile that spread through her face as she nodded, thankful that the face mask was covering it. “Got it boss.”

Y/n grinned softly as she nodded. “Good, I’ll be right back. Bed stuff?”

“Closet, second drawer, and the blankets are on top.”

Emily would be lying if she said she wasn’t happy to have y/n here. Ever since y/n joined the team, somehow, they had become inseparable, even if she tried to get her to work with the whole team, before she even thought about it, she was already saying that y/n would go with her, and of course, that didn’t go unnoticed by Tara, JJ and Penelope, but they never mentioned anything, even more when Emily ended up with a boyfriend. That of course till this day, Emily thought so much about how she had forced herself to actually like someone just so she wouldn’t feel so alone. But the one person she had actually wanted…had been y/n. And now having her here, willing to take care of her even if she knew there was a risk that she could get sick, it was everything for Emily.

Emily slowly opened her eyes as she heard her door opening. She looked up and smiled softly as she noticed y/n walking in with a tray of food. “Hey. Did I sleep a lot?”

Y/n looked at Emily and smiled, carefully putting the tray of food on the nightstand. “For like an hour and a half. It’s good that you’re sleeping.” She grabbed the thermometer and placed it on Emily’s forehead. She sighed relieved and offered a small smile. “It’s coming down, finally.”

Emily smiled. “And the headache is not as bad.”

“No, Prentiss. I will not leave, it’s good you’re getting better but no way I’m leaving in the next few days.” Y/n raised her brow as she placed back the thermometer in its place.

“I was not going to say anything about that.” Emily chuckled softly. “Just…thank you.” She smiled softly as she sat on her bed.

Y/n nodded softly. “You welcome.” She smiled as she looked at Emily. “So…I ordered some groceries for tomorrow, we’ll have our own Christmas celebration.”

Emily’s heart stopped for a moment, her eyes widening. “Oh my…tomorrow is Christmas! Y/n, you shouldn’t be here. I’m sure you have-“

“Ah, stop.” Y/n grinned softly. “I have nothing to do, and I wouldn’t want to spend my Christmas any differently. What better way to celebrate it than with a sick Emily Prentiss? Such a great gift.” She chuckled softly as she grabbed the tray and placed it on Emily’s legs.

Emily’s heart swelled as she stared at y/n, a small smile on her face. “If you say so.”

“I do say so.” Y/n smiled softly. “Eat that, I’ll bring your medication.”

Emily watched her leave and her smile widened even more. All these years, she had been taking care of herself, not letting anyone in because she knew how that’d end up. She had never liked to be taken care of, but she loved to make sure that her loved ones were always good taken care of. So now, y/n doing all of this…it made her realize that maybe, just maybe…she did feel the same way.

********************

Emily groaned softly as she stretched, slowly opening her eyes to the sound of a groan and then a small whisper. As she looked up, rubbing the sleep away from her eyes, she furrowed her brows as she noticed y/n moving a small table and placing it in the middle of the door. She tilted her head in curiosity as a small, silly smile spread across her face. “What are you doing?”

Y/n looked up at Emily and smiled, her cheeks turning slightly red. “Oh uh…moving a table?”

“And…leaving it right in the middle of the door?” Emily raised her brow.

“Okay don’t laugh but…I thought this could be a way for us to have Christmas lunch together.”

Emily’s face softened as she stared at her, her cheeks turning red and not for the fever. She grinned softly. “Charming.”

“I tend to be.” Y/n grinned softly. “Grab your chair and I’ll bring the food.”

Emily smiled softly and did just as she was told, grabbing the chair that was just might the closet and sitting down in front of the table. She smiled softly as y/n came back with a chair for herself and started brought Emily her plate already with food and her drink. They ate together and right after they talked about everything but work, laughing as they told old stories about themselves and even some stories with the team. Y/n was fascinated just listening to Emily talk, loving that she had chosen the idea of spending Christmas with her, and that Emily had allowed her to take care of her. As for Emily, even if she was tired, she was enjoying every moment she was spending with y/n. As she watched her talk, she kept wondering in her mind if she was right or she was wrong about her suspicions, smiling softly without even noticing.

Y/n furrowed her brows and tilted her head as she stared at Emily. “What?” She hugged a chuckle.

“What?” Emily snapped out of her trance. “Oh! No, nothing. I’m sorry.”

Y/n chuckled. “You should get back to bed and sleep, I’ll clean up and wake you up for your pills.”

“Wait!” Emily coughed, grabbing her glass of water, and taking a deep breath afterwards. “I uh…have a question.”

“Yes?”

Emily took a deep breath, feeling her body still pretty much aching and getting all warm. “Why are you doing this?”

Y/n furrowed her brows again. “I…because I didn’t want you to be alone, Em.”

“Is that the only reason?” Emily raised her brow, a small smile on her face.

Y/n tilted her head as she smiled shyly, looking down at her glass. “Well…I don’t wanna get fired after what I have to say.”

“Which is?”

“You’re a profiler, Em. Isn’t it obvious?” Y/n blushed slightly as she looked back at her. “I…care a lot about you. Which means…that I like you…a lot.” She whispered softly as she nibbled on her lip.

Emily smiled softly as she nodded, tilting her head. “And you’re also a profiler, y/n. Isn’t it obvious?”

Y/n’s eyes widened slightly as she stared at Emily. “Wait…are you serious?”

“If I wasn’t sick and this table wasn’t in the middle of us, I’d be kissing you right now.” Emily smirked softly.

Y/n’s lips parted slightly as she stared at Emily, a soft smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Is the fever making you talk?”

Emily laughed softly, coughing afterwards, and placing her hand on her chest. “No, no…I’m…I’m serious.” She smiled.

“We’re gonna check back once you’re not sick.” Y/n grinned. “But for now…this could be considered our first date.”

“And I’d like to take you in a second date…next year.” Emily joking as she grinned.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully. “You’re so funny, Prentiss. But I accept.” She smiled softly.

Emily laughed softly as she nodded, feeling her heart beating faster as y/n kept staring at her with that beautiful smile on her face. After all, there was something good out of this pandemic.

********************

It wasn’t new that y/n saw Emily drowning in work, not after all the changed that the BAU had over the years. Having JJ back had at least eased things, but Rossi losing his wife, not having Penelope around, a whole new case that fell into their lap, Bailey not helping at all, Emily was losing her mind. But once she had most of her team back, including Penelope, things didn’t seem to be so bad…until they were, again. Y/n always had her eyes on Emily, the entire time, they both had promised that their relationship wouldn’t interfere with work, it wouldn’t change the way they worked, and it also wouldn’t stop them, meaning that things would stay just like they were before. Of course, the team was now aware of their relationship, and they were happy that at least, there was something to look forward to -Penelope joking that she was already planning the wedding…they believed she was joking-.

But once the whole ‘Gold Star’ started, y/n noticed how Emily just kept getting home late, trying to drown herself in work and compensate for what had happened. She had tried her best to be there for her and let Emily know that it had not been her fault, and that she had done what she and the team had thought was right. Emily tried to hide everything that she was feeling to not let y/n and the team figure out that she was having a hard time, but y/n knew better, she could now see through Emily, but she also knew not to push her. Even if it killed her to know that Emily was having a hard time.

“Hey, so where’s Emily? Thought she’d be here.” JJ snapped y/n out of her trance, making her look up at her while JJ offered a small smile.

“Oh…she had uh…she had something to do.” Y/n tried her best to smile but they knew better.

“Work, huh? She feels…guilty about Bailey?” Tara asked as she turned to look at y/n.

Y/n sighed softly as she nodded. “I don’t know what to do.”

“We know Emily. There’s not much we can do if she doesn’t want to talk.” Tara said softly as she placed her hand on y/n’s shoulder.

“But I’m her girlfriend. I mean…I should at least…I don’t know. Try harder?” Y/n shrugged. “I just want Emily to know that I’m here…”

JJ sighed softly. “Well, I’m sure she knows, she’s just…trying to deal with her stuff.”

Y/n nodded softly as she looked back at JJ, smiling softly. She felt her phone vibrating and got it out of her pocket, furrowing her brows as she saw Emily’s text. Soon enough she was saying goodbye to everyone and then heading back to the office. It felt a little weird to be here so late, the whole office was silent and almost dark, Emily’s office was the only one that had its light on. Y/n took a deep breath as she noticed Emily walking around her office and then stopping by the window. She wanted to support her in every possible way, but she was also afraid that Emily was overworking herself and that didn’t sit right with her. She slowly walked to Emily’s office and leaned against the doorframe, trying her best to smile as Emily turned to look at her.

“Hey you.” Y/n smiled softly.

Emily offered a smile in return. “I’m sorry I made you leave Penelope’s birthday.”

“I was going to anyway.” Y/n shrugged. “What’s going on?”

Emily sighed softly. “We need to talk.”

Y/n felt her heart drop for a moment as she stared at Emily. She could only nod, not trusting her voice as she felt her body slightly trembling as she waited for Emily to say anything at all, but instead, she walked to y/n, grabbed her hand, and kissed it softly, offering a smile as she pulled y/n with her. Soon enough, they were on the ceiling, Emily had sat down and had pulled out a box of cigarettes, catching y/n off guard for a moment, but also keeping in mind how incredibly hot it was to see her smoke. Seriously, y/n…not the time. She crossed her arms and listened to everything Emily had to say, and again, she felt helpless as she listened to Emily, wanting nothing more than to be able to fix all this with a snap of her finger and be able to take Emily anywhere so she could relax.

“Well, you’ve been doing your homework.” Y/n teased as she walked closer to Emily and grabbed the cigarette putting it in her mouth before she returned it to Emily.

Emily scoffed. “Well…we need to get to the end of this.”

Y/n nodded, sighing softly, and looked away for a moment. “So…you think he’s government trained or something?”

“He’s definitely too proficient to be self-taught.”

“And that’s why they’re keeping it a secret.” Y/n tilted her head as she looked back at Emily. “I know that you’ve been overprotective after what happened…but we need to let the team know about this. You know that working together, we’ll get it done.”

Emily sighed softly as she nodded. “I know.” She nibbled on her lip for a moment as she looked at y/n. “Baby…I need you to promise me that whatever we do here, I need you to be safe. We see what he does…what has happened so far. I cannot…” her voice cracked for a moment, looking down at the floor as she put back the cigarette in her mouth.

Y/n sighed softly as she walked to Emily, positioning herself in between her legs and placing her hands on her cheeks, tilting her head up so their eyes locked. “I will promise you that if you promise me the same.” She smiled softly. “Em, I need you to take a break too. You’ve barely been home, you’ve barely been sleeping. I will make the promise if you promise me you’ll also take care of yourself.”

Emily took a deep breath, moving her free hand to y/n’s hips, offering a small smile. “Alright. I will.”

Y/n smiled softly as she leaned down to kiss Emily’s forehead. “You’re stubborn, Prentiss. If I don’t take care of you, you won’t.”

“That’s why I have you. Couldn’t have it any other way.” Emily chuckled softly, leaning up slightly to kiss her lips while she put out the cigarette.

Y/n smiled against her lips. “I know I should be forbidding you from smoking but…did you know you look extremely hot smoking?”

Emily chuckled softly as she wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her closer. “No but thank you.” She grinned.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully and then leaned down to kiss her lips again. “Let’s go call Garcia.”

********************

Y/n could only stare at Emily while everyone else talking, giving their thoughts about the video they had just watched. she couldn’t really concentrate on what they were even talking about, part of her was trying to comprehend everything, work with them, say anything at all, but her mind was entirely focused on Emily. The moment Rossi and Emily had walked into the office, she could tell that there was something wrong with Emily; the way she stared at them, the way she talked, her eyes seemed…lost. She tried to keep up with everything, every now and then feeling JJ’s eyes on her, even Tara’s, but her eyes were only focused on Emily.

“Em?” Y/n asked softly as they all left the room, walking to Emily and taking her hand. “Are you alright?”

Emily looked back at her and furrowed her brows. “Yes. Why are you asking?”

Y/n tilted her head slightly as she raised her brow. “That was not nothing. What you and Rossi saw…and you…you don’t look okay.”

Emily shrugged. “It’s part of the job, isn’t it?”

Y/n sighed softly. “Emily, I-“

“Right now, we need to focus on this case. We might have something important here. I know I promised, but we also promised we wouldn’t change the way we work here. Right now, we’re at work, and we need to focus on that.” Emily said softly but firmly, not wanting to sound rude or harsh, but the way she looked at y/n, with stress and frustration, made y/n’s insides turn.

Y/n nodded softly as she let go of Emily’s hand. “Right.”

Emily only nodded before she left, leaving y/n standing there, not knowing what to do or say. She knew working together wouldn’t be the easiest thing ever, but she couldn’t help it, and Emily couldn’t blame her for worrying. Y/n had stayed behind with JJ at the office, she had tried to brush it off and focus on their main task. But again, once they came back, y/n noticed it again, she noticed the way Emily rubbed her temple and went straight to her office. She didn’t say anything, she stayed with JJ as she let Emily have a minute. She was right, they had made it clear things wouldn’t change, and so far, it had worked out, and she was not about to stress Emily more.

********************

Y/n closed the door behind her and sighed softly as she locked it, standing there staring at it as she took a deep breath before she turned to walk to their room. Emily was already sitting on the bed, taking off her shoes. Y/n said nothing, walking to the bed and also sitting down and doing the same as Emily. Silence surrounded them for a moment for a while, y/n knew it was stupid that Emily’s words had hit her the way they did, but she couldn’t help it, she knew that if it was the other way around, Emily wouldn’t drop it until y/n accepted that Emily was right, but in this case, which was not even an option.

But then she heard a soft groan coming from Emily, and as she turned, she noticed Emily’s head in her hands, and y/n was back to feeling worried. She stood up slowly and walked around the bed, kneeling right in front of Emily, and positioning herself in between her legs, her hands on top of Emily’s as she leaned her head against Emily’s.

“Em…” Y/n whispered softly.

“I’m exhausted.” Emily breathed out, her voice cracking slightly. “I don’t know what’s going on, nothing seems right, everything seems to be against us, to be against me. It’s like they want me to resign so badly, they want…they want the BAU to disappear. I don’t know what they want from me, I cannot just drop this, not after everything we’ve been through.” She said quietly as she felt her eyes getting teary, not being able to look up at y/n. “They’re making us get involved with a fucking serial killer. What has gotten into their minds?! What are they hiding?!”

Y/n wrapped her arms around her, only being able to hold Emily tightly as she started sobbing. Emily knew that she was overworking herself, that she was doing too much, she was obsessing too much, but there was no chance to back down, she couldn’t just let it happen, she couldn’t let them win. But she felt so…heavy. Everything hurt, her head felt like exploding, her chest felt heavy, she had felt the usual anxiety creep in her body, she felt worse than she had years ago. She sobbed quietly as she felt y/n tightening her embrace, Emily suddenly wrapping her arms around y/n’s neck, feeling bad for the weird position they were in, but needing y/n to hold her so badly, she’d worry about the position later.

“I can’t just drop this.” Emily whispered as she buried her face on y/n’s neck, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“I know. And we won’t drop it. I’ll be by your side.” Y/n whispered softly.

“I’m sorry I’m so stubborn…”

Y/n shook her head, smiling softly as she turned to kiss the side of her head. “But you’re mine. You can be as stubborn as you want.”

Emily chuckled softly as she pulled away, looking into y/n’s eyes. “I’m sorry that I’ve been drowning myself in this case.”

Y/n sighed softly. “I don’t blame you, Emily.” She rubbed Emily’s back softly as she leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I just don’t want you falling sick for so much stress. I don’t want you to get stuck in this to the point where you can’t notice that you’re putting everything and you’re putting yourself in danger.” She said softly as she looked into Emily’s eyes. “I’m just worried about you.”

Emily nodded as she let out a shaky breath. “I know. I won’t keep anything else from you, I promise. And…I’ll come to you when it’s too much.”

