#i watch the ahsoka show and my brain just pings any time there's a moment i can draw a line directly to rebels sldkjfsd

[dotthings]

I am SHOOK by The Clone Wars series finale, on every level, the characters, the emotional notes, the storytelling, the visual and technical and mood and tone and the everything of it. I’ve been absorbing Star Wars in various media forms most of my life and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like 7.12. I don’t even know how to put into words how beautiful I think that episode is.

Now a couple of semi-coherent thoughts.

Rex and Ahsoka, together at the end of all things. Ahsoka removing his helmet, Rex weeping for all his comrades who will be lost, and their escape from the destroyer. I’m just. FEELINGS. 

This whole ep was a lot of HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT *JAW ON FLOOR* and then *feelings* and I pinged back and forth on that. Between being stunned by the sheer visual power of this ep and the emotional notes.

But let’s talk about that ending. THAT ENDING.

Ahsoka standing in the snow in her cape with the clone trooper helmets in a row on the stakes, that visual is burned into my brain now. Dropping her lightsaber.

The final moment with Vader, I am taking that as a moment of Anakin. Maybe the last moment (for many years) of Anakin before those mental blast doors slam into place. Because I knew Vader as a villain since childhood, and came to The Clone Wars very late, my view tends to see Vader more than Anakin. Anakin emerged to me with more definition finally because I finally watched TCW, building on the pieces the prequel trilogy gave us. But while the prequels was a portrait of the road to his downfall, TCW was about his life, and was for a long time, and only now in S7 is it predominantly about the loss of Anakin, the downfall, the turn to the dark side. TCW hinted and did foreshadowing, but the journey to the dark side wasn’t the driving force of the narrative. It was...life and war and his friendships and his marriage and we got to see the whole person, the good person he was before Sidious broke him, before Vader destroyed Anakin from the inside out.

i think I do see Vader as Anakin’s destroyer--like Obi Wan’s decided on narrative in ep IV, Vader killed Anakin--as far as Obi Wan is concerned that’s true (from a certain pov), but I also don’t see them as separate people, where Vader destroyed Anakin and there is no more Anakin. Vader’s the darkest part of Anakin. Maybe it’s a jungian shadow kind of thing, that got loose and took over and Anakin isn’t dead but he’s locked away, trapped, buried so deep he can’t come back (at least not for a long while). One thing I often find myself doing when i watch Vader in any Star Wars thing is I look for Anakin. The similarities, the differences, between him and Vader, is there any Anakin showing. That aspect fascinates me a lot.

So in 7.12. Vader sees Ahsoka’s lightsaber half buried in the snow and ice, and he falls to his knees. It’s ambiguous. Does he collapse to his knees or does he deliberately go to his knees to pull out the lightsaber. To me it looked like a mix, he was kneeling on purpose to get the lightsaber, but it’s a little bit his legs gave out beneath him. He had to kneel. To me it looked like Anakin body language, not Vader’s. He’s covered in Vader--the helmet, the suit, the cape--yet I saw Anakin, for a flicker. The part that also really sealed the deal for me in thinking that’s the last glimpse of Anakin is that he lights up Anakin’s lightsaber, holds up the blade, stares at it. The mood doesn’t seem to carry any sense of gloating over a fallen enemy. I keep thinking of Vader in Rebels: “the apprentice lives.” He wanted to see that blade’s glow. He needed to. Last light before going into the dark.

He thinks Ahsoka is dead. There’s this huge wreck and memorials to dead clones, he probably assumed Rex buried them, and there’s no sign of Ahsoka except a discarded lightsaber crusted with ice and snow. Ahsoka’s not a Jedi any more, but to Anakin, for Ahsoka to discard her lightsaber--I think in his view, she would never. It must mean she’s dead.

And that’s it. Anakin has lost everyone who kept his grounded, closest to his heart, who could pull him back to himself. Vader thuds into place and that’s the end of the glimpse of Anakin.

