#i was supposed to just be cheeky abt my dad's father

[lilacponds]

YALL WANNA KNOW SOME FUN FAMILY STUFF? OKAY LETS GO

so, i have an older brother. he's 5 years older than me. he's also a total fucking manbaby but thats not today's discussion. we have different fathers, my parents met after my brother was already born. (his bio dad is a piece of shit that bailed the moment he found out my mom was pregnant or something.)

that clear? okay? okay. SO

my dad's DAD. him and my dad have a HORRIBLE relationship. idk the details of it but my dad really doesn't like him and i'm lead to believe he was a shitty father. ANYWAYS, that is a small part of the reason why i NEVER had a relationship with him.

wanna know the BIG part of the reason?

apparently he wanted to meet ME, but he could not care less for my BROTHER ! (because my dad isn't his bio dad or whatever probably. i never heard that directly but, like, what else.) which my mom did NOT like at all! so she set the hard boundary of either he gives a shit about both children or he doesn't get to see any of them.

now, i'm aware that he's a shitty person (for more than one reason) and that he was a shitty father to my dad, so i do NOT mourn the loss of the relationship i never had with him or whatever, but it does however make me a little salty that my mom decided i was to not have any relationship with my grandfather at all because he did not care for my brother. i would like to note here that the only grandparent i've ever had was my mother's mom, who out of the 4 of us cousins (me and my brother, and my two cousins who are siblings) ALWAYS favored my brother (because he's the eldest). no, like, literally. my cousins lived with her when she was alive, but me and my brother would visit like almost every weekend, which was fun for about the 5 minutes i got where i wasn't bullied or abandoned. but in the morning my grandma ALWAYS brought my brother out to have breakfast just the two of them out in the town. she never brought anyone else, least of all me, just him. i'm sure she loved us ! but my brother has always been the baby and the favorite, both with my mom and my grandma. so that hurt like a motherfucker growing up ! (i do have a couple of good memories with her. she didn't completely ignore me. she just favored him.) anyways point is the only grandparent i've ever had was one grandmother who had a clear favorite. so, i dunno, having a grandpa that i could actually invite for grandparent day in elementary school would've been rad, maybe.

do you wanna know my FAVORITE memory of my dad's dad ??? (yes, i staunchly refuse to call him my grandfather. he's just some dude to me) yes you do, because that's the reason i'm making this post in the first place.

SO i have this cousin! she's way younger than me, and my uncle's daughter on my DAD's side !!! and i remember going to a birthday party of hers when i was a kid, maybe like 7 or so, fuck if i know, i was old enough that i remember it is the point. and i grew up incredibly anxious, but eventually at that party i found another little girl to play ball with! (literally just tossing the ball to each other) and i was just vibing and playing, until this old man comes up to me. and he goes "hi!" and i look at him for like a second (because remember, i was playing ball with another girl, so i had to look at the ball to know where to toss it and to avoid it smacking me in my face) and i go "...hi." he just looks at me for a moment and then he goes, "do you know who i am?" now, this was about the first time i've held a conversation with this man! BUT, somehow i had (still have) this clear memory of seeing this man at, like, a laundromat with my dad at some point when i was even smaller, and somehow i just Remember? and i go "yeah, you're my dad's dad." i shit you not i said it like that i have never referred to him as my grandpa even as a child to his face i love baby me. and he goes "yeah i am!" and i go "...ok" and i keep playing ball! and he just... stands there for a second before awkwardly shuffles off.

NOW, this is hilarious to me and a core fucking memory, but what i love to add to this is, MY DAD HAD A HELL OF A TIME TELLING ME AND MY MOM HOW THIS INTERACTION CAME TO BE. Apparently they had been talking, and he was like "can i go tell her i'm her grandpa?" and my dad, knowing me and knowing how he raised me, he was DOWN, and he went "sure go for it, she's not gonna care". and it must've been SO SATISFYING to be him and see this happen and then see the look on his fucking dad's face afterwards.

