#i think ill make a google form for submissions

[kaoharu]

hanadoll hanadolllllll

[kharmii]

A small question.

You've shared some art today from a japanese blankshipper and a few pieces got me thinking.

I've seen a few artists that depict Ingo/Nobori having lost his arms and legs with Emmet/Kudari taking care of him... is this some trope I'm not aware of or is this a thing japanese fans think is "hot"?

I'm just curious as I've seen it a few times with different artists and was wondering if its just for the heck of it or something with a "deeper meaning" (quotations not derogatory more in a sense of "is this something I should know" or not)

I actually saw a Japanese artist do amputation fetish before Western artists when I first got into this fandom. The Western Artists made it look ugly -which it is.....there's no way around it- but Western artists tend to make everything ugly.

Side note: First thing that popped up on Twitter this morning on the Geten tag was some gross transgender fkn furry made Geten look ugly af, -like they accentuated his weak chin and gave him gross legs- and I'm guessing it's a way to do a realistic depiction of a girl trying to look like a guy. Usually they're grotesquely obese, but the little guy is the outlier. Extra points for the gross Elmer Fudd hitting on him (probably thinking it's a her). WHY!? Only Western artists do that shit. You never see Asian artists taking a cute character and going out their way to make him/her uglier. They have a way of taking something awkward and making it beautiful. IE: There are some masterful renditions of Chandelure Ingo/Galvantula Emmet.

WARNING: EXPLICIT R-18 CONTENT BEHIND CUT:

Anyway, the first Japanese artist I've seen do this was on the Submas Yaoi tag on Pixiv. They did a whole-ass amputation comic. The artwork was beautiful.

Without taking the time to do an awkward Google lens translation, (I did do one, and it was mostly Emmet mumbling in an insane way) I'd guess that particular one is a bdsm theme. It starts with Emmet waking up from a dream grinding his teeth and believing he's still in the dream. He eventually anesthetizes a sleeping Ingo, cuts off his arm, then later feeds them both the meat from it. Armless Ingo appears okay with it, and he embraces Emmet in his sleep. Are we supposed to assume this was something that happened in the past, and Emmet is reliving it in his dreams? IDK because it made me queasy in my stomach, so I won't bother translating it.

-So my assumption is that with both Western and Japanese artists it's one parts bdsm and one parts that yandere fantasy where a person holds their partner prisoner 'for their own safety' while telling them they will see to their every need. Allowing someone to take one prisoner and have so much power over one they can amputate appendages is the ultimate form of submission (and I'd assume some sort of mental illness is at play).

Since the Train Twins are assumed to be autistic with Ingo being the higher functioning twin, it could also be an abuse fantasy. Depending on how much agency they both have, one or both might be fit to be committed, and Emmet might deserve to be locked up in an Institution for the Criminally Insane.

I've seen a few artists that depict Ingo/Nobori having lost his arms and legs with Emmet/Kudari taking care of him... is this some trope I'm not aware of or is this a thing japanese fans think is "hot"?

I hope anon wasn't talking about art where one of the twins lost an arm or a leg in an accident, while the caring sibling nurses them back to health in a completely innocent way. Then here I am busting out some disturbing gross shit because that's all I've ever seen. Plz link examples if that's what you meant. :-D

[sillyblorboboypoll]

welcome to silly blorbo boy fight!!!! lets see whos the best silly!! heres the rules to submissions and stuff!!

-no real people !! characters in shows are fine thoufh just not actual real people no youtubers or mcyt characters sorry!!

-kel leorio brett hand and shigeo kageyama will already be on the poll!!! you can still nominate them if you really want to but theyre automatically on the poll :) !!

-no spamming the same character on the google form if i make one or in the asks or making fake accounts to vote to get your favorite characters to win let them win on their own even if they dont ill make a best loser with everyone who lost :3

-have fun and dont hate on others for who they voted!! be nice

thats it for rhe rules i think :)) submit characters here:

directly inspired by @adhdswagcompetition @autismswagsummit @nonbiney-swag-competition and many others!!!! :D

[website-plays-bg3]

current poll link: building the character part 1

"hey. this is an irresponsible and stupid idea."

yeah and thats why we are doing it at all. its fun. its an eternity. there's 50000 character customization chances and you will be damned if you think you're escaping that early.

so what the hell's the deal

my brother in christ the deal is i will make CONSTANT polls. weekly polls and summonings. between then i will take asks or submissions for any reason or whatever youd want. right. and then once the poll is over i will do that.

THE REASON CHARACTER CUSTOMIZATION WILL TAKE SO LONG. is because of just how many options there are. and i cant save halfway through it. so if it gets done its getting done.

after that its all up to you guys sending asks and doing polls. ill manage combat unless asks start coming in saying to do specific gimmicks

'what the hell is your name mod'

call my ass forsythia thanks and love and peace. ill be your wretched host for the game. i hope to see lots of you here.

and of course before im asked:

can we romance-

you can steal all of lae'zels clothes if you damn want ill let you make face with every camp member if you want. ill try my best to include EVERY poll option. it will be on google forms more often than not due to how many options there WILL be. ok thanks

[graces-of-luck]

Carnival of Aros: Call for Submissions March 2021

The Carnival of Aros is a monthly blogging carnival with themes related to aromantic and aro-spec identities and experiences. More information can be found here.

Theme/Prompts

This month’s theme is on intersectionality and inclusivity within the aromantic community. You are welcome to use the prompts below, but feel free to take this in whatever direction you feel necessary.

Prompts below:

A Google Docs version is available for better readability here.

As aromantics, we can be marginalized. Thanks to the efforts of many in the aromantic community, activism has been increasing visibility and awareness of aromanticism and pushing towards community building and organization. However, we can also have other marginalized identities that intersect with our aromanticism or influence the way we experience it. “We do not live single issue lives,” as Audre Lord put it. The past year, aro(ace) organizations have released statements regarding racism and diversity, signaling an increasing awareness of tackling racial justice in aromantic spaces, but it is just the beginning. Additionally, there are other marginalized groups that need to be included when discussing diversity. An intersectional standpoint is therefore necessary for reaching collective justice and creating a community that is for all of us. 

Should there be space for intersectionality and social/collective justice in aromantic organizations and communities? What are the experiences of aromantics who experience marginalization in other areas of their lives, and how can we make sure that everyone has a space in the aromantic community?

General

Do you feel that other marginalized identities are sufficiently represented/uplifted by the aromantic community and organizations? What has been your experience? What could be improved?

Do you think aromantic organizations and communities should be held accountable for being inclusive of other identities? Do you think aromantic organizations and communities have a responsibility to upholding social justice in the aromantic community? What could be done better here?

Race/Ethnicity and Culture

Aromanticism and asexuality are often seen as “White” identities, and generally BIPOC* and/or Hispanic/Latine* people do not always feel welcome in queer/LGBTQIA+ spaces. If you are BIPOC, AAPI, and/or Hispanic/Latine, do you feel comfortable and/or welcomed in aromantic spaces? What are your experiences in the aromantic community? Do you feel that there is space for you to express your aromantic identity in a way that reflects your racial/ethnic background?

The aromantic community can also be US-centric and Westernized. For those who are outside of the US or within the US but have non-Western backgrounds, do you feel there is a space for non-Western cultures and heritages in aromantic spaces? What about for religions that are not Christianity? What are your experiences? Do you feel that there is space for you to express your aromantic identity in a way that reflects your culture/heritage and/or religion?

Neurodivergence, Disability, and Physical and Mental Illness

Many aromantics are also neurodivergent, disabled, and/or experience mental and physical illnesses. If you are neurodivergent and/or disabled and/or experience mental and physical illness, do you feel comfortable and/or welcomed in aromantic spaces? What are your experiences? Do you feel that there is space for you to express your aromantic identity in a way that reflects your lived experience as a neurodivergent/disabled/”ill”** person?

Other Queer Identities

Do you identify with other non-arospec queer identities (sexual/romantic orientation and gender) in addition to aromantic? Do you feel comfortable and/or welcomed in aromantic spaces? Do you feel that there is space for you to discuss and share how your other queer identities impacts your aromanticism?

General Intersectionality

How do your different identities intersect? Are there other marginalized groups or identities that intersect with your aromanticism that are not recognized? How does this influence your experience?

Allies

If you don’t experience other forms of marginalization, do you find it important to uplift voices of aromantics from other marginalized groups? How can you help to make the aromantic community more inclusive to your fellow aromantics who experience other forms of marginalization?

Notes:

*BIPOC means Black, Indigenous, and People of Color and can encompass a wide group of Indigenous, Black, and Brown folks as well as Asian (AAPI) peoples. BIPOC is not to say that all marginalized people of color share the same experiences or that they can be lumped together, however. I’ve separated Hispanic/Latine because some Hispanic/Latine people are White or White-passing, but they do not necessarily share the same privilege as White Americans or White Europeans, for example.

**I use ill with quotation marks here because illness, especially mental illness, can be socially constructed and people can have different relationships with the term- some embrace it and use the label whereas others do not.

How to Participate

Write a blog post or create content related to the theme- any platform is acceptable as long as it is public and has a link. 

Then, submit the link to me through Tumblr, Discord (gracesofluck#9245), or email (gracesofluck@gmail.com). You’re also welcome to post the link in this thread on Arocalypse. 