[swfanficbyjz]

SW AU - Fate of the Master Chapter 4

<-Previous Chapter

Vader stared down at her unconscious body, crumpled against the wall. The rage he’d been feeling was still burning hot. He should finish her, why couldn’t he just do it? “Release your pain, free yourself.” The words she’d stuttered just as she lost consciousness stirred something in his brain. He picked her up, cradling her gently. He carried her to his private chambers, where he removed her armor, her gloves and boots. Then he hooked her up to the breathing apparatus and the harness, and lowered her into the bacta tank. It was all he could do for her right now. She’d clearly broken something. He’d look into ordering a medical droid. He wasn’t sure a request for a force healer would go unnoticed by his master.

            Satisfied that everything was hooked up and running, he bowed before the holoterminal to call the emperor.

It was getting easier and easier to lie to him; to keep his emotions in check and his force level. It was easy because all he felt was cold. When the transmission ended, he glanced over at Ahsoka floating in the tank. He’d told his master he’d broken her. That he would be looking into her information. But strangely the topic of her fate had never come up. He hadn’t broken her, not even when it sounded as though she was begging him to kill her. To the very end, she had still only been concerned for Anakin. He knew his master would figure it out soon enough, but anything could happen by then. Their fight had confused him greatly. She’d been intent to kill him and probably would have eventually, but just when she’d almost gained the upper hand, she’d made a fatal mistake. She’d dropped her defense completely. And he knew the moment he pushed her into the wall, that she had done so on purpose. Why?

            “Release your pain, free yourself.” Her words echoed again in his head. The words had been simple but hid so much meaning. As did her giving him permission to kill her. He wasn’t sure how she knew, but she did. During the few days he’d been gone, she had somehow found the root of who he was. Who Anakin was. She now knew, that Vader wasn’t the alter ego he pretended to be. He was still Anakin. The only way Anakin could live again, was if he let go of all the pain he was using to channel his hatred. To power his dark side abilities, he had to stay in pain, he had to continue to suffer. He had to see every foe as the thing he hated most; love. He hated love because those that had claimed to love him had only ever hurt him more. By leaving him, by not seeing him, by dying on him, by not asking him, by criticizing him, by never letting him be himself. No one had ever released him from the pain. And here, now, in this dark, evil, lonely place… Ahsoka had been willing to sacrifice her life so that he could finally be free. As he’d angrily believed no one had cared enough, he’d had no idea what he was asking of them. Not only had she figured it out, she had offered. But instead of doing what he’d needed to for so many years, he’d spared her. Was that really weakness? It strongly depended on your point of view. The Emperor would have called what she’d done weakness, but to him, it was the bravest, strongest show of force he’d ever witnessed. As the slaver queen had once told him on her death bed… sometimes our true master is our heart; that we are slaves to its will. Perhaps that was true, but death wasn’t the only way to be free.

            He dialed the number. As senator Organa’s image flickered into view, his surprise was quite telling. “Lord Vader,” he swallowed. “To what do I owe this honor?” Anakin watched as he shifted uncomfortably, eyes darting around like he didn’t know where to look. 

            “I have something I need to discuss with you, in person. Meet me at these coordinates. Come alone, bring one advanced medical droid. Tell no one where you are going or who you are meeting, and you will leave alive." 

            "Yes, lord Vader…” Bail stammered. “I will leave immediately.” Anakin cut the transmission and sat back on his heels. He knew he was walking down a dangerous path, but Senator Organa was the best hope he had for getting her decent medical help without alerting his master. After all, Bail Organa knew all about keeping secrets from the Emperor.

—

Bail stared at the holo projector for a long time after the image of Vader had faded. He’d not been face to face with him, but rumors could be as terrifying as reality, if not more so. Vader had a fearsome reputation. He was known to appear, destroy everything in his path and vanish without a whisper as to where he went or who he was. He knew the truth of that, of course. But very few did. Everyone that had faced him in the rebellion, at least those that had lived to tell about the encounter, repeated the same thing; he was merciless, cold, and more powerful than you could ever imagine. He had no idea why Vader had contacted him, but he was convinced he would not be returning alive. If he dared stand him up though, he glanced around the room at all the cherished reminders of his life and what he fought for, all of it would be doomed.

