#i will likely read it when i'm less sleep deprived and go 'wow you really thought you did something there'

[inmarbleimmobility]

1.1.6 - How He Protected His House

THE ONE WITH THE CHAIRS!!! my youngest brother and i goof about this chapter All The Time because this is as far as he ever made it in the brick. so sometimes we'll be at a holiday gathering and my mother will inevitably ask about how many of us there are while setting the table and my brother will go, "seven? yeah we have enough chairs for that, we could do up to eleven actually, it would be more but that one upstairs is too big-"

anyway!

"the most beautiful of altars [...] is the soul of an unhappy man who is comforted and thanks god" is fascinating. on the surface obviously he's talking about how compassion and love are more important than material goods. but also, the altar is *the* single most important part of a physical church to the point that the church is essentially built around it - compassion and love are the center around which Myriel's entire belief system (and the one Hugo argues for) is built.

I love that Myriel has "pupils from the secondary school" over!!! I'm imagining like tea in the headmaster's office but it's with the nice old bishop who just loves hearing about everything you've been learning lately

the bit about Baptistine's sofa dreams is actually kind of crushing?? "whoever attains the ideal"???? Hey Hugo, I know this is The Miserable Book but that's a little bit of a downer even for you. like, no, material things shouldn't be the ideal, of course! beautiful furniture is no substitute for the things that truly matter! (which, if I had a nickel...) But I feel so bad for her here. Let a woman have her one velvet sofa. (also, for someone who's going to talk so much about a certain "priest of the ideal" later, that's a weird way to talk about your ideal!)

it's fascinating also that Myriel still has the "grooming articles that betrayed the elegant habits of the man of the world"! it's a surprising bit of vanity that maybe he doesn't even realize is vanity? or maybe his 10 step skincare routine really is that good.

Myriel's "copper crucifix with traces of silver" caught my eye, because Valjean's crucifix in his terrible room in the Rue de l'Homme Arme is copper too. probably I'm reaching here and and all 18th century crucifixes were made of copper, but either way it's an interesting bookend.

i'm about to get very Red String Conspiracy Meme here for a second BUT! The Candlesticks. the church says you Must have a certain number of (specifically beeswax) candlesticks present on or near the altar at any mass. the absolute minimum is two, but the number increases up to 7 depending on who's celebrating mass/what type of mass is being celebrated. someone who needed a quick 1500 word essay could make something out of this - the fact that aside from the silver cutlery (which there were practical reasons for keeping) the only other Thing he has is those two silver candlesticks, the fact that two candles specifically are used for the low mass, the table/altar comparisons, the altar being a surface on which a sacrifice is made... all of this is an extreme reach but playing with catholic aesthetics is fun, okay, so sue me.

"The beautiful is as useful as the useful. [...] Perhaps even more so."

there sure are a lot of Guys Who Like Flowers in this novel, huh! Myriel, Mabeuf, Jean Prouvaire, even Valjean... I'm sure that means nothing at all!

"Nisi Dominus" etc is Psalm 127:1, "Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain."

"[the bravery of priests] should be peaceable" - and this is where we run into the limit of the Myriel Approach. his need to remain peaceable is the core of that whole interaction with G- and his aversion to the scaffold - he does not believe violence can be justified, which is why he can't change the system, he can only try to mitigate the pain it causes. it feels to me like a direct parallel of Enjolras' "death, I abhor thee, but I use thee".

[starillusion13]

FRIENDS!? Chapter 19

🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

Series ML

Pairing: poly!ateez × f!reader (An ATEEZ Office AU)

Genre: Mature, Angst, Yandere

Warning: mention of memories (nothing much just go with the flow).

W.C: 4.2k Network: @k-vanity

[Reblogs and Reviews are always appreciated. Thank you for reading and have a nice day ahead. Please always take care of yourself everyone.]

Hello, Can we be friends please?

>.<

"Wow. Congratulations to me for being late again. Ugh! Now why is this bracelet stuck here? Why is everything like this today?"

It will be less to say that your frustration is getting out of hand or you are about to blast. If anyone dares to comes in your way, you are definitely going to bury them alive because no matter what you are already half an hour late, and sleep deprived – thanks to your phone which you left on the cabin table last night without charge and well it has died during the night and your alarm didn't go off. How pathetic for your overthinking self! The main reason behind all these is that you were so tensed last night about the meetings that are going to held today so you had to prepare everything for the morning so you were ranting everything to Beomgyu. He took you to a nearby café last evening and you both had a great time together, forgetting about the life problems and responsibilities for the time being and you appreciated his presence more in this sort of situations.

You are more than relieved that he is back to the country.

''They are your friends – lovers? though ...then just be casual about this whole thing. Why are you so tense? If you ever do any mistake or say something inappropriate, it's not like they are going to sue you like other employees.''

Tried. You really tried his words to settle down in the front of your mind to calm yourself but still everything was becoming a mess, the moment he was reminding you the reality.

''Well, I would panic too on becoming the secretary to some handsome leaders of the most renowned company of the city.''

Every time he mentioned this line, you groaned and banged your head on the table, not really because he will put his hand before your head touches the wood and then his loud laugh on which people will be giving you the judging looks. Atleast, apart from all your life problems, he will still try to make you lively, diverting you to different topics and you are glad to have him with you.

I really want him to be with me always. He wants it too.

It took you two hours to finish up with the long morning schedule with Hongjoong and Seonghwa. The others were still busy with their work so it left you alone to wander around, when the both of them went to greet someone important and Hongjoong said that you should have the brunch without worrying for anything more.

"Mingi, I missed you so much."

You hugged him tightly as you were seeing him almost after one week because he was busy with overseas events and barely got time to attend any office work. Every day, you used to peek at his cabin just to get a glimpse of him but to your disappointment, the lights were off and an empty chair with a neat desk resting inside. But this morning, it's a surprise to see him walking on the 16th floor, this is one of the floors where they are like at their house. The floors: 16 to 20 are like their house so it's normal for them to not allow anyone in this section but you are allowed as you are staying here and well a part of their family.

You still wonder about your relationship with each other.

"I missed my girl too. How are you?" Mingi asked you, smiling down at you still in his hold. His eyes were shining with fondness and yours with excitement.

"I'm fine, just having a lot of work."

"Do you want some rest? If you are tired, I can give you some days and then you can be all fit and fine." He suggested when you shook your head at him.

"I'm not sick, Mingi. It's usual to get tired after working for so long. And today, there was an important event I went to with Hwa and Joong and now I came back to have my brunch and need to get back to my paper work again." You said and gave him a smile.

He nodded, "do you want me to accompany you?"

"If you are free then sure."

.

.

.

Both of you were in your cabin, you doing your work and Mingi occasionally starting a conversation on small topics and then listening to some soft music. Completing the papers and arranging them to the side, you stretched your hand and looked at your side when you got surprised by the man already staring at you and gave you a quick smile.

"I heard you went on a date with Seonghwa..." he started and licked his lips to continue, there was a hesitation in his tone but he was trying to hide it with a smile, "and you accepted him like Yunho."

You nodded, not knowing how to extend the conversation. The message you received one week back when you went to the date was still confusing you. Not telling it to anyone, you kept it to yourself because even when you thought it was just a prank yet somehow you wanted to know about it.

Is there someone else keeping a watch on you?

"y/n?" Mingi placed a hand on your shoulder when you flinched at the sudden effect. "are you okay?"

You nodded, forcing out a laugh, "yeah. I was thinking about that day. It was such a nice day."

He smiled on hearing you, "that's good. I'm really happy that you are comfortable and enjoying being here with us."

"you all really care for me a lot and there's nothing to worry about so why not to feel comfortable." You looked around, glancing at the window then back to him, "also, I still don't remember so many parts of my past yet you all are here to accompany me in every step. What more can I ask for?"

