#i would love to have done this as one of those explanation comics but uhhhh it's two pages of text

[agerefandom]

Okay, this is just a silly over-sharing personal post about my experience of kinning and how that feels for me! If I’m going to talk about it on here, I figure I should introduce my… unique experience of it. 

Note: this is a vulnerable post for me, so please don’t make fun of me for my experiences or fandoms! Asking questions is totally okay, and corrections are welcome, but please be patient and give me the benefit of the doubt that I’m doing my best! Also, content warning for passing mentions of depression, insomnia, hallucinations, and flashbacks. The whole thing is a bit of a mental trip, so if you’re prone to unreality problems, I don’t recommend reading this! 

Right! So, what is kinning, or being otherkin or fictionkin?

That’s a really complicated question! The community has expanded a lot in the last few years, and to be honest, the words have kinda lost their meaning. (Some people from the old communities are mad about that, and honestly... I get it.)

I’m not otherkin, so I’m not going to talk about it too much, but it’s the longer-established community (although I’m pretty sure that people have been kinning characters, people, animals, and concepts since the beginning of humans, hit me up for historical examples if you’d like).

Basically, being otherkin is when you identify as something other than human! People have lots of explanations for why this happens: reincarnation, spiritual connections. Others see it as connected to their neurodivergence, and others don’t feel the need to justify their identity as otherkin!

Being fictionkin is really blowing up on the internet right now, and it’s when you identify as a fictional character (ie. Sherlock Holmes). It’s a nebulous concept, and some people are now using ‘kinning’ as a way to say that they just relate to a character, or they find a part of themself expressed in a character. Others identify fully with the character, or have memories from what they believe is a past life or alternate universe where they were that character.

I’m not gonna say that one definition of ‘kinning’ is right and others are wrong, because language is made to evolve, and my own experience is so complicated that I hardly know which side my own experiences fall on! But it’s important to know that both communities exist, and it’s currently hard to tell what a person means by having a character on their ‘kinlist’ (list of characters/things they kin).

My story with kinning, under the ‘read more’. 

When I was a kid, it took me a long time to figure out that other people don’t experience media the same way that I do. They don’t feel sharp pain in their leg when someone on-screen hurts a leg, for example.  

I have over-active empathy: I can tell when someone on the train is feeling anxious, because I start feeling my heart racing. I share this quirk with my mother, who’s a lot better at regulating it. It might be an autism thing, it might be a spiritual thing, lots of people have given theories. But it’s a thing that I experience, and that’s all that matters for the moment.

As one consequence of this hyperempathy, ever since I was a child, I have a tendency to ‘pick up’ characters: the lines between myself and them blur while I watch a movie or read a book, and then I can’t quite unblur those lines when I’m done.

(I jumped off the garage roof when I was six, insisting I was Peter Parker. I sprained an ankle and was banned from Spider-Man content until I was eleven.)

I don’t pick up characters as often anymore: I can go anywhere from four months to two years without the lines of my selfhood getting blurry. When I was a young teen, though, it felt like my head was just full of people who wanted different things, and I couldn’t tell which of them were me, which of them were my parents, and which of them were fictional.

Thank god high school is over.

Anyways, ‘picking up’ characters has always been a struggle for me. It challenges my fashion choices, my favourite activities, my gender identity, and sometimes even my taste in food. It lasts for two weeks to six months, and then I subside back into my ‘natural’ state (which was rapidly changing in my teen years, adding to my confusion).

It made me feel really crazy, because none of my friends had this experience, and I’d never heard anyone else talking about it!

It turns out there is a term for this, it’s called ‘fictionflickers.’ It’s a term for a wide range of experiences, but one of the things it covers is briefly switching to the viewpoint of a fictional character, or a temporary ‘taking on’ of a character. Exactly what I experience! It’s temporary, and kin-adjacent, but it doesn’t technically fall under the umbrella of being fictionkin or otherkin, which are more fixed identities (although some people would argue that).

I am so happy to have a word for this. It makes me feel validated, and like I can actually talk to people about it. And it helps me to deal with it without fear, knowing that I’m not alone in the experience.

But then there’s another category of characters, which only showed up when I read a series called All For The Game (or The Foxhole Court) at age 18.

There’s a character in this series named Andrew Minyard. Immediately, I knew he was ‘mine’ (in a way I often connect to characters that become fictionflickers). His name leapt out at me from the page, I could feel his actions in my body more strongly than the other characters, it almost felt like I could predict his actions.

Anyways, bad things happen to that character. Well, bad things happen to most characters in that series. But Andrew’s plotline hit me hard, twisting my empathy into one big bundle of terribleness. I had nightmares for months, always in his body, and all throughout it, there was this terrible feeling that I was forgetting something.

I put it down to being a really bad fictionflicker (although I didn’t have the term yet, I called it ‘picking up characters,’ and I knew it was a reoccurring experience). But it was weird: there was no real shift in my personality or tastes, aside from a severe drop in mood because of the nightmares and insomnia. It wasn’t like a fictionflicker at all, aside from the fact that I couldn’t get this character out of my head.

Eventually, the nightmares started bleeding over into my days in the form of vivid flashbacks and… I stopped fighting what I’d been too scared to admit to myself. They were memories. They weren’t my memories, they were Andrew’s memories, but they were in my head, and I was dealing with the consequences.

Everything got easier when I recognized that. It felt right to process them as memories, rather than hallucinations, which I had been thinking of them as. This change in thinking made a huge difference, although I couldn’t tell you why, and the nightmares finally stopped.

