#i'd date a bi woman again i'd just really prefer a lesbian.... it's lonely out here

[butch-the-bear]

help i saw some bisexual women expressing how they think lesbians who prefer to date only lesbians are biphobic bigots and i’m just like. is it wrong to desire solidarity with your partner after feeling alienated for your lack of attraction to men your whole life? as well as this i’ve noticed that bisexual women talk about loving women and wanting a girlfriend so badly, but they don’t ever pursue women (like i’m not making this up it’s common for them to talk about how they don’t flirt with women because they don’t know how to/it’s easier to stick with men). so i feel when lesbians do actually pursue bi women it feels like nothing is reciprocated. so its natural for lesbians to prefer lesbians specifically is it not ? i feel weird saying that in gay spaces though just because of the quickness in which i’d be called biphobic 😭

It is not bigoted at all! It's completely reasonable and in my opinion completely natural especially for what you outlined. I am the same way. Of course you want a significant other who you can relate to and feel solidarity with; that is already so difficult to find as a lesbian. I completely believe you when it comes to your past encounters and have had similar experiences. It may be because straight women are dabbling in 'bisexuality' because of the hypersexualization of women without any actual attraction, but a lot of bi women just don't take us seriously. I have bisexual female friends who are genuine about their interest in and pursuing of women so I'm not disregarding or diminishing them, but unfortunately a lot of bisexuals have this kind of cavalier attitude towards dating women (likely from internalized homophobia) and it is really frustrating. All of my previous girlfriends have been bisexual and I know not all bisexual women are this way, but having to sit through long discussions of heterosexual sex is unpalatable and an extreme turnoff... it's one thing if they were confiding about a traumatic experience, but no, they just loved going on about their previous sexcapades with men 💀 i hear enough of that as it is. Unsurprising those women went on to date only men. And considering the fact a lot of bisexuals are homophobic on some level... One of my exes told me very butch lesbians disgusted her and she didn't understand why we wouldn't just transition, and "why date a butch lesbian when men exist".. go date a man then! (turns out she actually had a boyfriend the whole we were dating. big surprise there)

Unfortunately a lot of gay spaces are dominated by bisexuals so this kind of rhetoric runs rampant. There is definitely a misogynistic sentiment some lesbians carry about bisexual women being "tarnished" by sexual interaction with men, and in that case I completely agree that it's offensive, but that is not your reasoning and regardless any sexual boundary you have is yours to keep and defend. Never let anyone guilt trip or manipulate you outside of your comfort zone, whatever it may be. Whoever you desire as a sexual partner is your business only.