#i���m sorry this couple gives me too much serotonin

[inosukeslefttoe]

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

[sweetsubharry]

hey ! sorry to bother you but could you reccomend me some fics of footballer louis?? thank you !! love your acc

Hiya!!  💖you can never bother me!! ^-^ ohmgosh I’m so glad you like my blog! I love footballer louis djskasdhjag tysm(sorry it took soooo long!)

please make sure you read the tags and stay safe everyone!💖

Also these are not in any particular order, however I will say the first two are probably my favourites ;) I have to read them again right after this!

freeze this moment in a frame and stay like this by rosesau

Harry (not so) secretly crushes on the cute footie player and fills pages with sketches of him.

Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow by 1Diamondinthesun

Harry spends most of his time in an empty house or a lonely darkroom, dreaming of leaving his small town for art school. He's invisible to most people. And then Louis Tomlinson sees him. Life will never be the same.

Or, the American high school AU loosely inspired by She's All That.

Definition of Beauty by zanni_scaramouche

“Your book is upside down.” Harry nods at Louis’ book, his history text now that he sees it too.

“I’d rather study you.”

They both blink, startled by the slip.

“With you. Study with you,” Louis rushes to say. “Liam says I’m shite at history, can you help?”

Louis’ caught off guard by an omega he nearly takes out with an errant footie ball. It’s not that Louis’ never seen Harry before, it’s that he can’t stop looking, and he’s desperate to figure him out.

Coffee Cups and Football Boots by kimtaedumb

Harry’s stood behind the counter again, but this time he’s painting his nails. Louis strolls up to the counter and, thanks to his no brain-to-mouth filter, blurts out, “Isn’t that a little girlish, Haz?” leaning closer to inspect.

Harry lets out a little huff as his hand slips, “Oh, damn, now I’ve messed it up,” he pouts and turns to Louis, “Why should making myself feel pretty be girly?”

Louis holds up his hands in surrender, “’M not judging, jus’ curious is all.”

(The entirely cheesy and cliché Christmas AU, in which Harry doesn’t give a damn what people think about him – mostly – and Louis may be a little bit in love.

Alternatively, the one in which Harry owns a café that’s barely scraping by and Louis is a footballer and he takes Harry away for Christmas.

Featuring Zayn as a cocky little shit that most definitely needs to be put back in his place, Niall as the loveable Irish dude who drinks too much and flirts with Zayn more than the average girl, and Liam who loves everyone but hates them all at the same time.)

Way in the World by flowsque

When Louis Tomlinson enters the waiting room, Harry can distinctly feel his heart sinking to his stomach. The man's hair is ruffled and dishevelled and his red jersey, damp with sweat from training, clings to his perfect and chiseled body. He stands there, almost unreal, against the glass door, peering inside the office. Harry knew this would’ve happened, sooner or later. That he would have bumped into him. They play for the same club after all, even if they’re in different leagues. It’s not weird. It is not. Except it totally is. - Or, the one where Harry has a knee injury and an embarrassing crush on Manchester United's pretty number ten.

I Long For You by AnotherAnonymousWriter

Thirty minutes later, he's sat on a bench in Hyde Park with a book in his lap and a travel mug with hot tea in his hand. Not far from where he's sat, a group of boys are playing football and a bunch of children are chasing each other. Life is good.

Or at least, life is good until he hears a familiar “LOOK OUT!” and sees a football flying in the direction of his face.

And then everything is black.

(Harry gets hit in the head by various objects and falls for a boy with blue eyes.)

ease the quiet and talk me down by cabinbythesea

Harry's a model and Louis' a footie player.

(Louis teaches Harry some football and Harry is insanely good at giving a lapdance).

Baby, It's You by Bearandleonardwrite

"Oh, yeah. Um..” Harry lets his hands fall to his sides. His brows furrow, face full of concern, and he asks, “You’re not, like, stalking me, are you?”

Louis can’t help the loud cackle that escapes his lips and immediately slaps one of his hands over his mouth to muffle the sound. “Oh my god, Harry, no!” Louis tells him, a little breathlessly, giggles still bubbling out of his chest. “Lottie’s one of the makeup artists here today and she somehow got me to agree to come. I had no idea you modeled for, uh.. this brand until I saw you walk.”