If you don’t have a place to post your own work, you can email it to me or submit it directly to my Tumblr, and I will host it for you on my Tumblr. 

If you would like me to include particular pronouns or (user)names with your submission post in the round-up, please let me know.

Deadline and Round-up

Please submit your posts by Wednesday, March 31st. I plan to release the round-up on Thursday, April 1st.

Additionally, AUREA will be taking points from this Carnival of Aros to learn more about the experiences and needs of marginalized aros as they mention in this month’s What’s Going On.

Feel free to reblog this post. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me! Happy blogging!

[daaziscoolbesties]

i yearn for one(1) thing only, and that is to have a nice, simplistic, cartoonish artstyle. an artstyle that doesnt rely on anatomy, but the "movement" of the drawing, if you get what i mean.

i dont want realistic proportions and traditional colors and basic poses and gradient shading, i want funky lil dudes in funky poses with funky styles littering my sketchbook :( but alas i havent figured out how to develop that kind of style yet, my brain wants anatomy to look nice but also i dont want to draw eyes. i dont want to take time out of my day to learn how to draw lips i want to draw a line that extends past the characters face. i dont want all my characters to have pointy chins with curved cheeks i want their heads to be round and friend-like or full of sharp edges depending on their personalities and styles. i want to give them all not-quite human ears, blob feet, simple faces, but at the same time i want enough detail to convey the story or emotion im trying to tell.

ive spent so much time recently agonizing over how to use 3d model websites, using real-life references and tracing over them for practice, color-picking from real images to try and do realism and failing miserably, but you know whats easier than that? funky little dudes. little dudes who do not care if their legs are too long or their hair is too bouncy. i dont want my characters to look human.

ive spent enough time on the artfight website to realize that most people who classify their characters as "human" have the most basic ass designs (no offense to people who like basic human designs its just not my thing) or its like dnd-medieval style outfits which i cant draw for the life of me (ive tried). again no offense to people who actively enjoy and draw characters like that. i just need my dudes to have that certain,,, off-ness to them. tails are cool. wings are swag (especially if they arent even like,, fully attached,, ), elf ears are so wonderful to me no matter how much theyre overused, horns are so much fun to draw, and colors!! i have no knowledge in the color theory department so this works great for me!! the only thing i really know is dont shade with black, other than that i just colorpick from references usually but i dont want to do that!! i want the colors to hurt people's eyes but in a satisfying way. like the character's design is so nice to look at that you dont mind your eyes hurting a bit. like how im enjoying writing this post even though its 2 am and the brightness on my computer wont go any lower.

and then another thing ive noticed from being on the artfight website is that a lot of people classify their characters that are anthro/have anthro features under humanoids/monsters. like i made a google form to find some people to attack and someone sent me in a character with some sort of animal (wolf? idk) arms and legs. like dude!! peak character design i love her. but me personally? i cant draw that shit, its so hard for me. i tried a while back and its just Not my thing. nothing against furries i just. cant. and i dont want to either.

and i got another submission that i accidentally deleted that was like full anthro/wolf-like like my comrade,,, i cannot draw animals what makes you think i can draw an animal who acts like a human lmao. i can do like. very basic tails, and also animal ears but i cant do the arms and legs and such i just dont know the anatomy, and i know i was talking about how i dont want to care about anatomy but i feel like for anthros you really do need to know at least basic animal anatomy so you know how the limbs look and shit and i dont have that knowledge and dont feel like gaining it.

and then there were some submissions that i absolutely adored. there was one that like, was vaguely human shaped but definitely was not a human. they had a dark-ish lavender colored skin and horns and tusks and like goat ears and a sorta fluffy tail with spikes on it and they had wings and such and they were such a pleasure to draw i love them. and they had a fairly simple outfit too, nothing too complicated. and then i also enjoy object head characters, theyre so neato to me. i got one of those and i really wish i had the motivation to work on it cause it looks so fun.

i want to make funky characters but id have nothing to do with them because the only book i ever tried writing (key word tried - never got past planning it out) had strictly human characters in it, and most of the books i read are humans/humans with powers in situations specific to them so id have no idea what lore to make with the dudes. assuming i have the motivation to make lore and backstory because honestly i just really enjoy character designing its super duper fun.

(side note a song about trucks doing the deed came on just now and its interrupted my flow, apologies).

i only have three actual characters right now. one is an original roleplay oc whos design is literally athletic shorts, an oversized long sleeved grey sweatshirt, long purple hair, and demon horns. the second one is my persona whos design some sorta medival knight outfit kinda thing? but not ugly it looks really cool (idk one of my friends designed it bc i won some contest from him but the drawing was on a super small scale so idrk the details,,,) with a plague doctor mask and crown, and shoulder length wavy brown hair, dyed bright pink at the end. and then my last one im not too comfortable using other places because theyre a character my friend is using in the story hes writing, and thats really the only place theyve been used. but theyre easily my favorite and im already writing a ton so ill talk about them too.

they're a sorta elf species thing from another planet, with pale green skin and pointed ears. they also have a tail, its like,, super thin, but with a feathery bit at the end. probably not the texture of a feather but i dont know how else to describe it. they have short, curly, almost-draco-malfoy-blonde hair that when it gets too long they can put in a man bun. their eyesight is kinda shitty so when they got to earth, they were exploring some supply closets around the airship. drop off area. thing. like airport but for rocketships and also fancier. yeah. they were exploring that area and found a nice big pair of round glasses with grey frames. and they also found a cowboy-style hat and a sharpie so they wrote their name on the underside of the brim of the hat and stole the hat and glasses (but left the sharpie in the supply closet).

yeah theyre my favorite, my absolute beloved, my child, so cool. i want more characters like them but with maybe a bit more snazzier designs. theyre super cool and all but they could have more pizzazz if they werent in a story where its too late to give them more pizzazz. i just want to be able to give my characters thigh-high boots with a bunch of buckles and fluffy hair with tons of accessories crammed in and abnormally large and long ears that can harbor many piercings and horns that can hold rings on them and special little details on their outfits like who knows what but i dont have any characters to do that too, so i have to make them from scratch, which is always hard especially when you have artblock.

and i also have like 17 characters i need to fully draw, line, and maybe color for artfight before august 1st. so i dont know. i have many things to do and plenty of time to do it but instead i spend my time halfway watching repetitive youtube videos that get boring or sleeping all damn day because i stay up too late doing things like this or i just do nothing at all and its tiring and frustrating but i also feel nothing about it like theres no consequence if i dont do it besides you know. not doing it, not gaining that experience, not making something i enjoy.

so i should do it but i dont for whatever reason, i think its called executive dysfunction but im not sure. this post started out very differently than it ended and i said somewhere up there that i was writing this at 2 am but now its almost 3. this is so many words why couldnt i have put this energy into something productive

[7topreview]

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[lilithite]

When Lilith invited me to bite the fruit

This is my personal story with Lilith, not intended as gospel

I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian household in Texas, a state in the Bible belt, in a town of 2,000 people.  My family consisted of my mother and little sister.  We were all very tight knit.  So tight knit, in fact, that my sister and I would walk around the house naked if we felt like it because it was just women in the house and we were all family.  We always went to our Assemblies of God church every Sunday (here is a link to Assemblies of God beliefs to give you an idea of the kind of church it was https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assemblies_of_God_USA), read the Bible, and prayed often.  My mother would get up at 5am every day just to pray for a couple hours.  She made sure we were sheltered from the secular world.  We only listened to the Christian radio stations and our media consumption was monitored.  She even looked through our phones.  Even though I felt naturally drawn to the spiritual, I felt a disconnect from Christianity.

When people would speak in tongues at church I would feel weirded out, then feel guilty about being freaked out because it meant I doubted God’s power.  Even though I was genuinely pious I would never “hear God’s voice” or “felt him” or anything like that.  I have read nearly 90% of the Bible and the verses felt hollow.  I could never become friends with the other kids at church, not because I was snobby, but because I couldn’t relate to them.  When I went to church I would try my hardest to “be in God’s presence” but in the end I would just go through the motions.  I had plenty of biblical knowledge and faith, but it always felt like God just didn’t want to get involved in my life. 

The first truly spiritual moment I ever went through was when I was deer hunting with my dad when I was eleven.  We were in the hunting stand on a clear, crisp fall morning when I saw sun rays breaking through the pine trees and landing on the Earth.  It was like someone hit the on switch for the woods and colors and details revealed themselves. I involuntarily let out a small gasp and instead of chastising me for making noise (he has a short temper), my dad whispered, “That is the sunlight reaching the Earth.”  The emotion that swept over me as a stared at the forest was ineffable.  I remember thinking that this was nothing like I had ever experienced in church.  I had, for the first time, felt connected to a divine force.  Ever since this experience church felt like a parody.  I knew, in my soul, that there was something in nature that was sacred.

When I was a teenager I would question and air my grievances on rules I deemed unfair.  I was labeled sassy and rebellious.  To be clear, I never smoked, drank, partied, or had sex.  Hell, I never even dated or sneaked out.  I just wanted privacy and more freedom.  I wanted to hang out with friends after school.  To be allowed to attend different events without my mom hovering.  My mom and her friend concluded that I had the demon of witchcraft and rebellion inside me and I needed “deliverance,” which is our church’s term for an exorcism.  I had not practiced witchcraft (yet) but according to a demonology class (it was more like a cult) that was sponsored by the preacher’s wife, the demon of rebellion also ruled over witchcraft. The friend came over, grabbed me by the shoulders and shouted for Satan to leave my body.  I was a little confused because I thought it was just a demon possessing me, not the big man himself.  Anyway, she started to shake my shoulders rather hard so I just decided to go along with it and thanked her for getting rid of the demon. At no point did I ever believe I was possessed by a demon, but I was freaked out none the less. 

