#i tried to warn you babe... and now you're just frustrated...

[themuseoftheviolets]

lauren sanderson song of the day

[incognit0slut]

Stress Relief

You convince your husband to take out his anger on you when he comes home very tense.

Warnings: (18+ MDNI) dom!spencer, sub!reader, oral (f), reader in handcuffs so light bondage?, choking, unprotected penetrative sex, multiple orgasms, aftercare and domestic bliss because he’s still our beloved spencer

Words: 5k for 5k milestone celebration! TYSM ILY💘💘

A/n: I combined two requests asking for him to get all angry/frustrated because an unsub had a particular thing for winding him up (from anon 1) so he needs some kind of smutty release (from anon 2). You know who you are.

You could tell something was off. 

A sense of unease settled in the pit of your stomach as the front door creaked open, and instead of the usual lively greeting from your husband, you were met with silence. It was as though he was physically there and yet you could sense his absence in the air. 

"Spence?" You called out, stepping out of the kitchen. When there was no response, you tried again. "Baby, are you okay?"

Your feet guided you down the hallway where you found him standing by the door with his back facing you. Even from behind, you could sense the foul mood he was in. His shoulders seemed more tense than usual, his hair slightly disheveled, and there was an edge to his movements as he closed the door with a loud thud.

"Babe?"

His response was brief, his gaze flickering towards you before quickly darting away, almost as if he were intentionally avoiding your eyes.

"Hey."

"Hey?" you echoed. "That's all I'm getting?"

When his eyes met yours again, you could practically feel the tension radiating from him. It was clear that he was angry, his usual calm demeanor seemed to be replaced by a subtle but palpable edge. There was a tightness in his jaw, a clenched fist by his side, and his usually warm gaze now held a hint of sharpness.

Only one thought crossed your mind whenever he came home like this.

"Bad day at work?"

He slowly nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shook his head.

"Do you want a hug?"

He hesitated momentarily, his brows furrowing slightly as if debating whether to accept your offer. Then, without a word, he closed the distance between you. His arms enveloped you, pulling you close as he buried his head in the crook of your neck. Your hand instinctively found its way to his hair, fingers gently running through the soft strands.

"Oh, honey, you're so tense," you noted as your other hand trailed along his shoulder. "Is there anything I can help with? A massage? A nice warm bath maybe?"

You felt him shake his head against you, but you persisted, wanting to offer him comfort in any way you could. When your hand smoothed down his back, his hold on you tightened. When your fingers brushed the nape of his neck, you felt his warm breath caress your skin.

Then it happened—soft lips brushed against the spot under your ear, tentative at first, before growing more urgent. It wasn't the tender, affectionate kisses you were used to, but a different kind of intimacy that felt almost desperate. His lips nibbled and sucked gently at your skin and it became clear to you what he wanted.

"You want another kind of release, baby? Is that what you want?"

His lips momentarily paused against your neck, his arms loosening their grip around you before he rested his hands on your hips. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" 

"Because—” he stopped, his grip on your body tightening. “Because I don't feel like myself right now."

You grabbed him by the shoulders, pushing him away just enough to see his face. "What makes you say that?"

Spencer held your gaze. How could he explain to you that he was on the verge of acting out his frustration? That he was so close to losing control? 

He knew how difficult he could be when anger took hold of him. In his younger days, he wouldn't hesitate to fire off sassy remarks and snarky comments, letting his emotions dictate his behavior. However, as he matured, he learned better to hide those emotions behind a composed facade.

But tonight felt different. Despite his best attempts to maintain his control, he could feel his anger slipping away, and it was unfair to burden you with it. Especially when you were offering yourself to him, so sweet and so pretty, when he knew love wasn't exactly what he could offer you right now. 

So he decided to release you, his grip loosening as he stepped back.

"Forget it," he muttered under his breath before turning towards your shared bedroom. Your brow furrowed as he walked away, leaving you standing there with your mouth slightly agape, bewildered by his sudden withdrawal.

"Spencer Reid," you called after him, your voice laced with a hint of irritation as you followed him. "I wasn't done talking to you."

He paused, his hand halfway to his tie before he loosened it with a sharp tug. You leaned against the bedroom doorway, crossing your arms as you continued to study him. His lack of response only fueled your growing annoyance, but you knew better than to escalate the situation into a fight.

Taking a deep breath to calm yourself, you spoke up, your voice steady but tinged with frustration. "Honey, I can't help you if you're acting this way."

"What makes you think I need help?"

"The way you're wrestling with your tie gives it away," you replied, your words laced with a hint of sarcasm.

He shot you a pointed look, clearly unimpressed by your remark. "I don't need your help."

Your frown deepened. "Seriously? You're just going to shut me out like this?"

"I'm not shutting you out," he countered, moving around the room. "I just need some space."

"Well you're doing a pretty damn good job of it," you shot back, your patience wearing thin as you pushed yourself off the doorway. His jaw clenched, but he remained silent, his actions focused on undoing the button on his wrist now. You scoffed at his lack of response again.

"Oh, so now you're giving me the silent treatment?" When it seemed evident he was trying to ignore you, you pressed on. "Fine, keep your silence, let me do the talking."

His eyes flickered momentarily at you before he turned around, undoing the button of his shirt. You watched him quietly as he continued to avoid your gaze. 

"Spencer," you began, your voice softer now. "I know your job can be hard, and I know you're going through a lot right now, but shutting me out won't make it any easier."

“I've already told you, I'm not trying to shut you out."

"Then what are you doing?" you pressed. "I tried offering you help when you didn't want to talk about it. And the one thing I can help you with, the one thing I'm sure will help you relax, you refused." 

You let out a frustrated sigh, hating how much your voice wavered now.

"Spence... you—you didn't even want to have sex with me."

His shoulders stiffened at your words, finally turning to face you. "You think I don't want to have sex with you?"

You swallowed hard, feeling a knot form in your throat. "I don't know what to think anymore," you admitted. "You're giving me the cold shoulder, it’s hard not to take it personally."

The room seemed to close in around you, suffocating in its silence. Then, you watched as he began to walk towards you. One step. Two steps. Until his presence loomed over you, casting a shadow that suddenly made you feel small and vulnerable.

"I'm refusing to have sex with you right now not because I don't want to," he said, his voice dangerously low. "I'm refusing because I'm trying to protect you."

You frowned, confusion furrowing your brow. "Protect me from what?"

There was a moment of silence before he replied, “From myself."

You felt a knot tightening in your stomach, goosebumps forming on your skin as you struggled to comprehend what he was trying to say.

“I… I don't understand."

"I don't want to risk it. I'm afraid that if we... if we cross that line, I might hurt you."

"Spencer," you whispered in disbelief, as if his words were the most absurd thing you'd ever heard. "You would never hurt me."

He shook his head. "You wouldn't be so sure if you knew half of the thought in my head right now."

You faltered for a moment, taken aback by his words. Then your gaze involuntarily flickered down his body, tracing the lines of his open shirt and the gentle rise and fall of his chest. Your breath caught in your throat as your gaze moved lower, taking in the way his pants hung low on his hips, and the trail of soft hair leading downwards.

You swallowed hard.

"Tell me then," you challenged, your voice trembling slightly as you met his gaze again. "Tell me how you'd hurt me."

He studied you, assessing, calculating. "You won't like it," he warned.

"And what if I do?"

His eyes narrowed slightly, a hint of surprise flashing across his features. "You don't know what you're asking for."

"I know what I want."

He regarded you for a long moment, weighing your words carefully. Finally, he stepped closer, his breath warm against your skin as he whispered, "You really want to know what I'd like to do to you?"

You held his gaze. "Yes," you replied. "Tell me."

His lips curved into a faint, almost rueful smile. With a slow, deliberate movement, he reached out and traced a finger along the curve of your jaw. "I want to use you," he murmured. "I want to feel you, to taste you. I want to make you scream."

You could feel the heat traveling through your body, a heady mixture of desire and anticipation flooding your senses. You reached out, fingers trembling as they brushed against his chest, feeling the heat radiating from his skin.

"I want to control you," he continued, his gaze darkening. "I want to tie you up leave you bruises, mark your skin. I want you helpless, begging for mercy."

He tilted your chin up, his eyes locking with yours.

"I want to see how far you'll go for me."

Your breath caught in your throat as you drank in his words, and you couldn't deny the heat spreading between your legs. "And what if I want that too?"

A tense silence settled between you. Then slowly, almost as if testing the waters, he wrapped his fingers around your throat, simply holding you there. "You don't mean that."

"Try me," you dared, holding his gaze. "Put your hand between my thighs and see just how much I mean it."

His grip around your throat tightened ever so slightly while his other hand hovered at the waistband of your cotton pants. You felt a jolt of anticipation as he slipped his hand inside, your breath hitching as the pad of his calloused fingers dipped inside your panties.

A soft hum of approval escaped his lips when the slickness of your arousal coated his skin.

"Would you look at that? Barely even touched you and you're already this wet?" A low gasp fell between your lips as he found your clit. "You really want this, don't you?"

You could only manage a whimper in response, your breath coming in ragged gasps. 

"Tell me," he insisted, his breath hot against your skin. "Do you want me to stop?"

Your heart pounded in your chest as you struggled to find your voice. "No," you finally managed to gasp.

With deliberate slowness, he trailed his fingertips lower, teasingly circling your entrance. He started with gentle strokes, keeping his fingers only on the outer side as you tried to bite back a moan that threatened to slip out.

“You dirty girl,” he muttered, and you feel yourself getting wetter as his finger continued to touch you teasingly. Then slowly, the grip on your throat loosened before his hand moved to cup your cheek.

“I need you to be sure," he whispered, "Because once we cross that line, there's no going back."

Your eyelids dropped lower as you chewed on your bottom lip, feeling the weight of his desire hanging in the air. It was a heady mix of uncertainty and anticipation, but one thing was clear—you wanted him.

You wanted him to use your body.

“Use me however you like,” you confessed. "I-I’m all yours.”

His lips were on yours in an instant. There was no mercy in his kiss, only raw desire and urgency. He kissed you as if he needed to breathe in your air, his lips moving desperately against yours, his tongue seeking entrance to taste you.

His hand then left your pants to cradle your face, holding you gently yet firmly as he explored every inch of your mouth, leaving you breathless and wanting more. Finally, he pulled away, his chest rising and falling heavily as he caught his breath. 

He looked down at you, his gaze intense, and saw the dazed expression in your eyes. Your touch, taste, and scent clouded his vision as you trembled in his arms, the soft sounds of your labored breath sang in his ears.

Mine, mine, mine.

"Now listen to me," he said, his voice low and commanding. "I'm going to leave you for a while, and when I come back, I expect to see you lying on the bed naked with your legs spread apart."

You swallowed hard, eyes slightly going wide. You felt his hand gripping your jaw.

"Do I make myself clear?"

You quickly nodded. "Y-Yes."

His grip tightened momentarily before he released you, his gaze piercing as he held your eyes for a moment longer. Then, without another word, he turned and left the room. 

With trembling hands, you began to undress, each piece of clothing dropping to the floor until you stood bare before the bed. The cool air prickled against your skin as you slowly climbed onto the bed.

You brought your feet onto the bed before spreading your knees apart. It felt weird, you had never felt so exposed and vulnerable, yet you couldn't deny the arousal pooling between your thighs. And then you heard him, his footsteps gradually coming closer and your heart pounded in your chest as you gripped onto the bed sheets.

His tall frame filled the doorway as he took in the sight before him, his eyes lingering between your legs. He watched your chest rise and fall, watched the way your legs fell apart even more as if you were offering yourself to him. Without a word, he approached the bed and stripped off his shirt. 

Before you could catch your breath, he stood over the bed beside you. "Put your arms above your head."

You hesitated for a moment, feeling the weight of his gaze, but then slowly, almost instinctively, you complied, raising your arms above your head as instructed. You watched as he reached behind his back, and your heart raced as you glimpsed the glint of metal in his hand.

He didn't say a word as he reached for your wrists, securing them above your head with the cold metal of the handcuff, restraining you to the bed. The click of the cuffs echoed in the room before he stepped back, his eyes fixed on you with a predatory gleam as if he was admiring his handiwork.

Your pulse quickened as you lay there, exposed and at his mercy and you couldn't help but squirm under his gaze. He moved closer, his fingers trailing lightly along your skin, and you shivered, both from the chill of the metal and the warmth of his touch.

"You look so pretty like this," he murmured. "So helpless, yet so willing."

Your eyes followed his movement as his fingers moved to unbutton his pants. Then he was completely naked, and even though you had seen him like this countless times, the sight of his cock never failed to make your cunt clench in anticipation. He was thick and hard, with veins pulsing along its length and droplets of wetness glistening at the tip.

The bed sank under his weight as he positioned himself between your legs. You gasped when he leaned forward, the underside of his cock teasingly brushing against your wet folds as his lips met your collarbone. You bit down on your bottom lip as he kissed lower, stopping at your left breast, where he suckled on the supple skin just above your nipple.

His mouth latched onto your skin after taking a moment to try and keep himself from rushing into things. But he was a simple man. His lips worked precisely and diligently, and you watched as he left marks on your breasts, his teeth gently sinking into your flesh here and there, his warm saliva coating the faint markings.

The kisses left on your sensitive skin resulted in you whining for more. Spencer felt a rush of satisfaction like no other, his touches growing more urgent with each sound that escaped your lips. His tongue glided over your plump breasts, teasing and tantalizing, until finally, his mouth enveloped your nipple.

You squealed, squirming underneath him, and he smiled against your skin, his lips forming a knowing smirk as he continued to suck while his thumb flicked the nipple he wasn't focusing on. There was no doubt you would be left with bruises tomorrow morning.

Your eyes drifted downward just as he looked up, his gaze meeting yours, and you couldn't help but whine when the tip of his tongue circled your nipple teasingly. You reached out, craving the sensation of your fingers in his hair, only to feel the metal of the handcuffs digging into your skin.

"It's torture, isn't it? Not being able to do anything," he taunted with a laugh, shifting his attention to your other nipple. "But I guess that's the fun part.”

You whimpered as he softly bit your sensitive bud, and your back arched off the bed in response. He leaned back, admiring the marks he'd left on your skin.

"God, look at you," he murmured as his gaze lingered on your flushed skin, the swell of your breasts rising and falling with each breath. "I could do this all night."

Slowly, he lowered himself back down, his lips tracing a path from your chest down to your stomach. You squirmed, anticipation coiling tightly in your belly as his warm breath ghosted lower. His hair tickled your legs, and he took the opportunity to turn his head slightly to the side, immediately pressing a hot open-mouthed kiss against your inner thigh. 

You gasped as he sucked your skin into his mouth, teeth grazing over the flesh as if he was intent on marking every inch of your body. His lips continued to trail along your thighs but never quite reaching the place you craved him the most.

For someone with pent-up emotions, his movements were agonizingly slow. It was frustrating, the way he toyed with you, drawing out the anticipation until you couldn't bear it any longer.

"Please," you whimpered, the chains rattling softly against the headboard as you continued to squirm beneath him.

He paused, his hot breath fanning over your skin as he looked up at you. "Please what?" 

"Pl-Please touch me."

He kissed over your mound as he hooked an arm under your leg. His other hand reached for the heat radiating between your thighs before two of his fingers brushed along your outer lips, dragging your arousal along your skin. "Like this?"

You groaned as he kept on teasing you, stroking you with featherlight touches. “More," you pleaded desperately, almost pathetically. "Please."

His fingers stretched your folds, his gaze fixed on the glistening wetness, on the way your cunt clenched around nothing. "You're so pretty, you know that?"

"Spence..." you breathed out, feeling his breath achingly close to your heat.

He didn't respond with words. Instead, he lowered his head, his breath hot against your flesh. The minute his tongue touched you, you were already a writhing, whimpering mess. Your head began spinning, nerves and pleasure swooping into one big fuzzy mess in your mind as his tongue teased up and down your slit. 

"Oh my god," you whined the moment his mouth circled your clit before sucking on it, sending waves of pleasure along your body. And then, just as you thought you couldn't take it anymore, you felt his finger at your entrance, and without warning, he pushed in his digit, sending your head tilting back with a desperate gasp falling from your lips.

His groan reverberated against your skin as your walls clenched around him. He pushed his finger deeper, curling it inside of you as his tongue lapped at your dripping folds. With each movement, he pressed his face even further into you, relishing the sensation of your wetness coating his jaw.

Your eyes drifted downwards at the same time he looked up, locking gazes with him, and you let out the most filthy cry of pleasure. He held your gaze as his tongue quickened its pace, sucking your clit even harder as he added another finger inside you. 

Your mouth gaped open as you felt the delicious stretch, and you couldn't help but buck your hips towards his face. Spencer always had a fixation on pleasuring you, but not like this—it was never like this. He seemed desperate, almost possessive, as if he couldn't get enough of your taste.

He continued his relentless assault, his fingers pumping inside you with a steady rhythm while his tongue worked tirelessly on your swollen clit. The squelching sound of his fingers thrusting in and out of your dripping walla was so lewd that it made his cock stir against the bed.

You could feel the tension coiling tighter and tighter within you, the heat spreading like wildfire through your veins. Before you knew it, your climax hit you hard, without warning, without mercy, and you were gasping his name over and over.

You shivered and trembled beneath him, tossing your head back even farther, squeezing your walls around his fingers and your legs around his head.  But he didn't stop or even slow down. Instead, he pulled his fingers out of you, only to push your thighs apart even when your legs were shaking uncontrollably.

"Stop moving," he ordered as he leaned in, tasting you all over again. He didn't care that you were a complete mess, that you were still reeling in from your climax, that you were trying to move back away from him. All he cared about was giving you the best pleasure imaginable, and he was intent on seeing it through.

"Spence—” you gasped when his nose brushed your clit. “I-I can't—"

He gently held your fragile body in place to prevent you from running away from his mouth. "Hold still and give me another one." 

How could you not relent when he treated you like this, so considerate yet so rough? You groaned, your eyes meeting the ceiling as you felt his mouth continue its relentless assault on your cunt. The sensation was overwhelming, yet despite your protests, you couldn't deny the building pressure.

Your muscles tensed. Your breathing hitched. You gasped for air. And just as the waves of pleasure threatened to consume you once more, you surrendered, letting out a pathetic cry as your body convulsed with the force of your climax.

His tongue lingered over your sensitive skin, savoring the taste of your release, before he finally withdrew, allowing you a moment to catch your breath. He then lifted his head, your juices glistening on his lips as he watched your heaving chest.

Spencer had never been so thankful for his eidetic memory. He took in the sight of your hands, bound above your head, the rise and fall of your chest as you panted, the tousled strands of hair framing your face. His gaze lingered on the way your legs willingly parted for him, your skin flushed and pussy swollen, all because of him.

It was a sight he wanted to etch into his memory forever.

You bit your bottom lip as his gaze lingered on you, feeling your body flush under his scrutiny. Then, as if something within him shifted, he reached for you, urging your body to turn until you were facing sideways, the chains rattling softly as you moved.

He settled behind you, and your heart quickened as you felt him grab your leg, lifting it in the air. With one hand gripping your thigh firmly, he positioned himself between your legs, his hard cock pressing against your slick folds. 

