#i wasn't active here when it happened but for a good.....idk year maybe LMAO i was exclusively beomgyu's bitch i was not normal abt him

[hannie-dul-set]

choi beomgyu.

[youremyheaven]

Princess here. Hi babe. I don't know how to explain this but I have been hearing this voice for ages. I think I first heard it when I was about 4 or 5,most probably 4. I hear it at times when I'm the only one who's awake at night every single time. It calls my name and my mami's name (the way I call her) only once and then it's gone. It has happened 4 times till yet. The most recent incident was earlier this year. I was sleeping with my sister and she was fast asleep while I was on my phone. I heard it call out my name again and i was obviously scared so I tried to wake her up but no matter how hard I was shaking her body she wasn't even moving an inch (and by hard I mean HARD) and she's not even a deep sleeper. Even after all these years after shifting to different houses, it's still here. It doesn't say anything else just what I've told you. And I've only told my sister about it as we both are not new to paranormal activities and stuff like that but that's a story for another day. None of the two of us has any explanation for what this is. And I'm genuinely confused.

idk babe hearing someone call your name is not a good sign 😬😬 it's commonly understood to be demonic entities doing in spiritual circles

maybe check in with your aunt?? how is she doing??? just sit with yourself and try to see what's going on in your life when this happens. It happened now, so look around you and see what's happening to you or to your loved ones during this time. the other handful of times it happened, where were you and what was going on???

obviously it could also just be nothing but the mind playing tricks on us so there's that 🤪

but trust your conviction!!!

sometimes I have these really foggy memories of some things like they've happened except I'm certain that I've never had those experiences but they're so real, just a bit faded from mind like it was a long time ago. now it could be that I'm remembering something from a past life or another explanation is that due to years of maladapative daydreaming (12h struggles lmao) my brain has become so foggy that i can't tell dreams apart from reality lmao. sometimes I do have moments where something happens and I'm like "waitttt I know this!!!" it's deja vu i suppose but for me it's like I had premonitions of these experiences and already saw myself living them and then I lived them 😳😳

when him & i first moved to our current apartment and I saw the view from the kitchen window, I had suchhhh a peculiar feeling, I can't explain it. it's like one of those scenes in a movie where a character has lost their memory and then they see something that's meaningful to them and they recognise it slowly???

idk if I should call it deja vu?? but it's like I was remembering something i had forgotten 😭😭😭😭

I'm not sure why I'm telling you all this 😭 except to say that we all have our share of mysterious experiences. I know I said demon blah blah in the beginning but I think it's best to not rationalize these events bc it can't be rationalized. as long as there's no harm, then it's okay to let it be, me thinks 💛

[yourfriendanniefish]

ok assorted Destiny 2 thoughts because not enough people follow me here for it to really matter (lmao)

thinking about 2022 for the game and how, even on the off season (plunder), the game felt good because we were also getting the 2.0 subclasses. so even if season of plunder was weak (and in hindsight... idk, man, was it?), there was still arc 2.0 to gas up the game.

but okay, let's think about the last year of destiny 2. every season's had some kind of bum note to it—

defiance was okay but the defiant battlegrounds didn't feel as hot as the psi op battlegrounds or the warmind ones (old idea, not really iterated on), the AVALON mission is cool but weirdly divorced from the rest of the season? and then there's the whole Holliday Thing, a weird fridging that doesn't even have the part where people get emotional about it (though having that happen right after Lance Reddick died irl made for one bizarre moment of watching his character kneel in front of a shrouded body). but it's a bad story beat that didn't feel earned at all, coming off of an expansion that absolutely destroyed all the momentum of the year before. so it feels like an extra rake in the face narratively when the game really couldn't afford it.

then after that we go to season of the deep, which feels like maybe it wasthe worst season of the entire game? like, i was maybe the only person primed to be pumped for Titan to come back, but did it really? the "salvage" missions were fucking terrible, lazy and boring, just jumping around Titan trying to find something to do to get... well, idk what it was there for, even. then there were the deep dives, which were great in theory, but they were saddled with the need for every one on the team to agree to make it as hard as possible, in a matchmade activity, with randoms. that just... wasn't going to work, and it often didn't, or at least became extremely frustrating if you actually wanted to do something. i never even played the entire dungeon, which is kind of a drag, and it's just as much through my disillusion with the game as it is the mix of "i can't find a full fireteam" and "my clan got mean at me" and "swimming sounds terrible."

sigh... i guess i'll finish this later... i have to go to bed... i wish this game didn't get weirdly bad!!!

