#i think this covers anything upsetting but idk. anyways break might end soon or not i'm not sure | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

justsomefluff · 4 years ago

Note

hello!! i found your blog not so long ago and i already love it so much, i was wondering if (if your request are open) you could do an ateez reaction to their s/o crying/pouting because they(atz) got jealous and they were ignoring their s/o (almost like the hwa reaction to you dancing w/ another member) 🥺 i love your blog so much.. hope your staying safe!!! 🤍

Okay, my sweet anon, this ended up being shorter than I originally wrote it bc it got deleted last time but I think I hit all the important stuff anyway! Also, I appreciate the positivity and I hope you are staying safe as well! <3

Summary: Ateez gets jealous of your conversation with another member. During a group dinner. Since they are feeling neglected, they decide to give you a taste of your own medicine.

Hongjoong:

Okay so Hongjoong is totally calm about his bitterness

Like he’s definitely staring daggers at whichever member you’re talking to

But other than throwing a dirty glance in their direction every once in a while

No one will even be able to notice that he’s remotely upset about anything

I think that he’s probably used to covering his emotions well since he’s the leader and he feels like he needs to be the most mature and stuff

That can lead him to being kind of reserved about his emotions though and that might bug some people

And so when you finally start giving him some attention

He’s gonna turn away from you and just flat out pretend he cant hear you

But when you finally get home at the end of the night and you’re sulking because he hasn’t said a word to you since before dinner

He starts to feel hella guilty

Like he never wants to hurt you but his jealousy really just took control of him that night for some reason

And if you’re making big, sad eyes at him and following him like a puppy as he does his nightly routine…

He’s done for

But I feel like once you actually start having a conversation, he’s very good at keeping it from turning into an argument

Good at “I feel” statements you know?

But both of you recover from this rather quickly and just make it up to each other by snuggling for the rest of the night

Seonghwa:

So Seonghwa is the type to act normal enough that the guys won’t notice that anything is wrong

But you know him well enough to know that he’s being kind of cold to you for some reason

And if you notice he’s being super low-key rude to another member then you can kind of connect the dots and understand why he’s upset

He will never let any of the guys see his anger though

Mostly because he’s the oldest and he feels that responsibility to them to only show them his good side if he can help it

So he will talk to you, but only like one word at a time

And he’ll brush you off if you touch him

But he will disguise it by reaching for food or something

He’s good at this okay

But if you just keep staring at him and the guys notice enough to ask you what’s wrong, then he’ll tell you to fake it til you get home

And you do because you don’t want to upset him more yk

And when you get home though, you’re almost in tears bc hiding it like that was so exhausting and painful

When he sees you starting to break a little, then he’s hugging you

Like .5 seconds to cross the room to get to you okay

Drama Mama Hwa to Protective Boyfriend Hwa that quick

He’ll explain why he was upset and you’ll explain your side as well

And once you’re finished, you’re both calm and forgiving about it

Even if you don’t fully understand each others point of view, you get it enough to let it go

Then you both just pass out together bc emotions are tiring

But you definitely wake up with smiles on your faces the next morning

Yunho:

(this is how he sulks at you okay its adorable, i just wanna give him the world)

this jealous baby

Like did you guys see that video of him and Wooyoung eating cheese tteokbokki like San was just tryna help no need to get your boxers in a bunch sweetie

But anyways, I digress

If he’s jealous, he’s gonna let you know straight out the gate

Like he’ll literally tap you on the shoulder and then act like he did nothing

And at first you’re like aw cute he’s being playful

But really he just wants you to know he’s ignoring you on purpose

Like how dare you not notice that Im ignoring you purposefully… He’s not gonna put in all this effort just for you to not notice okay

And when your brain finally connects those dots its like ugh

But Yunho is easy to break okay

Like the second you pay him even a lick of attention he’s so happy

Its just really hard for him to stay upset

But dammit he’s gonna try his best to keep it up until he thinks you have both neglected each other for an equal amount of time

But both of you are kinda clingy

So even if you both know this won’t last for very long, you still get kinda sad about it

And the second your lip juts out and you’re pouting

He’s smooshing your cheeks and just going “aigooooooo” and babying you and stuff

All the other members are disgusted but they’re just jealous okay I said what I said

Yeosang:

(Kang Yeosang character summary: will ignore you for chicken)

Okay I don’t think Yeosang is the type to ignore you on purpose

He just gets really in his head when he’s jealous and gets quiet

And I feel like we see more of Yeosang’s quiet side rather than his expressive side

So maybe he’s shyer about emotions? Idk this is all speculation anyway

So if he’s in his head, he’s definitely not trying to hurt you or anything

He’s just thinking about everything and feeling neglected and insecure

Poor baby

Like he’s only gonna notice that you’re sad about him ignoring you once youre alone

Bc nothing else can distract him from you aw

And if you’re even the slightest bit teary, all of his insecurities fly out the window

Like all his focus will be on making you feel better

And when you say that you’re upset bc he was ignoring you

He’ll literally be like… you were ignoring me tho???

Also he strikes me as the type to laugh in serious situations so he will deadass burst out laughing

Like full on cackling

You’re half crying and just staring at him like ??? Wtf???

And he’s like WE IGNORED EACH OTHER HAHAHA

What the hell’s so funny about that you absolute crackhead

But then youre laughing too bc you realize that this entire situation is kind of ridiculous anyway

And both of you get over just like that, and spend the rest of the night giving each other all the love and affection you have to spare

San:

Okay San’s type of jealousy is more aggressive I think

Like not that he’s aggressive towards anyone about, just it impacts him way more than anyone else

So it can really take a toll on your relationship sometimes

But I do feel like, if he’s gonna ignore you, it’s only gonna be while you’re in front of the members

But as soon as you get home, all the emotions are gonna come out at once

Like as soon as you step through the door, word vomit all over the place

And if you’re eyes are glossy too then both of you are gonna end up crying

And neither of you are really sure why you’re crying, you’re just soft babies okay

But I do think that San is more accusatory in these situations

Like a lot of “you did this” instead of “this is how I feel”

So it can start arguments sometimes

This time though, you’re both just emo and soft

Since you’re both a little bit weepy, you’re both just apologizing profusely

but neither of you really know why you’re sorry

You just are

And no formal resolution is reached because you both fall asleep all cozied up to each other with tears drying on both of your faces

And you wake up in the morning, kind of giggling at each other

All the negativity got washed out of your systems anyway :)

Mingi:

this BABY

he’s jealous but if he ignores you omg

its so hard for him to do

god like he's not even good at it

like he’s ignoring you but still holding your hand??

like how does that work

but anyway, even if you're pouting at him and stuff

he will be the one who ends up crying

like “why did you ignore meee”

and you're like... I didn't even realize I was??

so you decide to tell him what you and the members were talking about

and then all of a sudden, he’s distracted

like “ooh that interesting”

tell me more

or if it was a debate he’ll pick a side and have a full discussion with you

or if he agrees with you, he will playfully diss the other members for being wrong lmao

basically, just distract him and everything will be all set

just don't make a habit of ignoring him bc then he will really feel unloved and no one is allowed to hurt my Minnie

Wooyoung:

So, Wooyoung is more exaggerated with the way he expresses his emotions

And we all know that I mean we’ve seen it

So when he gets jealous, he feels it in his chest

Then those emotions bubble up and come out in the form of hysterics

So he goes extra crazy for a little bit

Like not showing anger or anything, just being excessively crackheadish

And obviously not giving any of that attention to you

You notice it immediately

Like if he’s super excited, he always gives you most of his attention bc he really wants to share that happiness with you

But if he’s ignoring you, its really obvious

And you really feel the hurt bc its like… he never acts like this normally

So once you get home you’ve pretty much had it

Like your eyes are welling up and he’s just kind of looks at you like “oh nooooooo, I done messed up”

And he’s holding you and apologizing and being sweet and explaining why he did it

Literally swears up and down he will never do it again

Bc when he feels guilty it’s overwhelming for him too

Especially when it comes to you

So you end up snuggling each other the whole night to make up for the time you lost ignoring each other

Jongho:

Jongho is definitely more reserved about his emotions and we see that a lot

I feel like its probably because he’s the youngest and he doesn’t want his hyungs to think he’s immature or incapable of handling his emotions

So he is gonna try to maintain that tough facade in front of his members at all costs

And they won’t really notice if you guys are having problems bc I feel like he tends to keep things about your relationship more private in front of them anyway

So if he’s ignoring you, the other guys will just assume that he’s trying to keep being tough

No one is allowed to see Jongho soft okay

But you will be seeing him turn soft the second he notices that you’re hurting

If he notices that you’re upset when you’re with the guys, he will take you home early

The second you’re alone, protective and soft Jongho combine to form that side of him the guys arent allowed to see

He hates that he’s the reason you’re feeling hurt

Will try literally anything to make you feel better

He is not gonna stop touching you and holding you and babying you all night

Has to be in contact with you in some way or he’ll cry

But either way he’s gonna be the best boyfriend to make up with

Bc he behaves this way after every conflict you have

Forever a sweetheart

#ateez #ateez fanfic #fanfic #ateez fluff #fluff #ateez angst #ateez reactions #reactions #ateez scenarios #scenarios #ateez imagine #imagine #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez jongho

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olivinesea · 4 years ago

Text

Off Souls, pt. 2

Part 1

a/n: I won’t deny it, shit is dark. Would it make it better if I told you there was a little light at the end? Like a candles-worth. There’s violence and drinking but I don’t think it needs any major warnings. ~4.8k (idk why they keep getting longer)

Everybody feels bad.

Hotch tried but couldn’t get back to sleep. Frustrated, he rolled over again, punching his pillow as if that was what was keeping him up. His mind was stuck, spinning on the image of Emily standing outside his door. It wasn’t the first time she’d turned up worse for wear, excited to show off her battle wounds. He’d never turned her away before and the lost look on her face when he had earlier filled him with guilt. He worried he’d done the wrong thing. He’d been told that boundaries were healthy and asserting his needs wasn’t an act of vengeance. But maybe that didn’t apply to their relationship. Where did he set a boundary on someone who felt like an extension of himself?

As soon as he saw the sky fading from black to gray he got up, showered and went to find her. She didn’t answer and when he opened the unlocked door he saw her unmoving form on the bed. A spike of fear seared through him before he noticed her breathing through a slightly open mouth. She was just passed out. He grimaced and left her alone to sleep it off.

Later in the morning he brought her coffee and a bagel. She again didn’t answer when he knocked. He opened the door and found her still in bed. Curled on her side, she had the covers pulled up over her head, only her face exposed. At first he thought she was still asleep but saw her blink as she stared at a spot on the floor.

“Hey,” he said quietly as he entered the room. He sat down opposite her on her roommate’s bed and held out his peace offering. “I brought you some breakfast.”

She slowly looked up at him, her eyes dull. He wondered just how much she’d had to drink last night. He didn’t think he’d seen her this hungover before. He waved the coffee enticingly, hoping the smell would help.

“Hazelnut oat latte. Triple shot,” he coaxed.

She stared at him for a beat before closing her eyes and rolling to face the wall.

“No thanks,” she muttered.

He frowned. He had been sure she’d come around with a little food and caffeine. She always had in the past. Maybe he had made a bigger mistake than he realized. He dropped his hands to his lap and tried to think of what to say.

“I—I’m sorry about last night. It’s just—“ he fumbled for the words. He hadn’t been mad at her exactly. He understood falling back on a familiar crutch. He also had spent too much time trying to fix problems with alcohol. It wasn’t her fault she hadn’t yet figured out it wouldn’t work. He was just exhausted by it. He didn’t know how to explain that her late night appearances brought him back to other nights, less friendly, more damaging. Nights with a different pair of fists banging on his door, seeking him out for a different purpose. Those nights had left him feeling small and broken, his only coherent thought a wish that it would be over soon. Every time she startled him from sleep reminded him of his life before, when the only peace he could imagine was death. He couldn’t say any of that to her.

“I was just tired.” He knew it wasn’t enough. He knew in different circumstances she would be pushing him for more. Instead all he got was silence.

“Emily?”

“It’s fine, Aaron.” Her voice was muffled by the comforter and hard to make out.

“What?” He heard but he was not sure he understood.

“It’s fine. Just go away.”

That one he understood like a slap in the face. Still, he hesitated.

“Leave. me. alone.” Her voice was flat but the words were crisp. He’d really done it. He pushed her too far and now she was done with him. It was a bitter thought but he felt secretly relieved to discover there wasn’t a bottomless well of forgiveness after all. His worldview now resettled, he found the next steps were easy. He got up and placed the rejected breakfast on her desk, not stopping to push papers into piles for her like he might have the day before. It wasn’t his job to make order from her chaos anymore. He looked at her briefly before he closed the door. She was just an irregular figure under the dark blue covers, still and silent. He didn’t hear her start to cry as the latch caught behind him.

Emily spent the day in bed. She spent the next day in bed as well. The entire weekend she subsisted on water and a few energy bars stolen from her roommate’s stash in the bottom of the closet. She wasn’t really hungry anyway. It took energy to be hungry and she barely had the energy to keep breathing. As she lay there staring at the wall, she couldn’t stop the images from the party filtering through her mind. What started as only flashes of memory crystallized into a damning portrait. Soon, she knew exactly what had happened and how she should feel about it. But she couldn’t bring herself to care. Instead she felt numb.

The few times she got up, she found dark bruises forming on her arms and thighs. They made her feel nauseous so she covered them with long sleeves and sweats. The scrapes on her hands and knees weren’t anything special so she ignored them after picking out some gravel. There was one injury she couldn’t cover or ignore. She had thought it was dirt and scrubbed at the purple spot along her jaw before hissing in pain. She looked at it again and saw it was a thumb shaped bruise. Turning her head slowly she found matching marks on the other side of her jaw. Her stomach dropped as the memory of it overwhelmed her.

She understood that she wasn’t going to get away, that none of her limbs were taking direction from her anymore. So she did the only thing she could think of—she spit in his face, her only remaining defense. He grabbed her roughly and squeezed until she cried out, promising to break her jaw if she did it again.

“Wouldn’t that be a waste?” he had whispered, mouth far too close to her ear.

Emily stopped looking in the mirror after that. It didn’t matter what she looked like anymore.

In a way, everything that had happened at the party was only a confirmation of the person people already believed she was. She had been intentionally reckless, willfully making all the wrong decisions every step of the way. She had been mad and she had done what she knew would piss Hotch off the most. She understood why he turned her away like he did. She had actually been a little surprised when he showed up the next morning. It was only as she was listening to him try to form a stunted apology that she remembered he didn’t know what she had done. He might have seen the broad strokes but she was sure if he knew the details he’d blame her as much as she blamed herself. She didn’t want to see the disappointment and disgust he was sure to feel upon learning. Better to push him away. She didn’t deserve a friend like him anyway.

By the time Monday came around, she was completely convinced of her irredeemability. It was okay though. If she was worthless, she didn’t need to bother trying. She rolled out of bed and pulled a dark hoodie on over her leggings. She shoved her feet into her sneakers, hooking a finger behind her foot to pull the heel tab up. On her way out the door, she swept whatever was on her desk into her bag without looking and headed to class. When she got there she sat in the back and didn’t even pretend to take notes. She picked at her fingers and half-listened to the lecture. When the professor started prompting discussion she slid down in her chair, hoping to disappear.

Normally on Mondays she met Hotch for lunch before their shared afternoon class. Out of habit she walked towards their favorite dining hall only to stop short when she caught sight of the back of him. He had missed a spot when brushing his hair that morning, a big chunk of it sticking up. She would have loved making fun of him for it but she hung back, letting the distance between them grow. She felt her heart beating quickly, a wave of fear constricting her chest. If he saw her, he would try to talk to her. If he talked to her, he would ask what was wrong. And if he asked that—well, she didn’t want to think about what would happen then. She had been meticulously building a wall around the details of the party. She might not be able to escape what happened but she could bury it. It was too soon though, everything was still too close to the surface. A concerned look, a gentle question from him could easily bring it all back up. She would rather be friendless forever than have him know how badly she had fucked up.

He looked for her. Against his better judgement he found himself hoping to bump into her in the hallways or on the way to class. He knew she was done with him but a small piece of him held out hope that she might change her mind. He didn’t deserve it. He had been selfish. He had always been selfish. Always asking for more understanding, more forgiveness than he himself was willing to give. All schoolchildren learn the golden rule: treat others the way you would like to be treated. He thought he’d like to be treated kindly but for some reason he could never make it work. He was always upsetting people, making his mother cry, making his father angry. His very existence seemed to be an insult to order. He broke everything around him—rules, dishes, his mother’s heart. She had whispered that to him one night, after the storm of his father’s attention had passed.

“Please, won’t you try harder? You’re breaking my heart.”

He had been eleven and knocked over a glass of milk at dinner. He had just started a growth spurt and his limbs were suddenly long and difficult to keep track of. He hadn’t responded, only bitten his lip to stop from crying while she splinted his broken fingers. He did try harder but it was never enough.

He was an adult now and could rationally view the things that had happened to him as just that—things that were done to him, that he had no control over. He knew now that he hadn’t caused the drunken rages and hostile silences. He knew it was wrong that the only affection he had gotten at home had been the twisted love of a soft hand wiping blood from his face. He knew in his mind that it wasn’t his fault. But he believed, in a deep, unreachable place in his heart, that it was. So he hadn’t been surprised when Emily turned her back on him, finally tired of his weakness.

He spotted her in class, seated in the back, hood pulled up and face pale. She stared vacantly at the board at the front of the room. Her fingers twisted in her lap, nails digging roughly into skin. He willed her to look his way but it didn’t happen. He desperately wanted to undo the past few days. He wanted to tell her about the blueberry scone he tried that morning. He wanted her to laugh at him when he mispronounced the German terms in their psychology textbook. He almost walked over to sit next to her but he was too afraid she would tell him to go away again. He sighed and headed to a seat on the opposite side of the room. Class began and he did his best to pay attention to the review for their upcoming test. The next time he risked a look in her direction, her seat was empty.

Days turned into weeks. She got better at avoiding him. She arrived later and later to class. Sometimes she didn’t make it to class at all. She started eating in a different dining hall. Not as good as Powell; the food here seemed like it sat under a heat lamp for too long. She wasn’t hungry anyway. Nothing tasted right and she’d started feeling sick most mornings. The vodka she drank every night probably wasn’t helping. She was vaguely aware this was a bad habit to indulge but she wasn’t able to sleep without it. Each time she laid down, the images she’d been working so hard to push away returned to taunt her. They played in her mind like a movie and she screamed at the foolish actress to be smarter this time but it never changed. However, if she could get enough liquor in her system, she fell asleep too quickly for the movie to get started.

One day she sat at one of the tables in her new dining hall ignoring a cold slice of pizza in favor of iced coffee. She considered whether she should start spiking her coffee. It would be a risky move. She didn’t interact with anyone closely enough to worry about getting caught but she also didn’t want to completely flunk out out of school. Doctoring her midday drinks seemed a short road to disaster. The only thing she could imagine that was worse than what she was doing now was going home to face her mother, a college dropout and certified failure.

Still, the idea was alluring. It would soften the edges of having to be around all these people. She’d become jumpy, shying away from any contact or attention. She was always on guard, searching the crowds of students for danger. Though she'd watched that night replay over and over she wasn’t sure what he looked like. Now any medium-tall, blondish-brunette, dark eyed man could be the one. She hated the feeling and was upset with herself every time she froze like a rabbit before a wolf.

Deep in thought she didn’t hear anyone approach. She only noticed their presence when a hand ran across her shoulder blades, lingering a moment before the owner sat in a chair opposite her. The recognition was immediate. She wondered how she couldn’t remember his face before now, the details were all so familiar. She stared at him, eyes wide with shock.

“I thought that was you.” He smiled as he said it, as if they were friends meeting each other casually.

She didn’t say anything, barely even breathing. She could hear her blood rushing around in her ears, unclear on where it should go to escape this nightmare.

His smile grew though his eyes were hard. She could see now that they were blue. A dark blue that looked black in the shadows.

“It’s the silent treatment, is it?”

She wondered what he expected. He must have been unaware of the rage burning inside her or he wouldn’t be so relaxed. If only she could make herself move.

“Well, pout if you want to. I don’t mind a little attitude.” He reached out his hand and tilted her chin up, rubbing his thumb across her bottom lip. She wanted to bite him. Her brain was yelling at her body to react, but just like with the girl in her memory, it was useless. Fear had taken over.

He smiled again as he let go. “I’m glad I found you. You left without saying goodbye. Didn’t anyone teach you manners?” It was a threat and he looked into her eyes to make sure she understood it. She glared back but it was too obvious who held all the power. Satisfied he stood up and started to walk away.

“Oh,” he stops, “you left your shoe. Come by whenever you want, Emily. I’ll make sure you get it.”

With that he was gone, passing through the doors and out of sight. She barely made it to a trashcan before throwing up. She hadn’t eaten much over the past day so it was mainly bile, painfully burning her throat. When she straightened up there were people staring at her, disgusted. One girl turned to her friend and made a rude comment that Emily could hear just enough of to know they thought she was drunk. She flipped everyone off and stalked away. She didn’t bother to clear her table, grabbing her bag and heading out a different exit.

Hotch tried his best to remain focused on school. He knew she was avoiding him and reluctantly did his best to make it easier on her. He spent more time in the library (a place she would never go without him) and was careful to sit towards the front of classes they shared so she could hide in the back. He didn’t venture to her side of the dorm building though he had been tempted to ask her roommate how she was doing. From what he could see, not well. It hurt his heart to ignore her but he wanted to respect her wishes. She told him, very clearly, to leave her alone so he would. Classes kept him busy enough and he fell back into old habits—forgetting to eat, staying up all night studying, not talking to anyone for days at a time. He was too young for them to be called frown lines but his face was developing permanent grooves around his mouth and between his eyebrows.

