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sunshinerapmonster · 4 months ago

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The Saregeant's Daughter - Chapter Four Madeline

"Incoming!" Maggie yelled.

"A 35-year-old male was found down in his kitchen. Hypotension at 80 over 40, rate 134, only responsive to pain" the male emt said as he followed Maggie.

"All right, you're going to treatment four. Dr.Rhodes, can you get this, please? We're slammed" Maggie said looking at Conner.

"I'm on it. Sanchez come with me" he said, calling me over.

"Ready?"

"One two three"

We moved him from the Stretcher onto the bed.

"All right let's get him hooked up. Prep a saline line. We're gonna need another one wide open." I said looking at the patient.

"O2 says are 85 and dropping," April said looking over at the monitor.

"What's happening to me?" The male patient said.

"We're gonna find that out, we're gonna intuba," Dr.Rhodes said putting on his stethoscope and listening for his heartbeat.

"Give me a 7.5 ET tube, 20 of etomidate, and 1 milligram per kilo of rock," I said, fixing my black stethoscope around my neck.

"Septic shock?" April asked as she patted the patient's legs.

"Maybe, but we need to find a source," Rhodes said looking over at April.

"Your respiratory muscles are weak. I'm gonna intubate you so that they can rest." I said looking at the patient.

"Give him 3 grams, Unasyn. Send for a CBC, CMO, coags, and lactate" I said looking over at Sarah.

"Give me a blood gas and blood and urine for culture"

"On it," April replied.

"There's no bleeding or deformity in his legs," Sarah said.

"We're almost ready"

"Heart rate is erratic"

"Watch his pressure"

I started to intubate the patient while Rhodes April and Sarah along with the other nurses were helping take care of everything else.

"All right, I am in," I said looking up from the patient's mouth and still holding onto the intubation.

"Dr.Aurora?" Sarah said.

I looked over at what she was showing me and saw something on the patient's left arm. I quickly turned around, grabbed a pair of scissors, and started to cut open his shirt.

"O2 sats are 98 and he's stable"

"No," I said, looking at the patient's chest where he had more of what he had on his left arm.

"We need to get him up to the OR now," I said, looking at Rhodes and April.

"I have a feeling we are ready too late," Rhodes said looking at me.

I opened the door to the OR where Dr.Rhodes along with others was giving the patient surgery.

"Patient's spouse is here. He's very anxious. Any updates I can give him?" I asked.

"Tell him his husband's got necrotizing fasciitis and we're debriding the muscle to try and stop the infection," one of the surgeons said.

"Dr.Rhodes, is that okay?"

"Uh, yeah. That's fine" he replied.

With that answer, I closed the door and walked out of the OR towards the spouse and an update on his husband.

"Sir, your husband is currently still in surgery, they are just debriding the muscle to stop the infection," I said looking at him.

"But he is going to be fine right?" He asked, running his hands down his side.

"He has the best surgeons working on him okay," I said reassuring him.

"Alright thank you, ma'am"

I smiled at him before walking out of the room and back into the ED.

"Hey Will, how is your living situation right now?" I asked him, signing into the computer.

"Ah, I've been staying with my brother for the past two months," he said, chuckling.

"Really? What's wrong with your apartment? '' I said typing away.

"The landlord was arrested for something and he was like was laundry money with the rent I think," he said shrugging his shoulders

I raised a brow at his comment, "Well do you need help looking for a new apartment? I know some great realtors that could help you" I said, looking at the computer screen.

"Yeah, that be great! Text me their numbers or something" he said and walked away.

"Maggie guess what!" I said walking towards her with a huge smile.

"The girl who came in, I have her results," she said handing me the iPad.

Looking over her results I quickly looked up "April, get the patient from two into isolation and order a chest X-ray and CT head, put the rest of the family in another room for cultural times three, and no matter what do not let anyone leave." I said looking at her sternly.

"Okay," she said nodding her head before walking away.

"What's going on?" Maggie asked.

"Get me on the phone with the CDC. Immediately" I said with that Maggie walked away.

"How dangerous is this?" The mother asked.

"It depends, Haemophilus influenza B can often be contained with the antibiotics we're giving her now, but not always," I said.

"And if it's not contained?"

"It can cause hearing loss, brain injury....even death," I said.

"Well, I've never even heard of it. How'd she get it" The father said looking over his daughter from the window where she was being isolated.

"Well, that is the question. It's part of the standard vaccination regimen. Is Shiloh vaccinated?" I said looking at Will before the parents.

"No"

"Are any of them?"

They both looked at each other before looking back at their daughter.

"Type B is transmitted by saliva, which makes incidental contacts like Dr.Halstead and I not at risk, but any of her long-term close contacts are. We'll notify the school, but in the meantime, you'll each need to be immunized" I said.

"I'm not sure we want that," the father said.

"Mr.Kane, I think it's very-" I was cut off by Will.

"Your children are at serious risk," he said sternly.

"We feel vaccination poses a serious risk as well" the mother snapped back at Will.

"That is not true"

"Doctors are about intervention. I get it. But left alone, the body has a perfectly good immune system, and once you start injecting it with foreign proteins and preservatives, you can't help but change that"

"Right now, all our other children seem to be fine, and Shiloh's in there all alone." She said looking at her daughter and then looking back at us.

"Can we just go be with her?"

"Of course, you can," I said looking at Will and then back at the parents.

"We'll send someone in to watch your other children, thank you," I said before walking out of the room.

Will followed closely behind me, closing the door gently and slowly I looked at Will.

"So what? You're just gonna let them off the hook?"He said.

"They're scared to death right now. It is not the time to push. I will talk to them again later, okay?" I said before walking away from him.

I walked over to the room where the man who came in with necrotizing fasciitis and saw Sarah talking with them.

Sarah walked out of the room and towards me with a frown on her face.

"Do you know a doctor in private practice named Unger?" She whispered so only I could hear her.

"Yeah," I replied as I looked at the computer screen.

"Is he reputable?"

"May I ask why?" I said, turning away from the screen to look at her.

"He missed a diagnosis, and now that patient's probably going to die" she looking at me.

Taking a deep breath I looked around the room before turning back to her. "Truthfully, he's missed a few in the last few months" I whispered back.

"Can you pull up a list of his patients who've been here recently?" She said, still looking at the couple.

I looked at her worried "Madeline" she sighed.

"Okay, just keep my name out of it"

"Mm-hmm" she nodded her head.

I printed out the file with all the patient's names who were here before giving it to her and making sure nobody saw that I handed her the file.

"You didn't get this from me," I said looking right into her eyes.

She nodded her head before walking away.

"Code Blue ICU"

Getting up from my seat I rushed over to the room where other nurses and Sarah were.

"There's no pulse," A nurse said looking at us.

Putting on my gloves and throwing my hair into a messy bun I rushed over towards the patient.

"He's unresponsive!" Sarah said lifting his shirt and noticing that his necrotizing fasciitis was bleeding and there were way more than before.

"He's in V-tach," Sarah said

"cardiac arrest," Dr.Unger said looking over at the monitors.

"Give me the paddles. Charge to 200" I ordered.

"Charging to 200"

I put some gel in the paddles and got them ready for Elias the patient. Dr.Unger was giving him chest compressions.

"Here," I said, making Dr.Unger move out of the way.

"Clear?"

"Clear"

His body joints up from the shock that was sent towards his heart looking at the screen nothing has changed.

"Nothing," Sarah said.

"Stand by," a nurse said.

"All right, 1 milligram of epi," I ordered one of the nurses.

"Got it, milligram of epi"

"1 of epi"

Dr.Unger was still giving him chest compressions.

"Again, Clear"

"Clear"

"Again, Clear"

"Clear"

Nothing was changing, Dr.Unger went back to giving him chest compressions.

"Another milligram of epi," I said, still looking at the monitor.

Turning to face the nurse she gave me a face meaning we can't do anything anymore.

"Doctor...." April said placing her hands above Dr.Unger making him stop giving him chest compressions.

Checking for a pulse one more and couldn't find one I pronounced him dead, "Time of death 15:22." I said looking at Dr.Unger before walking out of the room with Sarah behind me.

"Sarah, I suppose you told Sharon and Mr.Charles ?" I said pointing towards Mr.Charles who was talking with Dr.Unger.

"Yeah, don't worry I never said your name I just brought it to their attention that's all," she said.

"Okay, well if you find anything out please update me," I said placing my hands on her shoulder.

She nodded her head and walked away smiling at her. I walked towards the computer to update some of my patients' charts.

The shift is finally over, I checked my Apple Watch to look at the time it was only 3:00 a.m. Finally done with a twelve-hour shift and the best part is tomorrow is my day off.

Throwing on my coat since winter was coming very quickly. Grabbing my back and making sure my keys and phone were in my hand I closed my locker and rushed out of the hospital.

The wind in Chicago was the best, especially during the night. The only bad thing about this was a very chilly wind, finally arriving at my car unlocking it, and putting my bag on the passenger side, turning on the car I drove off back to my apartment.

Exiting the car and making sure it was locked I walked towards my apartment door, and I noticed Uncle Hank and Antonio were standing by my door talking among each other.

"What are you guys doing here at 3:20 in the morning?" I said, running my hands through my hair.

"Hey kiddo," Hank said, bringing me into a hug as well as Antonio.

"Hey," I said, unlocking my door and inviting them inside.

"We wanted to invite you to dinner with the whole district from intelligence?" Hank said taking a seat on my couch.

"Yeah my wife and kids are coming, some of our coworkers are bringing some of their family members," Antonio said, drinking the water I gave him.

"Yeah, I would love to! When and time?" I said unlocking my phone to look at my calendar.

"It's tomorrow night at 6:30 at Prime Steakhouse," Dad said.

"Well I will see since I'm on call tonight but I will if I can make it, no promise though," I said smiling at them.

"That's fine," Hank said chuckling as he stood up from the couch.

I walked them towards the door and waved them goodbye wishing them a goodnight before closing the door.

Jay Master List

intro 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 Book Two

#ana de armas #jay halstead #jay halstead x oc #chicago med #one chicago #will halstead #Natalie Manning #April Sexton #wattpad #hailey upton

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izzy-b-hands · 8 months ago

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So. I'm allowing myself a vent post or two abt Stuff in the Brain today that won't fuck off, but it'll all be under a cut if I feel I'm at risk of being too wordy so folks don't gotta see this if they don't wanna. And on this one I did get wordy, multi-paragraphs so. fair warning if u decide to be brave and read thru it lol

I'm behind on getting Mum a bday gift. Like two weeks behind. Partially bc money, partially bc the thing I really wanted to get her involves bidding on ebay and attempting to win a listing (and I just haven't managed it yet lmao), and partially bc like:

For once I've been living my life for me, thinking abt me and Housemate first and foremost, and focusing on what I actually want/need from day to day, and that means I'm away from my phone a bit more than usual, which means I've missed some calls and texts from Mum and just haven't been as Available via phone/apps/etc as I've been in the past

(including one time in the last week or so where Housemate and I stepped aside to the kitchen to make ourselves mac n cheese, and Mum was late to calling me for a planned call, so I figured I was safe to leave the phone by the couch while we cooked. Nope! In that less than half hour, 25 mins at most that it took us to finish mac and get plated up, she figured we'd both A. fallen down the stairs and were now dying from brain bleeds while the cats sniffed us in panic and fear B. decided to cut her out of my life forever and so now I wasn't going to be answering her calls (tho this point I didn't know until a much more recent text where she admitted to it and did say she was ashamed of feeling that way.) )

So I really need to get something out to her, either the chocolates I was planning on sending for her and the family from a local shop, the Snoopy Build-A-Bear plushie with a lil 'I miss you' tshirt and a voice thingy inside it with me telling her to remember that I love her and am always grateful for her help and care and things like that, whatever will fit lol (this is the fucker that triggered this whole train crash of a set of thoughts today lmao), and/or something from one of the ebay listings I've been trying to get (I just need to accept it and pay the buy it now price considering what the thing is isn't like. Uber rare? But apparently Bon Jovi doesn't have their figurines made any more, so they're a bit harder to find and I'm gonna risk not getting one at all if I don't just. do the dang thing lmao)

I'm thinking the Snoopy would be best/easiest for rn, but I keep getting stuck on what I'll say for the recording and it's so dumb but like:

I know, for the sake of both of us and the deeply grown and intertwined sort of emotionally incest-flavoured codependency Mum and I have, we probably should eventually try going NC or LC for at least like. a month or two in the future? Probably even a bit longer? Not as like a 'this is forever' thing (unless something would happen that would point to that as the best option for both of us), but just until we can maybe both heal a bit and work closer towards something even vaguely approaching a more normal mother/son relationship.

And the particular fear is very silly but like. I'd hate to say the things I have planned, that I mean (I do love her, and I know she does her best, and so I'm grateful for every bit and every sort of help she's ever given or will ever give me), and then we someday go NC or LC, and she's hurt by having the plush and audio around as a reminder of how things were before. I could see her throwing it away in a fit, and then being so sad and begging for a new one by the next day. And I'd want to get her one. I don't know if that's right of me or not.

Like, the trauma has me Entirely overthinking this and I know it's ridiculous, you know? But still. Got the Build-A-Bear tab open on my phone bc the chocolate is at least partially to be shared, so that's Not Enough as a partial belated bday gift; and I'd like to hit another paycheck (or part of it, since the uni rarely puts the full fucking direct deposit in on scheduled payday lmao) before I try for the Bon Jovi figurine (and hope it isn't bought before that point.) So the plush is really the best choice, and I don't want to wait any longer to send anything out bc like. Her bday was at the beginning of March, this is fucking ridiculous of me and not how I like handling gifts at all, for anyone!!

Fingers crossed I just. Get the fucking recording done, get it ordered and have them send it out to her, and that'll be enough until I can get my hands on a figurine and/or order the chocolates and candies for her, her bf, and to share with the rest of the family.