He cupped your cheek with one hand and smiled softly, "y/n..." your eyes moved to meet him when he continued, "just stay with us please. No matter how difficult the situation would be after remembering everything, promise me that you will come to us. Don't be afraid and run away from us, please."

"Mingi..." you grabbed his wrist holding your face, smiling in assurance, "are you all afraid that I might go away like I did in high school?" The silence you got in reply was enough to tell you the reason, so you continued, "don't worry, I won't be going anywhere knowing that you all are the only people I have in my life."

The moment was too peaceful between you two and he was wishing it to continue forever but could it be? He stood up from the chair, noticing your eyes on him, watching him patting your head and smiling down at you before turning around to leave. The moment he stepped forward, he paused and turned around, making you confused when he spoke up.

"Do you want to go on a night walk with me later?"

The question did surprise you a little because first of all, none of them allow you to stay out at night alone anytime and even if you do then you have to get a long hours lecture from Hongjoong and Seonghwa. Certainly, you don't want it at the moment but going out with him won't be a problem here so why not to agree?

"of course. But you all won't allow me to go out at night."

He chuckled, "yeah and here you are going on a trip with Star so don't blame us."

"that's different."

He raised his brow in amusement, "okay, sure."

You furrowed your brows, exactly knowing that he was trying to annoy you when he suddenly laughed at your adorable expression.

"y/n, we just always want you to be happy and safe. Don't misunderstand anything." He softly said.

Hearing his words, you stood up, trudging towards him, your arms wrapped around him, when he immediately returned the same gesture with his arms wrapping around you in a comforting hug, "I know, Mingi and I really trust you all a lot."

He stroked your hairs, "thanks, y/n. Also, come down to the lobby at exactly nine, I'll be there after dinner. Sorry, it's a cheap way of asking you out on a date but I wanted us to spend time alone in a peaceful atmosphere where others won't be there to butt in."

"date?" you looked up at him in surprise.

He nodded, pressing his lips tightly, "yeah, it's just I want us to get to know each other a little bit more. It's just..."

"Mingi...it's not like I only care and love those luxury dates and all. Yes, I really loved the day spent with Seonghwa but trust me, a night walk is also a great option for me. I love this too."

His lips curled up, "so, you coming?"

"wait for me."

.

.

.

It was a cool, clear evening when Mingi and you decided to go for a walk. The day had been long and busy, but as the sun dipped below the horizon and the first stars appeared in the sky, a sense of calm settled over the world. The streets were quiet, illuminated by the soft glow of streetlights that stretched far into the distance. The hum of the city had faded, leaving only the occasional distant sound of cars and the soft chirping of crickets to accompany both of you.

Mingi had texted you earlier, asking if you could dress-up in a particular style of his choice, previously you were confused on the way he wanted but upon noticing the picture he sent you, you realized it was a casual street style. After everything had quieted down, you stepped into your closet to find something exactly similar to the outfit of his choice. It wasn't an unusual request from him and you wanted to dress up accordingly—he liked these late-night strolls when the world felt a little less chaotic. You have often seen him going out alone and today, you agreed without hesitation, eager for the opportunity to catch up in a more peaceful setting.

When you met up at the lobby, he was waiting with his hands tucked into his pockets, his tall frame all in black denims relaxed but still imposing under the dim lights when you walked outside. His usual bright energy was subdued, but there was something calming about his presence tonight. He gave you a small smile as you approached, and without saying much, both of you started walking side by side, the pavement beneath cool and smooth.

The air was crisp, with a gentle breeze carrying the faint scent of flowers from a nearby garden. You both didn't speak at first, and the silence between you both was comfortable, like you were both just content to be in each other's company. The sound of your footsteps, rhythmic and unhurried, seemed to match the quiet heartbeat of the night.

Just after a few steps, he told you to wait, halting your steps and when you looked at him, he stepped away from you, walking further when he stopped and turned around, fishing out his phone out from the pocket, "strike a pose for me."

"huh?" your confusion got answered when he turned on the flash and a click sound echoed in the place. He wanted to click a picture of you, you looked down at your gray loose denim and a black jacket with a white tee and then back at the camera, not knowing what to do, you made a peace sign with tilting your head to the side and slightly smiling and quickly, he pressed the click button.

That didn't end there because after clicking you a lot of pictures – some weird, some decent. You both ended up setting the camera anywhere you wanted and striking funny poses to live the moment. It was totally giving off as if you both were two teenage souls enjoying your only free time. When you noticed the environment, you caught the marvelous view of their building, it looked better at night. The first pics he clicked were in front of that building and you felt so proud knowing your friends own that after their hard work since early days.

As you both passed by rows of houses, their windows glowing faintly with the warm light of evening, Mingi broke the silence.

"You ever feel like everything moves too fast?" he asked, his voice low and thoughtful. His gaze was fixed ahead, as if he was speaking to the night itself. "Like, life's just this whirlwind, and sometimes it's hard to keep up."

you glanced over at him, surprised by the introspective tone in his voice. Mingi was usually so full of energy and humor, always cracking jokes or teasing his friends. But tonight, there was something different in the air—something more vulnerable.

"Yeah, I do," you replied softly, looking up at the stars twinkling above. "Especially when things are constantly happening around you. It can feel like you're always being swept up in it, barely catching your breath. Just like I am surprised that it's been more than a year I'm with you all. Also, I love the peace when life is rushed because other times, you won't know the feelings of those times."

Mingi nodded, his eyes still on the road ahead. "It's like, I love everything I'm doing. The job being a CEO, attending meetings, being with my friends... but sometimes, I don't know, it feels like I'm losing myself in it. Like I'm forgetting what it's like to just be... me. and, you know, it's you with whom I can actually feel relaxed."

He let out a small sigh, his shoulders dropping slightly as he spoke. It was rare to hear him open up like this, and you could tell there was a lot on his mind.

"You don't really get a break, do you?" you said, your voice gentle. "It's a lot for anyone to handle. But as I have already said before, always come to me whenever you want to."

"Yeah," he said, his tone softening even more. "It's weird I am being like this, you know? I wanted this. And I still do. But it's just... hard to balance everything. Sometimes I wonder if I'm missing out on the simpler things, like tonight." He gestured toward the stars, the quiet streets around us. "Moments like these."

His words hung in the air for a moment, the weight of them lingering between you both. you felt a pang of empathy, understanding exactly what he meant. Mingi, for all his talent and success, was still human—someone who needed time to reflect, to breathe, to be.

"I think it's good that you're thinking about that," you said after a pause, your voice soft but reassuring. "It's easy to get lost in the chaos when everything's moving so fast. But moments like this... they're important. You need to take time for yourself, even if it's just for a little while."

He smiled slightly, glancing over at you for the first time since he'd started talking. There was a flicker of appreciation in his eyes, and the faintest trace of relief. "Yeah... I think I needed this more than I realized. I needed you, y/n. I think I need you with me forever."

You stared at him when he held your hand and walked forward to the convenience store to buy you an ice cream and some packets full of your favorite desserts. Oh! Now he is spoiling you.

You both continued walking, the conversation flowing more naturally now. He opened up about his journey, sharing stories about his childhood and his passions, the adrenaline rush he felt when he saw your admiring eyes staring back at him whenever his gaze met with yours was beyond explainable. But alongside that excitement, there was also the pressure—the proposal he wanted to happen at the moment.

"I always want to say something to you," he said, his voice a little quieter now. "But sometimes it feels like no matter how hard I try, I can't say it to you."

"just say it, Mingi. I am here." You held his hand firmly in your grasp, urging him to speak yet not pressuring to his limits.

you could hear the frustration in his words, the weight of carrying the hesitation day in and day out. "It's just what you want to say," you said gently. "I'm waiting to hear everything from you. This night is ours so let it be."

