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inkxlenses · 6 years ago

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hello, umm what do you think is the right mindset to stay positive and motivated in life? everyday i wake up feeling so empty and lonely and it carries to everything i do and say. i feel like it’s because i’m really unlucky when it comes to love. i’ve never been in a relationship nor had even been asked out before and i feel so left out because my friends are all talking about their love life and i just long for that feeling too. i’m a 21 year old college student and i’m scared that nobody will

[continuation] ever find me attractive. i really want to have someone special and take me away from this emptiness but i’m so scared that i’ll never really find love

Hi there, anon. First off, I apologise for the late response. Hope you could still read this, and that you are in a better situation and have a more positive outlook at present. I’d do my best to help you out as much as I can.

I really am very sorry that you feel this way. I get that you are probably very frustrated with your situation, but [this may sound very cliched] know that this situation is only transitory. I understand where you are coming from, still, I hope you wouldn’t mind that I would be blunt with you as well.

When you wake up in the morning, you have two options: you can choose to dwell on what’s wrong, what’s missing, what others have that you don’t.. basically on negative things; OR you can choose to start it on a positive note. Thus, every morning, try to program yourself that the first things that would be registered in your mind would be affirmative/ motivational thoughts. Claim that “ It will be a great day! ”, “ I’d finally have a breakthrough! ”, “ I would achieive all the aspirations that I’d been waiting for! ”, “ I would develop meaningful relationships with my friends, family and would meet interesting people. ”, etc.

I know this sounds completely pointless and utter BS—not to mention extremely difficult—for someone depressed, whose brain is in total havoc and rebels on their every attempt to have a positive mindset. BUT even if it would take you weeks, months, or even years of waking up and *claiming* what you desire in life before you get there.. somehow, someday, you will if you choose to.

But I chose to fight the f*cked up thoughts in my mind because I realised that it was not who I am and it was not the person that I am destined to be. I chose recovery because eventually, I became very tired of that pessimistic mindset. I wouldn’t sugarcoat it because honestly, it was very, very hard for me, and believe me when I say that *recovery* didn’t happen overnight. It took me a while to finally seek professional help, and even more so to experience the actual *healing* process, but I’m really thankful that I made *that* first step.. I’m glad that I chose to be happy. And you can be happy too, anon. It may take a while as well, and that’s perfectly okay because you don’t need to pressure yourself to “be”. But, eventually, you have to make a conscious decision about it.

Again, ask yourself, do you want to wake up everyday feeling depressed and disappointed, or do you want to wake up hopeful and filled with joy? For the nth time, I understand that this would be difficult at first, but you have to choose to fight for your happiness. You have to set your mind and choose that your day would be great, choose that your life would be great.

I get that having a romantic relationship might be the most exciting thing that a person at your age would want right now. But I also have to tell you that when you actually dive into the real world (that is, the *world* outside of uni/ academics), your dating history wouldn’t matter at all. Cherish the present because the universe [fate, God, or whatever it is that you believe in] is giving you all the time in the world to enjoy your time with friends and family, and to focus on your studies first. Enjoy those moments where you can be happy by yourself—in the meantime—before you find the *right* person when the time comes.

As long as you would always find fault in your life and feel frustrated of the things that others have that you don’t, you would not attract the person that you would want to be attracted to you. I mean, if you saw someone who always has negative to say about everything and everyone, do you think you would be romantically attracted to them? I don’t know about you, but I think nobody wants to be with a downer. It’s more attractive when a person is positive, happy and emanates happiness and positivity to everyone around them.

Indeed, it’s completely impossible to be positive and happy all the time; of course, everyone experiences difficulties at times as well. But I believe that your general disposition in life would really shape the way the world would treat you.

However, I’m not saying that it’s wrong or even impossible to find “love” at present. BUT if you’re not happy with yourself now, then I’m afraid to say that you wouldn’t be happy when you’re *with* someone. You have to be happy by and with yourself first. Another person wouldn’t fill that *void* if you’re not happy and content with yourself first, because being in a relationship isn’t about completing each other—it’s about complementing the other person with the “wholeness” of your being. Another person shouldn’t be the “reason” for your happiness; rather, they should be an “inspiration” for you to choose to be happy.

“ We all need to learn to love ourselves first before we can love others ”—it’s one of those overused lines that already sounds completely trivial, yet, somehow it is practically true. Having a relationship with someone is a serious commitment and it would always feel like a daunting task if you’re not 1000% ready to commit in the first place. Make a conscious decision to be happy, to heal, to improve yourself, to change for the better, to continually strive to be the best version of yourself FOR yourself, first and foremost. Don’t let another person dictate or define your happiness.

I may sound like a snowflake uwu™ but I really don’t think that you’re unattractive because nobody is, anon. Everyone has their own attributes that make them uniquely attractive. “Attractiveness” doesn’t only mean *physical* attractiveness, anyway.

Moreover, I truly believe that relationships aren’t [just] about being physically attracted to each other. It isn’t even just about getting *romantic jitters* when you see them and/or when you’re with them. Over the years, it would be about acting selflessly, always taking into account the perspective and feelings of your SO, trusting that person wholeheartedly, and seeking compromise—all of this while still maintaining your individuality. It’s about choosing to be with that person over and over again because you want to be with them despite the trials, personal issues and whatever else that may come in the future.

When you’re in a serious relationship, your SO wouldn’t choose to stay with you and fight for your relationship when times get hard just because they are physically attracted to you. They would choose to be with you because they had fallen for and had accepted the entirety of who you are—your personality, temperament, desires, past etc and even your bad side(s). Thus, you need to “complete” yourself—by yourself—first, and not impulsively give a second-rate version of yourself to a person who you would be willing to commit with emotionally and mentally (and maybe intimately), just because you feel “incomplete” at present and want to seek a sudden *stimulating escape* from yourself in the form of a romantic relationship with them. You may not realise it yet, but you’re still young! Please, anon.. Never rush love for it never runs out.

I know, it’s so hard to be positive in an extremely negative world. Life wouldn’t always be the way that we want it to be. It has a f*cked up knack for bringing you down and showering you with lots of disappointments and negative thoughts every single day. But you have to fight your way through it. Don’t let the world defeat you. Choose to fight. Choose to go on. Choose to move forward and not dwell on what (and who) is missing. Learn to be happy by yourself and eventually be a beacon of happiness. Only then that you would attract the right person who would be more than glad to share that happiness with you.

Thanks for reaching out to me, anon. And I hope that I helped even on the simplest way possible. Wishing you joy, peace of mind, and self-love! My kindest regards.

#asks #anonymous #answered #mgh #ofc there is nothing wrong with casual dating #but this advice is for someone looking for a serious romantic relationship #which from what i understood from their message is what anon is interested at #i truly wish them the best in their RL endeavours

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hipsterfrankcastle · 6 years ago

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ok i got tagged in this TWICE by the lovely @carry-the-sky and @heidiamalia so let’s goooo

1. how tall are you? 5′8

2. what color and style is your hair?