You could feel the warmth of his body pressed against your back, his breath ghosting over your neck as he leaned in closer. With a deep, guttural moan, he eased himself into you, every inch of him sliding effortlessly into your wetness. You couldn't help but arch your back in response to the sensation of being filled so completely.

"Fuck," he murmured, the curse slipping past his lips in a breathy whisper. It sounded foreign coming from him and yet it only encouraged you more. You pushed your hips back into him, meeting his slow, deliberate thrusts.

"Needed this so much," he confessed, his breath coming out in ragged pants against the nape of your neck. "You have no idea how much I've wanted you like this for so long."

Your head fell back onto his chest, completely enveloped in him—the scent of his skin, the warmth of his touch, the rhythmic movement of his cock thrusting inside you.

"Thought it was wrong of me to take control of you," he muttered, his breath hot against your ear. "But you're enjoying this as much, aren't you?"

You whimpered, unable to form words as the pleasure consumed you and you felt him picking up his pace. The room was filled with lewd noises of your wetness along with the sound of skin slapping against skin.

"You like being helpless like this? You like it when I fuck you while being cuffed to the bed?"

Your breath hitched at his words. His hand left your thigh, but only momentarily. The crack of sound pierced the air, followed by a surge of sensation coursing up your leg. The realization hit you like a bolt of lightning—he spanked you. 

And you liked it.

"Answer. Me," he demanded, each word punctuated by the rhythm of his thrusts.

"Yes," you managed to gasp out. "I-I love being helpless."

He let out a sound of pleasure as he released your thigh, only to tease your clit with his fingers. You gasped, your head thrown back as he applied just the right amount of pressure, sending waves of pleasure through your body. You felt the intensity building, the familiar coil tightening in your stomach as he continued to pump into you, his fingers moving fast against your clit.

You tried to speak and warn him about your upcoming orgasm but you couldn't even think properly. The squelch of his cock driving into you roughly rang in your ears and with a sharp inhale, you felt the tension within you reach its peak. Your muscles tensed, your breath caught in your throat, and then, with an explosive release, you cried out his name.

He groaned as he felt you pulsating around him, your walls gripping him tightly. He continued to move within you, riding out your orgasm as his thrusts grew harder, more urgent until he couldn't hold back any longer.

"I need to see you," he breathed as he pulled out of you. Then he flipped you onto your back, guiding one of your legs over his shoulder as he settled between your thighs once more. The change in position brought you closer, the heat of your bodies mingling as you met his gaze.

Without a word, he pushed himself back into you, the slick heat of your cunt enveloping him. You watched him through half-lidded eyes, feeling your body growing sticky, every inch of you glistening with sweat, but his gaze remained fixated on you, unwavering and intense.

"So pretty," he murmured, his hand finding your face and cupping your cheek, absorbing your features in the dim lighting of the room. "My beautiful wife."

You whimpered as he dragged his hand down your skin, thumb brushing over your lips as he felt your hot breath on his fingertip. He watched your eyes switch between widening and fluttering half shut while he began pumping into you.

Spencer couldn't keep his eyes off of you as you took his cock eagerly, your breasts bouncing each time he thrust forward, your mouth hanging open with your tongue slipping out of your mouth. A whine followed through as his hand moved down to your neck, practically holding you in place as his hips collided against your own.

He gave a slight pressure around your throat, and your head began to loll against the mattress, chin pointed in the air in pleasure. The squeezing sensation was now beginning to take over your body, spreading from across your cheeks, to your ears, and up to your eyes, tears pooling right at the corner. The feeling even reached your stomach, tightening and coiling with the signal of your impending orgasm.

Was this your fourth orgasm? Your fifth? You couldn't keep track; all you knew was the overwhelming sensation prickling your skin. The bed below you felt as if it was on fire. The metal digging around your wrist burned with absolute pleasure.

His thrusts grew more intense, each movement raw and unrestrained, as if he was pouring all his pent-up emotions into you. He seemed to lose himself in the moment, his grip on your neck firm but not painful, but it was enough to make you gasp, your body trembling with pleasure, eyes rolling at the back of your head.

You were instantly gone.

A filthy cry fell between your lips as another orgasm crashed over you, more intense than the last. At some point you were gasping for air, feeling your body going limp but he didn’t stop. His hips had a mind of their own. You could feel them beginning to move like they were possessed, with no regard for your pleasure, and in a way, no regard for his. 

“Oh god—fuck!” You cried, arching your back as much in this position.

He groaned and leaned in, his arms pressing against the bed on either side of you as he pushed your leg up to your shoulder. He tried to kiss you, but the force of his movements made it hard. Instead, his lips hovered just above yours, both of you breathing heavily and moaning into each other's mouths.

Eyelids drooped a bit too low as your mouth went completely ajar, exhaling weakly. It didn’t take long for another wave of pleasure to rush through your body. You convulsed beneath him, thighs quivering violently as you tried to angle your body away from him, the pleasure almost unbearable now.

Through the haze of your orgasm, you caught a glimpse of him throwing back his head with his eyes screwed shut. Then he finally groaned—his movements slowing, breath sputtering from his lungs as he exploded, pumping once, twice, three times all before coming to a halt, cock twitching inside you.

You watched the sweat bead down his forehead as you both worked silently to relax your bodies, pulses pounding in ruthless rhythm. With a deep, contented sigh he finally slid himself out of you before going through his discarded pants on the floor. 

After a moment, he returned to you and unlocked the handcuff from your wrist, the sound of the lock clicking echoing in the room. The chains fell onto the bed with a soft thud as he gently took hold of your hands.

“Are you okay?"

You nodded, offering him a reassuring smile. "I'm okay."

He pressed a tender kiss to both of your wrists, his lips lingering over your pulse for a moment. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" he asked anxiously, his eyes raking over your body. "Was I too rough? Did I—""

"Spencer, relax," you whispered, you took his hand in yours. "I'm good. I promise."

"You sure?" he asked, his face still tight with concern.

"Yes, more than good. Just come cuddle with me?"

He hesitated, his eyes scanning over your body for a few seconds longer. After he seemed satisfied you really were okay, he lowered onto the bed beside you and you drew his head to your chest. Your fingers gently played with his hair, watching as he slowly relaxed into you, throwing one of his arms across your stomach. 

"Thank you," he whispered. "I... I think I needed that."

Your attention shifted to his face, happy to see his expression finally somewhat peaceful as he lay just above your breasts. His eyes were closed, the tension you'd noticed on his face when he'd arrived entirely gone now.

Gently running your fingers through his hair, you whispered, "Of course, baby. Anytime you need me, I'm here."

His lips curved into a small, contented smile as he nestled closer to you. "I love you."

A surge of warmth filled your chest at his words. "I love you too," you whispered back. "But are you okay? Do you want to talk about what happened at work?"

You felt him shift as he shook his head. "Maybe later. I just want to hold you right now."

You gently kissed the crown of his head before pulling him closer. Spencer sighed happily as he snuggled closer to you, listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat against your chest. He then reached over your breasts, his thumb trailing over the marks he had left on your skin. 

"I didn't realize you enjoyed that so much."

You shrugged the shoulder beside his head. "It's hard not to. I mean, I think I've always liked it when you're in control, and that doesn't only apply to sex."

He leaned back to look at you. "Really?"

You nodded, a small smile playing on your lips. "Yeah. Remember the first time we started dating and someone broke into my apartment?"

"How could I forget?" he replied, a frown tugging at his brows as he recalled the memory. “That was one of the scariest moments in my life.”

"Right. You thought some serial killer was targeting me when it was just a random robbery. But the way you handled the situation..." you continued, your voice softening. "When you took charge and made sure I was safe, I realized how much I trusted you. And I remember thinking, 'Damn, my boyfriend's pretty cool.'"

His frown melted away, replaced by a warm smile at your words. "You thought I was cool?" 

You chuckled, nodding as you met his gaze. "You're cool, smart, and hot at the same time," you teased. "What I'm trying to say is, I like it when you're in control because I like to depend on you. You make me feel safe and cared for."

His expression softened even further, a tender warmth filling his eyes. "I like it when you depend on me too," he confessed softly. With a gentle tug, he sat up, bringing you along. "Come on then, let me care for you now."

You looked up at him. "Yeah? What do you have in mind?"

"I think we both need that nice warm bath."

You smiled, already feeling the tension in your muscles ease at the thought of a soothing bath with him. "Will you wash my hair too?"

He pushed a strand of hair off your face, his heart swelling with affection at the look in your eyes. How could he resist when you looked at him like he hung up the moon for you? 

"Of course," he replied without hesitation. "I'll do whatever you want me to do."

[bbkoolkatz]

you're pregnant... katsuki made sure to remind you every single time you leaned/bent over to pick something up, when you attempted to cook something for him before he gets back from work, or even if you tried to make the bed in the mornings... he fussed over the littlest things, refusing to let you exert yourself in any manner, other than the exercises he planned out for you...

then front door burst open, and katsuki stomped in, arms loaded with grocery bags, as he kicked off his boots. his gaze immediately moved from the smiled you greeted him with on your face, to the vacuum cleaner, still on, in your hand.

"the hell d'ya think yer doin'?" he barked, dumping the bags onto the kitchen counter. before you could even open your mouth to respond, he was already striding across the room, snatching the vacuum from your hands like it was some sort of threat. "are ya' outta yer damn mind?"

you blinked at him, caught completely off guard by his sudden outburst. "i was just cleaning, katsuki... relax."

"relax?" his voice jumped an octave, disbelief dripping from his tone. he jabbed a finger toward your growing belly, to remind you yet again, as if you weren't walking around with all day. "y' shouldn't be messin' with this crap!"

crossing your arms, you fought to keep calm. "babe i'm pregnant, not incapable... the living room was a disaster, and i wanted to do something about it."

"i don't give a damn about the livin' room!" he fired back, his hands flying as he gestured. "what if you tripped? or hurt yourself? or—"

"or what? did something to pass time until you came home?" you cut in, narrowing your eyes. "i wasn't doing anything dangerous, katsuki. it's vacuuming, not weightlifting."

his jaw tightened, the muscles visibly straining as his teeth ground together. "doesn't matter. this ain't happenin' again."

you raised a brow, letting out a disbelieving scoff. "oh, really?" you grabbed a pillow from the couch and lobbed it at him, square in the chest, and he caught it, his expression a mix of shock and annoyance. "you're being ridiculous!"

"ridiculous?" he repeated, his tone dropping into that familiar low growl that always made your heart skip. tossing the pillow aside, he pointed firmly at the couch. "sit. down. now."

you held your ground, the heat of irritation flaring up again. "katsuki—"

"don't 'katsuki' me!" he snapped, his stance shifting as his hands found his hips, and he watched you up and down, with that stubborn glint in his eyes... "you either sit, or i make you."

"you wouldn't dare," you shot back, glaring at him.

"wanna test me?" he challenged, stepping closer, daring you to defy him.

the sheer intensity of his protectiveness was as frustrating as it was endearing. with an exaggerated sigh, you flopped onto the couch. "there. happy?"

"for now," he grumbled, shooting you a final warning glance before heading toward the coffee table to start tidying up the clutter.

leaning back against the cushions, you watched him work, your earlier irritation slowly fading away, taking in the tension in his shoulders, the tight set of his jaw—he wasn't just being overbearing. he was scared, though he'd never admit it.

"you're way more stressed about this whole pregnancy thing than i am." you teased, breaking the silence.

"yeah, well," he muttered without looking at you, stacking magazines with unnecessary force, "i can't do much else, so i'm makin' sure you don' screw anythin' up."

a soft chuckle escaped your lips, "you're impossible," you teased, picking up a pillow to hold it against your belly.

"yeah, yeah," he replied, his tone softer now. he glanced your way briefly, the worry in his eyes undeniable. "i just don' want anythin' happenin' t' ya' or our kid."

your heart softened at his honesty. "i get it, kats."

"good." he said, returning to his self-appointed task. "now shut up 'n let me finish this. i'll do it better anyway."

you gasped dramatically, by the jab at your cleaning skills, and threw another pillow at him, landing it against the side of his face, the shocked glare that followed was sooo worth it. and he just watched as you held his brat in your belly, laughing at him.

mlist!

[strawberrynull]

please can you write niki with a noona gf !! and he tries his hardest to impress her and let her see him as a big boy now ^.^

fluff or suggestive, i dont mind ❤️❤️ thankss

──⯎ ˙ 💋 ̟ noona!

엔하이픈 | Enhypen | Nishimura Riki

──Pairing: bf!niki x afab!reader

──Genre: fluff, angst

──Synopsis: Poor Niki despises being treated like a baby by his girlfriend who is only slightly older than him. He decides to try to prove to her that hes not a baby

──Warnings: cursing, established relationship, kissing, making out, skinship, hickeys

──A/N: guys im working on making a taglist so if u wanna be added pls message me or comment or sum so ik to add you

masterlist

"Hi baby. How was your day?" you ask your boyfriend, reaching up to cup his cheeks as you kiss his forehead. Niki's smile faded slightly upon hearing your name for him. Truthfully, calling him baby made him feel like a baby. Babe was fine but calling him baby just seemed to upset him. Sometimes you would take it a step further just to make him more upset by calling him 'baby boy' which was so much worse.

"It was uh... fine I guess." He shrugged, clenching his teeth slightly when you ran your fingers through his dark hair. You were already treating him like a fragile being as soon as he had gotten home. This severely pissed him off. Not to the extent that he would get mad at you though. He had never yelled at you or anything like that. Usually when he was mad he would just walk away and sulk.

"You seem a little out of it. Did something happen?" you asked genuinely, sticking your bottom lip out to form a small pout.

"Just tired." Niki mummbled briefly, not stopping to look at you. He slipped out of your embrace and made his way to sit on the couch. You followed him to the living room of your shared apartment. His expression and demeanor told you to fuck off but sometimes you didn't know when to stop. You took a seat next to him so you could continue to run your fingers through his dark locks. He groaned in annoyance, jerking his head away from you.

"Yah, why are you so cranky? Got a stick up your ass or sum'?" You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest with a scowl.

Niki really did like when you played with his hair. Though, right now he had to resist it. He had to get you to realize he didn't want to be treated like a little baby. He wanted to be treated like an adult. He wanted you to think of him as your super hot boyfriend instead of your baby boy. It was no easy task trying to look all tough in front of you when you were so sweet to Niki.

In a sudden swift move, Niki stood from the couch and turned to go to his room. You reached a hand out to attempt to stop him but it was pointless. He had already made up his mind to leave. There was no stopping him once his mind was made.

"Yah! Where do you think you're going?" you yelled to him, hoping he would stop and come back. Though you knew he wouldn't.

Your boyfriend stopped with a heavy sigh. He turned around to face you. "I don't want to be treated like a baby by you."

"But Ki, you're myyyyyy baby~" you coo, clearly not making the situation any better as Niki shuts the door to his bedroom. You hear a small click and you know he's locked the door too. You throw your head back in frustration eliciting a long sigh.

After a while you start to worry that your boyfriend is genuinely mad. 20 had passed by and he has yet to leave his room. Neither have you heard any noise from his room. You grumble as you push yourself off the couch and trudge over to his bedroom door. Knocking softly, you press an ear to the door. When you hear nothing on the other side, you decide to knock again. This time you hear shuffling which you assume is Niki getting up from his bed. But instead of him opening the door, you hear his gaming chair squeak.

"Come on. You know I don't actually think you're a baby, Riki." You groan, sitting down against his door. You cross your arms over your chest. "Please come back out."

Nothing but silence is heard from his room. You know damn well that he's not actually playing games and ignoring you. When he's mad, he'll pretend to be busy but he'll really just sit there trying to resist coming out of his room to kiss you.

"Say that you won't treat me like a baby anymore." you can tell by the sound of his voice that he's pouting. It makes you giggle.

"Is that all its going to take to get you to come out of your room?"

"You have to promise!" He yells back. You begin to feel bad. You can tell that he's serious that he doesn't want to be treated like a baby. He's so cute and pretty though that sometimes you can't help it. Sometimes you have to give things up for the greater good. And in this case, your boyfriend wasn't coming back out unless you gave up the baby-talk and pampering.

"Alright, Niki, I promise. I'll stop treating you like a baby." Upon hearing your promise, the door opens slightly. You look up to see your pretty boyfriend. He looks down at your sitting figure with a slight pout. Still so cute.

"Hi pretty boy." You stand from your spot on the floor. Niki opens the door wider and stands to the side, signaling for you to come in. You do just that. You step into his room which was dark from the lights being off and the windows being covered by the curtains.

Once you're fully inside the room, the door shuts behind you. Niki's hands find their way to your hips and he pushes you until your back hits the door. Heat rises to your cheeks when you realize why he's acting this way. He really does want to be treated like an adult.

He brought a hand up to cup your cheek before crashing his lips onto yours. You give a muffled gasp at his sudden action. Your hands quickly found the back of his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. Your lips seemed to mold together perfectly as if the two of you were made for each other. It may seem like he's being unnecessarily rough in him movements but his kisses are gentle as his thumb rubs circles on your cheek. Your heart flutters at the softness of his touch. You know that he could never bring himself to be rough with you.

Though, he still didn't seem satisfied. The hand that was once on your waist had snaked to the small of your back. He pulled you toward him until your bodies were flush against each other. His lips moved down to kiss your neck, setting warmth to every part of your skin he touches. Your fingers played with his hair while he bit the soft skin of your neck then soothed the mark with his tongue. Unbeknownst to you, he was melting under your touch even more than you, feeling you play with his hair. Of course he was whipped for you. He continued to leave marks on your neck and shoulders until he was satisfied with his work. He pulled away to look at you like you were like his own personal canvas.

"Ki, I-"

"I told you not to treat me like a baby." He deadpanned with a cold harsh glare as his fingers held your chin. His face moved close to yours, his lips hovering next to your ear. His voice caused a chill to run down your spine. "I'm not going to let that happen again, yeah?"

His fingers slid down to wrap around your throat, squeezing gently. You gasped slightly at his change in attitude. He had never once acted this way. Every new action was a surprise to you. His lips found themselves back on yours like a magnet. The pressure on your throat made your head spin. Niki could tell he was getting the reaction he wanted. It made his mind fuzzy seeing you like this.

Niki removed his lips from yours which were now swollen and red. He released his grip on your throat and brought a finger up to swipe your bottom lip. He chucked watching you gasp for air.

"Am I still a baby to you?" he asked, causing you to shake your head frantically. As cute as he was, you had to admit, he was so ungodly hot too. And, god, was that hot. "Good." Niki turned and walked away from you, leaving you confused.

"Niki, what was that-"

"Go away, I'm embarrassed." he whined, plopping onto the bed and throwing a blanket over himself and hiding his face. You burst out in a fit of laughter. He really was too adorable. "Shut up!" He sat up wielding a pillow which he threw full force at you, sending you landing on your ass. You sat on the floor laughing at how cute your boyfriend was.

© strawberrynull, 2024. Do not copy my work. Please DM for permission before translating or reuploading. Thank You

[yujiqi]

hiii could you write a lil something fluffy about reader and hamzah living together and what starts as you stealing his clothes turns into you guys sharing basically everything (like he steals your satin pillowcase, you use his glasses, he tries out your skincare, etc.)??

