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spine-buster · 5 years ago

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the storm before the calm (f. andersen) | epilogue

A/N: Here it is, the end of The Storm Before the Calm. I know it was a short ride, but it was quite the wild one at that! I hope you enjoy. Also, apologies to the native Danish speakers (or any speakers of Scandinavian languages) for the probably-butchered Danish translations here -- Google Translate helped, but I’m sure it’s not the same as the native tongue.

TW: depression, postpartum depression, feelings of helplessness etc.

“Fred! Fred!” Fred was awakened by his name being screamed through the baby monitor perched on Aleida’s bedside table. “Fred please come in here, please. I need you.”

Aleida’s voice sounded desperate. He whipped the covers off his body quickly and began walking towards the nursery where he saw Aleida rocking and bouncing a one-month-old Helena, who was crying. Helena hadn’t been sleeping particularly well since birth, although Fred and Aleida obviously prepared for that. But when Aleida looked up at him, he could see a look of pure helplessness in her eyes. They were red – not from fatigue, either. “Hey, c’mere,” he said softly, extending his arms so he could take Helena from her.

“Why won’t she stop crying? Why can’t I make her stop crying?” Aleida asked with complete strain in her voice.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Fred cooed as he took Helena from Aleida’s arms, delicately balancing her head in his massive hand as he laid her against his chest. “I got her, I got her, just relax.” He began rocking Helena back and forth and almost immediately, Helena calmed down and stopped crying. He began kissing the top of her head delicately. “Theeeere we go, Helena. Theeere we go.”

Aleida looked helpless as she watched Helena – her baby, the baby she carried for nine months – calm down for her husband. It wasn’t that she was jealous – far from it. She felt worthless. Completely worthless. And guilty that she couldn’t help her baby at all. Tears started to fall from her eyes as she collapsed into the rocking chair. “She calms down for you. Why does she calm down for you and not for me?”

“Aleida, it’s okay,” he said. When he looked down, he could already see Helena’s eyes drooping back to sleep.

She shook her head. “I can’t do it. I can’t. I can’t do it.”

“Aleida.”

“No, I can’t do it. I can’t even comfort my baby,” she cried.

“Yes you can, come on. You’re just tired. It’s okay.”

“I can’t do it, Freddie. I can’t…I can’t…”

“Shhh…it’s okay,” he said, walking over to her in the rocking chair. “You’re just tired. She’ll be better tomorrow morning. You’ll be better tomorrow morning. Just get some rest.”

Aleida tried to pull it together. She tried to keep her tears behind her eyes as she stood up. She tried to get a peek of Helena’s face squished on Fred’s chest. She saw Helena’s cheeks, and her eyes already closed, falling back to sleep. “You’re so good with her, Fred.”

“Go to bed,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “Go back to bed. I’ll be there in a bit.”

As she heeded his request, she walked back towards their bedroom and fell into their bed, wrapping the covers around herself tightly. A few stray tears fell as she could hear Fred through the baby monitor coo Helena some more before he laid her back into her crib. When he finally came back to bed and saw her curled up in the fetal position, he got in and cuddled beside her, wrapping an arm around her. She didn’t move into his touch.

“It’s okay, Aleida. It’ll get better,” he whispered as he kissed her shoulder.

He’d said that before. It’ll get better. You’ll get better. But it wasn’t. She wasn’t.

It wasn’t getting better.

***

“Hvem er min smukke prinsesse?” Frederik asked as he finished buttoning up a onesie with a unicorn on it. Helena gurgled happily at the sound of her father’s voice. She even smiled slightly, making him smile. “Hmm? Hvem er min smukke prinsesse?” he repeated. [[ Who’s my beautiful princess? ]]

When he finished dressing her, he picked her up and held her in his arms and against his chest. She gurgled happily again at being so close to her dad, and he bounced her around briefly before leaving her nursery. At two months old now, she was making much more eye contact with him and smiling so much more, which he loved. There were little things she’d do, and little faces she’d make, that would completely enamor Fred – send him so far off in the deep end he didn’t even want to get out. He was so completely in love with Helena.

