#i'd rather bleed than settle for less { kerry ; headcanons }

[boatdriinks]

Kerry honestly doesn't end up retiring for a while. Not until some time after his 100th birthday.

what prompted this, you may ask?

well

for his 100th birthday celebration, Kerry ends up holding a concert. at that concert, he assures he'll be singing 100 songs. Old Samurai songs, his entire backlog, and finally doing some covers for the first time since he was a kid.

he uh. Vastly over estimates how much stamina he has anymore. Especially after singing his entire prog rock album from 2014 in one go. Needless to say, he'd needed a break after that, and it definitely made him rethink about what the fuck he was doing, doing all of this shit at this age.

it got him thinking that he should probably chill out. he's been performing since was 15 years old. maybe he deserves some rest.

Even still, he got through the entire concert and proceeded to perform until he was nearly 103, after one final big, world tour.

[shininginyourlight]

INTRODUCING all 4 of Kerry Eurodyne’s children as drawn by @devincheeartblog

All 4 of these images are based on memories Kerry had of his children. The memories he associates with all of them.

His oldest is Derry (short for Derring) Eurodyne (mentioned in CyberGeneration, an “alternate” timeline but after hearing about her story I didn’t have the heart to leave her out). His most prominent memory of Derry is of the last time he ever saw her before she was killed while he was on tour, giving her a big hug and telling her he’d see her soon. Her death came just a few short years after Johnny’s, and was completely unexpected, so it hit him hard. Guilt still consumes him about her to this day.

Kelvy Kai-Eurodyne is his second born daughter (mentioned in Cyberpunk V3, also seen as not canon, but eh). The memory he heavily associates with her is how she would cry every time his then wife, Zohrin, did her hair in the mornings. He would have to have her sat in his lap to help ease her into letting Zoh fix up her hair.

Ted Nordin Eurodyne is his only son. While their relationship is strained now, Kerry can remember a time when his little boy wanted to be just like him. Even to the point of trying to copy his tattoo down on his own arm. Louise and Kerry both thought it was adorable.

And finally, the baby: Kim Nordin Eurodyne. What Kerry loves to remember the most of her was when she would sleep across his chest. Kerry knew she would be the last, and so he really savored that time while she was tiny and able to cuddle up with him like that. Especially as he and Louise would end up divorcing a few months after Kim’s 2nd birthday, and Louise was awarded primary custody of the kids.

[boatdriinks]

aaaand part 3 of the ex-spouse series

Let's talk about Louise

After the unremarkable marriage that was his relationship with North, Kerry went back to his old ways for a time. Having fun, dating and sleeping around, while trying to be a present-enough father figure for his daughter.

For over 20 years, he went through several relationships. Some were serious, but most left him with a bad taste in his mouth and a resentment toward the other person.

He would meet and start dating Louise Nordin in 2054 while she was working as a model in Denmark. They dated long distance for two years and Kerry would invite Louise to move in with him on their third anniversary. He could see this was going places, and he was cautiously looking forward to taking things further.

He loved Louise's similar boisterous energy to his own. They could party, they could make all jaws drop in formal events for each other's careers, and they could talk to each other about anything. Kerry genuinely believed he'd met his one. He was able to talk to her about Johnny, about Derry. About how he hadn't treated his first wife that well, and Louise provided insight of how Zoh might've been feeling.

Despite what she heard, though, she didn't turn away. Kerry valued that. Not everyone could even begin to handle the trucktons of baggage that came with Kerry Eurodyne.

After 5 years of dating, they married in 2059. They lived blissfully alone together until April 28th, 2063 when their son, Theodore Nordin Eurodyne was born. Kerry's only son. And things were still good, but cracks would begin to form soon enough.

Drugs and alcohol took hold again during a particularly bad pass of the anniversary of Derry's, and then Johnny's, death. Kerry was spending more time away from home after Louise reluctantly retired for the sake of raising their son, because she and Kerry both hated the idea of their children being primarily raised by nannies.

In the midst of the conflict, the arguing, and trying to fix things, Kerry and Louise's daughter was born. Kimberly Nordin Eurodyne was born on December 1st, 2069. Kerry tried to clean up his act for the sake of his kids, but found that was far easier said than put into actions.

Kerry would catch Louise cheating in mid-2070, and that really sent him off on a war path. He'd cheat on her in return, out of revenge more than anything concrete. Kerry and Louise "patched things up," but he had a feeling she was still cheating after that point. He'd never question whether Kim was his. Whether she was actually or not, she was always going to be his.