Mingi was quiet for a moment, as if letting the words sink in. "You're right," he said eventually. "I guess I just need to tell you that...I actually never proposed to you in the past. I mean we were good friends but I didn't have the courage to let you know about my feelings."

"oh...is that so?"

He nodded, looking down for a while and then again meeting your eyes, "but y/n...honestly, I have always loved your company. Staying with you is like the most relaxing and comforting time to me. I love you, y/n. please tell me, you will stay by my side, always."

You smiled, "you know even if I don't remember everything, I'm falling for you all, again and maybe it's a good sign."

No y/n, it's not.

"I promise, I'll stay by your side, I love you." You said and received a kiss on your temple and a peck on your lips before pulling you in a tight hug. When he tried to pull away from you, grabbing his jacket, you pulled him closer to lock your lips, sealing the new bond of love from friendship.

You both passed by a small park and decided to stop for a bit, sitting down on a bench beneath a large oak tree. The leaves rustled softly above you, and the night air felt refreshing against your skin. Mingi leaned back, his arms stretched out along the back of the bench, his eyes fixed on the stars above and your head lying on his lap.

"I wonder if we'll ever look back and laugh at how messy teenagers we were," he mused, his tone lighter now, almost playful.

"Maybe," you replied with a small chuckle, glancing up at the same sky. "But I think it's part of growing up, too. Figuring things out as we go. It's not supposed to be easy."

He smiled at that, the tension in his shoulders easing a little more. "Yeah... you're right. It's just nice to have someone to talk to about it."

"I'm always here if you need to," you said, my voice sincere. "Anytime."

For a while, you sat in silence, just enjoying the quiet night and each other's company. There was something comforting about being able to share these deeper thoughts with someone who understood—someone who didn't need to fill the silence with words but could just be there.

After a while, Mingi stretched his arms out and stood up, offering you his hand with a playful grin. "Come on," he said, his usual energy returning. "Let's get back. Hongjoong is probably waiting to scold us."

You pout on knowing you will get scolded again.

He added, "but this time, it's all on me."

>>>><<<<

"how do I look?" Jongho brushed his coat and turned around to ask his hyungs spread around the cabin but none of them cared to reply. "excuse me. I asked you all something."

"nothing special about your look." Wooyoung said and rolled his eyes. Jongho expected reply from anyone but him and so he glared at him before turning towards others.

He scoffed, "I didn't need your useless opinion. This is the new suit I bought last week and today I wanted to wear it on the special occasion."

Now that caught others attention. They all collectively looked towards him, feeling all the eyes as he wanted, he smirked and Seonghwa smiled affectionately, "you always look like my cute younger brother unlike the other." Both of them glanced towards San who rolled his eyes before folding the sleeves of his shirt.

"I don't want to look like him."

Jongho turned away to the eldest, "me neither. Why are you comparing me to him?"

"you are like the jolly one and he is always the grumpy one. But I love both of you." Seonghwa said with so much love and adoration for them.

Yunho chuckled, "someone is too happy knowing that she has accepted him in her life." He glanced at the eldest and then towards the man beside him and poked his side with the elbow, "so, you both went to spend your night out together. Did you two kiss?"

"that's none of your concern." Mingi spat at him when the latter just laughed it off.

Wooyoung chimed in, "whatever you all think of yourselves but I was the first one whom she kissed after joining the company." A proud look visible on his face.

"she did?" Hongjoong asked in surprise. Not only him but the rest of them were also surprised with the sudden revelation. They didn't know about this this whole time and now they were more curious about you.

"don't get all surprised. She was so sorry after that. I assured her that she was stressed, wanting to forget everything at the moment and that was the time..." Wooyoung paused and glanced at Yunho, a glint of a known feeling flashing in front of his eyes, "when I told her about her first kiss already being Yunho."

A realization set in among them but they didn't notice the exchange of glances between Yunho and Wooyoung when Yunho suddenly stood up, "Wooyoung I have something to talk about with you...alone." The younger one nodded.

"let me put this file back."

But Yeosang did notice it, he was attentive to the discussion ever since Wooyoung raised the topic of you. He even recognised the unspoken words between his two friends, and no matter how much he could deny, the same feelings are returning again.

Jealousy.

"I think I'm probably late for the meeting." He suddenly stood up from the desk.

Hongjoong raised a brow at his sudden behaviour, "you don't have any meeting. Where are you going?"

"I have one in the evening and for that I need to prepare some documents."

San turned towards his brother, "and what's your special occasion today? Why are you dressed up in a new suit?"

"I'm going to the event. Won't be returning till tomorrow night." Jongho smirked at him.

San narrowed his eyes at his reply, "and so? What's special about that?"

"with y/n."

Yeosang pulled the door open and there your hand extended, a shocked expression because you were trying to hold the handle to open the door and at the same time he pulled it open for you to come face to face with him.

"Hey, Yeosang. Good Morning."

The previous frown from his face disappeared when your glowing and dolled up look smiling brightly at him, his lips curled into a smile when he gestured you to come inside and without exiting the room, he closed the door behind him, pulling you in a hug, "Good Morning, my doll. You are looking so pretty."

"Is it?" Hearing your voice, everyone inside the room turned towards you where you were busy conversing with Yeosang. You were in straight lilac pants and a sleeveless turtleneck matching top. "Thank you."

A perfect classic business woman.

Their woman more specifically.

"Thanks for this outfit, Hwa." You thanked him and he returned a smile at you.

"You are going to the event with Jongho and we didn't know about it." Seonghwa asked while obviously checking you out in the process. You shyly tugged your hairs behind the ear, aware of his intense gaze.

You nodded, "I , myself, was not aware of it. Last night, Jongho came to my room and asked for me to tag along and that's how I ended up agreeing with him and here, I'm to inform you all about the sudden change in schedule. Won't it be a problem to you without me?" The worry in your tone was audible and Wooyoung nodded quickly while making a sad face at you, earning a smack from Jongho.

"No, sweetheart. It won't be a big deal. In your absence, Giselle can handle all these and we will try to keep up with our own." Seonghwa assured you but hearing the certain name, perked up your ears.

"who is Giselle? That girl from the account department?" you asked curiously and the tint of jealousy got their interest in you. Yunho stepped towards, standing beside Seonghwa in front of you.

He smirked, folding his hand below his chest, "why? Is there any problem?" he bent down to whisper, his breath tickling your ear and shoulder, "or maybe jealous..."

"No! I'm not jealous...it's called curiousity." You huffed, turning away from them, already your face flushing red with all their eyes on you and Yunho's flirty and seductive voice was not helping the situation, "there's so many women around the building. Of course, you have to interact with them and have so many other clients and meetings with women. Why will I be jealous? Also, I am a worker like them here, it's just they are employees and I'm your personal secretary. It's a big difference."

"okay continue..." Yunho was clearly enjoying your ramblings.

Yeah...you are clearly not jealous.

You glared at him, turning towards Hongjoong, "also they should know I'm your best-friend since childhood and you know me before all of them and I am also..." you cut yourself in between, meeting Hongjoong's eyes.

"you are also?" Hongjoong leaned forward, clasping his palms in front of his face and resting his elbow on the desk, a glint of mischievousness in his eyes. You glanced at Wooyoung leaning against the table near him and the smirk all visible on his face.

"I...I..I'm..." you held Jongho's hand, "let's go, we will be late."

"but we are going by our car." Jongho said, acting innocent.

You leaned to whisper in his ear in hurry, "take me out of here now quickly."

He nodded, "we can't leave before having our breakfast."

Seonghwa cleared his throat, "yeah. Let's all go together. Now, I'm certainly so hungry." He chuckled when he watched the disbelief look on your face. Hongjoong nodded, standing up, walking closer to you. San also smiled at the scene, seeing you all flustered because of them.

