#i was a part of talking shit about König's flat ass today actually

[shroompette]

It took a while for you to notice. It was a small detail, really - though it's incredible that anything about your 6'10" behemoth of a boyfriend could ever be paired with the word "small". People would always only gape at his size, his mask, or truthfully, his package. It's not like you were any better.

It only dawned on you one quiet afternoon that you two were spending together. You sat comfortably in the armchair you claimed as "your spot", your boyfriend splayed out on the couch beside it, draped over the armrest so he could have his head in your lap while you stroked his long hair.

You averted your eyes from your latest literary obsession and your gaze softened as you regarded him. Despite his rather unappealing appearance, you thought he was the loveliest man in the world, with strong arms, chiselled back that curved oh-so-nicely when he laid on his front and-

Oh.

You arched your eyebrow as you realized that where König's ass was supposed to be, you found nothing. Zero altitude. You could land a helicopter on that piece of plain and the landing would be smooth as a butter.

How did you never notice this?

Perhaps because the front of him served as a good enough of a distraction from the criminal lack of backside.

You bite your lip, hesitant to say anything and disturb his peaceful sleep, but at the same time, you had to explore your discovery somehow. You reach for the mug of coffee on your table and carefully place it on his ass...

Flat. Like a stabbed tire. The coffee's surface remained perfectly still.

For a minute, König honestly thought he might have peed himself from fear when he was abruptly awoken by your loud, witch-like cackle, the brew spilling on his pants as soon as he moved.

Now your couch has a permanent stain and your boyfriend refuses to speak to you.