#i'll be able to pay my rent and buy food and maybe do something fun once in a while

[apassingbird]

i don't even start working officially until next week (i had one shift in may before i went on vacation) but i have already been offered one more permanent shift per week so maybe they genuinely do think i'm good at what i do and want me there

[inardescere]

@hancfubuki

The book's cover is a dark wine red, the hardcover giving it some weight, and smooth leather binding with golden thread stitching. There's a scribble of Kaveh's name on the lower right corner, inked in gold. On the inner side of the hardcover, there is a newly added scribble.

To Alhaitham, whom I hope to be more honest with.

XX XXXX

Ten days living with Alhaitham.

He hasn't changed.

He is a brat and infuriating.

I don't understand why he let me into his house. But I've been able to get a hold of plenty of job offers thanks to the palace's reputation.

Hopefully, I can make enough to move out soon.

XX XXXX

The client today was a pain!

They couldn't even make a decision on their own stall. Do they expect me to read their minds? It reminds me of a certain someone who doesn't speak and mutes their surroundings all the time.

At least he makes decent food.

XX XXXX

Tighnari and I had tea today.

Collei laughed at something I said, and I'm... Unsure how to feel about it. It wasn't supposed to be funny! Who in their right mind would buy such an ugly wooden carving? He tells me off for spending for the less fortunate and getting cute accessories and he goes buying crap from the market to fill his house!

Where's the logic in that?

XX XXXX

We got two dutars.

As expected, he can't play it. Surprisingly, he was willing to learn how to play.

He still has a temper but it was fun.

It reminded me of good times.

XX XXXX

Mehrak started beeping weirdly today.

She's alright now but the book Alhaitham brought home for a light read had come in handy. What luck! Living with a bookworm has its merits. I haven't run out of material to browse through on my days off.

XX XXXX

The sunsettias were so sweet today.

Why does it feel like I've had a lot of fruit in the past months?

Actually, I feel like I've been eating a lot recently. I didn't realize how loose my clothes had become while constructing the palace. Filling them in perfectly reminds me how gorgeous this design is. What you wear does make a difference to one's confidence!

I should get an outfit designed for Alhaitham. He keeps going around in those hideous clothes. Maybe that's why he's such a brat.

Reminder to book an appointment.

XX XXXX

I got keychains!

Alhaitham has no sense of aesthetics.

They were paying for the sick children but he just called it a scam! Surely, he understands that free healthcare doesn't just drop out of the sky. Maybe it's a donation to the Birmastan, he would never know!

Either way, I got a cute lion keychain. This way, he won't take my keys by mistake.

XX XXXX

HE KEEPS TAKING MY KEYS THE INFURIATING BRAT!!!

XX XXXX

I hate him I'm never talking to him ever again.

Next time I write, I'll have found a new place for myself!

Good Night!

XX XXXX

I didn't get persuaded by the wine. He just looked too pitiful so I couldn't say no.

Besides, it's not good to let a whole crate of good wine go to waste!

XX XXXX

I just had the best academic debate.

After leaving the Akademiya, there's been plenty of hardships and there wasn't any time when I was not testing my creativity and the capacity of my knowledge to create. But it's not common to have a debate over knowledge, exchanging theories and knowledge outside of the narrow understanding that normal citizens have.

It was fun.

We had some spats and arguments over topics often while living together, but we had material to look over and analyze as we debated as if we were students again.

It made me remember why I loved his eyes.

XX XXXX

When I got back home, there was dinner.

We've been taking turns getting takeout when we're both home to have dinner together. I feel like we've been eating together every day for a while.

Today was a weird day.

It just felt good.

XX XXXX

It's been a year.

My debt is nowhere near gone and I feel suffocated.

It's too comfortable here. Maybe finding a place of my own will make me feel better. I wouldn't have to deal with our arguments every other day. Renting a room far from the city might be cheaper.

I can't keep wanting things I can't have.

XX XXXX

I had a dream.

It's because I wrote a stupid log last night.

XX XXXX

I feel like we're fighting even more than usual.

I'm already miserable and a mess. Does he just want to push it in my face again that my ideals are futile?

Then again, he probably doesn't care.

XX XXXX

It's been a few months since I last wrote in this book.