(could be an established relationship or secretly-in-love roommates <3)

the perfect pair

bf!hamzah x f!reader

synopsis: you and hamzah have been living together for so long you even start to use each others stuff!

genre/s: fluff

warnings: none!

wc: 890

a/n: coming around to requests! i literally used all your examples because i genuinely couldn't think of things LOL this was lowkey short and idk if i fulfilled what u wanted but this ones so cute i love it thank u anon :D

you and hamzah moved in together about 6 months ago and you guys have gotten much more comfortable with each other since then. for the first month or two, you guys would always ask for permission before borrowing or wearing each others things, but you really can't say the same now.

"babe have you seen my camo hat?" you hear your boyfriends voice call from your shared closet.

"yes!" you say smiling as he walks out and towards you on the bed, staring at his camo hat sitting on your small head.

"look at you," he pats your head, "always taking my hats"

"it matches my pants, see" you laugh, jumping up to give him a hug. he reciprocates and presses a kiss to your forehead.

it's not even just clothes and accessories, sometimes it's the oddest things that you typically wouldn't share. you were finishing up your night routine and as you get in bed, you notice somethings missing. you turn over to hamzah laying on his side scrolling on his phone, his head laying on the pillow with your satin pillow case.

"hamzah" you rest your chin on his shoulder, catching a glimpse of the stupid tiktok he was watching.

"hm" he hums, engrossed.

"why do you have my pillow case?" he finally looks away from his phone to look at you, flashing a cheeky cmile.

"it makes my skin smoother! and look at my curls" you begin playing with his silky dark brown locks.

"they look so good baby, want me to buy you one?"

"no no then it won't smell like you" you only let out a chuckle, kissing his cheek.

"you're so cute"

whenever you study for exams, you have a hard time reading the font and to your surprise, hamzahs glasses have the perfect amount of prescription, so you wear them!

"ugh this is so stupid" you sigh, frustrated at the question you've been on for 30 minutes. you hear the front door opening and closing, meaning hamzah's home.

"hey girl, whatcha doin hm?" he comes behind your chair, kissing the top of your head.

"i'm studying for that business exam i told you 'bout"

"oh man, i wish i could help but i really don't know what i'm looking at right now" he begins massaging your shoulders, hoping to relieve some of your stress. "that feel good, angel?"

"so good," you sigh. "thank you baby but 'm gonna fall asleep, i gotta finish this"

"ok i'll leave you to it, i'm proud of you ma" he leans down to kiss your cheek but he pauses. "are you wearing my glasses?"

you smile up at him, kissing his plump lips. "yeah, needed them to see this tiny ass font"

"you look so studious, you're serving office siren i think is what it's called? but you look so sexy i'm actually having heart palpitations" he grasps his chest, heaving jokingly.

"i love you how you say things" you laugh, pressing another kiss to his lips.

hamzah occasionally gets little breakouts on his face, and to make matters worse, he doesn't even have a skincare routine. but you do. so when this happens, he just uses your skincare!

"how the hell does she use this?" hamzah questions as he fumbles with one of your serums.

"hamzah, you okay?" you enter the bathroom, your hamzah-senses tingling. "boy what are you doing?"

"my skin was doing bad and i was feeling a lil insecure" he sulks.

"should've told me love," you sit on the counter. "c'mere, lemme do this for you" he moves to stand between your legs and you take the serum from his large hands. "what have you done so far?"

"i put this thing on" he points at your toner, before placing his hands on your thighs.

"ok good, you were on the right track!" you open the serum and fill the applicator. "you press this at the top to get the serum in the dropper"

"ohhh i thought it was the squeezy ones"

"no, but i'm shocked you know that!" you smile approvingly at him, applying some serum on his cheeks and then his forehead and chin. you begin patting it into his skin with your fingers.

"i like when you touch my face, feels good" he looks at you with half lidded eyes.

"yeah?"

"mhm, can you do this more often?"

"of course, anything for you sweetheart" you kiss his nose, "now i'm just gonna use a moisturizer then we'll do sunscreen, okay?" he nods his head, inching his body closer to you. now his arms are wrapped loosely around your lower waist.

"hamzah you're too close! how am i gonna do this?" you giggle at his clingyness, applying the cream to his face that's just inches away from yours.

"see you're doing just fine" he gives you toothly a smile as you reach the last step.

"anddd we're done!" you fix a stray curl on his head before wrapping your arms around his neck so he can help you down.

"is the glow giving?" he says as he sucks his cheeks in.

"yes but don't do that"

"oh ok so you don't love me"

"boiii get the hell out of here" you playfully push his shoulder and chase him out of the bathroom.

it really is sharing is caring with you and hamzah.

[motherearthlovesus]

using toxic!theo to get over toxic!theo (18+)

ft. pansy | warnings: cheating

"oh god, don't look" your best friend pansy grabbed the top of your arm, quickly pulling you to the side of the room as soon as you stepped into the party

"what pans?" you said looking over your shoulder sounding annoyed "after what happened with theo, i deserved a proper entrance, do you know how much this dress cost-"

"yes yes of course babes, i just didn't want everyone to see the look on your face when you saw that" you turned to see your brand new ex laughing with her. she hung off of his arm, clinging to his every word like it was a matter of life or death.

"her?" you spat. "why her?"

"because he knew it would get to you" pansy always seemed to have an answer. "he knew this was the only thing that would get to you".

you knew she was right, you knew he was doing this to get a rise out of you. you held one of pansy's hands, closed your eyes, took a deep breath and tried to remember who you were. you were not someone to flip their shit over a petty little game like this.

"let's go get a drink" trying to sound as carefree as you did the moment before you walked into the party

"thats my girl" replied pansy, leading you towards the open bar still holding your hand.

"oh god, don't look" pansy slurred in between burps.

"what now" your laugh echoed through out the party. the smile plastering your face quickly faded as you turned to see theo storming towards you.

"we need to talk," he said, his voice low, almost demanding.

"she's busy at the moment" pansy cut in before you could open your mouth.

you gave pansy a grateful look. "it's fine, pans," you said calmly as you set your drink down. your eyes met theo's, and you could see the frustration simmering beneath the surface. he hated when things didn't go his way, and you always found it amusing to take advantage of that.

gracefully, you stood up and brushed passed him, your vanilla scented perfume floated behind you as you went. you felt his eyes on you as you strolled away from him, and towards the outside hall. the party faded to a soft thumping as the cool air hit you, a stark contrast to the heat of that room. moments later, you heard the unmistakable sound of his footsteps behind you. you didn’t stop walking, not yet. you let him come to you.

"why are you acting like this?" he asked calling after you, his voice sullen and frustrated.

you scoffed, rolling your eyes as you crossed your arms. “like what?” you shot back. your pulse quickened making your heartbeat spread to every corner of your body.

theo took a step closer. “like you don’t care,” he retorted, his voice rising. “like none of this matters to you.”

you almost literally screeched to a halt. you took a deep breath, and slowly turned around. “hold on, you think I don’t care just because i refuse to play your little game?”

theo smirked, stepping closer, he eyed the thin straps of your dress. “you know what?i think you care a lot more than you’re letting on,” he said, his voice low and teasing. “if i didn't get under your skin, why are you here with me?" he reached for the strap of your dress, gently brushing his thumb and middle finger along it, slightly lifting it away from your chest. how could you not come up with something to say? you knew you weren't as good as pansy, but this should have been easy. as he toyed with the strap of your dress, he leaned in slightly, his breath warm against your ear.

"you look so beautiful tonight cara mia" he looked down at you with those dark sleepy eyes that had gotten you in this mess in the first place. "you're mine, she means absolutely nothing to me." theo grabbed both of your hips and pushed you back to the nearest wall, his eyes still bearing into your soul. his lips grazed against your neck and you let out a soft moan. "careful, you wouldn't want me to fuck you right here, would you?" you open your mouth to respond but his tongue filled it before you could get a word out. he lifted your leg wrapping it around his waist, your dress fell up your thighs. the cold air covered your newly exposed skin in goosebumps. theo's hand wandered down to the only warm part of your body left. a gasp escaped at the contrast between his cold fingers and your warm pussy. his mouth filled with your moans as his fingers pumped in and out of you. he pulled back from the kiss to take the straps of your dress off your shoulders, causing one of your nipples to quickly harden against the cold night air. he dipped his head down and used his tongue to play with your nipple while he found your clit with his thumb. the motion of his fingers speeding up inside of you, the circles he was drawing on your clit and the combination of his tongue and the night air on your nipple, it sent you tumbling over the edge. the waves of pleasure that came crashing over you were so strong that you forgot to keep a limit on how loud you should be.

"maybe we should take this back to my dorm" theo smirked sucking the mess off his fingers.

"no, i think we are done here". elegantly, you fixed your dress up and began to walk away. theo stood there for a moment, blank with confusion. you made it halfway back to the party before theo caught up with you. this time you interrupted him before he could speak, "im might be able to use you for your fingers and mouth but you won't be getting my heart ever. again." theo stood there staring at you for what felt like an eternity, when the door to the party opened and she came out.

she sashayed her way over to theo and stuck her arm through his. their arms looked like two angles jutting out in all the wrong ways. theo's human magnet sneered at you "oh, girl, ur hair is a bird's nest, maybe you should go, like, fix that up?"

"you're so right, girl, you know how rough theo can be" you shot back, forcing every ounce of casualness you had left in your body.

her mouth dropped to the floor, immediately screaming at theo for the apparent injustice.

you couldn't help but smile to yourself as you looked back, opening the door. theo was standing there with a finger pointed in his face, looking for someone, anyone, to help. his eye caught yours and gave you a look that could make any girl melt. but pansy was waiting, and she was far more important.

besides he would probably be on your doorstep the next morning

********************

self insert mean girl, personally i chose my new ex bsf

omg idk if i like this ive stared at it too long. sorry its so long, also this is the smuttiest thing ive ever posted (its not even that smutty lol), i feel like more people will end up seeing it so i wanted to try. feedback and reblogs are super appreciated & requests r open as usual <3

[drowning-in-paragraphs]

hii!!

can i request a kinda angsty fix where the reader and jude got into a stupidish fight and jude knows he’s in the wrong and tries to apologize but the reader just wants some fresh air and when she goes out a man is like following her and being creepy and she has to call jude to come get her.

i think it’d be cute to end kinda fluffy with apologies and kisses to make up.

p.s luv your work<3

a/n: thank you so much for your request, I loved writing this. I hope you like it!

MIDNIGHT APOLOGIES

jude bellingham x gf!reader

warnings: none, just that English is not my first language and the lack of originality in the title.

summary: After a petty fight with Jude, you step outside for some fresh air, despite his insistence that you don´t. Alone at night, you feel a stranger following you and you call your boyfriend in fear. When he arrives, your emotions run high, leading to heartfelt apologies and sweet moments together.

It was one of those nights that felt off from the very beginning. Jude had come home late from training, and you were already on edge after a rough day at work. The tension had been simmering for a while, and it didn’t take much for it to boil over. It started with something small—something so ridiculous, neither of you would even remember the cause by the next day. Maybe it was about him leaving his stuff everywhere or you being short with him. Either way, it turned into something bigger than it needed to be.

“Jude, it is not that difficult to pick up your stuff,” you’d said, your voice tight with frustration. “It’s like you’re always leaving it there for me to pick up.”

He rolled his eyes, leaning back against the kitchen counter, arms crossed. He was also tired after training and your bad mood didn’t help. “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” he muttered. “I’ll get to it later.”

“Yeah, of course,” you snapped, throwing your hands up. “You always say you’ll ‘get to it,’ but you never do, Jude. I feel like I’m doing everything, and you’re just… I don’t know...”

He huffed, clearly frustrated but trying to keep his cool. “I’m tired, you know? Training is intense right now, and I just need some time to relax when I get home. Not your naggings.”

“And what about me? I’m tired too. I’ve had a horrible day, and you are not helping.” You hated how emotional your voice sounded, like you were right on the verge of tears. The last thing you wanted was for this to turn into something serious, but you were exhausted—exhausted of feeling unheard.

He sighed, rubbing his temple. "I know you're upset, but I’m doing my best—”

“No, Jude. You’re not,” you cut him off, the words sharper than you meant. “You’re not even trying.”

The silence that followed was heavy, thick with the unspoken tension between you. Jude’s jaw tightened, and you could tell he was trying to bite back whatever he wanted to say. He knew he was in the wrong—knew he had been neglecting your needs, but his pride wouldn’t let him admit it. At least, not yet.

After a few more moments of the suffocating quiet, you sighed, running a hand through your hair in frustration. "I need some air," you muttered, grabbing your jacket from the chair and heading toward the door.

Jude straightened up from his position alarmed, his eyes following you. "This late? Babe, it's not safe out there right now."

You paused, your hand on the doorknob, turning to look at him. "I just need to cool off for a few minutes, Jude. If I stay here I’ll probably end up saying something I’ll regret."

His concern flickered across his face, but he held his tongue. Normally, he would’ve insisted you stay—that you work it out right then and there. But he knew this situation was his fault and that you would take his advice as a rude order. He didn’t want to escalate the situation any further. So, with a tight nod, he let you go, though the tension in his body was evident.

“Fine,” he muttered quietly, biting his tongue. “Just… be careful, alright?”

You didn’t respond, pushing the door open and stepping into the cool night air. As soon as you were outside, the weight on your chest lightened slightly. The cool breeze was a relief against your heated skin, and you walked with no particular direction in mind, just wanting to clear your head.

But as you wandered further away from your apartment, that feeling of relief slowly ebbed away, replaced by something else—a prickling sensation at the back of your neck. You glanced over your shoulder, your heart speeding up when you noticed a man a few steps behind you. His pace matched yours, and even though he wasn’t doing anything overtly threatening, there was something unsettling about his presence. You quickened your steps, trying to shake him off, but he did the same, closing the distance slightly.

You turned right onto a street, expecting the man to continue straight ahead. However, your heart began to race in your chest when the man not only imitated you, but also quickened his pace.

Your breath hitched, and your hand instinctively moved to your phone in your pocket. You fumbled with it for a second before dialing Jude’s number from memory, your fingers shaking.

He picked up after the first ring, his voice immediately concerned. "Hey, are you okay?"

"Jude," you whispered quietly, your voice trembling. "There's… there's a guy. I think he's following me."

There was a pause on the other end, and you could hear Jude moving, probably grabbing his jacket and keys. "Tell me where are you." His voice was sharp now, all traces of your earlier fight gone. You quickly rattled off the nearest street signs, your heart pounding in your chest as you continued walking rapidly.

"Stay on the phone with me," he said firmly. "I'm coming to get you. Don't look back—just keep walking towards the main road. I'll be there in five minutes."

You did as he said, your feet moving faster as you tried to reach a more populated area, but it was difficult due to these hours. Your heart was racing, but hearing Jude’s voice kept you grounded. You kept walking, glancing around nervously, but soon enough, you spotted him, his face set in a mixture of anger and concern. The man behind you seemed to realize what was happening and quickly disappeared into the shadows, leaving you alone.

Jude reached you in moments, pulling you into his arms without a word. You could feel how tense he was, his hand gently running up and down your back as he held you close and tight.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice softer now, his lips brushing the top of your head.

You nodded, your face buried in his chest as you answered him. "Yeah… I just got scared."

He pulled back slightly, his eyes scanning your face. "I'm sorry," he murmured, cupping your cheek. "I shouldn’t have let you go out by yourself. I knew it wasn’t safe, but I didn’t want to argue more. That was on me."

You shook your head, feeling a little overwhelmed by everything. "No, no. It’s not your fault. I just needed some space, but I shouldn’t have gone out so late."

His thumb brushed over your cheek, and his eyes softened, guilt etched into every line of his face. "Still, I should’ve been more understanding earlier. I’ve been so caught up in everything, and I haven’t been thinking about how much I’ve been taking your actions for granted. I’m really sorry."

You sighed, the frustration melting away at the sincerity in his voice. "I just… I just want you to be here with me, Jude. I don’t need you to be careful about everything, just… a bit more understanding."

He nodded, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your forehead. "I will. I promise. I’m so sorry, baby."

His kisses came quicker after that, small and tender — one on your nose, another on your cheek, then the corner of your lips. You couldn’t help the little giggle that escaped you, especially when he placed another light peck on your forehead.

"Jude," you muttered, but you were smiling now.

"What?" he grinned, pressing one more kiss to your lips. "I’m making it up to you."

You rolled your eyes, but the warmth in your chest was undeniable as you wrapped your arms around him tighter. "I think you're forgiven," you teased.

His smile widened as he pressed another kiss to your lips, this one deeper, lingering just long enough to make your heart race. “Good,” he whispered. “Because I’m never letting you go out at night alone again. Now I’m your bodyguard.”

Of course, you didn’t protest.

[gojipink]

saying sorry 4 dummies

ஐ ft. childe, diluc, xiao

ஐ summary. how they say sorry in their own way after an argument!

ஐ warnings. none, SFW, fem!reader

childe 

he stands at the doorway swallowing a little thickly at the sight of you unmoving from your spot on the couch, eyes glued to your book. 

normally, you would bound over to him with a big smile and plant a kiss on his lips to welcome him home but the two of you are still in the recovering phase after an enormous fight, a fight that left a few scars and bleeding hearts. 

“h-hi baby…um i got us some dinner!” 

you look up at him with a little smile, “oh thanks, what’d you get?” 

“i got us a whole peking duck and some veggie side dishes,” he states rather proudly holding up the bags for you to see.

“a pek- ajax that's so expensive?!” you gasp out standing from your spot on the couch, walking over to him peeking inside the plastic bags.

“yeah well…i don’ know,” he starts a little sheepishly, “i just wanted to have a nice meal with you after well…y’know…i just wanted to treat my girl, is all…” 

you sigh before softly laughing, taking a to-go bag from him, “thank you,” leaning up to press a lingering kiss to his cheek, “it smells delicious. i'll set these up on some plates while you get ready?” 

his eyes close at the feeling of your lips on his skin, feeling the gap the argument created between the two of you slowly begin to close. he nods wordlessly at your suggestion, not yet fully trusting his voice to sound steady, before hurrying into the bedroom to change and wash up. 

you begin to set the table, putting plates and drinks at you and childe’s designated seating spots at the little round table across from each other. 

coming back out from the bedroom, childe watches you for a second with soft eyes as you stand in the kitchen transferring the food onto big plates. walking towards you, he wraps his arms around your middle, pressing his chest firmly against your back while he rests his cheek against the crown of your head.

“honey, it's a little difficult to move with you pressing on me like this,” you voice, though you dont try to wiggle out of his hold, actually leaning back further into him. 

he pouts to himself but doesn't move an inch until you're handing him a plate to take over to the table. 

after all the food has been placed neatly in the middle, you both sit down in your usual spots.

glancing up at him you offer him a little appreciative smile, “thank you for dinner, babe, it looks really good!” 

childe smiles at you and although you two have sat in this arrangement for ages now, he can't help but feel miles away from you. sliding his dinner plate and drink over to the chair next to you, you giggle at him knowing he’s feeling a little clingy.

“what are you doing, ajax?” you laugh at him

settling into the chair he places a hand on your thigh, his thumb lovingly caressing your skin, knees touching. 

“just wanna be close to you, princess,” he shoots you his classic boyish grin before spooning some food onto his plate. gathering some duck and veggies and folding it all in the wrap, he holds it out to you. 