He was walking towards the library when he saw her. She moved quickly, head bent, hair flying wildly behind her. She was visibly angry and people moved out of her way on the path. As she got closer, he thought about stopping her, insisting on offering whatever comfort he could provide. She was past him before he even finished his thought. She didn’t see him standing on the side of the walkway.

She didn’t see anything through the all-consuming rage driving her forward. She wasn’t sure where she was going but she knew she needed to hurt something. She could see his smug face floating before her and she wanted to break it. If she could, she would kill him without hesitation. But she couldn’t. She was too weak. Too weak to even say anything to him when given the chance. This unpleasant thought slowed her down. She was reminded that all this had happened because of her. There was no point in hurting him when she would still be the same person who was naive enough to let this happen. The only worthwhile person to hurt was herself. She was the real problem. With that realization, she changed direction, heading back to her dorm and the bottles she’d hidden there.

It took talent to maintain a level of inebriation that kept her just beneath the surface of reality without destroying her physically. Here she couldn’t feel enough to care, every responsibility and unwelcome emotion just slid away. She could walk to class (when she bothered to go) without feeling people’s eyes on her, oblivious to their judgement. Sometimes she got tired on the way and laid down on a bench or under a tree instead. Occasionally she fell asleep and was out until the chill of sunset woke her. Part of her knew this would be the end of her but if she was being honest, that was probably for the best. The world didn’t benefit from her presence, it certainly wouldn’t notice her absence.

Even in the permanent fog she had been cultivating, Emily could tell something was off. She didn’t want to believe it. She had been desperately hoping it wasn’t true. She was late all the time. The word ‘stress’ didn’t even begin to cover how she had been feeling. There were a dozen explanations that didn’t involve this. Please, please, she begged, anything but this. On the sixth week she caved to her paranoia and bought a test. When she asked for a pack of cigarettes to go with it, the clerk gave her a disapproving look.

“Hoping for the best!” She tried to sound cheerful and gave the sour woman a wink. Inside, she felt all her organs turning to stone.

She found a gas station with a single stall bathroom. This kind of thing couldn’t be done in a dorm bathroom shared by half a dozen girls. Not unless you planned on letting everyone else know too. She paced as she waited, ignoring the knocks on the door. When enough time had passed she took a deep breath, briefly closing her eyes and sending one last plea into the universe. When she looked down at it everything went black for a moment. She steadied herself against the graffitied wall, breathing through her nose before looking again.

Positive.

She bit down on the back of her fist to keep from screaming. Whoever was at the door was knocking again.

“Fuck off!” she yelled back. She looked at herself in the mirror. Get a grip, Emily. She had to get out of there. That was the first step. She would figure out the rest of it after that. She realized she was still holding the plastic test, gripping it so tightly her knuckles turned white. If only she was strong enough to crush it, pulverize it until it was only a harmless powder. She wrapped it in several paper towels, shoving it deep into the trashcan so no one would accidentally see it. Not that it mattered. Did anything really matter at this point? She felt a wave of hysterical laughter threaten to consume her. She had to move faster.

She slammed the door open, making the impatient knocker jump. That gave her some small satisfaction as she sped through the convenience market and out the door. She had gotten the cigarettes open before she got to the end of the block. It took a couple tries to get one lit, eventually having to pause to be able to coordinate the necessary movements. She felt a thin chemical relief immediately begin to soothe her. She was never a big smoker but she’d always found them comforting in times of crisis. The smell reminded her of summer nights and the burning of the smoke in her lungs helped distract her from the thoughts that were trying to consume her.

She walked rapidly back to campus, chain smoking the whole way. She couldn’t focus enough to come up with a plan. She could barely wrap her mind around the reality she was now facing. She felt her skin crawl with the knowledge there was something growing inside her. Something unwelcome and alien. Horrible, undeniable evidence that all her memories were real.

She reached her dorm building but wasn’t ready to go inside. She felt trapped already, she couldn’t bear the idea of being surrounded by walls and people. She collapsed onto a ledge running around a planter beside the entryway. Switching off between worrying her fingers with her teeth and taking drags on her cigarette, she tried to reason her way to calm. She leaned her elbows on her knees and examined the concrete between her feet, trying to remember what people did with problems like this.

“Emily?”

As soon as she looked up into Hotch’s worried face she started crying. She dropped her head into her hands, nearly burning herself. He was the last person she wanted see. She had been working so hard to stay away, to keep her failure to herself. There had been many times over the past weeks she had wished she could find him and beg for his friendship. She’d fantasized about lying, creating elaborate stories to explain her behavior. But she had been too afraid he would see through her. Now he was going to find out anyway.

“Emily, what’s wrong?” He knelt down in front of her, placing his hands cautiously on her knees. “Hey, talk to me. Please?” He pulled the half smoked cigarette from her fingers and crushed it on the ground beside them. She was still sobbing even though she was pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes, trying to hold the tears back by barricade. He waited, staying very still and watching her closely. She slowly calmed down enough to take a few shaky breaths. She wiped her nose on her sleeve and avoided his eyes, looking instead at the hole forming in the toe of her sneaker.

“Emily.”

She shivered involuntarily.

“Look at me.” He gave her knee a little shake of encouragement. The look on her face drove a knife through his heart.

“I really messed up, Hotch.” There was no point in trying to hide it now.

He waited for her to say more.

“I—I—“she stuttered, starting to panic.

He got off the ground and sat next to her, pressing against her side the way she had done to him so many times before. He took her hands between his much larger ones, holding them gently and hoping he was doing the right thing.

“I’m not going anywhere. Take your time.” He tried to sound encouraging and not let the fear he was feeling show in his voice. He was truly alarmed seeing her like this. She was so strong, so fearless. Whatever was going on was not going to be easy to deal with.

His solid presence helped ground her and she relaxed against him a little. She closed her eyes, unsure where to start.

“There’s…a lot.”

He squeezed her fingers encouragingly.

“You remember the night I…when I woke you up?”

She felt him stiffen and she stumbled on quickly before he could change his mind and leave.

“Something…happened. At the party. I was being stupid and I—“ She starts crying again. His brow furrowed as he looked down at her, trying to read more between the phrases she was giving him.

“Oh Aaron. I’m pregnant.”

She folded in on herself again, too ashamed to look at him. The pieces finally fit together—the way she had looked like someone had dragged her down a street, how out of it she had been the next day. He felt a piercing self-hatred realizing it had taken him so long to understand. He had failed her and he would never forgive himself for it. But right now he needed to focus. He didn’t know what to say so he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her upright and gathering her to his chest. She wept into his collar while he smoothed his hand over her hair, again and again.

“It’s going to be ok,” he said, gritting his teeth and praying he could make that true. His mind raced ahead with possibilities—the top of his list was breaking the neck of the asshole that had done this.

She pulled back a little to look at him, finally calm enough to be wary. He looked at her evenly, ready to accept whatever justified anger she was going to direct at him. She only bit her lip and looked away.

“I’m really sorry, Em,” he said, his voice tight. “I should have been there.”

“Do you hate me?” She spoke so quietly he almost missed it.

“What? No, of course not. Why would I hate you?”

She sighed. “You’re mad.”

He put a hand on her arm. “Please, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you.”

She looked at him closely to see if he was lying.

“I’m not mad at you Emily.”

Mad for her maybe. Mad at himself, definitely. Furious with whoever did this to her. But not at her. The thought that she believed he would be angry with her for being attacked made him sick.

She didn’t look completely convinced but he’d never lied to her before. Accepting that he meant it, she leaned her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes. She’d take what she could get. She was too tired, too afraid to question him further.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you again,” he added fiercely.

It was so easy to make promises at nineteen. He didn’t mean to lie.

~Part 3~

#Criminal Minds #emily prentiss #aaron hotchner #college hotchniss #fanfiction

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retrievablememories · 4 years ago

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no manners | lucas

title: no manners pairing: lucas x black!reader genre: angst, implied smut request: “Aww thanks✨😊 Hope it’s not too much(I have a wild/creative imagination😌) Could you write a fic where Lucas is married to an African American who lives in America while he’s in China with WayV. One night after a call where Lucas suggests she go out with friends because she’s too lonely, she drinks too much and ends up going home with a stranger. When she wakes up she finds out what she did and a few days later she finds out she’s pregnant 💁🏿‍♀️that being said ain’t do it if it’s weird” word count: 5k warnings: workplace sexism/harassment, infidelity, alcohol use, mentions of intoxicated sex, mentions of pregnancy, emetophobia warning, mentions of blood, medical setting, angst!! just sad shit man a/n: hard to think of a good title, idk. the song’s about a sad relationship so close enough? ion fuck with drake anymore but passionfruit was the soundtrack for this one lol

You wake up in the middle of the night again—you’ve been doing it a lot lately. Your head aches a bit and your throat feels dry. You reach for the bottle of water on your nightstand and drink from it, though it doesn’t make you feel any better.

Pulling the covers back over yourself, you turn towards the empty side of the bed and feel that familiar pain settle in your body again. There are painkillers for physical discomforts, but what do you do for this kind of ache that comes from deep within the heart? You sigh and simply close your eyes, trying to block out the feeling.

It’s been over 3 months since you’ve seen Lucas in person, which might as well be the equivalent of several lifetimes for you. You knew this was going to be inevitable once you got married, and even while you were still in the dating stage you experienced it. But you’re not sure if you could’ve accounted for just how intense it would feel now. It’s different now. You’ve made a home together—are going to have a family someday—and yet you barely get to spend any time together.

Burrowing deeper under the covers, you curl yourself up as small as possible, as if you can squeeze out the pain by leaving no more room for it.

Even work is bland now. You work at a firm for a fairly popular magazine in your city, and although your duties keep you busy most days, even those things are starting to lose their appeal. Your peers certainly don’t help.

“You look like you’ve been going through it,” Your coworker Daniel says over lunch. Your other coworker, Patrice, elbows them in the side for his indiscretion.

Your jaw clenches. You have to make an effort to relax your body and gather your thoughts before responding. The last thing you need right now is to lose your job, although you already know Lucas could support the both of you if necessary. “I’m fine. Just a little sleep deficit, but I’ll live.”

“Don’t mind him,” Sharia says, rolling her eyes. “We all get a little worn out sometimes. I hope things get better for you soon.”

“I’m just pointing out the obvious,” Daniel interjects, holding his hands up in surrender. “Don’t shoot the messenger. Sharia’s right, though; we all know how you’re feeling.” No, you don’t, you think, resisting the desire to scoff in his face. “Work’s been pretty hectic the past few weeks.”

“Yep, real busy,” you say curtly, not wanting to draw this conversation out further. It’s clear that he thinks he’s making some kind of connection with you, despite him knowing jackshit about anything that’s going on in your life. His presumptuousness has always rubbed you wrong.

“Absolutely. Hopefully the big boss will ease up on us soon here.” You think Daniel is done, but then he speaks again, and Patrice puts her head in her hands. “Anyway, how’s everyone’s home life faring from all this? You and the husband doing all alright?” You know that last statement is specifically for you, and it makes you even more weary.

Sharia shifts uncomfortably as if she can feel the tension you’re experiencing. She’s the only one on your job who knows who you’re married to, as you didn’t want to let your other nosy colleagues in on your life. She’s the only one you can trust to keep your business on your front porch where it belongs.

“We’re doing fine,” you say, keeping your voice light. “How are you and your girlfriend?”

“Actually—are you sure you and dear husband aren’t having any problems? You know...of the bedroom variety? Maybe that’s part of why you’ve been so stressed lately.”

“Jesus, Daniel!” Patrice exclaims in disbelief.

“You’re way out of line.” Sharia gives Daniel a warning look. “We’re at work, this isn’t gossip hour. I don’t think you need another HR report under your belt.”

You continue to sit with your hands clasped together, digging your nails into the back of your hand and watching the wall clock count down the minutes until the lunch break ends. Still 10 minutes left. If this were any other setting, any other person, you would’ve cursed Daniel out and likely given him a good backhanding, but he knows you can’t do anything here. And that’s precisely why he does it.

“What goes on in our lives is none of your business,” you say slowly, trying to keep your voice even. “I don’t know where you pull this crap from. You should listen to Sharia.”

“I hope that’s not a threat, because we all know the boss doesn’t care,” Daniel scoffs. “I’m not going anywhere, so you girls might as well get used to it.” Thankfully, he decides to take his leave at this point, collecting the rest of his lunch and stalking back to his office.

Patrice and Sharia exchange looks, and you merely sit and continue staring at the clock, watching the hands count to the next hour. It’s all you can do.

You’re relieved when you step through the front door of your house that night. Or maybe relief isn’t the word for it—but there is definitely a sort of deflation that happens once you pass through the threshold. You feel sapped and tired, and you can only think of scraping together whatever leftovers you can find because you’re too tired to cook a new meal.

As you walk into the bedroom, you remember that you and Lucas are supposed to video chat tonight, and that makes you feel a little better, but not as good as it could. You glance at the empty side of the bed and sigh heavily.

The rest of the evening passes by simultaneously too slow and too fast. It’s almost like the weight of your depression is dragging down the rest of the world and making time flow in a strange, nonsensical fashion. You eat your leftovers, watch bad reality TV, and even try to check a few work emails before your mind drifts off again. You keep replaying the events at lunch and getting upset again, though you don’t want to.

By the time the hour for your video call comes along, you’re curled up on the bed holding your phone tightly, waiting for it to ring and your husband’s name to flash across the screen. You answer almost instantly when it finally does.

“Yukhei,” you breathe out once his face appears on screen. The sight of him is enough to make your eyes sting immediately, and your throat is choked off with tears.

“Y/N!” Even through the phone speakers, his voice is loud enough to fill your room, and your sudden laughter at his excitement is enough to make the tears building in your eyes finally fall down. Lucas leans closer to the screen, his features drawing into a concerned expression. “Oh, shit—Y/N, what’s wrong?!”

You’ve stopped laughing now but the tears keep flowing, and you wipe your eyes futilely. For a while, all you can do is shake your head and keep crying as Lucas coos to you on the other end of the phone, growing increasingly concerned about your emotional state.

You put the phone down to wipe your face, and only then are you able to calm down enough to speak. “I just hate everything.”

Lucas frowns. “What do you hate, baby?”

“This fucking job, I hate Daniel, I hate being talked to like I’m an idiot, I hate…I hate you not being here.” You pick up the phone again. Your head hurts from crying, and you put your forehead in your hand as you look at Lucas on the other line.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I wish I could be there with you. You know I’d kick his ass for you...and anyone else who makes my baby cry.” He sighs and chuckles, though there’s no real humor to it. “Maybe I should kick my own ass too, then. I’m always away from you, and I know that doesn’t help. There are moments everyday when I wish I was there beside you, but…”

“It’s not like you can help it,” you say, and you feel powerless to do anything about it. “You shouldn’t...feel bad about it.” If only you could take your own advice.

“It’s impossible not to.” Lucas’s fingers drift to his wedding ring, twisting it around his finger like he does whenever he’s distressed. It’s become a subconscious thing for him at this point, but you always notice, and it comforts you to know your relationship can be a solace for him. “I have the other guys here, and it helps, but...who do you talk to when you’re feeling alone, besides me?”

“Ugh…” You lean back against the headboard. “No one, really...I don’t want to bother Sharia with my issues. Or my other friends. I feel like everyone already has their own stuff to deal with…”

Lucas leans forward again, as if he’s talking to you face-to-face. “My dear wife, I won’t pretend to be your therapist, but I think I have a prescription for you.”

You laugh and shake your head. “And what would that be?”

“You should go out. Take a few days off from work, leave the house, do whatever. But I really think you need to be around other people.”

“Go out?”

“Yes, with your friends! You’re cool with some people from work—Sharia, at least. Or your college friends, if not your coworkers. Anyone. I don’t want you to be spending all your time alone.” A melancholy note enters his voice. “And since I can’t be with you now, I want you to at least get out without me.”

“I don’t know...”

“What’s wrong?”

“The problem is that I miss you. Going someplace where you aren’t isn’t gonna help.”

“You’re so stubborn,” Lucas says, but his voice is warm with affection. “Just do it for me, please? You don’t think it hurts me to see my lovely wife so upset? I only want you to be happy.”

Your heart warms at that, and you look up at the ceiling, not wanting to start another wave of tears. “Well, okay...you’re right. I’ll try it this weekend. But I’m still gonna be thinking of you the whole time.”

Lucas smiles. He brings his ring finger close to the camera and kisses the band of metal. “For life, right?”

You mirror his actions. “Always.”

The next day, you catch up with Sharia at the copy machine.

“Hey girl, how are you doing?” she asks, feeding more paper into the machine. “Not too bad after what that fool said yesterday, I hope.”

The mention of that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, but you shake your head and pretend to brush it off. “I’m fine, no one’s thinking about that sleaze. I was wondering if you were up for hanging out this Friday? It’s kinda short notice, but me and some friends are planning to go to a club…”

Her eyes light up at that. “Oh? Which club are y’all going to?”

“The one on the same street as that new five-star restaurant that just opened up. Apparently it’s a bit exclusive, but one of my friends claims to have direct connections, so we’re gonna try it out.”

“Oh, to be rich and glamorous.” Sharia laughs. “Sure, I’ll go. I’m always up for some fun. Anything that’s not this damn job.”

“Great! You know where I live, just swing by around 8?”

“Sounds like a plan to me.” Sharia looks like she wants to say something else, but Daniel strolls into the room and she rolls her eyes, quickly turning back to the copy machine.

“Hey ladies, what’s going on?” Daniel leans against the wall as if he plans to pull a long conversation out of you, but you shake your head and walk out.

“Bye, Daniel.”

Sharia follows suit, grabbing her documents out of the machine and not even checking if they’re correct before following you out. “Yeah, not gonna happen.”

The Friday night that you head to the club is unexpectedly hot. It rained hard earlier that day and the air is still thick with humidity, which makes you grateful you’re gonna be spending most of your time indoors. Your friend’s connections come in to save the day, just as she promised, and your group of five is soon standing in the club without having to wait in a hot line all night.

Your friend leads everyone over to the VIP section and you all sit down, marveling at the club’s sleek interior. Everything is all glitter and glass and steel, giving the building an almost futuristic look.

“We need some drinks, there’s no way I’m spending all night in a club like this sober,” one of the girls suggests. The others agree and spend a few minutes playfully arguing over which drinks would be best to get before standing up.

Your friend notices you’re still sitting down. “Are you two coming with, or do you want us to order for you?”

“Just order something for me, doesn’t matter what it is,” you say, waving your hand. Sharia agrees. She waits until the others leave, then turns to you with a serious look.

“You should quit.” You stare at her, wondering if maybe you’ve misheard over the loud music.

“Quit? My job? Do you hate having me around that much?” you joke, though you feel confused and a little hurt.

“Now you know—what I’m saying is, we both know who your man is. I think you would be fine if you just quit and started looking for another job or even stopped working for a while. There’s no reason why you should have to stay there and keep putting up with Daniel’s shit.”

You don’t hate the idea. It’s one you’ve thought of numerous times before, but you’re not confident about taking the first step towards it. “I don’t think it’s that simple...having a job keeps me busy. I’d probably die of boredom if I didn’t have work. And anyway, I’m not really ready to be a housewife...especially considering that my husband isn’t even there half the time.” Your mood drops a little when you think of this. Sharia notices and tries to pull you back before you lose steam before the night even starts.

“Hey hey, it’s just a suggestion! You don’t have to do anything except whichever choice will be easiest for you. I’m just trying to look out for you girl, God knows no one wants to be harassed on the job everyday.”

“I hear you. But I don’t want to think about this anymore,” you groan.

When the other girls come back, you take your drink and immediately down half of it in one go. You need something to distract you from the bad mood attempting to creep up on you.

“Well damn, okay! Someone’s eager!” you friend shouts, and everyone else laughs.

The rest of the night goes similarly, quickly spiraling out of your hands before you can really realize it. The alcohol makes you unable to think about any one thing for too long, which is what you want—maybe even need. You lose track of how many drinks you have and how many songs you dance to. All you can feel is the burning in your throat and the blissful emptiness of not having to think, worry, or stress. For once.

At some point, someone’s hands are on your body and you think maybe it’s one of your friends, but none of them would touch you like this—or kiss you like this. It’s not Lucas either, it can’t be because he’s still in China isn’t he? but you want it to be Lucas, it should be Lucas, so you return the kiss anyway, and there’s more touching and feeling—

until you end up in someone’s car, a taxi maybe, it’s not the car you came in but that doesn’t matter either, just the hands and the sensation of it all, of being touched by a person other than yourself when you haven’t felt it in a long time—

and maybe if you close your eyes for long enough it will be him.

The first thing you notice is the splitting sensation in your head. You don’t remember how you got into your bed or how much you had last night, but you haven’t experienced a hangover like this since your college years, so it must’ve been a lot. You groan and bring your hands to your head, also noticing that your bonnet is nowhere to be found. You must’ve been really wasted last night.

You reach for the water on your nightstand, but it’s not there. In fact, nothing’s there. Your hand meets air, and you suddenly feel slightly alarmed—where’s your nightstand? You finally crack one eye open only to see a room entirely different from the one in your home.

You jolt up, which only makes your head throb harder, but you can’t be bothered with that right now when you’re in a strange place. Pure panic explodes in your chest as you look to the side and see a strange man sleeping next to you in bed—his bed. You can only see his top half, but you can assume he’s naked underneath, as you are equally nude.

“Fuck, no,” you blurt out. You throw the covers back and move as fast as you can to collect your strewn clothes, not really caring if you wake the man up at this point. You just know you’ve got to get the hell out.

You pull your clothes on and dial for an Uber on your phone, sprinting out of the bedroom just as the man starts rustling in the bedsheets. You realize his place is some sort of luxury apartment, which means he’s probably one of the many famous or semi-famous men who frequents that club. That idea makes you panic more as you unlock the door and run out of it; you don’t have the patience to wait on the elevator, so you take the stairs two at a time.

You’re full-on shaking by the time you get to the bottom and end up outside on the sidewalk. Some people passing by give you sideways glances at your presumed Walk of Shame, with you still wearing your club outfit, but there’s no room to think about their judgment. You’re too busy being eaten alive by your conscience.