            He left to find his wife, trying to carefully swallow his fear so she wouldn’t suspect anything was wrong. He told her as nonchalantly as he could that he had an urgent meeting and that he loved her. Leia was harder to track down. She was headstrong and ready to pick a fight with anyone and anything that so much as looked at her wrong. She was brilliant, like her mother had been, but fearless. She could sass the pants off any pirate she came across. It had been difficult to hold her back from the rebellion. From the first moment she learned of it, she was hell bent on participating. He was proud of her of course, but always worried about her. Her behavior reminded him too much of her father, and it made him really nervous. He finally tracked her down in the courtyard playing bolo-ball with her friends, and apparently kicking their butts at it. He couldn’t help but smile. It was a sad smile, however, would he ever see her again?

            “Hi dad!” She yelled over the jeers of the crowd that had gathered around to watch. He waved back at her as she hit the ball off her head and then jumped a player to score a goal. The other team moaned as a cheer rang through the crowd. Bail had known she had force abilities and reflexes from an early age, but to protect her, he’d channeled her powers into other constructive uses. But at times like these, where she could outplay any girl or boy, it was more obvious than he liked. It wasn’t her fault of course, she couldn’t help it. It was part of who she was and what made her special. He was just so afraid for her, and constantly hoped anyone that might notice, was loyal to the house of Organa and would keep their mouths shut.

            “Well done, well done!” Bail raised his voice and the crowd fell silent. Being the crown prince of Alderaan had its perks. “I’m going to call a timeout though.” The crowd booed. “I just need to steal the star player for a moment and then you can carry on!” Leia jogged over to him, breathless and flushed but her brown eyes were bright and happy. 

            “What’s going on?” She said as he stared at her face, trying to memorize every freckle. 

“I have to head out for a few days on business,” he said, doing his best to keep his voice steady. “I just wanted to say goodbye to my favorite daughter!” Usually that made her groan, but this was a Jedi he was talking to, she always knew when he wasn’t being honest. Her eyes narrowed.

            “Dad?” She whispered, her tone had completely changed. “What’s wrong?”

            “Don’t you worry about me, child. It’s a bit of a risky trip, but nothing your old man can’t handle. Be good, and take care of your mom. We’ll talk when I get back. Deal?” He knew she wanted to argue, but this was his life; sometimes he had to do risky things, for the good of the rebellion, for the future of all things good and light. He hoped she’d just accept that it was another one of those kind of missions.

            She seemed to debate with herself for a moment and then threw her arms around him in a hug. He squeezed her tightly and they exchanged ‘I love you’s.’ He felt her eyes following him as he left, so he didn’t give in to his fears until he’d gathered the medical droid, loaded up the ship with a few supplies and was on his way. 

            As soon as he emerged from hyperspace at the coordinates Vader had given him, he was pinged by a distant ship. He flicked the switch to let the transmission come through. 

            “Senator Organa,” Vader’s heavy rasping voice came through the channel. “Did you come alone?”

            “Yes. And I brought the medical droid and some supplies.” Bail responded, his mouth felt dry. He knew Vader wouldn’t be foolish enough to take him at his word, but he was too scared of him to do anything other than what he asked.

            “Dock with my vessel and come aboard.” Vader ordered and then shut down the comm link.

            Bail did as Vader instructed. He’d no sooner docked when he felt both ships jump to hyperspace. Oh great, he thought to himself, no one would have known where to look for him, but now the chance of rescue would be next to none. He was at the mercy of Vader’s whim, and that was frightening. He swallowed hard and opened the docking hatch between the two ships.

            When he finally made it to the bridge of the other ship, he wasn’t sure what to say or do. So he just stood awkwardly aside until Vader spoke first.

            “Senator Organa,” Vader said at last, turning to face him. Bail bowed stiffly unsure of how to respond. “Follow me.” Vader rasped and brushed past him. He obeyed. “This room should be comfortable enough for the journey.” Bail stepped inside the room Vader was pointing to, unsure of what else to do.