“say ahhh”

diluc 

he stares at the splayed pile of paperwork on his desk, words blurring and blending together while he sits, zoned out. his own mind torturing him by replaying your disappointed and upset expression over and over again. the argument was small, nothing more than a small frustrated spat between lovers. though, it affects diluc all the same. 

diluc tried to fix it then, tried to apologize immediately at the sight of your downcasted eyes. But before he could get a word out, you mumbled that you needed some air and walked out the mansion, leaving him to stew in his own anxiety. 

heaving a heavy sigh, he tosses the reports onto his desk and slumps back into the backrest of his chair, bringing a hand up to rub at his tired eyes. he just wants you to be home. wants you to be by his side and smiling at him and talking about your day with him. wants to hold you close and tell you he’s sorry for unloading any frustration and any stress onto you when you didn't deserve it. 

a knock at his office doors breaks him out of his turbulent thoughts.

“come in…” he sighed, thinking it must be elzar coming in with something work related. however, when you quietly slip into his office, he immediately stands in surprise, the legs of the chair loudly scraping against the hardwood floors. 

“darling-” 

“i um…i just wanted to bring you something to eat.” you say softly, placing a little to-go box on his desk. “i know you probably haven't eaten yet today, so i thought i would bring you something after strolling around the city…” 

coming around the corner of his desk, his heart melts at your simple yet caring gesture, “that's very kind, my love, thank you.” 

“and um…” looking up at him a little shyly, “i just wanted to say im sorry for, well, earlier. i shouldn’t have gotten so upset and i shouldn’t have just left like that.” 

“nonono, love,” hastily he closes the distance between you two, his hands coming up to rub at your shoulders, “you don't need to apologize. i’m the one who needs to be saying sorry. i shouldn’t have taken any sort of frustration out on you, you didn’t deserve that.”  

giving him a small thankful smile, you reach up to press a sweet kiss to his lips which he happily reciprocates. 

“to be honest, i don't know what we were even arguing about,” you whispered after pulling an inch away. he smiles and rests his forehead on yours, eyes closing to bask in your presence, “i don't either.” 

heart two hundred times lighter than it was when you walked in, you pull away from him smiling, “well, i shall leave you to work then, ‘luc.”

catching your hand before you fully turn away from him, his face suddenly dusted a light pink.

“actually, darling, i was wondering if you wanted to stay? here in the office, i mean. with me. while i work.” 

you look at him with amusement in your eyes as diluc ineloquently stumbles out his request, an extremely rare sight. 

lacing your fingers with his, you step forward to plant a chaste kiss to his cheek, “i would love nothing more.” 

xiao 

his time with you is so short. he’s hyper aware of that fact. his time with you is too short to be wasted on arguments and silent treatments or have any kind of lingering tension. xiao doesn't have that much experience when it comes to dealing with humans or forming a relationship with one, much less a romantic relationship with one. 

he shifts his weight from one foot to the other watching your figure walk across a shorter neighboring mountain top. he sighs to himself thinking back to earlier this morning when the two of you were engaged in a flurry of heated exchanges. xiao didn’t mean to take it as far as he did, didn't mean it like that when he called you weak, didnt mean to make you worry when he suddenly disappeared for a week straight. didnt mean to make matters worse when he had to leave abruptly in the middle of the argument because someone called his name. 

“you could’ve at least given me some kind of sign! a note, a messenger, anything!” your voice becoming a little raised, your concern for him being overtaken by frustration.

“i didn't realize that that would be necessary,” he said lowly, patience quickly wearing thin. 

“you were suddenly gone for an entire week! what else was i supposed to think other than the worst?”

“im not as weak as you!” he shot back, anger lacing his words.

“that’s not my even my point-” you tried to start before he continued.

“i’ve been doing this long before you even existed, i never thought i would have to report my every action to anyone!” 

“xiao,” you sighed, hands coming up to roughly comb through your hair, “im your-”

he suddenly looks away, eyes alert like something else has grabbed his attention. he hesitantly glances at you and you realize someone must be calling his name. scoffing, your hands drop to your side as you turn away from him, “go.”

“y/n-” he sighed

“you need to go, right? go. ill be…” you loosely gesture to the space around you, “here. so, go.” 

upon finishing up the errand that took him away from you, he now observes as you collect qingxin flowers most likely for a small commission to keep yourself busy. looking at the ground of the mountain top he currently stands, he notices an abundance of qingxin flowers and begins to collect a handful. he wants to apologize, he knows he needs to. it wasn't fair that you were left in the dark and if the situation was reversed, he knows he would’ve gone to the edges of teyvat to find you. 

in the midst of picking a flower, a familiar haze of green smoke flashes before xiao appears in front of you. 

“hi,” you say coolly, continuing to pick flowers while barely giving him so much as a glance, “what are you doing here?”

“i…” he hesitates not knowing how to proceed, “i thought i heard you call my name.” the tips of his ears flush red at his obvious lie.

you hum in acknowledgement, “i didn’t.” 

“oh. well- here.” he thrusts the little bouquet of flowers towards you, “i thought i could help.” 

looking at him and the flowers in surprise, you carefully take the bundle before putting it in your basket, “oh. thank you, that actually helps a lot.” 

turning around to begin your descent down the mountain, xiao follows in silence. 

“y/n, i…” he falters when you look at him, waiting for him to finish his thought. 

his mouth opens and closes, his words failing him.

you sigh and look away for a brief moment before looking back at him with a soft expression, “its okay, xiao. i get it.” 

“i'll do better,” he declares, those three words symbolizing all his thoughts. im sorry. i didn’t mean to. i’ll try harder next time. 

you smile at him for the first time in what he feels like is ages, his shoulders finally relaxing. 

“thank you,” you whisper to him before taking his hand in yours, “y’know, maybe i did call for you.” 

his head snaps to yours, “you did?” 

you look back at him with a teasing glint in your eye, “must’ve been missing you so much that my heart called out for you to hear.” 

cheeks dusted pink, he nods his head in agreement. 

[lavender-bun]

No Air To Breathe

PAIRING | jj maybank x routledge!asthmatic!fem!reader

SUMMARY | Your asthma is acting up and not just a little bit...

WARNINGS | asthma attack, salbutamol overdose, vomiting, jj being a panicking golden retriever bf, angst with happy ending, my bad description of medical stuff (bare with me I tried my best 😭), not proofread cause I'm lazy 😶‍🌫️

A/N | totally did not write this because it happened to me a few days ago haha...yeah I'm better now tho no worries👌🏻

◃◦---------------●--------------◦▹

The moment you woke up and made your way to the bathroom you knew your day wasn't going to be easy as you already felt out of breathe. You didn't thought much of it, grabbing your inhaler from the cabinet above the sink and taking a puff so you could go on with your day.

Some time later you started to feel how hard it was to do simple tasks, even just grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge without using your inhaler seemed impossible right now.

Laying in bed and listening to music you could still hear the others coming into the Chateau after their surf session. You got up and decided to join them in the living room, sitting down on the couch and taking another puff of your inhaler while JJ plopped beside you, instantly worried when he saw it in your hand.

"You alright, sugar?" He asked placing his hand on on your thigh, squeezing a little.

You nodded with a smile. "I'm fine, just feeling a little wheezy today."

JJ is not really convinced of your reassurance but nodded anyways, draping your legs over his lap and turning his attention back to the others who were bickering on who got the best wave.

Later in the evening you seemed to get even worse, your breathing now a lot shorter and your inhaler not really helping anymore. Slowly you started to worry and not only you did, JJ had been keeping an eye on you and to see how now any movement had you overwhelmed had him fidgeting a lot.

"Babe." He tried getting your attention and you lifted your head from his shoulder, looking at him with hooded eyes and your skin paler than usual. "Oh shit, you don't look good at all. I mean, you're still smoking hot but- you know what I mean!"

You chuckled and that was your mistake. You started to have a coughing fit, your breathing even worse now after it subsided.

You let your head fall back against JJ's shoulder, whining in distress and frustration, not understanding what's happening right now. JJ called out for John B, assuming your brother must know what to do, he always does.

A second later John B walked in with a can of beer in his hand. "What's up?"

"I don't know man. She- She can't really move without using this." JJ explained holding your inhaler up.

John B, already in big brother mode, walked over to you both holding your face with both hands, cursing under breath.

"Fuck- how many puffs did you take today kid?" He asked and you shrugged tiredly, not enjoying all those movements at all and your stomach doesn't like it either.

"Bucket..." You mumbled and John B rushed to get you one, just in time when your body wrenched forward to vomit.

"What's happening with her?" JJ asked, trying to keep his cool and holding your hair out of your face while you emptied your stomach.

"She overused her inhaler and now her circulation is fucked up." John B explained, calm as ever and putting the bucket down when you stopped puking. He grabbed his phone next and called for an ambulance, knowing things would get worse if he didn't act fast enough.

John B crouched in front of you, trying to get your attention again which was hard for you as everything seemed to exhaust you, even talking.

"You'll be okay. I called an ambulance, they'll be here soon, yeah?"

You just nodded, closing your eyes to get any type of rest but the boys have to keep you awake.

"Hey, stay with me baby. Just like that. Show me those pretty eyes." JJ smiled at you even when he's practically panicking on the inside and wishing he could just take away your suffering.

Meanwhile Pope, Kie, and Sarah caught up to what happened. All now scattered around the room and anxiously waiting for the ambulance to arrive.

Sure enough the paramedics walked inside the Chateau with Pope explaining what happened and in what state you're in.

JJ was holding you the whole time, comforting you and whispering affirmations in your ear. Just as you expected they have to take you to the hospital to give you proper medication and care there.

As soon as you got an IV drip and a oxygen mask JJ carefully got up with you in his arms, carrying you to the ambulance and gently placed you on the stretcher. He sat down beside you, holding your hand to let you know he's there while the paramedics moved around you.

In the hospital the pogues had to sit in the waiting room, angry that they could only wait for any doctor to tell them if you're fine or not. Even JJ couldn't go with you, only for the ride to the hospital and he almost punched the security guy that held him back from going to see how his girl is doing right now but John B eventually got him to sit down, talking some sense into him.

"Relax, dude. You're not helping her when you get arrested now. I know how this works. They keep her here for a few hours, give her medicine and oxygen, and when her oxygen saturation is better we can take her back home."

JJ nodded, taking his hat off and pulling at some strains of his hair. It kills him not being able to be with you in such a scary moment.

An hour later the doctor came into the waiting room and the pogues instantly sprung up, attacking the poor woman with all kinds of questions.

"Alright, let's calm down first." She told them, looking back at the clipboard in her hand. "So, she's going to be okay. She needs to take these antibiotics for the next ten days. Watch that she's drinking and eating enough because she'll still feel a little weak the next two or three days, so keep an eye on her."

The doctor handed John B the package of antibiotics and told them that they could go and see you now as you're stable again.

You smiled when you saw them rushing inside and to your bed, all of them just so relieved to have your normal self back.

JJ leaned down to give a quick peck to your lips, resting his forehead against yours for a moment.

"You scared the hell outta me..." He said and you reached up caress his cheek with your hand.

"I'm sorry." You pulled back from him. "I just- I thought it wouldn't end like that. I already saw the signs the second I woke up but..." You tried to explain your own stupidity but JJ cut you off.

"It's okay, you don't have to explain anything. You're fine now, that's what matters." He assured you.

"Can we go home now?" You asked and turned your head to your brother.

John B patted your head and nodded. "Sure kid, lemme just get a nurse real quick."

Finally back at the Chateau everyone decided a movie night would be the best to cheer you up and as always they were right, even when you're still not feeling all well you had the sleep that night, knowing your family was with you.

JJ held you the whole night, always on alert when you move just a single muscle, checking if you're alright and getting you everything you asked him for.

You really were blessed with this boy.

◃◦---------------●--------------◦▹

Taglist

For everything:

@lokigirlszendaya @buckymydarlingangel @superlegend216

For JJ Maybank:

@tracymbcm @spideysimpossiblegirl

[dorabellingham]

My woman

warning: verbal attacks, anxiety

characters: jude x fem!reader

summary: when after england loses a game, a player freaks out at you, but he defends you.

may contain spelling and translation errors!

You were in the middle of the stands, near the reserved area, where you always waited for the end of the games to greet Jude or, sometimes, another player. The cold wind cut your face, and the stadium was starting to empty. England had just lost an important game, and the mood was heavy. Even though you were discreet and trying not to draw too much attention, you felt the eyes of some frustrated fans around you.

Suddenly, you heard quick footsteps approaching and, before you could react, you felt firm hands holding your shoulders. The fright was immediate, and when you turned to see who it was, your eyes met a player from the team, visibly out of control. He was holding you tightly, his face red with anger, his jaw tense and his eyebrows furrowed with pure frustration.

—You! —He shouted, his voice full of desperation and hatred. —What do you think you’re doing here? Do you think this is a show, that you can just come, smile and pretend everything is fine?! This is no joke, you're just a bunch of self-interested whores!

Paralyzed, you tried to pull away, but the player held you tightly. The pressure on your shoulders was uncomfortable, and you felt despair growing inside you. You tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out. Your body was tense, and fear began to take over. You had never been treated like this before, you never expected to be the target of such an irrational outburst.

—You come here, with those smiles and shitty shirts, and you think you're helping? You only make everything worse, since you're a bunch of little women waiting to be fucked after the game, and that's all you care about!

He continued, spitting furious words.

The people around you began to realize what was happening, but no one seemed to have the courage to interfere. That man's mental chaos was palpable. You, still without reaction, tried to remain calm, but the fear grew with each word he shouted in your direction. You looked around, looking for Jude or someone who could intervene, but no one you knew was around.

Suddenly, a loud sound cut through the air. It was a voice you knew well.

—Let her go, now!

Bellingham came running, his face completely altered with rage. He barely managed to register what was happening before he intervened.

The player hesitated for a second, but soon let go of your shoulders, throwing his hands to the side with a sudden movement. Jude immediately placed himself between you, staring at the player with an expression that mixed fury and protectiveness. You were panting, your eyes wide with fright, but now you felt a little safer with your boyfriend in front of you.

—Have you lost your mind? —Jude shouted, his voice firm. —What the hell do you think you’re doing?

The player, still seething with frustration, shook his head and took a step back, but not before casting one last look of contempt in your direction. He seemed to want to say something, but he simply turned and left, still muttering under his breath words that he couldn't understand.

Jude quickly turned to you, his eyes worried and his voice much softer now.

—Babe, are you okay? Did he hurt you?

He placed his hands lightly on your arms, checking to make sure nothing physical had happened.

You, still processing what had just happened, tried to speak, but your voice came out weak.

—I... I don’t know what happened. He just showed up and started yelling...

You said, still scared, but trying to stay calm.

Jude pulled you closer, hugging you tightly, trying to reassure you. He could feel your body shaking slightly, and that only increased your anger at the situation.

—No one has the right to treat you like this. —He said, his voice lower and full of repressed tension. —I’ll never let that happen again.

You nodded, still recovering from the shock, but feeling much safer with Jude by your side.

Time Skip

As you rode in the taxi back to your London apartment, the heavy silence inside the car contrasted with the faint noise of the city outside. Jude was focused, his jaw clenched, still clearly irritated by what had happened at the stadium. You, on the other hand, were beginning to feel a familiar pressure in your chest.

Your thoughts were racing, your heart beating faster with each passing minute. The image of the player yelling at you, the look of fury in his eyes, the cutting words still echoed in your mind. You tried to control your breathing, to focus on the noise of the traffic, but the feeling of panic was growing, threatening to take over.

You knew he would notice as soon as he looked at you. You knew Jude wouldn't react well if he knew that this confrontation had caused a panic attack. What the player had done had already made him furious, and he would probably go after him if he knew his girlfriend was having a crisis because of it.

Trying to look as calm as possible, you looked out the window, but your fingers were already shaking, and your breathing was starting to become ragged. You felt your chest tighten again, as if the air was disappearing.

Take a deep breath, take a deep breath...

You thought, trying to hold back the tears. But the feeling of being trapped in that moment, unable to free yourself from the anguish, only grew.

—Sweetheart, are you okay?

Jude asked suddenly, turning his head to you, his gaze worried. He had noticed the prolonged silence and the way you kept your face turned away.

You tried to smile, but it came out forced. Your eyes were already starting to shine with the tears you were trying to hold back.

—Yeah... just... tired, I guess.

You answered, your voice low and slightly shaky.

Your boyfriend frowned, sensing that something wasn't right. He knew you well enough to know when you were hiding something. You avoided eye contact, and your hands were shaking slightly in your lap. He took one of your hands gently, trying to comfort you.

—Y/n, I know you. What’s going on?

He asked, the concern in his voice becoming more evident.

You tried to take a deep breath, but your breaths came out fast and shallow, and at that moment, you knew you couldn’t hide it for much longer. A panic attack was setting in, and you hated it. You didn’t want Jude to worry, or to get even angrier than he already was.

—No… it’s nothing, Jude. I just… I’m… Your voice faltered as you tried to find the words. You squeezed his hand tightly, trying to use that contact as an anchoring point.

He looked closer, seeing the sparkle in your eyes and noticing the way you tried to control your breathing, but to no avail. It was then that he realized what was happening.

—Hey, stay calm... —Jude said, moving closer in the seat, his voice lowering, trying to bring a sense of calm. —Babe, are you having a panic attack?

You bit your lip, unable to hold back the tears that were now falling silently down your face. You nodded, lacking the strength to say anything else. Your body was tense, as if you were about to collapse.

—I... I didn't want you to know, Jude. I don't want to worry you. I don't want you to go after that player.

You finally confessed, your voice shaking as the tears flowed faster now.

Bellingham felt a pang of pain in his chest when he saw his girlfriend like this. He knew you had dealt with panic attacks in the past, but he hadn't expected that confrontation to trigger something so strong. He squeezed your hand more firmly and, without hesitation, gently pulled you closer to him, wrapping you in his arms.

—Y/n, look at me —He asked, his voice soft. —It doesn't matter what caused this. I won't do anything stupid, okay? I'm just here for you. We'll get through this together, like we always do.

You buried your face in his chest, sobbing softly as you tried to control your breathing. The sound of Jude’s heartbeat was the only thing anchoring you at the moment.

[hanniebaeee]

All this time (#2)

Hyunjin x fem!reader (Chris x fem!reader)

Warnings: Lots of feels, soft soft Hyunjin

Genre: friends to lovers, campus romance, angst, fluff

Summary: Ever since you started dating Chris, you've felt something's off about his best friend, Hyunjin. What you don't see is the years worth of love and pain the poor man is hiding.

a/n: Not part 2, but a different, longer version. I'm sorry this is a mess - it's not perfect, but yeah 🤭

It was just a month into your relationship, and you and Chris fought like an old married couple. And the topic of all your fall outs? Hyunjin.

The guy something against you. And it was severely inconvenient, considering the fact that Hyunjin was Chris's best friend. This meant you had to constantly be around him a lot.

You didn’t know why he hated you so much - storming out of the room the minute you walk in. Or ignoring you completely when you're all hanging out. Even worse when he started snapping at you for the littlest things. And you really wished that Chris would just tell him to stop for once. But your boyfriend did no such thing.