The ride home is mostly silent. Your driver tries to strike up a conversation at first, but they realize you’re in no state to talk and leave you to your thoughts. With your hangover, the sun’s brightness feels like nails stabbing into your skull, but the pain gripping your heart still manages to be worse.

Your wedding ring feels especially heavy on your finger, like solid lead weighing you down. You badly want to take it off, but you also don’t want to remove one of the few things tying you to Lucas right now. The conflict tears you apart. You almost feel like your ring has become a sentient thing, burning your skin and pinching your finger with the threat of cutting it clean off.

You scrub yourself for what seems like an hour after you get home. When you finally get out of the shower, you end up in the armchair in your room, sitting in your towel and simply staring at the bed. Lucas’s side of the bed. The side of the bed where a picture of you two sits framed on the nightstand, one you took on the day of your wedding shoot. It seems to mock you now, saying, Look at what a good thing you had. Look at what you’ve destroyed.

The ring burns again.

Monday feels surreal in a sickly way.

You don’t call or text anyone over the weekend—not even your friends who are worried and demanding answers for what happened at the club. You feel like maybe you shouldn’t be, but you’re angry at their demands; why didn’t anyone stop you if they were so concerned? Weren’t they all there, too? Either way, it’s too late to think about “what ifs.” What’s done is done. You don’t want to talk or think about it anymore. But that’s impossible.

Stepping into work doesn’t feel real. No one knows anything except Sharia. All your colleagues still greet you like you’re the same person, the same hardworking employee and loving wife they all know. It’s better that they don’t know, but in some irrational way, this also makes you angry. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t treat me like I’m the same person. My life is ruined; nothing can ever be the same.

Nevertheless, you interact with them all like it’s any other Monday and play along with their tired banter even when you want to scream to the world that none of this matters. You do a decent job of avoiding Sharia during the first half of the day, occupying your time with assignments and then creating busywork when you finish those.

Until lunch. Then there’s nowhere left to run.

You go to your car with the excuse of picking up your food today—even though you don’t intend to do anything but sit in the parking lot—and no one questions it but her. She follows you outside. You don’t even have the energy to tell her no. You’re at least glad that she doesn’t speak until both of you are safely in the car and away from other ears.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know if that matters,” you say blankly.

“Well, it does. You might have made a terrible mistake, but you’re still human.”

“There’s no way to be okay after this. Sharia, what the fuck am I gonna tell him?”

“There’s nothing you can tell him but the truth. He deserves to know that much, at least.”

“I can’t do it.”

“Y/N, it’s better to get this over with sooner than later. It’s only going to hurt worse if you wait. What would you do anyway, just ignore his calls?”

You grip the steering wheel. “...Maybe. If I have to. I don’t know.”

Sharia sighs. “I can’t tell you what to do with your life. But he will need to know at some point.”

“He’ll hate me,” you blurt out, a tear already rolling down your cheek. You try to stop them from coming, but this is the first time you’ve allowed yourself to cry since it happened. You’ve surprised even yourself with how long you avoided this part. The dam has no choice but to break, sending you into a cascade of tears as you rest your head on the steering wheel.

Sharia’s arms are warm around you, but her embrace does nothing to make you feel better. You feel as if you don’t deserve this kind of reprieve from her. And certainly not from Lucas.

A couple weeks later, you sit in your OBGYN’s waiting room, your body stiff with fear and anxiety.

You haven’t talked to Lucas in the entire time since you went to the club that Friday night. You know there is no way he’d go that long without talking to you, though—which is why you blocked him on every avenue you could think of. To be safe, you also blocked all of this group members, making sure there would be no way for him to get into contact with you.

You feel like you’ve lost your mind with the lengths you’ve gone to—what if he thinks you’re kidnapped or dead?—but you’re more afraid of facing him. The thought of looking in his eyes while your transgression swims in the back of your mind makes your stomach pitch to the floor.

And you would like to think that’s the only thing making you sick these days. But you can’t ignore the odd pains and nausea and sudden spotting even if you wanted to. It’s what has landed you in this doctor’s office today, with your hands tucked between your knees and your head spinning as you try to ignore the bitter taste of bile rising in your throat.

Eventually, you can no longer push it back, and you go to the bathroom to empty your stomach—even though there’s not much there to begin with.

When you leave the restroom, a nurse is standing outside in the lobby, her expectant eyes landing on you.

“Mrs. Wong?”

“That’s me,” you say weakly.

“Hi! Come on back so we can get your vitals. I hope you’re doing okay today…” You follow her into the back rooms to get poked and prodded, your blood pressure and temperature taken and your height and weight jotted down on a chart. You don’t pay much attention to what she’s saying. Every word sounds like it’s being filtered through a foggy telephone.

You return to reality when she hands you the transparent cup and the pregnancy test to take, and things become even more painfully clear when another nurse comes in to take your blood. You know the blood test results will take longer to come back, but you requested it anyway. You have to be sure.

Despite the nurses’ cheerful demeanor, you feel cold and isolated when you use the test in the small restroom. The feeling only worsens when the doctor confirms the reading and happily shakes your hand, unaware of or unwilling to acknowledge your dread.

It’s positive.

That weekend, you finally unblock Lucas. Your mind is in a tangle while you do it, but you can’t avoid him any longer.

You don’t know if he’ll even answer your call. You wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t. Maybe he’s busy with practice or even asleep. But what makes you feel worse is that you know he’d never ignore you if he wasn’t otherwise occupied.

His name only stays on your phone for a few seconds before he’s immediately picking up the video call, his face suddenly appearing in full color before you. He seems panicked, almost dropping the phone in his haste to answer it. When he rights the screen again and sets it on a steady surface, his expression is difficult to decipher. Then it turns into pure discontent.

“Do you have an explanation for this?” You’ve never seen Lucas this irritated before, and it makes you tremble. It can only get worse from here. “I called and texted and nothing got through. I look on your social media and I’m blocked on every platform. What is this, Y/N?”

You can only shake your head. The words are stuck in your throat. You chew the inside of your cheek, unsure how to respond.

“This isn’t a joke, Y/N. What’s going on?”

Your grip on the phone tightens as your stomach ties itself into a knot. You feel sick again, but you can’t throw up now. “Yukhei, I went t-to the doctor, I-I’m pregnant.”

Lucas pauses, and various emotions flit across his face in the span of a few seconds. His eyebrows draw together in something akin to confusion and hurt. “You’re...pregnant? Why the hell did you need to block me for that? Please don’t tell me this about my career again. Baby, listen to me—”

“Yukhei, I’m only 4 weeks.”

Lucas’s words drop off completely. His body stills, and for a moment you wonder if the video has paused. Your palms sweat and your skin prickles. He sits back in his chair and looks off to the side as if he’s trying to gather words. Finally, he says,

“What are you telling me? Because this isn’t what I’m hearing, is it? This is some kind of prank, right?” His voice gets louder and more frantic towards the end, though he struggles to keep from outright yelling at you. “If you want to play games, this isn’t funny.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry. There’s nothing I can say—there’s no excuse for it, but I was drunk, I-I was lonely, I just don’t know—” You form a fist with your left hand, digging your nails into your palm, and the warm metal of your ring against your skin threatens to burn you again.

Lucas lowers his head and pushes his hands through his hair. He keeps his head down like this for a while as you stumble and try to explain yourself, your words devolving into barely decipherable sobs.

“Shut up. Just shut up!” His words are muffled from him covering his face. He’s never talked to you like that before, which makes you want to cry more, but you don’t say another word. “I just don’t want to hear it. I’ve sat here everyday and thought of you, counting down days until I could come back to the U.S. to see you, and this is what you give me.”

You merely sit and listen with your heart trying to burst in your chest. His words feel like knives being thrown at you; the pain is practically physical.

When he finally takes his hands away from his face and looks up, his eyes are wet and red with tears. “This is impossible. I need time to think about this.”

“I-impossible? Wait, Yukhei—”

He hangs up the call before you can finish speaking, though you aren’t sure what more you could’ve said to him anyway.

With nothing but your screen staring back at you, a sense of unease seeps into your body and makes your limbs stiff. You want to reach out for him, want to make him see that you never intended to hurt him this way. You don’t want to lose everything you’ve built this soon. And yet, you can already see it all slipping through your hands.

You are more alone than ever.

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nicistrying · 4 years ago

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I need to do a bit of a brain dump so apologies to anyone who sees this, feel free to scroll past lmao

Lovely morning blackberrying and making more curd. Was in a great mood! Leftover mushroom risotto for lunch!

I was only working from 12-4 but tbh it was such a rollercoaster like - I went in and the delivery driver who I get on well with was there and I was chatting to him and he told me our region was having more restrictions put in place and I was a bit dubious bc I hadn't heard anything

Covered the cashier's break, and the card machine fucked up and declined a few cards when they tried to make contactless payments but the first person had already left the shop and bc there was only me there I couldn't go out to the car park to ask them to come back. So I now have a formal note from my manager for incurring company losses and I'm so fucking annoyed with myself like what an idiot?! I've worked in shops for the past 6 years and I know full fucking well not to let people leave before I have confirmation of successful payment. Ugh. So that made me really anxious and a bit teary tbh bc I'm also due on and I hate being told off, it just really upsets me even though obvs that's the procedure so I won't do it again but it just gets to me more than it should to know I did something Bad.

Delivery driver friend had a few hours to kill so he came and helped me in the freezer and we were having a lovely time tbh, I really like him but he's moving to Manchester next week so I was also a bit teary and sad about that too. And I was working extra fast bc I knew the manager would be watching the cameras wanting to tell me off for fucking around chatting, although I was working as fast as humanly possible for my whole shift.

In short I was just really flustered the whole time. My manager was really patronising and corporate about the lost money even though I offered to pay it back straight away, he just said "that's not how this works" which tbh I think is dumb.

Anyway so I just got home and had a text from my mam saying not to visit her on sunday as planned so I checked the news and sure enough, gatherings of multiple households are banned (but schools, restaurants, shops and pubs are still open lol. but heaven forbid i use my one day off to visit my family). So I'm just pissed off. I'm still freezing cold and I left work an hour and a half ago, and have had a hot cup of tea. I'm going to watch the end of my episode of Masterchef and go out for a walk and listen to a podcast. Might run if I really want to but I think I really need to try to calm down, I feel so anxious and stressed out still. But would a run help me calm down? But it's hot and sunny so A) I'll probably warm up too fast ans get really itchy and B) the parks will probably be really busy. Idk I'm just looking forward to a day away from work on Sunday, it can't come soon enough ☹

#personal #rant #anxiety

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riskeith · 4 years ago

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ooo! how was playing? what do you think about the event? i’m really enjoying it actually... always nice getting new daily things to do hehe.

yeah i think everyone knows The Cover now. i still can’t believe they did that... not complaining tho... oh really? you’re absolutely right and judging by the way they’re taking the story it seems like those two will have a lot more growth to their relationship. who knows maybe we’ll even get a part where bakugou apologizes or even talks about their past etc. one can only wish. YEAH i’ve seen both the movies and i love them!! they’re super fun and such a nice break from everything that happens in the anime sjskjssk kiribaku in the first one was so gay i.... we get it boys y’all in love fhjsjdjfk (THE SIDEWAYS TODOBAKU SMILE... one of my favorite moments ever) i am all caught up now.. waiting for s5... :(

no clue!! it’s just my theory so it might be wrong. the blue one was cute too so was the pink one.... they’re all cute why do we have to pick just one :( HEY you do know how to draw 😡 pretty amazingly too! but i’d love to see that in your style chongyun is so precious.. <3

omg i gotta hustle hard for AR 35 then i already miss him. i’m at 26 now and god.. it’s getting more and more difficult i can’t imagine how it is at like 45... 😭

oooooh!!! honestly barbara healing is godsent if you don’t get him you should consider it (hopefully you do though!!) IVE SEEN VIDEOS OF OCEANID AND HE LOOKS SO SCARY CLUNA.... no thoughts head empty only boy scouts party. looking at others with amazing parties: ok but do you have boy scouts party?

i mostly have sword users! but like i mentioned i’m starting to fall in love with book users (and even bow users) shskfhdkd so i might consider investing in those some day idk they just shoot of attacks and it’s so sexy. no hands dirty. ningguang seems so op 😭 plus geo is so nice!! like an all around element.

HE’S TALL? he has a short person voice...

i’m making a twitter i wanna see some fluff 😭 wait really? even this fandom is shit? why 😭 i sometimes see yt comments and the thing i’m iffy about is how people talk about spending money on it etc but is there more?

i’ve never heard anyone do that that’s so interesting!!!! do you write it down in the same doc and then delete it or do you write it separately?

ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS!!! i’ve had so many ideas come to me before bed and i always think that i’m gonna remember them but i never do it makes me so upset. especially if it’s an idea of how to continue a story i’m stuck with... god it’s the worse. writer things 🤪

“stan loona” aka bane of my existence. i don’t usually tell ppl i used to stan because of that reason sksksj. god that was the worst sheesh. anyway. yelling at ALL of these!!! ofc i know daddy issues slowed!!!!!!!!! it’s like one of the most popular slowed songs we’re all just a sad horny bunch loving sexy vibes huh. i listen to slowed songs a lot when i write actually it sets the mood. it doesn’t even have to be anything racy sometimes it’s just calms you down. do you listen to music while you write? also i don’t listen to any of those you mentioned except troye 😭 i’m sorry 😭 but if you’re have recs i’d love to hear them ofc!!

“after school” time that’s so cute. it reminds me of when you’re younger and you run back home and eat a snack and watch cartoon (i say that as both of us still watch cartoons... yee) speaking of crying; would you consider yourself a crybaby? (such a random question hskshdjdfhhd)

before i leave; let me blow your mind with a little something... https://twitter.com/primo_fates/status/1347780975078506496?s=21

hehe... mwah. ;)

it was good!! i tried to get some ominous masks and weathered arrows, but drop rates are always shit lolll. and i think the event is alright! i don’t love it but yeah as you said it’s fun to have something more to do every day.

ikr omg... it’s such a good cover LMAO. omg a bakugou apology 😩😩. what did you think of deku vs kacchan part 2?? i regularly rewatch clips of it and cry LMAOOO god bakugou.. “why did i become the reason for all might’s end?” heart broken wow. NICE!! yeah i remember everyone freaking out over the kiribaku scenes in the first one and honestly,,,, how else do you explain it LMAO. (AND THAT SIDEWAYS SMILE!!! holy shit i watched the movie like the day after i got into todobaku and that scene obliterated me.... absolutely destroyed!) aw nice! but yeah now it’s just the waiting game i guess lol welcome to the club 🤪

IKR??? i saw the “once you pick one the others are gone” and i was just nooooooooooo whyyyy. you can’t give us all these options then don’t actually give us an option 😭 AHAHA thank u but i always joke that i can only draw well like once every 10 tries so... yeahhh we shall see! i have this thing envisioned in my mind but i am unable to execute it fskhfkdsjfs

yeah omg when i reached 45 i was like “wow i’m gonna have to do the ascension quest soon” but it’s taking me so long to reach ar 46??? yikes how am i meant to get the experience with no quests fkhdsfkjsd

i use barbara a lot in the fire domains and with the pyro regisvine!! it’s kinda funny that i’m bringing a level 40 into a level 70+ fight LOL but yeah she’s good! AND YEAHHH OCEANID LEGIT GIVES ME NIGHTMARES I JUST. as soon as i had an actual team that could beat it i grinded it as much as i could before my world level went up and it became impossible again.... but since mine might go up again soon maybe i should grind some more... and maybe i’ll be able to level up both xingqiu and barbara lol. EXACTLY!! can they pls interact in game somehow omg.. we need a bennett story!! and more razor!!!! and chongyun too!! i forgot he hasn’t actually appeared in game hfsdkjfds. and ofc xingqiu <3

fdfjlsjfs are you gonna go from a no long range team to an only long range team ahahah. and you like geo??? omg no... i hate it bc it’s so like. inert FHKDJFSD. but i guess the shields are really nice!

HE’S 172 CM!!!!! he has a baby face too so it’s pretty wild fhskdjds

ooo wdym how they talk about spending money? i don’t really look at youtube comments tbh lol. and i haven’t really seen people talk about spending money much on twitter? tho some content creators i follow open commissions for money for the gacha fhsdfksj. if you do end up joining genshintwt i hope you have fun!!

same doc and then i delete! but sometimes if the plan is really long i’ll make a new doc so i can see both at the same time (but recently i’ve just been opening the same doc again so i can see both that way lol). do your dotpoints go into the same doc as your writing one?

LMAOOO yeah i’m always like “hnghhh okay it’s fine.. i will Remember... trust myself” and then i never do and it’s just like welp goodbye to that amazing idea. but also bc it was thought up at such a weird time maybe it isn’t actually that good after all LOL

oh nice!! yeah slowed songs are soooo good. and i usually do listen to music! it’ll depend on what i’m writing bc i like the songs to have a similar vibe, but sometimes it’s too distracting so i put on lofi or something so there are no words ahaha. oh rippp LOL! hmm well badlands by halsey was my klance/voltron album writing soundtrack for a really long time.. i wrote a few fics with that in the background i think! melanie martinez’ k-12 album has a whole free movie to go with it! if you wanna check that out. bastille’s pompeii was really popular but i also really like flaws and of the night from them.. a lot of these are older bc i don’t listen to new stuff fhsdfkjds. and hmm pentatonix (they’re an acapella group!) do a lot of covers so maybe you can find one of a song you like and check them out that way? ahah that’s a lot feel free to not listen to any!! no stress at all lmao

oh fun fact melanie has a idk what to call it character? and song called ‘crybaby’! so very coincidental you asked. but yeah i think i am? LMAOOO like if i’m alone in my room watching something and it’s sad i Will Not hesitate to cry.. like sometimes you just gotta get it out you know? and sometimes maybe it’s a little boy singing a korean cover of colours of the wind but it’s so ethereal you just burst into tears but that’s fine! FHDSKJFHDSFKJS. how about you?

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD!! i legit. my jaw is dropped. i. oh my god 😭😭😭😭😭😭 FHSJFKHSKDJF1!!!! 😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is so atmospheric and cosy and warm 😭😭😭 i can go at peace now.. fhskfhdsjf

thank you always!! - c.r. xoxo

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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thedoctor1002 · 4 years ago

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Idk, I never posted one of my fics here but guess I'll try ~

Also, English is not my first language so feel free to correct me QwQ

Fandom: Psycho-Pass -season 1- (is this still a thing?)

Characters: Kogami Shinya, Sasayama Mitsuru, OC

Prompt (it was in Italian, so I'll translate): write a story using three among these words: cloud, dusk, thunderstorm, storm, hull, bay, shelter, sail, night

Title: Log date: 2110/02/28 (Friday) 22:04

---

The lights of the bay flicker dynamically before your eyes.

They dance hypnotically, of the same cyan colour of your office’s walls, but with a whole different beat. They drink the red and white trails from the traffic, they shatter and multiply in the tears of an inclement rain. I know how much you hate it, you just can’t stand going on recon with an umbrella. On the other hand, I love it.

Rain brings us close together under the waterproof cloth and I manage to observe details that neon lights often hide from me: the precise way you part your hair, the last few drops of the jasmine perfume on your jacket, your long lashes. Shion thinks they’re fake. We always fight over it, can you believe me?

After all, you’ve never been the kind of woman to wear such frills.

A notification arrives, the acid light of your impalpable PC breaks through the sacred dark from where you pretend you don’t see me. It digs your silhouette and paints you like a ghost on the huge windows of the Public Safety Bureau.

Your jet-black hair lay on your back like varnish pouring over the white silk of your blouse.

“Pulling an all-nighter, Inspector Matou?” I ask casually, exposed. With you, after all, I always am: you’re the only one that can shush my shitty jokes.

But this time you laugh slightly: nothing more than a spike, a trembling breath that shakes your ribs and lips.

“The forecasts say that the storm won’t stop until tomorrow morning,” you tell me, sitting at your desk, “also, I’ve been delaying this paperwork through all week, it's about time I get it done. Might as well do some overtime and get rid of it, don’t you think?”

“You’re such a workaholic.” I label you, realizing how lucky I am being allowed to do it: Ginoza, that prude, would have never let it slide “You should leave some for the rest of the precinct: make 'em earn their wages.”

A tired smile crosses your face as you tap your fingers on the keyboard. It’s so clear you’re trying to avoid my glance.

You used to look for it.

You looked for my eyes at briefings, in that discrete way that eventually shocked everyone. You looked for them among alleys, as soon as you heard a gunshot or the chocked sound of a fight.

And when you found me, it felt like a 7 miles free fall.

“How are the legs going?” I dare to ask. I see the hollow structure of your new shins below the hem of your pencil skirt. They swing a bit underneath the glass of your desk. You didn’t lose your damn tic, your right heel shakes like the needle of a sewing machine even when you seem calm.

You shrug and drink the bottom of an already empty glass of water.

I shouldn’t have asked. It breaks my heart, to see you like this.

You don’t give me an answer and massage the back of your knee with a sigh. Lately, I feel like you’re avoiding me.

You’re turning back into the one you were before: uncompromising, cold and distant. I wonder if the bunch of ingrates downstairs have been calling you Dobermann again. I wonder if you’re still as relentless.

You worry me: your stress level is getting darker and darker. You don’t want old Kasei to take issues with you, not again.

I can imagine how you must have felt, the night when this mess happened.

You most likely got pissed, if I do know you.

I mean, did they really think I got away on my own? I bet you never doubted me: no one knows an Enforcer better than its Inspector.

“Runaway?! Have you lost your minds?” Sasayama?!”

Those were the first words you said when they rescued you. You spoke them way before cleansing your lungs from the rotten water of the river, way before asking Masaoka if you’d have ever got back to feeling your lower legs. They hurt like hell and you had to pull them around like sandbags.

“They got him” you panted, holding tight on your mentor’s coat “They took him away, I tell you!” The one that kidnapped him wasn’t a latent criminal. The Dominator didn’t activate, not even when they shot me. Please, believe me. Check on the log files, please.”