“Oh,” Harry says dumbly, eyebrows still pinched. He lets what Louis just said sink in before a bright grin takes over his face and he goes back to doing up the buttons on his shirt. “Well, that’s alright, then. I’m glad you could make it.

(Basically, Louis' a footie player for Man U and Harry's a YSL model. They meet at a masquerade.)

Touch by kotabear24

Harry's shy and virginal with a past, new on the football team; Louis' the (experienced) popular star of the team and Harry's new mentor.

Come In and Change My Life by lightswoodmagic (sarah_writes)

He’d had the same neighbours since he’d moved into the building, a lovely, wealthy couple in their late sixties who had always invited him around for tea on Sundays. Martha had dropped off homemade biscuits the day he’d moved in, so Harry figured he may as well repeat the sentiment. He could hear someone getting closer to the door just as a flush ran through his body; oh fuck. His heat was close, too close to be knocking on a potentially unknown alpha’s door, but it was too late. The door swung open, and Harry’s mouth dropped. He’d never been overly interested in football, couldn’t find the fascination in watching men run around after a ball for hours aside from their uniforms, but he knew who this was. Louis Tomlinson, alpha, captain of Manchester United, star in a number of Harry’s heat addled fantasies, was his new next-door neighbour.

Or, Harry and Louis become friends when Harry looks after Louis' cat during away games, until one night at a party changes everything between them. It's just a shame Louis' going to be away for the FIFA World Cup for three months.

see the truth (it's me for you) by orphan_account

If you asked Louis the first day of his French Literature class what he’d be doing on the last, he’d probably never have guessed it would involve helping a poorly Harry Styles study for the final exam. Good thing he’s not a betting man.

(Or the one where Louis and Harry spend an entire semester ignoring each other after a one-night stand, only to come face to face when Harry manages to catch the stomach flu during finals week. Sometimes fate is funny like that.)

Use Your Words by zedi

based off this prompt: collage au where jock!harry always serenades flowercrown!louis with love songs in their music class. what nobody knows is that harry actually kinda means the words he sings.

But instead it's Louis as the jock and Harry as the flowerchild because I do what I want.

Stop The World (I Wanna Get Off With You) by ilikepianos

"You like this, don't you?", he asks breathlessly.

What? Sucking cock? Being dominated? Yes, all of that. A big fat yes.

Harry nods, lips still wrapped around Louis' throbbing dick.

Louis' lips curl into a smirk. "Keep going then. You're doing amazing, love."

OR: The uni-football AU where Harry may or may not have a minor crush on the captain of the team and suddenly discovers that the feeling is very much mutual.

Picture Perfect by LittleBubbleStyles

an AU where Louis Tomlinson is a misunderstood football player, and Harry Styles is a misunderstood photographer. Somehow, they're understood together.

I just think about my baby; I'm so full of love I could barely eat by mercutionotromeo

Harry and Louis are six hundred miles apart, but they have the same solutions to the same problem.

Or: a masturbation drabble featuring pillow humping, locker rooms, and copious amounts of dirty talk.

into another (another) serotonin overflow by mercutionotromeo

Harry wants this year to be different - wants it to be the year that he finally gets over this stupid crush. He’s going to uni, he needs to decide what he wants to do with his life.

Instead, he’s deciding what he wants to do to Louis Tomlinson.

Or: Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey.

note: it says it in the tag but this is the edited version written in 2019, rather than the 2017 original- so there’s two put I put the link for the newest one :)

need a little sweetness in my life by mercutionotromeo

Harry's always liked feeling desperate and small when Louis touches him, but when he sucks Harry off...it’s fucking otherworldly. Desperate’s not really the word at that point - it’s helpless. Like… like the fucking world could stop spinning and Harry wouldn’t be able to do anything about it until Louis finished him off with his lips and his tongue.

Or, Harry and Louis go to university together. Harry really likes it when Louis sucks him off, and Louis really likes it when Harry calls him Daddy.

(Sequel to "into another serotonin overflow")

I made a map of your stars by brightbluelou

Harry does not have a crush on Louis Tomlinson. Yes, Louis is very pretty and funny, and Harry may have had more than a few inappropriate thoughts about him, but he certainly doesn’t like him. (Except for the fact that he totally does.) or, Harry is the shy boy in the back of the class that no one really notices. Louis is the loud, outgoing football player that everybody likes.