It all came to a head, however, when Kerry was arrested for drug possession, assaulting a police officer, and public indecency in 2071. He was sentenced to 15 months in prison, where Kerry would only receive one visit from Louise and their children before being served divorce papers.

Ever since Kerry got out of prison, things have been shit with Louise. She got some of his cars, his home in Tokyo, and worst of all: full custody of the kids. He guessed he couldn't blame her there. Kerry was unstable, and honestly? He didn't want the kids to see him while his mental health was deteriorating. It sure as hell wouldn't help when Louise would occasionally dangle the kids in front of his face in her worst moments, but Kerry rarely had the fight left in him to argue with her too much about it.

And yet, despite all of the bullshit since they finalized the divorce in 2072, Kerry still loved her. If he hadn't fucked it all up, he felt like he could've been with her for the rest of his days.

[boatdriinks]

I've talked about Kerry's kids, so let's talk about Kerry's (ex)spouses. Because this got long, I think I'll do separate posts for each ex-spouse.

This one is about his first wife, Zohrin Kai.

It'd been a while since he dated a woman, but it was clear Kerry was all over her. Kerry the risk taker, Zoh the worrier. Kerry thought she was adorable, and believed she was the sort of person he needed in his life. Someone that grounded him, brought him back to Earth for the sake of his family. They married in 2020 after dating for 2 years.

In the midst of that happiness, though, Kerry knew he was still harboring feelings for his best friend. He was still in love with Johnny when he proposed to her. He was still in love with him when he asked Johnny to be his best man. He had to pry his eyes away from him sometimes at his own wedding reception. He really should've known then that it wouldn't end well. But, he was hopeful. He wanted this to work.

In 2023, Johnny died and Kerry's world collapsed with it. He was still doing poorly when he found out from Zoh that he was gonna be a dad again. Despite it all, though, he was happy. What made him anxious, though, was how close his second daughter's birthday would end up coming before the anniversary. Three days before the first anniversary of Johnny's death, Kelvy was born. He held Kelvy and cried. This was supposed to be about the birth of his daughter, a great moment for his wife and himself, but it still ended up relating back to Johnny.

The cracks became clear by then. Kerry had no excuse for why he cheated on her. He never tried to give Zoh any excuses, just apologies. He didn't fight her when she said she wanted a divorce.

He moved back to his home in North Oak in April on 2026. While on tour in the summer of that year, he'd foolishly end up leaving his oldest daughter, Derry, home alone. In July, he'd find out that she was missing from Zoh. He cancelled his tour, immediately racing home to aid in the search for his missing daughter. Unfortunately, they would only find her body. Kerry's already fragile mental state had only gotten worse.

Zohrin, while sympathetic, still went through with the divorce. In September of 2026, the divorce would be finalized and Kerry would lose custody of Kelvy due to unhealthy lifestyle. Zohrin assured him it'd only be temporary. When he got himself to kick his addictions to booze and pills, when he became more mentally healthy, he could see her again.

While Kerry would understand her actions far later in life, at that time he was just enraged. He'd just lost his oldest daughter, and now his ex-wife was taking their baby from him? He was enraged. Pissed. Hateful. For a long time, there'd be a disdain for her.

Kerry saw Kelvy for holidays and her birthday, but otherwise was not allowed much contact past that until she was nearly 10 years old. By then, Kerry's relationship with Zohrin strictly through her telling him about what their daughter had been doing in her life.

Things would become more civil with time, but neither were ever particularly close to one another ever again after that. By 2077, he hadn't heard from her in about 4 years.

[shininginyourlight]

where should you be kissed?

cheek

you are made of light. your cheeks hurt from grinning, sun-kissed and lifting in a bubbling laugh. you should be kissed there. and often. a reminder that you are a joy to be around, and that your smiling face is a gift.

Tagged by: @sonxflight​ Tagging: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

knuckles

it feels as though you have fought every day of your life. sometimes, you cannot even tell how much of the blood on your hands is your own... and how much comes from those who've tried to hurt those you defend. you deserve the gentleness of a kiss to your bruised knuckles and broken skin, a reminder that you are not only made of violence.