Crime coefficient: 0.

I know that bug still haunts you.

Cause, after all, it’s can’t be anything else: who on earth is that Makishima to fly under the Sibyl Sistem’s radar? Who can fool a network that knows your crimes before you do? And how is it possible that the silhouette that kneecapped you and threw you into a river could possibly be innocent?

You haven’t lost your mind, Inspector: the Dominator betrayed me, too.

Don’t think I don’t know how pitiful must have been, the next three days.

Makishima isn’t real. Forget it, it was just a delirium. You were in shock.

It was the trauma, dear. It was a breakdown. It was burnout syndrome.

You’d use some holiday, darling. Take a week. Take two. Go somewhere far, no, better: just stay at home. Go to therapy. Keep yourself busy, don’t think about it. Work. Also, don’t work: it wears you out!

They put you back on your feet in less than six hours, but nobody allowed you to join search parties. Heaven forbid your stress level getting any darker. Heaven forbid that yet another good Inspector gets demoted among those damn Enforcers. But, still, in the whole IT section, there wasn’t a single nerd that could get that night's logs. That's one funny thing, ain't it?

Woman, sometimes I wish your damn head wasn't that hard. I wish you didn't follow the Forensics to get a lift, so soon after the deed.

At least, you could have listened to Kogami. Shit, didn't you see how pale he was? You didn't even need the Dominator to read him, his stress level was mindblowing!

You should have believed him when he told you you didn't want to enter that alley. First off, it was already full of other detectives and analysts. I have no idea what kind of business you had to do in there. Second thing second, Kogami has an eye for certain matters. Do you think he didn't notice I’ve always been all over you? Not gonna lie, maybe I told him about you, once or twice.

But no, of course, you had to get in.

The software that taught you how to walk on those carbon stilts made you stand your ground and bark a "For fuck's sake, Shinya, move!" worthy of the Dobermann’s reputation. Even those who hadn't been called out made way.

But your new legs didn't hold you, when you saw what they had made of my corpse.

I'm sorry, Katsumi, I never wanted to upset you like that.

You know how much I would have rather have a more heroic death. I don't know, like, in the middle of a shooting, saving the day. It would have been much classier, less tacky, less trash. I think I deserved it, that's all.

You stop typing and rub your temples. You shelter what’s left of your lipstick behind your hand. I wish I could kiss it off, instead of watching you consume it in a ruby red halo in the notch between your thumb and your index.

You lift your eyes only for Kogami, who’s passing by your office like a nurse in its night shift.

“So?” he asks in a whisper, putting more care in that question than I could have ever done. More than anybody could have ever done, because he’s the only one that gets you, right now. You two seem like the only ones who lost something.

You shake your head slowly, staring at the monitor and the dangerously high Crime Coefficient on the display.

“It's not working” you wail softly, misty-eyed. I can’t believe it, is it still you?

“They’re gonna kick me out anyway, if it doesn’t lower quickly” you continue, with that realism of yours. I used to call you a jinx for that but, at the end of the day, you always got our backs. “It’s for the best if I just resign. I’m gonna keep what's left of my dignity, at least.”

The dark profile of my best friend looks through me, as he sits on the armchair next to mine. He would like to say something, a word of encouragement maybe, we all know it in this damn room, but numbers shut our mouths.

“You could become an Enforcer” he proposes.

Goddammit, Shinya, did we work with the same person? Katsumi as an Enforcer?

And there you go, shaking your head. You hold your face in your hands and let your raven hair hide your visage.

“Can you imagine me, following orders? I do know how to work, I can do it better than three-quarters of our colleagues and I’ve never had problems remarking it. They’d eat me alive if they had the chance. Dogs celebrate on the corpses of lions.”

“But lions remain lions and dogs stay dogs.” Kogami finishes, stealing my lines.

I notice the slight trembling of your finger, as you tap your touchpad to send that last confirm.

In a few moments, the system will have your resignation registered. Your profile won’t unlock your Dominator anymore and in a few days time, just enough for you to collect your belongings, you won’t even manage to enter the office.

Who’s gonna explain to old Kasei that there's more of your stuff here than in your apartment?

I’d ask you what do you plan on doing with your life, but tonight’s decision seems definitely brave enough to call it a day.

I look at the tabs you open in your browser, they mirror in the windows behind you.

Air travel.

Argentina, Cuba, States, New Zealand, Germany, Kenya. You go around the world in 80 seconds flat, you multiply your chances and spread them all through the air in front of you, in a complex diagram that doesn’t lead anywhere.

I never wanted to take you away from your home, you don’t deserve this.

You cover your eyes with a hand and use the other one to pick a random selection from your atlas.

Greece.

“Well, at least it’s on the sea.” you wrap up, condensing in a handful of words the only satisfaction you can find in starting a brand new life.

You two stare at the transparent screenshot of your flight, the countdown on the web page seems way too joyful.

“It’s so exciting, Katsumi Matou! Check-in your luggage. Your journey will begin in: 06 days: 17 hours: 34 minutes: 21 seconds”

20.

19.

18.

Seconds pass by, in complete silence.

“Do you think it would be a burden to him?” you ask Shinya, “Do you think he’d understand?”

Who would have guessed that a cynic one like yourself could believe in the afterlife? I wish I were here to ask you. I wish we could have spoken about life, death, sex, about things long gone and things yet to be.

His hand squeezes yours gently, as he looks at you in the eye, hoping to stop the train to Paranoidland from setting off.

“It’s not your fault” he reassures you as he can: the both of you wouldn’t make the average person’s empathy.

But he’s right, though, it really isn’t: I know you’ve done anything you could. It’s always been like that.

“Maybe I owe him” you draft “Even if they don’t believe in Makishima, maybe one day I could have proved he exists.”

The teal of your Psycho-Pass would suit you wonderfully, if it wasn’t a description of your mental health.

What could you possibly do in these conditions? You’d have ended up in a cubicle, filing loss and theft reports. You would have never made it to the dossiers, surely not to those of such a controversial case. Making you end up in a study room would have been my final bullshit. I’m happy with your choice, really. I would have loved visiting Europe someday.

“Don’t talk nonsense.” Kogami rebukes you, externalizing what I’ve been thinking all along: “I’m going to look out for your man: your team has already given way too much. I’m gonna find him, Matou, cold case or not.”

You nod, but it’s clear you don’t believe him. I can read through you, you’re a terrible liar.

I don’t think you don’t trust him, most likely you’ve done the math and figured that working on an independent case is far too difficult for an Inspector, let alone for an Enforcer.

And there it is, my fall. After an exhausting chase, you finally look into my eyes, even though -according to Shinya- you’re most likely staring at the void.

Despite being used to such races, believe me, I’ve missed you.

“I’m just so sorry.” you finally whisper, giving me a bitter smile.

Try and stop me, Ginoza, tell me once again how inappropriate it is: I don’t mind anymore. I get up and I don’t hesitate while holding you and leaving a kiss on your hair, shamelessly.

“I’m going to grab some coffee” I announce, walking backwards to the door like a shrimp, just to look at my dearest friends a bit longer. “I’d get you one, but I’m short on coins. Maybe next time.”

“See you, Inspector.”, Kogami greets you, leaving alongside me.

“Be good.” you wave back, as we were all to meet again tomorrow.

Walking through the dark alley, I can hear an excerpt from our last conversation through the opaque glass of your office.

“You’re jerk, Sasayama!”

I can hear you laughing out loud, through the crackly recording. You laughed at my gall, with that warm, strong, sweet voice of yours, mocking me. Admit it: mine, after all, were the only compliments that could make you blush.

It’s incredible how we managed to joke even inside a car that was taking us on a crime scene. To an external eye, we might have looked disrespectful. Truth is I’ve always feared death so much I just had to laugh at the reaper.

“Oh, come on, what would it take? Come with me to the Precinct’s New Year’s dinner, the 17th is around the corner!” I kept annoying you, as you were too busy driving to mind my dumb flirt attempts. I still can’t get how we never had an accident. “Be good, Katsumi, give me a joy to live for!”

“You could always ask Shion, you know? You always give her more attention, after all.”

I hear the subtle sound of the wheels stopping, the parking brake cracking and it’s like Ogishima’s outskirts appear before my eyes, in that same January night. That place gave me goosebumps, but I would have hated if you understood it.

“Here we are” you announced, with still a bit of resentment in your voice. You unlocked the passenger’s door and I remember I left your Dominator in the car’s trunk: I didn’t want you to follow me. Not that time.

“You scare me when you pay so much attention” you commented, noticing how serious I got “will you tell me why are you insisting so much to keep on searching? Kogami got the guy. Tomorrow we go, we arrest him and it's thank you, next.”

My answer has been recorded as a distant and muffled noise, but I still can trace it: “He’s not the one, I tell you. I have another suspect, but I need a more solid base. And you’re staying, Inspector.”

“Staying?! You’ve gone crazy!” you laughed, locking the corporate sedan behind you “If something were to happen to you, or worse if you didn’t come back, Kasei would…”

“I said you’re staying: it’s dangerous.”

“Sasayama, our work is dangerous,” you replied, contemptuous, understanding that clearly among the gear I brought I didn’t count yours and going back to the car to get it “One more risk won’t make a difference: if I have to drop dead, it can either be here, at home or god knows where.”

“Will you join me for the precinct’s dinner, though?”

And here is a sequence that the voice recorder surely can’t have grasped, but that I could remember even in a thousand years. You cast an outraged glance over me from above the trunk’s door, panting through a half-smile. You shook your head, tucking your hair behind your ear. And finally, after refusing my invitations since 17th November, during lunch break, you smiled shrugging.

“Deal, come on, just make way” you sighed, as your heels echoed on the wet concrete “Still, you’re a jerk.”

“I recorded it: you have no excu-”

The audio file interrupts.

End of recording.

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gamerwoo · 7 years ago

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Zitao: Payback

anonymous asked: idk if you write for ot12 exo but if you do could you maybe write a soulmate au for tao? if not, for lay? thank you~!

Characters: Zitao x reader (featuring exo)

Genre/warnings: soulmate au, non idol au, definitely a lot of crack but it makes up for that in lots of fluff too

Word count: 3,295

Summary: When your soulmate draws on their skin, it appears on yours as well. That tends to annoy Zitao because your friends draw the most embarrassing things on your arms, so he finally tries to get back at you.

“What the actual fuck is this?” Yixing exclaimed, grabbing Tao’s arm and pulling it closer for him to look at.

Lo and behold was exactly what he thought was written in black ink down the younger boy’s forearm.

Chanyeol leaned over and took a look as well, laughing loudly at what he saw. “Why did you write ‘EAT MY ASS’ on your arm?”

Surprised, Tao yanked his arm away and looked at it. With a scoff, he rolled his eyes and tugged his sleeve down to cover it. This wasn’t the first time it had happened, and he was sure it wasn’t the last.

“It’s my stupid soulmate again.” he groaned, holding his arm protectively to his chest. “I’m pretty sure they’re out to get me.”

“Are they...okay?” Yixing chuckled.

“They only ever draw and write inappropriate things on their skin.” he huffed, rolling his sleeve back up to see if maybe you’d washed the words off of your arm. Unfortunately, the ink was still thick and black on his flesh. “It’s obnoxious.”

Although you were able to draw whatever you wanted on your skin for your soulmate to see, there were a few rules. You couldn’t give away your number or address, as that would mess with fate. Nobody ever dared mess with fate.

However, at this point, Tao was sure he would’ve rathered you just made an exact replica of your face on his chest or something because this was getting ridiculous. He couldn’t even count the amount of times he had woken up with boobs drawn on his forehead, and now there was this, too.

The drawings started out sweet. They were cute flowers, patterns, and minimalist portraits of people he didn’t recognize. Actually, Zitao thought you were a fantastic artist. But then the lewd pictures and writing began to get sprinkled in among the art until it completely took over. He couldn’t even remember the last time you’d drawn something beautiful for him.

“What do you draw for them?” Yixing wondered, leaning back against the wall as the two boys waited for the subway.

Tao looked up, seeming surprised by the question. “Huh?”

“Don’t you draw on yourself for them too?”

“...Not really.”

Chanyeol chuckled, gesturing to the arm that Zitao seemed to be trying to hide behind his back. “So you let your soulmate embarrass you, and you don’t do anything about it?”

“Are you implying I get revenge on them?” Tao laughed awkwardly.

“Yes.” Chanyeol nodded at the same time Yixing made a face and said, “No!”

The two boys exchanged looks before Yixing spoke up, looking at Tao. “Don’t start a fight with your soulmate. What happens when you meet them? It’ll just be awkward.”

“Or it’ll be hilarious.” Chanyeol contradicted with a wide, toothy grin. “Can you imagine the things you can draw and write to get back at them?”

The announcer said the subway would be arriving, so the three boys stepped away from the wall and up to the yellow line by the track. Yixing and Chanyeol kept bickering back and forth about what Tao should do about his soulmate, but he drowned them out. If you could draw the things you did to embarrass him, why couldn’t he do it to you?

Quietly, he slipped a pen out of his bag and pressed it to his skin.

You stared down at the words your roommates had scrawled across your forearm while you were asleep. It wasn’t the first time they’d done this, and you knew it wouldn’t be the last. Ever since you’d gotten your first drawing from your soulmate--actually, it was the answers to a test he was taking--your two roommates had been relentlessly messing with your soulmate.

You were able to keep it a secret for a little while. In fact, you’d make cute little doodles all over your body specifically for him to find. You never really got anything back but you figured maybe he wasn’t super artistic. He never wrote anything that made it seem like he didn’t like your drawings, so you kept them going.

It didn’t take long for your roommates to notice all of the ink over your body. They easily caught on to why you were drawing on your skin so much, and soon, they were joining in. However, instead of cute and thoughtful drawings, they would draw and write inappropriate things that would not only embarrass you, but your soulmate.

“___!” Sehun’s whining voice cut through your annoyance at the new addition to the doodles on your body. “Where are you?”

Instead of replying, you sighed and got out of bed, trudging to your bedroom door and throwing it open. At the end of the hall, you saw Sehun walking by before he stopped and backed up, throwing a grin your way.

“Morning!” he greeted you, a little too cheerily.

You glared at him, holding your arm up for him to see. “Which one of you fuckers did this?”

“Baekhyun.” he immediately replied.

“Was not!” you heard the older boy shout from the kitchen as if he was just waiting to be thrown under the bus. “Kris did it last night!”

“I didn’t even go out last night.” you pointed out as you saw your second roommate walk over to the hall, balancing a bowl of cereal in one hand.

He shrugged. “We invited some friends over.”

“And you just happened to let Kris into my bedroom?”

Your two roommates exchanged glances at each other before slowly replying, “...Yes.”

That didn’t sound very convincing. You knew it was one of them who had written on you but you didn’t know who. They weren’t dumb enough to write in their normal handwriting so it was difficult to figure out who had done it.

“I don’t want either of you-”

“Wait, what’s that?” Sehun cut you off, one of his hands reaching toward your neck. He brushed your hair off your shoulder to get a better look. Then he burst into a fit of laughter. “Hyung! When did you do this, it’s hilarious!”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed as he stepped closer to you to see what Sehun was talking about. “Dude, I didn’t draw anything else on her.”

You practically said “aha” out loud, pointing at the older boy. “So it was you!”

“That’s the least of your worries, ___-ah.” he chuckled, gesturing to the bathroom. “I think you might want to check the mirror.”

Your eyes widened slightly as you paused before pushing passed your two roommates to the bathroom, flicking the light on and looking in the mirror. You moved your hair and titled your head to see what exactly they were talking about.

‘TITTY SPRINKLES’. That’s what was written on your neck. Fucking ‘TITTY SPRINKLES’.

You groaned and turned to the open doorway to see your two idiot roommates laughing at you as they high-fived each other. Apparently they were really pleased with themselves for getting a reaction out of your soulmate, but you were less than happy. This more than likely meant he was sick of you embarrassing him and now wanted to get back at you. You’d probably pissed him off. Well, your roommates did, anyway.

The second reason you weren’t happy was because you had work in an hour. Normally, hiding this wouldn’t be a problem because of your hair, but you had to have your hair up for work. That meant ‘TITTY SPRINKLES’ would be on display for every coworker and customer to see.

“It’s not funny!” you whined, stomping one foot like a child. “I have work and I need this off of me! I’m gonna get fired!”

“Hey, take that up with your soulmate, ___.” Sehun grinned with a shrug before walking away.

“Let us know how that goes, though.” Baekhyun giggled before following behind the younger boy.

You let out a huff, not knowing what to do. How could you get your soulmate to get rid of this?

And then you remember the obvious.

You went back to your room and grabbed a pen out of your backpack. Then you opened your palm and faced it toward you, scribbling out a sentence on your skin and staring at your hand until something new happened.

‘Please erase that’.

It took a few moments, but a new message appeared on your skin.

‘Lmao no’.

‘I have work’.

‘You started it’.

You quickly realized you were running out of room on your hand, so you moved to the forearm opposite the one that still had the lewd message Baekhyun had written on it.

‘It wasn’t me! It was my roommates’.

‘This isn’t even the first time you’ve written something like this’.

‘You’re really going to make me go to work like this, aren’t you?’

‘Suffer :)’.

While you were very annoyed, you couldn’t blame your soulmate for finally breaking. Your roommates had been pulling this dumb joke for months now, and you were honestly surprised that they’d managed to stay quiet for this long.

Despite that, you were still a little annoyed with your soulmate anyway. But you had to get ready for work, so you went to the bathroom to scrub off the writing from your part before putting on your uniform and praying you’d still have a job by the end of the day.

Other than the little notes you had sent him earlier that day, you were quiet all day, which sort of worried Tao. Did he really go too far by not getting rid of the words he’d asked Chanyeol to help him write on his neck? Did you get fired and were too upset with him?

Feeling--only slightly--guilty, he grabbed the pen that was sitting beside him to do his homework and began writing on his arm that used to say ‘EAT MY ASS’.

‘How was work?’

He left it alone for a while, hoping you’d reply if you weren’t too angry with him. Instead, he did his homework while he tried to keep his brain away from thoughts of you and focused on the class he was taking. It was difficult, though. You were his soulmate and he didn’t really want to upset you; he just wanted to get back at you.

He saw the purple ink appear on his arm, and he immediately stopped what he was doing to read it.

‘Shut up’

Yup, you were mad. But come on, were you really allowed to embarrass him but he couldn’t do it to you? He’d had to go to class on numerous occasions with his sweatshirt sleeves pulled down over his hands, and sweatpants to cover the entirety of his legs even if it was hot outside.

‘You didn’t get fired, did you?’

‘I got written up, thanks to you :)’

Well...at leas you weren’t fired. But Tao couldn’t deny he felt kind of guilty, and definitely really bad for you.Maybe he should’ve just erased it liked you’d asked, or just listened to Yixing when he told him to leave the situation alone.

Instead of replying, Zitao simply drew a heart on his wrist, hoping maybe it could be some sort of peace offering. It was uneven but it was the gesture that counted, right?

He frowned when you didn’t reply right away, but he couldn’t blame you for being kind of upset over this. He didn’t know anything about your life, and maybe this job was all you had.

But if you weren’t going to stop these embarrassing drawings and writings, then neither would he. He would just have limits now, even if your “roommates” didn’t.

The first thing you saw when you woke up was the heart on your wrist. You didn’t notice it when you went to sleep. Had your soulmate left it there for you? Was he trying to show he was sorry?

It wasn’t like you could stay mad at him anyway. He was your soulmate and you were destined to be with him. You’d have to make up with him at some point. Besides, Sehun and Baekhyun were the reason he had written what he did on your neck anyway.

After you’d finally gotten the energy to sit up, you reached for the pen on your nightstand and drew two more hearts, a smaller one below the original heart, and an even smaller one under that one. You liked the way it looked, and you figured it was your way of making up.

Satisfied, you got out of bed and went to the bathroom to start your morning routine before classes. Thankfully, your soulmate’s writing was no longer on your neck, leaving your body free of any ink except for your half of the conversation on your arm, and the three hearts on your wrist. You washed off the conversation last night but made sure to keep the hearts untouched.

A week had gone by without any incidents. Your roommates knew how angry you were after getting written up, so you yelled at and lectured them about never writing or drawing anything on your body again. So far, they had kept their word, so every drawing that had appeared on your skin was either from you or from your soulmate.

You’d gone back to drawing your usual doodles from before Sehun and Baekhyun had decided to step in and mess with your soulmate. Your soulmate seemed to be drawing things back a lot more than he had in the past, which made you happy. It was usually simple things like little hearts, stars, or random patterns that seemed like he did mindlessly when he was bored in class. But every night, he drew a little heart somewhere on your skin which became some variant of Where’s Waldo where you tried to find the heart on your body in the morning. One time, though, he had drawn it right on your cleavage, and you hadn’t seen it until you had taken your bra off for your morning shower.

In return, you drew a dick smack dab in the middle of his chest.

Other than that, the lewd drawings and words hadn’t been appearing anymore. It was all harmless doodles that you hoped made him smile, because his made you smile.

You were also starting your new semester, which meant new classes, so you were stress-doodling more often lately. Making mindless drawings on your arms, hands, and thighs helped you keep your mind off of things so you wouldn’t put yourself into a panic.

The first day of your new class, though, you had seen the most beautiful man across the room. He had dark skin and black hair, and while he didn’t even look in your direction--actually, he kept his head bowed as he scribbled in his notebook the whole time--you couldn’t help but be in awe of him.

The first thing your brain thought of was your soulmate. Of course, you knew you’d always love them more than anyone else--even if you hadn’t met them yet--but it didn’t mean you couldn’t look at someone else and think they were aesthetically beautiful, right? You did it all the time; it was the artist in you.

So, mindlessly, you began to sketch his face on your forearm. It wasn’t the first time you’d drawn some random person’s face on your skin for your soulmate to see. You’d drawn minimalistic sketches of plenty of people you’d seen either on the street, in class, or those who had come into your place of employment. Your soulmate never showed any sign of being jealous or disapproving of it, either.

