#i would've loved if he had been turned mortal for losing it in grief after BoM

[pain-is-too-tired]

BLOOD/ICHOR TW

Last days of Sparta, follow Him down to meet Apollo And he'll brace for battle in the night He'll fight because he knows he cannot hide He's never gonna make it, all the Poor people he's forsaken, karma Is always gonna chase him for his lies It's just a game of waiting from the Church steeple down to Satan karma There's really no escape until he dies

Outrunning Karma by Alec Benjamin

I know shocker shocker another angst art for them.

I do stand by that Luke should receive some punishment/consequences for his actions. But I also don't want it be something the gods inflict, because Luke's choices hurt other demigods more than the gods( main reason he shouldn't be forgiven immediately-)

So, Lee/image of Lee taking over that role just seems fitting. He was one of the first camper deaths.

Retribution and acknowledgement of mortal guilt is also something Apollo is often connected to. As well as protection of youth.

Lee is the son of the god who rained plague on the Greeks for the taking of one of his priest's daughter, in many versions assisted in the death of Achilles for the death of one or more of his sons. Slaughtered Cyclops more ancient then his own father out of anger and grief of lost of another son.

Absolutely Lee's gonna make sure Luke fully understand the effects of what he's done.

[moa-broke-me]

Random PJO Drabble

Standing there in the infirmary, with my only living son laying on a hospital bed as machines beeped incessantly and the hiss of the oxygen mask filled the room, the tension was so thick I could barely even think about how ironic that the god of death should visit a place of life.

I squeezed his hand, his tiny, cold hand, for, what some irrational part of my mind insisted would be the last time, even though if someone was truly dying in this room, surely I, of all people would know. I suppose it's leftover anxiety from that one horrible winter.

His eyes fluttered open. "... Dad...?" He croaked out. "What... What are you doing here?"

I felt a rare smile appear at the sound of his voice, at the sight of his eyes. "I wanted to see you." I explained, sitting down on the rather uncomfortable plastic visitor's chairs. "I wanted to make sure you'd be ok."

He looked me up and down. "... Why?"

It was barely a whisper, but it hurt me more deeply than the cut of any spear or sword. I thought we'd made up, I thought our relationship had been repaired. But that he's in such disbelief that his own father would visit him in the hospital, even when I gave him the quest that landed him there... Indicated otherwise.

I took a deep breath, not usually necessary, but it helps. "Son, I... I haven't been nearly the father you need. And that's nobody's fault but my own. I just hope you don't see me as a monster like everyone else. Even if I've... Acted like it, in the past." My heart clenched as I remembered the cruel remarks of 'your sister would've done it better' and 'I wish it had been you'. My lying to him. My palm filling with black fire. Not exactly my proudest moments as a father. "I'd like to formally apologize, for all the wrongs I've inflicted upon you. Because I don't think I ever have. I... I know that I'm not good with words, or emotions, or people. But I truly do mean it. I..." Tears gathered in my eyes. "I don't want to lose another baby." I sighed. "I know it's ironic, but I... I've never had many mortal children, even before the oath. So I... I never quite became... Numb to it, the way the other gods have. And I suppose, since my first taste of grief in decades had been your sister..." From the corner of my eye, I looked over at Hazel. "... Your older sister... I reacted rather explosively. But I never should've taken it out on you, little one. You were in just as much pain as me, if not more. And I should've seen that." I wiped my eyes. "Oh dear, this is humiliating."

His brows scrunched in confusion. "Dad, are you... Crying? I... Didn't know gods could do that."

"Of course we can, have you seen what a mess your eventual father in law becomes when he gets rejected?"

He laughed, and then that laughing devolved into coughing, and I looked to his lover anxiously, who was chewing his lip. "He'll be ok. Well... Mostly. There's dust in his lungs, but this little stint on the mask should fix that. Broken ribs, a broken leg, internal bleeding, a concussion... Ok, maybe 'ok' was overshooting it. What in tarnation happened?"

"It was all my fault. I sent him after this ghost. Another Poseidon kid, apparently just as stubborn as the living one, because he escaped."

"I prefer determined." My nephew piped up.

I rolled my eyes. "Apparently, this one retained his powers after death. I sensed he was in danger, so I appeared by the cave he was in, and... He'd been crushed by falling rocks. I don't know if the ghost had lured him there intentionally, or had just been cornered, but either way, he must've generated an earthquake to shake the debris loose." I sighed and turned back to my son. "I can't let this happen again."

