#i think its fun if dexter's a goat but that would make mandark a snake rather than dragon

[cherryywrites]

happy lny ficlet

Dexter walks into his laboratory, a fresh cup of coffee in hand, and finds himself face-to-face with a hot pink tiger.

He freezes in his tracks.

The tiger stares him down with an air of nonchalance, perched atop his keyboard as if it owns the place. Meanwhile, a continuous stream of  'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA' is scrolling rapidly across the monitor behind it, echoing the internal scream that Dexter's struggling to suppress.

Then the predator gives a great big yawn, displaying a very large, very sharp set of teeth.

"Heh heh...nice...kitty..." Dexter coos. He starts backing away, being very careful not to spill his coffee, even though his hand is starting to tremble.

Its large, glassy eyes blink slowly at him, ear twitching. Dexter gulps. In the back of his mind, much like the ceaseless stream of vowels rolling across his monitor, his brilliant brain helpfully supplies him with a barrage of tiger facts, narrated by a suspiciously Attenborough-esque voiceover. Tigers have been observed pouncing at speeds of up to 10 to 15 meters per second in short bursts. A tiger's bite force ranges from about 500 to 1000 pounds per square inch. This is strong enough to crush the skulls and bones of their prey in a matter of seconds...

"HI DEXTER!" DeeDee shouts from behind him. Dexter jumps, and coffee splashes out of his mug and right onto his lab coat. The hot liquid spills all over the floor.

"DEEDEE, RUN!" He shrieks, but his panic is soon dispersed when DeeDee starts laughing at him.

"Awwww, did Princess Floofy scare you?" DeeDee walks on over to the tiger, neatly stepping around the remnants of Dexter's morning breakfast. To his utter horror, she reaches up to the tiger's jaw and starts giving it scritches on the chin.

"Who's a good girl? Yes you are, yes you are-" The tiger closes its eyes and a deep, rumbling purr emits from its throat as DeeDee continues her ministrations.

"DeeDee, stop that." Dexter says, recovering himself. "That's a dangerous predator, not a housecat!"

"Actually, housecats are dangerous predators as well." A familiar nasally voice interrupts him. "Well, to the wrong people, of course."

Turning around, he realizes that behind him is none other than Mandark, who is pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose smugly. (The glasses immediately fall back down afterwards, though, which diminishes the evil genius effect quite soundly). He's wearing his all-red cape today rather than his black and red one, but the rest of his dorky outfit is the same.

"Mandark!! What are you doing here?!" Dexter scowls, brandishing his nearly-empty mug of coffee at him. A little bit spills out from the top, which Mandark eyes warily.

"I came by to borrow your BioGenesis Engine for a bit."

"Why?!"

"So I could give you your New Year's present." Mandark replies.

"New Year's was a month and 10 days ago."

"The solar one, yes. But not the lunar new year." Mandark grins. "Happy New Year, by the way."

"It will be a happy new year when you get this fuchsia feline out of my laboratory! Why on earth would you think I'd ever want this? I'm a DOG person -"

Mandark snickers.

"-you'd better get this wretched cat out of my lab right now, or I'm gonna lose it!"

Mandark holds up a hand. "To clarify, my dear Dexter, the tiger is not your present."

"...It's not?" Dexter asks, a little dumbfounded.

His rival shakes his head. "Of course not. The tiger isn't your zodiac animal."

"Oh," Dexter frowns. "Wait...It's not DeeDee's either."

"...Yeah, but she didn't like the ox." Mandark shrugs. 

"They're not as cute!" DeeDee says. 

"Speaking of which, I have some good news and bad news..." Mandark gives a sheepish grin. "Which do you want first?" 

Oh no. "What did you do?"

"So the bad news is, the ox broke your BioGenesis Engine during its rampage." Mandark says. "Bit of a bull in a China Shop situation." 

"For Einstein's sake..." Dexter pinches the bridge of his nose. "And the good news?"

"The good news is, before it broke it, I managed to make both of our zodiac animals!" Mandark beams, taking Dexter by the shoulders and spinning him round. "See?"

Across the room is crimson red goat with burnished gold horns that narrows its eyes at him. It gives a low, menacing bleat and paws the ground with its hoof. It looks like it's ready to charge. 

Dread sinks into the pit of Dexter's coffee-less stomach. 

"Mandark..." He says slowly. "...Remind me what your zodiac animal is again?"

He's answered by a loud, guttural roar from the back of his laboratory.