The boy suddenly looked up and began searching the classroom for something, his eyes scanning every student’s face as his brows furrowed over his eyes. His brown eyes scanned passed you as his head moved around, until he seemed to give up and look back down at his notebook and forget about whatever he was searching for.

Zitao couldn’t get you out of his head. When he saw his own face appear on his arm, he knew you were nearby but he couldn’t tell which student you were. Nobody was holding a pen or writing on themselves, and he couldn’t see if any of them had an exact copy of the sketch on his arm. But god, he was so close to you and it made his heart flutter.

“I can’t believe you couldn’t find her.” Kris chuckled, gently nudging Tao. “At least you have a whole semester, right?”

“Maybe if you never wrote something stupid on her neck...” Yixing grumbled, still disappointed in Tao’s decision to listen to Chanyeol.

“To be fair, she drew a dick on me earlier this week,” Zitao reminded the older boys, a slight smirk playing on his face, “which was totally unprovoked no matter what anyone tells you.”

“Chanyeol already told us you drew a heart on her tits, dude.” Kris laughed. “Nice try, though.”

Kris walked up to the door of a bakery he insisted the three of them get breakfast at, holding the door open for his friends. Neither of the other two boys had ever been there, but they regretted never going once the smell of freshly baked pastries hit their noses. It smelled like heaven.

“Their danishes are the best.” Kris promised as he walked up to the counter, smiling warmly when he saw you were working. “Hey, ___.”

“Good morning, Kris.” you grinned, only noticing him before you finally saw movement behind him. Yixing and Tao walked up beside him and you froze, recognizing the beautiful face structure of the boy you had class with. You quickly tried to brush your surprise off as your heart beat quickly in your chest. “What can I get you?”

“Three cheese and strawberry danishes, and three coffees, please.” he said as he got his wallet out of his pack pocket.

“Make mine espresso.” the familiar face spoke up before his eyes wandered over your forearm. You forgot to wash off the sketch of his face in your rush to get ready this morning and your face turned tomato red. The boy looked back into your eyes, a smirk on his face. “I’ll show you mind if you show me yours.”

He rolled up his sleeve and rested his arm on the counter, showing off an exact replica of the drawing on your forearm. Your breathing hitched in your throat, realizing what this meant. The beautiful boy from your class was your soulmate, and now he was right here in front of you.

“Holy shit!” Kris exclaimed with a laugh. “Never in a million years did I think two of my friends would end up as soulmates.”

“I’m Zitao.” he grinned, opening his hand up for you to shake.

Shyly, you took his hand. “___.”

He brought your hand up to his lips, kissing the back of it softly. “Great to finally meet you. And can I say you have great taste in drawing references.”

You just laughed and rolled your eyes. “Yeah, the dick I drew on your chest was referenced straight from one of my roommates.”

“Sehun?” Kris guessed.

Tao’s eyes widened slightly, dropping your hand from his lips but still keeping it in his hand. “Wait, it really was your roommates?”

“Yeah.” you and Kris both replied.

“After I got written up, they stopped messing with me.” you explained, slowly pulling your hand back to work on their orders.

“I’m...I’m really sorry.” Tao said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I thought it was an excuse.”

“Don’t worry about it.” you chuckled, getting to work on their coffees before you grabbed their food with paper.

“___, how much do I owe you?” Kris asked in regards to their order.

You glanced at your soulmate before waiving away Kris’s question. “It’s on the house.”

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awesome-timtams · 7 years ago

Text

INFINITY WAR/AVENGERS 4 THEORY + ALL MY RANTS (SPOILERS)

because you know what? i’m not done.

i’ve come up with a theory, if only just to comfort myself. also, i’m still kinda unhappy over some things. (although this movie is really good, so please don’t judge the film too harshly based on other spoilers you’ve read. give it a chance and watch it before you form opinions please? :D )

WARNING: MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER CUT.

like, i’m not gonna censor myself. i’m just gonna rant. so you have been warned.

(if anybody wants me to add any tags to this post, just comment or smthin and ill do it yo)

LAST CHANCE FOR NO SPOILERS. WE COOL? OK.

just wanna say right off the bat, i’m not a comic fan. i’ve never read the comics. i don’t know shit about the comics. so all of this may come off as really stupid to comic fans, and for that, i apologise.

(also, after typing this all up, i’m realising just how negative i seem to come off this entire post? like, there were flaws, don’t get me wrong, i pointed out stuff i didn’t like, but overall this movie was really good. i fucking loved this movie. i went into the theatres really worried because there were so many characters and i was scared that it was gonna become real messy real quick and the plot would kinda be all over the place and overstuffed, but it actually worked out quite well in the end. there was a lot of humour and that’s great, because who isn’t up for humour? and it got real emotional and heartbreaking, and that was done really well so i applaud. i really do recommend going to watch this movie, because like seriously, it’s fucking good. went out of the cinemas and nearly walked straight back in to see it again)

now, theory first!

alright, so we remember how red skull ‘died’ right? he was holding the space stone, and as he’s holding it he starts to kinda ash away before he gets beamed up into space.

remember who else gets ashed?

just about everybody in the fucking movie (still not over that. god. i started fucking bawling my eyes out. was not very dignifying)

but yes, i think that they didn’t actually die? instead, they actually got transported to another universe like the red skull was? (or even better, their souls got sent to another universe, because after further research, that’s apparently what the soul stone does? and anyway, none of them got physically beamed somewhere like the red skull did. they all just faded to ash. i noticed that when wanda got ashed though, her entire being seemed to go grey for a brief couple of seconds before she turned to ash, and that kinda strikes me as what would happen if you lost the very essence of yourself? like your soul? so yeah, space stone beamed the red skull to a different universe physically, but the soul stone beamed them to a different universe…spiritually (also, i’m making this edit at 3 am in the morning so excuse if it’s just really incoherent)) because it didn’t escape anybody’s notice that none of the original avengers died right? only all the new heroes with confirmed sequels and shit did?

so i think they’re actually safe but just in a different place for now. and then all the original avengers, in the next movie are gonna do some shit and sacrifice themselves to save everybody who got ashed.

cus like, i refuse to believe they are permanently dead. i mean, c’mon. t’challa? the king of wakanda who’s arc only just got started? peter parker? when spiderman homecoming 2 has already been confirmed and is gonna start shooting soon? bucky? who’s had the whole white wolf thing/taking over the mantle as cap teased but neither were acted upon? fucking bullshit i tell you. didn’t stop me from fucking bawling my eyes out in the cinema. jfc i started crying like halfway thru the movie at gamora, escalated at bucky and then just curled into myself and died a little when peter clung on to tony. so yeah.

also i feel like they didn’t need to make the red skull come back and become the guardian of the soul stone. he wasn’t important, and was only there to give a bit of context into how to retrieve the soul stone. they could’ve easily just put a faceless character and have them do the exact same job and it would’ve made exactly zero change to the plot. so if the red skull is back, they must’ve done it for a reason. and that reason, i think, is the one i’ve been explaining above; to possibly show that being ashed isn’t gonna kill you, but instead transport you elsewhere. (also, yo, did anybody get dementor vibes when the red skull first appeared on screen?)

maybe this theory is just me being in denial over my favourites being killed god.

now onto my rants.

i thinkl loki and gamora are permanently dead. not happy about either deaths. loki’s was just…it’s just bullshit? he’s been killed and revived so many times that the emotional value of it is just not there anymore. and also, i don’t belive loki is stupid enough to go at thanos and pull a fucking pocketknife on him like, what’s that gonna do mate? and i feel loki, if he had a death scene, definitely deserved better than that. i feel like his arc kinda just got started, so him being killed off is kinda. urgh. so i’m pretty sure that loki’s not dead (cus c’mon), but at the same time if they bring him back it’s gonna be so fucking overplayed it’s gonna be like another episode of supernatural (i still love you spn but actually tho). so basically, marvel’s got themselves in a bit of a dump.

now onto gamora. idk, i’m just really not happy with the way she died? she didn’t deserve to go out like that? i mean, he sees his cause as the greater good, and people sacrifice a lot for their greater good, but still. not cool? i’m upset? gamora deserved so much more than to be tossed off that fuckin cliff? i actually reallyyyyy wanted gamora (or nebula) to be the one to kill thanos. maybe together. cus tbh fuck thanos. he fucked up their lives so hard, and what does gamora get in the end? thrown off a cliff, that’s what.

ALSO, QUILL. WHY. MATE. COULDN’T YOU HAVE DECKED THE SHIT OUT OF THANOS AFTER THEY MANAGED TO PULL OFF THE GAUNTLET??????? THEY WERE THIS. FUCKING. CLOSE. ARGHHHHHH.

also i’m still not over peter and bucky. god. bucky kinda stumbling out of the woods, and that little ‘…steve?’ before he just fucking. crumbles away. i was so fucking. no words. and i already knew peter was gonna die cus of that giRL (if you wanna see THAT rant, click here). but it was actually still so fucking heartbreaking? ‘…i don’t feel so good’ and ‘please, i don’t want to die’ as he just sobs while crumbling to ash in tony’s arms? i started bawling my eyes out (and wow take a shot every time i say that phrase in this post)

ok now onto some other things. i feel like this film sort of rendered most of ragnarok obsolete? like, (and this point was brought up by a friend so shout out to them) weren’t they trying to make it so that thor was less reliant on his weapons and more reliant on his own abilities and powers? and also, asgard. they gave us so much hope for asgard at the end of ragnarok, only to have it dashed apart in the beginning of infinity war. asgard? more like…asGONE. ba dum tss. (shitty joke i know but that’s how i cope). also. where. the fuck. is valkyrie?? i swear to god if she’s dead imma cut a bitch.

also, i’m sort of upsetti clint didn’t show up in this movie. BUT. they mentioned at the beginning of the film that clint was off with scott to do some other shit regarding their families or smthin, which makes me think that maybe, just maybe, clint might actually show up in ant-man and the wasp. so, looking forward to that.

so yes, i feel like i’ve been quite negative throughout this post, so here’s a couple paragraphs dedicated to all the good things about this movie and my experience and why i love it.

post-credits scene was? like, maria being ashed shook the whole cinema? and nick fury’s being ashed got me upset right up until the point where he swore and that kinda loosened the mood up. he’s so chill about everything i s2g. and that captain marvel insignia drop at the end was amazing. had the whole theatre shook. so yes, good post-credits scene.

they did emotions really well? especially in the last 20 mins, when everybody is being ashed, like, i cried. a lot. some of the emotions just came so clearly across the screen, and you could really feel what the characters themselves were feeling at the moment. some of the scenes were truly heartbreaking and beautiful (JUST, QUICK BREAK TO GIVE A SHOUTOUT TO TOM HOLLAND FOR HIS AMAZING PERFORMANCE? THANK YOU.)

the humour in this movie is fucking outstanding, but they never got in the way of the emotional scenes. the jokes were hilarious, and didn’t feel shoehorned in. they had the cinema rolling, and honestly, it was great. also, can i just say that quill being jealous of thor’s masculinity is fucking hilarious. and dr strange and tony going at it and trying to beat each other in who’s the most arrogant and all-knowing was fucking amazing, so kudos. anD ALSO. BRUCE AND HULK? FUCKING AMAZING. LOVED THEIR INTERACTIONS TBH. i would quote lines right now but i’m kinda fuzzy about them and i hate nothing more than misquoting so.

also. THOR. THOR. HIS ENTRANCE INTO WAKANDA IS SO FUCKING BADASS AND I HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING ABOUT IT? IT’S SO BLOODY COOL, HOW HE JUST SWOOPS IN ALL DRAMATIC AND SHIT WITH HIS NEW AXE AND LIGHTNING AND JFALKGJRIOA yeah that was awesome.

i feel like i haven’t ever seen a movie with the audience as engaged as they were today. like, when certain characters showed up on screen the audience lost their shit and started whooping and clapping and shit. and when tony got stabbed i s2g the entire cinema just. stopped breathing. so yeah, good experience, fun times, loved it, really got me in the mood tbh.

i think i just about covered everything i wanted to say in this post? (and wow, this is a real bit of a giant brain dump. i just started typing anything that came to mind) maybe i’ll add to it if i think of anymore things, because i still feel like i have more to say even though i can’t really say anything right now. if any of you wanna talk, just message me and i’m up to listen lol.

this whole post took me the better half of three hours ( it’s also > 1500 words, and wow, i could’ve used all this time to finish my english assessment oops), so imma just go and do my homework like the good child i am (hah).

tldr; everybody who was ashed is actually alive, original avengers are gonna sacrifice themselves in avengers 4 to save the ashed kids, ragnarok was obsolete, im not happy with people’s deaths, clint might appear in ant-man and the wasp, this movie is really good and i fucking love it, feel free to msg me if u wanna talk and i’ve wasted too much time on this post. (this was still a really long tldr but i ranted for 1000 words so what can you do)

have a good one. (wow, extra aussie today aren’t we?)

#infinity war spoilers #a:iw #infinity war #mcu #marvel #infinity war theory #avengers 4 theory #spoilers #timtams speaks #timtams rants

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mayonara · 7 years ago

Note

Ooh can u write a pre-slash Jaydick that leads up to slash? With jason being upset/jealous because dick is avoiding him? Or maybe something angsty with dick breaking up with jay in order to protect him or something idk. Your choice ^^

I always enjoy writing angst with a dash of comfort :D Hope you like this one. Jason has his own personal assistant he yells at when he’s mad

Jason sighed heavily andsqueezed the Nightwing plush in his hands. He poked and probed at it, pinchingits cheeks and wiggling its arms and legs.

“You idiot,” he jeered, turquoiseeyes meeting the toys’ masked ones as he shook him, annoyed. “Why do youalways ignore me?” He roared, raising his voice at the small stuffedNightwing, acted as if it had offended him when really he was reprimanding the actual person. Though he couldn’t quitesay it to his face so he resorted to letting off his steam at a replica.

“Seriously!”Jason growled and pulled at Nightwing’s arms, twisting and turning him in allsorts of directions since the thing was just filled with cotton. “Youalways ignore me when I try to talkto you. But you give Tim and Damian allthe time in the world,” he murmured and huffed a breath, collapsingback against the couch. He enveloped his arms around the plush and hugged ittight to his chest, before he decided to punish him by biting his shoulder.

“Ugh,” hegrumbled and jerked upright. Jason was restless, had trouble containing hisemotions after a rough night of once again being ignored by his preciouspseudo-brother.

The Red Hood had beenout on patrol tonight when he ran into Nightwing, Robin and Red Robin. They briefly teamed up together since theperpetrator they were after were one in the same. Things had gone well despiteall the bickering and when Jason went to speak to them, specifically Dick, theman turned away and instead, placed all his attention on his younger brothers.He was complimenting them, telling them they did a job well done while on theother hand, overlooking Jason eventhough he did a large chunk of the fighting.

That pissed Jason offand seeing that Dick was still continuing to ignore him as he stood there, heswiftly left. He was slightly embarrassed about his actions, overstepping hisboundaries by attempting to act chummy when he wasn’t at all close with them,so he just came back to his safe house to mope.

Things weren’t alwaysrosy when Jason came back to life, but they’d long since fixed theirrelationship. However, Dick still seemed to be on the fence about him. Heinitially started off fine, joking along with Jason when they occasionallyworked together. But then slowly, he started to distance himself to the pointwhere he completely disregarded him. And that fucking annoyed the hell out ofJason. All he wanted was to just get along with the man, chat with him a fewtimes, but the fact that he wouldn’t give him a single moment upset Jason.

And this purely hadnothing to do with the feelings he held for Dick. None at all, at least that’s what he kept trying to tell himself.He knew he couldn’t have Dick, that the man would never come to like him thatway. So all he really wanted was to just get along with him, but Dick was beinga dick.

Sighing for the umpteenthtime, he scrubbed a hand down his face and gazed at the Nightwing plush again.He’d had it for a while now, having bought it purely as a joke since hehappened to see it while he was shopping for some supplies.

He was surprised by thequality of the plush, didn’t notice it until now. He examined the toy, admiringhow nicely sewn he was, that pretty black and blue uniform shining through,mimicking the original Nightwing’s exact design. He even had a stupid smile,all happy and bright and the stripes of his fingers were also there. Jason’scouldn’t believe the manufacturers had put so much detail into him though itmade sense considering the hero himself was popular and quite well known.

But just looking at thething pissed Jason off so he slammed it to the ground, got up and stepped onit, rubbed his heel on his stomach before he disappeared to his bedroom.

Brooding wasn’t going tohelp so he might as well force himself to sleep. At least that way, he couldlet all his emotions flow away.

Jason swore he had theworst luck ever. He’d already had quite a shitty childhood and then died, wasreborn again. One would think the cycle would have ended, but no, his bad luckjust never seemed to stay away, attached onto him like a virus.

Thankfully the shot he’dsustained during a crossfire wasn’t life threatening. He wasn’t even on patrolor anything of that spectrum. The man had been out on a grocery run and as hewas crossing the street, there had been a drive by shooting. One of the ladieswho was out in the open was in their line of shot so Jason jumped into shieldher and ended up getting hit himself.

Of course the lady waspanicking about the blood oozing from his arm, soaking into his shirt insplotches, but he had to reassure her it was fine. He couldn’t very well go tothe hospital since he’s legally dead,so they wouldn’t have any records of him. That would be too difficult to dealwith so his only choice was to sneak away before the cops would show up despitethe fact that the few witnesses that had been nearby were attempting to callthe ambulance and trying to get him to stop.

But Jason was stubbornand refused, ran as soon as he spotted an opening.

Now he was currently marginallydrugged up at his safe house after having fixed up his own wound. Luckily thebullet only grazed his arm and he didn’t have to operate on himself or worse, call up Alfred for help. Hedidn’t want to bother the butler if he didn’t have to.

Jason was resting in bedwith pillows propped up against the headboard and had the TV on, volume highand blasting into his room. His mind was slightly dazed and he was ratherlethargic, had no energy and felt a bit woozy. Probably took too high of adouse.

Every so often, turquoiseeyes would travel down to his arm, glancing to check his bandages and see ifit’d bled through. It sort of was leaking and his bandages were also slowlyunraveling, fraying at the edges from the poor job he’d done. Wrapping an arm onehanded was not as easy as people made it sound.

But he didn’t have the driveto care for it and exhaled heavily, sinking back into the soft mattress andpillows and tugged at his covers. A hand searched blindly underneath his stackof pillows, probing for something specific. When he’d found it, he gripped theitem in his hand and pulled it out to settle in his lap, wrapped arm around itto cuddle it close to his chest.

“At least you’regood for one thing,” Jason murmured and stroked Nightwing’s head. It wassoft and fuzzy and at least this version didn’t ignore him.

Content, Jason returnedhis attention back to the TV and let the time tick by as he watched a thrillerfilm until he passed out.

Jason slowly woke fromhis deep slumber, a bit dazed and muddled. The drugs must have kicked in andtook him under because he felt well rested, although still a bit sluggish. But thepain in his arm was still there, pulsing ever few seconds.

A soft sigh escaped intothe air and his attention fell onto the only source of life, the TV. Apparentlyhe’d fell asleep with it still on. The sun had already set, darkness filteringinto the room and he’d realized he’d slept most of the day.

Great, now his sense of timing was off. But it’s not as if he had it inthe first place anyways considering his schedule was out of the ordinary.

As he shifted on hisbed, pressed his palms against the mattress and attempted to sit up, his eyescaught sight of his arm and noticed the bandages had been changed. It wasclean, not a single patch of blood in sight and it was also neatly wrapped,tied carefully and pressed flush to his arm, not too tight or loose.

Who—?

His inquiry was answeredwhen the person in question entered the room with a glass of water. Theintruder had messy dark hair and was dressed in a pair of black sweatpants anda simple grey hoodie. Vivid blue eyes fell upon him and immediately, a smilebroke out onto his face.

“Jason.” Fucking hell, it was Dick Grayson. Whatwas he doing here?

Jason was oddly confusedand pinched his brows, trying to comprehend why the first Robin was currentlyin his safe house. In his room, casuallydressed and was holding one of his favorite cups like he owned the place.

“What are you doinghere?” Jason asked, watching closely as the man tapped the door shut withhis foot and approached his bed side. There was already a chair stationed rightbeside him and a blanket draped over the seat. Had he been here for a while?

“I heard you wereinjured,” Dick said and gathered the blanket from off the chair beforesettling himself back in. He then stretched out an arm and handed the glass ofwater to Jason. “Take it.” He gestured at him and also revealed theset of pills that’d been hiding in his other hand.

Jason narrowed his eyesat him, still confused, but took it from him anyways. He tossed the pills intohis mouth, swiftly swallowed them and washed it down with water. Dick pluckedthe cup from his fingers and set it down onto his nightstand.

“How’d you know Iwas injured?”

“News. I saw itonline and I knew you lived around here and the lady you saved was freakingout. Hence I called, but you didn’t answer your phone and I got worried so Icame to check,” Dick simply stated and smiled fondly at him.

“I see,” Jasonsaid and huffed a breath, unsure what else to say to that. There were a millionquestions stewing in his mind and he wanted to let them all out, but didn’texactly want to chase Dick away just yet so he held off.

“Are you doingokay?” Dick asked and furrowed his brows in concern.

Now this was unusual. Being specially treated by the boy wonder andhaving him be worried for his well-being wasn’t something Jason was used to.Nor had he experienced it much either.

“I’m fine. Just agraze.”

“I saw. I uh—hopeyou don’t mind, but I fixed up your bandage. It was coming undone.“

"Yeah,thanks,” Jason said and glanced around the room awkwardly, thinking aboutwhat he wanted to ask Dick before he settled his gaze back on the man. Dick wassitting up straight, hands on his knees and tilting slightly forward. His lipswere tugged into a small smile and he was watching Jason closely, a hint of distressfilling his blue eyes. “So—” he started and cleared his throat.“What exactly are you doing here?”

Dick blinked, slightlytaken aback by that question. “I said I came to check on you.”

