#i wanted to tag myself but tungle won't let me

[heartsings]

nothing is posted there as of now, but the pages are basically done, so find this multi  OVER HERE NOW.

[butchba1t]

Ok so. I'm a ~complete stranger~. I've never seen your blog before, never interacted before, we probably run in completely different circles here on Tungle dot heck. I just happened to see your most recent post about the pronouns when I decided to check out the hurt/comfort tag before bed (idk why it showed up there? It just did). So honestly, feel free to completely disregard this message, especially if you just wanted to vent and don't want any advice.

But! But. The thing is, I saw your post, and like. I've Been There.

I've been in a super similar situation. I questioned my gender and my pronouns for a super heckin long time, all thru high school and beyond, and I didn't come out as non-binary to my Very Not Cis group of friends for the longest time because of all the doubts. I kept thinking, well, I can't REALLY be non-binary, because *insert many many many many MANY different doubts and justifications here*.

I just wanna share a few things that I wish I knew years ago, and I hope they help.

(Forgive me if I repeat myself or am slightly incoherent, it's late and I'm very sleepy.)

1. You are not faking. There are no "qualifications" to being non-binary. You don't need to check off a certain number of things off a checklist in order to be considered "really" non-binary. Your gender is up to you, and you alone, and if anyone tries to tell you that you don't "count" because you don't experience *insert thing*, then screw them (and not in a fun way). They don't dictate your identity or your life.

2. You Do Not Need To Have All The Answers. You don't need to have every little aspect of your identity nailed down and sequestered into a neat little box that will stay the same forever! You don't have to have a Final Answer, life isn't an essay question that has to be submitted by a certain date! You don't have to pick something and commit to it forever. You don't need to make any sort of Final Decision on what your gender is. You don't even need a definite answer to the question "what is your gender identity", you can just shrug and go "wouldn't you like to know, weather boy >:3" and leave it at that!

Half the time I describe my gender as "girl in the same way a square is a rectangle, non-binary in the way that pink is light red" (yes I stole that from a tiktok audio, why do you ask?)! And that's fine!

3. I'll let you in on a secret: you can change your gender and pronouns as many times as you want!!! You can use they/them today, she/her tomorrow. You can use they/them for 20 Heckin Years, then decide one day that you wanna use neo-pronouns! Or you wanna use she/her! Doing so does not invalidate the time you spent using they/them, and doesn't mean you were "faking".

Gender is fluid and weird and wibbly-wobbly. Sometimes it's vaguely incomprehensible. Sometimes everything clicks and makes perfect sense. Sometimes it stays the same over a life time, and sometimes it changes slowly over a lifetime, and sometimes, for some people, it changes day to day.

It's okay to be scared and uncertain. You have a whole lifetime to figure yourself out, and a whole lifetime of things to learn and experience. You don't have to nail down everything right now, and you're allowed to change pronouns as many times as you want.

You said your friend used gender neutral language for you, and it made you happy! That's great!!! Go ahead and keep using gender neutral terms! Maybe you'll change your mind later, maybe you won't, and it doesn't matter which one it ends up being!

What matters is what makes you happy, and what helps you feel most comfortable and content in day to day life.

Again, I'm sorry to pop out of nowhere like this into your inbox and leave a huge essay, but I just. Your post really hit me somewhere personal and close, and I wanted to share all the things I wish I knew 3 years ago.

I hope you find what makes you happy, and I wish you a wonderful, wonderful life. Goodnight, sweet dreams in whatever time one you're in, and best of luck on your journey through life.

Thank you so much. This was a really important message for me that you sent at the perfect time. Every now and then I come and read it again and I think it’s time for me to share this with other people who might need to read this as well and I hope it helps them too.