#i think it's legit been like 4 years wait wtf that's TWISTED......

[gingerpeachtea]

cat fic (for the wip ask game) (do i go here? no. but i have been summoned by the possible existence of a cat)

(wip ask game!)

YAYYYY CAT FIC <333333333333

“Does it have a name?” Jimmy asked. “Not yet. I was thinking maybe something biblical.” Nick glanced up from polishing his trumpet. “I’m not calling your cat Jesus.”

[whenimgoodandready]

What do we do now!? The knights can’t do anything, Globgor’s bedridden, Eclipsa is to drained out to cast her powerful spell, even “The Greatest Warriors of Mewni” were all hit with the Solarian Blade, who can save us all from the new Solarian army led by psycho b*tch Mina Loveberry!?HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!:

*Here to Help-Plot Twist! That wasn’t Mina Eclipsa, Globgor, Star and The Marcnificent Seven 2.0 we’re battling agsinst! Damn! Mina has her own personal Mecha Knight Suit (pigtailed), but where the Hell did she get that army from!? She can’t do magic! She’s just super empowered!

While the wounded with the Solarian blade cut were being tended, Eclipsa tries to figure out what to do and no people! She can’t use that “Spell with No Name” spell cuz that takes a lot outta her! Hey look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a pla-No wait! It is a bird! But what’s on the bird!? It’s coming down into the window of Monster Temple! Take cover! Oh! Hello Moon! (and River who’s still wearing that bear suit from before). Hey Moon! Are you here to finally tell the gang that you knew the entire time that Mina was coming for Eclipsa!? Cuz you’re too late on that sister! Could you just help! Great! What’s the plan!? Cuz Mina gives Eclipsa until the crow of the rooster to surrender and Moon wants Stars friends to get to the sanctuary ASAP before it’s too late while River tends to Globgor. From one dad to another, he’s there. Even if he can’t understand vegetarianism like Toulas aunt. Hey! He’s on Eclipsas side! That’s cool!

Okay so here’s the plan:Eclipsa will in fact do that spell again, but this time be more focused so as to just hit Mina, Buff Frog will get the wounded to the sanctuary and get the Monster village to safety, Sir Dashing will prepare provisions and uh, uhhhhhhhhh, Star and Marco will put the pig goats to safety! Wait what!? Are they important? Okay, well, go tend to the pig goats I guess (shrugs). Uh, Moon, what are you doing? Why are you opening the enterance for Mina to come in and attack?........Moon?................excuse me!? You want Eclipsa to what now!? Surrender!? 8O.

Marco asks why they’re tending to the pig goats since it sounds inconsequential and Star admits she’s just overwhelmed by everything. All her friends are wounded and she’s just here staying on the sidelines. She thought she was done with all this after the Mewmans finally accepted Eclipsa (“Corononation”), but nooooooooooooo, here she is helping Eclipsa once again! First it was clearing her name (“Butterfly Trap”), then it was getting the Mewmans to like her (“The Ponyhead Show!”/“Surving the Spiderbites”) and now it’s saving her a** from Mina! (“The Right Way”). It’s tiring! 😓 Marco makes her feel better by kicking open a door and pastering the pig goats! Huh. You know what, I realized something. Whatever Star does I consider it stupid (ex.kicking open a door), but when Marco does the same thing, I’m cool with it! I guess it’s because he’s the sane one compared to Star and that people like him can do just about as many crazy things. Which is fine. So the two go in and slap some a**.............On the pig goats people! THE PIG GOATS! Get your minds outta the gutter!

Now comes my final question for the season, the one we’ve been waiting for, the million, no billion! No trillion! No zillion! NO AJVKSTIXKHGIA-ion dollar question of “Star vs. The Forces of Evil”. ⭐️7. IS STARCO GONNA HAPPEN!? Star tells Marco she heard what he said about his “I love you” confession at The Realm of Magic (“Mama Star”) and asks if it was legit him or his drug induced subconscious talking. It was so him! It was 1000% pure unadulterated Marco there! He admits he’s felt this way since day one! Like, all the way to the premiere!? (“Star Comes to Earth”). And that the whole Blood Moon thing (“Blood Moon Ball”) was what I mentioned before in my reviews, BALONEY! His feelings were what he thought was platonic, but overtime, as the journey (the show) went on, it got more intense and so, it had to be love! Is it mutual though!? (Official Starco kiss happens. Screams gleefully)🎶 I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me, I'm beggin' you to beg me, I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me, I'll shine up my old brown shoes, I'll put on a brand new shirt, I'll get home early from work, If you say that you love me, Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I, See you cryin'🎶 Lol! I’m sorry, but when Star said that line, “I want you to love me”, that song was what automatically played in my head! 10 Things I Hate About You was on tv a lot recently too and I love that movie as well. She said it too! It’s happened! YES! Two love confessions! Wa-hoo! I’m just so happy Starco finally became canon! 😂 And it wasn’t a Last-Minute Hook-Up either! But a SECOND TO Last-Minute Hook-Up! I know one svtfoe blog that loves that idea ;).