When I was 18 I was kicked out because of my “rebellious nature” and refusal to take medicine that was forced upon me for a mental illness I was never diagnosed with.  I could either take the mystery medicine and be allowed to stay home, or refuse and get kicked out.  I made my choice and finally bit the forbidden fruit.  For the first time I felt true freedom.  I started to think for myself and form my own opinion on issues.  I became a feminist, pro BLM, pro LGB and a socialist.  When I was living by myself I officially renounced my Christian faith but still felt the spiritual spark I felt that morning in the woods. 

I had always loved to read and since I was no longer chained by Christianity I could check out whatever book I wanted at the local library, which was a regular haunt of mine.  One giant book caught my attention titled, “The Mists of Avalon.”  I want to be clear that this was before I knew of the horrible things that the author did.  At least I was supporting a local library and no profit went to the author by my doing this.  Anyway, I became fascinated by the goddess worship mentioned in the book.  I wasn’t even familiar with goddess worship and knew nothing, but I felt drawn too it.  I started doing research and the first thing I came upon was Wicca.  Wicca seems to be the first thing that many newbie spiritualists come across.  I started practicing witchcraft but nothing ever felt right for me.  I practiced the craft on and off but I eventually let go of Wicca entirely because it just wasn’t for me.  I felt the most connected to goddess worship but the mother goddess and triple goddess archetypes just never felt right for me.  I do not want kids but it seemed like every goddess out there was either about fertility or being a mother figure.  I knew there was a divine female force out there, but I could not find one calling to me.

One night I had a dream.  It was vivid and purple.  I could hear a woman’s voice talking to me, strong, low, firm, and partly terrifying.  I forgot most of what she said except for the last part.  She called herself The Abortion. This was the most clear dream I have had in my life.  A quick Google search lead me to Lilith, who is called the Patron of Abortion.  I saw in her story parallels to my life; she abandoned God and an easy life in the garden for liberation.  She refused to be submissive to Adam like I refused to be submissive to my mother’s boyfriend.  She appeared as a snake to liberate Eve, and I always loved snakes since I was little, even though I was told snakes were the devil’s animal.  In a tarot reading the animal card I drew was snake.  Lilith was not seen as a mother goddess or part of the triple goddess archetype.  She is a goddess of liberated women, of child free women, of birth control and abortion.  Of course, many people worship different sides of her and my word is no gospel, just my personal experience. 

When I was raped, Lilith kept me from conceiving.  Lilith blessed me with a rebellious and inquisitive nature that desires freedom and independence.  She extended her hand out to offer me the forbidden fruit, and I took it and bit it.  It tasted bittersweet.  It tasted like freedom.  I had to leave my Garden of Eden, which was my family and Christian faith.  But once I tasted the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, my eyes are open and I can never go back.  I do not want to go back.           

[representativecharacters]

Eileen Leahy is now a central recurring character in the series Supernatural! She is a deaf woman played by a deaf, Jewish actress! The series also centers around abuse survivor, Sam Winchester, who struggles with PTSD, as well as gender-fluid angel Castiel, and a witch named Rowena who is also an abuse survivor. Supernatural, in their latest seasons, have been focusing on bringing abuse into the forefront to face the past of the show itself, which has been very problematic in the past.

Wayward Sisters was an attempted spinoff of Supernatural centering on a young woman named Claire who is wlw. She lives with her found family, a Sheriff named Jody Mills who lost her family, Alex, who was kidnapped and abused as a child, Donna Hanscum, and an African American woman named Patience. Claire has a love interest named Kaia, who is Native American/Latina and suffered from addiction. The all-female led show, centered around Kaia and Claire's love, was cancelled by CW after the pilot.

I’ve added a few to the request list!

Claire, Patience, Kaia*, and Sam* were added to the list 

For Sam, I only put “abuse survivor” because while I think both he and Dean do have PTSD symptoms, the show hasn’t given them diagnoses//otherwise make clear that there is a definitive mental illness occurring. It’s admittedly hard with representation that’s “shown rather than stated”, especially in the case of mental illness, but I want to follow the rules of canon that this blog adheres to 

I also put Kaia as “racial” because I had a hard time finding Native American on the Supernatural wiki, and googling the actress is proving hard (one site simply says white, one says Latinx, and I cannot find Native American). I’ll keep looking and update it if I find anything definitive 

Rowena: I couldn’t remember an abusive situation that she had gone through and googling is yielding nothing but it’s been 15 years of this show and I know I won’t remember everything that’s happened 

Castiel: fun fact, Supernatural is actually the entire reason I have a list on what counts as canon for this blog, so I want to be entirely sure on the angels in Supernatural. While I love the thought of and do think of all the angels as genderfluid, I don’t want to let a headcanon that I personally really love get in the way of what counts as canon rep. I’m not sure that the show has canonically expressed that with their presentation, as the angels show up in human vessels of convenience/best able to hold them, not as a form of expressing their gender identity. As of right now, it seems to fall into the line of say, Janet from TGP joking that she’s not a girl-not a robot-not a human, which while allowing for amazing and very easy to do in-canon headcanons, isn’t sufficient enough to say that it is actual canonical representation. That is something else I’ll still keep thinking about this to determine if it truly is in the same vein of Janet from TGP, and if the show creator has stated it then it’s definitely canon, but for now he and other angels aren’t going to be on the list! 

Eileen was actually already submitted, but I haven’t updated her submission post and won’t do so until SPN ends for real juuuust in case. 

[imfemalewarrior]

Hi i've been following your blog for awhile and I really love the warrior inspiration but i was wondering if you could reel back the anti-weight loss message? I totally agree that society puts too much pressure on being tiny and most women dont need to lose weight and are healthy but where I work at the hospital we have a lot of bariatric patients who are 500+lbs and are so big their weight is crushing them. When they're put on a weight loss program we like to give them sources (cont)

(Cont) of inspiration and fitness goals to help keep them motivated and I’d like to recomend your blog but I’m worried about them reading how often you say weight loss isnt a goal and shouldnt be the end result. I understand if you dont this is your blog and I dont want to offend you by trying to dictate whats on it. Either way im a huge fan of your message and your content and will keep following you. Again sorry if this is really rude. 

I’m gonna preface this by saying I added a cut, and I’m very passionate, not angry, under said cut. And all my questions are genuine, not trying to be sassy here, because the questions I am asking are based on my own journey to a fitness lifestyle (which I am currently writing a book about how to do). I’m also asking them because I have very little info to go off of here.  I also really think you should DM me because I can discuss this in more detail/more specific to your situation, and how my blog can help these patients. 

Your patients either:

1) Don’t know about things like HAES/body positivity/body inclusivity and will find out about it because it’s everywhere at this point

2) Already know about it

You aren’t “protecting” them and their motivation by not telling them about blogs like mine that try to tell people how to lead a sustainable fitness lifestyle (with an emphasis on Martial Arts, yes I’m biased). Your patients aren’t stupid, especially if they are already seeking treatment in the hospital. So, why not use resources like HAES/body positivity/my blog/body inclusivity to help motivate them? (We also did this video on motivation). 

What I’m saying is, I think my blog would help your patients more than you realize, as I have a lot of questions on here from beginners I have answered in the past, and I talk about more than anti-weightloss as you have seen. 

Some things on my blog that might help your patients: 

I talk about how to overcome/ignore the voice in your head telling you that you look awful when you are exercising. I talk about how you can Start exercising (search beginner on my blog). 

That being said, I’m not a doctor so this post will be coming from the heart/my personal experience with my journey to leading a fitness lifestyle based on HAES and body inclusivity. Some of this stuff I had independently come up with and found out about HAES later, and that HAES teaches a lot of the same things. 

What kind of inspo and fitness goals are you giving these patients? 

I’m genuinely asking this question because when I search “Martial Arts Women” to try and inspire my followers I get a bunch of pictures of thin, usually white, Women. Same if you Google ballerina (but you do get some diversity in body types when you Google weightlifting Women). It isn’t very inspiring for Women that don’t have that body type (me included) if you don’t see anyone that looks like you doing the activities you would like to do. It’s why I ask my followers to submit pictures to my blog, so we can get a diversity of body types doing everything (search the submission tag, I also just reblogged a ton of them so check those out). 

What long term and immediate goals are you giving these patients? What incremental goals are you giving these patients? 

This takes a page from Marie Kondo; she recommends visualizing what you want to get out of tidying up. The same goes for developing a fitness lifestyle. You need to know what you want your lifestyle to look like with fitness thrown into the mix. Mine were something like: be healthier, be stronger, actually stick with exercise (a problem for me because I get bored if there are too many sets/reps-so Martial Arts and dance is perfect for me), cook enough food at home that I would eat that over the week and feel satisfied so I would stop buying food when I was too hungry to function during the day. I also want to be the most dangerous thing walking down the street (this will be a lifetime of dedicating myself to Martial Arts). 