[shininginyourlight]

kerry adores his children, all of them

derring was almost inevitable, he’d admit. kerry was an idiot back when she was conceived. he was only about 22 at the time. the fact that there weren’t a lot more like her astounded him, given how often he slept around under the influence.

while he never was properly together with her mother, he took responsibility for her as much as he could as a rockerboy with a busy life. he loved that girl. she had her own part in kerry’s marriage to first wife, even.

she died in 2026 after being purposefully exposed to a virus they hoped would make her stronger, but had killed her instead. she’d been abducted while kerry was on tour. and while he’d tried his hardest to get to her and start searching for her as quickly as possible, it just... was too little, too late.

by 2026, kerry had his second daughter. kelvy kai-eurodyne, born in 2024, while he was still very much grieving the loss of his best friend. unlike derring, he wouldn’t end up getting to be a large part of her early life. Before she turned 2, he was in the midst of a divorce with her mother. derring’s death and his divorce from zohrin really fucked him up mentally, making it all the harder for him to try to juggle being there for his youngest daughter and keep up with what the studio wanted from him.

even still, he tried his absolute hardest with her.

ted was born in 2065, a year after finally marrying louise following 10 years of dating. he absolutely adored being there for his little boy. wide eyes and a face that reminded kerry of his own mother. kerry had loved playing songs for him, and just talking to his little weirdo of a kid. in 2069, then came little miss kim. the baby. his baby.

her early years felt like an echo of kelvy’s, as it was just over a year later when it looked as though his marriage to louise was falling apart. with her, custody was hard to maintain. kerry’s mental health was very quickly deteriorating, and thus she was awarded full custody. visits were scarce, but he did try for as long as he felt like he could. as louise and the voices in his head became more and more cruel, however, it really just... became easier not to at all.

by 2077, he was making excuses for ted and kim not to come see him. he didn’t want anyone seeing how far he’d fallen.

[boatdriinks]

part 2 in the ex-spouse series

this time, we have North Brimiard:

There's a reason why the press doesn't focus too heavily on Kerry's marriage to the exceedingly handsome North Brimiard: he's unremarkable.

Sure, he's handsome. Each of Kerry's spouses have been absolutely stunning. But there's no history there. Hardly any drama to speak of. No children between them. Probably the most controversial thing about him was Kerry's fans referring to him as a rebound.

He was already relatively wealthy himself, so people doubted it was a gold digger situation. That and the fact that North still worked while he was married to Kerry definitely put to bed those allegations pretty quick.

Maybe they just realized they weren't as great together as they initially thought. North wasn't what Kerry usually went for in men, after all. Even tempered, nary a blemish to his record? Some could even call North kind of boring.

But, maybe they just grew apart. Kerry's touring kept them at long distances from each other at times, and maybe Kerry thought it'd be better to let him go.

Whatever the reason, the press didn't appear particularly interested in the reason.

Kerry and North are still on good terms with one another, thankfully. They text occasionally. Have had the ever so rare hook up, but nothing much past that. North texts him about the latest screamsheets he's seen about him, but Kerry's kind of... surprised he's never said anything about the more recent things. About the depression, and the attempts to end his life.

Maybe he just thinks it's all bullshit, and that's why.

Kerry hopes so. He hates thinking about the alternative.

[boatdriinks]

let’s talk about samurai’s songs

so, it’s been said in the game’s canon that kerry and johnny both authored the songs played by samurai. kerry, however, relinquished control over the songs to johnny. I forget what the exact wording was, but it was something along those lines.

so I read that and thought: okay. which ones are Kerry’s songs?

the ones I can already concretely say are Johnny’s are

Never Fade Away (because it was written and recorded after Samurai broke up anyway)

The Ballad of Buck Ravers (the first few notes are literally part of Johnny’s theme “The Rebel Path,” and so i don’t think Kerry writing that one would make sense)

Black Dog (Johnny wrote it and recorded right before his death– no way Kerry had any input)

Samurai’s version of Chippin’ In (obviously bc Kerry has his own version)

The last two we’ve actually heard is Archangel and A Like Supreme. One of them, I think, already has a good potential for one of Kerry’s songs. That one would be Archangel. Here’s why, in case you’re unaware: Kerry’s gun is named after it, and it also plays behind the destruction portion of Boat Drinks (also Kerry turns it on to have sex with V, but y’know lmao). So I like to think that sets it up pretty well.

That leaves A Like Supreme, which is pretty up in the air. Honestly, though, I could see Kerry being a petty little shit and only wanting to play his songs at the Samurai concert in 2077. so maybe it’s his too, who knows.

But that then also leaves Kerry’s version of Chippin’ In.