Y/n nodded as she smiled. “Em…baby, look at me.” She ran her fingers through her hair as Emily locked her eyes on hers. “I’m here for you, no matter what. The good and the bad, you’re not a burden to me, okay? I love you. And you’re not alone.”

Emily’s eyes filled with tears as her face softened, her body slightly trembling as she finally gave up and let tiredness take over her. She took a deep shaky breath, nodding her head as more tears rolled down her cheeks. Y/n rapidly wrapped her into another tight hug, letting Emily bury her face on her neck and sob as much as she needed. They stayed like that for a while, y/n rubbing her back and whispering sweet nothings while Emily cried. It was becoming too much, and Emily knew this wasn’t even the half of it and there was so much more to come, but for now, for now she had y/n, she was present in this moment. Y/n gave her the space to break and make her feel like she deserved to have this sort of moment even if they still made her feel weak, but she knew her lover would never judge her, not like she had been judged before. After a moment, she finally felt like she had gotten everything out, slowly moving back but resting her forehead against y/n’s, not wanting to be away.

“Thank you…” Emily whispered softly.

“Why are you thanking me?”

“Because you always take care of me even if you don’t have to.” Emily smiled through her tears.

Y/n smiled softly pulling away just enough to wipe her tears and stroke her cheek. “And I’ll be here to do it over and over again. If I risked my life with COVID, why not now?” She grinned a little.

Emily rolled her eyes playfully. “Well, it kept you in my apartment for a whole month. Not my fault you were so eager to kiss me.” She teased back.

Y/n gasped softly. “In my defense, you were supposed to be out of risk, and also, I couldn’t help it when I had you right in front of me. We had become girlfriends, and I hadn’t even kissed you yet.”

“That’s true.” Emily chuckled softly as she leaned in and kissed her forehead. “And I got to take care of you.”

Y/n nodded. “We’ve got each other’s back. You take care of me, and I take care of you.” She smiled softly.

Emily smiled and nodded softly. “Yes.” She rested her forehead against y/n’s once again. “I love you.”

“And I love you.” Y/n smiled softly and sighed softly as she closed her eyes for a moment. After a while, she moved to kiss Emily’s nose and offer another smile. “C’mon, let’s take a bath together. I’ll bring some wine and snacks.”

Emily smiled softly and nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

Y/n nodded before she got up, but as she was about to leave, Emily pulled her back to her, making her turn back to Emily who was now standing. “Yes?”

Emily smiled softly as she shook her head. “Nothing.” She placed her hand on y/n’s neck and brought their lips together into a tender kiss. “I love you.” She whispered softly against her lips.

Y/n giggled. “I love you too.” She whispered back and kissed her lips one more time before she walked out of the room.

Emily knew there was still a very long way, she had no idea what they were getting into, a lot of stress was coming their way, but she knew that as soon as she walked into their house, she’d be able to leave that stress behind at least for a while. This little bubble they had created for themselves was everything to Emily, and what got her to keep going. And that was all she needed.

[ugh-yoongi]

so sorry it took me a few days to get this together for you, but i hope you enjoy some of these!

most of these works contain mature themes/content. please heed tags and do not engage with any explicit work if you are a minor!

i'm sure there are a bunch i've forgotten, so please feel free to reblog and share your own work and your faves!

also, please note: there are a lot of fics on these lists that are posted to ao3. it has recently come out that a volunteer was removed from their position for being pro-palestine (you can find the twt thread here). i am in the process of looking for a better alternative, but until then, it is unfortunately probably the best way to share these stories. while i personally won't be posting to or reading on ao3 for the time being, how you choose to engage going forward is completely up to you! i just wanted to make sure i was being transparent.

hobi x reader

guarded & kanalia by @xjoonchildx — basically anything by ana lbr

just practice & we float by @anotherbtswriter

gone wild by @johobi

liar, liar by @eoieopda

party on you by @here2bbtstrash

do i wanna know? by @yoongiphoria

started with a spark, now we're on fire by @the-boy-meets-evil

renegade by @junghelioseok

midnight confessions by @snackhobi

cry to my room by @kithtaehyung

matters of the heart by @hobidreams

plant boy by @gukyi

sunlit affair by @ubemango

the art of war by @wwilloww

not today, satan by @gimmethatagustd

the wood by @sailoryooons

virtuoso by @hamsterclaw

even though by @moni-logues

anything by @dilfhoseokie

upbeat

for the first time (what's past is past)

same old mistakes

tip 143 (for ∞ seconds of love)

as always, mxm fics (aka me being embarrassing sope trash) under the cut!

member x member

little miracles by @here2bbtstrash (jihope)

you're not mine, but you're the best (jihope) ⭐

i only always think (jihope)

you made me dream when i couldn't sleep (jihope)

walk the walk (jihope)

polaroid (jihope)

a midnight clear (jihope) ⭐

got an offer you might refuse (jihope feat. jin)

i don't want it at all (jihope feat. jin)

please be my finale (sope) ⭐

i've been calling your name (in this whole universe) (sope)

nothing without sunlight (sope)

same damn hunger (sope) ⭐

hot fuss (sope)

i'd love it if we made it (sope) ⭐

rub your feelings down my spine (sope)

kiss me hard before you go (sope) ⭐

how easy this should be (sope)

all my days (i'll know your face) (sope)

those ocean eyes (sope)

leave you drowning (until you reach for my hand) (sope)

reputation (sope)

snapshots from the breakdown (sope) ⭐

the best is yet to come (sope)

my hands down your pants (no homo) (sope)

first times and stuff & an experiment in threesomes (sope feat. jk)

at least i got you in my head (hopekook)

10/10, would do again (hopekook)

bone + tissue (hopekook)

telepathy (rapline)

delta (rapline)

i get those goosebumps every time (rapline)

i'm on fire (rapline)

when the moon rises (namseok)

how i'm imagining you (namseok)

in your atmosphere (namseok)

why don't you figure (my heart) out (namseok)

the universe needs more you (namseok)

bated breath (2seok)

smile like you mean it (2seok)

gingerbread (2seok)

cowboys love horses (2seok)

natural gnosis and the chaos therein (2seok) ⭐

telepathy for virgins (2seok)

⭐ = personal mxm favorite. please read any of these and return to scream over them with me.

[joelalorian]

Fall Into Me - Chapter Seven: I'll Catch You Darlin'

dbf!Joel x f!reader

Summary: Joel is hanging on by a thread as a single father to a tenacious 10-year-old Sarah. Feeling like he's drowning, like the world is about to spit him out, he needs some help before he breaks in half. At your dad's insistence, you show up in his life and change everything.

Story is inspired by the song Fall Into Me by Forest Blakk. Chapter titles will be lyrics from the song.

Word Count: 3.9k

Chapter Warnings: Explicit, under 18 take a hike. No outbreak AU. Lots of feelings, unprotected p in v, flirting, dads being dads. Two idiots falling in love. Joel is his own warning. Age gap of about 9 years (Reader 24/25, Joel 33/34). No use of y/n. Reader has a nickname used only by her dad and Joel uses various terms of endearment (darlin', sweetheart, etc.).

Thank you so much to everyone who reads this self-indulgent story and extra thanks to those who comment and/or reblog - you all make me feel like a rock star!

Dividers by the wonderful @saradika-graphics

Some of the tags aren't working in the taglist - if you're not getting the notifications, please check your settings to make sure you are taggable. Thx!

Chapter Six | Main Masterlist

Moonlight peeked through the gap in the dark curtains, beams of soft light dancing across your face. Blinking your eyes open, you glanced around the room, momentarily uncertain where you were. Even in the pre-dawn light, the walls were noticeably darker than your room, furniture a rich mahogany, the bedding a deep blue. The spot in the bed beside you was empty but warm, and it jogged your memory.

You were in Joel’s room, in his bed.

You slept with Joel last night… but, no, wait. You didn’t, you know, sleep with him, though you wanted to and now wished you had.

The two of you made a mess of each other on the couch – you still couldn’t believe you made Joel come in his pants. You’d never done such a thing and it was so fucking hot! Even hotter was the fact that he wasn’t even embarrassed about it. Instead, he let you know how much of an effect you had on him, murmuring affectionate words in your ear. Afterwards, you both cleaned up, Joel loaning you a pair of boxer briefs and joggers to replace your soaked jeans and panties, and finally sat down to watch a movie and order pizza. It was a perfect Sunday date night in. When Sarah and Tommy returned, they joined you for a bit, Sarah cuddled into your left side as you cuddled into Joel on your right. Somehow, after Sarah went to bed and Tommy left, you ended up in Joel’s bed, the dark sheets covering you as he held you in his broad arms. Too tired for anything more, you fell asleep.

It was the best night of sleep you had in your entire life.

Glancing at the alarm clock on the nightstand, you sighed. Too early to rise, you huddled under the covers wondering where Joel went off to. Just then, the bathroom door creaked open, and Joel emerged, climbing back into bed next to you. His arms encased you in the warmth of his body and you hummed happily, placing soft kisses on his chest.

“Mmm, what are you doin’ awake, darlin’,” he murmured, nuzzling his nose in your hair.

“Dunno,” you replied, fingertips dancing along his arms and over his shoulders. Joel pulled you closer still and, with a tilt of your head, you pressed a kiss to his pouty lips, the scruff of his beard and mustache tickling your skin.

Just being in his arms, in his bed, caused a wave of arousal to pool in your lower belly. Thinking of last night on the couch, your hips pressed forward without conscious thought from your brain and your lower belly brushed against the swelling length of Joel’s cock.

“Is someone feelin’ a lil’ needy?” Joel asked, voice thick and velvety, as one hand wandered down the length of your back to squeeze at the plumpness of your ass.

“Always need you, Joel,” you practically whined, internally cringing at your own neediness. You always swore you wouldn’t beg for a man but with your skin practically burning for his every touch, you’d give anything for Joel to be inside you. You never wanted someone so much you felt like you could shatter from the wanton desire pulsing through you.

Shifting forward, Joel rolled you onto your back and hovered above you, bracing himself on one veiny forearm. The thumb of his free hand swiped slowly across your bottom lip, pulling at the pouty flesh, his dark eyes searing as your tongue darted out for a taste of his skin. With a growling moan, he darted forward to press his mouth to yours, nipping at that bottom lip while his hand traced a path down your neck and chest, seeking the roundness of your breasts. Precise in his movements, Joel swallowed your little mewls as he plucked at your nipples one at a time until they were hardened peaks. You squirmed as each delectable pinch sent a bolt of arousal straight to your pussy.

Without a word, Joel read your movements, his hand gliding further down your body to dip beneath the elastic of your panties. Leaning back slightly, his eyes met yours, pupils blown, and arched a single eyebrow. You were absolutely drenched, your arousal seeping through the fabric of your panties to coat the flesh of your inner thighs.

“All this for me? I’ve been so neglectful, you poor lil’ thing. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you, darlin’.”

Joel’s eyes never left yours as he swiped through your folds, the rough pad of his index finger strumming at your clit for a few beats before slipping inside you. It had been a while since you had anything other than a tampon inside you and your breath caught at the feeling of his thick finger stretching you. Soft mewls quickly turned to panting moans as he added another finger to the mix, curling them both to hit that little fleshy bundle of nerves that made you desperate to come as his thumb teased your clit.

“Shhh, darlin’. We need to be quiet,” Joel whispered, his breath in your ear causing goosebumps to prickle across your scalp and along your arms. Biting your lip, you did your best to stay quiet, breathing heavily through your nose as Joel scissored his fingers, opening you up to take the fullness of him.

Suddenly realizing you’ve been so focused on what Joel was doing to you that your hands hadn’t moved from his waist, you shifted. Hips arching up chasing the orgasm that teetered just out of reach, you slipped one hand around Joel’s hip, digging your fingers under the waistband of his boxer briefs to take the heft of him in hand.

Fuck, he was huge. Joel chuckled and your faced heated at the realization that you said that aloud. “That’s why I’m making sure you’re ready to take me, darlin’. I don’t want to hurt you, ever.”

How was this man real? He was everything you never knew you always wanted and then some. And God damn did he know how to work you right over the edge. Afraid of being too loud, you bit into the flesh of Joel’s shoulder to drown your moans as an intense orgasm washed over you. Joel’s fingers worked you through it, soothing you through the trembling aftershocks until you came back to your senses.

“Please, Joel. I need you. I’m ready. I need you now. Please,” you babbled, hands scrabbling at his underwear, wanting him as naked as you. So much for not begging.

Pushing back, Joel tugged his boxer briefs down his hips and thighs, kicking them away as he settled between your thighs. Your eyes widened when you caught a glimpse of his cock, mouth watering with the desire to taste him. Next time, you thought, as he tilted his hips forward, balancing his upper body on his arms. This was the moment you’d both been waiting patiently for.

Joel’s big brown eyes met yours, seeking confirmation that this was what you wanted, and you smiled. “Please, Joel,” you whimpered, hips bucking in search of friction.

Sealing his lips to yours, Joel pushed forward, easing his cock into you with an exaggerated slowness. The mixture of pleasure and slight pain was exquisite as inch after inch of his cock caressed your walls, eyes rolling back when he finally bottomed out.

“Fuck, baby. Y-you feel so fucking good wrapped around me, squeezing me so tight. I could live here, just like this, forever.” Joel’s voice a deep whisper as he rocked into you, cock sliding along your fluttering walls, hitting just the right spots with every movement. He was do deep inside you; you’d swear you could feel him deep in your belly.

The broadness of him surrounded you as he fed you his cock with steady thrusts. Sex never felt so good, and you knew it had everything to do with Joel and the way you felt about him. You’d never felt this way about anyone before and, though it overwhelmed you, it was the greatest thing in the world. You were bursting to tell him the true depth of your feelings, but hesitated, not wanting to be the first to make such a declaration, especially in the heat of the moment.

The pace picked up, Joel kissing you deeply as he rocked into you. You swallowed each other’s moans as you wrapped your legs around his hips, drawing him ever closer, ever deeper. The brush of his lower belly and coarse curls against you created just the right amount of friction on your clit it threw you right over the cliff, moaning into Joel’s mouth, fingernails digging into the skin of his back. No doubt there would be a dozen half moon markings on his back later.

Within a few thrusts, Joel’s pace turned erratic as he sought his own pleasure. Tearing his lips from yours, he frantically blurted, “Where?”

“Inside. Come inside me, baby,” your mewled, aching to feel him pulse inside you.

Two more thrusts and Joel came, his low groan muffled by your neck as he burrowed his head into the pillow. “Fuck,” he drew out the word, followed by a sigh of your name before he collapsed half on top of you. The bulk of him like a weighted blanket covering your body. “That was amazing. I can’t wait to do it again.”

Still delirious, you both chuckled as quietly as you could manage, chests heaving as you tried to catch your breath. Rolling off you, Joel pulled you close so that you were now sprawled half over him and cuddled you until your heart rates returned to normal.

A glance at the clock let you know you were out of time. Sarah would be up any minute looking for breakfast before getting ready for school. The thought of unwrapping yourself from Joel and leaving his bed pained you, but you both got up. You did a quick cleanup while Joel jumped in the shower. As much as you wanted to join him, you both knew you’d lose track of time if you did. Instead, you jumped in after Joel finished, letting him deal with getting Sarah’s breakfast.

It wasn’t until you emerged from the shower that nervous energy coursed through you at the thought of going downstairs. Did Sarah know you stayed over? Did Joel want Sarah to know that you stayed over? You should have talked to Joel about this before he went downstairs, but it was too late now. The questions still swirled in your head as you slipped on the borrowed joggers and scraped your hair into a knot at the back of your head. You wore a tank top to sleep in and were about to put your shirt from the night before on when one of Joel’s flannels caught your eye. Holding the fabric up to your nose, you breathed in the scent of him – fresh cut wood and a musk that was so uniquely Joel – and slipped the shirt on with a tender smile. Time to face the music, you thought.

Steps light as you walked down the stairs, you heard Sarah chattering away to Joel and smiled when Joel’s deep voice muttered responses. Their connection warmed your heart and you wanted so badly to be part of this family unit with them.

