#i think it’s time to put my avoidant attachment style to use and ghost him :((

[stillfrownyclownlol]

@moonbiine got me with the Aiden bug

I thought a lot about how to start this and none of them were good so, here's this;

Frowny's Thesis on Aiden Clark having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) based on the DSM-5 criteria, living with people with BPD (hi dad!), being...me!, and general vibes.

What is BPD?

Borderline Personality Disorder is defined by a prolonged disturbance of function marked by depth and variability of mood, pattern of unstable personal relationships, unstable self-image, marked impulsivity, and other symptoms. They can manifest in very different ways (the way it appears between my dad and my grandma for example is not the same), but generally includes this.

1. Fear of Abandonment

Nobody wants to be left behind, that's a given, but for people with BPD this fear can spiral into a paranoid phobia that impacts all their personal relationships. Because BPD is influenced by environmental factors, this often stems from children being abandoned in their youth (ex. My father was the child of a teen pregnancy and his parents couldn't care for him for the first few years of his life, letting him be raised by his grandparents. I also grew up alternatively without my mom and withouty my dad, and once for a time with neither of them)

It's been shown to us before that Aiden's parents are often absent from the house, for even months at a time. He seems very used to this and it's likely he grew up very isolated or passed around between different relatives. And I do think this shows in his attachment style; he is a very clingy and sort of "decides" to hyperfixate on a certain person (Ash *coughs*) in the hopes that they'll become friends, and he does this very quickly. Already so scared of losing Ash on that roof even tho he's only known her for like 3 months at this point. He really can't bear the thought of her not being with him.

On the subject of Ash he's idolized her sooooo bad she's so screwed. Pls the Angelic lighting filter he puts on her?? SHE CANT SAVE YOU AIDEN. YOU HAVE TO DO IT YOURSELF. (But i get it its hard) Ties back into how people with BPD see the world in strict black and white, he can't see Ash's flaws and that's how he defends her so much, she's literally like a savior to him and here comes the disciple complex.

He's been forced to move so many times, he's probably made friends who just couldn't keep up the effort of maintaining a long distance friendship and ghosted him, or even him doing the opposite, pushing people away just to avoid the sting of abandonment again. They can't hurt you if you hurt them first.

2. Unstable self-image.

He bleaches his hair end of story /j

No but really, tell me Aiden doesn't put up a persona- he's gone through the phases from quiet gifted kid to an impulsive extroverted mischievous mess. Don't you just look at him and feel the self-hatred coming off in waves?? Dyeing his hair, getting contacts, the ever present grin that must be painful at this point, it's like he can't...look at himself. Like he doesn't want to look at himself.

He can't even face his own problems; he literally paints a clown face on himself after dying cuz he doesn't want to process his feelings about it lol 🫠

Like genuinely, how exactly does Aiden want to be perceived? What is the point of this facade? For himself? For other people? I think he's just trying to shut away his past and start fresh without having to confront it, but...when the root is rotten, nothing healthy can grow, so he needs to get to the source of his issues.

3. Anger regulation problems

Unpopular opinion probably but he seems so angry to me. It's definitely WAY more present in the early chapters like when he goes tf off on Tyler, he was barely controlling himself there asdfghjkl- but I think it manifests more in him attacking the phantoms, it's obviously an adrenaline thing for him but I think he's taking out a lot of anger at the same time too. Even if some of this anger is coming from a righteous place; the desire to protect his loved ones (which ties into the abandonment too, you are still abandoned even when it wasn't their choice), because peope with BPD see the world as smth very...dangerous, I guess is the word? Even if maybe that doesn't apply to themselves

(Fastpass spoilers)

He's also not above taking his anger out on humans either considering he was about to take Alex's eyes out with that paintbrush and was gonna choke the life outta them-

(Done.)

4. Consistent feelings of sadness/worthlessness.

5. Self-injury, suicidal behaviour, suicidal ideation.

Aiden do be a sadboi even with all the smiley faces on his clothes. I think this is probably smth that was way worse when he was younger that led to that depression where he was locked in his room eating junk food and disassociating, and while he's probably coping with it differently it's still smth he struggles with. I mean shiiiiiit, because of his impulsiveness he does kinda cause problems but God he feels SOOOO goddamn bad about it lahdlsj, he was so guilty about the Ash situation, he probably beat himself up so much about that-

Emotions are very extreme, it's 'similar' to bipolar disorder with manic and depressive episodes, except they happen at a much quicker scale (in the same day for ex.) which seems to me how Aiden only lets himself experience positive emotions even tho he's in a deeply stressful situation (even tho there's good parts too like his friends) because he just can't handle having to fully experience those negative emotions.

Check, check, check! Aiden has zero self preservation instincts, he throws himself off walls, gets up close and personal with phantoms that could easily kill him, actually didn't give a fuck about dying?? Actually ENJOYED IT? But didn't wanna do it again because his Favourite person was worried about him and the absolute high of that feeling completely beat out anything else?? Okay man, we get it, you're living for somebody else at this point-

People with BPD suffer from chronic feelings of emptiness and pain is the best kind of distraction for Aiden (cue: him slamming his forehead on the table because he's bored)

6. Impulsive behaviors (aka a bunch of shit which can be summed up as addictions)

Well, for starters, he's an absolute adrenaline junkie, because he feels so constantly empty Aiden wants something to make him feel alive. And adrenaline is the flawless, biological, factual answer to this. Ergo all his octane hobbies and impulsive behaviors. Ties back into his obsessiveness, which, don't get me wrong this doesn't make him a bad guy or anything, we all get a little obsessed with things sometimes, that's just things humans do- but when you have bpd, it's very...difficult to just STAY happy, like an addiction, when the high wears off, they're empty again.

Maybe a bit of a stretch, but considering all the Ramen packets in his room when he was younger I wouldn't be surprised if he had some sort of ED or binge eats (Same bestie.)

Also for sure a reckless driver I'm 99% sure he crashed all those go-karts he drived before.

---

I don't really know where I'm going with this. It's hard to live with somebody who has BPD, it's hard to live with it yourself, it's hard to see other people go through it even when it's hurting yourself. I hate pushing people away, but you get so caught up in your own thoughts, and it just...happens...and when it's done...you really regret it, but it's too late...and you just wonder if things are better like this, being alone and not hurting anybody anymore, cuz they're certainly happy on their own

I don't think anybody who has bpd is automatically a bad person, they just have things harder than normal. People with BPD....they can be amazing artists, or good with animals, or really very kind. They have very big hearts, thats why they feel so deeply. And I think Aiden is a good person, because he has so much love to give, but has never been given an outlet to express that properly, but you can see him making great strides in learning how, with the help of his friends 🧡

Might edit this later when I get my thoughts more clear it's midnight here lol

[ruminate88]

Being Co-dependent And Having An Anxious-Attachtment style:

For the first time, I am truly understanding and realizing that me having an “anxious attachment style” and my exes, all having the “avoidant style” and yet it’s the perfect match! They know I won’t leave and walk away unless they push me too far or ghost me, so they can abuse me however they want. 😭 Then when I meet my first “healthy relationship” I’m already pleading with them to never hurt me or leave me but they never even showed any signs that they would ever leave AND I am so fearful that at any moment they will walk away so I create problems in my head overthinking and put up a guard so not to get hurt and yet my new partner hasn’t even done anything …. Therefore almost pushing the person away because I’m scared and they don’t understand what my problem is and they’re tired of having to “prove” themselves. Wow!!! Major breakthrough!!!!

I TOLD MYSELF TODAY: you have got to stop being co-dependent on men for your stability and happiness. You have got to be OK with yourself!! You have got to be able to stand on your own 2 feet!! If for whatever reason your spouse did leave, you should let him go and be able to be with yourself. (Although my spouse has not shown any signs of ever leaving me, he’s been so faithful and has not deserved the way I’ve been closed off from him.)

all this time I have been so fearful that my husband is just like my exes. There has been times my husband has not been open with me, not told me things about his day or about work and not asked me how I’m doing. But he did tell me this week that he’s battling some anxiety and it’s affecting him at work and it’s even affecting his relationship with his parents so that could be a problem between us as well , but I also think I contribute to the problems because I too do not share feelings out of fear that my feelings won’t be received or reciprocated or understood just like my past relationships. This is a pattern that I HAVE to break no matter what. I’m just so embarrassed and ashamed. I’ve already told my husband about my exes but I don’t wanna talk about emotional abuse with my husband. Just the thought of it makes me cringe. I don’t wanna talk about it with any of my family or friends that’s why I started this blog so I could privately write down what I’m going through and deal with it on my own without involving people that I feel like they would only get their feelings hurt if they truly knew what I had been through so far…

Do you relate to this content? ❤️‍🩹 If so, I hope my account isn’t just helping me but helping you too! No matter which style you have in relationships, you are not alone and it’s gonna be ok.

[suckerfishsandwich-blog]

The Agony of Anxious Attachment and How to Attract Better Relationships

“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone else to fill the void inside you, but no one will ever be able to do it.” ~Lori Deschene There are four attachment styles including anxious, avoidant, anxious/avoidant, and secure. Attachment theory teaches us that the way in which we attach ourselves to our romantic partner mimics the relationship we had with our primary caregivers growing up. So, if you were like me and had parents who were not physically or emotionally present, you grew up feeling a void within yourself and always worrying if you were lovable. Because of this void, you feel unlovable and unworthy of love, which causes you to be drawn to partners who are considered avoidant. An avoidant partner is someone who believes their independence is more important than being in any relationship. They feel uncomfortable opening up to others. They prefer a casual hook up over an intimate relationship. And the moment they begin to feel vulnerable or like they like you too much, they ghost. Suddenly that super cute date you both planned gets canceled or pushed back with no explanation, and you are left questioning your worth and what you possibly did wrong. I know because I have been there before. In a way, your subconscious is trying to recreate the experiences you had growing up. If, for example, you told your parents you loved them and tried to hug them, and they responded with “Stop being so touchy” and “Get off of me,” you began to normalize being rejected when you expressed love. So now, your subconscious is drawn to avoidant partners who react in the same way your primary caregivers did. Our attachment styles play a huge role in our relationships, and our relationships impact our mental health. If you are a person with an anxious attachment style and you’re subconsciously drawn to avoidant partners, you will go from one toxic relationship to the next. If you are someone who is anxious, you tend to: - Quickly attach; you go from 0 to 100 when you like someone. - Worry constantly if they will stop loving/liking you. - Worry they don’t feel as deeply for you as you do for them. - Fear if they get to know the real you, they will no longer love you and will leave. - Think “I will never ever find anyone else” or “This is as good as it gets” when thinking about your relationship, even though you know deep down inside you’re not getting your needs met. Back in 2018, I decided to seek out therapy for the first time. I was a young grad student with a bright academic future ahead of me, but this was also the time I decided I was ready to date—and oh boy, did that open a can of worms. I went from being this super cool, calm, and collected young woman to constantly feeling anxious. “Why hasn’t my date texted me yet?” “It’s been four hours since I texted him.” “Does he not like me anymore?” These were just some of the ruminating thoughts that kept echoing in my head. I was losing it. I didn’t know it at the time, but I kept attracting men who were avoidant, and the more I felt them trying to put distance between us, the more obsessed I became with closing the gap. I wanted to feel close to them; I wanted them to love me because if they didn’t, it meant something was wrong with me. You know how people say, “If they’re not into you, it’s their loss?” To me, it didn’t feel that way. To me, it felt that I had to win their love, and if I didn’t win it, it meant I wasn’t worthy of their time and attention. I began to hyperfocus on every detail of our interactions. I began to notice if they texted me back with a period at the end of a sentence or if they added an emoji. I would even time how long it took for them to reply to me. If I was dating someone and they usually responded to my texts within two hours, that meant that I was able to feel safe and relaxed for that first hour, but as soon as it was getting closer to hitting that two-hour mark, I would feel the anxiety creep up. I could feel the anxiety in my body, starting with my stomach. It would feel tense and tender, then my shoulders would feel tense and my appetite would disappear. I lost about twenty pounds during this time in my life from the stress and anxiety I couldn’t get under control. I even developed a bald spot at the top of my head. I was baffled at the quick deterioration of my mental and physical health. A few months ago, I had been a new grad student, excited about life and building a successful career, and now I was barely holding on and smiling to seem sane. I have an anxious attachment style, so I become hypersensitive to the tiniest of shifts within somebody’s tone, body, facial movements, the words they use, etc. If my date said, “I love you” one day and the next “I like you a lot,” that was enough for me to ruminate on for the rest of the week. I knew that something was wrong and that I needed to get my emotions back under control, so I began to look for help online. I landed on Tiny Buddha many times, and it was extremely helpful to read other people’s experiences so I could better navigate my situation. Since I couldn’t force my romantic partners to meet my needs, I thought, It must be me. I need to chill out and not expect so much from them. I can change. And change, I tried. I read countless articles on how to let go of expectations. I convinced myself that I was the problem, that I was expecting too much from a boyfriend. I thought that men were just incapable of meeting my needs and showing up for me the way I did for them. Because up to this point in my life, I had never experienced a man being consistently loving. At one point, I even tried to cleanse myself of my “bad energy” by doing a Limpia (cleansing). I really wanted to be the issue, because if I was the issue, I could be in control and fix it. But the harder I tried to change and loosen my expectations, the more deeply I fell into a depression. As you can see, the way we attach ourselves to romantic partners can affect our mental health, and if we’re not aware of the type of partners we are attracting, we can fall into a cycle of going from one toxic relationship to the next. Going to therapy and seeking help was the best decision I made for myself. I was able to have someone point out to me the toxic cycle I found myself in. If you find yourself in this same toxic cycle and are ready to break out of it, there are a few things you can do. 1. Admit to yourself that you are ready to break the cycle. Be honest with yourself. Identify the ways in which you have betrayed yourself by choosing partners that only hurt you. Be committed to ending this cycle. 2. Begin to do inner child work. When you feel hurt and lonely and want to reach out to those toxic partners, instead, visualize the you that you were at five to seven years old and connect with the little you. Write them a letter. What would you tell little you if you were feeling hurt and lonely? I would tell myself  I love you. You are safe. I will always be here for you. 3. Write a list of all the negative feelings and emotions your partner triggered within you. Write a list of all the reasons why you need to stay away from this person and reference it anytime you feel like you want to reach out to them. 4. Regulate your nervous system. When our sympathetic nervous system becomes activated, our fight-or-flight response turns on and that makes it so hard for us to tolerate the discomfort of separation from the person we’re anxiously attached to. A breakup can feel like imminent danger, so we begin to panic and go back to our comfort zone, staying in a toxic relationship. Some simple ways to regulate your nervous system include taking a barefoot walk in nature, doing a moderate to intense workout, practicing breathing exercises, and/or listening to music that soothes you. 5. Begin to develop a self-love and self-care routine. You can begin to journal daily for ten minutes as a way to reconnect with yourself, work through your feelings, and identify thought and behavior patterns. You can make a list of your physical, mental, and emotional needs and identify small ways to meet them each day. You can go on weekly dates with yourself; go out to eat and watch a movie. Do whatever it is that will make you feel happy and full. When you feel better about yourself and more comfortable being alone with yourself, you’ll be less apt to turn to another person to fill a void inside yourself. You get to create the life and experiences you want to live. And while it may feel like you will never find the right partner for you because of your anxious attachment style, that is simply not true. When you begin to fill yourself up with love, even if you attract an avoidant partner, you will leave at the first sign of trouble rather than staying and trying to fix it. Eventually, you will meet a partner who is secure and/or willing to become securely attached to you. You will find someone to whom you can voice your anxiety, and instead of them dismissing you and telling you to “stop being so sensitive,” they will respond with “What can I do to ease some of the anxiety you’re feeling?” or “What can I do to help you feel safe?” Remember that you are always in control of creating the reality you want to live in. See more posts

About Esther GutierrezEsther Gutierrez is a Life and Mindset coach on a mission to help BIPOC millennials take control of their current reality to create the life of their dreams and heal their relationships. She integrates astrology and human design into her life coaching practice. If you want to work with her, you can visit  www.EstherTheMindsetCoach.comWeb | More Posts Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.The post The Agony of Anxious Attachment and How to Attract Better Relationships appeared first on Tiny Buddha. Read the full article

[streetlight11]

Neighbour's Fate

Summary: He was your neighbour growing up but he has always been distant. You didn't know for what reasons he chose not to mingle with you or your younger brother. It's been 6 years since you saw him. One day, you best friend asks for a favour from you that would eventually lead you to meeting his close friends. Who would've thought your old neighbour was now one of your best friend's close friends.

Theme: university au, old neighbours to lovers

Genre: fluff, a tad bit of jealousy, a little suggestive

Warning: mentions of anxiety, one or two curse words, very mild harassment (grabbing of wrist, that's all)

WC: 6.5k

Pairing: Seo Changbin x Fem!Reader

a/n: This was just a spur of the moment kind of idea I had the other day, and so this was the work I created... Hope you guys like it :)

Growing up, you lived beside the Seo family. They were a family of four and so were you. Their oldest child was a girl and her name was Seo Jiwoo. Their youngest child was a boy and his name was Seo Changbin. You were pretty close to the girl, to the point where you would always go to school together but the boy had always avoided you for unknown reasons.

He wouldn’t even play with your younger brother. It used to upset you but as you grew up, you realized that you can never force anyone to like someone or do something they didn’t want to do. And for that reason, you ended up letting him be.

However, despite not talking to you as much as his sister did, he was very attentive on small little things and he noticed that you tend to get anxiety attacks whenever you are in front of a huge crowd or the centre of attraction. And he knows this.

You had just entered senior year when you heard news from your parents that the Seo family were moving.

You were sad considering you’re already so close to Jiwoo. But you couldn’t force them to stay there anyways. You accepted the fact that you probably wouldn’t see them anytime soon, maybe not ever. You bid them goodbye, not forgetting to glance at Changbin one last time before they drove off with their boxes loaded into a van.

Two years passed since they moved and you were finally going to college.

You decided to move to Seoul alone and your parents allowed it. Your heart was heavy to leave them behind but they understood that you were doing it because you wanted to further your studies. For that, they willingly let you go.

After graduation, you enrolled yourself into a college with your favourite course, not forgetting to find an affordable apartment for yourself. And that was the start to a new chapter in your life.

4 years passed by in a flash and you had managed to further your studies by going to university. You were currently a Computer Science major in Hankuk University, together with your best friend whom you met in college and have been friends ever since. He was two years younger than you but he was pretty mature for his age, and his name is Hwang Hyunjin.

It was a bright Thursday morning and you were just strolling to your lecture class when someone swung their arm over your shoulder. Right when you were about to curse, the familiar voice warned you.

“Relax, stop being too defensive will you?”

You clicked your tongue at him, seeing him shake his head a little to get his long beautiful blonde bangs away from his eyes.

“Then announce who you are first before putting your arm around me next time, will you?” You scoffed, earning a roll of his eyes. “You’re unbelievable sometimes, you know that?” Hyunjin sighed.

“I appreciate that compliment.”

“Whatever…” Hyunjin could only laugh as the two of you continued to walk to class.

Hours went by, it was currently lunch hour. You made it to the cafeteria in time when there still weren’t many students yet. Hyunjin was walking beside you, telling you stories about his ex-girlfriend whom he caught cheating on him last month when you spotted an empty table a few rows down from you.

With that, you grabbed his shirt and began to drag him to the table before anyone else occupies it. A few minutes later, you were just munching on your smoked squid when someone came to give Hyunjin a handshake.

You looked up to see two guys whom you knew to be in Hyunjin’s dance crew team that represented the campus.