He turned the hallway, opening the door to his own bedroom. As he walked in, he saw Aleida still in bed. He walked quietly over to her, trying not to make too much noise. “Aleida,” he whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed. With one hand, her rubbed up and down her shoulder and arm. She didn’t react at all to his touch. “You gonna come down for some breakfast?” he asked softly. “I can pour you a bowl of cereal if you want. Or eggs – do you want eggs?”

“In a little bit,” she said absent-mindedly, not looking at him or Helena at all.

Fred bit his bottom lip. That was obviously not the answer he was looking for, but the answer he had to accept. It was becoming all too common. Not join him and Helena for breakfast, make her way downstairs around lunchtime to see if everyone was still alive, only to go back up to the bedroom or lie on the couch for the entire afternoon until it was time to go to bed. “Okay. Okay. I uh…I’ll see you in a bit,” he said, getting up again to walk out of the bedroom, closing the door gently behind him.

Fred made his way downstairs, grabbing some of the breastmilk in the fridge Aleida was still able to pump (if she felt like it). He warmed it up as he always did and sat on the couch with Helena in his arms to feed her. Even though he did it every morning – well, every feeding, really – he would look at Helena the entire time, completely mesmerized. He made her. He helped make her, at least. Now, he had the greatest gift of all – of taking care of her and raising her. Making her giggle and laugh, making her smile, making her squirm, making her burp, making her go down for tummy time…everything. Everything. He loved it all. And she was perfect in every single way.

Fred just wished Aleida was here to see it all.

When he finished feeding Helena and began to pat her back to burp her, he could hear his phone vibrate from its place on the counter. He strolled over to it, glancing at the name and message on the screen.

How is Aleida today? It was a text from Brendan Shanahan.

Fred’s heart stopped beating in his chest momentarily. He knew he had to be honest, but it pained him to be. He knew that if anything was going to start getting better, like he promised Aleida it would time and time again, he would have to act. He would have to be proactive.

He picked up his phone. I think I need to call a doctor.

***

“Ooooommm! Ooooommm!” Fred made dramatic eating noises as he began pretend-munching on Helena’s feet, free of socks, as she lay on her blanket on the floor. “Ooooommm! Jeg spiser dine tæer! Jeg spiser dine tæer!” Helena gurgled happily. “Mmmmm, så lækkert!” [[ I’m gonna eat your toes! I’m gonna eat your toes! Mmmmm, so yummy!” ]]

Helena let out a string of happy squeals, and Fred momentarily left her feet alone to pepper her face in light kisses, causing more happy squeals and jiggles. “Jeg elsker dig så meget,” he whispered. “Jeg elsker dig så meget, Helena.” [[ I love you so much. I love you so much, Helena. ]]

His phone began to ring beside him, a series of vibrations that rumbled against the carpet. He wanted to ignore it, but when he looked over to see who it was, Morgan’s name was flashing across the screen. He decided to pick up. “Hey Mo.”

“Hey,” Morgan’s cheery voice greeted him on the other end. “What’s up big guy?”

“Oh, you know, just eating Helena’s toes.”

He could hear Morgan chuckle and Bee gasp in the background. “Oh my God Fred that is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard!” she exclaimed. Fred couldn’t help but giggle at her reaction. Anything to do with babies and anything to do with Helena, Bee was all over. He wished Morgan would just propose already so they could get married and start having babies, though at the same time, he understood why Morgan hadn’t yet. He’d explained his decision – wanting Bee to reach all her goals and live her life first before they got engaged. Fred understood. Bee deserved that.

“Bee and I are going to the grocery store. Do you need us to pick you up some more formula?” he asked.

He couldn’t help but smile at their generosity. “No no, that’s okay. We went out the other day and just picked some up.”