But still, what were someone else’s memories doing in my head? Surely that was weirder than hallucinations?

And that’s when I found the kin community, and threw myself in headfirst.

Memories are one of the key differences between ‘I relate to a character’ kinning and ‘I am this character’ kinning. There are tons of other people with character-memories!!! I’ve quizzed dozens of (very patient and kind) people who share this experience, and heard dozens of theories about why it happens.

I don’t really have a personal theory, to be honest. It’s weird, and it’s happening, and I’m still not quite sure what to do about it, if anything. Mostly, I just try and be more open about it, when I can be. It’s still such a strange and unusual experience, and I get nervous explaining it to people, but it helps to talk about it. Especially when memories or new characters are bothering me, and I need help to separate myself from them.

Sometimes the line between ‘fictionflicker’ and ‘kinning’ is hard for me to find. The vivid thoughts and cravings that come with my fictionflickers occasionally cross into memories, and it’s really only time that will tell whether a character is a permanent part of me, or a temporary identification.

Anyways, here’s a list of my permanent kins, and my more recent or significant fictionflickers! I would never tell anyone about these without all the context you just read, but I think you can understand me well enough not to judge them too harshly now. 

Here’s the picrew I used to make most of the images! 

--

Kins (and memories)

Andrew Minyard (Foxhole Court: mainly childhood memories: no memories of the book era, some pre-novel Palmetto memories)

Dirk Strider (Homestuck: non-game universe: caregiver splinter in a mess of a headspace with lots of folks around)

Holden Caulfield (Catcher In The Rye: hospital memories, and not much else)

Spiral (Magnus Archives: pre-Michael era, blurry memories, how it felt to be a labyrinth)

--

Fictionflickers (age 16-22, not in chronological order)

Bill Cipher (Gravity Falls: two months: had some very confusing times thinking I had one eye. Enjoyed the music taste.)

Wade Wilson (Marvel: twelve months: helped me get all the voices in line when I was a teen. Also, made me feel better about the eczema that used to cover my face and shoulders. A reoccurring fictionflicker every few years.)

Mae Borowski (Night In The Woods: one month: on the line of kin and fictionflicker. I miss her mother terribly. Doesn’t mix well with my fear of heights, since I want to climb everything. I get weird dreams as Mae, but I often get weird dreams.)

Alexander Hamilton (Hamilton: six months: worst fictionflicker ever, I didn’t sleep a solid night for months but I did get straight As and met the Prime Minister. Long story.)

Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty: two months: absolutely terrible person to have in your head. I wrote some songs, stayed up late, and dressed defensively feminine. I usually refuse to admit that I have memories from a version of him, because I’m not putting that name on my proper kinlist.)

Kevin (Welcome To Night Vale: ?one month?: another kin/fictionflicker blurry line. He makes my mouth hurt when I listen to his episodes. He was bringing up my Spiral memories before The Magnus Archives ever came out.)

Courfeyrac (Les Miserables: four months: brilliant era. Had so much energy. Joined a political group on campus, made donuts for people, and generally had a good time. Dated too many of my friends, though.)

[zu-is-here]

I'm back with the bigger ask! But firstly I'd like to respond to the smaller one.

Well, I am... as fine as I could be, I guess. Bought the new medicine yesterday, hopefully it'll help; got a lot of stuff done, too. Haven't been this productive in weeks, really. Although it's come with a price, and the aftermath of my latest breakdown is still lingering (thanks again for your support then, you really made my way out of that mess easier and faster 🌻), so now I'm just trying to rest.

And wowie, what a perfect intuition and aim I've got! I don't know why I'm so surprised though; my headcanons turn out to be canon all the time (x Yet it never ceases to amaze me.

"Finding a box but being keyless" is kind of how I feel my writing process, ahem. Because, uh, I have no problem looking into my boxes even without the keys to them, but that's me. My writing is supposed to be the key for other people, so they can take a look inside said box as well. Yet I never feel like I succeed, even if people say otherwise... I'll continue nonetheless, of course; it's just really frustrating.

By the way, did you choose boxes for the metaphor because of my url, or was it a coincidence? I mean, it's funny anyway, but I'm curious as always. My url does have a bunch of meanings, would be nice to add another reference to the pile (x

Now back to the bigger ask! First of all, perconally I'd love to hear more of your thoughts, if you have anything to share. Both in asks in English and in DMs in Russian✨ It's particularly interesting to see things from a different perspective, and that's what you give me. Refreshing, too. For example, my way of creating things feels a bit different (I talked about my inner radio once), yet there are similarities between your perception and mine. While I see all the characters and events as already existing and happening, it still can tell a lot about me (and any other creator who sees it all the way I do). Because the multiverses and worlds and timelines are infinite, it would be impossible to tune with everything. Therefore whatever my inner radio tunes with is apparently the closest to me, the most understandable, the most needed, and so on and so forth. One way or another, what I perceive and try to describe in my works reflects myself.

Uhhhh, hope I didn't mess up this explanation. It might be difficult to grasp, so I'll totally understand, just figured I'd give it a go.

Well, can't say for anybody else, but as for me? I'm super excited for any content of yours! Comics of a whole bunch of pages, standalones, sketches, everything! Featuring any UTMV characters, and from other fandoms as well, even if I wouldn't be familiar with one. Your art is such a pleasure to see, every time and always ❤️❤️❤️

Thought I'd save this for the last. The thing is, I have something to share almost all the time, even if we exclude anything with spoilers (x

...