The happy and Official/Alpha Couple come out and to their shock, see Moon and Eclipsa in a heated magical showdown! What happened there!? Oh! I get it. Moon told Eclipsa that she knew about Mina earlier and Eclipsa got pissed that Moon didn’t tell her sooner huh!? Huh!? Yeah, I’d pissed about that too. Wait, that’s not why their fighting? Then what about!? Don’t tell me Moons on Minas side! No!? Oh Phew! That’d be scary.............huh?.............Moon made all this happen!? WTF!? (rooster crows) OH SH*T!

That “Spell With No Name” spell just might work again since Eclipsa seems perfectly well enough to use it again, so if she’s cool with using it again then great! We can do that! Stars friends need to get to the sanctuary quick before they’re time runs out and they’re all dead! We can’t lose any good minor characters here! What I’m grateful for is that after 4 years, 4 LONG GRUELING YEARS! Starco has been officially made canon! They’re song played! You know that song, right!? The one Brain H. Kim made a few of just for those two! Yeah, it played right when it happened too :’). Some of you might say that Starco was “rushed”, but I’m guessing since this was their last season and that they needed to wrap things up, it was forced to finally make us Starco shippers happy. Even if it was, at least it wasn’t in the series finale that they got together and only just near the end. I’m sure if we had gotten a 5th season, we would’ve had a better build up, but in this case, it was alright. Kinda odd place to hook-up though. In a pig goat shed! Then again, it looked to be an innuendo of teenagers sneaking away to do the “frick frack”! Lol! So yeah. I get it! Let’s talk about Starco for a sec here. Ahem! So Star and Marco got along after kicking Ludos army’s butts (“Star Comes to Earth”) and from then onward, became best friends. Their bond got closer when Marco thought he lost Star forever (“Mewberty”) and then there was that whole Blood Moon thing (“Blood Moon Ball”). However, that was all bullsh*t cuz there’s no magic on this Earth that could force these to love each other! XD. Their bond is strong! To the point where Star would give up her own wand, the most important in the universe! To save Marco! (“Storm the Castle”) Even if they didn’t know about their feelings (“Sleepover”), the longer they stayed together, the more their feelings grew. They were willing to die together (“Gift of the Card”) and it even came to a point where other people can see their love! (“Face the Music”). They couldn’t stop talking about each other (“Sophmore Slump”/“Lake House Fever”), They need to be together (“Lint Catcher”), They’ve fought together to save Mewni, twice! (“Battle for Mewni”/“Divide”/“Conquer”) and even though it was too late for them to be together (“Just Friends”/“Lava Lake Beach”), it didn’t stop them from getting closer (“Booth Buddies”). No amount of magic can erase what these two have built up over time (“Curse of the Blood Moon”). Together they can be happy no matter what obstacles they’ve been through (“Beach Day”) and that if anything were to happen to them, they’d still be aware of their love for each other! (“Mama Star”). 🎶THAT’S THE POWER OF LOVE!🎶. 🎉CONGRATULATIONS! STARCO!🎉👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Okay, now comes the hard part. Moon. YOU CALL THIS HELPING!? You mean tell me that ever since “The Ghost of Butterfly Castle” you’ve been plotting WITH MINA!? I thought you were gonna back out cuz you’re not the queen anymore!? Whatever happen to “letting Eclipsa take care of this”!? Huh!? Huh!? HUH!? WHAT MADE YOU THINK THIS WAS THE BEST APPROACH!? You better explain yourself! (rooster crows) SHUT UP! ROOSTER!

[yakumtsaki]

There’s no easy way to say this so I’m just gonna come right out with it: welcome to the most morbid post in Union history. Half the family is getting wiped out in a single update and I don’t mean to point fingers, but it’s 100% Wyatt’s fault. I really need someone to blame so don’t dare try to take this away from me.

Back to the present and not the corpse-filled near future, we actually have some money to spend on our spawn for the first time ever, so Shajar gets a non-completely-depressing room. No more eating from the cat bowl for our kids!

..spoke too soon.

-Is it still there, is it still there??

-YES omg it just looked right at me! Vic! I’m scared!

-Don’t make eye contact with it you fool! Don’t you have any idea about how children work??

After not getting promoted for an eon, Jojo is suddenly killing it, two promotions in a row!

-I know, I was starting to fear I’d be one of those geniuses who are only recognized after death- UGH, what is that obnoxious sound?

That’s your infant child screaming because it was abandoned on the cold hard floor the entire night.

-Oh ok, so standard parenting. For a minute I thought something was wrong.

-There, there, you’re alright. Ok.. OK seriously, stop. God, have some dignity for once in your 12-hour life. Crying in public is so embarrassing.

