#i’m not even joking you’re just gonna have to beat me relentlessly with shovels i’m never going to be normal again Tumblr posts

[mercyedes]

i’m taking my horse’s sedative i can’t take this anymore

[apriumjam]

Satsuten Yankee Gakuen Drama CD Script

@jae-ha was kind enough to send me the audio for the Yankee Gakuen Drama CD and asked that I translate it! So here it is, the script in its entirety. She’ll be making a video for the CD soon, so keep a look out for that as well! It’s extremely fun to listen to.

E: Argh, no, no, you good-for-nothing savage!

Z: Hey, what are ya doin’, shithead?!

E: I’m so much better for her…!

Z: Don’t get full of yourself, brat! For someone so tiny, ya sure are noisy from the morning…!

E: Ah, ow! You savage! Why do I have to listen to you?!

Z: Shut up! Yer a delinquent just like me.

E: You might be strong, but your head’s totally empty. Don’t compare me to you. You can’t even use the school card key right!

Z: Shut up!

E: Ow! Why is that girl with someone as stupid as you… I’ll remember this!

Z: Shit! What’s up with that brat?! Huh? Tch…rain, huh. Can’t help it. Guess I’ll get somewhere dry.

Z: I just got to the school gate and it’s becomin’ a real storm. Huh? The chimes… Classes are so lame. But bein’ in the rain like this is pissin’ me off, too. Maybe I should go to class today…

(puppy whining)

Z: Huh? What, a dog… Yer out here even though it’s rainin’ this hard…and in this beat-up box, too. You must be cold. C’mere.

(puppy whining)

Z: Huh, looking closely at ‘im, doesn’t seem like he’s hurt anywhere… Hey, are you all right?

(more puppy whining)

Z: Huh? Whoa, hey, stop – Hey! Damnit, he’s not getting away…tch…guess I can’t do anythin’ ‘bout it…damn it – Oh, it’s Ray.

(puppy barks)

Z: Hey – stop it.

R: Good morning, Zack. You shouldn’t bully puppies.

Z: Huh?! Don’t say stupid crap! He just won’t leave me alone!

R: I see. Ah, Zack, you look hurt. You got into a fight without even going to class, huh?

Z: Shut it. Yer face is sayin’ ya don’t plan on goin’ anywhere either. Yer totally late.

R: Huh? This little puppy is hurt, too…

Z: What? Don’t try to trick me – oh, he really is…

(puppy whining)

Z: C’mere, let me see. Huh? This is…a burn?

R: A burn…show me, too.

(puppy barks!)

???: This puppy is mine…

R: What is this…?

???: This puppy is just going to become mine.

R: Stop…

???: This puppy…is my ideal…puppy…

R: Stop it…!

Z: Ray? Hey. Ray! C’mon!

R: Ah…Zack…

Z: Ya got kinda weird.

R: I wonder why…I felt really strange…maybe they were memories of my past life…

Z: Huh? I don’t know what yer talkin’ about…but this rain’s gettin’ bad. We gotta get this guy some place where he won’t get wet.

R: Yeah. You’re right.

D: Now then, let’s proceed to the next page of the textbook. Human eyes have three parts. First, are the sclera and cornea, located outside; inside is the choroid, a layer of tissue – oh.

??: Hey, hey, Zack, did you take in that dog?

Z: Huh? I guess so.

R: Zack, that’s enough, just come to your seat.

Z: Huh? I get it, shut it.

D: Well now. Rachel, Zack, you’re both so calmly coming into my classroom even though you’re late…if you don’t obey the rules, I’ll have to make you both into my specimens. Especially Rachel…those rebellious eyes of yours would be quite fetching…

(puppy barks!)

D: Oh my, this dog has pretty good eyes, too. – Ow!

Z: You’re disgusting, te-a-ch-er.

(puppy whimpers)

R: Well, I guess it’s okay since you were protecting the puppy…

D: Oh…class has ended. Honestly…Zack, Rachel, I’ll have to ask you both to come to the staff room later.

Z: Tch…how annoying.

Z: What an annoying asshole…

R: Zack! You shouldn’t say stuff like that. But…he really might be a little scary when he talks about eyes…

Z: He’s not scary, he’s gross. Damnit…

(puppy barks)

Z: Ah…come to think of it, what d’ya wanna do about him?

R: Let’s look for his owner?

Z: Owner? He’s all burnt, and he was in that nasty-lookin’ cardboard box. Ya think he even has an owner?

R: But –

E: Argh, Zack! How dare you!

Z: Huh? What, yer doin’ this again? Shut up, ya damn brat!

R: Good morning, Eddie.

E: Oh! G-good morning, Rachel! Eheh...um…I was wondering…why are you with Zack again?

Z: What’s with him? He’s actin’ totally different.

R: Um, Zack found a puppy by the school front gate. When we took a closer look, we saw he was hurt…

(puppy whines)

E: Oh…it looks like he’s got burn scars…I can take care of him far better than that violent, useless brute…come here, little puppy.

(puppy barks!)

R: Oh…he really doesn’t want to leave Zack.

E: But…

Z: Hyahahah! That means ya got rejected! Hahahah!

E: What are you trying to say?!

Z: Huh? Yer pointin’ that shovel at me…wanna go again? Aren’t you the violent one? Hahah!

E: Don’t compare me with you!

R: Look out!

Z: Ray!

E: R-Rachel!

(puppy whines)

R: Ow…Zack, Eddie. This puppy is injured, so don’t play around like that.

E: Oh…sorry…

Z: Are you okay? Ya fell down…and hit yer head.

R: I’m okay. It just stings a bit.

Z: So you’re not okay. We’re goin’ to the infirmary, Ray.

R: All right.

E: Um, me, too! I mean, I can accompany you to the infirmary far better than this absurdly strong, empty-headed guy.