"I could..." Hazel spoke up. "... I could take on some of his-"

"Absolutely not." He interrupted. "I'm not letting you get put in harm's way. I'm stronger, I can handle it."

I was proud of him, for the love he held for his baby sister. "... Well, I'd love to say the same for you, Nico, but someone has to help me take care of things down there. However, from now on, whenever I need you to handle something like this, I'm sending a kindly one with you, to protect you."

He scoffed. "I don't need to be babysat."

"Clearly, you do, if this is what happens when you're not. This is for your own good, and it's not up for debate."

He sighed. "Yes, father."

"There's no need to be so formal anymore, bambino." I brushed a little hair out of his face, and turned, one last time, to his boyfriend. "Take care of him."

He cleared his throat. "U-um... Sure thing, sir. I will."

[benlaksana]

2021

It's been roughly a year and a half since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic here in Indonesia, and I've recently been trying to understand where I'm at. Not physically, as in physical space, but mentally and probably existentially. What is the state of my mind? I am aware that I've become somewhat bitter, my late nights are sometimes riddled with anxiety for what the next day may bring and reoccurring personal-collective grief has at times, and recently more often than I would like to admit, numbed me.

This may probably be my mind's automatic coping mechanism seeing all this death mainly as a result of how my government has failed us, its citizens, especially during a time of crises. And I really need to stress this point: how my government has failed us Indonesians during the times we need it the most and I very much believe that it is because of this why many of us Indonesians are in constant misery and haunted by that feeling of despair. If chronic physical pain causes constant daily anguish, I am not surprised if chronic physical and mental pain caused by structural violence causes persistent misery as well.

I'm somewhat fortunate in this regard, I'm grateful that I've learned ways to keep my sanity in check. My contemplative practice is key for me. Honestly, I wouldn't have gotten far in life without it. I have many people to thank, but Art Buehler especially, my former professor in esoteric contemplative/meditative practices who reminded me and pointed a certain possible direction of where I should head when I sense a lost in my life's direction, is one those I should thank the most. I know this seems like an individualized response to structural oppression, and I don't intend to paint such a picture, but I do believe we need some kind of mental stability to keep on going. To survive if not thrive.

Art sadly passed away in 2019. I received an email about his passing. And come to think of it I never really did allow myself to properly grieve for his passing. I don't know why. To be told through a short concise email that someone you cared for died, without having the opportunity to properly say goodbye feels like that person never really passed away. It is horrible way to end relationships. A sudden cut, nothing finalized, and since goodbyes are relational, now nothing can really ever be concluded. I have to make amends with myself and only with myself. If I said goodbye yesterday, or if I say goodbye today or perhaps tomorrow, will it ever be enough for me?

Life is individual yet also relational. It's good to have friends, family, people that care for you or the odd mix of all three to get you through life. So although I have these array of tools to possibly help get me through life but if the people whom you look for some kind direction is no longer present, I'm just not sure for how long I can maintain it if I'm doing all this by myself. Will a breaking point come to me?

The mind is a fickle thing, and the mind is as strong as its habits. Bad habits, bad mind. Good habits, good healthy mind (no habits, no mind?). They also say that things that might happen, will indeed happen. It is just a matter of time. If so, how will I break? To what extent? For how long? What will change? What will I lose? Will there be something renewed? Will I come out the same person? Will I come out changed but for the worst?

This is one of the things that worries me. That certainty of uncertainty. The certainty of breaking, the uncertainty of when and of its form. Will I explode in sudden exasperation, engulfed in madness? Will it be a quick balloon pop yet a slow descend into meaninglessness? An unabashed diatribe rant towards someone I care? Something that's just a twitter post away from me on actually doing it. Will this be an opening, an opportunity for 'satori', a sudden lift of the 'veil', bringing about comprehension and understanding of the true nature of things? Questions, questions, questions, not much when it comes to answers, is all I have for now. To be hopeful is hard these days and with the wavering hope, very much coming and going like waves, it has become incredibly hard to even retain any semblance of kindness. That is something I do not want to actively become a habit of. Without hope, comes the cold embrace of fatalism that many on the 'left' are guilty of. Clutched by fatalism, empathy becomes harder to come by. I've seen it, and I have felt it.