I got distracted while trying to choose what to tell this time, and now there apparently is a playlist for the X-tra Dark Cream story?.. It isn't completed; something is totally missing, I just don't know what it is yet. But I went through my entire playlist in vk (that's, like, 1100+ songs) and selected everything I found fitting for this story. The order of those might change as well, since I'm trying to follow the timeline but stars is it hard when there are several plot lines that are interwoven very deeply and closely. While going through that thousand songs, I also found something for Killer, particularly from pre X-tra Dark Cream timeline.

(I'm doing my best to follow your story here, so it's somewhere after Killer offered his soul and heart to Nightmare, whose corrupted self chose to crash it. "I hate my work, but I'm in control, I'm fearless now, but it cost my soul", huh?

And "It's alright to scream — I'm screaming too; why do you think think I do the things I do?" feels like a perfect description of the way Killer's nature — he was a Sans once, and, although he'll never be the same again, he did not lose himself wholly never fell to the fourth stage, thus he has a chance to move forward — and his Chara's wicked, twisting influence.

Then there's "For shadows haunted me like ghosts, so I became what I feared the most; I conduct fear like electricity — a man made monstrosity", and that's it, I just can't. Isn't that Killer? Isn't that Nightmare, and Dust, and a whole lot of others as well?)

Okay, I just realised the information to share chose me all by itself, not vice versa (x I'm able to get carried away with literally anything, so guess that's quite enough for now. Thanks for listening, I hope you enjoyed 💞

Take care! *hugs*

Hi again╰(*´︶`*)╯

Thank you a lot for your message (and not even one) <3 I read it at night and decided to answer in the morning cause, y'know, утро вечера мудренее, but here I am catching moments all day long to finish writing the answer — literally on the go (≧∀≦)

I'm really glad for your progress and more productivity now, hope everything will be fine and even better for you (ówò)♡ And yesss! You should be proud ☆

Please, don’t worry if not all of your messages will be solved. Sometimes we realize things much later. Besides, doesn't it have its own charm, hiding something in a box and throwing the key away? Forgetting the box itself? And then being truly surprised when someone finds and even opens it? Don't be afraid to let things go. Be afraid to leave nothing behind.

Oh! To be honest, that was just a coincidence (・∀・) Funny though! After all, the right name defines and guides us ☆ Maybe I'm mistaken but it always seemed to me that yours is more about you being a mystery hidden in a box on your own will, like closing yourself in anticipation of someone to find a key to you...

That's right! (òwó) Despite the differences in our perspectives, it feels so nice to understand each other in such finest detail. Sure we all put ourselves in the works that reflect us for we create with soul, whether it's more about ourselves or about others (somewhere it's really better to remain yourself in order to preserve your "handwriting"), and that's great either way.

Also, thank you so much for your support ♡ I'm so pleased with your excitement since I always, in turn, try to please you guys with something special, whether it's a simple drawing for our beloved character's birthday or a little special addition to my humble story.

Remember that not even great things take time, so don't hesitate to take yours, as much as you need, for I always look forward to your amazing works╰(*´︶`*)╯

OH thanks a lot for sharing this part of your process! (*'▽'*) The idea of ​​juxtaposing the concept with the songs is great *^* and I'm very flattered that you follow their essence in Dark Cream story since that's really hard, but your attention to references even in such things beyond our control amaze me.

And wow— I recognized this song from the first notes! ♪ This one does fit him surprisingly good (๑･̑◡･̑๑) "He has a chance to move forward" is that sweet hope I cherish for him in post dark cream as well. It's him, it's them, it's their desperate state for real.

Don't be afraid to surrender control to your ideas and let them overwhelm you! (๑>◡<๑) I myself am delighted with them and can't wait for their embodiment ☆

Good luck! And take care *hugs* ♡

[edge-lorde]

hp update: its been a long time, boys. ud think that with this plague outbreak id have more time for shitty phone games, and ud be right! however, the time i normally might use to make tumblr posts has been taken up by reading lotr orc fanfiction non-stop for at least 1 full month. id still be in the thick of that obsession even now if only the fics would update. that is how i find you today folks, for the first time in many weeks i am staring at a screen with nothing to do. so come with me friends, theres no better way to fill the soulless void we are all in than reading a nice long tumbler post. 

disclaimer, first of all, a lot has happened, i prefer to keep these updates as plot spoiler free as possible but do to extenuating circumstances i feel like it is necessary to say, [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER BELOW]

that rowan fucking died,

i wont say exactly how, but i will say that her death was animated as were animations of myself and a few others reacting to our friend fresh corpse. obviously meant to be serious moments but the animations made it seem almost comical. 

i saw at least one post going around right after this update that was like ‘how could the game devs do this to us..... how could they hate rowan so.... this is punishment from on high’ and its like.... u guys do know what a story is right? the events of  a story are not typically done to punish less faithful fans, im pretty sure they were planning to kill rowan off from the beginning. this isnt disney im pretty sure the writers are not writing each chapter the night before its released by popular vote. 

that little “are we drifting away..?” scene with rowan makes more sense now. there was a bit in one of the scenes where the kids all reminisce on rowans life and the mc talks about it being the last real one on one time they had with rowan. a nice bitter sweet moment. i dont hate this turn of events. its a good reminder that actions have consequences and we are way past they days of “should i wear a hat or scarf?” its YA time now. 

