#i was like. 16 and he was 18. it's insane!!!!!! we share a fucking birthday!!!!! i wanna die!!!!!!

[bewby]

when you get blocked by him even tgough you guys barely even talk anymore but the last time you talked which was about a week ago you actually had a nice and healthy conversation and you had alot of love for eachother and it seemed amazing 😂😂😍😍😍😍 no i'm definitely not fucking crying Lol

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

Friends (0)

June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[mummybear]

Kinktober Masterlist

Day 1: Restless Night Alone

Summary: When Sam and Dean go on a hunt leaving you alone in the bunker, how will you keep yourself busy. Alone in the bed you share with your boyfriend (Dean), you receive a text from him and decide to give him a call.

Day 3: Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Summary: Sophia and the Winchesters are on a hunt, that involves them dressing their very best, Dean finds himself completely enthralled by Sophia. The motel room is full of mirrors, distracting the pair before and after the hunt. Sam leaves them alone in the motel to sort out their tension.

Day 5: Caught In The Act

Summary: You’re convinced that Dean is pissed at you for some reason, yet you can’t put your finger on a reason why. When Sam convinces you to go find him and speak to him, you find him in compromising position that almost turns you into a puddle before you even enter the room.

Day 7: In My Head

Summary: When Dean finds himself cursed by a witch, yet again, he has more of a problem than he originally thought. Hearing Rachel’s thoughts begins to drive him insane, will he be forced to act on it before Sam can find the cure.

Day 9: You Wanna Play Little Girl

Summary: Forced to stay at a motel after a hunt Natalie has to work there, in order to get money for her car, so that she can finally leave town. A surprise encounter leads Dean to find Natalie, they discover that they have a lot in common. Not just their profession. So when Nat offers to help Dean with a case he and Sam are on, they’re alone in his motel room do their hands wonder or can they contain themselves.

Day 11: Ride ‘Em Cowboy

Summary: Dean Winchester has been the neighbour you’d lusted after for sometime, he’s older and oh so gorgeous, but you know you can never go there. So how will things go when he asks you to a dance in town, can you bring yourself to say yes or will the nerves get the better of you.

Day 13: The Mystery Of The Panties

Summary: You and Dean are hiding your relationship from your friends, everyone except Sam. When your bachelorette and bachelor parties coincide, with the drinking and the dancing how long will you and Dean be able to keep your hands to yourself.

Day 15:---------

Day 17: Dean Fucking Winchester

Summary: Dean has been more active than usually lately, you can hear him moaning in bed for weeks straight. It drives you insane, so much so that you make a plan to fix the problem once and for all, while putting him through as much torture as he has put you through.

Day 19: Green Eyed Monster

Summary: After you help Dean fall asleep, you and Sam head out to finish a hunt. Dean isn’t best pleased, later that night the three of you head to the bar nearest to the hotel. You and Dean end up chatting to two different people, both of you secretly jealous. Until he texts you from across the bar, telling you to meet him outside, will you agree to go out and meet him or continuing talking to the other guy?

Day 21: You And Your Big Hands

Summary: You’re having a lot of problems with your back, after a lay down seems to fix it you head out to wash your car. Only to find that it’s even worse by the time you finish, Dean offers to help you out will his remedy help you?

Day 23: Murder Of The Virgins

Summary: When The Winchester’s and you are called to go to a hunt by Bobby, you are surprised at what you find. The monster turns out to be very rare, unfortunately not rare enough that you haven’t seen one before. The death of your family had introduced you to these creatures, long ago when they had come for you, but your family had protected you. At least long enough for Bobby Singer to save you, you were no older than ten at the time. He had raised you ever since, little did you know that your sexual status was about to have such a profound effect on the case until now. You’re faced with a big decision, go home, or change the current issue.

Day 25: Mile High Club

Summary: What will happen when you Sam and Dean are forced to get on a plane, in order to finish a hunt, the reader has to find a way for Dean to calm down?

Day 27: You Like It Like That?

Summary: Dean confesses his attraction to you while on a hunt, but feels let down that you seem to just brush it off. Will you make up when you’re forced to share a bed, Sam on the sofa encouraging you to talk to Dean, what will happen? 

-

Day 31: Yes Sir Part 1 (Collab, will be an on going series with @lettersofwrittencollective​) (Nat)

A/N: Hey guys, so this is an ongoing collab. If you would like to be added to the tag list and aren’t already, please send myself or Nat a message or an ask, so we know to add you. At the moment we don’t have a scheduled for when we will post, but we’ll let you know if that changes! Please let us know what you think!!

Day 2: Surprising Text

Summary: A surprising text from Stiles, makes Emily’s entire night more interesting and changes their relationship possibly forever.

Day 4: Bring That Ass Out Here

Summary: You and your boyfriend decided tonight is time to try something different, Stiles catches you off guard twice in one night sending you into orgasm over orgasm, and it isn’t always private and for his eyes only.

Day 6: Blue Birthday Bow

Summary: With Stiles’ birthday usually being full of monsters, this year his girlfriend decides she wants to give him a birthday to remember. Jessica wants to worship him and show him just how much she loves him.

Day 8: Her First Time

Summary: Stiles and Val have been best friends for years, one day their feelings finally spill out. Will Stiles show her just how much he cares, or is he two scared of loosing his best friend. He wants to show her how much he loves her, can he be her first.

Day 10: Yes Sir

Summary: Ellie and Stiles meet officially when she becomes his P.A, her first day has her bumping into him. They get along really well, Stiles finds himself feeling things for her he knows he shouldn’t, alone one night in the office will boss and P.A become something more?

Day 12: Roleplay

Summary: You and your boyfriend Stiles decide to try something different, so will the stranger in the bar turn your head. Stuart seems to think that he can.

Day 14: -----------

Day 16: Corsets And Stockings

Summary: A night out with Stiles and the pack, turns into something you had never even imagined. Safe to say that Stiles approves of your outfit, a trick from Scott and a hotel room swap, what’s the worst that could happen?

Day 18: Let Me Hear Those Noises

Summary: You and Stiles haven’t been together long, but he was always someone you trusted to tell you the truth. With Halloween coming up you really need some help choosing your costume, so naturally you ask your boyfriend for help.

Day 20: I’m Sorry What Was That?

Summary: Stiles and Brooklyn have been together for the longest time, he’s in the FBI, has his dream job and his dream girl. Does he want more though?

Day 22: I Want You To Take Advantage Of Me

Summary:  You’re sitting alone at a bar after a fight with your boyfriend, when he shows up to drag you home you meet Stiles and Scott. The two FBI partners you don’t remember meeting. You work with Scott’s mother, so at least that part isn’t strange, when you tell Stiles you can’t go home he offers you his and Scott’s place to stay for the night, how will your night go? 

Day 24: Just Can’t Get Enough

Summary: You and Stiles are in a committed relationship, one like you had always wished for. One day after a crappy day at work, he sends you a naughty video and asks you to pick him up. Stiles is clearly in his Sub mode, and that words just fine with you, will you make it home before you show him who’s in charge?

Day 26: Strawberries And Cream On Me

Summary: Stiles and you have your first anniversary coming up. You decide to surprise him when he comes home from work, with an incredible meal and a rather unique dessert.

-

[pies-writes-and-more]

PIES’ FIC RECOMMENDATIONS FOR MAY 2020

So I’ve never done one of these fic recommendations lists before but I really want to share some of the amazing work that I’ve read this past month! I’ve definitely read a whole ton more but I was dumb and didn’t think to like draft this list and then just keep adding to it... so I’m just attempting to go through my tags LOL please be patient with my dumbass. 

NOTE: Since I only started doing this recently, a lot of my recommendations are gonna come from a lot of my mutuals but I’m always open to hearing more about other fics!!! If you’ve got an incredible fic that you are super proud of or if you think that I should read something you’ve read, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME! I’m really big on StevexFem!Reader, BuckyxFem!Reader, WandaxFem!Reader, CarolxFem!Reader, and Stucky fics!!!

If you do end up reading these fics, please tag me if you reblog them or comment on them!! I’d love to see your guys’ reactions :) 

ANYWAYS THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE HAVE CRUSHED MY HEART WITH AMAZING FICS, RUINED MY IDEALS OF WHAT LOVE IS, AND/OR BROKEN MY HEART WITH ANGST ONLY TO REVIVE IT WITH SOME FLUFF. I love you all so very much.

PS. if these links dont work for some reason, please let me know so I can update this list because I was very distracted halfway through making this so it might not be perfect!

1.Walpurgis Night by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “In which Steven volunteers to find a long-lost princess of Starkerbürg. (Fairy Tale AU)” I have no clue why this fic is not given more goddamn attention because holy shit yall, I have never been so grasped by a fic before. If you love medieval/fairy tale type things, you will love this fic. And if you don’t, you’re gonna love it anyways because @anika-ann​ writes SO. FUCKING. WELL. 100% fluff and love.

2. Abs Aren’t Always the Answer by @its-not-captain-america​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “Steve asks Y/N what girls are interested in, trying to impress her. Several shirtless pics later it’s not working.” Y’all want hilarious shit??? What about Steve Rogers always trying to take his fucking shirt off because he has the DNA (and the body) of a stripper? JK that’s not the actual reason but this fic is so funny, I died reading the first 700 times (and the 701st time too... and every time after that). 100% hilarious.

3. Challenge Accepted...? by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader ”Steve’s never been good at quick decision-making when it came to his own safety. After one particularly horrible experience, you find a way to remind him every day to think twice the next time he’s faced with a tough choice. He is not amused.” Steven Grant Rogers you stupid dumb hoe lol. That’s all I’mma say about this fic because it speaks for itself when you read it haha. Banter is iconic in this fic. 100% hilarious.

4. A Matter of Trust by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You and Steve get to go to a mission together after a while; free drinks, partying, dressing-up nicely, stealing blueprints, the usual. You might even enjoy this as a couple.“ This time it’s Y/N that’s kindof a stupid dumb hoe but like that’s okay because when Y/N is a stupid dumb hoe, it’s not as stupid or dumb as when Steve does it. There’s a bit of a carry on between Challenge Accepted...? and this fic! So I would suggest reading that one first and then this :) 100% hilarious.

5. For a Smile by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You see him run past every morning. So you smile, because he looks like a nice person. How could he not be when he smiles back and the world stops for a while to pay respect to such beauty?” So you know how Disney movies totally screwed over some of our perspectives of how guys were gonna come and sweep us off our feet? Yeah. This fic did it too. I’m still waiting for my fairytale fucking moment like this fic but if it never happens, I’ll settle for just reading this over and over again LOL. 100% F L U F F and LOVE.

6. Grease and Pearls by @anika-ann​​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “All you know is uptown; fancy clothes, expensive cars, jewellery outshining one’s personality and exhausting dinners with family acquaintances and business partners. Your life is all planned out; one day, you’ll marry Howard Stark’s son and you’ll be the golden couple adored by press.” This 3-part series slayed me. Like honestly, I’ve never been so torn apart before. Y’all lucky that if you read it, you get to read all 3 parts right away whereas I had to sit and wait for my heart to be torn apart and then stomped on. (Jk anika i love you you know that). Super amazing thing I love about this fic: it’s got links to the dresses that Y/N wears (super cute btw) AND it’s got two different endings so you can decide!!! 100% ANGST and 100% FLUFF? At the same time??? Because of the two endings?!?!?!? NOTE: part 2 got some steamy smut in there so 18+ readers only. I had to take a cold shower after reading it like goddamn.

7. Be Alright by @kayteewritessteve​ ​| Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “Steve goes through a bad breakup, but a sweet voice and a friendly smile helps him realize he can begin again, and that he definitely should.” God this fic. I can’t with this fic. It’s based on the Dean Lewis song Be Alright, which is already one of my favourites, but this fic, ugh, Kaytee knows how to hurt you that’s for sure. It’s so pure and so wonderful. 100% SAD but like it gets better promise.

8. Cold Feet by @anika-ann​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

“After two months of dating, you’ve come to a conclusion as exciting as well as a bit irritating: Steve Rogers is a perfect man. He simply has no flaw.Or does he?” Mother. Fucking. Adorable. I dunno if there’s anything else to say except that anika really knows how to make me wish I was Y/N adsoifhosd. 100% F L U F F

9. Hot Chocolate by @vodkaxtonic​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “Steve gets sick and Y/N takes care of him, which involves a lot of Steve’s whining, hot chocolate and cuddles.“ Steve Rogers is a little shit who won’t just accept that he’s sick and needs to be taken care of BUT IT’S SO CUTE AND THIS FIC IS THE BEST!!!! 100% FLUFF!!

10. Home by @evanstush​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “It’s been 2 years since the last battle and it’s now Morgan’s 7th birthday, and well, Tony being Tony, he prepared a small party for her little girl, inviting everyone from the team, including you.” Hnnnggg this fic. Okay so. I love @evanstush​ with all my fucking heart because she’s always been so supportive of me and my fics. That being said I WAS NOT EXPECTING HER KIND ASS TO HURT MY HEART LIKE THIS. But again, it’s okay because it’s got fluff guys. 50% ANGST and 50% FLUFF. Well like it’s 100% both but like I have to split it haha.

11. Cocktails by @writeyourmindaway​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “ ~i really don’t know what to write i’m sorry~ DRINKS!” That’s okay, darling, I’ll write the summary you. HILARITY. WONDERFULNESS. THE WORD BLOWJOB WRITTEN SO MANY TIMES AND IT’S FUCKING GOLD. This is so funny i love it haha. This fic killed me. I should’ve seen it coming (hehe) but i didn’t lol. 100% HILARIOUS.

12. Unadulterated by @writeyourmindaway​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader No summary for this one but again, I shall do the honours haha. It’s part 2 of ‘Cocktails’ and this one is just as adorable and hilarious as the first part! Steve is a cheeky little soft boi and the flirting just makes me feel all sorts of ways <3 100% ADORABLE.

13. Water Wars by @writeyourmindaway | Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader “The team finds a new way to unwind” I love fics where you just see the team get to be normal people!!! Plus haven’t we all thought about how the Avengers would are in a water fight? Is that just me? Don’t have to fantasize about it now because @writeyourmindaway wrote it for you :D 100% FLUFF.

14. Slow Like Honey by @heli0s-writes | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “The gossip that buzzes around in the teacher’s lounge is that sweet, sensitive, divorcé Steve Rogers is hot-for-teacher. His daughter’s first-grade teacher, to be exact.” I binged this whole fucking series. 8 parts of PURE. EVERYTHING. I have never so badly wanted a happy ending in my fucking life. This is an amazing series with so much love put into it, you can tell. I really can’t explain this fic because you really need to just go read it to know how amazing it is. NOTE: Part 4, 5, and 8 have some serious love smut in there so 18+ readers only please. UGH. I love this fic so much. I will continue to keep daydreaming about it and thinking about it all the time. God I love me some Dad!Steve. 50% FLUFF and 50% ANGST (which seriously tore my heart out like I cried).

15. You Make My World Spin by @anika-ann | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “After the Battle of New York and all the mess Tony gets involved in later, Pepper believes he is in a need of an assistant slash tech genius. Enter you. While Tony is not amused by Pepper’s idea at first… he soon warms up to you.” So many insanely wonderful references in this fic, it’s hilarious. Also, Tony being a little shit LOL. Such a hilarious fic!!!! 100% AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS.

16. If You Stumble... by @anika-ann | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “If you stumble…make it part of the dance. In which you ask Steve what your date would look like if you lived the forties. He decides to show you instead. There are few flaws, holes to see through to glimpse beyond that illusion. But what life would be besides boring if everything was perfect? Perfect dress. Perfect date. Perfect gentleman…?” So my dumbass was so excited to read something that anika put out that I didn’t realize this was part 2 of a 3 part series lol I’m dumb yes I know. Anyways, this is part 1 so please don’t be like me and read the first part LOL. ANYWAYS, this was so fucking wholesome. This is definitely one that I need to read again and fully read in order (she’s got part 3 on her AO3, I believe) but ugh. I love the idea of Steve dating in this century, comparing things to how things were done in the old days ufglasodfhsd. I love it. Amazing. 100% FLUFF (I think because well my dumbass hasn’t finished but this part was fluffy :3)

17. @wxstedhexrt‘s poems | Read Them Here! | Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes I don’t think Destiny ever gave me a summary of these but (and Destiny, please correct me if I’m wrong in how you want these to be portrayed!) I believe they’re poems written throughout the whole Steve and Bucky timeline. She’s used the Winter Soldier’s words and turned them into a gorgeous set of poems. 100% My favourite thing in the whole fucking world. 

18. The Lonely Tree by @sarahwroteathing​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You have a favorite tree which you make sure to pass every day on your way to class, but one day you find you’ll have to get used to sharing it with a friendly art student.” Holy shit guys this 15 part series was so amazing. It’s 100% PURE FLUFF and PINING and gorgeous. Holy shit. Like I screamed reading the whole goddamn thing. Amazing writing by an amazing human being with some awesome humour haha.

19. @sinner-as-saint​ responding to an anon request? Amazing. | Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader Request: May I just spice up your day with the thought of best friend/roommate bucky being jealous when you bring someone home HOT. AS. FUCK. Holy shit. It’s such a short little list of things that Bucky would do but ugh. I was dying reading it. I love me some jealous Bucky smut. 100% angsty fluff? With smuttiness ;) 18+ readers please!!

20. @alloftheimaginesblog​ prompted fic | Steve Rogers x Reader (I could be wrong here but I believe the gender of the reader is never specified? But the ring is a woman’s ring so?? @alloftheimaginesblog​ pls correct me if you want!) Prompt: Finding an engagement ring in one of their drawers. So fucking fluffy I needed a cavity filled after ugh. I loved it so much it was just a gorgeous piece of writing. Steve is a little piece of poop for not hiding that ring better I mean come on, you’re telling me you couldn’t have punched a hole, put the ring there, and then cover it up with like a cabinet or something??? jk i still love you steeb. 100% fluff!