#text post #spotify decided to play Con singing La Vie En Rose while I typed this and I always cry during that so between that and the topic here #im more of a mess than i want to be (worth it tho to hear Con's voice)#Im still banking on having spoons for convos later today #so i do appreciate y'all bearing with me on that and am sending u all hugs for it #maybe time to dip into the drafts and hope my brain settles on thinking abt blorbos instead of. All This #tw codependency #I just mention it between me and mum but. tagging to b safe

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btnclmrttn · 2 years ago

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Hellloooo! Are you still taking requests? :O if you are, can i pleaaase have saitama with a doctor s/o please? 🙉🙊🙈

Yes Yes Yes! I've been waiting for an ask like this! I'll ll do my best, but I'm only a nursing assistant lol. Only thing I can tell you about doctors is that they're usually insufferable pains in the ass working with. But that's for another discussion I hope you like it sorry it's long

Doctor S/O HCs

~~~~

It's a miracle how you guys managed to meet considering your schedules but luck have it he liked you enough to find you again

(I'd say you were standing in line in front of him and managed to get hundreds of dollars worth of groceries reduced to like $80. He wants in on that witchcraft)

He admires you so much by the work you do, and is almost intimidated how you can crunch in those long hours.

Always trying to stuff you up with little healthy snacks after you told him sometimes you guys don't have time to sit and eat.

Days off are always the best together. You got used to constantly be running errands on your day off and he helped you learn to chill out and not worry about everything the second you get free time

Lots of tub time together for your sore ass

He's always a sad egg when you get mandated. If it's too long you'll come home to him basically sitting at the door like a puppy. He misses you on the main just isn't aware of it.

If you're having the classic nerve pain or feet n ankles mega ouch he will NOT let you be up on them. He says you should rest as hard as you work.

Any medicine or cream you use for it he likes giving to you, like he's playing doctor

So that's where the househusband energy comes in. He's doing everything he can for you. His kind of lazy is bare minimum lazy, not total slack off. He'll do it for you

He's on your ASS about stretching. ALL THE TIME

He will message you sometimes but if it's a nerve problem it don't help at all for some people

Once you explain a handful of terminology he'll actually be interested in you work ramblings. There isn't ever a boring day, especially with dick bag coworkers

This fool will look downright mortified if you get talking about the not so fun part of the job. Not necessarily the deaths or gore, but the body waste hazards. Don't tell him till AFTER he's eaten any meal or it will ruin the whole appetite

He still listens even if it's gross. Why you chose this life, he'll never know

The job itself is painfully sad, most of the time. Usually everyone's too busy to have a minute to process most things. So if a well loved patient ends up dying, he'll try and be there for you

Literally had no idea what to do but let you just cry it all out while holding you. He'll barely say anything cause he just has no idea how you handle it as well as you do

Every now and then you'll see him in a window waving at you if he's in monster battle ground. The hospital never stops no matter what the warning is so you can get front row seats sometimes

He got knocked into the hospital one time and was like "oh hey hun" before hopping back into battle

You don't really have to ever patch him up after some fight but sometimes his friends that tag along are a different story. He'll be just showing you off and telling everyone what a good job you do as you're trying to stop some bleeding or some shit

Always boasting but he isn't aware of it, tbh

Be like "My partner, a doctor btw-"

When he explained how he lost his hair, you joked about it being alopecia. Now he's just contemplating his life and if it really wasn't hard work, just weird timing.

Because of how much you make, sometimes you take him out on a little bit more expensive dates, or get him really nice gifts.

He loves you but he hates it. The fact you have more money he can make in months is flabbergasting. Don't do this to him when you first meet it will scare him away

He's just grateful someone so smart and caring like you loves him. Ask him, and you're out of his league. He's a lucky mfr

#anime #one punch man #opm #opm x reader #saitama #saitama hcs #saitama x reader #saitama/reader #saitama x y/n #doctor reader #reader is inaccurate i hate doctors #prestigious pricks #nurses be real ones #sometimes #opm headcanons #genos #speed o sound sonic #Garou

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muffindaddystyles · 4 years ago

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𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒.

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 (𝐲/𝐧) 𝐱 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲.

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲: 𝐈𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐟𝐢𝐭𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫. 𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭, 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟!!!

𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠: 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 𝐛𝐲 𝐋𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞

Being a university kiddo isn't a joke you're one of it's victim and how insensitive it will sound but you worked as paparazzi because you were literally going homeless.

One buzzy night when Harry was just having a light environment get together with four of his friends in his London's home you were practically managing your bum on his kitchen's windows deck which was providing you the clear view of them just chillin' out.

You felt bad. A horrible person who goes on invadilating people's life but you've a contract of one more month and they need random ass photos of celebrities specifically Harry, else they'll conduct your money for which you worked late nights three months prior.

Your hands shook and you were about to tumble back into his garden many times because Harry had a great loving role in your life, you've been admiring him for years and this's completely out of your line. And you know he has a bodyguard who's monstrously taller than you and wouldn't take a second to kick you into jail.

An idiolising smile quirked up your lips seeing him in good mood sipping on his margaritas and you sigh debating whether you should do it or not.

You muttered a "fuck it" before snapping purposedly blurry photos and you were about to carefully jump down when your feet went into wrong place.

You tried to hold in your shriek when you rolled over the sink counter first then onto the floor, the fall was so painful it made you saw stars but you didn't cry even though they were fighting to spill out.

Everyone's head snapped at the chaos and Harry abruptly stood up striding towards the kitchen.

With the help of dining chair you were on your feet with a groan and you've a bleeding lip too. Harry's angry voice boomed through the walls, "What the actual fuck!?" He tilts his head towards you questioningly and you wrap yourself in your arms shrinking at his fierceness.

Now tears slipping down your cheeks like a never ending waterfall and you tried not to hiccup, sob or whimper.

"Who the hell are ya?" He's pissed. His friends remained quite watching the scenario from the living room and he's kinda feeling remorseful because a dainty girl in flared denims and a 𝙵.𝚁.𝙸.𝙴.𝙽.𝙳.𝚂 tee-shirt with blazing red embarrassed cheeks soaked with innocent tears, her protecting herself just from her arms from Harry as if he'll hurt her and lip bleeding so badly Harry was about to rush her to his washroom to clean it up.

But all in the end he kept his guard strong. Because this's from many times his privacy was being invalidated.

"I-m's...m'so sorry, Harry." You hiccuped in between your breaths and He arches his brows for if you got any further explanation for your actions.

"I'm not gonna lie to you. I was capturing your pictures sneakily from this window and w-when I was bout to go, slipped." He kind of found it cute how you said 'slipped' at the end but he let it go, before he would've said another thing you continued hastily.

"I just hate doing this. Hate invadilating people's privacy but I really really need money...you know..." You sob out gesticulating with your hands and everyone including Harry felt broken for you, "...I never wanted to do this. Never took single one of you since I've started this pathetic job and when I asked them that I want to leave they told me I can't until next month." At this Harry sighed loudly combing his hair back taking your arm and making your shaking body sit at the chair.

You couldn't stop sobbing. You feel so fuckin' pathetic you want to just kill yourself at the moment because everything's crashing down onto you just when you were infront of Harry Styles after sneaking on him, "Th-they told me that they need your pictures specifically else they'd conduct my money from previous." Harry pinches his bottom lip listening to you with full attention, his gaze a bit concerned.

"That's very disgustin' of them." He spats bitterly new-profound hatred for agencies enveloping him, "m..I'm so sorry. I'll delete 'em right infront of you." Your brought your camera infront of him with trembling hands but he wraps his fingers around your wrist to stop you.

"S'okay. I don't care, jus' have 'em and throw it to their faces." You shook your head and Harry's amused how caring you're for him even though you guys have never met, now he feels bad for shouting at you "no, please my morals will eat me alive. Can't do this to you." rubbing the back of your nose and in doing so you irritated your lips fingers getting all bloody. You didn't noticed you were bleeding until at the moment and your eyes widened. You hate blood it makes your nerves crawl.

"Oh my goodness." You gasp horrifically fingers vigorously trembling as you raised them to look at them clearly, your skin drained paler and Harry quickly stood up taking you with him to sink.

"S'okay, we all do mistakes sometimes. But you need it right now....can you duck down a little??" He asks you at the end while talking to you to divert your mind from the gor imaginations you were having in your brain.

He cups the water from running faucet bringing it to your lips cleaning your mouth with gentle rub of his soothing palms. His hands are calloused soft like cotton candy that tingles when it fuses on your tongue.

"I know what you're doin' isn't one of your very proud job but I can help you. Just take these pictures and ask me fo' more if they send you again until they set you free." He again makes you sit at the chair and you've calmed down better from before.

"S'not a big deal fo' me it's jus' pictures. I get annoyed when they're taken without m'permission." One his friends bought him a bottle of vaseline and he 'thanked' them before dipping his index inside the petroleum jelly, smudging it over your lips. You hissed at a certain nib and he gently shushed you, "Thank you Harry." You whispered bottom lip wobbling and he scrunched his nose at your cuteness.

"I really thought your tall bodyguard will drag me to jail." At first he thought you weren't serious but the frown and long stare of yours to his orange polished nails caused his heart to crack into pieces.

The thought of you getting scared like this multiple times, getting shouted and cursed at by celebrities, sometimes getting injured like this incident made him well...sad for you.

He stroked the back of your knuckles which are bruised too. He chuckled coarsely through his regret trying to lift the mood, "now..m'not that of a monster." He drawled out eyes flickering all over your head playfully which's lowered into shame.

You sniffled giggling through your tears standing up quickly, "I-should probably go. sorry once again...I'll try my best not to ever disturb you again." You bowed a little in an apologising way and Harry wanted to ask you to have a glass of milk to soothe the sting of your lip. He kinda wanted you to clash to him at sometimes again once he was out of his haze at what just happened.

"No problem, stay safe darlin'." He smiles at you and you at him this time he escorted you out through his main door. All his friends had a good laugh at what just happened; a girl almost breaking her bones in Harry's kitchen and him shouting at her only to scold her at the end to be careful when you sneak inside someone's house.

"Heyyyy." He throws his head annoyed when his friends found his timidness funny, "she was a nice lady, jus' little trapped into her situation."

The next week you were on his door this time knocking, one more guy waiting for you to bring Harry's pictures at the backstreet.

"Heya!" He was extra chirpy today no-wonder he had an album coming, "sorry." You muttered raising the camera that he would look at it clearly he got it what you want and grinned at you ushering you inside.

"S'alright. What do you wan' me to do?" You giggled when he made different postures one like an english girl, hand on his hip, arse in air and arm above his head enthusiastically.

"Not any of that, they should look random."

"Okay then. Move to m'garden." With a small hand on your waist he guided you to the same garden you sneaked in his house that day, "just pretend like you're doing something script-y type you know. You've an album comin' right?" He nods shushing his butterflies when you used your own words like 'script-y'.

He rushed to grab his journal sitting on stool pretending like he's writing something on it and both of you guffawed out breathily when your camera's snaps echoed, "perfect. Thank you Harry." You walked back inside and he was shining like a chime under lilac sun.

"Can I hug you?" You asked for his permission and he slinged his arm around you hugging you close to him. He was in love with your scent. It's roses and fresh water as if you bathed in rosy milk.

"Have a cup of tea, with me?" He asked you politely but you smiled, "another time. that piggy assistant of my agency is waiting for me at the backstreet."

"Didn't wanted him to know your address." You muttered swaying from one feet to another and Harry's eyes widened in amusement. He again hugged you taking you a bit by surprise but you wrapped your arms around his neck tipping on your toes for the proper embrace.

To that day and this you're his best friend more than that too living with him in his house because you just moved out from uni's dormetary and there was no good place to live so he offered you to live with him until.

It's been an YEAR now you're living along him because even though none of you wants to deny it you both kinda got addicted to eachother's presence and now it's hard to let go.

𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑔𝑢𝑦𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑐𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒.

He drags you to his friend's parties even though you feel so out of them. You remember when one time he practically threw you over his shoulder and in his car to a party at Kendall's house.

You were fuming for two reasons. First you were litreally in your pyjamas and bunny slip-ons, second Kendall recognized you and said in that mock tone "are you the same paparazzi girl that tripped while sneaking on me, right?" Harry was...well he didn't liked it at all. You're his bestfriend that he's wishing to keep for lifetime and he knows that phase of your life was the dying need of yours.

You weren't angry neither did you hide it. You nodded at her with sheer embarrassment in your eyes and you didn't had to tell Harry before he was taking both of you into his car driving home.

"Wish I could just remove that part of my life." You murmured sitting crossed legs on the wine rugged floor and Harry's head perked up at that while he handed you the glass of milk and cookies taking you in his lap.

"We all have that part in our life, don't care." You squished your face in the crook of his neck while he stroked your hair cooing softly into your ear, "moppet don't be sad, m'sorry. S'my fault." He kisses your head with little pecks and you giggled when he purposedly fanned his breath under your earlobe where you're most ticklish.

"Wanna play poker?" He pulls you and you bobbed your head.

He always do this. Always knows how to lift up your mood when the work load's sometimes too much. You guys give eachother's massages even though yours used to be so brutal but he didn't even said a word until one day you offered Sarah one and she squealed in a hiss.

He laughed it off as you looked at him horrified that you never cared if the massage was okay, blowing hits at him while he asked Jeff to stop you only to kiss your forehead when you pouted at him.

Both of you've feelings for eachother. Hardcore one but you refuse to let them out too scared to ruin what you've.