I know that my eroding sense of hope is connected to my personal dreams. Specifically how it has become very hard to actualize it. Rara and I never really planned on staying in Indonesia for long. I was confident enough, a bit too confident come to think of it, that we will be out of Indonesia by 2021 the latest. A mere 2 1/2 years after our last stay in New Zealand. The plan was for me to continue my studies, getting into a Ph.D. program and of course a scholarship. That was our ticket out. Hoping that we'll be back to our old routine in Wellington, in and out the university's library, my head in books, loving our 'flatwhites' while regretting having too much of it, the usual stint doing some university tutoring, community organizing stuff, lazy gardening, out and about on the weekends tramping around Wellington and if Covid did not happen or/and maybe if my government handled things much, much better I think that would've been the case. Or at least I constantly would like to imagine that would be the case.

Yet here we are still in Indonesia, me struggling to do my Ph.D. through this wretched distant learning, initially in the comfort of my home yet steadily devolving into cabin fever. And Rara with her own struggles trying her best to get back on her feet as an aspiring musician. None of it is going as well as we had hoped for. All this while juggling trying our best to keep ourselves safe and our families and friends safe. Both of us have become direct witnesses how challenging this has been, physically and mentally. Both of us slowly grappling with the continual kick in the gut, the never ending structural absurdity, violently absurd.

That slow grueling realization of how fragile our lives are. Not just existentially. It is existentially precarious yet at the same time understanding that precariousness in many of its aspects is structurally and politically maintained. It is this political construction of precarity, which Isabell Lorey elaborates in her book State of Insecurity: Government of the Precarious, that angers and saddens us the most.

Lorey provides a nuanced approach in unpacking and differentiating this thing called being 'precarious'. The three dimensions of being precarious: precariousness, precarity and then precarization. On precariousness, Lorey draw's on Judith Butler's conceptualization of precariousness which she sees as existential, relational and inevitable. I'll insert my existential philosophy and Buddhist values here, to help me see and more importantly accept the transient nature of life and that impermanence or change is the only constant. Our lives, our bodies are destined to die and wither away. We humans are fragile mortal beings. The loss of life, the loss of one's identity, the loss of everything that makes us, us is unavoidable. It's also a 'relational' thing, as in it is also a shared experience. Everyone will experience it. It is the great equalizer some say.

Then we have precarity. Yes everyone dies, but the process of dying or even the process of grieving someone's death is dependent on what Lorey see as the “effects of different political, social and legal compensations of a general precariousness”. Some die at young age due to starvation, riddled with poverty and disease and have nothing or no one to ease their pain, others die surrounded by family and friends in a well-cared for hospital. Some have days or weeks to grieve, others have to go back to work the next day as she or he have no luxury to stop working even just for a moment and simply grieve. To stop working even for a day draws some closer to the possibility of death for the person or those dependent on the person working. This is the inequality of dying and grieving due to our social hierarchies. How fragile we are, is dependent on those social hierarchies.

And last we have Lorey's third dimension, governmental precarization which is the instrumentalization of insecurity by the government. In other words, the government using the idea and the reality of insecurity as a tool or device to control its citizens. The calculated, deliberate attempt by the government in destabilizing our lives in order for us to be easily governed. Insecurity, be it real or due to perceived constructed fear of insecurity is an effective governing tool. The fear of being labeled "useless and lacking in contribution to the nation-state". The genuine insecurity of not being able to get a job due to the false understanding that it is simply a result of an individual's laziness rather than due to systematic government policies. The deliberate attempt in making our lives constantly insecure, constantly on the edge, without us initially knowing it and when we do come to understand, the blame is on us. It is normalized and it is internalized.

This is not simply a social issue, it is a deeply existential one as well. We Indonesians have very little to make us feel safe at the moment. Covid and the government's response to it has severely limited our movements and it's not simply physical immobility, but also an existential one, the inability to even have the imagination that our lives are actually "going somewhere", towards a forward direction. Perhaps some sort of minute incremental progress, but progress nonetheless. This imagined mobility is what Ghassan Hage calls as "existential mobility" and this immobility suffered by many of us is what he also calls as "stuckedness".

Turning an often momentary or the ephemeral nature of a crisis into something prolonged and perhaps even permanent is another part of the strategy of governmental precarization. Our lives or jobs are always on the line and again coupled with the sick prevailing idea that we only have ourselves to find the solution. The crisis is permanent, we don't know why but we've been told that way, if we fail to overcome it is because of our personal inabilities thus proliferating and intensifying this sense of stuckedness.

