#i'd call this a shit post but it really happend ...

[stinger-shot]

Yey! Silly vent because I feel like shit!

Read under the cut if you want the juicy ass details

So basically, I gotta let this shit out.. its fucking me up a bit rn.

I met this dude around the start of 2021 on tiktok AND HE WAS SO TALENTED AND FUNNY but he always said he wasn't. Anyway time skip a lil..

We started getting into a few arguments near the middle of 2022. And they where just small disagreements then they gradually got worse and worse every time it happend. And it especially got bad when I made another friend on tiktok who loved doing art related things and drew my old persona back then.

And HE WAS NOT HAVING IT and he said quite alot of bad things to me. Did I stay friends with him? Yes I did. Did I also block the nice guy just trying to be my friend? Yes. I blocked them out of fear of loosing my best friend.

And near the end of 2022 we started dating because things had gotten a better.

Oh how I was so wrong. Everything just went downhill when he left high-school. He always needed attention. He got mad at me because I couldn't set an alarm BECAUSE he was up at 10am and I was up near 1pm. So I forced myself to do so mutch bullshit for him. Like draw him art as an apology and it drained me do badly I could hardly do my own personal art.

I didn't even have personal art at this point. Every time I fixated on something it was what he was fixating on because he'd get mad at me and argue with me if I wasn't.

But everything was calm when it was around April in 2023 and we where finally getting along like an actul couple because of a game called final fantasy. We where obsessed with it for months! And then around June or July I re discovered transformers.

I have never felt as happy in a fandom since 2019! Like holy shit the fandom is so sweet.

But I kept it a secret from him he still doesn't know. Then at some point I made this tumblr to get my stupid little urges out and now look at where I'm at. I haven't been this happy in a LONG while.

And just st the start of 2024 my ex got into an argument with one of his friends and I offered to talk to them. so he agreed and I spoke to them.

Im so fucking glad I did.

Because without their help I'd still be fucking miserable. They gave me the confidence to dump that bitches ass and I honestly feel like a weight has been taken off. Because it honestly felt like a chore every day of my life just talking to him.

And my other friend on discord had helped me out to. Including you silly fuckers on discord/tumblr. If your even reading this... if you are why are you still reading this?

But anyway. I just needed this off my chest. Because it does hurt a little spite how good i feel but I just have an off feeling. I haven't put down everything that happend while I was with my ex and some things might be in the wrong order or time but at least I'm forgetting it?

Just. I love the transformers fandom so mutch mutch really helped me pull through...

Fuck I'm ranting. Uh. Bye!

Also a big thank you to Avery and rex for helping me feel better (rex I've only known you for a little bit but jesus christ I fucking laugh my ass off because of you) jesus I'm sappy as fuck. (and avery your so fucking cool. You helped me alot.) And belyyvolks (I've had alot of fun messing around about ironhide XD) I'm not tagging because I don't want alot of attention on this post.

[melodious-tear]

Look at this happy and proud dad. There is really some good parenting in this show.

[mynameismalin]

Hi,

So let's react again.

Yes, I see that ur a rambler, but I'm pretty much a rambler too, (as you can see in this Long-Long text) but also I wouldn't really call myself a rambler; more like putting down my own thoughts. (even tho exactly that is a rambler?)

Anyway, I am very glad that this text lighten up your day; like I made you tear up? holy shit, I guess I have a new superpower now. Also, UR VERY MOST WELCOME, and THANKS, for describing my text als well written, beautiful and thoughtful; this is what I want to do one day. I'd never thought I'd either get to the point or already be there, so thanks, it really made my heart ache 🫀

Also, I could never agree with you more and like this text could be my identity, holy shit, I couldn't agree more with every little something of this text. I did learn something about myself and I love that every person can understand themselves better reading other person's thoughts? Like that is so damn amazing. Also learning something new and being inspired, reading others people's thoughts really is amazing, thinking about it in detail.

Omfg, I loved how you quoted me; I've never been quoted before. But yes you are so right, I think I'm also learning the new value of the need of feeling seen, because the acceptance of seeing myself and feeling like that is enough swashes more and more over me; because why would I need others to see me when I don't even see myself? Because really seeing myself is so much more worth than speculating if others see me. That just something I've kinda been thinking about, cause hell yea I am important; and everyone freaking is.

Another thing, how you said it yourself;

"I am also learning that for me, it is so much more about the creating, the thinking and the feeling then it is about the views or the likes."

You just put it on point, it's exactly that. I really love that quote 🫀

Also, you think that my writing sounds like the writing from ALICE FREAKING OSEMAN? like yea I've read Heartstopper (and everything else), but omfg that's a huuuuge compliment regarding to heartstopper, like omg thanks; you almost had me fly to my computer to write; holy shit, thanks, thanks, again.

Thanks for all the compliments - wasn't prepared for that, as you can see. I'm happy that my words fought of shadows you're shadows, that's more than huge of a compliment, thanks from the bottom of my heart 🫀

Yes! And that's what I love about these fandoms, about Tumblr, we can all just be with ourselves and have fun and support each other, nothing else is needed.

You are so true in every part of what you just said, like hell yea these fandoms on here have so much of a connection. Like everyone just exists ready to be heard and talked to; not bothered being for a chat. All over the fucking world. And still you can connect in this one little fandom. It's so fucking amazing.

This last text really took my breath away; cause I couldn't describe it more beautiful. I know there are many possibilities of all this being different, but you know what? Fuck them. I know that you couldn't have posted this amazing BEAUTIFUL post, or I just couldn't have responded - even tho I kind of needed to, since you wrote so beautifully + I couldn't agree more + I needed to share my opinion - but even though this all COULDN'T have happend; it did. And I am grateful for it.

Yep. I made it this far, and did enjoy your ramblings, thanks.

I think we both should get a reward for writing so much, like that's really nice haha.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently and am finally going to try and articulate it.

I want everyone to create. I want everyone to comment. I want everyone to engage. NOT FOR OTHERS, BUT FOR THEMSELVES.

I spent years being a silent observer in fandom spaces, thinking my voice was unimportant, that I had nothing to contribute, that simply reblogging was not enough. When I found YR I was so inspired, so in love, so obsessed; I no longer cared if what I had to say was unimportant, if it had already been said, if it was inconsequential. I just had to say it for me. And in this, I discovered that it is all important. Every post, every thought, every voice is important; it matters, you matter.

I feel a little spark of delight every time I get a notification. It doesn’t matter if it is a new post from one of my favorites, a comment on something of mine, or a reblog; they all bring me joy.

I realized that if I can do the same thing for even one other person with just two clicks, I feel happier. It feels like, in my own small way, I’m spreading light and happiness; it feels like a gift to be able to do this in such a simple way. Even when I’m too stuck in my head or overwhelmed by my emotions to engage with people, I can still reblog; it makes me feel just a little better knowing it might make someone else’s day a bit better too. I may be a little sleep deprived, so hopefully this makes at least some sense!

Mostly I just wanted to say you matter. What you have to say is important, regardless of if it is long and detailed, or just a reblog to show us who you are. THANK YOU! Thank you for creating, thank you for reblogging, thank you for commenting, thank you for reading! YOUR VOICE MATTERS. YOU MATTER.

I should probably go to bed…. I guess thanks for coming to my TED Talk 😂🫀