You looked around but as Yunho was about to hold your hand, you turned around, storming your feet towards the door, yelling loudly, "I literally hate you all."

"y/n..." Yeosang followed behind you closely, chuckling.

The others all laughed at your childishness and shook their heads before deciding to follow you, knowing that you obviously went to the private dining room.

"Let's go before she changes her plans with Jongho. Or boy be about to chase us down." Mingi laughed in the end.

"no need. I'm taking her out already. Don't you dare mess up my plan." Jongho glared at them before they all walked towards the door except one who was standing beside the shelf when he suddenly spoke up, making them halt their steps.

"She doesn't hate us actually, right?"

Wooyoung scoffed, "and why does it matter to you, San? You never liked her."

He nodded, keeping quiet for a moment when he suddenly raised his head, meeting their gazes at him, "because this time, I won't be able to help myself if she hates me. I want her to forgive me."

Hongjoong said quietly, "she will someday."

San shook his head, "I want her to love me."

The chapters are so fluffy because the story is about to take turns. Our EVIL ATEEZ IS GOING TO RETURN AGAIN...HEHEHE!!!

NEXT

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(open! dm me/ send ask/reply here)

[whentherewerebicycles]

gonna do some reflective journaling about the rest of my BIRTH EXPERIENCE under the cut

i had a really good birth experience in retrospect. the induction part where we were trying to get my body to actually go into labor was super hard and weirdly demoralizing. obviously no one could give me any clear indication of how long it would take and it was really hard to manage my own expectations and mentally prepare for it to take anywhere from 12-48 hours or longer to get my body into labor. i think all the normal big feelings around birth itself were exacerbated by being so sleep deprived going into it & in so much pain from my hands… like it was just hard to be like i've felt so bad for so long and i am afraid i'm about to be in a lot more pain that will compound the existing pain and also i have no clear timeframe for when either pain will end. also i think i was still a little traumatized by the foley balloon experience lol. like i think that if the promised dilation had happened over 12-24 hours like they expected maybe it would've felt less abrupt and violent, but instead it took less than 2 hours and was SUPER painful at the end, which then terrified me because i was like wow if birth is even worse than this how am i going to handle it. i had a total meltdown around 9pm the first night (sunday night) just being like I'LL HURT FOREVER AND I DON'T EVEN FEEL EXCITED ABOUT THE BABY ANYMORE BECAUSE I'M SO FOCUSED ON THE FACT THAT I'LL HURT FOREVER. but my mom and sister were SO good through the whole process and so loving and i felt a lot better after having a big cathartic cry about it.

the other hard part of the induction was that the pitocin contractions really were kind of a lot to handle. i was intellectually prepared for that after reading about it but physically it is hard to prepare for pain you have not yet experienced! i also have no experience of natural contractions to compare them to but it felt like they just got REALLY intense really fast and were so close together that it felt like there wasn't a lot of time to rest/recover after each one. from about 11pm to 4am when i got the epidural i was just in a lot of pain. my sister was sooo good through this part. she got up around midnight and we just hung out and she did counter-pressure for me on every contraction from maybe 2-4am when they got really intense and close together and also she helped me wash my hair which was for some reason extremely important to me.

the other part that i found hard about the contractions-with-no-pain-management part was that the night nurse was not all that helpful or sympathetic and mostly seemed kind of annoyed that i was asking for the epidural so early (i was a little over 5cm dilated at the time). and that made me feel embarrassed because i felt like a wimp!looking back on it i feel like i could've endured longer but also i was just SO tired from being awake and in escalating pain/discomfort for 24 hours and i was really overwhelmed by the idea of spending like six more hours of doing this on no sleep. but also looking back on it: who cares about what some nurse thinks of me!! i was the one in my body and i was feeling overwhelmed and it was ok of me to not want to be in pain anymore. anyway the epidural was incredible, i loved it, i want to marry my anesthesiologist, etc etc. i still think if i have another baby and am able to have a non-induce birth i would be interested in trying an unmedicated birth or at least seeing if contractions without pitocin allowed me to get further. it was an interesting physical experience and i think if i hadn't been so tired and in so much hand pain i might have found it more intriguing to keep going & to see what else that experience had in store for me. but as it was: i am fine with how it went down! and i was Ready to not be in pain.

anyway: got the epidural around 4am or so on monday and immediately crashed SO hard. like i was falling asleep sitting up at the table after they injected the pain meds. the anesthesiologist said that was normal lol i guess you don't realize how much adrenaline is coursing through your body bc of the pain until the pain is abruptly & totally removed and then your body is like PHEW!!! TIME TO COLLAPSE. i did indeed collapse. i slept three hours, just like the deepest and most uninterrupted slumber i've slept since literally late march, and woke up feeling like a new human. at that point they did a cervix check and i was i think at 6ish cm? so they let me sleep another three blissful hours and then i woke up and they were like whoa you're at 9.5cm it's almost go time. then we had a frantic 45 min or so of getting ready (i was like i NEED to BRUSH my TEETH!!!!!! i cannot BIRTH this BABY without BRUSHING MY TEETH but of course i could not walk so my sister had to bring me all the things aha). and then it was go time!!!!

pushing was hilariously fast ahaha this was by far the easiest part of my labor. everyone was in a great mood and the vibes were good and i felt like i had newly acquired superpowers after sleeping for SIX WHOLE HOURS. i spent so much time getting myself emotionally ready for it to take hours and be really hard, and then i think i pushed for like, five sets of three 10-second pushes, and he was there. it took 27 min total and would've been even faster except that they made me stop and wait for five-ish min while his head was RIGHT there in the birth canal (i saw it in the mirror!!!!!! it was insane!!!!!) because someone had to RUN and grab the OB. then i pushed for one more set and he was out!!!!! it was crazy!!!!! his cord was so short they ended up clamping and cutting it right away so they could put him on my chest. when they first threw him on me it was kind of terrifying because he was SO still and silent, and also a very dark purple/blue color, and i was like oh my god. he's dead. he's dead. i made it this far and he died. it was so scary gahhh i'm crying just thinking about it!! but then they started massaging him and patting his back and he coughed a bunch and started crying. they made him cry a LOT and checked his lungs a bunch the first 15 min or so because they were full of gunk/didn't sound so great, but he cleared it all by crying up a storm and then he was fine!!! and not so purple!!! and he was all mine he was my healthy baby boy!!!! he cried so much because it's scary to be born but we did it!!!!

wahhhh it was so good i want to remember it forever i am bawling again thinking about it. my guy!!!! he was so little and squashed and such a funny color and he opened his eyes and looked at me!!! and now he's just mine he's my baby!!!!! he had big dark eyes and big hands with long long fingers and long narrow feet with long delicate-looking toes and perfect little orecchiette ears and a truly majestic conehead from coming out of the birth canal ahaha. a perfect baby!!!! he weighed 7 lbs 14 oz at birth and was 21 inches long, and everyone kept saying phew if he'd had three more weeks to cook in there he would've been a BIG boy!!! i love him so much he is so perfect. oh also they gave me a 'placenta tour' which was very fun and also kind of horrifying like ouch that ripped off the side of my uterus?? also i had a small tear they had to stitch up but nothing too bad. idk the main event was obviously the BABY and he was perfect and everything was perfect and it was worth it to go through the shitty parts of induction to get him early. my kiddo!!!!! i love him!!!!

[gangrenados]

Yandere Jason Todd

I have to say that these are a bunch of multiples ideas, so it might a little bit dispersed.

Warning: murder, kidnapping, manipulation

I don't condone any of this behavior, we all know this is a really shitty thing to do.

Matthew Daddario as Jason fancast cuz I like it!!

▪Let's start with something simple: Jason is a very possessive and over protective yandere who doesn't fear to kill whoever dares to put themselves between him and you, especially if they're rivals.