These are long term goals, some of which are easier to attain than others, some require developing habits, and these habits need to be incorporated into my lifestyle. To do this I need incremental goals, and I talk about those on my blog as well; I very specifically talk about the importance of accepting that you won’t be able to do everything right away, and how you need to start small (low reps and sets, or maybe an easier version of a push ups such as a wall push up to learn proper form and build strength to do things properly/safely). So how are you working with your patients so they can figure out what they want out of this, how are you helping them develop manageable goals, and how are you helping them make lifestyle changes? 

Do you give them a target weight, or do you work with them to figure out what they want their “end” result to be? I say “end” because fitness a lifelong journey and a lifestyle that needs to be sustainable. Things like exercise that gets you moving in a way that works for the individual doing the moving (does not cause pain, is enjoyable for the person, the person can do the movement or an easier version of the movement), things like cooking for yourself (this lets you control what goes into the food you eat to a greater extent than eating pre-packaged meals). 

I haven’t even mentioned other things beyond people’s control such as genetics (were you aware that if you have an ancestor that went through a food scarce period you gain weight more easily and have an even harder time losing it?), medical conditions such as PCOS that make it harder/impossible to lose weight, medication that causes weight gain, and illness that causes weight gain (such as hypothyroidism). 

I’m genuinely asking these questions, because I don’t know how you are currently motivating your patients or if you are already doing some of the stuff I mentioned here. The only info I have is contained within the ask you sent me, so my response is based on that. 

FemaleWarrior, She/They 

[iwantjobs]

7/21/2021: Trang at 48.2 years old seeking for job at Social Security Administration

                                                                                                                                                                               July 20th, 2021

                                                                                                                                                                               (3 p.m.)

Dear Honorable Judge Michaud:

Remember moi, Mai-Trang Thi Nguyen ( social security number: ______________________________)?  I came in for a review to fight for the reversal of an amateur reviewer’s decision of my case to reactivate my disability status after I submitted myself into a mental hospital for severe anger that I wanted death to that particular amateur by abruptly shutting down my disability.  It has been nearly 7 years since you reactivated my disability with my submission of the mental report from that hospital.  Anyhow, I am still disabled with crippled back pain that forces me to lie down parallel to the hard floor for at least an hour every hour my body is vertically up.  My mental illness of anger and revenge is still strongly prominent; however, I can reduce that by jailing myself at home to avoid the public as much as possible or I’ll become cracky and jumpy with nervous that will endanger my life and others if I were to be driving or even walking in downtown crossing 2nd street nearly got hit by the transit the last time I left the social security office fighting with a rude and unprofessional social security agent at the window.

So, judge, I have a proposal with a win-win solution:  I get off disability while disability gives me a job.  While laying crippled parallel to the floor thinking of revengeful plan, I was able to develop homemade physical therapy and psychological ways to prevent myself from acting out in violent against those homosexual bosses at gay Starbucks in gay San Francisco and their followers who crippled me almost to death by failing to report my work injury of a back strain coupled with the mental anguish of mental illness of revenge, hate, depressed, etc. of being bullied, intimidated, harassed, and even sexually harassed in a minor form (a new dyke-lesbo boss swiftly brushed her breast against mine 4-6 times in a month every time she walked passed me behind the counter.  Before my menstruation, I finally found the courage to retaliated by purposedly pulled myself back she walked by to hint to her to stop.  I don’t get this breast-brushing feeling with other female baristas, but only her and only during first month since she started working.  Then I learned that a homo-male can make sexual advancement to a single female with no children by insinuating that they should make a baby after he exploded in a gay annoying but cute way by saying this at work, “Why don’t you want to make a baby with me?”  Anyhow, my mental-illness against the homos at Starbucks was released after I sued them. Even though I never won, since then, I have sued Worker’s Compensation for failing to include mental illness in my Starbucks injury and a Chinese-American male doctor claiming my back sprain is only 20% disabled.  I moved out of gay San Francisco since, but found myself getting harassed and intimidated by more homo (this time, a full little dyke, and a large obese female) working at Google as security guards while I was standing next to my car in a public street with no parking restricting signs or painting which happened to be across the Google building (there were other companies on that street, too).  I sued Google, too.  I am now suing the United States for trump’s recount-recheck of the coronavirus-infected 2020 election by stating the government committed treason when they said the coronavirus-infected 2020 election was 100% secure, had very little frauds and no massive frauds.

I would like to propose a new kind of job for me in the social security office to reduce the mass-violence in America involving mental illness by creating a new division to combat  this disease using me as an example:  received disability to stay home avoid causing problems in public (driving, work, college, army, even high school or under), got fee waiver to file lawsuits to release my violence (I developed arthritis at 36 because my violence against them homos and their hetero buds at Starbucks subconsciously made me punched the computer’s key pads so hard into lawsuits), got free physical therapy sessions (I got some but the rest was my desperate-broke-homemade-semi-homeless-homeless-in-car-parked-in-dirty garage invention), free psychiatrist sessions (I got none because the worker’s comp psychiatrist in ga San Francisco closed to that Starbucks in pacific heights area failed me miserably, and of course a female Vietnamese psychiatrist down in San Jose failed me too.  The rest I had to invent on my own by pulling things together), got free healthy meals coupons during the time of pain I charged my credit cards to debt to pay for yummy but kinda healthy food to calm down my pain and anger instead of pills, etc.)  What do you think judge?

 Thank you,

  Mai-Trang Thi Nguyen

 P.S. pardon moi for the horrible writing.  I blame it on current my invalid state of mind and body, extreme pain and exhaustion, and more.  At this moment, all I can type is 1 hour a day, the rest I think of new ideas by lay down with eyes shut tight in dark room on top of my coffin (pirate chest) with two chairs to accommodate my back pain and crippled dislocated painful neck from severe depression in last 13.2 years

 7/21/2021

                                                                                                                               (3:24 p.m.)

 Dear President Biden:

 I can reward you and your administration with solving the problem of mental illness via random violence and accidental suicides, because after all, Trumps and Republicans think more guns is the only way solve this problem.

Please read my letter to Honorable Judge Frederick Michaud of Social Security Administration.

 Sincerely,

Mai-Trang Thi Nguyen

[twinflamedfest-blog]

#TF2018: First Flame

Welcome to Twin Flamed, the newest hunhan ficfest bringing you more hunhan content through creative prompts! Just a disclaimer: mods can be lacking in some aspects as we are just new but let us grow and improve! And speaking of being new, there might be participants who can also be newbies in the ficfest scene. Let us help you with the terms and questions that you are asking yourself right now. Start~

THE FEST

1. How does TF work?

— Leave a prompt > Claim a prompt from the prompt archive > Write your entry > Submit your entry > All fics will be published > Have fun and meet new creatives at the Guess Who's and Reveals.

2. How do I join?

— Easy! Just follow TF on twitter, tumblr and AO3, all @twinflamedfest.

THE PROMPTING

3. How do I leave a prompt?

— A prompting form will be up on July 11, along with some guidelines and rules on prompting. Everything will be announced through Twitter and Tumblr so make sure you keep updated!

4. How many prompts can I send

— You can send as many as you want until our prompting period ends!

THE CLAIMING

5. How many prompts can I claim?

— You can claim one prompt at a time. Once you are finished with your first prompt and have submitted it to us, you can contact the mods and claim another even after the claiming period ends!

6. Do I need a LiveJournal/AO3 (archiveofourown) account to participate?

— You don't need a livejournal account because we will crosspost all fics to AO3. It's not required, however, we highly suggest you to create an AO3 account so that we can directly link your posted entry to your account after reveals! That way, you can edit your works. We recommend to make an account soon because it takes days for AO3 to send invites.

7. Can I change/drop my prompt after claiming?

— You can only change your prompt once. As for dropping a prompt, yes you can, but the mods would appreciate it if you don't, so please think twice before joining. We have set a date for when you can change or drop your prompt.

THE CHECK-INS PROCESS.

8. What are 1st/2nd/3rd check-ins?

— The check-ins is a process done by mods to check up on the participants' progress of their works. The duration is usually around 22-30 days depending on the mods. We set a certain amount for minimum words for every check-in. Of course, we try to set up a reasonable word count so that you won't feel rushed to finish your piece. The minimum word count increases per check-in.

9. How do the check-ins work?

— Basically we will announce the check-ins atleast two weeks before the check-in date. When the check-in day comes, you will submit to us your entry, finished or unfinished. Your work must meet the minimum word count for that check-in. We will email you within 24 hours (or less). After receiving our email, you can go ahead and continue with your prompt!

10. Is there a maximum word count?

— Nope! No maximum word count.

11. What is the minimum word count?

— Minimum word count for the FINAL submission is 2,000 words.

12. Can you please explain to me the ratings?

— G: For general audiences. Fic should not contain vulgar language, violence and adult themes.

— PG: Fic contains very minimal violence and mild vulgar language. Should not contain adult themes.

— PG-13: Fic can contain some violence and/or harsher sexually-derived/vulgar language. Minor mentions of/implied adult themes. For teenagers and up.

— R: Fic contains vulgar language, adult themes/materials, and/or non-explicit sexual themes and violence.

— NC-17: Fic contains all of the things mentioned above, even explicit sexual themes/violence.

13. How should I warn the reader about something that's included in my entry?

— Any triggering content requires a trigger warning at the header of the fic. More of this on the rules and guidelines below.