21. Laser Tag by @stargazingfangirl18​ | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “You play laser tag with your boyfriend Steve and his best friend Bucky. Since you’re just a plain ole civilian, you gotta use what non-Avenger skills you have to avoid losing. Hint: those skills involve Steve and kissing.” Iconic. Everything. Wonderful. There is nothing I love more than Steve Rogers being a little sucker for making out with his girlfriend even when there’s a competition. 100% fluff!!!!

22. Under the Rainbow, Draga mea by @binkysteebnpewter​ | Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader I don’t think there’s an official summary ( @binkysteebnpewter​ pls correct me if I’m wrong) but my summary is this: GAYNESS <3 I love me some wlw content so when I saw this pop up on my dash, I couldn’t NOT read. It’s soooo good. This is a Social Media AU and the amount of meme usage in there I- it’s fucking wonderful. It’s still in progress though so you guys will have to pine after this relationship with me. I FUCKING LOVE IT. 100% GAY LOVE <3

23. A Fic in which Peggy Carter plays wingwoman because these two idiots are in love with each other but they can’t see it so our Queen needs to throw it at them by @1she1hulk1​ (please note I made this title by myself because I don’t think there was a title LOL @1she1hulk1​ lmk if you want me to change this xD) | Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader “the plot is bacially you and Steve go to see Peggy and she tells Steve to finally make his move” Peggy Carter is a fucking Queen and she knows that Steve is falling for you, because he just won’t stop fucking talking about you LOL. Anyways, this is a super cute fic!!!! Please go give it some love because this human being who wrote it doesn’t think she’s a good writer?????? Crazy. 100% FLUFF!!!!

OTHER FICS THAT DESERVE MENTIONING!!!!

So because this is my first recommendation list on this site, I know I’m definitely missing some amazing fics that I’ve read but never saved (I’m a terrible person I know). So I’m just gonna add them in this list here because they deserve love and attention too!

@wxstedhexrt​‘s poetry. Period. End of story lol. JK. So the ones that I’ve read that are on Destiny’s tumblr aren’t all fandom related (besides the one that I posted above) but they’re still really amazing. I’ve never felt so captured by poems before (mostly because i’m stupid and don’t understand a lot of poetry). Ugh anyways I love her poems so much so please go check them out! CLICK HERE FOR BEAUTY <3

Alright so I know a lot of you guys know @kayteewritessteve​ but if you don’t, she’s this super amazing writer with INCREDIBLE series. (CLICK HERE TO SEE HER FULL MASTERLIST). But one of my most favourite series by her, and one of my favourite series of all time, is: If Only You Knew “You arrive home one day to find a wedding invite for two of your best friends from high school. You knew this day was going to come eventually, but even with that said, you weren’t prepared to return home. At least not after 7 years of avoiding Buckhannon, West Virginia. Or rather, avoiding him; your ex-best friend and the secret love of your life. But maybe it was finally time to face your past, to face him and everything else that happened on that horrible night.”  This 18 (plus an Epilogue) part series will literally have you screaming at your screen being like WHY YALL CANT JUST TELL EACH OTHER HOW YALL FEEL?!?!?!?! 75% angst (because Kaytee likes to hurt us) and 25% fluff BUT the fluff is SOOOOO worth it so it’s like 100% angst and 200% fluff (i was never a mathlete). NOW since, we’re on the topic of Kaytee’s writing, I’d also like to mention: Love and War  “In a harsh medieval world, you set out on a perilous quest that will lead you onto a forbidden land. A land ruled and controlled by a ruthless Warlord King, one who does not look favourably upon trespassers of any kind, and punishes all with an iron fist. You may not know exactly where this quest will end, but what you do know is you will forever be altered by it. And that knowledge alone is what truly terrifies you the most.” so I read this while Kaytee was writing it about a year ago and holllyyyyyy shit. Okay. So. Listen. Fantasy? Check. Romance? Check. Amazing writing? Well it’s Kaytee so yea obviously check. I want to list more things but I don’t want to give it away! This is a 15 part series (plus an Epilogue and Outro) but it goes by so quickly once you’re stuck and waiting for more!!!! 

[thecleverdame]

Control and Release - 16

Series Masterlist

TEDTalk!Sam x Reader

Summary: With the rest of the staff caught in a snowstorm, you find yourself acting as a personal assistant to the notorious Sam Winchester.

Warnings: Dom/Sub, humiliation, embarrassment, sexual objectification,  mutual masturbation, spanking, cum play, fingering, anal play, orgasm control, nipple clamps, dub-con, breath play.

Beta: @ilikaicalie

Words: 2k

Parts 17, 18 & 19 are currently available on Patreon for a monthly pledge of $2.50. This includes early access to all my stories and Patreon exclusive content.  >> CLICK HERE <<

-

You follow Sam down the labyrinth of halls, back through the various women who are still performing. You’re relieved to be back upstairs, up here it seems to be a tamer crowd. More nudity and blow jobs in the corner than pain and strange kinks. You can handle that.

“I hope you two enjoyed yourselves.” Nick appears in front of you like a slithering snake, his eyes taking stock of your appearance as a smile spreads across his face. He turns to Sam with the proud expression of a doting father. “She’s even more delicious when she’s freshly fucked.”

You unconsciously bring a hand up to your face, feeling your already flushed cheeks. Sam’s brow ticks, the hand above your elbow tightening its grip in response.

“I think she can hear you.” Sam leans toward Nick. “But that’s the point, isn’t it?”

“There’s nothing wrong with casual observation,” Nick chuckles good naturally, winking at you. “You don’t mind, do you, my dear?”

“No,” you answer, lifting your head high. Everyone in the room is here for the same thing. And comparatively, what you and Sam have going on is pretty vanilla. Acting like a shrinking violet gives Nick the power, and you’re only comfortable relinquishing your power to one man. “I don’t mind as long as Sam doesn't.”

Nick cocks an eyebrow. “What a perfect little thing you must be. Are you sure you don’t care to share, Sam? We’re all friends here.”

“No,” Sam shakes his head, thoroughly unamused. “Not if you’d like us to remain friends.”

“My, my,” Nick pats his belly, looking between you. “Have we finally found your Achilles Heel?”

Sam’s response is immediate, his demeanor shifting on a dime. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” Nick can read his response just as well as you can. He’s said too much and once that line is crossed with Sam, it’s hard to retreat. “Nothing. You’re always so serious. Lighten up, have a drink.”

“It’s been a pleasure Nick, but it’s time for us to go,” Sam snips, pulling you along with him.

Nick calls something after you, but you don’t hear him. All you can focus on is Sam guiding you away from the party, toward the front hall.

There’s no misreading this.

You can’t help but feel somewhat hurt by how strong his response was to Nick insinuating he has even a minute amount of affection for you. Had he not responded at all, you would have assumed his indifference, but now he seems almost angered by the implication that perhaps your arrangement is something more than contractual satisfaction.

Within five minutes you’re back in the car. Sam doesn’t say a word, just stares out the window as the black of the night settles in and the lights of the party fade into the distance. He’s silent the entire ride back to his house, doesn’t even offer you a hand to exit the car, just lets you scamper behind him, unsure what your next move should be.

Should you offer to leave? The truth is your confidence is shaken, how could it not be?

“Sam,” you start, following him into the kitchen.

“You’re not going to talk for the rest of the night. Do you understand?” He turns to you, eyes practically on fire. When you hesitate he takes a step closer. “No words, do you understand me?”

You nod yes, looking sideways to the counter, anything to get his eyes off yours.

“Clothes off, take a shower. I’ll be waiting in the living room.” And with that, he turns and walks away.

When this first started, back when he called you to his office and told you to sit on his desk and open your legs, you felt like this. The swell of so many emotions that you could hardly isolate just one. That’s how you’re feeling now, except there’s something new added to the mix. An unsettled feeling that’s stronger than everything else.

You strip down, leaving your dress in a puddle on the tile of the kitchen floor, and shower as instructed. Once you’re clean and dried, you walk nude back to the living room where he’s standing, one hand in his pocket, the other holding his phone.

“On your knees, back against the wall,” he gestures, setting down his phone and unzipping his pants.

It’s impossible not to feel the shift in his demeanor. This is the man you first met, the one that ordered you to take off your panties in the elevator and carry his bags like a servant.

“Hands behind your back, open your mouth.” And with that, he fucks your mouth for the better part of an hour as you willingly gag on his cock. While you are worried about this change in the dynamic, it’s also a turn on. The two of you have become more familiar with each other, you know what to expect from him...but not tonight.

Tonight he slips back into the man who scared and excited you nearly every time you were in his presence. Every touch is hard and demanding, every order given expectantly. And you comply with everything, just as eager to please him as the first time. You trust that this is just temporary and that things will return to the new normal soon enough.

-

There’s only one explanation, he must feel what you do. At least that’s what you hope.

And what do you feel? You’re not entirely sure, but it’s something. Something more than just sex.

The very notion seems insane, you and Sam Winchester. But there’s this undefinable thing growing between you. You know it and so must he.

And just as sure as you are about these feelings, the doubt creeps in. Sam isn’t the kind of man that has relationships. Hell, the guy doesn’t even have a friend. You’re crazy if you think that he’s going to make an exception for you.

You’re misreading the situation, you have to be.

But what if you aren’t?

Bouncing back and forth between both possibilities you decide on a small gesture. A little offering to test the waters. After all, what do you have to lose?

The Following Sunday

Standing in Sam’s living room you stare at the paper tickets in your hands, regretting the choice to buy them. It’s a ridiculous idea, a man like him doesn’t want to do something as plebeian as a planetarium.  

He’s been in a terrible mood all weekend. He’s barely spoken to you. It’s been two and a half days of nothing but sucking cock, getting spanked so hard you can barely sit down and taking his cock from behind while he nearly pulled your hair out.

The weekend has come to an end, just as it always does. The wind down that never fails to leave you unfulfilled.

Now, you’re waiting silently for him to send you off. It’s a tradition. After you fuck for the last time, he showers and changes before walking you to the door like a gentleman in some dime store novel. Tonight you can still feel his cum between your thighs while you look around his whitewashed house.

Whatever’s gotten under his skin has made him even more cold and distant than usual. You know you should hide the tickets before-

“What do you have there?” Sam inquires, clad in a fresh shirt.

“It’s nothing.” Looking up you feebly attempt to remain casual.

“Doesn’t seem like nothing,” he presses, stepping and holding out his hand. “What is it?”

“It was a stupid idea,” you wait for a beat, before laying the tickets in his hand.

He looks at you skeptically and then down at the tickets, “The Museum of Science Planetarium?” He lifts an eyebrow. “Were you planning on us getting high and watching a laser light show?”

“No, it’s not, it’s-” you look at his utterly impatient expression. He’s already annoyed with you. “It’s the Northern Lights Experience. You said-”

“I remember what I said.” His eyes go soft, a look he gets from time to time, his expression softening as he stares at you and then the shift. His jaw sets, eyes hard again. “I think it’s time we rethink our arrangement.”

“In what way?” You perk up, trying to get a read on him.

“We’re not going to see each other anymore.” Sam says the words like he’s explaining what you’re about to have for dinner.

“What do you mean?” You inch closer, studying his deadpan stare. He can’t mean what you think he means.

“Our time together is over. Permanently.” He blinks.

“What?” You’re breathless, heart falling into your stomach. “Why?” you sputter.

“Because,” he sighs, pulling off his glasses. “I’m done with you. I’m bored. It’s time to move on to something new.”

Something new. You know exactly what he means, someone new.

“You’re bored with me,” you repeat to yourself, staring at the carpet, swallowing hard. You won’t cry in front of him. It’s no doubt what he expects but you will not give him the satisfaction. “So that’s it? Just like that. We’re over?”

“It’s time. It has been for a while.” He picks up his phone, tapping the screen. “I’ll have my driver take you home.”

“Why did you even spend the weekend with me?” While you can hold back tears you can’t cover the pain in your voice.

“I wanted to fuck. I had a stressful week and I needed some tension relief.” He responds matter of factly. “There’s no reason for us to interact at work. We shouldn’t have to see each other. You’ll be able to keep your job.”

He’s being cruel, this is his specialty. His true colors showing through. All you can see are the tickets in his hand. Those tickets that were so much more than tickets, the symbolic gesture you wanted to give him in return after your birthday. An offering, a chance for something more. Here you were planning, wishing for things to move just little closer to affection and he’s been planning how he was going to fuck you one last time before he threw you out with the trash.

Sam Winchester is a cold son of a bitch, you should have known this was how it would end. Taking a breath you stand up tall, holding your chin high, eyes blinking cold and expressionless. After all, you’ve learned from the master.

“I think it’s probably for the best.” You smile as if you’re the one letting him down softly. Your mind is swirling, but right now all you know is that you want to hurt him, really hurt him. “I mean, you always made me cum but the orgasms have been a little...softer lately.” His brow twitches, nostrils flaring as he looks at you like he wants to wrap his hands around your neck. You doubt anyone has ever spoken to him like this before. “I’ll be alright. Maybe I’ll give Max a second chance. I do love assholes.”

And with that, you turn on your heels and walk out of his house. You hold it together until the car pulls out of the driveway. For a moment you can’t think, can’t breathe. How has your life become this? A break up that was never really even a relationship at all. You were part of a contract, it was just sex all along and you should have known.

Tears fall as his house disappears behind you and the car drives back toward the city. Toward the next chapter of your life. A life without Sam Winchester.

-

Parts 17, 18 & 19 are currently available on Patreon for a monthly pledge of $2.50. This includes early access to all my stories and Patreon exclusive content.  >> CLICK HERE <<

[stusbunker]

Dr. Emery Simmons-Winchester

Hey guys! An ask post got me thinking about my girl Emery from my Sam series For Better or Worst.

So I decided to fill out the questions about her, in case you’re interested since a lot of her background has been kept as only small glimpses due to the plot so far. Here are those questions from the ASK POST. (Since I know no one would actually send me asks, especially about OCs.)

Basics:

1. What is their gender?

Female

2. What is their sexuality?

Heterosexual

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?

Meaning: Derived from Emmerich, which can mean brave and powerful. Also a hard, dark substance (i.e. emery boards)

Sam calls her ‘Em’ and ‘Baby’

Georgie used to call her Mama E

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger?  Which sibling are they the closest with?

She has an older half brother that she isn’t close with, but that’s just because he lived across the country from her and her son.

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives?

Emery loved her parents to the ends of the earth. Though her dad wasn’t always around, his parents helped raise her. She was by her mother’s side when she died from cancer.

6. What would they give their life for?

Georgie. And redemption. Though there are others that she cares for and her dedication to them will be tested deeply soon.

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet?

Is an arranged marriage romantic? I guess it depends on who you ask. She is currently married to Sam Winchester. They met via some shady dealings from one Naomi, Angel of the Lord.

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

Can I laugh at how deep we are getting in the “Basics” section of this?! Like, damn and then the next question is like a Teen Bop quiz.

Emery believes in Heaven, Hell, and Purgatory. She grew as a psychic, knowing the world as it exists on the show. She still believes the angels are on humanity’s side and are her path to forgiveness, if not salvation.

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal?

Emery likes rich earth tones with some gold in for accents. She looks good in just about anything though.

10. What are some of their talents/skills?

She is a medieval history professor, and an outstanding lecturer. She reads people really well, even after losing her psychic powers. She has a decent singing voice. Is an amazing mom. And when she makes up her mind to do something, she follows through. Very hard to change her mind or challenge her moral compass.

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?

Just that the world was better, in any small way, from her influence.

12. How old are they? When is their birthday?

She is 39, born January 16, 1981.

13. What do they do for fun?

Read. Play with her dog Bandit. Go for walks. Listen to music. She used to mess with people who didn’t know she was psychic, but nothing malicious just little things that would stump strangers. She also used to play video games with Georgie.

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it?

Potatoes in all of their glorious forms. She also love Cajun cuisine. She isn’t much of a cook, because she never had time to go all out. But french fries are easy enough to come by!

15. What was something their parents taught them?

That no matter who you are, you have a place in this world and a job to do.

Family always comes first.

16. Are they religious?

Yes, but most of the strict devotion rose from the death of her son.

17. Where were they born?

Gary, Indiana

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages?

Different dialects of American English. She can read Old English and Middle English from her years of study.

Latin, from high school and some college.

19. What is their occupation?

Currently a professor, formerly a part-time psychic.

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them?

She has a PHD in History and a Masters in Education. Dr. Simmons-Winchester if you’d like. ;)

Personality:

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality?

She appreciates her own snark, when it comes out.

22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality?

Her psychic upbringing game her a lot of empathy for others. She hates how weak that makes her seem.

23. Do they get lonely easily?

No, she keeps too busy to feel lonely. Her son was always enough for her... until she found Sam.

24. Do you know their MBTI type?

No because those tests are way too fucking long.

25. What is their biggest flaw?

Self-assigned guilt.

26. Are they aware of their flaws?

Not all of them, who is?

27. What is their biggest strength?

Her dedication.

28. Are they aware of their strengths?

Yes, she isn’t one to sell herself short.

29. How would they describe their own personality?

She would say she is smart, kind and generally tough.

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”?

She isn’t one for physical violence, but she will stand up vocally. She has had to defend herself physically in the past and that cost her her son.

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?

Constantly, in the past it was mostly her son, but now also her husband.

32. What is their self esteem like?

Good. She owns her strengths and is aware of her shortcomings. Though she is slightly shaken from a recent rejection, but she knows better than to get too attached when there are other factors in play.