WANNA KNOW ANOTHER FUNNY THING?

so every few years or something i reconnect with that very cousin (mentally ill + age gap makes it hard for me to actually reach out, plus my mom really dislikes my uncle for Reasons), and i was just over at her place one day, and then out of nowhere WHO VISITS IF NOT MR. FUCKER HIMSELF? my cousin and uncle did give me a heads up about his arrival and i was like "i dont mind, i dont care" because i genuinely couldn't give two shits, but he had NO CLUE i'd be there. and lookie look, he actually recognizes me! and he jokes to my uncle, "she doesn't remember who i am." but like, so confidently.

and i look him straight in the eyes. emotionless.

and i go,

"i know who you are. you're my dad's dad."

he did not know how to answer that. me and my cousin proceeded to go to the yard to continue hanging out.

its so small and so petty but god i fucking loved the look on his face.

OH by the way wanna know one of the reasons i know he's a shitbag garbage of human being?

so my dad has several brothers. im not actually close with any of them, the one i've seen the most is the one i already mentioned. a few years ago, one of them died. he had cancer, it wasn't out of the blue, but it happened. i had never even met the guy so it didn't really affect me personally, but my dad (and his brothers) (understandably) were broken. the funeral wasn't in our city, so he traveled there by himself. i kinda wished i could've gone with him just to support him, but i couldn't. but anyways.

my dad and uncles talk about the will. i dont know the specifics of it, but there was like an apartment involved i believe, and they decided to legally leave everything to one specific brother to handle for everyone or something. that, though, meant that the people included in the will had to go and legally sign away their rights. and wouldn't you know it, as my dad's next of kin*, i had to go as well. because if my dad gave up the rights, they would pass over to me or something. idk. i just knew i had to go sign something. i dont know the details nor the law. this was very soon after the funeral. a couple of uncles were there.

as well as Mr. Fucker himself (along with his wife, not the biological mother of any of my uncles).

now i dont remember the exact wording, i dont think. but when talking about the will and his death, even with the notary or lawyer or whatever present (so not even the dignity of privacy), he makes a fucking joke. about the death of an uncle and brother and his son.

i shit you not the silence that fell in the room, with only his stupid little self-satisfied laughter, as everyone is in shock staring at him.

i think he burnt all his bridge a long, long time ago - but if he had any hopes of reconnecting with any of his family, he torched all of the land surrounding that bridge too.

(also less heinous. i had never met his wife. she is no one to me. and she still tried to ask me about my school, and when i mentioned i dropped out of high school, she tried to pull the 'oh but youre so smart you were doing so well!' card. i was trying to be polite up until then. i told her 'you dont know me. leave me alone.' i think i felt the silent pride of my dad and both my uncles on me at that moment.)

*note about being my dad's next of kin: HEEEEEEEEELLLL YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

no i dont have anything to inherit or anything. he dont got shit to put on a will. but my dad is a good father. a great one, even. no, he's not perfect, he's grumpy and gruff and he has a shitty sense of humor that just irks people, i get mad at him a lot and we get into shouting matches sometimes and he has a tendency to be stubborn and to raise his voice. but he's also a huge teddy bear, he's sweet and thoughtful. he's loving and caring. and he has worked himself to the bone to give the best he could to this family.

honestly? there were times, growing up, when he didn't have solid employment, and we were dirt poor, and without complaining, he just.. went out in the morning, and he came back having found some way to earn enough money for food for the day. i will never know what it is he did. i will never know what favors he pulled, i will never know what odd jobs he did or how he even found them. i don't know if i ever want to know. but he would comb the entire city for something to do to earn just enough for us to have food in our stomachs for the day.

he's a hardworker, and he's charming as all hell, and he's a sweetheart. you can't not love him. i think i got that from him, you know? the lovability, the charm. not the 'oozing confidence' kind - the disarming, genuine, guy-next-door kind of charm. the 'i got your back' kind of charm. damn, i'm so proud of it.

he's been through a rough life. and he's grown up with ideals of toxic masculinity, of course. he's been in the military and he's been to prison (for his brother, may i add). i'm sure he's got undiagnosed unresolved trauma that's shaped him. and honestly i've got the suspicion he might have a tinge of ADD as well. point is, he's got reasons for having his flaws. well, all that, and the fact that he's a human being.

but he's always got love in his heart. and a thought for his loved ones first and foremost. yes, he might complain and drag his feet at times, but only when he knows that doing so wont actually harm us. he's been difficult when we asked him for favors in the past (even though he always ended up doing them anyways), but he's always been there when we really needed him.

