#i wish i could show you something actually fully rendered but even with what i've shown you you've been amazing

[captaindamianos]

If you aren't yet, please do yourelf a favour and go read 'even in another time' by @irregularcollapse / phlegmatic on ao3

scanning colored pencils is not ideal, learnt my lesson.

[stephofromcabin12]

Any art tips for artists just starting out? I’m struggling big time to find my style 😀

Sure.

It got kinda long. Bc when have I ever been a person of few words?

There is no trick to finding your style other than drawing a lot, and setting a, more or less, loose goal. When I was young it was old school Disney and Don Bluth. That was my holy grail, ideal style. But it evolved to be something else, because that's how style works. You'll put your own twist on things, in time. But first focus on practicing and don't narrow yourself down to just one thing. You'll also probably develop multiple styles out of convenience. Sometimes I prefer the cartoony, simpified stuff. Sometimes I'm more into fully rendered pieces.

Experiment. Make bad art a lot. The more you expose yourself to the inherent let-down of sucking at something, the less it stings. The key is asking yourself why something didn't turn out right.

You can't get good at All Art at once. Start with something you're most interested in learning. Maybe it's anatomy, or gestures, or expressions, or colors. Start with that one thing and practice is with a specific goal in mind. Fx: "I want to get better at drawing faces and expressions, so I'm going to do an expression sheet of a character once a week, and do a little practice every day if I can" – That sorta thing. Everyone is different, though. My old music teacher used to say 30 minutes a day. If we couldn't do 30; 15 mins. So on. As long as you do a lil doodling every day that's still progress.

Learning art is sometimes frustratingly non-linear. Somedays I still 'forget' how to draw a certain thing I've had down since I was 14. Other days I bang out something I've always struggled with on the first try, then fail the next day. It's not a linear progression, it's a damn roller coaster. Best you can do is throw your hands up and try to enjoy the ride. The pipe line for me is usually: First attempt (sucks ass but I've learned to laugh at this stage, just throw ideas at the wall) -> getting comfortable (this is where you think to yourself you have a concept down but you really don't) -> Getting good (you start to draw with more ease, you're not having to 'remember' how you wanted something to look, it's just muscle memory by now) -> Actually having it down (and still having more growth to go. But this is where you get to look back on the comfortable phase and go: 'wow I really had a long way to go')

In fact, having fun is by far the thing that's made me progress. More than tutorials, more than fancy equipment. If I'm not having fun, I have no motivation to keep going. If it's not fun, try and make it so.

Get into the habit of stepping back (whether physically or more metaphorically) and really looking at your art often while you draw. When you add a line, or color, or background element etc. Ask yourself "Does this work?" And adjust accordingly. It seems like a lot of work at first, but eventually it becomes a natural part of the process. I don't really realise I'm doing it but most of the patreon screen recordings I have show the way I zoom in and out of the canvas constantly lol.

Make the things you want to make. Even the most self-indulgent stuff. We have a million artists already doing their thing, but we don't have you yet. Show us what you got! There's room for everything.

Get used to people expressing mild envy/annoyance when you're drawing near them. I've gotten the 'wow I wish I could draw, I can't even do a stick figure!' comment from waitresses, cabin crews, classmates I'd previously never spoken to, teachers, strangers on trainstations, etc etc etc. But! Learn to say 'Thank you' when people compliment your art.

Don't ask for critique if you don't really want it. Don't let people critique you if you didn't ask for it.

You! Don't! Need! Fancy! Equipment! Save your money and get the version of a medium that's affordable and comfortable for you. Look at Stardew Valley's creator's old setup. It's really not about how the tools are set up or the price of them. It's how you make use of them. Didn't FNAF's creator build the models in a moving car on a laptop?

Art takes time. There is no short cut to make it take less time. But the more fun you have the more it'll feel like it's faster. If you're miserable the time will drag on and on and on.

Look at a lot of art. Take in and analyse. I wish I could go back a few years and tell myself to analyse paintings I liked, rather than just going "Oh I like that! Nice!" and then moving on. Why is it good? Why does it move you? What captured your attention? Be the person at a museum leaning forwards to see the paintstrokes, you learn more that way.

Don't feel ashamed if you want to take inspiration from others. Everyone takes inspiration from somewhere. If you see something cool another artist is doing with their rendering or lighting or whatever, try and do a drawing or two emulating it! Maybe you'll discover a new favorite technique, or you'll not really jam with it. Either is good. Both teach you something.

You'll go through more eras than Taylor Swift. Sometimes you gotta do a lil Eras Tour of your own and go back through the catalogue. I'm currently working on reviving several projects I made when I was 13-14. Keep everything. Don't delete; archive.

Get good storage. Like, seriously, wish for a harddrive your next birthday or christmas or whatever. If you're working traditionally wish for some good ringbinders and the good plastic sleeves. Much nicer than running out of storage and having to delete things. Never delete!