You guys fart in eachother's presence and take a piss with open doors. You guys are that close. When you're sprawled onto his bed without any conscious because he fucked you mercilessly last night and if the next morning you get periods making a whole damn map of Antarctica onto his white sheets he just wakes up gently not to startle you, sits you on couch for a moment quickly changes his sheets and tells you that he has brought pads, chocolates and teas for you hands you your panties ushering you inside the washroom.

You're so thankful for him. For his presence. His care for you and you just wants to return it, so you do in the form of endless cuddles at night, drunk deep talks at the rooftop, three kisses in total because he likes no more less than three before going to sleep. Making sure his coffee's perfectly brewed in the morning and you guys have enough maple syrup for his likeness.

You sometimes knits him cute balled shape gloves and bakes cookies for him, sometimes brings him dinner while you're with your girlfriends.

You guys are so domestic and in love but with friends tag that none of you've figured your feelings out.

You brought a date at home once. Drunkly kissing that guy but it was all ruined when that guy broke Harry's vase that you gifted him once. It woke Harry up and he wasn't even tiny bit of pleased with your swollen lips, watery eyes and black dress showing excessively more than he wanted.

The guy was litreally shocked to see Harry Styles walking out of one of the rooms and excused himself from you as if he saw the ghost.

He sternly arched his brow while you fumbled with your rings which are his's btw, there was a whole lecture of how you went to clubbing with your girls and came back with some random cheap guy, that you shouldn't drink so much because you forget how to function and that how sickly he was worried for you but you didn't picked his phone.

But when you opened your mouth for a good excuse he raised his index in the air shushing you like a daddy would do, "not under my roof, y/n" then when you complained you're a person too and desires sex. He grabbed your jaw smashing his lips on yours in a fervent kiss and fucked you raw against the leather wall of his living room with your dress still on.

From that day you're friends with extra benefits anyone could ask for.

Today he's out with his boys for a football match. You were watching friends reruns, your stuff toy under your armpit and the bowl full of popcorns in your lap. Everything was running when you drifted to deep sleep on the couch only to be woken up again due to loud impatient knocks.

Harry at the door shifting from one leg to another tucking his jeans down from over his crotch and you yawned loudly, "Harry? game's ov-" but you were cut off when grabbed your neck thumb under your ear and tilted his chin to kiss you deeply.

"So, fuckin' hard..." He hissed against your lips in urgency shutting the door with his feet and scurrying both of you to couch, "please pretty girl suck me off, want that so bad." He whined requesting nicely and you sighed rubbing sleep from your eyes.

"Okay then you owe me a breakfast in morning." He bobbed his head taking your hand to make you sit in between his legs, "anythin' fo' m'darlin'." He hissed grunting at the end throwing his head back on the cushions and your lips quirked up.

"Sure you went to watch football not porn?" You unzipped his fly and he raised his hips kissing your lips wetly, "what got my tarzan so rock hard, hmm?" You mumbled against his lips sucking at his bottom lip yanking his black jeans down till his ankles.

"You, please you." He whimpered when you palmed his visible prodding bulge through his boxers and the blush crept up your cheeks at his blabbering.

Sitting crossed-legs in between his open wide legs you stroked the inside of his thighs and he bucked his hips grinding his bulge agaisnt your face.

His thick member hit his lower abdomen when you fred it from his boxers, you raised a little elbows digging into his thighs tucking your nose under his eternity to lick his balls fondling with them.

"Oh fuck!" You pinned his hips down lazily taking your previous position, he's heavy and thick in your palm as you pumped him through lazy strokes.

You're extra clumsy when you wake up from sleep so your hands shook. the crown of his cock nudging your lips and chin making him moan out loud and he clenched his fingers from avoiding to just grab your cheeks and fuck your mouth.

"Yes. Pet daddy's little petal just take me, yeah?" He pushed your hair back making an eye contact with you and nodded you licked his head that sent him grunting.

You put your chin on his thigh near his knee looking at him with doe eyes admiring him when he was fully inside your mouth, "takes me so well, fuck." His hands maneuvered into your hair other lacing with yours ontop of his other thigh.

He pinched his eyes when you drooled all over his cock cheeks going shallow as you tried to suck some of your saliva down, you're lazy and in no mood to do some work so you murmured against his cock while tugging it furiously.

"Fuck my mouth daddy." You didn't had to say twice when he fisted your hair around his palm putting you in your place and fucking your mouth with speedy snaps of his hips.

"So fuckin' sloppy. Love it when ye' give me sloppy filthy heads." You hummed around him gagging when he pushed his cock to your throat pulling back to stroke him over your tongue when he saw your teary eyes, "hmm. not gonna last." His tummy with ferns rippled with ecastasy and you patted his thigh to give you access to his balls.

Your drool was tricking down till his base so you smudged it massaging his heavy blue balls getting his little whimpers in return and a "fuck baby. fuck me, please." You kept on fondling with his balls and the soft skin of his thighs palming his pelvis.

"Gonna cum in your mouth." You squeezed his hand eyelashes fluttering while he writhed under you and the last thrust of him inside your mouth caused him to fill your mouth with his cum.

With a whine he pulled out from your mouth and your eyes glinted as you straddled up his lap cradling his soft baby face in your hands. Moaning when he kissed you how lovers do, after that it was all sloppy you kissing him and you riding him throwing your head back giving him opportunity to splash blues on your throat to mark you his's.

"Oh daddy." You whimpered as he stretched his palm over your arched back your pelvis slapping his in an erotic noise. He was smiling at you litreally a genuine one.

He loves you so much. He knows you love him and he has thought of confessing it to you many times but he's scared to ruin what you've already have too precious.

"C'mon baby that's it, yeah there?" He circled your clitoris in pleasuring motions whispering in your ear, "use daddy." You moaned out sweetly holding his shoulders and before you know you hit the deep end of your pleasure in waves and kept on cumming while he kept on fucking you to your high.

"Ah!" You gasped alluringly when you came another time thrashing into his hold that he had to grasp the nape of your neck from falling back resting your temples against eachother.

"I-" 𝐼 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢. But he gulped his words back pecking your lips, "Is my baby sleepy?" He pouts at you pawing at your hips and you hummed letting your head fall onto his chest.

He slept in your bed that night after taking care of you, he didn't blinked taking in your afterglow, stroking the apple of your cheeks with the back of his knuckles, pecking your lips featherly murmuring sweet nothings he doesn't have guts to say to you when you are awake.

You all invited Harry's friends to have a breakfast at your guys home. Your living room was crowding with laughters and giggly chats as you flipped pancakes.

Everyone's head snapped at someone particular stepping inside the living room, they all smiled at her and she hugged Harry almost kissing him on his lips. You were busy inside reminiscing another story of you to Sarah of you playing poker with Harry and him loosing to you treating you with your favourite chocolates.

One of your friends came inside with pity eyes and when you questioned her with the the tilt of your head she shook her head smiling at you.

Your beaming grin vanished when your eyes fell over Harry with his arm slinged over a women with blonde hair and fuckin' beautiful you could've ever imagined.

"Meet y/n my bestfriend. We live together." He told her proudly and her smiled wavered into frustrated one.

"Hi." You greeted her shyly ignoring the fact you're hurting so bad, "c'mon have a seat." You ushered her gulping the cobweb of tears when she took your seat one beside Harry but you shrugged it off sitting along Mitch.

You gathered everyone here with the thought of you maybe sharing the idea that you should move out but now it's decided that you indeed's moving out. This's your jealousy and hurt all in one decision.

"Guys..." You cleared your throat voice as if nothing's happening to you replacing the haze in your irirses with playfullness.

When you got everyone's attention you announced "I'm moving out." making Harry choke on his waffles, "no the fuck you're not." He grunted as the girl he brought with him made him sip his water.

"We need to talk." He spoke curtly and everyone looked at both of you with curiosity. They all want you to be together so bad.

"Harry-" You hissed when he dragged you inside the kitchen like a child you pouted your lower lip craning your head not to look at him, "what the fuck you're talkin' you never discussed it before hand with me?"

"I think it's time for me to move out." You whispered bottom lip wobbling and he's connecting dots on your hasty decision, "not when I exist." He said smugly trapping you between the counter and him.

"Does it matter? Go back to your girl." You muttered pinching your nose and he stepped back looking at you as if you grew two heads.

He laughed loudly holding his sides bending and slamming the counter. "What." You murmured and he pointed at you shutting his eyes tight.

"You're jealous." You quickly smacked his arm saying in high pitch, "no. I'm not!!" You squealed surprisingly when he grabbed you harshly and everyone's ears outside perked up either thinking you guys are fighting or fucking.

He cupped your cheeks kissing you with amiablity that only lovers hold for eachother, murmuring with a whine inside your mouth with each nibble "but baby you're my girl."

You looked at him accusingly and he scrunches his nose at how adorable you're looking being angry at him, "you're always gonna be my baby even the mother of my babies." You scoffed not knowing if he's joking with you.

His eyes hooded with affection and he again cupped your neck tilting your chin to his level by his thumbs, "m'serious y/n. I love you so fuckin' much." You gasped loudly which was caught by his parted lips.

"You do?" You're feeling like it's a dream. "I do very much." He pecked your lips again and again making you sob at the same counter you sobbed when you first had him.

"I love you too." Harry's heart forget to breath when he heard those words in your sweetness and he pushed you closer to him murmuring in your hair, "say it again."

"I love you. Love you. Love you. Love-" But you were cut off when he kissed you deeply with a whine never letting you go.

He explained you that the new guest's just one of his friend's friends she forced them to hang out even though they protested and with him tucking you under his armpit you both stepped outside of kitchen.

"We're together." You announced loudly and all of the people at table rolled their eyes.

"You guys were from litreally two years." They teased you but after that showered you in hugs and kisses.

Life's good with Harry.

#harry styles blurb #cute harry #harry styles #imagines #bestfriend to lover #hsh #love #fluff #harry styles angst #angst with a happy ending #oneshots #harry angst #harry fluff #harry cute

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innuendostudios · 4 years ago

Text

Thoughts on... some funny games

[no spoilers to speak of]

Thoughts on Lair of the Clockwork God

The wisdom of the gaming cognoscenti insists that comedy is hard to do in video games. Having grown up with Monkey Island and Zork, I've never found this convincing. But one true thing is this: it's hard to write about comedic games. The ineffability of humor is hard enough to describe in less-interactive media; I can't even explain to my partner why Gretchen saying "I met January Jones once!" on You're the Worst busted me up, and they were sitting right next to me when she said it. Throw in the "you had to be there" nature of the player's active participation and I lose myself in a cornfield. The thing I found hilarious might come a beat to early for you, or not at all, or not be funny in text like it is in gameplay.

Why did I like Lair of the Clockwork God? It made me laugh.

The premise and particulars are a lot of "that could go either way." Ben and Dan - stars of Ben There, Dan That and Time Gentleman, Please! - have returned. Ben is still an adventure game star, but Dan has adopted platforming mechanics in an attempt to get with the times. So playing the game involves switching back and forth between a character who can leap across canyons but can't pick up items or talk to people, and one who can combine inventory but can't climb over a 3-pixel rock.

Does that sound potentially funny? Potentially grating? Yes to both!

The plot centers around our heroes trying to save the world from several simultaneous apocalypses and having to teach human emotions to a supercomputer in order to do so. (Don't ask.) These means, rather like Ben There, Dan That, traipsing through a number of fantasy worlds (read: computer simulations) until the correct emotion is provoked. This requires cross-genre cooperation: finding ways to get Ben to areas only Dan can access, getting Dan new power ups by combining objects in Ben's inventory (an act Dan insists on calling "crafting").

The best bits are at these intersections, when Dan's platforming is the puzzliest and Ben's puzzles take advantage of Dan's skills. Periodically the game gives you a Dan-centric platforming gauntlet the controls are NOT precise nor pleasant enough for, or a Ben-only moon logic puzzle that leaves you googling the walkthrough.

But I liked it! A lot. The genre-hopping seems to have invigorated the developers, Ben Ward and Dan Marshall. I discussed my favorite joke in Ben There, Dan That (in what is probably the least popular video I've ever made that wasn't asking for money), but was also dismayed that the game was never that clever again. But this one is, several times over! Progression here involves cheating your way to a better respawn zone, goofing around in game menus, exploiting "glitches," exiting out and loading up entirely other games. There is a lot of poking and prodding at what a game of this nature can or should be.

But, honestly? The only real selling point is... it was funny. The humor is as anarchic and metatextual as in previous titles, but it feels good-natured in a way BT,DT didn't. And there are, here and there, little bits of meat on its bones - the characters wondering if, as a couple thirtysomething white guys, the world hasn't left them behind, no longer comfortable with the juvenile humor of their youth but not really understanding the youth of today, but having not yet fully escaped the mentalities they used to hold. (There's an unspoken humor to Dan's idea of "modern" gameplay being 2D platforming mechanics, especially at a time when adventure games are significantly more popular than on his last outing; this is a good joke whether or not it's intentional.)

Also: this game contains the most poignant urinating-on-a-grave puzzle in gaming history, and you may quote me on that.

Having finished it months ago, I can't even remember what all the gags were that tickled me at the time. Comedy fades from memory faster than drama or frustration. Mostly I just remember having a good time.

Thoughts on The Darkside Detective

Here's a hook: sometime after the mayhem ends in Ghostbusters, The Exorcist, Evil Dead 2, or some other paranormal blockbuster that you watched over and over in the 90's until the VHS wore out, some overworked detective has to come into your town and piece together what the hell happened.

This is his story.

It's a good gag, and the devs wring every drop from it. Existing in a world where these things are commonplace and you have to fit them into some notion of "police procedure" is just funny. Like, it's one thing to have a running gag where you keep observing the moon in outdoor scenes, commenting, with increasing hostility, that its behavior is suspicious (it has been present at multiple crime scenes); it's a slightly different thing when, given the things you've encountered, the moon being the Big Bad is actually somewhat possible.

The game is divided into six main cases and three bonus DLC missions (which come included in the base game now, and the third of which is the proper ending/setup for the sequel). You are the cop tasked to deal with The Other Side - and, when The Other Side bleeds into our own world, its cops have to deal with you. You have a sidekick with a mental maturity of about 6, which I guess makes you the straight man. (You have to grade on a curve to find a straight man in this game.) And you solve tasks like rounding up escaped gremlins or finding an AWOL lake monster all juxtaposed with mundane problems like inter-office squabbles and having not bought your Christmas presents early enough. It's (pleasantly) lo-res and sparsely isolated, so the dialogue and premise do most of the work, but they are ably up to the task.