We Made These Memories for Ourselves by supernope

Breath held, Harry squints his eyes open and focuses on the first stick. A blue line. Harry breathes out an unsteady breath. He’s pretty sure he read that one blue line is a negative, but he fishes the box from the bottom of the pile just to make sure.

“Negative,” he confirms, voice echoing around the small room. “Next.”

Now that he’s feeling a little less shaky, he scans the rest of the tests at once, is met with a headache-inducing mixture of pink plus signs and blue double lines. His heart rate picks up until it’s pounding triple-time in the base of his throat and the pit of his stomach, thundering in his ears and throbbing in his temples. He flips over the rest of the boxes slowly, but he knows what they’re going to say before he even looks.

[or, Louis is a footballer, Harry owns a bakery, and they're having a baby.]

Kiss Me on the Mouth and Set Me Free by ls2k14   

Louis has his head thrown back in a laugh, his wet fringe hanging in front of his eyes, and a beautiful flush to his cheeks. From this angle, the sun hits his face just right to where the beams of light are shining in between the spaces of each individual clump of watered down eyelashes. His chest is showing through the soaked material of his white jersey and it seems that his biceps are attempting to break free from the sleeves that are clinging to his skin.

And Harry can do nothing except take it all in. He doesn’t even think he’s breathing at this point. He is literally stuck in place, admiring the true beauty of Louis Tomlinson, while being surrounded by fit footballers and generally attractive people. He doesn’t think he’s ever been in love before, but if Louis let him, he’s pretty damn sure he could change that in the matter of a few nanoseconds.

[atinykidult]

i saw this on my timeline yesterday, they were shipping their mutuals with idols, so,,, i was wondering who would you ship your mutuals with and why? have a nice day btw 🖤

Hey! Thanks for this ask! Sorry I was so slow—I love asks like this and put a lot of thought into them, but it just takes time! 😅 Sorry to anyone I left out! I ramble so I just decided I’d do as many moots as I could in a certain time frame

Anna | @yunwoo | Y A N A N

So, I knew I had to ship you with someone from Pentagon! I settled on Yanan because he is a very gentlemanly, sweet type yet also goes along with jokes and chaos really well! I think that matches up well with you, as you are someone whose personality shines in both settings. You would make a very sweet (and pretty!) couple! <3

Helen | @yeocult | H O N G J O O N G

Look, I know I’ve shipped you with him before, but I just can’t unsee it!! He’s such a creative, brilliant person, and I think his energy would match with yours really, really well! You could talk about anything, but not feel pressured to talk at all if you didn’t feel like it. Random thing I could picture you doing: Writing little notes on each other’s hands

Vivi | @seongghwaa | J U N H U I

I’m just saying—the chaotic energy the two of you could generate is beautiful to picture! He’s such a crazy, hilarious goof-ball, yet so caring! I feel like that’s you, too, and you could match each other so well through both sides of yourselves! Date headcanon: Karaoke, with both of your friends, and you having a duet with him but it being pure chaos :D

Ana | @toffee-hwa | J I M I N

I wanted someone super sincere, super caring, but plenty fun to ship you with! You give everyone so much support and love, you deserve to go home each day to that same energy. I thought Jimin matched that really well! You both could take care of each other, and share anything with each other, anytime. Date idea: Cafes! Trying all the cafes together!

Dia | @jaesmintea | S E O N G H W A

You’re the mom friend, but you also have a lovely, scream-y side, I feel like? And I think that you deserve all the cuddles after long days, with back rubs and comfort food already purchased for you. I think Hwa would provide just that! And he would fall deeper in love every time you showed him that kind of love in return.

Shelby | @softhwas | S E O K J I N

This one felt like it came out of left field, because we never talk BTS, but I’m 90% you know them, right? Anyway, I definitely ship you with him! I feel like he’s really, really smart but no one thinks about it because he’s just making everyone laugh 24/7. You two could talk about anything, binge all the shows together, and just be a chill and functional couple! ^^

Nanda | @sanflowerseeds | J O N G H Y U N

JR from Nu’est was my emotional support kpop idol for a good minute last year. He’s such a precious soul, and so are you, so I shipped you two together! I feel like you’re both pretty quiet and could be homebodies together—maybe learning to cook different meals together, and definitely spending tons of quality time with each other!