Catching sight of you as you turned the corner, Joel’s dark chocolate eyes lit up, lips twitching into a half smile. “Good mornin’, darlin’,” he greeted once you stepped through into the kitchen, leaning down to kiss the top of your head as if the two of you hadn’t spent the last hour getting full carnal knowledge of each other. “How’d you sleep?”

“Mmm, good morning you two,” you replied, slipping into the seat next to Sarah with a smile at the young girl. “That was the best night of sleep.”

Joel looked pleased with himself as he placed a glass of water on the table in front of you along with a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. “Just what I hoped to hear.” He took the seat across from you at the little four-top table and the three of you dug in.

Sarah kept up a stream of chatter as you ate, telling you all about her ice cream date with Tommy the night before. About mid-way through breakfast, you nearly choked on your eggs when the little girl blurted, “You’re wearing Daddy’s clothes. Does that mean you’re officially his girlfriend now?”

Sputtering, your wide-eyed gaze darted to Joel. He sat there looking cool as a cucumber, lips quirked in a grin and umber eyes twinkling with mischief. “Yeah, darlin’. Does that mean you’re officially my girlfriend now?”

Eyes narrowing at the menace of a man sitting across the table, you smirked. Two could play this game. “Well, I don’t know. What do I get for being your official girlfriend?” you asked, voice dipping toward sultry.

Joel visibly gulped, eyes searching your face before he cleared his throat. “Anything you want.” He said it so simply, the words leaving his lips so effortlessly, and it threw you.

“What about what you want?” you deflected.

Sarah gazed between the two of you, nose scrunched, equal parts happy and confused. Why did adults make everything complicated?

Playfulness glinted in Joel’s eyes, winking at Sarah before turning back to you. “I want you to be my official girlfriend.”

“Okie dokie,” you replied with a nonchalant shrug of your shoulders, feigning indifference as you took the last bite of eggs on your plate to hide your smile.

Joel shook his head, wide grin splitting his face, and went to reply when his phone buzzed. He shot a brief look to you before answering. “Hey JB,” he greeted, listening as your dad spoke. “Yeah, she’s here. Just getting the nugget ready for school.”

One thick-fingered hand tapped a rhythm on the wooden table, phone to his left ear as he gazed at you. Your dad was talking a lot, the echo of his voice carried in the air, but you couldn’t decipher what he said.

“It’s no bother, man. She’s a good girl and we love having her here.” Joel winked at you again before motioning for Sarah to go finish getting ready. “Yeah, JB, you can talk to her.”

Accepting the phone as he passed it across the table, you sat back in the chair. “Hey Dad. What’s up?”

“What’s up with you, ya dirty stay out? I didn’t see your car last night or this morning and wondered where ya were. Guess I shoulda known you’d be over there.”

There was something off with your dad’s tone and you panicked, trying in vain to think of an excuse on why you would’ve stayed the night. Mouth opening and closing a few times, your dad beat you to the punch.

“Don’t be makin’ a nuisance of yourself over there, ya hear? It’s one thing to have a crush on the guy, but it’s another to force yourself into every aspect of their lives, Spud. Don’t be getting’ in the way of their family time. You know how important that is.”

Your dad kept going, rattling off some other advice you didn’t ask for, but you were stuck on one thing. He thought you had a crush on Joel. He was much more observant than you ever gave him credit for. You and Joel would not be able to keep your now official relationship secret for long, not with good ol’ JB nosing around.

Joel’s eyes burned into you, but you couldn’t meet his gaze, staring down at the flaws in the tabletop instead.

“Anyway, I just wanted to wish ya good luck on your meeting at the school today, sweetie. You make your old man proud,” your dad said. “Tell Joel I’ll see him later. Love you, Spud.”

“Thanks Dad, love you too,” you uttered, the line going dead before you finished speaking. Shaking your head to clear your thoughts, your eyes met Joel’s, finally. “He thinks I have a crush on you and shouldn’t interfere with your family time.”

Tilting his head to the side, brows pinched, Joel reached a hand across the table to link his fingers with yours. “We’ll tell him real soon, darlin’. Don’t want you keeping secrets from your dad like this.”

“You sure? What if…”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m here, in this, for the long haul,” Joel replied imploringly, his fingers squeezing yours. “I haven’t felt like this in too long, if ever, and I’m not givin’ it up for anything. Okay?”

The tell-tale tickle of tears welled but you refused to let them spill over, nodding with a watery smile. “Okay.”

The day started off cool, but the southern sun beat down on the back of Joel’s neck by early afternoon, causing him to shed the red flannel he wore to the job site. Gulping down a bottle of chilled water, he glanced at his phone hoping for a message from you.

You were on his mind constantly. Something triggered a memory or thought of you at almost every moment of the day. He’d see a bird and wonder if you knew what species it was. Or he’d hear something funny and wonder what you’d think about it. Or memories of you in his lap and in his bed would hit suddenly, making him hot under the collar and below the belt.

Joel Miller was a man falling in love and powerless to stop it. Not that he wanted to, anyway.

Just then his phone buzzed with a message from you asking him to call you when he had a moment. He’d always make time for you, he thought, his fingers already hitting the call symbol.

“Hey handsome,” you answered on the second ring, breathless as if you were running.

“Howdy darlin’,” he replied, voice deep and rumbly, just the way he knew you liked it. “How’d the meeting go?”

You were silent for a moment too long, and Joel pulled the phone from his ear, checking that the call didn’t drop.

 “Well, you’re talking to the new middle grade science teacher, so I’d say it went well.” He could feel the pride in your voice and his heart swelled.

“Congrats, darlin’. I knew you’d get it and you’ll be the best damn science teacher those kids will ever have.” He was already thinking about how lucky Sarah would be to have you as a teacher. Letting his voice go a little deeper, he added, “We should celebrate this weekend. Sarah has two sleepover birthday parties to go to, so we’ll have the house to ourselves. I can take my time in showing you just how proud I am of you, and we can be as loud as we want.”

Your breath audibly hitched on the other end of the phone, causing Joel’s lips to twitch into a smirk. “I’d really like that, Joel,” you breathed, and his jeans suddenly grew tighter.

Adjusting himself as subtly as possible, Joel sighed. “I should go, sweetheart. There’s a ton to do at this site and I’m already looking at a few long days this week. Call JB next. He’s dropping by in a bit, and I don’t want to let something slip that I shouldn’t know yet.”

Sighing deeply into the phone, you said, “Alright, I’ll call him now. We gotta tell him soon, Joel. This is only gonna get harder, you know.”

“I know, sweet cheeks. We will, I promise.” Hearing his name, Joel nodded to one of his crew before saying goodbye. Your sweet voice echoed in his ears as he worked like a dog the rest of the day. JB was a proud papa when he stopped by, bragging about you to anyone who would listen. Guilt gurgled in Joel’s gut knowing the two of you were keeping a secret from the guy, but he pushed it down, pretending that he didn’t know anything about your new job and let JB share the details. The sun set long before he left the site, and he arrived home to find leftovers warming on the stove while you got Sarah ready for bed.

The sight of you walking down the stairs, smiling sweetly at him, set his soul on fire. God, how he longed to be with you all the time, to wake up next to you every morning and come home to you every evening.

“Come ‘ere, my sexy teacher girlfriend,” he greeted softly, pulling you in for a scorching kiss. He wasted no time, tongue dipping into your mouth to tangle with yours. “You’re so beautiful and smart, I’m so lucky I get to call you mine.”

You laughed with a little shake of your head. “I’m the lucky one, Joel. I can’t believe some lucky lady hadn’t snatched you up before I came along.”

Even though he was dirty and probably stunk of sweat from working all day, Joel hesitated to let you out of his embrace. As if sensing his feelings, you nuzzled into him.

“I wish I could stay the night, but I should get back to my dad’s,” you said, reluctantly.

“I know, darlin’. We’ll tell him soon and then you can stay over whenever you want.” Joel walked you out the door, thanking you for taking care of Sarah and cooking dinner. He kissed you a few more times on the way to your car and even ducked down to buckle you in and kiss you one last time before finally stepping back. “I’ll see you in the mornin’. I—”

That pesky little four-letter word had been bouncing around his heart and mind for weeks, even before the two of you decided to give this thing before you a shot, but he hesitated to say it first. He’d never said it and meant it, and to him it was a really big thing that he needed to time just right.

The rest of the week passed in a blur of work for Joel. Business was good, keeping him, Tommy, and a few other guys busier than any of them preferred. It was getting to the point where Joel needed to hire another crew so they could run two jobs at once. Though it was a great thing, making changes to his business always increased Joel’s anxiety. Management wasn’t his forte and he was terrified of screwing something up, but maybe that’s what made him a great small business owner. He was hyper vigilant in both the business and construction side of operations, going the extra mile to make sure things ran safely and smoothly.

The downfall of being so busy was, of course, the complete lack of time to spend with Sarah or you. It made him extra happy to know that Sarah had you to lean on and spend time with while he was busy, though. You were the piece of the support system that Sarah had been missing and seeing the bond between the two of you grow stronger every day warmed his heart to the point of bursting.

Finally, Friday arrived, and Joel busted his ass to get done early, rushing home to shower and setup a little something in the backyard to celebrate you landing your first teaching position. He had the perfect evening planned.

tbc

Taglist: @mellymbee @untamedheart81 @anoverwhelmingdin @runningmom94 @leilanixx

@pedropascalfan221 @lovelyjess69 @sarahhxx03 @sofiparallel @tammythr

@lulawantmula @islacharlotte @allyourfavesinoneblog @lover-of-books-and-tea @pedropascalsbbg

@ashleyfilm @brittmb115 @lilmizmoz @loveisacowboyyy @shotgun-shelby

@deninoe @casssiopeia @caitlynsixxx @skysmiller @missladym1981

@marirxse @lizzie-cakes @tynakub

[guardian-angle22]

Happy to present to y'all this 911LS fic list for stories related to one of my favorite episodes 3.13 Riddle of the Sphynx! I try to make these as comprehensive as possible, so if you have any you think I missed, let me know so I can add them. (I also might make edits to these posts to add more fics as they get written. If I ever do so I'll be sure to reblog the post for visibility!)

Enjoy all of our amazing fandom writers and leave them some comments & love!

[Disclaimers: • If you're an author and don't like to be tagged or linked for any reason, let me know and I'll remove the tag and make sure not to do so in the future, no questions asked. • I usually post TWs in rec lists. Due to the episode subject matter, assume all of these have a TW for discussion of addiction/drug use and possibly discussion of parent death/grief.]

◆ Heard the risk is drowning by @paperstorm (Words: 15.3 K; Rating: M)

A tag for 3x13, "Riddle of the Sphynx", in which Carlos combats his own insecurities as TK tries to heal.

◆ Chasers by @carlos-in-glasses (Words: 13.4K; Rating: E)

After 3x13 – while TK is alone with Cooper, Carlos is alone with his thoughts. Both recall times they’ve chased the next high, other men, or each other. When Carlos arrives home, TK still has something important to say – and it's something he didn’t tell Cooper.

◆ trying my best by @reyescarlos (Words: 10.3K; Rating: M)

An exploration of TK's sobriety journey from 2017 to now. Or, a season 3 coda spanning 3x08-3x13

◆ You Showed me How it feels to Truly be Seen by @ramblingdisaster73 (Words: 3K; Rating: T)

Carlos works through the events of 3x13 "The Riddle of the Sphinx".

◆ Measure of a Man by @chicgeekgirl89 (Words: 1.8K; Rating: T)

“I want to be everything you need. That I can’t be, it hurts, T.K. It feels like a failure on my part. And as much as I’m trying to accept it, it’s hard.” A 3x13 coda in which Carlos struggles with a new definition of being "enough."

◆ I'll be here all the same by @strandnreyes (Words: 4.8K; Rating: G)

“I am glad you have someone you can talk to who can maybe do a better job at fixing things,” Carlos insists before dropping his eyes to their tangled together fingers. “All I want is for you to be okay.”It’s not surprising to hear, but it hits as if it was. That really is the root of this whole thing. As much as Carlos wants to do what he can to be the person to get TK to that place, at the end of the day all he really wants is for TK to get there.“I will be.”Or, three late night conversations following the events of 3.13

◆ Trigger by comes2gusu (Words: 4.7K; Rating: T)

TK is struggling with his newly found sobriety. After being triggered at an NA meeting, Cooper takes TK for omelets

◆ this love we carry by @thevenstar (Words: 7.6K; Rating: T)

A 3x13 coda in which Carlos has a conversation with a friend, puts his heart to rest, and learns that walking away does not mean surrender.

◆ Those Pieces by @taralaurel (Words: 7.3K; Rating: M)

"I, I'm not telling you all - this - so you can fix me," TK huffs a hot breath against Carlos' chin, "or save me or really, do anything, okay?" Carlos nods against TK's forehead. TK has done a lot of things in his life to deserve the bad that has happened to him. He has no idea what good he's done to deserve Carlos. Coda to 3x13

◆ the one i want by @chaotictarlos (Words: 2K; Rating: E)

TK gets Carlos to take his shirt off.

◆ i want you to unravel me by @reyescarlos (Words: 4.2K; Rating: E)

In the aftermath of the strain that's fallen over them, TK and Carlos bridge the gap with open conversation that brings them closer together, both emotionally and physically. [3x13 coda]

◆ Just Wanna Breathe by @theoceanismyinkwell (Words: 1.9K; Rating: G)

Carlos doesn’t dare look at him for long, knowing that his eyes have always been the window to his soul, the weakest part of his body, unveiling everything in the well of truths he’s kept a lid on for years and years. His family may not be able to read him as well as he feared for the decades he was in the closet, but TK has a way of crashing into his life with a formidable gentleness and a piercing understanding that unmoors him in every possible way.And that’s precisely what TK is doing now, keeping the warmth of his palms flush against the beating of Carlos’ skin, cradling his face, forcing them both to gaze into each other’s eyes and face each other’s unspoken terrors without flinching.TK sounds like he has a lump in his throat. “I’m going to say something, and I want you to listen to me and I want you to remember it.”---Or: What happens when Carlos comes back home after TK's talk with Cooper, and the confessions that spill out after.

◆ waiting on the sidelines by @morganaspendragonss (Words: 1.5K; Rating: T)

They’d promised each other no more secrets, and while Carlos rationally knows that these aren’t exactly secrets, there’s still this grain of resentment inside of him that scratches away with every beat of his heart. It’s something he can’t let show in front of TK ever again, which is why he’s here, outside Owen's house while TK and Cooper talk in the loft.If anyone’s going to understand what he’s feeling, it’s Owen Strand.

◆ Three Weeks In by @masterroadtripper (Words: 3K; Rating: T; TW: self-harm)

It’d been three weeks since Sadie had drugged them - nineteen days since TK started a ninety-day NA sobriety program at the local Synagogue and eleven days since Carlos had met Cooper for the first time - before Carlos realized that there was something else TK wasn’t telling him.

◆ What We Need by Ehm (Words: 3.1K; Rating: T)

"You okay, bud?" Cooper startled him out of his thoughts and he let go of the spoon with a clinking noise. He straightened up, embarrassed. "Sorry, I zoned out." "I can see that," Cooper sounded vaguely amused. "You wanna talk about it?" --- Three times TK has a conversation with Cooper, and one time he talks to Carlos. Or, 3x13 and beyond from TK's point of view.

◆ Nocturne by @sanctuaryforalluniverses (Words: 735; Rating: T)

Carlos comes home. (Post-ep for 3x13)

◆ Precious Love by @rmd-writes (Words: 11.6K; Rating: M)

This is five times TK thinks he doesn’t deserve love and one time he knows he does – an exploration of TK’s relationship with love and self-worth.