One of them had pretty freckles all over his face while the other one had a cute gummy smile with doe round eyes. They simply acknowledged you with a friendly smile and a nod before walking away.

You’ve never really met Hyunjin’s friends before properly because you were shy.

Even with those two guys, you knew they were part of Hyunjin’s close circle of friends that had other guys from other campuses but you’ve never met them before. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to, if they’re all just going to be as equally good looking as the two dancers from your campus.

A few days later, you were lounging in your living room on a Friday night watching your favourite TV show on Netflix. You were in nothing but panties and a big hoodie that you remembered to be Hyunjin’s but you stole it one night when you slept over at his place after he broke things off with his ex-girlfriend when he found her cheating on him with a friend of his but not from his circle.

You were just seated on your couch with a chocolate almond drink in your hand when you got a text from Hyunjin.

With that, he told you to pick him up at his apartment so that you could go meet his friends at the mall and discuss his plan. It sounds ridiculously dramatic to you but then again, it’s Hyunjin. Nothing’s ever not ridiculously dramatic when it comes to him.

You texted him you’ll pick him up at around 2, in which he said okay. You were scheming through your closet to see what you could wear. You didn’t want his friends to have a bad first impression on you so you opted to wear a little feminine. After rummaging your closet for a good few minutes, you ended up pulling out a baby blue off shoulder, floral print dress.

You’ve worn this out with Hyunjin before once but mostly with your girl friends. You kept your hair simple with a messy low bun, leaving your fringe to frame your face as it parts nicely in the centre.

Once it was time to pick him up, you left your apartment. Not forgetting to bring your purse along to keep your important belongings.

You wore your favourite white Nike air force 1s to pair it with your outfit.

After you’ve managed to pick him up from his apartment, he tells you which mall they promised to meet. The drive there was filled with him complaining to you saying his ex kept bothering him on kakao talk and also social media.

He said he’s had enough so he wants to get back at her to show her that he’s moved on. He told you that she invited him and his friends to her birthday party at her house next weekend.

So he wants to use this chance for his payback.

You simply listened to his plan as you focused on the road ahead of you. Once you’ve found yourself a parking space, you park your vehicle and leave.

He walked with you to the restaurant, all the while talking to you about your dreadful assignment. You arrived at the restaurant, only for a waiter to approach you two.

“Uhh, hi. My friends are here actually. Table reserved under Chan I think?” Hyunjin said as the waiter went ahead and checked the booking list, only for him to nod when his eyes met the name that was mentioned.

“Ah, yes. Right this way.” He led you deeper into the restaurant as you followed behind Hyunjin.

You were too busy focusing on the crying child across the room, not realizing you were already at the table until Hyunjin’s arms wrapped around your waist to stop you from walking. You whipped your head around to lock eyes with him as he chuckled at you for being clumsy.

Just then, you turned towards the table and you saw a whole table filled with really handsome guys. You also noticed that the two dancers from campus whom you recognized pretty well by now.

“Oh, hey!” The one with freckles said as he waved to you and so did the other one. You smiled shyly to them as you rested your right hand on your left elbow.

You schemed through the different pairs of eyes, smiling to them as a way of saying hello.

Just when you thought you were done, you didn’t notice the one who got blocked by Hyunjin’s tall and lean body. It wasn’t until Hyunjin turned around to call for the waiter, that you finally locked eyes with the individual seated at the edge of the bench.

He was absolutely breath-taking.

He was wearing a grey shirt that hugged his upper body a little too perfectly.

His muscles were in full view. His broad chest puffing out against the soft material of his shirt. The sleeves of his shirt doing the bare minimum in giving his muscular arms air to breath. His shirt tucked into his black cargo pants that had a chain attached to the belt hooks.

He wore a silver chain necklace as his accessory and a few chain bracelets as well. His hair was styled to show his forehead despite it not being slick back. However, his eyes were cold at first but the minute he looked at you, you could’ve sworn his eyes went wide for a split second before it softened.

Your smile slowly disappeared as Hyunjin spoke up to get your attention, “Noona? You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

With that, he chuckled as he turned to his friends and continued talking, “Friends, this is my best friend since college, Y/N. Noona, these are my friends, Felix, Minho hyung, Seungmin, Jeongin, Jisung, Chan hyung and Changbin hyung.”

At the mention of that last name, a sudden rush of adrenaline flowed through your veins as you turned to look at the said individual. Letting his name roll off your tongue.

“Chang… bin?”

The table fell quiet as your eyes diverted from his to the plate in front of him. The boys didn’t miss the frown that soon appeared on your face.

“Do you know him?” Hyunjin asked, genuinely intrigued by your reaction.

Why is the name making your heart flutter?

Just then, you looked back into Changbin’s soft eyes only to ask, “Seo… Changbin?” You heard a few light gasps from the guys but they weren’t your main focus right now.

You watched as Changbin shifted in his seat, making him ask, “How did you know my name?”

His question made you confused.

Was he not your neighbour? Was he not the same Seo Changbin you used to grow up next to? Was he a different Seo Changbin?

This made you feel slightly embarrassed thinking you mistook him for someone else. So you apologized, “I… sorry, maybe I mistook you for someone else.” With that being said, he didn’t say anything else as Hyunjin brought you to the empty space beside Jisung and Seungmin. During lunch, Hyunjin explains what his plan was to everyone.

You listened to him as well, occasionally giving him scoffs or a click of your tongue if you felt that he might be a bit too sassy about the things he wanted to do.

After lunch was over, they wanted to walk around the mall for a bit so you followed.

You had all just entered the lift to go down to level 1 from level 6. There were a few strangers who came in as well. You were the last to enter after the boys while the other shoppers came rushing in behind you.

You had just turned around when a rowdy bunch of people pushed you in further. You were about to lose balance when you felt a firm hold on your waist. What you also felt was your upper back accidentally crashing into a firm chest. You were secretly hoping your guess was wrong but it wasn’t.

“It’s okay. I got you.” His raspy voice said quietly in your ear over the noisy lift, making you turn your head slightly.

That was your first mistake.

The minute you turned, his lips accidentally brushed against your cheek as it was now inches away from your own lips. You were caught off guard by the close proximity so you softly gasped and were going to pull away from him when you accidentally bumped into the person in front of you.

That was your second mistake.

Because the minute you slightly bumped into them, the person turned around to give you a disapproving look, making you apologize quietly as you felt the hands on your waist wrap itself around you and tugged you against him as a way to comfort you.

Changbin simply hid his smile against your hair on his left where his face was between your head and the lift walls so none of his friends saw this.

Your heart was pounding against your chest as you unconsciously rested your hands on top of his forearms. After the crowd left the lift at level 3, you could finally breathe as Changbin let go of you before his friends saw him hold you.

You went home that day feeling lost and confused.

Does that mean he knows you, that he was simply acting as if he doesn’t remember you? Why else would he act that way, unless he’s that type of guy who knows his way around girls?

As far as you remember, Hyunjin has never mentioned being friends with fuckboys and that he says that his friends were all very sweet and humble guys.

Either way, you decided not to think much of Changbin and just carry out Hyunjin’s favour and you’d call it done with being around his friends. But of course luck wasn’t on your side and that it always has it’s way of turning things around in your life. This time, it was with Hyunjin’s friends.

More specifically, Changbin.

The day finally came, you were going to be Hyunjin’s fake girlfriend for the night. You weren’t really nervous considering you don’t have any special feelings for him. You were more anxious that you will be seeing his friends tonight. And that means you’ll be seeing Changbin too.

Hyunjin came to pick you up this time, coming earlier to pick out the perfect outfit for you to wear so that his ex would feel jealous when he sees you with him.

Hyunjin ended up choosing a pink satin dress with quite a deep neckline that essentially shows your cleavage. You were against wearing it at first but Hyunjin insists on you wearing it.

“Dude, you do realise I might get guys staring at me the whole night if I wore this right?” You asked, your tone was serious as he knows how you feel about being a centre of attraction. It gives you major anxiety. With that being said, Hyunjin gave in and chose a different dress that was also satin but with a decent neck line and a thin strap to rest on your shoulders.

It hugs your figure perfectly, with the hem stopping right on your mid thighs.

Hyunjin gave you the privacy to change as he waited for you in your living room. After you were done, you came back out with your purse and heels from your shoe closet.

Hyunjin almost choked on his own spit as he scanned you from head to toe.

“Woah! You are looking hot as hell!” He praised you, earning a roll of your eyes. You slapped his chest with your purse, telling him to get up so you can both leave.

The drive to his ex’s house took about 40 minutes, filling the drive with singing your favourite songs with Hyunjin and just laughing about random things. His friends were going to meet you two there, hence the reason why you were now leaning against Hyunjin’s car door with him towering over you.

He trapped you by resting both hands on top of his car roof on either side of your body.

“So, let me make myself clear. You can hold my hand, hold my waist, kiss my cheek, wherever you want up here…” You said as you pointed from your shoulder to your face before continuing your speech, “But, not my lips.”

Hyunjin pouted as he got a gentle slap from you to his chest, making him chuckle.

“Okay, but what if she wants proof of us dating and she asks us to kiss?” He asked, making you think through your potential actions.

“Fine, only if she asks. If not, don’t even think about tricking me into kissing you.” You warned as he scoffed, telling you that you were ‘no fun’. You rolled your eyes at him but the smile on your lips betrayed you.

Right when you wanted to look away from him, instead you saw a group of guys walking up to you and Hyunjin. Only to realize it was his friends.

Your eyes just naturally travelled over to the one walking near the curb.

Changbin wore a black skinny cargo pants, a black button down formal shirt tucked in, leaving the first few buttons undone. It definitely was low enough to expose a slight amount of his chest. He accessorized with his favourite silver necklace and a chain bracelet with a watch. He had a pair of black combat boots on to go with his outfit.

His hair was styled nicely to partially show his forehead and his undercut. You would be lying if you said he didn’t look good. But you decided to keep the comment to yourself as Chan smirked at you and Hyunjin.

“Damn, you’re not even inside and you guys already started the act?” Hyunjin wriggled his eyebrows as he pushed himself off his car only to snake one arm around your waist and pulled you against his side gently.

“By the way, you look really pretty Y/N.” Chan smiled at you genuinely, making you feel shy. But nonetheless thanked him for his compliment.

The rest of them agreed to their friend’s comment as well, saying that you look good with this dress.

The 9 of you soon walked to the house as Hyunjin slid his hands into yours swiftly when you were reaching the door. However, Changbin couldn’t help but feel jealous when he saw this. Yes he knows it was all an act. Yes he knows that it was only for a day. But why did he wish that was him instead of Hyunjin?

You arrived at the house, only for Hyunjin’s ex to open the door. Her smile immediately dropped when she looked down at your locked fingers with Hyunjin.

“Hey, you guys made it… And, with a friend…” She said through her clenched teeth.

“Oh my goodness, where’s my manners? This is Y/N, my girlfriend. Baby, this is my... friend, Yuna.” Hyunjin said as he slid his arm around your waist, making you smile at the girl and proceeded to shake her hand.

She was clearly uncomfortable but she just pressed on a smile as she welcomed the 9 of you in.

The birthday party was definitely leaning more towards a party which includes alcohol and random hooking ups with strangers. But since some of them drove, they made sure not to drink, including yourself because you don’t drink alcohol.

It has been almost an hour since you reached here and there were already a whole bunch of drunk university students everywhere in this house.

You were just seated on the couch next to Hyunjin and Minho with some of the guys. The only ones who were tipsy amongst the 9 of you were Jisung, Jeongin, Felix and Seungmin. You were just leaning your head against Hyunjin’s shoulder, feeling tired from having been surrounded by drunk students when you felt the need to get a refill of your non alcoholic drink.

You rested your hand on Hyunjin’s lap to gain his attention, who was busy talking to the other four guys, as all four pairs of eyes soon turned to you. “I’m gonna get a refill. I’ll be back.” You said as you got up after receiving a nod from him.

A few minutes later, you were just walking back to where the guys were sitting when a warm hand on your waist made you jump.

You turned around to see a guy whom you didn’t recognize, smiling down at you drunkenly.

“Wanna dance, baby girl?” He slurred over his words, making you excuse yourself. But when you turned to walk, he gripped your wrist so tightly that it made you drop your cup to the floor. You winced as he began tugging you towards the stairs.

But then a firm grip around your waist made you stop walking as someone ripped his hand away from yours only to throw a solid punch to his jaw.

“Fucking touch her again and I’ll break your nose.” Hyunjin growled as the guy began to stumble away. This has caught the eyes of those around you, making your anxiety grow. You didn’t realize this but you began to shake, something you always did when your anxiety was kicking in.

You were about to panic when the soft voice behind you managed to calm you down.

“Hey? Hey, calm down. Breathe. It’s okay.” Changbin whispered in your ear. It confused you on how he seemed to know that this was due to your anxiety but your mind couldn’t properly function right now.

So when Changbin called Hyunjin and told him you were shaking, the minute he passed you over to Hyunjin who immediately hugged you, that’s when it hit you.

This Changbin knows about your anxiety.

You allowed yourself to calm down in Hyunjin’s arms as he caressed your back soothingly and it worked.

A few minutes later, you finally stopped shaking as he pulled away from you only to cup your face gently. “Are you okay?” He asked, genuinely concerned for you. All you could do was smile at him and thank him, in which he told you it was fine and that he should’ve been more alert when leaving you alone in this kind of atmosphere.

You were just walking back to where his three friends were sitting, when a familiar voice called Hyunjin’s name behind you. The pair turned around as Yuna came to a stop behind Hyunjin.

She awkwardly glanced at you before focusing back at him.

“Hey, I need to talk to you… in private?” Yuna said.

“Why? We can just speak here.” Hyunjin said.

“I want to talk about something important… it’s about… us.” She paused. Hyunjin sighed as he stared at her with nothing but lingering pain in his eyes.

“There’s nothing else to talk about Yuna. You cheated on me when I told you I loved you. Was I not enough for you?”

“I’m sorry Hyunjin… I… I wasn’t thinking. Please… can we talk in private?” She said desperately, making you glance up to him who had an obvious frown on his face. You knew he wanted to talk to her to clear things between them. But you could also see that he was already tired of her bullshit and that he wanted nothing but to move on from her.

So you opted to give them space by holding his forearm gently and told him, “I think there’s some things you guys need to settle. Go. I’ll wait with the guys.”

You flashed him and Yuna a smile as you let go of his hand, turning around to walk towards where Minho, Changbin and Chan were sitting. The three of them were already looking at your direction, seeing the situation unravel in front of their eyes.

Hyunjin was at a cross road as he wasn’t sure if he should follow his heart or mind.

After what felt like forever, he decided to follow his heart and that was to completely end ties with Yuna. With that being said, he turned back to her only to speak up.

“I’m sorry Yuna. But all of that was in the past. I’ve already moved on and you should too.” Hyunjin said as he then turned on his heels and left.

He re-joined you and the guys, where you were sitting on the arm rest beside Minho since the other end of the couch was already occupied by drunk couples. Hyunjin was just standing beside you when Yuna placed her hand on his shoulder and roughly turned him around.

“That’s it? It was just that one time. You can’t tell me you’ve moved on that fast.” She scoffed as he raised his eyebrows at her in disbelief.

“With what you did to me, it only makes sense for me to move on this fast. Besides, I’m already dating someone now. You’re too late.” Hyunjin taunts but it seems like Yuna had a different plan as she scoffed at you.

“As if. I’ve noticed you two acting quite distant when I’m not near you. Just tell me you guys are friends and leave. I don’t need fakers at my party.” Yuna said, her tone visibly angered.

Hyunjin smirks, knowing that she was just trying to bite his tail.

“What do I need to do then to prove to you that I’ve really moved on from you?”

“Kiss her. If you’re really dating her and you guys aren’t just friends, then kiss her.”

There it is.

That was probably the last thing you’d wanna hear tonight. Especially not in front of Changbin. With that being said, Hyunjin smirks as he accepted the challenge easily. Since you both agreed on this before you entered the house just now, you knew you couldn’t really say no to it.

“Oh, sure thing sweetheart.” Hyunjin said as he turned to you and immediately leaned down to kiss you on the lips, hands reaching up to cup your face.

You swiftly moved your lips against his to make it seem legit. You could feel Hyunjin’s lips curving into a smile against your lips as you heard Yuna scoff and soon stormed off. Hyunjin pulled back the minute she left, only to apologize to you.

“I’m really sorry noona…”

“It’s okay.” You smiled as Minho and Chan began to tease you two for executing the perfect kiss, saying that it looks too legit. They even mentioned saying you two looked like a nice couple.

In which you responded with a fake gag, earning a soft punch to your arm by Hyunjin himself. You giggled but you completely missed the way Changbin’s eyes were burning with jealousy from seeing you kiss Hyunjin.

He knows this was just an act but why was he so pressed by the simple kiss?

A few days later, you were in class when Hyunjin told you he was meeting his friends this weekend and asked if you wanted to join them. You weren’t sure if you wanted to but you decided to go along with it. He said they planned to watch a movie and maybe go to the pier. You nodded, agreeing to tag along since he offered you to come.

Weekend finally came and you had just left your apartment. You wore your denim skinny ripped jeans, a white cropped fitted tank top and a black oversized jacket.

Hyunjin told you he was going to pick you up so you met him at the roadside in front of your apartment building.

You both made it to the mall to queue for the movie tickets. Chan was queueing with Hyunjin so you were left with the others. You were just scrolling through your Instagram when someone fed you popcorn. You looked up to see Changbin holding two popped kernels in front of your lips. You unconsciously blushed as you opened your mouth to let him feed you.

Changbin chuckled after feeding you, only to pop some in his own mouth. You stood in between Changbin and Jeongin against the wall while Seungmin, Jisung, Felix and Minho were standing in front of you three.

They were just talking amongst themselves when you glanced over to the full bucket filled with caramel popcorn that Changbin was hugging.

He saw you looking so he took some out and held it up to your mouth.

“Ahh, it’s okay, I can take myself.” You said softly, gently pushing his hand away but instead, he said something that made your stomach churn in a good way.

“Don’t worry, I like feeding people.”

You stared at him for a second as he teasingly tapped the popcorns on your lips, making you giggle. Changbin fed you a few times, even after you’ve entered the cinema theatre. After the movie ended, all of you made your way to the pier.

Once there, you were walking past the game booths which had some very cute prizes. Just then, your eyes caught a glimpse of your favourite cartoon character as a prize for one of the booths.

It was Stitch.

You gasped as you eagerly reached out for whoever’s arm that was nearest to you, only to grab both Changbin’s and Seungmin’s forearms on either side of you before pointing to the booth with the Stitch soft toy.

“Guys look! It’s stitch! It’s so cute! Omg!” You giggled, hearing both of them chuckle as you jogged over to the booth. It was a game of shooting which you clearly weren’t good at. Just as you were pondering over the game, a familiar voice spoke up from behind you causing you to turn.

“One round please.” Changbin said as he handed the man his bill before the man gave him a loaded nerf gun.

“What are you doing?” You asked as Changbin simply smiled at you.

“Playing the game?”

“Of course I know that… but why?”

“For fun…” He smiled as he began to aim for the targets. He was getting the shots perfect so far. Barely missing any target. After a stressful close round, you watched as he won a prize. You didn’t know why but you thought he was going to choose something that was for himself.

But instead, the next thing you see was the man reaching up to grab the exact one that you’ve been eyeing all these while.

Changbin smiled as he thanked the man for the prize. But when he turned away from the man, you expected him to walk back to his friends. You didn’t expect him to give you the Stitch soft toy and then proceed to say innocently, “Take it.”

You raised your eyebrows at him softly, clearly taken aback by his offer.

“W-What?”