Currently like a weird.... gingery brown vibe.... the style is what i like to call “poorly box died”. but im like an anime protagonist my hair has been a lot of dumb colours

3. what color are your eyes?

hazel

4. do you wear glasses?

yep!

5. do you wear braces?

not any more

6. what is your fashion style?

weird mix of incredibly formal workwear worn at casual occasions and like..... someone from an ivy park fashion shoot who can’t afford to buy actual ivy park. idk. athleisure shit. but mostly jeans and t-shirts these days seeing as i NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE

7. full name? not today, satan

8. when were you born? 1995

9. where are you from and where do you live now? i grew up in the southwest of england. still here....

10. what school do you go to?

uni of york

11. what kind of student are you?

oh man. i am the Most. v extra. i used to study too much.

12. do you like school? uh Hell Yeah. i like structure, organised fun, being surrounded by my pals. i try not to nostalgise it tho because there were times i was very very stressed out. why do we put so much pressure on teenagers?? good lord. uni sucked ass but i liked the actual study side of it (masters im coming for you!!)

13. what are your favourite school subjects?

english lit (shocking no one), philosophy and ethics, drama (even tho i sucked ass), history

14. favorite TV shows? too many. the hour and in the flesh are all time faves. i looooove us sitcoms i’ve watched the office maybe 13 times through. maybe more, actually. parks and rec, brooklyn 99, 30 rock (great news was such a severely underappreciated tina fey classic). fleabag. broadchurch, black mirror, the handmaid’s tale blehhhh i could go on for hours.

15. favorite movies? im just going to put 2 because otherwise we will be here for days. the darjeeling limited and joe wright’s pride and prejudice. oh wait. no and the new world. and days of heaven. can’t miss my boy malick off there.

16. favorite books? UHHH a little life (all time fave please read but maybe google some trigger warnings or ask me about it), my year of rest and relaxation, the english patient, the secret history (basic lol), stoner.... tHERE’S TOO MANY.

17. favorite pastime? i like walking my dogs. spending time with my dogs. taking photos of my dogs. other things that don’t include my dogs like watching movies (duh), writing, reading, recently gotten into film photography. im realising now this question didnt ask for a list oop moving on

18. do you have any regrets? yeah. my uni degree. quitting my job (one of those ones where you know it’s what was best for you at the time but now, looking back, it SUCKS). oh. yeah. deciding to lose two stone in the space of five minutes and developing an eating disorder and HAVING TO QUIT MY JOB. that’s a big one. not going to the editing lab with a guy the morning after we kissed. that one felt like a sliding doors situation.

19. dream job? baker. book editor. pro dog walker. im realising all of these are fairly achievable.

20. would you like to get married someday? nope nope nope!! well. maybe. if i find someone REALLY good.

21. would you like to have kids someday? hahahahahahahah no.

23. do you like shopping? yes but im trying to less because capitalism is a scourge and im trying to unlearn its various teachings including how our shopping habits make us feel/how the fashion industry affects body image. plus it’s terrible for the environment. shout out to my therapist for teaching me all this shit.

24. what countries have you visited? a lot of europe (holland germany belgium spain france poland scotland italy greece that’s not a lot actually), USA, australia, new zealand. i wanna hit california next cause ive been to new york twice now.

25. what’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? ermmmmm oh man. uhh. i have a lot of horrible nightmares bcos ---trauma lmao. cant think of one standout one.

26. do you have any enemies?

quentin tarantino. OH and this one girl on my film course at uni. she doesn’t know that we’re enemies. but we are.

27. do you have an s/o?

hahahahahhahahahah

28. do you believe in miracles? uh. no? dont think so. im not very spiritual, but i do believe sometimes that the universe sends you signs (even if really it’s just your brain trying to tell you something your subconscious is trying to tell you by interpreting the world around you a certain way)

thank you so much for the tags. i love talking about myself as you can tell. i think everyone i know has been tagged so. if you’re reading this. you’re tagged!

also if anyone ever has any questions about any details of my personal life. ask me. i will tell you anything. like i said. loooove talking about myself.

#personal #ask tag

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marchofthekillerqueens · 6 years ago

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30ish questions

I was tagged by @moviestorian, thanks love💕

Nickname: Hol, blondie (only amongst my housemates).

Gender: Female

Astrological Sign: Virgo

Height: 5’2

Sexuality: Bi

Hogwarts House: Gryfindor

Favourite Animal: Giraffes 🦒

Average Hours of Sleep: my sleep schedule is a mess. It’s anywhere between 4 and 9 hours at the moment

Number of blankets: Just my duvet

Where I’m from: Northern England

Dream trip: Bagpacking South-East Asia (maybe one day)

Top 3 artists: Musically, Queen, LED Zeplin and David Bowie. Though my girl ari is also currently killing the game right now

When I created this account: this one? 2018, however my first tumblr account was 2015 and is still going strong.

Why I created this account: for a dedicated place for my love of Queen❤️

What’s your hair like: Long and very blonde, naturally kinda this wavy but also straight mess.. i dont know it’s weird.

Do you wear glasses: not all the time

Do you wear braces: been there done that, but not anymore

Fashion style: skirts and dresses all very girly or leather jackets. There is no in between

Full name: Hollie Victoria, you’re not getting my last name. My first and middle are plenty☺️

When were you born? 1999

Where are you from? England

What school do/ did you attend? I was in state run, Church of England education until I was 16, then I went to a college, now I’m at uni!

What kind of student are you: Naturally bright, but sometimes lacking the motivation to work for a higher grade, but I usually pull through because I get very annoyed if I don’t get the grades I want

Do you enjoy school: in hindsight, my high school experience was pretty smooth and enjoyable, but if you asked me at the time I’d have told you I hated every second. Right now I’m at uni and I adore it

Favourite subjects: in school it was always history, now what’s what I study for my degree it’s the European Reformation period and American History.

Favourite TV shows: I really enjoyed You and Sex Education, then game of thrones of course😂

Favourite book/what are you reading: I literally can’t think of my favourite book but one that I REALLY enjoyed that I read recently is called This is going to hurt, it’s non-fiction and super funny but also touches on the issues of the NHS. If you’re British I highly recommend giving it a read. I’ve just finished reading The Lonely Londoners and my current read is Sleeping Beauties by Stephen and Owen King

Have any regrets: Yes

Favourite movies: A Clockwork Orange, Beetlejuice, Nosferatu and Psycho

Hobbies/Pastime: music and film

Dream Job: Disney archivist/ Disney historian (the ones that actually work for the Disney company though lamo) or film historian

Would you like to get married someday: No

Would you like to have kids: Yes

Do you have a significant other: no... but I’m kinda in a situation. we’ll see how it goes😬

Do you believe in miracles: No

What counties have you visited: all of the Canary Islands, France, Spain and America (I’m currently in Florida for the first time!!)