Nothing has really changed, but a lot has. Some truths have come to light.

Learning about what happened to Father, I'm still uneasy. But the weight is just a bit lighter. To think that Alhaitham had figured it out somehow. When did he even have the time to go find this information when he's supposed to be busy being a judge? I can't believe he even agreed to be one. It doesn't sound like him at all. I swear, you never know what he's thinking.

... But truly, I am grateful.

If only he knew how to be a bit cuter. He's such a brat I want to knock him a few pegs down! How dare he make fun of his senior like that! Even though I was being so serious, he just tries to tease me. No respect, I tell you!

I will forgive him because I smell cheese from the kitchen. My favorite!

XX XXXX

I can't bring myself to go home.

We didn't fight today. But Alhaitham woke up late since it was his day off and his hair was sticking everywhere. I touched him without thinking and he looked at me. I know that look.

I'm mistaken, though.

We put that behind us.

Don't get your hopes up, Kaveh.

XX XXXX

We fought.

But we cuddled and slept together after the fight. So... we made up? I don't know what to do or think. Things can't go back to how it was before.

Can I stay here?

XX XXXX

How did he know that I have sketches of him? Is he going through my sketchbooks? Are you reading this now, Haitham?

I won't forgive you if you do!

But even he's not as tactless as to read someone's diary...

... ...

Yet he keeps playing with me, saying he'd pose if I asked. As if! If he keeps joking like that I'll take him seriously and make him do some stupid poses till he's embarrassed and red! Have him vulnerable and open to critical eyes and see if he can take it!

XX XXXX

I know I don't need to do anything special. Although I know it logically, I can't help but feel like there's nothing I can do for him. There's a part of me that feels spoiled, it's not in me to just stay still. Yet I always end up giving in.

He shows affection so openly now. I should try my best too...

XX XXXX

Things are moving too fast.

Who talks about marriage a month into a relationship?!

I'm crazy!

I'm so crazy!!!!

But I designed rings since he was so stubborn about making wooden ones I wanted to prove him wrong. I can make them just fine!

[Inserts sketches of the design and multiple scribbled notes of materials taped on this page]

XX XXXX

I don't know what to write today.

Everything is too perfect, I feel like it'll all come crumbling down if I let go of myself.

Today's a good day to bring out a bottle from my birthday stash. One last bottle for good luck. Let loose and forget everything for a night. Maybe Alhaitham will be inclined to join me. I'll share since he was so good to me last night.

XX XXXX

Cyno gives good advice sometimes.

I'm glad I've got good friends.

Alhaitham agreed to get officially married. Papers and all. I didn't think I would be the one to want that. It seemed and still feels more like something he would like, but... It makes me happy.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

XX XXXX

I've been looking for a gem to match the one on his chest.

After hearing about the possibility of it being linked to the divine, finding one with similar properties seems even further out of reach than it was before. I'm not giving up though. Even if it means making it on my own, I want to present an accessory with it to him.

I worried that maybe I was still desperate to prove myself and find something I could do for him. But whenever I tell myself to throw the idea away if it bothers me so much, the desire for it grows stronger. As with all things, there is no clear-cut answer to whether I can keep my personal feelings and doubts from controlling my actions and beliefs.

But as I've told the traveler, I think that's fine and who I am. It's my new passion project because I can't stop the desire to do it.

XX 1102

Happy Birthday, Alhaitham.

I thought of many presents I could gift you, and I've already prepared them! But when I came back to my room, I found this diary on my desk and while reading, I started thinking about us.

Even if you decide to be a brat and tease me to no end, there are things in this diary that I can't put into words properly anymore. Some things, I could not say out loud.

I'm not trying to mimic what your grandmother did, but after finding my mother's diary I realized that reading through written memories of our loved ones or letters for you are incredibly sentimental things that bring a semblance of peace and connection I hadn't truly comprehended before. So, I leave this with you. There are still many pages left as I used this only on occasion, so feel free to fill it in if you please, or keep it blank.

Again, happy birthday.

I love you, Haiyi.

Thank you for being born.