-NEEEEEEO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Yup. I’ve been so focused on feeding Victor and Alegra’s ancient asses from the bowl of life that I forgot Neo was an elder too, so he’s the first to go even though he’s way younger than them, great job @ me. Goodbye Neo 💔 You were such a good boy, our cat heir, and an integral part in achieving Komei’s life-ruining LTW. You will be sorely missed.

..Apparently by your archenemy Victor most of all. Vicky casually walked off the lot the minute Neo died with no notifications about running away, only to return on his own shortly after. Wtf is going on in this house.

-I had to contemplate the futility of hate.. All this time wasted trying to kill each other and for what.. It's a sunrise and a sunset from a cradle to a casket.

Yea or this lot is already glitched as fuck and it’s only generation 2. Good times.

I was very bummed out by Neo’s premature demise and not in the mood for another kid, but one peek at Jojo and Wyatt’s life bars convinced me to drop the mourning period and circle-of-life this bitch. They are extremely not getting any younger and who tf do I think I am? Someone who knows better than Mufasa?However since a) Jojo is nowhere near his 100k LTW and can’t be taking days off and b) and more importantly, I hate Wyatt, guess who’s carrying this time around!

OH COME ON

GODFUCKINGDAMMIT WYATT

-Huhu!

How the hell did this happen I DEMAND TO KNOW

-Check how your mods work in le futur, idiόt!

..well you got me there.

Jo you are ON FIRE, 3/3! Maybe we can actually complete this 100k bullshit before you’re on death’s doorstep. It’s gonna be close tho, but you know, you just HAD to get knocked up again, so that’s on you.

-No, it’s on YOU.

No, it’s ON WYATT. Let’s just not point fingers and move on, ok? Everyone is equally to blame.

-NO THEY’RE NOT

I’VE MOVED ON I CAN’T HEAR YOU

And now a section I like to call: What the entire fuck is happening. VICTORIA WHAT ARE YOU DOING

-What?? I love babies :)

I legit went back and checked, can you guess how many times Victoria autonomously interacted with any of her kids when they were babies/toddlers? If you had EXACTLY ONE TIME you win..nothing. There are no winners here.

Oh. my. god. 

-Stop hogging her already, I wanna feed her too!

-WELL WAIT YOUR TURN DICK. No, not you, baby bobo booboo.. 

We’ve had our fair share of plot twists around here but this is truly some fucked up shit. In case you don’t get what the big deal is, enjoy this little trip down memory lane aka the Victoria-Komei-parenting-hall-of-fame. Either the ‘age mellows people out’ thing applies to sims too or they got personality transplants when I wasn’t looking. Disturbing.

Of course SOME THINGS never change, no matter how life-ruining for all involved.

-Is this about my LTW, STILL? It’s been like 20 years, GET OVER IT

NEVER

Whachu doing Vic?

-Updating my will to include Komei now that I suddenly love him. Of course someone has to get cut to make that happen..

Well goodbye Daniel I guess!

-..Who the fuck is Daniel?

-I too am making preparations for when I leave this cruel world.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume they’re cat-related.

-NO, not everything is about cats! I have plenty of other interests and concerns. 

Name one.

-My beloved son! I’m making sure he takes care of my cats.

Finally, this family’s excellence is starting to be recognized. It’s about time.

-Yea no, this is a recognition that you trainwrecks need all the help you can get.

UGH typical jealous hater bullshit, I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.

Ok, I’ve some idea what you’re talking about. Honestly what else has to happen for me to just. stop fucking throwing kid’s birthday parties? I’m pretty sure we’ve had..one that wasn’t a straight up disaster? God knows those glory days aren’t returning any time soon.

-I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m having a blast :D

Of course you are Gunther, you haven’t been sober since the third year of college.

AND SOME PEOPLE ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THAT. ABSOLUTELY NOT. HALF ALIEN PROF ISTFG

-I’m legit fine with this :)

I legit don’t care, it’s not happening in our sacred home. Also BRIT IS RIGHT THERE JFC you’ve gotten stupid as shit.

You guys seriously, what sins am I paying for, why can’t we have ONE NORMAL NON-INCESTUOUS PARTY. JUST ONE. Daniel heartfarting over his ex, ok, not that weird. Komei heartfarting over his daughter-in-law..getting weird. Gunther heartfarting over Half Alien Prof..reaching for the chlorine to bleach my eyes and then immediately drink.

Nice, get in on that action Wyatt! We almost forgot about your long standing boner for your brother-in-law.

Happy birthday, Shajar! You’re welcome for this amazing party, pay me back by not being ugly.

..yea ok. You did your best with the tools you were given. And I mean the literal giant tools that are your parents. Hopefully Wyatt came through with his somewhat balanced personality???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OH MAN. 10 playful, 9 active and 1 nice? Literally sporting Jigsaw’s personality. I mean darling Jojo has 3 nice points and is..how he is, can’t even imagine what Shajar is gonna grow up to be like, but it’s good to know we’re moving in the exact opposite direction than intended.