“We?”

“Me and Helena.”

“Aleida didn’t come?”

“No. She uh, she was in bed.”

There was a slight pause from Morgan. “Listen…I heard they’re gonna send out the announcement tomorrow,” he said, finally finding the right words. “You’re making the right choice, bud. I mean, there isn’t even a choice. There’s no question.”

“I know, Mo,” Fred nodded his head, staring down at his daughter.

“You have to do right by Aleida, but more than that, right by Helena,” Morgan said. “I support you in this. I mean we all do.”

“I know this is probably a mute question, but would Aleida like any visitors?” Bee asked.

Fred furrowed his brows. He considered it, because on any other occasion Aleida would have loved to see Bee, but this was not just ‘any other occasion’. Fred didn’t think Aleida would appreciate Bee showing up when she practically couldn’t get out of her bed. “I know you mean well, Bee, but I don’t think so. At least not yet.”

“Well how about you?” she followed up. “Would you like a visitor? Or at least some company next time you bring Helena out?”

He couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah. That would be nice.”

***

@DarrenDreger: Toronto Maple Leafs announcing officially today that Frederik Andersen is taking a personal leave of absence. The organization is not giving specific reasons why Andersen has requested the personal leave, saying he deserves privacy. No date for a return, either.

@DarrenDreger: They say they are unequivocal in their support of Andersen and will provide him with whatever resources he needs. It is worthy to note that Andersen and his wife welcomed a baby in May.

***

“I want to sue him for every fucking penny he’s worth,” Fred roared into the phone. Helena was napping in her crib upstairs, as was Aleida. There was no way she could find out about this. Fred was ready to explode. He was ready to march down to every media personnel’s office and beat the shit out of them for releasing the information. “Him and the entire channel. Sue them. Sue tham all. How dare he word it like that. How dare he.”

“Fred, we’ll handle it, it’s okay,” Kyle Dubas assured him over the phone. “We’re on it as we speak. We’re in contact with everyone we need to be in contact with to get this retracted.”

“It better be retracted by the end of the night and he better issue a personal and public apology or else I swear to God Kyle I’ll fucking explode.”

***

@DarrenDreger: I want to offer my sincerest apologies for my tweets yesterday about the Frederik Andersen situation. It has come to my attention that Frederik and his wife Aleida never announced the birth of their child in order to keep it private and out of the media, and for that I sincerely apologize.

@DarrenDreger: It has also come to my attention that the way I worded my third tweet was extremely callous and insensitive. I did not mean to insinuate anything about Andersen’s child and create any undue stress or harm to the Andersen family.

@DarrenDreger: I absolutely never wanted to put the child’s health in question or put blame on the child being the reason why Andersen is taking his leave. Again, I sincerely apologize to Frederik Andersen and Aleida Casillas-Andersen for the tweet.

***

Fred always liked the nighttime best. When everything was quiet. When the city was quiet, especially. When he’d be in Helena’s nursery alone with her, cradling her as he fed her her last bottle, singing or humming to her quietly until she fell asleep against his chest, after which he’d delicately lay her in her crib and watch her for what felt like hours until he’d finally move to turn on the baby monitor, turn off the lights, and go to his own bedroom.

Tonight, Aleida was actually awake. He saw her eyes open even though she was curled up in the fetal position underneath the covers, and he was grateful. Grateful that he would able to get this moment with her, however short or long.

He took off his shirt and pants, leaving him in only his boxers as he slipped underneath the covers beside his wife. “Aleida?” he asked softly.

“Hi Fred.”

He was grateful. So grateful she responded. “Wanna look at me?”

There were a few moments of hesitation before Aleida rolled over onto her back. Fred laid on his side, propping himself up on one of his elbows. When they finally made eye contact, he sent her a soft smile.

“Hey,” she said meekly.