Chris was a wonderful boyfriend, but this was the one place you questioned all your life decisions. Every single time you brought this up, he tried to make Hyunjin look like an angel and it made you even more furious.

“Just let it pass,” Chris said, his hand squeezing your thigh as you sat beside him on the sofa. “He’ll come around.”

“But it’s been months, Chris,” you said, completely frustrated. “It's just getting worse now!”

Chris sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“Look, I can’t control Hyunjin, alright? I get that it’s hard, but you’re making this a bigger deal than it needs to be.”

“A bigger deal? Are you serious right now?” you hissed, getting off the sofa and glaring at your boyfriend.

“I’m serious,” he snapped, his patience wearing thin. “Just try to understand. He’s been my best friend for years, and he's struggling with things. Just leave him alone.”

You stared at him, stunned.

“So, what? I’m just supposed to put up with it? Let him treat me like that?”

“I don’t know what else to say, okay? Just drop it for now.”

“You know what, forget it.” You muttered, grabbed your stuff and left, slamming the door shut behind you.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Felix asked for the hundredth time, his eyes floating from you to Minho.

You were leaning against the wall on the other side of the room, with a can of coke in your hand while Chris stood beside you, his hand wound around your waist. You clearly didn't want to be here, since you were still mad at him. But Chris insisted that the party would be a great way to unwind.

“Look, there's no other way, ok?” Minho said, eyeing Hyunjin who had now lost count of the number of drinks he'd downed.

“May I remind you that if Chris ever knew, he'd murder all of us?” Lisa added. “I really don't think we should meddle.”

“Babe, whose side are you on?” Minho hissed.

“I get it ok? But what exactly are you trying to do here?” Lisa asked, exasperated.

“You know how he is when he's drunk. We're just setting the stage. He'll do the rest. Trust me.” Minho said.

“Fine.” Felix said, taking a big gulp of his drink and sitting beside Hyunjin.

“You know what to do,” Minho told Lisa, who sighed and nodded.

---

You watched as Lisa danced around with that glass of red wine with a frown on your face. What's with this girl tonight?

And you couldn’t say you were surprised when she “accidentally” spilled the wine on Chris's shirt, giggling as she apologized profusely. Chris groaned, setting his glass down. And you threw Lisa a suspicious look.

“I’ll go clean this up. Be right back,” he said, kissing your temple before disappearing toward the bathroom.

You were trying to wrestle the glass out of Lisa's hand, telling her she's drunk and needs to stop, when Minho appeared, his expression unusually serious. “Hey.”

“Hey,” you replied, finally taking the glass away from Lisa.

“I need a favor. Hyunjin’s completely wasted, and I can’t find Chris anywhere. Can you take him back to his dorm?” Minho asked, and the look on his face told you that he's nervous. “I'll make sure Lisa and Felix get home when Chris gets back. But Hyunjin needs to go now.”

You immediately shook your head.

“No way, Minho. He hates me. He'll just think I'm kidnapping him or something. Chris'll be right back-”

“Look, I know it’s not ideal, but we're all drunk, and he can barely stand. You’re the only one I can ask. Please.”

You sighed looking at Hyunjin who was mumbling something to Felix.

“Fine. But if he puts a toe out of line -”

He grinned as he said, “He won't. I promise.”

Together, you and Minho take Hyunjin to your car.

The drive was quiet at first, but somewhere along the way, Hyunjin started to talk, his words tumbling out in a drunken ramble.

“I know you hate me,” he said, his voice wavering.

You glanced at him and sighed.

“I don’t hate you, Hyunjin.” you said, not really sure if he'd register anything you're saying.

He shook his head. “Yes, you do. Everyone does. Because I’m awful to you. I just…it's so hard…”

You didn’t respond, your chest tightening as you focused on the road.

Hyunjin sniffled, his voice thick with tears.

“You don't understand. It's so hard for me…I love you…I’ve loved you for years.”

You gripped at the steering wheel tightly as those words tumbled out of his mouth. What did he just say?!

“I thought… I thought maybe one day, I’d get the courage to tell you. But then Chris - Chris knew. He knew how I felt, and he still…” Hyunjin’s voice cracked, and he covered his face with his hands, sobbing. “He promised me, he promised....and it killed me…I lost you, him… everything.”

You pulled over because your vision was clouded by tears now. You sat in silence, the only sounds being that of Hyunjin’s soft sniffling. Turning toward him, you reached out, your hand trembling as you placed it over his.

“Hyunjin,” you whispered. “What are you saying?”

He looked at you with tear-streaked cheeks and puffy eyes, his face flushed with his crying and probably a whole lot of alcohol.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me.” he whimpered.

You squeezed his hand, your own tears spilling over.

“I don’t hate you, Hyunjin. I never did.” you whispered sadly. “I just didn't know-”

He tried to take deep breaths, holding onto your hand like it was the only thing tethering him to the world.

---

By the time you reached his dorm, Hyunjin was quieter. You helped him inside, guiding him to his bed. He flopped down with a groan, curling up like a cat.

You pulled his blanket over his shoulders. He mumbled something incoherent before dozing off. You sat there for a few minutes, trying to gather your thoughts.

Was any of this true? Had Chris known everything and still pursued you? You couldn't believe it. The Chris you knew was perfect. He was perfect in every way.

Except for the fact that he never took your side when it came to Hyunjin.

Was that…guilt?

Anger simmered beneath your skin, because if any of it were actually true…then you really didn't know your boyfriend at all.

It was well past midnight, the campus eerily quiet under the moonlight. But your heart refused to settle. Hyunjin’s confession echoed in your mind - the pain in his eyes, the vulnerability in his voice - it haunted you.

The betrayal burned in your chest. But first, you needed him - Minho.

You stormed over to his dorm and pounded on the door until it swung open. The look on your face startled Minho, and he took a step back.

“Y/N -” he held his hands up in surrender.

You shoved him back into the room, slamming the door behind you.

“You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

“Uh… maybe?” Minho blinked, guilt flashing in his eyes.

“Maybe?” you seethed, your voice rising. “Do you have any idea what just happened? Hyunjin -”

Your voice cracked, and you jabbed a finger into his chest.

“What am I supposed to do now, Minho? What the hell am I supposed to do?!” you sat on the edge of his bed, tears starting to fall now.

Minho’s face softened, and felt so guilty.

“Look, I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t mean to hurt or confuse you…but I also couldn't just stand there and watch Hyunjin go down like that.” he said, sitting beside you.

“Chris is also my best friend, Y/N, which is why I didn't say anything all this time. But Hyunjin...” Minho sighed as he took your hand in his. "You don’t see it because he’s too good at hiding it. But I do. And Felix does. Hell, even Lisa does.”

“And Chris,” Minho continued, shaking his head, “He knew, okay? He knew how Hyunjin felt about you since the beginning. We all did. He promised it was just friendship. He kept saying that until one day it wasn't. Like it was nothing. Like it wouldn’t wreck Hyunjin.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” you whispered, wiping your tears with your free hand.

“Hyunjin didn't want you to know. He was totally lost, and he decided being an ass was easier than dealing with his feelings.”

Tears spilled over, and you buried your face into Minho’s shoulder as you cried.

“I liked him so much,” you choked out. “Chris…I really really liked him.”

Minho hesitated, then wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his voice thick with guilt. “I shouldn’t have interfered. I just… I couldn’t stand the thought of you hating Hyunjin. Not when that guy has loved you for so long. He doesn’t deserve this. And neither do you.”

You sobbed into his shoulder, the weight of everything hitting you all at once. Minho held you tighter, rubbing soothing circles on your back as you cried.

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated. “I thought I was doing the right thing.”

You pulled back slightly, wiping your cheeks with trembling fingers. Minho brought you some tissues and you wiped your face sadly.

“I don’t know what to do, Minho,” you admitted, your voice barely a whisper.

“I’m really sorry, sweetheart.” he said again.

You nodded weakly, as a bittersweet ache settled deep in your chest.

---

You didn't sleep a blink, and Chris hadn’t called or texted since you left the party. Deep down, you knew why. He knew.

You grabbed your bag, threw on a hoodie, and headed to the campus café. It was still so early, that too a Saturday, so it was so quiet and peaceful. You ordered two cups of coffee, and went on your way towards your destination.

Hyunjin opened the door after your third knock. He stood there, looking like he’d been hit by a train. His hair was a tangled mess, and his eyes - puffy and red-rimmed.

“Y/N?” he rasped, surprised to see you.

You held out the coffee without a word, stepping past him into the room.

Hyunjin blinked, staring at the cup in his hands as if it had appeared magically.

“You… brought me coffee?”

“You look half dead,” you said, setting your own drink on his desk before sinking into his desk chair. “Thought it'd help.”

He gave a weak laugh, sounding a lot self-deprecating.

“Thanks, I guess?”

The room was silent, as you watched him take a sip. Then he set the cup down, his shoulders slumping.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“For what?” you asked.

“For last night,” he admitted, his gaze fixed on the floor. “For unloading all that on you. For making things weird. I shouldn’t have…I suck when I'm drunk, which is why I never go out to drink-”

He trailed off, running a hand through his hair.

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” he continued.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything earlier?” you asked softly.

Hyunjin hesitated, his fingers curling around the edge of his desk.

“Because there was nothing left to say,” he said, looking away. “You’re with Chris now. You're happy and that's all that matters. And I…”

He swallowed hard before saying, “I don’t want you to talk to him about this. Please. Just… leave it alone.”

Your jaw tightened as you sat up, his words igniting a spark of frustration deep in your chest.

“Hyunjin,” you said, your tone sharper than you intended, “Enough.”

He flinched but said nothing. You stood, grabbing your coffee, and said, “I’ll see you later.”

---

You were back at your dorm room, ignoring all the apologies from Felix and Lisa - your best friends - when someone knocked on your door. You weren't in the mood to entertain anyone, but you opened the door to find Chris - his usual warmth replaced by an edge you didn’t recognize.

“Can I come in?” he asked, his voice clipped.

You stepped aside without a word, and he sighed as he stepped in.

Chris turned to face you, running a hand through his hair.

“Are you… avoiding me?” he asked.

“Maybe.”

“Is this about Hyunjin? Minho told me you took him home last night. Did he say something to you?”

“Did he say something? Oh, Chris, he said a lot.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Chris asked, his eyes narrowed.

“It means I know.” Your voice was steady, but your hands were trembling. “I know this whole time, you were supporting his actions out of guilt.”

Chris scoffed, throwing his hands up.

“So what? It’s not like he owned you, Y/N. It was a stupid crush. That’s all.”

You straightened, your eyes narrowing.

“Don’t,” you said sharply. “Don’t fucking do that, Christopher.”

“Y/N -”

“No,” you interrupted, your voice rising. “The Chris I knew was kind. He had a pure heart. But this? This isn’t you. This is someone putting down their best friend to justify -”

“I liked you too, ok. What about that? What about my feelings?” Chris bit back, taking a step closer to you, and you could feel his breath against your face.

“Of course you did. But you don’t think that maybe, just maybe, it was wrong to act on them knowing how he felt? For years, Chris! Do you even care what this did to him?”

Chris’s hands clenched into fists.

"I didn't mean for it to happen ok? It just did. I fell in love with you! What was I supposed to do?! I tried to stop feeling things for you, but I couldn't ok? Oh my God are you seriously doing this right now? This is us, Y/N! When did you even start caring about what he thought? You couldn't stop complaining about him like 2 days ago!"

"Chris, do you even hear yourself? You think this is normal?"

“You have no reason for being such a -” He froze, his eyes widening as he stopped himself.

“Say it,” you dared, your voice shaking with hurt. “Go ahead, Chris. Say it.”

“I didn’t mean that,” he murmured, shaking his head, his voice barely audible.

You took a step back, shaking your head.

“This is over,” you said firmly. “You need to leave.”

“Baby, what are you saying?!” Chris said, taking a step towards you. “I’m really sorry, ok? I was selfish, but only because I didn't want to lose-”

“No,” you interrupted. “I’ll accept your apology, but only because I know you're better than this. You're not… this.” Your voice cracked, but you held it together.

Chris’s eyes glistened, and for a moment, he looked like he might fall apart. But then he nodded slowly, swallowing hard because he knew this was beyond repair.

“I’m sorry...Y/N, I love you...I know I was wrong but-,” he whispered. “Sorry...for everything.”

"I'm sorry, Chris." You stepped aside, holding the door open.

“Apologize to Hyunjin,” you said, your tone soft but firm. “Make things right if you ever can.”

Chris hesitated, his gaze lingering on you. Then he nodded again and stepped through the door. As it clicked shut behind him, the tears you’d been holding back finally fell.

Lisa wrapped you in a hug the minute she stepped into your dorm, her arms warm and comforting.

“God, baby stop crying,” she murmured, pulling back to examine your face.

Felix sat on the edge of your bed, his gaze fixed on you.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked softly.

“Nope.” you said, letting Felix pull you into a hug.

“Too bad,” Lisa said, crossing her arms. “Because we’re going to.”

“Why?” you asked, completely tired and drained.

“So that you know that none of this was your fault. And your decision is totally ok.” Felix said, rocking you in his arms gently. “Hyunjin has had feelings for you since we started uni, babe. We're almost done here. He was just worried if your science brain would like an artsy guy like him.”

“Chris was just lucky he shared classes with you.” Lisa said. “But again, Hyunjin was his, best friend. They're literally brothers.”

You sank onto the bed beside Felix, and he ran his fingers through your hair soothingly.

“I feel terrible,” you whispered, staring at the floor. "Chris is a good person..."

“We know it sucks. And we’re here to help you through it, okay? Whatever you need.” Lisa said, with a soft smile.

You nodded weakly, wanting to feel nothing more than Chris's warm and reassuring arms around you. You missed him.

“Chris will be ok, Y/N.” Felix said softly. “And you'll be ok. Everything's gonna be just fine.”

---

Weeks turned into months, and you avoided Chris and Hyunjin like the plague. (You couldn't avoid Minho because he simply didn't allow it.)

And every time you were anywhere in their vicinity, you could feel their eyes on you. Chris’s gaze was heavy with regret and sadness. Hyunjin’s was softer, but it lingered.

When the Christmas holidays approached, you learned that your parents had decided to go on an anniversary trip, so yeah, you weren't going home. Felix and Lisa both offered to stay with you, but you made them leave because somehow, you felt like you could use this time for some self reflection.

Just after Felix and Lisa left, there was another knock on your door. When you opened it, there stood Chris, looking far too vulnerable for someone who had always seemed so composed.

“Hey,” he said softly.

You leaned against the doorframe, unsure what to say. “Hey.”

“I’m heading home for the holidays,” he continued, his hands stuffed into his pockets. “But… I didn’t want to leave without seeing you.”

You nodded, your throat tight. Chris sighed, his breath fogging in the cold air.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. For everything. I didn't mean for it all to end up like this. I swear I didn't mean to hurt him, or you...I was wrong, but I -" He fell silent, like he was struggling to breathe. "Please don't hate me."

"Chris, I don't think I'll ever be able to do that. I admire you. And...it's all in the past. Let's just move on? I don't want you to hurt anymore, please." You said, giving his hand a sad squeeze.

He nodded, looking relieved, but hurt.

"I hope that when I come back, we can still be friends.”

"We can work on that.” you managed to say, giving him a tiny little smile.

He stepped closer, his arms opening hesitantly.

“Can I hug you? One last time?” he asked, and you nodded, letting his arms wrapped around you, warm and strong. For a moment, it was easy to remember the Chris you looked up to, the one who made you laugh and feel so safe.

When he pulled back, his eyes were glassy. “Take care, Y/N.”

“You too, Chris.”

And then he was gone.

Two weeks. That's what you had in your hands. Two weeks of peace and quiet. You spent your mornings reading at the campus café, enjoying the rare moments of solitude. You did some journaling that Lisa wanted you to try. Sometimes you just enjoyed the silence.

On your fourth morning, you stepped into the cafe, brushing off the snow from your coat, and froze.

Sitting at a table by the window was Hyunjin.

He was hunched over a sketchbook, his long fingers gripping a pencil as he worked, the sunlight casting a soft glow over him. His hair fell into his face, but he was completely engrossed in his work.

You debated leaving. But you were obviously too slow because he looked up, and his eyes locked with yours.

For a moment, neither of you moved. Then Hyunjin gave a small smile. Your heart fluttered despite yourself. You smiled too and walked to the counter to order your coffee, while fidgeting with your bracelet.

When your drink was ready, you found yourself walking toward his table.

“Hi,” you said softly, standing beside him.

“Hi,” he replied, his voice just as quiet. He gestured to the seat across from him. “Do you want to sit?”

You hesitated, then nodded, sliding into the chair.

“I didn’t know you were staying here for the holidays,” he said, sipping his coffee.

“My parents are on a trip,” you explained. “What about you?”

He shrugged and said, “Home didn’t feel right this year.”

Your heart clenched at his words and the vulnerability in his tone. “Hyunjin…”

He shook his head quickly, his hand brushing over the cover of his sketchbook.

“Hey, I'm totally fine.” he said, giving you another one of those devastating smiles.

---

What started as a chance encounter in the café soon became a habit. Each morning, you’d find Hyunjin sitting by the window, his sketchbook open, pencil in hand. You’d quietly slip into the seat across from him, coffee in one hand and a book in the other.

The silence between you was so warm and comfortable. You loved watching him draw. He looked so soft and so fragile…you just wanted to give him a hug for all the heartbreak he'd endured because of you.

After spending most of your days like this, you both decided to venture into town to visit a Christmas market. The streets were lined with twinkling lights, and the scent of mulled wine filled the air.

While wandering through a small shop, you spotted a tiny, artificial Christmas tree with delicate branches.

While Hyunjin was in line to get some hot chocolate, you quickly excused yourself and went back to look at the little tree you saw earlier. You'd been meaning to ask him something for a couple of days now. But you were afraid if you're wrong to assume he'd want anything like that.

But before you could second guess yourself, you text him.

You: Hyunjin, do you want to spend Christmas with me?

You cringed at yourself, because seriously? You two were the only ones here for heaven's sake.

Hyunjin: Aren't we doing that?

You: No, not like that.

You: With me. Like get a tree and stuff. You know. Please just say no, if you don't want to. Ok?

You were panicking now. Why did this feel like a good idea at all?

Hyunjin: Where did you run off to?

Hyunjin: We were together this whole time and you text me about this?

You: Hyunjin, just say yes or no.

Hyunjin: Don't I get a say about what tree we're getting?

You nearly cried in relief. No you really did - there were tears in your eyes.

You: No.

Hyunjin: Can I choose the ornaments at least?

You: Ok. You can.

Hyunjin: Where are you, Y/N?

You: Getting our tree? Please just stay there.

You really didn't want him to see you crying. You didn't even know why you were crying.

Hyunjin: Don't you want your hot chocolate?

You: Hyunjin, you're gonna lose your rights on those ornaments now.

You gave yourself a lecture about pulling yourself together, wiped off your tears, hoping that he won't notice your eyes, bought that damn little tree and walked over to where Hyunjin was waiting for you.

You held up the tree, but he saw right through you. You saw his expression shift the moment he saw your face.

“Isn't it cute?” Why was your voice wobbly?!

Hyunjin swallowed looking at the tree, then to you with a smile. One that melted your insides that you wanted to cry again.