▪There's a big difference when it comes to how he'll be with you depending on what state of his life he's in.

•Fresh of out of the Pit Jason will obsess over you for the sole reason that he wants to posses something in order to feel like he has gained some control over his life.

° Jason doesn't love you, you're just an object that he use to feel in control so he will manhandle you and break you as he pleases.

°It's hard for him to realize that what he's doing is wrong and by the time he finally accepts it, you'll probably be death or in a terrible mind state.

°Jason will have succeed in breaking you and he will punish himself about it.

•Arkham Knight Jason see you as a something that he needs to possess in order to feel human and loved again. He almost worships you as a higher being.

°Jason will hold on you in dear life, hoping that your company will make him feel better.

° Jason is more mindful over your needs and what you might feel about him and being held hostage, those thoughts makes him deeply insecure and sick to his stomach. However, Jason can't bring himself to let you go, he needs you.

°He wouldn't hurt you on purpose, but rather will choose to threaten you with breaking all your bones or killing those you love.

°This applies when he's jealous. Jason will pin you up against wall and point a gun at you as he cries and screams why was the cause for you to betray him.

°You always knew Jason was by far more strong than you but having him towering over you in the middle of a breakdown as he waves around a loaded gun is making you panic.

°Jason wouldn't kill you, but he know where to shoot without killing. You're gonna suffer with him if you don't start to give him answers.

°This version of Jason is mentally and emotionally unstable, he's more likely to breakdown and cause chaos since he can't fully control what he's feeling or how to process it.

°Jason might worship you and treat you as if you were made of glass, but he might kill you in one of his anger rampages.

• Red Hood Jason in the other hand is in a better mental place so it's less likely that he'll hurt you out of an emotional decontrol.

° Also there's the fact that, as that his Arkham Knight version, Jason prefers to use threads to keep you under his control rather than physical punishments. However, he'll use them if your being too defiant.

His punishments tend to be: isolation, spanking, making you use a collar shock, etc

°Jason doesn't see you as an object that will make him feel better, he genuinely loves and cares for you.

°He's deeply afraid that something bad will happen to you if he's not there to protect you.

°Jason see you as a defenseless, naive person who needs him to survive. He's gonna be your savior and lover even if you don't want him to.

°Oh don't try to escape, he'll find you pretty easily and drag you back to the safe house as he scolds you for being such a stupid brat. And if someone else was helping you escape? Jason will kill them in front of you to show you a lesson.

°He might nice and caring to you, but Jason doesn't tolerate when a darling talks back or defy him.

He doesn't like a bratty darling since it makes him think you don't trust him enough. Jason truly believes he knows what's better for you, so it's not gonna end well if you question his decisions.

°Might pull up a dirty move to make you stay, like hiring some goons to scare you if you decide to leave him. So Red Hood can come, kill them and be your hero!

°One thing to keep in mind is that all of his version are deeply insecure and touched deprived. They might want to hold you and kiss you, but it's gonna be a long way until they finally don't hesitate to do such thing.

°Their distan and pretty close to you at the same time. This goes more with the Arkham Knight and Red Hood though.

I'm gonna keep talking about the Red Hood version, so keep reading!

▪Jason wants you and will have you, he doesn't care how far he has to go for that to become true.

▪He wants to know every little single detail about you, it doesn't matter if they're insignificant.

▪So he will study you and take notes about your preferences, your weaknesses, what you like and what not and what are those little habits you have so internalized that you don't even notice you make.

▪It will lead to a point that Jason will know you better than you think to know yourself.

▪He will set cameras and a security system in your house and you will notice that Red Hood has been appearing too much near your neighborhood lately...weird.

▪Also the crippling sensation that someone is watching has been being so persistent when you go out.

▪You have tried to calm yourself down saying that it's normal since you live in a city like Gotham, but that doesn't make it any better.

▪Also lately you don't feel alone when you're in your apartment. You don't feel alone at all to be honest and it's creeping you out.

▪And what about this new guy in your life? He looks so mysterious and bad boy-ish, also wow he's pretty damn handsome and easy to talk to! How this guy can be friend of yours!?

▪Yeah, Jason got over his doubts and went out of his way to reach to you and be part of your life (with you knowing this time)

▪There's something we have to address here: at the beginning Jason couldn't accept that what he was doing was wrong. He didn't even want to acknowledge that he was deeply infatuated with you.

▪Jason didn't mean for this crush to go that far and the idea of what he's really doing, looking through the cameras he installed in your room, was making him sick.

▪However, he couldn't be away from you for long, if something happened to you it would drive him crazy, since the idea that you weren't there was enough to make anxiety paralyze his entire body.

▪Jason needs to protect you like he needs to breathe. It's not an option but a vital necessity.

▪What happens is that Jason's mind is torn between the voice that tells him to watch you closely and the one who's screaming at him and begging to stop all of this.

▪ Jason wants to possess you so he can keep the dangerous world away from you, is better than the rational part of his mind that tells him that what he is doing is foolish and will end badly.

▪But to be honest here, Jason doesn't pay much attention to the rational side of his brain unless he has a breakdown since he's more sensitive and open to those sad thoughts.

▪During one of those breakdowns were the main reason why he took you one night after about a month of overthinking every decision he has made so far and the numbing that he might lose you if he doesn't do something drastical.

▪So during a seemingly normal night in Gotham, when the rain soaked everything in it's path and made your warm bed even comfortable than ever, an exalted Red Hood broke into your apartment to kidnap you.

▪He didn't leave any space for doubt, so without hesitation he pricked your neck with a needle and carried to one of his safe houses.

▪Jason feels like he can breath again now that you're on his bed, sleeping fondly thanks to the tranquilizer.

▪You look so beautiful and innocent, it only reassures Jason that what he did was the right thing.

▪You need him to protect you from the horrible things of the world, it's more than obvious that you can't take care of yourself and Jason is more than glad to keep you safe.

▪Yeah, that's all he wants in reality. Jason doesn't give a fuck if you don't love him right away since he have the hope that one day you'll understand and finally accept his love and devotion for you and you'll do the same.

[barbenheimer-core]

AUDERE EST FACERE !

하나. chanel : part one — 1.3k words

Ahyeong stared at the green wormhole outside the restaurant window that looked like it had ripped through the walls of reality itself, tuning out the low hum of the piano and the incessant chatterings of her parents discussing stock prices with the company investors over glasses of fine wine and impeccable dining.

She blinked.

It was gone.

Maybe she shouldn't have pulled an all-nighter binging True Beauty on webtoon as a reward for finishing the end-of-term exams. Lack of sleep was leading her to have vivid hallucinations.

She set her sights on her waiting dish of panna cotta instead, picking up the gold dessert spoon and scooping up an acceptable amount of the cold dish before putting it in her mouth.

"Noona," her brother, Gilyeong nudged her side, briefly scrolling his phone's screen before turning it at her direction under the table, away from the eyes of the adults.

Ahyeong, slightly confused, looked down at his phone screen, only to snap her neck as fast she could the other way.

Aish, that kid, the girl cursed under her breath, always up to ruining her mind.

Gilyeong lowly chuckled at his sister's agitated state and continued reading his horror manhwa on a mobile-reading app.

She couldn't exactly remember when, but it had become a tradition of sorts among the siblings to share the most gruesome stills of creepy images they could find to incite a satisfactory — and sometimes, rather laughable — reaction from the other.

They had a whole rating system where the degree of their flinches would determine the amount of money they had to pay to each other. Though she had to add, Ahyeong was winning in that department.

While Gilyeong found such material more often than not as he was an avid reader of any and every horror comic he could get his hands on, Ahyeong was more partial to the films and movies, only occasionally dipping her toes into physical pages.