◆ Inside a snow globe by @goodways (Words: 6.9K; Rating: E)

It isn’t until TK is on top, lavishing Carlos’ neck, stroking his hand up his side, that Carlos brings their faces together, barely a suggestion of a kiss between them. He holds TK’s jaw and keeps him close whilst he readies the question in his mind. He breathes out a straightforward and tempting, “fuck me,” over TK’s lips which silences the world outside their bedroom. TK’s response whenever he’s asked for this has few variations between immediate enthusiastic compliancy and the sweet reassurance he knows Carlos is dying for. The answer is always yes. - The evening after TK gets his one month sobriety chip.

◆ my home has been your heart since the day i met you by @lavendergiroux (Words: 1.8K; Rating: M)

After Carlos leaves Cooper and TK to talk, all they do is talk about him. When Carlos comes home - they are still talking about him.

◆ Deep Talks and Cuddles by raniaswritings (Words: 1.2K; Rating: T)

TK talks to Cooper and Carlos comes back home after a few hours

◆ “What are you doing?” “I don’t want you to do that.” by @irispurpurea (Words: 1.1K; Rating: T)

Fictober 2022 Day 13 and 14. Prompts: “What are you doing?” “I don’t want you to do that.” “What are you doing?” Carlos looks up to find TK frowning at him from their bedroom. “I…” Carlos holds up the blanket in his hands, unsure what else to say. He thinks it’s pretty obvious what he’s doing. Then again, tonight has proven that he can’t do anything right, apparently, when it comes to TK.

◆ "It's your shirt..." by @lavendergiroux (Words: 780; Rating: M)

TK really didn't want to talk about it, he just really needed Carlos to claim him...

◆ sunkissed face by mooshkat (Words: 1K; Rating: T)

To show his appreciation, TK decides to make Carlos breakfast.

Spec Fics Written Prior to the Episode Airing/Canon Convergence:

◆ if the darkness comes, i'll stay by @doublel27 (Words: 3.2K; Rating: T)

“I had some things to do,” TK says, his stomach twisting. “Some things?” “Carlos, I texted,” TK reminds his boyfriend, because he did. “It’s fine.” “Is it?” Carlos asks, his voice dangerously calm. or TK comes home late for the third night in one week, and he and Carlos have a necessary confrontation. A speculative fic for 3x13.

◆ Caught by @littlemissmarianna (Words: 761; Rating: G)

“Who’s that?” Carlos doesn’t answer Mitchell’s question because he doesn’t know. There’s only a handful of people he can identify from the back, and this guy isn’t on the list. He has broad shoulders, though, and nice hair and is probably good-looking. Why else would TK be staring at him so intently?

◆ In Order to Get Back to Us by reyestrand (Words: 2.2K; Rating: G)

Carlos waits up for TK when he’s late coming home and they talk about the things they’re afraid to. - a 3x13 speculation fic

◆ still comparing your past to my future by @kiras-sunshine (Words: 17.4K; Rating: T)

Something else than the wallowing feeling of uneasiness, anxiety and hurt in the bottom of his stomach. All of it seems to have a chokehold on his heart and no matter what he tries to think about, his thoughts always go back to TK, to worry that keeps mixing in with everything, and the brightness of TK’s smile, the way the corner of his mouth curled up and his eyes shone, when he smiled at someone else than him.

[callhermyname]

you're not going | e.m. x reader - prologue

summary: you and Eddie meet for the first time (a few weeks before the start of s1);

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

word count: 2.6k

warnings: MDNI!! mostly fluff, just a tiny bit of angst, reader is Dustin's cousin, mentions of absent father, postpartum depression, parents death, self-esteem issues, bullying (let me know if I missed anything).

a/n: HEY so this is my first fic ever so even if it's absolute garbage pls be nice to me😭 also sorry for any grammar mistakes english is not my first language. this is supposed to be the start of a s4 rewrite series, so if you want more please like this post, reblog and let me know what you think. hope u enjoy it!

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You've been living at aunt Claudia's since you were 14. After your mom died, you had nowhere else to go — you can't even remember the last time your dad was in the picture, so when your aunt took you in, you kinda felt thankful that you got to start over, have a fresh start in another town, away from your old life (that you hated). You were still grieving, but aunt Claudia was always very sweet and caring, and soon after you moved in you started to see Dustin as the little brother you never had. It felt a little weird at first — even though your mother did her best, she never really liked the situation you were both in. She never planned to have kids, at least not before graduating from college, especially if it meant being a single mom at such a young age, so you couldn't really blame her for drowning in postpartum depression after you were born until she passed away. So, when her older sister took you in, you didn't expect for her to be so different from your mom, so caring, so gentle, so loving, such a good mom for Dustin and now to you too. 

When you first got to Hawkins, you didn't really have any friends besides your 11 year old cousin. One of his friends had a sister about your age — Mike's sister, Nancy — but, although she was always nice to you, you never really quite hit it off. She was sweet, but you didn't have a lot in common and her friends could be really mean. Will's brother, Jonathan, was always very shy and quiet, never really made conversation and you were definitely not the kind of person to force social interaction with someone that obviously didn't care for it, so you just kept it to yourself for most of the first year you spent at Hawkins.

A couple of weeks before Will went missing, Nancy was picking Mike up at your place and invited you to a party at her boyfriend's house. Your aunt overheard the conversation and was very excited to see you were making friends, so you decided to go just so she wouldn't worry about you being an absolute loser. You were always quite self-conscious of your appearance so it took some time to pick out an outfit, but you finally settled for something comfy and not that flashy, but flattering: your best Queen shirt under your favorite jeans overalls and a flannel and your only pair of shoes — basic black chuck taylors.

It was late October and the air was chilly, wind blowing through your hair and cutting your face like tiny little blades as you rode your bike to Steve Harrington's house, hoping to god Nancy was already there so you wouldn't be alone and awkward. You could already hear the music from two blocks away, and when you got to the front door, Nancy was waiting for you with her friend Barb. You knew Barb from school, you took English together, but didn't really talk about anything not school related, but she seemed nice. 

"You made it! I was already getting worried you wouldn't show up" Nancy greeted you. "You know Barb, right?"

"Yeah, hey Barb" you agreed and Barb nodded. "Sorry it took me so long to get here, my bike has seen better days…"

"It's fine, don't worry. Let's get in, I'll show you around. You can leave your bike at the back of the garage, outside of the backyard fence."

You left your bike where Nancy told you to and followed her into the house as she showed you where the bathroom was, stumbling over people coming in and out of the house, up and down the stairs. The house was so crowded, it felt like people were coming out of the walls. When she led you to the back of the house, she sat down by the pool and introduced you to her boyfriend and his friends, who were around the pool. 

From the start, you felt out of place. Steve and his friends didn't know you, but you already knew them. It was ridiculous to you how those people had made fun of you more than once at school but did not remember your face when Nancy introduced you as her friend. Maybe because you weren't wearing your big squared glasses, or because you tried something different with your hair? It didn't really matter anyways. At least they were not making fun of you. Poor Barb wasn't so lucky — they gave her a really hard time, and Nancy was just completely powerless over the situation, too afraid to say anything to try and defend her friend. After an hour, Barb got fed up and left, leaving you alone with Nancy and those assholes who were absolutely wasted and wouldn't shut up about playing spin the bottle or truth or dare.

"Come on, what are you, twelve?" Steve protested, "We're not kids man, that's just boring."

"You're absolutely right Harrington. But, we could spice it up, ya know?" Tommy offered, trying to convince Steve to play the game "For every truth or dare you refuse to tell or do, you have to take a shot of tequila. What do you say, Harrington? Wanna get absolutely wasted?"

Next thing you know, you were excusing yourself to go to the bathroom while at least 10 people were gathering around forming a circle on the floor of Steve's backyard. You didn't really need to use the bathroom, you just needed to cool off a little before getting hammered — you were NOT about to tell any truths or do any dares around these people you barely knew. Before you could go back outside, you got yourself a glass of water in the kitchen. As you threw away the red plastic cup, now empty, you heard a conversation through the kitchen window that headed to the backyard.

"So, can we start the game already?"

"Wait, where's Wheeler's  friend?"

"Barb left like, half an hour ago, Carol" you heard Nancy reply.

"No, not the chubby one, the other one, the weird one with the ugly hair."

"I think she needed to use the bathroom…?"

"Oh my god do you think she's like, brushing her teeth or something? Thinking someone's gonna want to kiss her?" Carol laughed.

"We better not wait for her then, I do NOT want to spin the bottle and end up having to kiss that weird ass bitch!" Tommy said, getting a good laugh out of everyone.

Your eyes teared up as you backed away from the window, thinking about what to do. You thought you could just sneak out and go home, cry yourself to sleep, but then you remembered you had left your bike chained up by the backyard fence. There was no way you could get your bike without anyone noticing you sneaking out. Fuck, you knew you should've stayed home reading something or watching TV.

Since you couldn't go home without your bike, you decided to wait until everyone was back inside. It couldn't take that long, you thought, it was freezing out there. But you couldn't stay inside either. Not by yourself. So, you walked over to the front door and opened it, feeling the cold air hit your cheeks. You walked out of the house and into the woods beside the house, where you could still see the backyard, but would be out of sight, a little further from the backyard fence and hidden in the dark shadow of the trees that surrounded the Harrington's property. Once you were settled, seated on the ground, you bursted into tears. Hot, salty tears running through your face as you sobbed, hating everything about yourself, hating the fact that, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't escape the fact that you were always different. Not in an obvious way — you didn't have that much of a fashion sense that was bold enough to earn dirty looks from old ladies —, but sometimes you felt like you didn't feel things the same way other people did. You felt fragile, small, vulnerable, like you were exposed all the time. It made you feel like shit.

You were so quiet, you couldn't help but to jump out when you heard footsteps behind you and then something snapping, like someone had stepped on a branch or something. You turned around wide eyed, heart pounding, just to see a silhouette standing behind you, holding a little metal lunchbox. It was a boy, shaggy curly hair down to right below his earlobes, Iron Maiden shirt, leather jacket and denim vest, dark loose jeans and heavy black boots.

"Dude, what the fuck" you panted, trying to not look as spooked and jumpy as you were "where did you came from?"

"Shit, sorry" he said, trying to hold back his laughter "didn't mean to scare ya, normally i don't run by anyone when i take this shortcut, though it has been a while since i actually used this shortcut — see, i usually drive mostly everywhere, but i ran out of gas money for the month and i thought 'hey, i could actually use a little walk through the woods to cool my head off a little' so i just decided to- whoa, wait, are you crying? I'm so sorry I didn't mean to scare you like that!" he stopped his rambling when he noticed you were drying your tears with the sleeve of your jacket.

"No, it's not- really, i'm fine" you panicked, noticing he seemed a little hurt by your reaction "i was already crying before you- sorry, it wasn't you, i'm fine don't worry"

He walked over to you and sat down beside you, a concerned look on his face.

"I don't wanna be nosy or anything, I know you don't really know me" he started, you now realizing you did recognise him from school, how could you not? He's always drawing attention to himself "but you can talk to me if you want. I'm guessing you were at Harrington's party? Everyone down there sitting at that circle in the backyard is kinda known for being a pain in the ass"

"What gave it away?" you brushed off your tears, slightly smiling at his comment "Just didn't wanna play truth or dare with… you know, those guys. But it seems they were glad I didn't join them, so they wouldn't have to kiss me if someone decided to play spin the bottle" 

"Wait, what?" he seemed surprised "They told you that?"

"Not exactly" you explained "I was at the kitchen and overheard someone saying that outside, so i bailed"

"What are you still doing here then?- Oh, I'm Eddie, by the way." he introduced himself, shaking your hand as you introduced yourself.

You explained the whole situation to him and he offered to keep you company until you could get your bike back and go home. After an hour of nonsense conversation filled with Eddie's dramatic sense of humor, you actually got to know each other a little bit. He told you about his band and how he really liked Lord of the Rings and fantasy RPG.

"I'm not really a huge fan of fantasy books" you shared, causing him to gasp, as he was offended by your comment.

"How dare you? Are you not a huge fan of happiness too? Or maybe you hate puppies and ice cream?" he said, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "How can you not like the only way to escape this boring non-fictional world we are FORCED to live in?"

"Hey, don't get me wrong, I do like fiction. Just not... fantasy fiction."

"So what do you like then?"

"I really enjoy science fiction."

"What, like androids and shit?"

"No, not that kind of science fiction. I mean science fiction like... Clockwork Orange, or Flowers for Algernon."

"Oh so you're a nerd too!" he teased "I was almost buying all that 'not a nerd' act, but you're into Kubrick? That's so nerdy!"

"You do know Stanley Kubrick didn't write the book right?"

"Shut up, you know what I mean."

Once he started to talk about music, he just couldn't stop talking for a second. He told you about his band, and you felt as if he was the first person to ever understand your passion for music. After another 30 minutes or so of energetic conversation about how much you both liked 70s rock, he ended up telling you he only attended this kind of party to sell some weed and make a quick buck.

"Don't get me wrong, i fucking hate these people" he explained himself "but they ARE in fact my biggest costumers. Guess daddy's money might not be enough for them to feel loved, but it does buy whatever else they need to feel better about themselves. So, they always make sure I'm 'invited' to every party they want me to bring my little lunchbox to."

"Yeah, that makes sense i guess" you agreed, turning your head over to the backyard, people already heading inside due to the cold. You felt your heart sink, even though all you've been wanting was to take your bike and leave. You were actually really enjoying getting to talk to Eddie.

"Well, i guess this is it" he said, noticing as you watched everyone getting into the house "now you can go home and not listen to me and my rambling about whatever it is i was talking about. Hell, even i can't remember what the hell i was talking about most of the time" he laughed. 

"To be honest, it wasn't that bad" you laughed back "it was definitely better than spin the bottle!"

He chuckled, helping you get up and unchain your bike from the fence, giving you a dorky smile as you hopped up on your bike. 

"Well, I better get back to work huh? Got a lot of customers waiting on me" he gestured to the house as you secured your helmet under your chin.

"Yeah, I better get back home too. My aunt refuses to go to sleep until i get home safe, don't wanna keep her waiting"

"So, I guess I'll see you at school, huh?" he shifted at his feet and kicked the ground, stuffing his hands inside the pockets of his vest.

"Yeah, if there's any seats left for another nerd at your table for lunch" you chuckled awkwardly, looking at your feet.

"For a pretty one like you? Always."

You exchanged an awkward look and smiled at each other again, and with that you followed your way back home, feeling hopeful about how the next few weeks would play out. You thought you had finally found someone you could trust and spend time with, someone who got you — a friend.

For the next week or so, you and Eddie hung out a lot. Finally, you had someone you could call a friend, and things seemed to be going not so bad for the first time in months. He would always save you a seat at the table at lunch and walk you to your classes, he would even give you a ride every once in a while, when his van was not running out of gas. It was something you could get used to — at least until a couple of weeks later, when you, Nancy, Jonathan and Steve ended up trauma bonding over setting a demogorgon on fire. After that, your life had (literally) turned upside down and you didn't hang out with Eddie that much anymore. As the years went by, you would hang out more with Steve and Robin once Nancy and Jonathan started dating. You would still talk to Eddie though, just... not like you talked to your other friends. They were the only ones who actually understood what you were going through, and — even though you missed his company — it would be selfish to tell Eddie everything and drag him into that nightmare. Until of course, the nightmare caught up to him.