-Enjoyed your kid’s birthday party, you cheating bastard? WELL PARTY’S OVER

-I may be a cheating bâtard-

-SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR SELECTIVE FRENCH ACCENT

AW Neo’s ghost making its first appearance and trying to kill Wyatt, what a sweetheart. Welcome to the party!

It was one for the history books! 

-How on earth did this party suck, I had an exceptional time.

Yea that’s because you weren’t there, it’s easy to have an exceptional time away from this family. Of course I have never personally experienced it but the mind does race.

-AH at last, my article is published! Oh, editor’s pick too, ha, of course. No, wait, editor’s warning.. As requested by the legal department? Drama queens. “Horrifying views expressed.. Widely discredited.. Not endorsed in any way by this publication.. DERIVATIVE??!!” Well, I know what I’m doing this weekend.

Is it.. rewriting your article?

-Oh, I’ll rewrite it alright. IN BLOOD

Great. Speaking of blood-

-Victor’s thirst for it is back with a vengeance. We went an entire 4 days without a cat fight and I was all like ‘woo new record’ but one thing has become clear since then:

Victor didn’t go away to contemplate shit. He was waiting..plotting..training..and now the time has come for Victor 2: Reign of Blood.

-WHERE’S YOUR GOD NOW??

Seems about right. Honestly Sophie is the wisest one among us because she got tfo just in time to miss THIS:

Yea, unsurprisingly fucking Damien here is one vicious screamer. WHAT DO YOU WANT

-YOUR SOULS

Good luck finding any in this house.

-Who’s my cute little spawn of satan? Who is? Come to grandma baby.

-ONE SMALL STEP FOR ME, ONE GIANT LEAP TOWARDS THE ANNIHILATION OF MANKIND

Wyatt continues to do nothing of use all day and is not even getting promoted anymore due to his tragic lack of skill points. Somehow that led me to deciding he should be the one to get the genie wishes, I honestly dk wtf my problem is.

-Greetings, mortal etc etc. I’m gonna skip over the intro, you know the deal with the dealio, 3 wishes, let’s hit it.

-I was expectànt more of an Aladdin flair but c’est bien I guess..

-DON’T DARE MENTION THAT MOVIE TO ME YOU FRENCH ASSHOLE

-Um, oui, your désir c’est my command..Huhu! 

-Is one of your wishes the return of your brain, because you should throw that in there.

-Non, non. C’est but one wish in mon coeur, Genié. To nevér, evér have to interact with my bébés but still have beaucoup of them.. In case you can’t tell, I am sim de famille!

-Ugh yea, that much is obvious.

-Well, your wish is granted, mortal! Let me just flick your nose as hard as I can and we’re done here..

-Pourquoi?

-Oh no reason, just for my own pleasure. Buh-bye!

-And with that, he turned into la fumée, mon cheri! Incrediblé!

-I hate my life.

That makes two of us. As in I hate your life too, my life is pretty good.

KOMEI DO YOU MIND WITH YOUR DANGEROUS CURVES, Jojo has a grueling skilling schedule to keep up with.

-So this is it. Rock bottom. 

I mean, you wanted to be heir boo, you got it. It’s a dirty job.

Finally one of the Mortal Kombat cats lives up to its name! GET FUCKED VICTOR

-K.O

Well, we all saw that coming. Victor seriously, you’re like 50yo, don’t do this.

-I’m outta here for the fourth time bitches, and this time I’m not coming back! No man is an island but this cat is.

Ok, see you soon.

Wyatt’s wish is definitely coming true, he has not touched Shajar a single time yet, autonomously or otherwise! What a guy.

-I HAVE NO USE FOR EARTHLY FATHERS, THE ONE I NEED AWAITS US ALL IN HELL

It’s gonna be a long fucking generation.

-WYATT. WYATT YOU DAMN MORON WAKE UP

-Ugh Jojό, I told you, my magique protects me from all bébé interactiόn.

-DOES IT PROTECT YOUR TORSO FROM MULTIPLE STAB WOUNDS

It’s a girl! I’m like why stray from a proven formula, so I name her Cyneswith after another Crusader Kings character, who did not exist irl like Shajar but was still a fire emoji empress of Britannia. Welcome to the shitshow Cyneswith! No offense, it was great to meet you, but we have some important shit to do so..have fun on the floor?

FUCKING FINALLY. It’s promotions only from now on boo! 

..Which is more than I can say for some people. Wyatt seriously, can you move your useless ass up the ladder already so we can avoid having this freak in our house EVERY SINGLE DAY.

-The boy’s just following his heart ;)

Half Alien Prof you are by far the biggest pervert I’ve ever had in this game and Jojo spent his entire teenagehood trying to start a bdsm relationship with Stephen Tinker.

Well, Victor predictably died off lot, which is so on brand for him I’m not even mad. An insufferable dick to the very end, he lived to eat and to start fights with every animal he ever came in contact with. He only ever really loved Victoria. I’m gonna miss him so much.