“Yeah, but why?” That was really the oneanswer he was looking for. Why? Why now? Why come visit him when he was downand injured when all of the other times he’d ignored him? Didn’t pay him asingle attention?

The smile on Dick’s facefaltered and his eyes darkened as he pulled his lips into a thin line, deep inthought. The worry had disappeared, replaced by one of confusion, seemingly abit surprised at that curve ball that Jason threw at him. It was almost as ifDick himself didn’t understand why.

As the older man dwelledin his thoughts, possibly trying to come up with an answer to his question.Jason sat there silently and shuffled on his bed, attempting to prop himself upproperly. As he moved about, restacking the pillows behind his back, his handpressed onto something firm. Lifting his arm up, he spotted the Nightwing plushthat’d somehow gotten lost in the tangle of mess he’d created. Slowly, he liftedit up and was going to attempt to hide it away before Dick saw but it was toolate.

“Is that me?”Dick asked and pointed at the object held in Jason’s hands. Busted.

He couldn’t very welldeny it now that it was out in the open. “Yeah,” he answered andbrought it into his lap as he turned around to face the first Robin. “It’s you,” he said forlornly andcurled his fingers around its waist, held it tight and started playing with itsarms.

“Oh,” Dick whispered.

An awkward silencefilled the air as neither said a word. Jason had redirected his gaze to theNightwing plush, felt more at ease staring at something that was inanimaterather than the real thing himself. Those pretty blue eyes of his were too muchfor Jason sometimes, expressive enough that he could almost read all of hisemotions.

Jason heard the floorcreak and suddenly felt the bed dip to the side. He jerked his head up andgawked at the man who was now only a few inches away from him. Dick stretchedan arm out and flicked the plushie’s forehead.

“I—” hestarted and then paused briefly, licked a tongue over his lips and sighednervously. “I was worried about you,” he said and brought his eyes tomeet Jason’s, holding his gaze still so the man wouldn’t break away. “Ihad to come check and see if you’re okay.”

“I get that but why?You don’t necessarily care about me,” Jason blurted, being completely bluntand pinched the toy’s arm, bringing its hand to slap at its own face. “Youalways ignore me.”

“I-I know,”Dick admitted and threaded a hand through his raven hair gently. “I’msorry about that. I didn’t exactly mean to.”

“What does thateven mean?” Jason hissed, tone sharp. He wanted Dick to be honest and getto the point instead of beating around the bushes.

The man exhaled loudlyand shrugged his shoulders. “Okay.I suppose I did it on purpose, but it’s not because I hate you or anythingJason.”

“You sure seem likeit considering you coddle the others,”he jabbed out of jealousy. It was petty, he knew, but he was upset about it.Jason had done things wrong in the past, he’d admit to that, but he’d alsotaken the time to amend his actions. Not that he regretted all his actions becausehe didn’t, but there were certain ones he wished he hadn’t done. It was alreadyin the past and all he could do was move on and not repeat his mistakes.

“I know. I do paythem more attention, but I just—they’re easier to handle. You, it’s hard,” Dick said, stuttering on his words and wasn’tthat a first? He was always so confident in everything he did but right now,when confronted by Jason, he was faltering with his words.

“I don’t get whatyou’re getting at,” Jason scowled. “Get to the damn point Dick. Ifyou’re here to insult me then leave.”He had no more patience for Dick’s delay tactics and if he was going to tellhim that he couldn’t get along with him or whatever other bullshit, then he wanted him gone.

A look of horror crossedover Dick’s eyes and he scooted closer, closing the space to settle his hand onJason’s. “No, I’m not here toinsult you Jay,” he murmured ever so gently. “I—” he nibbled onhis lower lip, struggling with whatever was fueled inside of his body.“I…” he whispered and breathed loudly, struggling to say what wason the tip of his tongue.

“Out with it,”Jason grumbled, vexed. What was it that Dick wanted to say that was giving himsuch a hard time to express?

Blue eyes rolled off tothe side, glancing down at the little Nightwing plush still in Jason’s lapbefore he returned and settled himself back on Jason. With a firm expression,Dick brought a hand and cupped Jason’s cheek and before he knew it, before hecould react or say a word, their lips met.

The kiss was brief, butit was chaste and sweet. Dick’s lips were soft as he kissed him gingerly,stroked a thumb under his eye, and slipped his fingers around his ear, pinchingtenderly as the tips of his fingers dove into his hair.

“I like you,”he mumbled and pressed their foreheads together, lips hovering just a merecentimeters away. “I like you,”he repeated more confidently this time.

“You like me?”Jason repeated, a bit confused, and slightly dazed from the unexpected kiss.

“Yeah. I—um,”Dick murmured and then drew in a shaky breath. “I avoided you because Ilike you. And I, well, I thought itwould be bad if we continued interacting.”

“Because I’mproblematic?” Jason asked, a bit offended if that was the case.

“No,” Dick immediately shut downthat thought. “No, that’s not it,” he said and kissed him again, alittle more desperate this time, wanting to get his feelings across. “It’sbecause I was afraid. I didn’t wantto mess it up.”

“What?"

"You know I have agood knack at fucking up relationships. I didn’t want to repeat it again. So Ifigured it was better if I just distanced myself from you. It was—it was difficulthaving to, but it was harder being near you. So I just, I don’t know, did what I thought was best.”

Jason sighed loudly androlled his eyes at the man in disbelief. Couldn’t believe that was the thoughtprocess going on inside his mind. The reason itself was so silly and Jasoncouldn’t comprehend the fear that was coursing through Dick to make him reactthat way. But he supposed it wasn’t something that he would personallyunderstand considering he’d never really dated much before.

“You’re so dumbDickiebird,” Jason said, lips tugging into a smirk. “I can’t believeyou.”

“Hey!” he said, insulted. “Ididn’t exactly want to lose you or get my ego kicked again. Honestly, I don’tknow what it is but I always mess up one way or another and people dumpme,” Dick grumbled, a look of hurt briefly passing through his eyes.

Jason pressed a thumb tohis pretty lips, held him close and leaned in to kiss him. “Well they werestupid to do it,” he said and kissed him again, more fervently this time.“If they won’t have you, then I will,”Jason said and Dick chuckled at that remark.

“But I might makeyou mad.”

“You already pissme off.”

“I guess that’staken care of then,” he joked and then distanced himself a bit from Jasonas he turned his attention away and picked up the toy resting in his lap.“Though you have a little version of me to yell at.” There was anamused smile gracing his lips as he played with the plush and wiggled itaround, examining its outfit. “It’s pretty spot on,” he murmuredunder his breath, a bit surprised at the quality of the stuffed toy, as Jasonhad been the other day.

“Yeah and trust me,I do yell at it. He is my personal outlet,” Jason said and pinched itscheek. “He listens well.”

“You know you canjust yell at me if I make you angry right?”

“Yeah but you’dyell back.”

“Jay—” Dicksaid and leveled his eyes at him. “I’m serious.If you have an issue, please talk to me about it.” This was probably beingsprung about due to his poor relationships. “I want to communicate betterwith you. I…I want our relationship to flourish.”

And Jason did as well,so he supposed the first thing they needed to overcome was being able toexpress their emotions. Which included ones that they often kept to themselvesand he knew that Dick was the master at that. Always kept his issues in,letting it boil until it just burst open. He needed to improve on that andmaybe it was something they could work on together.

“We’ll both have towork on communicating then,” Jason said and Dick laughed at him, noddinghis head in agreement because it was the honest truth.

“So—” Dicksettled his eyes on Jason again and wrapped the Nightwing plush close againsthis chest as his little persona settled in his lap. That was the most adorablething he’d ever seen Dick do and he wished he could snap a picture right now,but he had no clue where his phone was at. He was about to search for it, hewas interrupted as Dick finished his comment. “How do you feel about me?“He asked with a small smirk on his lips, teasing the man gently since heprobably knew his answer already. Jason just rolled his eyes at him inamusement and smiled back.

"Let me showyou,” he said as he curled a hand behind Dick’s neck, fingers tangling inhis soft hair and pulled him into a bruising kiss as their lips met in a fierypassion.

They fell against thebed, limbs tangled in one another as they kissed the night away, soft murmursand moans filtering into the still air.

#JayDick #Prompt fill #fill #fanfic #my writing #Jason Todd #Dick Grayson #pre-slash #slash #angst #hurt and comfort #ask box

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our-smooty · 5 years ago

Text

Flowerbeds and Fertile Soil: Chapter 12

Fandom: Good Omens

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens, )Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer

Tags: Kidfic, Mpreg kind of, they can choose to present however so idk, Crowley Has A Vulva (Good Omens), Crowley Has A Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has A Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has A Vulva (Good Omens), OCs Galor, parenting, using your snake form to avoid confrontation, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pregnancy, if I missed a tag lemme know

Summary: They could do anything, go anywhere, all without the worry of Above or Bellow making a fuss. Even so, they mostly kept to their little patch of Eden, their cottage and garden and the simple life they’d carved out among the locals. Aziraphale opened a book shop in town, where he only occasionally sold any books (and the ones he did sell, were all modern and stocked specifically for that purpose). Crowley focused his attentions on the garden, and if he occasionally helped their elderly neighbour with her disobedient willow tree, then that was a secret no one needed to know. Lately, however, they had both been feeling rather restless, unbeknownst to each other. Aziraphale tried reorganizing his store, changing the way he tied his bowtie and even ate pizza –something he considered to be far too messy for him personally. Crowley had branched out into birdwatching, and then car maintenance (the human way), and even reading. Nothing scratched the itch for either of them.

Ao3 Link

As expected, the warding took less than an hour. Crowley’s nap, on the other hand, took at least four hours. The first hour was him nestled into Aziraphale’s side, floating in that lovely space between awake and sleep while the angel read to him. Eventually, he’d drifted off fully and spent a solid three hours dead to the world.

Upon waking Crowley had of course tried to get closer to Aziraphale’s warmth. It felt like waking up underneath his heat lamp, but a thousand times better because he was wrapped up in the angel’s arms and surrounded by blankets soft as clouds. The only thing ruining the perfect moment was an insistent, subtle ache in his knees and back that was just enough to make him squirm.

“Hello love, are you awake?” Aziraphale asked. There was a rustling of pages and the sound of leather against wood. Then Aziraphale was pulling him closer with both arms.

“Mmph,” Crowley grumped, twisting his hips in an effort to get rid of the ache. “--time isss it?”

Aziraphale hummed, looking over to his pocket watch on the bedside table before rejoining Crowley on the bed. “A little after six. I wasn’t sure if you intended to sleep straight through until tomorrow morning or not, you seemed completely out.”

“My back woke me up,” Crowley grumped, finally flipping to his belly and tilting his hips up. That made his lower back feel better but put more stress on his knees. “I don’t think my corporation likes what the kid’s doing to it very much.”

“Poor thing,” Aziraphale cooed, rubbing his hands into the muscles just above Crowley’s arse. “Why don’t you get in the tub and have a nice long soak?”

Crowley nodded sleepily, pushing back into the quick massage. “Coffee?”

“Just the one cup, you know you can't have too much.” Crowley moaned pitifully but didn’t disagree. “Go on then and get in the bath. There should be some of those salts you like so much in the cupboard.”

Crowley sent the angel a rare soft smile and a small pursing of his lips. Totally not a kiss. He did not send the angel air-kisses. Aziraphale nearly glowed, making a furtive hand motion like the not-kiss had landed right on his cheek. Crowley was extremely glad no one was around to see his raging blush. To make things easier he quickly made his escape towards the bathroom, muttering about sappy behaviour and absurd angels.

In the bathroom he busied himself drawing the bath and getting the mix of Epsom salts, bubbles, and scented oils exactly right. Crowley had learned to secrets of drawing the perfect bath back in Rome, from one of the girls at a brothel he’d been ordered to create. A classy joint, less likely to attract bad types, and the girls were all paid well and there of their own free will. The one who’d taught him, her name unfortunately gone from his mind, had eventually left to start her own shop in town. It made him smile as he dashed in the final few ingredients; a hint of sandalwood and jasmine oil.

While Crowley lowered himself into the steaming water he heard the shop phone ringing. Not too surprising, since Aziraphale still popped back here now and then and had finally installed an answering machine. Most of the messages were from confused former patrons or booksellers looking to give the angel a tip on a rare book. So he wasn’t too concerned when he heard the ringing stop and the muffled sound of Aziraphale answering. No, Crowley was more concerned with the simply fantastic feeling of the steaming water (hotter than a human could survive) and how it was relaxing the pinching muscles in his back. With a relieved sigh, Crowley relaxed fully into the bath and tipped his head back, letting his mind float amongst the bubbles.

“A.Z. Fell and Co., terribly sorry but we’re closed indefinitely.” Aziraphale wasn’t sure why he’d even answered the phone. Habit, most likely. Still he didn’t feel like dealing with any customers, or his bookseller contacts. After the day they’d had, he wanted to fix them both a warm drink then join Crowley in the bath.

“Aziraphale?” A familiar voice crackled over the old phone line. The phone had been put in as soon as such things were available, by Crowley, and its performance was as would be expected by a more than 200-year-old piece of technology.

“Anathema! So good to hear from you,” he said, his demeanour changing rapidly. “How are things with little Alfred and the girls?”

“Oh, good, good. He’s feeding well. Sleeps about as well as Lottie but what can you do?” Aziraphale hummed sympathetically, remembering the times when he and Crowley had watched Charlotte as an infant. “But that’s not what I’m calling about. You remember a while back, when you met Freddie? How I said I’d try some scrying, and looking into the future?”

It had been a hectic day, what with he and Crowley arguing that whole time. “I do recall something about that. But don’t worry yourself dear, it’s an awful lot of trouble.”

Anathema made a soft sound, like a laugh and a sigh. “No, it’s no trouble. I uh, I already did it actually. My mom was visiting and she helped me with the setup so things would be as clear as possible. Did you want to know what I saw?”

“Of course! If you’re even half as talented as your ancestor, I'm sure it will be most useful. Not that you aren’t--oh you know what I mean don’t you?” Aziraphale babbled, extremely excited to know anything about their baby.

“I get it. Is Crowley around? He might want to hear.”

“Yes, but he just got in the bath. His back has been hurting, and we had a stressful day yesterday,” he explained. Anathema hummed in understanding.

“I know. It wasn’t too clear but one of the first things I saw was you two at the book shop, which is why I called there. Anyway, most of it seemed pretty normal; I saw the colour you picked for the nursery, it’s nice. There was a general feeling of excitement, and Crowley looked less sick. You both seemed… stressed though. And there was just one moment I think I saw someone crying? But I couldn’t tell who, the connection was breaking up.”

Aziraphale frowned but forced himself to say something quickly as to not make to poor girl think she'd upset him. “Well, things have already been looking better for Crowley with the morning sickness, so I’m very glad it looks like we’ve seen the last of it. And isn’t the colour wonderful?” It was obvious he was avoiding the latter half of her vision.

“Aziraphale… have you and Crowley been alright?” she asked. Humans could be so direct sometimes, and often Aziraphale didn’t know what to do with it. “We haven’t heard much from you two since you dropped the girls off”

“Well, you know how things are. We had a good talk, but it’s been difficult sometimes. It’s a big change, not to mention some hooligans decided to vandalize the book shop--”

“I saw that!” Anathema shouted, forcing Aziraphale to hold the receiver away from his ear with a wince. “I saw broken glass, and red paint? I wasn’t sure… I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to tell you in time.”

Once she calmed down and the angel was able to once again hold the phone close, Aziraphale answered. “Don’t worry, we only found out about it this morning, so there probably wouldn’t have been enough time for you to warn us anyways. Besides, it was nothing we couldn’t handle, and it gave us the excuse to make a little trip to London to update our barriers.”

“Well, that’s good then, I guess.” In the background, Aziraphale could hear the happy laughter of Charlotte and Annabella, followed by a baby crying. “Oh shoot, they woke Fred up. I have to go but if I see anything else I’ll let you know, alright?”

“Of course, lovely to hear from you dear girl.” With a click and a dial tone, their conversation was over and Aziraphale was left standing in the bookshop proper. The scream of the kettle broke him out of his post-discussion thinking though, and he suddenly remembered he was supposed to be making drinks and joining Crowley in the tub.

“Bugger,” he mumbled, covering his ears and rushing into the kitchenette. As quickly as possible he took the kettle off the hob and set about making the drinks. The entire time he dwelled on what Anathema had been able to tell him about their future. Stress, crying? Those sounded ominous, though he was glad to hear she saw nothing immediately disastrous.

“Annnnnngle!” Crowley called from upstairs. “I’m dying of dehydration up here!”

“Coffee is a diuretic love!” Aziraphale called back, adding a full cup of water to the tea tray he was putting together. He carried it back through the bookshop, avoiding any and all books. Usually, he would have prepared things in the flat above the shop, but the kitchen had been mostly stripped bare when they moved. There had been many items, like his antique tea kettle, that Azirphale simply had to bring to the cottage.

“Finally!” Crowley shouted from the bathtub. Aziraphale noted the pleasant scent and obscene amount of bubbles with a fond smile. “I thought you’d forgotten about me for some bookseller.”

Aziraphale set the tray down on the counter and passed over Crowley’s coffee, then the water. “I could never forget about you dearest. Besides, that was Anathema calling, not one of my associates.” He wasn’t sure if he should tell Crowley everything right now, given the exhausting day. But, if Aziraphale had learned anything over the past few months, it was that if they were going to do this they had to be honest with each other.

“What did she want then?” Crowley asked, right on cue and just as Aziraphale had expected. The demon sat up and sipped his coffee, sneakily making space at the other end of the tub for Aziraphale if he so wished to join him. Which the angel did wish, most ardently.

“Well you remember how she offered to try taking a peek at the future for us?” he asked as casually as possible. Crowley hummed in recognition. “Well, she just wanted to let us know that she saw a few things. Nothing major, though she did see something vague about the vandalism.”

Aziraphale focused on undressing, rather than worrying about Crowley getting upset. “She said your morning sickness is probably gone for good, and that there was a general feeling of excitement. A little bit of stress too, and maybe some…” he trailed off, finally naked and ready to get into the tub. He spared a glance toward Crowley and caught him looking both concerned, presumably, about the phone call, and interested in the angel’s naked form.

“Some what?” Crowley asked, eyes trained on Aziraphale as he sank into the water. The angel took a few seconds to get comfortable, arranging Crowley’s long, lanky legs so he had enough space.

“She said we seemed, stressed. And that she saw someone--not necessarily one of us mind you because telling the future is tricky business as you know--”

“Aziraphale,” Crowley interrupted. “Gonna be honest you acting like this is stressing me out already. So if you could just get on with it?”

“Yes, yes, sorry love. It really is nothing.” He took a deep settling breath. “Anathema said she saw someone crying.”

“Someone?”

“It would seem that even though she’s very persistent, Anathema doesn’t have Agnus’ keen eye for the future. That was all she said she could make out clearly.” Now that he’d said it Aziraphale felt a wave of relief wash over him. He hadn’t realized just how tense he’d gotten in the last few minutes.

“OK. That’s OK. It could be anyone. Or even if it’s one of us it could be completely out of context,” Crowley said after a brief silence. “Jeeze I thought you were going to tell me she saw someone die or something.”

“Crowley! Don’t joke!” Aziraphale cried, sloshing the bathwater at he smacked the demon lightly on the calf. Crowley cackled and wiggled down into the bubbles, holding his coffee high enough to avoid the suds.

“Sorry angel, sorry! M’just glad it’s not all doom and gloom, you know?” It was unlike Crowley to be the one with a positive outlook, which convinced Aziraphale further that he was making mountains out of molehills. “And I’m not going to lie, I’m frankly thrilled to be rid of that blasted morning sickness.”

Finally, Aziraphale felt like he could relax again. The bookshop flat’s tub had been one of his favourite things while living here, and he’d definitely missed its decadence. With the added benefits of hot tea and Crowley’s excellent company, things were quickly turning into a nearly perfect night.

“Me too. You were such a sourpuss when you weren’t feeling well.”

“S-sour--? How dare you call the uh, the bearer of your child a sourpuss?!” Crowley sputtered, slipping a little in the water and getting bubbles up his nose. “Bastard.”

Aziraphale suppressed a smug grin. “Would you rather I tell you how radiant I think you look? Is that more appropriate?” Crowley, who was already sneezing bubbles out of his nose also began to turn beet red. “Or maybe I should offer to wash your hair and lavish you with attention?”

“Ngk.” Crowley blushed prettily, all the way down his neck and chest to the edge of the bathwater. “Can you do it without making a mess of my curls?”

Aziraphale scoffed, already reaching for the pre-conditioning treatment and hydrating shampoo Crowley preferred to use. “I’ve washed your hair before and done a fine job. Now turn your back to me so I can begin if you please.”

“Bossy angel,” Crowley muttered, his voice distinctly lacking in venom. “Be careful, think I moved too much during my nap and now there’s a huge tangle back there.”

“Of course dear. You let me know right away if I’m pulling too hard.” He squirted a healthy dollop of pre-conditioner and began massaging it into Crowley’s hair, ends first. Helpless to the gentle stroking of Aziraphale’s fingers through his hair Crowley sighed. The angel leaned forward so he could rest his head on Crowley’s shoulder and admire his husband’s relaxed form. Crowley leaned back, his arms resting on the sides of the tub, the slight swell of his belly just barely peeking out from the water and bubbles. He’d really started showing in the last week or two and Aziraphale could barely keep his hands to himself.

As he let the conditioner sit his hands wandered and he let them. They explored the space at the base of Crowley’s skull, that little squishy indent where his skull met his spine. Then down to the shoulders--familiar territory--and back. Aziraphale wished he was in a position to massage his lover’s sore muscles more efficiently, but for now his caresses would have to do.

From Crowley’s back he moved forward to his stomach. The roundness where there used to be only hard muscle caused a phantom-sensation, like joy zipping through his fingertips at being so close to their baby. Not to mention seeing Crowley so round and soft for the first time ever was still novel and a little exciting. The baby was quiet for now, no movement stirring under his fingertips, but Aziraphale didn’t mind. Just being close like this was enough.