Do you enjoy shopping: I enjoy getting new things but I hate shopping

What’s the worst nights you’ve ever had: I don’t really have nightmares

What about an enemy: I wouldn’t call her an enemy but I live with this girl called Georgia and I hate her.

Tagging: @roger-drummerboy-taylor @radio-ha-ha @anotheronebitesthedeacon @old-fashioned-roger-boy

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joemazzhello · 6 years ago

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30 questions challenge

Rules: Tag the person who tagged you, answer the questions, tag 20 people

Tagged by @marshzzellow ily

1. How tall are you?: 5′4 i think?

2. What color and style is your hair?: my hair is like dirty blonde? i usually wear it down and it just about reaches my chest

3. What color are your eyes?: blue

4. Do you wear glasses?: no

5. Do you wear braces?: i did about 3 years ago

6. What is your fashion style?: usually jeans and a t-shirts, stick a hoodie on if it’s cold

7. Full name: not sharing that lol

8. When were you born?: 21st march 2000

9. Where are you from and where do you live now?: i’m from the south of england, still live there now

10. What school do you go to?: (why would you share this)

11. What kind of student are you?: i used to be a great student, now i literally have no motivation

12. Do you like school?: now that i’m out i kinda miss it and am looking forward to going to uni

13. What are your favorite school subjects?: i’ve always loved history but the subject is quite hard to study. also i miss maths

14. Favorite TV shows: ah i watch so many tv shows but probably doctor who, game of thrones, a series of unfortunate events, the punisher (+other marvel netflix shows but we all know punisher is superior), dark, mindhunter, the haunting of hill house, black mirror, how i met your mother, also shout out to i’m a celeb what a banging show

15. Favorite movies: i struggle with movies but bohemian rhapsody (duh), night at the museum, the impossible, fantastic beasts, the hunchback of notre damn, peter pan, frozen (lol it’s a great movie)

16. Favorite books?: a series of unfortunate events, the spy who came in from the cold, i’m currently making my way through asoiaf and it’s good (but v long)

17. Favorite pastime: i watch wayyyyyyyyy to much youtube

18. Do you have any regrets?: yeah of course

19. Dream job: i’m currently trying to be a lawyer which is mainly my dream job, i used to want to be a writer but i realised i am not good enough at writing for that haha

20. Would you like to get married someday?: YES

21. Would you like to have kids someday?: YES 😭 GIVE ME ALL THE BABIES

22: How many?: i actually only want 3 kids but i would have kids now if i could

23: Do you like shopping?: online? sure. irl? not really, i get v hot and nervous when trying on clothes irl, also changing room mirrors are made in hell

24: What countries have you visited?:

USA

canada

wales (that counts right?)

france

belguim

germany

poland

czech republic

spain

greece

25. What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?: there is one nightmare i remember from childhood where we were being chased by wolves in the backgarden and all the adults were ignoring us

26. Do you have any enemies?: not that i know of?

27. Do you have a s/o?: i’m like the farthest you could be from having one

28. Do you believe in miracles?: no not really, sure some crazy things happen but what defines a miracle?

i tag: @t-oodles @rogermeaddows @josephhmazzello @deacyshairbuns and anyone else who wants to do it :)

#tagged #izzyreplies #i never understand when they are like tag 20 people like whos out here with 20 friends i know i ain't

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ameliacarrollpetrichor · 6 years ago

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Rules: Tag the person who tagged you, answer the questions and tag people!

I was tagged by @thiswaycomessomethingwicked, thank you:-)

How tall are you? 176cm/177cm (~5′ 9″) What colour and style is your hair? Auburn, shoulder-length. What colour are your eyes? Brown Do you wear glasses? Contact lenses at work/going out, glasses at home. Do you wear braces? I did at high school. Hated the thing. What is your fashion style? I usually wear black skinny jeans+ blazers/tweed jackets/coats + oxfords/doc martens boots. Really like double-breasted coats. Full name? I’d say, Elaine is the closest translation of my name from Russian:-) When were you born? 1993 Where are you from and where do you live now? St.Petersburg What school do you go to? Polytechnic University. What kind of student are you? A-student, but unstable and obsessive: could do nothing for a couple of months, then close the gap in 2-3 days. Do you like school? Yes, I did, especially the high school. University was sort of more boring, but not in the sense of studying. The school was in the city centre and was fun from the point of view of skipping school in museums/nice cafes/etc :D The uni was sterner and lacked interesting places around it. What are your favourite school subjects? Physics, English Literature, Maths, ancient and medieval history.

Favourite TV shows? Black Books, Doctor Who, Star Trek TOS, The thick of it, QI, Big Fat Quiz, Mock the Week, Life on Mars, Endeavour, the Hollow Crown.

Favourite books? The collected works of Edgar Poe, “The Liar” by Stephen Fry, “Decline and Fall” by Evelyn Waugh, Oscar Wilde’s plays, “Neverwhere” by Neil Gaiman, “Solus Rex” by V. Nabokov, “Heart of a Dog” by M. Bulgakov, practically everything by P.G. Wodehouse, “The Prince” by N. Machiavelli, sci-fi and anti-utopias.

Favourite pastime? I have quite a few hobbies, actually. I can draw if fancy strikes me, I read a lot, either fiction and non-fiction, e.g. a lot of articles connected with my research topics: machine learning and mechanics of materials. I like good theatre and fine art, keen on fashion history. Like travelling abroad and enjoy wine, whiskey and beer (stouts! dark ales!) tasting like a snob (Hello, @thiswaycomessomethingwicked) with a friend or with a book. I also absolutely love stand up comedy and British rock music of 60′-2000′s.

Do you have any regrets? Of course, I have. The biggest one, I think, spending too much time to understand several crucial things about people’s interaction. Dream job? To be a relatively good scientist and don’t think about money. Would you like to get married? I always thought it’ s a strange question, since it strongly depends on whom. Abstractedly? No. Would you like to have kids someday? I rarely like kids, and the ones I like are quite specific in terms “Strange, quiet, clever kids who are on their own”. So, fuck knows. Maybe.

How many? Definitely not more than one.

Do you like shopping? It’s my guilty pleasure. I am an on the wagon make-up and clothes shopaholic. What countries have you visited? I’m not counting Russia for obvious reasons. England, Hungary, France, Spain, Italy, Greece, Finland, Estonia, Turkey, Switzerland. What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? I rarely have dreams at all, and they are usually very strange and eccentric, but not horrible. Do you have any enemies? Rather doubt that, although I have my count of people who dislike me. Do you have a s/o? A boyfriend. Do you believe in miracles? Depends on how to define the term “miracle”. But if the magical one was assumed, no.