You are already an artist. You became one the second you picked up a pen and put it to paper, and then decided to keep going with that. So don't compare yourself. When you find yourself jealous of someone, it's because they have something you want. Figure out what it is, and make it for yourself.

Deadass? Tracing helps so much with learning forms. But it's only helpful when you also practice drawing the same things freehand.

The trick to coloring is just that everything looks good shaded with purple set to multiply, and that if you're ever in doubt go in an L shape on color wheel. Down in brightness, inwards in saturation.

People who say you can never use white or black in drawings are jerks and you should not listen to them. You can do literally everything you want. Sure, experiment with other ways of using white and black. But art advice is just that: It's an option, not gospel. As a wise prophet of our time, Justin Bieber, once said: Never say never.

People will say you should be your own biggest critic. But fuck that. Be your own biggest cheerleader. Love what you make, even when you hate it, find something that works. That stepping back I mentioned in point 6? Sometimes that's zooming out and saying "Damn! That looks really good!" – People will often make art out to be something that should be suffering and painstaking. It's not though. In my honest experience, I've made just as much good art when I was happy and content, as I did when I had severe depression and anxiety and burnout. You're not an artist because you suffer. You're an artist because you can't just sit in that suffering all the time. You know there's beauty besides your pain, and so you'll remind yourself in the act of creation that there is always something more.

Once you realise you have the power to draw truly anything, you'll start having a lot more fun. "Oh but I've never done it before" or "Oh I tried and it just didn't work" Okay. So?

In case of frustration to the point of throwing your art supplies out the window: Take a breath. Go for a walk. Sometimes it's just not your day. Sometimes the rollercoaster gets stuck in the middle of a loop or right at the top of a hill. Wait it out. Try again.

You have absolutely got this. Let me know if there's anything else I can help with.

[destinygoldenstar]

(Keep in mind I haven't seen the movie, just the trailers, and I don't have interest in seeing it. This post is not about the movie's story, it's about the animation.)

My first reaction to seeing Wish's trailer: The animation looks ugly.

It looks unfinished. Like this was a test screening or something.

I was gonna say 'it looks like a fan-Disney animation'. Except that would be insulting to fans who put months of effort into making their little animations to share on the Internet, and said fans just have less expectations than major studios do.

It's supposed to look like 'the hybrid style'. Like what the Spiderverse movies did. It's supposed to look 'creative' and 'unique' to anything else.

Except, this is a perfect example of a movie trying to copy Spiderverse's art style, with no clue what even made that art style good in the first place.

I'm not saying 'every movie that's done the hybrid animation is bad'. Most of them are actually really good. But there is something about Spiderverse's animation that remains very significant and masterful in its own way.

(And yes I've heard about the abuse of the animators to make Across the Spiderverse. Like... don't do that Sony. Your workers deserve a good work/life balance.)

The animation isn't made that way just to 'be unique'. The animation actively tells the story and elevates the narrative.

(That's another thing: Just make a good story first.)

The comic strips are there to give the impression this is a living story you are reading as well as a homage to Spider Man origins. The textboxes showing a character's internal thoughts. The different animation styles on each character depending on the dimension they're from to tell you their background. Certain visual cues to enhance the comedic moments. And so on. You could basically do a full analysis on multiple scenes of these movies just from what the visuals tell you.

The animation isn't 'unique' to 'be unique from other Hollywood movies', it's 'unique' to tell the story.

Say, you're deaf. And your hearing aids are faulty that day when you're watching the movies. The visuals aid in helping you understand the story.

Take, the first scene with Gwen and her dad in Across the Spiderverse. It's more than just 'ooh, her dimension is pretty'. Her and her dad are different colors in the room because of their separation because of the situation at hand, there's a block between them being fully honest and close like they used to, and the colors are telling you this. And when their colors merge when Gwen hugs him? That's showing you the ideal they want. It's beautiful.

And I didn't even tell you any of their dialogue or the context of that scene, that's just from what the visuals are telling you.

Why is Wish's style the way it is?

Uh, I think it's supposed to be 'it's a fairy tale storybook'. But that's it.

It's not even that unique. The character models look very much like the 2010s CGI character models, just cheaper rendered. Some backgrounds, like the forests, look good, but the characters look awkward standing in it because there's no good lighting to make me believe they're standing there. (this isn't a 'realism' issue. Again, do Spiderverse characters look awkward standing in their respective backgrounds? Except for when that's intentional because story reasons?)

That's why I said it looks unfinished, because it does look like an unfinished CGI Disney movie, but apparently it's intentional??

I'm not against Disney trying to be unique. I want that, actually. Once Upon A Studio is an example done right, actually. But from what I've heard, this movie's story is the most un-unique thing they've ever made. 'Unique animation' can't hide that. And if reviews are focusing more on story, that's an indicator.