i did manage to take 1 screenshot from this time, i had commented that before that when rowan said she didnt have many friedns that barnaby seemed to be hanging out with her without be there as a friend buffer and here was his reaction to her death:

;_;

the funniest part in all of this however, was of course cedericks reaction to rowans death “but she was so young....” LOL fuckin RIP.

lets see... what else.... i forget a lot of what happened but i think there was a time sensitive quidditch event in there somewhere? if so i  dont remember it. what i do remember of the quidditch pals is that im gonna play beater now, skye is being weird and cagey about it, andre is involved.... the others are there.....

sidenote, i love the shitty b characters they throw in to be like yes you know this person but no they are not cool enough for u to even think about befriending. the first one of those is face paint kid, and now we have another, who is a former beater girl with horrible bangs named bean who didnt go to any classes for a whole season so she could just play ball 24/7 and got kicked off the team.  this is a character who only exists to provide an explanation as to why there would be a beater position open but i love them on principle. 

right now im in the midst of another time sensitive event, this one is a bother-your-brother-at-work-day event where recent hogwarts graduate bill weasley is bullied by myself and his younger brother charlie into letting us go with him on one of his curse breaking jobs. 

so for those unfamiliar, bill works for the magical bank of england.... and his job seems to be “retrieving treasure” for said bank. in the books, there is a bit where he takes his family on one of his trips to egypt, where his job seemed to have been tomb plundering indiana jones style for the posterity of the english bank :X. i wont explain here why thats bad but its bad. 

the game devs however in this instance, at least SEEM to be doing what jkr couldnt do by attempting to salvage what is left of gringotts bank and form it into not a super shitty implications factory run by horrible jewish caricatures. bills mission is to retrieve a goblin made artifact that was taken by dragons, so no going to foreign countries to steal things from other people! only going to a dragon reserve to rifle through animal nests. they even appear to be providing us with a likable goblin character, egad!  

my hope for this event is that we get a plotline about how maybe, goblins arent shifty human haters for no reason, and in fact they hate magic humans for very understandable reasons, like being forced to go into hiding with the rest of the magical world even though only the humans wanted to do that, and maybe despite running the bank in england they still dont have a lot of political sway in the world of wizards and witches, and have to rely on the faith that said wizards and witches wont fuck them over at every turn, even as they see how they treat other non-humans, such as house elves, which they desperately dont want to end up like. and maybe they DONT only care about gold... maybe thats a human stereotype based on the fact that theres a long history of humans not respecting goblin ownership customs.... which i could get into..... but i wont.... i just....... very badly dont want them to suck ;__________;

i know i said its ok to still like a piece of media as long as you recognize the problems with it, and i do, but once this game is done im gonna stop hp posting all together. ive been feeling more and more uncomfortable making these posts lately.  

GENERAL GAME NOTES; theres been some new layout changes and such. 

most notably the stairs screen has been changed from a bulleted list of all locations to a screen with tiles picturing an image of each location along with the name + icons of all classes at each place. there is one additional location that is new and yet to be unlocked, and the dragon reservation is appearing temporarily as its own tile as well. i prefer this method of getting in and out of a temporary location to how they did it with car during the last christmas special. the stairs icon also now stays in the corner when you scroll through locations, allowing you to open the stairs menu without scrolling all the way back to the left. 

they also moved a few of the buttons down into the lower left corner rather than the left side & combined the story button and sidequest button. they added a little camera button as well, just like in the dormitory, that makes all the icons in a location disappear and look better for screenshots. 

the daily special add offer thing now has its own button in the top right corner of the screen, and idk if i mentioned it before but now there are daily challenges that appear in the sidequest screen that offer small rewards for completing 3 tasks per day + a better one if u get all 3. the prizes are things like 4 energy, 75 coins, 3 monster food. the better rewards are usually either more coins, 8 energy, 3 gems, or 1 notebook. i think that it does all the different color notebooks but i cant remember for sure if i ever saw the gold one up as a reward. i like this addition in any case. if you dont pick up ur reward by the end of the day, the next time u log on it will force u to stop and accept them, and if one of the rewards is energy and ur energy bar is full, it does not seem to stack beyond the bar so watch out.

 the character stats page is now more zoomed out so you can see your full character instead of just from the waist up. no change to the leaderboard. rowans face in the friendship roster is now a still black and white image that says ur friend may be gone but friendship is forever u-u. 

rowan has been removed from all classes. in the classes where the minigames involved her, those minigames have passed the mantle onto other friends in the class. in potions that person is now liz helping u find stuff off the shelves and in tranfiguration that person is badeea. bless these girls for helping mc get through it. touched my heart. 

theres been a few fun little “i know u have more free time now so uhhhh have some energy” prizes like they do sometimes when they dont update on schedule so thats been nice. just a few days ago they gifted us 3 gold notebooks the same way. :O. 

theres also been a few instances of a energy happy hour where for a limited time energy takes less time to refresh. normally it takes 4 mins for 1 energy to do this but during happy hour its like 2:30 mins. :U its all very interesting.

and that will have to do it for tonight my friends, ill do a post for the dragon event when its done because i do like it so far and i do like getting to bully bill with charlie. 

until next time, remember.......

[clocksfanfiction]

A Dance.