Victor may have died, but that’s not going to stop the police department from trying to return him to us. Just remember that that place is under Wyatt’s supervision and it all makes sense.

Can hardly wait, Professional Make-Up Cop.

-I want to play a game, Alegra.

Man is someone gunning to be put up for adoption!

-Papa’s birthday présent to you, Shajar, is us finally meeting! Breathe it in, mon favori, I’ll be seeing you again on your next anniversaire!

-Wyatt I swear to fucking god, I will stab you.

Can we get this going please, I’m in NO MOOD.

Not bad at all! A pretty even mix of Wyatt/Jojo and I see you def did not get the Komei jaw, which is pretty much angels singing.

-Angels singing makes my eyes roll in the back of my skull. 

You make my eyes roll in the back of my skull.

-What?

What. I didn’t say anything. Love you Shaj!

-One more for the road babe? After 50 years?

Yea. Just pretend everything that follows has a broken heart emoji before and after each word.

I dress Vic up and have her wait for Death in the living room like a lady, none of those ‘dying in the bathroom in my underwear’ deaths, befitting people like Wyatt. However ideal the circumstances as far as death goes, my heart still broke in more pieces than cats Komei has petted.

-VICTORIA UNION

-Marisa? Is that you?

-NO, IT’S-wow cool armchair, where did you get-no, sorry, you’re dying and all, let me start over..

-VICTORIA UNION, YOUR TIME HAS COME. I’M HERE TO COLLECT YOUR WRETCHED SOUL

-What? My soul is not wretched jerkoff, the fuck you talking about?

-THAT’S JUST A THING WE SAY BECAUSE IT SOUNDS COOL, PLEASE DON’T RUIN IT

-HERE’S YOUR COMPLIMENTARY VIRGIN MARGARITA

-Virgin??? Oh god, I’m going to hell aren’t I?

-YOU WERE, BUT YOUR GRANDDAUGHTER MADE SOME CALLS ON YOUR BEHALF. WELCOME TO HEAVEN

-Yes, I can taste the alcohol in this! GOING GONE, BITCHES. LATES

The stacks of simoleons DID NOT EASE MY PAIN. I do love that Daniel got the most final version of ‘and none for Gretchen Weiners, bye’ possible.

Jojo is fucking devastated and immediately rolls the want to resurrect Vic. It’s bummy af, I’m not even gonna go for the obvious oedipal jokes, he was just crying for days and days and days..

Komei, on the other hand, WAS NOT.

-Eh, I’ll be seeing her soon enough, why waste the tears.

Now that I think about it Komei has never cried about any of the cats either, I think he’s just the type of person who deals with grief by suppressing it. Whatever works.

Jojo and Wyatt are always having these fashion talks whenever they’re eating which are hilarious because I can see Wyatt being into it, I mean he’s french, but in what world is fucking nerd Jojo interested in clothing. Not even that can cheer him up now 💔

Fucking Florence, bringer of doom, returns Sophie to us and the moment she does:

Tell me how am supposed to live without you, now that I've been loving you so long, how am I supposed to live without you, how am I supposed to carry on, when all that I've been living for.. is gone 💔

FUCK YOU FLORENCE

Jfc the blows just won’t stop coming. LEAVE US ALONE WE’RE IN MOURNING

Time for Cyneswith’s depressing ass birthday which I can’t give less of a fuck about, and apparently neither can Wyatt but then again he wouldn’t even if we weren’t ~back to black.

Loving the hairstyle but it does look ridic on a toddler. Good for you for committing to your british aristocracy character tho, very Downton Abbey.

Well the Komei jaw always knocks twice and apparently we let it in this time. Are you beautiful on the inside Cyneswith?

OH. MY. FUCK. BYE. CYNESWITH YOU FUCKING FREAK

-Huhu! 

NO SHE GOT THE HUHU. GOD HELP US

Cyneswith dramatically enters the toddler stage by immediately going into aspiration failure.. You can all guess where this is going.

-KOMEI UNION YOUR TIME HAS COME. I’M HERE TO COLLECT YOUR-

-Yea yea whatever, are my cats waiting for me? If you say no I will literally kill myself.

-I DON’T THINK YOU’RE GRASPING THE CORE CONCEPT OF DEATH, BUT YES THEY ARE WAITING.

-I’M OUT. TELL THE WOLF I LOVED HIM

KOMEI 💔 I’m sorry but we will not be delivering that message.

Apparently Jojo and Komei legit bonded at some point?? I was expecting like a half-hearted sigh but instead we got sobbing-

-and this sum that does not imply ‘least favorite kid’ AT ALL.

Well you know how the old saying goes: nothing will ever replace your parents but a helicopter will come close. 

Also in mourning: this breakdancer npc that randomly appeared on our lot and stayed stuck there for 2 days before I finally batboxed her into oblivion. This lot is fuuuucked y’all.