14. I don't think I can meet the deadline for (_______).

— Contact us by sending a DM to us on our twitter account asap and we will give you an extension!

If you have any more questions to ask, feel free to contact us!

Twitter: @twinflamedfest

Tumblr: --

Curiouscat: @twinflamedfest

Let's kick off our first round! Here are some rules and guidelines for the first round.

RULES AND GUIDELINES

General

♥ This is a Sehun x Luhan ficfest, so the story must revolve around these two. As much as possible, minimize the side pairs so the spotlight would be on our lovely couple.

♥ We aim to make our fest a safe space for all hunhan/selu enthusiasts so please be respectful and kind to one another! We will not tolerate hate of any kind.

Prompting

♥ Twin Flamed is a prompt-based ficfest, meaning writers are only allowed to choose on the given prompts. There's no self-prompt. This ficfest is open for all types of prompts: fluffy, angst, tragedy, smut, alternate universes, you name it! There's no limit to giving prompts. Prompting will be done via Google Forms.

♥ Anyone can submit a prompt, you don't need to have an LJ/AO3/Tumblr account to do so. Prompt submission is anonymous.

♥ Please avoid sending vague prompts, but also avoid sending very detailed prompts either. It's great to leave some room of imagination for the author!

♥ As for sensitive topics, we will allow elements of rape/non-con, dubcon, underaged sex, pedophilia and incest. But we would like to advise the writers who will include these topics to be very careful and add the needed trigger warnings.

We only allowed this for the sole purpose of expressing one's creativity, however, we do not tolerate and condone such acts! Everyone, please be very careful and cautious (especially with the topic of rape/non-con).

♥ We have noticed that our posting period will most likely fall on the end of October. This means that you are allowed to send in Halloween prompts for our writers!

Claiming

♥ Participants can write two (2) or more prompts — as long as the prompts are unclaimed — but it is highly suggested that they finish their first chosen prompt before claiming a new one.

♥ The prompt claiming form will allow you to choose up to two (2) prompts — for backup.

♥ An email confirmation will be sent within 24 hours. After receiving our go signal, you may start writing your story.

♥ First check-in should have a minimum of 5 words. For the final submission, a minimum of 2 words.

♥ Put the appropriate trigger warnings/tags for stories that include Character Death, Gore, Suicide, Mental Illness, Self harm and Abuse.

♥ NO PLAGIARISM. Once caught, you will automatically be removed from the round.

♥ Once you're finished with your work, send it as an attachment to twinflamedfest@gmail.com.

FEST SCHEDULE

July 11: Start of prompting

July 25: End of prompting

July 27: Prompt archive up

July 28: Start of claiming

Aug 11: Beta readee sign-ups open

Aug 19: First check-in

Aug 29-31: Changing/dropping of prompts

Sept 2: End of claiming

Sept 15: Second check-in

Oct 7: Third check-in

Oct 20: Final submission

Oct 27: Posting starts

TBA: Posting ends

TBA: Guess Who

TBA: Reveals

• Tune in to our twitter account on JULY 11, 2018 for the start of our prompting period!

XOXO,

TF mods.

[xmasqoo-haineke]

Reassign the Dates from 05/07/21 -07/07/21

Week ofTopicWeight (%)

Monday, January 25, 2021

Course intro, Google Drive & WordPress 2

Monday, February 1, 2021

Basic data acquisition and analysis with Google Sheets2

Monday, February 8, 2021

Making charts in Google Sheets and publishing them in WordPress2

Monday, February 15, 2021

Making maps with QGIS and MyMaps*0*

Monday, February 22, 2021

EITHER "Customizing and publishing a MyMap to WordPress" lesson and assignment OR "Alternative mapping lesson and assignment"*6*

Monday, March 1, 2021

Midterm exam25

Monday, March 8, 2021

Making other kinds of maps3

Monday, March 15, 2021

Using pivot tables5

Monday, March 22, 2021

Investigating relatedness5

Monday, March 29, 2021

Using VLOOKUP5

Monday, April 5, 2021

Inferential statistics5

Monday, April 12, 2021

Intro to Python5

Monday, April 19, 2021

More on Python5

Monday, April 26, 2021

Still more on Python5

Monday, May 3, 2021

Final exam25

*Schedule adjustment due to the university's inclement weather closure during the week of Feb. 15.

GRADING // SYLLABUS \\ IS LISTED  BELOW:

Course Information

Description

3 credit hours (Same as ADV/PR/VCOM 3520.) Special topics in journalism, advertising, public relations, and visual communication focusing on practical applications. Topics change each semester. This edition of the course will focus on data skills that are useful to media professionals. Such skills include spreadsheet-based data analysis, data visualization, mapping, relational database techniques, inferential statistics, and coding. No previous experience with data analysis is required. The course may be repeated up to 6 credits.

Objectives and Outcomes

In terms of standard ACEJMC learning objectives, you will:

Understand concepts and apply theories in the use and presentation of images and information.

Demonstrate an understanding of professional ethical principles and work ethically in pursuit of truth, accuracy, fairness and diversity.

Write correctly and clearly in forms and styles appropriate for the communications professions, audiences and purposes they serve.

Critically evaluate your work and that of others for accuracy and fairness, clarity, appropriate style and statistical concepts.

Apply tools and technologies in order to tell stories on multiple platforms.

Compute basic math and statistics.

Prerequisites

JOUR 3090 or JOUR 3430 or permission from the School of Journalism.

Topics

Setting up a WordPress site

Introduction to Google Drive and its built-in data and mapping applications: Google Sheets and Google My Maps

Basic data analysis with Google Sheets Producing online, interactive data visualizations with Google Sheets Producing online, interactive maps with QGIS and Google My Maps Excel, Excel PivotTables, and Excel's VLOOKUP function Basic inferential statistics using Google Sheets' XLMiner add-in An introduction to Anaconda, Jupyter Notebooks, and coding with Python

Requirements

You will need a WordPress.com account, which is free. The first lesson in the course will show you how to set up your account.

You will need a Google Drive account, which is free. If you have a G-mail account, you already have a Google Drive account.

You will need reliable access to a Mac or PC. If you have no such device, please see me for some options.

Toward the end of the course, you will need access to Microsoft Excel, particularly the Windows version of Microsoft Excel 2016. Desktop computers are available in MTSU's Walker Library and in the Business/Aerospace PC lab.

Assessment and Grading

Grading Procedure, Specifics of Assessments/Grade Weights (lol) are LISTED BELOW:

The Assignment Schedule lists each week's topic and offers a link to the topic's D2L page. There is an assignment link on the D2L topic's page. You will have one assignment due by 5 p.m. each Friday of the semester. Assignments fall into three types:

Weekly assignments. Accounting, collectively, for half of the available credit in the course, weekly assignments ask you to demonstrate mastery of the skills covered during the week. Once you have a working WordPress.com and Google Drive account, your weekly assignments generally will require you to publish your work on a page on your WordPress.com web site. I will visit your web site to grade the work.

A midterm exam. To complete the midterm exam, you will use skills you have learned during the first part of the course to produce an analysis of a dataset I will provide, and you will present the results of your analysis in a page on your WordPress site. The midterm exam accounts for a quarter of the available credit in the course. A: 81 - 100 percent B: 61 - 80 percent C: 41 - 60 percent D: 21 - 40 percent F: 0 - 20 percent

A final exam.Similar to the midterm, the final exam will require you to analyze a dataset I will provide and will require you to present the results of your analysis in a page on your WordPress site. The final exam will account for the remaining quarter of the credit available in the course.

Each assignment is due by its deadline. Late work will receive a grade of F and may not be made up, absent an excuse that I consider reasonable. Reasonable excuses may include an illness or injury that impairs you or someone whose care you are responsible for. I may require documentation. I will consider each excuse independently, on a case-by-cases basis.

I will use a "weighted averages" approach to calculating your semester grade, meaning that some assignment scores will have more influence than others in the result of the calculation. I will start by giving each assignment you submit an "A," "B," "C," "D" or "F," based on the criteria for the assignment described in the assignment's description. You will receive four points for each A, three for each B, two for each C, one for each D, and zero for each F. Next, I will multiply the points you receive for each assignment by the assignment's weight. The assignment's weight controls how much influence it has on your semester grade. Each assignment's weight is listed in the "Weight" column of the Assignment Schedule.

After multiplying the points you got on an assignment by the assignment's weight, I will add up the products and divide the sum by the total points possible. I'll compute the total points possible by multiplying each assignment's weight by four (the maximum points possible), then summing these products. Finally, I will divide the weighted points by the total points and compare the resulting percentage to the grading scale described below.

Grading Scale

You may have noticed that my grading scale is different from the typical grading scale you encounter in college. You probably like my scale because it seems more generous than usual. I like it because it makes more mathematical sense. The chart below depicts the minimum percentage required for each letter grade in each type of scale - the typical scale, and my scale.