“Ready to rinse?” he asked. Crowley, who had been drifting in that hazy space between dreaming and wakefulness, nodded. Aziraphale carefully tipped the demon’s head back to the faucet and ran cool water over the demon’s hair to wash the conditioner out. The shampoo came next, a delicious apple-scented mixture that Aziraphale was almost sure Crowley ordered custom from somewhere on the internet. That didn’t need to sit, so he quickly washed it out and moved on to the final conditioning.

“I can’t belive you do this every day,” Aziraphale remarked. Crowley chuckled--though it was really more of a giggle, which he would deny to his final breath--and wiggled around until he was laying on his side against Aziraphale’s chest, gazing up at him.

“Doesn’t take as long in the shower, you know. And not every day, you’ve seen me slummin it more than once and you still love me.” Aziraphale couldnt’ help but lean down and peck a kiss to his love’s nose.

“Darling I loved you before regular bathing was a thing so to speak. You’ve always been radiant.” Crowley wiggled again, all blissed-out and content. Aziraphale felt much the same.

“Do you remember when perfume was really in style? Couldn’t go fice minutes without sneezing.” They both laughed, followed by Azirpahale launching into a story about the time he’d had to revive a prominent noblewoman from a terribly unfortunate allergic reaction to his at-the-time newest fragrance. It was homey, and domestic, and they both thoroughly enjoyed it until the bathwater began to cool. Not that they couldn’t keep the water hot if they both wanted, but if they did that they may never leave the tub again

“Time to get out then?” he asked once Crowley’s hair was combed through and rinsed one final time. Crowley wiggled about for a few more minutes, waggling his toes in the sudsy water. Aziraphale allowed him the small pleasure of making a bit of a wet mess of the bathroom floor for a while because it meant he got to watch that small, shit-disturbing grin on the demon's face. When five minutes were up, he leaned forward and pulled the plug himself.

“Fine, fine.” He let Aziraphale help him up, then wrap him in a great big, fluffy towel. Aziraphale did the same for himself, then turned to Crowley, handing wiping aside a few hairs that had become stuck to his face.

“More rest, or do you fancy some dinner?” It was getting late, the bookshop slowly falling dark in the dusky evening light. Crowley was soft and pliant in his hands, not moving in the slightest as the angel miracled them into their respective relaxing clothes: sweats and a t-shirt for Crowley, and his usual get up, topped off with his soft reading jacket. “We could order in, if you like.”

“Lets compromise and pick something up? Can’t spend all day cooped up.” Crowley’s aversion to remaining stationary for too long hadn’t settled after the drive in the Bently and they’d been slowly going out more and more. Restaurants were still off the table, because food was still hit or miss for the demon, but they’d been enjoying walks in the park, long drives, and the occasional show at the theatre. Besides, Crowley intended to spend all night in the angel’s bed anyway, and if he played his cards right it would be easy to get Aziraphale to join him.

#fbafs #fanfic #good omens #gomens #aziraphale/crowley #crowley #crowziraphale #tw mpreg #mpreg

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survivor-kuwait · 5 years ago

Text

Episode 2 - “The pair thing doesn’t leave much room for dRaMa and I want DrAmA” - Madison

Ok, so I'm going to recap everything I experienced during this scramble as there is a lot to cover. Willow and I lost the tik tok challenge by 2 points which sucks so we have to go to the warzone now. The warzone is kinda cool. I get to talk to more than just willow which is cool. Everyone seems to like each other and for the longest time no one had a name. Sadly, Brandon shot himself in the foot and was voted out by everyone because he never spoke a word to anyone. I kinda feel bad for the guy but you know, atleast Brandon has 100% voting accuracy. That's kinda hard especially in survivor. I also forgot to mention that I have hit 2 spaces on the Battleship grid so hopefully I get an idol or advantage soon!

youtube

Tribal went accordingg to plan;BDC went in a 12-0 vote 😧 I hate first tribal nerves. But its over and Im good. I think i made good connections with people. Made stronger connection with Madison. We both love Dumbo 🐘. I got to talk more with Stephen and Matt so i think those are bonds i could use later on in the game or if I find myself in the warzone with them again. Cullan and Ian were pretty good and nice people. I got along with Ian a lot. Willow was a nice person, we just didnt get to talk a lot today cuz she had 2 finals today. I didnt get to talk with jacob or doodle. (But i already had Jacob as a friend so he is someone who i played with before but dont remember. Oop 🤭) overall iI think warzone this round was a positive thing.

i'm shook that we were safe from the tik tok immunity. i'm even more shook that we got second????????? in it. like what??? i literally was editing the video with like 4 (four) minutes to spare because my idiot ass partner decided last second to tell me that he wasn't able to edit it and tik tok wasn't loading on his phone. like? when were you planning on telling me this information..... anyways we won, so i guess i can't be too upset with him. warzone thing is dumb, unfortunately i was a part of another season monty hosted that has this twist and got screwed over by it hardcore, so shrug. i'm assuming the same thing will happen this time around because of how new all of these people are. i know barely any of them and i'm just gonna assume for the most part they know each other or are at least aware of each other whereas i'm like i know owen and stevie??? it's just one massive eyeroll. gonna just try to focus on not going to tribal though. if we did i would have zero issues voting tommy out. he's zzzzzzzzzzzz. first night of the game i like offered to call while we figure out who to vote, tried to get to know him, etc. he gave minimum effort, didn't want to call, didn't ask me anything about me or make any attempt to get to know me. so i have zero attachment to him which sucks because i feel like for the most part people are going to stick with their assigned sign partner. idk if it's just because he hasn't played a game outside of fb before and they all suck or what but girrrrrl he needs to step it up. i've been working on this puzzle for a minute. for a while i couldn't beat like 2:20~ but randomly got 1:43 and am gonna hope that that's a competitive score, at least good enough to keep us out of the bottom. tommy sucks and can hardly break 2 minutes after being very up front that WE ARE WINNING THIS. i told him i think my score is easily attainable so that he'd try more LMAO because i really don't wanna lose this early. i think my outlook on the game would be so much different had i not gotten stuck with a stale ass plank of wood for a partner.

I really hope Renne and I could atleast be in the top 6 and be immune. But being in in the top three would be cool only because we would see guardians of the galaxy. I got 2:27 and Renee around 2:46 i believe so we should be okay unless these people are monsters at puzzles.

Look I was going to try to do video confessions every time for this game but sometimes you look so bad the Face ID on your laptop doesn't even recognize you as yourself...and that's literally me right now. So text it is! Hey! I'm having a gr8 time. Such a fun game! To recap last round, I had SUCH a good TikTok plan and then Jacob and I are illiterate and didn't realize when the videos were due, so we lost. BUT I think that was a blessing, because we got to talk to people outside of our sign pair, which was really beneficial. At least for me it was. Talking to Renee, Ian, and Maynor was great, and I think I'd be down to work with any of them later on. Stephen potentially too, but he still scares me. Too much history lmao. Tribal was the easiest ever but I can already tell this is gonna be like Mongolia and Hogsmeade where NO ONE talks about the vote until the hour before, which is exciting, but also very stressful. I'm ready to be in a chat with more people in it though. The pair thing doesn't leave much room for dRaMa and I want DrAmA.

We F*CKEN tied!! I just saw the scores and we only got 6th because I got a faster individual time than the 2 Tauros. I’m so happy that me and Renee could take a breather even if it is for one day. I really like Renee and I’d be down to work with her all the way to the end. Hopefully she feels the same way cuz we could be dangerous together.

Ya boy just found the fucking Topaz Idol, suck it bitches! This is the first idol I have legitimately found, I get nervous about having advantages though, I don't want to waste them which has lead me to be voted of with an advantage in my pocket before. I can use this idol to turn votes against me into votes for whoever I want which is beautiful, I hope to genuinely fuck somebody's day up with this! However, if I've found one already, you can bet your ass somebody else has found something as well. Let's see whose dick is bigger, whoever you are.

So far this game has been interesting. When it started I was SHOOK by the 12 tribes of 2. Definitely thought it was going to be interesting and potentially scary navigating how people get voted out. Then the first round was voting off a team right in the beginning just based on who is on it pretty much. When that team ended up being Nehe and Chips I was PUMPED because from a previous game Nehe and I did not leave things on the best of terms. Then one of them gets to come back. And it's Nehe. Great. I did not want to let that bother me much so I figured I would worry more about it when the time came to worry about it. Then the next immunity challenge happened and i truly did not think Owen and i would do so well because I am not normally good at these things and i am shook that we won. Owen's editing ideas were what saved us I think. So not only were we safe for that round, we also get to go to the oasis! And who else but Nehe is there too. I was initially dreading it because I wasn't sure how the conversation was going to go. When we did end up talking he said that he has calmed down, matured a bit, and wants to put things behind us and move forward. I still am not sure if I believe it or not, or at least to what extent I believe it. There is always going to be the thought that he could be playing me due to our history. It's hard not to bring things from the past and carry them in the present and let it effect relationships with people. Seeing Kait in this game I was initially a little worried because I don't know what that working relationship is like. I haven't played a game with Kait in a long time but I do not know where we stand as far as working together. It will be hard to navigate but the reunion was nice to have. Another thing that is worrying me is Owen. Right now we are working well together in the challenges, I haven't had any problems with Owen in the past that I can remember, and we generally respect each other's existence I think? Idk I am just not sure what the relationship is between us two. We also don't really talk much being on this tribe together and I don't know if that's because we are kinda solid and we don't need to do the initial meeting each other and talking to build a relationship, or if because we are both content with how things are running and waiting for circumstances to change to actually start playing the game. It is hard with these teams of 2 as tribes trying to navigate how to play. With that being said, i also am unsure about what I should be doing in the oasis. I have been chatting lightly with people but I think it is too early to be strategizing with them. I don't want to play too hard and there is the possibility of not going to tribal council with these people for a while so the connections might not be worth my while to make. I am just unsure if I am being left in the dark about strategy this early on, or if I am getting paranoid over nothing because it is still a bit too early in the game for people to strategize with this game structure. Time will tell and I hope Owen and I keep winning while the game is still like this

I am voting for Matt today. All of my decisions are arbitrary until this twist ends because nothing really has weight yet at all. Also, I feel like I can definitely trust the people who voted last time because there is little incentive to betray because the voting pool is so volatile. I expect relatively straightforward votes until we actually start playing Survivor. Ready for the casting portion to end.

I’m feeling pretty good currently! Being like just safe in the middle is exactly where I wanted to be in this game, although it js a little awkward not really being able to strategize right now. I feel like I’m really good with Adrian though and in a place that we can move forward as a pair. I really just wanna make sure I make the merge or til a swap or something because I’m really ready to do well in this game. But I wouldn’t trade safety in this game for anything at this point.

Hey! So, we lost the challenge again which sucks. Willow isn’t the greatest at jigsaw puzzles, but that is ok. Is losing a bunch is making us less of a threat and giving us more social connections with the rest of the game. I got the legacy advantage last night which is awesome. No one knows I have it and I’m not going to tell a damn soul about it. I heard Matt’s name thrown out so I’m going to see if that’s what everyone’s down to do. Everyone seems to like me which is great so hopefully my charm keeps me around for a while. Me not showing excellent challenge performance is also a bonus. I’m getting weird vibes from Nehe. He talks a lot which is why I tried voting him out the first time. He’s too fucking like able so I know he’ll be tough to get rid of. People need to learn to take their hearts out of the game eventually and learn to vote someone out even if they love having the person around. The longer he lives, the harder he will be to kill.

It has been good not having to stress over tribal today. I just hope that Matt B isnt going or anyone else that I talked to in the last warzone cuz they were cool and would like to have the possibility of working with them later on in the game. Update on idol search. I guess M4 and it was a hit and ive been trying to going around it but so far it has been 2 misses so far. I have M3 and N4 left so i hope that tonights guess at 10:05pm is a hit because this is the closest Ive been to finding something in these searches. I hope its something good for my game. I just hope no one has found this ship yet.

Well, another day another dollar I guess. I was really nervous that Timmy and I weren't going to do well in the puzzle challenge because puzzles aren't my strongest challenges, but we were able to pull it out once again and save ourselves. I am starting to get a little nervous about consistently getting 4th or 5th because we are still some of the only players in the game who have not talked to anyone but ourselves. Hopefully we are still early enough in the game that we can make connections with people down the line, but the more time I waste just sitting around the more nervous it makes me. I would never throw a challenge because lord knows that I love having immunity, but if we don't place in the top 3 for the next challenge we're gonna have to figure something out. Timmy is great but you can't win this game just by having one friend and one friend only.

So I had thought that the people from last round would stick together, but apparently some people are voting for Matt? I dont mind much, I’m taking a Sandra-esque “I’m happy to vote whoever as long as it aint me approach.” Might stop me over strategising

- - - - -

All that stuff about being Sandra this season? forget it. I’m back on my bullshit. Nehe wants an alliance with me, doodle, corey, and devon. But apart from Nehe I have barely talked to any of those guys. So im gonna try and make a counter alliance of Me Matt Ian Chloe Willow and maybe Cullan? If I tell them whats going on they might join me and vote out Nehe, or maybe doodles the better play?

- - - - -

Nevermind the nevermind all these people are like “Oh? A counter alliance to protect myself from an alliance without me? Nah i’m good, getting voted out is fun!” So screw them Im voting matt, see ya suckers.

Hello Did I mention last time that I’m ready for this weird twist to be over and for us to be normal tribes? Either way it felt nice to win and I’m glad I don’t have to go back to that warzone, but at the same time, I worry if we stay out of it too long we won’t have made any allies or friends through a tribal and that could be dangerous moving forward to a swap, maybe if we stay as signs for much longer I’ll mention that to maynor and see how he feels about throwing one hm

Top six is great top three is better but like....I have a feeling it’s the wrong six to be in rn. Those bottom six get to talk and strategize. None of that happens here in the oasis zzzzz I was thankful to get to talk to Kait twice that part was rlly good. Nehe and I had a little bit of a talk. Thomas is SO BORING ATO TALK TO tho hsjshdjd I was excited to meet someone new but omfg. He was like ‘I study math’ and I was like ‘omg I could never’ and he was like ‘well I can !’ PLS LOL So I’m kind of dying here but maybe it’s better to be safe. I’m just scared the game is moving without me. Idk I guess it’s early for that.

I think I forgot to write a confessional this round so far so...WHY DO WE ALWAYS GET 4th!! I know it’s only been 2 challenges but still. I usually hate social games but I’m dying to talk to at least someone who isn’t trace. Don’t get me wrong, he’s great, but this game is so boring so far just because I can’t talk to anyone. That’s really going to screw me over in the long run. At least if you fuck up in challenges you get to talk to people. It’ll make it easier for me to get voted off since I’ll have no connections so I’ll need to work my ass off if that time comes. Fuck.

fuck these bitches. to start off, i lost immunity by less than 2 seconds which SUCKS. thought i had a decent time but i guess not Back in the warzone, theres a few people i was here with last time, including Ian, Stephen and Cullan which is nice. Willow and Chloe are back too, but we didnt speak last time so i made sure we spoke more frequently this time. Basically a group of Devon, Taylor, Corey and Nehe. Stephen W let me know this was going on and he didnt want it to happen. So i started putting forth effort into targeting taylor, but then it made more sense to go for nehe because he is also the other solo in this game. Now on PAPER it would make sense for me and Nehe to work together and have each other's back but clearly he doesnt care lol. So i focused my attention to the people that seem like they really do wanna keep me (Stephen, Ian, Cullan, Willow, and Chloe). I made my rounds, multiple rounds tbh and tried to make my best sales pitch to them. Stephen, Cullan, Ian seem all 100 with me and im like 60% sure willow wants to keep me, but her responses are so delayed that i cant really get a good read. Chloe is the biggest question mark for me just because its late for her and shes starting another org and has assignments to work on. I want to believe that she would keep me because i expressed a lot of interest in working with her in this game. As of now its 9:40pm which means 20 mins till my fate is determined. I would like to think the 6 person group i got together can stick with me and keep me in the game, but i really dont know anymore. I wouldnt be shocked if i left 9-1 tbh. these people dont wanna play the game this early or work with me when i can easily be an extra number for any pair in this game. I hope to god i stay because its been such a different experience and a new world for orgs, and i wanna stay and fight. so fingers crossed i guess

It is 10 minutes to tribal and im nervous to see what happens. This 2 person tribe twist is really weird. I want to more people. I just hope is someone i havent really talked to. Hopefully the next challenge is something that me and Renee can be good at.

Okay so we formed an alliance named The Pact which is basically a temporary alliance for warzone where the trick is to throw immunity, go there together, and get someone who isn't us, outta the game. It was created by Nehe and involves him, taylor, stephen, devon and I. Am I honestly going to THROW IMMUNITY? idk. I don't trust taylor whole heartedly But I would like to work w him for some time. I have had info coming back to me making it seem as though he genuinely likes me so! kfnskdlgdslk anyways. Tonight, the vote is matt. I am terrified if it isn't. xoxo, gossip girl.

Behind the scenes of the vote last round that sent Matt packing, I was informed by Stephen that Doodle(Taylor) has been making alliances all over town. That lets me know he is not a long term pro Ian player, conversely Stephen has won a lot of my favor. I took that knowledge to Willow, as someone else that is supposed to be "working with" Doodle ka boodle I felt that she needed to be "generally aware". I wish I would have also shared with Devon that knowledge but I didn't. Doodle can think he is running the Warzone, I'll be quietly letting people know exactly what he is. A fake. A fraud. A man building himself up to be burnt and burnt bad. I knew what he was from the moment he pm'd me with "omg lets be long term allies I hate tiktok too", buddy you can do the heavy lifting for now, I'll vote you out the second you stop playing in MY interest. The trap I think so many TS players fall into is that they begin to think they're playing a single player game, you're not the only one with friends.

#survivorstarzone #episodes

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a-ship-is-safe-in-harbor · 7 years ago

Note

Carraville!

Okay! I tried to answer almost all of them. Some more successfully than others…

who is more likely tohurt the other?

Ooh, that’s a hardquestion actually. On the one hand Gary is so pigheaded and bossy and sopractical it verges on brutality and he’s just so literal-minded at times thatyou’d really have to say that he’s far more likely to say/do something thatmight hurt Jamie.

I think that Jamiecomes off as the more relaxed and less sensitive guy of the two of them butactually I think that it’s the other way around. Jamie’s the one who flips outwhen a journalist says he’s a bottler, Jamie’s the one who gets that look onhis face when people remind him of past mistakes like for a moment the pain isas raw and fresh as ever, who takes criticism or attacks on others – especiallyStevie but also his city and his people - as intensely personal.

For the most part Garyseems pretty sensitive about it all though. Jamie ends up giving him a lot morestick than the other way around I think, and I wonder if it didn’t work outthat way not just because Gary really does have a thicker skin of sorts butalso because Gary’s success protects him from a lot of those blows. In football,in business, in punditry - even if it was just a matter of perception andcircumstance it couldn’t have been easy to see the viewing figures plummet onceCarra was on his own after Gary’s own solo success when he first started.

BUTTTTT.

Gary is of course THEMOST REPRESSED MAN ON PLANET EARTH. SERIOUSLY.

So you take that alongwith his compulsive habit of making fun of himself before anyone else gets achance to and couple that with the fact that I don’t think he’d ever fight tokeep anyone or anything because deep down he not only assumes that they’lleventually leave him but that they’re right to do so - and you could see how hemight take a small throwaway comment from Carra and turn it over and over inhis head in the pressure chamber of his own insecurity and doubt until it wassharp enough to do serious damage.

Carra wouldn’t beprivy to any of this of course. Like, Gary could go as far as literallybreaking up with himself on Carra’s behalf because he’d have convinced himselfthat that’s what Carra really meant. Or that that’s what Carra is going to mean soon anyway so he might as well preempt it.

Oh good, even when it’sjust some lovely meta questions I go off on tangents and don’t answer thequestion.

So Gary is more likelyto hurt Carra more often but the hurt would be relatively shallow, and Carra ismore likely to hurt Gary on a deeper level (but without realizing it).

who is emotionally stronger?

I think that Gary’sgone his whole life being emotionally self-sufficient and astoundinglyresilient. He doesn’t lean on people even when he probably should. He doeseverything on his own and he doesn’t know how to ask for help or support, oreven accept it when it’s offered.

Jamie’s ability to be moreopen (for example I can’t imagine Gary seeing a therapist like Jamie did) meanshe isn’t carrying so many layers of old hurts, all those emotional breaks andsprains that Gary set on his own that never healed properly.

It takes Gary a longtime to be okay with how vulnerable Jamie makes him because this is the firsttime in his life where he truly has no control over anything. Not over the wayhis heart signed itself over to Jamie, not over the fact that he has to livewith knowing in his bones that he’ll never be able to recover from losing this,and not over the way that Jamie feels about him.

who is physically stronger?

It’s definitely been Carra for the pastcouple of years but by the time the new season comes around we might have to reassessthat. Gary seems to put on muscle really easily? Even when he was young hislegs and arms and booty were never as skinny as Becks or Phil or Giggsy. Hedoes put on weight easily as well now that he’s older but if you look at him between the Skydocumentary thing that was filmed in December and the referee thing which is fromaround April I think and Carrick’s testimonial last month… a LOTTTT more muscleand a lot less not-muscle.

(It would still probably be Carrathough tbh. He’s got those epic shoulders and absolutely RIDICULOUS arms)

who is more likely tobreak a bone?

Gary. Definitelythe bigger klutz.

who knows best what tosay to upset the other?

Um. Depends what sort of upset. I’d say Gary if it’s football stuff and Jamie if it’s relationship stuff.

who is most likely toapologise first after an argument?

Jamie.

I think they don’treally apologize to each other about any work-related arguments, it’s kind ofpart of the job and all. But if it’s anything to do with them and theirrelationship… I don’t think they wouldfight that often but if I imagine their first fight for example I think Garymight, like, shut down?