Tell the story first. Then you can figure out what animation style is best for enhancing that story.

I wanted to share this cause it was something me and my GF discussed after I showed her Across the Spiderverse, and we talked about this very thing. I also just want to say I'm not trying to 'hate on Disney', even with all the bull they've done this year. I'm on the side of people that really liked Elemental. I liked Once Upon A Studio. I'm someone who just wants to see the studio be better. (And I know they're not gonna listen to feedback like this. I really hope their act is gotten together.)

[billiejean485]

I need to ask. Why does this Senti thing bother you so much?

Yk, at this point I realized I don't even know myself.

At first, before even Ephemeral, I thought it would mean that Adrien is not a human and that they would go down the 'yeah but he's still so similar to a human!' road. Which I couldn't stomach.

Okay, now I've accepted that he is a human but.... I guess I can't fully wrap my brain around it, you know?

As a 5-year-old I easily could, because the scientific part of it would just fly over my head. I'm freakin' 30. I am doing a massive research for my own books so I could make animals that walk and talk like humans absolutely acceptable by the sci-fi community, even though I'm not even into sci-fi. I wanna make it as realistic as possible.

Then there is that 'I am allergic to magic' part too, and that now combined with ethical dilemmas of acting like a god and creating living, feeling and sentient beings out of nothing, mostly as a tool, and then being like: "Okay, I won't be a merciless arshole, of course I'm gonna let it live after I use it."

Believe me when I tell you, I am absolutely livid about the whole thing. Chat Noir has been steadily growing on me since the first episode, and I finally got enough inspiration to sit down and write a fic (I even had ideas for more, but goodbye to that for now).

I absolutely loved this show; I loved the very idea for that Love Square; for everything that was happening and leading towards the reveal - but this was a turn to a dark and bumpy side road I never would have predicted.

Don't get me wrong - if Adrien was a disabled person or was born in absolutely any way known to man in our real world, I would've loved him 10 times more. But this.... Just playing with the very fabric of a being..... It makes me shudder.

Not to mention he never had full free will, something that is crucially important for a human character. Being so abused that you start feeling that you can't do anything about it and actually having your will rendered uncapable to even psychologically respond somewhere inside of you to what you've been told to do.... It can be a parallel, but it's not the same.

I half-broke when I saw Adrien obviously switching to 'puppet-mode' back in Epheneral, and I'm gonna break entirely if I see him completely will-less like Sentibug was for example, the moment Marinette took the Amok in her hands.

Adrien is not who we thought he is. We don't know how many decisions he made on his own in his life and how many Emilie and Gabriel made for him. Maybe Emilie really wished for a free-willed boy and wanted to watch him grow into whatever he chooses. But we know for a fact that Gabriel and Felix's father are not like that. Everything is a question at this point.

The perfection Marinette fell in love with could have been fabricated. Hundreds of fans have went crazy for 'an image of perfection', how Gabriel called him. We don't know if Adrien truly was obedient and not just made to do things, or even made to be obedient. Maybe his story is yet to begin; in which case you can throw everything you know about Chat Noir into the trashcan.

... I don't know how the creators have handled this. There are so many things that could go wrong in the writing past this point. Not to mention that Adrien's existence will be hanging by a thread - onto the existence of the ring(s), and Felix already has one of them.

It's all just anxiety inducing, and very little pleasure is coming from watching this. But I'm too hooked to what has been to stop because of all the things that might happen.

..... I'm glad I'm not watching this as a young adult or a child. I know for a fact that it would've absolutely traumatized me for life.

[honesthammie]

Prompt 39: Death wants you to be terrified. But the scariest thing is wanting death.

13th Doctor x female curvy reader

Warnings: mentions of suicidal thoughts, alcohol and drug abuse, domestic abuse, fat phobia

I'm sorry for this. Its really depressing and I've been hesitant on letting you guys see it but I kinda like how it's written. I've made the abuser gender neutral as females can also be abusive. I promise the next one will be much happier!

"Come on (y/n), you can make it! Just jump across and reach for my hand. I promise you won't fall." The Doctors voice echoes across the widening canyon. If you looked down, you would only see pitch black. You didn't know how long you'd fall. Maybe this would be the perfect time to just go for it. Its not like you'd matter, you're only slowing the team down as is.

They wouldn't even be in this mess if you didn't slip and hit the world shattering drill, turning it on full blast. Unfortunately, you smashed the button making it unable to turn it off. Of course the only way you'd be able to turn it off is to actually go towards it. Everyone in the room screamed at you and some raised their tentacles to attack you if the Doctor didn't step in front of you. You know the Doctor noticed you flinching and your eyes gloss over and noticed you bracing for the impact.