“I love it,” He said, and you cleared your throat quickly, taking your cup from him.

You took a sip, the warm drink soothing your throat. You both walked to another little shop and bought some tiny baubles, cute ornaments, and strings of tinsel and fairy lights.

Back at your dorm, you set it up together. From hanging the ornaments, to putting the fairy lights around the tree, Hyunjin’s artistic touch made everything better. And he was laughing. And joking.

You've never seen him do any of that before. And his laugh - the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

When you finally finished, you both stepped back to admire your work.

“It’s kind of sad,” you said, giggling, looking at the tiny tree on the floor.

Hyunjin shook his head and said, “It’s perfect.”

---

You both put together a makeshift Christmas feast as well. With whatever limited resources you had in your dorm that is. Which wasn’t much - some chicken nuggets, instant noodles dressed up with toppings, cookies and some cake you got from the market, and hot chocolate.

But it didn’t matter. Sitting on the floor beside the tree, the soft glow of its lights reflecting in Hyunjin’s eyes and sharing it all with him? It felt like the most special holiday you’d ever had.

After dinner, it was time for gifts, of course. You handed him a neatly wrapped package, your hands trembling slightly. You were so nervous.

When he opened it, his eyes widened as they met yours. It was a beautiful faux leather-bound sketchbook, custom-made with his name engraved on the cover. You'd placed an order for it from an online store the day you saw Hyunjin first in the cafe, sketching. You didn't know any of this would happen, yet you had ordered it on a whim.

“Y/N…” he murmured, running his fingers over the smooth surface.

“I wanted you to have something special,” you said, your cheeks warm. “For all your art.”

He looked up at you, his expression filled with so much emotion it took your breath away.

“Thank you.” he said, and he handed you his gift, a small package wrapped in simple brown paper.

When you peeled back the paper, it was your turn to be shocked. It was a painting - a small canvas - in the center was you. Your face was serene, surrounded by a kaleidoscope of hues.

“Hyunjin…” you whispered, gazing up at him (damn those tears). “This is… it’s beautiful. I don’t even know what to say.”

He smiled, holding the sketch book close to his chest.

“You're beautiful, Y/N.” He said, his eyes falling, shyly.

You smiled, and felt so thankful for the chance to finally see him. The real him.

---

“Thank you for today,” you said softly, standing near the door as Hyunjin got ready to leave.

Hyunjin paused, but quickly smiled and said, “I should be the one thanking you. For letting me spend it with you.”

Before you could overthink it, you stepped closer, your arms tentatively wrapping around his waist. He stiffened just for a second but then his arms came around you, strong and steady, pulling you close. His chin rested lightly against the top of your head, and you melted into him.

It was perfect - warm, safe, and so achingly right.

When you finally stepped back, his eyes searched yours, soft and lingering.

“Goodnight,” he said, his voice a little husky.

“Goodnight, Hyunjin,” you replied.

---

Minho: So, Christmas with Hyunjin, huh 👀

You nearly choked on your coffee.

You: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Minho: Oh, sure. Just that Hyunjin might have spent half the night telling me about your little tree and your “Christmas feast.” I thought he was drunk again. But nope, just smitten.

You: Minho.

Minho: Don’t “Minho” me. I saw photographic evidence of your little party. You’re both glowing. I haven’t seen either of you like this in a long time.

You hesitated, your fingers hovering over the keyboard.

You: I’m scared to death, Minho.

Minho: Of Hyunjin?

You: No. Of this. Of hurting Chris. I can't ever do that to him.

Minho: Y/N, stop.

You: I’m serious. This whole thing feels like a bomb in my hand.

Minho: I get it. Really, I do. But listen. This thing with Hyunjin… it’s not a betrayal. It’s life. People fall in and out of relationships. Chris will be fine, and if he isn’t yet, he will be eventually.

Minho: For now, enjoy the holidays. Take things one step at a time. Whatever this is, it’ll fall into place.

You stared at his messages, your heart still uneasy.

You: I'm still scared.

Minho: That’s because you overthink everything.

You: Maybe.

Minho: Exactly. Let yourself be happy for once. And let me take care of Chris.

---

You stared at the photo on your phone: you and Hyunjin sitting on either side of your tiny (possibly over decorated) Christmas tree, holding up your gifts and grinning like complete idiots. It was simple and perfect.

And also a potentially catastrophic decision.

You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the storm you were about to unleash, and dropped the photo into your group chat with Felix and Lisa.

You: Merry Christmas from us and our tiny tree 🎄✨

The response was immediate.

Felix: HOLY. SHIT.

Lisa: WHAT?!

Felix: ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW.

Lisa: I AM SCREAMING.

Felix: I KNEW IT.

You: STOP YELLING!

Lisa: DID YOU KISS? BE HONEST.

Your face turned crimson as the messages flooded in.

You: Chill, okay? It’s just a picture.

Lisa: No. It’s EVERYTHING.

Felix: PICTURE = CONFIRMATION.

Lisa: But seriously. Tell us everything. Like, start to finish. Do not leave out a single detail.

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. This was exactly the kind of circus you knew would break out.

You: There’s literally nothing to tell. We had Christmas dinner. Decorated the tree. That’s it.

Felix: Lies.

Lisa: Lies.

Felix: You look so happy babe

Lisa: And Hyunjin looks like he just had the best day of his life!

You stared at their messages, blushing furiously. Because deep down, you know they weren’t wrong.

Lisa: You deserve to be happy. And clearly, Hyunjin makes you happy.

Felix: And let’s not forget - Hyunjin’s been pining for you since the dawn of time. You’re literally making his dream come true right now.

Lisa: Enjoy it, the guy’s literally gone for you!

You couldn’t help but smile, even as your heart still wrestled with the guilt. They weren’t wrong - Hyunjin made you happy in a way you hadn’t felt in a long time.

You: I love you both 😘

Felix: Love you more 😘

Lisa: Love you, now go spend more time with your Picasso and send us updates.

You laughed softly, setting your phone down and looking back at the little tree.

Maybe, just maybe, your friends were right.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

The roof of your dorm was silent, almost eerily so. A cool breeze kissed your cheeks as you sat cross-legged on a blanket with Hyunjin - sipping on some cheap wine and star gazing (it's pretty cloudy actually).

“This is totally against the rules,” you murmured, glancing nervously toward the roof access door.

Hyunjin laughed softly beside you, and said, “Relax. I’ve done this so many times.”

You gave him a skeptical look, trying not to smile as you said, “Oh, you’re a seasoned criminal now?”

“Something like that,” he teased, his fingers brushing against yours where they rested between you.

You fell into comfortable silence after that. He was sitting so close, bundled up in lots of warm things, yet his presence itself was so warm.

“You ever think about how time flies? Like... a year ago, I never thought I’d be here. With you.” he said softly, almost hesitantly.

You turned to look at him, your heart doing a little flip at the way his soft brown eyes gazed at you.

“I never thought I’d be here either,” you admitted.

“I’m so glad we are.” He smiled, his expression so tender it made your chest ache.

As the final seconds of the year ticked down, you could hear faint cheering from the buildings below. Hyunjin reached over, lacing his fingers through yours. The simple gesture grounded you, because your heart was ready to burst out of your chest and make a run for it.

When the first firework burst in the sky, painting your faces in shades of gold and crimson, you turned to face him. He was already looking at you.

“Happy New Year, Hyunjin,” you whispered, your voice barely audible over the crackling fireworks.

Hyunjin gave you a soft smile as he said, “Happy New Year, Y/N.”

And then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, you leaned into each other.

The kiss was gentle at first, his lips brushing yours so softly, like he wasn't really sure you wanted this. But you? You were done waiting. You pressed closer - deepening the kiss, slow and sweet and breathtaking. The fireworks faded into the background as all of your focus narrowed to the feel of Hyunjin’s mouth on yours.

When you finally pulled apart, your faces were still so close, your breaths mingling in the cold night air.

“I'd break a hundred more rules for that,” Hyunjin said softly, cupping your cheek with his free hand.

You laughed, your hands still entwined, your face still impossibly close to his.

“Yeah?”

He chuckled, his gaze dropping to your lips before meeting your eyes again. “Yeah.”

You squeezed his hand, your chest blooming with warmth. “I think I would too.”

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

You woke up the next morning to your phone buzzing continuously. Groggily reaching for it, you blinked at the screen.

A new group chat?

The title? Mr&Mrs Hwang💘”

You frowned, squinting at the participants: Minho, Lisa, Felix, Hyunjin, and... you.

Oh no. These clowns!

Lisa: Good morning lovebirds! 🐦💖

Lisa: Happy New Year!!

Felix: Happy New Year!!!

Minho: So, Hyunjin, how’s the married life? Do you two hold hands all the time?

Lisa: Do you sip from the same coffee cup? Tell me about the kisses?

Felix: If not, FIX IT.

Minho: Can’t wait to give a “Best Man” speech at your wedding.

Your mouth dropped open as you scrolled, the messages getting progressively more ridiculous.

Lisa: Did your tiny tree survive last night 🫣

Minho: I bet it didn't.

Felix: Hyunjin, if you don’t propose next Christmas, we're disowning you.

You groaned, your face heating up as you typed furiously.

You: What the hell is wrong with you all?!

You: STOP. RIGHT. NOW.

Lisa: Oh look, the princess is awake.

Minho: Morning, Mrs. Hwang.

Felix: You were supposed to give us updates you know.

Hyunjin: Good morning! Happy New Year!

Your heart raced as you saw his name pop up.

Minho: Oh good, now we may get some details.

You: I hate all of you.

Minho: Hate 🤔

Lisa: Oh please.

Felix: Are you blushing now baby?

Hyunjin: She totally is.

You: Hyunjin! Don't encourage them!

Felix: Don’t stop, Hyunjin.

You: I’m leaving this chat.

Lisa: NO. YOU STAY.

The first day back at university after the holidays felt like a weight pressing down on your chest. Not just because this was your final semester here on campus. But because you knew that everything was about to change.

Seeing your nervous state, Hyunjin squeezed your hand firmly, and said, “I know this is hard. We don't have to spend time together when we're there. We can figure out how to handle this-”

His words were kind, but there was something in his eyes - the brief flash of hurt he tried to hide behind his smile - like he always tried to put his feelings away for the sake of others.

You couldn’t do that to him. Not again. You pulled him closer, and he gazed at you, soft and uncertain.

“No,” you said firmly. “I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. I’m proud to be with you, Hyunjin. You make me so damn happy, and I’m not going to hide that.”

For a moment, his expression softened, vulnerability creeping in. And then, he kissed you. It was so soft and so… Hyunjin.

When you pulled away, Hyunjin didn't say anything for a moment, just smiled. But the smile reached his eyes this time, and it made everything feel right again.

“I’m proud to be with you too,” he murmured.

You found yourself walking toward the familiar spot where you and your friends always met. You flew into Felix and Lisa's arms, pulling them into a group hug.

And then there was Minho, giving you a teasing look before hugging you. You all were lost in chatter, when you sensed it. You turned to look and there he was - Chris.

He stood a few feet away, but when his eyes met yours, there was a flicker. A hesitation. He faltered for a moment as his gaze moved between you and Hyunjin. Hyunjin had his arm around you.

The whole group fell silent.

Your heart skipped in your chest, a lump forming in your throat as you stood there, trying to keep your cool.

Chris approached you all slowly, his smile hesitant but polite.

“Hey. Happy New Year,” he said softly, his gaze briefly flicking toward Hyunjin before settling on you.

Lisa, as always, was the first to break the silence.

“Happy New Year, Chris!” she said brightly, flashing him a smile.

Felix, Minho, and Hyunjin quickly followed suit, each offering a warm greeting.

“Happy New Year, Chris. It’s good to see you again.” you said softly, hesitantly.

Chris’s smile, while still cautious, softened.

“You too, Y/N.” His eyes flickered briefly to Hyunjin, who stood there looking calm but with a subtle tension in his jaw. “And you, Hyunjin.”

The moment stretched for a beat longer than necessary, but then, slowly, the group began to ease again.

You couldn’t read Chris completely, but you could tell he was still processing. He wasn’t angry, not in the way you feared. But the hurt was obviously there.

You glanced at Hyunjin, offering him a small, reassuring smile. His fingers brushed your gently. He knew. He understood.

The rest of the day went on like it always did. It wasn’t perfect, but not as bad as you’d imagined. As you and Hyunjin walked back to your dorm, he held you close, and you let out a soft sigh.

For the first time in a while, you felt hopeful. And with Hyunjin by your side, you knew everything would be okay.

Tags: @velvetmoonlght @moonchild9350

[themuseoftheviolets]

on repeat all day everyday

[jollyhunter]

24 Kinky Days with Dean x reader - Day 14.

⚝‿︵‿୨♡ ⚝ ♡୧‿︵‿⚝

Pairing: Dean Winchester x fem!reader

Warnings: SFW - None! Just a zonked out reader and a worried Dean! (English is not my native language)

Summary: Imagine accidentally getting drugged on Dean's watch, while on a hunt.

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Feedback and reblogs are highly appreciated! And let me know whether you enjoy it so far! <3 A/N: Yeeeah. Now I'm really falling behind with the challenge - I'm so sorry y'all 😭 Someting fun and kinda fluff? Anyway, I really like these imagines! I might do more of those for now, because I don't have the time for longer fanfics atm.

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14th Dec. - Shroom Cookies

Dean rubs his face, already feeling the beginning of a headache, "Please tell me you didn't eat anything funny." You scoff in an offended tone, your words slightly slurred, "Nah, I ain't no idiot, Deano. But they offered cookies. Come to the dark side, they said. What idjit would reject such an offer?"

"Jesus, you're as high as a kite. Listen, we will gank those sons of bitches but not while you're as zonked out as you are right no- GET BACK HERE!"

Dean actually needs to hold your arm with one hand while driving (you've tried to jump out already three times while he was driving and his heart won't survive a fourth attempt)

You're touching his face in the most inappropriate ways without warning

"Listen sweetheart, I need you to-" You boop his nose. Dean stares at you before he stifles an amused smile, trying and failing to sound serious, "Yeah good job, you got my nose."

You bolt. All. The. Time.

"Damnit, woman, you're like a greased pig. Stop runnin' from me will ya!"

He's frustrated and annoyed with you but also... damn you're kinda endearing when you're all goofy and giggly. So, more often than not, he's having a real hard time to keep a straight face when scolding you

The amount of times he has to tell you to "Hey, focus!" and gently pry your hand from his face or his hair

For some reason you manage to outrun Dean despite you being half-baked from whatever pagan-drug they pumped in you?? "Jesus, she's fast. Even while drugged up, she's like a damn jack rabbit on a sugar high." Dean yells after you, cursing

Despite Dean's great efforts to keep anything pointy or remotely dangerous from your hands, you actually pick pocket him (Dean chokes on his beer when he sees you twiddle with his blade and try to pick your teeth with it like it's some toothpick)

Once he finally catches you again, he's had enough and he slings you over his shoulder to carry you back to Baby "That's it, you're grounded, Skippy."

Dean's worried to no end, clutching his chest whenever you've managed to disappear from his sight again

"You coulda gotten yourself killed. Again."

At some point when he takes up chase, he actually handcuffs your wrist to his own so he can't lose you anymore (He did not consider the possibility that you'd keep charging into the opposite direction of him and you'd end up in a war of tug on every corner)

On one of your escapes you actually managed to scale a MC-Donald's sign, refusing to get down. Dean's yelling up at you while pulling his hair. "What the hell, babe. What the hell-" (He eventually has to bribe you with 5 happy meals and 20 "nuggies" as you called them from 10 feet above him, to get you down)

Once you've both survived the day, and he had ganked the pagan gods with you tied to a vending machine, you're on your drive home. With his worries eased, he finally bursts out laughing. But he's also shaking his head because despite the fact that you'd sent him through several cardiac arrests, he didn't have this much fun on a hunt in... like ever. (And you both get to stuff your faces with a mountain of junk food)

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Masterlist of opened windows:

1st Dec. - Sunshine 2nd Dec. - Spell Book 3rd Dec. - Lights Out 4th Dec. - Tickle 5th Dec. - Dirty UNO 6th Dec. - (TBA) 7th Dec. - Candlelight 8th Dec. - Hex Play 9th Dec. - Whip Stroke 10th Dec. - Barbie World 11th Dec. - Temptation ... (check the masterlist for more!)

⚝‿︵‿୨♡ ⚝ ♡୧‿︵‿⚝

Tags:

@ariasong11 @deansjacket @literallylexa @lmpala1967 @foxyjwls007 @impala67rollingthroughtown

[obxsummer]

how much do you love me // ghost of you

pairing: jj maybank x routledge!reader

summary: a proposal pogue style gets overshadowed with the arrival of chandler groff. your night goes from celebrating into treasure hunting, and john b and jj are in for the shock of their lives for completely opposite reasons

warnings: little spicy beginning, drug use, mentions of not being able to have kids, pregnancy trope (i still love u, sarah cameron), and i fear you're all about to hate me....

navigation -- series masterlist

ask me anything or support me via a ko-fi

--

JJ found you shortly after you climbed out of the shower, hair wet as you tried to wiggle into a pair of sweatpants. Nothing ever went on easy with damp skin, and your frustration was building faster than you liked to admit. 

“C’mere,” JJ’s tone was soft as he sat on the bed and reached forward for you, helping you tug the ankles over your feet so you could comfortably adjust the fabric without the risk of falling over. He reached forward when you were stable, pulling your waist to bring you closer so he was level with your chest.

“My eyes are up here, Jayj,” You teased and placed your fingers under his chin to reroute his gaze from your lace bralette. The boyish grin told you his attention on your face wouldn’t last long so you needed to move quick. “Hi.”

“Hi,” He mumbled, his hand reaching you to grab the back of your neck and gently pull you down to meet him for a soft kiss. A groan left your lips as his other hand tucked itself on your side, his thumb brushing the skin under your bralette teasingly. 

“Please don’t start something we won’t stop,” You whispered, teeth pulling on his lip slightly. Your skin was still damp and clammy, heating up with every move he made. “They’re gonna be waiting on us.”

JJ hummed, his mouth moving from yours to nip at the dip of your collarbones. If you let him keep going, the two of you would not be leaving this room anytime soon.

“Babe, you- oh,” Your breath caught as he bit down a little too harsh and soothed the skin with the swipe of his tongue. “JJ.”

“Shh,” He shushed you, fingers gently tugging the strap of your bralette off your shoulder so he could get closer to where he really wanted. There were a lot of things running through JJ’s mind right now, but they all centered around you. You with a ring on your finger, bare underneath him after you share a last name. You were going to be his in ways you hadn’t been before.

“You guys hungry?” Sarah at least knocked on the door, her voice interrupting before the two of you could get much further. You smirked as JJ flopped against the bed with a huff. 

“I’m not, but I’m sure JJ is,” You called back, adjusting the strap of your top before shrugging on a cropped long sleeve to cover up any evidence of JJ’s recent actions. Bending down, you gave him one more long kiss before standing back up and patting his thigh lovingly. “Enjoy your cold shower, babe.”

JJ groaned loudly as you left the room, meeting Sarah in the hallway, a knowing smile on her face. She reached up to poke the sore spot on your collarbone and you pulled back with a gasp. “JJ’s hungry, all right,” She laughed, “Hey, I need your help with something, c’mere.”