[whatsaboutalaska]

Bocas del Toro

This is going to be a very long Blogpost, because I spent a month on the beautiful Islands of Bocas del toro and I have a lot to tell you about :D

Isla Colon

It’s the main Island and although it’s one of the bigger ones, the city (bocas town - the capital of the whole Archipel) is very tiny. It won’t take you more than 10 minutes to walk from one end to the other, what might seem a bit boring, but there's always something new to discover :) !

Where to stay

Normally I don't give anti-recommendations for hostels, but although everyone I asked recommended me to stay at Selina in Bocas, it was my worst hostel experience ever. If you're like me, and more into cozy small hostels, where you easily feel at home, and not into party party, I'll recommend you not to book at Selina, especially not friday and saturday! You don't need to stay there to hang out at their dock, or join the parties at night. But I love to sleep. So these two nights were horrible for me :)!

Skully‘s House

I would have loved to stay at this hostel, but unfortunately it was fully booked when I was there. But I still spent a few hours at the place, and the dorms look amazing :)! The cheapest option for a night at Skully's are 15$! It is directly at Paunch Beach, it has a pool, and a very tasty restaurant, which unfortunately is not really cheap.

Fun Fact: The hostel in designed in Pirate theme and the owner is a bearded pirate with a real woodleg :D

Coconut hostel

It's the cheapest place I could find on the Island, and it's one of few places in Bocas where breakfast is included! Pancakes with fresh fruits! What else could you wish for? :D Although the bathrooms in the hostel are really not nice, I completely enjoyed my stay! The vibe is very family-like and they even have a rooftop full with hammocks for 5$/night if that's your thing :)! I meet an awesome israeli musician while I stayed there, who gave me a private concert the night before he left. Such an incredibly talented guy!

Pro Tipp: It doesn't matter where you stay, I really recommend you to use the loundry service at coconut hostel! They charge 3$ instead of for example 10$ at Selina!

Where to eat

Panaderia Alemana

For Germans and Austrians the hardest part while travelling is to find bread. And I mean real bread. I spent every free minute in this Bakery on Isla Colón, having breakfast, just a snack or my favorite pastries.

Pro Tipp: try the maracuya cheesecake!

Restaurante chitré

It's one of few cheap places in Bocas del Toro, and normally you just see locals eating there :)! For 4,75$ you get a huge plate of grilled chicken, rice and salad - and it's not just cheap, it's super tasty! It's also a good place to practice your spanish, while chatting with panamanians.

LaItaliana

Normally a bit pricey, LaItaliana offers a happy hour in the afternoon, where they offer a pizza plus drink for 6$! One of the best Pizzas I ever had! I recommend you to take a large pizza, the small ones are just for hobbits :D

Pollo Rosti

This little restaurant offers nothing else than grilled chicken and fries. But I can guarantee, that you won't find better chicken for this price on the whole Island! For 7$ you get half of a roasted a chicken, including fries and dips. The only thing which is bothering me, is that they serve their food on single-use plastic tableware. #savetheplanet

What to do

Rent an ATV

Flying Pirates belongs to the owner of Skully's House and is the company you want to go with, while racing through the jungle. It's definitely not a cheap activity, but by far the best I have experienced on this trip! Nearly the whole island is covered with jungle, but only Flying Pirates have access to it, because they pay rent to the owner of the land. To make sure, that no ATV drivers of other companies can enter this property, the pirate placed many traps along the trail! So make sure you listen carefully to his instructions, because you don't want to drown your ATV or die...

So go for it and enjoy this amazing adventure, but be prepared: you will get back very very dirty and maybe a bit injured. #dontflip #yesIdid

Cacao Ceremony

In Bocas del Toro I experienced my very first cacao ceremony! I'm not religious or spiritual, so things like that always seemed a bit strange for me but honestly I enjoyed it a lot! It's a gathering of different people who mostly sit in a circle, drink cacao, and combine that with for example yoga, sound healing or dancing. Since centuries cacao is used for physical and mental healing, it actually increases your bloodflow and produces endorphins. This topic is so big, it deserves a whole blog post itself, so if you're interested and want to know more about it, I share this article with you: http://www.balispiritfestival.com/blog/cacao-ceremonies-what-why-and-how

Bioluminescence Tour

This tour is definitely one big highlight of my whole trip, because it is so different than any other boattrip I experienced. You have to be a bit lucky to get the experience, because you're only able to see bioluminescence in the water when it's really dark, so tours just take place around new moon. I did my tour exactly on new moon, and it was a breathtaking experience for me. It was quite scary to jump into the sea, in the middle of the night, and I definitely overcame some fears on that trip! Because it was completely dark, our guide was whistling all the time, to make sure we find him in the water and don't get lost. If you want to know some more about the tour and about bioluminescence in general I recommend you to read following article: https://hellotravelpanama.com/packages/bioluminescence-tour/

Surf!