You learned over the years to just accept your fate. You can't run from anyone when you weighed this much. You couldn't hide either, which often left you to just accept what was coming and hope nothing broke. Bruises were always easy to cover and so were any cuts but broken bones, that was always on display and you'd have to break your number one rule: never lie. You hated lying. The truth always comes out anyway so why hide it? If you hide it, you get punished worse anyway so why bother?

If you jumped and actually went with the team, you'd get questioned about earlier and about hesitating at jumping. But if you fell, would the Doctor miss you? As much as you hated to admit it, you were absolutely in love with the adorable alien. Why did you hate to admit it? Because she was a goddess and you were a waste of skin and bones. You weren't skinny and you didn't fit in with the team at all. You were only here out of pity.

You remember when you first met the team. You were the only person alive when they searched underneath the hotel. Even the spiders didn't want you. You were at the hotel because you heard about killer spiders and you wanted an out. You could never do it or something would come up stopping you from ending all your misery. You were the complete opposite of the Doctor. She was so brave and said whatever she wanted and didn't really care for the consequences.

You focused on the Doctors sparkling eyes. Despite the situation, she still sparkled with hope and encouragement. She wasn't upset with you. You really wished she was. This would be such an easier decision to make. Your head was pounding and your heart was going faster than her two hearts. Did you even want her upset? You couldn't tell, your head was spinning wildly, one thought going to another without a chance to process the last one.

You had come to a clear decision. You ran back and let momentum do its thing as your feet left the muddy gravel. You felt so free as you glided in the air for a few seconds. It was the most beautiful feeling. No punishment, no tears before going to sleep and no terror of going back home. Just you and gravity.

Then with a clearer mind you regretted your choice. You were horrified. You weren't ready. It wasn't time yet. Graham can't lose you. He'd only recently lost his wife. He'd feel the same as you and that thought terrified you. He'd survived cancer and gained himself a new family. He can't be like you. Ryan needed him, wether he was willing to admit that or not.

Suddenly you panicked and last minute reached your hand out hoping you'd grab something. Anything. You felt a soft warm object and latched on for dear life. You were then lifted up and onto soil. You focused on your breathing a moment and waited for your heart to calm down. You looked up and saw what, or rather who, saved you. You shouldn't have been so surprised to see the Doctors worried face above yours. She gave you a questioning look, knowing the question, you nodded your head and she straightened herself and helped you up.

"That was great (n/n)! So brave of you! Let's go gang, we've gotta turn this drill off before it splits the planet in half!" She shouted as she ran forward, seemingly knowing the way. She didn't let go of your hand until you reached the drill about 10 minutes later. You couldn't help the blushthat formed on your cheeks. The Doctor quickly opened a panel on the side of the drill.

The drill was massive, bigger than the Eiffel Tower and that what was on surface level, it went down much deeper that it had reached halfway to the liquid nitrogen that ran in this cold planet where our magma centre would be. The drill itself was purple and spherical. The panel box was the size of a human head which was about the size of the civilisations sucker pads. Inside were 3 buttons and 1 lever. You needed to type the pattern that would gain the access to the drill and force stop. If it goes wrong, it speeds up rendering this planet uninhabitable.

You watched as the Doctor quickly typed the pattern in. Red,blue,red,red,red,blue,black,black,blue. That was the pattern she quickly pressed in and held the lever down for 10 seconds. Soon the drill came to a halt and the planet was peaceful once again. You all let out a sigh of relief as it stopped.

You made your way back to the chief of the race and explained that they should dismantle and never use that drill again unless they plan to empty the panet of everything it has within. He quickly agreed and the fam made their way back to the TARDIS.

As soon as tye TARDIS was parked on the edge of your solar system, you got into your comfy clothes ready to nap or maybe play a few games to slow your adrenaline until you were tired enough for a full nights rest. You played a few rounds of uno and some poker where you used some bits of metal instead of chips. Eventually everyone had left except you and the Doctor.

You made your way to the doors of the ship and settled down just watching the stars in front of you. If the sentient machine hadn't already been aware of your darkest thought, you would have jumped out there and been amongst them. Just floating eventually turning to nothing but bones drifting, maybe to never be found. All the sights you've seen and yet this is where you were the most impressed. This was your home, your galaxy and because of all the light pollution, you had never been fully aware of how many neighbours you had because you had been literally blind. This was only stuff captured and faked and now, it's forever in your mind.

You heard movement and a shuffle next you. You knew who it was because she was the only other person awake and you knew she was going to ask and not let it drop until you tell her truth. And you were going to give her it but that doesn't mean you were ready to do so but you had to, someone had to know. Maybe you wanted help or maybe just someone to listen and know everything making you mentally naked in front of them.