Although she found clips and images at a slower pace than he did due to mountains of schoolwork, her contributions were usually the most disturbing (and mentally scarring) of all the others, which three times out of ten resulted in Gilyeong damaging his voice box by the magnitude of his screams.

(The neighbor had to check in once because he had thought it was Ahyeong screaming bloody murder.)

It wasn't like Gilyeong held back either. Despite being twelve, the guy had a lot of nerve in him reading all sorts of body horror. She supposed it was their mum's fault for leaving him unsupervised in the comics section at the library and Ahyeong's own for not stopping the seven-year-old from tainting his eyes. He had looked genuinely fascinated with the grotesque drawings and she had thought that it would have been nice to have someone to discuss her interests with. Her friends were hesitant to delve into "nightmare fodder" as they had called it.

She sighed, blinking away the drowsiness in her eyes as she tried to focus on eating her dessert. She couldn't wait to go back to reading True Beauty.

The restaurant lobby was as extravagant as it could've been, with rich, dark colors and gold-silver accents on every corner.

Her parents were outside, seeing the investors off while Ahyeong and Gilyeong waited for them to pick her up.

It had been over twenty minutes and they still hadn't returned. She could've rested a bit. Ahyeong tapped her foot impatiently, wincing at the sting in her foot. Standing in her stilettos for so long was doing her no good other than causing pain to her toes.

"Yah, dongsaeng, I'm gonna take a power nap, wake me up when mum and dad arrive."

She got no sign of confirmation other than a slight glance her way, and with that, she finally sunk into the couch and removed her heels.

The couch felt like a cloud, and Ahyeong couldn't help the heavy feeling behind her eyelids as exhaustion finally took over her consciousness and her eyes slowly fluttered shut, unbeknownst to the green hole in reality that formed in front of her as soon as she did.

Turn.

Turn.

Turn.

Someone was reading a book. That was what she first thought as her sleepiness faded, waking up from her nap but still keeping her eyes closed.

Maybe her brother had sneaked a copy of a comic under their parents' noses and was reading it while they were away.

Why didn't he wake her up yet? They still hadn't returned?

She was feeling more refreshed than ever and that was only possible with a full eight hours of sleep. Had a power nap finally lived up to its name?

It also smelled different. Compared to the faint scent of lavender and roses that glided through the air in the restaurant lobby, the only thing Ahyeong could register now was the steaming smell of convenience store ramen as if it was right in front of her and a rather strange note of musk from someone sitting across from her.

She furrowed her brows.

Gilyeong never put on cologne or perfume, who was it?

Snapping her eyes open, Ahyeong stilled, looking at the Gucci-clad person reading a manhwa in front of her.

She blinked.

Huh? Lee Dongmin?

Looking down at herself, she noticed her obvious change in attire, wearing Chanel trainers instead of stilettos and wide-legged pants and a cream turtleneck in place of her grey chiffon dress.

Where was she?

Awareness flooded her system, and her eyes zoomed over her surroundings to see a place she never thought she would.

Prince Comics.

The haven of horror enthusiasts.

Ahyeong contemplated. So was she in a drama? True Beauty, no less.

. . . wow, she really had been sleep-deprived, hadn't she? So much so that her obsession with True Beauty ended up with her having this extremely realistic fantasy.

Smiling faintly, she got up, alerting Cha Eu— no, Lee Suho, who went back to reading when she went to browse the collections available in the store.

So, a character from the main cast and an almost endless collection of her favorite pastime hobby?

She never thought she'd thank sleep deprivation for giving her such a wonderful lucid dream.

Suho glanced over his book to look at the girl peering at the various volumes of Uzumaki on the Junji Ito shelves.

Judging by her appearance, which screamed wealthy, she was most definitely not from around here.

He didn't recall seeing her around school or the neighborhood either.

Strange, he thought as she pulled out a copy of Shiver and sifted through it, face completely straight and not flinching in the slightest, rather, an amused smile played on her lips.

"Oh? Ahyeong! Is that you?"

His mental analysis of the new girl broke when the bookstore owner entered the lounge with a face of vague recognition, and Suho hastily returned his eyes back to reading his comic as the girl — Ahyeong, as the owner had called her, turned around with equal startlement.

TURN.

What the-?

"Wangja-ssi, it's been a while," Ahyeong smiled at the shop owner, slipping the book back into the shelf.

"Wah, you've gotten even more pretty from the last time I saw you!" Wangja exclaimed, face alight with elation at the sight of one of his favorite customers back at his shop.

She'd never seen him aside from behind a screen, what'd he mean?

Ahyeong looked abashed at the sudden compliment why was she doing that? and smiled awkwardly.

"Well, I'm here now. Our family moved to Gangnam a few days ago." She had been living in Gangnam since she'd been born, what was she saying? Why couldn't she control her actions?

"Daebak, what about your schooling? It's the middle of the year, have you found a place?"

"Oh, yeah, about that," Ahyeong grinned. She looked at Suho, who was gulping down red ginseng and not paying attention to their conversation at all, trying to signal him of the weird situation of paralysis that she was in. Was this what usually happened in a lucid dream? Her gaze locked onto Wangja's.

"I'm transferring to Saebom."

HUH!?

Suho choked on his drink.

masterlist

© 2021 Alfia Sheikh, All Rights Reserved

[smileyoongle]

Masterpiece (A Park Jimin Yandere AU)

Summary: You thought it was just a painting until you bought it. You thought the man in the frame was beautiful until you saw him. You thought it was a masterpiece until you were ruined.

Pairing: Yandere! Jimin×Reader, Taehyung×Reader

Warnings: Contains mentions of smut, deaths, blood, obsessive behaviour and mental health issues. Please read at your own risk.

Your hands were placed firmly on either side of your bathroom sink, steadying you as you stared at your reflection in the mirror.

 Correction.

 As you stared at him through the reflection in the mirror.

 You couldn't tell how long you had been standing like this but you sure knew that you were about to pass out. Your hair was damp and it stuck to your skin, the towel wrapped around you absorbing the tiny drops of water that glided down your shoulders. There was a suffocating silence in the bathroom, the cool air from your bedroom making goosebumps rise on your skin. 

You were hallucinating, you concluded. How else could park Jimin be standing behind you right now? Paintings didn't come to life. Even though you liked that idea, they just didn't. Your mind was in a daze, unable to comprehend what your next move should be. But you had to do something. Maybe call out for help? Taehyung and Nan were right downstairs, weren't they? 

No, Y/N. They'd probably make you go back for another therapy session.

You swallowed thickly before inhaling deeply. Jimin stood still behind you, his smirk unmoving along with his eyes. If you didn't see the rise and fall of his chest, you would have thought he was a statue. 

"You're not real." You whispered, your eyes becoming moist due to the lack of blinking. Another beat of silence passed before Jimin's lips twisted into a grin. Your breath hitched, your fingers tightening their grip on the counter to keep you standing. He cocked an eyebrow, tilting his head to the side and resting it on the doorframe. 

"You tell me." Came his reply. His voice was gentle, like a lullaby. You didn't expect anything less but in all honesty, you weren't really anticipating any of this. This was pure madness. You were going mad. 

Your curiosity got the best of you and you just had to turn around, your eyes meeting the absence of the very man who was driving you nuts. To say you were relieved was an understatement, a grateful sigh leaving your lips almost immediately.

Okay, you aren't going mad. You're just sleep deprived.

You placed your hands on your hips, slowly stepping out of the bathroom and scanning the room for any kind of sign that someone had been here.

"Looking for me?" 

You flinched, your eyes falling on Taehyung as he stood with his arms crossed at your bedroom door. You gave him a disapproving glare for scaring you before walking past him towards your closet. Taehyung chuckled and followed you, his hands wrapping around your waist as you opened the doors to your wardrobe. Your heart did that thing, a frown gracing your eyebrows at the familiar feeling. It was because of Taehyung. No kidding.

