#i think there's a lot of shame tied to how fandom works
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mr-gallows · 1 month ago
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James Headcanons
Relationship dynamics, sexual frustration, love language, and how to seduce James.
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A brief note because this is the internet: None of what I'm about to say is an excuse for James's actions, please do not read it that way. It's simply a study of his character and inner motivations. Relationship Dynamics:
James's love primary love languages are Acts of Service and Quality Time (tm).
James primarily shows his love through action. This is reflected by the town giving him an opportunity to protect Maria unlike with Mary. He has a protective personality (despite what he's done). He tries to comfort Maria when she cries, and remarks that he was glad he was able to save her when she gets attacked by the mannequin.
Quality time: James remarks on how he and Mary spent hours just looking at FUCKING WATER all day. That's the FIRST memory he thinks of. Nothing exciting was going on, they weren't at a concert, weren't at the amusement park, or doing any activity.
Quietly being in her presence was blissful enough that it was the first thing he remembered. That's a seriously deep level of connection, comfort, and love.
James used to do little more gift-giving in the early years of his relationship with Mary. James isn't a huge gift person, but he would occasionally get Mary something thoughtful and enjoyed seeing her reaction to getting something she liked. He tried doing that stuff with Mary again while she was ill just so that she might experience some happiness. It did not work. In essence, if he likes you a lot, he will want to spend time with you, and he'll perform tasks that make your life easier. Gifts will be sparse. Sexual Frustration:
James's desire for sex tends to get oversimplified in fandom, as if he only sees his wife as a sex dispenser. While objectification is definitely something in play (we all do it to some extent), I think people are forgetting that sex is also an act of emotional intimacy between couples. There is absolutely an emotional component to sex for James. His sexual frustration is more than just a physical need, it's a longing to be one with his wife in the most intimate, personal way.
So for instance in this scene pictured with Maria, yes, he wants physical release, but he also wants to be touched. It's not just about getting off (he has his hand for that), James wants to receive intimate, personal affection.
I think this is a problem a lot of men face, not just James, where sex has become the only way for them to be emotionally vulnerable. James's ability to be close and intimate with someone is closely tied with sex (as is the case for a lot of men). He has difficulty with verbally opening up to people.
Attraction:
I think James has a type (or two). While he is definitely attracted to women like Maria, he is also definitely ashamed of it. She has a Black Moon Lilith bracelet around her wrist, which symbolizes the taboo parts of our personalities that we hide out of fear of judgment and shame. James is ashamed of desiring a woman like Maria; someone who isn't his wife, and someone who is openly sexual and flirtatious. He knows his desires are inappropriate, and he berates himself for it.
James generally tends to prefer women who are more shy and delicately feminine, like Mary. Maria is an exception.
I think James at least has a strong preference for women, given how the monsters are mostly female/feminine. But if your gay little heart wants to entertain the idea of him being bi-curious/bisexual, this is how I think it would go down: James would be watching a younger guy washing a car out in the sun. His eyes would be fixed on how the man pushed the rag back and forth on the hood of the car. James doesn't fully recognize what he is doing, or his feelings, and dismisses it. In his desperation for touch and intimacy, other genders came to his attention.
He would find androgyny attractive in the right circumstances, but it's easy for him to feel ashamed over it and suppress it (welcome to the homophobic 90's!!) Seduction (How To):
Even though he's clearly to attracted women like Maria, he doesn't seem to appreciate the overtly sexual advances she makes. He seems to respond better when she appeals to his empathy and connects in a way that's more meaningful. Also it's understandable that he'd be frustrated by someone blatantly coming for his dick while he's trying to find someone he loves. He sees through all of Maria's blatant attempts to make him interested. Except...for when she shows distress or connects with him in a more meaningful way. Then, she ruins it by pushing alcohol on him. James can see what she's doing there, and he's not a fan. ( screenies from this post )
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LOOK AT THAT. James went from a sweet smile, to disappointment. I think that's the only time he ever smiled at her, too. :(
If your're a girlie (guylie, or theylie) who wants to attempt seducing James, it's best to appeal to his empathy, usually through appearing distressed or needing some kind of help. Then swoop in with some kindness and heartfelt, authentic compliments, make him feel like he's worth knowing. Kindness and understanding is what he's looking for. That gets him to open up.
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spicybylerpolls · 10 months ago
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It's a shame how guarded the fandom is regarding sex. First and foremost because sex, and specifically shame around sex, is heavily, heavily tied to Mike and Will's story.
If Lucas can have a 69 sign above his head while he's sleeping, why is it so hard to believe Mike and Will are having sexual dreams about each other? Especially if you ship them and acknowledge the 69 sign was obviously signaling a sexual dream?
If Lucas can have a reference to dirty magazines under his bed, why is it so hard to believe Mike and Will also have dirty magazines hidden around their bedroom?
If Dustin can have a reference to masturbation, why is it so hard to believe Mike and Will are also interested in masturbation as well?
They specifically put these references in the other, ORIGINAL, party members, who are the same age as Mike and Will, while also including references for them too (that people just can't accept), signaling all these boys are starting to think about sex. The difference is, Lucas and Dustin don't have any shame surrounding who they're attracted to.
I don't know about you (however I imagine this is a common experience for many queer people) but before I accepted that I was attracted to the same sex, I'd constantly find myself watching the women in porn and consciously trying to focus on the man. I'd tell myself things like "oh - you're just interested in how your body will look when you're older" or "oh - it's normal when you watch porn" etc - basically anything to reaffirm that I wasn't gay. And this is all between ages 13-16.
This is exactly how I see Mike, specifically. Starting to notice his attraction to men but consciously repressing it, telling himself he's normal and it doesn't mean anything. And I think people forget (or maybe just feel uncomfortable talking about) this part - that the sexual attraction, the shame in the sexual attraction, is a huge, huge part of realizing you're queer and coming-of-age as a queer person.
And that's why Mike doesn't want to hug Will at the airport (or a big part of it). It feels awkward, even if he doesn't know why. It feels awkward because he feels ashamed for liking Will. I mean the first shot we get of Mike setting eyes on Will in Season 4 is of him looking at Will's chest and then quickly averting his eyes. This tells us everything we need to know - Mike is attracted to Will, feels ashamed about it and doesn't want anyone to know (or likely doesn't even fully understand it himself, but at the very least, knows it's not "right").
Point being, his shame surrounding specifically his sexual attraction to men is one of his biggest issues and failing to talk about it is a HUGE DISSERVICE to his character!
It also does a huge disservice to Will's character, too. The repercussions of this shame, a lot of the time, is Will's situation - not having your first kiss, all of your friends growing up before you, hating yourself because you have a crush on your best friend. All because he's romantically AND sexually attracted to men. This is what Will's thinking. If he wasn't such a freak, if he didn't want to kiss boys, if he wasn't starting to feel sexually attracted to men, then everything would be so much easier. He wouldn't feel like such a mistake.
This is why I think they'll absolutely have a sex scene in S5 and also why I think it will be explicit. I previously thought it'd likely be implied and that that'd be enough but I don't see it the same anymore. Now, I don't think this means it has to be racy, obviously, but just that the audience would see some of it. Quite frankly, doing an implied sex scene, while I wouldn't be dissatisfied, is a disservice to the story.
See, with Jancy, the implied sex scene works. The tension between these two characters has been building for a season and a half and we know they want to have sex. We don't have to see it, we just need to know that they do.
But with Mike and Will? That's not the case at all.
First of all, the tension has been building for 5 seasons, which is the entire series. An implied sex scene would ultimately be a tame ending to this storyline.
Second, Mike and Will specifically feel shame about this act, Jonathan and Nancy don't. We don't need to see their reaction but we need to see Mike and Will's reactions because it completes their characters. Because they have felt shame about this specific thing, not showing them feeling comfortable doing this, with each other, would be incomplete.
Third, think about Steve and Nancy's sex scene - we're shown it specifically because Nancy feels uncomfortable.
Ultimately, there's no need to show Jonathan and Nancy having sex because there's nothing left unresolved. That's what the Duffers actually get right - only showing a sex scene when it's important for the narrative and for the characters. Even Hopper and Joyce point to this, despite them being the oldest characters and the most suitable to have an explicit sex scene, opposed to Steve and Nancy. That's because there's nothing else to tell us about Joyce and Hopper through this sex scene - we know they love each other. I don't see why the Duffers would break this pattern now.
And well, even if you don't want the scene, I don't see how you could argue that the moment Mike and Will decide to have sex isn't extremely important for their characters and would tell us A LOT about how they both feel, especially Mike seeing as we don't get his perspective.
You could argue the kiss would suffice but... does it? A kiss isn't really... sexual. And Romantic, sure. But this wouldn't address the shame they specifically feel about sex. Mike starting to cry while having sex with Will tells us so much more about his character than him crying while kissing Will.
Kissing is also a thing children do. Ending a 5 season, 9 year long coming-of-age project, with two characters who have fought inter-dimensional monsters that quite literally represent their shame, simply kissing? Something we've already seen one of these characters do, multiple, multiple times?
Okay, I guess.
Anyway, I know a lot of these points have already been made, and that this was really long, but I just wanted to say them again because it upsets me so much, especially during rewatch when I see all the themes right in front of me. And I know it upsets other people, other young adults, too. Seeing this experience represented so accurately - one that you might even still feel shame about, one that you went through not too long ago - and not even being able to discuss it openly in the fandom, is sad. Being called a freak or a pedophile for simply suggesting that sex is important here and the Duffers are telling us so. Sex... the thing that literally created us all. And that almost everyone starts thinking about between the ages of 13-14.
Sigh. At least we have this blog. Thank you for that. 🫶🏼
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bird-inacage · 11 months ago
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Net x James: An important reminder that BL partnerships consist of two individuals and they are not just a single entity.
So the Netjames news has been a notable bombshell in the fandom of late, and I've been quietly observing this as it unfolded earlier this week, particularly the varying reactions and discourse around it.
In his statement, James explained that his current career goals are moving in a different direction, which has resulted in him pulling out of 'Love Upon a Time', and by extension his acting partnership with Net. He wants to explore his other avenues as an artist, whereas Net is presumably focused on acting for now.
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With BL partnerships, we often see the two co-stars tied at the hip. Its part of the gig and it comes with the territory. They don't just work together on their project, but they do a huge amount of activity (both public and private) outside of that. They travel, perform, they do fan meets, press events, and spend a huge amount of time together as a twosome. So we get accustomed to seeing them as a united entity, which means news like this tends to hit harder because it feels akin to a divorce. This is one of the pitfalls of the Thai BL industry. When you create a narrative around two people who exclusively come as a package, it makes it incredibly difficult for both the actors themselves and fans to accept or make peace with any possible deviation from that. I think it's natural for any actor or artist to desire collaboration with different people: to develop their craft, to further their experience, to broaden their versatility. If sticking to only one working partner 'for life' doesn't work for them, I completely empathise with that.