and my brother pisses on all of that. my father has taken him in, and has always, always treated him like his own son even if he didn't have to. yes, he knew his existence when he started dating our mom, but he could've done the bare minimum - but he never has. he's always gone above and beyond.

and my brother constantly, over and over, throughout the years, has shat on all of it. multiple, multiple times he's called him a shitty father. absent. not really there. not putting in enough effort.

i'm sorry he was too busy trying to keep us alive to be there the way you wanted him to? which, i'm unsure of what the hell he means, anyways. he's always been there for my brother's difficult times, at least whenever my brother didn't push him the fuck away - which was often. my brother didn't see it, but it was my dad, it has always been my dad, that talked my mother down after bad arguments. when my brother had a fight with her and decided to just leave home (unprepared, without a job, out of spite), it was my dad that talked my mom back to enough calm to make her take back "don't you ever come back into this house again". and it was my dad that talked HIM down for hours until he saw reason and came back.

it's always been my dad. going above and beyond. even to the point of disregarding his own health.

my brother doesn't FUCKING understand that, and never will. no, im not surprised, because my brother is a selfish stubborn asshole, just like my mom.

i'm my dad's next of kin. and i take pride in it. i carry his last name with honor. (did i mention my brother got his last name changed from his absentee father's to my mom's? not even my dad's. just my mom's. but i guess momma's boys will be momma's boys.)

if i get married one day, i want to keep my last name.

[tenecity]

from haters to lovers; zhu zhengting

from haters to lovers—a series where nine percent and you have the cliche, typical love story

warning: mentions of gender discrimnation

sosososososososo after much procrastination, crying and cracking my head, i finally got someth to possibly hate abt zzt hell yes god

also! taking into consideration tt china is still a v much conservative society, gender discrimnation is everywhere and rlly, as of yet, cant b helped

so which is why, imagine ure a chinese woman you found it weird, almost distasteful that a boy would be in yr dance class

i mean, guys are suppose to be strong people, doing more physical stuff like wushu or smth, and then there’s this boy here, doing pointe and perfect turns

“zhu zhengting is here!!!! oml doesn’t he look like a fairy?” your best friend tugs your sleeve as she discreetly point to the said boy. you roll your eyes. youre tired of this whole rave about him. literally, the entire class fangirls abt him; and apparently, it is not just for his looks, for also for his dance

spsjssjnsnsbs hE IS SO ELEGANT

you wld nvr admit it, but ok i guess ure borderline jealous.

i mean, his lines r clean, force controlled in his movements, perfect timing for rushed movements and then he slows down with such grace that you will never have 

but its still irks you, that a boy should dance so softly and gracefully. doesn’t seem to sit well with your traditional thinking 

so anyway, sidenote! you suck at turns wowww so coincidental

and every lesson, you usually would stay back just to practice it and you always end up with bruises and what nots as you fall repeatedly, no one there to catch you when you fall 

somehow, zhengting stays back today as well, rehearsing his main role in the upcoming performance, “swan lake” 

and you can’t keep your eyes off his figure 

it is mesmerising, how he can convey emotions, feelings, an entire story, through mere movements of the arms and legs. you observe how his every move is calculated, strength justttt the right amount that it looks elegant instead of overly powerful. 

and then you stare at the mirror and you sigh. probably why you only got a minor role in the performance. 

shaking your head, trying to push all those nonsensical thoughts out of your brain, you continue trying to turn, but you just can’t find the balance

yixing: balance baLanCe bALANCE

once again, your arms aren’t fully stretched out and it creates an imbalance, causing you to once again, fall backwards, out of turn 

you shut your eyes, bracing yourself for the impact

but it doesn’t come 

surprise surprise

eyelids fluttering open slowly, you realise just how close your are to zhengting, his ragged breath from his exhausting rehearsal fan across your face, inevitably making them the colour of cherries.

“you ok?” he softly asks, as he lowers you down.

“...yea im fine.” you mumble, head bowed.

“....do you need help with the turns?” 

“....”

