#i'd put beau's tag but i won't to be safe

[larrysficlibrary]

Grief/mourning

Fics with the tag 'Grief/mourning'

❥ all we can do is keep breathing [310k] ♡ thealmightyavocado

"Harry, I- I'm so sorry..." Louis stutters out, trying to keep his voice level and even, to portray a depiction of strength, but with the way Harry is looking at him, staring at him like he has a personal passage way straight to Louis' soul, it's so hard, nearly impossible. That simple opening phrase, that short introductory acknowledgement that is often rushed out so easily, painlessly, at a safe distance. Giving a doctor the ability to portray empathy without true emotion, without feeling the full brunt and sheer force of the underlying pain itself. But Louis feels it, he feels the crushing agony laced behind the phrase, he feels the weight of the painful words, slipping from his lips, the cause and effect that the three-word expression holds. The distantly empty "I'm so sorry" that doctors through out in self-preservation, isn't at all empty for him. Louis recognizes it, he understands it, he feels it. ✚☤✚ a fated story of two broken and battered boys who barely survived the unimaginable and how the love of one little brave girl defies all the odds and somehow puts them back together.

❥ one breath at a time [427k WIP] ♡ thealmightyavocado

"Louis, I know it's hard, but I need you to focus and tell me exactly what happened, ok?" Louis is shaking uncontrollably, his hands, his heart, his mind, nothing is stable, nothing is ok. He feels untethered, boundless in time, yet paradoxically his entire life is torturously bound to this very moment. Absolutely nothing he tells his mind serves to calm his racing thoughts, he commands his body to move and his body betrays him, commands lips to speak, but no words form. All Louis can do is blindly stare at the sickeningly heavy blood coating his arms, dripping to his trembling fingers. Tears ceaselessly pour down his cheeks despite how hard he squeezes his eyes shut, trying desperately to calm himself enough to utter a sound. An he can't breathe, despite all of his failed efforts to catch his wandering breath and gasp a much-needed lungful of oxygen, his diaphragm constricts further still, suffocating him from the inside out. breathe, breathe, breathe Louis forces a sharp inhale that hurts as the breath expands his stilted lungs, god it hurts. Like stabbing his chest with a serrated knife, dragging the jagged blade through his heart over and over and over again until there is nothing left.

❥ Dear Santa [21k] ♡ Snowy38

"Dear Santa...I know you're very busy and you have lots of toys to make but I wondered if this year I could ask for something else. I changed my mind about the puppy and I'd like to ask if you can help me instead." Miss Fields looks mildly bemused as Beau takes a breath. "I used to have a really cool Doctor: possibly the coolest doctor ever and then he went away only he's back and he helped me feel better and I'd really, really like it is I could say hi to him again." "Who was your doctor, Beau?" Her teacher asks. "Dr. Styles," she replies with a sweet smile. Miss Fields glances over to Sam. "He's just come back into town hasn't he? I'm sure we can arrange for you to say hello..." "My Daddy won't let me," she pouts, scratching a nail against her page a little. She's decorated it with glitter in the colours of the rainbow. "We can ask him if it's alright," Miss Fields suggests. "Perhaps he can come with us?" "Oh, can we?" Beau beams, gasping. Her teacher smiles and rests a gentle hand on her back. "Think of something else you'd like to ask Santa for," she suggests.

[whateverthedragonswant]

Alright can we talk about the odd parallel-contrasts set up in this season so far when it comes to Beau and the ladies?

3x01:

Beau: "Is it weird for you that I'm friends with Cassie?"

Jenny: "Are you really friends or...?"

Beau: "Yes. Yes! Yes, we're just friends. Look, You know, we bonded over the last couple of months."

...

3x03:

Jenny: "Do you ever talk about your daughter with Cassie?"

Beau:

"Okay, I see where this is going. Let's just keep it professional, Hoyt. For now. And uh, you know, focus on the job."

Jenny: "Finally found a way to shut you up."

Beau: "Okay, no, no, no. It's not that I don't want to talk about it."

Jenny: "Uh huh."

Beau: "It's just that, you know, guys, we gotta have boundaries."

Jenny: "Uh huh. Yep. Yeah. Boundaries. Keep digging."