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In their recent Instagram lives, Net and James were clearly sad and their feelings still very raw. This led to a lot of speculation regarding any ill-feeling or fall out between the two. But such accusations can be harmful. Even in an amicable or mutual break-up where ending a relationship is in both parties' best interests - the two people involved are still grieving. Being brutally honest and transparent with someone close to you, that things can no longer continue as they are, isn't easy. If fans feel upset, just imagine how difficult this is on them both. When you've been nurtured as a partnership from the get go, your co-star whose always been at your side provides a sense of safety and familiarity. And the prospect of now moving forward without them is a scary new unknown. On top of that, they probably feel an immense amount of pressure and guilt in digesting the potential fallout and response from their fans. There will be trepidation in how well their careers will fare in the immediate aftermath.
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Despite this, there are also positives to be taken from this decision. Arguably, Net and James were still in the early stages of their partnership. Bed Friend really put them on the map as a couple. So for James to come forward with this realisation now, before they got too established as a pairing was a responsible thing to do. I'm sure the last thing anyone wants is for their favourite artists to feel stuck or obliged to continue working together, which would undoubtedly lead to feelings of resentment eventually.
So respectfully, these instances are not to be taken personally or to be deemed as a betrayal of your support. After all, what we know of these artists is only a very small piece of their identities as people. It's okay to be devastated, but be respectful of their wishes. You can choose to continue supporting them as individuals, or choose to no longer support them at all - either way, you are perfectly valid and entitled to your choice, just extend the same courtesy back and be mindful of casting unfair judgement on their choice.
For me, it is admittedly a shame because I did see great potential in them both as a pair, and they had fantastic chemistry which could have been nurtured with more time and experience. Regardless, I truly believe they both have immense love for one another, and I wish them both the very best. They've just come to terms with the fact they no longer share the same vision for what they want in their careers. And that's okay.
(I will always be grateful that they gave us THIS iconic moment).
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bewareofchris · 10 months ago
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I've been on the writer's tag again.
Listen guys.
Nobody owes your fanfic anything. I know that you want validation and adoration and those are both completely normal things to want. But this obsessive demand for comments over kudos and reblogs over likes is A Problem.
I won't bore you with tales of yore where we literally punted our fiction into the world with no idea of how it was being perceived by others because the only way to know if anyone even glanced at it was by the incredibly inaccurate page counter on our shitty geocities page.
(But that was a thing and it's semi-relevant to my point.)
A lot of you are growing up in a era of social media and viral marketing. You are babies of the influencer age, raised on the myth that if you can just get enough attention you'll get famous for something. I don't mean 10 million followers on insta famous but famous in your specific sphere.
That will not happen for you.
Not because people aren't reblogging your shit or writing out loving comments but because it's a myth. The idea that if you shame, beg and cajole enough people into interacting with your creation you'll access some serotonin high and ascend to a greater state of being is also a myth.
Here's the truth:
Most writers do not know how the majority of their audience feels about their fics. Those very few novels that you see on booktok, X (former twitter) or wherever else you get your writing news represent an infinitesimal portion of stories written and books published.
Most writers do have writing buddies or trusted members of an inner circle that they share their writing with.
For most fandoms, fanfics are so plentiful it's like going into a mall sized grocery store that sells only apples and then demanding the customer review every apple they touch.
For those few fanfics that you see that have an outrageous number of comments there are three possible explanations: 1. that person is what we used to call a "Big Name Ficcer" and they have amassed a following through consistent production of whatever that fandom is into, 2. that is a fic so long you have to sign a waiver to start reading it and despite the fact it was started seven years ago its still getting updated, or 3. that person is writing a viral fic in a fandom that is presently on fire.
Your self worth and self esteem cannot be tied to writing and posting fanfiction. It might be a fun outlet or you might be looking for your viral moment, but either way the moment you start weighing your worth as an author or creator based on what a bunch of strangers on the internet think of you is the moment you give up on yourself.
Social media has brainwashed you into thinking that you must be recognized and rewarded for the things that you put onto the internet. Or maybe it hasn't brainwashed you, maybe you just want to get a comment because you worked super hard on something and you feel like if you can't even get one decent response then its all been wasted. (I.e. you've been brainwashed into the feeling that you need the validation of strangers for happiness purposes.)
So what are you going to do about this?
Get off the internet. I don't mean permanently. I don't even mean literally. I mean take yourself out of the spaces that reinforce the idea that you need validation from strangers to be happy. Stop going on the social media sites for a few days (or a few weeks). If you've got a friend in fandom that you share fics, headcanons, ideas or anything with start chatting with them about something you want to write. Invest in them, in what they're doing and their opinions and how they react to your creations.
Put your shit on the internet like you literally don't give a fuck about anyone's opinion. Explain nothing about your writing choices. Put warnings, no more than 5 tags and drop that shit into the world like a newborn giraffe. Then ignore it.
Teach yourself to seek validation from your accomplishments: write a slightly longer fic, write a fic in a different genre, write a fic in a different rating, write a fic in a different fandom.
Find an actual friend that you actually interact with whose opinion you know matters because you agree on the important stuff.
Stop begging strangers for compliments like a cartoon hobo shaking a cup for coins. You're better than that.
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accio-victuuri · 1 year ago
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BXGs + IQIYI night ( and other fandom issues ) 🍵
11/25 is upon us and i’m personally excited to see WYB at a public event but my expectations are in check. He is obviously there because of his work with Chang Feng Po Lang and he has some obligation to promote it this way. He has no drama that aired with them this year and he has virtually no ties with them like he would Youku or Tencent even if the latter was in the past.
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So i’m not expecting him to be fighting it out with other celebrities present for the spotlight. He doesn’t need it, the attention will naturally fall on him anyway. He also doesn’t have to try so hard to be relevant because he is already WYB. As much as I would love for him to perform, I don’t think it’s gonna happen but I hope i’m wrong.
Anyway, since the event will have lots of celebrities, the fandom activities are on. As expected. Online, it will be making sure your bias will be on top comments about IQIYI night related posts. Or when the individual photos come out, most likely 11/24, WYB should have the highest likes or shares.
Sohu’s weibo account shared what offline activities fandoms are doing and the first one is WYB. ✌🏼
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( caption: Fans of male artists on iQiyi’s Scream Night support offline. There are large-screen displays on various transportation and landmark buildings in Macau, exclusive customized banners, etc. the fans are so attentive. )
What I love about the post is the project they shared there is by BXGs. ☕️
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It’s a ad screen to be played in two ports close to Macau. IQIYI night is gonna take place on the same venue where YH concert took place this year. So that’s a memorable place for BXGs too. This is not something new. If you’ve been into fandoms like this before, then it makes sense. It’s actually standard and pretty simple, nothing extravagant. There are even companies that will do voting polls and the winning fandom will have their faves on LED Ads.
Video below is how it actually looks like in Gong Bei port. So many foot traffic omg!!!! They even used an edit by Stardustkii who is everyone’s fave. && The video is focused on his Movie Era 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
If you look at the main post of Sohu, all the top comments are BXGS. Passion Fruit supports WYB! 💪🏼
The drama ( sort of ) comes from one of the “fanclubs” of WYB sharing and commenting on that Sohu post.
Wang Yibo Cool Leopard Club and all fans responded to the Cyberspace Administration of China's "Qinglang" series of special action calls to guide the positive development of the fandom and have always put an end to any irrational support behavior.
Reject any consumption and gathering behaviors in the name of artists; reject any irrational support and other illegal fandom behaviors; put an end to any extravagant and wasteful support habits!
Let’s all work together to do more things that are of positive significance to society and jointly maintain a harmonious online environment.
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My first reaction to this, aside from heavy eye rolling for sure 🙄🙄🙄, is utter confusion. This is because as soon as WYB was announced, even before that, another WYB fan group was telling fans what time WYB will be announced so everyone comment. They were also doing test posts and preparation to make sure WYB has good KPI numbers online and offline for the event. Even WYB’s FC Guangdong Group was calling on people to meet in Macau.
So everyone was like ?????
and how some so/os were supporting that repost. I mean come on. this has nothing to do with qinglang. they are rejecting that post cause it’s a BXG project and once again, it’s a shame for so/os. it’s giving them flashbacks to what happened in YH concert in Macau where they utterly failed to show up for WYB. Tho I have to give it to them, pulling Qinglang and acting all high and mighty compared to other fandoms is an infuriatingly genius route to go. I’m in a different fandom, I don’t know what happens in the inner circle of WYB’s so/o fandom in CHN but this incident gives me the clue that they are once again uncoordinated. He has a couple of “fan clubs” and groups per city and that has always been the reason for lack of unity. I mean, hate the 🍤🍤🍤 all you want, but those bitches are coordinated as fuck. They listen to one account only. There are no scattered fan clubs. It is cult-ish in some ways but it works when it comes to making sure everyone is doing the same thing and working on the same goal.
WYB so/o fans in CHN should get their act together. I know they work so hard ( that green banner for GRA was so sweet ) and I see it, but the lack of planning and coordination in times like this is hard to watch.
Now I don’t know what SOHU’s motive is only that they wanted to cover fandom projects for IQIYI Scream night. Maybe whoever it is just saw Yibo and Green and thought that’s it? They didn’t know BJYXSZD? Who knows. 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’m seeing BXGs who are going to Macau and are organizing together. I would think it’s harder to get tickets for this cause you are competing with other fandoms too. I just hope they have fun! I’m so excited for fansite photos too!
I was actually not supposed to share this cause it contains fandom “issue” which is sensitive. but the purpose of my tumblr have always been to write my thoughts… As much as cpfs are supposed to hate so/os and vice versa, I have never wished or hoped for their respective so/o fandoms to fail and be humiliated. Because they represent the boys and we support the same person.
Let’s just see what happens on 11/25 ✌🏼
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olderthannetfic · 1 year ago
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First as a disclaimer: I'm pretty sure I'm not an anti (I'm anti death threats and am fine with incest, age-gap, abusive ships etc)
However I'm probably still a social/political enemy for various reasons but you sometime post asks from people you disagree with I think and I think you might know this answer.
Anyway onto my question I'm the kind of shipper who likes canon compliant ships and looking for hints and stuff but these days it feels like everyone boasts about how much their ships deviate and poop on canon etc. Do other shippers with my mentality still exist and I just don't notice them (Outside of anti spaces) or are we actually a dying breed?
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Eh. I think "political enemy" has a pretty fluid definition if one is really into playing politics. If you aren't out campaigning on a white supremacy platform, we probably have some goals in common.
I usually block people for being extremely annoying on a day I'm feeling hormonal or for attacking people particularly viciously in my comments, not for nominally being in some other camp.
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I think the more canon-adjacent fandom flavors are actually really common.
They're a little lost in the tumult of "My headcanon is actually canon!!!" stuff on tumblr that we like to laugh at on my own blog.
They're also less common in oldschool m/m-shipping spaces because those are often inherently non-canon ships. In the past, it was because homophobic censorship wouldn't let anything be made. These days, it's because the flavor of m/m a lot of people like is more easily found by adding romance to a buddy canon than by trying to add buddy-ness to a romance canon in many cases, and this can be true even if canon is original m/m aimed at fandom types.
Here's the thing: oldschool m/m shippers tend to be particularly prone to building community spaces and recording our history precisely because it's so easily erased and so often attacked. This type of shipper also tends to have more of a cohesive identity. That makes it far easier to name ourselves and set up little fiefdoms on modern social media.
I'm one of these people. Shittons of the people doing amateur fandom history work are. Much of the OTW old guard are. And lots of us know each other at least a bit, so if you're running into one of us, you're probably running into more of us.
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However, that doesn't actually mean this type of shipping is the most common or that there have never been spaces devoted to something else.
That old Beauty and the Beast tv series with Linda Hamilton had epic canon shippers. So did Moonlight (the vampire tv series). So did and does Twilight.
A lot of these shippers had this as their first and possibly their only fandom and carried on being obsessed long after canon was over.
Lizzie/Darcy shippers put anything I have ever been a fan of to shame. No matter what the AO3 numbers show, this ship far, far exceeds the popularity of Destiel or any of the other m/m heavyweights.
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I think the problem you're running into is that in the modern era of binging things on Netflix and regular joes being huge media geeks, analyzing canon in a nerdy way and obsessing over your canon ships is just how a big chunk of the population engages with media.
Fan theories that are closely tied to what was actually on the screen/page are the bread and butter of water cooler conversations and have been since The Sopranos and its ilk.
Yes, I know some fuck will immediately show up and go "Ahem, ahem, I am a GEEK and SPECIAL and the people around me never have intellectual conversations about media literally ever!!!!" just like every single time we have this conversation. But times have moved on, and being overinvested in canon theorizing just is a normie activity now, and that's great! Except when you want a special term and space to find your people.
The only time canon shippers really stand out from that is if they're extremely fic-focused, and then they often start straying farther from canon, especially if they stick around the same fandom for a long time. Either they start becoming more fans of some fic writer or they start wanting to diversify what they themselves are writing.
The really good close-to-canon fandom activities are at their best when lots of fans find the same currently-running canon at the same time and before canon itself passes its prime.
Even I started out on alt.tv.x-files, analyzing the shit out of season 2 and not caring much about non-canon things. (Though, admittedly, I was more NoRomo than MSR.)
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That said, antis are not actually that canon-focused in most cases. They will do the "My headcanon is reality" thing as much as anyone. They just tend to spend a lot of time hating on explicit m/m and a lot of explicit m/m is of non-canon ships.
Honestly... anon... you might want to figure out what the latest CSI-ish franchise is and find the obviously-future-canon het ship from that. Those tend to get the 10 seasons of build up and fan theories that don't stray too far from canon.
This stuff is not only not a dying breed, but it's so common that one of the editors of NCIS delivered a deeply cringeworthy lecture at my film school about what "shippers" are and how the Tiva shippers affected the production.
People into those ships don't need tumblr: Major entertainment magazines are publishing their fan theories for them.
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gods-third-eye · 7 months ago
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Killer Klowns from Outer Space and Clown Husbandry:
Qualifications: I am an avid clown lover and perhaps a bit of a clown myself. I sleep in a small circus tent and eat fresh cotton candy regularly. I am also working on my third home-made clown suit.
Anyways, with the intro done, let's get onto the meat of this.
I was recently gifted KKFOS t-shirt and I figured if I want to wear it I should at least watch the movie, right? I was apprehensive because I am a fan of sweeter clowns and putting respect on the clown name. I was worried what this movie was going to entail, but after watching it I have lots of opinions and thoughts!
Firstly, I should say that I think the movie was done very well. I am a fan of the plot and props. I enjoyed all of the references to horror movies. I enjoyed learning about how the Klowns operate and what their machinery looks like. However, I am conflicted on the killing.
I have a few proposals for the clown husbandry community to consider before writing this movie off as inappropriate:
These "Klowns" are not the clowns that we are all familiar with and deserve their own understanding as a separate creature entirely. Now, this may be the most obvious choice, but it is still worth bringing up. This theory is supported because in the movie, Mike Tabacco (the policeman) says, "They're not clowns. They're some kind of animal from another world that just look like clowns... maybe they're the ancient astronauts that came to our planet centuries ago, and our idea of clowns just comes from them." Now, I don't know if I believe that they are where our idea of clowns comes from, but I certainly could see them being a completely different species from our clowns. The Wikipedia for the movie also describes them as "a clan of evil extraterrestrials who resemble clowns". They are from space, afterall. Now, these both come directly from the source material, but I still have more thoughts on the matter.
What if they ARE clowns, but they got sick with some illness that has caused them to be blood thirsty? Now, this one might see a bit far-fetched, but we are talking about Killer Klowns from Outer Space, right? Well, this movie seems to understand lots of points about the culture of clowns: the importance of noses, love for cotton candy and popcorn, bright colors, silly noises, entertaining folks with goofy gags. So why are these Klowns killing? Let's look at some of the clowns themselves.
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They have puffy and deformed skin that looks like that from an allergic reaction, they have yellowing teeth and eyes, enflamed lips, and their eyelids are droopy. These look like sick clowns!! Perhaps you might argue that they are simply scare clowns, but to that I say shame on you! Scare clowns get the same treatment as pitbulls, they are not inherently harmful, they only get that way from maltreatment. However, I don't think these Klowns are scareclowns. Scare clowns have traits like "salivation, staggering, growls and hisses and bluff aggression" as well as a diet that may consist of balloon animals and a more solitary lifestyle than other clowns (according to the fandom wiki and many husbandry tumblr accounts). But the Klowns shown in the movie (I have not interacted with the game yet) are quite normal other than the killing, they take care of balloon animal dogs,
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and they are almost always seen in packs. The Klowns are often shown displaying friendly and inviting behavior before, during, and after the killings, so why are they doing them? I think that they are sick. This would also explain why the culture and lifestyle (other than the murdering) is so similar to clowns we know and love.
3. Now, this point could be seen as tied to the last point, but I think it deserves its own bullet-point. This whole movie could be a clown-loving informational piece on the dangers of sick clowns! If these truly are classic clowns that happened to get an illness that caused them to be murderous, perhaps this is an informative video on what to do and what not to do, as well as a warning to care for clowns properly. This movie is clearly made by someone who knows the intricacies of clown culture, as stated previously. But if the cultural depictions aren't enough to prove that, then just think about how many sweet classic clowns are used as logos throughout the town. Jojo's ice cream truck
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and Big Top Burger
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to name a few examples. This town loves clowns. And again, Tabacco says that they can't be clowns. He cannot imagine them as the same clowns we know and love because he knows healthy clowns don't murder. So, this is a clown-lover's way of saying "Killer Klowns are not clowns. Clowns don't kill".
4. Now, this one might be the silliest take of them all, but what is more silly than a clown? What if this is just a clown's comedic take on a horror movie? We have seen numerous horror movies about people, but we know they are far from representative of all humans. Why can't this just be a clown's horror movie? Of course we watch it and laugh, thinking it is just a B-movie horror film, but think about a clown watching this. A clown would be scared and horrified, both for the Klowns and the people in it. We see this movie as silly and cheesy, but clowns might get a real fright out of it! Maybe that's why clown lovers get so riled up over it. Besides, it seems like a goof because it has ripped off some of the most famous cliches in horror: the Psycho shower scene,
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the girl not believing the killer,
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and the car filled with cotton candy, reminiscent of the Blob. Actually, the whole movie is reminiscent of the Blob. Why? Maybe a clown found out about scary movies and wanted to make one suited to scare a clown!
Well, that's it. Those are my explainations for the movie Killer Klowns from Outer Space. Believe what you want, but these are some of my ideas. Like them? Or maybe you have another take. Please share your ideas! Thank you for reading through this ramble.
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Clown bear for your patience!!
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generalluxun · 1 year ago
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I think the reason why Chloe is so controversial in the fandom is that both sides can be toxic. Some Chloe stans are toxic and jerks, but some of the toxic Chloe haters are no better. They act like toxic Chloe stans by shaming, harassing and bullying people who do like her. They also cannot respect opinions as well. These are just my thoughts.
There are several reasons I think.
Clearly there are people who project themselves onto Marinette and then project their own personal bully experiences onto Chloé. Without actual therapy or time+healing on their own, these people will never accept any reasoned argument about Chloé as a character, because to them she isn't a character, she is their personal bully. The transference supplants the actual narrative.
There are definitely toxic behaviors among some of the people who claim to like Chloé too. I do think there's value in breaking down the who and why though.
There are the pot stirrers: These people actually don't care about Chloé per-se they just see a hot take and jump on it, hoping to cause as much trouble as they can. These folks aren't really 'Chloé stans' heck, they probably aren't even ML fans. They're instigators. It's important to recognize one when you see them and simply pitch their noise into the bin 'Chloé did nothing wrong!' is such a silly and clearly wrong take that it can only be from one of these folks.
There are those who are frustrated: I lay the blame for this segment squarely at Thomas Astruc's feet. He makes bold, dismissive, and authoritative statements, escalating all the way to open gaslighting when confronted, or even just lightly questioned in regards to Chloé's character.
'Chloé is not abused' -SIR, please consult someone with even the rudiments of child development education and review what has actually been put on screen. I know whether I am going to believe you, or my lying eyes. Thank you.
His antics and the narrative in general ignoring what has already been put on screen frustrates a LOT of people, and deeply so. Child abuse isn't a light topic, people have *feelings* about it. TA is unreachable and unengagable though, and so a chunk of people turn their frustrations elsewhere. They lash out at other characters, and by proxy their stans, and you get this whole negative feedback loop in the fandom while I presume TA just sits back with a drink in hand, throwing darts at pictures of blond girls, and laughing.
There are those who can't express themselves well: Remember this is a kids show so a large chunk of the fandom is well, unsurprisingly, kids! Kids without the raw learning to necessarily articulate their arguments with nuance. This is how you get a dozen tweets to Ta asking 'When is Chloé going to get some development?' to which he can derisively reply 'She has, you just don't like it!' and durr hurr hurr isn't he so clever.
If the fan had instead put forth clear concise examples of the abuse on screen, how it ties into actual child development practices, how they want this *child* to be shown growing and overcoming these huge hurdles because you know, they're decent human beings, and their confusion as to why a show about superheroes/Magical girls hasn't done that.... well, it would be harder to dismiss.
Take that exchange, and now instead shift it to folks among the fandom themselves. Short, sweeping statements that don't really express what they are feeling effectively. This happens between Adrien/Mari stans when they fight too. Not every 13yr old should be expected to know college level Psyche, but it can lead to miscommunication and then acrimony when they engage without it.
I want to point out this also works for things not involving Chloé at all.
Marinette stans trying to explain why they feel Marinette is so put upon while others argue that she gets everything and *Adrien* is the put upon one, all getting into protracted battles while shouting half-formed ideas and confused impressions from an inconsistent and poorly framed narrative at each other.
Is Marinette a Mary Sue who is handed things in a silver platter? *YES*
Is she ALSO an emotional damage magnet, abused by the narrative relentlessly and blamed for things not her fault? *YES*
These two ideas can both exist at the same time, but a lot of people have a hard time juggling that, so we get arguments and toxicity because this is the internet and too much is never enough of anything.
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booklin · 2 years ago
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Bidders x Preg! Fem! reader
Fandom: KBTBB
Rating: E-10
Genre: Fluff
Tws: Pregnancy
Notes: If I throw this in as a scene in one of my books and you happen to notice.. NO YOU DIDNT
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Baby Files
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You and the bidders had been dating for quite a while, things had gone smoothly. Sure, there were ups and downs but that’s with any relationship. All and all, things were calm. Except… they weren’t. Not anymore. Despite how much you shamed yourself, you couldn’t stop eating sweets. You had to have a sweet with every meal. Considering you rarely ate sweets, always self conscious about gaining weight, everyone was taken aback. In fact, their looks were causing so much paranoia you stopped eating anywhere near them. Only eating sweets in your room now, they didn’t fail to notice your other new habits, such as sleeping and becoming stressed over everything. Lately, your work ethic has been terrible, constantly falling asleep. Even your boss couldn’t keep covering for you anymore, alerting Eisuke.
“Okay, I think we can all agree Y/n has been acting strange.” The others nod to Baba’s concern. “She’s been eating sweets everyday. I asked the Chef.” Soryu adds, causing Eisuke to chime in. “And she’s been avoiding us. What could be wrong?” They weren’t sure, and putting their heads together didn’t seem to come closer to finding answers. You were frightened by this new change as well. What could be wrong with you? “Maybe you’re pregnant?” Your friend says after listening thoughtfully to you worries, then laughs. Though, you weren’t laughing. “Pregnant?” You repeat, spacing out at the thought.
Immediately, you rush out of the cafe, leaving your friend behind. What if it’s true? It would explain the cravings. And emotions. And tiredness. And now, a new symptom to add. Throwing up when worried. What a nice cherry on top. Despite not wanting to believe it, you, reluctantly, go to a pharmacy. In disguise, wearing sunglasses, a hoodie, wig, and everything else to keep your identity undetected. Then you grab a test and ask to be rung up in a strained whisper. After discreetly exiting, you shove the box in your pocket before sprinting back to your apartment. You have been spending a lot of time there lately. With what’s been going on, staying away from them, as not to explode or do anything else embarrassing was a must.
Anxiously, you rip the box open then, after drinking plenty of water, go into the bathroom. Shaking the whole time, you nervously wait for the results. Two lines… your heart drops, and so does the pent up emotions inside you. Sobbing your eyes out, you fail to notice the knocking at your door. “Y/n? Are you in there? We want to talk.” Nothing, yet the door was locked. They had a bad feeling, after debating on whether your privacy was more important than safety, Baba agreed to pick the lock. Though, Soryu is impatient, deciding to break the door instead. “Y/n, are you here?” They hear a distressed cry suddenly come to a halt. “I- I’m fine-!” Your voice shakes, barely coherent, it was hard to hide. “Y/n, are you okay?” Ota asks, taking a seat next to where the sobs came from, the bathroom.
“Yes…” Your voice becomes quiet, sniffling any residue onto the tissue. “Can we talk?” Shaking your head, you remember they can’t see you and manage another reply. “I don’t want to.” You hear a small sigh, the voice getting close. “Y/n, we just want to know what’s wrong. We’re all worried about you.” At the moment, you were tied between embarrassment and wanting comfort. Was it worth them seeing you like this? A mess? About to side against it, something in you that yearns for their touch breaks loose. Without giving it a second thought, you open the door before you could change your mind. That sight was shocking to see, on their part. A teary eyed, broken down, head hung, nose running, messy hair partner, appearing miserable as she runs out to hug the first person her hands reach.
Rambling incoherently, you sob some more, this time into Soryu’s button down shirt. “We can’t understand you when you talk like that.” Going on, though everything is heard in more of a whine, he manages to make out a few words, however not enough to piece together what’s wrong. “Why don’t we take some deep breaths?” Baba suggests, his tone gentle and face softened. Facing towards him, you quickly turn away, shaking your head no. “Y/n, come on, I know you can do it. I’ll do it with you.” Without hesitation, he begins taking deep breaths and eventually you repeat after him. Steadying yourself, you’re finally able to say all at once, “You’re going to hate me! I’m going to have to raise our kid alone and I’m not going to have enough money to support us, then we’ll be sleeping in a box on the street, eating out of a trash can, and drinking water from some old guys sweaty socks! Please don’t leave me.”
You become worked up, sobbing once more, while you shake Soryu’s body back and forth, continuing to plead. “Wait, what?” Eisuke says, shocked at both the scenario you’ve come up with and the news. “You’re pregnant?” You stop crying long enough to shake your head yes, then immediately begin again. “Woah woah, it’s okay.” Soryu says, rubbing your back. About to pick you up, Eisuke snatches you away, being the one to pick you up instead. “Baby, it’s fine. We’re not highschool boys, we wouldn’t leave you because you’re pregnant.” Ota nods before saying “And how would you end up homeless?” He laughs lightly, “It just wouldn’t happen.” Finally starting to calm down, you sniffle, rubbing your teary eyes before saying “Because I’ve been doing bad at work, and now you’re going to fire me.” Looking at Eisuke, he shakes his head. “I wouldn’t fire you without reason, and even then I would take care of you. Technically, you don’t need a job. You were the one insistent on keeping yours.”
You give a small smile, thinking about the memories when you first began dating. Suddenly, a hand ruffles your hair, looking at the culprit, Mamoru gives a small smile back before sighing. Then, running a hand through his hair, he shakes his head. “Just relax kid, we’re not goin’ anywhere and you’re not in trouble.” The support was all you needed to calm down, shaking your head to acknowledge you heard Mamoru. “If anything, I’m glad you’re not upset with us.” Baba says, to which you look surprised. “Why would I be upset? If anything I’m ecstatic. We’re having a baby! I hope they look like one of you. They’re sure to be beautiful.” Thinking about it more, finally done crying altogether, you show them the pregnancy test. “We should make the gender a surprise! Do you think they’d like bears? Or are bears too scary? Maybe ducks? Oh, I know! Cats! Wait, what if we make their room ocean themed?”
Going on about the endless possibilities with clothes, room design, and how great parents you would be, Eisuke sets you down. “We have to get parenting books! What type of parents should we be? We could be intense, strict, free-range, french, or-!” You just keep going on, and they intently listen to every word, the smile never leaving their face. After that they had you take time off of work, you finally weren’t as embarrassed to eat sweets around them, they were always kissing, holding, or hugging you, saying how much they loved you. Baba loves rubbing your belly while you sleep, and together they get you anything and everything you could ask for. Eisuke is no longer brutally honest about how he thinks you look. He’ll tell you if something looks better than other outfits, but never critiques such as “it makes you look fat.” Overall, they all turned into soft, loving boyfriends who are always worried about you and the baby.
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undying-lilies · 19 days ago
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was tagged to do this fic writer interview game thingy by @kanerallels, thanks bestie!!
How many works do you have on AO3? 27!
What's your total AO3 word count? 290,899
Your top five stories by kudos/likes:
The Clone Adoption Magnet Theory (the first installment in my Adoption Magnet AU, where the Bad Batch just adopt every child they come across - including but not limited to Omega, Kanan, and Cal)
SwapTales (a DuckTales 2017 fic where Webby wakes up in an alternate dimension where everyone has been swapped and everything is set back because of it)
Torn Apart (and Mended) (a sort-of fix-it AU based off of 2021 Lilies' theories about how The Bad Batch S1 would end)
The Evidence of the Clone Adoption Theory (the second installment of Adoption Magnet!)
Sleepless Omega (a cute fic about an insomniac Omega waking Crosshair up in the middle of the night; was written in between S1 and S2 but now am proud to say that it TOTALLY fits S3)
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? yes!! I very much appreciate everyone who comments and I like to discuss my fics with other people :]
What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? probably are you worth getting lost over love? If you've read that one then this one is ... self-explanatory
What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending? Ooh this is gonna be hard because most of my stories have happy endings lol. I think the happiest ending so far is The Boy, The Witch, and The Wanderer because it ended in the Bad Batch gaining another adopted child!
Do you write crossovers? No but if given the opportunity I 100% would
Have you ever received hate on a fic? Nope
Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Absolutely not
Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge, no
Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet
Have you ever co-written a fic before? I have! I've also co-written a few original stories with my best friend before and those have all been a BLAST
What's your all time favorite ship? I don't know about favorite ship singular but my all-time favorite ships PLURAL are Kanera, Merrical, and Sniper Swan
What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will? SwapTales :( it had a fabulous concept and I still love it!! but I haven't written for that fandom in a very long time, and unless I get another random Drake & Gosalyn hyperfixation like I did last year I don't see myself finishing it
What are your writing strengths? dialogue for sure! I've also gotten pretty good at writing lots of characters in the same room
What are your writing weaknesses? action scenes, especially battles or fights. my ultimate writing kryptonite
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fics? I personally haven't done it, but I admire people who do
What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to? Hmm. I don't think I've written anything for RebelCaptain yet, which is a shame because they're fabulous
What's your favorite fic you've written? gosh that's so hard. I think it's tied between Adoption Magnet in general and the unposted survivor ficTM
I tag anyone who wants to play!