[elleloquently]

the wretched and joyful [ 2 ] : ellie williams

ellie williams x female reader | eventual angst + slowburn

───⋆☆ But we don't have to talk about it, I can walk you home and practice method acting - I'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning ♪

───⋆☆ I'm trying to be cool about it, Feelin' like an absolute fool about it Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it - Tellin' myself I can always do without it, Knowin' that it probably isn't true ♪

| a/n - part two!! tags are at the bottom, let me know if u wanna be added! if you enjoyed reading, please considering reblogging/leaving a comment <3 thank you! | c/w - swearing, vague depictions of anxiety.. reader is in love with her best friend idk what to tell you!!

nearly everything that belonged to you used to belong to someone else. that's just the way things were.

you tried to find the thought comforting, but it really felt haunting.

when you moved into your house in jackson, it was like a still life museum. you couldn't help but try to imagine who lived there first, before the world went to shit. you tried to imagine what their daily life was like. how scared they must've been when...

it made you feel like you were living in a haunted house, and you were scared of ghosts.

maria was kind enough to set you up with some things that she thought you would like, but it still felt like you were living somewhere that you didn't belong.

the house felt like it was full of ghosts, so you rearranged and redecorated until it finally felt like your own.

years later, after a lot of trading and sorting through items ellie might find on patrol, you were actually pretty proud of the space that you presented for yourself. adeline once joked that you seemed to have a taste for "the frills," but you didn't mind.

you liked girly things, things that you could keep in secret and feel pretty without worrying about whether or not you seemed tough enough.

ellie had her comics, and you had your own things too.

your guilty pleasure was old magazines, filled with toxic drama, interior design tips, and how to's for all of your accessorizing needs. the pages were cheap and worn but good enough. the silly quizzes were the best part.

you liked pretending. pretending to live in that world instead of this one, wishing you could've been a girl picking out nail polish to match her outfits and deciding which color scheme suited her best. it flooded your senses with longing and never failed to give you a pit in your stomach.

it was like some kind of morbid obsession, wishing for better than what you had.

you didn't really talk about it, especially with ellie. you already knew how she felt about that sort of thing. besides, it made you feel weak. she just knew that you liked silly magazines, and would bring you them without a second thought if she had ever managed to find one.

jesse was actually the first to help you build your little collection. dina had found one on patrol, and brought it back so you could all laugh at the ridiculous headlines. when everything was winding down and you sheepishly asked if you could keep it, jesse seemed to take note.

besides ellie, jesse was one of your closest friends. he was a little more understanding to the sensitive side of you, which you appreciated. you hated feeling like you had to defend every little thought or feeling, to prove you weren't weak.

you'd been spending more time together as of late, especially since his patrol schedule was pretty much opposite of dina's.

you hated when they fought, always over something small and immature and it left you feeling like a child stuck in the middle. any group hangouts were typically reserved for when dina and jesse were on - so according to the news you had received from ellie, things were looking up.

when a knock at your door earned your attention, you jumped to answer it right away. you already knew who you were expecting.

"morning," you grinned as you held the door open. "are you coming in or am i coming out?" you wore shoes just in case, standing in the doorway.

"you're coming out," jesse replied, wearing a light jacket that he would most likely shed later. summer would be here soon, and the change in weather was certainly improving the mood of everyone in jackson.

you nodded once and tugged a sweater over your arms, closing the door behind you as you stepped outside. you loved mornings like this, warm and peaceful. it felt full of promise.

"where to?" you questioned, allowing jesse to take the lead. he grinned when he replied.

"the stables. hope you're not wearing your best clothes."

you scowled but only as a joke. you weren't wearing your "best" anything but even if you were, it wouldn't have mattered.

"you know i never mind," you chirped, bumping jesse's arm. "how come?"

"we're training more people for patrol so we might need more help in the stables for a bit. think you're willing to give an extra hand when you aren't wrangling the children?" jesse asked, raising an eyebrow as the corners of his lips turned upward.

there was somewhat of a school in jackson, and during the week you helped out with the younger kids. there weren't many, but enough so that they were glad to have your help.

"i would love to help," you said honestly, and jesse's smile turned sly.

"i know that," he replied. "that's why i already signed you up."

you snorted, rolling your eyes at his confident response. "whatever. i would've helped regardless, anytime."

"i know," jesse repeated. "thanks, kid."

this made you roll your eyes again, scoffing. there was barely even an age difference.

"you sound like joel." you wrinkled your nose, tilting your head. "all of you patrol people have such a complex," you grumbled, trying your very best not to smile.

"yeah, yeah." jesse slung an arm over your shoulders, causing you to gasp at the audacity. "you love us."

"us?" you questioned, falling into step with him.

jesse couldn't contain the shit-eating grin that plastered itself onto his face. "us. me, dina... ellie."

you laughed once, loud and embarrassed.

"you're so full of it," you replied, stepping out from under his arm.

"what? what did i say?"

"you're not funny. besides, i'm actually very upset with you," you confessed, staring down at your shoes while you walked.

your shift in tone was enough to concern jesse, and he almost seemed bewildered as he questioned you.

"what? why? what did i do?" he slowed his pace, waiting for you to respond.

you waited just a moment to linger it over his head before grabbing his arm, shaking it while you bounced on your feet like an excited child.

"for not telling me that you have a girlfriend!" you gushed, causing jesse to roll his eyes and quickly walk away from you.

"what's her name? what does she look like? is she gonna meet your family?" you continued on as jesse swatted at you. "you know i had to find out from ellie?"

"you're ridiculous," jesse grumbled.

"and you're keeping things from me?" you were really playing it up, finding satisfaction in the way he shook his head.

"you know, you're not funny," jesse mocked.

you laughed, catching back up with him. "really though, is everything all good?"

a small smile slipped in the place of jesse's scowl. "all good," he confirmed softly.

jesse seemed content so you let that be enough, finishing your walk to the stables in peaceful silence.

you didn't need much instruction since you were already quite familiar with the tasks. instead, it was mostly jesse explaining which horses would be in and out and when. you carried on with some light maintenance, chatting through each chore. jesse didn't really need to stay and help, but you appreciated the conversation.

"so," you started, placing a bucket of supplies on the ground. "what're we doing tonight?"

"huh?" jesse huffed, looking uncharacteristically caught off guard.

"the four of us," you clarified, brushing your palms on your pants. "i figured since things were cool again that we could finally hang out," you explained, though your use of finally might've been a bit overdramatic. jesse and dina were broken up for about a week, which meant a week of splitting your time between the two of them.

though lately you've been seeing less of dina, maybe because of her and ellie having plans or similar schedules.

"oh!" jesse exclaimed, the sudden loudness catching you off guard. "right. well, you know," jesse stammered.

you raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to put together a coherent sentence that wasn't just him shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head.

"you know," he repeated, even though you obviously didn't. "dina and i just thought that maybe... it would just be the two of us tonight. to um," jesse coughed. "catch up?"

you nodded silently, eyes wide with embarrassment. "of course!" you choked out, desperately wanting to save jesse from any more you know's and awkward stammering.

"hey, maybe tomorrow night," jesse offered, awkwardly clapping you on the shoulder. "you'll still hang with ellie, right?"

you nodded again, kicking your shoe against the ground.

you hoped that ellie would want to see you again, even though you just slept over. the matter wouldn't usually even be a factor, but you felt different lately. a little weird, like you were bothering her too much or something.

"for sure," you muttered, tossing a rag into the bucket with a clang.

jesse was quick to catch your change in tone.

"did something happen?" he questioned, leaning against a stable door.

his question felt like an assumption and you found yourself growing insecure as if everyone had noticed that something was different too.

you wanted to confide in him, you should've confided in him, about how ellie could be so hot and cold and was it normal to get stomach aches whenever you were around her?

instead, you forced out a short laugh and shook your head.

"'course not. she'll probably just sleep after she gets back."

jesse studied you briefly before kicking his weight off of the door, brushing his hands together.

"right. well, dina will probably be back soon so i should..."

"go on," you grinned, waving him away.

"you wanna come with?" jesse offered, knowing ellie would be returning as well.

"i actually think i'll stick around here. for... a little bit," you responded shyly, but jesse already knew why. "go on," you encouraged. "go!"

you watched as jesse walked away, casual at first but his stride turned into a sprint when he turned the corner, assuming he was out of view.

you laughed to yourself, standing awkwardly in the now empty stable. ellie would show up soon enough, which was good. you wanted a chance to talk to her. you were starting to feel pretty weird about how often you slept in her bed while she left for patrol in the morning.

you waited around a bit, standing awkwardly in the middle of the stables until you started to feel stupid and instead made yourself look busy. you rearranged some cleaning supplies in the buckets, and even wiped stall doors that you had already cleaned, just to look busy.

of course, ellie didn't appear until you were seemingly making small talk with a horse in the stable.

"-like it better when the weather is warm, right?"

ellie snorted, the sound cutting through the otherwise silent atmosphere that was only filled by your own chattering and the occasional horse sigh.

"who are you talking to?" ellie questioned, her tone lazy and amused.

ellie already knew, of course, but the startled look on your face was priceless.

"how was patrol?" you asked awkwardly. ellie led shimmer into the stables as you spoke.

"uneventful," ellie answered simply.

"that's good, right?" you asked, coming up to pet shimmer as she was being placed into her stall.

"uh, yeah, i guess," ellie shrugged, her tone sounding distant.

you deflated, just a little. maybe she needed some space.

"i'm gonna... get going," you announced, a little quieter than you intended but you had found your footing by the end of the sentence. finally, ellie turned and looked at you.

"what? you've been hanging around but now all of a sudden i'm here, and you're leaving?" ellie questioned, her eyebrows pinching together.

"just don't wanna be in the way," you replied, not knowing if you should take a step closer or a step further away.

"please," ellie huffed. you weren't sure if it was kind or insulting.

please like you're always in the way and don't seem to mind, or please like you're never in the way?

you opened your mouth, almost to ask for clarification, but the thought alone made your cheeks burn.

"i'm serious," you said instead, but didn't make any effort actually leave.

“of course you are,” ellie said, rolling her eyes. you caught the hint of a smile on her face though, just before she turned her back to you.

silent minutes ticked by while ellie was busy, and it was only awkward because you truly couldn't decide if you should just leave or stay. after the hesitation it seemed quite obvious that you would stay, but the dilemma made your face grow hot anyway. when did you start overthinking your interactions with ellie so much??

you really didn't want things with ellie to start being complicated, everything else was already complicated enough.

who was at fault, anyway? or was it simply nothing other than growing restless as the days grew longer?

your thoughts did a better job of occupying you than you had expected, because ellie blinked at you, unmoving.

"are you coming or what?" she asked, with that same unreadable tone that she seemed to love using lately.

you blinked. then nodded.

is this how things were going to be now? is this how they always were, you were only just now noticing?

you almost physically shook your head at the thought.

"coming where?" you asked instead.

ellie shrugged, something like a smile twitching at her lips.

you couldn't tell if she was trying to force a smile, or hide a real one and what the fuck, when did you start having so much trouble reading her?

"we could see joel," you suggested, trying to sound more upbeat than you had felt. you were in such a good mood yesterday, where did it go?

ellie raised her eyebrows at you.

"it's been a long time since we all had dinner together, just the three of us," you said nonchalantly, not wanting it to sound like a hint.

"yeah, well," ellie muttered, her gaze dropping to the ground. "a bit early for dinner, don't you think?"

"that's not really the point, but okay," you dismissed.

"what is the point then?" ellie asked, her voice suddenly more loud and pointed compared to just a few seconds ago.

the immediate switch in her demeanor caused your eyebrows to pinch together. "i thought you were.. doing better?"

the look on ellie's face was all of the confirmation that you had needed. it was the kind of expression that made you feel guilty for even bringing it up.

"sorry. i just thought.. you know, the boots," you practically stammered, not wanting ellie to be annoyed with you.

"'just being nice," ellie replied tightly, to which you nodded solemnly in return.

"forget it then. sorry. i shouldn't have mentioned it," you spoke, wiping your palms on your pants.

the fight, or, whatever it was that happened between ellie and joel was possibly the biggest and only secret that ellie had ever kept from you, to your knowledge. she was so frustratingly vague about it, skating around answers and reasons as to why joel didn't seem like her joel anymore.

they were friendlier now, more so than right after it had happened, but still it felt strained. it had practically happened overnight, much to the confusion of nearly everyone around the two, and things were still not back to the way in which they used to be.

you missed the dinners.

truthfully, you still had dinner with joel occasionally. you weren't sure if ellie knew, but you had never mentioned it to her.

considering, ellie wasn't the only one keeping secrets.

"forget it," ellie repeated quietly. for a moment, she looked kind of awkward, like she was trying to think of something else to say.

it actually sort of made you feel better.

the silence that followed lingered, but not too long, making it possible to recover from.

"let's just get out of here," ellie mumbled, so quietly that you nearly missed it. she began walking without even glancing back at you, surely assuming that you would just follow.

and you did.

you almost tripped over your own feet when you realized how seamlessly you would follow her without another word. it was dangerous, nearly.

"we could go to tipsy?" you suggested lightly, trying to catch up to ellie so it didn't seem as though you were trailing after her.

at your suggestion, ellie snorted.

"what, tough day or something? it's the afternoon," ellie denied, and you were simply grateful that the lighthearted teasing tone had returned to her voice.

"maybe another time. jesse and dina could come, we could make it a thing."

ellie raised an eyebrow, peering sideways at you as your lazy steps fell into sync.

"a thing," ellie repeated softly, shaking her head with a soft chuckle.

"is something wrong with that?" you questioned, squinting your eyes as the bright sun invaded your sightline.

"huh? no. just cute the way you always try to like... i don't know, make an event out of things," ellie explained.

your cheeks warmed, but the guise of the heat helped it to go unnoticed.

cute.

you didn't want ellie's words to linger, so you scrambled fast.

"hey, i still need to debut my new skirt, right?" you managed.

"that you do," ellie sighed. "or you could just- i don't know, hear me out.. just, put it on?"

you frowned at her teasing, even though it made your heart swell with affection. "that's boring, ellie. don't you know me at all?"

"best of all, actually," ellie retorted. you opened your mouth to fire back a reply, but nothing came.

ellie was right usually, always, when it came to you. she knew you better than anyone. in the world that you lived in, it was practically the best gift that you could give to someone that you cared for. vulnerability, loyalty. the ability to trust and be trusted. being known and feeling seen was like a reward.

sure, jackson was your home. but you weren't sure how much it truly would feel like home if ellie wasn't there.

it was funny, sometimes you had forgotten that you hadn't actually known ellie your whole life.

sometimes, you pathetically wondered what things might've been like if you had known ellie forever.

a few years ago, when ellie was prone to more laughter, she would tell fabricated stories about your friendship if you had met before. you would never forget the look on her face the first time that you had confided in her about the mistreatment from the QZ crowd.

"i would've fucked 'em up," ellie said solemnly, causing you to laugh in disbelief.

"what? ellie, i was... thirteen. you would've been too."

"yeah, and? i would've fucked them up. and then..-"

she would continue until you were in a fit of giggles, wheezing through laughter.

neither of you had much of a childhood, but ellie had some lucky moments. your time together though, it almost felt healing. despite everything.

"i know," you said finally, falling short of thinking up a witty response.

"you don't need to make any stops today, do you?" ellie questioned suddenly.

an evident look of confusion crossed your face as you answered. "hm? you mean addie? no, why?"

"just wondering," ellie grumbled, and your lips twisted into a teasing smile.

"why do you get so weird about her?" you questioned, closing your fingers around her wrist to keep her walking pace in tune with your own.

"i don't get weird," ellie disagreed, her tone bordering on childish. "i just feel like she's always judging me or something."

"judging you?" you laughed, the sudden loudness cutting through the hazy, quiet afternoon of jackson. "ellie, adeline does not judge you."

"she looks at me funny," ellie complained, wrinkling her nose.

"she does not!" you released your hold on ellie's wrist, limply wacking her arm instead. ellie only reacted by rolling her eyes.

"besides, if she looks at you funny, she probably has a reason for it," you contemplated with a click of your tongue.

"what? what did i do?" ellie questioned, her cheeks turning red.

you laughed again, loud, causing ellie to reach over and shove your side. you only momentarily stumbled, the clumsy reaction not halting your laughter.

"whatever. see you later," ellie grumbled, making no effort to walk ahead of you.

"okay, see you later," you chirped, settling your giggles but the aftermath still made your cheeks sting. ellie glanced at you quickly, and you could tell that she was wondering if you were actually going to leave.

your hand accidentally brushed against ellie's and you moved to put some distance between your bodies, ignoring the way that it sent jolts through your body.