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it?

Failure to protect her son. She would go to the ends of possibility to save him.

34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives?

It took almost five months of an arranged marriage for her to tell Sam about her son, his death and her side of their deal with Heaven. Though she trusts Sam, she didn’t reveal much about her past.

We’re going to have to wait and see if she can trust Sam or Cas with her life.

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them?

Talk cruelly about other people on end. Chew with your mouth open.

36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous.

She has a pretty decent sense of humor. Not too dark, but definitely has a sarcastic streak. I think she would love memes, especially living with a preteen gamer, she would have seen her share. But she’s still a dorky mom, so she only shares the obvious ones with her TAs.

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?

Fairly easy, especially with family. Never.

38. What do others admire most about their personality?

Her strength of character and her determination to DO GOOD.

39. What does their happily ever after look like?

She hasn’t really thought about it beyond the task at hand. Keeping up her charade with Sam in order to save Georgie’s soul and Dean. They have quiet the dream life from the outside: great jobs, nice house in a good neighborhood. But none of that can last, not for them. Right?

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual?

Her mother, but she passed about two years ago. Yes.

Physical Profile:

41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh?

Her voice is smoky, much like her faceclaim Rashida Jones. Her laugh can get breathy or silent if it is a really deep one. She laughs in little spells, but nothing like she used to.

42. What is their favorite thing about their physical appearance?

Her sparkling hazel eyes.

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance?

She thinks she has a big nose. But her complex is so good, she doesn’t dwell.

44. Do they have any scars? If so, what are the stories behind those scars?

Yes, she had a total hysterectomy after her mother died so she has laparoscopic scaring. She also has stretch marks from pregnancy. The biggest scars are on her left upper arm, where her son scratched her when he first shifted into a werewolf.

45. How would they describe their own appearance?

Just a 30-someting mixed girl rocking what she’s got.

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?

She is tempered first and foremost. Being vulnerable is not something she does regularly, but she doesn’t hide the big things. They’re too much for a reason.

47.    What’s their pain tolerance like? 

She is a women of color and a single mother, her pain tolerance is insanely high because people don’t listen anyway. (yes, that’s shade)

48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos?

She doesn’t. (Desperately trying to remember if she does now... oops?)

49. Do they have any piercings?

Just a single on both ears.

51. What is their height? Weight?

5′4″ 130lbs ish

52. What is their body type? Are they muscular, chubby, skinny, etc?

She thin, not overly fit.

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone?

Dark brown/ Hazel/ Dark Beige

55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers?

She has a fairly low tolerance for alcohol, but that’s generally because she doesn’t drink often. When she gets wine drunk she gets affectionate. The few times she has been hungover have been exhausting because she doesn’t give her self time to recover.

56. What do they smell like? Why do they smell like this? (Is it the things they’re around or a perfume they wear?)

Her natural scent is warm spices, with almost a vanilla finish. She has a jasmine perfume that makes her slightly more feminine and floral.

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin?

She hasn’t had an active sex life until she married Sam. Before that it had been a few years. No, she isn’t a virgin and this is a dumb question because it is an outdated misogynistic construct.

58. What is their most noticeable physical attribute?

Her big, bright, multicolored eyes. Then her smile.

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF?

Not exactly resting, but you get the point. Yes.

60. Describe the way they sleep.

She sleeps curled on her side, in the middle of the bed. If Sam’s already up, she is stealing his pillow to cuddle. If Sam is sleeping elsewhere, she stays to her side.

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season?

Summer, though she was born in the winter, she prefers it if she can function outside or at least read by the lake.

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others?

Okay, yes, everyone has been betrayed. She is currently dealing with the ramifications of an unjust deal with Heaven. It’s not easy for her.

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

Her dog Bandit.

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily?

Yes, she is a slight woman, she gets cold easily.

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?

She has a solid immune system, even when she gets sick she powers through. Bad mental health days knock her down a few pegs though.

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there?

Currently living in Denver, CO with Sam and Bandit. She lived in Chicago with her son and dog previously.

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?

No, she keeps her bedroom clean because she shares it (for the most part) now. The bathroom and kitchen are always spotless. The living room is a little cluttered, but that’s generally Bandit’s toys and research she leaves out when she’s not grading in the dining room.

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality?

She was surrounded by love. Her mom was a waitress at a diner and her paternal granddad and big mama helped raised her. She knew she had to work hard for anything to come to her and she also was psychic so she was able to sense how her family was “odd” or “wrong” depending on whose thoughts she heard. She grew up learning to respect people and kill them with kindness, or wit if she had to.

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?

See above.

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets?

She loves animals, but is very much a dog person. Yes, Bandit, the best boy ever.

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

She is amazing with kids, especially one on one. She has a son George, who would have been 13 last spring. She is unable to have more.

72.   Would they rather have stability or comfort? 

Stability. Knowing what to expect is its own level of comfort.

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?

She is generally indoors, but generally all of her active free time is spent outside.

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms?

To be in, sunny and clear. She likes storms from the safety of inside and thunder more than the lightning.

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

She would probably doodle old geometric patterns found on ancient manuscripts as a border. Possibly make a list of things that need doing or write the same word over and over again in different fonts.

76. How organized are they?

Fairly, not obsessively so.

77. What is their most prized possession?

Her PhD.

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend?

She was close with a few colleagues at her last job, a small college just outside of Chicago. But her mother was her best friend so it is hard to put that title on someone else since she lost her.

79. What is their economic situation? 

Currently upper-middle class. Previously working class struggling with medical bills.

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl?

She is not a morning person, but doesn’t stay up too late unless she has too.

Miscellaneous:

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood?

No. Unless someone is severely hurt.

82. What is their handwriting like?

Not too neat, but generally a combination of print and cursive.

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim?

Yes, well enough to not die, she doesn’t know all the strokes or anything. Sure, but not as much as she likes sunbathing.

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best?

Oh, this is a tough one! I am going to say Envy, because though she had a great family growing up, she was still very much aware of what other people had. And their problems always seemed so frivolous.

85. Do they believe in ghosts?

Yes, she was a psychic, she spoken to spirits before.

86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays?

She has her great-grandmother’s china that she keeps for the big holidays, Christmas, Easter, etc. She would host the cousins and aunties with her grandma and once her mom got too sick, it was harder to get everyone together. She and George would go to her Aunt Janice’s house when they could for Sunday dinner, but traffic in and out of the city was a pain during the school year.

87. What is something they regret?

Killing her son in self-defense.

88. Do they have an accent?

Not usually, she was in an academic setting for so long she doesn’t let it slip out often.

89. What is their D&D alignment?

Neutral Good, laws and those who enforce them should evolve quicker than they do.

90. Are they right or left handed?

Right.

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif.

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said?

She groaned, grabbing his face in both her hands. “Fine! Asshole. But you better make it worth it.”

She was pointing a finger at his agreeing puppy dog face now.

[janephillipsblog]

My Diary of One Yellow Rabbit’s 34th Annual High Performance Rodeo - January 8 - 26, 2020

Last year I had the opportunity to volunteer for One Yellow Rabbit’s High Performance Rodeo and had such a fantastic time that I decided to do it again this year. The High Performance Rodeo Volunteer Program is proudly sponsored by East Village. There were some differences this year as due to my own theatrical commitments I was not able to attend the volunteer orientation session in November and was also not able to attend as many shows as I would have liked. Even so, I still managed to take in 11 shows and kept a diary a follows:

January 10, 2020

My first show was “bliss (the birthday party play)”, presented by Verb Theatre in The Studio at The Grand, was directed by Karen Hines and performed by Jamie Dunsdon. This was a raw and intimate investigation of ignorance, bliss, self and all the things that we wish we could un-know. The space was set up like a birthday party and the audience were all guests which was very different. I found that Jamie’s performance was thought-provoking and powerful as she took us on a winding road of a journey as she turned back the clock on her life. I very much enjoyed the journey I was taken on, particularly as I had no idea of the destination. I am very much a fan of one-person shows in general and this one did not disappoint.    

January 11, 2020

“It’s The End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fucked)” was written and performed by The Rude Pundit, a.k.a, Lee Papa, in Motel Theatre, Arts Commons. It was directed by Mike Creter. This was a journey, through the eyes of the Rude Pundit, through Trump’s America. It was exactly what I expected and I enjoyed his diatribe and anger and a Canadian audience can relate when comparing it to what Jason Kenney and people like him want to do.

January 16, 2020

“The Land, The Animals”, took place in the Big Secret Theatre, Arts Commons and was presented by the One Yellow Rabbit ensemble. Written and directed by Blake Brooker, this piece was performed by Denise Clarke, Christopher Hunt and Andy Curtis. This show was first presented in 1991, however it was new to me. I liked that it was based on a true event experienced by Blake and Denise in 1989, which changed the direction the play was going as Blake was writing it at the time. I felt that it was very timeless. It took me to the downtown working world of Calgary, a world which I had been a part of for many years as an employee, especially as I was a lunchtime runner, as was one of the characters in the play. I also enjoyed the original score written and performed by David Rhymer.

January 17, 2020

“Revolution or Slumber”, presented at and by Western Canada High School, was a special show as it was the first time that a high school production has been in the Rodeo. An original piece, it was written and created by students, directed by Caitlin Gallichan-Lowe. I enjoyed it and thought it was well done. The show was set during a slumber party, where the teens presented their anger, worry and despair at the state of the world, whilst in the world of the usual teenage dramas, love, smoking pot, drinking and eating chips (which set off my craving for chips!) It took me back to when I was the same age and I found I related to it in that regard. Perhaps the generations are not so far apart after all. I also really liked that they had screen printed the play’s logo onto second-hand t-shirts and were selling them.  

January 18, 2020

“Footnote Number 12” was presented in The Studio at The Grand by Spreafico Eckly & Theatre Replacement. It was directed by Andrea Spreafico and performed by James Long and Nancy Tam. This was a bizarre, challenging, but interesting piece set around a 2006 magazine article, that questioned what that writer had to say through today’s social context. Interesting use of sound and the modulation of the voice.

January 23, 2020

“Queer Blind Date”, was presented by Spontaneous Theatre at The Studio, Vertigo Theatre. Through improvisation and clowning, the play explores human romance, and in this version, queer courtship. As it is a re-imagined version of Rebecca’s Northan’s “Blind Date”, I could easily see how this would work for every kind of human relationship, whether straight, same sex, trans or gender-queer. The performance I saw featured the saucy but adorable female clown, “Mimi”, played by Julie Orton (there were also performances with the clown “Mathieu” played by David Benjamin Tomlinson which I will unfortunately did not get to see). The performance starts with the actors mingling in the lobby to pick Mimi’s blind date and on this particular evening she picked a young woman, with her consent of course and she was such a good sport! The play starts with their first blind date and progresses through their relationship from there and is often quite naughty, particularly with the use of puppets. I loved it, I felt it was really refreshing and well done and a show you could enjoy several times due to it being different every time.

January 24, 2020

“How To Fail As A Popstar”, A Canadian Stage Production, was presented at the Engineered Air Theatre at Arts Commons. Directed by Brendan Healy, in this piece Vivek Shraya (writer and composer) shares her journey and quest to become a popstar. I found Vivek’s performance to be raw and authentic and incredibly relatable due to the world we live in which often focuses on the destination of complete success, rather than for a person to enjoy and appreciate the journey regardless of where they end up. This was one of my top three shows this year.  

“Premium Content”, by David Gagnon Walker, directed by Geoffrey Simon Brown, was presented by The Major Matt Mason Collective in The Studio at The Grand. This is the story of five friends, one of whom makes videos. It explores the relationships between these friends and issues of consent in our internet-fueled voyeuristic world. I loved the use of multi-media and though I only got to see one performance, I also loved the idea that each performance was different and would have different relationship dynamics because the actors rotated roles (each actor learnt three roles).

January 25, 2020

“Tomatoes Tried to Kill Me But Banjos Saved My Life”, was presented by Quivering Dendrites, at Lunchbox Theatre. In this piece, creator and performer Keith Alessi, under the direction of Erika Conway, shares his inspirational true story from a rocky childhood, through corporate success to a battle with cancer, during which his passion for the banjo becomes an integral part of saving his life. This was a very authentic piece and I related to it on many levels. I suspect many other people also do, as for many of us, arts unfortunately sometimes end up on the back-burner as we focus on making a living. Keith bought his first banjo as a teenager and collected many throughout the years winding up with 52 of them in a closet! The cancer diagnosis forced him to finally start to really learn to play the banjo and he started jamming with other musicians. The cancer was cured and this piece created which ultimately led to a Broadway debut. I spoke to him after the show as I have guitars and a violin in my closet – well they were until just before Christmas as I have started playing them again! The advice: get out and play regardless of your expertise. The takeaway from this show for anyone is don’t delay your passion, whatever it may be. This was my favourite show this year.

“Gemini”, presented by Defiance Theatre, took place at The Legion. The play was written by Louise Casemore and directed by Mitchell Cushman. Performed by Louise Casemore and Vern Thiessen, the play is set in a bar and was made more real in this presentation by being performed in the Legion’s second floor pub. It explores the relationship between a young, female bartender and a middle-aged, male regular, who ultimately, perhaps in part due to male entitlement, crosses the line by reading more into the relationship than he should have. This was one of my top three shows at this year’s Rodeo as I found I related to it as I was once that bartender. Both characters had a sadness to them, stuck in their situations. It also raised questions about the treatment of workers in the hospitality industry. Bartenders have so much responsibility due to the liability that they take on from serving alcohol and yet the profession is not respected, with workers making most of their income from tips, a practice, that if you think about it, is rather questionable, because it has trickled down from the class system.

“Certified” by Squid Thinks was presented in the Motel Theatre at Arts Commons. In this show, creator and performer JD Derbyshire takes us on a roller coaster of a ride as we accompany her on her journey through the mental health system. This piece was fast-paced and humourous, though with moment of heart-ache, leaving the audience with questions about the definition of insanity.

For the volunteers, the Rodeo wrapped up with a volunteer party a week later, hosted by the Village Brewery Taproom. This year we were treated to a private talk back with artists Blake Brooker, Denise Clarke and Kris Demeanor. I unfortunately did not get to see Kris’ show “Russell: Straight Up” but he gave us a quick taste and I will definitely see it when it is presented again.

The 34th Annual High Performance Rodeo was fantastic and I wish I could have seen more shows, however the ones that I did attend were enjoyable and intriguing, with many that I would happily see again. As a performer and writer I also garnered a lot of inspiration from the work I experienced. Art is truly limitless! 

[mrsjaxtellerfan]

Coming Home (Jax x OC) (Chapter 16)

Hey guys! Here’s another chapter for y'all.

Warnings: Talks of sex

Chapter 16

“So.” I say, looking at Kelsey. “How are things with Chibs?” I ask winking at her.

“Nothing is going on. We are just friends.” Kelsey blushes.

“You want a baby, he wants a baby. OH MY GOD YOU TWO FUCKED!”

“Say it louder so the people in Africa can hear you, Ari!”

“You guys fucked! Oh my god! Wait until I tell Jax, he totally won the bet.”

“Ari, you can’t tell Jax.”

“Ummmm…. He already knows.” I laugh, looking down at my phone.

“Ari! God this is why we don’t tell secrets! You nor I can keep our mouths shut!”

“I didn’t tell him he just told me.” I reply.

“Show me.”

“Look, bitch!” I laugh.

“That lying bastard!”

“Don’t be too hard on him. I bet you Jax figured it out just like I did.”

“Chibs is pretty open about our sex life.”

“Oh, so there’s a life.” I wink.

“Yes. There’s a life that you don’t know squat about and if Chibs tells Jax I will cut both of their balls off.”

“Bitch, you are going to tell me right now! I’ve heard stories about Chibs and I need to know if they are true.”

“Tell you what you’ve heard and I will confirm or deny.”

“Well, I could just ask Chibs to tell me when we go get our pedicures.”

“I will cut off his balls if he tells you.”

“Baby, he’s my best friend, best friends tell each other everything.”

“Baby, you’re my best friend and I didn’t even tell you about that time I shanked Michael Ingleson.”

“Yeah, I didn’t say you were a good best friend!” I laugh.

“That hurts me, Ari.”

“Oh, hush you. Now stories!” I laugh, swatting her leg.

“And that’s everything .”

“I can’t believe he let you do that, and with Tig.”

“Dude, Chibs will literally try anything in bed!” She laughs.

“Next you’re gonna tell me that you shanked him too.”

“No, I like him too much to hurt him

“Oh that’s so fucking sweet! I LOVE IT!”

“Don’t worry, I’m not a sweet person too often.”

“OH MY GOD! Talking about sex life, guess what Jax and I tried.” I exclaim.

“TELL ME BITCH!” She yells back, excited.

“Okay, so the other night we got super high and of course we had sex. Well, let’s just say we opened my birthday gift early!”

“What did he get you!? DETAILS, BITCH!” She squeals.

“We used sex toys, I swear I’ve never came so hard in my life. Jax is huge and knows how to use it and the extra little bit of clit action was insane. I seriously came harder than when Jax made me cum 7 times.”

“How’d he manage that!? I seriously can’t believe you are the same little, never had an orgasm, Ari.”

“Jax makes sure I always cum. He’s amazing, I swear.” I laugh. “He really wants to have a threesome so I’m thinking about going through with it.”

“Oh my god! Do it! Who you going to do it with?” She asks.

“I don’t know, yet. We thought about asking you, because I’m comfortable with you, but now you and Chibby are a thing. I want to have sex with Juice or Chibs if we are being honest.” I laugh.

“OH MY GOD! Foursome!” She exclaims.

“I don’t know, Chibs is pretty territorial and so is Jax. You should’ve heard him threaten Rat when you wore those shorts.”