Pairing: UKUS/Libertea Rating: SFW Wordcount: 1411 In progress/Complete/Uhhhh Misc: Omegaverse, regency au, omega Alfred & alpha Arthur. Summary: Alfred dances with the increasingly intriguing Mr. Kirkland. A/N: I posted an incomplete wip of this au once because of a fic author meme. I’ve had this and a couple of other related wips in my folders for a while and I was recently reminded of it since,, i’m due another anual rewatch of Pride and Prejudice. Also it’s listed as ‘uhhh’ rather than complete or incomplete as this is an unplanned fic, you can read of the two published parts as stand alone ficlets, but if I post more then it might be better for context to read them chronologically, but again that’s not necessary. This one is set in essentially the same scene as the other. 

“Do you not think that we should be speaking, Mr Kirkland?”

The alpha addressed looked up sharply, the same dusting of colour that had decorated his cheeks when he’d met Alfred’s eye before once again returning to his features. Just as swiftly as Mr Kirkland had met his eye, his gaze was averted again, hidden in an excuse when the movement of their dance forced them apart momentarily.

Mr Kirkland was certainly odd. When he’d returned for Alfred’s hand for their first dance, he had been so stiff and short with his expressions in taking the omega’s arm that Alfred might’ve thought he couldn’t stand his company if they’d spent long enough together for such a dislike to form. He might otherwise have postured that Mr Kirkland disliked his scent so terribly that being near him simply repulsed him. But he’d held Alfred’s hand with such a gentle assurity that Alfred could only assume he either couldn’t bare to let go or could not wait to be free. Another omega might’ve taken offence, but Alfred was only all the more intrigued.

Especially as Mr Kirkland had only taken one more dance with another omega -- Mr. Fairway’s son -- which had clearly been only on account of the fact he’d been cornered and could see no way out of the situation but to offer his hand. Alfred didn’t know the alpha very well, hardly at all in fact for all the forty minutes they had been acquainted, but despite the most gentlemanly manner he presented to Master Fairway, it was not difficult to discern his discomfort. And for the more flattering fact of the matter, Mr Kirkland had once again appeared near Alfred a short time after, joining a very one-sided conversation between Alfred, his brother, and Miss Vogel. Though it was pleasant to have Mr Kirkland in the conversation, for though he had spoken a grand total of two sentences both were intelligent and charming enough to urge laughter from Alfred, it was far more pleasant to have him ask once again for a dance.

It had certainly stirred conversation between the omegas and more talkative alphas in the room. Alfred could already imagine what rumours would spread by the morning about the mysterious Mr. Kirkland and how he paid attention only to Mr. Jones’ son the entire evening. Either, Mr. Kirkland would come out as mysterious and ever the more an exciting bachelor to the families with single omegas. Or, he may be painted as rude, his polite dance with Master Fairway interpreted as a slight, and condemned by half of the town already. Alfred found himself hoping it would not be the latter; for all Mr. Kirkland’s stiffness so far, he had been the height of manners.

“It is a dance, Master Jones, I don’t believe that speaking is the point.”

Mr Kirkland finally gave his reply when they were joined again, Alfred’s hand returned to that so curiously tentative grip.

“But it is a social occasion!” Alfred laughed lightly, brushing past his partner in a turn. “Would you have me believe that no one spoke in all your previous attendance at balls?”

Mr. Kirkland had shied away, his manner still delightfully unclear. Though he held his posture perfectly and retained a calm expression, his gaze was cast down just so that one could only assume he was uncomfortable. That, or he was a particularly shy alpha, but he walked around the room with precisely the confidence expected of an alpha of his standing. Discomfort, at least in Alfred’s presence, didn’t make a sensible explanation either, as Mr. Kirkland had so expertly avoided every omega attempting to dance with him, yet deliberately sought Alfred out. He was delightfully intriguing.

“No, but I would have you believe that I do not often dance.”

Alfred blinked at him, a smile on his lips that he had been told countless times by his mother was unbecoming of a distinguished omega. Far too wide or brazen or something of the like. But Mr. Kirkland caught his gaze and that endearing blush coloured his cheeks once again and Alfred could think of no reason to cease smiling.

“You dance exceptionally well for an alpha with little practise.”

Mr. Kirkland’s complexion darkened further with fluster, the colour of his cheeks highlighting freckles which had gone unnoticed by Alfred until that moment. It was odd to see; so often a splash of freckles across an alpha’s nose would have been associated with one of happy disposition, a boyish charm and outgoing nature. Mr. Kirkland had revealed himself to be none of those things, yet Alfred had to think that such an endearing feature to juxtapose Mr. Kirkland’s impeccable (if stiff) manner was decidedly in character.

Mr Kirkland cleared his throat, lifting his hand for Alfred to turn under.

“I thank you, Master Jones, that should be quite the compliment given how often you’ve taken the floor.”

Were Alfred the bashful, reserved omega his mother had always wished he was, it likely would have been his turn to blush. He had, after all, danced with a fair few of the alphas around the room, but fair more than half of them had been married fathers of his close friends or otherwise family acquaintances. However, he was not so inclined to embarrassment as his mother wished him to be, and instead smiled wider at the still pink-cheeked Mr. Kirkland.

“Are you to tell me you’ve been watching me all evening, Mr. Kirkland?”

Perhaps it was cruel to tease the man, so particularly as it seemed ever the more evident to Alfred that Mr. Kirkland was a man of easily embarrassed disposition. And proven more so when the alpha’s eyes widened almost comically and Alfred was forced to bite his lip to keep back an impolite chuckle. He was kind enough to avert his gaze as Mr. Kirkland floundered for an answer, love as he would have done to watch the progression of thought cross his features.

“N-No, merely that I have observed as much throughout the evening.”

The stammer was a wonderful surprise, utterly undermining the otherwise carefully even tone of the alpha’s voice. Every passing moment seemed only to provide Alfred with something new about Mr. Kirkland’s manner to puzzle over. He was quickly proving to be the most interesting alpha of his acquaintance, and glancing up again to meet those striking green eyes made all the greener against the redness of his cheeks, Alfred began to allow himself to think that Mr. Kirkland might just have been quite handsome as well.

“Of course.” He inclined his head. “I shouldn’t flatter myself to think I’d garner so much of your attention.”

Alfred was glad for the way the dance forced them briefly apart once more, or else he may have not been able to contain his laughter at Mr. Kirkland’s sudden spluttering. By the time they reunited, the alpha’s mouth was set in a firm line, his eyes averted from Alfred’s own twinkling gaze. Matthew would be sure to berate him for his behaviour when he related the dance to him at home.

Mr. Kirkland opened his mouth, clearly wrestling with the possibilities of a reply undoubtedly to delight Alfred in either its awkwardness, or just perhaps to flatter him with a compliment. But, to his disappointment and Mr. Kirkland’s saviour, the dance ended, leaving them to step apart and clap politely for the musicians.

It was Mr. Kirkland who spoke up first, surprising Alfred with the once again controlled pallor of his face. He was rather disappointed to see the flush gone from the alpha’s cheeks, but he did suppose that he’d been a little relentless in his teasing and Mr. Kirkland and the alpha was well deserving of respite.

“I thank you for the dance, Master Jones.”

Alfred smiled, remembering for once his mother’s voice reminding him to at least pretend to be demure and restraining a little of the expression. He swallowed, returning Mr. Kirkland’s slight bow with an echoing curtsey.

“The pleasure is mine, Mr Kirkland. It should be a delight to see you dance more often.”

“Perhaps if there was the right partner.”

For the first time that evening, Mr. Kirkland offered Alfred just the slightest hint of a smile, near startling the omega with the softness of it. But before Alfred could respond, he excused himself, leaving Alfred to puzzle the implications of the sparkle behind Mr. Kirkland’s eye as the alpha wandered away.

[gdrawsthings]

Another ask meme!!

I was tagged by @savvyjabby ! This is a personal ask meme though. I put the answers under a read more for those who don’t care for personal jabbering (pun not intended at first, but then it fit with your url and I kept it lmao)

I’m tagging @lytorika (YES, AGAIN), @bandakajuwes and @walteinsamkeit 💚

Star sign: I’m a little fish swimmin’ in the sea

Height: 5’4” (165 cm)

Put your iTunes on shuffle. What are the first 4 songs that popped up?

1. Beethoven, Piano Sonata no. 3 in C, op. 2, mvt. III- Scherzo (Allegro) [performed by Alfred Brendel]

2. Billy Joel, Vienna

3. Yung Bae, Tropical Hysteria

4. Mutemath, Backfire

Ever had a poem or a song written about you?

Not that I know, haha. But a guy wrote 5 pages of prose about me last year. He wanted to shag me, mind you. Ugh. 😒

What was the last time you played air guitar?

I usually play air piano, aaaand 5 minutes ago, to Shostakovich (GOD I LOVE CLASSICAL MUSIC .°(ಗдಗ。)°.) I fear I annoyed the old man sitting next to me on the train. But he was crushing me with his body, taking up half of my seat for no reason except he was too rude to move and I too shy to tell him to leave me space to breathe. He deserved it a little.

Who is your celebrity crush?

No one in particular, tbh. I mentioned a favorite actress before, but yeah it’s no one that I think about on a regular basis. It’s more like she comes to mind every 6-7 months and I’ll go “oh yeah, she’s awesome” and that’s it.

What’s a sound you hate and a sound you love?

Sound I hate: old Italian people saying “pastasciutta” (“dry pasta” as opposed to pasta in broth; saying pasta is enough to be understood by everyone, but there’s also “pasta asciutta” which means the exact same thing. It irritates me to no end when I hear old people say it.)

Sound I love: the sound of rain and wind during an evening storm.

Do you believe in ghosts?

YES. Also I’m pretty sure there’s one in my apartment. My roomies and I call him Lucrezio. We wish he’d pay rent too, but sometimes the company (and freaking out the youngest one of us) is enough. Sometimes I also see objects moving by themselves in my parents’ home and I frequently see people shaped shadows when I should be home alone. It never scares me, it’s just a thing that happens to me. But concrete “proof” is not the only reason why I believe in ghosts. The shortest explanation is that it makes more sense to me that there are ghosts instead of not, and I usually like to believe what makes the universe seem fun when I have a say in it.

Whenever something really unexplainable and undeniable happens, I always do a little thing that my family traditionally does on November 1st: I take up a glass bowl and fill it with water so that the “ghosts can drink some”. It may sound ridiculous, but it’s something that I think is cute and reminds me of distant, special moments of my childhood.

Do you believe in aliens?

See my answer to the previous question. Also, GUYS, THE UNIVERSE IS HUGE, how self centered must we be to think that there aren’t aliens out there?

Do you drive?

Nope. Got my license in 2015, only used it once for an emergency. I hate driving. I prefer public transportation and my own two feet.

What was the last book you read?