I mean they would have the fight and it would be shortand cutting and Carra would leave and go have a drink by himself somewhere tocool off and then they either don’t see each other for a while or maybe Carraeven comes back that night and thinks they’ll just have a bit of rough make-upsex and they’ll move on but when he comes back Gary’s still sitting exactlywhere Carra left him and he’s genuinely shocked to see Carra there because hetook the fight as Carra ending things with him and Carra’s like WHAT THE FUCKARE YOU ON ABOUT IT WAS JUST A FIGHT

who is in constantneed of comfort?

Gary needs more comfortin general; especially like constant reassurance that yes Jamie really doeslove him. Jamie needs it more when it comes to the gay panic stuff/guilt overcheating.

Jamie gives comfort inmore demonstrative ways, with words and with physical gestures. Gary does itmore by just being there and giving Carra space when he needs it – which ishard when it triggers his own anxiety about Carra leaving – but when Carra getslike that he knows he has to give Carra enough room to be able to choose to cometo Gary.

Football-relatedcomfort stuff is complicated because there’s often nothing you can really sayto make it any better but like I always go back to how amazing they both wereon MNF in those two shows in 2014 when Liverpool lost the title. Thepost-Chelsea one was excellent but the one right after Crystal Palace was just…Jamie was so upset there were points where he couldn’t even form actual wordsand he was just making these Scouse noises of frustration. But what I mean isthat it just felt like Gary was his rock that night. Jamie did most of thetalking IIRC but every time he wobbled Gary would step in but then step backand let Jamie at it again, like he was letting Jamie cauterize his own wound bybeing as brutal and honest as he could possibly be. I imagine that Jamie was thesame after Gary’s loss to Barcelona.

That’s an important sort of comfort too. Just being there as a sort of…idk, foundational support. Letting the other person be angry and upset andconflicted and feel every emotional under the sun and then when they look overthe other one is just there, with them in every way that truly matters.

who gets more jealous?

Jamie.

Jamie’s never had to share a person he wasin love with before. It’s a complicated twisted burning jealousy that he can’treason his way out of and that is impervious to the buckets of guilt he triesto smother it with. He doesn’t deserve to feel jealous but eventually he givesup on pretending he doesn’t, on pretending that there isn’t a reckless feral urgesimmering in the pit of his belly every time he thinks about Gary going home toa bed that isn’t theirs. It doesn’t matter that Jamie’s doing the same.

Just like it doesn’t matter that Jamie goeson a stag do trip and pictures of him and the lads are plastered all oversocial media for a week and he never thinks about it even once in those terms –but Gary goes on one weekend to Paris with Becks and he has to spend a weekhiding the bruises and bite marks Jamie leaves on him.

who’s most likely to walk out on the other?

For good? Um. Let’snot go there just now. If it’s just a fight then Carra’s usually the one toleave so he can cool off.

who will propose?

If it was possible? Probably Jamie.

In this reality? Also Jamie.

On their first night together after Gary comes back from his Valencia fling Jamie gets up to hang their suit trousers and jackets properly and fishes around in his suitcase for a while, pleasingly still naked. Gary pulls back the covers for him but Jamie comes to kneel by Gary’s side of the bed instead and before Gary can say anything Jamie’s grabbed his hand and plopped two plain gold bands in his palm.

who has the mostdifficult parents?

Um. So. I’m still not entirely comfortable with the verycasual way both of them describe being hit by their dads when they were youngand I think that after his dad’s trial something pretty fundamental seemed toshift in Gary. Anyway, less relevant for this sort of meme I guess.

I think that boththeir mums sound amazing though.

who initiateshand-holding when they’re out in public?

If they could then itwould be Jamie. Gary would grumble but love it.

who hogs the blankets?

I’m going for Gary on this one. He falls asleep ages before Jamie and steals them all and then Jamie has to figure out how to unwrap him somehow. He finds it’s easier to just stay in bed with Gary even if Gary falls asleep about 20 seconds after coming.

who gets more sad?

Weirdly enough I think that Jamie would be more prone to occasional bouts of existential angst.

who is better at cheering the other up?

Jamie but that’s also because Gary is easier to cheer up.

who’s the one thatplayfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?

Definitely Gary. Although Jamie is suitably horrified by some of Gary’s dad jokes.

who is more streetwise?

Jamie likes to think that he is but actually I’d go for Gary. I think that he’s naturally more suspicious of people and much less trusting in general. Jamie could easily get suckered into all sorts of unwise situations.

who is more wise?

Good question but it’s really hard to say. I think that the biggest blip on Gary’s wisdom record is definitely Valencia and it was a pretty big blip. I still don’t entirely understand it tbh. So they’re pretty close but I think that Jamie’s been much wiser about whether or not to go into management.

who’s the shyest?

I’m answering this as who’s the shyest in bed.

Gary’s shy about asking for what he wants, especially the not-so NC-17 rated things ironically enough.

Jamie’s a bit of a secret exhibitionist really and once Gary catches on it’s a constant delicious battle between a sort of shyness and being really fucking turned on by Gary watching him, Gary saying things to him about letting other people watch him, Gary making Jamie watch himself in the mirror… idk, can you tell I may or may not have been thinking about this?

who boasts about the other more?

Gary does, about Jamie. Mainly to the rest of the Co92.

who sits on who’s lap?

Gary in Jamie’s lap. That’s like… the holy grail of Carraville mental images.

#thesecretdetectivecollection #kieranggibbs #you asked together!#so now suffer through my ramblings together XD #carraville

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mysmess-seol-blog · 8 years ago

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Jumin Route Day 6 - Korean vs. English Comparison

Hi there♡

Thanks for the kind words in regards to my previous blog! You make a really good point, I should really consider doing that later when I have the time...now I feel very cautious when I post because I didn’t think it would actually just vanish without warning. Thanks for the advice!

Also, I love that you gave me the specific chatroom that you would like a comparison and analysis for~ it really saves me time ^^ I would be happy to go through this with you!

I am going to assume you are meaning the conversation where they make fun of Jumin for his 감수성 폭발 (to put it simply, expressing his feelings like some sort of “explosion”--not exactly sure how to directly translate it). engrish tho

Also, this chatroom has a 707 being a troll in Korean moment that wasn’t translated in the English version so please check it out if interested ^^

I will definitely do a Korean to English comparison with this chat room for you~

If you have not gone through Jumin’s route or at least up to day 6, then I will give you a little spoiler warning ^^

Please note that although this is an analysis, there may be opinions that may differ or be consistent with mine! While I can give some sort of Korean background, for debatable topics, I do not represent all of the Korean minds for respective topics. Also, please excuse any errors or let me know if clarifications are needed, for English is not my first language! Thank you and enjoy!

Alright, so to begin, I will tell you that I was a little irked by this chatroom. I blame it completely on my bias for Jumin because if you guys haven’t noticed already he is my favorite RFA member (＃￣ω￣). I always want to protect him omfg.

Putting my irrational thoughts aside, thinking more rationally, I do find it a little upsetting to be pretty much teasing or making fun of someone who doesn’t really know how to express his emotions. Although, at first glance, I honestly didn’t think too much of it because of the humor standard I grew up with, personally.

I grew up with mean kids.

Sorry Zen, 707 I still love you.

This chat as we all know starts out with a little dialogue of sorts. It’s pretty similar but I’ll post it up anyways because that is where this all began.

Zen: The owner of the face that God had made a mistake on, (so weird literally translated lolol) Zen had come into the messenger to take a break after script reading. English translation: Zen, the most perfect looking human in this world, has come here to take a break after hours of script reading.

707: There, Zen had found an old diary. English translation: And there, he found an old diary.

Zen: The initials HJM were incised on it as opens it. English translation: Finding the initials JMH on the cover, he opens it.

707: The diary is filled with the writings of a sensitive boy/boy full of emotions. (literally translated to sensitive boy). English translation: And he finds the diary of a boy full of emotions.

Zen: Due to the tears of the boy. English translation: The words were all blurry.

707: The words were all blurry. English translation: due to the tears he shed.

Zen: It was touching. English translation: same as above.

707: ㅋ (k) English translation: lol

Zen: ㅋㅋ (kk) English translation: lolol

707: ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ (kkkkkkkkk) English translation: lolololololol

MC: Stop teasing him...; Jumin is having a really hard time... English translation: same as above

707: But still kkkkkk English translation: But still lololol

707: Jumin hyung English translation: Jumin got.

Okay, let’s stop there for a second. So I want to point out a little something before actually going on with explanations of any sort, and that is the ㅋㅋㅋ above.

It is the Korean equivalent to lol. There is also the ㅎㅎㅎ which is kinda like hehehe. Although I am not really sure what to say for that because I personally use ㅎㅎㅎ when I am mad LOL.

Anyways, yeah, that’s just a little tidbit for those that are interested in learning Korean ^^

On to the actual topic. Even though I was a little like, “nooo stop that’s not cool, Zen, 707...” can I just say that I am actually used to this kind of commentary in general? It is a lot less so the case for me, but when I see how my younger brother talk to his friend or “teases” them, this is absolutely nothing, and they are supposed to be best friends.

Like, Jumin and V material.

So mean when he’s drunk, I can’t.

Why is the drinking age 19 here? Who said it’s a good idea.

This kind of humor is...more than saying extremely common, it is seemed acceptable at times because like many, I am so used to getting teased and laughed at lolol. But not really in the sense that it is seen as ill-mannered or bad. It is just a way to have laughs? IDK I AM HAVING TROUBLE EXPLAINING IN ENGLISH THESE DAYS ASDFGHJKL The kind of 비웃는 놀리는 (laughing and teasing) humor.

I want to point out that I don’t really know much or am familiar with social networking styles in any other cultures other than Korea so I may not be the right person to ask when comparing other standards of humor, but in a sense, this could actually be pretty hilarious. This is pretty much the only majority English community that I am a part of, and so sometimes I am very unfamiliar with certain things.

Caught guilty for being mean to friends.

Lol, all jokes aside, while this kind of joking is acceptable, I feel like it’s a bit upsetting if there was someone like Jumin in the real world to get teased for expressing his emotions, something he doesn’t really do.

I’ll elaborate more on this around the end.

Alright, here’s another screenshot I want to show you guys because it is an example of trolling 707 that is not translated in the English version. Like I promised before the cut.

Zen: Why is Jumin, that jerk doing things that is hard to get used to? English translation: Why’s he being so weird like that?

Zen: It makes him less like a jerk;; English translation: Feels less like a jerk now;;

707: ㅇㅇ (yup yup) English translation: Ya

☆☆ 707: 신시얼리 (Sincerely romanized in Korean) ☆☆ English translation: Let’s be serious here.

☆☆ Zen: ...what? ☆☆ English translation: ...you? Serious?

☆☆ 707: sincerely ☆☆ English translation: Yeah, serious.

☆☆ MC: The first s is supposed to be capital. (OR, the other option is, let’s use Korean ^^) ☆☆ English translation: Yes, let’s be serious. (OR, the other option is, there’s something wrong with you too? ^^)

☆☆ 707: Whoaaaa! ☆☆ English translation: Yes!

☆☆ 707: I forgot! ☆☆ English translation: We should!

☆☆ 707: Sincerely. ☆☆ English translation: Okay.

☆☆ 707: There, better? lol ☆☆ English translation: Zen?

☆☆ Zen: Use Korean. ☆☆ English translation: Just act like you normally would.

707: Okay... English translation: Okie...

I laughed at this conversation despite Jumin’s situation because it was actually really funny. 707 is my inner spirit animal.

It is a shame that it isn’t in the English version though ㅜㅜ but if I think about it, it would be really hard to translate....

Well, that was just a little subject changer for laughs. On to the real topic.

I was stupid and I didn’t get the English versions for this part of the chat, but I do remember that they did not use the term, 주민 로봇설 in the translation version, which mean’s, Jumin’s Robot Theory/Rumor.

Zen and 707 are just going on about how they really thought that Jumin was like a robot.

Come on, Jumin is human too ><;;;

And as the anon said, the call you get as soon as this chat is over, it is just pretty much a sum up of this chat, except purely Zen. As much as I love Zen, sometimes I don’t really like that he says certain things about Jumin in this kind of close minded case? Not that I blame Zen though because he also was brought up in a rough past, but still.

My love for Jumin tho.

Of course, Jumin is also human, and him being a robot is just not possible even in this fiction world, and that is definitely unsettling for me. Especially since everyone has their moments, and with Jumin not being familiar with that kind of emotional expression, it is just natural.

Especially when there are so many scandals and whatnot coming out to the press about C&R and his father.

So all in all, I at first didn’t think much of the jokes that 707 and Zen made because of the kind of humor standard that I personally grew up with and listen through my life. All cultures are different you know? Not saying that Korean humor is derogatory or anything like that! It is just different. But when I think about it from a more broader point of view, I can see that there is actually some sort of unsettling feeling you can have because through Jumin’s route we can see how he was brought up and his inability to express his emotions.

That is, until MC comes along and helps him out ^^

To the anon that sent me this request, I wonder in what sense it makes you upset or cringe? Is it similar to my thoughts in the sense that even with Jumin acting human like everyone, Zen and 707 making these kinds of jokes? I would love to know if you have the chance.

To wrap up my thoughts, I will just say it really simply, if you see like my KakaoTalk or something to my friends, I am so mean. And they are supposed to be my friends lolol. But of course, at the same time, none of my friends are like Jumin, who have been brought up in that kind of hostile environment and has trouble expressing themselves.

That altogether I was worked up with. I would be like a nagging mother in that conversation the whole time like, “Zen, 707 stoooop ヾ(`ヘ´)ﾉﾞ”

I might have put a little a lot of Jumin bias in this post, but even if it wasn’t Jumin, this is not cools ><;;;

I hope you were able to get a bit of my perspective! If you have any other requests please send them in~^^

- 류설♡

#askseol #mystic messenger #수상한 메신저 #mystic messenger asks #mystic messenger translations #mysme #mystic messenger jumin #jumin han #mysme jumin #mystic messenger zen #mysme zen #zen #hyun ryu #mystic messenger 707 #mysme 707 #707 #luciel choi #saeyoung choi #jumin route

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missenden · 7 years ago

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1.7.12 8:05pm

Half the year has gone already ??? What ??? How ???

This has probably been the best few months I’ve had in a long while. Granted, they weren’t without their difficulty, but I think there were less meltdowns and bad periods than usual? It can be hard to tell in hindsight, but I’m happy anyway. It’s been a good time and I’m sad to see the semester end…

There are so many things to cover – gonna list them out here so I don’t forget to write about anything. Uni (academics and new friends), piano, fic, boxing, quitting SYO, what else? I think that’s it for now.

I haven’t updated for legit like 3 months so this is probably going to take fkn forever. But here goes. So uni has been a bit of a rollercoaster – my first midsems for econ (maths and micro) were god awful. I didn’t think it was possible to do as badly as I did in maths, a solid 4/25 and barely a pass in micro with 15/25. It hit me hard – I wasn’t super confident going into them, but no-one expects to do quite that badly, and to be honest I’m used to working hard and getting the results. I probably should’ve seen it coming. The practice tests weren’t going great and I was probably too confident going in. But yeah. It was a real reality check. Are you as smart as you think, Alyssa? Never. So after about a week of just crying and being real upset at Don (the shittiest lecturer I think I’ve ever had; he wouldn’t give me marks because he was ‘too annoyed’ that I’d gotten so many things wrong previously’, laughs at people in class, tells people to quit their jobs to study for maths…yeah. I know I’ll probably look back on this and laugh at how trivial it is, but man during semester it was annoying.) life had to move on and I had to move on with it. Julia came to Sydney in the midsemester break which was pretty great (it was real nice to hang out with her again and relax!) and then I began to work my ass off for my law assignments before starting to prep for the next econ midsems.

To be honest, I pretty much gave up 2-3 weeks of my life working for law and econ…but it’s not like I didn’t really enjoy it. I really enjoyed working with Tom and then eventually with Soo as well on the contracts assignment, even with the long hours cooped up in my room, poring over casebooks and PDF judgments online (control F has never been more useful I think). There was something about being so absorbed into the knowledge and being so dedicated to something that was just so great – most people would hate it, but I’m glad I don’t. Even working on CCP wasn’t terrible ! Those assignments worked out great; 25/30 for contracts (the top mark was 26), and 16.5/20 for CCP (I think I might have been close to topping!). I never thought I’d see the day where I did that well in law, and that those marks would ever be better than econ lol. But I was mostly glad that everything worked out the way it did – I think it would’ve killed me if I hadn’t done well after so much work. Anyway, hopefully those results can save me from the horror of exams…I’m glad I have at least something of a buffer.

And econ…econ was something special. I have never worked on anything as hard as I did for that maths exam, and to an extent the micro paper as well. All I did was eat, sleep, mandi and study for a two week period – I’m very lucky that I was living in college and that my friends were always around me, because otherwise I probably could’ve become a real hermit. I think it was about then that I really started to fall in love with the maths a little bit lol. There’s this satisfaction that I got out of it that I’d never gotten before. But yeah. After two crazy weeks, I did the papers and scored damn well – went from 16% in maths to 84%, and 60 in micro to 75. By some insane coincidence I’m now exactly on a pass for maths – hopefully it’s enough to carry me into honours next year. I was just so desperate to prove to myself and everyone around me that I could do this, and that I wasn’t an idiot. And I’m glad I did – it’s one hell of a story to tell at job interviews at any rate. But that feeling of success when I first got the maths mark back was absolutely phenomenal. I remember it really vividly – I was waiting out on the street waiting for uber eats when Connor texted the group chat saying that maths marks were up. My nerves were astronomical, but when I saw that number…man. That feeling was something else. All the hard work had been well worth it just for that moment. The feeling is absolutely amazing; I just hope that I’ll be able to experience it again when the exam marks come back.

So yeah – that’s the academics. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. Hopefully I can deliver in exams too, and get through with decent looking grades.

There was another great outcome of the second set of midsems – I met this amazing group of friends who do economics at uni. They’re all so welcoming and wonderful and genuine !! I just wish I could’ve met them sooner. For most of the semester since then, I’ve been seeing them every now and again which has been really great – hopefully I can get closer to them next sem. I even got invited to their end of semester stuff – Wednesday night was really great <3 They are all so great. Fingers crossed I can keep hanging out with them.

Along with this group has come some boy stuff lol. Which I’m just so bad at dealing with it’s almost funny. So basically, I think this guy is probably/maybe/I think keen, and I thought I was too, but honestly now I don’t know. Part of it is remnants of all the Lynden stuff – I can’t shake this feeling that getting into a relationship means giving up my independence and losing a part of myself. And then I think the other part is I don’t know if he’s quite the right guy – it sounds shallow, but appearance is definitely a factor, and then also idk I’m worried that if things go pear shaped I won’t be able to be friends with everyone anymore. Idk, I’m just not sure. Tom keeps laughing at my indecision but honestly it’s so bad lol. And I don’t know why I keep pushing people away – is it a self defence mechanism or something? It’s very unhelpful lol and only serves to make things difficult. I haven’t quite worked this one out, but hopefully I will at some point?

On to the next thing – piano. So I’ve been playing casually all semester and really enjoying it! I think not having the pressure to play super well all the time and to just have fun is really great, but is also a little restrictive in terms of progress. At the moment I’m playing a lot of music from the movie Amelie and also Goodbye Lenin, as well as some Studio Ghibli stuff. For some reason it feels a lot better than playing violin, which I haven’t been doing too much of lately – I think a break is probably a good thing, but it also feels sad to let it go. I haven’t even applied for AYO this year, which just feels so strange. Also, I quit SYO – weirdly they never emailed me back or anything, and that doesn’t feel great, but yeah. Idk. It feels like I’m just letting go of so many things in my life which is strange – I’m so used to being committed to a million and one things, and it’s weird to just enjoy doing stuff for the sake of it how most people do, in the way of hobbies. It’ll definitely take some time to adjust to it, but hopefully I’ll get there at some point.

But actually, one thing I have picked up this semester is boxing, and it’s been bloody great. I struggled so much last year to let go of karate and try something new, but somehow I’ve managed to do it this year and I honestly feel as if I’m learning so much. Learning boxing has been a radically different experience to karate – the environment is much more full on, fast paced and intense, which to be honest is a good thing for me I think. My fitness has improved markedly, I’m more toned and feel good. The only thing I wished was a bit better is that individuals don’t get all that much attention, but you can’t win everything I suppose. But hell, I’m really enjoying it – might even be doing a fight in October, though the prospect is a little nerve-wracking. Will probably be doing a kata competition in August as well for karate, so that’ll be interesting !

This semester has really been great. I feel so much more settled in Sydney, my friendships feel much more secure and I finally feel like things are falling into place. I know I take a long time to settle in to places, but I really didn’t anticipate it taking this long lol, but I’m glad that it’s happening at all. It’s nice to feel like some kind of equilibrium has been hit, and that it’s a bit different but a bit the same as what it is at home. Also, it’s great to not be constantly missing home all the time – of course I miss family, friends and Perth itself, but it’s no longer at the front of my mind constantly and stressing me out. Not really looking forward to all the changes that next semester will bring though; everyone is going on exchange and Hintze 3 is going to be weirdly different after the break. And man the bloody room drama – at least Jesse is moving up, but I wish Charlotte was too, but also there was the whole beef with Will and blergh it’s just been annoying.

Speaking of that drama – one of the changes this sem is that I’m not as close to Will as I was before. We kinda grew apart, in part from me getting tired of having him hover all the time wanting to talk about Perth and music, and I don’t think he’s all too happy about it – he apparently things ‘I’ve changed’. But like what else is to be expected? People change and grow up, and normally friendships change to reflect that…I’m not really sure what to do about it. I’m just glad that he won’t be moving to Hintze. The whole room drama just felt very childish…

I think that’s it from me for the moment – Jesse’s just wandered in asking me to chill. Kathryn’s leaving tomorrow so should probably go hang out – things are going to be so weird next sem without her and everyone else ! But yeah. Will try and update soon.

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