“It’s for you… You looked like you wanted it so bad.” Changbin chuckled as he gently took your hands and wrapped it around the toy to make you hug it.

“Changbin… thank you…” You whispered as he could only smile, guiding you back to where the guys were. The minute you came back to where some of them were, you excitedly showed off your prize.

“Jin ah! Look!” You exclaimed as Hyunjin gasped at the size of the soft toy.

“Woah! Where did you get this?”

“From that shooting booth! Isn’t he cute!”

“You won the shooting game?!” Hyunjin asked in shock, making you blush as you turned to Changbin. He had a soft smile on his face before he spoke up for you.

“I did. So I gave the prize to her.”

The guys began to tease as Changbin rolled his eyes thickly at them.

“Oh? Was that a gift to her?” Minho smirked.

“Never thought I’d see the day Seo Changbin goes out of his way to win a prize for a girl…” Jisung teased. Changbin simply brushed all their comments off as you all continued walking. You have been hugging the soft toy for the past hour wherever you went, earning soft laughs from the guys. Just then, Hyunjin wanted to take pictures at the pier.

Felix was helping to take Hyunjin’s pictures while Chan was helping to take Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin’s picture.

You were just burying your face in the soft toy when Changbin’s voice softly spoke up from beside you, “Do you like it that much?” With that, you turned to him and a bright smile decorated your face, warming his heart even more.

“I’ve loved it since I was young! He’s so cute! Don’t you remember? I used to bring my small stuffed-” You were rambling excited until you stopped yourself when you realized what you were doing. “Oh! Sorry! Sorry… I got a little carried away there…” You apologized as you avoided his gaze but you missed the little smile growing on his face.

But what he said next made your heart stop for a split second, almost not believing your ears.

“I remember…” He whispered so softly, you could’ve missed it if you weren’t properly listening. You whipped your head around as you stared at him in shock.

“You… do?” Your voice was quiet as his eyes held the galaxy.

But your little moment gets cut when Felix calls you over to take a picture with Hyunjin who deliberately drags you away from Changbin. He could only smile as he nods at Hyunjin’s figure behind you, signalling you to just go follow him.

You frowned as you stood beside Hyunjin and proceeded to take a few memorable pictures with him. After everyone was almost done taking pictures, you didn’t want the memory to go to waste so you turned to Hyunjin and quietly asked when the rest of the guys were already walking away.

“Jinie, can you take one picture of me with Changbin?”

“Why?”

“Just for memories…” You smiled and you definitely saw the confused look on his face but nonetheless, he smiled and called the boy over. When Changbin was standing in front of you, Hyunjin told him what you wanted. Changbin looks at you and a smile creeps onto his face before he agrees to it.

You soon reached down to slide your hand in his and brought him to the edge of the pier. You stood beside him with the huge soft toy in your arms. Right when Hyunjin was just trying to find the right angle, you felt Changbin snake his arm around your waist and pulled you closer into his side.

Your heart was palpitating against your chest as he turned to you and whispered softly in your ear, “I’m sorry for being distant back then. I hope you can forgive me and we can start fresh? Properly this time?”

You turned to him, only to find his face just inches away from you. At this moment, neither of you dared to move an inch.

Just then, you heard Hyunjin’s voice counting down from 3.

You turned to Hyunjin and back to Changbin, wanting to ask what pose you two should do. But the moment you turned to Changbin, he gave you no warning whatsoever as he simply pressed his lips against yours sweetly. You closed your eyes in bliss, enjoying the feeling when you heard the click of the camera followed by Hyunjin screaming excitedly.

Changbin was the one to pull away as his lips lingered over your for a second. You struggled to look at him, feeling your cheeks burn from embarrassment. “Was that okay?” He whispered, making you nod.

“Hey! Since when are you two a thing?! And secretly behind my back too?! Pfft…” Hyunjin scoffed but his cheeky smirk didn’t go unnoticed.

“Yeah… about that, we still have a lot to clear between us…” Changbin said as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously but you helped him clear the air before Hyunjin got more confused with the situation.

“Let’s just say we have an unfinished history between us and we’re going to settle it once and for all, okay?” With that, Hyunjin nods as he wished you and Changbin good luck. The 3 of you rejoined the group, only for them to ask where you three were. Hyunjin simply said taking pictures, completely hiding the fact that he just witnessed his best friend kiss his close friend.

On the way to all your vehicles, Hyunjin asks if you wanted to ride home with Changbin instead and that he could send Jisung home. You turned to Changbin who overheard your conversation with Hyunjin.

You saw him smile as he shrugged his shoulders, so you turned to Hyunjin and felt your lips curving upwards into a soft expression, “I’d love that.”

With that, Changbin told Jisung the plan and the younger could only nod happily despite not knowing the true intentions of the car swap. After all of you had said your goodbyes, you followed Changbin to his car and he soon drove off after you told him your address.

The car ride was filled with jokes and laughter, purposely avoiding the main talks first until you got to your apartment.

You let him in, telling him to take a seat while you went to make him a drink. After you came back with his iced chocolate, you sat down with him on the couch. He took a few sips of it before he finally spoke up.

“Is it okay if we start over? I know I wasn’t the warmest when I was young… I barely socialize with you and your brother… I guess I was just too shy and a little antisocial back then.”

You smiled as you reached up to cup his face gently in your hand. “It’s okay Binie. I didn’t understand why back then but now I know.” You whispered, feeling him lean into your touch.

You didn’t know who leaned in first but the next thing you knew, you were kissing him.

On the lips.

Changbin wraps his arms around your waist as he pulls you onto his lap. Your heart was racing rapidly in your chest. He kisses you passionately, rubbing soft circles into your skin. Just then, your breath hitched in your throat when his lips left yours only to make his way down your neck.

“Changbin…” You whispered breathily, making him smirk against your skin.

You swiftly took off his shirt, pulling it over his head before doing the same for you. Changbin took a second to admire your body, seeing this much skin on you for the first time.

“Wow…” His voice soft, feeling yourself get shy all of a sudden. He chuckled as he kissed your lips to distract you.

He took his time with you, making sure he wasn’t hurting you in any way. He brought you to your room after a good amount of time on the couch. He had been so respectful of you that he would always ask for your permission to touch you anywhere. He left you wanting more.

He made sure to clean you after spending your time together before pulling you against him to cuddle. You couldn’t help but prop yourself on your elbow as you rested one hand on his bare chest, softly caressing it before sliding your hand up to cup his face.

“I’m so happy I found you again.” You whispered as he giggled. His eyes crinkled into two crescent moons that disappeared as soon as he smiled.