“Nah, he admitted he finds you attractive as hell. I don’t think he’d be opposed.”

“I don’t think Jax’d be for it.” I reply.

“True, Jax doesn’t seem like the type that would be okay sharing his girl with another guy.” Kelsey laughs.

“The same for Chibs. I thought he was gonna shoot Rat. I swear you bent over on purpose.”

“I may have.” She smirks.

“You little slut.”

“I’m his little slut in bed!” She retorts.

“Oh you nasty!” I laugh.

“Hey! Ari!” Lyla yells, spotting me and making her way over. “Hi, I’m Lyla.”

“Hi, I’m Kelsey.” Kelsey replies, holding her hand out.

“What are you girls talking about?” Lyla asks, with a smile.

“Sex lives.”

“Ohhh my favorite kind of talk!” Lyla laughs.

“So Lyla. I only know a little bit about you. Tell me more.”

“Well, I’m Opie’s Old Lady. I work in girl on girl porn. I have a son. I’m from the area.” Lyla says, waving the waiter over.

“Oh my god! What’s it like? To work in porn I mean.” “Kelsey you can’t ask crap like that!” I exclaim, smacking her arm.

“Nah, it’s fine. I like it. I make good money and I don’t have to deal with men. It’s not bad!”

“Do you fake it or actually cum?” Kelsey asks, leaning closer. The waiter, a cute, young, probably college kid, walks up behind her. “I mean getting eaten out by girls all day sounds like it would be exhausting. I mean, I’m down for being eaten out at literally any time, but I feel like it would just be too much.”

“OH MY GOD! KELSEY, SHUT UP!” I yell, bursting into laughter at the sight of the boy’s face.

“Oh shit! I didn’t realize there was anyone around me!” Kelsey laughs.

“I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” The waiter blushes.

“Can I get a dirty martini? You guys drinking?” Lyla asks, glancing at us.

“Hell yes! I want 3 tequila shots, and a peach marg.” I say, looking to Kelsey.

“Fuck it! I’ll do 3 tequila shots as well, and a watermelon marg. Keep ‘em coming!”

“Wait! Instead of a dirty martini can you bring me a strawberry marg and I guess 3 tequila shots as well?” Lyla asks.

“Sure thing. You guys want any food?”

“Mozz sticks!” I exclaim.

“YES!” Lyla and Kelsey shout at the same time.

“Be right out!” The waiter smiles, walking away.

“So, to answer your question. Yes, it does become too much. I fake every single one. It sucks sometimes, because after a lot of filming I don’t feel like having sex with Opie, because I’m just desensitized.”

“Damn, that sucks! Did Ari tell you that Jax was her first and he was also the one who gave her her first orgasm years later?” Kelsey says, turning the attention to me.

“Oh that’s so sweet!” Lyla exclaims.

“He’s amazing, he’s always down for sex, anytime I want, and he for sure makes me cum as often as he can.” I laugh.

“What positions do you use? I like being taken from behind.” Lyla says.

“We use lots of different positions. I like being on top or being taken from behind, he hits my G-Spot with every thrust in those positions.” I reply.

“We’ve been trying new positions a lot.” Lyla says. “Have you guys tried the downward dog?”

“Shit, I wish I could get Chibs to try something new.”

“Woah, hold on, catch me up here, Chibs?” Lyla asks.

“Bitch, don’t you lie. You just told me how chibs is always willing to try new things!”

“Okay, true, I just wanted in on the conversation!” Kelsey laughs.

“What kind of stuff do you guys do?” Lyla asks, leaning in closer.

“The regular stuff. One time though, I told him I wanted to…”

“Here’s your drinks ladies!” The waiter from earlier says, returning to the table, our shots and margs with him.

“Thanks, cutie!” Kelsey says, winking at him.

“You’re welcome!” He blushes, retreating to the kitchen.

“SHOTS!” I yell, grabbing one of my shots.

“If I were single, I’d tap that booty.” Kelsey says, making us all giggle.

“You’re a nasty bitch!” I laugh. “He’s probably like 18.”

“Legal!”

“Touche.” “Plus, bitch, I know you'd try to as well!”

“Nah, I like my men older.” I laugh.

“Clearly I do too, but I like sex. I’m a hoe.”

“I like sex with Jax.” I laugh.

“The same man who sat on a cactus in sweatpants?”

“Fuck off! I totally pushed him.” I laugh, pushing her.

“The way you pushed Dani into that Josh kid, look where they are now.”

“Yep, and look where Jax spends most of his time.”

“Push me next. I need some of that magic.”

“WHERE DOES JAX SPEND MOST OF HIS TIME?” Kelsey yells.

“Between my thighs!” I laugh. “I’ll for sure push you, girl!”

“Smooth, Wilson, smooth!” Kelsey laughs.

“Like butter!”

“Chunky butter.” Kelsey scoffs.

“It’s still butter.”

“Touche.” Kelsey laughs.

“So Lyla, how are the kids?” I ask, changing the subject.

“Good! They are all settling into living together.” Lyla replies, sipping her marg. “Do you have any kids, Kelsey?”

“That’s good.” I reply.

“Not a single fucking one. But I want one, so bad.” Kelsey frowns. “I’m honestly considering a sperm donor or IVF or something.”

“Take your time, who knows, Chibs could be the one.” Lyla says, with a smile.

“I don’t think Chibs wants another kid. I’m surprised he didn’t make someone come here with me to ‘keep me safe.’”

“Give him some time, he had a rough go of it.” I say.

“Does he not understand that I stabbed someone? Stabbed. With a knife. Myself.”

“This kind of danger is different, love. I wouldn’t want to drag anyone into it.” I say, sipping my marg.

“How different? I’ve been in a lot of questionable situations, Ari.”

“Just ask him.” I reply. “So, more shots!?” I exclaim, trying to change the subject.

“Every time I try, he just gets angry and tells me I wouldn’t understand.”

“I get it, Jax did the same thing at first. Now, though, I know everything as it’s happening. You know, Jax is next up for Prez?”

“Because you’re kept in the loop. I hope he gets it, he deserves it.”

“Thanks. I’m kept in the loop because Jax knows I can handle it. Give Chibs a little time to realize you can handle it too.” I smile.

“Do you think that maybe once he realizes I can protect myself he’ll stop getting Rat to try and follow me. He waved at me yesterday.” Kelsey laughs.

“Nope, it’ll be like that forever!” Lyla and I exclaim.

“God, I hope not. I can only handle him following me for so long, then it just becomes a game of cat and mouse.”

“Now, can we take some more shots?” I ask, waving the waiter back over to order another 4 shots for myself and two more margs.

“Hey cutie, can I get a grilled cheese and a side of you?” Kelsey asks, winking at the waiter.

“Shut the fuck up, Kelsey!” I laugh, swatting her arm. “This is sexual harassment!”

“Nope. Harassment at its finest, but who are they gonna believe, me or him?”

“You’re a rude bitch!”

“Remember that creep that worked in the caf in high school. Everyone said he quit. I told the principal that I saw him staring at me, and I didn’t like it. They fired him. Granted he never looked at any of us. But the guy was still a creep.”

“You really are a horrible person.” I say, glaring at her.

“Yeah, that’s what happens when your grandma raises you.” Kelsey replies, looking down at the table. “You know my dad was never around, and my mom died during childbirth.”

“Changing the subject before we fight.” I say.

“Good plan! Have you decided on dress styles?”

“Yep, I already got ahold of my designer friend that works for me and sent him my ideas and he’s working on it now. Sophia’s dress too.” I say, downing my 4 shots and waving the waiter over.

“Fancy. But what about Jax, what’s he gonna wear?” Kelsey asks. “He can clean up, but I don’t think he even owns a suit.”

“He’s wearing black dress pants, nice shoes, and his Kutte.”

“Jax has nice shoes?” Kelsey asks, turning toward the waiter. “I’m still waiting for my grilled cheese!”

“I bought them. I made sure the pants fit his ass nice too.” I laugh, the alcohol starting to hit.

“I’m ordering 4 more shots when he brings over your grilled cheese.”

“No more saggy baggy pants Jax for one day?”

“Yep, I’m slowly throwing out his baggy jeans too. I like to see his ass. I swear that man has an ass you can bounce quarters off of.” I laugh.

“It is bubbly and nice.” Kelsey turns back to the waiter. “I would like my grilled cheese sometime today!”

“Yes! It’s literally amazing! Don’t be rude, this place is packed.”

“Bro, there aren’t that many people in this section.”

“Bro, shut the fuck up. He’s new. Jax and I come here for lunch a lot. Today is his second day.”

“It’s not his fault, it’s the kitchens. I could probably make it myself, but I don’t think they’d let me back there in heels.”

“You are an impatient bitch. Look he’s coming.”

“Yay! My grilled cheese!” Kelsey exclaims.

“Can I get 4 more shots and 2 more margs?” I ask, smiling at him.

“Sure thing! You ladies need anything else?” He asks Lyla and Kelsey.

“I would like a pitcher of water and a straw.” Kelsey says. “I don’t need a cup. Just the pitcher I can share.”

“I would like water as well.” Lyla says.

“Y’all are done drinking?” I ask.

“No, I just ordered a pitcher of water to stick my face in.” Kelsey replies sarcastically.

“Oh my god, really!?” I ask.

“It’s how I test new makeup products, gotta see if they can hold up in the water.”

“Oh fuck! I didn’t know that was the way you did it! Does it normally hold up?” I ask.

“The good ones. The cheap ones don’t.”

“Stop fucking with her.” Lyla laughs.

“I’m serious, but I actually ordered a pitcher of water because my doctor says I’m dehydrated. I hope to be fully hydrated by the time I leave here today!”

“Well, i’m going to keep drinking.” I laugh, downing the last of my shots.

“Have fun!”

“I fucking will!” I laugh.

“Speaking of fucking, I’d totally bang the waiter though.” Kelsey laughs.

“OH MY GOD!” I screech.

“What? He’s legal, and I don’t mean ours, look over there. The tall one, with those muscles.”

“Oh fuck! He’s hot! But I have my Jaxy and y’all haven’t seen him naked. Literally takes my breath away sometimes.”

“Well Sophia did tell me about that one time the guys were teasing him. It’s “oh my god” big.”

“It is OH MY GOD big! He is like not even kidding like 10 inches and my hand can’t fit all the way around him. It took me a bit to get used to how big it is.” I conspire.

“I would kill for a cock that big to fuck me once. One time, Ari. Why do I always get length but not anything else. Do you think muscle guys is big?”

“I bet it’s tiny, he for sure uses ‘roids.” I laugh.

“Probably. But a girl can dream, right?”

“Opie is pretty big, not as big as Jax.” Lyla joins in.

“Look at you guys, having men with big dicks.

“I’ve heard Chibs is pretty big.” I say.

“It’s All length. There’s nothing more.”

“Fuck Bobby. He is massive, little bit smaller than Jax.” I laugh.

“How would you know, Ari? You measuring dicks now or something?”

“Yep!” I laugh. “No, Juice told me it was huge when he had to help him to the bathroom.”

“Chibs would kill me if I fuck someone else. What about Juice? How big is he?”

“Juice is pretty large. He for sure got hard while I was cuddling with him.”

“Length or girth?”

“Both.” I reply.

“Oh. Tell me more about this Juice character.”

“Well, I’d guess he’s probably 8 or 9 inches and like a bit smaller around than Jax.” I reply.

“I didn’t mean his dick! His personality, you twit!”

“Oh. He��s so cute! He’s super sweet too! Super good with Sophia. I totally wanna fuck him.” I laugh.

“I’ll fuck him! I volunteer as tribute!”

“You have Chibby. I’ll fuck him and let you know. I’m still working on Jax about a threesome with Juice.” I laugh.

“I know, but I’m not fully satisfied. I don’t know what to do, Ari. Don’t get me wrong the sex is good, but I just don’t feel anything. It’s like that time during 7 minutes when I got paired with Sebastian. And he’s gay.”

“Like emotionally don’t feel anything or sexually?” I ask.

“Sexually for sure. But I’m not sold in the emotional part either.” Kelsey replies.

“Well, fuck. I don’t know what to tell ya man.” I sigh.

“Not even a ‘good luck with your future endeavors’?”

“Nope, I love Chibs, I don’t know how to help you with how you’re feeling.” I reply.

“Maybe I should just tell him? But I don’t want to hurt him, he’s been through enough.”

“Good idea. If you aren’t into him then you just aren’t. Tell him before it gets too far because if you hurt him I’ll hurt you.” I say, seriously.

“How far is too far? I need to know so I can make a timeline of the best possible time to tell him.”

“Tell him tonight.” I snap.

“But I thought we were having dinner at your place, with all of his friends.”

“I can’t lie to him. I won’t be able to keep my mouth shut. He has been an amazing friend and I’ve known him since I was a kid. Tell him.” I retort.

“Okay. I’ll just tell him after dinner so its not awkward.”

“No, before.”

“Okay.”

“Good. I need more shots and another marg.” I wave the waiter over ordering 4 more shots and 2 more margs.

“I’d like more water.” Kelsey says, batting her eyelashes and smiling at him.

“Coming right up.”

“You drank a whole pitcher of water, how do you not have to pee?”

“Yep, gotta pee like a bitch now.” Kelsey laughs.

“Oh. And here I thought you had the bladder of a camel in high school.”

“That was high school, this is adult life.”

“Last round?” Lyla asks.

“Yeah.” Kelsey replies.

“No! Keep drinking with me.” I whine.

“I can’t, I need to be as sober as possible for this conversation I’m about to have.”

“I have to film a scene in 30 minutes.” Lyla says.

“You’ll do great. I have to pee. Don’t drink my water.”

“Promise.” I laugh.

“I know you won’t, Ari. You hate water.”

“I love water!” I laugh.

“When you’re high.”

“Okay, you going to call Jax to come get you?” Kelsey asks, walking me toward my car.

“Yes, and I’m going to make him take me home and fuck me before dinner.” I slur.

“I can stay and wait with you. Make sure you don’t do anything irrational.”

“JAXY! Hi baby! I need a ride!” I yell, when he answers.

“Is someone with you?”

“Yes, but she’s leaving, and I drank a few too many margs.”

“Ask her if she’ll stay until I get there.”

“She will. You have to be the one that comes though! Don’t send the prospect.” I yell.

“Why can’t I send the prospect. Chibs will kill me if something happened to Kelsey.”

“Because I need you! I want you to fuck me!” I yell, getting stares from the passerbyers. “What you staring at?”

“Okay, What about Kelsey, she rode with you.”

“She’s going back to Chibs, and she’s taking my car. You are driving me home.”

“Alright. I’ll be there soon, darlin’.”

“Good because I’m turned on and I need you like now.” I laugh.

“Lower your voice, Ari. People are staring.” Kelsey says.

“Oh well! I have a hot as fuck fiance, and we have an amazing sex life!” I yell.

“If I could leave you here, I would.”

“Do it. Jax is on his way.” I laugh, thrusting the keys in her hand.

“Jax would kill me, and I hope to not die before 30.”

“True.” I laugh. “Oh my god Jax on his bike is hot as fuck.” I laugh as Jax pulls up besides us.

“I’ll bring your car back tonight since mine is parked at yours. Bye Ari. Bye Jax!”

“Bye! Thanks for staying with her.” Jax responds, helping me with the helmet.

“Anytime. I’ll see you tonight for dinner.”

“Baby, you are so wasted.” Jax laughs, pulling my shoes off.

“I know. Fuck me.”

“You are drunk though. I don’t want to take advantage.” Jax laughs.

“Can I tell you a secret then?” I ask.

“Sure thing, darlin’.”

“Kelsey told me she’s disappointed in the sex she’s been having with Chibs.”

“Chibs told me he is too! He doesn’t feel like they are good for each other.” Jax responds.

“She’d totally bang Juice. She doesn’t want to hurt him. Maybe they can remain friends.”

“He was thinking about trying to set her up with Juice, he is looking for someone a bit older and who doesn’t want kids.” Jax gossips.

“I thought Chibs wanted kids.”

“I guess we were wrong. He doesn’t think he should have any more.”

“No, that doesn’t make sense. He deserves a kid. I have to stop them from breaking up!”

“No, you don’t. They don’t want to be together and we need to stay out of it.”

“But Kelsey’s happy. What if we set her up with Happy! He wants kids!”

“I think Kelsey and Juice like each other. Juice wants a family.”

“Everyone likes Kelsey. Happy wants a family. He told me so.”

“Baby, stop. Let her and Juice talk.”

“She’s my best friend. I just want what’s best for her.”

“I think Juice is good for her. They would make an amazing couple.”

“Is juice gonna threaten the prospect when he stares at her when she’s wearing shorts? Everyone was staring at her booty though. Even me, but only just a little.”

“Baby, he already did. I knew you liked her booty.” Jax laughs.

“It’s a nice booty.”

“I bet she’d appreciate the comment.”

“OH MY GOD! Before she gets with Juice we should have the threesome.”

“I don’t know, she’s breaking up with Chibs right now. I would hate to thrust her into sex again.”

“Trust me, she’s up for it.” I laugh.

“But right after a breakup?”

“Fine, lets ask Lyla then.”

“I can’t do that to Opies old lady, he’d stab me.”

“Opie can watch me and Lyla together. We don’t need you. You can watch too.” I laugh.

“I’m hurt, babe.”

“I really want to have sex with a girl, with or without you, before we are married.”

“Ask Kelsey. I’d bet she’d eat you out.”

“I bet she would!” I exclaim.

“So it’s settled. Just wait for her to see where things go with Juice.”

“Wait, are we going to have a threesome with her or is it just me?”

“Foursome?” Jax asks.

“Seriously!?” I gasp.