The Doctor waited a few moments. She was figuring out how to word it without sounding horrible. "Is everything alright at home?" She asked her voice laced with genuine concern. "Sorry if this sounds a bit abrupt but let me explain. You've been really weird lately. You hardly speak and when you its with as few words as possible, you keep going elsewhere mentally and Rassilion forbid anyone getting angry with you! I also noticed how you hesitated today when jumping and I saw your worry and panic when you jumped. I think I know but I can't help you if you don't at least tell me what is going on! And don't change the subject or anything, just answer me please. I lo-. I can't lose you too." Her voice raised a little as she panicked just speaking about it. Halfway through she grabbed both of your hands and continued her speech.

You looked deep into her eyes for any sign of a lie but there wasn't one. Just like at the canyon, her eyes showed nothing but love. Maybe you should tell her, just her. No Yaz, no Graham and no Ryan. Just you, The Doctor and the TARDIS. You looked away for a moment as you collected your thoughts. However, as you opened your mouth and tried to speak, you found no voice. You couldn't tell her about them. Lord knows what she's capable of. But you've been looking for an out for so damn long. Maybe this is it. She's your out, no death involved.

You walked towards a panel in the console and pushed your hands inside and focused. You focused on the worst time it happened. You concentrated on the fear and everything attached. You couldn't tell her, but you could show her. The TARDIS disappeared into the vortex but didn't seem so sure on landing. She was picking it all up, she felt everything you did and she did not like going. "Please baby girl, I need her to know. I need help but I can't tell her. She's my only out that doesn't involve death and that terrifies me! Please. I understand your hesitation but she needs to see." You spoke mentally to the sentient blue box. She made a sad sound as she gently landed in the moment.

The Doctor looked at you bewildered. Her eyes were wide and her mouth agape. You walked up to her and grabbed her hand reassuringly. You led her to the doors that separated her from your darkest secret. You took a deep breath and slowly opened the door.

You appeared to be in the basement of your house. You walked up the stairs and took her to a storage room where she could see it happen. You sat in silence for a few minutes only the sounds of breathing and your heartbeat could be heard.

You knew this day off by heart, it plagued your nightmares often. It all started to sweet and went sour so quickly. At this time you were currently on your way back from doing your weekly shop to Tescos making sure you didn't forget their vodka and gin on your way to pay. Thankfully, the shop was only 10 minuets away and you doubted that the TARDIS would make you wait longer than nessacary. Just as the Doctor opened her mouth to speak the door opened and in walked an 18 year old you.

You set the bags down and started sorting the items into their new places. The canned foods go in the cupboard and the meat goes into the fridge. There were loads of food and stuff to go through and place properly. After you placed the last can of baked beans into the cupboard, the door swung open, nearly breaking the door.

They came home from their dealers place early. They stunk of weed and alcohol and had a little white powder around their nose. They looked like they had a good time until they had to come home. It was their dealers birthday so he was having a brothel themed party meaning there were strippers, pole dancers and prostitutes as well. The dealer was a rich guy who practically ran this city. The cops couldn't do anything as he could always bail himself out of jail.

They looked you in your comfy clothes and scoffed. They looked angry. "Why aren't you in your normal clothes babes? I thought I told you to throw away all of that shit. Come on now. Don't tell me I wasted all my well earned money on those clothes I specifically chose for you?"

You shuddered, both in the past and now except now they only made bile rise into your throat. You were so young and vulnerable. Now you know better.

The past you quickly scampered off to get changed. After only 5 minutes you reappeared in what was sexy school girl. The blue miniskirt covered less than most underwear so you were forced to wear a thong. The shirt was a bralet that barely covered your nipples. Your hair was in pigtails and you wore thigh highs. The sight made you silently sick in your mouth. You looked pathetic and weak.

You looked at them expectingly. You were waiting for your next order from them. They seemed to drool at the sight of you. "That's better babes. Why didn't you go shopping like that? Show the world your fat ugly figure? I want you to walk out there and see that no one else wants you but here I am, loving you. I am the only one who will ever like you in the way we have now. Your lucky I've had some fun tonight. All I want is my vodka and a new blunt darling"

You quickly went and grabbed their stuff and walked towards them as they settled in front of the TV. They turned the TV on and put Love Island on. How you hated that show. It made you feel bad for being the size you are. The women on there were beautiful but you also knew that, that kind of beauty costs money. So while your partner had fun watching the show for the romance, you watched it to spot what part of them was bought and what was real. Almost all the women had fake teeth and breasts. You hated how your partner would make snide comments on how they looked compared to you.

"You should be looking like Becky ya know. Beautiful teeth, big perky tits and a fucking great ass. What do you have? Flabs!" And there was the first comment of the day. The first of 30, you counted.

"Yeah well you are fucking broke so I can't look like fucking fake ass Becky or the others!" You thought. Then the Doctor gave you a look of shock and pity and then you realised you said that aloud. Not loud enough for them to hear you but enough for the Doctor.