Of course it was written by Kerry. How could it not be?

But so then, why does it exist?

Personally, I think it’s the original version that Johnny vetoed, given that its lyrics are closer to 2013/2020′s version of the lyrics. Maybe he thought it didn’t fit Samurai that well. But, Johnny decided he liked the concept and probably worked together with Kerry to make another version of the song that fit the band more.

After Samurai went their separate ways, though, I could see Kerry finally making that version public.

so yeah, those are my thoughts.

[boatdriinks]

kerry adores his children, all of them

derring was almost inevitable, he’d admit. kerry was an idiot back when she was conceived. he was only about 22 at the time. the fact that there weren’t a lot more like her astounded him, given how often he slept around under the influence.

while he never was properly together with her mother, he took responsibility for her as much as he could as a rockerboy with a busy life. he loved that girl. she had her own part in kerry’s marriage to first wife, even.

she died in 2026 after being purposefully exposed to a virus they hoped would make her stronger, but had killed her instead. she’d been abducted while kerry was on tour. and while he’d tried his hardest to get to her and start searching for her as quickly as possible, it just... was too little, too late.

by 2026, kerry had his second daughter. kelvy kai-eurodyne, born in 2024, while he was still very much grieving the loss of his best friend. unlike derring, he wouldn’t end up getting to be a large part of her early life. Before she turned 2, he was in the midst of a divorce with her mother. derring’s death and his divorce from zohrin really fucked him up mentally, making it all the harder for him to try to juggle being there for his youngest daughter and keep up with what the studio wanted from him.

even still, he tried his absolute hardest with her.

ted was born in 2063, 4 years into his marriage with louise. he absolutely adored being there for his little boy. wide eyes and a face that reminded kerry of his own mother. kerry had loved playing songs for him, and just talking to his little weirdo of a kid. in 2069, then came little miss kim. the baby. his baby.

her early years felt like an echo of kelvy’s, as it was just over a year later when it looked as though his marriage to louise was falling apart. with her, custody was hard to maintain. kerry’s mental health was very quickly deteriorating, and thus she was awarded full custody. visits were scarce, but he did try for as long as he felt like he could. as louise and the voices in his head became more and more cruel, however, it really just... became easier not to at all.

by 2077, he was making excuses for ted and kim not to come see him. he didn’t want anyone seeing how far he’d fallen.

[boatdriinks]

MAIN TAGS

[shininginyourlight]

all right, since kerry’s a more prominent muse for me, I’ll be using Kerry’s banner for this. but, it can easily apply to johnny, too.

let’s talk about samurai’s songs

so, it’s been said in the game’s canon that kerry and johnny both authored the songs played by samurai. kerry, however, relinquished control over the songs to johnny. I forget what the exact wording was, but it was something along those lines.

so I read that and thought: okay. which ones are Kerry’s songs?

the ones I can already concretely say are Johnny’s are

Never Fade Away (because it was written and recorded after Samurai broke up anyway)

The Ballad of Buck Ravers (the first few notes are literally part of Johnny’s theme “The Rebel Path,” and so don’t think Kerry writing that one would make sense)

Black Dog (Johnny wrote it and recorded right before his death-- no way Kerry had any input)

Samurai’s version of Chippin’ In (obviously bc Kerry has his own version)

The last two we’ve actually heard is Archangel and A Like Supreme. One of them, I think, already has a good potential for one of Kerry’s song. That one would be Archangel. Here’s why, in case you’re aware: Kerry’s gun is named after it, and it also plays behind the destruction portion of Boat Drinks (also Kerry turns it on to have sex with V, but y’know lmao). So I like to think that sets it up pretty well.

That leaves A Like Supreme, which is pretty up in there air. Honestly, though, I could see Kerry being a petty little shit and only wanting to play his songs at the Samurai concert in 2077. so maybe it’s his too, who knows.

But that then also leaves Kerry’s version of Chippin’ In.

Of course it was written by Kerry. How could it not be?

But so then, why does it exist?

Personally, I think it’s the original version that Johnny vetoed, given that its lyrics are closer to 2013/2020′s version of the lyrics. Maybe he thought it didn’t fit Samurai that well. But, Johnny decided he liked the concept and probably worked together with Kerry to make another version of the song that fit the band more.

After Samurai went their separate ways, though, I could see Kerry finally making that version public.

so yeah, those are my thoughts.

[shininginyourlight]

KERRY