            “Thank you.” He said with his best politician’s smile. But not being able to read your adversary’s face made it difficult. He’d been dismissed, but not locked in, he noticed. What was he up to? He’d heard stories about Sith Lords from his friends in the Jedi, but he’d never been face to face with one. He expected violence, fear tactics, etc. not being escorted to quarters to wait out the trip. He let his mind wander, wondering about the secrecy of this whole scenario. It made sense to tell him not to reveal anything, it’s easier to make him disappear. But why the medical droid? Why the promise to keep him alive if he cooperated? He would have thought Vader would have access to any number of resources, couldn’t he get a droid from the Emperor or the Imperials? They all worked for him, right? Unless whatever it was he was needing it for, he didn’t want the Emperor to know… hmm…

            Eventually he felt the ship lurch as it came out of hyperspace. A few minutes later, it landed. “Senator!” Vader called. Bail stepped out of the quarters. “Pick up that box and follow me.” Again he obeyed, realizing that Vader had gone to his ship at some point and retrieved the droid and the supplies. He turned on the repulser lift to the crate Vader had indicated and followed him onto a landing platform surrounded by lava. The heat was sweltering, he loosened a couple buttons around his neck without thinking. They walked in silence through this dark metal fortress, finally stopping at a door. “I know you’re the leader of the rebellion,” Vader broke the silence with a bombshell.

            “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bail stammered, reciting his well-practiced line as best he could.

            “I don’t care about that right now. What I require your assistance with is another matter entirely, and I’m trusting you to speak of this to no one. Do you understand?”

            Bail nodded. 

            “Good,” Vader said. “As long as you cooperate, I know nothing about your rebellion or your part in it. Once this matter is resolved, I will return you to your ship and you will be permitted to leave unharmed.”

            He nodded again. Apparently satisfied that Bail would keep his promise, Vader opened the door to the chamber at last. 

            “Ahsoka!” He couldn’t stop himself from crying out as his eyes snapped to the figure floating in the tank in the center of the room. The light from it cast eerie shadows across the floors and walls.

— 

Anakin stepped aside as Bail ran to the tank for a closer look. “She’s still alive,” he said. “But in need of medical care I could not provide.”

            Bail turned to look at him. Anakin could tell he had a ton of questions. He didn’t know how much he wanted to reveal to him. Bail was a genuinely good man, but he was a politician, and the leader of the resistance, currently, the Empire’s biggest threat. So technically he was the enemy, just like Ahsoka. The last thing he needed was Bail having enough information about him to use it against them. But as he glanced past him at Ahsoka, he could feel her fading. To save her, he would have to risk it. 

            Anakin reached up, unlatched his helmet, and removed the top half. Bail gasped but said nothing. “I’ve done terrible things,” he wheezed, “I deserve to be punished for them. But right now, I need your help, and your droid, to save her.” He spoke softly. He’d always hated being vulnerable. But it is what it is, and there was no going back now.

            Organa appeared to be at a loss for words, but recovered enough to start getting the room ready to bring her out of the tank. The two of them worked quickly and quietly, as they dragged a table in from another room so the droid would better be able to treat her. With Bail’s help, Anakin lifted Ahsoka out of the bacta tank, removed the harness and carried her over to the table.

            It was hard for him to stand idly by while the droid examined her and began to treat her wounds. He paced the room, trying to ignore the way Bail’s eyes followed him. He could tell the senator didn’t trust him, and he didn’t blame him. But he also knew it went deeper than discovering that Anakin Skywalker, knight of the republic, hero with no fear, was now the Sith Lord wreaking havoc throughout the galaxy. He suspected his animosity towards him was about Padmé. They’d been good friends and often worked closely together to pass bills and protect the Republic. And now, because of him… Padmé was gone.

                For years after his transition to the dark side, he’d blamed her for his downfall. If she had truly loved him, why had she not done as he’d asked? Why had she let Obi wan fill her head with lies? Why had she turned against him? But worse still, what kind of life would his be without her? The pain of all of it, had only fueled his turning. It had only made it easier to be consumed by the anger. As he stood there, looking down at Ahsoka now as they fought to save her, he knew he could never right the wrongs he’d committed to Padmé. To anyone, for that matter. But Ahsoka had shown him what he’d been unable or unwilling to see. And if he could keep her alive now, it would be the only thing he’d want to be remembered for. He couldn’t bring the people he’d lost back, but at least one of them would live to remember who he’d once been.

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