"Make yourself fucking useful and make me some dinner. I fancy a steak and chips." They ordered as you got up and waddled over to the kitchen. A few minutes in you realised you put too much oil in the pan for the steak but the steak was already in and cooking quick. So quick that it started to smoke just a little bit. You tried blowing it away from them before they realised that you fucked up their dinner but ut was too late. They were already on their feet a marching towards you.

"I'm so sorry. I accidentally poured too much oil in. I'm so sorry. I have a spare steak, you can have my meal for tonight, I could do with skipping a meal anyways, helps me lose weight!" Past you was panicked and present you wasn't much better. Even though you were safe from them, they still made you uneasy. If you were to ever see them again, you'd freeze. They made your blood run cold. Even their voice sent unpleasant shivers down your spine.

"You better make me another steak but I still have to punish you. You fucked up, a lesson needs to be learnt." They said scarily politely. They grabbed your left arm and marched you towards the sink. They also grabbed the burning pan and pinned you so you had no escape as they poured the boiling oil onto your skin. You knew not to scream do you bit into your other arm knowing a bite out of it is better than causing more punishments for screaming.

When they were done left to watch the TV and you knew what that meant. You had to cook the spare steak and make there meal before you can get proper treatment at the hospital. Through your tears of agony, you quickly ran your burnt and bleeding arm under the cold water of the sink. You bit deeper into your other arm and tasting blood, but thay didn't stop you until the left one had cooled down. Then you got an old shirt, ripped 2 pieces of fabric off and wrapped them around both arm Injuries. You then continued their meal.

Once they had the meal they kicked you and punched you in the stomach because the chips were slightly cold and then they drove you to the hospital as they promised. When you had left you didn't realise you had been crying until a drop fell on your arm. You walked out of the storage room and sat on the sofa, turning the TV off.

The Doctor looked shocked for a moment before walking over and kneeling in front of you. The Doctor went silent for a moment. Before she could speak, you decided to speak first.

"I couldn't tell you because I couldn't think if a nice way of telling you. I didn't want to appear weak to you." You cried as your voice cracked in the middle due to the tears and the strain. The Doctor looked at you in pity and disappointment.

"This does not make you weak. Being abused does not make you weak. Because being abused is like being tortured by someone who supposed to love you and cherish you. They are meant to protect you from danger not be the danger. I would never hurt you. I know that I put you in risky situations but believe me, I would never intentionally put you in danger. You mean too much to me" The Doctor softly spoke with tears making a little river down her soft cheeks and onto your black carpet below.

"Before I met them, I was like you or Yaz. I was so happy at everything. Very little could bring me down. But I met them and started dating them and suddenly, my world of sunshine faded to grey. There was no light. I wanted to die Doctor. When you found me at that spider hotel, I wanted to be free from them as I couldn't do it. I can't because they'd kill me. I don't want to be alive whilst I'm with them. I have so many scars from either them or me trying to end my own life and that the scariest thing. Death wants us to be terrified but wanting to die is so much more terrifying Doctor, I know that." You cried as you emptied all you could to her. The Doctor was silent for a moment, taking in everything you said. Waves of emotion flashed through her, anger, sadness, pity and something you couldn't quite place.

"You said wanted. That's past tense. You said wanted to die. What changed? What made you want to live?"

"You did. You saved me from the spiders. You gave me a temporary out of the relationship for a while. You made me smile for the first time in 3 years! You made me laugh. The world of grey is now full of sunshine and rainbows Doctor. You also saved me today. When I jumped across that canyon, I jumped to end my life. I made a mistake that nearly ended a planet! If I wasn't so fat and clumsy maybe i-"

"Don't you dare say that! You are not fat (n/n). Yes you have more plush to your body but you are not fat. I hate that word. Its such a nasty word. You are gorgeous, amazing and so brilliant. You can't see what I see and I really wished you could for just one moment. You are worthy of being loved and cared for. You are precious, rare, one of a kind. I've never met anyone like you. There's always some skinny, fake bodied and caked up women but there's no one with as much natural beauty as you! Let's get back to the TARDIS and we'll talk more when looking at the stars because I can see that being here isn't doing you any favours" The Doctor spoke with such passion that you started to believe that her words held more than those of a supporting friend would.

Once the TARDIS was parked in the Milky Way you settled by the door once again and found yourself accompanied by the sweet alien. You both sat there for a moment just content with wrapping your heads around what's just happened. You looked over to the blonde and noticed how the stars made her glow in such an ethereal way that you felt almost compelled to worship her. Maybe you should after everything she's done for you. Her eyes sparkled with si many emotions from the past senario.

"Are you still with them?"

"Why do you think I never left this place? I mean even if could, I wouldn't want to but it's mainly because if I go back home, I'll come back with more injuries. I feel safer with you. You are my sunshine and rainbows and they are my storm clouds. Whilst I'm here, I'm alive and mostly unbroken. Whilst I'm there, I'm as alive as a puppet and severely broken. I can't leave, not on my own anyway."