You followed her into the next room where she had a handful of dresses scattered across the bed. 

“I think John B and I are gonna go to City Hall tomorrow and apply for a marriage license. So, which one should I wear?”

You glanced at her, “Sarah, these are all my dresses.”

She pursed her lips. “Yeah… yeah. Just hypothetically, though, like if you were to wear one, which one?”

You gave her an odd look at her weird attitude before pointing at the one on the bed that you preferred. “Probably this one. Cute but not too formal, you know?”

Sarah nodded and picked it up to hold in front of the two of you. After a moment, she tossed it at your chest. “Try it on for me, I wanna see what it looks like.”

“Then why don’t you-”

“No, no, please.” She pushed you toward the bathroom as you tried to object which didn’t help as she closed the door behind you. You sighed, frustrated from being pulled from JJ to try dresses on that you already owned. 

You pulled your shirt and sweatpants back off and shimmied into the dress per Sarah’s request. Glancing in the mirror, you forgot how much you loved this item. After getting some necessities for everyone in the group post-gold, Sarah insisted on getting some items for you and Cleo to help blend when she went back to her dad’s rental condo since Kie already had some. This happened to be your favorite one you saw that day. It was gorgeous and flattering in every way possible, and you were simply obsessed.

“Okay, here,” You spoke before grabbing the door handle to walk back out. Only, it didn’t budge in the slightest. You frowned and tried wiggling it again, but it didn’t move. “Sarah? I think the door’s stuck.”

Silence followed your words.

“Hello?” You repeated, knocking this time but received nothing in return. “Oh, you bitches.”

It became obvious they were up to something that involved locking you in John B and Sarah’s bathroom with no form of communication or entertainment. You sighed and sat on the floor, leaning your head back against the cabinets as you settled in. Knowing them, you’d be here a while.

You tried to rack your brain for any important date coming up. Your birthday still had a few weeks and was the closest out of anyone in the group, so birthdays were out. No anniversaries, and as far as you know, nobody else got married. Unless this had suddenly turned into a baby shower, you were out of options.

Minutes passed of pure boredom and you were beginning to question if a bath towel would suffice as a comfy blanket only to be spared as the door opened. 

“Finally,” You huffed and got to your feet to see Kiara staring at you. “Where’s Sarah? We suddenly have beef.”

She laughed and took a step in the room despite your wishes. “You look cute. Date night? Let me fix your hair.”

You shook your head, now completely confused. “What? No, we-”

There was no room to argue as Kiara started digging through all of Sarah’s hair supplies. She quickly set to work, avoiding most conversations with you and letting her phone play music to satisfy your desire for noise. Soon, she’d completed your favorite hairstyle, the one she used to practice all the time when you were younger. 

She caught your gaze in the mirror and smiled. “Cute.” She shrugged and walked out without another word. 

Your jaw dropped as you watched her form disappear, utter confusion left in her place. “What the fuck?” You whispered to yourself and walked out of the bathroom. The house was oddly silent and your heart started racing. 

Cleo hopped out of her room a second later. “Well shit, where you going looking so sweet?”

You shrugged. Either she was in on it, or at least played it off better than the others. “No idea. You know something I don’t?”

Cleo clicked her tongue. “Not a chance, girly. But what I do know, is you need some shoes.”

You should’ve seen it coming and took the outstretched pair of your shoes from her hands to slip on your feet. Shaking your head, you continued down the stairs in hopes that whatever secret they were hiding would pop out soon.

You peeked around the corner to see Pope in the kitchen with his back to you. You let out a breath, hoping your confusion would end here. “Hey, what is-”

He flipped around with a creepy smile on his own face, his attempt at not being suspicious.

You rolled your eyes. “Alright, what?”

Pope held out the infamous purple bandana that was usually around your brother’s neck. “Blindfold time.”

Disgust took over your face as he came closer with the fabric. “Pope, please tell me you at least washed it first? Please say yes. What the fuck.” You could smell fresh laundry detergent and sighed in relief. 

He wrapped the fabric around your eyes, making sure it was secure but not too tight. Waving his hand in front of your face, you didn’t move in the slightest, but you were a little too rigid for his liking so he grabbed your hand instead. “I’m right here, won’t let anything happen.”

You nodded, trying to keep your racing thoughts at bay and let Pope guide you slowly. The chill of outside settled in soon after and you gripped his hand a little tighter. 

“I’m so kicking your ass for this later,” You grumbled, your steps awkward as you tried to navigate a terrain you couldn’t see. You tried listening for anything out of the ordinary but came up empty-handed. “All of you, actually. Asses are grass.”

Pope laughed quietly, his other hand grabbing your open one as he guided you down a few stairs. “Remember when we would play hide and seek as kids and you’d always pick the same spot?”

You smiled at the memory. “Yeah, and you’d never let me win because of it. Always checked the stupid cabinet first.”

Pope squeezed your hands reassuringly. “Couldn’t let that ego get too big so young, you’d be even more like JJ than you already are. Gotta hand you off, that okay?”

You hummed in agreement and Pope slowly let go before another pair of hands took over your hold. 

“Bandana smell good for once?”

You clocked John B’s voice instantly and attempted to hit him, but missed. “You’re an asshole, I thought I was going to suffocate to death when Pope first told me.”

John B laughed, “You can thank Sarah for that one.”

“Figured,” You mumbled, “Don’t think you’ve done your own laundry since ever.” 

You could hear the noise of your steps changing from the grass to wood, meaning your brother was guiding you down the dock. The movement of the water was much louder now.

“Hey, I love you, yeah?” John B asked and you nodded in return, agreeing with his statement. “Do me a favor and try not to scream, okay?”

You froze as John B let go to undo the bandana from around your eyes, even though you had them pinched shut in anticipation. Your brother squeezed your upper arms lightly and you finally forced your eyes to open.

Despite his wishes, you did scream before covering your own mouth to quiet the noise. The covered portion of the dock was covered in its usual white Christmas lights, which wasn’t new. What was new, was the handful of flower petals leading up to the person standing under the lights.

“Girl, you crazy? Go get him!” Someone laughed at Cleo’s comment, and you shook your head, still in shock at the sight before you knowing they would be hiding somewhere nearby to watch this go down. 

You took off, shoes smacking loudly against the wooden platform to meet JJ who opened his arms and caught you with ease. You pulled back slightly to kiss him, your actions having a much different meaning than earlier.

JJ set you down gently and before he could even speak, you were nodding your head. He chuckled, “You’re not even gonna let me ask the question before agreeing?”

You let out a teary laugh. “Doesn’t matter, answer is yes.”

“Okay, well I was actually asking if you would stop taking long ass showers so-”

You pushed him lightly, your fingers shaking with adrenaline. “J.”

He shook his head and kneeled down in front of you, which caused another round of tears and you nearly choked at the sight of him. JJ Maybank would never get down on his knees for someone, but apparently, you were and would continue to be the exception to that rule. 

“I um… you know I suck at putting emotions into words, and I already gave John B the speech of my life-”

“You prepared better for my brother than me?” You teased and brushed tears from your cheeks. “Should’ve known you always wanted him.”

JJ nearly flipped you off in response but opted for a roll of his eyes instead. “Baby, are you seriously talking about your brother while I’m trying to propose?”

You gaped at him in disbelief. “You started it!” “Alright, alright,” JJ laughed and reached into his pocket to grab the ring. “Look. I know so much has happened in our lives, and shit will continue to hit the fan, but… you have made every day of our time together so worth it. You’re the reason I get out of bed, even when there’s so much I want to hide from. You’re the reason try to come home every night, to hold you and know it’ll be okay. You continue to be the reason I believe in love, after growing up in a world without it, and.. and I don’t know what I would do without you, and I don’t plan to find out, obviously. There’s so many promises I’ve yet to make, and there’s so much I owe to you, and I’m just gonna shut up before my leg goes numb so, will you marry me?”

Heart racing, you reached for JJ’s hand and a flicker of confusion crossed his face before he grabbed it and stood up to his full height again. You wrapped your arms around his neck and shifted closer. “There is actually nothing in the world that I want more than to marry you. Where you go, I go, yeah?”

JJ barely cried, but the words were enough to push him over the edge and he quickly leaned down to kiss you in a way he hadn’t before. You fell in, melting into his hands like it was where you belonged. You could hear the faint cheers of your family behind you when the two of you pulled away, JJ taking the opportunity to slide the ring onto your left hand.

You gasped at the ring, eyes meeting his in shock, and you swore you were going to hit the ground at any second. “Where did you find this?”

JJ smiled, his thumbs brushing tears from your cheeks as he held your face softly. “You can thank Sarah for that one.”

Your bottom lip quivered at the sight of your mom’s ring resting on your hand. This ring had once meant family and promise, but it couldn’t hold up to that, no matter how much you wished it did. But with JJ in front of you, and your friends storming their way down to celebrate, you knew the story was about to change…. all because of you.

--

You didn’t ask who stole the alcohol, and quite frankly, you didn’t care because it was making you bubbly and warm inside. Your guess was Sarah raided whatever remained at her dad’s rental condo, considering there was a bottle of champagne in your hands and someone had a gnarly bottle of vodka somewhere in the room.

JJ was standing against the counter in front of you, your arms wrapped securely around his chest as his hand lightly traced the skin of your leg. You lazily leaned against him, glancing at your hand every so often to see the gems staring back at you. JJ would smile each time and squeeze your knee. You didn’t want to leave his side, and thankfully none of your friends would even try.

The scroll that John B had snagged from the mercenaries was laid across the table, Pope’s eyes looking over it closely. Cleo was snuggled into his side, whispering her own thoughts and ideas as they looked over the paper.

Kie handed you the newly lit joint. “To the happy couple,” She offered, bowing for emphasis which had you and JJ laughing.

You took it between your fingers and raised it to your lips to inhale before the blond boy in your arms turned to face you. You shook your head, already knowing where he was going before glancing to see where John B was in the room. Noticing he was occupied with Sarah, you took a deep inhale and held it for a moment before leaning to connect your lips to JJ’s, exhaling the smoke into his mouth.

“Oh, you assholes.” The protest came from Kiara who was still standing next to you, her face contorted in disgust.

You didn’t care though, and when JJ’s eyes met yours, the whole world disappeared. This was the start of your future together, of a new chapter in your lives that outweighed any before, and you were so excited to share it with him.

Kie rolled her eyes and took the joint back from you, pausing long enough to squeeze your arm. “Love you guys.”

“We love you, Kie,” You replied, giving her an appreciative smile before she walked away. JJ pulled the bottle of champagne from next to you and took a hefty sip, attempting to focus on the scene in front of him. 

“So, what are we supposed to do with this? It looks like a trippy mosaic.” Sarah pointed to the map in confusion, unable to read a single thing on the worn paper. 

“Decode it,” Your boyfriend, fiancé, answered her question. “That’s what we’re supposed to do.” He shifted out of your embrace to approach the table. You followed his motions to stand next to him, taking in the confusing document before you wrapped JJ’s jacket tighter around you.

“But…how?”

“With the code breaker, that’s how.” JJ plucked the joint back from Kiara’s fingers as he spoke. He took a hit before passing it to John B who did the same. You watched as your brother unconsciously passed it to Sarah, the blonde girl taking it into her grasp absentmindedly. 

You and Kiara acted instantly; Kie gave her a weird look as you cleared your throat in warning. Sarah’s eyes widened and she apologized, moving to hand the item back to Kiara, almost burning her in the process. Cleo watched the three of you skeptically, always paying attention, unlike the boys around you. You caught her eyes on you and opened your mouth to explain.

Thankfully, something clattered outside, creating enough of a distraction to save you all from an awkward explanation.

“What was that?” Pope asked quietly, silence overtaking the room. JJ shifted slightly, moving to stand in front of you as all eyes looked out the back windows where the commotion was coming from. 

To your dismay, the boys moved first, JJ’s shirt slipping out of your hold as you took a step toward Cleo, Kie shifting closer to Sarah. 

“I knew we shouldn’t have come back here,” Kie whispered as JJ and John B grabbed nearby ores in hopes of having some defense over whatever was out there. Cleo plucked her knife from her side, twirling it expertly between her fingers. You admired her bravery, as she was never one to let fear show on her face. 

Kiara tossed John B’s flannel over the map, a poor attempt at hiding it, but you guessed it was better than nothing. 

“What are you doing?” Pope was startled as John B slowly pushed open the door, a creaking noise filling the room. 

“Anything?” JJ asked a little bit louder when all you could hear were the animals chirping away outside. 

“No, nothing. That’s so weird.” Your brother slowly closed the doors. “It kind of sounded like it was-”

A loud crashing noise pulled a scream from Kie, all of you gasping in shock as none other than Chandler Groff stumbled his way inside.

Cleo’s grasp on your arm lightened but she held her knife steady toward the man as he gave mumbled apologies. If your heart wasn’t racing before, it sure as shit was now. 

The unwelcome visitor turned his attention to the boy behind you. “JJ. You made it. I uh, I’m sorry to bother you here. I swam, I swam all the way in.”

“Oh my god,” Sarah breathed in shock, taking the opportunity to move closer to John B for comfort.

You turned to see JJ’s expression drop, annoyance taking over all his features as he watched the man who claimed to be his real dad lean against the doorway. “What are you doing here?”

Groff shook his head, clearing his throat with a loud cough that made you flinch. “I had nowhere… nowhere else to go, son.”

The name made JJ wince slightly and you suddenly wanted to rewind to 5 minutes ago when all of you were much happier and celebrating something positive. You watched carefully as his face went stoic and he leaned the ore against the wall, shifting past you to loop an arm under Groff’s and help him inside. 

John B turned to you with a look and all you could really do was shrug in response. You obviously weren’t thrilled with what was supposed to be a night for the two of you was suddenly out of your hands. 

Groff clambered messily into a chair as JJ went to reach for water from the fridge. You stood quietly, watching the scene with uncertainty. Sarah had come to join your other side, Cleo still on guard next to you. She didn’t trust this man, and honestly, neither did you. And now he’s running to you guys for help?

You walked up to JJ, your palm easing across his back to his shoulder blades. He didn’t seem happy about Groff being here, making you question what had happened on Goat Island before you arrived. Neither of you really had a chance to talk about it, and you regretted not checking in with him prior.

“Is it true?” Your question was quiet, meant to be shared with only you and JJ. Unfortunately, it wasn’t.

“Is it true that I’m JJ’s biological father? Yes.”

Your gaze was sharp as you regarded the man sitting just across from you. “I wasn’t asking you.”

Groff sighed and looked down. “I don’t deserve the title. And you have a right not to trust me, I understand. I could’ve done better by him, I know that. I look forward to telling you all about it.”

JJ shook his head, turning toward you so he didn’t have to stare at the sight in front of him and could redirect his gaze on you. Your hand dropped from his back, unconsciously following down his arm so you could twist your fingers with his, keeping him close. 

“I’m afraid time is short. We’re all in danger here. Let me guess,” He pointed over your shoulder to where John B had tossed the tube that contained the rolled map. “You open that packing tube over there and find a scroll inside, but you can’t read it. That scroll is encrypted.”

“How do you know that?” John B returned.

“Because if you took that from the Corsairs, I suspect that you are in possession of the Mogador scroll, created by Barbary pirates in 1703. The Lupine Corsairs are dangerous mercenaries. Now you’ve stolen from them.”

You rolled your eyes, having zero interest in this man’s monologue. If you were in danger, having him here did not help in the slightest. 

“Okay, so what exactly is this Mogador?” Pope asked. If anyone could put together the pieces of this, it would be him.

“It’s…a map.”

Cleo almost groaned next to you. “We aware of that, man. To where?”

Groff continued, “Well, if I knew the answer to that, I’d be a very rich man. But I can tell you who made it. Murad the Younger.”

The name sparked in your head, familiar but not quite recognizable. You glanced at John B to see him already looking at you. “Murad?” He repeated. 

“Oh, you know him? Groff asked, looking between the two of you. “Barbary pirate, slaver. In 1703, a Berber shepherd gave Murad a gold coin as tribute. He asked the shepherd where he’d gotten the coin, and after some persuasion, the Berber told him about a hidden vault in the desert filled with gold. And one other very special item.”

“The Blue Crown,” John B answered softly.

Groff turned to him, curious. “So, you know what it is?”

Sarah cleared her throat purposefully as your brother tried to back track. “Uh, it’s uh… my dad was a historian.”

“It was practically a bedtime story,” You tried to reinforce John B’s excuse and shot him a look.

“What is it though? The crown thing?” Kie asked as she pulled herself up on the table next to Sarah. 

“A mythical artifact,” Groff explained, “And if you trust the legends, a dangerous weapon capable of granting wishes and rendering enemies defenseless.”

You almost scoffed at the ridiculous reasoning, but Cleo was happy to voice her skepticism, “And you believe that?”

Groff shook his head. “No, of course not, but it’s invaluable. I’m looking for it just like you, and if I could help you find it, I’d… just want to get my cut. Nothing more.”

“If they found it 300 years ago, there’s no way that magic cap is still there,” JJ said, his foot nudging yours gently. 

“Maybe, maybe not. See Murad was encamped in Essaouira, in what’s now Morocco. Before he had a chance to follow the map, it was stolen by a young woman named Elizabeth Howell, who later became Blackbeard’s future wife. He helped her elude her captors, and the two of them escaped to the Carolinas with the map. The rest of their lives they wondered, was there really a vault in the desert that held the crown? On the day he died-”

“He left Elizabeth with the map,” Sarah cut him off, her boredom winning as you all listened to this man ramble. 

Groff nodded. “And now, you have it. But you can’t read it, right? You need a lens, a special lens. A piece of refracted crystal encased with a chain. Elizabeth Teach had that lens when she was killed at Blackstone.”

You exchanged a glance with JJ before facing Chandler. “So, let me guess. You uh, you have that lens.”

He made a dramatic effort to act all upset and looked down. “Not in my possession, no. But I know where it is.”

JJ squeezed your hand slightly. “Where?”

“Your mother’s grave.”

You groaned softly, dropping JJ’s hand to cover your face and rub at the skin like it could wash away all of your annoyance with this conversation. All of this history talk was making your brain hurt and you really, really didn’t like that you’d lost this entire night to JJ’s supposed dad who had no business showing up here. 

“I, um, I’m gonna go to bed,” You excused yourself, giving JJ a rushed kiss before almost running out of the room. Various chatter followed your departure, but you swung yourself up the stairs without another word. Stopping in John B and Sarah’s room to grab your clothes from earlier, you were quick to change into the comfy attire and retreat to your hammock on the balcony, wanting nothing more than peace and quiet. 

“Babe?” JJ wasn’t very far behind you, coming out to stand over you as you settled into the material. “You okay?”

You sighed, hands rubbing at your tired eyes as the alcohol and weed wore off, leaving you slightly buzzed and just tired. “Yeah, just didn’t wanna keep listening to him.”

JJ reached out for you, his hand grabbing yours as you swayed slowly. “This is not how I imagined this night going. Was supposed to celebrate with you, in every way possible.” He leaned down to rub his nose against yours gently, eliciting a small laugh before you kissed him softly.

“Not your fault,” You whispered. “Please tell me someone’s down there with him.”

JJ brushed a hair from your face gently. “Pope’s picking his brain while Cleo plays guard dog. Sarah said she needed to talk to John B.”