“Yeah. I’m not about to let another guy fuck you, but it’d be hot. We can make it work.”

“Wait, why can’t Juice fuck me? You can fuck Kelsey. I don’t even care.”

“Because you’re mine, and I don’t like to share. And I’m not fucking Kelsey, she’s like your best friend. It’d be awkward.”

“Fine, can Juice touch me at all or you guys just going to watch Kelsey and I?”

“Maybe. I haven’t decided yet. Now let’s get you to bed before dinner.”

“Well, I want Juice to eat me out if we do this. Actually, I want you to eat me out right now.” I laugh.

“If you get your ass in bed I will!”

“Going!” I yell, running upstairs.

“So.” I ask Kelsey. “How’d things go with Chibs?

“We are good. Turns out he was going to set me up with Juice anyways.”

“And Jax thought you’d want Happy.”

“He’s cute but he’s too brooding.”

“Wait until you see him with Sophia. Mr. Brooding turns to mush.”

“Awww, that's adorable.”

“Not nearly as adorable as Juice and Sophia. Juice was the first one Sophia let talk to her.”

“Really? Did he have food?”

“Yes, they shared PB&J.”

“That’s why. I taught her well.”

“She says she wants to marry Juicey when she grows up. She has a crush.”

“I thought she and Tommy were married?”

“They are, apparently you can marry more than one person if they offer you different things.” I laugh.

“I don’t think that’s how Polyamory works.”

“You try explaining that to Sophia. She is convinced she can marry Juicey. If you watch them she tries flirting with him and it’s the cutest thing.”

“Where did she learn to flirt?! That sounds so cute!”

“Jax and I flirt in front of her, I didn’t realize she was picking it up.”

“That’s why she ain’t getting anywhere. Jax can’t flirt for shit.”

“You haven’t seen him actually try to flirt. He’d have you dropping your panties so fast your head spun.”

“Has he noticed you throwing away his jeans yet? I don’t think I’d drop my panties for Jax, I’m into the guys with a foreign background.”

“Trust me, when I came back I didn’t think I’d be dropping my panties either.”

“Didn’t you drop your panties for Lylas man first?”

“Oh fuck off.” I scoff.

“Anyway, has Jax noticed his jeans disappearing?”

“No.” I huff.

“You’ve been replacing them with better fitting ones? What’s up with these guys and loose pants? I swear Juice is like the ONLY one of these guys that wears pants that fit.”

“He hasn’t worn the new ones yet. He just thinks I’m buying him new pants. I honestly don’t know! It’s like I want to see your ass! Juice has a nice ass too!” I laugh.

“He knows he does, and he shows it off. Just move the other ones to the top of the pile, he’ll have to wear them then.”

“I’m going to do that.” I laugh.

“Think he’ll notice?”

“Oh yeah for sure. He will complain his pants shrunk.”

“Tell him the dryer did it.”

“I’ll just tell him I like seeing his ass in his jeans.”

“That’ll work too. We should probably actually make it look like we are doing something productive.”

“True. I’ll finish chopping veggies.”

“I’ll finish dessert.”

“You always do the dessert.”

“Yeah, I like making it.”

“You like eating it.”

“So do you, chubby.” Kelsey laughs.

“Yeah, I do. Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

“Cunt.”

“Motherfucker.”

“Asswipe.”

“Asshole.”

“What are you guys talking about?” Jax asks, walking into the kitchen.

“We like to insult each other. It’s how we show our love.” Kelsey laughs.

“We were also talking about your ass.” I laugh, leaning up to kiss him.

“And mine, and Juices.” Kelsey says smiling up at him from the pie.

“You asked her?” Jax asks.

“No, not yet.”

“Asked me what?” Kelsey asks.

“Jax wants a foursome.”

“Let me get some dick first, god Jax, why are you such a hoe.” Kelsey says, half joking half not.

“Hey, Ari is the one who want it. I just agreed.”

“Ari gets everything she wants. Let me get laid and get back to me, okay.”

“Hell yes she does.” Jax smirks, smacking my ass.

“I’m gonna go where there's a little less love in the room. Where Sophia?”

“With Juice, outside.” I smirk.

“I’ll be outside then.”

“Hook, line, and sinker, remember!” I yell after her.

“Ari, I think we upset her.”

“Probably, but she will get over it.”

“I don’t know. Anyway, what’s for dessert?”

“Pie.” I laugh. “Or me if you’d prefer.”

“Baby, I can’t eat you at the dinner table.”

“Well, you could.” I laugh.

“I’m not gonna show everyone your pussy, Ari.”

“True. You can have your dessert after everyone leaves and the kids go to bed. I say on the table.”

“Maybe I want a snack before that.” Jax says, grabbing a baby carrot.

“Hmmm…. I think that could be arranged.” I smirk.

“Come on, the kids are with one and a half trusted adults, and no one is set to arrive for 45 minutes.” Jax smirks.

“Fuck yes!” I yell, pulling him toward the stairs.

“So how did it go with you and Juice?” I asked Kelsey, who was making her fancy pie topping, because she’s a culinary genius.

“I don��t know, he didn’t pay me much attention. I don’t think he’s interested.” She sighs.

“You could fall back on Happy. He speaks Spanish. I think Juice speaks Yiddish, whatever that is.”

“I saw Juice with Sophia, and I think I could actually like him.”

“Then I’ll make whoever move and you can sit by him. Talk to him without Sophia around. I can barely get him to pay me any attention when Sophia is in the room.”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

“Now, finish the pie and lets get dinner served. I want to have fun with my fiance here in a bit.”

“You can’t rush perfection. Do you have a lighter?”

“Yeah, in the drawer.” I say, pointing toward the bottom drawer.

“Do you guys seriously keep weed in the kitchen?”

“Yep. Then we don’t have to sneak upstairs when we leave the kids to go smoke.”

“You guy smoke with the kids around?”

“No, I mean when they are napping or someone is watching them.”

“Let me light this on fire and then we can take it out there.”

“Wait, at least wait until after we eat dinner.” I reply.

“Good point. Wouldn’t want it set aflame for too long.”

“So, Sophia, how’s Tommy?”

“We are taking a break. He asked Jenny to the first grade dance and not me. Juicey will you go with me?”

“I can’t, sweetie. I’m not in the first grade.” Juice said

“But we are going to get married.” Sophia whines.

“Sophia, you’re married to Tommy.” I say.

“I can marry two people, mommy.” Sophia huffs.

“No, honey, you can’t. It’s not legal in the state of California.”

“Fine, I’ll divorce Tommy.” Sophia says.

“Sophia.” Kelsey says. “I thought you loved Tommy.”

“But I love Juicey more.”

“But you married Tommy. You need to tell him that if you’re married, it’s not okay to go to the dance with Jenny.”

“Fine, but I’m going to divorce him and marry Juicey. Better watch out auntie Kels.”

“Sophia. Juice and I are just friends.”

“Sure.” Sophia glares.

“Sophia, I don’t know what you’re getting at, but I’d be pretty happy just being friends with Juice.”

“Fine.” Sophia huffs, turning away from Kelsey.

“Do you want something to happen between us, Sophia?”

“No.” Sophia snaps.

“Then play matchmaker. Who should I be with?”

“Happy.”

“This took a turn for the weird.” I whisper leaving over to Jax.

“Just go with it.”

“Sophia. Why don’t you stay out of Aunt Kels’s relationship life.”

“Mommy, I want Aunt Kels to be happy. With uncle Happy. Not Juicey. He was staring at her booty in those shorts. Juicey is my husband though.”

“Sophia.” Kelsey said. “You and Juice aren’t official yet. There’s nothing on paper.”

“You’re a bitch.” Sophia yells, pushing away from the table.

“As true as that is, I hate to say this, but I don’t think Happy and I would be happy together. I speak better Yiddish.”

“Sophia Jacqueline Wilson-Teller. You go to your room!”

“She is a bitch. She is being mean to me.” Sophia pouts.

“No, she didn’t say anything mean to you.” I say.

“You’re a bitch too!” Sophia yells.

“Sophia!” Jax says. “We do not call mommy a bitch.”

“Well her and Kelsey both are.” Sophia mutters.

“Well Yes, But we don’t tell them that.” Jax says.

“Go to your room, Sophia. You aren’t getting dessert.” I say, smacking Jax in the side.

“I need to eat dinner to get dessert.”

“Take your plate with you.” I order.

“Hank would never be this mean to me.”

“GO!” I yell. Sophia screams, throwing herself on the floor and kicking her legs.

“Sophia!” Kelsey says. “How can you expect to marry a man when you can’t even act like a woman?”

“FUCK YOU!” Sophia yells, kicking at Kelsey.

“No, honey. Go fuck yourself.”

“KELSEY!” I yell.

“I’m an adult.”

“DON’T TALK TO MY DAUGHTER LIKE THAT!” I yell, standing up.

“She shouldn’t have talked to me the way she did.” Kelsey yells back.

“I don’t give a fuck what she said to you. She is a child. Don’t talk to her that way!”

“Maybe you should teach your daughter not to act like an asshole.” “Maybe you should get the fuck out of my house and away from my daughter.”

“I like that idea. And I’m taking my dessert too.”

“Take it, it’s nasty anyways.”

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Get the fuck out!” I yell.

“Bye.” Kelsey says, slamming the door on her way out.

“Sophia, go to your room right now!” I yell.

“I want to go with Aunt Kelsey.”

“GO!”

“Bye mom!” Sophia says, opening the door and walking out.

“GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!”

“No. You told me to go, I listened.”

“Sophia, I am going to beat your ass if you don’t go to your damn room.”

“KELSEY!” Sophia screams.

“FUCK IT! GO WITH HER! I DON’T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE!” I yell, storming back inside.

“I thought you’d never hurt me.” Sophia whispered, walking toward Kelsey’s car.

“Go back inside Soph.” Kelsey says.

“I can’t! She said she’d beat my ass.”

“Sophia. She isn’t going to hurt you. She was mad.”

“No! She promised me she’d never hurt me, and she just told me she would.”

“What about Hank? Isn’t Miley the lion going to eat him?”

“Yes.” Sophia whispers.

“Then I think you need to go back inside and make sure Hank doesn’t get eaten.”

“Fine.” Sophia storms inside and up to her room.

Taglist:  @jadert15 @gemini0410 @dawntaeworkman@stylesismyhubs @spnhollis @melissataggart87 @jaxteller87@hismissharley13 @rahdaleigh @chrmdnbeautiful@innerpaperexpertcloud @emmaveale123

[theglowworm2008]

57 Facts Tag

I was tagged by @alienshootlove (I hope I can think of that many facts about myself. Lol.) Thank you for tagging me. :D

Rules: Post 57 facts about yourself and tag at least ten people. When posting include the tag “57 facts” in order for people to find out more about you and perhaps find a kindred spirit to talk to. :)

1.) I just turned 30 years old.

2.) I’m a mother of four, three boys and a girl, all under the age of ten.

3.) I’ve never been married and I’m not sure if I’m ever going to.

4.) I have a serious distrust complex about people, but I act really nice anyway.

5.) I curse like a sailor as much as possible when my kids are finally out of ear shot. Lol. I miss swearing so fucking much!

6.) My favorite food is sushi (Mostly because it’s expensive and I can’t have it all the time) and Chipolte rice bowls. 

7.) When I can drink, I always go for a dark beer. I love it! I can’t deal with fruity, girly drinks.. like, at all.

8.) I have a fiance who I love/hate all the time. Secretly, though? I love that we argue as much as we get along. Arguing is honesty, and honesty is HUGE for me.

9.) I lost my virginity at 16. And duuuuuude... guys take forever to get good at sex. I didn’t get an orgasm from a guy until... I don’t know.. my early twenties? Lol. Just a note, watching porn doth not a sex god make, mkay?

10.) I’ve always had guy friends; I was into video games and playing sports and girls my age were into... not that stuff. Plus.. girls are fucking mean, lol. 

11.) My best friends are also family members. I don’t really trust people and I just never clicked with anyone that way. My two best guy friends growing up.. one turned into a douche drug addict that was in and out of jail and the other, his wife was the jealous type and so we stopped talking. And then having kids.. well, you pretty much lose any friendships you have that existed once you have kids. 

12.) I have too many favorite books, lol, but one series that I’ll never get bored rereading is The Sevenwaters Trilogy by Juliet Marillier. 

13.) Growing up, I never lived in any home longer than a couple of years. Now, I hate sitting still too long. I don’t know if I’ll ever buy a house.

14.) I have never stuck myself into anything for long. As a kid, I tried out a lot of the stereotypes. Music, I have songs I like out of all of them. Religion, I like hearing all kinds of ideas and theories, but don’t like being stuck in one. Etc, etc.

15.) I’m insecure about myself (But who the hell isn’t, honestly?)

16.) My fiance calls me “The Ball Buster” because I am sarcastic and playfully fling insults at him when his ego gets too big for my liking. Lol. He says it’s how he fell for me. <3

17.) I used to be a correctional officer and I liked it, but kids and that profession really don’t go together. All U.S. jobs are insanely unsupportive of family vs jobs. 

18.) I got pregnant at 19 and, having no resources, I had to give up on college. 

19.) I still struggle with “what will I be when I grow up”. 

20.) I have been homeless once and I never want to go through it again. I am, now, obsessively on top of my bills as a result.

21.) My name is Bryanna.

22.) I can type without looking at the keyboard since my grandma wouldn’t let me touch a computer for any reason other than to play keyboard learning games. 

23.) My favorite video games will always be Zelda related, but I’m also into things like Dragon Age, Mass Effect, KOTOR, Horizon Zero Dawn, Super Mario, etc. When I was younger, I was really into Final Fantasy and Legend of Dragoon and .. god.. so many others. Most of my games had like.. four game discs. Lol. 

24.) I am an insane coffee addict. Seriously, I will get huge migraines and throw up when I go a day without it. Even when we’re broke, I will scrounge for loose change to keep myself stocked. Haha. 

25.) If I’m honest, I’m afraid of the dark.

26.) I’m also afraid of mirrors, especially in the dark.

27.) Because of those things alone, I avoid all horror movies. I just can’t even...

28.) I love Cheese-Its.

29.) I am deathly afraid of Spiders and bees/wasps/hornets.

30.) In fact, I hate most bugs.

31.) I was the type of kid who grew up with iguanas.

32.) I’ve literally beat boys up for trying to harm animals. Idgaf! 

33.) I feel trapped in my life sometimes, as a mother and as a girlfriend. I wish I had more time for myself to just be Bryanna. Hense, this Simblr obsession! Lol.

34.) Although I’ve played Sims forever, this is the first time I’ve ever made stories with my sims and shared them. It’s made the game so much more fun. 

35.) I hate being picked up or tickled.

36.) I love fall and, of course, all the pumpkin flavored shit!

37.) I really hate feet.

38.) I have never slept naked... ever. 

39.) I really want to have a career involved in computers.. one that I don’t have to deal with people in that.. fake friendly way.

40.) My father died when I was 15.

41.) My mother has struggled with chronic pain for most of my life; it’s made things kind of hard in ways I’m still trying to understand.

42.) When I was younger, I did nothing but write stories and draw. I don’t do as much of either anymore.

43.) I have freckles everywhere and I love them.

44.) I hate that I have brown eyes.

45.) I never put the toilet paper roll on the holder. Ever.

46.) I have a small dog named Atlas. She’s more like a cat than a dog, though. And a total brat.

47.) I can deal with all kinds of stuff; blood, poop, pee, etc. But I HATE throw up. Ugh..

48.) I am honest to the point of almost ruining my life. Lol.

49.) Unpopular opinion; I am not a fan of Apple products.

50.) I have never been outside of my country. Traveling is something I’m going to do as soon as my kids are old enough to live on their own.

51.) I love to sing; I used to be good enough to be in choir and get paid to do Christmas carols... but lack of use has kind of killed my voice. Lol.

52.) I think farting is freaking gross. Lol. And rude. Do it somewhere else! 

53.) My nick name ‘glow worm’ comes from the fact that I’m so white I “glow in the dark”. Me keeping it was a big middle finger to those that made it. Idgaf! Lol.

54.) I hate cake; I prefer ice cream cake on my birthday, with whipped topping.

55.) I am really blunt; sometimes I can hurt people’s feelings.

56.) When I’m sad, I will turn on Christmas music (Any time of the year) and sing along. I freaking love Christmas!

57.) I used to live in Florida; I moved to the top of the U.S. and now I can safely admit that snow is only good until Christmas is done, then it needs to fuck off! All the good it does, at that point, is keep all the bugs dead.

I tag: @mellocakes, @jupidella, @tigerellasims, @sparkiemonkey, @elliesimsx, @all-harlows-eve, @okruee, @oakella, @oakglow, @aharris00britney, @hiddenspringss

[hiems-incaelo]

OH MY GODD yes yessir

1. overanalyzing is a lifestyle. not being a fucking idiot is also important

2. prob lightning tbh. like appears for 0.3 seconds and then. leaves. would be fun

3. SASUKEEEE sasukeeeee (psst it's suigetsu lmao)

4. prob kiri. tho i wouldn't wanna be (missing nin all day lmao)

5. um. like a bird? i think? would be handy. bat would be cool.

6. i am the weirdest mix between Juugo, Tenten and Neji. but i feel like shisui most of the time haha

7. no i can't even get myself to read E rated fanfiction

8. prob a genjutsu like making ur opponent fall asleep or something. anything to finish it quickly - or ill wait and see what my opponent's first move will be. analyze first, think of a plan.

9. i'd like to be. a tanto would be nice

10. prob genjutsu. i'm not athletic lmao

11. yes. yessir. it'd help soooo much with my paranoia. i'd want nothing else.