And generation 1 is officially over. Rest in peace Komei and Victoria, legacy founders, horrible spouses and somehow even worse parents. You stuck it out and were fun to play till the very end. I’ll really miss you guys 💔

[makeuptips10-blog]

25 WTF Thoughts I Had While Watching Hum Aapke Hai Kaun

New Post has been published on https://www.claritymakeupartistry.com/25-wtf-thoughts-i-had-while-watching-hum-aapke-hai-kaun/

25 WTF Thoughts I Had While Watching Hum Aapke Hai Kaun

Anjala Farahath September 21, 2018

What’s the first thing that comes to your mind when I say Sooraj Barjatya? Family? Of course! All the 90s kids will nod in unison. We believed that these movies were the true reflection of what big families lived like. From Hum Aapke Hai Kaun to Hum Saath Saath Hain, we were exposed to a whole new world of sanskaar, arranged marriages, family get-togethers, and a generous dose of naach-gaana.

This year, on my birthday, I realised that Hum Aapke Hai Kaun (HAHK) is as old as me and it made me want to watch this movie again. But, when I sat with a bowl of popcorn to watch this popular film, I was shocked. Maybe because, I didn’t blindly consume everything I saw on the screen like an audience mesmerised by Madhuri Dixit and Salman Khan’s unmissable charm. As much as I still love these family-oriented movies, I refuse to agree with them because they feel like a round peg in a square box now. When men and women are both busy breaking stereotypes and opening their arms and hearts to equality, our beloved Pooja Bhabhi, Kaka ji, Prem, Nisha, and Tuffy don’t really seem relevant today.

Here’s what exactly what my thoughts sounded like when I watched HAHK again, (and it really isn’t the same thought process that I had as a kid):

1. One of the first blunders in the movie: sexist comments. Beautiful girls can’t do math? Yep, that’s exactly what Salman Khan says when he sees Madhuri Dixit for the first time.

2. Alok Nath ( Kaka ji) gets a rishta for Anupam Kher’s (Chowdary) daughter, Pooja. Let’s just recall this scene again. Kaka ji tells Chowdary that he thinks that Chowdary’s daughter is a perfect match for Rajesh. Well, Rajesh comes in next. And all this while, the daughter in picture (Pooja), is happy to hear that she has been ‘liked’ by someone (like a product being sold at supermarket?) Kaka ji thanks him for the proposal. Then, enters the girl. Welcome to arranged marriages in India.

3. In the next scene, Prem asks Rajesh if he likes the girl, but nowhere is the girl consulted on the same. It’s assumed that she likes him. Wow, right?

4. All it took was one meeting to seal the deal? And here I am thinking for 2 days if I should buy that coffee mug from the shop next door.

5. What’s the deal with Salman Khan’s over excitement? I need whatever gives him that energy. I can at least stop moping around be happy and over-enthusiastic all day.

6. What’s with the songs at the drop of a hat? The movie just started and there’s been like three songs already!

7. Let’s talk about the dog. Is it a dog, or an umpire, or an event planner, or a letter man? That’s some talented dog, right? He is a dance partner, the guarder of the shoes, a messenger, a detective(*drumroll*), he is the great Tuffy.

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8. When the talks of Pooja and Rajesh’s marriage start, Anupam Kher says, “Ladki waale hai jhukna toh padega hi” (We are from the bride’s side, so we have to oblige). Now I know how this mindset has manifested itself over the years. Dialogues like this is what sits around in the heads of the people.

9. Wait, what? Anupam’s wife and Alok Nath are flirting? With Anupam’s consent? That’s an entire song on flirting? I’m just appalled. All that blushing, and all that love, wow. How is this sanskaar?

10. Are you kidding me? That’s exactly three minutes and there’s a song again? You miss a song, and you miss half the story. Because, talking is overrated. Songs are basically disguised conversations in this movie.

11. Prem and Nisha are chasing each other for the shoes during the jootha chupai rasam, they fall on the bed. The next thing he does is twists her hand, and instead of getting offended, she starts having feelings for him. Seriously?

12. Have you noticed how there’s always an audience when they are playing cricket? How do these kids come to just watch the elders play? Why aren’t the kids allowed to play? Yeh toh naa-insaafi hai. I would cry to be a part of the match.

13. The filmmakers thought it was important to emphasize on one thing— nope, it’s not the meaning of consent, or anything of that sort— it was about making sure that the men and women wore gender specific hats during cricket. Each hat had either “boy” or “girl” written on them. Because, it isn’t obvious, you know?

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14. Seriously, this music track started with them playing cricket, now she is pregnant, and has a baby bump.

15. You thought musicals aren’t a thing in Bollywood? Think again. They have songs, and then comes conversations. It’s basically fillers between songs.

16. Let’s take a moment to talk about Salman Khan’s jeep. Did some angry kid go all crazy with crayons and scribble all over it? If that’s what an adult’s car looks like, our parents should be glad we are not Salman Khan (in any case, we don’t drive like him either, right?)