The Doctor looked at you in thought. "The starlight compliments you. You look so pretty and almost angelic. I just wish they never hurt my angel. My innocent angel had broken wings and I'm going to fix what the Devil broke, I promise. Just hold on, I'm going to take us somewhere."

You held the nearest crystal as the TARDIS transported you somewhere but it seemed like the sentient machine was determined to take you there as quick as she could. As you opened the doors you noticed a familiar smell of weed mixed with alcohol. You heard the familiar tune of Love Island and knew exactly where you were. You were home. The Doctor saw your hesitation and whispered softly, "I want you to pack everything you want. I've written a note for them to find. I'm going to put it on the bed. If they notice you scream for me and I'll be there. They will not hurt you much, hopefully not at all. I just need to do something in the TARDIS before I help you." She turned and left into the TARDIS and disappeared down a corridor.

The atmosphere sent chills down your spine and you were frozen. The TARDIS seemed to notice and words of encouragement were sent into your head which helped you move towards your bedroom. You quickly buy quietly opend your suitcase and started to fill it with clothing and hygiene products. As you entered the bathroom a bottle of their shampoo fell into the tub giving you away. You knew you only had so long before they came in and hurt you so you closed the door and barricaded it with whatever you could.

As you pushed the last cabinet to the pile they roared through the wooden door. "Let me in you fat dumb bitch. You've been gone for 3 weeks and you've got some balls coming back! You're lucky I haven't burned all your shit! Where have you been?"

Your heart ran at an extremely fast pace nd you knew only one person could help you now. And so you screamed her name so loud it hurt your throat bit that didn't stop you. You screamed until you heard talking. You couldn't understand what was said but suddenly a thud was heard and then silence.

"Hey Starlight! It's only me. I've taken care of them. They're not dead but in a venishion aikido. They can't move, they're paralysed. You can come out and finish packing"

You moved everything out of the door and opened it to a view you expected. The Doctor with 2 fingers to their pulse point on their neck. The Doctor smiled at when they saw you. You finished packing and zipped the bag up. Then Yaz walked in with her police uniform on and arrested them for domestic violence and many other things. Now you understood why The Doctor left, it was to get Yaz as a back up option to completely take them out of your life.

The Doctor helped open doors for you as you got your room and you set the suitcase to one side to empty another day. You both sat down on your bed. The sound was filled with nothing but 2 lifeforms breathing and the TARDIS faint buzzing. You two stayed like this, staring into each other, trying to read the others emotions. But we all know what The Doctor is like, she can't stay silent for long.

"I had to save you because as long as you were with them, you weren't ever going to be truly happy. I didn't want my big bright star to turn into a black hole, I wanted her to be a supernova. My Starlight deserves to be happy."

"You keep saying my Doctor. And you asked if I was still with them and then when I basically said yes, you quickly, as in a rush, sent us home so I could leave them. You keep saying all these things about me. You held my hand from the canyon to the drill. You are always the first to check on me and you always make sure I'm OK first even if I'm the farthest person from you! Doctor, be honest, I don't want any more bullshit. Doctor why?" You spoke softly but with determination. The Doctor blushed and shifted her gaze to the stars and quietly gulped. She knew this day would come. The day her secret was revealed. And she dreaded her answer and she dreaded your reaction. And whilst she figured out what to say, you already knew the answer.

You gently grabbed her chin and made her look at you. Once her gaze caught yours, you smiled and placed your lips to her soft ones. Quickly she caught up and kissed you back with all the love and passion she could muster. She wanted to relay that she did love you and that she would do exactly as she said earlier, she would cherish you.

As for you, you smiled. You finally had an out that didn't end in death but instead ended with the same love that you yearned for, for years.

[treesofgreen]

This is very well said. And yeah, when you know better, you do better. You bring up the Swamp Thing example, but there's also the original Newcastle story basically saying John and his friends knew Alex Logue was being sexually inappropriate with his very young daughter but they didn't get involved until there were rumours and signs of dark magic because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. It was disturbing and wrong at the time but it would be unacceptable today. I give the original Ennis run a lot of credit with regards to sex, relationships, women, the male ego, etc but there's that later issue where John's gleefully exclaiming that he's having sex with a lesbian, long after the "odd boyfriends" were established, and it's gross on several levels including bisexual erasure.

I read your other post early this morning and wasn't coherent enough to add anything, but I've been mulling over what we've actually seen on the television shows because when I'm in a soft and charitable mood I, like your anon, chalk tv John's "romance is for little girls" schtick up to a similar kind of bravado as the whole "nasty piece of work who walks alone" thing. It feels like a pre-emptive, defensive way to protect himself because he's been hurt before, and hurt others and he's hesitant to let people get close (but then I am picturing people like Kit in his past here too, and there's Gaz, and I fully acknowledge this is mostly my imagination and hopes and dreams and I'm not making excuses for the shows, they probably don't deserve the charity, I'm just making myself feel better).