12. i want to, but prob not. hmm. a dojutsu would be hella cool but i couldn't. something like not flashy, more subtle. don't want orochimaru to kidnap me lmao

13. umm. Tenten prob. or Temari.

14. OMG literally anyone in Taka. juugo preferably. or yamato YAMATO I SHARE HIS BIRTHDAY WE WOULD BE BEST FRIENDS

15. none. but if i have to choose. still none lmaooooo.

16. ichiraku ramen because i love ramen

17. taka. taka. taka. taka. ta

18. i'd probably try. and fail lmao.

19. no are you insane

20. fuck them kids

21. it's like the literal one life skill you'd need as a ninja cmon

22. i'd probably just wonder what the hell his deal is. i'd find him kinda weird.

23. hideeeee HIDE hide hide hide sarcasm can be a coping mechanism, actually

24. TSUNADE. my queen. my everything.

25. um. prob a dead clan like the Hatake or the Hoozuki. like the one you never rll hear about but still think 'damn they must've been important somewhere, somehow'

26. MISSING NIN ALL DAY i'm not spending even a second in those villages nu uh

27. prob not. or i would but just for the hella cool uniforms hehe

28. enemy of the state 100%. like honestly yes i have eyes yes i have a brain. why should i support people who send kids into war. cmon

29. the ending. duh. let Sasuke run off with taka or smth. let neji not be killed for sucky relationship development. or MOST OF ALL; not give them all terrible relationships and terrible outfits and terrible haircuts.

30. original naruto ep30 will always hold a special place in my heart tbh. i remember watching it and thinking 'holy shit who knew that this kid was actually the coolest'

31. sasuke vs danzo. and that one time when six paths sage announced the whole 'sasu and naru are soulmates' thing and the boys in question never spoke about that. hilarious

32. um. sasuke going like "yeah i regret everything i'll leave yall and go on a redemption journey and stay unhappy for the rest of my entire fucking life because yall think wanting justice for my clan's genocide wasn't valid. anyways here sakura you have a baby and here naruto you get to watch me leave again and umm. kakashi who are you again? ok ill leave now haha" and then he disappeared for twelve years. like he left for the wrong fucking reasons my guy

33. no. tho i do watch the episodes because watching naruto and sasuke getting beaten up every week and still getting more sns than nh or ss content is so hilarious to me.

34. climbing in trees or something.

35. i'm like the actually smart student that everyone forgets about because i never take credit or i don't speak up. lmao. i'm also hella unmotivated but i'd never want to compare myself to that bastard shikamaru so i won't.

36. just nothing. i am terrified of the infinite.

37. um let's see. Hiruzen is a lil bitch. Minato sends kids out to war. Kakashi is a terrible sensei. Guy will make me train until my limbs literally fall off. Asuma doesn't do shit. Kurenai used genjutsu on itachi mf uchiha. i think i'll go for yamato

38. no. and i wouldn't want to if i was.

39. ooooh like someone like sasuke prob. i'd wanna be in taka but sasuke is bound to try to stab me at some point to yeah. prob against him. OR orochimaru / kabuto prob.

40. i don't drink LMAO i don't even drink soda. but um. Gaara. I like gaara.

i made a list of naruto related asks! i’m sure one already exists, but i’ve never seen any so!!!!!

one. what is your nindo— your ninja way?

two. what elemental chakra nature(s) would you have?

three. who is your favorite character?

four. which hidden village would you be from?

five. what animal would be your summoning?

six. which character has a personality most similar to your own?

seven. would you read icha icha? would you be into it?

eight. what would be your go to jutsu to use in battle? (you can make one up or use one that already exists!)

nine. would you be skilled at using any weapons?

ten. where do your strengths lie? ninjutsu, genjutsu, or taijutsu?

eleven. are you a sensory type?

twelve. would you have a kekkei genkai?

thirteen. which character do you look most like?

fourteen. which character would you be best friends with?

fifteen. which character would you be dating/want to date?

sixteen. which restaurant would you choose: ichiraku ramen, yakiniku q, or the dango shop?

seventeen. who would be the best teammates for you to form a well rounded team suitable for an s rank mission?

eighteen. would you take the chunin exams? would you pass or fail?

nineteen. are you interested in becoming a kage?

twenty. would you want to become a jonin sensei?

twenty-one. would you want to learn medical ninjutsu?

twenty-two. do you think you’d get along with naruto, or would you find him annoying?

twenty-three. would you be a shinobi who hides their emotions similar to someone like kakashi? or one who proudly displays their emotions like lee or gai?

twenty-four. who in the shinobi world would you look up to and admire and aspire to be like?

twenty-five. what is your clan like? are they notable shinobi or civilians?

twenty-six. would you leave the village and become a missing nin?

twenty-seven. would you join the akatsuki if you had the chance?

twenty-eight. would you be an enemy of the state or a loyal dog to the kage?

twenty-nine. if you could change anything about the series (big or small) what would it be?

thirty. what’s your favorite episode/chapter?

thirty-one. what do you love most about the series?

thirty-two. what do you hate most about the series?

thirty-three. boruto. yes or no?

thirty-four. when you’re not out on a mission, what would you most likely be doing in your free time?

thirty-five. how did you do in the academy? top of your class, average student, nearly failed, dropped out?

thirty-six. what would your infinite tsukuyomi dream be?

thirty-seven. who would you want as your sensei?

thirty-eight. would you be skilled enough to join anbu?

thirty-nine. which enemy would your most epic battle be against? would you win or lose?

forty. which character(s) would be your drinking buddy?

[remuslxpns]

remus/sirius + all of them

and here it is @siriusdisaster

how did they first kiss?

One night over a few drinks, they each slowly confessed their feelings-, Remus still not believing any of it. When they kissed, Remus swore his head was going to blow off. That’s how it was. 

2. who flirts more?

Sirius loves making Remus blush because oh does that boy blush. Sirius can wake up and say good morning beautiful and Remus would be a flustered mess.how did the relationship start?

3. how did they start living together? do they move? how do they choose the place?

It was a silent mutual decision after school, the marauders would live together. They had already lived together for seven years and it only made sense. Until, Peter and James decided to stay at home. For the first few weeks, Remus and Sirius did live together. It just felt right having his best friend only a room away. Even though it was only a room away Remus felt a pang of distance knowing during school they were in the same room. They found the muggle flat by chance and word of mouth. It was settled in London and very near Diagon Alley which was perfect for them. 

4. do they have roommates?

For a few weeks or a month, Remus and Sirius lived alone until James knocked on the door with bags.It was an immediate mutual decision for James to stay with them for however long necessary. The flat only had two rooms, but James had no problem staying on the couch. (al though there might be a hole in the wall very near Remus’ room now because his roommates got creative)

5. do they get married (or equivalent)?

After James and Lily died, Sirius was instantly arrested and Remus went into hiding, blocking anyone and everyone out for years.

6. do they have kids?

No

7. do they have pets?

Yes, Sirius’ dog.

8. do they act different in public and at home?

Remus is much more reserved in public, thinking sometimes hand holding is a lot. At home though he barely leaves Sirius’ side, wanting to be curled next to him for however long or until Sirius moves to get up.

9. big spoon/little spoon?

Sometimes Remus will wake up in the middle of other night with another nightmare. Depending if he begins to thrash or scream, Sirius will run into his room and hold up. Or Remus will push himself off the bed and go to Sirius’ room like a child who had a nightmare. They fall asleep, Sirius holding Remus. Remus loves being the big spoon in any other circumstance. In the kitchen when he comes up behind him in the morning, on the couch when they are just wanting to talk.

10. sleeping habits?

Remus will wake up in the middle of the night, wanting to be held (see above). Remus loves sleeping and will sleep until he’s late for something or someone wakes him up. He does not move and you should not wake him up. The only person allowed is Sirius who Remus will give a morning tired smile to. Sirius usually sprawls on the bed without a care and Remus will find himself a spot curled up next to him. 

11. favorite non-sexual activity?

Remus loves combing his fingers through Sirius’ hair and sometimes does it subconsciously. It centers him and grounds him and makes him calm. Remus will read regardless if Sirius falls asleep on his shoulder, he will keep reading. 

12. favorite sexual activity?

Remus worst habit is flushing all too much and Sirius loves watching Remus get flustered. It’s almost like a game to see how much he can push Remus by teasing him. His flustering gets quickly turned into neediness when he can’t resist Sirius anymore and needs him in every way. Sirius loves the little sounds Remus makes when he’s going down on him.

There will be times that Remus needs Sirius and will make the first move. His approach is teasing as well and it’s almost out of character that it drives Sirius insane. Remus will roll his hips against Sirius or sit in his lap if they’re on the couch.

13. how often do they have sex?

It starts with a kiss and then deepens. Remus always wants Sirius and the feeling is mutual. There will be days when he is just exhausted and needs Sirius when he comes home. 

14. what habits of the other drives them crazy?

Sometimes Remus will leave a mess in the kitchen from his early breakfast makings, coffee grounds or tea that missed the mug but found its way on the counter. Sirius will sometimes leave soot from the fireplace from flooing or the bike.

15. how often do they fight?

There fighting is mostly kept to a minimum because they know each other inside and out. When they do fight it’s because Remus drowns himself in self pity and doesn’t believe anything Sirius says. Either Sirius gets defensive depending on how the fight goes or comforts Remus in every single way. 

16. most trivial thing they fight over?

The War. Remus is terrified of everything shooting at them but mostly if Ministry will begin arresting unregistered werewolves. The fear trickles into him every day and manifests into his mind. Remus doesn’t want Sirius to be a liability for him, knowing his chances are getting smaller every day. 

17. who uses all the hot water?

Sirius. Remus doesn’t make anything about it and usually joins him in the shower. To save water.

18. who does most of the cleaning?

There will be days Remus would rather do nothing, but if he sees a mess on the table he’ll clean it up. Then it begins and he won’t stop cleaning. There will be so many household charms helping him clean, but he takes care of most of it.

19. what do they watch on tv and do they fight for the remote?

(modern au: Sirius has his shows and movies that he wants to watch. Usually they are very graphic and Remus will fight Sirius until they change the channel to something more family friendly.)

20. who calls up the super/landlord when the heat’s not working?

Remus and ignores when the landlord sighs impatiently and says ‘again?’

21. who answers the phone?

Sirius will rush to the phone even if Remus gets up and says he will. Then he pinches the bridge of his nose when he greets them with ‘welcome to the wolf den what can we do for you today?’

22. who steals the blankets?

They are both guilty of this. Remus loves the feeling of being curled up in a blanket and will steal the blankets in the middle of the night. In the morning Sirius will find Remus surrounded in blankets. Some nights Remus will wake up freezing his ass off only to find there are zero blankets on him and look over to find Sirius completely laying all around them.

23. who remembers things?

Literally none of them. Do not trust either of them to remember anything.

24. who does the groceries?

Remus will make a grocery list and go with Sirius. They end up checking out with more things that weren’t on the list because Sirius throws them in. ‘we need this, Remus. Need it.”

25. who cooks normally?

Also do not trust them with cooking. The only cooking skills Remus can do is make tea and toast. And sometimes he burns both.

26. who leaves their stuff lying everywhere?

Both of them. Remus will leave books and sweaters on the couch and his tea mugs scattered around the flat like easter eggs. Sirius will leave almost everything from shirts to bathroom towels on the floor. 

27. what kind of stuff can be found around their place?

(i think this can go with the one above)28. what do their cupboards or shelves look like?

They have the basic kitchen utensils and pots and pans but they are not touched. Remus only uses the cupboards for his mugs and maybe seasonings if he’s feeling creative. In the living room there is a shelf for a community shared vinyl set, Remus having more classics like the Beach Boys and the Kinks and Sirius’ collection having more of the Doors and Rolling Stone.

29. what does their closet(s) look like?

Remus has a variety of sweaters hanging and stacked in his closet. His closet is actually organized, his shoes and boots neatly arranged down below. His dresser however, is a mess. Shelves wont’t be pushed in all the way because there’s too much or it’s not neatly folded. There’s also a lot of things on the floor. 

Sirius’ closet is about the same as Remus’ but some stuff is either sliding off the hangers or already made it to the ground. Most of his shoes are lined up outside by the door in the living room.

30. what do they do when they’re away from each other?

When they’re not together Remus will be hanging out with his other friends or literally hanging around the house, falling asleep on the couch or in his bed while he waits for Sirius to come home. 

31. do they have nicknames or pet names for each other?

answered

32. how do they refer to the other in public? how do other people refer to the other? (i.e. “my partner”, “ask your father”, “dad and papa”, “how’s your wife?“, etc)

Remus will casually say “This is Sirius Black, my boyfriend.” While Sirius goes for the dramatics, “this is the love of my life Remus fucking Lupin.”

33. who is more likely to pay for dinner?

Both of them. They each take turns or nose goes because they are indecisive. They don’t argue over not wanting pay they usually take a while to decide because they both want to. 

34. how often do they go on dates?

When they can manage. They are both okay with going to the bar for a drink or two or going to a restaurant. 

35. typical date night? out or at home?

Since neither of them can really cook they usually go out somewhere. Sirius likes to take Remus out to fancy places to treat him and also to see Remus all dressed up. Even though it’s an enjoyable time Remus likes to just stay at their place and have a drink and talk or do something. Usually cuddling on the sofa or just talking intimately. 

36. do they celebrate birthdays, valentine’s day, anniversaries?

You bet they do. Remus will wake up with Sirius on top of him for most of these occasions before the day begins.

37. what would they get each other for gifts?

They know each other so well that Remus will get something that Sirius probably said he would die if he didn’t have it. Sirius will get something he saw a few minutes before giving it to him and immediately thought of Remus.

38. how do they spend christmas and new year’s (or equivalent family gatherings)?

They will invite everyone they know to the flat and have at it. Since they live there they usually get the most drunk and always wanna play a game or a dance off. They both are really bad at that.

39. who cusses more?

You would think Sirius but Remus will curse at everything. When he’s talking to himself, if he drops something, if he forgets something, if Sirius is sucking him off. Everything. He doesn’t stop. 

40. what would they do if the other one was hurt?

Anything. 

41. what are little gestures they do for each other?

Sirius will take interest in anything Remus says and if he doesn’t understand something he learns about it and is over the moon talking about it the next day. Remus will make Sirius breakfast if he can or go out and get something before he wakes up. 

42. do they know how the other takes their coffee/tea?

Of course they do. Sirius will make Remus’ coffee which is just two sugars and one drop of milk. His tea is always Early Grey with one sugar. Remus knows Sirius because his is easy. No coffee. Only tea. Don’t dilute the flavors because that’s insanity. 

43. do they feel they see each other enough, or do they have activities that take too much of their time?

They don’t see each other as much as they used to in school. Work and the Order and other things have taken over part of their lives. If they weren’t living together Remus doesn’t know when he would see Sirius. 

44. do they friend/follow each other on facebook/tumblr/livejournal/skype/etc?

(modern au: yes, they would. Remus wouldn’t use it a lot but when he would he would either rave about something he just learned or post about his day and Sirius. 

45. (added) morning routine? 

Remus hates waking up. If he wakes up before Sirius he will go make tea and bring it to bed for them. If he’s leaving for work he’ll press small morning kisses to Sirius, who pretends to be asleep through it all, before taking a shower and having breakfast. 

46. how do they make up after a fight?

They just hold each other and whisper to each other they are sorry and how much they love each other. 

[bloodylullaby]

85 Questons

I was tagged to do this by a very lovely person. I would tag them, but it’s too late to bother them right now x3

Rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people

— What was your last…

1. Drink: Water. 2. Phone call: My friend Graham, I believe. 3. Text message: Group chat with my insane friends. 4. Song you listened to: If I’m James Dean, Then You’re Audrey Hepburn 5. Time you cried: A day or two ago, I’m running low on tears currently.

— Have you ever…

6. Dated someone twice: Kinda, I was giving them a second chance and we were taking things slow before he decided to leave again. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes. 8. Been cheated on: Twice. 9. Lost someone special: Pets that have passed and a person who i don’t share the same relationship as before. 10. Been depressed: I’m diagnosed with depression. Runs in the family mixed with a lot of shit I have been through. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Hell yeah, I’m a mess xD

— Fave colors

12. Black 13. Blue 14. Blood red

— In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: Yes. 16. Fallen out of love: No, if only. 17. Laughed until you cried: Of course, that’s my middle name. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes, and I can’t wait for karma to bite them in the ass. 19. Met someone who changed you: Kinda. 20. Found out who your friends are: Eh. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: Yes.

— General

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Almost all of them.

23. Do you have any pets: Two dogs and a cat.

24. Do you want to change your name: Kinda, but not really. I just really love the name Lucinda.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: Uh, I’m pretty sure I cried a bit because none of my friends wanted to see me and I share my birthday with the love of my life who is an ex.

26. What time did you wake up today: 9 in the morning. I had trouble sleeping all night.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing Skyrim and having an anxiety attack.

28. What is something you can’t wait for: To be able to drive my car.

30. What are you listening to right now: My playlist that I made about someone.

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I had a cat name Thomas, does that count?

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: The person who I call the love of my life has picked an emotional, physical and mental abuser over me. He is avoiding to give me my things back until he can see me in person, but I wish he would still text me. Also I really hate spiders and how people keep showing me pictures of said spiders.

33. Most visited website: Tumblr, Instagram, Netflix, Youtube, Facebook.

34. Hair color: Right now it is dark blue and a light bluish green. My Next plain is to get it dyed Green and purple. You know, Joker colors.