“you know, you’re almost there. its just the part at the 180 degree mark, where you have to pull in your hands. your arms don’t always cross, or are pulled in too fast, which breaks your flow and speed and causes you to fall out of turn.” 

how does he know? bc he has been looking at you, dumbass

also i hve no idea how accurate this is i suck at body anatomy

you nod slowly. he makes sense. and its true, you always fall when you are just about to spin to the opposite side.

getting up, your arms are poised, ready to try again. 

andddd they become frigid as hands land on your middle, firm and supportive.

“look, its not even straight here. you need it to be 90 degrees here, before you can even start turning.” he adjusts you accordingly.

“im going to spin you slowly, and we try to perfect each section, ok?” 

he spins you slowly, your arms closing in in slow motion. he corrects you at certain parts, one hand leaving your waist as he repositions yr arm.

and now, ure facing him, head bowed as a flush colours your cheeks when u realise how close the two of u r. a slight movement will just allow yr lips to brush against his.

but of course his hand is steady as hell and he just turns you slowly and you face the other direction

which, makes ur stomach churn and disappointment flows thru u????

so skipskip next scene

its after class and ure packing up when u hear some commotion at the corridor

n u follow ur busybody classmates

u can barely see who is shouting bc u a cute shortie :)

but u recognise the voice

"NO i'm staying dad. this is what i want to do."

"No, no, no. teacher, im v sorry, but i will like to pull my son out of this dance class now. i will pay the rest of the fees, but he will not be performing that stupid recital-” 

“i am performing, dad.” the voice is calm and collected and you try to tiptoe, just barely catching sight of the brown locks

“no u r not. zhu zhengting, u r a boy, u cannot do this kind of girly things! it makes u look v 娘* do you know that? a disgrace, an utter disgrace!”

the voice rings as everyone falls silent, heads turning towards zhengting, waiting for his response to the harsh comment. 

“i will prove to you that there is nothing to be ashamed of.” he quietly says, bowing and turning his heel, head held high, with no sign of regret or disappointment 

as you watch the figure go, everything falls together like pieces of a puzzle

why he works so hard 

why when it already seems perfect enuf, he still practices, saying there is still space for improvement 

why he was so desperate to get the main role 

he wanted to b in the spotlight and give a flawless performance bc he wanted to prove to his father, that boys dont have to b restrained to a singular activity and stereotype. they can do whatever they want, so long as they like it 

guilt washes over u as u watch his father storm after his son, realising that this man is a reflection of you

new found respect is the word u will use on zhengting. 

everyone applauds him. an art form shld never be restricted to a gender.

ur heart opens up to him more, and admiration for him blooms as u watch him place high expectations on himself, doing a particular move over and over again, even tho in your eyes, it alr seems perfect enuf

just like how he is to you; perfect and flawless

its addicting to watch him. his pale arms, his clean movements, his strong legs, his silky brown locks, the way his eyes sparkle when he talks about dance, the way the edges crinkle when he laughs, the way he is so bubbly about everything.

and he starts to take notice of you too, helping you to readjust properly, telling you tricks and tips on how to keep perfect balance, how to put the correct about of strength into a movement. 

for the next few weeks, you end up gg hme later than usual, staying bck with more than an hour just to spend time with him, and not gg to lie, you r falling for him 

but... you kinda don’t rlly knw i mean 

he’s nice to everyone

what makes you so special?

anywayyyyyyy

FINALLY RECITAL DAY WOOHOO

everyone’s pretty hyped about it

but u knw the main dancers will be extremely nervous and u decide to go find zhengting in his dressing room, just to give him assurance, if he needs any.

“zhengting?”

“hmmm?” he says (???) as he turns around and oMLORD JESUS CHRIST IS HE A BEAUT

the eyeshadow makes him look sultry, the foundation emphasising how his skin is flawless and hydrated, his eyebrows strong and dark, a true prince indeed

he snaps his fingers, pulling u out of yr trance. “did you want to say anything?” u hear a hint of hope and u almost smirk 

“uh...you look good? and good luck.” you mumble, tripping over your words, unused to a god-like creature looking at u with such intensity in his dark eyes

“what did you say?” he teases, cheekiness flowing through his words

“i said,” you clear your throat. “you look good and good luck for your performance

how you wish to wipe that smirk off that face, if not for the fact that u secretly find it EXTREMELY HOT and your cheeks are flaring red at the sight of it.