Forcing us to accept whatever solution the government-messiah presents us with in order to relieve us from this suffering. From labour laws that normalizes precariousness even more, to oppressive new laws that limits our desire and ability to dissent, to including who or how our enemies are defined, easily accepting who is to blame for all this insecurity we are all suffering.

Be it the long dead Indonesian communists, the Chinese Indonesians and the racist perception of them being "selfish and greedy", the Indonesian Islamists - the kadruns and their conservatism, the "foreign forces" whomever they may be constantly trying to take over Indonesia, anyone or anything is to blame. Anyone but the Indonesian government and its affluent patrons. Insecurity and the fear that rises from it renders many of us easily governable and compliant.

This governmental precarization and this 'stuckedness', which Hage sees no longer as a possibility that may or may not happen but an "inevitable pathological state which has to be endured" is how Rara and I feel at the moment.

Rara and I feel our lives are going nowhere. We feel that our lives are stuck, constantly rotating in a hamster wheel trying our best to overcome our precariousness. No progress, no forward movement, no growth, just trying our best to survive from this sustained uncertainty. It's an awful feeling, paving way to existential dread. We are very much looking forward to moving back to New Zealand as soon as possible but with the conditions right now, that is something I can't even dare to imagine.

And although I am grateful that the weave of our privilege with at many times just pure sheer luck has kept us alive and physically well for the time being, we both now realize that we have hit a proverbial concrete wall here. Adding to the already precarious nature of life here in Indonesia, our line of work as a fledgling social science academic and aspiring artist and what Rara and I aspire to do socially, what we aspire to become, easily ends in stagnation if we intend to continue to live our lives in Indonesia. (I want to direct you to Social Science and Power edited by Vedi Hadiz and Daniel Dhakkidae to get the gist of what I'm trying to get at here.)

This is a hard pill to swallow, harder to write and even more so to act upon. I am existentially tied to Indonesia, my family and friends are here, my father is buried here and so will my mother. Memories of the distant past, the colloquial language when shitposting on social media, my mind and body have been shaped by Indonesia in ways I possibly do not even fully realize. This is why I oscillate between guilt towards others and guilt towards the self. I feel guilty for simply having an exit strategy when many others don't, I have the luxury of choice. Yet I also I feel guilty for feeling guilty about this, as it means I am also neglecting the well-being of myself, now and in the future. I need to work on this and find my bearings, being stuck in a guilty limbo won't get me anywhere.

And the future is far from stable, I wonder what is on the other end of surviving this pandemic? There is so much collective grief, collective anger and of course personal anger. All this will amount to something, I'm sure of that. Although I don't know what exactly, I'm not entirely confident this something will be good. John Keane's new book 'The New Despotism' comes into mind.

What do I personally do with all this anger? I’ve noticed how anger, especially when it is on the verge of hatred, morphs itself and easily descends into madness, into aggression and often showing itself, unawaringly to us, when the act of expressing anger happens. Your mind becomes instantly clouded, ending in mindless action. This inability to have control over oneself terrifies me. I already have so very little semblance of control over life in general at the moment, if I truly have no control over myself whatsoever, what then do I have?

And I wonder if it is a waste of time asking these pseudo-intellectual questions? I don't know, yet I do know I live in a society where it hones aggression and hostility, whether it be in physical and digital spaces, and I would like to draw myself away from all this at the moment before I transform myself into something I do not wish to be. Anger I can fully understand, and it is needed and useful. Yet to actively transform it into deep blinding hatred and sustain it daily, is something I feel psychologically destructive for me and I'm trying my best not to go on that path.

I rarely update this blog I know, but this blog has always been used as a personal chronicle of how much I have progressed, digressed or both. And I needed to write all this, because I've never been this least sure of what my life should be like and where it should go. I know I am not alone at this. This pandemic has destroyed the lives of many, our futures, our dreams, our sources of love and I hope that anyone of you reading this finds a way to get through it, doing anything you can do day in, day out.

I'm not sure it if amounts to anything. Maybe it won't, maybe it will, or maybe it has but maybe we just can't see it. All I can personally do for now, is to hold on to these 'maybes', and maybe, just maybe I'll get through this too.

“Where must we go...

We who wonder this Wasteland

in search of our better selves?”

