#i was shocked to recently realize I'm...traumatized? by having been pressured by countless adults to pretend my childhood was good

[woodsfae]

I think of myself as a non-confrontational person, which generally amuses the people I know, because my definition is a little different than theirs. I am not a push-over, and I will not be moved in certain situations. Like, for instance, if I'm being harassed outside a bar (a sadly common occurence). I won't placate the assholes, I'll say "fuck off," louder and louder till they cave before my 5'2 pillar of fury and go away. To me, this is only logical, and I didn't start the confrontation, I ended it.

Today I was reminded that in my hometown, after I finally successfully ran away from home, I basically tried to fistfight the entire community at once. They didn't like it that I refused to pretend everything was hunky-dory. I felt like I would die if I played along with them, so I didn't. If someone asked me how my ex-mother was (which was often), I would tell them we didn't speak anymore because she was abusive - and generally shared a few specifics. If they had ever asked me before, I would clarify that nothing had changed.

So many people told me I was a bad daughter. Told me I should be more considerate of my ex-mother's feelings. I always responded with some variation on "If she didn't want me to call her a bad mother in public, she shouldn't have been a bad mother!"

Again, to me this was not confrontational. I didn't start it. I was just doing my grocery shopping.