"are you gonna stay again?" ellie asked, her tone sounding a little too forced to be nonchalant, but the attempt was there.

"at yours? sure. i feel like i haven't slept in my own bed in ages," you responded.

"you don't have to come," ellie said simply.

"no, it's not a bad thing," you clarified. really, it wasn't.

"i could come to yours?" ellie asked, a look crossing her face that you couldn't quite depict, almost like she had remembered something. maybe she didn't want to risk a run in with joel, as your dinner comment had unsettled her.

"only if you want," you shrugged.

"just let me grab some stuff first," ellie told you, to which you silently obliged with a nod of your head.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"you're... okay, you're doing it wrong." ellie's snappy tone caused you to huff.

"i'm doing exactly what you said."

"no, you're not listening."

"you're not explaining!"

ellie rolled her eyes, moving to sit closer to you on the floor.

"your fingers are supposed to stay down, right here," ellie delicately pressed your fingers into place as you hold her guitar. you have to swallow hard, willing yourself not to react to her touch.

"one finger per fret, like this," ellie explains, her voice softer as she regained her patience.

"you know i'm never gonna be good at this," you complained, letting your fingers go limp under ellie's pressure.

"then why do you keep saying that you want to learn?" ellie questioned, sitting back and dropping her hands to her lap.

"because i want to be good at it," you sighed. you stretched your arms, handing the guitar to ellie. "it wouldn't be the same anyway. i just like when you play for me."

ellie's cheeks go crimson. "shut up."

she strummed anyway, showing you how the song that you were 'attempting' to learn was supposed to sound.

you leaned your back against the side of your bed, the wooden floor beneath you providing little comfort. ellie explained chords as the dreamlike sounds filled your bedroom. you listened intently, more focused on the sound of ellie's voice than the actual information that it was providing.

you spend a lot of nights like this, being the only two people in the world, the moon being your only light until you fall asleep.

your curtains, dingy and laced, were drawn back purposefully for that very reason, you had admired the late sunset as the moon finally began to peek its way into the night sky.

the moon, the sound of ellie's voice, the feeling of your surroundings seeming slightly fuzzy from how tired you were.. you wished you could bottle up these moments and keep them forever.

in these moments, when you watched her, your feelings seemed clear as day. ellie's eyebrows furrowed in concentration, the way her fingers seemed to strum effortlessly on the guitar, the little strands of hair that kept escaping her bun and falling into her face.

surely you loved her. there was simply no other way around it.

when it was dark, you could think it over and over.

i think i love her. i really think i might love her. it would make your pulse quicken and your insides explode, but the thought was fathomable. for some reason though, during the day, it couldn't even be a question. you would deny it. you wouldn't even allow the thought to slip into your mind as long as you could help it.

you really, truly weren't sure why it made such a big difference.

"i love it," you murmured, referring to the song that ellie was playing.

"i remember," ellie replied, feeling the need to whisper though she wasn't exactly sure why. "it's why i learned it, anyway."

ellie said it so simply, so casually, that you wouldn't have given it a second thought until you noticed the way that she refused to meet your gaze, even after she stopped playing.

"maybe i will be good at it one day," you hummed.

"maybe," ellie snorted. "if you ever get any patience."

"says you," you replied with a frown. "i'm super patient," you argued, but you had a hard time believing your own words. not that you were determined to change ellie's mind, anyway. your thoughts were elsewhere.

"maybe," ellie mumbled suddenly, catching you slightly off guard. you slip off into your own thoughts entirely too easily. "if you're always with those kids. i couldn't fucking stand it."

"i guess that's true. it just feels.. different? i don't know." your slight laugh turns into a yawn as you shake your head. "jesse told me you guys are trying to put more people on patrol?"

ellie nodded, rolling her eyes. "yeah. 'been a pain in the ass, that's for sure."

"that bad, huh?" you questioned, toying with the hem of your cardigan that you had thrown over your pajamas.

"i'm just.. i don't like the teaching stuff. i just want to get it done, you know?"

you nodded, and wondered if that's why ellie has seemed more exhausted than usual. "i get it. you can't blame maria for pairing people with you, though."

"i wish she wouldn't."

"yeah, but ellie, you're one of the best. you know that."

ellie shook her head, causing more strands of hair to frame her face. you could've laughed at her dedication to leaving the few strands still pulled back in a bun, instead of just taking it out entirely.

"maybe i should sign up," you said, partly joking. "finally give patrol a real try.

"no," ellie responded firmly, a little too quickly. you had only been kidding, you knew you would be no good, but regardless her reaction was a little much.

"why not?"

"because you can't.. you're not.. it's just, not your thing, alright?" ellie huffed.

you crossed your arms and wanted to be offended but ellie was right. you were no good for it. still, you rolled your eyes and refused to make eye contact until your name slipped from ellie's lips like an apology.

"just forget it, alright?" ellie pleaded, her voice regaining its softness.

you looked at her, the lighting was dim but your eyes were adjusted to the dark that had fallen over the room. she felt the most familiar like this, like your ellie.

ellie was softer in the moonlight. maybe she felt more like herself in it, too. the way she looked now - messy hair, pink cheeks, almost gave you a dreamlike feeling as if you could spill your guts to her and everything would be fine.

"alright," you murmured, allowing your eyes to lock with ellie's green ones. the darkness was safe, you wouldn't shy under her gaze. you were brave. "i was only kidding anyway. and i know that you only said no because you know that i would be the best at patrol and steal your crown."

"okay, you need to go to sleep," ellie replied simply. she stood from the floor, stretching and fidgeting with her hoodie.

"you hate when i have fun," you mumbled bitterly as ellie crossed to your window, closing the curtains. they didn't provide much coverage, but the room was suddenly consumed with less light than before.

"you hate when i'm right." ellie reached her hand down to you, and you allowed yourself to be pulled up from the floor. ellie pulled back the bedding as you discarded your cardigan onto the floor.

there was a couch in the living room. plenty of blankets and pillows for a comfortable enough spot on the floor. sharing the bed was never a discussion, you just did. you never really considered otherwise. it didn't really seem like ellie ever did either. if she did, she didn't show it.

you tried to swallow your feelings as you slid into bed next to ellie, wondering if it was normal to always share a bed like this. wondering if it was normal to always overthink it.

"if i threw my sweater on the ground like that, you would be pissed at me," ellie remarked. you could hear the smile in her tone.

you couldn't help but roll your eyes at her exaggeration, and you hoped that she could see it. "bullshit, i would not."

despite your tone, you wanted nothing more than to reach out and swipe away the strands of hair covering ellie's face.

you honestly could have. you knew ellie wouldn't have minded, not in the privacy of your dim room. you would have, but it felt wrong if your feelings weren't purely platonic. you couldn't live in denial forever, at least not when it came to your feelings for ellie.

"liar," ellie mumbled, leaning on her arm. the proximity was daunting.

you couldn't do anything but shake your head. you certainly liked to keep a tidy space, not much like ellie, but you didn't mind her stuff around your room one bit.

"huh, that's what i thought," ellie said with a satisfied huff, as if your silence could be taken as agreement.

your brows furrowed instantly. surely she could read your expression.

"quit it," you sighed. "you're making things up. and being difficult," you added.

ellie shook her head, the remnants of her bun bobbing around the back of her neck.

"don't know what to tell you babe," she replied, the sarcasm in her voice prompting an eye roll from you.

"shut up and go to sleep," you complained, picking up your pillow and tossing it over her face.

"ow, what the hell?" ellie whined. she was genuinely making a fuss and you laughed plainly at her. maybe she really hadn't changed that much over the years. at least not when it was just the two of you.

"don't say ow. pillows don't hurt," you said simply. your lack of concern made ellie's jaw drop as she leaned forward and twisted to the side, looking over you as you rested your back against the soft mattress.

ellie was practically looming over you. you stifled a nervous giggle but didn't bother tearing your eyes away from ellie's.

she stared at you for a moment, any hint of a joke on her face quickly leaving. ellie looked like she was going to say something at first, but maybe she had forgotten or changed her mind because she only remained silent as if she were studying you.

the steadiness of her gaze began to make you uncomfortable as nerves swirled around your stomach. ellie's eyes flickered over your face, and you would've done anything to read her mind. was she actually annoyed or was it something else? ellie's lips parted slightly and your breath hitched, guilty once again for the thoughts clouding your mind.

you sat up to break the tension, say a stupid joke maybe, but you moved too quickly and your face was too close to ellie's now. before you had a moment to feel embarrassed, ellie pressed a palm to your chest and promptly shoved you back down. you fell back against the bed with a huff.

the moment of whatever it was was quickly erased as ellie tore her gaze away from you and settled back into her spot.

you didn't speak again and neither did ellie. she simply handed you your pillow and turned on her side, putting her back to you. you remained still for too long, trying desperately to settle your breathing.

you held a heavy hand over your chest, pressing down firmly as you attempted to set your mind straight.

thoughts of just friends, don't fuck up- plagued your mind for only what you could've assumed to be hours on end.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you left ellie alone in your bed that morning.

you tried not to wonder how it would make her feel as you pulled on your cardigan from the floor and tip toed out of the room.

she must've been exhausted.

the mornings were still cold before the sunshine had a chance to warm up the earth around you, so you walked quickly through the quiet streets of jackson.

there were some people, of course, out and about, but not quite as often as usual considering it was the weekend.

you were lucky.

you were lucky to know ellie and lucky to have ellie. that could be enough. you never wanted to lose her, so you could never do anything that would cause you to lose her. you were lucky, and you would be happy to swallow your feelings and keep a secret as long as it resulted in your friendship always remaining.

your hands balled into fists at your sides, mentally pushing away any stray, worrying thoughts.

"where are you goin' all dressed up this morning?"

you halted at the familiar voice, your cheeks sheepishly growing warm at the teasing. regardless, your smile was genuine.

"to dina's, i think," you replied, turning to meet tommy. you looked down at your pajama pants and top, realizing the cardigan didn't disguise it as much as you had hoped.

tommy had been the first person to ever give you a break. even though you were already a teenager when they brought you into jackson, tommy and joel practically raised you up more than anybody else ever had. with adeline hollis included, they were the closest thing to family you ever had.

"everything alright?" he questioned, frown lines deepening.

"of course, why?" you responded, squinting curiously at the older man.

"oh, nothin'. just, ellie isn't with you is all."

you swallowed hard, swatting at the air to distract from the fact that your smile had tightened. "she's sleeping!" then, for good measure, you changed the subject. "are you getting back from patrol?"

"yes ma'am," tommy replied in a way that drew a laugh out of you.

"you better go get some sleep too then," you warned, and he waved you away.

"go on, get outta here," tommy gruffed, sending you on your way.

your steps were more hurried now and you bounced nervously on your feet when you reached dina's front door.

you figured it was your best bet.

you knocked three times, and you only had to wait a few moments before the door creaked open an inch.

"hey honey, what's the matter?" dina inquired, eyebrows rising in concern as she looked at you.

you noticeably deflated. "what? why does everybody keep asking me that?" you laughed, and it sounded a little too forced. "i'm fine!"

dina scanned your features but visibly relaxed at your words, opening the door wider. "what's up then?"

"i was wondering if- hi jesse," you cut yourself off as his figure appeared in the doorway.

"is everything okay?" he asked, placing a gentle hand on dina's shoulder.

you groaned, causing a look of bewilderment to cross jesse's face.

"she's fine," dina murmured, offering you a small smile.

"i just wanted to ask if you guys wanted to go to the tipsy bison. with me. and ellie, probably." you offered, clasping your hands together in front of you.

"it's pretty early, i don't think seth would even- ow!"

dina cut jesse off with a jab. "when?" she asked, which pleased you very much.

"meet at sunset?" you suggested hopefully, eyes darting between the couple.

you were thrilled when they agreed. of course, they had said, and you left them to enjoy their morning.

on your walk back to your house, you forced yourself to breathe steady. ellie would probably be awake, and that was fine. you were friends, and that was fine. lucky. the best gift you could ask for.

you plastered a smile on your face, swallowing down every negative feeling and emotion.

you were in a good mood. you had to be.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

tags :

@dinoastronaut @skylerwhitwyo @muthafuckingstargirl @minustwofingers @mirrorballels @macaroni676

[dairyminki]

– first time clubbing with boyfriend!san

fic type: headcanon

pairing: choi san x fem!reader

description: just san taking you to the club for a night out after seeing you so stressed with studying

genre: fluff (?), mildly suggestive, established relationship

warning/s: use of alcohol, pet names (if i missed anything else pls lmk!)

wc: 1.1k

a/n: this is supery dupery self indulgent LMAO and as a giggly drunk myself, i'd like to have a choi san too pls!

* i would rlly appreciate it if you reblog and leave some feedbacks btw!

— !¡☆

UNI was stressing you out

all the studying had your head always drowning in books and you rarely leaving your room

your boyfriend, choi san, knew he had to do something

now, san had a lot of options in his head on how to help you take a break

bcos even if you kept insisting that you didn't need one

san KNEW that it was only a matter of time before you burst and break down

and so he surprises you while you're eating dinner with him one night,

"do you wanna do something fun tomorrow night?" "what? san, you know i can't afford to-"

"please?" he cuts you off, PLEADING

and who were you to say no to a pouting san?

you were ALWAYS a weak woman for him

"fine," you say, giving in. "what do you have in mind?"

"wanna go clubbing with me, baby?"

as soon as those words left his mouth, he sees it

sees the way your eyes sparkle with something akin to excitement and then you're blurting out,

"oh god, yes!"

the following night, san enters your bedroom after he was done getting ready

his hair was slicked back, he was dressed in a black button down shirt with the first two buttons unbuttoned

a silver necklace dangling on his neck, a sliver of his chest exposed

he's wearing black slacks and a belt with silvery chains hanging on it

since this will be your first night out, he wanted to look good for you

and boy was it a pleasant surprise when he enters your room and see you all dolled up from head to toe

"well, aren't you a sight to see?" san marvels while he watches you apply lipstick

you were oozing with such allure in a dress you're wearing for the first time that san thinks he's severely beguiled with you

and so it goes without saying that his eyes never left you even until you left the house

the only time san's gaze breaks away from you was when he was driving

arriving at the club, san immediately turns to you and asks,

"hey, i know, we're already here and all but i just wanna say that if you wanna back out and go home, we still can, just say the word and-"

san knew just how much your family coddled you while growing up

and you've only started to venture out of your comfort zone when you met him

so he understands how settings like this might overwhelm-

"are you kidding me?" you gave him an incredulous look, cutting off his rambling

"i wanna get hammered!" you shout against the blaring club music

and then you were the one pulling him further inside past the sweaty bodies and the heavy smell of alcohol and the blinding neon lights

"unfortunately i wont be getting my usual today, so i'll just have a soda ," san says since he'll be driving. "but, hmm, maybe a tequila sunrise for this pretty lady right here" he tells the bartender and winks at you

you roll your eyes, your gaze shifting to the dancefloor

"can i dance…later?" you ask san

san barks out a laugh and pinches your cheek

"i won't be stopping you tonight, baby, so go ahead. tonight will be all about you," he whispers these in your ear, goosebumps trailing your skin

you haven't drunk anything yet, but you already felt hot just like that

when your drinks do came, you surprise san at how you basically drunk it in one draft

"baby, hey, hey, we got all night!" he chuckles trying to get you to slow you down

soon, one tequila sunrise became five, and you were already red from the drinks and laughter

you were a giggly drunk how cute

"i think," you slur, pointing at san and then abruptly standing that you slightly wobble due to dizziness. "i think i'm ready to hit the dancefloor"

san grabs a hold of your arm, asking if do you want him to escort you to the center but you brushed him off

you were still giggling when you walked away

while you were dancing the night away, san just keeps staring at you

watching every move you make, every smile popping out to grace your lips, and every glance you sent his way

you were mouthing for him to come join you but he shook his head

san wanted you to have your fun for now

he wanted you to let loose so badly that you'll be screaming at his face tomorrow morning for letting you drink that much

but then, deeper into the night, he starts noticing that more eyes were on you now and that your intoxicated self remained oblivious to it

san downs the remaining liquid in his canned drink, licks his lips, and leaves the bar, deciding it was finally time to join you

unaware, your dancing was starting to become bolder as you become hotter with all the alcohol coursing through your system and all the body heat emitted by everyone surrounding you 

and then you feel hands on your waist

a familiar scent filling your senses and you immediately knew it was san who was behind you

you let your body become slack against his while he rocks your bodies from side to side, his hands pulling you even closer and face leaning in

you bring your hand up, caressing his face while he speaks to you in a low tone

"are you having fun, baby?" his lips brush against the shell of your ear making you shiver

you reply with a mere hum, giggling as his hot breath tickles your face

"i take it you loved my suggestion then?" "mhmm, i loveddd it san, i love youu" you mumble, smiling with your eyes closed

san chuckles at your drunk self, he doesn't really think you'll end up remembering MOST of this tomorrow

but at least you had fun

and so was he, san thinks as he smirks

later on not so subtly meeting the gaze of this one person he caught looking at you since earlier

by the time he was about to drive the both of you back home

san steps out of the car, heavily exhaling, after laying you down in the passenger seat

he needed a breather especially that he didn't expect the scenario of you grinding on him earlier at the dancefloor

san left the house with with you, hand in hand, and two of his buttons unbuttoned

and now, he comes home with you passed out in his arms and his button down shirt open 

— !¡☆

[pavo-ocxllus]

❝ 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭𝐲! 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭…! ❞

romantic shenanigans ensue when you start working for an infamous law firm and most definitely doesn't have to do with my recent hyper fixation on law at the moment.