- The First History Man, George Miller

[writerfae]

The Knights of the Alder: Possible Future AU

a.k.a Her Father's Daughter, a.k.a an idea I had for a future for the characters of The Knights of the Alder that was so angsty I turned it into an AU instead because I grew way to attached to the new characters but couldn't do this to Talon and Aiden.

NOTE: this is not and I repeat not the true future of my characters, this is an AU I'm not that cruel

I try to keep it short (edit: I failed) and not to go into too much detail alright? If there are questions I'll answer them if I can (since this is a daydream AU it's not completely worked out)

okay y'all ready for the sads™?

what is pretty much like it'll be in canon is that Talon and Aiden became closer and eventually ended up dating

they're pretty much happy and in love but there were problems that started to overshadow them after some time

first Aiden's mortality. right from the start they were very much aware that Aiden's life will be way shorter than Talon's

Talon was pretty much afraid of this truth, of knowing he'll lose Aiden one day

and Aiden, he's not afraid of growing old or dying, just about all the pain his mortality will cause Talon

another problem was Talon's status. or rather his father, who expected his heir to get married to someone *ahem* suitable and have kids to carry on the family's legacy

now in his eyes, Aiden was not suitable. he's not noble nor fae. Talon's father thought he's not good enough for his son and hoped that that "little affair" of theirs would end soon

now Talon didn't really care for his father's opinion and he didn't want to marry someone else, but he also had lots of pressure on him with the whole being heir situation. it kinda weighted him down and Aiden noticed it, too

something you need to know now is that Aiden and Talon are both struggling with all kinds of insecurities and fears, but one mutual struggle of them is that both think the other is too good for them

now Talon thinks Aiden is too good for him because he's simply such a good person, someone who deserves better than Talon (though that's bullshit)

and Aiden, well, he thinks he's not enough for Talon, not just because of status. he feels like Talon would be better off without him, that it would give him the possibility to live the life he's supposed to live instead of wasting his time with someone like him and also save him from the grief Aiden would inevitably cause him

so basically Talon’s father was feeding all of Aiden's insecurities about his relationship with Talon with his opinions and I'm pretty sure he voiced said opinions in front of Aiden before

and then one day Talon's family found a possible wife for him and she was kind and smart and had dark hair just like Aiden's and Talon got along with her quite well, so Talon's family arranged an engagement with her

he was pretty much pressured into it and though he liked the girl he doesn't want to marry her

he even thought about leaving with Aiden

the greatest struggle of this AU is that Talon would've given up everything for Aiden, but the thing is, Aiden wouldn't let him

because though Aiden loved Talon more than anything and knew that Talon loved him, he couldn't be selfish and let Talon throw his life away like that, not when one day Aiden would die and Talon would be left with nothing

long story short and since I already talked too much about the backstory, Aiden ended up leaving Talon, what pretty much broke both their hearts but Aiden thought in the end it'll be the best

after some last hours spent together, Talon marries the girl and Aiden left faerie

(sometimes Aiden came to visit his brother but his visits to the Willow Court got much rarer)

fast forward a couple years, Talon and his wife had a son, Kieran, and though Talon cared a lot for his family, especially for his little boy who he loved very much, deep down he still loved Aiden

he often dreamed of him, too, and wondered about how he was doing and what life would've been like had he insisted on running away together

meanwhile Aiden lived in his childhood home in the human world again, continuing his work as a hunter

after his father died, life became kinda lonely except for occasional meetings with Henry or friends (and one with Talon, years later)

Aiden never had another partner btw, because his heart, too, still belonged to a certain fae

but one day, he's on a hunt in the woods, as he found a little child, alone and abandoned. he felt sorry for the girl, who later turned out to be a (half?)fae baby that was left in the woods (a Wishling maybe, I'm not sure about it yet)

so he ended up taking her home with him. he decided to keep her and raise her as his own and he named her Ashlynn

in the following years, the girl was pretty much his everything, he taught her all he knows, made sure she never loses the connection to her roots (he taught her all he knows about the fae and told her stories about them) and raised her to be an independent and confident young woman

lil side info about Ashlynn my beloved: people say about Ash she is "clever as a fox, pretty as a flower, fearless as a wolf and stubborn like her father", Aiden has taught her both archery and sword fighting but also all the stuff he and his brother learned as kids. she adores her father a lot and she likes quoting him sometimes

fast forward even more years, Aiden has died (I'm sorry >.<), leaving behind his daughter who is a young woman by now. he made her promise that after his death, she'd go to faerie world and search for her uncle, so she wouldn't have to be lonely when he's gone and she could start a life in the world she truly belongs to. and she keeps her promise.

