#i want to tag more on this but ngl this is just a flighty lil thing that I don't want to get hate for so this is it lmao

[izzy-b-hands]

A lil stream of consciousness thing from Izzy’s perspective. Implied past blackhands. Set around whatever time (since we don’t know that as of S1 lol) that Ed and Izzy more formally settled into being captain and first mate, vs friends and lovers who also happened to be pirates together.

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There’s a lot he doesn’t tell Ed.

But, for where they are now, maybe that’s how it is. A friend wakes the other at night after a nightmare in search of comfort, but a first mate doesn’t to their captain.

Nor do they mention how seeing their captain smile makes their chest ache in a way that means the only thing to do is to look away.

How the sigh he lets out when he rests against Izzy in the evening, hair being gently brushed out, makes Izzy want to...

Well. It makes him want to curl up in on himself, around the feeling. And that feels...

Not bad. But it’s not what a first mate feels, no matter what they called each other before.

Ed said nothing would change, and in some ways, that’s true. They sail and raid and enjoy their bounty as they find it. Ed still leaves him speechless, in good and sometimes less than ideal ways.

But he doesn’t talk to him anymore, outside of orders. No more late night discussions when they both can’t sleep, quick check ins whenever they break for lunch, no stupid silly jokes shouted down the deck to each other to earn the ire of the crew as much as the laughter of each other.

He didn’t think that bit would change.

But he’s a first mate now. A bosun, in essence. They aren’t hands on any other ship; the people that sail with them are their responsibility. To keep safe and fed and ideally mostly alive.

Maybe he’s the one that needs to change.

They’ve always done a bit of matching, from outfits to overall mood during raids and fuckeries. Why wouldn’t Ed expect him to change now, to match their new roles and jobs?

He hasn’t said anything, but should he have to? Probably not, as a captain.

Once again, Izzy can see he’s the one falling behind. There’s no Jack to point it out this time, to make cruel jokes that toed the line enough to make even Ed laugh at him.

He should have realised it sooner.

Change isn’t something that comes easily to him, a fact he hates admitting. But staring at his face in the stolen hand mirror hidden away in his quarters, it’s finding him anyway. Physically, at least.

He would die for Ed. He doesn’t even have to think about the answer to that question.

The least he can do is change to match the new expectations, new boundaries.

If he does, maybe Ed will call him for a late night talk or two again. Or call out a joke so stupid it almost feels dumb to laugh at it.

He’ll change for Ed. Even if it kills him.