Ramachandran, V.S.: The Tell Tale Brain – A Neuroscientist’s Quest for What Makes Us Human. I decided to read it again because it could be relevant enough to be put in my degree thesis bibliography. It’s a book written by a neurologist who tells stories of strange clinical cases and experiments. One of the most interesting stories was about his experiments with daltonic synesthetes. It was mindblowing. There’s a PDF of the book online if you happen to be interested in the topic.

Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Most of the time.

What was the last movie you saw?

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh. Uhhhh. Uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh-

Oh, right. Predestination. I wanted to watch it a second time from the point of view of someone who already knew the plot. It was a week ago. Also I like sci-fi movies with twists.

What was the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Nothing too serious. It’s kind of a funny story.

A couple of years ago there was a family renting the apartment right under my parents’. They were really loud, and from what we could hear (which was everything they shouted every hour of the day) it was a pretty toxic household. They would throw furniture, insult each other and everyone in the building who tried to reason with them.

It happened on a Sunday morning, around 8AM, when I woke up to the sound of their shouting. I really wanted to sleep for another couple of hours that day, I had had a rough week and that was the last chance I had to get back the hours of sleep I lost in the previous days. I was still sleepy, but very, very angry, so, after months of enduring their continuous shouting I decided I finally had enough of it so I lifted my leg up in the air and slammed my foot on the hard wooden floor of my room to shut them up.

You have no idea how painful it was. I literally couldn’t feel my leg from knee to toe for a minute, and when I could again the only thing that my brain registered was immense pain. And I think the worst part of it all was that I didn’t even make that loud of a noise. If the pain weren’t that mind-numbing I probably would have thought that that was the perfect time to play The Sound of Silence over a still shot of my convulsing body on the floor.

I ended up borrowing one of my grandma’s crutches (she wasn’t using them anymore) for about a month.

I got told that I used crutches like I didn’t need them because I was always walking very fast to get everywhere. It made people laugh a lot. Not that I had a choice; either I spent a fortune on boat trips or I walked fast if I wanted to get to class in time (I was studying in Venice. Imagine having a leg injury and studying in a city made of bridges. HELL)

The entire situation was pretty comical in retrospect.

Do you have an obsession right now?

What do you think? 😂

Do you tend to hold a grudge on people who have done you wrong?

Nah. I’m the type who feels awful about it at first but forgets with time. It’s better for my mental health, so I don’t like to hold grudges.

In a relationship?

Nope.

[rosecolored-gay]

All them questions bitch

Okayyyyy

1. Are you a side, back, or front sleeper?

- Side or stomach, mainly stomach.

2. When you hum random music what song is it?

- Probably the jeopardy theme song.

3. Explain your username

- I am a gay, and rose colored because of the Paramore song.

4: Explain my username

- Anon?

5: How did you fall into the tumblr hellpit?

- Lol, my friend Tuna from high school marching band.

6: What fan interest of yours would you least prefer to explain in your workplace?

-My hidden love for Degrassi, and other shows from when I was kid.

7: What fan interest or yours would you most enjoy explaining in your workplace?

- Definitely my love for Grey’s Anatomy

8: Last song you listened to?

- High Hopes - Panic! At the Disco

9: Weirdest thing on your dash today?

- Not weird, but saw a lot of porn

10: In a perfect world, what animal would you most like to adopt?

- A polar bear!

11: What animal would you most like someone else to adopt?

- This question doesn’t make sense to me

12: What’s something trivial you have strong opinions about?

- OOH man, if you want to get me fired up, I have a strong opinion on LGBTQ rights, gender inequality, a woman’s right to choose, and race inequality. I’m a sociologist, so.

13: What would your super-villain finishing move be?

- Spiderweb like Tom Holland did in Homecoming.

14: Explain your icon.

- It’s me, looking hella gay.

15: You meet your true love(s) today. Possibly again. Describe your ideal hilarious romcom meetcute. (can be aromantic)

- Ummm, I always love the idea of two people picking up each others coffee order by accident and then they go to switch it and the one person is like “why’d you order this like this?”, idk and it leads to conversation, lol. I have a wild imagination when it comes to writing.

16: Your comfort food, and why.

- I really really really love Matzo Brei made by my dad. 

17: What type of mad science will you Show Them All with? (ex: mad chemical engineer, mad library scientist, mad linguist). Which of your creations will probably turn on you?

- I have no clue

18: Favorite cheesy trope?

-The having to share the bed trope

19: Favorite trope nobody writes enough of?

- Fake dating

20: Rec me a book, comic, or anime, or other piece of media you wish there were more like.

- Mmm, I could always go for more LGBTQ fiction.

21: Wierdest tumblr drama you’ve been a part of or stumbled across.

- Uh well, someone was harassing me on anon for a while. 

22: You know those things from a million years ago your brain suddenly reminds you to feel embarrased/guilty/bad about in full technicolor? Tell me one of them.

- L O L, how about the time I decided not to listen to my mom, and I was swinging my body back and forth on my grandmother’s walker, and it was on concrete, it moved, and I fell on my ass and bruised my tailbone so bad I couldn’t sit for a week.

23: What is something you collect?

- Notebooks

24: Pens. Do you know where the one closest to you came from? Would you be distressed if someone took it?

- Its a pilot precise pen, it belongs to my mother and if I took it she’d murder me.

25: The last game you played is crossed with the zombie apocalypse and now going down outside your window. How boned are you?