[aewrie]

distractions aren't working so

(yelling into the void to get this out of my system but seriously tread carefully if you're sensitive to topics of abuse/ c/sa /mental health crap)

i'd be looking for a therapist but am not exactly in the headspace to do so. my old one was overall great and i'd be contacting her but she was basically useless when it came to this topic. think she was more confused and conflicted at the idea of a child being the abuser than me. which. that's not gonna help. and by the time i'd trust myself to see through that ordeal idk. i could probably use it anyway but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

could use it right now. i've been crying on and off for like 3-4 hours, while teetering on the edge of another breakdown

took me what, 10?? years before i felt ok using the word trauma in reference to being bullied for years. even after i kinda knew how fucked it all was. only after a health professional was like 'yeah, that's trauma you've got going on' after hearing the tl;dr of my life i felt i was allowed to. (she then proceeded to recommend therapy lmao). bc it wasn't so bad. boy i'm good at rationalizing all that away. other people always have it worse! and it's not like there was obvious violence, so obviously it doesn't count.

same fucking thing when i got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. i was passively suicidal & heading into worse direction and i was only willing to admit that i was sad & anxious. probably. surely not anything that would warrant treatment.

and now this thing i've filed away under 'miscellaneous shit that was not ideal probably, but surely it wasn't' That Bad, other people have it Worse':

yesterday i checked out this vr interview stream dealing with abuse right before i had to go sleep (the best idea ever. clearly) and at the point i started watching the discussion made basically no sense so i figure i go to the start and watch from there. and the interviewee describes the abuse, and i'm fine until a particular detail comes up and then it kinda unraveled from there. i had to pause just to get a breather. i watched maybe a few minutes more idk.

i've looked into child psychology and sexual development before bc ever since i bumped into the term child-on-child sa i've been stuck with the whole 'but does it count if x y z' (mostly: can someone so young even be an abuser, bc obviously if he didnt' intentionally & maliciously do it, i am not allowed to feel upset), even earlier that same damn day! but nothing unequivocally said yes or no. so of course i'm going with the safe answer of no, i'm not allowed to call it abuse.

but after that Moment i looked at some more stuff and found a couple of videos, one from a therapist knowledgeable on the topic, and one first-hand account, read some comments to boot, and then i'm having the sort of crying episode that leaves me feeling physically sick for a full day at least

at work today I was distracted the second i was not properly busy, then i managed to keep it together for a bit when i got home and now here we are. fuck i'm glad i'll have multiple days off now. on the long run this is good to process. but def not feeling it right now lol. at least i'm not stuck in a corner of fandom where loaded buzzwords get thrown around like they mean nothing, i knew that fucked with my head even back during the vl/d heyday and i was just getting around to the 'ok that Happened and maybe it was messed up, but Not abuse' stage of denial

good news i might be done crying rn so i guess that helped

i guess this was gonna be happening sooner or later bc i've been somewhat actively thinking about all that for months but rip it came out of nowhere

(and gonna throw it in here just in case; i'd rather not have 'i'm sorry' messages or similar, 9 times out of 10 i just feel awkward as shit. more neutral (not sure what's the best word?) is fine)

[tiramisiyu]

im interested to know what your thoughts are on the second anniversary card. for me… idk, i felt really depressed after reading it (even with the spicy scene), like i thought it was so well done with the conflict about why luke didnt want to propose to her, and handling the death of his parents, but then to suddenly go from that level of selflessness and denying his own happiness to a proposal felt so jarring. i know in the date that rosa says one conversation won’t change how luke thinks but even so the proposal felt so forced and different to how luke has been shown in other dates and idk to me i really think it needed to be longer OR two different dates. to me the way he proposed just felt so… rushed. im not here to bash on the date because i genuinely really liked it (and it was so interesting to see the parallels between how the two viewed their future and relationship!! + more about lukes illness and parents is a plus!) but i think i just feel super sad after reading it. maybe that’s the real reason why we got so many fluffy dates that ignored lukes illness LMAO. but ya thanks for reading my thoughts and id love to know what you think!!

putting in another person's ask here too:

firstly, it really warms my heart that yall are still interested in hearing my opinion even though i've taken a step back from the active participation i used to have! i'll organize my thoughts below (it's been like a week since i've read it so things are a bit murkier now... kazuha and heizou were taking up all of my braincells during this week, sorry)

I should probably preface this by saying that emotionally, I don't have much to say; last year I was overwhelmed with emotion, sobbing, the works, but this year my feelings have kinda shifted to "aww good for you XY!" and "man, we're doing this dance again, of depressed XY not doing things bc he's concerned about MC's long term happiness and MC gradually convincing him to just do what would make him happy" (I mean, not that it's a bad thing; it's not easy to get out of old mindsets).