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠…

detective!shikanoin heizou as the number one detective at fontaine legal firm. as well as the pursuit of justice, he's also on the pursuit of you!

forensic scientist!albedo who's disillusioned from the thrilling profession of delving into the ground zero of crime scenes. though, with a case such as you, he might be wrong.

police officer!xiao who takes his job too seriously and instead of trying to arrest childe, he should be arresting you for stealing his heart ;)

prosecutor!cyno who's presence in the court is as vicious as his horrible puns. though—you can't deny that the tension between the both of you rival that viciousness.

pre-law!gorou with a strangely strong sense of smell and hearing, he possesses a not so strange sense of justice (and you!)

rival attorney!alhaitham who can't seem to stop meeting your path—or rather, crashing into it. with the (admittedly one-sided) feud stemming all the way from freshman year of university, it eventually led to the two of you unfortunately falling (in love?) into the same case.

interrogator!kaeya who's personality alone could be enough to pin this whole fiasco on him one bad day and simultaneously believe he's an angel on earth the next. somehow, his talents as an interrogation officer is the only thing about him that stays consistent, and perhaps something else...

mob boss!childe that can't stop finding different ways to drive you crazy. from remaining to do things that make the case worse against him to his endless teasing, the fact that he's actually innocent is the most daunting factor of working with him.

delinquent!arataki itto who is clearly innocent of his involvement in diluc's case. what kind of incriminating evidence does an anonymous tip have that made everybody believe he almost assassinated him?

and defendant!diluc, the man of the hour and whose car accident acts as the center that three cases revolve around. why does one have the motive to kill the wealthy wine tycoon, and most importantly, who was responsible?

𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠…

klee, who despite her strange nonchalance towards explosives and having alarmingly close access to ingredients to make them, is quite the adorable young girl that loves you, her big brother albedo, and the two of you together very much!

hr!kuki shinobu who is absolutely done with heizou's fontaine legal firm's antics. she does have the qualifications to work as an attorney rather than at human resources, but she wouldn't want to work with itto more than she already has to—and he doesn't even work there!

attorney!yanfei as one of the few sane people working at fontaine legal firm. though she rarely get's involved in the daily chaos of her workplace, her fiery spirit in the courtroom knows no bounds!

part-time barista!kaveh that was (begrudgingly) ordered by alhaitham to get a job so he could stop pathetically drowning in student loan debt and his latest architectural project. horrible with drinks and customer interactions outside of his usual field, it's safe to say he'd rather be in crippling debt.

hu tao serving as the proprietor of wangsheng funeral parlor and as a partner in crime to itto and heizou, much to everybody's annoyances. queen of "it was getting a little chummy around here," she is a reliable source of information.

and perhaps more?

IMPORTANT...

i'll attempt to have a taglist! hopefully, it doesn't end up as a whole-ass nightmare, but how it works is that i will reblog the start page every time i update the routes with the taglist in tow and hope for the best! if you want to be added, you can message me or send an ask! though, just to be safe, you can turn on notifs!

there's a lot of possible routes cuz i'm lowkey a sadist, four "bad endings," ten "good endings," a neutral ending, and maybe a few secret endings (who's gonna get them first?? 👀)

there isn't a set schedule for the time being! where i live in, i'm busy with preparing for a standardized test (staar will be the death of me). please be patient with me!!

𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠… heavily inspired by law dramas, tears of themis, shojo manga, manhwa, the works; fluff, hurt/comfort, interactive fic, angst

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬… heavily inspired by law dramas and tears of themis (so i wouldn't have to do too much research lmao), definitely not realistic MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH DEPENDING ON WHAT ROUTE YOU TAKE LATER ON

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐥 𝟏𝐬𝐭, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 (𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐨)

[hotvintagepoll]

LAST POLL OF ROUND 6

Propaganda

Ingrid Bergman (Gaslight, Casablanca, Notorious)—A lot of the time hotness in a movie is just about words and framing. "You're the most beautiful person here" [vaseline lens] well I sure hope so because that's who you cast. But when, in Casablanca, they call Ingrid Bergman the most beautiful woman in the world... they were not fucking lying. And such a dynamite actor too!! I'd only seen Casablanca up until last year, and there she's confined to love interest. But in Gaslight she was maybe one of the most incredible actors I've ever seen!!!! Goddddd shes so fucking hot and cool.

Lauren Bacall (To Have and Have Not, The Big Sleep, Key Largo)—"Just put your lips together...and blow" excuse me ma'am i'm briefly going to turn into a kettle. She's the quintessential Femme Fatale who may betray me in the end but I'd let her it'd be worth it

This is round 6 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Ingrid Bergman:

God, she's fantastic. She's both beautiful and a compelling actor who's more than capable of putting the whole movie on her shoulders if necessary. It's worth noting that while her beauty is conventional, she was seen as refreshingly "natural" with more eyebrows and less makeup than many other leading ladies of the time. She's well known for her role in Casablanca, but in Notorious, Spellbound, (both available on archive.org ) and Gaslight (1944) she shows how immensely capable she is.

I mean...she's Ingrid Bergman. I feel like that should be enough, you know? She's physically beautiful (her eyes!) but watching her is like a transcendent experience. Her voice, her expressions... beautiful woman, beautiful actor.

I'm a gay man but even I understand her appeal. I'll watch any movie she shows up in. Gorgeous woman.

Just try and watch her movies without sighing wistfully, then get back to me!

Choosing 1-3 movies where Bergman was at her hottest was agony because, of course, she was always at her hottest. Not just because she was beautiful but because she was absolutely willing to go up against the bs women in Hollywood were constantly dealing with. When exiled from Hollywood for having an affair with Roberto Rossellini, not only did she refuse to apologize at any point, but she went on to say that Hollywood's films had grown stagnant and boring to her. Though she said she appreciated her time working there, she wanted to try new, different techniques (hence starring in Italian neorealist films, working on stage, and acting under directors like Ingmar Bergman). She was not afraid to chase after her artistic ideals and go outside the box regardless of what society had to say about it. From her first movie to her last she killed it. There's so much more to say about Bergman's career and life, but I've already written five million words so I'll stop at that.

One of the most incredible actors I've ever seen on film. Her facial expressions are so intricate and poignant that I cannot look away. I'm either ace or straight, but damn she made me question that.

SEVEN TIME OSCAR NOMINEE QUEEN. Girl also PULLED, having affairs with famously hot men Gary Cooper and Gregory Peck IN ADDITION to her three marriages...sexy

She has a very natural beauty to her, and she's from Sweden!

She left Hollywood and only became more beautiful. You could drown in her eyes. She can look innocent AND like she's seen it all. She is effortlessly elegant. She's played Joan of Arc (automatically hot) AND was in the movie that coined gaslight as a term. And where would we be without that!

She was known for being a breath of fresh air on the movie scene at the time with her windswept hair, dreamy smile and soulful eyes. I have loved her in every movie I have seen her in - she was just magnetic!

Where do I even start. There's a neighborly quality to this beautiful, talented actress that makes her hotness one of a kind and her looks impossible to forget

With a career spanning five decades, Bergman is often regarded as one of the most influential screen figures in cinematic history. Known for her naturally luminous beauty, Bergman spoke five languages – Swedish, English, German, Italian and French – and acted in each.

She's hot, don't get me wrong, but I've always found her very approachable, like she could easily be a member of my friend group

Where do I even begin with Ingrid Bergman? I fell in love with her with her astounding performance in the 1956 version of Anastasia -- the best Anastasia movie in large part due to her wonderful and touching performance. She's got this amazing, fascinating intensity to her in whatever role she's in. She commits 100%, and she's got this light in whatever she's in that's stunning. She's utterly convincing no matter what she plays, from an amnesiac possible lost princess, from a nun, from a woman taking her revenge on the town that wronged her, to light romantic comedy. She's never missed in any role I've seen her in! Also she became quite the MILF.

Lauren Bacall:

"She is soooo neat. And hot. And everything. That one scene in To Have and Have Not where she says "you know how to whistle don't you? You just put your lips together and blow" altered my brain chemistry during media archaeology class and here we are."

"The VOICE, the SLINK, the EYES. Woof."

"Lauren Bacall was a major lesbian awakening for me. Every picture of her makes it look like she’s about to destroy you physically and emotionally (why is that so hot, I may need help). She had incredible long running chemistry with her husband, Humphrey Bogart, but was an absolute star in her own right. I’ll never be over my crush on her."

"She's got that confident, no-nonsense air about her. She's a boss babe who knows what she wants and gets it DONE. Staunch liberal Democrat her whole life. Campaigned for RFK. From Wikipedia: "In a 2005 interview with Larry King, Bacall described herself as "anti-Republican... A liberal. The L-word". She added that "being a liberal is the best thing on Earth you can be. You are welcoming to everyone when you're a liberal. You do not have a small mind."" Beautiful hair. Beautiful eyes. Beautiful lips. She's just beauty. LISTEN TO HER VOICE. TELL ME THAT'S NOT THE STUFF THAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF."

[charliehoennam]

cat-n-mouse

summary: David embarks on a chase and ends up with a date

pairing: David Loki x GN!Reader

warnings: questionable police procedures, language, mentions of drugs gif credit to the most amazing person in the world nd this whole fic is dedicated to you <3 @stephendorff

SHARING IS CARING, SO PLEASE REBLOG

"This is 13-40 responding. I'm 5 minutes from the park, I'll look into it. Stand by."

The call from dispatch was to send a unit to the local park after receiving a call about a mysterious person hanging around the area with possession of drugs; more specifically, marijuana.

David personally didn't care too much about this sort of misdemeanor. God only knows he had his good ol' days smoking pot back in high school and he figures this could just very well be a not very bright teenager.

Pulling into the parking lot, he climbs out of his unmarked vehicle and takes a look around the vast park.

At this time of day, people in the park isn't very common especially with the approaching winter weather that is fairly harsh on the people of Conyers.

The sun had already set, leaving a pale blue glow in the sky as dusk begins to cover the small town. The early winter evening darkens the naked trees against the sky, bringing a familiar sensation that you could never quite explain but admired nonetheless.

The abstract silhouettes of the woods became shadows as a shade of hazy gray covered the town, hypnotizing you as the warm sunset faded into dusk.

After roaming a bit, David spots you from a distance staring up at the haunting treeling. He watches and wonders if you were the one who made the call or if you were the one the call was about. Either way, he can't understand why anyone would stay out in this weather any longer than they had to.

Your tree-gazing is cut short when you catch the shape of this mysterious shadow from the corner of your eye; his stare boring a hole into your side. You can't tell who they are, but what you can tell is that it's the figure of a large strong man.

Slowly turning your head to look over at the stranger, the winter chill slithers up your spine and makes your hairs stand on end.

Even though you don't want selfishly assume anything or jump to any presumptuous conclusions, at the same time, you can't seem ignore the increasing sense of danger. Or his thick-browed stare which is fixed on you and it's intimidating enough to make you squirm.

Maybe it's the start of dusk or the unsettling silence that exudes an eerie energy from his presence. But, when he begins taking slow steps towards your direction, that's when you decide to it's time to leave.

You turn your gaze to the ground as you begin walking towards the park trail that leads back to the main road. Glancing over your shoulder, you realize the man is now following you.

The frozen earth crunching under your boots does nothing to ease the adrenaline that starts coursing through your tense body.

You become even more uncomfortable when his footsteps become audible, growing closer and closer.

Trying to pick your speed, you walk as fast as your legs allow you to. Your heart is thumping loudly in your head. Not enough to drown out the sound of his footsteps when he does the same to catch up with you.

Panic overtakes you. You try to hide until you suddenly burst into a spring, running down the pathway. You want to look back, but the fear pumping in your veins demands that you keep running.

"Hey!" The man shouts as he begins running after you, ensuing what is now a pursuit.

Being much taller and faster than you, he catches up eventually and tackles you down to the wet ground, forcing a grunt from your lungs as you land hard on your side.

"Get off me!" you plead trying to wriggle away from his grasp. "Help! Help!"

He ignores your cries as he forces you onto your front. There's no one in sight. Shouting is useless and, if you don't try to help yourself, no one will.

You're not going down without a fight.

A strong elbow to his gut is enough knock the air out of his chest and loosen him off of you, so you try to quickly spring to your feet. But it's no use. His hand quickly grabs at your legs, pulling you back down to the ground.

His large frame overpowers you and he holds your hands behind your back. Metallic sounds ring from behind you as handcuffs lock around your wrists.

"Suspect is in custody" you frown as the man speaks into a walkie -talkie.

"Suspect?! You're a fucking cop?!"

"Get up," he orders breathlessly, ignoring your question as he climbs off you and forces you on to your feet.

"What the fuck are you even arresting me for?!"

"Whatever you were running for."

"I was running because you were fucking chasing me, you creep! You could've at least identified yourself! I wanna speak with your captain!"

In the back of his mind, he knows you're right. He didn't think about how freaky it could have seemed for you, being alone in the park with a stranger approaching you suddenly.

His body acted before his mind could process the protocols. Captain O'Malley is bound to rip him a new one for fucking up standard procedure.

He catches his breath in silence as he escorts you to his car for a pat-down. His guilt only grows when he doesn't find any illegal possessions on your person.

Your loud protests echo through the parking lot until he helps you into the backseat of his car.

He shuts the door to let you calm down and informs dispatch that back-up isn't necessary, assuring that everything is under control. Once your muffled ranting quietens down, he opens the door to talk.

"I need your name."

"Oh, sure. It's Y/F/N Go-fuck-yourself Y/L/N."

He repeatedly blinks hard before closing the door again and shares your name into the walkie-talkie, understanding why you're angry. He fucked up and it could cost him and the department, but as a cop, he knows he's entitled to stop and search given a certain level of suspicion. It doesn't mean he doesn't feel about giving you the scare of your life.

Looking through the belongings in your bag over the truck of his car, he locates your I.D to confirm your identification and shares the information with dispatch, who informs him that you have no warrants or any history of issues with the law, so he puts your things back into your bag and walks over to open the car door once more.

"Am I under arrest?" you ask impatiently as he helps you out and positions you against the cold surface to release you from the cuffs.

"No, you're not. I apologize for the scare. We got a call about a mysterious person lingering around the park with drugs and it's obviously not you."

"You can't just treat people like they're all criminals, you know."

"I'm sorry. If you'd like my badge number, you can make an official complaint at the station."