Imagine each set of bars - the gray set and the blue set - is a set of stairs that you have to climb in order to get to an A. The "typical grade scale" set of stairs (gray) likely would get the carpenter who built it fired. There's a mighty big climb from the "F" step to the "D" step. But once you heave yourself up onto the "D" step, the going gets easy. A mere 10 percentage points gets you from "D" range into "C" range, which is supposed to be average. Ten more percentage points, and - wow - you're a "B" student. Ten more, and you're suddenly truly exceptional, even though you've climbed a mere 30 percentage points higher than the "D" step.Professors often use this scale because they think the first, big step from an "F" to a "D" makes the scale rigorous and motivates everyone to work hard. I wonder how a course can be rigorous, though, if 60 percent of its available credit could be earned by an "F" student. Furthermore, where's the logic in focusing so heavily on motivating students to get out of the "F" range and into the "D" range? The more resources the scale puts into motivating students to move from an "F" to a "D," the fewer resources there are left over for motivating students to move from a "D" to an "A." Compare this screwy staircase with my grade scale, represented by the blue bars. Each step on this staircase requires the same amount of effort to climb, whether you're going from an F to a D or from a B to an A. What's more, when you're in the middle of the C step (at 50 percent), you're half way up the scale, which is where you ought to be if you've done half the work. In statistical terms, the standard "A-F" scale is an "ordinal" scale, which is good for organizing things from smallest to greatest when those things lack the mathematical properties required for computing anything more sophisticated than a median. I'm using a "ratio scale," which, because it has a true zero point and equal intervals between each scale point, can produce meaningful averages and ratios. The 0-4 scale on which your college grade point average is expressed is also a ratio scale, so this approach represents a better match between your course grade and your GPA.Incomplete grades are given rarely and only in extenuating circumstances. Page 56 of the MTSU Undergraduate Catalog states: The grade "I" indicates that the student has not completed all course requirements because of illness or other uncontrollable circumstances, especially those which occur toward the end of the term. Mere failure to make up work or turn in required work on time does not provide the basis for the grade of "I" unless extenuating circumstances noted above are present for reasons acceptable to the instructor. Please refer to the Undergraduate catalog for the full Incomplete Grade Policy.FeedbackI typically will post grades and assignment feedback within one week of the assignment's submission deadline. Feedback will appear in the "Feedback" area of your D2L grade report.

Academic Integrity/Misconduct

Please review the information on Academic Integrity and Misconduct. Academic integrity is a hallmark of Middle Tennessee State University. We expect students to complete academic exercises, i.e., assignments turned in for credit, that are original and appropriately credit all sources used.

Academic misconduct includes, but is not limited to:

Plagiarism: The adoption or reproduction of ideas, words, statements, images, or works of another person as one’s own without proper attribution. This includes self-plagiarism, which occurs when an author submits material or research from a previous academic exercise to satisfy the requirements of another exercise and uses it without proper citation of its reuse.

Cheating: Using or attempting to use unauthorized materials, information, or study aids in any academic exercise. This includes unapproved collaboration, which occurs when a student works with others on an academic exercise without the express permission of the professor. It also includes purchasing assignments or paying another person to complete a course for you.

Fabrication: Unauthorized falsification or invention of any information or citation in an academic exercise.

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[prettyxlittlexwriter]

VDay Challenge Day 1 -Wreak Havoc

Day 1: Song by a female artist - Wreak Havoc by Skylar Grey

Rick Flag x OFC Kara

Lyrics in BOLD

Note: Hi guys! Here is my first submission for the #2018 Vday Challenge! It’s my first ever Rick Flag/DCU/Suicide Squad fic! There was a serious shortage of Rick Flag Fic and I hope to fix that. Enjoy! <3 Sarah

It was hot and dry and Rick Flag could feel the back of his neck already beginning to burn in the desert sun. He squinted his eyes against the swirling dust being kicked up by the landing helicopter. His sunglasses helped keep most of the grit out, but the nature of dust was that it managed to get literally everywhere.

The chopper touched down and the big doors slid open. Black stiletto heels and long, tanned legs appeared, followed by a tight pencil skirt stretched over muscular thighs tapering up to a narrow waist. The Colonel fought to keep his expression stoic and composed as the face of a ghost that had haunted him for years came into view. It was a face changed by time and mostly obscured by expensive aviator shades, but nonetheless, it was one he would have recognized anywhere. Kara Stone, owner and CEO of Blackstone Security crossed the landing pad towards him as if she owned the place.

“A little overdressed?” he drawled dryly. He imagined her rolling her eyes behind her dark glasses.

“I wasn’t exactly given the chance to change,” she bit back, her voice sharp and laced with ice. “So did I get to know the reason behind my abduction?” She asked as she pushed her fitted black blazer open, planting her hands on her hips and Flag caught a glimpse of a shoulder holster and the butt of a small Glock 26.

“You weren’t abducted ma’am,” he said, not even trying to hide his smirk now. “Your presence was simply requested without the option for you to decline.”

“Don’t fucking give me that ‘ma’am’ shit, Flag,” she swore, causing Rick to raise an eyebrow. “I’m sure you didn’t drag me halfway across the globe for a happy reunion. You want to talk? Let’s talk.”

“Follow me,” he said, turning and heading for the tallest building on the base. “And, uh, watch out for scorpions. Those shoes don’t offer a lot in the way of protection…” Muttering under her breath, Kara stalked after Flag, not bothering to look for any god damn scorpions. They cut a path through several green tents, past rows of HumVees and Jeeps and a few small one story out buildings. Flag pushed open the door and a blast of AC washed over them. They both removed their sunglasses as they proceeded wordlessly down a long hall. Rick finally stopped near the end and opened the door and allowing her to enter first. Kara did a quick assessment of what appeared to be a conference room. Large oval table surrounded by twelve black leather chairs. A small projector in the center of the table sat next to a round conference phone. At the front of the room was a white screen and a smartly dressed African American woman with her hands folded in front of her, her lips pressed into a hard line.

“Kara Stone, meet Amanda Waller,” Flag said and the woman nodded by way of greeting.

“Ms. Stone,” Amanda said, smiling though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Please have a seat.” As Kara sank down into the chair, Amanda opened a manila folder on the table in front of her. “Thank you for coming.”

“As I mentioned to the Colonel, it didn’t appear as if I had a choice,” Kara replied tersely.

“Tell me, Ms. Stone. How does a decorated graduate from West Point rise up through the ranks to a First Sergeant in the United States Army only to be dishonorably discharged with an otherwise spotless record?” Rick’s stomach rolled slightly and a small muscle in his jaw twitched.

“The US Army doesn’t really like to give second chances to fuck ups, Ms. Waller,” Kara said matter-of-factly.

“Even when those fuck ups are the daughter of a Two Star General?” Waller countered.

“Especially when, ma’am,” Kara answered and Flag could detect a shift in her voice. He was sure Waller caught it to.

“He died shortly after you were court-martialed, did he not?” The older woman asked. Rick swallowed down a hard lump in his throat and did his best to look anywhere except at Kara.

“He did. Heart attack,” she answered quietly.

“I was sorry to hear that,” Flag said aloud, the words out of his mouth before he realized they were being spoken. Kara’s eyes flew to his and she nodded her thanks.

“You could have Googled all of this,” Kara said, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the big conference table. “Why am I really here?”

“Your firm holds the security contract for Cadmus Laboratories. We need to infiltrate a their secret location and destroy all the research and…. experiments there.” Waller said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Ms. Waller,” Kara said, a wry smile forming on her lips. “As you’ve said, my frim controls the security of Cadmus and as such we are responsible for protecting against infiltration and destruction.”

“We’ll pay you three times what Cadmus is paying,” Waller offered.

“But even that won’t cover the cost of all the business I stand to lose after failing to protect such a high profile client.”

“Aren’t mercenaries in high demand right now?” Flag interjected. “Isn’t there some third world dictator that needs his assets protected?” Amanda Waller shot him a look that could kill and he clamped his mouth shut again.

“Mercenary is such an ugly word,” Kara said, her lip curling up at Flag. “We’re a private security firm. And the answer is no. I make no apologies. All of my sins I would repeat and I repeat. I’ve worked hard to get where I am, in spite of my tarnished military service record. I’ve built an elite force and we have the top contracts.”

“The US Military has the top contracts,” Flag bit out. “You get the dirty shit they won’t touch.”

“Colonel Flag!” Amanda reprimanded and once again, Rick grew silent. “Ms. Stone, we are not in the habit of asking nicely, but because of your… history with the Colonel here, I am going to make my offer just once more.”

“My history with your associate should have no bearing on this matter,” Kara said, standing to leave, “The answer is still no.”

“That’s too bad,” Amanda said, beginning to pace and for the third time today, Rick stomach felt ill and he mentally braced himself for what came next. “Your father was a great man. Sparkling service record, two time Medal of Honor recipient. He has library named after him in your hometown, doesn’t he?” Kara froze, staring down Waller with a deadly gaze. She didn’t answer. “It was a shame when all those women began to come forward with allegations of sexual misconduct. A few men, too, if I’m not mistaken…”

“Fuck you,” Kara spat. “My father was an incredible man, an incredible leader. His men and women loved him.”

“I know that,” Amanda said, her tone full of mock kindness. “You know that. Hell, even Flag knows that… but I have found that I can get pretty much anyone to say anything… for the right price. They’ll even throw in some tears to make it extra convincing. I wonder if they would have to rename the library. I wonder what your mother would think? A woman her age… you really have to worry about her heart just… giving out.” Kara sank down slowly back into her chair, her chest rising and falling with deep, agitated breaths.

“You know,” she said after a few moments, “I have a file on you, too. A.R.G.U.S? The Suicide Squad? The shit in Midway City?” Amanda looked impressed for a moment.