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17. From Pooja to Kaka ji, everybody wants Prem to succeed in his life. But why is Rajesh the one running around while Prem just chills at home? Snob level is quite high here.

18. Prem and Nisha were just flirting for months, and then now they are behaving like they are married? She waits for him to come home from work, but they haven’t confessed their love for each other. Things did take a really long time in the 90s!

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19. One legit question: How rich were they? Because, that’s a huge mansion.

20. Finally, the baby is out! And now there’s a song for Pooja bhabhi.

21. Saali hoti hai aadhi gharwaali? Was this the turning point in Indian society?

22. Okay, Pooja bhabhi can’t die. No, this isn’t supposed to happen. Why am I crying? This isn’t right, Sooraj Barjaatya, get her back.

23. Did anybody ask Nisha if she wanted to get married to Rajesh? What’s happening? How is this okay? I can’t wrap my head around the fact that Nisha didn’t know who she was getting married to till the mehendi ceremony. People need to talk more in movies.

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24. Tuffy did what Lallu couldn’t! I want a dog like that. He can save me from doing stupid things in life. He made sure Nisha didn’t get married to Rajesh. He stopped Prem and Nisha from sacrificing their love in the name of farz (duty).

25. Oh, the movie is finally ending and I am crying. Sooraj Barjatya definitely knows how to play the emotions card.

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Irrespective of whether you like the movie or not, even after decades, Hum Aapke Hai Kaun will forever remain an iconic movie. It was one of the first movies to cross the 1 Billion mark at the Box Office. And, it will forever remain in our hearts as one of Sooraj Barjatya’s best.

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What’s your favourite scene from the movie? What makes you go WTF? Let us know in the comments below.

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[loveinruins]

He's losing me..

