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daaziscoolbesties · 4 years ago

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i yearn for one(1) thing only, and that is to have a nice, simplistic, cartoonish artstyle. an artstyle that doesnt rely on anatomy, but the "movement" of the drawing, if you get what i mean.

i dont want realistic proportions and traditional colors and basic poses and gradient shading, i want funky lil dudes in funky poses with funky styles littering my sketchbook :( but alas i havent figured out how to develop that kind of style yet, my brain wants anatomy to look nice but also i dont want to draw eyes. i dont want to take time out of my day to learn how to draw lips i want to draw a line that extends past the characters face. i dont want all my characters to have pointy chins with curved cheeks i want their heads to be round and friend-like or full of sharp edges depending on their personalities and styles. i want to give them all not-quite human ears, blob feet, simple faces, but at the same time i want enough detail to convey the story or emotion im trying to tell.

ive spent so much time recently agonizing over how to use 3d model websites, using real-life references and tracing over them for practice, color-picking from real images to try and do realism and failing miserably, but you know whats easier than that? funky little dudes. little dudes who do not care if their legs are too long or their hair is too bouncy. i dont want my characters to look human.

ive spent enough time on the artfight website to realize that most people who classify their characters as "human" have the most basic ass designs (no offense to people who like basic human designs its just not my thing) or its like dnd-medieval style outfits which i cant draw for the life of me (ive tried). again no offense to people who actively enjoy and draw characters like that. i just need my dudes to have that certain,,, off-ness to them. tails are cool. wings are swag (especially if they arent even like,, fully attached,, ), elf ears are so wonderful to me no matter how much theyre overused, horns are so much fun to draw, and colors!! i have no knowledge in the color theory department so this works great for me!! the only thing i really know is dont shade with black, other than that i just colorpick from references usually but i dont want to do that!! i want the colors to hurt people's eyes but in a satisfying way. like the character's design is so nice to look at that you dont mind your eyes hurting a bit. like how im enjoying writing this post even though its 2 am and the brightness on my computer wont go any lower.

and then another thing ive noticed from being on the artfight website is that a lot of people classify their characters that are anthro/have anthro features under humanoids/monsters. like i made a google form to find some people to attack and someone sent me in a character with some sort of animal (wolf? idk) arms and legs. like dude!! peak character design i love her. but me personally? i cant draw that shit, its so hard for me. i tried a while back and its just Not my thing. nothing against furries i just. cant. and i dont want to either.

and i got another submission that i accidentally deleted that was like full anthro/wolf-like like my comrade,,, i cannot draw animals what makes you think i can draw an animal who acts like a human lmao. i can do like. very basic tails, and also animal ears but i cant do the arms and legs and such i just dont know the anatomy, and i know i was talking about how i dont want to care about anatomy but i feel like for anthros you really do need to know at least basic animal anatomy so you know how the limbs look and shit and i dont have that knowledge and dont feel like gaining it.

and then there were some submissions that i absolutely adored. there was one that like, was vaguely human shaped but definitely was not a human. they had a dark-ish lavender colored skin and horns and tusks and like goat ears and a sorta fluffy tail with spikes on it and they had wings and such and they were such a pleasure to draw i love them. and they had a fairly simple outfit too, nothing too complicated. and then i also enjoy object head characters, theyre so neato to me. i got one of those and i really wish i had the motivation to work on it cause it looks so fun.

i want to make funky characters but id have nothing to do with them because the only book i ever tried writing (key word tried - never got past planning it out) had strictly human characters in it, and most of the books i read are humans/humans with powers in situations specific to them so id have no idea what lore to make with the dudes. assuming i have the motivation to make lore and backstory because honestly i just really enjoy character designing its super duper fun.

(side note a song about trucks doing the deed came on just now and its interrupted my flow, apologies).

i only have three actual characters right now. one is an original roleplay oc whos design is literally athletic shorts, an oversized long sleeved grey sweatshirt, long purple hair, and demon horns. the second one is my persona whos design some sorta medival knight outfit kinda thing? but not ugly it looks really cool (idk one of my friends designed it bc i won some contest from him but the drawing was on a super small scale so idrk the details,,,) with a plague doctor mask and crown, and shoulder length wavy brown hair, dyed bright pink at the end. and then my last one im not too comfortable using other places because theyre a character my friend is using in the story hes writing, and thats really the only place theyve been used. but theyre easily my favorite and im already writing a ton so ill talk about them too.

they're a sorta elf species thing from another planet, with pale green skin and pointed ears. they also have a tail, its like,, super thin, but with a feathery bit at the end. probably not the texture of a feather but i dont know how else to describe it. they have short, curly, almost-draco-malfoy-blonde hair that when it gets too long they can put in a man bun. their eyesight is kinda shitty so when they got to earth, they were exploring some supply closets around the airship. drop off area. thing. like airport but for rocketships and also fancier. yeah. they were exploring that area and found a nice big pair of round glasses with grey frames. and they also found a cowboy-style hat and a sharpie so they wrote their name on the underside of the brim of the hat and stole the hat and glasses (but left the sharpie in the supply closet).

yeah theyre my favorite, my absolute beloved, my child, so cool. i want more characters like them but with maybe a bit more snazzier designs. theyre super cool and all but they could have more pizzazz if they werent in a story where its too late to give them more pizzazz. i just want to be able to give my characters thigh-high boots with a bunch of buckles and fluffy hair with tons of accessories crammed in and abnormally large and long ears that can harbor many piercings and horns that can hold rings on them and special little details on their outfits like who knows what but i dont have any characters to do that too, so i have to make them from scratch, which is always hard especially when you have artblock.

and i also have like 17 characters i need to fully draw, line, and maybe color for artfight before august 1st. so i dont know. i have many things to do and plenty of time to do it but instead i spend my time halfway watching repetitive youtube videos that get boring or sleeping all damn day because i stay up too late doing things like this or i just do nothing at all and its tiring and frustrating but i also feel nothing about it like theres no consequence if i dont do it besides you know. not doing it, not gaining that experience, not making something i enjoy.

so i should do it but i dont for whatever reason, i think its called executive dysfunction but im not sure. this post started out very differently than it ended and i said somewhere up there that i was writing this at 2 am but now its almost 3. this is so many words why couldnt i have put this energy into something productive

#long post #sorry its so messy but like i said its almost 3 am and i dont want to go back and format all this #i might come back and make it look nicer in the morning #maybe not who knows #i just checked and this is 1.5k words what the hell

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7topreview · 4 years ago

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lilithite · 4 years ago

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When Lilith invited me to bite the fruit

This is my personal story with Lilith, not intended as gospel

I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian household in Texas, a state in the Bible belt, in a town of 2,000 people. My family consisted of my mother and little sister. We were all very tight knit. So tight knit, in fact, that my sister and I would walk around the house naked if we felt like it because it was just women in the house and we were all family. We always went to our Assemblies of God church every Sunday (here is a link to Assemblies of God beliefs to give you an idea of the kind of church it was https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assemblies_of_God_USA), read the Bible, and prayed often. My mother would get up at 5am every day just to pray for a couple hours. She made sure we were sheltered from the secular world. We only listened to the Christian radio stations and our media consumption was monitored. She even looked through our phones. Even though I felt naturally drawn to the spiritual, I felt a disconnect from Christianity.

