#i'll be okay it's just darsy's cinematic life again

[darsynia]

Just wanted to check in on you. I know you're going through a rough time.💚🫂

- Zombie

Thanks, it was just 'every insecurity on display' today. I went from 'I am going to be brave and post about these awful personal crises' to 'oh my god what did I do wrong' to 'somehow my attempts at keeping bot accounts at bay didn't do enough and now I look like someone who boasts about bot follows'

SO MUCH OF IT IS INVALID THOUGHTS. But I just do not have the mental fortitude to be okay right now.

It is super sweet of you (and @sobeautifullyobsessed)to check in, I appreciate it. I tend to 'run and hide' now when I feel stupid, so I just deleted everything. Frankly, I'm scared my mother in law is going to die. I'm scared my husband is going to get killed on his bike in frigid weather. I'm scared my oldest is dying of self-imposed starvation and I don't know how to fix it. It's just A Lot.

It also doesn't help that this happened to me once before--in 2022 I was getting bullied in the Bridgerton fandom and then AO3 had a glitch that made half of the bookmarks disappear on some fics. It was the same fic, and I... am glad I'm still around, because it coincided with a lot of family horribleness. So I guess we do this every 2 years like Taylor Swift albums, lol.

edit: it occurs to me that with an account since 2011 it's likely there are some bots I didn't notice during years' worth of hiatuses so maybe I should give myself a motherfucking break. I was just really excited about hitting 1k :|