You felt his hot breath on your neck, his lips meeting your shoulder right after. His hands gripped your waist tighter, pulling you against his body. As much as you wanted to tell him to leave, you couldn't.

"Tae, what are you doing?" You breathed, wincing when he bit down on your shoulder harshly. He peppered your neck with kisses until he reached your ear.

"What do you think?" He rasped, sucking right beneath your ear. You let out a soft moan before he turned you around. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer, your lips pressing against his firmly. His tongue ran across your bottom lip, his fingers digging into your hips roughly and making you gasp. He deepened the kiss, lust clouding over both of you. 

You never had self control around Taehyung. Everytime you decided that you wouldn't do this to him, his touch had you melting. 

"Fuck, I love you."

The irony.

You immediately pulled away, your hands pushing Taehyung away from you. His hands loosened their hold on your hips, his chest heaving as an aftermath of the snogging you both had done. Taehyung closed his eyes in frustration, your shoulder brushing against his as you rushed past him.

 Taehyung wanted to slap himself for saying those words to you. He knew better than that but he just couldn't hold it back. He had to let you know how he felt, although your reaction told him that you already knew. For years, he stood by you, waiting for you to mirror his feelings but you never did. And every time he asked, he got the same answer. 

"I can't deal with the kind of emotional investment that a relationship requires."

You clenched the front of your towel, your other hand going towards the doorknob of your bedroom door. Your head began to throb, indicating that you were gonna be downing aspirins in a couple hours. Today was a little too eventful for you and not in a happy way. Everything was just going wrong.

"Just- just please tell me what I can do to change your mind.." 

Your hand froze on the doorknob, a subtle ache passing over you upon hearing the desperation in Taehyung's voice. You almost gave in. Almost. With a sharp inhale, you opened the door and turned to Taehyung, your eyes fixed on the maroon carpet of your room. You couldn't look him in the eyes, too scared to witness the pain in them. All because of you.

"Leave." You stated sternly, pursing your lips and waiting patiently for him to do as you said. You heard him chuckle bitterly, your fists clenching by your side. Your eyes fell shut as he walked over to you, his warm breath fanning your face before he placed a kiss on your forehead. You pursed your lips tighter, an apology begging to be let out. 

"Take care." Taehyung mumbled against your forehead, glancing at you one last time before leaving you alone. With shaky hands, you slammed the door shut, falling on the floor with your back against it. 

You tucked your knees under your chin, blinking rapidly to prevent yourself from crying. You felt dizzy, your head spinning as you tried to stay conscious. The events of the day were taking a toll on you, your body slowly shutting down. You whimpered and crawled to your bed, getting under the blankets with much difficulty. You were still in your towel, your fingers ripping it off you and tossing it to the ground. A single tear made its way to the side of your face, your eyes staring at the ceiling. 

"No matter how much you try to push me away, I'll always be here."

"You'll never be alone, Y/N. I promise to be your rock."

"I don't care what everyone says, you are my best friend and I'm not letting anyone take that away."

"We both could just stay single for the rest of our lives. No relationship rollercoasters!"

A sob escaped your mouth, your hand immediately going to cover it up. You were alone in your room but you still felt exposed. As if a hundred eyes were watching you break down. This was intimate, even in your own personal space. You didn't wanna cry. No. You weren't weak.

Taehyung's words kept running through your mind, making you wonder why things changed. He used to be supportive of your single-forever tag and now, he wanted the opposite of it. You wouldn't have cared if he got into a relationship, he was still gonna be your best friend. But the problem was, he wanted this with you. And something told you that he was in too deep for you to do anything about it. 

With a heavy exhale, you closed your eyes, the headache taking over along with the mental exhaustion.

_____________________________________________

Tears streamed down your face endlessly, the ropes digging into your skin as you struggled against them. The basement was dark and eerily quiet, the only noises coming from the gagged girls who lay unconscious at the corner of the room. It was a mistake. You should have just taken the long way home. So what if your dad would have gotten mad at you? At least you would be home. Safe and sound.

The dirty rag tied up around your mouth was wet with your saliva, protests leaving your mouth as you tried to scream. You still didn't know how you got here. All you remembered was that alley. That damned alley. 

A loud clanking of chains grabbed your attention, your eyes widening as you froze. Someone was coming, you could tell. Your chest heaved as you waited patiently for your kidnapper to show himself. You guessed it was a male. It had to be.

The silhouette of a man made its way to you, your head leaning forward to see who it was. And the second he stepped into the light, your blood ran cold. Cameron D'silva, your new neighbour who had managed to make you crush on him. His eyes were darker than you had ever seen, his dirty blonde hair a mess. His lips curved into a smirk, a sadistic one. You immediately shook your head, not being able to believe this. The one time you liked a guy, he ended up being a kidnapper? Wow. 

"Hello, Y/N. You don't know how good I feel to finally see you here. All tied up for me." He chuckled, running his fingers down your arm. You flinched, making incoherent noises until he rolled his eyes and took off your gag. You coughed, licking your lips before speaking.

"Why are you doing this?!" You asked, your vision hazy with the amount of tears that constantly pooled in your eyes. Cameron raised an eyebrow, giving you his sweetest smile. You wanted throw up at the show he was putting on. You couldn't believe that this was the same guy who had taken you to the fair as a date. 

"You see, I like you, Y/N. I really do. And it has always been a fantasy of mine to tie my girl up while I give her the time of her life-" You spat on him, glaring at him with all the hatred you could muster. You were disgusted by him. There was no way you would let him touch you. He clenched his jaw, wiping away your saliva from his face before chuckling bitterly. 

"You aren't the first one, Y/N. All those girls have defied me only to end up with the same fate. But don't worry, I promise I like you more than them. They are nothing compared to you." He said, grinning at you and playing with your hair. You gritted your teeth, ready to bite back when he harshly pulled your hair, making you scream in agony. The cynical expression on his face had etched itself in your memory, his eyes portraying the insanity that he possessed.

"I can't wait to ruin you…"

You jolted awake with sweat beading on your forehead, your heart pounding against your ribcage. Your throat was dry and your hands were clammy. Even in your naked state, you were sweating. You took in your surroundings, sighing in relief upon seeing your own bedroom.

Just a dream.

Even though you convinced yourself that it was just a dream, you found it difficult to breathe. Your lungs were on fire and your mind kept replaying the bitter dream again and again like a broken record. No matter how much you ran, that night always came back to haunt you. 

Your body trembled as you pulled the blanket up to your neck and rested against the headboard. You were slowly slipping away. Unfortunately, there was no Taehyung this time. He was gone and you had to help yourself alone. Your breathing turned shallow with every passing second, your head throbbing in pain. 

"Breathe, Y/N, breathe. You're safe here. It's all over." 

Your eyebrows furrowed, your attention moving towards the voice you had just heard. Your room was empty, only your breathing echoing through its walls. But whoever it was, your mind definitely reacted positively to the voice. You could feel yourself relaxing, your brain registering the fact that it was all really over. It had been years since that night and you were completely alright. Your eyes darted around the room, your body twisting around in the sheets to find the source of the voice. 

Hadn't you heard it before? 

You wracked your brain as you got out of bed, quickly putting on a robe over your bare body. There was definitely no one here, right? Suddenly, the realisation dawned on you, your eyes falling on the portrait in front of your bed. You had heard this voice during your little hallucination drama. Bingo!

Were you going insane for real?

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-XX

[bluecrystalgemster]

Can you feel anxious from having the feeling that you don't have enough time?

I'm going to keep things simple. A day has 24 hours. In these 24 hours a person tries to get trough the day, work hard, get back home, do chores, practice a hobby, have some time for themselves and so on. That's the ideal way to go about a day right? You go to bed and think to yourself, wow you accomplished something - anything - today. It gives people meaning and people need that. It's just how we are. We feel good and happy if we have the feeling we got to do something good. For ourselves or for others.