When people would speak in tongues at church I would feel weirded out, then feel guilty about being freaked out because it meant I doubted God’s power. Even though I was genuinely pious I would never “hear God’s voice” or “felt him” or anything like that. I have read nearly 90% of the Bible and the verses felt hollow. I could never become friends with the other kids at church, not because I was snobby, but because I couldn’t relate to them. When I went to church I would try my hardest to “be in God’s presence” but in the end I would just go through the motions. I had plenty of biblical knowledge and faith, but it always felt like God just didn’t want to get involved in my life.

The first truly spiritual moment I ever went through was when I was deer hunting with my dad when I was eleven. We were in the hunting stand on a clear, crisp fall morning when I saw sun rays breaking through the pine trees and landing on the Earth. It was like someone hit the on switch for the woods and colors and details revealed themselves. I involuntarily let out a small gasp and instead of chastising me for making noise (he has a short temper), my dad whispered, “That is the sunlight reaching the Earth.” The emotion that swept over me as a stared at the forest was ineffable. I remember thinking that this was nothing like I had ever experienced in church. I had, for the first time, felt connected to a divine force. Ever since this experience church felt like a parody. I knew, in my soul, that there was something in nature that was sacred.

When I was a teenager I would question and air my grievances on rules I deemed unfair. I was labeled sassy and rebellious. To be clear, I never smoked, drank, partied, or had sex. Hell, I never even dated or sneaked out. I just wanted privacy and more freedom. I wanted to hang out with friends after school. To be allowed to attend different events without my mom hovering. My mom and her friend concluded that I had the demon of witchcraft and rebellion inside me and I needed “deliverance,” which is our church’s term for an exorcism. I had not practiced witchcraft (yet) but according to a demonology class (it was more like a cult) that was sponsored by the preacher’s wife, the demon of rebellion also ruled over witchcraft. The friend came over, grabbed me by the shoulders and shouted for Satan to leave my body. I was a little confused because I thought it was just a demon possessing me, not the big man himself. Anyway, she started to shake my shoulders rather hard so I just decided to go along with it and thanked her for getting rid of the demon. At no point did I ever believe I was possessed by a demon, but I was freaked out none the less.

When I was 18 I was kicked out because of my “rebellious nature” and refusal to take medicine that was forced upon me for a mental illness I was never diagnosed with. I could either take the mystery medicine and be allowed to stay home, or refuse and get kicked out. I made my choice and finally bit the forbidden fruit. For the first time I felt true freedom. I started to think for myself and form my own opinion on issues. I became a feminist, pro BLM, pro LGB and a socialist. When I was living by myself I officially renounced my Christian faith but still felt the spiritual spark I felt that morning in the woods.

I had always loved to read and since I was no longer chained by Christianity I could check out whatever book I wanted at the local library, which was a regular haunt of mine. One giant book caught my attention titled, “The Mists of Avalon.” I want to be clear that this was before I knew of the horrible things that the author did. At least I was supporting a local library and no profit went to the author by my doing this. Anyway, I became fascinated by the goddess worship mentioned in the book. I wasn’t even familiar with goddess worship and knew nothing, but I felt drawn too it. I started doing research and the first thing I came upon was Wicca. Wicca seems to be the first thing that many newbie spiritualists come across. I started practicing witchcraft but nothing ever felt right for me. I practiced the craft on and off but I eventually let go of Wicca entirely because it just wasn’t for me. I felt the most connected to goddess worship but the mother goddess and triple goddess archetypes just never felt right for me. I do not want kids but it seemed like every goddess out there was either about fertility or being a mother figure. I knew there was a divine female force out there, but I could not find one calling to me.

One night I had a dream. It was vivid and purple. I could hear a woman’s voice talking to me, strong, low, firm, and partly terrifying. I forgot most of what she said except for the last part. She called herself The Abortion. This was the most clear dream I have had in my life. A quick Google search lead me to Lilith, who is called the Patron of Abortion. I saw in her story parallels to my life; she abandoned God and an easy life in the garden for liberation. She refused to be submissive to Adam like I refused to be submissive to my mother’s boyfriend. She appeared as a snake to liberate Eve, and I always loved snakes since I was little, even though I was told snakes were the devil’s animal. In a tarot reading the animal card I drew was snake. Lilith was not seen as a mother goddess or part of the triple goddess archetype. She is a goddess of liberated women, of child free women, of birth control and abortion. Of course, many people worship different sides of her and my word is no gospel, just my personal experience.

When I was raped, Lilith kept me from conceiving. Lilith blessed me with a rebellious and inquisitive nature that desires freedom and independence. She extended her hand out to offer me the forbidden fruit, and I took it and bit it. It tasted bittersweet. It tasted like freedom. I had to leave my Garden of Eden, which was my family and Christian faith. But once I tasted the fruit of knowledge of good and evil, my eyes are open and I can never go back. I do not want to go back.

#lilith #pagans of tumblr #paganism #goddess #dark goddess

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imfemalewarrior · 6 years ago

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Hi i've been following your blog for awhile and I really love the warrior inspiration but i was wondering if you could reel back the anti-weight loss message? I totally agree that society puts too much pressure on being tiny and most women dont need to lose weight and are healthy but where I work at the hospital we have a lot of bariatric patients who are 500+lbs and are so big their weight is crushing them. When they're put on a weight loss program we like to give them sources (cont)

(Cont) of inspiration and fitness goals to help keep them motivated and I’d like to recomend your blog but I’m worried about them reading how often you say weight loss isnt a goal and shouldnt be the end result. I understand if you dont this is your blog and I dont want to offend you by trying to dictate whats on it. Either way im a huge fan of your message and your content and will keep following you. Again sorry if this is really rude.

I’m gonna preface this by saying I added a cut, and I’m very passionate, not angry, under said cut. And all my questions are genuine, not trying to be sassy here, because the questions I am asking are based on my own journey to a fitness lifestyle (which I am currently writing a book about how to do). I’m also asking them because I have very little info to go off of here. I also really think you should DM me because I can discuss this in more detail/more specific to your situation, and how my blog can help these patients.

Your patients either:

1) Don’t know about things like HAES/body positivity/body inclusivity and will find out about it because it’s everywhere at this point

2) Already know about it

You aren’t “protecting” them and their motivation by not telling them about blogs like mine that try to tell people how to lead a sustainable fitness lifestyle (with an emphasis on Martial Arts, yes I’m biased). Your patients aren’t stupid, especially if they are already seeking treatment in the hospital. So, why not use resources like HAES/body positivity/my blog/body inclusivity to help motivate them? (We also did this video on motivation).

What I’m saying is, I think my blog would help your patients more than you realize, as I have a lot of questions on here from beginners I have answered in the past, and I talk about more than anti-weightloss as you have seen.

Some things on my blog that might help your patients:

I talk about how to overcome/ignore the voice in your head telling you that you look awful when you are exercising. I talk about how you can Start exercising (search beginner on my blog).

That being said, I’m not a doctor so this post will be coming from the heart/my personal experience with my journey to leading a fitness lifestyle based on HAES and body inclusivity. Some of this stuff I had independently come up with and found out about HAES later, and that HAES teaches a lot of the same things.

What kind of inspo and fitness goals are you giving these patients?

I’m genuinely asking this question because when I search “Martial Arts Women” to try and inspire my followers I get a bunch of pictures of thin, usually white, Women. Same if you Google ballerina (but you do get some diversity in body types when you Google weightlifting Women). It isn’t very inspiring for Women that don’t have that body type (me included) if you don’t see anyone that looks like you doing the activities you would like to do. It’s why I ask my followers to submit pictures to my blog, so we can get a diversity of body types doing everything (search the submission tag, I also just reblogged a ton of them so check those out).

What long term and immediate goals are you giving these patients? What incremental goals are you giving these patients?

This takes a page from Marie Kondo; she recommends visualizing what you want to get out of tidying up. The same goes for developing a fitness lifestyle. You need to know what you want your lifestyle to look like with fitness thrown into the mix. Mine were something like: be healthier, be stronger, actually stick with exercise (a problem for me because I get bored if there are too many sets/reps-so Martial Arts and dance is perfect for me), cook enough food at home that I would eat that over the week and feel satisfied so I would stop buying food when I was too hungry to function during the day. I also want to be the most dangerous thing walking down the street (this will be a lifetime of dedicating myself to Martial Arts).

These are long term goals, some of which are easier to attain than others, some require developing habits, and these habits need to be incorporated into my lifestyle. To do this I need incremental goals, and I talk about those on my blog as well; I very specifically talk about the importance of accepting that you won’t be able to do everything right away, and how you need to start small (low reps and sets, or maybe an easier version of a push ups such as a wall push up to learn proper form and build strength to do things properly/safely). So how are you working with your patients so they can figure out what they want out of this, how are you helping them develop manageable goals, and how are you helping them make lifestyle changes?

Do you give them a target weight, or do you work with them to figure out what they want their “end” result to be? I say “end” because fitness a lifelong journey and a lifestyle that needs to be sustainable. Things like exercise that gets you moving in a way that works for the individual doing the moving (does not cause pain, is enjoyable for the person, the person can do the movement or an easier version of the movement), things like cooking for yourself (this lets you control what goes into the food you eat to a greater extent than eating pre-packaged meals).

I haven’t even mentioned other things beyond people’s control such as genetics (were you aware that if you have an ancestor that went through a food scarce period you gain weight more easily and have an even harder time losing it?), medical conditions such as PCOS that make it harder/impossible to lose weight, medication that causes weight gain, and illness that causes weight gain (such as hypothyroidism).

I’m genuinely asking these questions, because I don’t know how you are currently motivating your patients or if you are already doing some of the stuff I mentioned here. The only info I have is contained within the ask you sent me, so my response is based on that.

FemaleWarrior, She/They

#marie kondo #medicine #doctors #medical conditions

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iwantjobs · 4 years ago

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7/21/2021: Trang at 48.2 years old seeking for job at Social Security Administration

July 20th, 2021

(3 p.m.)

Dear Honorable Judge Michaud:

Remember moi, Mai-Trang Thi Nguyen ( social security number: ______________________________)? I came in for a review to fight for the reversal of an amateur reviewer’s decision of my case to reactivate my disability status after I submitted myself into a mental hospital for severe anger that I wanted death to that particular amateur by abruptly shutting down my disability. It has been nearly 7 years since you reactivated my disability with my submission of the mental report from that hospital. Anyhow, I am still disabled with crippled back pain that forces me to lie down parallel to the hard floor for at least an hour every hour my body is vertically up. My mental illness of anger and revenge is still strongly prominent; however, I can reduce that by jailing myself at home to avoid the public as much as possible or I’ll become cracky and jumpy with nervous that will endanger my life and others if I were to be driving or even walking in downtown crossing 2nd street nearly got hit by the transit the last time I left the social security office fighting with a rude and unprofessional social security agent at the window.

So, judge, I have a proposal with a win-win solution: I get off disability while disability gives me a job. While laying crippled parallel to the floor thinking of revengeful plan, I was able to develop homemade physical therapy and psychological ways to prevent myself from acting out in violent against those homosexual bosses at gay Starbucks in gay San Francisco and their followers who crippled me almost to death by failing to report my work injury of a back strain coupled with the mental anguish of mental illness of revenge, hate, depressed, etc. of being bullied, intimidated, harassed, and even sexually harassed in a minor form (a new dyke-lesbo boss swiftly brushed her breast against mine 4-6 times in a month every time she walked passed me behind the counter. Before my menstruation, I finally found the courage to retaliated by purposedly pulled myself back she walked by to hint to her to stop. I don’t get this breast-brushing feeling with other female baristas, but only her and only during first month since she started working. Then I learned that a homo-male can make sexual advancement to a single female with no children by insinuating that they should make a baby after he exploded in a gay annoying but cute way by saying this at work, “Why don’t you want to make a baby with me?” Anyhow, my mental-illness against the homos at Starbucks was released after I sued them. Even though I never won, since then, I have sued Worker’s Compensation for failing to include mental illness in my Starbucks injury and a Chinese-American male doctor claiming my back sprain is only 20% disabled. I moved out of gay San Francisco since, but found myself getting harassed and intimidated by more homo (this time, a full little dyke, and a large obese female) working at Google as security guards while I was standing next to my car in a public street with no parking restricting signs or painting which happened to be across the Google building (there were other companies on that street, too). I sued Google, too. I am now suing the United States for trump’s recount-recheck of the coronavirus-infected 2020 election by stating the government committed treason when they said the coronavirus-infected 2020 election was 100% secure, had very little frauds and no massive frauds.

I would like to propose a new kind of job for me in the social security office to reduce the mass-violence in America involving mental illness by creating a new division to combat this disease using me as an example: received disability to stay home avoid causing problems in public (driving, work, college, army, even high school or under), got fee waiver to file lawsuits to release my violence (I developed arthritis at 36 because my violence against them homos and their hetero buds at Starbucks subconsciously made me punched the computer’s key pads so hard into lawsuits), got free physical therapy sessions (I got some but the rest was my desperate-broke-homemade-semi-homeless-homeless-in-car-parked-in-dirty garage invention), free psychiatrist sessions (I got none because the worker’s comp psychiatrist in ga San Francisco closed to that Starbucks in pacific heights area failed me miserably, and of course a female Vietnamese psychiatrist down in San Jose failed me too. The rest I had to invent on my own by pulling things together), got free healthy meals coupons during the time of pain I charged my credit cards to debt to pay for yummy but kinda healthy food to calm down my pain and anger instead of pills, etc.) What do you think judge?

Thank you,

Mai-Trang Thi Nguyen

P.S. pardon moi for the horrible writing. I blame it on current my invalid state of mind and body, extreme pain and exhaustion, and more. At this moment, all I can type is 1 hour a day, the rest I think of new ideas by lay down with eyes shut tight in dark room on top of my coffin (pirate chest) with two chairs to accommodate my back pain and crippled dislocated painful neck from severe depression in last 13.2 years

7/21/2021

(3:24 p.m.)

Dear President Biden:

I can reward you and your administration with solving the problem of mental illness via random violence and accidental suicides, because after all, Trumps and Republicans think more guns is the only way solve this problem.

Please read my letter to Honorable Judge Frederick Michaud of Social Security Administration.

Sincerely,

Mai-Trang Thi Nguyen

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twinflamedfest-blog · 7 years ago

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#TF2018: First Flame

Welcome to Twin Flamed, the newest hunhan ficfest bringing you more hunhan content through creative prompts! Just a disclaimer: mods can be lacking in some aspects as we are just new but let us grow and improve! And speaking of being new, there might be participants who can also be newbies in the ficfest scene. Let us help you with the terms and questions that you are asking yourself right now. Start~

THE FEST

1. How does TF work?

— Leave a prompt > Claim a prompt from the prompt archive > Write your entry > Submit your entry > All fics will be published > Have fun and meet new creatives at the Guess Who's and Reveals.

2. How do I join?

— Easy! Just follow TF on twitter, tumblr and AO3, all @twinflamedfest.

THE PROMPTING

3. How do I leave a prompt?

— A prompting form will be up on July 11, along with some guidelines and rules on prompting. Everything will be announced through Twitter and Tumblr so make sure you keep updated!

4. How many prompts can I send

— You can send as many as you want until our prompting period ends!

THE CLAIMING

5. How many prompts can I claim?

— You can claim one prompt at a time. Once you are finished with your first prompt and have submitted it to us, you can contact the mods and claim another even after the claiming period ends!

6. Do I need a LiveJournal/AO3 (archiveofourown) account to participate?

— You don't need a livejournal account because we will crosspost all fics to AO3. It's not required, however, we highly suggest you to create an AO3 account so that we can directly link your posted entry to your account after reveals! That way, you can edit your works. We recommend to make an account soon because it takes days for AO3 to send invites.

7. Can I change/drop my prompt after claiming?

— You can only change your prompt once. As for dropping a prompt, yes you can, but the mods would appreciate it if you don't, so please think twice before joining. We have set a date for when you can change or drop your prompt.

THE CHECK-INS PROCESS.

8. What are 1st/2nd/3rd check-ins?

— The check-ins is a process done by mods to check up on the participants' progress of their works. The duration is usually around 22-30 days depending on the mods. We set a certain amount for minimum words for every check-in. Of course, we try to set up a reasonable word count so that you won't feel rushed to finish your piece. The minimum word count increases per check-in.

9. How do the check-ins work?

— Basically we will announce the check-ins atleast two weeks before the check-in date. When the check-in day comes, you will submit to us your entry, finished or unfinished. Your work must meet the minimum word count for that check-in. We will email you within 24 hours (or less). After receiving our email, you can go ahead and continue with your prompt!

10. Is there a maximum word count?

— Nope! No maximum word count.

11. What is the minimum word count?

— Minimum word count for the FINAL submission is 2,000 words.

12. Can you please explain to me the ratings?

— G: For general audiences. Fic should not contain vulgar language, violence and adult themes.

— PG: Fic contains very minimal violence and mild vulgar language. Should not contain adult themes.

— PG-13: Fic can contain some violence and/or harsher sexually-derived/vulgar language. Minor mentions of/implied adult themes. For teenagers and up.

— R: Fic contains vulgar language, adult themes/materials, and/or non-explicit sexual themes and violence.

— NC-17: Fic contains all of the things mentioned above, even explicit sexual themes/violence.

13. How should I warn the reader about something that's included in my entry?

— Any triggering content requires a trigger warning at the header of the fic. More of this on the rules and guidelines below.

14. I don't think I can meet the deadline for (_______).

— Contact us by sending a DM to us on our twitter account asap and we will give you an extension!

If you have any more questions to ask, feel free to contact us!

Twitter: @twinflamedfest

Tumblr: --

Curiouscat: @twinflamedfest

Let's kick off our first round! Here are some rules and guidelines for the first round.

RULES AND GUIDELINES

General

♥ This is a Sehun x Luhan ficfest, so the story must revolve around these two. As much as possible, minimize the side pairs so the spotlight would be on our lovely couple.

♥ We aim to make our fest a safe space for all hunhan/selu enthusiasts so please be respectful and kind to one another! We will not tolerate hate of any kind.

Prompting

♥ Twin Flamed is a prompt-based ficfest, meaning writers are only allowed to choose on the given prompts. There's no self-prompt. This ficfest is open for all types of prompts: fluffy, angst, tragedy, smut, alternate universes, you name it! There's no limit to giving prompts. Prompting will be done via Google Forms.

♥ Anyone can submit a prompt, you don't need to have an LJ/AO3/Tumblr account to do so. Prompt submission is anonymous.

♥ Please avoid sending vague prompts, but also avoid sending very detailed prompts either. It's great to leave some room of imagination for the author!

♥ As for sensitive topics, we will allow elements of rape/non-con, dubcon, underaged sex, pedophilia and incest. But we would like to advise the writers who will include these topics to be very careful and add the needed trigger warnings.

We only allowed this for the sole purpose of expressing one's creativity, however, we do not tolerate and condone such acts! Everyone, please be very careful and cautious (especially with the topic of rape/non-con).

♥ We have noticed that our posting period will most likely fall on the end of October. This means that you are allowed to send in Halloween prompts for our writers!

Claiming

♥ Participants can write two (2) or more prompts — as long as the prompts are unclaimed — but it is highly suggested that they finish their first chosen prompt before claiming a new one.

♥ The prompt claiming form will allow you to choose up to two (2) prompts — for backup.

♥ An email confirmation will be sent within 24 hours. After receiving our go signal, you may start writing your story.

♥ First check-in should have a minimum of 5 words. For the final submission, a minimum of 2 words.

♥ Put the appropriate trigger warnings/tags for stories that include Character Death, Gore, Suicide, Mental Illness, Self harm and Abuse.

♥ NO PLAGIARISM. Once caught, you will automatically be removed from the round.

♥ Once you're finished with your work, send it as an attachment to [email protected].

FEST SCHEDULE

July 11: Start of prompting

July 25: End of prompting

July 27: Prompt archive up

July 28: Start of claiming

Aug 11: Beta readee sign-ups open

Aug 19: First check-in

Aug 29-31: Changing/dropping of prompts

Sept 2: End of claiming

Sept 15: Second check-in

Oct 7: Third check-in

Oct 20: Final submission

Oct 27: Posting starts

TBA: Posting ends

TBA: Guess Who

TBA: Reveals

• Tune in to our twitter account on JULY 11, 2018 for the start of our prompting period!

XOXO,

TF mods.

#TF2018 hunhan selu twinflamed

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xmasqoo-haineke · 4 years ago

Text

Reassign the Dates from 05/07/21 -07/07/21

Week ofTopicWeight (%)

Monday, January 25, 2021

Course intro, Google Drive & WordPress 2

Monday, February 1, 2021

Basic data acquisition and analysis with Google Sheets2

Monday, February 8, 2021

Making charts in Google Sheets and publishing them in WordPress2

Monday, February 15, 2021

Making maps with QGIS and MyMaps*0*

Monday, February 22, 2021

EITHER "Customizing and publishing a MyMap to WordPress" lesson and assignment OR "Alternative mapping lesson and assignment"*6*

Monday, March 1, 2021

Midterm exam25

Monday, March 8, 2021

Making other kinds of maps3

Monday, March 15, 2021

Using pivot tables5

Monday, March 22, 2021

Investigating relatedness5

Monday, March 29, 2021

Using VLOOKUP5

Monday, April 5, 2021

Inferential statistics5

Monday, April 12, 2021

Intro to Python5

Monday, April 19, 2021

More on Python5

Monday, April 26, 2021

Still more on Python5

Monday, May 3, 2021

Final exam25

*Schedule adjustment due to the university's inclement weather closure during the week of Feb. 15.

GRADING // SYLLABUS \\ IS LISTED BELOW:

Course Information

Description

3 credit hours (Same as ADV/PR/VCOM 3520.) Special topics in journalism, advertising, public relations, and visual communication focusing on practical applications. Topics change each semester. This edition of the course will focus on data skills that are useful to media professionals. Such skills include spreadsheet-based data analysis, data visualization, mapping, relational database techniques, inferential statistics, and coding. No previous experience with data analysis is required. The course may be repeated up to 6 credits.

Objectives and Outcomes

In terms of standard ACEJMC learning objectives, you will:

Understand concepts and apply theories in the use and presentation of images and information.