35. Long or short hair: I have long hair. I also LOVE WHEN GUYS HAVE LONG OR SHAGGY HAIR.

36. Do you have a crush on someone: Yeah, it’s fucking me up pretty badly and he knows it is.

37. What do you like about yourself: I’m funny sometimes, I’m empathetic, sympathetic and overly caring of those I love.

38. Want any piercings: Not anymore. I refuse to get a needle going through my body.

39. Blood type: I don’t know.

40. Nicknames: Doom and Gloom, Twilight Zone, and Baby Bat.

41. Relationship status: Single, but my heart and soul is taken.

42. Sign: Virgo.

43. Pronouns: She.

44. Favorite TV show: Bob’s Burgers, A Series Of Unfortunate Events, The Office, Parks and Rec’s, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, and a few more.

45. Tattoos: None yet, but I am wanting to get one some day.

46. Right or left handed: Right handed. 47: Ever had surgery: Nope 48. Piercings: My ears. 49. Sport: I use to play volleyball and I was in the flag corpse when I was in high school.

50. Vacation: Never been on one.

51. Trainers: Combat boots or heels.

— More general

52. Eating: My favorites are sushi, Chinese and Cheetos.

53. Drinking: Water. Half lemonade half tea, coffee, Monster, soda, or juice.

54. I’m about to watch: Probably about to finish season two of A Series Of Unfortunate Events after this.

55. Waiting for: Him to realize that I’m actually good for him and that he is afraid of actual love.

56. Want: Him.

57. Get married: Hopefully one day.

58. Career: Aiming to be an actor, but currently working at a restaurant that takes advantage of me.

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: Depends on the person.

60. Lips or eyes: Eyes.

61. Shorter or taller: Taller. I am 5′7.5″ to 5′8″, so I like tall people that make me feel small.

62. Older or younger: Older, always has been always will be.

63. Nice arms or stomach: I don’t really care.

64. Hookup or relationships: Relationships, hookups lead to being taken advantage of or hurt feelings.

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: Depends, but I am usually hesitant if people are involved.

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: Yeah. 67. Drank hard liquor: Yes. 68. Turned someone down: Yes.

69. Sex on first date: Not my style.

70: Broken someone’s heart: I don’t believe so.

71. Had your heart broken: Sadly.

72. Been arrested: No.

73. Cried when someone died: Yes.

74. Fallen for a friend: Nope.

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: Nope.

76. Miracles: Yes.

77. Love at first sight: Unsure.

78. Santa Claus: He creeps me out.

79. Angels: Yes.

— Misc

80. Eye color: Dark doe brown. 81. Best friend’s name: Andrea, Andrea, Dee, Graham, Sarah, Lizzy, Julia, Parker, and Ivree.

82. Favorite movie: Anastasia, Bartok: The Magnificent, The Crow, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Titanic, and Requiem For A Dream to name a few.

83. Favorite actor: Bill Skarsgaurd and my friend Graham.

84. Favorite cartoon: Bob’s Burgers and BoJack Horseman.

85. Favorite teacher’s name: Dr. Fayhey.

***I don’t really have anyone to tag, so I apologize. I’m also sorry for the sad replies to most of them. I haven’t gone to bed and it is 3:50 in the morning here, plus I’m going through a tough time right now.***

[growlithe-and-company]

Wooo can’t believe i’m 20? Like that’s a thing now? 2 decades I’ve been on this Earth. How time flies... So in celebration of turning 20 I think I’m going to post 20 things that I like about myself and my life.

1. I actually really like my lips and smile. Only thing I’m super vain about.

2. I love my eyes as well. They’re a pretty hazel, greyish green and brown. 

3. I have got such a cute cat! Maggie is her name. She’s easily my most favourite thing about my life. She’s made me so happy.

4. I have two really awesome friends. One being @miss-stary-eyes, we met here on Tumblr years ago.. lost count of how many years, at least 4 years ago. We did a rp together, I remember it! I played Loki and she played an OC called Eona, and Loki was teaching her magic (and he of course fell in love with her). Ahh we’ve been through so much, my dear, and I’m so glad you’re in my life. The second, or really first friend (since I met her 8 years ago) is my dear best friend Laurena, who isn’t on Tumblr but she has always been there for me and her and I share so many amazing memories. Don’t know where I’d be without my two favourite girls!

5. I have a tongue piercing that I’m low key obsessed with? It’s such a great little fidget thing to distract me in stressful times. I just roll the top ball on the roof of my mouth or slip the bottom of the bar across my lips (not smacking against my teeth, that’d be dreadful)

6. My town in Animal Crossing is pretty damn gorgeous if I do say so myself. I’ve spent months working on it and it’s come out really nice. No way near finished, but it’s looking damn good.

7. I live almost entirely by myself. Between work and his fiance, my dad is rarely at home. So while he still pays for everything, I get to reap the rewards! I love being alone, and having an entire house to myself. FUCK WEARING PANTS.

8. I know how to knit, which is definitely a fun skill to have. I’ve knit myself two full sized blankets, and several dozen scarves. I’d love to learn to knit a jumper one day, that is my goal.

9. Ever since moving out of my mums place I’ve developed a really great relationship with my sister. I’m so thankful for that because her and I get along really great when we’re not in each others spaces.

10. I really applied myself these past two years and got 3 courses done. Certificate III in Tourism, another cert III in Travel, and then a diploma of travel and tourism! I’m so proud of myself for accomplishing these.

11. My room is currently my nerd station. I have several posters hanging up (my fave being my Iron Man poster, but I also love my Captain America poster that’s in the front room) and I have several other little nerdy knick knacks laying around. I love it, my little nerd paradise.

12. My hair grows pretty quickly! I had my hair cut super short at the start of the year, it was shaved on the sides and slightly shaggy on the top. Currently I have it pulled back in a loose ponytail, all of it tied back, and about 6 inches of hair in the pony!

13. I struggled with this.. but I finally got through my learning drivers licence and am now on my provisional. It took me 7 tries to pass my practical test, and luckily only one try to pass my hazard perception test. BUT IT’S DONE! I’m on the home stretch now. 2 years time and I’ll have my full licence booiiiiii

14. Ok, this is gonna get deep and borderline triggering. So I put it in the tags for trigger warning but this is your second warning. When I was 14, I tried to kill myself. Twice actually. First time I just cried and then got mad (at myself, at the doctors for helping me, at my mum). But the second time really shook me. The nurses were cool to me, the doctors didn’t seem to care, I knew I was wasting their time, resources, and energy because I did this on purpose, whereas there’s probably someone else who needs them more than me. I felt like a piece of shit after the second attempt and it really shook me to the core. It’s been 6 years since then.. Wow 6 years, that’s insane. I’m so proud of myself, I’ve made serious progress. I get a little depressed now and again, and I’m a little lonely. But I’m ok, I have things in my life that I’m so happy about, and things that have happened since my attempt that have made everything so worth it. It gets better, it truly does. 

15. I have got such a nice little book collection going on. I don’t read anymore, I wish I still did. I keep buying books to hopefully spark my old reading bug back to life. So I’ll probably have a huge bookshelf filled with books that I don’t read haha. Actually, that’s a lie. I do still read. Every year I re-read The Hobbit. It’s my favourite book and I love it with all my heart. I have a signed copy by Bombur and Bofur! James (Bofur) forgot to sign the book (I asked them to write a quote on top of the signature) and when I realised with Steven (Bombur) that James forgot to sign it I kinda just sighed and said oh well. But Steven said “oh nah, we’ll sort it.” -leans over and smacks James on the arm with the book- “Oi, ya egg, you forgot to sign it!” James laughed and apologised, and quickly signed it. That is a memory I will never forget, seeing Peter call James an egg and smacking him, it was the highlight of my comic con trip.

16. Speaking of comic con! I met another famous dwarf at a previous comic con. Dean O’Gorgeous, er I mean O’Gormon. I got a photo done with him and boiiiii I told him an awful joke to break the ice. Lemme share it with you. “Why does Gandalf walk funny?”  “I don’t know, why?” “Because he has crystal balls...” Yeahhhhhh I said that to him with a straight face and he did that forced laugh you do when a kid tells you a totally not funny joke but you gotta laugh because you don’t wanna hurt their feelings. Anyway that was awkward as fuck, so we took the photo and my god he was so warm like hoo boy like a furnace but yeah awkward as fuck don’t know why I told you guys because yikes I couldn’t get out of there fast enough hahaha.

17. My cousin, Hannah, sent me a little letter a few weeks ago completely out fo the blue. She said she missed me, and asked when I was coming back to NZ to visit, and if I could come to her birthday. Then she told me about her day and how her first year at school went. She’s 6! I can’t believe how old she’s gotten. I cried when I read the letter, it was so sweet. I wish I had the funds to go visit her and her brother, they’re definitely my favourite cousins out of the four (sorry Noah and Addi :P)

18. Oh boy, 18. Now for those who don’t know, in Australia the drinking age is 18. I went to my friends 18th party, which was a week before my 18th, and I basically celebrated my birthday as well. I got mighty drunk, and had a great time. I made some questionable decisions, but it’s ok, sometimes in life you gotta step outside your comfort zone/see what your drinking limit is before you’re giving a guy you just met a lap dance! But that night was actually lots of fun. It was a couple weeks before I moved out of mums place and traveled across the country to live with my dad. I was all kinds of stressed out, and feeling very sad to be leaving my mama. So that night was a huge relief to me. I got to just sit around with a bunch of great people while we idly drank and talked about stuff. And then I promptly peed myself which caused everyone to laugh their asses off and almost piss themselves. So yeah pretty fun and memorable night!

19. My dads fiance, Fiona, is honestly such an awesome person! They met earlier in the year, and are engaged now (they’re really in love and it’s so cute). She’s got a fat cat called Oscar and I LOVE HIM.

20. Ahh 20... 2 whole decades of life. I’ll admit, I don’t really think I have a whole lot to show for my 20 years. Lots of little things really. But I know I’ll make an impact on my life, probably next year. With dad getting married and moving in with her (she owns her house, dad rents his) I’ll definitely have to find my own place to stay. But it’s ok, it’ll all work itself out. I’ll make something of myself in the coming years. I’m not worried (ahaha I’ll keep saying that till I believe it) I’ve made it this far, and for that, I’m proud of myself.

[terriblevocaloidshit]

Mod Mew Reads! “Don’t Trust Anyone, Not Even Yourself” (PART ONE)

Hihi, guys, and welcome back to Mod Mew Reads! And it only took eight months! Today, we’re gonna be reading something special. It’s gonna be big, it’s gonna be huge, and it’s gonna be personal. Why? Because today, we’re looking at the first three chapters of a fanfiction. 

A fanfiction that I wrote.

That’s right! Today we’re looking at Chapters 1 and 2 of Forbidden Magnetism, my GakuKai fanfiction I wrote three years ago! Is it as bad as I’m making it out to be? Well, let’s not stall any longer. Let’s dive in HEAD FIRST!

Kaito and Gakupo both have new girlfriends, they both love them so much. However, when they meet each other in a practice studio, an attraction that shouldn't be forms between the two. How long can this magnetism last before they are caught? Rated M for later chapters containing smut. Yaoi, boy on boy, KaitoxGakupo. UPDATED FROM MY TUMBLR WITH CORRECT SPELLING.

For a little context, I based this entire fanfic off of this video. The video is five years old and the creator has not updated in three years, but just watching it brings back memories. Hot tip for high school me; don’t make a name for yourself critiquing fanfic and then write a shitty one yourself. Anyways, enough stalling. 

Fate is a bitch.

I still think this is my best opening line of anything ever.

This is the conclusion Gakupo came to after the events that happened. First, he had finally asked Luka out, and, to his suprise, said yes.

Oi, past me, have you heard of this hot new tool called SpellCheck? “Surprise” still gives me trouble, but good lord.

However, he couldn't kiss her, not at the school. Luka had told him her best friend, Miku, also got a boyfriend not too long ago. He had decided to stay after in the school's expansive practice school, to write her a song.

Why was fate a bitch?

Because as soon as he stepped in, his eyes fell on a beautiful person.

He knew immediately who the person was. It was Kaito. He was part of the 'Big Five', the most popular kids at the high school. The most popular of them all was Kaito's new girlfriend, Hatsune Miku. If you were associated with them in any way, you were considered 'popular', or at the very least, 'known'.

The ‘Big Five’ in my mind were Miku, Luka, Rin, Len, and Gumi, if I’m remembering correctly.

Kaito was 16, but he looked around 20. He was tall, with dark blue hair. He always wore his scarf, no matter what.

OH YEAH I FORGOT I MADE THE CHARACTERS TEENS. Spoilers, but they have sex in later chapters, so I wrote underage smut when I myself was underage. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

I know age of consent laws are very iffy, and the AoC in my state is 16 years old, but to me the AoC always will be 18.

He was beautiful.

And staring right at Gakupo.

The events that followed were a blur in his mind. He remembered walking towards Kaito, and the next thing they knew, they were kissing furiously, unable to stop.

Fun fact, the inspiration for this scene was a seen in Brokeback Mountain.

What had lead up to this? 

Well, first off a thirsty 15 year old girl who had an unfortunate habit of fetishizing gay men, but that’s a story for another day.

Gakupo remembered talking to him, remembered him being asked to practice a duet with Kaito that he was going to do with Miku. His memory fogs up, then clears up around the time he hit the wall while making out with Kaito. They didn't want to break the contact, not even to breath, as of they feared that if they did, they could never kiss each other again. Their tongues were fighting for dominance, but it was becoming painfully clear that Gakupo was the dominate one.

The tall one isn��t always the dominate one open up your eyes sheeple.

Finally, the need for air overpowered their want for each other. 

There’s this funny little thing called your nose, try breathing through that.

They broke apart, gasping for air. Gakupo could feel that just the kissing had made them both half hard. He wanted to continue, so badly. However, the sudden realizations that both of them had girlfriends hit him like a bullet train.

YEAH NO SHIT ASSHOLE!!

He pushed himself off of Kaito, and, without another word, left the studio.

What school has a professional recording studio? All I had at my high school was a shitty photo room we used as a storage closet.

If the two boys had been smarter, that meeting would have been just a little fling, and nothing more. 

YOU STILL CHEATED ON YOUR GIRLFRIENDS YOU FUCKSUCKS!

However, nobody could even begin to guess how far out of control this situation would get. And it all started thanks to a magnetism that shouldn't have been felt.

Kabosoi hi ga kokoro no hashi ni tomoru Itsu no ma ni ka moehirogaru netsujou

... What? Once a weeb always a weeb.

—

(AN: So, yeah. That 's the first chapter. More to come! By the way, if this seems like déjà vu, it's because I've posted this on my tumblr [URL HAS SINCE CHANGED]. I've fixed the spelling errors in this version. Enjoy!)

Sure you did.

And that’s it for chapter one! Sadly, I’m a masochist who loves inflicting pain on myself and we still have chapter two to read through tonight, so let’s fuckin do that shit.

(AN: Alright, still going! On tumblr, I mentioned that I didn't want to write smut. Well, I will soon, I promise you. Enjoy chapter two!)

Here’s a tip for anyone writing smut; let your inhibitions go. otherwise, it’ll be so obvious that you’re uncomfortable.

—-

It had been a couple of days since their 'meeting', and both boys had become a bit restless, unable to shake the memory of each other out of their minds. They couldn't really see each other during the day, and they felt as if they were slowly going insane. They hoped their girlfriends didn't notice.

They did.

Oh, they noticed that you two fucking CHEATED ON THEM huh?!

Luka decided to keep silent about the situation, and not inquire Gakupo. After all, if the problem was truly bothering him, he would've told her by now. She chalked it up to nerves.

Kids, if you’re having relationship troubles, just talk it out with the person, it’ll be so much better in the long run.

Miku, on the other hand, was the talkative type. 

Speakin of which, if this goes up on time, happy 10th birthday, Miku!

She expressed her emotions through many words. Including her concern over Kaito.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Miku asked one day between classes. She needed to know. Otherwise, it would drive her nuts trying to figure it out for herself.

Kaito smiled sweetly at her. "It's nothing, Miku," he lied. He was a performer. He could fake any emotion at the drop of a hat. And no one could see he was faking.

No one, that is, except Miku.

I want to re-write this but like, not have the guys cheat on the girls??? Polyamory, it’s a thing.

"Don't lie to me, Kaito," Miku said sternly. "I won't be mad. I promise." Her puppy dog eyes seem to be staring right into Kaito's soul.

No, trust me, you’ll be pissed.

"I'm just nervous. You're my first real girlfriend. I don't want to mess this up."

I actually ship KaiMeiko more so LMAO @ past me.

Miku grinned. "Was that all? Well, that's a relief! I thought it was something seriously bad. I'll try not to make you nervous."

Kaito was relieved that she believed him. There were truth to his words; Miku was his first girlfriend, and he didn't want to screw up too badly. However, in his mind, making out with your girlfriend's best friend's boyfriend (try saying that three times) qualified as 'screwing up', and was in the subcategory of 'screwing up pretty damn badly'. 

JESUS YOU FUCKIN THINK!!!

The warning bell rang, and Miku gave him a quick kiss goodbye, before rushing to her classroom.

Kaito always felt a spark when he kissed Miku. He always felt like it was right, like she was the one.

But no matter how hard he tried to deny it, he had felt that same spark during that meeting with Gakupo.

See, this is something that I liked; Kaito having feelings for both Miku and Gakupo was super interesting to me, and I want to expand on it one day, but maybe in a format that’s... well, less shit.

Also, looking back, this might’ve been me working through the fact that I’m bisexual...

Because of their concern, the girl decided a double date would set everyone at ease. They planned it out, and didn't tell the boys about it until the day of. The boys didn't have any choice but to say yes.

For the girl, the date went just as planned. The park they chose was close enough so everyone could walk there and back, yet secluded enough for them to enjoy the day in peace. They had a nice day, and things felt right.