“I could say the same for you too.” Changbin said as he kissed you sweetly. Both of you fell into a deep slumber a few minutes later, waking up the next day feeling so warm and full in your hearts. You were happy that you met him again after all these years. Who knew you would end up with the boy whom you used to live next door to.

~~~

[defdaily]

Arena Homme+ Magazine September 2021 issue featuring JAY B: Nature, Dreams and Music

Translated by defdaily.

That day, JAY B’s world was filled with grass that came up to his knees, sunset that briefly peeked through the dark clouds, and ghosts of the silent campsite. Insects flew about in the intimate conversation of creation, dreams, and the future. An interview with JAY B amidst the passing seasons.

So you are working on an album?

The album is almost finished. I couldn’t release it at the beginning of the year, so I’m releasing it now in the second half of the year. I’m thinking of preparing things early on for next time so [we] are preparing for the production of another album.

There was a big change this year, you moved from JYP Entertainment to H1GHR MUSIC, right? What did you expect before becoming a part of H1GHR MUSIC?

At first I was worried. and was concerned over what to do if I couldn’t adapt. My goal for this year was to adapt to the agency and its artists, but everyone has made me feel comfortable. I thought I would have to do a lot of adjusting to the new agency staff, but I was surprised by how understanding they were of the system I had experienced. The way there has been no problem in our communication has far exceeded my expectations. Things are flowing smoothly.

It must feel like a fresh start. You must be looking forward to getting to do what you couldn’t do previously, but on the other side you must also have hopes to learn more. Is there anyone that could provide you with blunt advice?

I’m not the demanding type. And I have never strongly demanded anything from the company either. But that doesn’t mean I accept anything the company makes and provides me. The difference is that my opinion is reflected in my work more than before. If I was going to lead everything at work, there would have been no need to join an agency. Joining the agency means communicating with their staff. I also think we should listen to other people's opinions a lot. And you have to give feedback too, of course. I am working well with the company. Be it a push or advice as help, I learnt a lot from my previous company. Since I have learnt a lot from there, I should trust myself a little more now. I try to relay what I know and learn about things I’m not knowledgeable of. I rely on Jay Bum hyung a lot. I contact him right away when there’s something I don’t know, and we have a lot of conversations.

Is it important that an artist is stubborn? Do you feel the need to emphasise your own music and personality?

Artists have different personalities, just as people have different preferences. I don't want to diss an artist who is stubborn, nor do I want to tell anyone who isn’t stubborn that they are not an artist. I acknowledge everyone. I, personally, want to express the way I live. I like making music. An artist should be clear about what they want to do. Whether it be to become a star, or to express themselves through music or to earn money, it has to be clear.

What is your clear stance as an artist?

Whether it’s fiction or reality, I want to make stories. I’m the type that wants to tell a story. It was like that too in my GOT7 days. I believe one should create and establish their own path in life. I think that's fun. It's hard, but it's worth it. It adds more meaning to my job and I think it becomes more valuable. If I didn't do it myself, I would feel less attached to it.

There’s nothing more fun than one’s own work. Showing your work and waiting for the response must also be thrilling.

Exactly. I love hearing that my music is good. I’m very shy so I cannot express it very well but I’m very thankful and proud too. And it reassures me that I’m not going down the wrong path.

It does feel like all the hard times disappear when you hear good feedback. But feedback isn’t always good. There are even people who avoid them because of fear of criticism.

To be honest, when it comes to unpleasant feedback, it kind of makes me feel… “ouch!” But I accept it because it is still an evaluation. It also gives me a boost. It’s fun.

You are a solo artist now. Do you feel a burden or pressure?

I don’t feel pressured, but I do feel the burden. I joined H1GHR MUSIC and I feel a sense of belonging. I gain something from this company, but I think this company should gain something from me, too. I have worries about things like whether I’ll be able to benefit the company or not. I feel slightly uneasy about possibly not meeting expectations too.

You feel a sense of responsibility.

There's always a reason and a purpose to start anything. Everyone starts music because they like it, and if they start, there must be music they want to make. So if there is criticism, one would feel down, but if the final product is good, the people that worked on it would feel good. That’s what I hope for.

You uploaded a bunch of your Def. songs onto your YouTube channel. There was quite a lot. Are you the prolific type?

I used to be but… I guess I’m still the type to make many songs. (Laughs). But compared to back then, my production has decreased a lot. My stamina can’t keep up. (Laughs). I used to be able to start and finish working on a song at dawn and when I felt like I could do more, I made more. Nowadays, even when I’m working on only one song, not only is it hard for my body, but I also feel drained so I can’t make many songs.

Isn’t it really fast to make even one song at dawn?

Ah, that’s true. I used to work like that three or four times a week, but now I work once or twice a week. Come to think of it, I don't think I'm the prolific type anymore.

Being able to make a lot of things means you have a lot of ideas.

Having run out of ideas is also a reason for having less work done. There are five mixtapes I’ve uploaded onto YouTube with four to five tracks each. At the time, I not only worked on those but music for GOT7 too. After hustling so hard, I feel like I’ve run out of material. I look around wondering where to find inspiration. When I finish making the melody and want to write lyrics, I feel lost.

In order to be prepared for those situations, creators keep a collection of material. How do you collect resources?

I often read or use my imagination. These days, I often put myself in others’ shoes. When watching a movie, one would empathize with the protagonist. It’s only natural since the plot revolves around them. But I would pay attention to the supporting roles or passerbys in the background and think about the story from their point of view. I would think about what I would do if I heard those words and if I were in that situation. I also pay close attention to any words that might be a good source of inspiration. In the past I would focus on how the plot developed, but now I look at the words that the author uses repeatedly. When I think of any useful words or ideas, I jot them down.

Observing the supporting roles instead of the central narrative is such a novel idea.

I suddenly thought of it while watching a movie at home. The protagonist had said some harsh and rude words to a supporting role. It was something like “Get out of my way.” I thought “How would it have felt to be the one moving out of their way? What would they feel?” These were the thoughts I had.

Has anyone told you that you have a unique perspective?

I’ve often heard that my personality is very unique.

People can say they don’t like something despite others saying they like it. That could come off as unique and fresh ideas come from an uncommon perspective too.

I think it’s 50/50. There are times when something might not feel like much for me while others like it, and times when everyone else seems quite indifferent while I like it. A song I recently liked the idea of is “Smile, Wait for the Flash” by Giriboy where he used the ‘kacha’ shutter sound as gunfire. Using ‘kacha’ like a gunfire as a metaphor for wrapping up your feelings after a breakup was a refreshing idea. It was great.

Do you also often use your instincts?

I try hard to. I don’t naturally use my instincts, but I try to look at things through a different lens. I tend to have random thoughts, and I had one today during the shoot too. This is a camping site, but there was no one camping. So I imagined how it would look when full of people moving about. Also during the shoot, there was a long blade of grass under my feet on a field of grass. I should have avoided it but I accidentally stepped on it. I felt sorry for the grass that got stepped on and out of instinct I said “sorry…”

Seems like you have keen sensibility.

I wish I could be sensible. I’m too cautious to say that I am sensible, though.

I think you would be considered a sensible person because you make music. But I noticed that the comments are disabled for Def.’s mixtapes on YouTube.

The songs that I make under “Def.” are 100% music that I personally wanted to make. I didn’t want to receive feedback, so I disabled the comments. If I release an album under “Def.” in the future, I probably won't be able to disable the comments. I don’t know. The reason I have disabled the comments is because I don’t want to see any praise nor criticism. I don’t look at the comments for my SoundCloud tracks either. Because they’re very personal projects, I’m worried I could be swayed by it so I don’t look at it on purpose. I don’t want to be swayed by anything when it comes to my personal projects. I guess that’s my way of being stubborn.

So it sounds like you’re saying the songs that are made under the name Def. are like a part of you. I can feel your sincerity towards your music.

I would pretend to be indifferent to evaluations, but I’m really scared of receiving negative comments. Not the criticism but I’m scared to look at comments that decide something as ‘not good.’ If they say that it’s not their style, then it’s just personal preference. There may not be songs that match their preference within my discography. But it’s difficult for me to hear people say ‘this is not good, bad, or meh.’ After all, those songs came from me and are like my children.

I remember many tracks with gentle melodies and discovered JAY B’s delicate side. Is this surprising to hear?

This is the first time I’ve been called delicate. I do have several sensitive/vibey songs. I want to try something like a pop, hip-hop, or smug and cocky vibe but I’m not good at that. I don’t think it’s my personality.

What is considered a good melody to you?

Something that feels good at the first listen. My music taste has been so diverse recently that even when I talk to my friends about music, the songs that we all like are different. It’s hard to reach a consensus. In the creator’s perspective, even if something doesn’t sound good to others but it does to the creator, I consider that to be a good melody. I used to stress over how to write a good melody, how to sing it, and if the company would like it. As I move on step by step, I found a standard where at least the melody should sound good enough to me to not abandon the song since everyone has different preferences.

Personal preferences are important but it must be an important job to cater to the general public too. No, I mean, a difficult job.

That’s right. I think I still lack the ability to create melodies that the general public would like. I will have to learn step by step. One thing I feel is that there must be a part that sticks. I can’t exactly describe what type of melody it would be, but to set a minimum standard, it would be ‘a melody that I’m satisfied with. If it’s one that I’m not satisfied with but the public likes, I should follow that.

Do you tend to use many tracks when making music? There’s lot of songs these days that use dozens of layers of tracks.

We used a lot of harmonies with GOT7. Because there were so many harmonies, there was a crazy number of tracks too. These days, I try to be minimal and reduce harmonies. I don’t layer many tracks. I usually have the main track with a few harmonies and some adlibs.

K-Pop in particular mixes many genres and harmonies to create complex music. They are very flashy. What do you think of this phenomenon as someone who prefers to be minimal?

I see it as a good thing, because it means that the general public’s preference is expanding to a variety. It’s rather better. Of course, the basics are also important and I do feel the necessity to study them but we also need to agree with change. We should accept change. Who knows, I might grow old to be someone that can’t accept change and wonder, ‘what kind of music is this?’ But I feel that now is a time to open our eyes to change. When I find that a song is difficult to listen to, I will purposely listen to it repeatedly.

It’s been 10 years since you’ve debuted. How much have you changed over these 10 years?

In the past I was ambitious and had high expectations, but now I am more relaxed. With age, I think my sensitive side is becoming more and more dull. When I let go of some desires, I get to be accepting of more things. The scope of my activities also seems to have widened. I used to have a stubborn side to me in the past. Now I’m like ‘don’t expect too much, don’t anticipate too much,’ just do my job diligently!

There are many artists that use other creative hobbies to ease the burdens of their main job. What do you do to cope with your fuel for creativity?

My hobby is photography so I take many photos. I also learned how to draw at one point but nowadays, I don’t have time to draw since I’m busy. I also make records of things often. I write down my thoughts, even useless things. I also use an audio recorder to record my mood, thoughts, and things I’m currently doing. I also write letters to my future self. Things like ‘this is why I’m struggling, this is what would be good for me now but how it would be for my future self?’ Wondering what I will be thinking about and what I would look like. I write letters to myself about stuff like that. I put them in envelopes according to the year and on the envelope I write down the year the letter was written.

So It’s like an archive of your time. Writing, journaling, letters, photos, music, it’s interesting. A very organised way of saving your thoughts to not lose them. Having said that, is there anyone else you would like to show your records to besides your future self?

Ah! I can’t show this to people. They’ll cringe. (Laughs) It’s sort of embarrassing. I can show the photos to everyone but I want to keep voice messages to myself. I hope that when I am older, I can look at them as I laugh and reminisce about my life. They’re records for myself.

Do you also record everyday life in any way?

I record when I find it interesting the way I thought about something. Even looking at my journal from last year or the year before, my thoughts were different from now. I find it intriguing to see the way people can change like this. I think I tend to have many thoughts, so I record them every day.

From the position of a creator, I guess journaling can be seen as an activity to collect one’s senses and emotions to use them as material for inspiration.

That’s right. My brain isn’t good enough for me to remember everything. There are situations when I recall a memory and decide I could write this down.

What was the most fun thing you did lately?

It’s a bit dangerous, but it was when I rode around on my motorcycle with my friend. There was suddenly a heavy downpour. Since I needed to go home, I rode the motorcycle in the rain. I was completely soaked when I got home. The journey home was super difficult, but I was fortunate enough to not have suffered any injuries. It was a completely new experience so it was very fun. I don’t want to experience it again but it felt like an adventure.

Wearing the Burberry 2021 F/W collection in the pictorial today must also be a new experience. Slightly different from the refined and classic Burberry, the collection shows a lot of change. What were your usual thoughts on Burberry?

I thought of it as a clean and straightforward style. Ever since some time, I noticed their young and bold changes. Although today’s outfits contained many new attempts and changes, I felt that their style was still well refined. I felt that Burberry used their own unique perspective to cleanly interpret nature’s elements. Wearing the outfits, I felt like they had a lot of fun ideas.

Which outfit left the biggest impression on you?

Choosing just one is very difficult. There was one that gave off the feel of a medieval knight, and made me feel like a monarch. I’ve heard that in medieval times, people would also wear bearskin from hunting. I think that has some influence on the Burberry outfits that I wore today. Every time I put on an outfit, I always felt like a medieval knight or king. The fur on the clothes had a strong animalistic feel to it. The scenery, weather, and concept were all very harmonious with each other.

Going back to the topic of music, you said that you like to tell stories. Do you also create a universe with music?

Yes, I create a universe for each album. This album creates this universe, while that album creates another. The albums won’t connect to create one universe, though. Each album is its own world, nothing more. I can’t make them magnificently connect into a grand universe. I like to put my story into each album.

Can you use a keyword to describe the universe of the album you are about to release?

It would be “SOMO:FUME.” This is the first album that I made after joining H1GHR MUSIC. This album consists of my energy, feelings, and thoughts, so it contains the meaning of my hopes for people to consume (somo in Korean) this product and and my wishes for my emotions to smear on to you like perfume, which is why I combined [somo] with the [English word] perfume, and named [the album] SOMO:FUME.

In which direction will JAY B’s music flow from now onwards?

I’ve pondered about directionality for a long time, but I couldn’t come up with an answer. The important part is to participate enough for me to not have regrets and be careful. I may disappoint myself if I have too many expectations for the future. I need to work diligently to not be disappointed when I look back; so that in the future, I can see that I worked hard.

Translated by defdaily.

Please support JAY B’s 1st EP album [SOMO:FUME] coming out on August 26 at 6PM KST. jayb1stsoloep.carrd.co

[persephone-plasmids]

Deacon X Sole

The Deathclaw Incident

[AO3]

Sole stood in front of Deacon with her eyes narrowed. A large glob of green slime dripped from the ends of her hair onto the ground with a dull splat. Deacon’s mouth twitched in the corner but he didn’t let himself smile.

“Don’t. Say. Anything.” Sole warned, her already narrowed eyes getting even smaller.

Deacon raised both of his hands up in front of him, the perfect picture of innocence. “I didn’t, Charmer.”

“And don’t call me that,” Sole said with a groan of frustration.

“Why not? I thought you loved the code name?”

“You only call me that when you want me to smile. And I don’t feel like smiling right now,” Sole said, green slime still dripping from her.

“What’s not to smile about? You just killed a Deathclaw while I stood by with a busted gun,” Deacon said, the corner of his mouth now twitching up into a ghost of a smile. “That’s awesome.”

Sole allowed her eyes to lose some of their suspicion as she nodded slowly. “I guess that’s true. I am pretty amazing.”

“And who knows, maybe Deathclaw innard chic will become the new style,” Deacon said, now letting a full-blown grin spread over his face. “Maybe that Deathclaw exploding when you used the alien blaster was the best thing to ever happen to you.”

“There it is,” Sole said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “I knew you couldn’t actually be trying to cheer me up right now.”

Sole stomped away towards the nearby sinkhole, careful to avoid the torrential water that would try to pull her into the underground cave if she wasn’t careful.

“Wait, where are you going? I was totally trying to cheer you up!” Deacon said, trotting to catch up to Sole.

He thought it was cute the way she huffed under her breath when she was mad. And he couldn’t ignore the adorable little line that formed between her eyebrows when her face got all scrunched up in anger.

Deacon wanted to take Sole seriously, but these little characteristics that he’d grown used to over the past months were so distracting. He tried to ignore the way his chest tightened when he thought about this.

“Come on. A little slime actually looks kinda cute on you,” Deacon tried.

“I’m going to rinse off in this waterfall, and then we’re never going to talk about this again,” Sole said, pointing an accusing finger at Deacon.

“Scouts honor, boss,” Deacon said, holding up two fingers.

“You were never a scout,” Sole scoffed with a roll of her eyes.

“I totally was. I was the leader of my bear pack… or... whatever they call it,” Deacon said.

Sole shook her head, her face still a perfect mask of annoyance. But when Deacon watched her carefully, he could see the small ghost of a smile that threatened to give her away.

He was getting to her. He was cheering her up.

The thought made his heart leap in his chest and suddenly, the only thing that mattered to him was making that familiar smile appear on Sole’s face.

“We roasted radroach meat and sang songs to get badges on those little sash things. It was adorable,” Deacon said, his easy smile returning to his face.

“Deacon, boy scouts weren’t even a thing in your lifetime. The only reason you know about them is because you’re such a book nerd,” Sole said, her voice significantly softer now.

“You say ‘book nerd’ like it’s a bad thing.”

Sole let a soft small smile pass over her face, another emotion there that Deacon couldn’t quite decipher. Fondness? He hoped that was it.

“It’s definitely not a bad thing,” Sole said. She looked at the ground for a moment, not wanting to meet his eyes. “I actually really love that about you.”

Deacon worked hard to keep his face carefully neutral at her words.

He had never been so grateful for the sunglasses he constantly wore.

“So, are you going to wash that Deathclaw slime off you or what?” Deacon asked after a moment of uncomfortable silence. His tone was light and teasing. He’d mastered the art of appearing calm and collected when he felt anything but.

“Good point.”

“We don’t want you sending off some weird Deathclaw mating pheromones or something. A bunch of Deathclaws looking for a good time is the last thing we need.”

Sole pulled a face of disgust at this. “Yeah, let's avoid that.”

Without another word, Sole turned her back on Deacon and carefully picked her way across the slippery wet rocks to where the waterfall crashed into the sinkhole.

Deacon told himself that he watched Sole to make sure she didn’t lose her footing and get sucked into the underground cave, but he knew that was a lie. Of course, being the incredible liar he was, it only took a moment for him to actually believe that that was what he was doing.

His ability to lie to himself was unmatched.

Deacon watched as the water crashed around Sole, washing off the slime from the Deathclaw fight and the muck from their travel across the Commonwealth that day. Her skin was shiny under the waterfall and her clothes clung to her in a way that made Deacon think he should look away. But he didn’t.

When she finished, Deacon quickly turned away, hoping she wouldn’t be able to see the blush in his cheeks.

Blushing? Really? He was a highly trained Railroad agent who had worked hard to remove any attachments from his life. The fact that he was blushing over a fully-clothed woman was just embarrassing. This was hardly the most compromising position he’d ever been in with someone of the opposite sex.

“I feel so much better.”

Deacon jumped at the sound of Sole’s voice beside him. He had been so focused on appearing uninterested in her little impromptu shower that he’d actually lost track of her for a moment.

“You smell a lot better now too,” Deacon joked, trying to keep his voice light and disinterested.

“Maybe I should have just stayed disgusting. It would be some nice payback for all the showtunes,” Sole said, giving Deacon a sideways smile that made him feel warm all over.

“You should feel privileged that I give our missions their own soundtrack,” Deacon answered. “Besides, I have the voice of an angel and you know it.”

Sole’s sideways smile morphed into a full grin as she watched him. “You do have the voice of an angel.”

Again, the sunglasses were proving to be extremely helpful today in a way Deacon had never anticipated.

“Glad you think so, Charmer.” Deacon let his own smile grow in the quickly fading light. “Wait, am I allowed to call you that again or are you still anti-smiling?”

Sole took a step closer to Deacon with an amused look. “You’re allowed to make me smile again. Now that I’m all clean.”

“Glad to hear it. If I can’t make you smile, what am I even doing here?”

His question was rhetorical but he felt it to his core.

Deacon had been excited for a new person to joke around with when he and Sole had been assigned to start doing missions together, but he knew something had changed. He craved the satisfaction of her smile. Every time it ghosted across her face, he felt like he’d accomplished something incredible. And in those rare instances when he actually managed to make her laugh, it was like he finally knew why he was still wandering across this barren wasteland. Why he hadn’t given up all those years ago after losing Barbara.

Because now, for the first time in years, there was a glimmer of hope. A hint that he could actually be genuinely happy again.

Sole shivered in the dying light, her clothes still wet and clinging to her.

“You’re going to catch a cold if we don’t get you warm,” Deacon said, taking off his leather jacket and wrapping it around Sole’s shoulders.

“Well look at you, Deacon. Who knew you could be such a gentleman,” Sole said, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

Deacon was positive that Sole didn’t know what she was doing to him right now. She was being playfully flirtatious, the way they always were with each other. But for him, it felt like she had his heart in a vice. Every smile only tightened the grip she had on it.

Deacon swallowed hard, desperately trying to hold onto his lighthearted facade that was one smile away from shattering into a million pieces.

“You’re not the only one who can be a charmer,” Deacon said, but his voice sounded all wrong. He hoped Sole wouldn’t notice.

Without thinking, Deacon put his arm around Sole’s shoulders protectively. “Let’s head back to Goodneighbor and get you warmed up.”

Deacon tried to take a step forward, but Sole didn’t budge. When he looked down at her, Sole was watching him, her eyes serious. It was an expression he didn’t see her wear often.

“Something wrong?” Deacon asked, his voice still giving away just how keyed up he was.

Sole swallowed hard and Deacon couldn’t help but notice the rise and fall of her chest. Her breathing was shallow. “I just… thank you for always having my back.”

Deacon shrugged nonchalantly. “You’ve got my back too. It’s just what we do in the Railroad.”

“Just one big dysfunctional family with guns?” Sole asked, repeating Deacon’s words back to him. It had been one of the first things he’d said to her that had made her smile all those months ago.

“Exactly.” His words came out soft. Softer than he’d meant for them to. But their close proximity made him feel like he needed to whisper.

Sole’s eyes darted down to Deacon’s lips for only a split second, but it was enough time for him to suddenly feel self-conscious. Involuntarily, his eyes also trailed down to Sole’s full lips, but he had the added benefit of hiding behind his sunglasses.

“Deacon… all joking aside, I really appreciate you watching out for me.”

“There’s no such thing as ‘all joking aside’,” Deacon said, his eyes still transfixed on the way Sole took her bottom lip between her teeth when she was nervous.

“Maybe just for a second?” Sole asked, turning her body so that she was now facing Deacon head on. She shifted her weight, bringing them even closer together.

He could feel the heat coming off of her body in waves, even as she shivered.

Sole took Deacon’s hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. Deacon’s breath caught in his throat at the unexpected closeness, making him feel ridiculous all over again.

“I guess I can be serious for one second,” Deacon answered. “But it might actually kill me.”

Sole leaned into him, her body now touching his. “It’ll be worth it,” she said, her voice low in a way that gave Deacon chills of his own.

The fabric of Deacon’s white shirt instantly dampened from the water still dripping off of Sole, but he hardly noticed, instead focusing on just how close they now were.

Sole leaned up and touched her nose to Deacon’s lightly, closing her eyes. Deacon seldom saw Sole in such a vulnerable position and the amount of trust it showed shook Deacon to his core.

He tried to be professional; at least, as professional as he ever was. He tried to tell Sole this was a bad idea, that it would make things complicated going forward. But he didn’t do any of that. Instead, he closed the last few inches between them, pressing his lips gently against hers.

Even though Sole had been sending him some obvious signals, Deacon still worried he’d misread the situation and she’d pull away from him. He was surprised when, instead, he felt Sole’s hands press against his stomach, slowly running up his body to his chest and finally behind his neck to pull him firmly against her.

Deacon let his hands rest on Sole’s waist, drawing her to him in the now dark wasteland. With the sound of the rushing waterfall beside them and the occasional distant gunfire that was all-too-common in the Commonwealth, Deacon revelled in this rare stolen moment.

His lips moved over Sole’s slowly and deliberately, wanting to take his time with the kiss. She felt soft and perfect. The way her fingers tangled in his dark hair and her shirt soaked his own grounded him in the moment.

The kiss lasted only a moment, but when Sole pulled away, Deacon felt the inevitable shift in energy between them. He already missed the feeling of Sole’s lips on his own.

“So, did it kill you?” Sole asked, her eyes searching Deacon’s face.

“It did,” he confirmed, still breathless from the kiss. “But you were right. It was worth it.”

Sole placed her hand gently against Deacon’s face, her thumb running along his cheekbone. Every time she touched him, it sparked something inside of him that he hadn’t felt in years.

It was dangerous but thrilling at the same time. Part of him wanted to give into it, but the other part was far too scared to explore those feelings.

“Consider it payment for the jacket,” Sole said, her grin returning before stepping away from Deacon’s embrace.

He instantly missed the warmth from her body, instead left with a dampened shirt and empty arms.

“That jacket is only on loan, you know. I expect it back,” Deacon said, impressed by his own ability to sound nonchalant when, inside, he was dying to be close to Sole again.

“Fine. I’ll give it back one day,” Sole said. “But it looks much better on me.”

“That’s obvious,” Deacon answered. “And if this is the way you pay me back for loaning you a jacket, remind me to give you any article of clothing you ever ask for.”

Deacon raised his eyebrows suggestively at Sole, making her laugh. The sound was soft and musical.

“Now we’re even Sneakin Deacon,” sole called over her shoulder as she sauntered away into the darkness.

Her tone was joking, but before she turned away, he saw the look in her eyes. It was the same one that hid in his own behind his trademark shades.

The kiss had devastated her and much as it had him. It had meant more to her than she was letting on and he knew it.

They were so screwed.

(Part 2)

[ecto-american]

Hello there! I forgot if I asked this before (my apologies if I did, I don't mean to rush you, take all the time you need), but I was wondering if you were able to possibly continue of have a part two for that one request where Star stumbled upon Sam and Danny playing bowling. I really enjoyed it, and would love to see more. Thanks!

I take prompts within reason but literally never expect me to write it within any reasonable amount of time because ho boy

The first part mentioned in the post

But why Sam? Out of all girls in town? Well, ghosts were spooky, makes sense that they’d attach themselves to goths like moths to a light. Did that mean the ghost boy hung out with a lot of local goths? No...surely at least one of them would have spilled the beans. 

Star stared off into nothing as she thought, only-half listening to her boyfriend’s commentary on the game. While she wasn’t looking at anything in particular, the popular teen couldn’t help but let her gaze fall into the loser trio’s direction. They were a few lanes down from them, bowling. Why they were in public being losers was beyond her. Especially knowing that Sam’s basement had a bowling alley.

Danny bowled, and he did an excited jump, saying something to the other losers. He had gotten a strike. This was his third one. Valerie had told her he was good at bowling, but she didn’t really ever think much about it. Her cousin was sulking, as normal for her weird, goth self. Sam glanced in her direction, and they met eyes. Star looked away to stare at her own game. Paulina was up, and as normal, she wasn’t a very good bowler. She got a gutter and was complaining to Dash about it.

Star lightly sipped a milkshake to avoid needing to reply, until Kwan finally snapped her out of her thoughts.

“Hey, Starlight? You okay?” he questioned. She glanced at him, and she shrugged.

“Just lost in thought,” she replied honestly. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Kwan was always such a sweetie, and Star couldn’t help but smile.

“It’s just some weird family stuff I can’t quite figure out,” she confessed. It was Kwan’s turn to steal a glance at the loser trio.

“Something happen with Sam?” he asked quietly. Kwan was the only one who knew the cousin connection, and he only knew because her parents had accidentally told him. If anybody besides Kwan, who for some reason really liked Sam, knew that she was cousins with that goth freak, her social life would be over. 

“...Sorta.” Star went back to watching them. The three had seemingly completely stopped their game, instead exchanging looks to each other.

And suddenly, they completely abandoned their game.

She didn’t even hide her confusion as she watched them simply...leave. As a group, with their game not even half over and leaving behind nothing, still in their bowling shoes, collectively going towards the back door. Where were they going? They had to be coming back, Sam would have never dared to leave her favorite pair of boots behind. 

Kwan noticed too.

“What’s up with them?” he asked. 

“I have no idea,” she mused. She stood up. “I’m going to go see. Just bowl for me if you want, or Dash can.”

“Gotcha!” Kwan nodded. “Let me know if you need help.”

“I can handle a goth,” Star lightly joked, smiling as she began to make her way towards them.

Sam was the last in line to exit out the back door, but she had seen Star coming for her, and she paused. She turned to her friends, saying something Star couldn’t make out before shutting the door on them. Sam turned to stare at Star as she approached, frowning.

“What the fuck is with you?” Sam demanded to know the second Star was close enough. “You’ve been super weird since Saturday. You actually texted me. You never text me.”

“Well yeah,” Star scoffed, crossing her arms. “I saw you and Phantom bowling together, and now you’re here? Bowling again?”

“Will you stop that?” Sam grumbled. Her hands went to her hips. “I was home alone all Saturday until you and Aunt Rene showed up. Nothing happened. Stop spreading false rumors just because you need a popularity boost in your prep crowd.”

“I don’t need anything from you,” Star replied. “Besides the truth I mean. Something’s going on. I wanna know what it is.” 

“Nothing’s going on,” Sam argued. “Why are you so hung up on this?”

“Because I know I saw something! I heard something!” Star insisted. She jumped, and Sam flinched as a loud crashing noise came from above. 

Star jerked her head to the ceiling, but saw nothing. She glanced at Sam, seeing her cousin stare worriedly above. It was obviously ghosts, any Amity Park resident could tell you that much. 

...Is that why Sam and her friends were eager to go? To see the ghosts? How did they know that there was a ghost fight going on before anybody else? That had to mean that her weird loser friends knew Phantom too. But Fenton’s parents hunted ghosts, didn’t they? They were the weirdos in town that wore jumpsuits everywhere. Maybe they had a tracker device? 

“We should leave,” Star spoke up. “Ghosts are dangerous.” She could have sworn that she saw Sam roll her eyes.

“I’m sure it’s fine,” Sam just seemed to brush off the danger. There were hard thuds on the ceiling, making the room shake, and Star flinched. 

“That doesn’t sound fine,” Star frowned. 

Sam opened her mouth to reply, only for the ceiling to completely collapse as a ghost rammed inside. Star flew back a few feet from the impact, doing a roll as she was only stopped by the railing that separated the main floor from the bowling lanes. All the lights had gone out, and she could hear people scrambling for the exit. 

She looked up to see a full black ghost with its hands around Phantom’s neck, pressing him into the ground. Phantom kicked the ghost off, blasting him with some kind of green energy she had seen him use several times before the ghost screeched in pain, letting go of him and slithering off into the darkness of the bowling alley. 

“Are you okay?” Phantom’s voice asked, and Star immediately panicked. Sam.

She rushed over to see Phantom phasing Sam out from under some rubble, moving her away a few feet behind the bowling shoes counter. Star fell to her knees next to them. Sam looked dirty and had a few immediate scraps and bruises that began to form. Her foot was the worst. She couldn’t tell so much in the dark, but Star knew something was off. 

“I got her,” Star assured the ghost. He looked at her, almost...quizzingly. “She’s my cousin, I’ll ride with her to the hospital and call Aunt Pam.” 

Phantom blinked in absolute awe, glancing between her and the goth with disbelief. Well, it probably was kind of hard to believe. They were nothing alike. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it. Why was he so hung up on that? 

“Wait, what?” 

Sam scowled, grabbing Phantom by the collar and yanking him to her.

“Danny, go stop the damn ghost already!” she snapped at him. Danny? Oh, right. Danny Phantom. So weird that Fenton and Phantom shared a name. Well, Danny wasn’t that uncommon. They had several Dannys in their grade. 

Phantom broke out of his stupor, and he nodded. He took her hand off him, and he lightly squeezed it. Like they knew each other. It was subtle, but Star saw the touch and that brief look of intimate concern for her. 

“Get out,” he spoke to Star, and he soon jumped over the counter, and back into the action.

Star watched his leap, before she returned to Sam. With Phantom gone, Sam seemed to finally break a little. She had tears in her eyes now, and she gave a hard sniffle as she tried to not openly cry. Family rivalry was brushed aside, and Star leaned in to hug her. Surprisingly, one of Sam’s arms wrapped around her in a light hug back.

“Come on,” Star said quietly. She let go, and she got to her knees, staying squatted next to her cousin. Sam stared at her, lip quivering.

“I’m not going to be able to walk,” she complained quietly. 

Another glance at the injury, and well, yeah. No way Sam was walking on that kind of a twisted ankle. 

“It’s okay,” Star soothed. “I’ll help.”

Star glanced around, seeing the ghost fight finally be taken out of the bowling alley and back outside. The emergency exit they were by before was completely blocked, and several lanes had been torn up. But at least it was ghost-free from the immediate looks of it. 

She sighed with relief, standing up before holding her hands out to Sam. She pulled Sam to her foot, quickly shifting as they put their arms around each other’s shoulder. Sam leaned into her, and Star wrapped her arm around her waist, and they began to slowly make their way out, staying hugged along the wall. 

“Star! Sam!” The girls snapped their head towards Kwan, who had rushed up to them. He looked a bit disheveled, mostly dirty more than anything else, and he was glancing at them, concerned. “Are you guys hurt?” 

“Sam hurt her ankle pretty bad,” Star explained. Kwan glanced down, and he paled a bit. 

“It looks bad,” he replied bluntly. Star glanced down, seeing the injury truly in better light. Kwan was right. It did look bad. She didn’t realize until now that Sam was actually bleeding from her ankle too, and that the blood was on her cousin’s tights as well as some on Star’s pants. “Here, let me.”

Kwan shifted to pick Sam up bridal style, and Star immediately rushed for the door to open it for him. Kwan carried her with ease outside, where police cars were already pulling up. Star waved an officer down as he was exiting his car.

“We need an ambulance!” she called out. The officer just nodded, speaking into his radio as he came over.

“What’s the damage?” the officer asked. 

“My ankle,” Sam replied, lightly lifting up the injured foot in question. Now in the full bright light of the day, Star was absolutely sure that it was broken. The boot hid her foot, but it was at an odd angle that feet just didn’t bend at. 

“Come over here,” the officer instructed. He motioned for them to follow him as he took a few steps back towards a bench. “Set her down here.” 

Kwan did just that, with the officer’s help, putting Sam sitting down on the bench. Sam gave a small groan of pain as her foot brushed against the ground as she was transferred.

“Did you call your parents yet?” the officer asked. Sam shook her head no.

“I’ll call them,” Star promised. The officer nodded.

“Star, please call Grandma Ida,” Sam pleaded. Star glanced at her. “Mom’ll flip out.”

“I’ll see if I can reach Grandma first,” Star promised. She pulled her phone out, scrolling for her contact, and she rang up their grandma.

She answered, and Star quickly filled her in on the details, even though her mind was still thinking back to Sam and Phantom. Things were still way too weird. They way they looked at each other, Phantom’s reaction to the family connection. They knew each other. Star just knew it.

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 140

And here we have the last chapter of the Food Festival!  This is one part I was pretty excited to write - The Closing Costume Party.  I wouldn’t have been able to get this one squared away without @baelpenrose and @charlylimph-blog... Both of you caught a few things I didn’t that kept it from making sense from a reader perspective. So thank you both, very much.

I growled softly to myself as I twisted my arms behind my back to pull on my costume. Normally, I was more than flexible enough, but the amount of leverage I needed right now just wasn’t happening unless I was willing to seriously dislocate something. Dropping my hands, I frowned as I jiggled my arms a little to work feeling back into my elbows.

“You really should have fitted this sooner than now,” Conor laughed against the back of my head as he pulled the laces tight on the blood-red corset.  Getting one made while laying low and avoiding Hannah had been a nightmare, but it was going to be worth it. I just knew it.

“You just wanted to see me try this entire costume on sooner,” I joked as I felt everything fit snugly - but not too tightly - into place.

Maverick flicked a lock of my hair over my shoulder and positioned it just-so. “It’s not his fault that you couldn’t fit this over your scrubs and have it work for tonight.”

“Who wants to see a corset over scrubs?” I scrunched my nose at the thought while smoothing my sleeves and adjusting my collar. “So far so good?” I asked, slightly louder.

As a credit to their maturity regarding the matter, both men looked me over earnestly before glancing at each other. Conor finally broke the silence. “Aren’t the slits in the skirt a bit… high?”  Maverick whispered in his ear, and an expression of utter comprehension glowed on his face. “Oh! That’s… Love, that’s clever.”

I grinned hard enough to cramp my jaw. “Thank you.”  Despite how daring the outfit looked, there was exactly zero chance of any wardrobe malfunctions more serious than a hole in my stockings  - a near-indestructible nude bodysuit under everything made sure of that.

“Your turn, now,” Maverick insisted, eliciting a groan from Conor, who he had turned toward while brandishing eyeliner.

“Isn’t it bad enough I let the two of you do this?” He gestured at his hair, which was styled within an inch of his life and would sustain an EF4 tornado with minimal loss of glitter.

“Nope,” I popped, still smiling as I sat down to put on my boots.  Parvati and Hannah had envisioned tonight to be a sort of return-to-our-roots in a very feral, primitive way, complete with costumes. “We’ve been imagining since before we could cook,” Hannah had pointed out.  Between that and the multiple hints that I wasn’t capable of costuming myself, I had gone a bit more over the top than I had originally planned. Hence the corset, the boots, Conor’s hair… although the leather pants the guys were wearing had been decidedly Maverick’s idea and I resisted the need to fall at his feet in gratitude.

Once we were finally costumed, we managed to arrive just-fashionably late to the last hurrah of the Festival. I don’t know who gaped harder - us at the party, or the people who managed to recognize me when they saw me leading the men in. Parvati’s incredible, winding mural was noticeably weathered and patchy, giving the overall atmosphere a post-apocalyptic feel.  The only noticeable lighting came from the braziers, and deep, almost subsonic music thumped in my chest, driving my adrenaline just high enough to overwhelm my anxiety.

My nose led us over to the first stall of the night, the smell of charring meat fitting the tone. Per a previous discussion around our costumes, I did not reach for anything but instead Conor took my portion and fed it to me - his idea, this time, though Maverick had readily agreed. It was just enough to set off a few murmurs before I heard a familiar laugh cut through the air.

“Councillor Reid!” Jokul’s voice crowed, turning our heads his direction. Warmly, he clasped my hands when offered, trembling with the laughter he was trying to suppress. “This is an unexpected but pleasant surprise.”

I took a moment to take in his fur trousers and tunic, with rough metal covering vital areas. “The dirt is a nice touch,” I offered, squeezing his hands in greeting. “And Ivan! Well done, sir!”

Ivan rubbed the freshly-buzzed back of his head and grinned. “He actually already had the furs, I just made the armored parts.”

“I meant all of it,” I admonished softly, waving at his work throughout the event.

“Antique, yeah?” Conor asked, gesturing to the furs both of them were wearing.

To his credit, Jokul scoffed. “Absolutely not. Quality synthetic.”

“Don’t let Hannah find out.”

A silver brow arched high enough to impress even Tyche. “Who do you think I commissioned?”

“Clever boy.” I winked at Ivan, eliciting a grin.

In response, Ivan did a runway-twirl, his fur kilt flaring just slightly. “What do you think, Councillor? Can I pull it off?”

With the cheekiest grin my soul could ever manifest, I stared him down. “I think I am the wrong person to ask that.”  Even in the dim light, I could see Jokul’s face turn bright red.

“I smell goat,” Maverick interrupted, entirely off topic and completely unabashed.

Ivan’s nose twitched. “Oh, you’re right!” Sniff, sniff. “And it’s on a spit! Let’s find it before it’s gone!”

With that, he snagged Jokul’s wrist and dragged him less like he was an easily two-hundred pound man and more like he was a kite.  When I snickered, my former enemy leaned over and murmured “I like the chains, very nice touch.”

I shook the wrist that connected to Conor’s belt and whispered conspiratorially. “Your idea, really.  You were so convinced I was leading the entire Ark like this…”

He had the decency to snort. “Seeing it in reality, I was a complete idiot. But it’s quite poetic, and I like it.”

“Poetic?” I asked as I tried to keep pace in the six-inch heels I had elected to wear.

“Are they chaining you down, or are you leading them by their gonads? Or, perhaps, are they saving you from yourself?” He gave a very pointed look at the delicate chains going from the shackles on my wrists to the links attached just above Maverick’s and Conor’s hips.

“Saving me, definitely.” My confession was unashamed and completely sober, the result of the primal music and smells surrounding me.

“Gods agree, someone needs to.”

I didn’t have time to argue before we arrived at the source of the enticing smell - a Jamaican barbecue vendor, who had oxtails, saltfish, and…

“Grilled goat!” Ivan crowed triumphantly. As he started handing out portions from the dancing, grinning vendor, he raised an eyebrow when he noticed that the portion he tried to hand to me was intercepted by Maverick first, and then fed to me rather than feeding myself.

“Not my idea,” I managed around an insanely delicious bite. “Swear.”

“Kink tomato,” he insisted, holding up his hands.

Conor almost choked laughing. “Not our kink either, mate. Just set dressing for the Queen over here.” Taking another bite, he winked at me.

“Ah, Conor’s idea then,” Jokul nodded sagely before erupting in the closest thing to a girlish squeal I could imagine coming from him. “Miss Harper, we’ve been looking for you!”

Shit, I thought to myself. I hadn’t thought of what Charly would say when I discussed this idea with Conor and Maverick, and I was just realizing it was a monumental oversight.  Plastering a smile on my face, I turned in the direction Jokul had shouted - 

Only to be confronted with what looked like a fox with antlers, a rakish Anansi, the Queen of the Dead, a blind healer, and… a walking shrine? I wasn’t sure what exactly Arthur was dressed as, but I could clearly identify a shabby tweed suit, his sword, a tome that I hoped was faux-moldy, breastplate, shin guards, along with various tchotchkes that looked like they came from high-schoolers and were a bit too beat up to be faked.

“Arthur, what are you?” I asked. Where anyone else would find it rude, I knew my bluntness would be either appreciated or ignored entirely.

“The Ghost of Classes Past.” He swept into a near-Shakespearen bow, gesturing at the bits and bobs that adorned him. “Humans protect, and we mourn those we could not to ensure they live on in memory.” The thump of the music did not change, but his costume gave it a sepulchral tone, like a dying heartbeat.

In an attempt to lighten the mood, the antlered fox bounced familiarly before looking at the Queen of the Dead. “You did a fantastic job on their costumes! They look amazing!” Her antlers were, of course, somehow illuminated from below, but damn me if I could figure out how.

Despite the fact that I knew damned well that Tyche wanted to erupt into laughter at the suggestion, she managed to, quite impressively, tamp it down to a savage smile of silver fangs and blood-red lips. Flapping a hand at myself, Conor, and Maverick, she gave her bell-like fake-laugh, fully in character. “Oh, I had nothing to do with this. Darling Sophia and her merry toys conceived it all on their own.  This is the first time I’ve even seen it, darling.” She turned to me, tipping her chin down in respect. “Well done, dearest sister.” Tyche was on peak display, with kohl lining her glowing grey eyes, a black bodysuit covering her from  collar to feet, fitted vest and cardigan vest, all partnered with a skirt that could be ten inches thick or ten miles of ribbon - who knew with all the darting and layers? Not me, but I was surely impressed with what looked like ten miles of black feathers flowing from her waist to her hips.

“Why, thank you, Your Majesty.” I swept my leg back in a daring curtsy, forcing Conor and Maverick to smother their laughter at Jokul and Ivan’s faces.