Although you know you probably should, there's a glint of guilt in his eyes that beg you not to. And, looking at him much closer and under the bright street light, you realize where you recognize him from.

"Aren't you the cop that found those little girls? The Thanksgiving kidnappings?"

"I was assigned to the case."

"I remember. I saw you on the TV," you nod with a pause. "I'm not gonna file a complaint, alright? Just don't chase people without any cause at night. It's fucking creepy."

"I'll make sure to identify myself next time. But, just out of curiosity, the fuck are you doing out here? It's cold as shit."

His big blue eyes narrow at you as you rub the soreness from your wrists.

"I cut through the park on my way home from work."

"It's not a very safe route this time of year. Empty and far like this..."

"Yeah, I didn't realize that until you tried to kidnap me."

"I wasn't kidnapping you. Although, I understand how you would have that impression in hindsight and I really am sorry about it. Why don't I give you a ride home? Make sure you get home safe?"

You look towards the road and think about how far you still are from your house. After the scare you just had, walking home alone in the dark doesn't seem very appealing.

Your gaze moves to the badge on his hip. You remember what your uncle taught you when you were younger: how to tell apart a fake badge and a real one.

"Yeah, alright."

You climb into the passenger seat as he opens the door for you and settle inside with your bag on your lap. Once he's back in the driver's seat, you tell him your address and he starts the drive there.

"I heard you're a tough cop. Made that boy kill himself."

He stays silent and glances at you guiltily.

"That never shoulda happened."

"But it did."

"I had two missing little girls to find. My methods may have been questionable, and I was reprimanded for them. But there's no excuse for them. And the girls were safely found alive. That's all I cared about."

You watch as he blinks nervously. He doesn't seem like an intentional asshole. You've met plenty of them to tell them apart. Despite his social awkwardness, he seems like a sound-minded guy.

"I'm not trying to tell you how to do your job. You seem like the kinda cop that actually cares about his victims. 'm just saying, not everyone is a suspect."

He nods silently with another firm blink. You sound just like O'Malley.

The rest of the drive to your house is quiet. The car rolls to a stop in the driveway, so you unbuckle your seatbelt and thank him for the ride.

"Just do me a favor and take Norma Lane next time? It's safer and busier this time of night."

"Fine. Just as long as you promise you won't go randomly kidnapping innocent people."

"I wasn't kidnapping you."

"Could've fooled me" you smirk jokingly at him, reaching for the door handle. "Thanks again for the ride."

"You uh think I could maybe get your number?"

"Seriously?"

"Just in case I need to bring you in for questioning or something?" he tries to smile slyly. "I'd like to make it up to you."

"You take everyone you falsely arrest out on dates to make it up to them?"

His cheeks turn a shade of pink as he looks away from your mischievous gaze.

"Not everyone, no."

"Well, I guess it's only fair" you nod unable to fight back a smile as he takes his phone out. "I mean, I don't really date cops but I could make an exception. I think I'm entitled to some compensation."

"I couldn't agree more" he chuckles handing you his phone, open to a new contact screen. "Although you did give me a mean elbow to the ribs that's probably gonna bruise."

"You deserved it," you smirk as you finish punching in the numbers to your cell phone. "You'd better call, Detective Loki."

He frowns curiously, trying to remember if he'd told you his name earlier but he can't remember if he did.

"How do you know my name?"

"Saw it on the news back in December. I have a good memory for names. Besides, Loki is a pretty cool one. Hard to forget."

"Makes sense" he smiles impressed. He admires the fact that you're smart enough to look out for yourself.

"Don't break my heart, detective" you smirk climbing out of his car.

As you walk up to the front entrance, you don't miss how he waits until you're safe inside to start the car back up and pull out of your driveway.

Despite the rocky introduction, you enjoy the way he made you feel safe. You just know you won't be able to stop thinking about him all night.

As you go on about your routine, settling in on the couch with a plate of dinner, getting ready to watch your favorite TV show, your phone flashes with a text.

"Now you have my number too. Better call me, Y/L/N."

[vicsbasement]

So, @azealiax asked for an explanation about the Monza incident (and then Singapore) in Charlos lore. I'm trying to rack my brain with all of it, and I'll just bullet point the important parts of it. If anyone needs to add anything feel free to reblog this and correct me if I'm wrong. I'm going to be talking about how the press took that Monza podium but I can't recall where the bad press came from (I think it was british) so if anyone else needs to add anything, you're free to do so!

Carlos did pole. It was amazing and the Tifosi were roaring with excitement.

During the race, Carlos' car ate the tyres because he was defending from Checo. (Who ended up passing him and he got stuck with P3) (Max P1, Checo P2, Carlos P3, Charles P4)

Ferrari pitted Charles near the end of the race, giving him priority over the pole-sitter (Carlos) which rubbed many people the wrong way (at least Carlos' fans were miffed about it)

Since Charles had better and newer rubber, he took the fight to Carlos near the end of the race.

The fighting on track was on the limit, and they almost collided a few times, but, to be honest, it was an amazing fight and at least Charles sounded like he was having a lot of fun fighting Carlos.

Carlos defended beautifully but his tyres were gone by the middle point of the fight. So he asked for team orders, which Ferrari ignored and just said "fight but no risk" (basically don't take each other out pls but let's give tifosi a show)

Carlos kept defending until the end and remained on P3, so basically he earned that podium bc he fought for it really hard.

Some announcers (and some press) said that Ferrari put the wrong car on that podium. (Implying Carlos didn't deserve it but Charles did)

Some fans (Carlos') took that fight really badly. And so did Carlos' mother, who liked a tweet about Charles having no honor.

Charles cheekily responded liking a tweet from a fan that posted a picture of his win at Monza 2019 with the caption "honor"

Still, when he got out of the car, Charles looked elated. Like, he'd never behaved like that. He was so happy, playing around, teasing Fred, answering questions about the fight and saying he had done it for the tifosi to give them a little bit of a show.

Carlos was rattled, of course, but he seemed to be fine by the end of the race and happy to had fought Charles on the limit. They both gave similar replies to the press, that it was a fun fight, on the limit, and they were never at any point near collision (which didn't seem like it from the espectator point of view but you do you, boo)

Monza is basically a Ferrari ground, so to see a Ferrari driver on the podium was mayhem. They chanted Carlos' name the entire time and were pretty damn happy about Carlos' P3 (even though some Charles-solo-stans made it seem like they weren't happy about Carlos getting that P3, but we have video proof that they were damn near about to drown out everything from the podium that didn't have anything to do with Carlos with their screams and their chants. They even chanted Carlos' name during the national anthems and drowned them out so much that the TV people had to mute the microphones to keep that from feeding into the streams)

As an add-on, Carlos' birthday was around this weekend.

The thing is that well, the whole bad press-Carlos' mom-fans reaction thing kind of rubed off on the drivers. There was some unmistakeable tension between them the week after this race. So much so, that, during the fan forum the week after (Singapore), someone had asked about liking your teammate (with the mortal enemies Esteban and Pierre right next to them) and Carlos replied that he really did like his teammate, with Charles looking visibly relieved. Of course this is mere speculation on their body language, but it was... iffy. To say the least.

Then comes Singapore. And this is the run-down of what happened:

Carlos gets pole position again

Charles decides to help defend him from Russell who was P2 (it was his own idea, nothing to do with Ferrari strategy at all) and he starts the race on soft tyres. Charles was P3, and he overtook George, getting P2 early on the race.

Max starts the race along the back because he got screwed over during Q2 I think, but the fact is, he started the race P11.

Checo started P13 and had contact with Yuki.

There was a yellow flag in which the Red Bulls didn't pit, so they had older hard tyres which made them vulnerable to the Mercedes.

The Red Bulls were able to reclaim P5 (Max) and P8 (Checo) during the race.

Charles had a fumble in the pits and was passed by the Mercedes (he was P3 and dropped to P5 because of it)

Lando managed to pass everyone and he found himself in P2

At the end of the race, Carlos decided to use a DRS strategy to keep Lando on his tail to defend himself from the Mercedes drivers, who had newer tyres. This way, Lando had to defend his position thus defending Carlos' P1 in the process.

Whenever he'd get too far ahead Lando he'd drop a few seconds time and got closer again.

Final lap: Russell clips the wall and crashes so Hamilton overtakes him.

Carlos led the entirety of the race and showed a brilliant mind and strategy defending with Norris.

It was his second ever win after the British GP in 2022

This was the only race not won by Red Bull the whole year

Fan speculation (based on a very ridiculous comment from Russell, I'm guessing after he saw Charles was on soft tyres) led everyone to believe that "Ferrari had sacrificed Leclerc". The fact is, he had a fumble in the pits and lost his P2 to Norris at some point, so he stayed behind. In any case, he seemed okay with Carlos' win, they even hugged after the race and it was actually a very cute interaction. He was, understandibly, angry that the pit timing had cost him a P2, so people were just talking about him being angry after losing to his teammate two races in a row.

You just have to take into account that some fans like to pit them against each other constantly, but they've never had any public falling out or anything that could lead anyone to believe there's bad blood between them.

In any case, this was Monza and Singapore 2023. As I said if anyone needs to add anything else from the charlos lore archives, feel free to do so.

[jojo-oliver]

How to tumblr for artists… my own version

A collection of things that have been working for me, but may not work for everyone

~~~ your posts ~~~

!!!reblog your own stuff!!! you need to reblog your own stuff, there is nothing morally wrong with reblogging your own stuff regularly. in fact, it is morally right to allow the chance for more people to see your artwork.

~~~ queue it!! ~~~ my queue is 500 posts strong. maybe don't try to make your queue hundreds of posts strong in the same day omg but like… once every month or two i'll go through my whole blog and just scroll and "add to drafts" to every one of my own posts i have. then i'll use the "mass post editor" to add content warning tags. and add to queue, and shuffle. and then I write down what the date was for when I last added my posts to be reblogged on queue. this is helped by turning on timestamps for posts in tumblr "dashboard preferences" settings.

queueing is necessary and life saving for me. It takes out so much work with decision fatigue and the anxiety around posting. It also guarantees that even if I suddenly need time off or away from my phone, I don't just disappear and lose all traction. It also breaks the instant-gratification cycle that you expect when you finish an artwork. It's hard to keep creating when you post something and, when you're expecting to get that gratification, you get none... If you queue your new artwork to come out at a later time, you've separated that expectation - with time. It hurts less and contributes to a more consistent gratification thing instead of peaks and troughs.

~~~ tag ya stuff ~~~ when you're making a new post, the first 20 tags are what gets put into the searchable tags. do not feel shame for using lots of tags. shame is the mind-killer. tags are hard. hard to know what to tag a post with. hard to remember the tags. so I found some ways to help myself. maybe they'll help you too. dedicate some time towards just figuring out what tags you want to use. i have a list in my phone notes that i add tags to and reference whenever i'm making a new post. i have the phone right beside the laptop while i'm tagging so that i can just look at it and scroll. tags are the only way for people to find your artwork, other than people manually coming to your blog because they saw you somewhere. there is no algorithm. posting without tags, until you have an established fanbase, is throwing something into the void.

When I'm doing tag research, I look at what people seem to use - when you put something in the search bar, tumblr recommends you some that have a higher following, typically. Looks like this on desktop:

if you like one tag, look at what other people who use that tag also tag their posts with. Observe and learn how this tag is used. search through a bunch of them and write them down.

here's what i got in my notes, for the specific kind of art I post and look for:

these tags are sort of specific to me and the kind of art I make. You'll want to research your own tags, but this is an example of how I keep them organized to make posting more effective. I generally only write down a tag when it's got more than 2k followers. You might be tempted to use the tags with millions of followers, but I've actually found those a lot less functional for small artists. If your stuff doesn't immediately get a bunch of notifications, you're drowned out and pushed to the bottom much faster. But the bigger tags are better than no tags, so I keep them if I can't think of anything else to tag something with.

~~~ post at the right times….? ~~~

fridays and saturdays is when I post fresh new things... usually. every website has it's own peak hours, and you can find those hours in many different online articles that try to sell you social media growth services. tumblr is unique in having later hours.

here's some random graph from google images:

please don't over think this. please don't let this consume the idea of when to post, preventing you from posting at all. it doesn't mean too much - if you post during very active hours, maybe your art would just be pushed down the feed faster. if you post at the end of hours, maybe everyone's going to sleep… if you post at inactive hours, maybe there's less 'competition'… if you post at the beginning of active hours, maybe that's just more time for your post to circulate for the day, if you have enough people reblogging it once it drops....

this also is in EST. So fuck the other time zones, I guess. I'm over here in europe knowing that the "best" time to post would be like 2-3am or something. It's like this for most english-speaking majority sites - higher traffic in north american time zones.

it's also worth mentioning that this is scattered as heck, compared to other social media sites. and it's not like, the activity times of your followers. it's not the best time to post for your niche. this is just tumblr, broadly. all of tumblr.

~~~ Plan ahead for annual dates ~~~

Your artwork will get more circulation if it's posted on a celebratory day. You could just put them on your calendar and if you're wondering what to make, look on the calendar for what's coming soon. For example, asexual awareness day, trans day of visibility, location-specific holidays, etc. Here's my phone notes thing with my own recorded annuals:

I got these dates from googling and reading different articles, but I find that I still miss dates, and then I add them for next year. If you know of some I missed, tell me and I'll add them please <3

~~~ reblog other people's stuff ~~~

tumblr is sorta about ecosystems. things get passed around within groups of people that are all following eachother. to enter this ecosystem, you must engage and reblog other people's stuff too.

if you reblog other artists' stuff, sometimes they'll come over and reblog your stuff too. sometimes they'll follow you back. this is called becoming a mutual. I'll search specific tags for the kinds of people I want to follow and the kind of art I like - those are listed in the screenshot of my tag note under "Tags for finding new people".

I see a lot of blogs out there that are very clean, posts are tagless, and are only for the artists' content. like scrolling through a portfolio. I imagine this is good for people who are migrating to tumblr but already have their own established fanbase from elsewhere.

you don't need to do reblog other people's stuff on your art blog, you can do this on a separate blog. but if the two don't look very closely correlated, it's hard to tell who you are when you're interacting. and hard to make sure people know that you are the same person as your art blog. and you gotta remember to promote yourself on your personal blog.

~~~ have an art tag ~~~

make your blog easy to search!

if i go to your blog, and you've written 'artist' or 'sometimes art' in your bio, i wanna see it… it make me so sad when i don't get to see it. i want to reblog it. please let me reblog it :(

to make a tag on your own blog searchable, you don't need to repost it to add a tag. you don't even need to reblog it. you can actually just go back to the original post and edit it to add your tag. I've seen post people just have their art tag be something like #(blogname)art . you can see my own in my tags image above. if it's very unique, then it'll work tumblr-wide. I think that's good, since the tumblr search function is really weird. Otherwise it should still work if it's not entirely unique, people just have to make sure they're searching specifically your blog to see only your stuff.

I like to have a link in my pinned post where people can click to have immediately searched for my art tag. Convenience is king. Keep in mind that most people are on mobile, and if something isn't immediately clickable, they often won't find it.

~~~ be consistent and be patient ~~~

!!!this time will pass anyway!!! how many notes you have is not correlated with how good you are as an artist. wanting to earn something from your art means you essentially have two jobs. two potentially full time jobs. this shit's difficult. most of the job is promoting yourself. don't undersell how hard it is to do… don't feel bad for not immediately succeeding. I would write about how hard it's been to promote myself, but it would just be long and sad I think.

This isn't a full guide, please feel free to add more!!

I'm sure in another year I'll disagree with a lot of this, it will become irrelevant with time, and I'll have a lot of different opinions. Chip in and share what you've been doing? Teach me? This is very overwhelming. Don't do it all at once, just like, try one thing at a time, and see how it works for you. Your niche might be different. One size does not fit all. If you're confused about some of the things I talk about in here, you might be on mobile. I do most of my queueing and posting from the desktop browser version.

I will update this with more as things change, but I think you'll have to click through to see the updated post