The gameplay... not so much. I'm an adventure game lifer, so I can put up with a lot of nonsense. It's mostly straightforward inventory puzzles and occasional minigames. Most of the puzzles are fine enough. As the cases progress, things get more involved, and the DLCs especially involve some awful moon logic. And the minigames are not above using that same jumping peg puzzle you've solved in a dozen other games already. So gameplay ranges from serviceable to irritating, but it mostly exists to string together funny lines and silly images. (Christmas mall elves being secretly in service to Krampus - that's the kind of thing we're talking about here.) You won't feel much guilt for opening up a walkthrough; the puzzles aren't why you're here.

The sequel has just been released, and both games are cheap, so check them out if you feel like smiling.

Thoughts on The Procession to Calvary

It's rare for a game to be hilarious to look at.

The Procession to Calvary takes its name from the Bruegel painting. It also takes all it's graphics from Renaissance oil paintings, and the designer delights in making famously rendered heroes and religious icons steal, stab, fart, and swear.

A strong Terry-Gilliam-with-After-Effects vibe is what we're describing.

You play as a lady knight from a war that's just ended, which sucks for you because, in this age of peace, you're no longer authorized to kill. And killing's, like, you're whole thing. But the one person your new, pacifist king wouldn't stop you from killing is the warlord you just deposed, who fled to the South. So you embark on a nonsensical journey to seek out the one human on Earth you are authorized to kill, because killing is just The. Best. Ever.

Of the three games we're discussing, this is the most overtly cheeky, and, at times, the most scatological. I could've done with a bit less scatology, if I'm being honest, but the cheekiness is very winning. As with Lair of the Clockwork God, a lot of jokes could go either way - a field of people being tortured and a woman on a blanket selling commemorative torture merch could be painfully try-hard. But something about the victims being seemingly everyone ever crucified or broken on the wheel in a famous painting, and having them writhe on their crosses in a way that is both gruesome and goofy, and having a cacophonous soundtrack of their screams and moans that you will now imagine every time you look at one of those elegantly elegiac paintings from now on... it works. That the music score is being played by an extremely jaunty piper who dances behind you just out of sword's reach as you traverse the field pushes it over the top.

Oh, and the puzzles, while never hair-pullingly obtuse, will leave you stumped at times. Push past that to get the proper ending, but, if you're sick of trying, you can, at any point, just start stabbing your way through problems. Which, again: it takes a very deft touch to make "protagonist resorts to violence" actually funny rather than lazy and obvious. And maybe, in another game, the perfect timing of every animation, the clever quips, the careful contrast of cathedrals and high-society music halls with gleeful sword-swinging wouldn't be enough. But something about it being frickin' Renaissance paintings carries it the last mile.

This is probably the basest game of the three, but it's also the one that made me giggle the most. Having a BFA that required several art history classes may have something to do with it. But check this thing out.

#capsule review #darkside detective #lair of the clockwork god #procession to calvary

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coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe · 3 years ago

Text

Inside Jokes and References in the Full Bios

Mainly for @spacelizardtrashboys and @kuruumiya

Also: Any time strikethrough text is used it's because it's meant to be secret information, for example on the small bios any time 'Lucifarian' truly isn't their last name their is strikethrough test after saying that it's not their real name. This is to say that no matter what is written or if it's strikethrough text or not, it is there for a reason.

Damien - Bio In-Jokes and References:

The Quote for him refers back to his 'King of Hell' gimmick, as does his middle name, Rex means king.

He's protective, like a dad, but also way too overprotective over the gimmicks for the girls. He's an old, old school guy so he enjoys card games with the boys.

He's supposed to sound like a young Hugh Laurie, mainly because if I heard a young Hugh Laurie say Damien's bio quote I wouldn't be able to take him seriously.

His main finisher (Seventh Circle) refers back to (a) him being the king of hell and (b) the seventh circle is for violence, and well, he's a wrestler, that's a pretty violent job.

He calls fans both 'peasants' and his 'loyal subjects' because he's like an asshole-ish king who'd quickly be dethroned if they rebelled.

Vickie - Bio In-Jokes and References:

The Quote for her refers back to her gimmick along with the old saying 'pride comes before the fall'.

She's called 'Victoria' because of both (a) it meaning victory and (b) the fact that Queen Victoria ruled back when Britain had an empire, then the empire fell (as in pride [Vickie] before a fall)

Both Her and Damien are born in August and are the only two to share a birth month as they are Father and Daughter (non-kayfabe, as in they share DNA)

She's raised Christian as back when she was growing up England was a lot more Christian than when she became an adult so she got lax in her beliefs

Her personality is supposed to make her come across as a vain, rich, arse of a person, yet deep down she's still redeemable, she's got a long way to go before she actually redeems herself though

She's the type of person who makes sure EVERY little detail of her matches and promos are PERFECT to the point that she will control what other people do or say, down to the moment it's said/done and the way it's said/done

She only likes the other D.O.D (Daughters of Darkness) members because she has only made enemies in the short while they've been in the company, she especially dislikes George 'The Animal' Steele because of his very messy style going against her 'everything should be perfect' views

She's the leader, the brain and the mouth because of her control over the group, if she let them have more control, there might be less arguments about her amount of control

Her named moves are also references to both her gimmick and other things. Beheader is named because of the Tudor monarchs of England having kind of a thing for killing people in this way (ex. Henry VIII).

Lineage Ender is named that because if she ever botches that one specific move (it'll make sense in context/ she does it during a training scene) it could end either her own Lineage or the person she's doing it to.

Lion's den is called that because she traps them in a near-inescapable crucifix pin, and normally if someone goes into a den of Lions, they aren't escaping in one piece.

Family Pride is named that because not only is her gimmick the sin of pride, but she's got pride in her family and she's her dad's 'pride and joy' because she's his only child.

Wish for this (her main finishing move) is called that because it's an inside joke of "you're gonna 'wish for this' to be over soon"

As she's Damien's blood daughter, a 'prodigal son' joke seemed somewhat appropriate.

Billie - Bio In-Jokes and References:

Her quote is a reference to the Guerreros and the whole 'Latin lover' trope

She was born in February because of Valentine's day, hence why her birthday is two days before the 14th

She's 1/2 Cuban (just in general - both Mexican and Cuban culture is interesting to me) But she's 1/2 Cuban in case I ever need to write for Razor Ramon, I can get away with making the joke of 'my Cuban accent's better than yours'.

Her casual style is 'Suggestive' because how else is Lust supposed to dress.

She dislikes Hulk Hogan because she finds him incredibly annoying and she dislikes Jesse Ventura because she dislikes his fashion choices.

I imagine her uncle Hugo looks like Luis Guzman and her dad's like Raul Julia. Try to imagine those two wrestling as a luchador tag team.

Her mother was basically a valet to her dad, which was usually Billie's role before she was part of the D.O.D.

Her move name references are all song references: Love me Tender - Elvis' song of the same name, Personal Aphrodite - a reference to / joke on 'Personal Jesus', Sexual Healing - Marvin Gaye's song of the same name.

Also, I hope to eventually use the joke 'The Babe, the babe with the power,' 'What power?' 'Power of voodoo' 'Who do?' 'You do' 'Do what?' 'Remind me of the babe' because of one of her commentary nicknames being 'The Babe'

P.G - Bio In-Jokes and References:

Her quote is in reference to her being greed and (right at the start of the story) her thoughts on money actually being able to buy her happiness

her surname 'Voronin' means crow, and well, crows like shiny things, like money

she wears 'fancy but simple' clothing because if she bought designer clothes she'd be in debt, but she still wants to look like she has more money than everyone else

she's cowardly in a Jimmy Hart way, she'll piss someone off during a promo and run away once she feels like she's in danger

she's a showman because she's more show than work, meaning she works exceptionally quick matches.

Her moves are basically jokes on the fact that she is greed, such as Gold-digger and Diamond Ring. However, Money Maker is also a joke on the fact that it's a facebuster and usually an actor's face is called their 'money maker'

She hates Hulk Hogan and Sgt slaughter because of how patriotic they are

Kirby - Bio In-Jokes and References:

Her quote is a reference to (a) the fact that she's Gluttony, (b) her being the only one who wears a mask constantly and (c) her basically being the group's scare tactic against people who think they can push them around.

I am planning on eventually making her a part of the machines, maybe as a valet, maybe as a wrestler, not 100% sure as of right now

Her mother is the Norwegian-Scottish one and her father is the Irish-Welsh one

She is the tallest (not the heaviest, that's Damien) but she's still 9 inches shorter than André.

She's willing to bleed hardway, but hates blading

She hates Big John Studd because of his disrespect, she hates Hulk Hogan because she thinks he's obnoxiously 'American', she dislikes Lord Alfred Hayes and Dynamite Kid because they are so insistent on calling her '1/4 Icelandic' whenever she talks about being 1/4 Norwegian. She hates Brutus Beefcake because he's just 'so, so much' energy-wise.

She's always been tall, always shorter than André though, she was 5'6" when she was 12, which is still taller than Sam, P.G and Eli.

Kirby's the best at using folk tales and mythology references in her promos and still keeping them dark and scary.

Her speaking voice is Jessica Hynes, but I imagine her singing voice (which will be important later) to be that of Deee-lite's Lady Miss Kier. On that note, I will be putting up a post on this part of the fic's canon.

Feeding Frenzy is meant to look similar to Roddy's wild punches, hence the 'frenzy' part of the name.

Organ grinder is named because it's meant to look really hard (like she's putting all her force and weight into it) as if she's grinding her opponents organs

Hungry for Blood is an in-joke of during her toughest matches she seems hungry to give the fans the sight of blood

Consummation is a joke of 'the match will soon be over, the match will soon be concluded, or consummated' not the sex-based meaning of that word.

Number of the beast, which is 666, is a reference to the 619, and is a modified 619 basically.

Vampire's Bite is a reference to her sitout jawbreaker looking like she could possibly bite someone's neck, like a vampire, as she performs the move

I didn't want to call her chops, chops, so I made a joke of 'oh it's chopping, like a butcher's knife'

Overfeeding is another basic gluttony reference. Cheshire Grin is a facelock-based joke. Let Them Eat Cake is a butt=cake joke

The ogress is a thinly-veiled way of the commentary team calling her ugly, because why else would she be the only one in a mask

Holly - Bio In-Jokes and References:

Her quote is written that way because I always wanted her to sound like she comes from New Jersey

She's very cuddly towards the rest of the D.O.D and thus gets called a teddy bear by the others

She's Pansexual because she doesn't care what your gender is, she loves people just being themselves

She's the only ginger because I've never seen a ginger wrestler from New Jersey

She was raised Catholic but lost her faith upon realising how bad gay people are treated by the church (Holly literally just goes "Y'all it is 1984, how are y'all gonna reject people based on who they love?")

Holly's very much the person who'll ask permission to cut a promo on someone but won't tell them how harsh she's going to be

She's the group's mom friend (mum friend?)

Before she started travelling with another member of the group (Holly travels with Sam a lot) she would accidentally no-show events

She does accidentally give incredibly stiff shots

Holly likes Gorilla Monsoon because their friendship is very much a weird pseudo-dad-daughter friendship, so basically, she's using him as her new dad

Her voice is Angie Harmon because I think Harmon sounds like a badass from New Jersey

Naptime, Dirt Nap and Lullaby are jokes of 'I'm gonna knock you out'

Eli - Bio In-Jokes and References:

Her quote is a joke of 'this is why she doesn't do a lot of promos'

She's the most likely to be on one of those 'too hot for TV' blooper reels from her promos

Both she and Sam hate people taller than them

Sam - Bio In-Jokes and References:

Her quote is a reference to the fact that her tattoos are her 'masterpiece'

she dresses athletically because she's always ready for a fight, especially because she's usually the one picking fights

She likes Lou because he's like a crazy uncle to her and she likes George Steele because, unlike Vickie, she likes the wild man side of his gimmick

She's voiced by Melissa Etheridge because she's still feminine but is the most masculine sounding

#Lucifarians #Wrestling Family #wrestling fic #original character

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ma-gic-gay · 4 years ago

Note

Knock Before Entering

If Chase had simply knocked before he went in that room, there would be nowhere near as much awkward tension right now between the three of them.

But alas, he hadn't knocked and they were all in an uncomfortable position.

Let's set the scene: Just an hour ago, Michael and Willow had made their marriage official. In Wiley's playroom they were supposed to be painting stars on the ceiling in so their son could have stars to see when he was an astronaut. He was going to be one when he grew up and so they had begun painting them when the annulment papers had came in.

Instead of annulling their marriage, however, they'd finally said everything they felt about each other to each other- and acted on it. Several times.

They'd decided to go again and were making out like fifteen year olds when Chase barged into the room.

The mood had never been killed quicker.

Glaring at Chase, Michael and Willow threw on their shirts and tried to look somewhat presentable as Chase was standing there awkwardly, looking at everything but the sight in front of him. Willow blushes a deep red color, more embarrassed than upset. For her especially, this is an awkward situation.

When everyone's fully dressed, she excuses herself to go find Wiley. As she leaves, Michael's glare returns, as well as his bulging neck veins. "You wanna explain what you're doing here right now?"

"Brook Lynn and I made a deal where if she and Ned talked, I'd talk to Willow," Chase explains, clearly digging himself deeper and deeper into the hole he's created.

"Why are you and Brook Lynn making deals? And what do you have to say to Willow?" Michael asks.

"We're friends. For God's sakes, she's living on my couch! So, since we both have things we don't want to do but should, we made this deal. She tries to work things out with her dad and I tell her how I feel."

Confused, Michael asks, "What do you feel for my cousin that involves Willow?"

"No, not Brook Lynn. She's great, and very interesting, but I don't feel that way about her. We're just friends, nothing more. The deal was I tell Willow what I feel for her. Willow, she told me you two were getting an annulment so I thought it was my final chance to tell her how I feel about her."

Taking a deep breath, Michael asks, "And what do you feel for my wife, Chase? Please, tell me. I'm dying to know. I'm dying to know how you feel about her."

Chase can sense the anger in his tone as he says, "I love her. I-I know what you two-"

"You cheated on her with Sasha. The two of you broke our hearts when you did that, and I don't think you can say you love her if you can have an affair. I get that your conscience might not have let you date Sasha afterwards, but you still managed to cheat on her while you were supposedly in love with her. It's been months Chase, months since the affair," Michael reminds him. "So don't tell me you love her when you broke her heart and didn't care about that. Don't you dare do that."

"I didn't have an affair with Sasha! We faked it for the custody case, so you two would get married and keep Wiley safe from Janelle and her manipulations," Chase exclaims loudly.

Suddenly, everything comes to a halting stop. How loud was he, could Willow hear? Could Brook Lynn hear? What had he just said? The affair was fake?

Willow walks back into the room, confused. "What did you just say?"

"Willow, I love you. Sasha and I never cheated on you and Michael, we made up the affair because you two needed to get married for Wiley's sake. Now that you're getting annulled, I thought this would be my last chance to tell you that I love you and I don't know if I'll ever stop loving you. I need you to know that I still love you." The look on Chase's face is one of anxiety, but it's obvious he's telling the truth.

"You two were making out on a couch! That's still cheating, you just didn't have sex. Do you want an award? Some applause? Chase, you broke my heart. You broke Michael's heart. I've moved on and I don't love you anymore. It's best you move on too," Willow explains to him.

Brook Lynn opens the door, seeing the three of them in an awkward conversation. "We heard yelling from Chase and it was decided I'd be the best to come up here and figure out what's happening."

Angry, hurt, and annoyed, Chase kisses the Quartermaine girl intensely. Is he using her? Only slightly. The kiss feels right though, and so they pull away moments later breathless. Neither were expecting that to be... That. For a first kiss, it was a solid 10/10.

Anger fuels through Michael as his cousin actually kisses him back. "What the fuck are you two doing? Chase, you love Willow but somehow you're making out with her? You can't make a decision for the life of yourself. When you chose to play god with all of our lives, you knew what you were doing. And now you don't want to deal with the consequences of your own actions."

"Michael! I'm an adult, I can take care of myself. Look, I'm fine, alright? That was the first time him and I did that," Brook Lynn reassures him and his breathing calms slightly.

There's a pause before Michael's anger at Chase continues to spew, uncontrollable. "I can't believe you! Saying you're in love with my wife one minute and the next you're making out with my cousin. Brook Lynn, I trust you can take care of yourself, and I trust you told the truth. But Chase, how can you do that? How can you break someone's heart and then say, months later, that you love her? Tell me, please. I'm begging to know. Maybe I can break someone's heart who doesn't deserve it like you did!'"

"Look, let's all take a deep breath before we do anything we're going to regret," Willow suggests, bringing Michael back to reality: they're still in the playroom, trying to solve a problem. With annulment papers conveniently somewhere around here if they so choose to get them and sign.

After that momentarily breather for everyone, Chase says, "I do love Willow, and I think you might love Sasha still, Michael. Things could go-"

As he says that, Michael can't hold back and, neck veins bulging, punches Chase. It's a good punch, one Jason taught him to throw years ago. There are perks to having your mother's best friend being a hitman and your father being in the mob, and one is punching lessons. Well, really more self defense lessons, but still. It's a perk to growing up in dysfunction.

Chase and him fist fight for several minutes to the protests of Willow and Brook Lynn, who both were trying to stop it. But alas, nothing can stop two angry men from fist fighting each other like 12 year olds over an XBOX.

They finally stop the fight, both having taken good punches and thrown good ones. Fury burns in Chase's eyes as shame fills Michael. He let his temper get the best of him and this happened. "Look man, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have thrown that punch and started that-"

The detective throws another punch, this time leaving a bloody lip. "Damn right you shouldn't have. But now, you're going to be arrested for assault."

"You do not want to arrest him. Arrest me," Brook Lynn suggests.

"As much as I'd like to, Brook Lynn, you don't have any grounds for arrest at the moment and he does," Chase reminds her.

"Chase, please don't do this. At the very least, let me take care of his bloody lip," Willow begs and Dante walks into the room.

Whistling, Dante says, "What the fuck happened in here? It smells like sex and Michael's got a bloody lip and Chase has what looks like a bruised forehead. Is this some weird sex thing I don't know about because if so I feel like it's illegal."

"Do not start that conversation or there will be more blood," Brook Lynn warns him. "But currently all I know is Chase told Willow how he feels and Michael punched him when he said that she still loved him and he still loved Sasha. But I'm guessing that the sex thing came from Michael and Willow, so I'm pretty sure that's actually encouraged in most religions. Also Chase made out with me."

"How much did I miss? But Detective, arresting him is a shoddy at best move. Trust me, I was with the police department for a while." Dante chuckles.

"Thank you for your input Dante, but I'm going to go and bring Michael to the station," Chase says before reciting the Miranda rights to him. "If you don't want him to be in jail tonight, I suggest you go to the police station."

"I feel like this is harassment and that that's how the commissioner will see this as well," Dante informs him.

But the protests of his family don't have any meaning as Chase handcuffs him and he's dragged out to the police car, absolutely silent while everyone sees him being arrested by his former best friend.

An hour later, Diane's there and clearly displeased with him. "Michael. I would expect this behavior from, say, Jason or Carly. They've actually both been in a situation like this at one point. Irony's a beautiful thing. That's not the point. You are supposed to be the good one! Not the one fist fighting people with no real reason except you're mad they're in love with your wife!"

"I know, I know. I overreacted to it and I'm sorry for that and I let my anger get the best of me which I shouldn't have and I feel like hell but it was so great finally punching him. But, in my defense, he also said false things that we'd already said we're false and made out with Brook Lynn after insisting they were just friends. And he gave me a bloody lip, so I'd say we're even," Michael struggles to defend himself. "Is it still bloody?"

"Yes, it's still bleeding. Carly, Sonny, and Jason have been made aware you're here, and I'm sure that you and Chase have very different sides to the story but, provided he drops the charges, you'll be let free. If he doesn't, someone will need to post bail money for you and this petty case will be taken to court."

Chase walks back into the interrogation room. "Michael, I think we can make an agreement. I'll drop the charges if you and Willow get annulled."

Diane steps in, chuckling. "This form of agreement seems harassing, as does the proposition in question. Detective, I understand you decided to arrest him on the grounds of assault but a jury or the commissioner will just see this as you harassing my client. Additionally, the annulment papers were received by them today."

"Diane, we're not getting annulled. We, uh, we decided we're staying together. Chase, he walked in when we were making out and then told us he'd lied about the affair and that he still loves Willow and so Brook Lynn came upstairs to figure out what was happening and he made out with her and I asked him how he could do that and he insinuated several things about my love life so I punched him, not hard, and he fought back so we had a minor fist fight and then I apologized for throwing the first punch because that wasn't smart or productive and he gave me a cat lip," Michael explains.

"Detective, I strongly advise you stop harassing Mr. Corinthos here because that's what it looks like to me. Willow can make her own decisions, that's her choice who she wants to be with. She is not to be sold as property."

Chase, exhaling, says, "You're right. I shouldn't have arrested him in the first place, and I'll drop the charges, but someone does still need to bail him out."

"What is bail set at?" Diane asks, smiling.

"$500. I'll alert his family, which is loudly congregated out there," Chase says, standing up from the table.

"Thank you," Michael smiles.

As Chase leaves, Diane's smirk widens. "What's this I hear about no annulment? Did your grounds for it become, how shall I say this, void?"

"Well, the Quartermaine's already know, why not you. Yes, we did decide not to get annulled. It isn't something either of us want, so sorry for wasting your time."

"It's your private life so I'm not going to dig into it, Michael, but for what it's worth, I wish you and Willow the best on your marriage. Trust me, she's probably the only woman who both of your families will agree is good for you and who can deal with the chaos that is your life."

"Thanks, I think," Michael chuckles as she leaves and he finds out his bail has been posted and gets uncuffed.

He walks out of the room, embarrassed but fine minus the bloody lip, and sees that there's a good fifteen people out there for him; Carly, who's pacing and talking to Jason very loudly, Jason, who's remind her they're at a police station, Willow, who's trying to just ignore the situation, Brook Lynn, who's harassing Chase about how he acted, Dante, who's smirking about everything that's happened, Wiley, who clearly isn't comfortable with this situation, Sonny, who's just scrolling through his phone, Diane, who's discussing something with a disinterested Sonny. Dysfunction at it's finest.

Willow looks up and sees he's there and runs up to hug her husband. "You're okay? Your lip's not bleeding, but are you sure you're okay and we don't need to go to the hospital right now to get you checked out?"

Chuckling, Michael says, "Willow. Look at me. I am fine. Trust me, I've been through worse than my busted lip and soreness. You have absolutely no reason to worry."

"You were arrested! For punching him over me! I feel like there was plenty of reason for me to worry and be upset," she smiles.

"Well, I promise you, I am fine and don't need to go to the hospital. Your overreaction is, though adorable, unnecessary right now. I'm fine, Wiley's fine, you're fine, and that's all that matters," Michael assures her.

Smiling, she quickly kisses him which is convenient seen by everyone there. "Promise on your life?"

"That's a bit extreme."

"Then you're going to the hospital," she declares as Carly and the adults are laughing. "What's so funny?"

"How casually you two just kissed. Yesterday, you were getting an annulment and today there's this. We clearly need to be caught up on what happened. Besides, your concern is just so much like a wife, you two really are married now," Carly laughs.

"I'm still making him get checked out at the hospital. Would any of you like to join me?" Willow asks, earning another chuckle from them.

"Sure, why not?" Dante chuckles as the rest of them minus Brook Lynn agree to join; she's doing a thing she does where she just stares blankly while you talk so you can't see her emotion with Chase.

"You are way too worried about me," Michael protests.

"You wouldn't swear on your life."

"You're lucky you're my wife."

"I am," she agrees as they walk out, him kissing her forehead. "And you're lucky I'm your wife."

"That I most certainly am."

wsdfgbhnjm words

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violetsystems · 3 years ago

Text

#personal

I'm drinking a coffee from Kenya this morning a little earlier than normal. My cat keeps waking me up trying to take down the curtains in the bedroom. I've both not been sleeping well and trying to detach from a defunct work schedule. My health insurance coverage with my previous employer is now ending. I had planned on jumping on the ACA if I was unable to find work and executed that transition perfectly. I didn't really think after eighteen months I'd be in this situation. Everything was timed so nicely for the establishment. My birthday is next month. I will celebrate it alone like I always do. The workers at my old job won their right to bargain for a union contract. I can't help but not really give two shits about it to be truthful. I was middle management which would have left me in a more hostile situation than I was in. I've been living off a pension looking for other work in a market that is both punishing and full of itself. I do my best trying to interact with people on different mediums. Tumblr has been the most fulfilling emotionally and this is where my kind of people take shelter. LinkedIn isn't all that bad if you posture yourself hyper professionally. I often find this is not what companies are looking for these days. They are looking for followers in their consumer cults mostly. Bodies to prop up invisible ecosystems of shares, ipo's, 401k's, and whatever other candy they dangle instead of a competitive salary Predator 2 style. I had a lot of cushioning from the CARES act and a pension. This was probably why I was axed in the first place. Nobody wants middle management or anyone with a huge red line of a pension on their books. The government, the Fed and the pandemic gave them the perfect alibi and cover. And nobody on the labor side thought I was worth anything more than to drop dead rats on my property and inflatable ones in front of businesses we'd like to have in our neighborhood. Particularly the felafel place. I am both very bitter and completely over it. Or at least completely divorced after the COBRA expires and I move on to single payer fuck me harder in the wallet health care in America. The last overture I had with employable work I was scammed by a property company from Finland on LinkedIn called YIT. This was before the market crash and whatever else was going on. I have always had this sneaking suspicion that people were actively trying to fuck up my finances and try to get me to drain my liquidity. I drank the koolaid thinking that it was the adult thing to do putting my money back into the market. And for the most part I've learned a very valuable lesson about money in America. It's worth what rich people want it to be at the time most convenient to them. I've been out of pocket just the same without carrying any debt. Rich people don't like when you don't go into debt. Credit makes more money. Interest rates for the last couple of years have been like the aforementioned city hunter in post truth LA. "Want some candy?" I paid off a lot of credit over the years of Yellen at the fed. 51k of it. Not student loan interest. Bleed you dry and keep you in poverty interest. Eighteen months of being dehumanized and humiliated in the job market but debt free, everybody wants to throw it all away for the summer anyway. The great resignation. A great tagline to pass the blame back on the worker. Of which for some reason I'm not so I'm now the enemy.

America is good at pointing the finger and deflecting the blame. Just ask the CIA I guess. Central Intelligence doesn't really belong in my hood but neither do the cartels, gun violence, white nationalists and proud boy domestic terrorists. What else would the CIA do for work during COVID? I actually have seen jobs that I may be a candidate for posted for these organizations I joke about. I wouldn't want to work for an employer that can't be bothered to fix shit i.e. my own government. I wouldn't qualify by their bullshit standards anyway. They just create more problems in our neighborhood. Same goes for the FBI. Everything has tumbled into a real world reality shit show overlayed by geocaches, social metrics, surveillance capitalism and little respect for anyone's constitutional rights. And yet life goes on haphazardly. I often talk about my fears here to maintain a narrative. You can play a game in the real world by asking people about me in passing. Some people probably will pretend I don't exist. Some people will claim I'm dead. Other people will say that I'm mean and a spy for China or North Korea. Some people will just awkwardly change the subject. As I've grown older and less self conscious about it all, I've realized people will just say shit to sound important. They'll talk shit about you because they're deeply afraid of life. They want a boogeyman. And I haven't been able to help thinking lately that I'm more of a specter than people give me credit. I've spent way too many hours bitching to myself in my kitchen trying to figure out the logic of these people. There is none. For the most part, people who stare and spy every chance that they get are either bored, paranoid, or mentally ill. And the plague has silently whittled away at everyone's tolerance for loneliness. I've always been an only child. As I've grown older I've tried my own patience on self reliance. But being independent for the most part has been a multifaceted thing. I had a steady job for twenty years and the majority of it I was in debt. They call it "lifestyle creep." There's another one all the cool kid coked out brokers use called "Misery Index". That's an economic indicator of how the average citizen is suffering monetarily. This is America's zero sum game in capitalism. Winner take all and loser suffers miserably and enjoys finger pointing and blame. Sure my net wealth shrunk horribly in the last six months while I watching the Fed and corporate America play footsie under the table. They never intended to give any of it back. Their end goal is to trap people in the American Dream and charge them interest. It doesn't matter if you are talented. It only matters what you are connected to on paper. Because America has it's own debts to pay and it's own secret cabal to reward at the expense of your civil rights.