You nodded, hoping she was talking to him about what you thought she would be. “Are you okay?”

The hesitation told you that no, he wasn’t, but he didn’t know what else to do. JJ took the opportunity to slide into the hammock next to you, practically flopping on you so his head rested on your chest, and you welcomed the embrace. He was so warm against you and you truly cherished the moment as the first one you two had shared alone after the proposal.

“Love you,” You whispered quietly, leaning to kiss his head as your fingers sorted through his hair. 

“Love you too.”

--

John B was a shit liar. You had been able to clock him so easily growing up, and unfortunately (for him), Sarah was just as good at it.

So when Sarah came into the room and very shakily asked to talk to him, he was nervous. He didn’t know what she was going to ask, or say, and he wasn’t mentally prepared. But she seemed really scared, so he couldn’t say no. 

“I’m pregnant.”

The words practically smacked him in the face, his whole body going into shock as he tried to wrap his head around the concept. Sarah, his Sarah, pregnant. 

“You’re pregnant?” He repeated the phrase, keeping his tone as neutral as possible even though a little bit of shock slipped in. He wasn’t sure how she felt about this and wanted to tread carefully. She was teary and nodded. “You’re… pregnant?”

“Mhmm,” She answered, her whole body filled with nerves. Sarah had been through so much shit, but she could confidently say this was the scariest moment of her life that regarded her relationship with John B.

The idea was starting to visualize in his head and he nodded. “We’re pregnant.”

Sarah’s heart clenched in her chest. “Yeah.”

“O-okay. Um…”

“I’m really, really scared,” She admitted shakily, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to do this, I know you don’t know how to do this. And we’re… so young. And I know the timing’s probably terrible. And I know you and JJ wanna go after that crown, but-”

“Hey, come here. I’ve got you.” John B shushed her, gently pulling her into his lap as she sobbed, terrified of what was to come. 

She sunk into his arms, shaking as she hugged him tightly against her. “I’m just really scared, I was really scared to tell you, but your sister said I should, and…”

John B nearly choked on his own air at the mention of you knowing. “She knows?”

Sarah pulled back a little to look at him, nodding. “Yeah, she’s the first one I told.”

Your brother nearly threw up at the idea, knowing you hadn’t told him which meant you’d been keeping enough bottled up since whenever you found out. “Oh, shit.”

Sarah frowned at his identical reaction to Kie. “What?”

John B shook his head. “No, nothing, it’s-”

“No.” Sarah gave him a particular look, one that froze him in his spot and usually got her the answer she was looking for. “Why does everyone react with oh shit when they hear that she knows?”

John B took a deep breath and weighed his options. Either he told Sarah the truth and sent her into a guilty spiral with the information, or he told her to ask you and watched her feel even worse when the news came from you.

“I um…” John B tilted his head back with a sigh, keeping his hands anchored on Sarah’s hips to hold her steady as she repeated his name. “She… when we were at the church, in Charleston, I asked her what had happened before we left. I didn’t know it was Rafe at the time, but she started asking me all these questions about our conversation on the ferry and kids, and-”

“John B,” Sarah interrupted him softly, recalling his focus.

“She can’t…she can’t have kids.”

Sarah’s heart nearly shattered in her chest and the tears built up all over again. “What?” Her voice cracked as she looked at John B, his own eyes teary at the repetition of your conversation in his head. “Are.. is she sure?”

John B nodded. “It was, after everything with Rafe, when we were gone a-and-”

Sarah stood abruptly, her brother’s name enough to make her lunch threaten to come back up. “I’ve gotta talk to her.”

“Wait, wait!”

John B took off after her, following her rushed steps as she climbed the stairs with the intention of getting to you. “Sarah, wait!”

Sarah wished she had listened. She wished she had taken a moment to stop and think about what she would say to you, because the moment she opened your door, she was met with JJ’s raised voice. She was met with JJ, standing in the middle of the room, his loud frustration directed at your crying form that was across from him.

But that wasn’t what made Sarah so nervous.

It was the pregnancy test, the one she had taken earlier, in JJ’s hand, the two positive lines staring back at her as he pointed it at you with an intention that made her want to throw up. 

And when Sarah made eye contact with you, she realized how truly, truly fucked up this whole thing was about to be.

--

a/n: so.... i'm sorry?

anyway, listen to how much do you love me by kelsea ballerini

navigation -- series masterlist

ask me anything or support me via a ko-fi

[merlucide]

Eyeliner with Shidou <3

Notes: IM ACTUALLY PROUD OF THIS?? I ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING GOOD???

Words: 723

warnings: cursing, suggestiveness, shidou

In the walls of Ryusei’s bathroom, you were perched on the edge of the counter, watching your boyfriend struggle with his eyeliner. He’s wiped it off about 3 times now, normally he can get it in one quick swipe. His usual confidence seemed to falter with each failed attempt, his frustration growing.

"Fuck!’ He yelled, his hands uncharacteristically shaky as he tried once more to get the perfect line. His gaze met yours in the mirror as you try not to burst out laughing. Who would’ve thought that Ryusei couldn’t do his own eyeliner? 

"need help?" you offered, your voice laced with amusement. Ryusei slitted his eyes and held up the liner to try again. You scoffed at his actions and watched he failed again. 

After two more attempts, Shidou finally gave up, waddled over and stepped between your legs.

A smirk playing on his lips, his usual boldness returning. "Can't resist getting your hands on me, huh babe?" he teased, locking eyes with you, a challenge in his gaze. You couldn't help but laugh, shaking your head at his antics. "Keep dreaming you roach" you shot back, a smile adorning your lips.

As you leaned in closer, positioning the tip of the eyeliner at the corner of his eye. His smirk grew wider as you wrapped your legs around his waist, securing him in place. His hands travel down to your lower back. "Steady now." you whispered, your focus unwavering as you traced the eyeliner underneath his eye, perfectly recreating his daily look. 

Ryusei's response was a low chuckle, his fuchsia eyes staring into yours. "Y’know baby, I could get used to this.~" he said, his voice a soft rumble. "You dolling me up, I mean." You rolled your eyes, hoping he wouldn’t realize the effect his words have on you. You focused on his other eye, dragging the liner. "Don't get too comfortable, this is a one time thing." you replied, though the playful tone of your voice suggested otherwise. 

Once done, you pulled back to inspect your work, very satisfied at your perfect execution. Ryusei turned his gaze to the mirror, a grin spreading across his face as he saw the result.

"Damn, boo,! you've got skills!" he praised, giving you a quick deep kiss. As you capped the eyeliner, Ryusei leaned back to inspect your work in the mirror, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips. 

"I look good enough to pull Sae, don't cha think?" he said, the playfulness in his voice designed to nudge at your patience. You rolled your eyes, smirking, unable to resist the bait he dangled. "Maybe,- Sae has a brother right? Rin? Oh, he doesn’t wear eyeliner cause y’know, he just has that natural charm." You quipped, a cat-like grin stretched across your lips.

Ryusei's playful demeanor faltered for a split second, a hint of competitiveness peeking through when you mentioned Rin.

But rather than the expected retort, his comeback caught you off guard.

"Rin, huh?" he mused, a sly grin replacing any feigned hurt. "Well, let him keep his charm. I've got something better." Before you could ask what that 'something better' was, Ryusei's arms wrapped around you, lifting you effortlessly. You squealed at the sudden movement, his strength and speed never ceasing to amaze.

 He carried you to the bed, your laughter echoing off the walls, a perfect melody to his ears. With a soft hard toss, you found yourself lying on his bed, the air knocked slightly out of you, only for Ryusei to immediately follow, collapsing on top of you, officially having the air knocked out of you.

His face hovered inches from yours, his breath mingling with your own.

"And what's that?" you finally managed to say. Ryusei's eyes peered down at your waiting ones. "You~" he whispered. You smiled, how cheesy could he possibly get? The playful yet sincere tone of his voice couldn’t help but tug at your heartstrings."You're my secret weapon! Rin can keep his charm. Cause I've got something sooooo much better." He finished, pressing a quick kiss to your lips.

The room fell into a comfortable silence, filled only with your intertwined breaths and the soft sound of you running your fingers through his hair.

 It was okay if he messed up his eyeliner, if it meant you’d do it for him. 

WAS IT GOOD OR AM I PROUD OF DOGSHIT??

made April 5th 2024

[withering-bloom]

Arlecchino x Fem Reader Angst

Arlecchino angst because I hate myself and I’m incredibly depressed atm, listening to good luck, babe for the past four hours LMAO

arlecchino x fem Reader Angst ,internalised homophobia, reader marrying a man tw.

2.5k words

The ballroom was gilded in gold and excess, every chandelier a mockery of the weight crushing your chest. Guests danced in practiced elegance, their laughter ringing hollow in your ears. Your fingers clenched the fabric of your white dress as you stood at the edge of the festivities, trying to make yourself invisible. But no amount of opulence could dull the aching in your heart.

You shouldn’t have looked. You promised yourself you wouldn’t, but when her piercing gaze found yours from across the room, it was as though the ground beneath you disappeared. Arlecchino stood in the shadowed corner, her presence impossible to ignore despite her effort to blend into the background. The tailored suit she wore fit her perfectly, but it was her expression that broke you. Her normally unreadable face now bore something raw, something vulnerable.

You forced yourself to look away.You have a husband now you're supposed to give your undivided attention and support to him.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. You weren’t supposed to fall in love with her.

But you had.

Your father’s voice lingered in your mind like a cruel shadow, a constant reminder of why you were here tonight. His words were sharp, not with pride but with practicality, as he justified your union with the Demoisters, the family you're now bearing your last name with. It wasn’t about love or your happiness—it never was. This marriage was nothing more than a transaction, a lifeline for your father to pull himself out of crippling debt, no matter the cost to you.

Sometimes, in the back of your mind where your unspoken dreams slowly die , you wished the weight of his failures would finally crush him. Maybe then, you could finally escape the invisible chains he had wrapped around you for as long as you could remember. Even now, as a grown woman, you were nothing more than a pawn to him, your life reduced to serving his needs, his ambitions, his mistakes.

You’d tried to tell yourself it wasn’t his fault, that he was only doing what he thought was necessary to save your family. But that excuse had grown thin, and now, standing in the midst of this charade, you couldn’t ignore the bitter truth. He would never see you as more than a tool. And you—despite everything you wanted to believe—were too afraid to break free.

The realisation sank deeper, heavier, like a stone tied to your soul. You weren’t living for yourself. You never had been.Marrying the heir of another family wasn’t just an expectation—it was a lifeline for your family’s survival. You couldn’t afford the luxury of choice, let alone the freedom to love someone as dangerous as Arlecchino.

She’d warned you.

All that rang through your mind was the night before all of this happened. The last encounter you had with Arlecchino before she called off things with you for good.

“Your father is just using you,” she said, her voice low but trembling with restrained anger. Her eyes, usually so piercing, now brimmed with raw pain and frustration. “He doesn’t care what you want. He never has.”

You flinched at her words, but it wasn’t because she was wrong. It was because she was right, and hearing the truth from her lips made it unbearable.

“I—he’s my father,” you mumbled, the excuse tasting bitter in your mouth. You couldn’t meet her gaze, your eyes fixed on the floor instead, where the shadows of candlelight danced—so fragile, so fleeting. “It’s not that simple. I don’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice,” she snapped, stepping closer, her voice growing more desperate. “But you’re too scared to take it. You’re scared of what they’ll say. What he’ll say. That’s why you’re going through with this farce of a marriage, isn’t it? Because it’s easier to let them decide your life for you than to fight for what you actually want.”

Her words hit like daggers, and you hated how well she could see through you. She always could.

“You don’t understand,” you whispered, your voice cracking under the weight of your own emotions. “I have to do this. It’s my family—”

“It’s not your family,” she interrupted, her voice sharp enough to cut through the air. “It’s him. It’s always been him. He doesn’t care about you, about what makes you happy. He’s doing this for himself—to save his business, to save his reputation. And he’s dragging you down with him, forcing you to live a life that isn’t yours.”

Tears burned in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. Not here. Not now. “It’s not that simple,” you said again, but the words were hollow, and you knew she could hear it too.

“And for what?” she pressed, her voice softening but losing none of its intensity. “For a family that doesn’t see you for who you are? For a man who doesn’t love you—and never will? That’s why you’re marrying him and not me, isn’t it?”

The silence that followed was deafening.

She took a step back, her shoulders trembling as she let out a bitter scoff, the sound laced with heartbreak. “Because they’d rather see you miserable than happy with me. Because they’d rather you live a lie than accept the truth. And you’re letting them. You’re letting them steal everything from you, including me.”

Your chest tightened, and the tears finally fell, hot and unforgiving, streaking down your face. You wanted to tell her she was wrong, to reach out and beg her to stay, but your voice caught in your throat. Because deep down, you knew she was right.

“I can’t,” you whispered, your voice so quiet it was almost inaudible. “I can’t fight them. I’m not strong enough.”

Her expression crumbled, her mask of anger giving way to something far more devastating—grief. “Then that’s it, isn’t it?” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “You’re going to let them decide your life for you. And you’re going to lose me in the process.”

She turned away, and for a moment, you wanted to reach for her, to beg her to understand, to stay despite everything. But you didn’t. You couldn’t.

“I love you,” you said, the words breaking on your lips.

She paused, her back still to you. “Then you should’ve chosen me.”

And with that, she walked away, leaving you alone in the suffocating quiet of your own cowardice, your heart shattering into pieces you would never put back together.

But you had no choice.

Now, the gilded ring on your finger felt heavier than lead. Every step you took toward the man you were bound to felt like another nail in the coffin of your happiness. He smiled at you, oblivious to the storm raging within you, as he held out his hand to guide you into the first dance.

You moved mechanically, your heart somewhere else entirely—across the room, where Arlecchino stood unmoving, watching.

When the music slowed, and the crowd dissolved into polite applause, you excused yourself under the guise of needing air. The garden was empty, the cool night breeze biting against your skin. But it wasn’t the cold that made you shiver.

“I shouldn’t have come.”

Her voice was low, cutting through the silence like a blade. You turned to see her standing there, her suit blending into the shadows.

“Then why are you here?” you whispered, your voice trembling.

She stepped closer, and for a moment, you thought she might touch you, but her hands stayed firmly at her sides. “Because I had to see it for myself,” she said, her voice cracking. “Had to see you give yourself to someone else.”

“I've told you a million times it wasn’t my choice,” you said, tears welling in your eyes.

“There’s always a choice,” she hissed, her calm veneer cracking to reveal the fury and heartbreak underneath. “But you’ve made yours.”

Her words stung, but they weren’t untrue. You had made a choice. A cruel, impossible choice.

“I love you,” you said, your voice breaking as the tears spilled freely now. “I love you more than I can put into words, but—”

“But it doesn’t matter,” she interrupted, her tone hollow and sharp. Her hands twitched at her sides, as if fighting the urge to reach for you, to pull you close one last time. “It never mattered, did it?”

“That’s not true,” you whispered, stepping closer, but she stepped back, the distance between you an unspoken barrier you knew you’d never cross again.

“You’ve already chosen,” she said bitterly, her voice trembling in a way you’d never heard before. “And I’m not going to stand here and beg for the scraps of your heart. Not when you’ve already handed it over to someone else—someone you don’t even love.”

Her words struck you like a physical blow, and you recoiled, clutching the fabric of your dress as though it could hold together the pieces of your breaking heart. “This isn’t fair, Arlecchino,” you choked out. “I’m doing this for my family—”

“For your family,” she repeated, the words dripping with venom. “What about you? What about what you want? Or does what we had mean so little that you can throw it away without a second thought?”

“It’s not that simple,” you pleaded, your voice barely audible.

“It is,” she snapped, her sharp eyes blazing with a mix of fury and heartbreak. “You just don’t want to admit it. You’re a coward, and you’re running from the one thing that’s real.” Your shoulders stiffened as you raised your head up to look her directly in the eyes.

“So what?” you snapped, the words spilling out before you could stop them, sharp and defensive, laced with fear you refused to acknowledge. “I’m doing what’s best for my mother and my sisters. They need this—they need me to do this.” You folded your arms tightly across your chest, trying to steady the tremble in your voice. “You don’t understand. They would never… they’d never look at me the same if they knew about—about us.”

Your voice cracked, and you swallowed hard, willing yourself not to cry. You hated how weak you sounded, how transparent. “They’d disown me,” you whispered, almost to yourself now, the words like broken glass in your throat. “They’d hate me. My own mother, my sisters—they’re the only family I have, and if I lose them, I’ll have nothing.”

Her silence stung, and when you finally looked up, the hurt in her eyes was unbearable.

“They wouldn’t hate you,” she said softly, but there was an edge of disbelief in her tone. “They’d come to understand. They love you. Isn’t that what family is supposed to do?”

You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. “You don’t know them like I do. Love isn’t unconditional in my family. Love is earned. And if they found out about this, about me…” You trailed off, your chest tightening as the weight of it all pressed down on you,while fiddling with the ring chained around your finger, “They’d never forgive me for ruining everything.”

“You’re not ruining anything,” she argued, her voice rising with frustration. “You’re just too afraid to live your life—our life. You’re letting their expectations cage you, and for what? To keep their love? What about your own happiness? What about mine?”

You flinched, her words cutting deeper than you wanted to admit. “You don’t get it,” you hissed, desperation creeping into your voice. “This isn’t just about me. This is about them, about saving them from losing everything. And—and being with you? It’s wrong, don’t you see that?”

Her face fell, her expression crumbling into something between anger and heartbreak. “Wrong?” she echoed, her voice barely audible. “You think this is wrong?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” you said quickly, but the damage was already done.

“Yes, you did,” she shot back, her voice trembling. “You think being able to allow yourself to love me is wrong. You think you are wrong.”

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. “You don’t understand,” you repeated, weaker this time. “It’s not about love. It’s about survival. And if that means I have to bury this—bury us—then so be it.”

Her shoulders sagged, and she let out a shaky breath. “I hope it’s worth it,” she said quietly, her voice devoid of the fire it once carried. “Giving up everything that matters to you. Including yourself.”

The silence that followed was unbearable. You reached out, desperate, but her cold, empty laugh froze you in place.

“Do me a favor,” she said softly, her voice cracking under the weight of her own words. “When you stand at that altar tomorrow and say your vows, don’t think of me. Don’t look at him and wish it was me standing there instead. Because I won’t be waiting for you, not now, not ever.”

Her words broke something in you, but before you could respond, she turned and walked away, her silhouette dissolving into the shadows.

You didn’t follow her.

You stood frozen in the cold garden, the echoes of her parting words wrapping around your throat like a noose. When you finally found the strength to move, your steps felt heavy, every movement dragging you closer to a future you no longer wanted.

As you re-entered the ballroom, the weight of the ring on your finger seemed to double, a gilded chain binding you to a life of pretense. Your fiancé greeted you with a warm smile, but you barely heard his words. You saw only Arlecchino’s back as she disappeared into the darkness, taking your heart with her.

And as the music swelled and the guests toasted to your impending marriage, the truth settled in your chest like a dagger:

You would love her for the rest of your life, but she would never forgive you.

And you would never forgive yourself.

Live,love,lesbian angst.

Me writing this fanfic: