#i think marvel needs to hire me to fix rachel's story

[rachelgreyisgay]

My Stupid Rachel Headcanons

1. kate called rachel sweet girl in 811, and when rachel was brought to 616 she started calling kitty sweet girl and now it’s their term of endearment

2. rachel likes milfs

3. rachel wears her hound uniform but in red bc mojo used it against her...she wants to reclaim it and have that uniform associated with good so that no one can use it against her again

4. i have this scene in my head where brian and rachel are butting heads and brian is trying to get a rise out of her and rachel goes “i don’t have to prove that i have a bigger dick than you, i already know”....blah blah blah something about rachel not having a big dick and then, after thinking through how mad it would make brian, “...that’s not what your sister said” like a petty little bitch

5. rachel only feels like she’s home on three occasions: when she’s in kitty’s arms, when she has the phoenix, and when she’s among the stars

6. rachel unronically wears cargo shorts

7. kitty made her wear that stupid cape that one time, and she only agreed bc kitty designed it for her

8. rachel drinks orange juice straight out of the carton

9. all of rachel's things can fit in a duffel bag. and she doesn't like unpacking that duffel bag.

10. rachel hasn’t slept through the night since she was a child and she often gets up in the middle of the night and eats. this brings about many late-night conversations with other x-men

11. rachel may be on decent terms with logan, but she constantly reminds him that he tried to kill her

12. “you kiss my mother with that mouth??” being said to logan

13. the word “bub” is in rachel’s vocabulary because of logan

14. kitty left piotr at the altar bc subconsciously she knows she loves rachel ARGUE WITH THE WALL

15. i legitimately can’t remember what comic this is from but everyone was supposed to be wearing red and someone asked kitty “where’s your red?” and i can’t remember what kitty said, but idc she said “at home” and she 100% was talking about rachel

16. RACHEL. ADORES. HOPE. this woman has spent her whole life yearning for a family and you’re gonna tell me she didn’t jump all over the fact that she has a niece?? smells like bullshit

17. rachel’s strap is red, duh

18. rachel didn’t know to land in london after escaping mojo, she just hoped really hard she’d make it home. and somehow that brought her to the exact place kitty was

19. rachel calls jp “boober” only because it pisses him off

20. franklin is rachel’s beard. she needed companionship in the camps and there weren’t many ppl to pick from. she does love franklin, but in the way that she loves kurt. not in the way she loves women.

21. rachel has trouble differentiating between romantic and platonic feelings. this is why she confuses her feelings for kurt and franklin. she’s never been shown consistent support and affection from the people she considers friends, so she thinks that when others do that for her it must be romantic

22. rachel is a massive nerd. major star trek and star wars fan. she definitely made kitty and kurt dress up as luke, leia, and han with her.

23. rachel keeps threatening kitty with the idea of shaving her head. kitty is convinced they’re empty threats. they are not.

24. rachel definitely had a crush on illyana. but she also had intense feeling of wanting to be her.

25. rachel gets fucking bent whenever nathan refers to her as his little sister.

26. way way way in the future kitty and rachel head their own team and they go by captain grey and captain pryde...needless to say most of the team is queer.

27. “is that my mom or your mom?”

“does it matter?”

“it matters. my mom never tried to fuck our dad’s brother.”

28. even when she’s not the phoenix host, she keeps her close by wearing phoenix inspired jewelry. a necklace. and arm cuff. a single dangly earring. an ear cuff.

29. rachel has issues with being physically affection to most people.

30. rachel doesn’t like when people touch her without her consent. especially her neck and torso.

31. rachel made a telepathic bond with kitty just like she did with nathan, but she often regrets it bc she hates feeling how hurt kitty is when she can’t fix it.

32. rachel constantly wonders what about her makes so many men approach her and flirt with her. she’s a tall, muscular woman with a mullet who consistently dons massive spikes and mainly non-feminine clothing. what about her says she wants a man’s attention??

33. ray has major resting bitch face.

34. rachel has called brian a pig on many occasions.

35. john grey was the only member of her family that rachel felt really loved her as family.

36. rachel worked with hope prior to her becoming the phoenix bc scott is incompetent.

37. rachel can’t fucking cook (sorry babe) but at the same time, when she first came to 616 she was always hesitant to eat food others made for her.

38. rachel hates the feeling of being drunk. not having complete control of her body reminds her too much of how she was drugged as a hound.

39. but she is a stoner gay

40. rachel has experienced her mother dying multiple times. her bond to her mother transcends the multiverse. and somehow, it gets worse every time.

41. rachel refuses to have any biological children. she’d be open to adoption or her future partner using a surrogate, but honestly has no plans or urge to be a mother at the moment.

42. rachel is a fucking FLIRT.

43. rachel and ruby met and are best friends you can’t convince me otherwise.

44. although she doesn’t necessarily want children, rachel is actually pretty good with kids.

45. rachel hates cops.

46. rachel will always show up to an event dressed better than you (unless you’re emma. emma would win that competition)

47. i’m legitimately stuck between wanting rachel to have no genetic relation to scott and rachel having three biological parents. if she is related to scott, she has his eyes (this one is 100% stolen oop)

48. rachel threatens to snitch on remy to anna marie whenever he fucks up

49. rachel is fucking tough. but that doesn't mean she doesn't cry. she cries quite frequently because of how her emotions and trauma can overwhelm her.

50. rachel constantly wonders why she’s in 616. she originally thought it was her own fuck up, but the phoenix sent her there outside of her control. she feels like she has no purpose. but even still, she vows to keep fighting for mutantkind so they won’t suffer the same fate mutants did in her world. she never realizes that she did exactly that and that it was her purpose all along. if she never landed in 616, she never would’ve become mother askani, and nathan would’ve never lived to raise hope if rachel weren’t there. rachel was integral to bringing the mutant messiah to where she needed to be. and rachel hasn’t realized that she is doing more to protect mutantkind than most. she still feels lost.

51. rachel is a leftist. you want me to believe that she lived through a genocide and came out a centrist? bullshit.

52. this isn't even a headcanon bc she did it in excalibur but she braids her mullet when getting suited up and it looks like a rattail.

53. kitty and rachel 100% recreate that one picture of the women doing their makeup:

and it stars with kitty on top, but kitty can't do makeup for shit (still love you, though) so they switch and it sends kitty into a gay panic.

54. out of everyone in the summers-grey clan, nathan and rachel have the best bond and relationship. although it's not super lovey and affectionate outwardly, they always have each others' back and know they can rely on one another. and they bully the shit out of one another. that's what family is for.

55. fellow lesbian laura teases rachel about her crush on kitty all the time. they also go to gay bars together.

56. while rachel is a butch lesbian, she can rock a mini dress and heeled boots like nobody else (especially if they're leather). but she tends to wear a suit when attending formal events.

57. if she can wear big stompy boots, she will wear big stompy boots. bonus points if she can stomp on someone in them.

58. she loves the 80s. 80s movies. 80s fashion. 80s music. she also has a crush on joan jett.

59. rachel is constantly tucking kitty's hair behind her ears.

60. rachel absorbs the phoenix indefinitely, marries kitty, and fucks off to space and lives happily ever after.