“Can I touch you?” he asked, and she hesitated again before nodding her head. His hand found its way underneath her t-shirt and onto her stomach. His hands had been on the baby bump often while Aleida was pregnant, so it was no wonder at least one of them was there now. He began rubbing comforting circles onto the newly, now-flattened-again skin. He hoped Aleida felt it. “How are you feeling today?”

Aleida shrugged her shoulders. “I’m the same, I guess.”

“How is talking with Doctor Wong going?” he asked, mentioning the psychiatrist Aleida had been seeing for her postpartum depression.

“It’s good. I like her. She understands how much I want to get better,” Aleida began. “She uh…she wants me to go on anti-depressants. She says it will help a lot with the depression, and it’ll help me start…you know…recovering. Because they take several weeks to start to kick in.”

“Do you want to do that?”

Aleida started nodding her head before he even finished asking his question. “Yes. Yes. Anything to help me…help me feel something again. Help me become the mom I know I can be to Helena. To help you. You…” her voice began to crack, “you don’t deserve any of this. You’ve basically been a single parent for months and you’ve had to give up your career and it’s not fair to you—”

“Heeeey hey hey, shhhhhhh shhhhhh,” he began shaking his head. “Aleida, it’s not about that. It’s not about that—”

“Yes it is about that,” she cut him off, tears falling down her cheeks now. “It is about that, Freddie. I’m trapped in my own body and mind. I know I want to get better for Helena, for you and your career, but…but I’m in this war…” she began to breathe heavily.

“Shhhhhh, it’s okay,” Fred wrapped his arms around her and held her, trying to calm her down. “Aleida, this is not your fault. This is not your fault. I know it’s hard but you’re going to get through it.”

“I’m never going to get these months back,” she cried as she looked up at him. “That’s what’s killing me the most. I’m never…I’m the worst mother—”

“No, Aleida—”

“I couldn’t help my baby. I couldn’t even get her to stop crying—”

“Aleida—”

“And when I held her I felt nothing. What mother holds their newborn daughter and feels nothing?!”

“Aleida, please—”

“I know I love my baby but I can’t love her—”

“Stop it, Aleida. Please stop doing this to yourself,” he urged, squeezing her against his body as she cried into his chest. “You’re a great mother, Aleida. I know you will be a great mother.”

She cried for a long time. A very long time. But Fred held her the entire time, gave her kisses on top of her head, whispered reassurances in her ear, not knowing if it would even help. Despite his own fatigue, despite the wear and tear on his own well-being, he knew he had to be there for his wife. There was no other option. If this was going to be another night where Aleida would cry herself to sleep and he would only get maybe an hour of sleep in before Helena woke up again, then so be it. That was the way it would have to be.

As her cries became lighter, Fred gave her another kiss on her forehead. “I love you, Aleida.”

“Do you?” she sniffled meekly. “Still?”

Fred’s heart shattered in a million pieces at her question – at the tone of it, the wording, everything. “Of course I do. Nothing could ever make me stop loving you.”

“Not even being unable to take care of our baby?”

Fred shook his head. “Nothing,” he said definitively. “I love you.”

Aleida fell asleep in Fred’s arms that night, the sound of his heartbeat bringing her the smallest bit of solace.

***

“Look sweetpea, there’s Morgan, one of daddy’s best friends,” Frederik spoke to his daughter as she lay against his chest, with Fred lying down on the couch while watching the Leaf game. The boys were in town, playing against the Tampa Bay Lightning. They were currently up 2-0 in the second period. “He helps make sure pucks don’t get to daddy. Oh and look, there’s Auston, another one of daddy’s best friends. He scores a lot of goals.”

Helena squealed happily, wiggling around slightly in his arms. He craned his neck to give her a big kiss on her chubby cheeks. “You’ll go to a game one day too – don’t worry. When mommy wants you to go. Maybe when it’s closed and when nobody is there but the team.”

“Brrrbbbaaaa!”

“Yes! And you’ll wear your little Andersen jersey, and you’ll look even more adorable than you do now, and everybody will swoon over you like I do every day!”