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sonofthesaiyans · 11 months ago
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To my girl, to one of the Scouts' finest warriors, Happy Birthday Lynne. 🎂
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(NOTE: Her birthday has always been listed as February 17th, people. NOT December 17th as is still believed by some on Twitter and elsewhere. So can somebody be kind enough to tell these folks not to make this mistake in the future? It's right on the Wiki. Thank you.)
To most folks in the fandom, Lynne is probably just another face in the background, another random gal who got swept up in the action and was gone just as fast as she appeared in the relentless insanity that is Attack on Titan. But to me, she's one of the most underrated gals and to me, she's become somebody very close to my heart.
I have long been intrigued by Lynne from the moment she first appeared way back in Season 2. She may not have been with us for long, but she left a lasting impression on me.
A member of Squad Miche, under the command of Miche Zacharius and serving alongside our old gal Nanaba, Lynne definitely earned her place on the squad of humanity's second-strongest warrior, showing herself to be courageous and determined in combat, even when faced with overwhelming odds. She remains professional all throughout, and is a capable commander in her own right, doing her damnedest to give her comrades in the Scout Regiment a fighting chance to survive as Zeke and his army of Titans were closing in. She's an invaluable member of her team, with whom she successfully fought off the enemy for quite some time before Zeke dealt his next hand.
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It's really no mystery how she found her place on Squad Miche. One good look at Lynne and you can tell, she's something special that too often has slid under the radar. In my opinion, she's truly one of the most beautiful ladies in the show, and she has a look about her that just screams of an absolute badass, a dependable warrior who you can always count on in the thick of battle, and the one you always want to have by your side.
Plus, it's been shown that she is very kind and caring. Always looking out for her fellow Scouts, particularly those younger and less experienced than herself when the situation appears hopeless. And when danger is near, she will not abandon you. Truly, Lynne is a gal with her heart in the right place.
It truly is a shame I think that Lynne did not get more time to show what she was really made of. As someone who appreciates the characters in the background, I have a particularly soft spot for Lynne, and as such I have tried to give her the attention and love she richly deserves. For me, she's virtually tied with Sasha as my favorite AOT character. And for me, I think that's really saying something.
I don't know what draws me to Lynne, but I wish she had gotten another chance, especially as she counts as one of the most elite Scouts in the Regiment. For the last year and a half I have worked to give her a character and a backstory that gives her a much fuller and more active role in AOT. And I hope to share this in the near future with anybody who might be curious enough to look.
In my mind, Lynne is the hero of another story not yet told. As quite possibly her most devoted fan, I only hope I can help to draw more attention to her, as AOT's diverse cast goes way beyond the trio of Eren, Armin and Mikasa, or even the other members of the 104th.
Plus, she introduced me to the many voices and characters of Felecia Angelle, a truly phenomenal actress who I also hope more people will take note of. You've all heard her in My Hero Academia and elsewhere, and what she gave us with Lynne was brief, but dearly appreciated. For me, Lynne s just as near and dear as Sasha, Petra, or Hange, and for that she deserves another lease on life.
Until then it only seems fitting to acknowledge the birthday of my favorite AOT side character. Happy Birthday Lynne, lots of love for you and I hope she will continue to find infinitely more throughout the fandom. ❤️ ⚔️ ❤️
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Oh and just to spice things up, I think I'll share this as well:
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Credit goes to KrazyKamikaze44 on DeviantArt for this old but awesome piece.
Hers is not the only birthday today as I'm sure some are well aware, so keep an eye open for another as the day goes on. 😉
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thedastrash · 1 year ago
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OC Tag Game!
Ooo thanks for tagging me @kittynomsdeplume & @cleverblackcat!! This took a while to get to but it was very fun!
Favorite OC: Evil question to start. I can't possibly choose unless I set some limits for myself so I'm going to cheat and say my most popular OC. I have the most art of her by no fault of my own. Velaneth Surana is my canon HoF and Warden Commander. Vela is a very open person: never lies, has no body shame, and loves to learn about other people and where they’ve come from. She walks into every hostile situation with her best foot forward trying to make friends and allies.
Newest OC: I’m slowly congealing my ideas about Orlagh Trevelyan because I’ve been imagining what the different cultures of the Freemarches look like - especially on the coast where trade is frequent. She’s from Ostwick of course and trained as a Templar as a youth but spent summers at a monastery with her aunt in Wycome which I imagine a bit like Morocco. I’ve been staring at my Pinterest boards imagining her lonely days growing up and what it means for her to leave her walls behind and be thrust into this new organization with all these people and their differing ideals. I'm particularly interested in exploring her being a templar but having some latent magic that has been tied up in her templar abilities so long she didn't realize it was ever there.
Oldest OC: In DA my oldest OC is Topaz Brosca from my original run of origins. The one where my save got deleted right before the Landsmeet lol rip. I've recently revisited her and I'm falling in love with her again. She's a hot trans girl and stabby rogue and she falls in love with the surface world immediately. My oldest OC ever though... might be a self insert hobbit character I made for myself as a child before I knew what fandom or fanfiction was lol! I think her name was Charlie? my memory is BAD but I know that's a name I loved as a kid.
Meanest OC: Szadrine Aeducan is my final origin from DAO to get an OC and I'm slowly growing deeply obsessed. She’s involved in (literal) cutthroat Orzammar politics and ends up skipping the warden bit after the whole betrayal and exile thing. She simply deserts at Ostagar. I think she should end up kicking ass in Orlais because she would be so good at the Game.
Softest OC: Bearnard Cousland is a soft, sweet, bookish baby-gay who would rather bury himself in his research in a library than seek glory or fight battles or do politics. Bearn is the second son so he’s gotten away with avoiding some of that but of course he has to attend his lessons and participate in the tourneys. His scholarly work lends him some political savvy since he’s intimately familiar with Ferelden’s history, but he’s most interested in lost texts and translating ancient works. He never had good gay role models growing up and thinks of himself as homely and forgettable, so he never felt like that was an option for him, but Maker does he ever pine lol!
Most Aloof/Standoffish OC: Gotta be Irene Amell. She's a real bitch with resting murder face. Incredibly unapproachable, intimidating Domme energy. Tends to default dislike people and keep to herself, prefering to slink around and eavesdrop than talk to people for info. She’s very protective and loving toward her close friends and lovers, but it’s hard to get close in the first place.
Dumbest OC: Myrna Hawke is a smart woman, she's an accomplished mage, enjoys reading, quick witted, but she has zero self-awareness and has a very hard time even understanding how she feels, much less how other people feel about her. She’s absolutely clueless and fully blindsided by anyone’s interest & gets tongue tied and stupid when she’s horny. She’s also very impulsive and acts before she thinks things through which leads to getting into a lot of dumb shit.
Smartest OC: There are excellent contenders here: Bearn with his book smarts and Topaz with her street smarts, but I want to say Ithadhea Mahariel because even though they are incredibly dense when it comes to interpersonal relations, their wealth of traditional knowledge from their clan is incredible. They are not really a people person, usually quiet and solitary, but they took to hunting like they were born for it and eagerly learned everything in the realm of woodcraft and survival. They know all their clan's stories by heart and and know resources by seasons in a way that is part of their internal clock. I think this kind of generational knowledge probably outstrips the scope of any of my other OC's knowledge.
OC I’d Be Friends With: Edric Cadash is so laid back and friendly I think he’d be one of the easiest to make friends with. I want to have tea and gossip with him and have that turn into late night drinking and telling stories by the fire. Vela would be an instant friend as well; she wants to befriend everyone and she'd have an easy time with me!
no pressure tagging some of my DA OC enjoying friends: @sinquisition, @highwayphantoms, @lets-get-brave, @sandalinbohemia, @dismalzelenka and anyone else who wants to share! Feel free to @ me so I can see your post! <3
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immakuronaakuma · 3 months ago
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youtube
Watching this video made me think of magical girls (a genre made by women and aimed at women) and how much it’s changed to target boys.
Magical Girl Deconstructions have existed for a long time, a lot of people who write these stories tend to try to change the genre in some way either because it would be interesting to the story (Phantom Thief Jeanne had the “your magical familiar/friend is actually evil” twist before Madoka) or because it would be a fun change (Cardcaptors has the protagonist Sakura wear different outfits because the creator said that a lot of MG shows have the characters wear one outfit all the time and she felt sad by it and decided to give Sakura different clothes every time).
But… there’s one problem. As an example, Princess Tutu is a show with magical elements, but it’s more focused on deconstructing fairytales. The story is beautiful with tragedy tied to it, it delves into the roles of different characters in a story and how they’re unhappy being trapped in roles where they’re doomed to suffer, and watching it makes you yearn for the heroes to come out happy and safe in the end after all their trials and tribulations…. But apparently, people didn’t want to interact with the show because it���s titled “Princess Tutu”.
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(Example reviews from PT’s review list on Google, Reddit, and MyAnimeList)
Some of the reviews I see have a reoccurring theme of not taking the show too seriously because “it’s too girly” or “too pink”, things that make a man insecure because the patriarchy has connected these things to girls and girls and the things they like are rarely treated with respect, and men who want to be seen as men and be taken seriously by their peers would no doubt feel scared about liking something decidedly “not masculine”.
Compare that Madoka Magica, an equally girly sounding show… but here’s the bigger piece of the problem: Princess Tutu is about something, it has something to say… Madoka Magica is about nothing, it just goes “hey what if magical girls killed each other OOOOOOO!”. Can you guess which show is more popular and remembered by the general public?
I won’t shame people for liking Madoka, but I will say it’s interesting to see people get different reads and pro-feminism themes from a story that is about as feminist as “J.K. Rowling and the Black Mold in Hogwarts’ Bathroom” and has as much to say about anything as a fish with no vocal chords.
This, and the teenage years of animation where people wanted to have serious stories but at the same time they wanted to keep watching Toonami without the normies laughing at them (leading to shows like Steven Universe and Star Vs., two shows that want to talk about war and genocide but at the same time they want to keep having anime fights and dramatic song numbers and they want the story to end with everyone hugging), have made an unfortunate trend for the deconstruction genre overall. The 2010s were full of Madoka-likes trying to cash in on the success of making a Magical Girl show that appeals to men. A lot of popular stuff in the MG genre was either things that were already an established franchise or some new magical girl show that is just “it’s like magical girls but darker and maybe some underage boob is in it!”
The appeal of MG Deconstructions in their later years became less of trying to be about things or having something to say on an issue, even if messy (such as the messy writing of Revolutionary Girl Utena) and more of those unfunny guys in the high school locker room trying to outdo each other and unfortunately… it worked.