I'm not a very comfortable surfer, so I never tried it in Bocas. Butt everyone else does, because it's a great surfer destination! The waves are really high and often very dangerous, so it's not the best place to start with surfing, but you'll definitely love it when you're a bit more advanced. But don't surf at Bluff Beach! In the last years, a lot of people died surfing there, and nearly everyone who tries breaks their boards.

Zapatilla Tour

Although Bocas del Toro is a very expensive place, you can book daytours for not more than 25$/person! A must do is a tour to Cayo Zapatilla, which should include a stop at dolphin bay, sloth island, Hollywood (starfish island) and the coral snorkel spot. This tour is definitely a highlight for me so far! I've seen a lot of dolphins, but unfortunately you can't go for a swim with them, because the bay is full of jellyfish!

Stand Up Paddling!

From Isla Colon you can easily paddle to Isla Carenero, which is just one minute away if you take the boat. If you are not very familiar with surfing or stand up paddling, I would NOT recommend you to rent your gear at Selina, because they also have no Idea. So I ended up with a big surfboard, instead of an SUP board, sitting on it and trying not to fall. Well, at least the board was pink :D!

Plastic Bottle Village

I have no idea how I could have missed this place, but it's so amazing, that I definitely need to share it with you!

Years ago, a Canadian called Robert moved to the Island and started to collect water bottles, instead of throwing them away, and in the last years he built a whole village out of these bottles. He designed a huge castle, and even built little houses you can rent and live in, for a very good price! With his program he wants to draw attention to the excessive use of plastic, and with the money he earns he supports the local community and tries to educate children about this important topic. If you want to know more about this project, visit the website! http://www.plasticbottlevillage-theline.com/

Where to shop

Black Cat

This shop is not just my favorite for shopping clothes, it also sells very extraordinary souvenirs. Everything they sell is unique and nearly all their designs are self made. Unfortunately it's not backpacker budget friendly, but I love every piece I bought there! They also sell underwear with very special prints in four different sizes and three different shapes, which are 15$ per piece, but super comfortable and unique!

Tutty n Fish

Best place to buy fish and seafood to cook it at home! Unfortunately I never had the chance to buy the tuna because it was always sold out, but I heard it's amazing, and it's super cheap!

Farmacia el Javillo

It seems a bit weird to recommend a farmacy, but unfortunately I spent a lot of time in pharmacies and also been to the hospital in Bocas del Toro. Apparently it's very easy to open a farmacy in Central America, for which reason the quality and the prices of the products differ a lot. With this farmacies I never had any problems, they gave me good advices and they also speak a little english :)!

Isla Bastimentos

Because Bocas Town was a bit to much party for me, and I definitely wanted to stay at a beautiful beach, I moved to Isla Bastimentos after three days, and very spontaneously I started to work in an incredible hostel directly at Red Frog Beach!

Where to stay

Palmar Beach Lodge

Where should I start! I stayed one month volunteering at this place, had the most amazing people around me, spent Christmas and New Years Eve here and couldn't wish for a better time! This place is a very nice mixture of a hotel and hostel. They offer very luxurious bungalows and tents, but also cheap mixed 8-bed cabins which are the most amazing dorms I have ever seen! The only thing that doesn't really fit into the low budget plan of a backpacker, is that there is no guest kitchen at the hostel. So you have no choice but eating at the restaurant all day long, which is super super tasty and backpacker budget friendly :)!

What to do

Red frog beach

If you stay at Palmar this beach is directly in front of your door. It's the most famous beach in the whole Archipel, but honestly not the most perfect one for swimming, because mostly the current is really strong, and there's always a red flag. To spot a red frog you have to be very lucky, because they are super tiny!