It definitely was depressing overall, so it makes sense that anon #1 feels that way. The sad mood didn't really lift until the end when the proposal happened. And I kinda feel what you both mean by it being rushed - I was expecting them to wait a few more days after the cemetery conversation, so when XY actually proposed I was kinda blindsided LOL. Like it literally went like this:

MC: [talks about how she's willing to be with him until the end as they walk back from the cemetery; at this point in time he was still not willing to propose bc of his illness and whatnot]

XY: [suddenly drags MC back to his place, sprinting, not saying a word]

MC: ?? ok then

XY: [reappears and proposes]

All this happens in like, idk, 30 minutes?? Yeah, definitely felt rushed to me. I think the issue lies in how we KNOW that XY knows that MC would think in this way, but it's not really explained at all why this particular conversation - and nothing else beforehand - incited such a massive change in heart in him. Unless if he really did need to just hear the words and was subconsciously just waiting for her to say so? But that doesn't quite fit with his selfless personality that's very explicitly described in this particular date.

I think they may have intentionally been trying to mirror the circumstances in the 1st anniv date, which might explain how quickly he was able to change his mind and be convinced by MC within the time limits of the date. But if that’s the case, I think that works better for confession than proposal, since marriage shouldn’t be something you jump into just bc you were feeling in the mood to propose right then...

The proposal content itself, ofc, was great. Very nice speech, 10/10; Themis writers know what a girl wants. It was also nice to hear a little bit about XY's mom although it wasn't the plot-relevant stuff I wanted 😭😭 I wanna know if they were intentionally killed and what their professions were, that sort of thing;; There's also no info on whether they're making progress in maybe curing XY and time's running a little short, so I wonder if/how this will be resolved.

(actually i don't really recall where he said that his sickness wasn't 100% the reason why he was proposing so feel free to remind me 😭) lmk if there were any other specific things you wanted my thoughts on!

[inlovewithaspider]

So...I'm back ig???

Hiii!!!

I guess I kinda owe you all an explanation, cause I've been gone for almost two years lmao

It all started as a small break from social media because a lot of stuff was happening in my life and it was taking a toll on me, but then my father died, so...I had to take some more time for myself

Then my last year of high school started and I barely had any time to be online and also my mental health wasn't great, both because of the stress of school and what had happened with my dad (I had a great relationship with him, he was literally like a best friend to me, so it's been hard)

And this summer has been crazy because I had to move out (cause I'm in college now hehe), so I didn't really think about coming back

My mental health is still pretty bad, especially because of college (it's hard lmao) and because I'm obviously still grieving, but I've decided to come back little by little

Now, my taste and hobbies have changed a bit lmao

I still like what I used to like but not on the same level

I'm mostly focused on playing games (especially Genshin Impact, Stardew Valley and Hades hehe) and watching anime (my fav is Hunter x Hunter)

I might do a list with some other stuff so you'll know what I like and unfollow me if you're not interested and/or maybe find more mutuals hehe

I still love Mark, Jack and Thomas very much, so I'll continue to post about them and also about Good Omens season two when it comes out

I'm not that into bands anymore, but I still love music very much, so I might recommend some of the stuff I listen to from time to time

Anyway, I'm super happy to be back and I'm so sorry for being so inactive, I still love all the friends I made here and if you are still around, message me! I'd love to catch up with you <3

That's basically it, I'll mostly just like and reblog stuff at the beginning, but as time goes by I'd love to be as active as I used to be

I'll probably change my name too, Idk when or to what, but I'll post about it so y'all know it's still me hehe

- Angel😌💕

[jasntodds]

Hey, Hi !