so she moved to the Willow Court and though still grieving her father, she's quite happy there

when she goes to faerie, one of the first people she meets is Kieran (Talon's son) and the two become friends

she meets Talon too, but when he first meets her he doesn't know that she's Aiden's daughter and neither does Kieran

they find out though. and Talon also finds out about Aiden's death. needless to say, he has a hard time dealing with that

Ashlynn helped him with it though. and the other way around, too. they became pretty unlikely friends and later Talon became some sort of surrogate father to her, especially since her and his son Kieran eventually start dating

even when Aiden and Talon didn't get a happy end in this AU, at least their children did

Ashlynn and Kieran end up getting married and having children. one of them, their firstborn, they name Aidan, after his late grandfather (Talon cries when they tell him that)

many many years later, when Talon dies, too, he and Aiden get reunited, at least after what the fae believe in

and yeah that's pretty much all basic info about the AU I break my heart with (I blame Kieran and Ash for why I like this AU so much)

༺ ༻

Thoughts? Please don't be mad at me ahaha

general tag list: @deadlycupid @writing-is-a-martial-art @writingamongther0ses @blueinkblot @wildswrites @abiandwriting @theroyalcoven @7devills @myhusbandsasemni @authortango @sleepy-night-child @charleeyy @formulatingfiction @shiishki

[deducingfangirlsofhell]

Lies

Pairing: MoriartyxReader

Warnings: Cheating, death

A/N: This is an AU. A god and goddess AU to be specific, so... I hope you like it. Also, this was done as a prompt request, so there’s some...odd. Terminology. (Chloroform is something gods have in this, and it isn’t like our chloroform so yeah)

Ps, I’m sorry I haven’t been updating, I got a new phone and I can’t get back onto this account so I can only use it when my old phone is charged. Which is never.

He slipped out of the bed, doing his best to keep quiet. Carefully, he picked up the vial, and a small square of cloth, a small pit growing in his stomach. He hated to do this, but it was the only way. His eyes snapped up to his sleeping bride as she awoke.

"James... what're you doing..?" Her eyes narrowed on the vial, causing her to sit up, "Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am?" She snapped, eyes suddenly alight. She knew exactly why, and it made her burn.

"You aren't seriously going to see one of those flawed abhorable things—they're pathetic!" She snapped, suddenly deciding to get fully out of bed. His jaw locked, a searing anger coming to his chest.

"Go back to sleep, Kitty." He snapped. His position was the reason they'd been marred in the first place. They both knew she'd rather be over screwing Sherlock or his bride. Most of the Gods remained fairly loyal to their partners, even if they acutely despised them. James wasn't like the rest—he hated it. He didn't want to live a life, even an immortal one, like this. Now, perhaps a few years ago, he would've thought a lot different than that. He wouldn't have cared about who his partner was—he was king. Of the heavens and earth, he ruled all.

"Go back to bed." He ordered, not missing a beat before leaving. He tucked the vial into his robes, and slipped down to the mortal world, changing his appearance slightly. He shifted his deep brown eyes to a softer green, and lengthened his dark hair to match the common man among the streets, and slipped through unnoticed. He even went as far as to change his facial features, make them softer and less opposing. Less attractive, in most people's opinion, but his lover had never seemed to care that he was considered "average" when it came to looks, maybe a tad above. After all, this was love, and that's all they needed.

You were pacing, unable to still yourself from your pure excitement. You heard a soft tapping at your door. You grinned, immediately swinging it open, and throwing your arm's around Jim's neck. His arms fit tightly around you, holding you as close as he possibly could.

"I love you, Jim." You mumbled into his neck, letting yourself slip into the warmth of his arms.

"I love you, too, Darling." He whispered back, a natural smile slipping to his face. He glided you both into the room, shutting the door softly. You pulled him into a kiss, his hands falling to your waist, a thrum going through him. Slowly, you guided him towards the bed, letting him fall slightly on top of you, both of you giggling in between passionate kisses.

Unbeknownst to either of you, James wasn't the only who thought it best to pay a visit. It wasn't long into your little rendezvous that there was another knock, this one much firmer than Jim's had been. It was startling to James, considering he'd left your father unconscious in his own room.

"I know you're in there." Kitty's voice penetrated the door, striking fear into Jim with just a few simple words.