The real price America paid in the last eighteen months is authentic culture. Every conversation is a prerecorded sales pitch instead of a poetic observation about the world. "Did you see last night's episode of the walking dead?" Motherfucker I live it. I turn off the tv and hear gunshots just the same. I have never felt more insignificant in the real world. Which explains why people have been tunneling back down here. No one wants to face the reality of what jail is really like. They want to rattle the cage like an animal and snarl. I have been snarling back just the same. I've been a lot meaner over time. There's a point where you push me and I go stealth mode apeshit. And then there's a point where I've give up caring whether or not you feel offended by me facing off to your typical organized passive aggressive social justice Lynch mob. Both sides of these arguments feed off each other in a public display of affection. If you get caught in the crossfire people blame you for not picking a side. I've been here forever. I have more than one thing that could possibly be seen as valuable to society. And yet I'm simply just ghosted. People's negativity simply passes over me when I say something thoughtful in the chat in UK Parliament or the holocaust memorial. This is really what I do. I try to be seen in places where it would actually matter. Instead of protest I offer support. I offer solutions instead of complaints. And sometimes when I run out of solutions I simply assert myself and take no shit. The lasting effect of holding your ground is a mob like defense from the peanut gallery. They get sneakier. More guerilla. They get nasty. And I get punishing, indignant and vengeful. It's a constant cycle at play in Chicago of psychological bullying and anti individualism. A little less so than in some parts of America. And a little less financially exclusive at that. Chicago does have a lot of activism however misguided it can be. It's passion is something I'm familiar with as it's drained all of mine from me to a point where I have nothing left to hope for here. Whenever the world wakes up and realizes that I'm still worth something both on paper and inside where it counts, I'll have some time to enjoy being happy. I'm not happy at all right now. I don't think anyone should get away with making me any unhappier without retaliation from this day forward. That's just me being real. Whether or not things will work out is not something I care to rot away with. The price of how much these people have hurt me has no cash surrenderable value at this point. I wouldn't trade any of it for the true friends on here that I have met along the way. <3 Tim

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adjacent-thoughts · 3 years ago

Text

Am I trapped?

Probably not, but it feels that way. I've been in pandemic isolation with my girlfriend for 2 years. She's emotionally abusive. So almost every day I've had some verbal slap out of the blue or little killing of joy to contend with. And you know what? It did kill my joy. I am very very depressed. Not all at once. But I warned her, I wouldn't just sit on my happiness any chance you get – you need that. I buoy us both up. But she didn't listen, and now it is gone.

I don't know if she's the kind of person who can change. She may be so shame-filled that she feels she just has to defend that insecure core to the death. Spiritual people can be humble. She is not spiritual, or at least – I have rarely seen her be spiritual.

I am exhausted. I had a notion maybe at some time that this may be killing me. It may be. My thyroid broke during the pandemic. I gained 40 pounds. And then I couldn't stop bleeding. The bleeding went on for 6 months until my iron stores were depleted. Finally my doctor gave me heavy dose progesterone to stop my cycle all together. The progesterone is contributing to the depression.

Days are not productive. If I had privacy, I might be able to retain some shred of light. But my girlfriend eats it, she eats joy. I had a beautiful dream the other morning and I knew not to tell her. Privacy.

Why don't I leave? Money. In short: money. There is no long answer, the answer is money. Rent is sky high here, where it's not, it's not safe. And I don't have a job. I'm disabled. I know so many other people are in abusive situations where they're dependent. Situations in which it feels impossible to leave. The toll on your self esteem in these circumstances is devastating. Devastating.

Because what the fuck am I doing to myself? I've done all this work healing my inner child, only to subject myself to this? This is the best I could do? It is. And it's no surprise. This is my first time out. My first time living longterm with a partner. I went toward what is familiar. And she is abusive. She doesn't think she is, most abusers don't. They don't set out to define themselves that way. And yet the evidence is in the harm.

I can't sleep at night. I haven't been able to since I've been living with her. I try to, but then she does something emotionally disruptive — and I just can't calm down.

It hurts so much. I keep dreaming I'm hooking up with Fran Lebowitz. I want to get away.

I dreamt my girlfriend was wearing one of my swimsuits and even with the pads in the cups you could tell she was completely flat, had no breasts. No compassion.

I've been living alone for the last 2 years of lockdown with someone with no compassion. I'm forgetting what it feels like to have people care about me.

i fantasize. I fantasize about escape. I don't have much money. But maybe I have enough to get away if I had to. I worry that I'll just be a casualty. That I'll just be bad luck. That my best days are over. That somehow I will let this lady kill me. That I will let her have my life.

That idea terrifies me. She doesn't deserve my life. She hasn't earned it. She's weak. She's not worthy of me. I am miraculous. I have come far. I am magic. She doesn't know me. Can't touch me. Looks slack-jawed in awe.

I will go one day and she will never know who was with her. She will never know who was with her. The glimmer of my dust around the house may touch her, but I don't think she'll ever change.

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whatayrablogs · 3 years ago

Text

As someone with ADHD, one of the solutions given to me in regulating my mood and behavior was to have some sense of routine and organization in my life, as recommended by my therapist.

I've been doing some "big girl" things upon entering this year unintentionally. I'm not the type of person to plan things but it was nice seeing my planner full of ticked checkboxes of some important adult stuff. I think it was just the by-product of having things in order.

When you have a routine, you get more freedom... as ironic as it sounds. You set boundaries to the hours you spend working, so you have more time to enjoy the things after work hours. You control your finances, so you have more to spend on the things that you want and enjoy.

Freedom doesn't mean you have absolute control over the things that you wanna do, buy the things that you wanna buy. It means learning how to prioritize, and in return, harvesting the by-product of those well-thought decisions.

I'm not some life guru or something but the way I see it now, It's all a matter of organizing your time and resources, learning that there will always be struggles but these struggles should not be feared but be accepted that such is part of life. When you think of your work as a form of punishment and you wish you were doing something else, then all the time that you spent with your work will be a living hell.

If you live your life from paycheck to paycheck, thinking about the next thing that you're going to spend your money because you think you deserve it till you have nothing left again and wait for your next paycheck, then you will be stuck with that kind of life. I'm not saying that pampering yourself is bad. But I think we should learn how to distinguish what constitutes self-care and self-love because it's not just having the next salon visit, buying the next new shiny gadget, or jumping on the next plane ride to get that insta-worthy shot of drinking coconut with a group of digital nomads.

We have to understand that self-care can be so ugly and most of the time, not very presentable to the world. It is forcing yourself to wake up at a scheduled time so you can work out. It is making a spreadsheet of your expenses so you can monitor how much you're saving. It is getting that insurance policy and allocating money to pay for it or doing your taxes and paying it on time.

It is constantly finding ways of accepting yourself and fighting the urge to be critical so that you’re not continuously finding ways how to fit yourself into what society keeps on telling you to be and to do. It is often sitting down and rationalizing your failures and mistakes, what you have done wrong and what you can do to not make it again, and not just lie down and feel sorry for yourself and your situation all the time.

It is spending a few hours improving your skills that you can use at work instead of going out because you think you deserve a break. I mean, you do but let us not confuse consumerism and social media pressure with actual self-care. Let us not justify breaking ourselves through drinking or pure procrastination and self indulge in things mandated by social media and place it in the category of wellness. You do not need to fly to the Maldives or live in sunny Singapore as a digital nomad to feel fulfilled when your wallet is bleeding.

I’m far from all of these. In fact, I still have a hard time most days following a strict sleeping schedule. And it fucks up most of my working days. (Ask OJ, he gets the burden of waking me up on my mid-shift nap lol) but I try my best to prioritize things and be disciplined in following my routine. And I fail some days but looking back, with the “adulting” accomplishments that I’ve done for the past few months, and the things that I can enjoy on the weekend and off-work hours, I must be doing something right.

And to be honest, I don’t think I ever want a life of not doing anything or not being responsible for anything. That would probably make anyone unfulfilled and lost, don’t you think?

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sheerioswifties · 7 years ago

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❤

So first, a couple things I wanted to say/address. Which, some things are brought up in asks and maybe I'll elaborate on those more but so just a couple things I'm rambling about-

1. I had a rough few days on top of a rough time in general but it got worse, I've got serious medical issues that I don't really like to discuss in detail but everything is progressive and so I got more/new bad news that just really hurt and made me angry and upset and I snapped a little but it's never directed at anyone just fyi it's just me being angry with the world and hitting my tolerance threshold of dealing with this stuff. But I'm trying to not ever let it bleed onto this blog cos I really wanna keep this a fun positive happy space so I'm truly very sorry for messing that up a bit...

2. I posted a little about jealousy/envy over not being able to get merch etc. First of all those kind of posts are always in jest, I'm so happy for everyone and the fun things they get. Like I know I made a comment I shouldn't have about rich kids getting all the merch and multiple tickets etc and that "that's nice my family threw me out but whatever"; I shouldn't have said any of that it came out wrong. I'm so happy for those kids especially that they have a loving family that supports their fanning by getting them those things and taking them to shows. That's the dream. I think it just reminded me about my messed up story which again I don't wanna get into negativity on here but to try to explain in short: my mom was/is abusive; my dad would always try to fix the things she did (that he knew about)and he was always there for me...then he died and everything changed. My mom tossed me aside because of being sick, she didn't want to deal with it, the "burden" (even though I asked nothing of her), she wanted to bring in her parents instead because they would pay to renovate her house so she could sell it at a huge profit, combine that money with my dad's life insurance, and run off to South America to live in some giant love nest she'd set up with the guy she'd been cheating on my dying-of-cancer dad with. Yeah. And that's the tip of the iceberg.

Anyways. I think I actually get salty sometimes about seeing merch and stuff because; if I didn't have my health problems, I would be able to get some of those things... I could get tickets to multiple shows, I could buy tickets for fellow Swifties who couldn't get them (and I was planning on getting them for my best friend and her daughter so she could go to her very first concert, and another one for a certain person here but then I got a huge unexpected medical bill and that just broke my heart) and the VIP box/experience, but I can't because every month SO much/all my money goes to medical stuff and it gets worse every new year. I mean JUST the infusion I have to get every month in itself could pay for everything in the merch store plus VIP snake pit tickets, etc. I get mad because I'm still young and every minute that ticks by I feel the burn, the grief of what I'm losing. I've lost my young years. I lost being able to do so many active things I used to LOVE to do. I'm losing more every day. Many times it's a challenge just to get out. Going to a concert is a big deal. And since its a rarity I really wanted to maximize it extra special with all the things but I can't because that money has to go to meds, treatments and doctors for this sick body that I don't want and didn't ask for. I'm sorry; see I'm going into the sad and negative I'm sorry. I guess I just wanted to explain that like if u see me post stuff like that it's just me venting and trying to grieve over everything I'm losing to being sick. Not gonna lie, it really sucks.

3. I forgot what other point I wanted to make- welcome to my life, lol. I'll have to post about it when I think of it, or maybe just leave it cos I already regret everything I just typed and I've not even posted it yet. I always hesitate with the personal stuff. It's extra hard because there's no way to explain or show you everything so you're only getting a small piece of the puzzle and I just *hope* it comes across the right way.

Anyways I'm gonna go bury this in reblogs now😳

#ot #personal

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mybodyliberation · 5 years ago

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Mooncup Review Part 1

There are some people who are not impacted by their periods. They are able to go about their business being their wonderful selves.

I am not one of those people. A multitude of things happens when I am due on. One of these things being the "Grumps" and phew child, do I get them bad.

I'm not a natural frowner or grimacer, (yes these aren't words but they are for the purpose of today), so when I catch myself grumbling over something sometimes rational, mostly irrational, I know the Grumps have arrived do too will my period.

If you'll follow me on instagram you'll I now last month I was all about period talk on my stories. We wanted the tea and we wanted it now!

What was everyone predominately using, what were our cycles like, were we using any birth control and did we have anything that made our periods harder to deal with?

The census was that mensutral cups were extremely popular, moreson than I anticipated and I want to take a moment to stan all the environmentally aware babes out there having super ethical periods.

I love that we have so many options for what to use during our periods now and it says a lot about where we are heading as a society, though it will be cute when periods are no longer taxed...ahem. *stares directly at camera with utter sass*

Anyway the point is I was tired of using the same old methods of tampons and sanitary towels. As a performer it's often such a pain in the neck having to run to sort yourself during a show and I wanted to banish having to stuff multiple tampons in my backpack just to survive the day. I also know how damaging tampons and pads are environmentally because with the use of plastic it takes years to break down. Yall not to mention its actually not great for our vaginas and that is just the grown up tea.