Polo Beach

It's a 40 minute walk through the jungle and on the beach to get from Red Frog Beach to Polo Beach, and it's 100% worth it! There are no hotels - just Polo lives there. He's an old guy who built himself a little cabin and sells coconuts, drinks, and sometimes even fresh grilled fish.

Wizard Beach

To get to this beach it's quite a long walk through the jungle! Unfortunately I never arrived there, because the time I tried there were so many ants that I turned around. Make sure you get back before it gets dark, because you really don't walk this path at night! The last years there were a lot of robberies along this trail, so make sure you don't go alone and don't take valuable things with you :)

Up in the Hill

If you walk 20 minutes uphill from Old Bank, the main town of Bastimentos, you get to this cacao farm, run by a Scottish family. Unfortunately I never booked a tour there, but I hiked all the way up to bring back their lost dog, but apparently it wasn't their dog... (it was the dog of another cacao farm)

Pro Tipp: Try their selfmade brownies :)!

Marina

It's the place where all the private sailing boats and catamarans dock, and normally you're not really supposed to go there because it's a private property, so your only allowed there if you have a boat. But you definitely have the most beautiful sunset view in Bastinentos :)!

Isla Carenero

If you’re a fan of party and you want to join filthy Friday (it’s like a pub crawl every Friday, but they take you to different islands for this group drinking experience) you can just stay at Agua Lodge, and get Filthy Friday for „free“, because every group will stop there. I didn’t stay in this hostel, because I’m not really into party, but they have a trampoline where you can jump directly into the water.

Isla Solarte

Bambuda Lodge

This hostel is usually fully booked. Even in low season. So be fast, if you want to stay in this amazing hostel! I didn’t sleep there, but spent a full day at the island and had dinner at the hostel. It doesn’t have a guest kitchen, so there is no other choice than eating in the Bambuda restaurant, or going to the main island. The restaurant is pricey (one meal is around 12-15$) but i strongly recommend you to eat there at least once! You can pick out of four different meals, which change every day, and the food is delicious!

If you are not a guest, and just go there for Dinner or the Pool, expect to pay a fee of 5$.

Transportation

If you're not a friend of boat rides, you will have a hard time in Bocas. Around three times a week I took a shuttle from Bastimentos to Isla Colon, just because I really enjoy cruising between the islands. Fortunately all this boat trips were free for me, because it was a private shuttle from the hostel I worked at, otherwise you'll pay a lot of money on boat rides while you stay there. Don't hesitate to negotiate, all the locals will try to rip you off.

Tipps and Tricks

Just buy necessary stuff!

As I already mentioned, Bocas is super expensive. So bring everything you might need, and try to avoid buying medicines, technical devices and other things you can probably buy on the mainland or town, because the smaller islands are even more expensive!

Use the free shuttles

If somebody asks, I never told you about this! But there are many hostels who provide Free Shuttles between the islands, and they never really check if you're a guest or not. Make use of it and save some money :)

Bring a shopping bag

The whole Archipel of Bocas del Toro is completely plastic bag and straw free! Isn't that amazing? So if you plan on buying some groceries, bring a shopping bag!

Don't bring expensive clothes

Living in the jungle kills your clothes. It's close to 100% humidity, mold grows easily and you will never really have the feeling of fresh smelling clothes. Sad but true, make sure that you store your clothing always in the fresh air to prevent the worst.

Never buy tours online

It doesn't matter where you go, but NEVER ever book tours online, especially not on TripAdvisor. All the Tours you'll find on the internet are two or three times more expensive! There are so many tour companies, especially in Bocas del Toro, you really don't need to worry about saving a spot. Book spontaneously, that's where you get the best discounts!

Mosquitos!

Make sure to use enough repellent and don't spend to much time on the beach and the docks after it's getting dark. If you don't want to use too much chemical products, you can prevent Mosquito and sandfly bites with coconut oil.

Learn to say NO

Especially in Bocas Town, everyone tries to sell you tours, boat trips, food and mostly they are really good in what they do. When I started this trip I always had the feeling I need to be nice, and thought it's rude to just walk away. I learned very fast, that this isn't how it works, and that you clearly have to tell them that you're not interested. "¡No, gracias!" , will be your new favorite phrase.

I completely enjoyed my stay in Bocas del Toro, and definitely would love to come back some day :D