Demonstrate an understanding of professional ethical principles and work ethically in pursuit of truth, accuracy, fairness and diversity.

Write correctly and clearly in forms and styles appropriate for the communications professions, audiences and purposes they serve.

Critically evaluate your work and that of others for accuracy and fairness, clarity, appropriate style and statistical concepts.

Apply tools and technologies in order to tell stories on multiple platforms.

Compute basic math and statistics.

Prerequisites

JOUR 3090 or JOUR 3430 or permission from the School of Journalism.

Topics

Setting up a WordPress site

Introduction to Google Drive and its built-in data and mapping applications: Google Sheets and Google My Maps

Basic data analysis with Google Sheets Producing online, interactive data visualizations with Google Sheets Producing online, interactive maps with QGIS and Google My Maps Excel, Excel PivotTables, and Excel's VLOOKUP function Basic inferential statistics using Google Sheets' XLMiner add-in An introduction to Anaconda, Jupyter Notebooks, and coding with Python

Requirements

You will need a WordPress.com account, which is free. The first lesson in the course will show you how to set up your account.

You will need a Google Drive account, which is free. If you have a G-mail account, you already have a Google Drive account.

You will need reliable access to a Mac or PC. If you have no such device, please see me for some options.

Toward the end of the course, you will need access to Microsoft Excel, particularly the Windows version of Microsoft Excel 2016. Desktop computers are available in MTSU's Walker Library and in the Business/Aerospace PC lab.

Assessment and Grading

Grading Procedure, Specifics of Assessments/Grade Weights (lol) are LISTED BELOW:

The Assignment Schedule lists each week's topic and offers a link to the topic's D2L page. There is an assignment link on the D2L topic's page. You will have one assignment due by 5 p.m. each Friday of the semester. Assignments fall into three types:

Weekly assignments. Accounting, collectively, for half of the available credit in the course, weekly assignments ask you to demonstrate mastery of the skills covered during the week. Once you have a working WordPress.com and Google Drive account, your weekly assignments generally will require you to publish your work on a page on your WordPress.com web site. I will visit your web site to grade the work.

A midterm exam. To complete the midterm exam, you will use skills you have learned during the first part of the course to produce an analysis of a dataset I will provide, and you will present the results of your analysis in a page on your WordPress site. The midterm exam accounts for a quarter of the available credit in the course. A: 81 - 100 percent B: 61 - 80 percent C: 41 - 60 percent D: 21 - 40 percent F: 0 - 20 percent

A final exam.Similar to the midterm, the final exam will require you to analyze a dataset I will provide and will require you to present the results of your analysis in a page on your WordPress site. The final exam will account for the remaining quarter of the credit available in the course.

Each assignment is due by its deadline. Late work will receive a grade of F and may not be made up, absent an excuse that I consider reasonable. Reasonable excuses may include an illness or injury that impairs you or someone whose care you are responsible for. I may require documentation. I will consider each excuse independently, on a case-by-cases basis.

I will use a "weighted averages" approach to calculating your semester grade, meaning that some assignment scores will have more influence than others in the result of the calculation. I will start by giving each assignment you submit an "A," "B," "C," "D" or "F," based on the criteria for the assignment described in the assignment's description. You will receive four points for each A, three for each B, two for each C, one for each D, and zero for each F. Next, I will multiply the points you receive for each assignment by the assignment's weight. The assignment's weight controls how much influence it has on your semester grade. Each assignment's weight is listed in the "Weight" column of the Assignment Schedule.

After multiplying the points you got on an assignment by the assignment's weight, I will add up the products and divide the sum by the total points possible. I'll compute the total points possible by multiplying each assignment's weight by four (the maximum points possible), then summing these products. Finally, I will divide the weighted points by the total points and compare the resulting percentage to the grading scale described below.

Grading Scale

You may have noticed that my grading scale is different from the typical grading scale you encounter in college. You probably like my scale because it seems more generous than usual. I like it because it makes more mathematical sense. The chart below depicts the minimum percentage required for each letter grade in each type of scale - the typical scale, and my scale.

Imagine each set of bars - the gray set and the blue set - is a set of stairs that you have to climb in order to get to an A. The "typical grade scale" set of stairs (gray) likely would get the carpenter who built it fired. There's a mighty big climb from the "F" step to the "D" step. But once you heave yourself up onto the "D" step, the going gets easy. A mere 10 percentage points gets you from "D" range into "C" range, which is supposed to be average. Ten more percentage points, and - wow - you're a "B" student. Ten more, and you're suddenly truly exceptional, even though you've climbed a mere 30 percentage points higher than the "D" step.Professors often use this scale because they think the first, big step from an "F" to a "D" makes the scale rigorous and motivates everyone to work hard. I wonder how a course can be rigorous, though, if 60 percent of its available credit could be earned by an "F" student. Furthermore, where's the logic in focusing so heavily on motivating students to get out of the "F" range and into the "D" range? The more resources the scale puts into motivating students to move from an "F" to a "D," the fewer resources there are left over for motivating students to move from a "D" to an "A." Compare this screwy staircase with my grade scale, represented by the blue bars. Each step on this staircase requires the same amount of effort to climb, whether you're going from an F to a D or from a B to an A. What's more, when you're in the middle of the C step (at 50 percent), you're half way up the scale, which is where you ought to be if you've done half the work. In statistical terms, the standard "A-F" scale is an "ordinal" scale, which is good for organizing things from smallest to greatest when those things lack the mathematical properties required for computing anything more sophisticated than a median. I'm using a "ratio scale," which, because it has a true zero point and equal intervals between each scale point, can produce meaningful averages and ratios. The 0-4 scale on which your college grade point average is expressed is also a ratio scale, so this approach represents a better match between your course grade and your GPA.Incomplete grades are given rarely and only in extenuating circumstances. Page 56 of the MTSU Undergraduate Catalog states: The grade "I" indicates that the student has not completed all course requirements because of illness or other uncontrollable circumstances, especially those which occur toward the end of the term. Mere failure to make up work or turn in required work on time does not provide the basis for the grade of "I" unless extenuating circumstances noted above are present for reasons acceptable to the instructor. Please refer to the Undergraduate catalog for the full Incomplete Grade Policy.FeedbackI typically will post grades and assignment feedback within one week of the assignment's submission deadline. Feedback will appear in the "Feedback" area of your D2L grade report.

Academic Integrity/Misconduct

Please review the information on Academic Integrity and Misconduct. Academic integrity is a hallmark of Middle Tennessee State University. We expect students to complete academic exercises, i.e., assignments turned in for credit, that are original and appropriately credit all sources used.

Academic misconduct includes, but is not limited to:

Plagiarism: The adoption or reproduction of ideas, words, statements, images, or works of another person as one’s own without proper attribution. This includes self-plagiarism, which occurs when an author submits material or research from a previous academic exercise to satisfy the requirements of another exercise and uses it without proper citation of its reuse.

Cheating: Using or attempting to use unauthorized materials, information, or study aids in any academic exercise. This includes unapproved collaboration, which occurs when a student works with others on an academic exercise without the express permission of the professor. It also includes purchasing assignments or paying another person to complete a course for you.

Fabrication: Unauthorized falsification or invention of any information or citation in an academic exercise.

Going online and using information without proper citation, copying parts of other students’ work, creating information to establish credibility, or using someone else’s thoughts or ideas without appropriate acknowledgment is academic misconduct. If you have a question about an assignment, please ask me to clarify. All cases of academic misconduct will be reported to the Director of Student Academic Ethics and may result in failure on the test/assignment or for the course.