I don’t have a lot of subscribers, so really don’t know whom to tag. Ok, hope you won’t be against: @icpe , @drartslog

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yeonchi · 4 years ago

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2020 In Review

It’s that time of the year again. At the end of every year, I write a post to sum up what I did this year and share my (controversial) opinions of the year’s current affairs. However, because I had so much to say for the latter, I’ve moved it to the Red Pill Year post - as obvious from the title, I’ve become red-pilled on quite a few things this year.

Things have been very different due to the coronavirus; while my transition into society has been forced to slow drastically, I did manage to achieve quite a lot over the six months in lockdown (from late-March to October). The lockdown has given me a good excuse to be a NEET and do all the things I want to do because I actually become a productive member of society.

Before I go into detail over various aspects, let’s start off this review with a list of...

What I did during lockdown

Finished my uni degree (I only had one subject left at that point and it was a beginner’s course to Cisco networking)

Reposted my reviews of the Sea Princesses animated series (which I completed last year)

Did some analysis on how Kamen Riders are not weapons

Played Warriors Orochi Z

Did a little reminiscence post on Kingdom of Paradise

Played Dynasty Warriors 8 and collected every 5 and 6 star weapons for each character

Launched Kisekae Insights as a soft reboot of the Yui Hirasawa Kisekae Project

Made a Change My Mind post about freedom of speech, censorship and cancel culture

Translated and reviewed the ten Princesas do Mar books, with the blessings of the author, Fabio Yabu

Played a bit of Dynasty Warriors Multi Raid 2 and 6 Special, no posts made for those games

Kept working on my personal project for a bit before putting it on hold

Checked and rewrote every story in my personal project (it’s still not finished yet)

Looking back at the year

Doctor Who

In case you haven’t read about it already, I decided to take the red pill on this series after watching The Timeless Children. Check out the hiatusbreaker update for some post-review thoughts that I made months after the end of Series 12.

Of course, I’ll be reviewing the New Year’s Special, Revolution of the Daleks, and Series 13 when it premieres late 2021. Be sure to check out my review of the New Year’s Special when it comes out the day after New Year’s Day.

Sea Princesses

For the third year in a row, I’ve done something significant for Sea Princesses. in 2018, I collected the English episodes as they were posted on YouTube. In 2019, I worked on the episode plots and transcripts for the wiki while also downloading the Amazon raws and collecting the remaining episodes that weren’t posted on YouTube (because the Mr Bean and Friends channel has finally given up after years of shitty marathon streams). In 2020, I brought the ten Princesas do Mar books and translated them into English.

When I emailed the author, Fabio Yabu, at the end of April to tell him of my intentions to translate the books, I didn’t get a reply from him until the middle of July. By that point, I had already brought the books from Pure Brazil (on Amazon) and I had finished scanning most of the books. In reflection, if I had known that he would offer to send me his manuscripts, I would have emailed him last year and not a week before I decided to buy the books. However, what’s done is done and at the very least, I’m probably the only person in Australia to actually have the books.

My original plan was to buy the books when I had gotten a job and saved up some money from each paycheck until I got the amount I needed. Looking back, I think it was a stupid idea and I’m glad I decided to cave. Considering the time it took me to scan and translate the books being unemployed and under lockdown, who knows how long it would have taken if I were studying or working full-time.

It’s funny how I’ve tried to spread the word about my efforts to revive the series and yet, I ended up doing all the work. Maybe it was because very few people cared as much about the series as I did, or maybe I didn’t make an effort to promote it enough because I was quite reserved about reaching out on platforms other than Facebook or Tumblr. This whole experience has taught me that in the end, if you want something done, you have to do it yourself.

In addition to this, I’ve also reposted my reviews of the cartoon series that I did in 2019. You can find all the reviews on this page. On top of that, I wrote three instalments on the series’ involvement in my personal project for Kisekae Insights. All in all, they made up the bulk of content that I posted during the lockdown.

Just as a note, only the English, Brazilian Portuguese and Castilian Spanish dubs have both seasons online in full, whether on YouTube, Amazon Prime or my cloud drive. As for the Latin American Spanish dubs, only the first season is available and I know someone at Southern Star is screwing with us because I have evidence that the second season was broadcast in that region as well. While this channel doesn’t have all the episodes and the videos were filmed with a camera in front of a television in not even 360p quality, it’s probably the only place where that version of the series is available. The second season wasn’t even released on DVD, which complicates things even more, but hey, that’s what happens when a series goes lost and forgotten for a decade.

Yabu has published translated versions of the first four literacy series books on Amazon Kindle and is planning on publishing translated versions of the main series books. As for the main series books on Kindle, there are errors in two of the books. In A Shadow in the Water, there’s two chunks of text missing at the start of Chapter 10, namely the Turtle King’s call to Miss Marla, so that the Turtle King says, “Hello! It’s cancelled!” before Leia gets off the bus and goes to the whale without any context as to how it got there. In The Windy Letters, there was a line missing at the end of Chapter 12 (13 in the Kindle version) saying that Tubarina passed out as she was leaving the cave. I was going to mention this in the epilogue for the book reviews, but I decided to cut it because I thought that Yabu would fix it. Sure enough, the second error was fixed (albeit haphazardly), but the first error hasn’t, and it’s been three months since I pointed it out to him. In hindsight, I’m kind of glad that I have the physical books because I wouldn’t have known about this if I just had the Kindle books.

I didn’t promote this until now because it’s not that important, but the literacy series books (with the exception of Turtles in Danger, I don’t know why distribution rights are all over the place) are available on Ubook in both ebook and audiobook formats. Interestingly, some of the narrators listed on the audiobooks include Eduardo Drummond, Ana Elena Bittencourt and Jullie, who are known for voicing Marcello, Tata and Leia on the Portuguese version of the cartoon. I can likely deduce from this that they managed to get some of the original cast back to do the audiobooks. This is yet another reminder that the series receives more love in Brazil than it does in Australia. I can bet that if the series were to receive English audiobooks, then whoever’s making them won’t bother to find the old cast. I won’t hold it against them if they don’t, but I’ll give them props if they do, even if they just get Paige Walker back as Tubarina.

If anyone wants to know about the production of the series, a few guys did a study on the Brazilian animation industry and Flamma Films, one of the producers of Sea Princesses, is covered in section 3.1. There is nothing special to be gleaned from it that I haven’t known or deduced already; the series is still decent even though there were places where it was screwed over. Although, it’s a shame that this series was never picked up by anyone who could have done better than Southern Star or that Yabu left Flamma in 2009 because I think there was more potential in both him and Sea Princesses. But hey, that’s just my opinion. I might cover the production history on the wiki someday.