“Ma’am! Ma’am ma’am ma’am!” Charly demanded as she pulled me upright. “You blushed at the concept of kink night, and here I find you leading your men around by their hips!”

I tossed my hair and winked at Jokul. “They aren’t being led, they are saving me from myself.” To Charly’s credit, I did look one deep breath from embarrassment - a black dress with red trim, sliced from floor to ribs and collar to navel, over what appeared to be just fishnet stockings and cavalier boots. The only thing, visibly, retaining any sort of deceny was the corset sealing me in the dress. To go with it, I sported chunky, silver cuffs chained to both Maverick and Conor. Ducking in, I whispered, “I probably will have to be cut out of this bodysuit, no worries on me flashing anyone.”

“Ooooo… well played, madam, well played,” she cheered, twirling me around, forcing both men to pivot with me, laughing, before  giving me a very concerned look. “How fucking tall are those?” This was clearly directed at my heels, which she was staring at like a shark presented with a steak.

“Six,” I admitted. “But I did pointe ballet for a little while, so… This isn’t that bad.”

Maverick ducked into the center of the circle we formed. “They’re a full size too big to allow for swelling and she has the toe boxes lined with impact foam.”

“How the hell else am I supposed to wear these things?” I asked with a glare that had him standing ramrod straight and barely restraining a laugh.

Tyche, to her credit, patted my shoulder. “While sitting.  Or, if you have to stand, with a platform in the toe.”

“No shit,” I hissed, setting the mummified healer doubling over in laughter. “But I’ve done enough damage to my feet, thank you, so… there may be foot braces involved.” One of which was currently digging in just in front of my heel, which I made a mental note to pass on to the development team.

A thick, French accent set me shaking my head when it came from the very-not-French looking mummy. “Well played, Sophia.  The sling and calf brace design I saw recently get approved by medical?”

I groaned as I realized that of course this was Antoine. Life and Death, forever partnered. “Yesssss,” I hissed. “Grey created the design.” I unzipped one boot down far enough to roll it below my knee, exposing braces above and below the kneecap before running further down. “The weight is distributed throughout the leg, before terminating across the front and back of the arch of the foot, to even out the pressure.”

I could almost see numbers whirling beneath the six-foot-plus candy-pink bowler hat. “That… sounds like it might actually be comfortable,” Coffey intoned. I couldn’t help but grin at the tilt of his hat and the feather arching behind him.

“More comfy than actual heels, yes,” I admitted before deflecting attention as far from me as possible. Which, considering how much weight was normally put on the ball of the foot in heels like this, wasn’t a lie…. “But we aren’t here for this! We’re here for food!”

Cheers erupted, and we set off dragging each other to what bits we had discovered.  The theme of the night was firmly set around protein, grilled if possible, with wicks of smoke dancing through the flickering light along with the thump of the music.  Some were spicy, others unexpectedly sweet. As I laughed, and ate, and sweated, and danced, I could freely admit that there was exactly zero percent chance that I would have imagined this in my wildest dreams. And even better? I could enjoy every second, every smell, every beat of the music. I made a point to wink at each camera I could spot, to the point that, first Tyche, and then everyone else felt the need to comically push down my thumbs-up and cover my face.

Clearly, Parvati and Hannah, who I hadn’t seen all night, were monitoring what they would later discover to be a flying pass on their final exam. 

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[feralphoenix]

HOWMST BELL THE CAT? - A treatise on one aspect of how the Pale King sealed the Radiance

sup hollow knight fandom, i’m back with the picante takes again after having Noticed A Thing.

as with my previous essays i’ll put this guy up on dreamwidth later for accessibility purposes, since my layout text may be too small for high-res pc users. i will attach that in a reblog at a later point.

CONTENT WARNINGS FOR TONIGHT’S PROGRAM: This essay discusses canon-typical body horror and bodily boundary violations, with some side mentions of colonialism.

all game screencaps are mine. the screencap of the wiki is from the “developer notes” (style guide) section of the “cut content” page.

ALSO: if youre from a christian cultural upbringing (whether currently practicing, agnostic/secular, or atheist now), understand that some of what i’m discussing here may challenge you. if thinking thru the implications of this particular part of hollow knight worldbuilding/lore is distressing for you, PLEASE only approach this essay when youre in a safe mindset & open to listening, and ask the help of a therapist or anti-racism teacher/mentor to help you process your thoughts & feelings. just like keep in mind that youre listening to an ethnoreligiously marginalized person and please be respectful here or wherever else youre discussing this dang essay, ty

HOWMST BELL THE CAT? - A treatise on one aspect of how the Pale King sealed the Radiance

We understand more or less how the Pale King’s plan was supposed to work. Stuff Radiance into a no-thoughts-head-empty and silent Pure Vessel to trap, isolate, and silence her, both putting an end to the Infection and killing her for good. Stick that vessel in the Black Egg, which harnesses Void BS to both keep the vessel alive indefinitely and to cover Hallownest (and its neighbors) in a time-defying stasis so that the Pale King could successfully hoard his favorite shiny FOREVER, threatened by nothing. Then put a seal on the Black Egg to prevent anyone from getting inside and harming said vessel while it’s strung up and helpless. And THEN, put protective seals on the anchors (the Dreamers) to the Black Egg seal to protect them from any external harm: The stasis means the Dreamers won't die of old age or starvation.

All in all, a pretty foolproof plan!

...except that the Dreamers are still vulnerable to having their minds breached with the moths’ magic... and the Pale King failed to take into account that his Pure Vessel was a person actually and the amount of toxic stress his training/upbringing put on them made them REALLY POORLY SUITED FOR THEIR JOB... and also that killing 99% of his million children and turning the Abyss into a landfill for baby corpses would take enough of an emotional toll on his wife and #1 enabler the White Lady that she would walk out on him, ensuring he’d only ever have one shot at this whole deal...

Basically it’s the sort of plan that an emotionally constipated, low-empathy sort of guy who pours all his points into INT and has a big fat zero for WIS might think is foolproof. It has big holes in it that the Pale King did not consider to be big holes until he got owned by the various consequences of his actions and fell down said big holes, making the shocked pikachu face all the while. Rip in die, my guy.

Anyway, there’s a lot of incidental information scattered about the game that gives us more insight into the stages of TPK’s plan. Looking at Monomon’s notes in the Archive suggests that she was probably involved in designing the Black Egg; the hidden room in the Weavers’ den points to their being the ones to blueprint the Dreamer seal; the White Palace’s hidden rooms reveal both TPK’s morbid fascination with the Void and his mea culpa wrt his motives and the Path of Pain is certainly suggestive of a lot of things. The White Lady tells us straight out that she walked out on the Pale King because she wanted no part in a second vessel batch, but how TPK didn’t handle that is only revealed via map design and some incidental dialogue from the Old Stag.

This stuff presents us with, if not a full picture, then at least a decent connect-the-dots of certain aspects of crater politics and Pale Court drama at the time, and how exactly TPK’s plan came together.

But there is still one glaring question that these cookie crumbs do not provide us an answer to:

Who shall bell the cat?

How did TPK et al manage to stuff Radiance into Hollow in the first place?

This is the subject of a lot of memes and jokes within the fandom because it's so absurd. Radiance fuckin hates that dude! She’s probably gonna be pretty wary of him considering how he stole her people in the first place! And considering the anti-colonialism slant of the writing - beyond the general sympathetic view Team Cherry gives of each indigenous bug society, Seer makes it very clear that Radiance has very good reason to take violent action against Hallownest - the answer is probably not something like “she’s just that stupid” or “she rolled a crit fail”.

Well... I have an idea of how TPK managed to get Radiance in there. It raises about as many questions as it answers, mind, but it may be someplace to start.

[desc: the hollow knight's entry in the hunter’s journal. top text/ghost’s comment reads: “Fully grown Vessel, carrying the plague’s heart within its body.” bottom text/hunter’s comment says: “The old King of Hallownest... he must have been desperate to save his crumbling little world. The sacrifices he imposed on others... all for nothing.”]

Here we have Hollow’s bestiary entry. Most of what we’re concerned with here is the top text, which says the seal has literally trapped Radiance inside their body. (First of all, ew, TPK.)

We already knew Radiance is literally actually inside Hollow, though: The Infection is leaking out of their body, and to get to fight Radiance, Ghost has to go traipsing into their sibling’s mind. So what’s significant about that here?

[desc: screencap of the outside of the black egg temple, post-infected crossroads. there are large infection blobs in the foreground and background, connected to each other by veins that come from inside the temple.]

The infection blobs are weird and get weirder if you kill enough Lightseeds for the Hunter to tell you their origin story, i.e. that the literal actual sun has been having a very long bad day and cried a lot, and some of the liquid coalesced into living flesh, and some of that living flesh took on a mind of its own to become Lightseeds. (Hollow Knight is a WILD place.)

Lightseeds are Radiance’s accidental children and share a lot of her traits: They are harmless creatures that try to avoid conflict if possible but if pushed will get creative and find ways to fight regardless of their physical limitations. (For the Lightseeds this involves hiding inside Broken Vessel’s corpse and puppeting it around to try to stab you.) They even have her same distinctive yell. And according to the Hunter, they’re born from the infection blobs. These enemies only ever appear in the Ancient Basin, which both Radiance and the Void have ransacked, and in the Infected Crossroads.

The infection blobs are connected to and sort of a weird extension of Radiance because the Infection itself is sort of a weird extension of Radiance. In the game’s internal style guide Team Cherry explains that the Infection started as an accident, not her original intention but what happened when Hallownest tried to block her out.

[desc: screencap from the wiki of style notes attached to seer that describe a sketch of radiance’s finalized backstory. text reads: “The moth tribe were (perhaps) descended from Radiance. However, the King convinced them somehow to seal Radiance away. I guess so he could rule Hallownest with his singular vision, as a god/monarch with no other gods. The moths sealed Radiance away by forgetting about her. Hallownest was born and flourished. However, the memory of Radiance lingered (eg [sic] the statue at hallownest’s crown) and soon she began to reappear in dreams and starting [sic] exerting influence. The King and the bugs of Hallownest resisted this memory/power and it started to manifest as the Infection. Thus the first attempt to seal Radiance failed, and the King had to try another method - the Vessel.” emphasis mine.]

Some fans have posited the blobs as deposits of pupa juice, but given Team Cherry's description of the Infection’s origins I don’t know how likely that is. Since the Void also sticks its squamous tentacles into things via veiny looking things and the Nightmare’s Heart has similar veiny nonsense in the Nightmare Realm, I wonder if it isn’t just a Meddly God Shit thing in general.

Whatever the case, the blobs are very much connected to/a part of Radiance.

And when you’re hanging around them, you will notice two things: They pulse like they’re part of a circulatory system, and you can hear Radiance's heartbeat emanating from them.

[desc: screencap of the game’s title screen with the infected menu theme in use: a glowing orange ball at the center of a lot of black tendony webbing.]

Let’s also think of the Infected menu theme, which you unlock after getting either of the endings where Ghost takes over from Hollow and absorbs Radiance out of them. Ghost is infected and then sealed inside the Black Egg in Hollow's place. It’s suggested by the animation’s staging that Radiance briefly struggles to get out of Ghost after absorbed but is ultimately stuck in them, at which point the seal is reestablished.

If you haven’t used the Infected menu theme yourself, the... interesting thing about it is that it moves organically. The light ball expands and contracts - y’know, sort of like a living organ - and so does the black webby stuff around it.

Also, Radiance’s heartbeat is included in the theme's ambiance.

[desc: hollow’s bestiary entry again]

To cut to the chase, this part of Hollow’s bestiary entry that says “the plague’s heart”? I don’t think that’s just Ghost/Team Cherry being poetic. I think there’s a good chance it’s LITERAL.

I think TPK is the sort of person who could cram a native woman’s literal living beating heart inside his own child’s body so they can use it as... say, a focus to absorb and trap her mind/spirit inside their body, too. Mr. No Cost Too Great is capable of a lot in the name of keeping other people’s claws off his Big Shiny kingdom. This is kind of his whole brand.

But also, like, yuck.

This fits the worldbuilding too; generally speaking Hollow Knight is Body Horror City. Also there’s the case of Grimm: While he and Radiance are loose counterparts at best with WILDLY disparate outlooks and ethoses, his existence serves as precedent that a Higher Being’s heart specifically can be separate from the rest of them.

As I said before, though, this DOES raise as many questions as it answers. If this is another piece in the puzzle of how TPK belled the cat, we’re now left wondering how he got Radiance’s heart to use as Hollow's focus to begin with.

We know he has access to the Dream Realm because that’s ultimately where he hid when Hollow’s seal failed, but who did he send to do the stealing and how did they get away with it? (TPK certainly wouldn’t have gone; his own life’s the one cost too great for him to willingly pay.) Was Radiance’s heart separate from her like the Nightmare’s Heart, or was it a part of her body? (I think the latter is more likely just from her personality; Grimm’s hidden heart makes sense because of how he keeps even his own servants at arm’s length emotionally, whereas Radiance is all heart all the time. I think this makes more sense with their equal opposites schtick too. But this would make for a WAY riskier mission.)

I can imagine all kinds of possibilities. None of them are definitive, but the thing they have in common is that they are all Awful... and how on-brand that is for Hollow Knight as a whole is, maybe, the most persuasive argument for It’s Literally Actually Her Real Physical Heart there could be.

[siren-virus]

welp, I've finally came up with a schedule for asking you questions. Every 2-4 days after you answer something I've sent I shall make an ask, changing the themes between your OCs and their world, and Luckyboy!Ben AU. That way I won't burn you out accidently with asking about the same thing all the time XD And since my last ask was about your OCs, it's time to return to Luckyboy!Ben AU :D

Ok, first question, Would Gwen here have the necrofriggian babies? Big Chill babies (but named differently obviously)? I suspect that she would have them considering that that was something that came up from a... defect, bug, glitch, purposefully put design? in the Omnitrix, as such she should have birthed them regardless of the differences with cannon. Would anyone else know about the babies, considering it was treated as a secret in cannon but maybe not in this AU?

Also, what about Zs'Skayr? He (Is Zs'Skayr gendered? I'll treat them as male for the rest of this ask to avoid complications) is also someone that's independent of the events of the prime universe, and as such I'd imagine that he would still be a threat in this universe.

And the Loboan transformation that Ben went through in the OS, would Gwen also go through it in here as well? We know that that transformation was triggered by Werewolf when the team was attacked, forcing Ben to go through a gradual transformation.

Now back to Nekomata :D Would Ben ever reveal his identity to someone? Maybe Gwen and grandpa Max? Perhaps Rook if he manages to gain the complete trust of Ben first? What kind of situation would allow for Ben to reveal his identity as Nekomata that wasn't a life-or-death one? Because let's be real, in a life-or-death situation anyone would reveal their identities XD

We know that Ben is the favourite barista of the coffee, and with good reason, considering he's a charismatic info brooker that will kick the ass (or alien equivalent) of anyone making trouble, while also being respectful of the clients (because that's mandatory in a job like that one, but isn't it hard to find employees like that in this universe) and keeping their dietaries needs in mind. But does He has any favourite client, someone he's waiting to come because he geniunly sees them as friends even though they only see each other in the coffee? Nekomata interactions don't count for this XD I'd imagine it would be one of the plumbers kids, Kevin or Argit, But who knows? this might as well be a time to make any background character shine :P Not that I remember any of them anyways XD

NGL Im already burnt out on luckyboy (it dont take much rlly, just bored of the idea haha ;;) I'll entertain ur questions tho. maybe it'll spark me back to life. Currently hyperfixated on artfight!

I'm conflicted about this. Idk if that episode was supposed to be a metaphor for teen pregnancy (i still find it hilarious that it's a cannon mpreg episode rip!), but with Gwen it wouldn't rlly work(?) She's quite responsible, and considering her personality she'd get way too attached.

So- I would say that she has a lot better communication with Azmuth then what Ben did, and Azmuth took into consideration a lot of Gwens suggested tweeks. So, no babys- srry. They'd nerf Gwen completely. (poor thing crys over the littlest things...)

You know what? what's the harm in a little childhood trauma, we'll have Zs'Skayr. Gwen never took back control of Ghost Freak after the events of Zs'Skayr. She also never defeated him the first round, it irritates her to know end how much of a coward she was as a child. But she was a child! She's too hard on herself a lot of the times.

Oh geez this brings back memories~ I remember sitting in my loungeroom watching this episode and loving it every time.

The only reason Ben turned into the Laboan was because he chased after the OG wolf man.

I would say Gwen's a lot more cautious in those cases and stuck close to Max. So she didn't end up collecting the Laboan DNA until a lot further down the track.

Maybe similar events happen with a different alien however, something Gwen can't avoid.

Before I dive down into Nekomata I just wanna make note of some Gwen stuff.

Gwen is still quite headstrong, intelligent and cautious when it comes to fighting. Quite similar to how she functions in the OG her fighting is more Defensive. Her fighting style is built off Taekwondo (I think thats what she practised in alien force...) So she's more built for self defence. She's very analytical of her opponents. Her best alien would be XLR8 (my one of my faves ngl). Using her quick thinking she can do small attacks that can weaken her opponent.

Now then:

I usually don't like to reveal big REVEALS to anyone even myself. Which can straight up nerf me when it comes to developing my own characters cause I won't spoil myself.

So it takes a lot of willpower to do this. It's my AU and I say what's canon!

WHEEEEZE BUT TO BE HONEST I LIKE TO SWITCH THINGS UP SO DON'T TAKE THIS AS OFFICIAL OFFICIAL CAUSE I MIGHT END UP CHANGING MY MIND. I'M SO INDESCISIVE!!!

The big reveal:

You know what, I thought about this a while ago. Rook is realsing that perhaps the plumbers are in the wrong. So he only whishes to hear Nekomata out. He ends up finding Nekomata after a big fight. He's quite injured and bleeding out, he can't retain his anodite form (add a bit of a concussion in the mix). Rook panics and has to throw the mask off, because the majorite of blood is under the mask. (mans know first aid). He's hesitant, all this chasing, all this fighting. Surely he couldn't! but He does. He pulls of the mask AND, oh shit, the barista!

I think around this time the plumbers had caught on to Rooks faulty allegiance and had followed him, so He finds himself surrounded. Rook places the mask back on and trys to talk with the plumbers.

They're not hearing it. And Ben, in his weary state, pulls out one of his little teleporter rocks (i forgot to mention he carries around of a lot of them, preinfused with mana as a just in case scenario) grabs Rook by the ankle and teleports them away.

Through a series of events his identity is revealed, to the public and he's on the run. Not sure how that'll go, but it extends the overall storyline!

....

...

You're right, the BG characters really don't get that limelight. So..... Blukig and Driba. He genuinely enjoys their little back and forths. Also in this universe they're gay. I can't imagine those two loving anyone else but each other.

[vicunaburger]

Motel Sleezey

Fandom: Beetlejuice (1988) Pairing: Beetlejuice x Miss Argentina (Beauty and the Beetle) Word Count: 1,600 Warnings: M for Very Adult Content, NSFT my dudes

Notes: One very special request for a fellow sinner~ @clairjohnson See the amazing art that inspired this whole ship here!

The neon sign sputtered obnoxiously above her, several letters burnt out probably eons ago and no one bothered to replace them. People knew what kind of place this was; knew what they were there for. No one expected a fancy marquee and a red carpet.

Miss Argentina glanced down at the hastily written note in her hand, the scrawl barely legible in the dim light of the orange-red glow of the sign. It was a room number and the name of the motel: nothing else, not even a name attached. It did not need more detail to be honest, having been not-so-subtly slid across her desk that afternoon by the person who wrote it.

Rolling her eyes, the beauty queen followed the signs around the building, finally coming upon the one indicated in the note. Smoothing out the front of her satin cocktail dress, she knocked quietly on the door, trying not to attract the attention of any passerby. Doubtful that any of them would make a fuss about seeing her around this part of town late at night, but there was always the fear of a co-worker starting up the rumor mill before her next shift.

The door was practically ripped off the hinges in haste; the occupant of the motel room looming over her with a toothy smile.

“Well, ain’t you just lookin’ like a little snack cake?” Beetlejuice gave a low whistle, eyeing her wolfishly. “Can’t wait to unwrap you.”

“Oh shuddap, you are ridiculous.” Miss ‘Tina brushed past him into the room, “I regret so much of this already. Spending my night off with such a fool.”

Not that he would ever breathe a word of it aloud, but hearing her berate him in that soft accent of hers maybe his insides liquify like jelly, “Hey, you could’ve said no. You said no plenty of times, sweetheart.”

The room was decked out in gawdy reds and purples, heavy drapery obscuring the windows, and dozens of pillows haphazardly stacked on the bed. Lit candles were sporadically placed on various surfaces and furniture, casting the whole room in flickering candlelight. Miss ‘Tina balked slightly when she noticed flower petals leading from the door to the bed.

Icing on a truly tasteless cake.

“This is supposed to be… what? Romantic? It’s cheap.” She thought about taking off her heels but realized what could be lurking in the shag carpet. “Like you.”

He pretended to take offense, “Ya wound me, darlin’. Here I tried to be nice’n’classy, and you don’t appreciate my good taste.”

Taking the pins out of her hair, the beauty queen went over to try and calm her nerves on the bed. As she sat down, the bed wobbled underneath her, and she had to ungracefully balance herself with the motion. Beej snorted in laughter, jumping on the other side of the bed to further fluster the redhead.

Miss Argentina managed to use the momentum to get out of the bed, grabbing one of the pillows and striking him with it. She punctuated each strike with a few choice words in her native language, which BJ could only assume were not very ladylike.

“Aww, babes, don’t be like that. I promised you a waterbed, and damned if I didn’t deliver.” He rolled over, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling her close with his hands on her hips. “Only th’best.”

Beej flashed her another smile, his hands sliding down the smooth fabric of her dress until he reached the hem, catching it between his fingers. One of her meticulously styled eyebrows raised in question, her weight shifting in response to his touches. Taking advantage of the movement, he lifted her off her feet with ease, tossing her onto the pillows, the bed swaying with her added weight. His hands immediately busied themselves with sliding her dress up over her hips, sloppily mouthing over the newly exposed skin.

“I didn’t think you could deliver on the bed,” she admitted, giving him a half-lidded stare. “Impressive, I admit.”

“Listen: when I promise somethin’ to a beautiful woman, I keep it. It’s my motto.” Beetlejuice bit her pale blue flesh roughly, earning him a sharp gasp.