I don't even know how to start it, since well it's kind of weird, even for me. I don't even know when I received your private message... Or remember why I did comment something about you being rude to someone... ( I truly don't remember who or what was the topic). I wanted to apologize. Since... that was rude from me (I don't need the context, just reading my ask is enough). I'm usually not a rude person (and I am a learning one too I guess, I don't receive messages on mobile app, it seems, and now that I use tumblr on my PC I just found it... I know, its kind of awkward... I don't even know when I received it, could be months, years ago ?). I am truly sorry if I caused you any harm… Or was another reason to your bad days back then. Your blog is your place. And it should be a beautiful place, not a platform to attack you. If someone sounds rude to you, they are, they are interacting in your blog, your place. Also thank you for not answering my ask in front of everyone back then. As I sounded rude, you were probably right about people firing back at me. - I would get back at me now for it.

(And I can’t find a way to answer to the first message privately… (I don’t know how messages works I guess) So I sent my answer via your ask box XD. – Sorry for bothering you about it. I still have my ask and your answer in my messages if you want me to send it to you for context or anything XD maybe I can screenshot it ? Idk.)

Anyway, again. I am truly sorry. I do understand now. And even if I wasn't on anon, I was rude. And I wish you a nice day. I really enjoy your blog and content. (sorry if it’s unclear, English is not my first language)

You're totally fine and your English was perfectly fine as well!! I'm gonna be honest, I have no clue what even happened then. I got a few rude things back when I was active here like a main blog but nothing is sticking out in particular. I'd love to see a screenshot if you could just for context lmao I mean either way, I know it was at least a year ago so apology fully accepted REGARDLESS. I know I used to be snappy as hell on here so if I was ever rude to you to cause you to be rude or rude to you in general, I am also deeply sorry for that and know that whatever it was, I promise there are no hard feelings what so ever. This blog is like a new start and I don't hold anything against pretty much anyone anymore and am happy to squash anything that happened with basically everyone. I'm just honestly curious what it was lmao but thank you for this message and I'm really glad you've still be able to enjoy my blog and I really hope you've had a good day!!

[keii]

I'm not sure if V knew who Ray was to begin with? He seems confused in the chat room when Ray shows up, and doesn't really seem to show anything that indicates that he has any clue who Ray is, but... I mean after V saw Ray at Mint eye, it's kind of hard to misinterpret who he is... on another note, I'm still slightly salty that V's route wasn't as romantic as the others routes... I completely understand why, don't get me wrong, but (1/2)

It felt a bit like I spent too much of my time romancing Ray instead of V… it makes me kind of sad to see everyone like “move over V, Ray is more important” because Saeran will probably get a route eventually and everyone will be able to romance him there, but it feels like V was a bit forgotten in the midst of this ^^“ I hope I don’t sound too ridiculous, and I mean I think V’s after story is coming eventually, so maybe I��ll be happier there, but idk XD (2/2)  

Gonna put this in read more bc V route stuff since I included some images lmaoo But sorry, it’s quite a long read– but thank you for discussing this with me!!

Ah– Man well… I can’t really agree with you on that regarding V not knowing who Ray was in the beginning love… He’s been investigating Rika and her disappearance for the past 6 months… So he DEFINITELY knew who Ray was. He was confused why Saeran decided to use that name, then again, during those 6 months of him investigating, I’m sure he never really had the chance to be so close to either Rika or Saeran, and he was just laying low for the most part. 

But on day 4 of V’s route when we had to make a choice to drink the special elixir or not, V CLEARLY knows who Ray was when he saw him. 

Here, V overhears Ray talking about what he wanted to do with the MC, and that’s why he’s confused about the name choice.

As you can see, V knows of Seven and Saeran’s identity, both being the illegitimate children of the prime minister, and while V does show caution and sends Seven the coordinates for the location of Mint Eye, he made sure to send Seven a HIGHLY complicated version of the coordinates. You remember how V used one of Seven’s invention where Seven had to decipher some complex encryption, which would probably take a week for Seven to find out??? The reason why V sent such a roundabout way was because he wanted to do all that he could to STOP Seven from seeing Ray because he knew for a fact who Ray was. He still kept it a secret from Seven DESPITE ALL THE DANGER THAT HAPPENING. Like… V… I understand that the last thing he’d want is for Seven to see his brother in such a tragic state, but V practically risked the safety of the RFA because he didn’t want to unveil the identity of Ray! And well… V kept his secret! It doesn’t matter now because Ray’s dead(???)… And as I said, we never got any closure on what happened with him and it’s so upsetting so it’s hard for me to fully love and trust V, as much as I want to, compared to the other members.  TT TT