We know he's a big flirt, but flirting doesn't mean "slut" (I both loathe that word and want to see it rendered harmless through affectionate jokes, I am conflicted). We're given the impression he has one night stands and enjoys casual sex while not in a relationship with someone but there's nothing inherently wrong with that and it doesn't mean he's just in it for the sex, or that he's a use them and lose them type and it bothers me when people seem to think he is. Plenty of people feel a real human (or monster, as it may be) connection to the people they fuck, even one night stands - it is very problematic that they do this with a bisexual character, given the stereotypes - but I can also easily see tv John being this kind of person, even (or especially) if he's afraid of letting someone into his heart. And enjoying casual sex with different partners while not in a relationship doesn't mean he'd miss it while in a relationship, or that he's incapable of a relationship or he'd be dissatisfied with monogamy.

(I just realized this could sound like I'm arguing with something you didn't say @starcitysirens I am not! Just soapboxing).

But what we saw - in the NBC show we know he slept with that one woman who kicks him out of bed because her boyfriend's coming home; John says he didn't know she had a boyfriend, she says she told him. Is he lying? Did he not hear her? Either is possible, we know he was drinking. There's the 20 condoms he's bringing with him to the church. He's not in a relationship. He's flirty with many people, but other than that one woman, and Anne Marie in the past (and Gaz in the past, but again, probably wishful thinking) I am not remembering any other sex.

In Legends he and Sara have sex. He's already saved her soul once at that point. They have a connection. The act is a one time thing but there's no indication it meant nothing, or was taken lightly. They continue to have each other's backs.

There's Desmond inbetween Legends appearances, which was serious love, and John was happy. There's flirting with Gary and making eyes at Leonard. There's the alluded to threesome with acrobats (?) in 401, which he drops to go help Sara (and again, he's not in a relationship). Then there's whatever happened with Gary, and Gary says John let him down gently (and I am upset that their relationship was all innuendos and not treated seriously, whether it was because Gary isn't treated as a full character, or they didn't want an ongoing relationship between two men, or they didn't want to tie John down, I don't know). Other than flirting and innuendos and assumptions there's nothing I am remembering from then until Jeannie in season 5. And he was visibly upset by her death. Then you have maybe Gary again, but very informal if so, and then Zari. I'm really not seeing this love them and leave them thing. Even King Shark was an "ex".

The John/King Shark punchline was bordering on biphobic as well. And I say that as someone who immediately went to read the new fics that it spawned. But I don't think people dismissing John as a "love them and leave them" type is inherently biphobic, I think a lot of it comes from lone wolf tropes - he can't fall in love because it'll end up hurting him etc etc. More James Bond than slutty bi. If that makes sense.

Yeah, I agree. It was shitty how it was framed as the punchline to a joke cause I think that’s the bit most people ran away with. I know some talented folks have created real, nuanced content for the ship, but most people saw it as a joke. Unfortunately the King Shark thing just very quickly exacerbated the situation. And some of the comments I’ve seen post King Shark re: John’s ‘insane sexual escapes’ (direct quote) have been frankly disturbing. Like the person who said ‘John had Swamp Thing summon him back to reality via having sex’. This is a comment about the time Alec and Abby used John’s body as proxy to be able to conceive their daughter. Something that is essentially assault, this is what you reduce it to. Talk about tone deaf. Out there in the real world, bisexual men who are assaulted are not taken seriously because well, they’re all giant sluts anyway, right? I can move on from Alan Moore and Jamie Delano having dismissed it back in the 80′s, but it’s 2020 now and we should know better.

Listen, I get it, you’re on tumblr making meme posts about John being a monsterfucker. I’m not gonna pretend I’m above that. I’m the person who put those King Shark gifs on tumblr after all. I partake in the fandom fun and the jokes, too. I’m not saying don’t have fun.

In the case of Legends specifically I have also seen people claim that John’s so called ‘sleeping around’ is why he is not good enough for Zari. And Legends kind of set up John as somebody who doesn’t do love, and not becase he’s worried about hurting people but because, ‘I don't go in for all that love crap. Romance is for little girls crying into their pillow’. So then Desmond, and now Zari, become the exceptions to his rule. 

None of this is inherently biphobic, and I don’t think that’s what I said, and I’m sorry if it came off that way. But the thing is these things don’t exist in a vacuum, they don’t exist outside of context, and they’re all happening at the same time. And all I’m saying maybe all these things warrant a deeper look. We’re living in a time right now when we’re all trying to be better people and educate ourselves so we can achieve higher empathy. The way we say things matters, language matters. And that’s really all I’m advocating for. Just stop a second, think about what you’re saying, and why you’re saying it.