“Brrrbamamamama!”

“Yes sweetpea! Mama will be there. Mama will always be there.”

“Mamamama.”

“Yeeeees, mama. Mommy loves you so much.”

“Fred?”

Fred’s eyes widened at the sound of Aleida’s voice. He grabbed onto Helena’s chubby body before rising from his position on the couch. He looked behind him to see Aleida standing in the doorway in a pair of his pajamas – well, one of his old t-shirts that draped over her body like a dress, and a pair of shorts. To say that he was shocked to see her down here, now, was an understatement. He’d assumed she wouldn’t come down the whole night. “Hey baby,” he greeted her.

“You guys watching the game?” she asked, nodding slightly towards the television.

Fred didn’t take his eyes off of her. “Yeah. Just showing her the boys.”

“Can…” she started, very clearly nervous. She started picking at her nails. “Can I watch too?”

“Wh—of course,” Fred said, standing up immediately to extend an arm for Aleida to come over. “Come on. Come over here. We’re up 2-0.”

“Oh. Good.”

They sat beside each other on the couch, close, so that their thighs were touching. Fred still held Helena in his arm. “Are they playing well?”

“Very.”

Aleida focused on the TV momentarily. “Good.” She settled in more, though Fred could tell she wasn’t completely comfortable. He adjusted Helena in his arms so she was sitting on his lap, facing the TV. He could see Aleida watching, secretly. Helena would babble every so often, and try to look back at her parents. After several minutes of “watching the game”, Aleida finally spoke up. “F…Fred?”

“Yes?”

“Can…” she was obviously apprehensive, obviously very scared. “Do you think I can hold Helena?”

Fred’s heart softened. “Aleida, you don’t have to ask to hold your own daughter,” he said.

“I know…but, but she’s being so good, and you’re so good with her…she’s not used to me—”

“Here,” he said, readying for the transfer. Aleida extended her arms and hands, and held onto Helena gingerly. “She likes close contact. You can put her on your knee and like, against your chest if you want.”

“Will she be okay?”

“She’ll be great,” Fred nodded his head, trying to give Aleida some confidence. He watched as she sat Helena in the position Fred recommended. Once satisfied with the transfer, Helena let out a happy squeal. Aleida let out a little relieved laugh at the sound. Fred smiled.

“When – when does she take her bottle before bed?” Aleida asked.

Fred looked at his watch quickly. “I start prepping the bottle in about five minutes.”

Aleida nodded her head in understanding. “Can I…I mean,” she paused, thinking about the words she wanted to say, “I want to feed her.”

“You can do that,” Fred smiled. “She’d love that.”

Five minutes later, Fred disappeared into the kitchen to mix the formula and warm up the bottle. When he returned to the couch, Aleida was smiling down at Helena, who was happily gurgling and looking up at her mom. When Fred sat down beside them, he took the initiative to cuddle up to Aleida, and was so relieved when she let him. He handed her the bottle. “Lean her back in your arms…cradle her until she’s comfortable,” he instructed gently. “She likes to be…like…cradled.”

Aleida moved Helena, holding her in one arm and cradling her as Fred handed her the bottle. Aleida brought it to Helena’s mouth, and she took it immediately. Aleida let out another sigh of relief. She looked down at Helena the entire time; Helena looked at her the entire time. And when Helena was ready to be burped, Fred placed the towel on Aleida’s shoulder and showed her how. Aleida pat her back – Helena even spit up a little, which caused both Fred and Aleida to giggle – before the coveted burp escaped her. Like clockwork, Helena fell asleep soon after.

They climbed up the stairs. As Aleida placed a sleeping Helena into her crib, Fred was there, watching. Aleida gently patted her hair and ran her finger along Helena’s chubby cheek. Fred stood with her, wrapping an arm around her as she continued to look down at her daughter. He could see a few tears fall.

“You alright?”