So with all of that I have been waiting to transition to something new and since I turned 29 this year I realised it was time to suck it up and make the changes I know are right for me.

Enter, the Mooncup!

Truthfully the only reason it's taken me this long to try and mensutral cup is because I am a big baby and overthink. So as you can imagine I'd fashioned several horror movie type scenarios in my hear about what the experience would look like.

Truth be told...it was nothing like I anticipated (no Quentin Tarantino scenes happening during my cycle).

Now background information on a brand is important and so I will link their "About" page because o feel like they articulate their story perfectly themselves. https://www.mooncup.co.uk/who-we-are/our-story/

Now when we got in touch with each other the folks over at Mooncup suggested that the best way to trial the Mooncup was to use it over a period of three months. So you guys will follow me over the next few periods as I give this a go!

It's amazing to see a brand lead by women make something for women. It feels empowering and important and I truly feel like extra care is taken.

Before I get into my experience I think it's good to tell you that Mooncup has a dedicated helpline via email and telephone that connects you to a nurse that can give you proper medical advice and is truly the best asset when it comes to approaching using the cup for the first time. ([email protected] Tel +44(0) 1273 673 845)

When you open up your box you'll find your cup in a sweet little pouch and an awesomely specific instruction manual on how to start with your cup.

First things first was to make sure I'd sertilized it and so straight into the put of boiling water it went for 5 minutes.

After I left it to cool I headed into the bathroom with my instructions to figure out how to insert.

My cycles can be investing in terms of my moods and symptoms. I feel like I experience every symptom possible on the spectrum and so having a stress free period is important.

I was nervous trying the cup for the first time because honestly it took me ages to even hype myself to try tampons all those years ago. So though the nerves were normal they definitely gave me more stress than necessary when it came to the cup.

So the first thing is, relax. I was rigid and clenched and the anticipation was very heightening to making the experience more painful as I tried to insert.

The first two days of using the cup had me feeling like a gymnast because it was like nothing I did was allowing the cup to insert without pain or super flexibility.

So getting accustomed to breathing and relaxing as it came time to insert the cup was paramount. The more you stress the less likely it will go smoothly and I know that sounds like a given but trust me if this is your first foray to this sort of thing, you're going to be wary.

There are two different fold techniques that the instructions suggest for helping for smooth insertion and I found that the best option for me was folding the cup in half. The cup ends up making sort of a smiling face and depending on the day of my period and if I was light or heavy inserting the cup as a smile or a frown made things slightly easier.

It also helps to make sure that the cup itself is a little bit of water on it because moisture is key for a smoother glide!

At first I was super aware of the cup after insertion, but I suppose the same would be the case when you first try tampons. It's a weird sensation to feel the suction holding onto the walls of the vagina but I promise that after a while you don't even feel it let alone think about it.

You should also know that the first days the cup itself feels very firm and stiff but it does start to give and become more flexible after a fee days.

For the first month this has been trial and error. They first few days I felt like I had conquered a mountain and very bad ass, but on the heaviest days of my period it was a little trickier and I found myself getting frustrated because I do have very heavy days and so making sure the cup was sitting properly for zero leaks took time. I also had to make sure I was clearing out the cup every 3 hours rather than every 4 to 8 because there were some accidents but listen, with tampons and pads the same sort of thing can happen, so I wore a pad on my heavy days as precaution and at the end of the day its learning to monitor your body and figure out what works for you.

Next month for the second cup trial I want to try coupling some period pants with the cup on my heaviest days because I've realised that just for my own peace of mind its better to have extra coverage in case of accidents!

Honestly for the first round it was a success! I thought I would be petrified and irritated and frustrated the whole time but I was much more relaxed and calm and its been really interesting process in getting to know my own body because lets face it, as a plus size woman there is a lot more to navigate.

So for my bigger boos, don't be afraid of your own body! If you need to do gymnastics, DO IT! Your body is capable of more than you think. So get your squat in or lift those legs or spread them!

I went to the gym twice with my mooncup in and I went HARD because we need to know what we can do with it. I didn't feel as if my movement was restricted and I didnt feel as if it would be moving or holding me back in anyway!

Going out in public with the cup in felt scary because truthfully I felt that as soon as I walked out the door I would bleed everywhere but that just didnt happen. I was able to go around my business. One of my worries was when I would wee that it would leak or move but that never happened once. And after the 4th day of my cycle I felt comfortable to take it out and empty and reinsert. Thankfully I was in bathroom after bathroom with sinks but in the future I do know its important to carry a wee bottle of water with me to be able to clean out the cup if I need to but I'm in an isolated cubicle.

Now for those who are differently abled please don't hesitate to use the service of contacting the nurse via the mooncup website so that you can get some safe and comfortable suggestions on how to insert the cup without worrying about hurting or disconcerting yourself.

I was shocked with how quickly my hands adapted to insertion and how quickly I became comfortable with having to do it. We are capable of change and adapting and I often forget that when I get stuck in a routine.

So right now the pros are without a doubt outwieghing the cons and honestly what are the cons because I'm saving money, helping the environment and I'm being kinder my vagina (cause no fibres in this boo)

So stay tuned my beauty! This was the first trial and I'm really pleased with myself for challenging myself and with the cup for being my new assistant.

Watch this space for part 2!

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artificialqueens · 8 years ago

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The Ballad of Violet and Pearl (Chapter 2) - Scarlet

A/N - set mostly in the 1950’s, the idea came from Jinkx’s song ‘The Ballad of Johnny and Jack’ and influenced the story. Also influenced by Thelma and Louise. ‘Ballad’ in the 50’s was a term used for a love letter. TW - mild smut, slut shaming, violence, minor character death. Swaps back and forth through time and between male/female pronouns. Enjoy!

Chapter 2

March 1951 - Florida

‘This is bad, this is so fucking bad.’ Violet panted as she hid behind the wall. Her feet ached from running in these stupid heels but it was nowhere near as bad as the pain in her side.

‘Let me see.’ Pearl spoke in hushed tones as she came to Violet’s side. She untucked Violet’s blouse from her skirt and lifted it up. The bullet from the cop’s gun had only grazed her but she was still bleeding a lot. ‘Shit.’ Pearl bit her lip. She put her hand down the front of her top and pulled the bundle of padding from one bra cup, leaving her looking a little lopsided. She held it to Violet’s wound and Violet hissed a little.

‘Mother fucker.’ Violet groaned.

'Hold that there a second.’ Pearl told her and then she rolled up her own skirt, her hand wandering between her legs. Violet heard the tape rip from between her legs. She rolled her skirt back down and used the tape to secure the padding to Violet’s side. Violet pulled a face.

'I bet that’s hygienic.’ She grimaced.

'It’s better than nothing.’ Pearl told her, tucking Violet’s blouse back in her skirt for her. 'What the fuck are we going to do? This is all my fault.’

'Yeah, it is.’ Violet agreed. 'I told you he pressed the alarm, I told you the cops would be coming but you didn’t listen to me! Pearl we’re a team, I’m the eyes remember? You have to listen to me or shit goes down.’ Violet grumbled, holding her side.

'It’s ok, I’ve got an idea.’

'No way.’ Violet shook her head. 'You’ve done enough damage for one day, I've got an idea.'

They managed to elude the cops long enough to get back to their safe house, an old abandoned shed in the woods. They got out of their get ups and returned to being the much more unwanted Matt and Jason. It meant they could freely walk the streets without drawing attention to themselves which is just wanted they needed to execute the plan.

Jason picked up the duffle bag and groaned in pain. Matt rolled his eyes.

'Give me that.’ He took the bag from Jason. Jason held his side as they walked. His eyes shifted around the empty street, making sure it was as empty as it appeared. It was strange doing this without Violet present.

'That one.’ He nodded his head to an old beat up Dodge at the end of the street. Matt had eyes on it and nodded. He walked slowly towards the car, checking over his shoulder as he approached the driver’s door. He subtly pulled the tool from his pocket and jammed it in the lock. He pulled it out and the lock popped open. He slid in the driver’s side as though it were his own car, tossed the duffle on the back seat and leant over to unlock the passenger door. Jason got in as Matt was working on the hot wiring. Jason had never asked how Matt learnt to do that, he wasn’t even seventeen, but according to Matt he’d learnt how to hot wire cars before he even had a licence. That was all he would say on the matter though. Suddenly the engine roared to life and he gave Jason a sidelong glance.

'I’m too good.’ He smirked and then he sped away.

Jason instructed him where to go and Matt was a little confused when he pulled up at the ravine and Jason told him to cut the engine. Matt did as he was told.

'Pass me the bag.’ Jason told him. Matt grabbed the bag and handed it to Jason.

'Would you please tell me what we’re doing?’ Matt scratched the back of his head. Jason looked up at him and shrugged.

'It’s time for Violet and Pearl to die.’ He pulled some items out of the bag and tossed them about the car. Some make-up, a pair of Pearl’s pumps, a bra of Violet’s. He put some nail varnish, a nail file and some hair ties on the dash. He pulled out a bottle of perfume and spritzed a little around the car. He got out the car and Matt followed him.

'Seriously, you think this is going to work?'

'If we make it believable yes.’ Jason lifted his shirt and removed his makeshift bandaged with a little whimper. He wiped his hand through the blood and then wiped it on the passenger’s seat. Matt watched him wipe the excess on his shirt.

'This is crazy, what about their bodies?'

'I don’t know, they could have floated away or something. This is the only way out Matt.’ Jason grabbed the duffle bag and pulled one last item out. It caught Matt’s eye just as Jason was leaning in the car and opening the glove box.

'That’s my gun!’ Matt yelled, staring at Jason like he’d lost his mind.

'No,’ Jason shook his head, putting the gun in the car and closing the glove box. 'It’s Pearl’s gun. And if the cops find it, they’re going to believe that we’re dead because there’s no way two violent criminals like Pearl Liaison and Violet Chachki would make a run for it without the gun.’ Jason slammed the car door shut. 'Start the engine.’

'Why?'

'Just do it!’ Jason grumbled. He went to the trunk and tossed the duffle back in with the remains of items left inside which was mostly some of their clothes. Matt sighed and got the engine going again.

'What now?’

'Take off the handbrake.’ Jason said as though it was obvious. Matt didn’t like this at all. He thought the whole idea was stupid and surely without bodies the cops wouldn’t buy it? He didn’t think the cops were that dumb. But nonetheless he leant in the car and took the handbrake off. Jason was around the back of the car still and started pushing it. It moved a little but Jason doubled over in pain and fell to his knees in the dirt.

'Oh my god are you ok?’ Matt ran to Jason’s side.

'I’m fine.’ He groaned, sounding anything but. 'Just get the damn car over the ledge and quick!'

Matt nodded and stood back up. Using all his strength he pushed the car. It was hard work, he was panting and sweating by the time he got the car to the edge. He gave it one final push and he watched it tumble over the ledge. They heard it crashing into rocks as it made its descent. One final, loud crash followed by a splash and they knew it had reached its destination. And with that the legacy of Pearl and Violet was over. Matt came back over to Jason’s side.

'Now what?'

'Take me to Ru.’ Jason’s eyes were fluttering closed and his face was paling. 'He’ll know what to do.'

————————————

September 1952 - Texas

They spent much of the next few months driving from state to state, bribing their way into motels. Violet had managed to stem Pearl’s need for a robbery so far, she kept trying to convince her they had enough money for the time being. The thing was, Violet was scared of what might happen if Pearl was in that position again. It was because of Pearl they’d almost been caught before. Violet was the sensible one, she knew what boundaries they could push. She knew if they were going to be successful in their crimes that had to plan their every move. But sometimes, Pearl went rogue. Her need for the danger and excitement pulsed through her veins so rapidly it sometimes made Violet’s head spin. She was scared of what could happen if Pearl decided to take matters into her own hands again. It had almost ended in disaster before, and Violet couldn’t lose Pearl, she didn’t know what she would do without her.

Jason laid on the bed in the motel and ran his fingers over his scar. Sometimes he still blamed Pearl for it and he knew she blamed herself too. Matt blamed himself as well. After they’d pushed the car in the ravine Matt had taken Jason to the diner to see Ru. Jason had been in and out of consciousness at that point but he just about remembered Matt leaving him by the door of the diner, kissing his forehead as tears rolled down his cheeks and then running away. Jason had passed out not long after that and woken up in hospital. Ru had spun a lie to the doctors, he never did tell Jason what he’d told them though. He was in hospital for days and he’d given up any hope of Matt coming to visit. At one point he’d thought he might never see Matt again. After four days Matt showed up. Jason had just woken up from a nap and when his eyes open they landed straight on Matt’s. He’d looked nervous and guilty.

'I’m so sorry.’ Matt sniffed. 'This is all my fault.’

'Yeah it is.’ Jason agreed, there didn’t seem much point lying. 'This was never going to work if you didn’t listen to me, you know that Matt. It gets too dangerous when you take matters into your own hands. We’re supposed to be partners.’

'I know, I know. I just got carried away.’

'You always get carried away.’ Jason rolled his eyes. 'That’s the problem. We can’t carry on like this, it’s over. Violet and Pearl are dead now and they need to stay that way.’

'What? No way! We’ve made so much money Jason! We can’t stop now!’

'Are you serious?’ Jason looked at him wide eyed. 'I nearly died Matt! No more. No fucking more. Swear to me Matt, no more Pearl.’ The look on his face told Matt he wasn’t arguing about this. But Matt wasn’t ready to give up on Pearl that easily.

'Come on Jason. It was one tiny mistake. Pearl and Violet need to carry on their legacy!’

'You’re not listening to me. Again.’ Jason wriggled in the bed, trying to sit up right. His side hurt like a bitch. 'No more Pearl. No more scams. No more robberies. And no more guns.'

'But Jason-’

'No.’ Jason cut him off, the look in his eyes said he meant business. 'I swear to god Matt if I ever find out you’ve resurrected her, you and I are done.'

Matt flared his nostrils. Pearl was the only fun part of his life. He got so much excitement from being the bad blonde bitch and he loved it. It gave Matt’s life meaning. And it also meant that he got to be intimate with Jason, because being with Jason, or Violet, was the best part of it all for Matt. He’d just never admit that to Jason.

'Fine.’ Matt bit his lip and grumbled making sure Jason knew he wasn’t happy about this. 'I’ve gotta shoot.’ He got up from the chair, running his fingers through his hair.

'Running away again?’ Jason folded his arms. 'I was still awake when you just left me Matt, I know what you did.'

Matt felt like a child being told off by his mother.

'What else was I supposed to do?'

'Anything but what you did. What if Ru wasn’t there? What if he hadn’t found me in time?'

'At least we wouldn’t be having this conversation.’ Matt mumbled under his breath but Jason heard him.