When students participate in behavior that is considered to be academic misconduct, the value of their education and that of their classmates is lessened, and their academic careers are jeopardized.

Students guilty of academic misconduct are immediately responsible to the instructor of the class. In addition to other possible disciplinary sanctions (including expulsion from the university), which may be imposed through the regular institutional procedures as a result of academic misconduct, the instructor has the authority to assign an “F” or zero for an activity or to assign an “F” for the course. Students guilty of plagiarism will be immediately reported to the Director of Student Academic Ethics.

Student Resources

Frequently Used Student Resources

Technical Support

Students who experience problems logging into their course, timing out of their course, using the course web site tools or experience other technical problems, should be encouraged to contact the MTSU Help Desk online (24/7) or at 1-615/898-5345.

Students with Disabilities

Middle Tennessee State University is committed to campus access in accordance with Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act and Section 504 of the Vocational Rehabilitation Act of 1973. Any student interested in reasonable accommodations can consult the Disability & Access Center (DAC) website and/or contact the DAC for assistance at 615-898-2783 or [email protected].

Tutoring

You may list tutoring resources such as University Computer Labs, Smarthinking, and the University Writing Center. Other tutoring resources are available on the Student Support website.

Hope (Lottery) Scholarship Information

Do you have a lottery scholarship? To retain the Tennessee Education Lottery Scholarship eligibility, you must earn a cumulative TELS GPA of 2.75 after 24 and 48 attempted hours and a cumulative TELS GPA of 3.0 thereafter. A grade of C, D, F, FA, or I in this class may negatively impact TELS eligibility.

If you drop this class, withdraw, or if you stop attending this class you may lose eligibility for your lottery scholarship, and you may not be able to regain eligibility at a later time.

For additional Lottery rules, please refer to your Lottery Statement of Understanding form or contact your MT One Stop Enrollment Counselor.

Grade Appeals

University Policy 313, Student Grade Appeals, provides an avenue for MTSU students to appeal a final course grade in cases in which the student alleges that unethical or unprofessional actions by the instructor and/or grading inequities improperly impacted the final grade.

0 notes

prettyxlittlexwriter · 7 years ago

Text

VDay Challenge Day 1 -Wreak Havoc

Day 1: Song by a female artist - Wreak Havoc by Skylar Grey

Rick Flag x OFC Kara

Lyrics in BOLD

Note: Hi guys! Here is my first submission for the #2018 Vday Challenge! It’s my first ever Rick Flag/DCU/Suicide Squad fic! There was a serious shortage of Rick Flag Fic and I hope to fix that. Enjoy! <3 Sarah

It was hot and dry and Rick Flag could feel the back of his neck already beginning to burn in the desert sun. He squinted his eyes against the swirling dust being kicked up by the landing helicopter. His sunglasses helped keep most of the grit out, but the nature of dust was that it managed to get literally everywhere.

The chopper touched down and the big doors slid open. Black stiletto heels and long, tanned legs appeared, followed by a tight pencil skirt stretched over muscular thighs tapering up to a narrow waist. The Colonel fought to keep his expression stoic and composed as the face of a ghost that had haunted him for years came into view. It was a face changed by time and mostly obscured by expensive aviator shades, but nonetheless, it was one he would have recognized anywhere. Kara Stone, owner and CEO of Blackstone Security crossed the landing pad towards him as if she owned the place.

“A little overdressed?” he drawled dryly. He imagined her rolling her eyes behind her dark glasses.

“I wasn’t exactly given the chance to change,” she bit back, her voice sharp and laced with ice. “So did I get to know the reason behind my abduction?” She asked as she pushed her fitted black blazer open, planting her hands on her hips and Flag caught a glimpse of a shoulder holster and the butt of a small Glock 26.

“You weren’t abducted ma’am,” he said, not even trying to hide his smirk now. “Your presence was simply requested without the option for you to decline.”

“Don’t fucking give me that ‘ma’am’ shit, Flag,” she swore, causing Rick to raise an eyebrow. “I’m sure you didn’t drag me halfway across the globe for a happy reunion. You want to talk? Let’s talk.”

“Follow me,” he said, turning and heading for the tallest building on the base. “And, uh, watch out for scorpions. Those shoes don’t offer a lot in the way of protection…” Muttering under her breath, Kara stalked after Flag, not bothering to look for any god damn scorpions. They cut a path through several green tents, past rows of HumVees and Jeeps and a few small one story out buildings. Flag pushed open the door and a blast of AC washed over them. They both removed their sunglasses as they proceeded wordlessly down a long hall. Rick finally stopped near the end and opened the door and allowing her to enter first. Kara did a quick assessment of what appeared to be a conference room. Large oval table surrounded by twelve black leather chairs. A small projector in the center of the table sat next to a round conference phone. At the front of the room was a white screen and a smartly dressed African American woman with her hands folded in front of her, her lips pressed into a hard line.

“Kara Stone, meet Amanda Waller,” Flag said and the woman nodded by way of greeting.

“Ms. Stone,” Amanda said, smiling though it didn’t reach her eyes. “Please have a seat.” As Kara sank down into the chair, Amanda opened a manila folder on the table in front of her. “Thank you for coming.”

“As I mentioned to the Colonel, it didn’t appear as if I had a choice,” Kara replied tersely.

“Tell me, Ms. Stone. How does a decorated graduate from West Point rise up through the ranks to a First Sergeant in the United States Army only to be dishonorably discharged with an otherwise spotless record?” Rick’s stomach rolled slightly and a small muscle in his jaw twitched.

“The US Army doesn’t really like to give second chances to fuck ups, Ms. Waller,” Kara said matter-of-factly.

“Even when those fuck ups are the daughter of a Two Star General?” Waller countered.

“Especially when, ma’am,” Kara answered and Flag could detect a shift in her voice. He was sure Waller caught it to.

“He died shortly after you were court-martialed, did he not?” The older woman asked. Rick swallowed down a hard lump in his throat and did his best to look anywhere except at Kara.

“He did. Heart attack,” she answered quietly.

“I was sorry to hear that,” Flag said aloud, the words out of his mouth before he realized they were being spoken. Kara’s eyes flew to his and she nodded her thanks.

“You could have Googled all of this,” Kara said, leaning forward and resting her elbows on the big conference table. “Why am I really here?”

“Your firm holds the security contract for Cadmus Laboratories. We need to infiltrate a their secret location and destroy all the research and…. experiments there.” Waller said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Ms. Waller,” Kara said, a wry smile forming on her lips. “As you’ve said, my frim controls the security of Cadmus and as such we are responsible for protecting against infiltration and destruction.”

“We’ll pay you three times what Cadmus is paying,” Waller offered.

“But even that won’t cover the cost of all the business I stand to lose after failing to protect such a high profile client.”

“Aren’t mercenaries in high demand right now?” Flag interjected. “Isn’t there some third world dictator that needs his assets protected?” Amanda Waller shot him a look that could kill and he clamped his mouth shut again.

“Mercenary is such an ugly word,” Kara said, her lip curling up at Flag. “We’re a private security firm. And the answer is no. I make no apologies. All of my sins I would repeat and I repeat. I’ve worked hard to get where I am, in spite of my tarnished military service record. I’ve built an elite force and we have the top contracts.”

“The US Military has the top contracts,” Flag bit out. “You get the dirty shit they won’t touch.”