-

Now the thing is I've been feeling kind of off the last few weeks. It's not like I feel anxious or anything like that but I have the feeling I've come to a halt. That I stopped somewhere along the road and haven't been able to keep on walking. And what bothers me the most is that I've realised this so late. That I've stopped so long and haven't seen the time passing by. It's not anything crucial really, it's just that I have the feeling that in my 24 hours I don't find enough time to get the things done that I want to. I've got everything planned out every week, when to study for university, when to do chores, when to go grocery shopping, when to meet with friends etc. But in the end I lay in bed and still have the feeling I forgot to do something. Maybe that's the reason why I've been having sleep deprivation every now and then. When the subconscious feeling is especially strong I have trouble sleeping and wake up every few hours. That results to me getting less things done because after a whole day at university and lack of sleep, I'm tired as hell.

I haven't really talked about this with anyone because I thought it wasn't important. That I'm just being the crazy bitch that I am and stressing myself out over something that isn't even there. But now it's been piling up and I physically "see" what I've left unaccomplished. Be it deadlines for university I've been trying to keep up with or deadlines and errands I have to get done before Christmas and the end of the semester. My problem is that I hate it when I can't get things done, when I can't get a set goal done in the time I planned for it. It makes me nervous and anxious and in time everyone around me starts to feel it too because I can't hide it any longer and I start getting tense in my surrounding environment. I feel like I'm having a deja vu to my first semester lol.

-

Don't anyone think I'm helpless though, I'm not. I'm going to face this straightforward.

There's this thing called the CEO-morning-routine I read about. It's supposed to help you feel less stressed throughout the day and to get the feeling you get more stuff done at the same time. I thought I might give this routine a test run for a week or so and see how it goes. The routine is simple, you just change your sleeping schedule: instead of going to bed late, you go to sleep early at around 10pm and therefore set your timer to wake up at 4am. It sounds harsh I know but supposedly you have the feeling to get more things done in the morning before work or university whatsoever. If you get most chores and to-do's done early in the morning, you can relax in the evening and have some time for yourself. The routine specifically suggests you take 1-2 hours a day for self care. Be it working out, having a relaxing bath or reading. Just to relax and clear your mind before you go to sleep.

It sounds promising at least so I'll definetly give it a try, maybe starting next week. If it goes well I might even keep up doing it. If I'm not up to it I'll drop it as soon as this phase is over.

I might even try to use my 1-2 hours self care time to Blog about the experience, I always find it calming to write my thoughts down. We'll see.

[wishingforatypewriter]

The thing I love reading the most in fanfictions is the "moment" when a character realize he is in love :D soo my prompt is: Soma realizing he has fallen in love with Erina. How do you picture it happening? (I know it's banal but I really enjoy your writing so I'm kinda curious) ((also sorry for my bad english))

Thanks for the prompt, anon! I love those kinds of moments as well. (Also, your English is great!) Here’s my take on it…

Souma sat on the roof of his Sydney restaurant with a whiskey in hand. He had just finished a lonnnnnng dinner service. The Australian prime minister had actually made a reservation just to taste newest dish, and of course nearly half the federal legislature had followed suit. By the time he and his crew closed up shop for the night, it was damn near two in the morning. 

And as luck would have it, he had to be on a flight clear across the world by eight. 

He had been thinking that there was literally nothing he wanted more than to sleep for the next fourteen hours when she called. He smirked when her contact photo lit up his screen. Correction. There was one thing he wanted more than sleep. 

“Sup, Nakiri?” 

“Hey, Yukihira. How was the prime minister?” 

“Pretty friendly guy,” he said, stifling a yawn. “He was really into the ostrich steak. How’s Madrid?” 

“The usual,” she replied, and if he closed his eyes Souma could see her shrugging in that unimpressed way of hers. “Some famous opera singer came in today.” 

“Cool. Did you get her autograph?” 

“No, she got mine.” 

Souma shook his head, chuckling. Damn, he missed her. “You’re something else, Nakiri.” 

“Would you expect anything less?” She paused, and he could tell she was searching for the right way to ask him for something. Usually, he’d take the opportunity to play with her a little bit, watch her squirm, but he had to get back to his apartment and pack soon. 

“You need something?” 

“I was getting to it!” she snapped, as he knew she would.  “Anyway, I called because think I left a pair of earrings at your place.”

“Which one?” He had four apartments at this point, each on a different continent. 

“Brooklyn,” she said. 

“I’m flying to New York in a couple of hours. I’ll mail ‘em to you in Spain.” 

“Just send them to Tokyo,” she replied. “I’m going to wear them when I judge the final round of the autumn elections.” 

As he thought about it, Souma knew which earrings she was probably talking about. Garnet and rose gold. She always put her hair up when she wore them. “Now, that’s not fair.”

“What do you mean?” 

“How the hell is anyone supposed to focus on the match when they’re all staring at you?”

There was a pause on the line, and for a second he was sure she hung up on him. Then she sucked her teeth. “Don’t try to be charming. Your lines are always trash when you’re sleep deprived.”

“You’re right,” he conceded. “That was pretty bad. But listen, I have to go pack.”

“And I have a conference call in ten,” she admitted. Neither of them had the time for this…dating, fooling around, whatever the hell it was that they were doing, but they loved to pretend they did. “Text me when you land,” she said. “And don’t forget about my earrings.” 

The flight from Sydney to New York was almost twenty-one hours, most of which he spent corresponding with vendors and clients and food writers via the business class WiFi. 

He would spend two weeks at his Manhattan restaurant before jetting off to the Food and Wine Classic in Aspen, then it was off to Paris, then Rio, then Sydney again. By the time the cab dropped him off in front of his Brooklyn Heights apartment, Souma was beginning to understand why Kurokiba had settled down so early. Takumi too. Even Hayama was slowly inching his way back into Arato’s life, and he was almost as busy as Nakiri.  

How nice would it be if he were coming home to Nakiri? 

He shook his head, trying to get the thought out of his head. Was that real just now, or was it only the sleep deprivation talking? Not that any of it really mattered because she definitely wanted things to stay casual between them. 

He sighed as he put his key into the door, turned it. At the moment he had neither the time nor the energy to be in his feelings over Nakiri Erina. 

So of course she had to be stretched out on his couch, watching TV.

He rubbed his eyes. The fuck? Was he really this tired? It usually took a few more all-nighters than this before he started straight up hallucinating. 

He walked over to the blonde chef on the couch. She was dressed in a lilac nightgown with her hair in a high ponytail. It looked like she had been dozing off a little. 

“Yo, mirage-Nakiri,” he greeted when she opened her eyes. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” she asked, sitting up.  

Souma blinked a few times. She was still there, scowling at him, her hair a little tousled like it always was when she was just waking up. “Wait, you’re really here?” 

“Obviously,” she said, rolling her amethyst eyes in an exaggerated way. “You really are out of it, aren’t you?” she seemed to be asking herself this more than him.

“I thought you were going to Tokyo,” he said. 

“I am in a few days. I just…really missed my earrings,” she explained, crossing her arms defiantly. “Do you have a problem with that?” 

“Nope.” He leaned down and kissed her, taking in the taste of her, the smell of her expensive perfume. Damn, it would be hard to watch her leave this time. “Remind me to thank them.” 

Erina rolled her eyes at this. “Still corny,” she pointed out before giving him another peck on the lips. “You need sleep.” 

Too bad the realization would surely keep him up all night. 

Author’s Notes: Okay, wow. Writing Sorina from Souma’s POV is really challenging because he realllllly does not get how much she cares about him. I hope I did alright with this, though. Thanks for reading, everyone!