“Rumors,” she said with a shrug.

“Perhaps,” Kara said, rocking back in her chair. “If I do this, I want the money and I want my father’s reputation intact. Maybe even an posthumous star awarded.”

“Fine. Done,” Waller said, reaching for the file on Kara and shoving it back into her briefcase.

“And I want in on all the intel,” Kara said, standing and pressing her palms flat on the table top. “I will not be kept in the dark.”

“Fine,” Waller said again as she crossed the room to leave. “Rick will accompany you back to New York. He will brief you on the situation and you two can come up with a plan of attack. Task Force X is also at your disposal.”

“Task Force X?” Kara asked, but Waller was gone, the door shutting quietly behind her. Rick listened for the sound of her heels to disappear in the hallway outside before letting out the breath he’d been holding.

“Kara, listen…” he started.

“Fuck you,” Kara said, her voice wavering in anger. “Fuck you for everything.”

“It’s better this way,” Flag offered. “Trust me.”

“He loved you like a son,” she said, quietly. “He’d drop dead all over again to see what you’ve become.” Her comment cut him deep, though he didn’t allow his pain to show outwardly. He nodded and said nothing. More than one time he’d found himself in a difficult situation and tried to think of how General Stone would handle it. He wondered now what the great man would think of the business his daughter was conducting. He wondered if she ever asked herself that very question. She took a deep breath, one last attempt at composing herself and it seemed to work. Standing, she smoothed down her shirt and buttoned her blazer in front of her. “I assume you don’t need to pack?”

“My bag’s on the chopper,” he said, reaching for the door handle and pushing the door open for her. Kara brushed past him, long legs carrying her quickly back towards the exit. Rick followed after her but just before she reached the double doors, she spun on him and he had to stop short to avoid crashing into her.

“I know that you hate that you need me, you wanna destroy me but you can’t,” she seethed, eyes blazing with fury. “Tell me, Flag, what’s your weakness? Who is your pressure point?”

“At the moment,” he said, trying to keep his voice even as an image of June Moone flashed in his mind, “I am without one. I’ve discovered it’s better this way.”

“Lucky you,” Kara spat out before turning and pushing her way back out into the suffocating desert heat. Rick forced himself to follow, thinking that lately, he’d felt anything but lucky.

To be continued.................................................................

[thoughtsandeverythingelse]

hmm

honestly i didnt see a point in writing this, but i think since it has been on my mind, perhaps it will be good to note down what i am feeling. 

the idea of struggling to receive love has been so evidently lately, and it’s been bugging me to understand why it has been so hard. is it because my birthday is coming up - that i am forcing myself to think that i should have no expectations? is it because love has been a lot clearer, a lot more evident lately? that i am able to spot what i like, what i dislike lately?  i struggle because i see people trying to love me, but at the very end i am realising parts of love that i truly delight, and parts of love that i find hard to receive. hard to receive can be interpreted in two ways: that i truly dont like the way you are loving me because i dont feel loved by your act (even though it has great intentions), or that i just genuinely think your love is so great that i totally dont deserve it. 

perhaps thats what i feel with certain things; like the way a friend chooses to buy me a gift (ok to be fair, i hinted that i wanted it and i knew he would get it) but also just the very fact that he chose to get it for me. i feel like i dont deserve that, but yet again, i am not sure why.  this probably emphasises that fact that why is it then i am okay with receiving God’s love? why is it that i dont feel the need to ‘make it up’ to Him? okay perhaps i feel like i do, which is why a part of me feels that this life isnt mine, and that i only have to live for Him.  i am writing this post also because earlier i had a (very enjoyable) long call with a boy. it has been a while, and it is ironic because i just told myself last night ‘okay i will not want to text him anymore’.  but tonight i received my results for a paper that i wrote, a paper that i truly struggled with (literally, when i freaked out 30mins before a submission) and by some strange chance, he was a part of that process. so i thought that it would be nice, that he could be a part of this process of me receiving my grades too. i mean, he was there from the beginning, i dont see why not that i cant include him in this process too.  but a part of me knows that perhaps i have ill intentions. that i wanted to talk to him bc i wanted attention, that i wanted to hear him, that i wanted to tell him everything. 

you see, a while ago he had his driving test. strange enough, nobody knew about it. not many i guess, im not sure who he told to and who he didnt. but i only knew i was one of the privileged few that knew. 

i bought something for him - and even though i thought i resolved it, till this day, i am still questioning a tad big of my intentions. 

i bought him a P plate. it has been on my mind for a while, googled it, searched it up, asked around, everything. i dont mean to be calculative, but i find myself calculating my efforts in case my intentions were ill. i told myself that i wanted to do it because ‘i wanted to love him’. i truly did though, but at the same time, did i want to love him because i wanted him to love me back? did i want to love him because i want to show him that i am capable of loving this way?  i feel so sick that i have to question my intentions all the time, and it has been getting so tiring. but at the same time, i see its necessity. if i dont, i might fall hard. i might not guard my heart, and i might end up feeling hurt. all self-incurred, yea?  i wanted to thank him for believing in me. even when i didnt myself. and i wanted do the same for him. you see, i am not the best at giving gifts. i feel honestly, i am terrible at it. very terrible.  but i saw this as an opportunity. that this could be a chance where i could learn to give gifts, as a form of my appreciation to love him. but with emotions in play, i am worried about my intentions.  i honestly thought about it for a very very long time. i had many instances where i wanted to bring it up with him. even talking about it tonight, i need to process it.  i wanted to tell him right after his exam. but he failed, he was emotional - i didnt want to hurt him and make him feel like a failure, like a slap in the face, yknow? we talked a few days later after my dinner. he told me he knew why he was upset, but he didnt tell me why he was upset. i understood. i wanted to give him space. because of that, i decided that it wasnt a good time too.  tonight, he shared with me what he truly felt. why he felt like failing the driving test was a horrible thing. he said that its because it made him feel less like a man. i dont think i can make him feel like a man. but in that moment, i felt like i really just wanted to encourage him, with the (simple) act of love, the least i could do.  the thing is, we’re meeting again this weekend, and potentially going over to his house after the meeting. it was as if i thought about everything, like okay maybe by some sheer luck, i’d meet him at the bus stop. then i’d sneak it to him secretly (by putting it into his bag), or just passing it to him, with no explanations (which honestly isnt something i wanted to do, i wanted to explain my intentions, and why i did it - perhaps to prevent him from feeling like i gave him a slap in the face).  since we were going to his house, i thought about it. perhaps i’d sneak it in his room, in his study table. then we leave, i’d tell him to check it there. i wanted to make sure this plan was good, so that nobody would have the chance to ask him about it, so that he wouldnt have to bring it up. the last thing i want, is for him to feel like i exposed him about his failure to everyone, yknow? i thought about it all. but yet tonight - felt intimate. it felt like the right time. perhaps, a part of me just couldnt wait, so i did it. 

i mean yea clearly he liked it. he said that it was sweet, and he thanked me for it. but the more we spoke, the more i felt like okay perhaps this guy isnt interested in me. that really, i am not the one for him. funny how - i tell God that i have to let this go into His arms, but here am i trying to control every move. funny, isnt it?

[sincerely-chaos]

Inconsequential, part XVII (ficlet) - ‘method acting’

John is restless.

His footsteps, as he paces out to the kitchen, speak of a slight tendency towards limping, which will frequently occur when he's unsettled by something.

What must it be like, Sherlock wonders with his fingers pressed together beneath his chin, to have your mental state written out in every step you take, your body betraying your mind in the most palpable way?

Devastating, most likely.

Which is why Sherlock has never showed either sympathy or pity, much less consideration, in regards to this quirk of John's psyche.

There hasn't been a case for over a week - at least not for John, who was working when Sherlock solved the disappointing five that had at first seemed like a seven - and John is starting to truly despise his job at the clinic for all that it reminds him of just how far from his previous adrenaline-filled use of his skills he's ended up.

On top of that, John seems to be somewhat unsettled by his and Sherlock's last… encounter.

Apparently, Sherlock isn't the only one who found his own unpredictable limits slightly troublesome. Judging by the way that John hasn't even hinted at wanted… that in over a week, John doesn't know what to make of what had happened, and perhaps that'd been enough to discourage him from any further ill-advised experiments with--

But no. That isn't it, regardless of what Sherlock's own disgusting self-pity would like to suggest.

John wants.

John might be harder to read in this regard than Sherlock had anticipated, but the conflicted look on his face whenever Sherlock is either acting in a way that John finds frustrating or displaying fragments of what could be seen as vaguely… submissive gestures is not hard to read.

He wants, but currently, the reasons not to weigh heavier than his… want.

As John returns into the sitting room, frowning as he glances at the stack of journals he'd planned to start working his way through but now feel too disgruntled about his medical career to even consider, Sherlock decides that it's time to tip that scale.

It's a strangely satisfying thought, being able to simply do so.

*

Sherlock knows psychology the way a prey knows the way to avoid the predator.

There'd been forms and interviews - mostly with his parents, at first, seeing how Sherlock himself wasn't a particularly willing source of information - and there'd been patterns to the questions asked, patterns which Sherlock observed and pieced together with some help of a textbook on child psychiatry in his school's library after hours.

