#i'll always be a 'lydia fell first' truther

[sapphoscompanion]

i was rewatching episode 5 for edit purposes and i realised something.

here lydia is talking about the kiss, but it has a deeper meaning.

i can’t get out of my mind the fact that yes, she found cynthia annoying from the start, but it was the endearing kind of annoying. (or maybe that’s just my ship goggles.) because if you look back at episode 3, the first time they meet, and pay close attention to the expressions lydia makes in the background when the drama teacher is telling cynthia that she’s now a martian, there's no trace of hate or disgust.

like, hello?? that’s flirting. (or maybe i would just swoon if someone looked at me like that.) and what about their rivarly?

does this look like she’s angry at cynthia? to me, she seems mildly annoyed, but also interested. no one’s ever questioned her, and now this butch comes along and proves her wrong. but lydia doesn’t really understand how she feels about cynthia yet. she tries to re-establish her power in episode 4, but cynthia once again overthrows her.

and now yes, she is angry, and confused. ever since cynthia’s joined drama club she has brought nothing but chaos in the established hierarchy, and in lydia’s mind: why can’t she stop thinking about her?

is it hate, mere superficial attraction (see the “flirting” above), or something more?

she has to get it over with, quickly. “the quicker you get something over with, the less of a deal it becomes in your mind”. she needs to put a stop to these thoughts: what’s the quickest way to?

stage kisses are meaningless. she obviously isn’t crushing on cynthia, just like she felt nothing for all the people she kissed on stage. thus the straightforward scientific experiment: she’ll kiss cynthia, she’ll be sure she feels nothing, and all will go back to normal. she’ll stop obsessing over cynthia. right?

rehearsing romeo and juliet is the best excuse ever. because no one can convince me she didn’t follow cynthia in an empty room (where guests shouldn’t enter) to test her theory, and then jumped at the opportunity. (like why else would she follow them? if not to flirt? which to her means bullying them, because she’s a mean lesbian.)

but her plan backfired. and now she knows she’s got an actual crush. on cynthia.

while cynthia, sweet cynthia, thinks they just love acting.