Aleida nodded her head. She looked up at Fred, finally. “That was nice,” she whispered, choking back on her tears. “That was all so nice.”

Fred engulfed her in a hug.

***

“Fred, how do you say, ‘You’re the sweetest, most precious girl in all the land and I’m going to buy you all the books you ever want for the rest of your life’ in Danish?”

“Du er den søde, mest dyrebare pige i hele landet, og jeg vil købe dig alle de bøger, du nogensinde har lyst til resten af dit liv,” he said from the stove.

“Blah blah blah blah hygge hygge books,” Bee babbled to Helena who was relaxing in her baby rocker set on the kitchen counter.

Morgan and Aleida laughed from the kitchen table as Morgan set it. Fred, having just finished with frying the bacon, turned off the stove. “Do you mind grabbing the bacon so I can take her, actually? I’ve got her bottle ready right here and—”

“I’ve got her,” Aleida’s voice popped up as she made her way out of her seat and towards the island.

Fred looked over his shoulder. “You sure?” he asked. Morgan and Bee knew better than to intervene.

“Yeah, of course,” she said, her voice upbeat as she took Helena in her arms and the bottle from Fred. “Let’s eat before the bacon and milk get cold.”

Everybody settled into their seats, grabbing their portions of the scrambled eggs, bacon, and fruit salad that was prepared. Aleida held Helena on her lap while feeding her from the bottle from the same hand. Fred couldn’t help but smile. She picked up her fork with her other hand and began eating her breakfast. “So do you guys have to go on a road trip soon?” Aleida asked Morgan as she put some strawberries into her mouth.

“This Thursday we’re leaving for Chicago,” Morgan said. “It’s a quick one. Won’t be too bad.”

“Well, here’s hoping Fred will be able to join you guys on some upcoming ones in the near future,” Aleida said.

Morgan almost dropped his fork. He furrowed his brows as he looked between Fred and Aleida; Bee doing the same. “Wait…what?”

“Well…” Aleida said, taking a deep breath. “Nothing is set in stone yet, but um…” she looked over to Fred, who was already reaching out to grab her hand across the table. “My anti-depressants are working wonders. With the therapy and the daily meditation and yoga and you know, just the entire program I’ve been doing, I’ve been feeling so much better…”

“Aleida, that’s amazing,” Bee said, sensing Aleida needed a moment to collect her thoughts and emotions.

“But you know there doesn’t have to be a timeline on this,” Morgan added.

“I know, I know,” she nodded her head knowingly. “I mean, it’s only October. I’m not saying he’s going to come back next week. He would never do that,” she laughed slightly, looking towards her husband. “But we…with the new positivity, and um…well, we think we’re going to hire a nanny – at the least a night nanny, but maybe full-time – to help with the transition until I feel confident on my own…”

“Aleida is just feeling more confident now that she’s feeling better,” Fred picked up where she left off. “It’s going to be a while still – we know that – but it’s steps in the right direction. In the direction she wants to go in, and that will benefit the family.”

“Well, that’s a cause for celebration then!” Bee said cheerily, holding up her glass of orange juice. “To…to…” she tried to think of a good salute.

“To me feeling better,” Aleida announced.

Morgan nodded his head. “To Aleida feeling better.”

When breakfast was over and Fred and Morgan were cleaning up, Aleida and Bee took Helena upstairs to change her diaper. Bee watched on as Aleida did so, keeping Helena occupied by making funny faces at her.

“Are you religious?” Aleida asked once she was finished buttoning up Helena’s outfit.

“Not particularly. Why?”

Aleida took a deep breath. “Fred’s been telling me about everything you’ve done. What everyone’s been doing to help, really. But you. How you always wanted to visit me, how you’d come do laundry or pick up formula or diapers and—”

“Aleida, it was honestly noth—”

“No, stop,” Aleida interrupted. Bee stayed silent, although she wanted to wipe the ashamed look off of Aleida’s face forever. “You’re an angel on Earth, Bee. I don’t know how I’m ever going to repay you.”