With this, all canon material for Sea Princesses has been covered. I will still work on the wiki and moderate the content on there as admin, it’s just that it won’t be as groundbreaking as it was for the past three years. I’ve done all I can for the series and regardless of the reception it has or will receive, it’s time for me to move on.

Kisekae Insights

During the lockdown, I decided to launch Kisekae Insights as a means of sharing my personal project outside of my circle of friends. It also served as a reboot of the Yui Hirasawa Kisekae Project that I attempted to launch in 2015 before abandoning it due to commitments.

At the moment, I’m taking a break from this series to focus on other things, but in 6 months, I managed to make 16 instalments of this series centred around various aspects of my personal project. I don’t know when I might decide to start making instalments again, let alone if, so if you’ve been closely following the series, be prepared for the possibility that the series will stop at any point. I still have a portion of the project I want to write before finishing up, so I want to focus on that first along with revising older portions of the project.

Censorship

This was a topic that I wanted to cover in the Red Pill Year post, but I decided to move it to here because I wanted to get that post published before focusing on this one.

I’ve been on social media for 10 years now and over that time, I’ve seen many cases of censorship (not just on both sides of the political spectrum, but on many other spectrums) and been a victim of it myself. There have been so many different types of censorship that I’ve found it difficult to generalise into a single category until now.

When Donald Trump announced that he wanted Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act revoked because his tweets got fact-checked, I was almost onboard with him until someone who owns a (controversial) website I browse regularly pointed out that he would have to shut down his website because of the potential lawsuits that would be filed against him. The sad thing about this is that Joe Biden is looking to revoke 230 as well and no major website is making an uproar about this, given that they were so vocal about things like SOPA/PIPA, Article 13 and net neutrality in the past. I swear, this site is the only site I’ve seen that is actually talking about this.

Basically, the main gist of Section 230, or “the twenty-six words that created the internet”, are as follows: “No provider or user of an interactive computer service shall be treated as the publisher or speaker of any information provided by another information content provider.” In other words, websites can’t be held responsible for content posted by users of that website, including posts, comments or videos, and thus they can’t be sued for it. Without 230, websites (particularly big websites and social media websites based in the US) would have more incentive to censor as they would be liable for that content; even with the amount of money the big companies have, they can only fight so many lawsuits before their money runs out, and that’s even if they want to bother doing that in the first place.

Social media sites define what seems to be clear rules for the use of their sites, but lately it seems that they keep moving the goalposts on content that touches the line at best while content that outright breaks the rules (like gore and child porn) remains hiding in the shadows or isn’t deemed a problem when reported. Their moderation systems are heavily reliant on AI with little, if any, human guidance, which basically means that their rationale for censorship is based on reports from, in order, corporations and IP owners, left-wing (SJW) biases and people who cry hard enough (en masse) to get something taken down.

Copyright takedowns are also a form of censorship because it’s mostly corporations being absolute Jews with their content. This is a problem with people who post content with copyrighted material because they run the risk of having the material taken down or demonetised, particularly in the case of content creators who use YouTube as their main source of income. The lines of copyright have been so blurred over the years that many people don’t care about it beyond crediting the original creators or not. At this point, it’s practically common knowledge that corporations are still stubborn over copyright even though they have other sources of revenue, not to mention the way they exploit their assets (franchises, celebrities and so forth).

In summary, political bias is a problem when it comes to censorship, but corporate bias and people gaming the system are just as much of a problem. The political biases of social media can seem like they flip-flop between two sides, but that’s what happens when you let AI do your work for you.

Who remembers the Tumblr NSFW ban of December 2018? I honestly can’t believe I’m saying this, but Pornhub has just gone through a similar purge, now only allowing official partners and verified creators to post because of rape, trafficking and child porn. You know what the common element between the two purges is? It’s burning down a large part of the orchard just because of a few rotten trees. A lot of perfectly legal content has been caught up in the crossfire because Tumblr and Pornhub are a bunch of pussies who are too lazy or afraid to have people go through and delete illegal content like child porn. Is anyone getting a feeling of déjà vu here? However, the situation with Pornhub is more financially motivated because their payment networks, namely Visa and Mastercard, terminated their services with them. I’ll get back to them in a bit.

Going on a bit of a tangent, YouTube has blocked all age-restricted videos from being played on other sites in their embedded player, meaning that users have to go onto their site and log into their account in order to watch those videos. That’s just great. How am I supposed to watch old Chris-chan videos now without having it appear in my internet history or even my Google account history?

Conservatives believe that the amount of censorship that is happening on social media sites is making them look like publishers instead of platforms. Sadly, I agree with this, but the even sadder thing is that Section 230 makes no distinction to such nor mentions “platforms” in any context. Therefore, I don’t believe that Section 230 should be revoked, but I do believe that there should be a reform in order to cover things like platforms, publishers and recourse for people who have been deplatformed. The Communications Decency Act was first passed in 1995; at that time, the internet was in its infancy, but in 2020, it has expanded to levels that people would never have imagined back then. Of course, the government shouldn’t be the only party to do something about censorship; social media sites and their uses have responsibility in this as well.

“bUt PRiVaTe CompanIES cAN dO whaTEveR THey WaNt, ThEy aREN't oblIgeD tO HOsT yOUR CoNTEnt” No. Anyone who still unironically believes this in current year, after all the government and corporate bullshit that has affected and threatened the integrity of the internet, can go fuck themselves. What about all the people who have been unfairly deplatfomed in recent years despite not doing anything illegal? What about #StopTheLeftPurge? I and many other people knew that the karma of censorship would somehow hit back on people eventually, so nobody should be defending any website for the actions they take to censor people. I’m all for getting scammers and people peddling illegal content off of social media, but we’re at the point where people are being deplatformed for things like copyright, wrongthink and criticism “as harassment” and innocent people are getting caught in the crossfire. My attitude to the current state of censorship on the internet is pretty much the same as my attitude to the police: How can we trust social media sites to moderate their users and content if they keep moving the goalposts, being vague about their justifications and believing victims practically all the time?

Here are some suggestions for how I would reform censorship.

Define large social media networks as public platforms: Despite all the alternatives that have sprung up, such as Gab, Parler, MeWe, Rumble, BitChute or the like, very few social media sites will have the potential to become the new Facebook, Twitter or YouTube, which has become so ubiquitous in our society. The alternatives may be good in their own ways, but the main reason why people are moving to them is because the mainstream sites have deemed their content or presences unwelcome. We’re talking about companies the size of supermarket or fast food chains compared to small businesses or businesses with a few branches in less than a few states. I realise that defining Facebook, Twitter or YouTube as “platforms” alone won’t do anything to reform censorship, so I should note that the next few suggestions should be just as important as this one.

Lessen punishments for people who post copyrighted content: Let’s face it, deplatforming YouTube channels after three copyright strikes is unfair considering that this is a fairly minor offence and the lines of copyright and fair use have been severely blurred over the past decade. If the content is from TV or something, then the most that should happen is that the video is removed or the ad revenue goes to the copyright owners, but if a channel is outright impersonating and/or plagiarising (original) content from another channel, that’s a different story.