Like… I kind of went into this route hoping that we could help V unveil ALL of his skeletons and confront all the secrets that he hid… so it’s kind of understandable that he was put under the bus because… well I mean, we were given the chance to be so lovey-dovey and cheesy with Ray, whereas with V, we were spent coddling him and helping him go over his feelings! So of course we’ll feel more of an attachment to Ray! As I said, V’s route felt more like a RFA family bond type of thing that answers most issues we had in the main route of the casual story and deep story. It’s hard to fully incorporate romance in a realistic sense because V has spent SO many years loving… or rather obsessing over Rika and so he practically had to learn how to love all over again while also facing his inner issues. It’s difficult to convey that within the span of 11 days and by no means is someone able to get over someone they’ve held so close to their heart (no matter how toxic that person was) for such a long time. 

So while, V’s route wasn’t really romantic, it actually gave me a new found appreciate towards the other members and how much they support and truly care for each other regardless of how much shit one of them is going through. Like automatically when Jumin knew his best friend was in trouble, he took charge of the situation, of course adding more work for Jaehee haha, but they assembled an intelligence unit and did whatever they could to assist Seven in whatever he needed. Not only that, but when V got hurt, Jumin asked for THE BEST doctor and said that no matter what the cost, he’ll cover it as long as they assure V’s safety. And don’t even get me started on the shit that Seven did for V. Like Seven is absolutely AMAZING in this. He volunteered to drive Jaehee to V’s house just so V didn’t have to witness the images that Saeran sent to him. He saw what type of pictures V took of Rika and kept it a secret bc he knew that those images were private to V’s relationship. Not only did he have to juggle in doing work for the agency, but he also PRIORITIZED the safety of RFA and its members. He went to Mint Eye himself to save MC AND V– HE CARRIED V’S FIT BUT DRUGGED UP BODY WHILE ALSO GUIDING US OUT OF THERE. And even though he questioned V who the hacker was, while still having a slight idea on who it might be… and when V constantly evaded the question… SEVEN STILL WAS ON V’S SIDE. HE STILL MADE SURE THAT WE WERE SAFE AND THAT THE RFA WAS SAFE. And then you have Zen and Yoosung… and while they couldn’t contribute much, you can tell that Yoosung was going to have such a hard time, and it was so great that he had somebody like Zen who would be there for him and keep that boy GROUNDED. Zen didn’t tell Yoosung to get over it– NO. He told Yoosung to come over to his place AND TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS. Zen gave Yoosung the opportunity to grieve while he actively listened. They shared thoughts, Zen made sure that Yoosung ate well despite Zen having a life of his own and the fact that he couldn’t provide much, but he definitely was such an amazing supportive older brother figure. AND ALSO REGARDING THE GOOD ENDING OF V’S ROUTE, I WAS ACTUALLY SUPER PROUD OF YOOSUNG. Despite the fact that the whole time he was crying about Rika and saying “she can’t be bad– she’s not like that���” I’m so happy that by the end he was able to pull himself together and actually talk to her and form his true opinion on her. Like he FINALLY had closure. So when the day of the party came and Rika was trying to trick the guest to drink the wine that was like mixed with the elixir, RFA knew that she would let her guard down around Yoosung, and so the fact that he stood his ground and made sure no one drank the wine and told Rika how he truly felt, I was just… so proud of my baby haha.

But yeah, like while it wasn’t romantic, I could sense such a strong bond within the RFA and I thought it was the more realistic option that Cheritz could’ve gone with with V’s route despite the mishaps between what happened with Ray. I sure hope V’s after ending is a lot lighter! I’m sure it will be!! So let’s wait for that haha

And speaking of Ray… I really do hope that Cheritz considers a separate route for him. Like… I’m such a huge fan of them, I’m willing to drop money on whatever they choose to do at this point. Earlier today my friend and I bought a $25 iTunes gift card just so we can buy more hourglasses for MM LMAO. But seriously, I sincerely hope that Saeran has his own route… I don’t want anymore people dying LOL. I just want EVERYONE to be happy…. AND ALIVE.