The funniest part of this whole scene to me is that Jenny knows Beau has talked to Cassie about Emily due to their 3x01 convo, Jenny was there for movie night when he talked to them both about Emily (as well as the 3x02 ranch scene), and Jenny mentions him possibly going back to Houston before she asks this. Either to take the opportunity to deflect (because she's still in denial to herself at this point as we see later from the line "he's not that cute") or because we're meant to notice the connection between Cassie and Emily. Not to mention, Beau had no problem before explaining to Jenny how he and Cassie are just friends. Why would he clam up suddenly about discussing the subject of his daughter with said friend?

And then:

2x18:

Beau: "I followed her up here. Her and my daughter."

Jenny: "And what's this guy's name? The tech--"

Beau: "Avery."

Jenny: "And let me guess, you're still in love with her."

Beau: "You're good. But hey, if your plan is to get me to puddle up over her, that ain't gonna happen. Alright? Let's focus on the job here and make sure it don't go sideways."

...

3x04:

Jenny: "Interesting."

Beau: "What?"

Jenny: "You're still in love with her."

Beau: "No, I'm not."

Jenny: "Yes, you are."

Beau: "No. Stop it."

Jenny: "You are. Just admit it."

(next shot: bleeding heart that Buck is looking at & it becomes clear that his relationship with Sunny isn't all it's cracked up to be)

This is even more interesting because Beau had no problem letting Jenny imply this same thing back in 2x18 and he all but confirmed it with "you're good" (the same thing he said to Cassie in their scene in that episode where Cassie was indeed right on the money). But now he's in full denial and doesn't want Jenny pushing the issue. He even uses a similar deflection tactic by insisting that he and Jenny focus on the job at hand.

So I'm thinking that Beau is still in love with Carla (that's the most we've seen him affected in his interactions with all three ladies), but he's in denial for some apparent reason (maybe to spare himself the pain so he can focus on his job and Emily?) and the show is intent on having the whole "slow burn" play out (for ratings and something else). I'm sure we'll know more after this next episode and we'll find out what happened to their relationship, but I do think it's interesting that they're playing up Jenny's feelings for Beau despite being aware of this fact.

In nearly every scene we've had with Beau and Jenny so far, unless she's focused on the job or Cassie/Gigi, she's always focused on Beau. They're bringing those feelings to the forefront, especially from the end of 3x04 to now. So I do wonder if Beau goes with Carla and Emily in the end (since we've been shown how shady Avery is & how there are "secrets and lies" in that relationship like all the others at the campground plus Carla was also affected in that interaction with Beau in 3x04) then how that will play out for Jenny. And I do wonder what would be the point for Jenny's character to develop these feelings for him if that's the game plan?

Because while Sunny and Buck aren't making the best decisions (and that's putting it lightly), they are in agreement that Cormac comes first. And if that sequence of shots above is meant to showcase any type of parallel or similarity between the two relationships as well as possibly Carla's and Avery's (especially since like Avery we see that Buck is pretty shady himself, the whole creepy sniffing blood thing), then that doesn't seem the best thing for Emily or even a better second round in the making for the two. Unless there's something they're still keeping hidden that would help with the whole situation.

If Jenny is to become Sheriff (which is where I think her story is headed & Beau is meant to help her get there; he is Sheriff & he does throw his weight around at times when needed, but ultimately Jenny has been taking the lead in their cases recently & she was the one to offer Cassie space in their department), then that means Beau won't be around to be Sheriff. So that's why I'm thinking there must be some reconciliation coming between Beau and Carla and a reason for Beau to move out of Lewis & Clark County. He could possibly retire again but I don't see him or both he & Carla sticking around Helena, especially if Jenny's feelings are finally made known.

So that makes me wonder why Cassie's involvement in the 3x01 and 3x03 conversations, eerily paralleling the same way Carla was brought into the conversation with eerily similar results. Is it all about Jenny? Which imho doesn't make sense other than her trying to suss out what the deal is for both ladies in relation to her growing feelings.

If Beau is in love with Carla, then why the shutdown about Cassie? It's not about Emily. He had no problem opening up about her before (as confirmed by 3x01 and 3x02). So what is the reason? And why the Cassie and Carla connection?

So basically, me this week:

'Why the connection? Why?'