'Are you fucking serious?’ Jason raised his voice a little. 'Asshole.’ He felt tears in his eyes. 'You know what, runaway, I don’t care. Pearl and Violet aren’t the only things that died that day.’ He sniffed, not willing to give Matt the satisfaction of seeing him cry.

'What’s that supposed to mean? What else died?'

Jason swallowed and bit his lip.

'Our friendship.’ He croaked. His words felt like a dagger to Matt’s heart. 'So do what you want. Bring back Pearl if you want. But when you get killed, you’ll only have yourself to blame.’ Jason closed his eyes, telling Matt the conversation was well and truly over.

Jason reached for his suitcase and pulled out his old diary. He opened it and turned to the last page. He pulled the crumpled, dog eared newspaper clipping out and unfolded it. It was from March 26th 1951, the day after they faked their anger egos deaths. It had a shoddy police sketch of Violet and Pearl and the headline read:

’Florida’s Femme Fatale’s Pearl Liaison and Violet Chachki crime spree finally brought to an end.’

There was a picture of the car in the ravine and some of their belongings that had been dredged up from the car. Jason hadn’t meant to keep it, it could tie him to Violet but he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it. He just managed to get it folded again and stuff it in his diary when the bathroom door opened. Jason stood back up and was surprised to see Pearl staring back at him, when it had been Matt that had gone in the bathroom. She looked more glamorous than Jason had ever seen her in a shorter curly blonde wig in a similar style to the wigs worn by Violet. She wore a tight fitting cream dress that was corseted on top and showed off her perfectly contoured cleavage and billowed out at the knees, just touching the floor. The look was completed with a white fur shawl draped around her shoulders and a sparkly clutch that seemed to sparkle in time with her septum ring. She put her hand on her hip.

'Well? What do you think?’ She did a little twirl for Jason. Jason came closer to her, feeling a little as though all the air had been sucked from his lungs. He reached out and gently stroked her wig.

'You look…you are…' the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

’I know right?’ She smiled.

'Why so dolled up?’ Jason asked her, trying to ignore all the feelings that were pulsing through his body as he looked at her.

'I wanna go dancing.’ Suddenly she put on a deep southern drawl. Jason frowned.

'What’s with the accent?’

'We’re in Texas! I’m just trying to fit in, like a good southern belle.'

'I don’t think going out is a good idea.’ Jason told her and her face fell.

'But I want to go dancing with my best friend Violet. Have ya seen her?’ She kept up the accent. Jason rolled his eyes.

'I really don’t think it’s a good idea.’ He repeated. 'Maybe Jason and Matt can go out?' Or maybe Violet and Pearl could stay in?

'Jason,’ Pearl dropped the accent. 'Come on! We’re miles away from home, no one here knows us. I just want to have some fun.’ She whined a little, sounding suspiciously like Matt.

'I know, but…it just seems…dangerous.'

Pearl’s face lit up at the mention of that word.

'Don’t we like a little danger, Violet?' She put the accent back on again and stepped closer to Jason. She put her hand on his shoulder.

'I uhm…I guess.’ He swallowed, the look Pearl was giving him made him a little hot under the collar.

'So I’ll ask again,’ she stepped even closer. 'Have you see my dear friend Violet? She’s about your height, she’s got those beautiful brown eyes of yours too. Say, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say the two of you could be twins.’ She pouted her lips at Jason and Jason wanted to kiss her so badly. Maybe later, maybe later Violet could kiss her.

'I’ll go find her.’ Jason smiled. He really did have a hard time saying no to Pearl. 'I think she went that way.’ Jason pointed over Pearl’s shoulder towards the bathroom. Pearl’s smile was so bright it made all Jason’s fears melt away. Pearl squeezed his shoulder and leant in close. Her lips softly brushed his skin right at the corner of his mouth. Jason felt his heart race and he wanted her to take him there and then. She pulled back and smirked at him.

'Sorry,’ she spoke quietly, still in the southern accent. 'You’re attractive and all, but I only have eyes for Vi.’ She licked her lips and then let go of Jason’s shoulder and sauntered passed him. Jason swallowed, feeling a stirring in his pants. He headed to the bathroom before the stirring became too noticeable. He locked himself inside and caught his reflection in the mirror. There was a small, delicate imprint of Pearl’s dark lipstick on his face. He let his fingers graze over it gently and he sighed. The most dangerous part of being their alter egos always was the feelings that came with it. Jason was really good at ignoring his feelings for Matt. But Violet, she loved Pearl with every beat of her heart and couldn’t deny that. And Jason was starting to think that the Jason/Violet line was getting way too blurred for his liking.

————————————

Pearl found a bar and she and Violet sauntered in, their arms linked. All eyes were on them as they stepped inside, of course they were, who else would they be on? Violet had on a classic marcel wig with a small pink barrette. She’d tried to match Pearl’s glamour which was hard because glamour wasn’t Violet’s style. Violet was the sexier of the two, always wanting to show off her amazing figure. She’d picked out a long, flowy baby pink silk gown that pulled her in at all the right places thanks to the tighter than tight corset she wore underneath. The top of the dress was covered in small crystals that sparkled beautifully when they hit the light. She’d gotten fed up with her press on’s so to cover her mannish hands she wore black elbow length gloves, large silver bracelets and a large statement piece necklace. Men’s jaws noticeably dropped as they walked in. Pearl gave Violet a sidelong glance and a small smile. Violet had never felt so beautiful in her entire life. The looks they were getting however made Violet feel as though they were meat and these men were the lions.

'They’re looking at us like we’re a couple of kittens.’ Violet whispered to Pearl, making Pearl chuckle lightly.

'Me-ow.’ She winked at Violet, leading her towards the bar. 'Did you bring any cash with you, because I don’t think we’ll need it?' Pearl turned to where all the men were still staring at them. They weren’t subtle about it either, they were practically drooling. One man headed their way, clearly more confident than the rest. He stopped in front of them.

'Evening ladies.’ He spoke in a deep southern accent like the one Pearl had been doing.

'Good evening sir.’ Pearl replied in the same accent.

'What brings a couple of beautiful ladies such as yourselves to this neck of the woods?’ He had a charming smile and bright blue eyes. He was directing most of his attention at Pearl and Violet didn’t blame him. She was stunning, she lit up the entire room.

'We’re just looking for a good time.’ Pearl smirked and opened her clutch purse and pulled out her cigarette case. She cushioned one between her lips and then placed one gently between Violet’s.

'Allow me.’ The man said, pulling a lighter from his jacket pocket. He lit Pearl’s, then Violet’s then got his own out and lit it. 'I’m Billy Ray. What can I call you ladies, other than beautiful?'

Pearl giggled and looked away briefly with a coy smile.

'I’m Pearl. Pearl Liaison. And this is my dear friend Violet Chachki.’ She held her hand out to shake Billy Ray’s. Violet noticed she had bright pink press on nails on. Billy Ray took her hand and brought it to his lips so he could kiss the back of it. Then he finally turned his attention to Violet and did the same.

'Can I get you girls a drink?'

'Sidecars, if you’d be so kind.’ Pearl stepped aside so Billy Ray could get to the bar. Once his back was turned Violet grabbed Pearl’s arm.

'I thought I was the whore?’ Violet spat with a little more venom than she’d meant to. Was she jealous?

'Lighten up Vi, I’m just having some fun.’ Pearl rolled her eyes. Violet sighed and let her friend go. Billy Ray soon turned back around with their drinks. He handed them to the girls with a smile on his face.

'So,’ he leant in close to Pearl. 'What’s a guy got to do around here to get a pretty lady to dance with him?’

Pearl giggled again and it was getting on Violet’s nerves. Violet alternated between sipping her drink and smoking the cigarette.

'I’m anybody’s for a stiff drink.’ Pearl gave him her come to bed eyes, the ones she usually reserved for Violet, as she sipped her drink. Billy Ray placed his hand on the small of her back.

'Follow me.’ He told her, guiding her away from Violet to the middle of the room. Violet leant back on the bar and watched them. Jealousy was waging a war inside her. She didn’t like the jealous aspect of her personality, it was something that only Violet seemed to possess and not Jason. She knew she had no right to be jealous, Pearl wasn’t hers; Pearl didn’t belong to anyone. Violet however belonged to Pearl and they both knew it. Violet was a sucker for the blonde and always had been. It was so odd how the dynamics of their friendship shifted so much between their genders. When they were boys, Jason was the leader. Matt would follow Jason around like a lost puppy dog, he was much more shy and insecure than Jason. But when they were women Pearl was the controlling, dominate one. Violet always went along with anything Pearl wanted to do. Pearl could bat her false eyelashes in Violet’s direction and Violet was putty in her hands. If Pearl wanted to fuck, they fucked. If Pearl wanted Violet to stay away so she could dance with a charming southerner, Violet stayed away. If Pearl wanted to hold up liquor stores and scam old men, Violet was right by her side. Matt was Jason’s sidekick, but Violet was Pearl’s. Violet finished her cigarette and stubbed it out in the ashtray on the bar. She watched Billy Ray with his arms around Pearl’s cinched waist, holding her close as they danced to the slow blues music. Pearl had one arm wrapped around Billy Ray’s neck and the other was holding her glass which she sipped from every now and again. Violet sipped her own drink, feeling her emotions bubbling dangerously close to the surface. Billy Ray’s hands moved lower and cupped Pearl’s padded ass. Pearl smiled and licked her bottom lip. She let her press on’s stroke Billy Ray’s neck and then his cheek. He leant in closer to her and then his lips attacked hers. Pearl leaned into the kiss, wrapping her free arm back around his neck and pulling him closer. Violet’s stomach clenched and she felt like she might be sick. She downed the remains of her drink and turned her back on the debacle going on in front her. She briefly wondered what would happen if she were to tell Billy Ray that Pearl was a he. She wouldn’t dare of course, that would probably get them both killed. She leant on the bar and quickly got the bar tenders attention.

'Would you be so kind as to make me another sidecar? I’m positively parched.’ She smiled at him, her red lipstick slicked lips parting ever so slightly and she let her tongue slide out a little and lick her bottom lip. She saw the bar tenders gaze watch her as she did so.

'Anything for you doll.’ He winked at her and Violet felt proud of herself. She inspected the bar man as he made her drink. He was a little burly and bearish for her liking but honestly, anyone would do as long as they took her mind off Pearl. He was back soon enough and handed her the drink. She looked in her clutch, she had a few notes but mostly nuggets tossed in the bottom. But why should she have to pay? She closed the clutch and looked back at the bar man.

'I seem to have mislaid my purse.’ She shrugged, chewing her lip. She saw the bar tender swallow.

'I get off shift soon, I’m sure we can come to some kind of arrangement.’ He smirked at her and she smirked back. She felt better already.

————————————

He took her out back to the office and locked the door. He pushed her into the door and kissed her hard. Violet pulled him closer to her and started undoing the buttons on his trousers immediately. Once she had them undone, she pushed him backwards until he fell into the chair. She darkened her eyes as she looked at him and got down on her knees in front of him. She palmed his erection through his pants and he growled a little.

'Get to it woman.’ He grabbed her by the neck and pushed her face close to his crotch. You’d think Violet wouldn’t like that but she didn’t mind. She’d given enough blow jobs to know these men just wanted to get their rocks off and be done with it. She got his dick out his pants and immediately wrapped her lips around him. He gasped and lolled his head back. Finally, Pearl was the farthest thing from her mind.

Billy Ray led her out the back of the bar and had her pinned up against the wall by her wrists. He held her arms above her head as he kissed her with a ferocity Pearl had never experienced before. His lips went down her neck and he was biting her flesh. She yelped a little but he didn’t seem to notice. He let go of one of her wrists and guided her hand down to the hard bulge in his pants. He smiled dangerously at her.

'Gonna take care of that for me pretty lady?'

'Oh uhm…I don’t know. This is moving a little fast.’ Pearl’s accent wavered a little. This was just supposed to be a little fun, Violet was the one that was into this kind of stuff, not her. Pearl was a lesbian, Pearl didn’t like men. In fact, Matt didn’t like men either, or so they would tell themselves.

'Fast?’ Billy-Ray scoffed. 'You’re as easy as they come. You can’t go around teasing a man and not doing anything about it.’

'I just…I really don’t think-’

'Listen whore.’ He let go of her other arm so he could grab her face. Pearl whimpered a little. 'You’ve got me all riled up now, I ain’t letting you go until you do something about it.’ He let go of her face and bent down so he could lift up the bottom of her dress. His hand trailed up her silky smooth leg. I really don’t think you’re going to like what you find. Pearl knew it was imminent. He was going to find out what she really was and he was no doubt going to kill her when he did. She’d felt the gun hidden in his waistband. His hand found her panties and grazed the outside. Thank god my tuck is tight. She wriggled a little to try and get out of his hold.

’Don’t struggle doll, this will be over quicker if you just give over to it.’ He kissed her again but Pearl kept her mouth closed. His hand was still on the outside of her panties and it was inching nearer and nearer the waistband. I’m dead. This is the end. He’s going to kill me.

’What the fuck is going on here?’ A voice snapped Billy Ray back and his hand fell from Pearl’s crotch. He leapt back and it enabled Pearl to see their company. They were staring down the barrel of a glock held by gloved hands. The person pointing the gun was wearing smudged red lipstick and had a cigarette cushioned between them.

'What’s it to you? Get the hell outta here, we’re just having a good time.’ Billy Ray tried to insist.

'A good time? Pearl doesn’t look like she’s having a good time.’ Violet puffed on the cigarette without letting it leave her lips. Pearl had never seen Violet with a gun, that was always Pearl’s job. It was probably a weird time to think Violet looked hotter than Pearl had ever seen her.

'She’s just fine. Now get outta here, unless you wanna join in too.’ He smirked and started towards Violet. She raised the gun a little.

'Ice it.’ She spat. 'Don’t take another step.'

'You wouldn’t have the balls.’

'You’d be surprised.’ Violet smirked. 'Back off.'

'Whatever.’ Billy Ray spat. 'She ain’t even that hot. Go on off you go, whore.’ He grabbed Pearl’s shoulder and shoved her towards Violet.

'What did you call her?’ Violet asked, the gun still pointed at him.

'You deaf little lady?’ He laughed. 'I called her a whore. You both are. Fucking cock teases the lot of ya. I don’t know where y'all get off thinking you can be all hot and heavy one minute then change your damn minds! Whores!'

'Just as I was gonna let you walk away.’ Violet smirked and then before anyone knew what was happening Violet squeezed the trigger and the gunshot rung out into the night. The bullet hit Billy Ray in the chest and he was fired backwards into the dirt. Pearl screamed, Violet didn’t. She let her hand holding the gun fall to her side and dropped the cigarette on the floor as she watched him lay there, still and lifeless.

'Let’s go.’ Violet told Pearl, turning on her heels and walking away. When she didn’t hear Pearl following her she turned back to her. 'Pearl, come on! The music probably masked the sound but someone’s gonna come looking for him soon, we need to haul ass.’ She held her free hand out for Pearl to take. Pearl turned back to look at Billy Ray on the floor and when she turned back to Violet she was crying. Violet took hold of Pearl’s hand and pulled her along. They hurried back in the direction of the motel. Pearl cried the entire way.

#pearlet #violet chachki #pearl liaison #tw violence #tw minor character death #slight smut #scarlet #rpdr fanfiction #submission #tbovap #queen au #1950s au #historical au

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