Citron | @citronnade-coups | J E O N G H A N

So, I feel like you have this really chill vibe, and might(?) intimidate me IRL, but are super caring! Jeonghan has that same vibe, and I think you two would get on each other’s nerves but also fall in love in a classic rivals to lovers kind of way?

Cami | @hansolmates | S E U N G C H E O L

I feel like Cheol would really be attracted to your personality, tbh! He is such a soft, responsible, tired-dad type (lol) so he wouldn’t gravitate to really extra people. But he would love spending time with you, learning about your dance and students, and both of you are just, like, vibing. (Also, his MBTI should compliment yours pretty well! ^^)

Tiny | @yunhowhoitiss | S E U N G M I N

Okay, so, I don’t know Stray Kids well enough to psychoanalyze, but like... I would only ship you with the sweetest, brightest idols, and when I began thinking about it, I was just like: “Tiny needs someone who will make her smile as much as she makes everyone else smile.” Seungmin is serotonin, so that’s my reasoning! ^^ Sunshine with sunshine!

Hannah | @nafnifnice | D O Y O U N G

Doyoung, is, like, the normal member of NCT in my books. Super pretty, super kind, super patient (putting up with them), and obviously super talented! (I think you’re all of those, too! ^^) Anyway, I feel like he would be a nice match with you, energy level-wise! You could spend lots of quality time together, and you’d be a really sweet couple.

Alex | @woozisnoots | S E O K M I N

Alex!!! You are one of the sweetest people, and so I have to ship you with the sun himself! From what I’ve gathered, you’re a pretty high energy/bright person, and such a joy to interact with—Seokmin would match that energy perfectly! If you like amusement parks, that’s definitely one of my date headcanons for you!

Lia | @hanniesbubble | W O N W O O

I think you both are types who have learned/are learning to be comfortable in your own skin, and are fine not being the extra loud person in the room. Quiet, and thoughtful, and sincere. You guys could spend all sorts of quality time together, whether by talking or just being quiet together!

[yuvon-writes-letters]

[The first thing you notice about the letter immediately, is that it’s stained with some kind of orange liquid. The ink is smudged, but thankfully, it’s still readable]

To Yuvon,

The fact that you have accommodations for reading and gaming when you don’t have anything for food is so funny to me. The god is just like ‘I’ll give this woman endless books and arcade games, but I can’t be bothered to feed her so I’ll just make her full forever!’ It’s giving me new-born AI vibes. [There’s a crude picture of a stereotypical robot, square head, antenna, etc. with it’s head slightly tilted, almost as if confused]

It’s kind of like, the dimension/possible super-natural entity is trying to satiate your needs in the most efficient way possible. They won’t have to waste food on you if your never hungry or thirsty, and they’ll never have to waste medical supplies if they make you more durable. The only living accommodations problem they solved normally is entertainment, and I guess the only reason why they did that is because they can’t just, pump serotonin into your brain. That’s just my own theory though.

If, theoretically, a person/super-natural was keeping you here for some kind of purpose, then we’d have to assume that there is something to gain by specifically making you send letters to other alternate versions of you. I can’t think of what that could possibly be, but it’d, have to do with Duskwood, wouldn’t it? That’s literally the only thing connecting you and me.

Bruh, what if the, actual Man Without A Face is behind this, wouldn’t that be wild???

I digress, you do have your phone right? If so, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to talk with not just Jake, but the Duskwood Squad(tm), too, not about your situation (obviously, but maybe, only do that if you see no alternatives). Just so that we can confirm that everything is normal back on Earth. Also to confirm, do you have signal? Can you use a navigation system on your phone? Etc.

Imagine if J our mutual hacker friend finds out about this, mine seems chill enough, but yours sounds like he would flip his shit if someone even looked at you bad.

-Rainer

PS. I’m so sorry about the orange juice stain, I was about to send this off when my cat knocked the glass over. I hope ya don’t mind.