- Like video game? Uh, Super Mario Bros.

26: What was the last thing that made you cry?

- Getting a job that I really wanted.

27: Most embarrassing/weird/personal body thing you’re willing to talk about.

- Umm, I have a lot of freckles just randomly placed all over me.

28: Your icon is now the voice of your inner therapist. How is this gonna go?

- So, I’m my own therapist?

29: Name a kink you only like hypothetically.

- I’m so vanilla

30: Name a kink you find bewildering.

- Anything with animals is just fucking weird

31: You have acquired: a mouse, a lizard, a rabbit, a spider, a domestic fox. Name them! Who gets to sleep on the bed?

- Mouse is definitely now named Mickey, the Lizard is Godzilla, Rabbit is Dash, Spider - No way in hell am I keeping a spider.., Fox is named Zeus

32: What was your favorite childhood toy? Do you still have it?

- It was a barney plush, and he’s in a box in my closet

33: Hit “shuffle” on your media player and tell me your favorite lyric from the song that comes up.

- “Did you take him to the pier in Santa Monica? Forget to bring a jacket, wrap up in him cause you wanted to? I'm just curious, is it serious?”

34: What fan media (of yours or someone else’s) would you most like to see art/fic for?

- These Strange Steps, it’s a Faberry fic on AO3. 

35: What do you ship that you think would be hard to explain convincingly to other people? Attempt an explanation.

- Uhhhh, I kinda shipped Arizona and April from Grey’s Anatomy.

36: What meme gets on your nerves?

- The salt bae one I guess

37: Showers or baths?

- Showers

38: Who was your biggest childhood nemesis and why?

- This kid Talia, she lied to a kid that liked me and told him I hated him and almost ruined our friendship.

39: First writing prompt that comes to your head.

- AU on fake dating

40: Least favorite color.

- Purple

41: What was the last thing you got really obsessed with?

- Cutthroat Kitchen

42: What’s the weirdest experience you’ve ever had on a mind-altering substance? (prescription, recreational, otc, or food)

- Uh, got high and drunk at the same time and just felt hella fucked up

43: Shuffle up a random song on your media player. Now tell me what ship/story goes with it.

- Wowwww, its How To Save A Life by the fray, it just means someone on Grey’s is prob gonna die.

44: What’s making you happiest recently? :)

- Rach

45: What’s scaring you these days? :(

- Writing 60000 papers, will my brain turn to mush

46: Post a funny video for me.

- Too much work

47: Did you ever have a dream/nightmare that stuck with you for years?

- YES, ok make fun of me all you want, but one night I had a nightmare that a hippo chased me up a palm tree, been scared of hippos since. Absolutely the most irrational fear ever

48: What’s a movie you thought you’d hate but you turned out to love?

- Honestly, I thought I’d hate marvel movies, but I love them now that I’ve given them a try

49: Tell me a really obscure fact you know.

- There’s a spot in the brain where if someone smoke cigarettes and you injure this part of the brain, they’ll immediately quit cold turkey

50: Hot or cold?

- I hate hot weather, love the cold

51: How did your parent(s) punish you as a kid? What do you think of that?

- Taking away my phone or something I wanted to do. It was good incentive not to misbehave anymore

52: What’s something you thought was true about yourself that your feelings have changed on over the years?

- That I wasn’t smart

53: Write a story in seven words.

- uhhh

54: What is your favorite curse word?

- fuck

55: Favorite food for every color of the rainbow.

- pink - cotton candy, green - broccoli, yellow - pineapple, red -strawberry, blue - acai berry

56: If you were a poltergeist where would you haunt and what would be your preferred style of prank?

- I’d haunt my enemies, scare the shit out of them

57: What is an art style, craft, or skill that you can’t do, but you really admire in others?

- anything art like

58: What is a skill you have that people probably don’t know about?

- I can write poetry well

59: Name a pet peeve you have, and something you do that is probably a pet peeve for others.

- PEOPLE THAT CHEW WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN, uhh i click pens constantly. Sorry lmao

60: Dragons, dinosaurs, or aliens?

- dinosaurs

61: What was the last big fight you had with someone about?

- About what show to watch at dinner, with my mom.

62: Insult the asker of this question creatively.

- too lazy

63: In an ideal world, what would you like done with your body after you die?

- do that thing where i become a tree

64: Find me a weird stock photo and post it.

- no

65: What was your bedtime ritual as a kid? Did you have one?

- my dad used to come in my room and open my closet and check under my bed for monsters and yell at them to leave

66: What are the three traits you value the most in others?

- humor, loyalty, honesty

67: What are the three most interesting wild animals you’ve encountered in your life?

- manatees, elephants, trump supporters

68: What is a word you really enjoy saying?

- shitballs

69: Answer number 60 like it was a “fuck, marry, kill” rhetorical.

- dude no thats nasty

70: Describe something that happened to you today as if you were a narrator in a film noir, nature documentary, or 50s teaching video

- ummm no

71: Create five new nicknames for yourself as quickly as you can.

- hey you, asshole, gaymo, flaming homo, queerer than a deer

72: Shorts, pants, skirts, or other?

- basketball shorts, or jeans

73: What’s a song you hate and why?

- Anything by Meghan trainor or taylor swift

74: If you were a superhero, what would be your one weakness?

- id stop on my way to save people if i saw a cute puppy that id want to pet

75: Describe a weird encounter you had with a bug.

- I killed a spider yesterday that had hitched a ride in my car