Miss ‘Tina propped herself up on her elbows as best she could, fascinated with watching him soothe over the bite he made with that tongue. Her mouth felt dry, and she felt a warm blush spread across her cheeks. It was hard to imagine that just a while ago, she would not be caught - to pardon the expression- dead with the ghost guide in any situation. His terribly unsubtle innuendo, accidentally grabbing at parts of her as they passed each other in the hallways… it should have disgusted her.

Yet, here she was, arching her hips off the mattress in order to help him remove her embarrassingly plain underwear. Death was funny that way.

“I think it’s my goddamn birthday,” BJ snickered, sitting back on his heels, and taking a long, leering look at her half-naked body. “Gonna take my time with this present~”

“Either you shush or put that mouth to better use.” She pouted, but the corner of her mouth twitched upward in a smirk.

To emphasize her point, she slowly slid her the toe of her high heel along his thigh, the muscle tensing beneath his striped trousers. Growling deep in his throat like an animal, he dipped his head down to brush his cheek along her inner thigh, then bared his teeth again to bite down on the flesh. Choosing to scatter more bites over her thighs and hip, carefully avoiding the junction between her legs, his jagged teeth had yet to pierce skin; merely pinched hard enough to leave bruises.

The ghost adjusted himself on the wobbly mattress, using the momentum to move in closer. The glint of her slick juices in the soft candlelight provided a momentary distraction, and BJ had paused his marking to lean in to lick at her folds; his long, cold tongue penetrating her suddenly, causing her body to jerk in surprise.

In truth, the beauty queen was surprised at how aroused she had already become, not having noticed the wetness between her legs until now. Was it simply because of his thorough attention, or had it been before that? His unnaturally long tongue lapped at her folds, and her hands found their way into his grimy, blond hair, holding on with an iron grip. She felt him groan against her, the sound vibrating deep into her core, which earned him a sharp tug on his locks in return.

His tongue was doing deliciously wicked things inside her, unnatural length of his reaching places that made her whole body shudder in pleasure, curling upwards to make her shout in surprise. It was messy, and she could feel it. How much of it was her own wetness, and how much was her partner’s saliva coating her inner thighs. His sharp nails digging into her skin as he held her legs apart, leaving angry red lines that turned purple against her blue skin.

Beetlejuice dislodged himself from her grip, moving up her body to pin her hands above her head with one hand at her wrist. The other hand picked up where his mouth had left off, two fingers slipping inside her without much finesse. ‘Tina’s back arched off the mattress, her features flushed with a red hue, eyes wide and dilated. A soft moan escaped her lips, eyes fluttering closed as she started to fully give in to his ministrations.

“Oooh, Missy, who would’a pegged you for such a vocal little thing. You’re singin’ like a litle bird for me.” He leaned down, licking a wet trail across her collarbone, casually adding another finger to join the other two. “Everyone’s gonna hear you. Everyone’s gonna know how dirty you are.”

She shook her head, feeling little beads of sweat upon her forehead, her stomach tightening up like coiled spring, “You… you talk too much.”

Laughing, he could feel her starting to come undone, and started whispering into her ear, “Yeah? But you like when I talk about you, don’t you Missy? Feelin’ just how soaked you are for me when we haven’t even started? I got the room for a whole night, babes. You’re all mine. Gonna have you achin’ for me for days after I’m through with you.”

Miss Argentina had wanted to yell at him; wanted to deny him the satisfaction of getting to her with his filthy mouth, but she couldn’t. She liked being talked to like this, being treated so delicately and yet so rough… it was enough to tip her over the edge. Her entire body shook like a leaf beneath him, her muscles clenching rhythmically around his fingers as he kept pumping in and out of her, working every last drop of pleasure he could from her and more. Her mouth hung open in a strangled, wordless cry, hearing him mumble what sounded like praise against her neck.

After a few moments, he let her go, dragging his fingers away and making a show of licking them clean one by one. Miss ‘Tina brushed some stray hair that had been sticking to her forehead with sweat, her hazy vision focusing on him as he started taking off his suit jacket.

“Ah… I was going to say, you are far too dressed.” She laughed breathlessly, still coming down off the high.

“Can’t just give ya the goods all at once, babe.” Beetlejuice loosened his tie, staring down at her with a wicked look. “We have all night.”

Tagging: @mr-geuse @horneyjuice BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHY.

[goshikitsutomusmommy]

hi, im so excited for your matchup event!! if its not too much trouble, id like a male matchup please.

top 3 traits:

i’m really good at academics which is helpful bc i want to become a med student and doctor eventually. success in my career is my greatest and arguably most important motivation

introvert who sometimes enjoys hanging out with friends but that rarely happens. idk if it’s because i get social anxiety from being around people, especially new people, but i don’t enjoy it and i’m always super aware of my actions/appearance and i rarely speak. my voice is naturally quiet so that doesn’t help either (i’m a leo surprisingly)

i’m a very agreeable person but that might just stem from my fear of disappointing people. i have a hard time saying no and usually will prioritize someone else’s wants before my own

flaws

damn there’s a lot uh

the best way to hide any insecurities is to slap a superiority complex over them 😎

very little of my self worth comes from myself. it’s always academics, appearance, and others’ opinions of me that make up my confidence

AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE

but once i am attached, i suck at letting go and probably forgive more easily than i should

growing up, appearance was something i always struggled with so now i’m always super conscious of it. its probably not obvious at first because i love to say “oh the reason _____ happened is because i’m hot isn’t it” since i love projecting confidence and it’s so much easier to do that than actually self reflect on what im doing wrong

ANYWAYS, moving on 😀

likes:

caffeine (monster energy, coffee, whatever)

cats

the adrenaline rush from roller coasters

online shopping

doing makeup/planning outfits

sleeping at 4am

spicy stuff that hurt so badly to eat

grocery shopping

hanging out with friends in the middle of the night

dislikes

spending too much time outside

loud people (sometimes)

public speaking

my glasses

bugs. i don’t care if it’s a butterfly- those are just normal bugs with pretty privilege >:(

having bad skin/not wearing makeup

DEHYDRATION. i literally drink 11 cups of water a day

turnoffs:

being rude to waiters. that’s a one way ticket to getting ghosted

clinginess. i need time to myself sometimes and i really hope my partner would understand that

too much commitment. i’ve been told i love you after talking to someone for 2 weeks (apparently they’ve known me for longer but that’s a different thing entirely) we no longer talk

any use of the 🥺 emoji especially when paired with “haha yeah i get why u don’t like me. no girl likes me. i guess nice guys finish last” 🤢🤢🤢🤢

hobbies:

logic puzzles

baking

spotify playlist making

candy crush type games

exercise

any type of self care

reading random, specific stuff. for example, i got super into the language of flowers before

there’s a lot uh

thank you so much for doing this!! i appreciate all the time you put into writing, to make people smile, and i look forward to anything you come up with!!

I Match You with Shirabu;—

When I read your first trait, I already thought about Shirabu, and the more I read, the more your compatibility grew!

Shirabu is extremely academically intelligent and plans to become a medical student as well! His intelligence is always overlooked due to his peers and their volleyball talent, but it’s canon that’s he’s the only one of them that got in Shiratorizawa without a sports scholarship. I doubt he’ll be with someone that isn’t academically gifted.

Again, he’s also introverted, just like you! He does get along with people and all but he prefers sitting in his dorm and studying, education is very important to him after all.

Though Shirabu may seem as a rude person and someone that doesn’t care, that’s far from the truth. The only person he’s mean to —at least outwardly— is Goshiki, he’s very well mannered and respectful to his other peers. That being said, he’ll never joke about your appearance even if he clearly doesn’t mean it, he thinks you’re gorgeous and wouldn’t want you to think otherwise.

He’ll be disheartened to know how you actually feel about your appearance, even though he had a hunch judging by the way you constantly try to make it seem as if you’re confident. He’ll send daily reminders to you, telling you how breathtaking you truly are and to never let anyone make you think differently.

I headcanon Shirabu as a cat father so he would love to feed into your cat addiction LMAOO. Just imagine you and Shirabu going to a cat cafe and petting the cute cats as they nuzzle into your palm. It truly is an adorable sight!

He’s mostly quiet so no need to worry about him accidentally giving you a migraine with his voice, it’s quite soothing actually! And he loves your glasses, he wears glasses himself and knows how insecure he feels with them so he tries to give you extra compliments whenever you wear them <33!

Concerning your deal breakers, Shirabu is literally the exact opposite of all that LMAOO! He’s aloof at times —he is soft for you in his own way though—, mannerly, and chill.

Once he finds out you like puzzles, he’ll buy many puzzles just for the two of you to solve— he purposely gets them difficult just so you would spend more time with him (my heart </33). Like the two of you holding small puzzle pieces trying to mix and match them with other pieces. He loves your concentrated face so that’s just a plus for him <33.

Overall, you and Shirabu are a seemingly distant couple but you’re the softest ever when you’re alone. You’re also intelligent as hell! Your future kids are lucky to have that gene running LMAOO😭😭.

Author’s Note : HIII SORRY FOR BEING SO LATE, also tysmmm for making it organized, it was fun to match you <333 hope you’re happy with this result and thank you for your kind wordsss

[eccentricpony]

Hi, your kaomojis were so cute! UwU Could I request a movie theater date hc with Tenma? ty!!

Hey anon, thanks for visiting my page! I’d be happy to write this for you! I’m going to write in the style of bulleted imagine if that’s okay. My writing style is usually a usually a little campy humorous, a little emotional, a little sexy, and sometimes flowery.

I apologize if my tenses changed, or the style changed, but I just wanted to have fun with it. Maybe possibly a tiny bit implied NSFW but not really. 

·        You were determined to take Tenma to a movie theater as soon as you had found out he had never been to one.

·        Despite his fame, you had learned that this child star beau of yours had missed out on many opportunities that you had taken for granted growing up. Your boyfriend was an odd blend of mature and immature due to his isolation and the pressure to manage a full-time profession at the age of seven. Fame has a price, as they say.

·        He was hesitant at first – visiting a heavy traffic social scene meant donning sunglasses, avoiding eye contact… but you had already figured that part out! You’d be soliciting Monster Movie Night at the old theater-turned-cinema in the town square. You were sure Tenma would appreciate the 19th century theater aesthetic, and it was sure to have less attendees than the cinema at the mall.

·        And what better movie genre to experience in an old, darkened theater than a classic horror!

·        Yeah, no, Tenma was having none of that.

·        He claimed that the movie you chose had received bad reviews.

·        You then forwarded him the 97% fresh rating from RottenApples.com.

·        He argued that the antagonist of the film was an actor he had worked with before and it would be “too weird” to watch someone he knew go on a killing spree.

·        You proceeded to locate said actor on IFDB.com to find that he had passed away two years before Tenma was born.

·        The lake of excuses having run dry, Tenma agreed to pick you up at 1pm that coming Saturday.

·        Tenma was a bit more fidgety than usual in the back of his family limo. You assumed that it was date night jitters, which was so very precious. The old-fashioned theater marquee came into view, and you excitedly shuffled closer to the window. Nightmare on Birch Street! It had been ages since you had seen the film, and you couldn’t recall how the victims had all been killed… was it Chauncey who had been impaled by the school flagpole?  You continued to jabber excitedly, the exhilarated sentiments floating through your head remaining unscathed as Tenma had the common courtesy to feign a cough so you couldn’t glimpse his sour expression.

·        The journey from the ticket kiosk to the theater was uneventful. There were a few stares, and a “Aren’t you that kid? From the show? At that school?” but you made it to your seats in under 10.

·        Wow, they really renovated this place! It was a bit sad to see that the creaky wooden seats of the theater had been replaced with cushy, high-tech armchairs, but it was comforting to know you wouldn’t be suffering a butt-ache following the film.

·        Immediately, Tenma started messing with the seat like he was in a dentist’s chair. Leg rest up, back down, leg rest down, back straight, back flat. 123 degree angle…

·        “Don’t you have chairs like this at home, rich boy?”

·        “Yeah, but I never sit in my living room. There’s never anyone there.”

·        Oh. You held out the bag of popcorn as a peace offering. “Well, you know that you’re welcome at my house any time you like.”

·        “Yeah so I can recite the monologue from Shinobi Love Song to your mom for the 100th time? I’ll pass”

·        “Forget it, sunshine. It was hasty of me to assume you’d be able to find my house without the guidance of Igawa…”

·        Cheeky banter was the norm with the two of you, and you never tired of it. He handed you the box of Soup Patch kids with a feigned scowl as the lights in the theater began to dim. Leg rest up, back at a 95 degree angle was his final decision.

·        He figured he’d have sometime before the killing started, so he decided to try and pay attention to the overall plot and characters, in case you had questions for him later. So wait… the killer doesn’t actually murder them in real life, but in their dreams? What kind of late night, infomercial hour, made-for-TV junk is this…

·        Time to do the classic yawn and stretch. Smooth as a milkshake, he performed what he felt was a very believable yawn (practiced to a fault due to all of his roles as a too-cool-for-school hottie) and casually rested the stretch of his arm across your shoulder.

·        You had been dating for about 7 months now. You had been moderately intimate. For Tenma to put on this song-and-dance just to hold onto you was a surefire tell that he was nervous. You hadn’t even really considered that maybe he didn’t like horror. You just assumed that because he was an acting professional that he was also a film aficionado, and a fan of all genres, at that. Stop pigeonholing him! you reminded yourself. Sure, he was perfect to you, but you had to let go of those preconceived notions.

·        You turned and leaned closer to him, close enough to kiss. His throat constricted, he had heard there was more to these cinemas than just watching the movie. He prayed to God that this was your intention all along.

·        “We can leave if you’re not into it” you insisted into his cheek.

·        Pulse still quickening through his neck, he sat back and shook is head.

·        “Nah babe, it’s cool. I liked the…” He proceeded to regurgitate every possible fact he had learned about the film within the last 15 minutes.

·        Damn, so he was paying attention. You knew there was no point coaxing him to leave once he had made his mind up to stay, so instead you leaned forward and gave him a peck on the nose.

·        “You’re adorable.”

·        “Tch…” He bristled returning his back to the seat, but with the pouty pleased grin of a child who received praise for a shitty drawing. He watched as your eyes returned to the screen, and you flicked a few pieces of popcorn into your pretty mouth. Now what to do?

·        Anything but look at the screen, really. Beads of sweat began to collect on his brow as the movie soundtrack reached a crescendo. He swiftly brushed them off into his already unruly ginger mane. He needed to distract himself, at least until the slicing and dicing had desisted.

·        What’s this hole for? Tenma located an out of place hole attached to the arm of the chair. It doesn’t seem to have a bottom, but it does taper off deeper down. Curiosity got the best of him, and he casually slid his hand down into the soft drink cupholder. That’s freakin’ weird, there’s nothing even down there. Dumb. And he promptly finds his hand very much stuck.

·        Shit, now what? Now he was really sweating. Some freakin’ great newspaper article this would make. “Teen drama heartthrob finds himself arrested not by the eyes of a young beauty, but the grasp of a plastic cupholder.”  His father would kill him, to be sure. He’d probably have to sign autographs for all of the firefighters who removed the plastic cupholder from around his sore wrist. Here he is, trying so very hard to be a man’s man, to weather the barbarism that is horror cinema just to impress you, and now he’d gotten his hand stuck in the metaphorical cookie jar like a damn kid.

·        He twists and pulls but he can’t get the heel of his palm back through the opening. He jerks his hand in frustration and elbows your flimsy paper cup of Canada Dry. Oh, so that’s what they’re for…

·        “Hey! You got ginger ale on me, what are you doing?” You cocked an eyebrow at his hunched form.

·        “Sorry, sorry! Yeah, I- I think I’ve got it. Don’t worry about me- hey! I think that guy in on a TV show with my father.”

·        Snapping your head back to the screen, you consented that the man did indeed work with Tenma’s father (you’ve told him this before, he’s one of your favorite actors, and now you need to remind him again why his acting is so transcendent that even in a horror movie he can make the most mundane gestures seem so…)

·        To Tenma’s great relief, it turns out ginger ale makes a passable lubricant. Using the splash that now trickled down his forearm, he twisted his wrist and managed to retrieve his very sore hand, tingling with pins and needles as he returned it to his lap. He sensed that you’ve finished your rant and offers a vacant smile. “Yeah… he’s a talented guy…” Crisis averted.

·        Back to all the crazy shit happening on Birch Street. Tenma blanched as the whir of a chainsaw could be heard offscreen.

·        “You okay? he asked, leaning over to comfort you which really wasn’t necessary whatsoever since you actually seemed extremely excited and not the least bit worried or bothered by all of the disgusting blood and guts and weird fleshy ceiling splayed onto the wall by the projector overhead.

·        Before you had a chance to reply, he nuzzled in close to you, his hair brushing your cheek as he snuggled next to your chin. D’aww. You wiggled closer, touching the side of your forehead to his as the shrieks of the Final Girl could be felt penetrating the very seat below you. Great acoustics.

·        Tenma wiggles his head into the crook of your neck to avoid looking at the carnage, murmuring an almost devious “Don’t be scared” into your ear before pressing a kiss to the column of your throat.

·        Your heart leaps into your ears at the sudden burst of semi-public affection; Tenma wasn’t big on PDA, and you were cool with that. He smelled like a mix of clean cotton and Cool Water (they still make that?) He didn’t really do much besides camp out there above your collarbone after that, but his ghosting breath gave you pleasant chills, so you didn’t tell him he was missing the best part.

·        You smelled like almonds and Freesia, he considered. His mother loved Freesia and she had planted them all along their estate courtyard, though she was rarely at home long enough to enjoy it. Tenma enjoyed sitting in the courtyard as a child. While the house was always eerily silent aside from the sterile hum of electricity, the courtyard was always full of tweets and twittering after school, and a discordant chorus of various chirping in the evening. That was what homes are supposed to be like, he had always thought. Chaotic and noisy, but full of life. It was his safe haven, and you carried the scent of it on your skin. You were his new sanctuary… a little pocket of protection from the pains of fake friends and real insecurities.

·        These are his last thoughts before he fell asleep. You realize he’s out like a light as the credits roll, and you feel a sliver of drool trail down your clavicle. Hot.

·        “Tenma? Hey!” He startles awake and you attempt to suppress a grin. “Hope it was a good dream.”

·        Tenma may not have book smarts, but he’s far from stupid. He knows that you know he hated it, and he knows that you know that he knows he was just playing the brave guy to shield his ego. He was beginning to confuse himself, so instead he focused on the core of the matter – he loved you enough to feign interest in something you liked, and you loved him enough to go along with it.

·        “They’re always great when they feature my favorite co-star.” He leaned forward and gave the bridge of your nose a chaste smooch.

·        Gahhh. The right side of your mouth pinches up in a grin. Damn you and your flawless smileyou’re your immaculate stage presence.

·        After he returned his hat and sunglasses to their proper place, with twin grins syrupy-sweet enough to make Yuki vomit, you exited the theater.

·        Once outside, he took your hand and pulled you off to the side of the theater, at the mouth of the little alleyway that led to a street behind the theater. His wide palm and long fingers felt warm and comforting, though rather sticky and smelling oddly of ginger.  

·        “Thanks for coming out with me. I know it’s a pain in the ass for you,” you offered before he could speak.

·        “Nah,” he deflects. “I’m used to it.”

·        You knew he still hated it.

·        “Plus, you’re worth it,” he added, feet shuffling and pink tinging the tips of his ears.

·        Butterflies, oh so many butterflies. Rolling onto your toes, you leaned up and kissed him. After a meager gasp of surprise, he returned it with fervor, nose brushing against yours as he experimented with a few different head angles. Sour Patch kids never tasted so good.

·        The thump of a closing car door was unfortunately audible above the sounds of your smacking mouths – Igawa was on the move and ready to shuffle the prince of teen dramas and his beloved to the safety of the Sumeragi Cadillac CT5. You groaned in unison, and not the good kind.

·        Dragging your mouths apart, your mutual stares shared a silent vow that you would find a way to pick this up again later. Without a word, you both emerged from the shadows, fingers tangled tighter together as you steeled yourselves for a lecture from Igawa on the dangers of lingering in crowded places.

·        You had no doubt there would still be plenty more adjustments to be made by both parties, and many a wall to gently tumble down. But that was a future nearly too resplendent to imagine, when where you were now was already a pretty fantastic place to be.

[nightwitchwriter]

Samhain chapter pt 2!

Nick’s POV

I clung as tightly as I could as we flew threw the sky. The wind bristled through my hair and clothes, making me colder than the before. I sat behind Will as she piloted her broom to Heather’s party. Maddy sat in front of her, but stayed quiet

“Are you sure you know where you are going?” I yelled

“Of course I do! I’m using GPS aren’t I?”

“You’re using a dowsing crystal!”

It was true. As soon as we got high enough, Will attached as clear crystal tied to a string at the end of her broom. It floated in the air towards a certain direction and Will took off, before we could say we were ready.

“Look! I’m not saying the GPS in your phone won’t work! It’s just the city is different than it is on Earth! So shut up! And let me focus!”

I quickly shut up and tried not to look down. To avoid that, I thought about the events from earlier. As if it wasn’t scary enough, about half the kids in the trick-or-treating group were actual monsters. Monsters! Like the ones you read in fairy tales or myths. The same with the parents. Will called the devi-humans, while those with animal features were called demi-humans. Others I didn’t recognize were called Elementals. I never knew there were so many different creatures, all thought to be made up by humans. Will said not all mythical creatures are real, but I don’t believe her.

Fifteen minutes later, we landed somewhere what looked like Downtown Manhattan. I was confused.

“Hey, aren’t we supposed to be heading to Heather’s party?” I asked as she landed on the sidewalk.

“In a minute. In celebration of you guys now knowing my secret, I decided to show you something awesome, Halloween style.” Will answered

I looked around to see large groups of people in costumes, as well as children still in costumes, with their parents.

“Shouldn’t they be in bed by now?” I asked

“Don’t worry, they’ll be fine.” Will answered

“What is it anyway?” questioned Maddy

“A sacrifice?”