Rainer,

Yeah, now that you say it, it really is sort of hilarious XD

There's definitely a thought. "Efficiency" would be a good motivation for why those rooms look like that. If that's the case though, I'm a little worried about the size of the library and the game room. There's... quite a few books and games.

There's a couple possible reasons I can see that I'm here. One: something was bored and thought it'd have some fun by shoving me in here. Two: whatever this thing is REALLY wants the case solved, to the point that it kidnapped me here and gave me the chance to connect to other people in the same situation. Three: there's some personal motivation, most likely related to me specifically and not you. Four: this is some sort of weird eldritch social experiment. Five: Duskwood is a WAY weirder place than even we knew so far.

You know, weirdly, the theory that the MWAF is behind this holds a tiny bit of water if it's the original MWAF from the legend and not the imitator. I didn't think about that before. But that would mean the MWAF would have a lot more power than I'm necessarily comfortable with an avenging figure having, especially one that targets innocents too...

As for my phone: There's only a couple features that really seem to work. The clock is just gone, there's no date and no time, just nothing. There's no internet whatsoever, and when I tried to call emergency services when I first ended up here I couldn't get through. I struck up a small chat with Cleo, earlier, so texting them does work, but not really anyone else. I just tried the navigation system; it basically is just telling me that there's no connection.

Most features of my phone, on further experimentation, seem to work, so long as they don't connect to the world outside of the Duskwood case, and don't have anything to do with hell-in-woods-land. The charge on my phone doesn’t seem to be going down, either. I texted everyone for a general check in just now. Let's see what they say.

It's... been a couple days by now, right? I can't really tell in this place. Anyhow, Jessy and Thomas are still staying together in the same place. Everyone is still alarmed and concerned about them to some extent. The letter from Madruga hasn't returned yet.

It's not just me who thinks this is all way too static, right? Like, time's running, and they're all going about their days, but nothing's HAPPENING. No progress, no setbacks, no more information, no more questions, no processing of or fading of or change in emotions, nothing.

Agh, I don't know anything anymore.

Anyhow. About our mutual hacker friend: yes and no? He definitely worries about me a lot, especially when things were happening like my phone getting hacked and whatever. But more than that, I feel like he's someone who doesn't feel secure unless he's got some measure of control over his surroundings. Everything's been spiralling out of their predictable patterns and everything's changing, and this is one more serious change to add to the pile. One he can't do anything about, to boot.

That makes me sort of torn for a lot of reasons. I sort of feel like a hypocrite for being upset about him keeping things like that he'd called the victim from me when I'm keeping my LITERAL KIDNAPPING a secret from him. On the other hand, if I ever tell him, he'll be more upset proportional to how much time I take to tell him. On the other other hand, going by how I think he feels about me, this whole situation seems like something that'd be in his nightmares.

Okay. Depressing. Time to switch subjects.

Pff— gotta love pets, amirite? I remember once my dog literally ate my homework. That was interesting to explain to my teachers XD

All my best to your cat,

—Y

Wait. Why are there local multiplayer games in the game room?

Uh. Well. That's. Interesting. What the fuck.

With that in mind, signing off now.

—Yuvon

(When you’re done reading, the letters tuck themselves into the paper clip with the others.)

[diegopetrucci]

An honest retrospective on 2020

Earlier today I've come across this post on an Italian facebook page, it's sort of a nihilist post that says something along the lines "it's dec 31, you're about to write a carefully curated retrospective post about 2020 with just the positives, when in reality it's been a shit year spent in ways that you really didn't want to spend it in. but you're still celebrating with a prosecco glass showing that not only you have a good life, but you know how to enjoy it too".

Let's do something else then, let's do an honest retrospective.

2020 has been a mediocre year for me.

Let's start with the positives so I don't get too sad. I've changed jobs, leaving a place that had become toxic for me (and many others, sadly). It was scary, leaving a stable place during this pandemic, especially for me, I always feel like the biggest impostor not having a college degree, but I had slowly realised that that environment was eating me inside and making me feel miserable — and I have to say thanks to my partner to nudging me to make the jump. I'm now in a good place, a bit chaotic maybe, but chaotic in a genuine way, surrounded by good people.

I've moved in with my partner — it's been hard, stressful, and a big change of the status quo. Our first flat was a dud and we've moved again after just eight months, but now we're in a much better place.