“if u want to wish me good luck,” he leans forward. flirtatious. “how about a kiss on the cheek?” 

you roll your eyes and try to push him away but he is quick to grab your hands and stop them midway, intertwining your cold, clammy ones with his own.

“please?” 

“fine,” you try to sound nonchalant but the nervousness is so evident that u see the smirk creeping up his face again.

lips barely brush over the smooth skin and you pull away, blood surging upwards into the blood vessels of your face.

“bye,” you want nothing more than to dig a hole and hide your burning face 

“see you afterwards?” 

but u’ve already rushed out and he chuckles to himself, warmth oozing thru his being, and his cheeks flush as he thinks about the kiss you give him. 

he will definitely have to find you later to give you a proper one ;)

you guys wld b cute buBS UWU

my endings suck dbhasdjbfhjdbkjf

[sireneia-a]

i have nowhere else to post up this but i feel like i definitely want to get my impressions of the fe4 fuyuki manga out somewhere and trying to put this in a tweet thread would prolly be annoying

i fully expect my opinion to change with time cause i think making judgments on something in less than 24 hours of consuming it... doesn’t usually lead to the long-lasting opinions. manga and fe4 spoilers both in here under the cut. i’ll try not to judge the manga in terms of merely deviating from the original game too much cause it’s allowed to take its own liberties, and sometimes those deviations can actually be a really good thing ( e.g. gaiden manga for the most part ). if you want to know abt my opinion on deviations, i’m still Bitter(tm) that they took out lene. this’ll be pretty unorganized cause i’m just spitting out my thoughts without revision cause i don’t intend to make this an actual literary analysis essay. 

anyway, moving forth:

my opinion isn’t really positive. might as well just get that out the gate before i get into details.

i think the main issue i have is that this manga... feels very unfocused in what exactly it’s trying to accomplish. is it a war story? they don’t finish the war. is it a love story? well, that really only came in about halfway and doesn’t focus on the euphoria of love, just the angst associated with a love pentagon. is it a coming of age story? maybe. this might be the closest answer to the truth.

the pacing definitely leaves something to be desired. we go from pretty fast action of seliph being introduced and then taking up arms and then rescuing leif, but... then it just slows down for a filler chapter with all the army members hanging around and talking about how much they like seliph but how distant he is. it’s a weirdly slow chapter that comes out of nowhere, and the mood whiplash is so great; seeing leif go from being this vengeful, frustrated teen who just realized his god worship of seliph was unfounded to leif being a happy-go-lucky guy acting pestering others and teasing them in just a short amount of time... is Very Odd. i’m not against leif being able to show a more casual persona, but i definitely think it could’ve been handled better.

ced’s introduction is as this all mighty, powerful mysterious man and... then all that buildup just goes into making him a background character. it feels wasted, which is how i feel about a lot of this manga honestly.

the manga tries to have some arcs for characters, and i think it pulls it off best with tine, arthur, leif ( in his first few appearances before filler ) but otherwise it’s kinda Meh. there’s just a ton of loose ends that just don’t get resolved at all. i’m cool with this usually, but the fact that the only thing that seemed to really be concluded was seliph’s romance arc and nothing else made it feel extremely unfinished. the other characters in this love pentagon don’t really get closure either, ESPECIALLY FEBAIL.

speaking of febail. Well. i wish he was something more than just “the love rival” character. he’s introduced to get patty/lester development and to further seliph/lana as well. it’s a shame cause febail actually is one of my favorite gen 2 characters ngl and to see him getting reduced to this is.... Hrm. larcei also suffers from this issue too, not really having a character outside of being tended to by lana ( to show that lana is a capable cleric ), to be fawned over by iuchar and iucharba, and to fawn over shanan. ulster might be even worse, really only existing to be the protective older brother to larcei, but when she barely gets any screentime, he might as well be replaced by a stop sign.

i’m not saying we need multiple chapters focusing on characters’ developments either. it functioned just fine with arthur and tine, and leif had a REALLY good arc in the leonster castle chapter. i really liked how they handled fee too! even if she didn’t get any closure. i expected her to show how capable she was at some point and stick it to her dad, but nope.

the manga really likes to focus on seliph, leif, and ares. i get it, they’re the sons of their power trio of dads. i’m not at all surprised these are the three they chose to focus on, but man it doesn’t have a good pay-off imo. ares might be the best handled out of the three despite having his character tweaked a bit ( the fault of removing lene, i suppose ) and i actually liked his progression with the inner conflict of living in isolation. 