“Colonel Flag!” Amanda reprimanded and once again, Rick grew silent. “Ms. Stone, we are not in the habit of asking nicely, but because of your… history with the Colonel here, I am going to make my offer just once more.”

“My history with your associate should have no bearing on this matter,” Kara said, standing to leave, “The answer is still no.”

“That’s too bad,” Amanda said, beginning to pace and for the third time today, Rick stomach felt ill and he mentally braced himself for what came next. “Your father was a great man. Sparkling service record, two time Medal of Honor recipient. He has library named after him in your hometown, doesn’t he?” Kara froze, staring down Waller with a deadly gaze. She didn’t answer. “It was a shame when all those women began to come forward with allegations of sexual misconduct. A few men, too, if I’m not mistaken…”

“Fuck you,” Kara spat. “My father was an incredible man, an incredible leader. His men and women loved him.”

“I know that,” Amanda said, her tone full of mock kindness. “You know that. Hell, even Flag knows that… but I have found that I can get pretty much anyone to say anything… for the right price. They’ll even throw in some tears to make it extra convincing. I wonder if they would have to rename the library. I wonder what your mother would think? A woman her age… you really have to worry about her heart just… giving out.” Kara sank down slowly back into her chair, her chest rising and falling with deep, agitated breaths.

“You know,” she said after a few moments, “I have a file on you, too. A.R.G.U.S? The Suicide Squad? The shit in Midway City?” Amanda looked impressed for a moment.

“Rumors,” she said with a shrug.

“Perhaps,” Kara said, rocking back in her chair. “If I do this, I want the money and I want my father’s reputation intact. Maybe even an posthumous star awarded.”

“Fine. Done,” Waller said, reaching for the file on Kara and shoving it back into her briefcase.

“And I want in on all the intel,” Kara said, standing and pressing her palms flat on the table top. “I will not be kept in the dark.”

“Fine,” Waller said again as she crossed the room to leave. “Rick will accompany you back to New York. He will brief you on the situation and you two can come up with a plan of attack. Task Force X is also at your disposal.”

“Task Force X?” Kara asked, but Waller was gone, the door shutting quietly behind her. Rick listened for the sound of her heels to disappear in the hallway outside before letting out the breath he’d been holding.

“Kara, listen…” he started.

“Fuck you,” Kara said, her voice wavering in anger. “Fuck you for everything.”

“It’s better this way,” Flag offered. “Trust me.”

“He loved you like a son,” she said, quietly. “He’d drop dead all over again to see what you’ve become.” Her comment cut him deep, though he didn’t allow his pain to show outwardly. He nodded and said nothing. More than one time he’d found himself in a difficult situation and tried to think of how General Stone would handle it. He wondered now what the great man would think of the business his daughter was conducting. He wondered if she ever asked herself that very question. She took a deep breath, one last attempt at composing herself and it seemed to work. Standing, she smoothed down her shirt and buttoned her blazer in front of her. “I assume you don’t need to pack?”

“My bag’s on the chopper,” he said, reaching for the door handle and pushing the door open for her. Kara brushed past him, long legs carrying her quickly back towards the exit. Rick followed after her but just before she reached the double doors, she spun on him and he had to stop short to avoid crashing into her.

“I know that you hate that you need me, you wanna destroy me but you can’t,” she seethed, eyes blazing with fury. “Tell me, Flag, what’s your weakness? Who is your pressure point?”

“At the moment,” he said, trying to keep his voice even as an image of June Moone flashed in his mind, “I am without one. I’ve discovered it’s better this way.”

“Lucky you,” Kara spat out before turning and pushing her way back out into the suffocating desert heat. Rick forced himself to follow, thinking that lately, he’d felt anything but lucky.

To be continued.................................................................

#2018 vday challenge #Rick Flag #rick flag x ofc #Colonel Rick Flag #Suicide Squad #DCU #Rick Flag Fan Fiction #Rick Flag fan fic

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thoughtsandeverythingelse · 4 years ago

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hmm

honestly i didnt see a point in writing this, but i think since it has been on my mind, perhaps it will be good to note down what i am feeling.

the idea of struggling to receive love has been so evidently lately, and it’s been bugging me to understand why it has been so hard. is it because my birthday is coming up - that i am forcing myself to think that i should have no expectations? is it because love has been a lot clearer, a lot more evident lately? that i am able to spot what i like, what i dislike lately? i struggle because i see people trying to love me, but at the very end i am realising parts of love that i truly delight, and parts of love that i find hard to receive. hard to receive can be interpreted in two ways: that i truly dont like the way you are loving me because i dont feel loved by your act (even though it has great intentions), or that i just genuinely think your love is so great that i totally dont deserve it.

perhaps thats what i feel with certain things; like the way a friend chooses to buy me a gift (ok to be fair, i hinted that i wanted it and i knew he would get it) but also just the very fact that he chose to get it for me. i feel like i dont deserve that, but yet again, i am not sure why. this probably emphasises that fact that why is it then i am okay with receiving God’s love? why is it that i dont feel the need to ‘make it up’ to Him? okay perhaps i feel like i do, which is why a part of me feels that this life isnt mine, and that i only have to live for Him. i am writing this post also because earlier i had a (very enjoyable) long call with a boy. it has been a while, and it is ironic because i just told myself last night ‘okay i will not want to text him anymore’. but tonight i received my results for a paper that i wrote, a paper that i truly struggled with (literally, when i freaked out 30mins before a submission) and by some strange chance, he was a part of that process. so i thought that it would be nice, that he could be a part of this process of me receiving my grades too. i mean, he was there from the beginning, i dont see why not that i cant include him in this process too. but a part of me knows that perhaps i have ill intentions. that i wanted to talk to him bc i wanted attention, that i wanted to hear him, that i wanted to tell him everything.

you see, a while ago he had his driving test. strange enough, nobody knew about it. not many i guess, im not sure who he told to and who he didnt. but i only knew i was one of the privileged few that knew.

i bought something for him - and even though i thought i resolved it, till this day, i am still questioning a tad big of my intentions.

i bought him a P plate. it has been on my mind for a while, googled it, searched it up, asked around, everything. i dont mean to be calculative, but i find myself calculating my efforts in case my intentions were ill. i told myself that i wanted to do it because ‘i wanted to love him’. i truly did though, but at the same time, did i want to love him because i wanted him to love me back? did i want to love him because i want to show him that i am capable of loving this way? i feel so sick that i have to question my intentions all the time, and it has been getting so tiring. but at the same time, i see its necessity. if i dont, i might fall hard. i might not guard my heart, and i might end up feeling hurt. all self-incurred, yea? i wanted to thank him for believing in me. even when i didnt myself. and i wanted do the same for him. you see, i am not the best at giving gifts. i feel honestly, i am terrible at it. very terrible. but i saw this as an opportunity. that this could be a chance where i could learn to give gifts, as a form of my appreciation to love him. but with emotions in play, i am worried about my intentions. i honestly thought about it for a very very long time. i had many instances where i wanted to bring it up with him. even talking about it tonight, i need to process it. i wanted to tell him right after his exam. but he failed, he was emotional - i didnt want to hurt him and make him feel like a failure, like a slap in the face, yknow? we talked a few days later after my dinner. he told me he knew why he was upset, but he didnt tell me why he was upset. i understood. i wanted to give him space. because of that, i decided that it wasnt a good time too. tonight, he shared with me what he truly felt. why he felt like failing the driving test was a horrible thing. he said that its because it made him feel less like a man. i dont think i can make him feel like a man. but in that moment, i felt like i really just wanted to encourage him, with the (simple) act of love, the least i could do. the thing is, we’re meeting again this weekend, and potentially going over to his house after the meeting. it was as if i thought about everything, like okay maybe by some sheer luck, i’d meet him at the bus stop. then i’d sneak it to him secretly (by putting it into his bag), or just passing it to him, with no explanations (which honestly isnt something i wanted to do, i wanted to explain my intentions, and why i did it - perhaps to prevent him from feeling like i gave him a slap in the face). since we were going to his house, i thought about it. perhaps i’d sneak it in his room, in his study table. then we leave, i’d tell him to check it there. i wanted to make sure this plan was good, so that nobody would have the chance to ask him about it, so that he wouldnt have to bring it up. the last thing i want, is for him to feel like i exposed him about his failure to everyone, yknow? i thought about it all. but yet tonight - felt intimate. it felt like the right time. perhaps, a part of me just couldnt wait, so i did it.