Say what you want about how shit the Madoka-likes are, but despite there being lots of magical girl shows out there that I never even heard of before (there’s a fandom wiki dedicated to magical girl shows throughout the years), everyone’s gonna bring up that poor attempt someone made to ride on the coattails of someone who played the shock-jock roulette and won over something like Onegai My Melody, and that’s a magical girl show produced by one of the most popular and well-known companies on the planet!
This whole post is me rambling my thoughts about Magical Girls and misogyny and how these two together have created the modern day MG deconstruction genre that we now know of, but to get to the root of my rambling:
There’s a lot of good magical girl shows that you don’t know about and that we’ll never know about. Even some of the most well-known shows are stuck in their original language, the closest we’ll get to being able to watch them is through subs, some might even still be stuck as mangas. A lot of fans are left having to be the ones translating this content, content usually aimed at girls, to english and archiving as much as we can before it falls into obscurity.
Everything Madoka does isn’t unique. Even the ending of sacrificing yourself to save others was done a lot better in the Sugar Sugar Rune manga, where Chocola and Pier risk their lives to stop Glace from destroying the magical world, and THEY GET TO SURVIVE AND REUNITE WITH THEIR FRIENDS IN THE END.
But Sugar Sugar Rune is a girly romance show. Madoka Magica is an edgy big-kid show that isn’t anything like that “girly chick-flick junk”, therefore it’s better. Edgy MG Deconstructions are pure junk written by people who don’t know what magical girls are to begin with and just wanting to ride the popular coattails of another work… but you’re going to hear about them just once, and it’s more than a lot of obscure magical girl shows get.
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tarabyte3 · 2 years ago
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The Devil Makes Us Sin
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Fandom: Luther, Luther: The Fallen Sun
Pairing: David Robey/F!Reader
Chapter 1/? (5.2k words)
Chapter 2 ->
AO3 Link
Summary: Your life isn't perfect, and you don't enjoy moonlighting as a camgirl for so many repulsive men, but you need the money and it's yours. You're getting by just fine. You're content.
At least you thought you were. Then you get a strange text message. And you aren't sure if you're horrified or intrigued.
Warnings: Explicit rating, smut, stalking, spying, blackmail, manipulation, dubcon, dubious consent, Dom/sub, sadism, masochism, unprotected sex, oral sex, masturbation, mutual masturbation, choking, dirty talk, praise, humiliation, possessive love, yandere, minor description of gore, minor description of violence, murder, discussion of murder, shame involving sex work, light shaming of sex work, emotionally abusive mother, troubled mother/daughter relationship
A/N: Work title is from "Paradise Circus" by Massive Attack. Chapter title is from the poem "Saint Joan" by Louise Glück, The Seven Ages
(There's a more indepth note below the cut)
A/N pt 2: I know those warnings seem like a lot! I try to tag everything, no matter how small, because I want to make sure no one is blindsided by anything in my fics.
But remember, David Robey is not a good man. He's a murderous psychopath, he's cruel, and he feels no remorse (though I do REALLY flex the boundaries of all that because this is fantasy and fanfiction after all.) This reader character is also NOT a good person, just to a lesser extent than he is. Therefore this is going to get quite dark on occasion. Though if you're here because you want David Robey smut, I suspect you're well aware of what you're in for. Still! Heed all tags and warnings. I will continue to expand them as they come up in the story and try to point them out as I add them, but always check the end of the list for anything new.
If you're worried, know that I have personal boundaries I will not cross in my fics. No gratuitous descriptions of violence, murder, gore, or torture in my smut fics unless specifically and clearly warned. No noncon or SA. No physical or domestic abuse. And though it is a smut fic about a fictional serial killer, any mental or emotional manipulation will be in line with what exists in canon, so no wild cards there either.
Pregnancy scares, worrying about or fear of getting pregnant, taking steps to avoid pregnancy through the use of contraception or other means, or having my reader character get pregnant—all as the result of unprotected sex between the characters—will also never come up in anything I write. They won't even think about it. I want my fics to be a fun escape for myself and for you all so I say no thank you.
Finally, there is some shame from the main character and problematic language used about sex work in this and I want to be clear: We respect sex workers in this house 👏😤 Sex work is work. Anything that suggests otherwise in this fic is because the characters are assholes.
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Chapter 1 - I heard a dark prediction rising in my own body
You're always very careful not to show your face on camera. It's not what's for sale. Certainly not for fifteen pounds per monthly subscription. These men watching aren't paying you enough to risk your career.
Or worse, to risk your mother finding out.
She's always harping on you to settle down, get married, and have children. You don't have the stomach to tell her how absolutely horrible all of that sounds. Most men bore you with their undeserved egos, horrible ties, and inane chatter about sports clubs. Or the way they smother the spark that drew them to you in the first place because afterwards they want a good little wife instead. And you definitely don't want children.
So no, you don't want to marry any of them. Instead you'll gladly take advantage of their desperation to escape their dull lives and their tired, jaded spouses. Likely women who thought marriage would be different, only to find out what you already know: most men can never give you what you truly need.
Now you've been doing this for over a year. For an hour a night, you sit in front of your webcam in low cut blouses and secretary skirts and undress down to your lingerie and panties. You run your fingers between your breasts and whisper lies into your microphone.
At first it was out of desperation.
Your flatmate had moved out with little warning and left you scrambling to make rent. Your job didn't pay enough for you to afford the entire sum by yourself until you found someone else to take her place. Sure, you could have moved or downsized, but you didn't want to. The location was perfect and to get the same rate, you'd have to move further to the edge of the city. Your morning commute would be longer, and you didn't want to spend so much time on the tube with the smell of sweat, crying babies, and creeps brushing up against you.
It was a pop-up ad that gave you the idea. "Live women on camera. Watch now! Get your first month at a reduced rate!" It declared over a scantily clad young woman who was pushing her cleavage together with her arms and fluttering her eyelashes.
If only it were that easy, you had scoffed.
Then you opened your laptop and did some research. Because what if it was? Which is how you ended up making an account on a smaller camgirl website and sitting uncomfortably with your webcam pointed at your torso and nothing but a white wall behind you.
After a few days of no activity, you unbuttoned your blouse a bit, wore a push-up bra, and finally got your first viewer. So you unbuttoned it further and further, and, as your numbers rose, your top came off completely.
You learned to tease them after that.
And degrade them.
"BigDaddy47 wants to know if I'm wearing panties. Mmm, what do you all think? Should I take off my skirt and let you find out? If you were all very good, I could show you what's underneath, but you don't deserve it, do you? I know how filthy you all are, asking me to take my clothes off. You disgust me."
Oh, but then you apologize and beg for forgiveness for being so mean to those poor, overworked men that no one else appreciates while bashfully covering your body with your hands and telling them you're just a little shy. That's what really boosted your numbers. They ate it up. Because more than seeing a pair of tits, they love being told exactly what they want to hear. And they especially love believing it.
That's why they're really there. To forget. To pretend.
You made enough extra money to keep your flat. Barely at first, and it completely wiped your savings, but with each new paycheck there was more leftover. Eventually you also bought better lingerie. More strappy numbers to hide under your office girl persona. More ways to hint at your bare breasts without showing them. Because you will never get naked on camera. Ever. The thought of all those men seeing your full body repulses you. They repulse you. That part, at least, is never a lie.
Then the empty second bedroom became your recording studio. You put a feminine, silky comforter and fancy pillows on the bed so you could pose in different, carefully pre-selected positions. You draped a blanket over the back of the chair so you could cover yourself while you pretended to be shy and repentant, and they all begged you to take it back off.
It was almost too easy. It took less than seven months for your stream to be featured on the front page of the site as a hot new account, and another two for you to make the top fifty. Now you're making as much in seven hours of streaming a week as you do in a week and a half of full-time work at your day job. And you keep nudging your way closer to the top twenty.
So you could say things are going well.
At least, they were.
The first time you got a strange text message from a number you didn't recognize, you shrugged it off. All it said was: How are you doing? Which could be anything. A wrong number, a phishing attempt, or an old friend you deleted the contact information for ages ago. Of course you ignored it.
But a few days later you got another one from the same number.
You don't want to chat?
That one had made you a little uncomfortable, but you could still tell yourself it was a mistake. Maybe even a guy you gave your number to for a hookup during a rare night out that you never followed through on. You set your phone down, went about your day, and managed to forget about it quickly.
Then today it buzzs again.
You're not even this shy on camera.
As you read it—and reread it to be sure you're not seeing things—your heart leaps to your throat with your first rush of fear. How had they gotten your number? You never entered a phone number into the website. You've been so careful. You even set up a separate bank account.
"Who is this?" You finally text back.
A fan.
You quickly fumble with your phone to block them, but a new message appears on the screen before your trembling thumbs can manage to tap the correct buttons.
I wouldn't do that.
And then there's a video.
You hesitate.
You know you should just block them anyway, but something about the blurry still of the preview seems familiar. Naggingly familiar. So you tap play.
There's a figure standing right in front of the camera. They're so close, all you can see at first is a plain black shirt and a bare arm. Then they move away, further into the room. It's your spare room, you quickly realize with horror. You can see the familiar layout and the blush colored comforter on the bed. After a few more seconds, you also realize the person in the video is you. You're folding the blanket you use during your stream and setting it on the chair. Except it wasn't taken from your stream because there's daylight coming through the lacy drapes covering the window. You only stream at night. And your face is visible as you bend over to pick up a pillow from the floor.
It's you in your pajamas, tidying up the room the morning after a stream. When your camera isn't supposed to be on. When you aren't being careful.
You feel sick.
Now would you like to chat?
"What do you want?" You type out with shaking hands.
I want a private show.
"If you don't stop harassing me, I'll call the police."
Now now. No need for that.
Because if you do, I'll have to send a few videos to your mum. This is her contact information, isn't it?
Then you're staring down at your mother's phone number and home address. You let out a sob.
"Why are you doing this?"
I told you. I want a private show.
"I don't have a private stream."
Your phone buzzes with another notification, but this time for a new email. In your personal inbox.
You have fifteen minutes.
You reluctantly open the message. It's an invite with a link to a private chat room.
Wear the black nightie with the same bra and panties you wore two nights ago.
You don't respond. Instead you throw your phone down onto the couch and you pace.
What do you do? Do you block the number and call the police anyway? Do you call your mother and tell her not to check her messages or answer the door? But then she'll ask why. And what do you tell her? That you have a stalker? That they're threatening her, too? God, she's so stubborn and nosey! She'd look at her phone anyway to tell them off and then it'll be over. She'll see. You were raised Catholic! She'll disown you.
You stop pacing.