“You never have to,” Bee said. Aleida lowered her head. “Listen, I’ve told you about my past. You know that just a few months into my relationship with Morgan, someone broke into my apartment and stole all my stuff. The way my new friends rallied around me dumbfounded me. I wasn’t used to people helping me ever in my life. But from that time forward I promised myself that if I was ever in a position lucky enough where I was able to give back like that, I wouldn’t hesitate,” she explained. “You didn’t need my help monetarily, but you needed it on other ways. I was prepared to do whatever it took to help. Because I love you and Fred and Helena, and because you guys are my friends. Simple as that.”

Aleida nodded, a few tears streaming down her face. “I just…I want you to know how much I appreciate it. Really. Because I couldn’t be a mom for the longest time.”

“I know you do,” Bee said gently, rubbing her back.

Aleida wiped away her tears quickly. She chuckled slightly. “I’m gonna buy you a bottle of Dom, Bee.”

Bee chuckled along. “As long as we crack it open together.”

***

@TSNBobMcKenzie: BREAKING: New Year, new news: The Toronto Maple Leafs are in talks to activate Frederik Andersen from IR. Andersen did not start the season with the club due to his personal leave of absence, which was supported by the organization. More to come.

@TSNBobMcKenzie: Just rumours right now. Nothing confirmed. Club says call will be made by Andersen whenever he is ready. There is absolutely no pressure for him to return.

***

@TSNBobMcKenzie: BREAKING: Toronto Maple Leafs move to activate Frederik Andersen off injured reserve.

@TSNBobMcKenzie: Rumour is that Andersen may start in net as early as the first game back from the All-Star Break. Brendan Shanahan, Kyle Dubas, and Frederik Andersen to speak to media at 11am. Tune into TSN for live coverage.

@TSNBobMcKenzie: I can hear Leaf fans screaming from my desk. Oh, happy days.

***

“Freddie, you’ve officially announced your return to the club. We think everyone saw the Instagram post, but would you care to elaborate at all about your personal leave, perhaps for the fans who have been waiting?” a reporter asked.

Fred cocked his neck to the side a bit. “I mean, I thought the post was a pretty obvious answer to where I’ve been,” he began. “I was busy being a father to my daughter. There are things that take precedent over hockey. My daughter being one of them. I do not regret my decision and I never, ever will, but in saying that, I am excited to be back with the club, and I’m excited to play again, that’s for sure.”

“I think Fred became a role model for a lot of the guys in this room, as if he wasn’t already,” Brendan Shanahan spoke up. “Like he said, there are things that take precedent over hockey – children are…they’re at the top of that list. Fred took the time off he needed to take to ensure that his daughter was healthy. The boys in the room supported him, and we at the top supported him wholeheartedly. We’re happy to see him back.”

***

“Helena! Helena! Come to mama!”

“Mama…mama,” Helena spoke as Fred picked her up and balanced her on her feet again, balancing her by the tip of her hands.

“Go to mama, Helena. Go to mama,” he said close to her ear as he released her delicately.

Helena took a shaky step forward, though she kept her balance, putting her other foot forward. She kept balancing without Fred’s help, causing Fred to smile. He could hear “Come on Helena!” being repeated from Aleida over and over again. When Helena made eye contact with her mom, she smiled and began walking towards her. After a few more wobbly steps, Helena finally reached Aleida, who engulfed Helena in a huge hug. Both Fred and Aleida started cheering like she’d just finished a marathon. Aleida started peppering her with kisses, and Fred rose from his spot and moved over to join in on the kissing.

“Mama loves you Helena,” Aleida would say in between kisses. “Mama loves you so much.”

“Mama,” Helena said back with a giggle in her voice from all the kisses. She looked over at Fred, who loomed over Aleida’s shoulder. “Dada.”

“Far elsker dig også, Helena.”

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