#i was like i hope this doesn't do any permanent damage to my psyche

[lesbiancharliedalton]

i think i literally went off about this like 2 days ago but whatever. it's important to me!!! that was the first thing that drew me in when i watched it in school all those years ago!! i vividly remember thinking "fuck this i don't wanna watch a movie about school DURING school ewwwww" and then like 5 mins in they introduced the main characters and i was like oh wait hang on they hate it? and they slay? ok let's see where this is going.........................

[altheterrible]

Talked with my psych NP today and changed some of my meds up.

I'm apprehensive because I haven't made serious changes to my meds in about 2 years, but my current regimen just wasn’t working.

The great thing about working at a psychiatric facility is that my EAP (employee assistance program; a bundle of services offered to employees for free) includes free therapy and free psychiatric consults. So hopefully I can get established with a decent psychiatrist and get this mess completely figured out.

Changes:

Venlafaxine XR is going from 225 mg to 300 mg

Wellbutrin XL 300 mg is changing to Wellbutrin SR 200 mg

Vyvanse 40 mg is going to Vyvanse 30 mg

Trazodone 100 mg PRN insomnia is going to 100-200 mg PRN

Temazepam 15 mg PRN super insomnia isn't changing

Latuda 40 mg isn't changing, but I might start actually taking it again. Concerns: weight gain, metabolic issues, EPS, TD, brain fog. It was better than Abilfy in terms of weight gain and metabolic issues, but not completely benign. Risk of TD increases with long term use, though 40 mg is a low dose. I would like to find an endocrinologist to consult.

I generally think antipsychotics are overprescribed, especially when you consider how much money drug companies are raking in with the new ones. My Latuda is $1400 per month without insurance. I'm diabetic, I don't need any help with increasing insulin resistance and cholesterol. But, it helps me not do impulsive shit. And might help the COVID hallucinations?

I want to get off Wellbutrin because it doesn't help and the side effects are…unpleasant. But every time I try to decrease my dose, I get withdrawal symptoms. Still, my long term goal is to DC that med.

I'm hoping to stick with Effexor bc trying to stop that med is hell. I've had success with it for almost 3 years, so I'm hoping increasing the dose can give it some more longevity.

I'm thinking of giving mirtazepine another shot. There's some evidence that combining it with Effexor can be effective. But I really, really hated it when I took it before. I took 2 doses and couldn't keep going. It made me sleep for 40 hours over 2 days and eat everything in the kitchen. I can't stand feeling that kind of heavy, drugged feeling. It makes me extremely anxious. If I do give it a shot, maybe temporarily increase the Vyvanse? Idk.

I'm going to be working 2nd shift once I'm done with training, so hopefully my insomnia will get better when I’m not trying to put my ADHD brain to bed 6 hours before it wants to be asleep.

I love my psych NP because she really values my input and listens to my suggestions to the point that I'm essentially designing my own treatment regimen. But being 300 miles away is an issue.

I also need to get established with a primary care physician here. I really need a full physical to figure out wtf is going on with my pos body post-COVID. I'm going to need new lung imaging and probably new pulmonary function tests. I need at head CT at least and ideally an MRI. I'm pretty convinced I had a stroke back in April. Seriously. I'm also having brain fog and memory loss that's way beyond anything I've ever experienced with my depression or ADHD. And loss of coordination. I was playing the piano tonight and…ugh. I just couldn't get my hands to do the Thing. So I have some concerns on that front.

COVID caused peripheral nerve damage in my hands, so now my palms feel permanently scalded. My NP agreed to increase my gabapentin but won't do so until I send my positive COVID results. Weirdly, the place I had it done closed forever since I was there? Wtf.

Then there's these weird fucking allergic reactions I can't figure out. I've never had serious allergy issues in my life. I have a very mild mold allergy that I control with prn Zyrtec. I'm allergic to a specific kind of cephalosporin antibiotic that no one even used anymore. But in the last 3 months, I've started having these anaphylactic reactions to…nothing? I can't identify a trigger. I haven't added anything new medication wise, hygiene product wise, or food wise to my life. I thought maybe it was something in my house up north, but we moved and the reactions persisted.

It starts with my tongue tingling and swelling. Then I start getting itchy, tingling palms and feet. Then I get this feeling like bugs under my skin on my arms and legs. Then I break out in hives and my skin just…starts to slough off. Breathing gets harder. My heart rate goes up, my blood pressure goes down. When I was in the ER for this crap, my d-dimer was elevated as well. Treatment is Benadryl+ Zyrtec+prednisone+famotidine. Then epinephrine if that doesn't work.

This is scary as shit because I am already Not a healthy person. I'm about 3 bad days away from having a stroke WITHOUT my body creating extra clotting factors. My heart rate is about 100 BPM WITH A BETA BLOCKER. I have an irregular heartbeat. Diabetes. Jacked up lungs. I don't need any help with my early death.

So, yeah. I'm alive for the moment but I really need to see like 6 doctors.

Oh lmao, I'm not eligible for my employers health insurance because I have a pre existing condition…or 10. God bless Fuhrer Trump.