Z: Shut up, you shithead!

E: Ouch! Ugh, I’ll remember this!

Z: Seriously…c’mon. Ray, can ya stand?

R: Yeah. But Zack…you shouldn’t be violent.

Z: Shut up…I know.

(puppy barks)

C: Oh my! Isn’t it Zack! What could a delinquent like you be doing here? You haven’t even been called in. Did you get hurt in a fight? How slovenly!

Z: It’s not me. Ray hit her head.

C: Oh! She’s the one who was in a fight? She really is lively. Come now, Rachel. I’ll help you out, so lie down there.

R: Okay…I’m more worried about the puppy Zack’s carrying than my head. Doctor? That puppy kind of seems like he was burnt.

C: Puppy?

(puppy whines)

C: Oh! Such an adorable puppy! Why do you have something a puppy? This doesn’t fit your image at all.

Z: Shut up! He just started following me on his own!

R: He was abandoned in front of the school gate.

C: Hmm…in any case, these are some terrible burns. Someone must have done this to him.

(puppy whines)

C: He does seem a little down…all right! Tah-dah! My specialty – vitamins! If we give him this, with my extra-large vaccine, he’ll be good as new! He’ll be able to run all around the school!

Z + R: Stop.

C: Oh, okay. Hmm...anyway…he does seem to have become quite emotionally attached to you, Zack.

R: He seems to be afraid of everyone else.

C: Huh, is that so? Come! Shake!

(puppy whines)

C: Oh, my…this puppy is quite lovely…I kind of…just want to…discipline him!

Z: Hey.

(puppy whines)

C: Oh…I suppose I lost my composure…it’s all right, just leave him to me. I’ll train him properly for you. Don’t worry, it’ll be completely normal.

Z: Is this all right…?

R: Zack…I’m feeling kind of sleepy…

Z: Huh? It’s fine. Just sleep. If she tries anything weird, I’ll stop her.

R: I’ll leave it to you.

(puppy yipping)

R: Huh…?

Z: Oh, you woke up? This is amazing, Ray, watch!

C: Shake!

(woof!)

C: The other one!

(woof, woof!)

C: Beg!

(more barking!)

R: Wow…you really trained him…

C: This is easy! If only impertinent children like you and Zack could be disciplined like this…ahahah!

(puppy barks!)

Z: Hey, it’s nighttime now… Oh, what happened with looking for his owner?

C: That’s right…it’s just about time for the school gate to close. Rachel looks fine now, so you two should take this little guy and go home.

R: Okay. Thank you, doctor.

C: Yes, yes. Keep the fighting to a minimum…and if you absolutely have to use your fists, just come here. I’ll discipline you! Ahahahah! – (cough cough)

Z: Tch, we’re not comin’ back. Let’s go, Ray.

R: Yeah.

(puppy barks!)

R: The rain stopped at some point. What a pretty sunset.

Z: Yeah…

R: So…what are we going to do about this puppy?

Z: What to do…hey, you. Can ya live singly without parents or an owner, like us?

R: It’s not singly, it’s alone…right?

Z: Shut it!

(puppy whines)

R: Oh…that tickles…eheheh…

Z: Hey…looks like he’s gotten attached t’ ya, too. Well, it’s too early for him t’ live sing – ugh, alone. *

R: Ah, it’s the principal.

G: Rachel, Zack. I’ve seen you both clearly today.

Z: Ah?

G: I’ll take care of that dog. He has neither parents, nor anyone to turn to…and that road is relentlessly harsh.

(puppy whines)

G: All the children here have had to live on their own…indeed, even the teachers are the same. Danny and Cathy both became adults after overcoming such sadness. This school is meant to save its students from befalling such a fate. If I were not to take such beliefs to heart, what sort of principal would I be?!

R: Principal…!

Z: I don’t really get it, but…yer gonna take care of him, right? Yer lucky I found ya!

(woof!)

R: Please take care of him, principal!

G: Yes. I won’t do anything bad to him. I shall take responsibility for him.

Z: All right.

(barking!)

Z: Then I’ll leave ‘im t’ you, principal.

G: Indeed! Well then, let us meet in good spirits tomorrow!

R: Yes! Good bye!

Z: I’m sleepy…

R: Zack, good morning.

Z: Ah, yer not late today. Huh? What’s that?

R: Oh! It’s…!

(puppy barking!)

Z: It’s the dog from yesterday! Hey, he’s keeping him on the school grounds.

R: Good for you, Zack.

Z: Huh? Well, it’s not bad…but aren’t you the happier one?

R: Eheh…he even prepared a doghouse. I’m really glad.

Z: Huh? That shithead’s by the doghouse.

R: Oh, Eddie.

E: Good morning, Rachel! Look! Isn’t this amazing?

R: Yeah. It’s very nice.

E: Ahem! Principal Gray asked me to make it, and I did it in a flash!

Z: Heh, pretty good.

E: Zack, this is something you can’t do.

Z: What was that?

R: Stop, you two.

(puppy barking!)

E: Sorry, Rachel��oh, right. Principal Gray asked me to do one other thing. He told me that if I see you and the violent brute, I should give you guys this. Here!

Z: Say my name, you damn brat! Huh? What’s this?

R: Dog food…it’s his breakfast.

E: Principal Gray said that you two should feed him.

(puppy barking!)

Z: Oh, are ya hungry? Then wait just a second…heh…

R: Zack! Don’t put cola in the dog food –

Z: Huh? Why?

R: It’s a puppy…at least give him milk…

(woof, woof!)

 * TL note: this is a joke that’s sort of “lost in translation”. Zack uses a counter for people (一人) to refer to the puppy. Ray corrects him to the counter for small animals (一匹). Later on, he starts to use the counter for people again, but corrects himself.