"Who's that?" You whispered, watching as panic spread across him. The door suddenly flew off its hinges, the goddess entering without another warning. Her eyes were ablaze, already, but the flames doubled as her eyes came to rest on you in her husband's arms. He suddenly shifted so you were behind him, a scowl adorning his features as he glared at her. She could see right through his disguise, through his utter and complete lies.

"You left me for a mortal?" She snapped, jaw clenching. This had been where he was every night? Seeing a woman that wouldn't last even a fraction of his vast memory?!

Your brow drew together, confusion adorning your features. The woman looked familiar, but you couldn't quite place it. No-you could! She looked like the statues outside the temple... Gisara. Queen of the Gods...?

"J-Jim... what's going on here, I-I'm confused..." You managed weakly out, fingers gripping tighter on his shoulder. Still, he said nothing.

"Go on, tell the mortal who you are. Pull the wool back from her clueless eyes." His eyes flicked back to you as you began to go numb. What was she talking about? Why was she saying these things-? Jim would never lie to you... right?

That's when he began shifting back into his regular form, eyes growing dark once more and hair slicking back. Another face you recognized, and one you'd recognize anywhere; Evmes. King of the Gods, and, fittingly, the God of Wisdom and Chaos. You could feel your knees growing weak, voice no longer seeming to work.

"Leave here, Kitty." He demanded. It snapped into focus for you—why a Goddess had come to your home. His wife... you were beginning to feel faint. Gisara scoffed, approaching him.

"You think she'll stand to want you after what you've done? Her life is forever ruined because of your betrayal. She'll be shunned." She said plainly, not an ounce of sympathy in her voice.

"You promised her a marriage, did you not? No one would mare a god and a girl. You've played her pathetic little heart." He'd been a fool to promise you such a thing, even he knew that, but he hadn't expected the question. And, at the time, it had seemed almost possible... almost.

"I said, 'GO!" He snapped suddenly, sending her flying out the door and out to the street. He allowed himself a few minutes to breathe, anger dissipating and growing concerned for you. He spun around, cupping your cheek in his hand. He'd do anything to change the way things were—if you wanted anything in the world, he'd give it to you without hesitation.

"Are you alright?" He asked worriedly, pressing his forehead to yours. Instead of answering, you staggered back, doing anything to get away from the God. He could feel his heart crack, sending an unwelcome feeling through him almost immediately.

"Y-Y/n..? L-Let's talk about this..." He began approaching you again, being met only with silence.

"Yell, scream, say something... a-anything." He almost begged, once again trying to come near you.

"Y-You're Evmes..." You said, stomach turning at the thought. He watched you, eyes saddening as you stepped away once more, just out of his reach.

"Yes.." He admitted shakily. If there was ever a moment in his entire life that he didn't want to be a God, It was now. He wanted to be with the woman he loved more than anything, even if that meant he'd die one day.

"You lied to me... about everything." Tears began rolling down your cheeks, causing his heart to break even more.

"You don't love me, I'm just some toy to pass the time." You whispered, staggering back once more, lost and heartbroken. The words echoed through his head, eyes growing suddenly wet. He didn't even have words.

"I'll never be marred... I'll be forever shunned." You said, gasping for breaths as realization swept over you, a sense of profound shame already brewing. If the people of your town were merciful, they'd simply kill you, but that was a tad hopeful.

"N-No, it doesn't have to be like that-!" He tried desperately, falling to his knees as you fell to the ground, "We can get married, no one has to know-" And just as quickly as he said it, you were racing to your father's room.

Kitty appeared behind him, hands on her hips, looking as dignified as ever.

"You've taken everything from her, isn't that enough? Leave her to the fate you've sealed for her." Growing angry, James spun around, staring her down furiously.

"I can fix this!" He insisted, solutions flooding into his head, already.

"How Long has it been since you put her father under, James, I'm curious." She said flatly, suddenly deciding her nails were much more interesting than the conversation. A sudden cry was heard down the hall as he realized his mistake, and he sprinted to the door, heart shattering as you held your father's lifeless body. All the excitement had caused him to lose track of the time... he'd killed your father..

"Y/-"

"Leave her to mourn. Haven't you done enough?"

This time, however, he had nothing to respond with. He took a few moments to watch your grief fill the room, tears and sobs joining the foul atmosphere. Irene had been right. She said he would ruin your life, and he had...

"...let's go home..." He whispered, tears beginning to roll down his own cheeks.