For the boys, it was a totally different story. Every time they saw the other's girlfriend kiss them, they wanted to say "No, he's mine." But they knew they couldn't. It was as if the girls were trying to make them envious. Envious of a love that they wanted to share with each other.

After the date had ended, and both girl went home, the boys arrived at Gakupo's house. They decided to make a promise: whenever they could, they would meet up at one of their houses, and leave when dawn came around. No one would know except them. It was the perfect plan. As soon as they agreed, they began kissing.

Hey past me, if you actually took time to develop scenes instead of acting like you’re Sonic The Hedgehog and speeding through them, maybe your writing wouldn’t be as shit.

Of course, anyone with half of a brain could see this promise was idiotic and flawed in so many ways.

No, really? I can’t see how cheating on your s/o with their best friend’s s/o is a bad idea, not at all!

—

(AN: The next chapter is just going to kind of be a filler. I'd still read it, but hey, it's just gonna be a filler. Don't kill me. Thanks!)

A lot of these chapters were filler, don’t lie to yourself.

Overall reaction:

Me @ my past self CATCH THESE FISTS.

Oh god oh god that was so bad. Maybe if I snark all of it, we can all heal together. I could see where I was going, I really could, but GOD it’s so bad.

And to all the fucking obvious cheating going on?

Well, thank y’all for reading, and I’ll see you next game!

~ Mod Mew 

*Who’s currently cringing oh god why the hell did I think that was okay at all*

[mind-vs-mtter-blog]

That’s mental...health

In the spirit of mental health awareness week, I wanted to write about something very personal and dear to my heart - mental health. A person’s mental health is their condition in regards to emotional and psychological well being, but for many years if a person had ill mental health, they were diagnosed as insane or abnormal, when realistically, this week alone, 1 in 6 people have been effected negatively by their mental health, meaning that throughout a lifetime the majority, if not all people are effected negatively by their mental health in some way or another - this is not abnormal. 

Even though a lot of the stigma’s that used to be associated to mental health are loosening due to education and understanding, one of the issues still attached to mental health issues is that if you suffered from a mental illness, that it will always be there. If someone once had depression, anxiety or any mental health disorder, they will always be associated with having depression or anxiety etc. This is not the case and I a walking example of this. If you asked someone who met me recently, they assume that I am very level headed and forward thinking but this was not always the case. Mental illnesses are thought of as being scary or awkward to deal with as it isn’t something tangible, when in fact, similarly to an biological illness, mental illnesses can be treated, often with a lot more options and opportunities for treatments than for a biological illness. 

Mental health is a subject that is very personal to me for many reasons. Honestly, this is what I want to do with my life. I’m a psychology student and if my plans all fall into play, I will be a doctor in clinical psychology in a few years. But what started my passion for ‘abnormal’ and clinical psychology was from my own experiences with mental illnesses. Think back to the age you really began to understand what emotions were and what you were really feeling. Of course we have emotions from when we’re born. We can be happy or sad or angry or a bit neutral but you only develop a much more sophisticated understanding of your emotional state and wellbeing as you reach adolescence. My parents separated when I was about 9 years old, they divorced when I was roughly 11 and this dictated a lot of my life and it was from this that I began to understand my own emotions. When moving to secondary school, I knew my parents were having money issues and decided it wouldn’t be fair on them to choose to go to a private school when I had the option of going to a good local school which was free, so that is what I did & honestly it was the best thing that could have happened to me and of course I would not be where I am or the person I am today without that experience. But it did have it’s down sides. For the next few years after being at secondary school, not to sound cliche but my life was a whirlwind of emotions. I got picked on at school for having a scar under my nose, and got called piggy an pepper pig (even though I don’t have a pig nose - just a scar) My dad moved out, my mum and dad were having MAJOR ‘disagreements’, we weren’t financially stable and my mum and I did not get along. My mum really wasn’t the best of people and I was very unhappy and I knew this consciously from about the age of 12. I used to self harm and generally was in a very dark place, I couldn’t see any positives in life. I tried to get help, through the school, and saw a counsellor & she was one of the inspirations for me to get into psychology. She was fucking awful. I would see her once a week and discuss problems or arguments that I had with my mum and I could tell she didn’t take it seriously. She would laugh at the scenarios I told her and then rather than listen to how I was feeling, she would sit there and tell me what I did wrong - what a load of help that was. There was never any resolution to how I was feeling and there was never any ‘official’ end to the sessions, but of course it did end... when SHE began to miss my sessions and wouldn’t ever reschedule them herself, so eventually I gave up. To put a cherry top of my horrible first experience with mental health treatment, many years later, my brother (at the same school as me) saw her and she told my brother overviews of what I told to her IN CONFIDENCE, still continuing to laugh about it. What a bitch. Luckily for me, soon after I had given up trying to get help from her, I had the absolute pleasure of meeting one of the most inspirational people I have met in my life. Her name is Nicky and she was the mother of my first real boyfriend. When I met Nicky, she was a hairdresser training in psychology to become a counsellor. She used to share her books with me and tell me all about her course and I could feel the passion she had to help people, and of course she knew what I was going through but we never had ‘counselling sessions’, but somehow, inexplicably, she really managed to help me personally and change my life for the better, and I will be forever grateful and hold a lot of love for her. Even though her son and I aren’t together anymore, we still exchange messages from time to time and and if I were to see her I could talk to her for hours. She is now a qualified counsellor with her own practice and I could not be more proud. 

This was definitely when the darkest period of my life came to an end. By the age of 15/16 years old, I had already managed to defeat one of my demons. and of course I still get days where I feel down, but everyone does and nothing has ever compared to how I felt constantly throughout that part of my life. 

However, throughout sixth form, I began to develop a form of anxiety and I don’t want to put all blame on him but a huge aspect of this was caused by a very unhealthy and controlling relationship I was in. On the surface it wasn’t unhealthy, it wasn’t aggressive or abusive - controlling is the best word I can use to describe it. He was a very jealous and self conscious person and I knew that he had his own issues but he definitely took them out on me. I’ve always considered myself to be an outgoing person, but I would miss parties and going out (even if it was just my girl friends) because he didn’t like me going and would somehow manage to have a strop of cause an argument if I did go out, and I would always end up having a lousy time and go home early. My birthday is in November and the year I turned 18, I went clubbing twice. He turned 18 the same year and the week after his birthday, he went clubbing 4 times, and I wasn’t even invited at all - one rule applied for me and another for him. I also wasn’t allowed to have any contact with any other boys. I had made a very good friends in sixth form, meaning I met him before my boyfriend and I got together and my boyfriend told me, it made him feel uncomfortable that I was friends with him so I had to delete him off of social media and stop sitting with him in school. Additionally, if a person were to fancy me, it was my fault. A few months before I went to university, I made a big change to my hair and went from butt-length blonde hair to a brown bob - it was a very spontaneous decision (I literally decided the day I got it done) but it was the best decision because as I was going to university, I wouldn’t be able to afford to keep getting my hair bleached blonde, so i went back to my roots. When he found out, he got so angry because I didn’t get his permission and thought I was trying to keep it a secret from him. It was due to these sorts of reactions that caused me to doubt everything I did and everyone I spoke to. It was only when I went to university that I began to be more outgoing again and it was probably because he was no longer around to make me wonder what would happen if i had a male friend or I wore a lot of makeup or spent a lot or any money etc. and unsurprisingly, this was when the relationship disintegrated. Now I can’t blame him fully, because he was just trying to make himself feel more comfortable - upon reflection, I should have never compromised my values and personality ever, and I know that I never will again. (Of course there are two sides to each story so I’m sorry if I have made him look like a horrible person but I can tell you that I still care a lot for this person and have a lot of time and respect for him and I would never purposely say a horrible thing about him, this is just my side of the story), but once I had recognised and accepted this issue, it was something I knew I could help myself with and I did. Another demon defeated. This is my experiences with mental health personally, but it is not the end of my experiences with mental health.

The third and final inspiration for my passion for psychology is my mum. I explained earlier that my mum and I didn’t get along in the slightest and I always seemed to be the child among 3 who was in trouble and doing something wrong the most (even though most of the times it was dumb situations that got blown out of proportion), however it has effected my brother and sister too. My mum was a very angry and spiteful person and she will be the first person to admit that. Only now that I am older, I truly understand that, yes it was unfair for my mum to act the way she was acting, but she acted that way because she wasn’t happy, not because she was a bad person. She went from being loved, comfortable and settled and not needing to work, to being a single mother, she had to go out and find a job and work 9-5 for a low income, just so she could feed and care for 3 young children. Then at the weekends she would have to wash school uniforms, clean the house, do gardening as well as cooking meals, caring for children and preparing for another week of work. She didn’t have any time to herself and it was a sudden and drastic change and to top it all off, due to complications that I’m not going into just because I don’t fully understand myself, my dad was not obligated to help. He had joined custody, but he moved to a different country so we rarely got to see him. And unfortunately, my mum resorted alcohol to in order to cope with how she was feeling. This started when I was 9/10/11 years old and she is only bouncing back from it now. Up to 10 years later. Thats a hell of a long time to be in pain and coping for the sake of other people. I never understood when I was younger and I just thought she was a horrible person - this is a outlook that neither of my siblings grew out of. My sister lives at her university and never comes home due to bitterness and my brother lives with my grandparents (a story for another time), and it honestly hurts my heart that neither of them can actually think about the struggle that my mum went through. Since coming to understanding, my mum has confided in me and said there were times when she considered taking her own life but didn’t because she didn’t think it was fair to leave us without a mother. She has apologised to me for how she used to treat us and said she understands why she lost both my brother and my sister but hopes to make it up to us one day. Even though she wasn’t the best mother when I was growing up, I understand and it’s been a hard ride for all of us but she never gave up on us and to be honest raise three great children. I wish I could have understood and helped her from a younger age and today I would do anything in order to help her to become 100% happy. 

It is people like my mum, who were too afraid to get professional help because she thought people would judge her or laugh at her thinking she was overreacting and she also felt that she needed to be strong for us so would do anything to hide the way she felt. I consider myself to be part of a community full of people who have been affected either personally or through other people, by mental illness and mental disorders. Not only through my own experiences, but my desire to help other people. Whether it is many years of being depressed or suffering from anxiety, a more uncommon mental illness such as schizophrenia, of just looking in the mirror and thinking “I don’t like how I look today”, a persons mental health has an impact on everyone individually. You would have thought that seeing as everyone experiences it, it would be easier to talk about but there is still a lot of fear of the unknown that circulates mental illness. It is okay to be affected by mental health. 

This year, the main focus of mental health awareness week has been directed towards men. This is because there is a common belief that men need to be strong so being affected by their mental health would make them look weak, but as a result of this belief, suicide rates in men are now substantially higher than that of women. So to the men taking the time to read this, or the girls, please tell the men in your lives that it is an issue than people need to be educated about. If you are down or unhappy or are hearing voices or are scared to talk to people or anything you are uncomfortable with, tell someone. Whether it is a professional, a girl/boyfriend or just a friend. You’re entitled and allowed to feel that way, and the only way you’ll rehabilitated from it, is through accepting and seeking help. Treat your mental health, the same way you would treat your biological health.

I apologise that this is such a long rambley post, I never intended for it to be quite so long, but this is something that I am so so passionate about and through sharing my stories, I hope that people will realise that mental health is not a scary or awkward topic to talk about and people can get better. As i have made clear throughout this whole post, this is a career path that I am going down, and even though I am not qualified as of yet, I am always here if anyone ever needs a stranger to confide in. 

Happy mental health awareness week, and a toast to a future of acceptance. 

You’re all butterflies. 

[ourlittlebitofnothinguniverse]

Revenge time, you gotta do all of them too.

lmao ayyy ur finally off anon for smth!

jokes on u i love answering things like this it’s not revenge it’s a treat

hERE WE GO

1: What is your name and does it mean anything? my name is Rachel and it means ewe in hebrew and was the favored wife of jacob

2: How long have you known your best friend? like? two and a half years idk when did we meet

3: What position do you normally sleep in? any that i find comfortable altho probably most common is on my stomach surrounded by a nest of pillows ayy

4: Were you a part of any “clique” in high school? um my school is kinda too small for that but ig u could say i was (and am until the third) part of the “weird kids”

5: Who was your favorite teacher in high school and why? aaaa mr scott bc he was just So Rad holy fuck he took us to portland for a weekend and let me lay on the floor in class and overall was hella

6: Do you wish to travel a lot? ehh??? like i have no money to even go to the store now gotta be realistic abt this shit. i suppose ideally tho ig i’d love to explore if i knew i had a home to come back to i need me roots i am a tree

7: Did you participate in any sports while in school? hELL NO

8: Show a sample of your handwriting: 

9: Have you ever given blood? yeah and it made me sick for three whole days, never again sry ppl

10: Do you like the way that you grew up? hPFHDSAFKL; nope

11: Do you like your siblings? Why or why not? hadhsf;lks;dfa again nopE they were all abusive

12: How did you meet your best friend and why did you become friends? u sat @ my table and told me damien was scary and we became friends bc u liked to read and same

13: Name one movie that made you cry. fuCKING WHERE THE RED FERN GROWS. GETS ME EVERY TIME

14: Do you prefer to read poetry, write poetry, or neither? both! lov me some poetry mm good shit lov that word crompch

15: Things about someone that you find attractive? when somebody has a passion and they talk abt it or try to share it w/ u like i might not be interested but it’s 100% guaranteed that i will still lov that u have smth u care abt a lot *unless it’s murder tbh

16: What song are you currently listening to? the silence of my soul idk i was watching mark play prey

17: Have you ever broken a bone? If so, how? nope i am made of solid wood no bones to break

18: A random memory from you childhood: when it would rain i would go play in the concrete ditch beside our apartment complex

19: Where did you grow up? Arkansas. mostly camden but when i was a bby child we lived in stephens for a couple years (until i was like? abt to be in second grade)

20: What was the last thing you watched on tv? i don’t watch television like a normal Human i binge netflix and the last thing i watched was a show called Father Brown which had the guy who played arthur weasley and he was a priest who solved murders it was p good i liked it

21: Do you think you’d make a good parent? i’d b that vodka aunt tbh (but like replace vodka w/ choc milk or apple juice or smth no alcohol will touch these pURE lips)

22: Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person? i mean sure if i trusted them but i don’t know any tumblr ppl all that well so

22: What was the last dream you remember having? we went to a vacation house and when i checked tumblr a guy i hated and had blocked had found me again and sent me dick pics and other nudes thru the message system and got mad when i didn’t respond bc i lost my phone but my only response was to be like wTF DUDE STOP??? and then we left and i woke up but he was so pissed and i was just like how did u find me wtf

23: When is your birthday? oct 23

24: How many pillows do you sleep with? So Many

25: Do you wear glasses? If so, how long have you been wearing glasses? I WEAR THE DREADED FACE LENSES and i have since like sixth grade (altho i probably needed them for longer i just kept somehow passing the school eye exams bc by the time they caught it i was having such bad migraines i had to hide under the desks @ school bc the light was too much and i couldn’t see SHIT)

26: What color is your hair? shit colored

27: Name 5 facts about your appearance: round, friend shaped, DREADED FACE LENS, about a 1, Squishy

28: What is your favorite soda? cherry cream or cherry sprite

29: What is a strange talent that you have? i can completely forget conversations i just had lmao jk that’s not a talent that’s mental illness! hm i can somehow telepathically sense certain songs when somebody else is thinking abt them

30: How’s the weather right now? LOVELY but still kinda cold

31: Why did one of your friendships end? nobody likes me and i’m gonna die aloneidk man ppl just stop being my friend they get bored of me or smth

32: Who do you miss right now? a lot of ppl

33: Why did your last relationship end? i am a single pringle who has never been in a relationship other than platonic friendship unless u count our broship bc we are totally still getting married in holy matribrony

34: Are you still figuring out who you are? isn’t everyone?

35: Have you ever been admitted to a hospital? Why? no but i came close when they thought i had like? gallstones (i think it was gallstones anyways it was smth like that) when i was eleven bc they were gonna do surgery but it was rly just stress presenting in a weird physically painful way

36: What is your favorite restaurant? what are restaurants? i have never heard of such a thing do u think i, a poor people, have seen such a sight? a myth, no more

37: What is word that you always seem to spell wrong? All of them i cannot read

38: Would ever adopt kids? i mean i adopted my cat does that count?

39: What is your favorite kind of pizza? DISCOURSE FLAVORED jk pineapple ham pizza is bomb but i also just like str8 up pepperoni

40: What was your first thought when you woke up this morning? “god i dont wanna do this” this referring to school but then my second thought was “aa my son is so cute” bc he snuffled my face when he saw i was awake

41: When was the last time you got really really happy and why? whenever i look @ archie bc he is my son my lov nd one of the only things keeping me from going insane in this hellhole called home

42: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten? germ-x

43: How do you start a conversation? i dont

44: What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately? idk? i don’t rly pay attention to that but ig i rly like mother mother lately

45: Do you come from a family “of money?” lMAO I WISH

46: Do you have a bucket list? sort of but not really? like my kinda bucket list involves: adopting and keeping three cats, two dogs, a ferret and a bunny, having my own library room in a house i own, and having enough money that i can actually own a house of a reasonable size like u kno all things that i will never be able to accomplish exactly like a bucket list is for but Not

47: What is your favorite series of books? so many

48: When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt? when i saw that lord of the rings thing i just reblogged

49: Where do you go when you’re sad? my brain?

50: 5 random facts about yourself: I lov the aesthetic of traditional art but i suck @ it i played clarinet for 5 years and i was rly disappointed when the band director made it so that i no longer felt comfortable in the band and quiti have a need to say hello to every crow i see

i love what’s in the ocean but i hate looking at the ocean and beaches

i chew my nails when i’m stressed and i hate it but i Can’t Stop