We got a cat. It's been just three weeks, and she's a lot of work, but Mononoke is giving me more than I'm giving her.

I've started paying more attention to cooking, and slowly learning how to do it properly. I'm not good at it, but I enjoy it, and that's all that matters.

I've gotten closer to a person that was already a friend, but not that close yet. In my last big retrospective [1 and 2] I was lamenting that I had loads of friends but no one really close, and moving out from my flatmates made it worse. Luckily it seems like I've found someone that is filling that gap. I just hope I'm gonna be a good friend for them too.

~

Now the not so positive things.

I'm bad, mentally. The second half of 2018 and 2019 have probably been the best years of my life, but 2020 has been among the worst. I've lost a lot.

I'm incredibly shitty at texting, I reply too late, if I ever, and it's my fault, and yet I can't learn. Because of this, I get progressively more distant to the people I care about. I really care about them, and yet I'm shit at talking with them. I am sorry, genuinely, and I don't know what to do. I even have a reminder every day to reply to people but doing it still consumes so much energy that I struggle with it. I am really sorry to everyone I've hurt. This has made me grow more distant to a lot of people, and I'm feeling the repercussions now that I can't meet people face to face. I talk to very few people these days, and it's slowly getting worse.

Moreover, a big factor contributing to my social circles was the bachata and salsa dancing, and that's gone for obvious reasons. I thought I could do without it, that it was just another hobby, but I was wrong. It was not. It had that mix of positives — being surrounded by people; doing physical activity; releasing serotonin; providing me with an anchor, something to do most nights, to fall back on — that nothing really has, so I haven't been able to replace it in any substantial way.

A similar fate has been happening to the gym — I haven't gone much this year, again for obvious reasons. And not only something that I was enjoying has been taken away from me, but some health issues have already started to creep in: as an example, there's been a period of a couple of weeks where I was barely able to sleep due to lower-back pain, and it was making me miserable during the day.

I've been getting fatter, too. I gained ~5kg, not too much, but still. Leaving aside considerations about my physical appearance more weight is not good for my body, especially for my sleeping (this is the weight where I tend to snore and have sleep apnea which affects sleep quality a lot).

But it's on mental health where I've got the biggest hit. I've talked about it, and I don't wanna go too much into it, suffice to say that if someone is extremely outgoing (5x/week), has a couple of good and stable social circles, does physical activity 3 to 5 times a week, well, what has happened this year is a recipe for disaster. Bad habits of mine have come back too, habits that I had not solved but greatly diminished with therapy and other good habits — I am extremely stress-prone these days, and I get angry for the smallest of things. I'm not that good of a person to be around for my partner sometimes. And I hate it.

A while ago I read that to have a good life you should have a few streams of things that bring you happiness (or at least content-ness) so that if one goes down the others can keep you afloat, at least until you get it fixed. Streams like family, hobbies, work, friends, physical activity. I've lost the hobbies, I'm far from my blood family, I do no physical activity, and I've barely been keeping up with friends. It's not good, and the way I get so easily stressed, the anxiety, and the anger, they all show that my "table" is missing too many legs to stand on.

~

But I don't want this to be just a list of things, it needs to have some action to take. And again, it's clear what to do. I need to stabilise the good things that I already have and work on getting back the ones that I don't. The restrictions are not helping, and so the general environment, but I need at least to try what I can do —— things like pushing more into developing new hobbies, and keeping up with friends. It won't be the same but it should be enough, at least for a while.

Since I wrote that I might be depressed I've not made a lot of progress yet, but already having Mononoke has helped a lot, and I've booked a few appointments for a therapist (it's been two years since the last ones, time flies!). I'm also gonna try doing some yoga classes, I hate running so that's the next best thing. I've done a lot of yoga at my previous job and it was such a nice activity (especially for the social aspect, I've made so many good friends in the classes, but oh well…).

By the way, the idea of having a few streams of "stuff" to rely on is common in therapy, but I've read it the first time in How will you measure your life by Clayton Christensen (RIP). It's a good book, I recommend it wholeheartedly, and there are some videos too on youtube.

So yeah, not a great year, a regression on so many aspects. But I feel like I've finally come to a good level of awareness about it, so I'm ready to start tackling the problems. Let's see what happens next.