leif took a nosedive for the worse when he somehow began revolving his life around seliph despite the fact his first appearance was all about how he should not be heralding him as a god amongst men. leif was that character had a weird duality between being the “shounen best friend” trope for seliph, telling him to never stop believing in himself and reminding him how great he is amongst giving cheeky hints about the romance plot, and being his own character filled with angst. leif brings some nice laughs a few times i’ll admit, and even if it’s pretty ooc for him, i was okay with it i guess; the issue i had was just how his status as seliph’s best friend seemed to also come along with removing all of his initial character development. 

i’m not a fan of how leif’s last bit in the manga is admitting that he didn’t know what he’d do without seliph. leif’s got all this buildup of trying to take on travant because he wants revenge, and he’s shown himself to be capable before this. i think my issue with this is less about leif’s competency ( i really do think though leif’s whole thing of being a pretty horrible lord unit and then turning into this master of all trades in fe4 is super good ) and more about how we don’t really see seliph helping leif out much at all. leif is a pillar of emotional support for seliph, but it doesn’t ever get conveyed that it’s mutual even though the manga WANTS you to believe it is. when seliph goes to check out on leif, it’s always leif talking out his own feelings and coming to conclusions himself without any input on seliph’s end. when seliph does say something, it’s just to scold leif and remind him that they’re friends and that seliph can help him, but i... honestly didn’t want seliph to help leif defeat travant. it felt more like seliph was meddling more than anything, and i could easily see this being fixed with just some dialogue tweaks of seliph saying he wishes to support leif or doesn’t want to see him die. but it’s just “we’ll kill him together!”

seliph is just a standard protag who understands he needs to grow and he closes off his feelings. he is compassionate, charismatic, and he goes throughout the story changing people to ally themselves with him. this is most notable in how he convinces through sheer pacifism for iuchar and iucharba to join his side even though originally their role in the game was all about making a choice between one of the brothers.

speaking of the brothers, they also got shafted quite a bit. i mean, true to the game i suppose, but still. they both had pretty interesting characters when they first get introduced as sons who disapprove of their father but come out to fight because it’s what they’ve learned and been told to do. they don’t understand seliph but feel a sense of wavering conviction because they want to do the right thing. but... then it just goes to nothing, this beginning of a mini plot, because they meet larcei and since larcei barely gets a character in this manga, neither will these two. they fall head over heels for her and then lose their characters entirely. i don’t even know what the point of recruiting the BOTH of them was if they weren’t even going to do anything with them. like, sure, show that seliph is a good person. but they were going to show that seliph is great without this incident anyway. 

the fact that julia gets reduced to just a healer hopelessly in love with seliph is sad. she has this crucial plot importance and it’s hinted at with the chapter involving ishtar and julius, but it really goes nowhere because the manga decides halfway through its main focus is going to be the romance between seliph and lana, so we’re going to end the manga in the middle of chapter 9 instead of actual endgame. julia’s just a slightly upgraded form of febail’s character in this lbr. she’s a love rival character meant to inspire angst within lana. woo.............. she gets brownie points i guess for helping along ares’s arc, but eh.

altena was fine. i think they stuck to everything important about her: her devotion to thracia, her dilemma with leif, etc. the arion and altena plot was okay. hell, even though i really like coirpre’s close relationship with altena in the game, i thought how he served as a voice of reason for her in this without the two knowing each other was actually done really well! just. wish coirpre got recruited. but that’s just me being salty, and i really don’t have an actual valid complaint about coirpre’s writing and minimal involvement in the manga. he served a purpose and he did it pretty damn well.

overall?? i thought this manga was a poor adaptation, and i really don’t recommend it as a way to understand fe4 gen 2′s plot at all nor its characters. but it serves its function as supplementary material, and i heard it’s like infinitely shorter than oosawa if you want a shorter read! it’s got its good points with certain characters like i’ve said before ( the tine and leif recruitment chapters are VERY GOOD and i loved fee in this too! ) and the fact it got a few laughs out of me is something i didn’t expect coming into it. i’m personally okay with the art, though i do wish characters didn’t appear crosseyed as often as they do.