#i wont sign off bc i'll be active alot still

[meraki-mark]

announcement - 8/19/21

hey! tl;dr at the end

to be honest i’ve been sort of dreading this post. essentially i’ve been, for lack of better words, not feeling great. i feel like i’ve abandoned this blog, which is unfortunate. i don’t want to close or deactivate, so i won’t. however, the future of this blog will be unknown. 

i want to write. i’ve been reading a whole lot more and fell in love with again, and i’d be lying to say that i haven’t been inspired by it. what i’m trying to say is that i will write. whether it’s for a fic on here or for a personal endeavor, i will write. that’s a given. i’ll keep this account up. i will check it. i’ll keep the app if i feel the need to.

i know i don’t really owe an explanation, but i do feel like i should (even tho most people have already closed this post LMAO). so here are some “rough” reasons why i’m not sure about the future of this blog:

i just started school and i’m really not into it. i’m doing four ap classes, which i’m realizing was a mistake on my part. i just don’t see how i can practically keep up this blog and handle my course load. 

the pressure of writing for a blog has gotten to me. i have so many ideas, and up until a couple months ago i felt an obligation to share all of those ideas with people. not to mention, most don’t appreciate them, so why would i continue to share them when i can write something for me? for the most part, the weird anons haven’t bothered me about posting like they used to do. however, i feel bad to the nice 1,160 people following me, waiting, to get nothing. 

maybe i need a mindset change. to think “i’m writing for me and i just so happen to be posting it” and not “people are following me for writing, therefore i need to write”

i just don’t like writing for kpop LOL writing in general. 

i don’t like to acknowledge it alot, but this ties in with the pressure thing, i suppose i’ve gained a sizable audience to the point where mutuals tell me “i was intimidated to talk to you bc you’re famous” or people tagging me saying “i’m a famous mutual” and i know this means no harm! i can see how it can be construed as a compliment! but it’s a bit awkward for me. i’m just here to write. tumblr fame means nothing to me. AND please if you’re reading this and you have done this i hold no ill will towards you about this. never have, never will. it’s just me being awkward.

my overall interest in kpop has greatly diminished. i still have the songs. i still love the music and the people. i will scream about renjun and mark forever. 

tldr: 

essentially my mental health has been through the garbage disposal, wrung out over the sink, thrown in the washer, and hung up to dry. i’m incredibly tired of everything and i need to figure some stuff out. with my school work, declined interest in the kpop stan culture/community, and that goes hand in hand with my lack of motivation to write. however, i will keep this blog up, i might update it with a fic if i ever finish another one. 

so essentially nothing about this blog will change. i’ll check in when i want to and shitpost and rb gifs of things like i always have, but i won’t promise fics anymore. thanks for hanging around.