Allow opportunities for discourse and appeals: When I was postblocked on Facebook thanks to some gaijin bitch who was too butthurt to take or respond to my criticisms of him, there was no way for me to appeal his reports of my content or the postblocks that resulted from them. When I tried to post something, a window would pop up saying that I was postblocked and there would be a button saying something like “Something’s Wrong”, but even after I clicked on it, nothing ever resulted from it. I would have been postblocked for 30 days or even deplatformed if he didn’t agree to rescind his reports after I called him out on his bullshit again. I’ve also heard of other cases where people’s appeals don’t seem to do anything or only make the problem worse.

Prevent abuse of DMCAs and reporting systems: Adding onto my previous point, there needs to be a way for people to say “these people are trying to get me deplatformed even though I did nothing wrong”. On one hand, I think there should be a limit on how many times people can report a particular page per week, while on the other hand, people need to be told to grow a spine and stop being crybabies over content that they shouldn’t be affected by (in most cases). In regards to DMCAs, I’ve found that some people abuse the system to get any criticisms of them taken down. Criticism is covered under fair use, but there needs to be a distinction between creative content and things that people say on social media.

Rely less on AI moderation and more on human moderation: During the Tumblr NSFW ban, they decided to ban “female-presenting nipples” except in contexts such as breastfeeding or surgery. However, the AI they used caught male nipples and female nipples that fit the exceptions for that ban. Social media relies too much on AI for the moderation of their content because they don’t want to expose human moderators to that stuff, even though that is technically part of their job. The content bots on YouTube make this worse with things like ContentID, COPPA or even the automatic detection of age-restricted videos. I’m convinced that AI alone cannot moderate content fairly; there should be another level of moderation where humans judge the moderation of the AI. For the past year, I’ve been doing a work-from-home thing where I assess Google search queries to see which results satisfy the needs of the user making the search. Having something like that for Facebook, Tumblr, YouTube and the like would be good, but the only problem is ensuring that they have a diverse range of political standings and interests in the moderator pool.

Finally, there are a few things I would like to clarify. Firstly, when I say “censor”, I don’t mean putting content warnings on things (in fact I’m all for them because some people might not like certain types of content), but I mean outright deleting them and/or punishing the users for posting them. Secondly, when it comes to NSFW content, I believe that “either all of it is okay or none of it is okay”, particularly when AI moderation can’t tell things apart most of the time. Thirdly, I make exceptions when it comes to things like rape, trafficking and child porn because they are exploitative and non-consensual. Fourthly, I believe that fan art and artworks, including hentai and Rule 34 (while contentious at times), should be treated differently to real life and live-action because while it is a subjective debate, there are generally no victims in the former.

Of course, those are just some of my suggestions for reforming censorship; there may be some that I haven’t brought up. My point is that knee-jerk reactions can end up hurting more people than they benefit.

There was another suggestion brought up by the owner of the website I mentioned earlier. He believes that the solution to fixing censorship is to make banks and payment networks like utilities (gas, electricity, phone, internet), meaning that they can’t blacklist anyone unless they have actually been convicted of financial crime (or sanctioned by other countries). When I first read it, I couldn’t figure out how to connect the two, but now that I know the circumstances behind the Pornhub purge, I realise that all these companies really care about isn’t just money, but whether they can be paid by conventional means. Small sites can afford to use alternate means such as cryptocurrency, but big sites have to cater to the mainstream. There’s a difference between being banned from a business because you’re being belligerent and being banned from a business because you’re a controversial figure who has said some controversial stuff online, particularly in the past. I’d also suggest that social media be considered an utility as well, but compared to the examples I’ve given, it’s pretty much a non-essential service.

In my first suggestion, I named some alternative social media platforms that people have been using in recent years. I don’t really intend to sign up for those platforms because a) I don’t post contentious stuff all the time and even when I do, it either follows the community guidelines or flies under the radar (with the exception of petty snitches and bitches) and b) I don’t have a strong enough fanbase nor do I have enough fans who are willing to follow me to wherever I decide to migrate to. After cutting off other social media platforms like Twitter or Pinterest due to lack of use, the only platforms I have left are Facebook and Tumblr. Various factors have kept me from posting as often as I have done in the past; I’m struggling to find enough things to post per month just for the sake of it.

Even if you follow the rules, you should still be worried about censorship, because before you know it, you might be the next one on the chopping block.

Political correctness

I’ve been as tolerant as I can be about changing the way we say or do things because of political correctness, but some of the changes I’ve seen, particularly in the past year in response to Black Lives Matter, has me questioning why. I mean, yes, of course the answer is about racism, but my main question with it is that if people had a problem with something, why didn’t they say something earlier? Why did it take the death of a black drug user who was arrested for using counterfeit bills for people to do something instead of all the other black people whose deaths led to similar protests in the past? Why didn’t black people say anything when they began to be treated fairly following the Civil Rights Movement?

Some people have said that removing monuments and memorials of figures related to Confederacy or slavery is destroying or censoring history. I think that a better idea would be to keep them, but teach people why those figures should or should not be revered.

As for casting changes, it seems that the trend is to have characters of marginalised demographics being portrayed by people from those demographics; black characters being portrayed by black actors, transgender characters being portrayed by transgender actors and autistic characters being portrayed by autistic actors. On one hand, I can kind of understand, particularly when it comes to live-action works, but on the other hand, they’re just actors and it’s in their profession to portray different characters as the job requires. In animation, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell who’s the voice behind the character if you don’t bother researching the actors in the credits. I get the idea of diversity and casting the right person based on talent, but sometimes, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

I don’t understand the motivation behind political correctness sometimes. Either that or I just don’t like things changing so drastically (when there’s very little problem with it in the first place).

On another note, check out my Red Pill Year post to see why I prefer to use the term “coronavirus” over “COVID-19″.

Cancel culture

I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again. Cancel culture is just people overreacting to things people did, particularly in the past which nobody should be caring about anymore. This then leads to censorship and arguments about political correctness.

Personally, cancel culture should be more like iDubbbz’s Content Cops; someone does an exposé on a problematic figure, they get a chance to respond and the rest of us either accept their response or mock them for their shit response or lack thereof. Such a shame that iDubbbz has fallen so low after the RiceGum Content Cop though...

In any case, people need to learn how to think critically and stop being so petty over trivial things. Also, getting someone fired just for something they said or did outside of their workplace is just as petty. People need to learn to separate the internet from real life and about what professionalism is.

Other miscellaneous stuff

A few more things before I finish up.