Would that be such a terrible thing? You're very much an adult. You're not dependent on her for anything. You have every right to do what you want. It's not like you're doing anything that bad! Not really. You're just trying to survive! If she can't handle that, then that's her problem. You're doing just fine. You can live without her nagging and berating you all the time. Making you feel small or as though you're wasting your life by not doing what she expects. Asking you, "What will people think?" after everything you do. Plus, it's her religion, not yours. It stopped being yours when you were very young, even though the guilt still rears its ugly head every once in a while. Usually because of her forcing it on you. No more.
With renewed determination, you pick your phone back up and go to block the number.
The buzzing of a new message startles you.
Did I mention that I also have the contact information for your boss and the passwords to all of your social media accounts?
Fuck.
Ten minutes left.
You start to cry. Because you feel truly helpless now. You think for a brief moment that maybe this person is bluffing. Surely he's just counting on you to obey immediately and doesn't plan on doing anything. But he filmed you without your knowledge and he had your mother's personal information. Finding where you work would be even easier than that. Plus, are you willing to risk your whole life and your career to find out?
No, you realize. You aren't.
With tears streaming down your face, you run to your bedroom. You have to upend your hamper to find the specific bra and panties he requested since you hadn't washed them yet, but you manage to get changed faster than you ever have before.
Are you supposed to put on make-up? He didn't say. You check your phone for the time. Four minutes. And you still have to boot up your laptop. So you grab your eyeliner and a tinted lip gloss off of your vanity and sprint towards the other bedroom.
While your computer is starting, you use your reflection in the screen to hastily put on the eyeliner. It probably looks horrible and uneven thanks to your puffy eyelids and lack of mirror, but if he wanted something better, then he should have been more specific or given you more time. Or not harassed you at all. So fuck him.
You click over to your inbox with one hand and dab the rouge color onto your lips with the other. Then you're staring at the link with a minute left. No use stalling, you think. It won't make this go away.
You take a deep breath and click it.
The chat window pops up and then, after a brief second of loading while your heart pounds in your chest, your own scantily clad breasts and lace covered torso are displayed onto the screen. In the corner, there's a black square icon. Both the video and audio indicators have Xs through them.
He's here, then. Of course he is.
There's a chat window along the side, and, as you're looking at it, a message pops up from the username YourBiggestFan.
Fix your camera. There's no reason to hide your face any longer. Not from me.
You swallow and reach forward to tilt the camera a little higher. The video is shaky for a moment, and then you're staring at your own image on the screen. Your full image. It's unnerving.
There's your lovely face.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Your voice waivers. "There are millions of women on the internet. Thousands that do what I do."
They aren't you.
"I'm not that special."
You don't do nudity on your stream. Why is that?
"Because…" You hesitate. You really don't want to talk to this man, but not doing so feels risky, too. He does have all the power here, after all. "Because I don't need to."
You would make more money if you did. Or if you moved to a better site.
"I'm getting by just fine." You glance up to glare into the camera.
You could quit your job.
"I don't want to quit my job."
You want to be a glorified secretary for the rest of your life?
"Fuck you," you hiss. 
Answer the question.
"Of course I don't! But I don't want hundreds of men seeing my tits every night, either! So if that's the trade off, I'd rather keep being a glorified secretary, as you so kindly put it." You start to roll your eyes, but stop yourself from reacting this time. You may already be pushing your luck as it is and there's no need to piss him off. "I don't do either of them because I enjoy it. I do what I have to so I don't have to worry about money."
You certainly seem like you're enjoying yourself every night.
"It's called pretending," you sigh irritably. "Surely you've heard of it. Do you think all of those men would tune in otherwise? Tell me, would you? You're one of them, after all."
I'm not one of them.
"Aren't you? Mr. Your Biggest Fan," you scoff. "Sure you aren't."
No. Because I see you.
"That is rather the point."
You're very clever. You know exactly how to manipulate all of them into staying without giving them what they want.
"I have to be. All of the women that do this learn how to keep the audience interested."
But yours comes from a place of hatred.
You blink in mild surprise, but quickly school your features. You don't want him to know he's caught you off guard.
Your stream is the only one in the top 50 that doesn't show their face and the top 100 that doesn't include nudity. Did you know that?
You shift in your seat. "I…I didn't, actually. I knew I was the only one with my numbers, but not that many."
You're an anomaly.
"I'm good at my job," you correct him.
Yes, you are. You know how to manipulate all of them because you find them rather predictable, don't you? Predictable. Pathetic. Dull. Beneath you. They make it easy for you.
You aren't able to hide the shock on your face this time as you stare at the chat. He doesn't wait for you to respond.
You don't take your underwear off because you and I both know that's beneath you, too. And you're right, you don't have to. It's quite impressive.
"Is that so?" You don't sound as dismissive as you hoped.
I told you. I see you. And you intrigue me.
"Fine, you can see through my bullshit. And?" You cross your arms. "Am I supposed to be impressed? What's the point of all this?"
I wanted you to show me the real you.
"And me angry at you is the real me, is it?"
Yes. Because you aren't lying to me.
He has a point there. This is arguably the most honest you've ever been sitting in this chair. Sure, you're being guarded considering the circumstances, but otherwise you haven't lied to him.
Tell me, have I gotten anything wrong?
You bite at your lip as you consider whether or not to continue being honest. But if you change tactics now, he'll sense it. You know, instinctively, that he will. Because you would in his place. So you finally look into the camera and say, "No. You haven't."
More honesty. There's a good girl.
Your heart skips a beat while there's a brief flutter of interest in your stomach, and you're disgusted with yourself for your body's reaction to that. He's a creep just like the rest of them, you tell yourself. Worse because at least the rest of them are harmless. To you, anyway.
He doesn't type anything else and his silence feels almost smug. Like he knows exactly the inner turmoil he's caused you and he wants you to stew in it. The flutter spreads lower.
"Now it's your turn to tell me how you guessed at any of that since I don't even show my face," you blurt out, desperate to think of anything else and not wanting to give him the satisfaction of thinking he's won somehow.
It wasn't a guess. I can hear the difference in your voice. The only time you mean what you say is when you berate them.
You think back to all the times you've snarled into the microphone and called them despicable. Disgusting. Useless. The one slip in your act.
You enjoy it. You enjoy getting to tell them exactly what you think of them while you take their money. You enjoy it so much, you have to stop yourself from pushing it one step further. But you want to. I can hear how much you want to. It feels good, doesn't it? To not have to hide, even for a moment. To treat them the way they deserve.
"Yes," you breathe out before you can stop yourself. Because it does. It feels incredible. The fluttering between your legs has grown into a slick heat now from his words alone.
How could he know that, though? How could he know that you've dreamed of telling them their only worth to you was their wallets because there at least they had a use. That having to read every horrible thing they said through the veil of anonymity made your skin crawl. That they're the reason their own lives are so miserable. Sexless bedrooms. Loveless marriages. Endless failed relationships. The inability to find someone to look twice at them. And you're glad they came slithering to you rather than have the self-awareness or brain cells to look in a goddamned mirror. Pathetic.
You've never even admitted that out loud to yourself. Only in your darkest thoughts. Now this man is typing out those inner thoughts as though they were written plainly on your face.
"You enjoy it."
"It feels good, doesn't it?"
Like he understands.
You both sit in silence for a minute that stretches out for far too long while you read his message over and over again, until your sex starts to ache.
You should feel ashamed, you realize. This is the moment you should feel horrible for thinking those things. And for being turned on by the way he told you that you enjoyed it. Only you don't.
"I don't know what you expect me to say," you whisper.
You've said enough. That was all I needed.
He knows, you think. You've given this man too much. "So what now? You still haven't said where all of this goes."
Yes I have.
"Right. A private show. How could I forget?" You mean for it to sound sarcastic, but it comes out confused because you're a little dazed from all of this. "You really still want me to flutter my eyelashes at you, push my cleavage at the camera, and say some insipid bullshit, even though it's all lies?"
No. I want to see ALL of you.
Your face flushes in embarrassment and anger, and you have to squeeze your thighs together to quell the want that is continuing to build in your core. "You're blackmailing me just to see my tits?"
You're going to talk to me as well.
"And say what?"
More of how you really feel. I want to hear more of the truth from your lips. As I said, I want to see all of you.
"Well, right now I'm feeling quite pissed off."
And as you're talking, you're going to touch yourself for me.
There's a swell of panic in your chest and it's as though you've been dunked in ice water because you've gone from hot to bone chilled. "Fuck you. I'm not doing that."
Why not?
"Because it's a violation! I'm not consenting to any of this. You're not giving me a choice."
You have a choice.
"Oh, choosing between masturbating on camera for you or you ruining my life? My mistake! Nothing dubious about that."
You're beautiful when you're angry.
You close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to stop yourself from throwing your laptop across the room. You will still need it after this, after all.
When you open your eyes, you look up into the camera with a serious, pleading expression on your face. "I don't want to do that. Please don't make me. I'll get undressed for you. I'll let you see all of me. But don't make me do that."
You shift your attention to watch the text box. There's a pause.
A long pause.
You start to think maybe you've finally angered him by saying no and he's in the process of messaging your mom and your boss. Just when you begin nervously shifting in your seat, a new message pops up.
What if you wanted to touch yourself for me? Then would you?
You stare at the message in disbelief. "Are you serious?"
Answer the question.
"If I wanted to, then…" You hesitate as you consider how to tell the truth. "I guess, yes I would. But that's different. I don't want to."
You don't want to yet.
"So you won't make me?"
No. I won't make you.
You exhale in relief. "Thank you," you whimper.
But I will make you want to touch yourself for me, that I promise.
"I highly doubt that. You've given me plenty of reasons to want literally anything else, the most important of which is that I'm still here because you're blackmailing me."
There is that.
I could delete all of it. If you ask nicely.
You furrow your brows in confusion. "What do you mean?"
I could delete it. Then there would be nothing forcing you to stay.
"And I'm supposed to just trust you?"
Yes.
You scoff. "Yeah, right. Besides, if you delete it, I'll just leave."
And go back to lying on camera?
"Surprisingly, I do still have to pay my rent after this."
What if you didn't have to?
"Didn't have to pay rent?"
No. Go back on camera or back to that laughable firm you work for. What if you didn't need the money?
"I already said I'm not doing either of those things because I enjoy them. Of course I wouldn't go back if I didn't have to."
Check your bank account.
The OTHER bank account.
You sit there and stare at your screen in horror. Because you've only just now realized that, in your panic, you'd been thinking too small before. You were worried about phone numbers and addresses. Such little things to keep you distracted and focused so you didn't have clarity of mind to stop to wonder at what else he could find and hold hostage.
"Why?" You whisper.
Just look. No reason to be afraid.