He was a “difficult case”. Initially due to his intellect allowing him to “compensate” for some of the symptoms, according to one doctor, and later due to the fact that he began “cooperating”, which in his case meant that he distributed various false leads, pointing to a multitude of different diagnoses, making the doctors feel they might be onto something only to suddenly shift tracks and make them think that another trail might be what they'd been missing previously.

The game ended once Mycroft heard his parents discuss the problem of the doctors’ widely varying preliminary diagnoses in their kitchen, once when he was home over the holidays, and instantly realised what Sherlock was up to.

At that time, Sherlock had already made an educated guess as to wherein his problems lay, albeit no diagnose fitted him perfectly, which was both reassuring and unsettling, because Sherlock wanted things to make sense and facts to fit.

In the end, his parents must have realised that if the medical professionals were fooled by their son already at the diagnostic stage, they were unlikely to manage to figure out a way to get as far as figuring out a way to make life any easier for him. The project was abandoned, and the whole debacle only served to teach Sherlock that distraction, obfuscation, confusion as well as being one step ahead were effective means to prevent anyone from digging too deep into things he did not want them to unravel.

As he grew up, it soon became clear that he needn't go to so much trouble most of the time; his vile temper and sharp tongue was more than enough to keep most people at a distance that would prevent them from even trying.

At least, it worked for well over a decade.

*

“You're better at deducing people's… inclinations than their motives for murder.”

John doesn't stop in his track, just lifts his eyebrows a bit as he continues towards his chair, a plate with a sandwich on in his hand.

“Well, deducing the motive behind any murderous attempt directed at you personally would probably be--” John starts, but Sherlock interrupts him before that so-called joke is finished.

“You find me frustrating.”

John snorts, but it's a far cry from his usual bickering face, his shoulders tense and the past few days of increased psychosomatic pain taking its toll.

“That would be putting it mildly, yeah.”

Sherlock rolls his eyes, knowing that John will often smile at this gesture when he thinks Sherlock can't see it. Frustratingly, John seems to find his ‘dramatics’... ‘endearing’ .

(‘Never one to hide your… eccentricity, are you, brother mine?’ Mycroft’s teasing voice echoes in his head, but for once, Mycroft’s insinuations might be something Sherlock can use for his own purposes. His purpose being very much related to what Mycroft had implied.)

“Have you always felt inclined to relieve that frustration by hurting me, or did that start only once you deduced that I might not be opposed to such arrangement?”

Sherlock looks at John, sitting opposite of him, his sandwich untouched on the side-table next to him, balanced on a stack of paper. A minute frown, then his face is once again unreadable.

“I'm not--”

“...punishing me for being ‘an arse’. Noted.”

John sighs heavily, rubs his face.

“Sherlock, if you think that this is about--”

“You're purposely misunderstanding me,” Sherlock accuses, and his frustration is not an act this time. “You don't hurt me because I'm frustrating, but when I am acting in a way that you deem ‘frustrating’, you find it satisfying to think about how I will willingly let you hurt me, let you humiliate me, later. It's quite the thrill, isn't it? Knowing that you're not just someone who follows the sociopathic freak, like people think, but knowing that you are the one who gets to bend him to your will and hold him there, making him want to submit to you.”

Sherlock's voice is deliberate and low, the comfort of hiding behind a deduction about John making the truths about himself easier to voice.

“You're not a sociopathic freak,” John says slowly, as if having had the air knocked out of him.

It's almost too easy, and yet, it's not.

“You don't object to any of the rest of it, then?” Sherlock says, trying not to look too pleased as his words clearly had the intended effect; confirming part of John's motivation and also making John feel a bit... protective on Sherlock's behalf.

(‘So loyal so fast, your little… friend,’ Mycroft had said with his mock-innocent face and a nauseating smile after the first few weeks of their cohabitation.)

“You're not a sociopath, or a freak,” John insists with his jaw stubbornly sticking out, ignoring Sherlock's rhetorical question.

A solider, loyal and with a strong moral principle.

The moral principle was often a bit of a bother, but the other two were... an advantage.

“Arguable, but beside the point,” Sherlock says as to wave John's words off, then continuing. “Given what you now know about my… inclinations I thought you might find the term ‘freak’ somewhat more fitting than you used to.”

The expression in John's face is everything Sherlock had hoped for.

Disbelief, anger, a hint of something akin to sadness and then… determination.

“What on Earth makes you think that I-- God, Sherlock, I--”

Something in the earnestness of John's entire reaction, in the repulsion he displays at the thought of what Sherlock implied, makes something almost warm settle beneath Sherlock's skin, and the sensation is not unlike that he had experienced when he had looked around the police cars and ambulances outside the school where the cabbie had been shot, only to see a short little man with a deceivingly innocent look stand with his hands in his pocket and survey the crime scene as if he had no idea what had happened.

“You're uncomfortable with the fact that you like hurting me, as this is not something you've ever done or wanted to do before, at least not consciously, and it doesn't fit your mental image of who you are. Trust me, it fits you very well from an outside point of view. You like giving people what they need, and this is what I need. You also have latent dominant tendencies which you have only ever allowed yourself to express, in appropriate ways, during your military career, but which you otherwise try to repress, seeing as you don't want to be ‘that kind of bloke’, especially when it comes to women. I bet a few of your lady friends would have been intrigued, but you'd hated it, because it would have reminded you of your uncle. I, on the other hand, am - and I quote - ‘an arrogant arse’, and am not likely to agree to anything I don't really want, and the ‘arrogant arse’ part does make it all the sweeter, doesn't it? To answer your question; since you're not comfortable with what you want, it's not a very difficult deduction that you find my inclinations to be abnormal just like you find your own interest in the activities to be so.”

It's rattled off as a deduction, and in way, it is one. It's just that it's a carefully worded deduction thrown out as haphazardly as if had been about John's latest flu patient on the clinic.

An act. Method acting, an aquired skill.

Sherlock picks up his phone from his pocket and starts typing. He's typing random Google searches, mostly aiming for effect. In the chair opposite of his, John stares and slowly rubs at the bridge of his nose.

Performing a faked nonchalance that he knows John will see through, displaying something troubling but true beneath, pretending that he is oblivious to John seeing through him. It's a strange act, in which highlighting the truth is the objective rather than obscuring it. And yet.

And yet, it's an act, because it's measured and planned, calculated to make John feel like he's glimpsed something Sherlock had attempted to hide or tried to repress.

In the beginning, Sherlock had been just as inexpert in understanding others' reactions as he still sometimes pretend to be. It has proved useful over and over again, people assuming that he doesn't pick up on such things, and more over, it serves to obscure the fact that he often does, but can't always interpret what he picks up.

“That's not-- Christ, Sherlock.”

John groans, drops his hand from his face and absently massages the - psychosomatic - pain in his thigh.

“Oh, I don't fret about it. Just get over whatever stupid moral objections you have towards subjecting me to pain and degradation and get on with it,” Sherlock says without looking up from his phone.

His random Google searches must have been less random than he thought, given that he's looking at a list of results for ‘non-sexual submission’.

With a sigh, Sherlock opens up a new tab and tries to think about anything case-related to Google.

“What about you?” John says just as the silence begins to settle between them.

Sherlock looks up, searching John's face for any underlying meaning.

“You said I'm better at deducing inclinations than motives for murder, but I'm still not sure about your motive for wanting… this,” John clarifies, his voice measured and calm.

“Oh, that's far less complicated than in your case," Sherlock says, suddenly feeling compelled towards a cheerful honesty.

“Oh?”

“I'm a sensation seeker, you already know that. Pain is sensation. Pain administred by someone else is slightly less predictable sensation. You do the math,” he offers, finding that he doesn't even have to act to get that truth out just as blasé and nonchalant as it feels.

“Sensation seeker?” John echoes. “You really expect me to believe that anything that concerns you is that simple and straightforward?”

“I'm an - sober - addict. I solve crime to get a kick, just like you. My brain rots in absence of stimulation. How much more reason do I need?”

“You could get that stimulation anywhere, and with far more skill and less complications.”

Sherlock takes a breath, reviewing his options.

He could jump straight to the issue; ask John what he thinks that means, but he won't, because there are words he'd prefer not to have any of them voice. He could bite back, pinning this on John needing to feel special and telling him it's only about efficiency, which in part, it is. He could also-- no.

“Don't flatter yourself, John. Being gay is not the same thing as being desperate to be fucked by anything with a penis and a pulse.”

The words seem to have the intended effect; John’s mouth falls open for just a second, and then he shuts it again, clearly deeply uncomfortable.

“I didn't--”

“Good, continue not to make that mistake, then.”

In the silence that settles before John clears his throat and returns to the kitchen, seemingly having forgotten about his sandwich, Sherlock rationalises his own utilisation of John's discomfort with the subject, seeing how it efficiently ended the conversation and additionally might prevent any further inquiries about his own motivations.

For once, there's not much more to it than what Sherlock's already disclosed.

Conditioned, sexual response to certain kinds of pain and a vague and rather objectifying sexual attraction to John's more dominant behaviours notwithstanding, sensation is his main motivation.

It crawls under his skin as he sits there, waiting for whatever crisis John's currently having to settle and for this conversation to - hopefully - tip the scales in his direction.

It's not even the pain he desperately needs, at this point.

Which, in turn, is more than a bit unsettling.

(Earlier parts live on ao3 - and also, @brilliantlyburning wondered about John’s motivations; here’s my - or Sherlock’s? - take on it)