Between publishing the Red Pill Year post and this one, some mutant strains of the coronavirus, originating in the UK and South Africa, have begun spreading all over the world along with some new cases and clusters in Australia. Hopefully we’ll be able to contain these new cases like we did with all the other ones, but some blame still needs to be put on governments for allowing the pandemic to get this far and people for not following social distancing guidelines.

I decided to randomly search my Tumblr blog in the Wayback Archive recently. There’s not a lot of stuff there, but one thing that alarmed me was that two posts from 2017, namely my Content Cop parody and my rant about Facebook pages, were archived more than 20 times. I don’t know who initiated it or whatever, but if it is who I think it is, then I would have thought that archiving the post forever would be the last thing they wanted.

In a way, I’ve begun to understand why the right tends to say “All Lives Matter” in response to “Black Lives Matter”. They think we already live in an utopia where racism is all but eradicated, so they think that the movement is merely attention seeking, virtue signalling and so on. Would we be complaining if there wasn’t any injustice in our society? The same question could be said for Hong Kong and any other place where there is injustice.

Over the past few years, I’ve come to realise that corporations are not our friends. If my time writing English dub rants has taught me anything, it’s that corporations rarely listen to their customers; the only reason why shills and cucks support anything corporations do is because their interests happen to align with whatever they’re doing. It’s the same logic as corporations supporting Black Lives Matter. The main objective of a company isn’t to virtue signal because they have very little or no place to do so. They should just give us customers what we want, take our money and fuck off.

And if you thought that last line sounded familiar, that’s because it’s from Ricky Gervais’ monologue at the 2020 Golden Globes in January. How good was that? Anyone who disagrees with what he said is, knowingly or unknowingly, defending the kind of culture he is criticising.

Lockdowns aside, the time has come for me to resume my transition into society, but not without precautions. Of course, I’ll still be around, but I’ll probably be posting less in 2021 compared to 2020, not that it really matters anyway.

Before I go, I’d like to leave you with some final words.

Black lives matter and Hongkonger lives matter.

All cops are bastards.

Corporations are not your friends, even if they make something you like.

Stay safe, practice social distancing and wear a face mask when going out.

願榮光歸香港 (May glory return to Hong Kong.)

Happy New Year everyone. I wish you peace as we move from a very turbulent 2020 to what could possibly be an even more turbulent 2021.

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anbu-legacy · 7 years ago

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SCIENCE

@kaminoko-x: (not an ask so I can link stuff) I was rereading through character asks because I finished Hard Came the Rain (there was much fluff induced screaming) and was hungry for more ANBU Legacy things (as usual). Ended up giggling about this x. As someone who worked with kids for a part time job, I just really appreciated Ogata’s insane level of kid wrangling, she is a master and a queen and I would like to be her someday (don’t we all).

I also found this x and then went on a giant squeeing spree about world building and science in ANBU Legacy because biochem is my uni major and I’m a nerd. SCIIEEENNNCE

Like, to my knowledge and googling, sarin isn’t a naturally occurring chemical species so Konoha has to have chemical and biochemical analysis, synthesis, and purification techniques to produce it. And people to research what exactly sarin does biochemically (bc Genma’s commentary indicates they probably do know exactly how it works) and streamline production methods so it could be used enough that it’s well known among ninja/medical profession as a useful potent poison. HOW BIG IS KONOHA’S SCIENCE RESEARCH DIVISION AND WHO GETS TO BE IN IT. ARE THERE ANY CIVILIANS. ARE THERE ANY NINJA-SCIENTISTS (other than Orochimaru, but does his stuff even count as actual science if it’s not peer reviewed), IS THAT A THING

Genma’s comment about using a less potent organophosphate shows his chemical and biochemical theory is at least irl uni level- I’m like 99% sure it’s from med-nin training. But it does make me wonder if you’d have science classes available if you aren’t headed into medicine. Are there basic science classes at the Academy? How far in theory do they go? What about post-academy, are they available like officer classes? Would you have to pay for them, are there any pre-reqs? I have so many questions.

It’s not at all the first time there have been sciencey worldbuilding details in ANBU Legacy. There’s been a ton of medical details in particular, and anaesthetics and drugs and soldier pills are a thing. And that one village medic had salve from the war described as good for chemical burns in Suffering Fools and Kakashi mentions gas as part of the war in Worth the Pain, so chemical weapon development is a thing too (is that how sarin was developed?). Idk this one just particularly caught my eye and set me off ahahhaa

——

When we got this, Ki and DK both said, “This is yours to answer, Nezu.” Probably because I’m 90% the one who throws overly detailed science and medicine into our worldbuilding. And I have been sitting on answering this for approximately ever, not because I didn’t want to, but because I wanted to do it RIGHT and then pretty much paralyzed myself into inaction. But that’s no way to honor what might be my favorite ask EVER. So, @kaminoko-x and any other science nerds in our tiny fandom, here goes…

Disclaimer #1: Answers to character asks aren’t canon. It’s possible that I overstepped in choosing sarin as my example, and should have chosen a more easily synthesized neurotoxin like strychnine.

Disclaimer #2: I’m an avid student of medicine and science, and a skilled researcher, but I’m not a medical professional and I don’t have a science degree. I made a left-hand turn partway through university and transferred from a science program to a theatre program. And then worked for many years in user experience design for computer software. But if I had both infinite lifetimes and health, I’d totally be a scientist in several different fields. And a doctor and a veterinarian. And of course, a writer.

BUT ANYWAY… Let’s get to it!

The world that Kishimoto handed us is full of contradictions that we writers do a lot of contortions to make work. They have computers, which implies plastics, semi-conductors, microchips, clean rooms, micro-machining, and a whole lot of basic chemistry and physics. They have video cameras and CCTV. And they have chakra that can cause explosions, create water dragons, and heal what ought to be life-ending traumatic chest injuries using the patient’s hair. They notably don’t have gunpowder or projectile weapons, which real Japan had in the 1500s. They go everywhere on foot because who ever heard of the wheel or horses, let alone an internal combustion engine? Except wait, don’t they have trains? And wasn’t that a motorboat they took to get to the Land of Waves in Naruto’s first big mission? Yeah, so there’s that.

So here’s OUR canon: they DO have technology and scientific research. And they do have a basic understanding of a lot of the science we have. Even if we gave them only pre-industrial-revolution tech, they’d be able to do sophisticated chemistry, and as we’ve already seen, they have much more modern tech than that.

Continuing education for ninja is for all ninja, not just ANBU and not just officers. It’s a requirement, whether it be classes in practical skills like map-reading, sword combat, cryptography, field use of poisons, first aid, etc, or academic studies like history, literature, medicine, poison synthesis, engineering, and other less obviously ninja-y skills. the more academically inclined can take classes above and beyond the requirements. And those looking to specialize, like Ryouma taking medical training, obviously have a whole series of classes tailored to those specialties.