You frantically pick up your phone and swipe until you find the banking app. The last time you checked, you had over eight thousand pounds in that account after paying rent. Nothing extravagant. But it's reassuring knowing the savings is there if you need it. That you're relatively safe and comfortable. Because it's yours. You earned it.
The balance reads £308,218.72.
Three hundred thousand pounds more than should be in there. It's more money than you've ever seen in your life. It's more than you could ever hope to have at one time in your life.
"What is this?" Your voice sounds small from the shock.
A gift.
"I can't accept this." You look up into the camera. "I won't accept this."
Why not?
"Because I'm not a whore!" You snap at the lense. "And I refuse to be beholden to you. I won't let you own me."
No strings. You can take the money and run if you like. But we both know you're not going to.
"Won't I?"
No.
"And why not? Are you going to say something ridiculous like, 'There's more where that came from?'"
No.
"Why then?"
Because whatever you run off to do will bore you just as much as what you're doing now since the money doesn't change what's making you miserable. But you're starting to understand that I could offer you so much more. And I don't mean the money.
You clench your jaw in frustration and rage. You want to yell. To protest and deny it. You wish you could. But deep down you know he's right. Your world has been upended and laid bare in the span of, what, half an hour? From the moment he forced his way into your life, it has been many things, but boring is not one of them. Because, you realize, he does see you.
"I still…" you start helplessly. "I don't understand."
I told you. You intrigue me. No one intrigues me.
"For some reason that doesn't feel like a compliment."
I know I intrigue you, now, too.
"What do you really want from me?" You say quietly. "I know this isn't about getting a private show. It never was, was it?"
You.
I want you.
"Then why the money?"
I don't want you distracted.
You know nothing about this man. You don't know what he looks like and you can't hear his voice. But there's something about the way he referred to your entire life as a distraction that sends a shiver of fear up your spine. And something else rekindling inside of you that you now refuse to acknowledge.
"So I'm not giving you a show."
Oh, you'll give me one. Eventually. And I'm going to enjoy myself knowing I'm the only one who's ever seen you like that.
"How do you know I've never stripped on camera for anyone else before?"
It's beneath you. Because there's never been anyone on the other end deserving of it.
"You think you are?"
Am I?
"You seem like the kind of man that thinks he is."
That's not an answer.
You mentally curse because he's so damn perceptive. Your usual tactics don't work on him and that throws you off balance.
Am I?
"I don't know yet," you finally admit.
You really are so beautiful without the mask. Honesty suits you much more than the lie.
"My honesty suits you, you mean."
I'll never deny that I'm enjoying it. But you deserve to know that what's underneath isn't hideous like you fear. You can always take it off in front of me.
"And you'll enjoy it whenever I do," you murmur, almost entranced by the thought.
I will. Immensely.
"How do I know you're not just some creepy slob in a basement somewhere that's really good at hacking?"
You would have seen through me if I were.
He's right. Something about him seems sophisticated, but effortlessly so. Too effortless to be an act. Which leaves, what, bored rich guy? Well, at least you have one thing in common.
"Who are you then? And don't just say a fan. The only way you'll get me to even consider not running the second I close this window is by giving me something that isn't money or text on a screen."
I'm a man that knows what it's like to live with the mask. How do you think I saw through yours? I also know how good it feels to take it off. But even better than that is to be seen and embraced for what's underneath.
Does that satisfy you?
"Not nearly enough."
You'll learn more next time. The link will stay active. When you come back here, I'll know.
"When," you huff in disbelief under your breath.
When.
"We'll see, won't we?"
Before I go, is there something you're forgetting? Something to ask me maybe?
"Something to ask…?" You trail off in thought because you have no idea what he's talking about. But as you replay parts of the conversation in your head, you remember that he said he would delete everything if you asked. Nicely.
You clench your fists and take a deep breath to prepare yourself. Because you know he added the "nicely" specifically to see you squirm and you refuse to give it to him. Then you look up into the webcam, and, with all the sincerity you can muster, you ask. Nicely.
"Please delete it. All of it. I want you to. I won't promise you anything in return because I don't know if I'll come back, and I won't lie to you or myself with a false promise. But it would prove to me that you mean what you say. That you want me. Because if you have all of that to hold over me, if I can't make this choice on my own, you'll never truly have me, will you? There will always be parts of myself that I keep back and I'll never look at you or talk to you as a man. Only as my captor. So please, I am begging you. Delete it."
You look down to the text box and wait.
His video comes to life then, surprising you and splitting the screen in half. But what's there isn't his face. It's a computer screen with a desktop so basic, it almost looks unused. There's also an open folder, and it's full of video, image, and text files—far more of them than you would have guessed. He's been observing you for a while and you had no idea he was there. You can see your own face and your lingerie in a couple of the video and photo thumbnails. Then you watch as he highlights all of it and, without fanfare or hesitation, deletes it. The folder—which you now realize is titled after you—sits empty.
You open your mouth to protest because you aren't an idiot, but as though he anticipated that, he shifts over to the trash can and empties that as well.
It's done.
"How do I know there aren't backups?"
I guess you'll just have to trust me, won't you?
Then he leaves the chat and you're left staring at your own face on the screen.
Before you close the window, you have to wonder if you aren't truly seeing yourself for the very first time.
Chapter 2 ->
A/N: I hope you enjoyed and are now properly buckled in for this trainwreck of a gratuitously smutty and fucked up romance. Please keep your arms inside the vehicle at all times because I have already lost complete control of this. But I promise it's gonna be a lot of fun. 😌😏
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abysskeeper · 6 months ago
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WHABAM!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️
Yay, thank you! Ok, I'm back from a weekend trip now and can pick 5 I think. I'll mix it up for fandom and go in order of publication.
A Thousand Ways to (Never) Say "I Love You" - Baldur's Gate 3, Gale/Tav (Named F!Tav), act 2, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff with a sad ending Gale hasn't been the same since Elminster delivered the charge from Mystra. Nox has finally figured out how to offer a distraction, at least for a few hours. It does not go quite according to plan. Please read this. I understand it's a 13.5k one-shot but I poured a lot of heart and time into it. It's spawned a 6 part series dealing with act 2 and I'm simultaneously working on parts 2 and 4 because I'm so incredibly normal about wizards.
Just You, Just Me - Baldur's Gate 3, Wyll/Tav (Named F!Tav), act 3, childhood friends to lovers, fluff Late one evening on the road to Baldur's Gate, Wyll is pulled away from camp by the sweet sounds of a violin. The woman he finds playing is familiar; unfortunately, he had hoped to never see her again. Result of my first Tav. Unlike the 30-something wizards above, Fi and Wyll really are just two kids trying their best, and I should write more for them.
Exit, Stage Right - The Great Ace Attorney, Herlock Sholmes/Mikotoba Yujin, Herlock Sholmes & Iris Watson, canon compliant, fluff and hurt/comfort A proper homecoming, a precious hour and a half before they needed to step on stage for the final act, and more than enough of a fool's notion of sentimentality. Herlock Sholmes was set to enjoy what little time he had with his partner before the grand finale of their ten year dance. It was a shame, then, that he had to ruin it. 3 months and nearly 20k words for a hyperspecific headcanon that maybe one other person has and appreciates. Also one of my most favorite things I've ever written.
Rebirth (oh cursed cycle that you are) - RWBY, Oscar Pine & Ozpin, volume 8 canon divergence, character study There's a fullness in his mind that's ready to burst at the seams. There's a clawing in his heart searching for the presence now missing. When Oscar said he didn't want the merge to happen, he didn't realize how close he really was to having everything he never wanted. Tied for first as my favorite thing I've ever written for RWBY*, and easily one of the top five things I've ever written at all. Weird and speculative are what Oscar deserves for his situation.
Under Guise - SWTOR, Jedi Consular/Cipher Nine, OCxOC, fluff, Tumblr prompt fill A night at an Alderaanian ball is not exactly how Trick wants to be spending her time. Pestered by a man she has a distaste for even less so. Until suddenly, it was exactly what she wanted. Beloveds having fun. For as much as I dislike looking back and editing some stuff, this has really withstood the test of time, and I had an absolute blast writing it.
*(Bonus shout out to Chapter 4: Interlude: Children of Fate of my fic A Funny Little Thing Called Trust. I can't recommend the whole fic because I do someday want to go back and edit it up to my current standards, but the chapter itself is the other thing tied for first as the best thing I've ever written for RWBY)
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batmanschmatman · 1 year ago
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Hello, hope you’re doing well!! 1, 3, 12, 17, 24 and 38 for the ask game please 😊
doing pretty good! have two job interviews tomorrow so nervous about that but also excited. hope you're doing well too and thanks for the ask!!
one: what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are? going to skip past the obvious like my parents and say american girl dolls (got me into history, made me major in it in college and got me to get my MA in public history, so all my career stuff has been tied back to them hahaha), joining my livejournal/dreamwidth roleplaying communities which kept me writing a lot and getting involved in fandom stuff (this is how I met @heystovepipeboys!) and generally growing up as and staying a big nerd about a lot of stuff, which shapes pretty much everything about me all the time lol.
three: 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of? hmmmmm tough call bc I don't think my usual answers for favorite movies necessarily fit this (jaws is usually what I say is my fave, but I don't ever really put it right back on after watching it), so the ones I tend to be like okay let's put it right back on as soon as the credits roll are princess mononoke, what we do in the shadows, and captain america: the winter soldier. honorable mentions to star trek '09 and x-men: first class which I watched about a hundred thousand times in college whenever I wanted to put something on while writing.
twelve: what’s some good advice you want to share? don't settle for a partner who doesn't or barely tolerates your hobbies and interests. there are so many people in my doll collector groups who talk about spouses/partners who actively hate their collections or shame them for having them, and honestly life is too short for that. I was told for years as a kid/teen/young adult that I'd never find someone who liked disney/comic books/collecting toys/star trek/pokémon/history as much as I did, so I'd have to get used to the idea of getting rid of all my stuff when I got married, but my wife is super supportive of my interests and actively participates in 90% of them. she even collected dolls before she met me! your partner doesn't have to be involved with everything you do, but they should respect your interests and you should respect theirs!
seventeen: name 3 things that make you happy cats, delicious baked goods, wearing comfortable pajamas while wrapped in a million blankets
twenty four: what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for? finishing the first draft of my novel! it's a historical fiction piece about a marine coming back from a japanese pow camp at the end of WWII and dealing with all the different questions of "what now?" now that the war's over. I'd been working on it since 2018 and it's crazy seeing it printed out and finished even if it still needs a lot of editing hahaha.
thirty eight: fave song at the moment? meet me in the woods by lord huron
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