#i went to a rural conservstive poor school and my social circle kept my ex's trans status on LOCKDOWN like nobody could know

[rad-claid-plaid]

when I was a teenager, my school had an orchestra that was the most prestigious of the music programs there. You had to get auditioned and placed, whereas the other programs were opt-in. along with that orchestra, we had uniforms. Weird, low cut but floor length black dresses for the women, and tuxes for the men.

My girlfriend when I was 16/17 was trans identified, and a fantastic musician. When I asked why she didn't join the ensemble, there was one answer: the uniforms. She wouldn't join because she'd have to wear a dress. This was before being trans was a cool in-group where everyone had to bend to your will or face repercussions.

She wasn't "out" to anyone in that school as trans, except to a handful of close friends. I don't think there were any procedures in place for that sort of thing, so it was likely just up to whether tolerant teachers would play along or not. After a lengthy discussion with the directors, it was clear: if you're a woman, you MUST wear the dress. You have to. You cannot wear a tux. My friends and I commiserated with her, crying out transphobia.

Looking back, that's not the case. It's sexism. It's that the girls had to wear uncomfortable, itchy dresses, tripping over the long skirt, but with our entire top of our chests bare. I always felt it a shame that nobody was allowed to wear the uniform they wanted, or even more ideally, the sexist dresses removed and everyone wears tuxes.

Looking back, I realize that regardless of my ex's dysphoria, the fact that anyone who was a woman being forced into the secondary, non default, non neutral uniform instead of a tux that could fit everyone was hurting all of the girls at the school. We've seen stories of the girls who aren't allowed to wear pants under their graduation gowns or women who are mandated to wear heels to work. It's deeply misogynistic to force any and every woman into these roles, especially with no allowance to wear the more comfortable option. For every GNC woman, for every woman who doesn't want to wear a dress, for every woman who finds that dress uncomfortable, or for any reason at all.