So yes, Academy kids do get science classes, although they are probably couched in ninja terms. It’s not physics, it’s calculating the trajectory of your arrow. It’s not biochemistry, it’s synthesizing ricin from castor beans. Even if they only go as far as elementary education, they’d have to have some basic math literacy.

There also has to be an army of civilian workers who do things like keep the power plants running, dispose of the garbage, grow the crops and raise the livestock, slaughter and butcher the meat, weave and dye the fabric, etc. And an associated army of merchants and traders, bankers and investors, restaurant workers and chefs, and all the other people who make a society function. And some of those people have to have scientific and engineering knowledge, or there wouldn’t be television for Naruto to watch Captain Seaweed on.

I’ve always believed there are peer-reviewed journals and academic institutions in this world. Konoha isn’t a university town, but that doesn’t mean there are no universities in Fire Country or any of the other countries. And our ninja would have access to at least some of those journals, etc.

There are definitely chemical weapons, and probably biological ones as well, if even only the crudest, medieval forms, like throwing diseased corpses into a city’s water supply. (Human history is appalling.) And there is not gunpowder. Maybe development in that line is actively suppressed. Or maybe there’s some reason that it doesn’t work, because chakra. Either way, ninja wouldn’t want civilians getting their hands on weapons that could take down the ninja’s position of absolute military supremacy.

Ninja scientists absolutely do research and development. That’s how soldier pills came about and continue to be refined and improved. That’s how new poisons and chemical weapons come about. And you bet your sweet ass the ninja want to keep control of that research and development. Just like the military runs weapons research in our world.

Sarin, in particular, was probably too modern an example, though. I should have gone with strychnine or curare or some other neurotoxin that has been known and used for centuries. But sarin is the ultimate organophosphate poison, and I’m a giant nerd who researched organophosphate poisoning for my very first ever fic (which is embarrassingly bad to my much-improved writer eyes), and it’s a great class of poison for storytelling. Plus it’s believable in the semi-tech world of Naruto. Also I have an illness that is caused by a neuromuscular junction dysfunction, and the medication I take for it, pyridostigmine, acts a lot like a weak organophosphate poison, and would make a person without my disease quite unhappy.

Um… I feel I may have wandered into the weeds a little. The point being, yes, there is science and technology in our world. Yes, Academy students get a basic science education. Yes, there is continuing education, and there are both ninja and civilian researchers. And yes, I would love to sit down with you and talk about your many questions, Worldbuilding is my one of my favorite things, and so is science and medicine.

But of course my REAL favorite thing is thoughtful, engaged readers who ask fantastic questions.

<3 and SCIENCE, Nezu

ps: I completely agree, Ogata is a paragon. Ki’s AMAZING at writing kids and their minders.

#submission #kaminoko-x #asks #science #anbu legacy #nezu #is a big nerd #worldbuilding

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clothestop · 6 years ago

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[continuation] ever find me attractive. i really want to have someone special and take me away from this emptiness but i’m so scared that i’ll never really find love

I really am very sorry that you feel this way. I get that you are probably very frustrated with your situation, but [this may sound very cliched] know that this situation is only transitory.

I understand where you are coming from, but then I hope you wouldn’t mind that I would be blunt with you as well. When you wake up in the morning, you have two options: you can choose to dwell on what’s wrong, what’s missing, what others have that you don’t.. basically on negative things; OR you can choose to start it on a positive note. Thus, every morning, try to program yourself that the first things that would be registered in your mind would be affirmative/ motivational thoughts. Claim that “ It will be a great day! ”, “ I’d finally have a breakthrough! ”, “ I would achieive all the aspirations that I’d been waiting for! ”, “ I would develop meaningful relationships with my friends, family and would meet interesting people. ”, etc. I know this sounds completely pointless and utter BS—not to mention extremely difficult—for someone depressed, whose brain is in total havoc and rebels on their every attempt to have a positive mindset. BUT even if it would take you weeks, months, or even years of waking up and *claiming* what you desire(s) in life before you get there.. somehow, someday, you will if you choose to.

You had probably heard of this before, but, it’s true, “Happiness is a choice”. I had been clinically depressed before and my outlook in life was completely negative, nihilistic and apathetic. I am already quite a skeptical person (and a bit of a cynic) to begin with, but that kind of attitude was magnified when I was depressed. In short, I became the kind of person that I hate the most. But I chose to fight the f*cked up thoughts in my mind because I realized that it was not who I am and it was not the person that I am destined to be. I chose recovery because eventually, I became very tired of that pessimistic mindset. I wouldn’t sugarcoat it because honestly, it was very, very hard for me, and believe me when I say that *recovery* didn’t happen overnight. It took me a while to finally seek professional help, and even more so to experience the actual *healing* process, but I’m really thankful that I made *that* first step.. I’m glad that I chose to be happy. And you can be happy too, anon. It may take a while as well, and that’s perfectly okay because you don’t need to pressure yourself to “be”. But, eventually, you have to make a conscious decision about it.

However, I’m not saying that it’s wrong or even completely impossible to find “love” at present. BUT if you’re not happy with yourself now, then I’m afraid to say that you wouldn’t be happy when you’re *with* someone. You have to be happy by and with yourself first. Another person wouldn’t fill that *void* if you’re not happy and content with yourself first, because being in a relationship isn’t about completing each other—it’s about complementing the other person with the “wholeness” of your being. Another person shouldn’t be the “reason” for your happiness; rather, they should be an “inspiration” for you to choose to be happy.

Instead of being with someone that makes you happy, why not BE someone that makes YOU happy? Before you plan on engaging in a relationship with someone, start on building a strong relationship with yourself first. “ We all need to learn to love ourselves first before we can love others ”—it’s one of those overused lines that already sounds completely trivial, yet, somehow it is practically true. Having a relationship with someone is a serious commitment and it would always feel like a daunting task if you’re not 1000% ready to commit in the first place. Make a conscious decision to be happy, to heal, to improve yourself, to change for the better, to continually strive to be the best version of yourself FOR yourself, first and foremost. Don’t let another person dictate or define your happiness.

I may sound like a snowflake uwu™ but I really don’t think that you’re unattractive because nobody is, anon. Everyone has their own attributes that makes them uniquely attractive. “Attractiveness” doesn’t only mean *physical* attractiveness, anyway. Moreover, I truly believe that relationships aren’t [just] about being physically attracted to another person. It isn’t even just about getting *romantic jitters* when you see them and/or when you’re with them. Over the years, it would be about acting selflessly, always taking into account the perspective and feelings of your SO, trusting that person wholeheartedly, and seeking compromise—all of this while still maintaining your individuality. It’s about choosing to be with that person over and over again because you want to be with them despite the trials, personal issues and whatever else that may come in the future.

Thanks for reaching out to me, anon. And I hope that I helped even on the simplest way possible. Wishing you joy, peace of mind, and self-love! My kindest regards.

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