“No. It’s a parade. This year is special because look...” Will pointed towards the sky. We looked up to see a clear sky with a full moon out. I was actually surprised to be able to see the moon in the middle of NYC.

“Trust me. You do not want to miss this.”

So we waited. We waited and waited and waited. I looked at my phone at saw that it was one in the morning.

“Ugh, how much longer? We’re going to miss the party.” I complained

Will ignored me as she looked up at the sky. Maddy and I looked up at the sky as well. 

“I’ve never seen the moon or sky before.” stated Maddy. “It’s beautiful.”

Just as it turned one o’clock, a bell tower rang. Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong! Dong!

I realized it rang 13 times, then suddenly the air grew still. The lights in and outside the surrounding buildings were instantly shut off. I got nervous, but I saw that Will and no one else was scared.

In the distance, I could hear music. It sounded festive, for a scary holiday.   

Bright lights suddenly appeared, bouncing up and down. Soon the lights appeared to be lanterns on sticks in the forms of skeleton heads and jack-o-lanterns. As the music got closer and closer, my eyes widened to realize that it was a parade. A Halloween parade.

Various monsters of different forms all from different cultures. I saw creatures from mythology like centaurs and harpies. Humanoids that have tree like skin, and insect like features. Will pointed out ghosts, witches and vampires. There were even demons and regular humans with multiple limbs. There was even Japanese yokai and Celtic faeries. It was freaky. It was incredible. I’ve never seen anything like this. Heather’s party wouldn’t even compare.

There were floats, dancers and dancing puppets. Light projections, mini fireworks, what looked liked holograms and other magic spells were being performed. And while it was scary, it was also not scary. Everyone looked like they were having fun. Even though they were monsters, everyone was wearing a costume.

I turned to Will and Maddy and they looked like they were having fun. If they are willing to have, I don’t see why I shouldn’t.

“Before I forget, this is what my sister was talking about earlier.” shouted Will “The special treat she was talking about. They’ll see another one like this nearby.”

“Sweet.”

The three of us ended up enjoying ourselves. Like typical Halloween style, the food was scary and gruesome, but good. We played at lot of pranks and got pranked as well. We danced like there was an actual spell put on us. I never had so much fun before.

When I decided to take a breather, I separated from the crowd and sat on a nearby bench. I was able to see the two girls still dancing. I looked at my phone again and saw that it was three in the morning. I guessed I missed Heather’s party. I chuckled to myself. She’s going to be so pissed.

I looked at moon and wondered to myself: How long has any of this been here? These places, these people, this world? Even though they look and seem friendly, according to many myths, they are all dangerous creatures, who are known to manipulate and kill humans. And whether if their true or not, now I’m worried about my sisters now with a group of them back at Will’s house. Of course, Will’s parents are there, and not only is Will’s dad human from my Earth, but we’re not the only humans who live in Arcanos that aren’t witches. Even still, I’m still nervous.

When I sat back up, I noticed a strange fog surrounding me. It wasn’t foggy earlier, and it wasn’t humid and wet since yesterday. I stood up, inspecting my surroundings. I could still see and hear the crowds, but it sounded far away.

I started to make myself over there, when I heard someone calling my name.

“Nick! Nick! Nickity-nick!”

I turned around to see Felicity in her witch’s costume. She smiled at me, and playfully stuck her tongue out at me before running away. I quickly realized that Felicity was there.

What a minute? What is Felicity doing here? Isn’t she suppose to be at Will’s house?

I quickly ran after her without a second thought.

“Felicity! Wait! It’s too dangerous to be here!”

Without paying attention to my surroundings, I followed my non-responding sister into the darkness.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Will’s POV

“Felicity! Wait! It’s too dangerous here!”

Despite all the noise and chaos, I heard Nick’s voice yelling for sister. I then see him running after someone. 

“What”s wrong?” asked Maddy

I looked closer and saw Nick chasing after a girl. About to roll my eyes, I saw that the look liked Felicity, Nick’s younger sister. That’s when I realized what was happening.

“Will?”

“Maddy, I need you to stay here and wait for my mom. Don’t leave with anyone else.” I warned her.

“Will?”

“Please.” I begged. I don’t want to leave my best friend here, but I can’t let Nick be trapped somewhere in Arcanos. 

Maddy looked at me hesitantly, then nodded. “Okay.”

“Just say that you’re blind and they’ll leave you alone. But stay in the crowd. I promise.”

“Okay.” 

I hesitated for a moment, then ran after Nick. I made a mental link to mom.

“Mom! Is Felicity there at the house?!”

“Yes, why?”

“Nick ended up following an imp disguised as Felicity! I left Maddy at the parade so that I can go after him!”

“What? Maddy! You should have waited with Maddy! I’ll call the police and-”

“He’s heading towards the Underworld!”

The next few seconds was silence. 

“There was all this fog surrounding him, and-”

“Alright.” Mom answered. “I’ll go get Maddy. Did you tell not to go anywhere or leave with anyone?

“Yes. She should be near where Times Square would be.”

“Okay. Please be careful.”

“I will.”

I chased Nick through the fog. I don’t know what he was chasing, but I don’t care. I just need to get to him.

Finally, I caught him.

“Nick! What the hell are you doing?!” I yelled

“What the hell are you doing? I’m trying to catch my sister!” he yelled back

“Your sister is fine! Let’s go!”

I tried pulling him towards the direction I came from, but he wouldn’t budge.

“Come on!”

“I’m not going without my sister! And why do you care anyway? Ever since we first saw each other, you hated me!”

“I tolerated you!”

“That still means that you don’t like me! You don’t like anyone! And I may not know much about your world, but I do know that its dangerous! And I am not leaving my sister in a place like this!”

As much as I admire his love and commitment to his sisters, I don’t have time for this.

“Look, I know you came for your sister and you’re worried but we have to go! Now!”

I continued my futile struggled to make him move. I needed him to trust me, so I didn’t use magic for force him to move. Damn him being on the football team! I struggled to contain my tears.

“Give me a reason! Give me one reason why I should leave my sister in a place where she could possibly get killed? Why do you want me to leave here so badly? Why?” he berated

“Because I’m scared!” I screamed at him and began sobbing.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nick’s POV

I looked at Will in shock. I’ve never heard her yell like that to anyone before, nor seeing her cry. What scared me more, is that all thoughts of my sister vanished and my main focused was on Will. I don’t think she was using magic on me. Despite the way she acts towards people, she’s not the type to force someone to do something, even with magic.

“I’m... I’m sorry...” I apologized. “I-I didn’t mean to yell like that.”

I’m stammering and hesitating. I never stammer or hesitate.

“I don’t care.” she sobbed. She crouched to the ground, wiping away her tears, not caring if her make up and dress was being ruined. 

“I just want to go home.”

Seeing how she looked, I looked back to where my sister was headed. I sighed and turned back to Will.

“Come on. Let’s go.”

I gently grabbed her hand and led her in the direction she came from.

“Wh-what about your sister?” she asked quietly

I turned back to see if Felicity was nearby, but she was gone. Hesitantly, I shook my head.

“Don’t worry about it. If what you say it true, then hopefully someone will find her, soon.”

As we walked back, I know it might should wrong, but I decided to ask anyway.

“So, where are we that caused to you to have a panic attack?”

“The Underworld.” she whispered

I halted in my tracks.

“The Underworld? As in Hell?”

She shook her head. “No, it more like Limbo that leads you to the Underworld. Since the veil between the two worlds is thin around this time, imps like to pranks humans by leading into the passage way. If you don’t escape by the next morning, you’ll be stuck there forever.” she whispered

Huh, now I know why she was so scared earlier.

A few minutes later, we some people nearby. I don’t know if they’re dead or not, but I wrap my arm around Will.

“Well, lookee here, boys. Humans.”

When he smiled, I physically stopped in fear once i saw his teeth. Vampires. Oh crap. What do I do?

“What are humans doing here? Did’ja get lost while making out?” one of the chuckled. There were three in total.

“Look, we’re not bothering anyone. So please just leave us alone.” If what the facts about vampires are true, I don’t stand a chance with one, much less three.

“So what? We’re curious. So why don’t you tell us?” One of the quickly got into our personal space within a blink of an eye. Shocked, I reacted by quickly pushing him away. Bad move.

“Hey what the hell?”

One of them grabbed Will and ripped her away from me.

“Will!”

The other in front of me gripped my arm really tightly and grabbed my throat, with his other hand.

“Now I don’t know how you folks got here, but I know of an exit for you. And we’re really hungry. We didn’t get to eat all night.” the vampire chuckled along with his friend.

I was beyond scared. I could barely breathe and was beginning to panic. Now I realized that Twilight was beyond wrong. Vampires aren’t romantic. They’re terrifying.

As the vampire brought me closer, revealing more of his fangs, about to bite me, someone interrupted.

“Hold on a minute.”

It was the third vampire who had a hat on.

“What?”

“Will?”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Will look up at the other vampire who took his hat off.

“Antonio?”

Tears welled up in her eyes, as she began to bawl. The other vampire let her go as she ran to Antonio.

“Will? What are you doing here? You know humans aren’t suppose to be here, even witches aren’t suppose to be here.”

Will didn’t answer as she continued to cry. 

Antonio, surprisingly, hugged her and began to comfort her.

“There, there. It’s alright. You’re fine,”

“Is she your girlfriend?”

“No! She’s a distant cousin of mine!”

“Ah! A relative. And this one?”

“Probably one of her friends. Put him down.”

The vampire shook his shoulders, and dropped me on the ground.

“Sorry about that. Didn’t know you were a friend of her’s.” He held out his hand to help me up, but I scooted back in fear.

“Aw, come on now. I didn’t mean to scare you that bad. It’s Halloween, ain’t it?”

“Look, for now, let’s just take these two home alright?”

“Alright.”

“Sure. Knock him out, will ya?”

The vampire glared at him. “Fine.”

The next thing I knew, is that my head felt fuzzy and I became dizzy. Then, blackness.

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Happy Halloween to you witches and monsters out there!

[notarelationship]

Anderson’s Ghosts 13/24

Klaine Advent: Monument

Thanks all so much for reading my Klaine retelling of (obviously) A Christmas Carol. I am working with a thin outline, but I am very much winging this for each word and posting without a beta, so apologies for any punctuation or spelling errors, and any inconsistencies if they pop up (I am actively trying to avoid them!).

If you have missed any earlier entries they can be found at Anderson’s Ghosts, or each individual chapter:  Achievement, Beer, Creed, Date, Emergency, Fist, Ground, Hiccup, Interrupt, Joy, Kinship, Lecture

Read it all on AO3

Thanks again!

--

They were standing on a street corner in a quiet Lima neighborhood that Blaine was unfamiliar with.

“I don’t think we’re in the right place,” Santana said, concern wrinkling the dried blood on her forehead. “How did we miss it?” She turned to Blaine. “Do you know anyone who lives here?”

“I have no idea,” Blaine said. “I don’t know that many people. I know I’ve never been here.”

Santana put her hands on her hips and spun around in a circle several times, as if she was trying to pick a direction. When she started walking she moved so fast that Blaine had to jog to catch up to her. 

“Where are we supposed to be?” Blaine asked. “It can’t be my mother, she moved to Florida after she divorced my father. I don’t think I have any other relatives around here.” Santana said nothing, she just kept walking. After about three blocks she stopped in front of a small bungalow style house with an attached garage. They could see through the windows that the lights were on in all of the downstairs rooms, and a few of the upstairs ones as well. 

“Who lives here?” Blaine asked.

Santana gave him a withering look. “You may think you’re ready to change, Tweedle-Dum, but you’ve still got a lot of time to be spectacularly disappointed in yourself tonight, I think.” She grabbed his hand, leading him up the few steps to the porch and right through the front door and into the living room.

Blaine had no idea where he was. The living room was empty, but he could hear voices coming from another room. He followed them to find Sam Evans in the kitchen with his wife, Mercedes. There were two children running around and Sam was trying to keep them from getting in Mercedes’ way.

“You have known that man since you were both nine years old.” Mercedes was talking to Sam while she darted around putting finishing touches on what looked like a whole turkey. There were bowls and containers of traditional side dishes on the table.  “I do not understand why he makes you call him Mr. Anderson, even if it is only at work. It’s not like you ever see him outside of the office any more.” 

Sam looked slightly pained.  “He’s not like he used to be, ‘Cedes, you know that. Sometimes it’s like we were never even friends at all.”

Blaine hugged himself. He had met Sam playing little league baseball when they were kids. Sam had been there for him when he came out to his family, when he’d gotten beaten up at school for it. They had drifted apart when Blaine went to Dalton, but never completely. 

“Here, put some of those sides in this rubbermaid so we can take them to the Hummel’s tomorrow,” She said, handing Sam a few containers. “Was his dad really that terrible? To make Blaine turn out like this? I’ve met his brother and he seems like a perfectly fine man.”

“Yeah, I just think Blaine felt a lot of pressure, he didn’t want to be a disappointment.” Sam snapped the lid on a container. “That turkey looks amazing, babe,” he said, peeking over her shoulder. “Like a turkey monument to Burt Hummel”

Mercedes made a face at Sam, then laughed. “What does that even mean? No one eats monuments. You are so strange sometimes.” Sam kissed her, then shooed the kids out into the dining room. “I’m just glad you got tomorrow off,” Mercedes went on. “We should get over there around three. You are in charge of getting the kids ready.”

“That’s all you get,” Santana said, appearing beside him. Before Blaine could object she slipped her hand in his and they were gone.

[the-fangirl-way]

6: Snow

When my alarm clock sounded the next morning, a low grumble made its way up my throat. It was Monday, and worse, Harry was downstairs asleep on my couch.

I forced myself to get out of bed, if I had it my way I would have stayed there all day under the warm blankets pretending that none of this ever happened and that I was back to my normal life before Harry Styles entered it and caused havoc.

The hardwood was cold as ice beneath my feet, the entire apartment always stayed cooler than necessary even with the heat on. I prompted for a quick ten minute shower to warm me and waken me for the hellish day I knew was to come; although it wouldn't be until I got my first caffeine fix of the morning would I truly feel alive.

I quickly got dressed dismissing the idea of looking decent today, it was Monday after all, pulling my hair up into a tight bun on my head and pinching my pale lifeless cheeks to give myself some color, England really was turning me into a ghost with the constant overcast.

I stepped out into the hallway and instantaneously my nostrils filled with the delightful scent of coffee beans, which meant two things, there was fresh brewed coffee, and Harry was awake downstairs.

I retreated slowly down the stairs, with any luck he was already gone and had just made himself a cup before leaving. I noticed the blanket he had used the previous night before was folded neatly and the pillow placed on top on the coffee table, he had at least taken the liberty of cleaning after himself.

I entered the kitchen and unfortunately found him leaning against the countertop gripping a mug in his hand looking pensively at the ground, his face changing when he noticed me coming through the doorway.

"Avery, good morning, you look-"

"Thrown together, I know, it's Monday."

"I was going to say lovely, actually, although I do prefer your hair down if I'm being honest."

I felt a small blush creep on my cheeks but dismissed it as I brushed past him to grab a thermos out of the cabinet, one cup wasn't going to do today.

"So Harry about last night-" I started, pouring coffee into the thermos.

"Save it," he said and I turned to look at him. "It was nothing, I know, you were exhausted, no doubt still high on adrenaline from everything that happened; really no big deal."

Taken back from his cool demeanor and politeness I just nodded, happy that things weren't awkward.

"How's the uh, stitches?" I asked stirring in the cream and sugar.

"Fine, a little sore but nothing I can't bounce back from." Harry said taking his last swig of coffee before washing the cup out and sitting it in the sink.

"Thank you, by the way." He said running a hand through his tousled hair.

"For?"

"For letting me stay here last night, I know Devlin wasn't keen on it."

"Devlin is just, indifferent."

"She shot me a glare this morning before she left." He said chuckling and I frowned.

"She's normally very hospitable."

"Hey, for her to let me sleep under the same roof for the night was plenty hospitality for me."

"So, where are you going to go?" I asked taking the first sip of my coffee, the steamy liquid arousing a little bit of life within me.

"Not entirely sure yet, I figured I'd walk around for awhile until I figured it out."

There it was again, the pang of guilt that I should not be feeling for Harry but yet, there it was. He was being so nice this morning, a huge shift from his normal cocky attitude, I guess that was another reason I blurted out my next sentence.

"I'll give you a ride. I mean, is there somewhere I can drop you off at? I really would hate for you to have to walk in this freezing cold."

Harry shrugged and ran a hand through his hair again, a nervous habit I suspected.

"I guess you could maybe drop me at my fathers, as much as I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see me, there's a few things I need to discuss with him."

"Right okay, no problem where does he live?"

"In West Worth Manor, the gated community."

West Worth Manor, that was a big rich community, then again his father had to be wealthy with him being able to bond Harry out.

"Sure, not a problem." I said taking another sip of my coffee, heading towards the door.

"Just let me grab my things and we can go."

Harry followed me into the living room where I gathered my laptop, purse and jacket, checking my phone I still had an hour before I had to be at work, I liked to get there early and beat morning traffic.

I grabbed my keys off the hook beside the door allowing Harry to step out into the hallway before myself, locking the door behind me.

It was cold in the hallway, colder than usual. We boarded the elevator in silence.

When we got down to the lobby I noticed Harry smirking and I turned to see what he was looking at.

Fat white snowflakes were falling rapidly from the sky, and there was already a thick white blanket covering everything as far as the eye could see.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me." I said scrunching up my nose.

"What? It's just a little snow." Harry offered and I grumbled.

"I'm wearing heels, I'll break my neck!"

"Well why don't you go change?" He suggested and I shook my head.

"No, I don't have time, let's just go." I said and he nodded following me to the door.

Outside wind whipped around while the snowflakes peppered down fast and heavy, my nose burned with the familiar tingling sensation, it did this every time it snowed.

"Right so where are you parked?" Harry asked and I sighed.

"Normally I park in the car deck but it was full when I came home yesterday so I had to park...there." I said gesturing to my car, all the way across the parking lot, which at the moment was a frozen tundra of ice, a death trap waiting to happen.

"I can pull it around if you'd like?" Harry offered and I shook my head.

"No, no, I can do it." I insisted and he shrugged.

I hitched my bag up over my shoulder and started slowly but surely across the parking lot, if I didn't know any better I'd say I was ice skating all over again. The thin layer of ice hidden under the snow showed no mercy on me or my heels, and I almost ate the dust quite a few times, but; somehow successfully I had made it to my car.

"Okay, now I'll get in and-" I started to say when I lost my footing on a patch of particularly slicker ice.

"Avery!" I heard Harry's voice shout.

"Harry?" I said blinking up at him, the snow was falling rapidly against my face and it was bright, too bright, Harry's face looked concerned as he was peering down at me, his cheeks and nose rosy red from the chill biting at them, snow flakes peppering his hair, he looked adorable.

"Are you okay?" He asked and I nodded.

"I'm, I- ow!" I shouted suddenly, pain shooting up my elbow into my arm.

"I think, my arm-"

"You're laying on it weird, you landed on top of it, can you move it?" He asked and I very gingerly tugged at my arm beneath me and a whole new wave of pain skyrocketed through it.

"SHIT!" I yelled out and he raked a hand through his hair.

"I bet it's broken."

"Damn it, damn it, damn it."

"Here, we need to go to the hospital and get it looked at." Harry stated and I felt his arms under me again.

"I'm going to lift you, it's gonna hurt but I have to okay?" He asked and I sighed.

"Fine."

I felt him tug on my body and there was the shock of pain searing through my arm like white hot iron.

"Fuck!"

"Wow, someone's got a potty mouth." Harry joked and I shot him a glare.

"Sorry."

"Just hurry up." I whimpered and he opened the car door and with as much gentleness as he could, slid me into the passenger seat.

"Keys." He said holding out a hand and I reluctantly fished them out of my bag and handed them to him.

He stalked around to the other side and slid in smoothly, putting the key into the ignition my car roared to life.

"Nice car, what model is this?" He asked inquisitively.

"Harry." I grumbled.

"Right, sorry."

***

I broke my arm in two places, the doctor put me in a cast against my many attempts to talk him into just putting it into a brace, or a sling. He also took me out of work for a week to let it heal, all in all this Monday could have gone better.

"How do you feel?" Harry asked, the painkillers the doctor had prescribed me had started kicking in and at the moment I didn't feel any pain.

"Not bad, pretty good, kinda hungry."

He chuckled and turned on the radio, Crazy by Aerosmith was playing.

"Aerosmith huh? Classic rock fan?" He asked smirking and I nodded.

"Yeah, so? Problem?"

"No problem." He said shaking his head, it was at the end of the song and surprisingly enough he knew all the words.

The beginning chords of the next song made him turn and look at me.

"Wham? What kind of CD is this?" He asked as "Careless Whisper" began filling the car.

"A burnt CD, really old actually, Dev burnt this one for me on my eighteenth birthday, Eighteen And Life is on this one, and there's another one up there," I said gesturing to my CD case attached to my visor, "That has "Seventeen" By Winger on it, she kind of always made CD's for me for my birthday every year.

"Hmm, thoughtful, I like it. How long have you known Devlin?"

"Since we were kids. She lived down the street from me and we rode the bus together, we've always been inseparable, we've worked our entire lives around each other." I said and Harry nodded pursing his lips.

"Must be nice to have a friend like that."

"Yeah, have you never had a close friend?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Not really, I guess Doug would have been my best friend growing up.."

I felt a knot in my stomach.

"Aw Harry I'm sorry-"

"Don't, it's fine, it happens."

"It shouldn't happen though, no one should have to go that young."

"You're right." He agreed and then promptly began to sing along with the music to avoid any more sad conversation topics.

Surprisingly he had quite the singing voice, it took me by surprise but I pretended not to notice, afraid he might stop if I commented on it.

Soon enough we were pulling up at my apartment and Harry hopped out, coming over to my side where he opened the door and helped me out carefully.

"Here," he said looping my arm around his neck for support, "Don't want a repeat of that again."

I nodded and he helped me back across the parking lot, the snow still coming down in quarter sized flakes.

Once inside he shook the free snow from his hair and I took notice once again to his flushed complexion, matched with his wildly kept hair and bright colored eyes he was handsome without a doubt.

Get ahold of yourself Avery, you're gawking, it has to be the medicine.

We boarded the elevator and I leaned against the wall.

"I'm sorry your day didn't turn out quite like you'd have wanted it." Harry said and I shrugged.

"I'm honestly thankful you were there, if that had happened to me by myself, I'd of really been screwed."

He shrugged and I heard the ding of the elevator as we reached my floor, the doors opened up.

We stepped off and I immediately froze, there outside my apartment door, clad in his uniform stood Tristan.