So last Friday I told myself that we were just going to eat and then I was going to go on the date that I had planned. So Friday night comes and he waited for me because he finished early and he asked me to make a decision on where to eat and I was like you always make me choose. I chose last week can't you pick?? Seriously I always pick when we go somewhere.. after complaining he goes look I wouldn't mind pizza or Italian.. so because I've never been to DOC before we decided to go there. On the way we were having a chat about the whole MT sitch again and just had a bit of banter or whatever. We get to DOC and it wasn't busy so I go shotgun the couch and he goes and sits on a table for two and goes where are you shotgunning? I rolled my eyes and I was like ugh fine.. Anyway so we have dinner and he's like what pizza are you gonna get? He's like look all the pizzas are good if you want you get one and I'll get one and we'll share. So I ended up ordering margarita to be safe and he ordered capricosa with anchovies or something and it was still nice. So we were just talking about random shit I mean I've left this blog so long I can't really remember now but I remember overall I had a good time. So good that when he dropped me off home I didn't want to go and meet up with DB. I remember he said something to me in the car and I was like can you pls be nice I'm really fragile right now. I was on the phone to B and she like cracked it at me saying that enough is enough and I had to go and whatever. So I ended up going and having fun. DB was tall af, tanned and older. Just a man. Everything G is not. So I ended up going to Carlton club and meeting him there, we had a few drinks and I had a good time. I had a few people ask me if he was boyfriend and if we were on a date and I was like yeah. These randoms told us we look cute together and I was like oh yeah.. He was so touchy feely with me and grabbing me and whatever then it was really cold and I wanted to leave cos I had my eyelash app the next morning and def was not missing that so I offered to take DB home and when we got to the front of his house I was like thanks for tonight and he goes oh come in and I go umm nah I've got an app early and he goes come in my house is warm and I go mmm I dunno and then he goes just come in baby and I'm like alright but only for 20 mins. Fast forward the night we were fooling around but didn't sleep together cos I had my period. He held me in his arms and stroked my hair until I fell asleep and I woke up in his arms and was like fuckkkk gtg. Anyway I kissed him bye and left. So all week I didn't hear from him but he kept telling me that he wanted to see me next Friday and to make sure I didn't sleep with anyone else because I told him I hadn't for like 4 years. So Friday that just passed came and I didn't hear from him and I knew G wanted to hang out on Friday night so I messaged DB asking him if I was still seeing him and he was like oh I already made plans. This pissed me the fuck off and I was so upset like legit don't even know why or how I was so upset by him. I dunno if it's because he said to me that he wanted to see me and to make sure that he did see me or if it was because he made me feel so wanted when he stroked my hair and held me until I fell asleep. Like no one has ever done that with me before and when I woke up I was still in his arms and he kissed me of the forehead and everything. Anyway so I was pretty upset the whole day because of that and then later in the afternoon when I went over to EM's team area and G was giving me shit to try and get my attention I pretty much just ignored him and ended up walking up to G and just being like what? He goes what's wrong straight away and I'm like nothing nothing and he kept asking and pestering me about it and I was just like nothing I'm just tired and he goes you're lying and I go I'm not he goes just tell me and I'm like nothing he goes is it work? I go no. He goes what is it again I was denying anything and then he goes is it a guy? I go yes ok.. And then that's when he was like oh ok... Turns around to this desk and puts his phone on available and then goes ok well what happened and I'm like I don't want to talk about it, he goes we'll talk about it later and I go no we won't and walked off. End of day comes and we go to leave work and in the car I was tearing because my eyelash was poking into my eye and he was like wtf what's wrong just tell me you're basically crying and I go I'm not he's like I don't fucking believe you and I was like wtf I'm not my eyelash is poking into my eye. He's like just tell me and kept pestering me about it once again. I'm like ughhhhh I was meant to see this guy tonight and he made other plans when he said he was going to see me last week when I saw him but now I'm not. Like don't tell me you really want to see me and then go and make other plans. He was like well maybe he just made plans with the boys when did you last see him? I was like last Friday and then at that moment he realized I went and saw DB and not the boys as I had told him. He goes well don't be upset like I'm sure because you guys didn't speak or whatever he just thought he wasn't gonna see you. I was like yeah but don't tell me you wanna see me and then make other plans wtf?! So we're driving whatever and he goes I haven't seen you this upset before, well since the last guy you told me about which was a few months ago and I'm like mm yeah let's not count that one.. anyway he goes well don't worry about it too much or whatever and we started talking about something else. We ended up going to lamb on chaps and grabbed a feed, spoke some shit and then as we were in the car I copped a message from DB.. I like gasped Instantly he could see my whole mood changed and I had a smile on my face and he goes look at your face and I go what? He goes look how happy you are that he's messaged you and I'm like yeah.. he goes you must really like him and I go yeah I mean I like him but not like really like him and he goes relax you can show some emotion sometimes you know. I was like alright whatever and he goes what did he say? I go he aais what's up miss? He goes ok wait about halfa to reply and I go yeah I know I'm not gonna reply straight away. He's like what are you gonna say I'm like I dunno and he goes just say I'm in the car with my work friend he's taking me home, make sure you say he so he knows you're with a guy. I go no wtf why would I say I'm with a guy he's gonna be like no wtf it's like him saying he's out for dinner with a girl like nooo.. He goes oh fuck so are you gonna be able to have guy friends? Soon T is gonna get a boyfriend and there won't be time for old mate G anymore and I go yeah exactly so appreciate the time you spend with me and he goes fuck off you should appreciate the time you spend with me and I go no don't get it twisted babe you appreciate the time with me. G then drops me off home and before he does he goes you know I'm really happy for you I hope this guy doesn't break your heart because if he does there's gonna be a problem and I'm like lol what are you gonna do he goes nah I mean I'll message the baker and he'll sort him out and I laughed in my head I was like yeah you pussy like you'd do anything. I kinda fucked up because I said to him you know you irritate me so much you're the only person who gets under my skin so bad but I can't stay mad at you. I don't even know why. You should've seen the smile he had on his face. So he snapped me a couple of times that night and yeah he made a comment about how all his friends love me and whatever. I was like yeah your friends are nice. Umm anyway I didn't really speak to him all weekend just via snap here and there. Comes yesterday on Monday he watched my snap story and replied to it saying yes late shift still in bed or something and I was like.. 😒 and he goes haha if it makes it any better I'll drive in today xx I was like yaaas 😇 Anyway during work he goes so are you actually gonna come home with me tonight and I go yeah I have to stay back and do proposals anyway. So MT and KT were both giving me shit saying that I was waiting for him and I was like well why wouldn't I? I'm getting a ride home and I'm staying back anyway. So anyway he tells me on the way home how he likes hanging out with me and why he thought I was a cool chick from the start and specifically in his words called me a ''mad bitch". He then brought up an analogy as we again were on the topic about him and MT. He goes for example it's like if you had bf and all of a sudden I was like T I think you're cute and all this shit and then another analogy about how hypothetically we were bf and gf and I was thinking to myself. This jiggaboo.. y u do dis? I dunno I felt like I was doing really well and using DB as a distraction and I just feel like what he said in the car about me being with a work guy friend was him trying to sabotage me because now he knows I'm over him. Like officially. I feel like since he has found out he has tried a lot hard to reel me back in. Even the baker agrees with me. Even today I didn't pay him much attention but he sent me a lead and I saw him a bit after work and he cracked it cos I didn't say bye to him. I go I did say bye but you didn't hear me obviously. He then goes oh so you're not so nice to me when I don't drive you home and I go umm no wtf and we had a bit of banter and he has his arm around me to hug me and he goes I saw you go Up to EM and hug her and I go ok tomorrow I will make sure I say hiiii G and gave him a hug and he goes I'll be like wtf is going on. I go exactly. Anyway him and MT are finally sorting things out so let's see how that goes but before I left I was like bye besties and G goes yeah me? I know. Anyways I dunno. Whatever I'm like 95% over it. At least that's what I'm telling myself anyway.