#i'd tag gault but he's here like half a minute

[zabrakghoul]

childhood memories

first swtor fic that i've actually finished wow! enjoy :)

Auicia's armour feels heavier on her shoulders as she takes another shot of tihaar. She's not even listening to Gault talk about… something or other, she didn't care. Not right now. Her eyes dart over to where they've been looking this whole time.

Light red skin with tattoos that look like rivers. Short black hair. Small blue eyes that shine like the water back home.

Saasri Kallig.

Or, Master Lynnoris Sulcor, as she called herself now. I'm being stupid. She probably doesn't even remember me.

"Can you read me a story, Aui? The one about the big grophet and his friends?"

"Sure, Rii. Promise you'll sleep after?"

"I promise!"

She'd hugged Auicia, after that, and asked to be picked up. She was about three, then; two weeks before her fourth birthday. Auicia shook her head at the memory. Saasri- Lynnoris, had always been so sweet and affectionate. Always wanting to be near her and Iofio, no matter what they were doing, no matter how boring. Even if it was just looking for scrap to sell, or collecting rocks along the coast of Raider's Cove, she wanted to be near her big sisters.

"Commander."

She snapped her head up. It's her. Her baby sister--no, she's not a baby anymore, stop thinking about that--in front of her.

"Yeah?"

"You were looking at me. I was unsure if you needed something."

Auicia hadn't realised she was staring. Hell, this was going to be awkward.

"Nope. Just looking around."

Gault gave her that look, that stupid look, one that screams that it was obvious she was staring.

"I'll leave you two be," he says, getting up, "I'll be off to go see my favourite woman." He said it loud enough so that Hylo could hear him from the other side of the bar; she hadn't even noticed Hylo came. The Mirialan rolls her eyes, dragging him off to stars-know-where. She wants to beg Gault to stay. He can't leave her alone like this, with her, in this situation. As much as she jokes and teases, the scoundrel had become something of a brother to Auicia. An uncle, maybe. She doesn't want to think about that right now, though. She doesn't want to think about any of her relationships.

"Well, if you need anything, you know where I am, Commander."

Saasri, Lynnoris, whatever she's called now, it hurts too much to think of, walks off with a short bow, as Auicia waves. She gets up and she walks--jogs--to her quarters. She can't deal with anyone right now. She doesn't want to deal with anyone right now.

A tug on her shirt.

"Aui, why are you crying?"

"Oh, it's… It's nothing, Rii. Why don't you go play with your sister?"

"Because you always hug me when I'm crying, and I wanna hug you now."

She'd been trying to pay off her father's debts to the Nova Blades, posthumously as it was. She didn't realise she was crying, she just knew Saasri was worried, and… she picked up the smaller girl, some of her tears falling on to the smaller Zabrak's head.

"Thank you, Rii."

The little girl nodded, nuzzling Auicia's shoulder in the process.

The weight lifted off her shoulders a bit.

She takes her armour off somewhat hastily, the weight too heavy for her at this point. The alcohol, these memories, all her feelings--far too much to handle for one woman, even one as strong as her. She wants to just get on the Mantis and go somewhere, maybe get a few drinks with Essarae and Risha, but no. She can't be seen like this, sweating and halfway drunk, on the walk to her ship. The Commander of the Alliance, seen like this…

"Commander, I have the-"

That voice. That deep voice.

"…It can wait."

"No." She says it a bit too loudly, a bit too quickly. It's Aereo Vral, her best operative, head of the Alliance's intelligence operations. And she's crying in front of him--she hadn't even realised she was crying until now, watching his eyes dart across her face like that--"Don't pity me, I don't need it", she wants to say so badly.

She feels an arm wrap around her, a strong arm, a familiar one.

"It's alright."

It's not. It's not alright. This is pathetic.

"I miss her."

"I know, I know," he says, kneeling down to sit on the floor in front of her chair, "you're alright."

Somehow, she gets the feeling he does actually know, even if he shouldn't, but- she doesn't care.

Maybe things will be alright.