i mean yea clearly he liked it. he said that it was sweet, and he thanked me for it. but the more we spoke, the more i felt like okay perhaps this guy isnt interested in me. that really, i am not the one for him. funny how - i tell God that i have to let this go into His arms, but here am i trying to control every move. funny, isnt it?

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sincerely-chaos · 8 years ago

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Inconsequential, part XVII (ficlet) - ‘method acting’

John is restless.

His footsteps, as he paces out to the kitchen, speak of a slight tendency towards limping, which will frequently occur when he's unsettled by something.

What must it be like, Sherlock wonders with his fingers pressed together beneath his chin, to have your mental state written out in every step you take, your body betraying your mind in the most palpable way?

Devastating, most likely.

Which is why Sherlock has never showed either sympathy or pity, much less consideration, in regards to this quirk of John's psyche.

There hasn't been a case for over a week - at least not for John, who was working when Sherlock solved the disappointing five that had at first seemed like a seven - and John is starting to truly despise his job at the clinic for all that it reminds him of just how far from his previous adrenaline-filled use of his skills he's ended up.

On top of that, John seems to be somewhat unsettled by his and Sherlock's last… encounter.

Apparently, Sherlock isn't the only one who found his own unpredictable limits slightly troublesome. Judging by the way that John hasn't even hinted at wanted… that in over a week, John doesn't know what to make of what had happened, and perhaps that'd been enough to discourage him from any further ill-advised experiments with--

But no. That isn't it, regardless of what Sherlock's own disgusting self-pity would like to suggest.

John wants.

John might be harder to read in this regard than Sherlock had anticipated, but the conflicted look on his face whenever Sherlock is either acting in a way that John finds frustrating or displaying fragments of what could be seen as vaguely… submissive gestures is not hard to read.

He wants, but currently, the reasons not to weigh heavier than his… want.

As John returns into the sitting room, frowning as he glances at the stack of journals he'd planned to start working his way through but now feel too disgruntled about his medical career to even consider, Sherlock decides that it's time to tip that scale.

It's a strangely satisfying thought, being able to simply do so.

Sherlock knows psychology the way a prey knows the way to avoid the predator.

There'd been forms and interviews - mostly with his parents, at first, seeing how Sherlock himself wasn't a particularly willing source of information - and there'd been patterns to the questions asked, patterns which Sherlock observed and pieced together with some help of a textbook on child psychiatry in his school's library after hours.

He was a “difficult case”. Initially due to his intellect allowing him to “compensate” for some of the symptoms, according to one doctor, and later due to the fact that he began “cooperating”, which in his case meant that he distributed various false leads, pointing to a multitude of different diagnoses, making the doctors feel they might be onto something only to suddenly shift tracks and make them think that another trail might be what they'd been missing previously.

The game ended once Mycroft heard his parents discuss the problem of the doctors’ widely varying preliminary diagnoses in their kitchen, once when he was home over the holidays, and instantly realised what Sherlock was up to.

At that time, Sherlock had already made an educated guess as to wherein his problems lay, albeit no diagnose fitted him perfectly, which was both reassuring and unsettling, because Sherlock wanted things to make sense and facts to fit.

In the end, his parents must have realised that if the medical professionals were fooled by their son already at the diagnostic stage, they were unlikely to manage to figure out a way to get as far as figuring out a way to make life any easier for him. The project was abandoned, and the whole debacle only served to teach Sherlock that distraction, obfuscation, confusion as well as being one step ahead were effective means to prevent anyone from digging too deep into things he did not want them to unravel.

As he grew up, it soon became clear that he needn't go to so much trouble most of the time; his vile temper and sharp tongue was more than enough to keep most people at a distance that would prevent them from even trying.

At least, it worked for well over a decade.

“You're better at deducing people's… inclinations than their motives for murder.”

John doesn't stop in his track, just lifts his eyebrows a bit as he continues towards his chair, a plate with a sandwich on in his hand.

“Well, deducing the motive behind any murderous attempt directed at you personally would probably be--” John starts, but Sherlock interrupts him before that so-called joke is finished.

“You find me frustrating.”

John snorts, but it's a far cry from his usual bickering face, his shoulders tense and the past few days of increased psychosomatic pain taking its toll.

“That would be putting it mildly, yeah.”

Sherlock rolls his eyes, knowing that John will often smile at this gesture when he thinks Sherlock can't see it. Frustratingly, John seems to find his ‘dramatics’... ‘endearing’ .

(‘Never one to hide your… eccentricity, are you, brother mine?’ Mycroft’s teasing voice echoes in his head, but for once, Mycroft’s insinuations might be something Sherlock can use for his own purposes. His purpose being very much related to what Mycroft had implied.)

“Have you always felt inclined to relieve that frustration by hurting me, or did that start only once you deduced that I might not be opposed to such arrangement?”

Sherlock looks at John, sitting opposite of him, his sandwich untouched on the side-table next to him, balanced on a stack of paper. A minute frown, then his face is once again unreadable.

“I'm not--”

“...punishing me for being ‘an arse’. Noted.”

John sighs heavily, rubs his face.

“Sherlock, if you think that this is about--”

“You're purposely misunderstanding me,” Sherlock accuses, and his frustration is not an act this time. “You don't hurt me because I'm frustrating, but when I am acting in a way that you deem ‘frustrating’, you find it satisfying to think about how I will willingly let you hurt me, let you humiliate me, later. It's quite the thrill, isn't it? Knowing that you're not just someone who follows the sociopathic freak, like people think, but knowing that you are the one who gets to bend him to your will and hold him there, making him want to submit to you.”

Sherlock's voice is deliberate and low, the comfort of hiding behind a deduction about John making the truths about himself easier to voice.

“You're not a sociopathic freak,” John says slowly, as if having had the air knocked out of him.

It's almost too easy, and yet, it's not.

“You don't object to any of the rest of it, then?” Sherlock says, trying not to look too pleased as his words clearly had the intended effect; confirming part of John's motivation and also making John feel a bit... protective on Sherlock's behalf.

(‘So loyal so fast, your little… friend,’ Mycroft had said with his mock-innocent face and a nauseating smile after the first few weeks of their cohabitation.)

“You're not a sociopath, or a freak,” John insists with his jaw stubbornly sticking out, ignoring Sherlock's rhetorical question.

A solider, loyal and with a strong moral principle.

The moral principle was often a bit of a bother, but the other two were... an advantage.

“Arguable, but beside the point,” Sherlock says as to wave John's words off, then continuing. “Given what you now know about my… inclinations I thought you might find the term ‘freak’ somewhat more fitting than you used to.”

The expression in John's face is everything Sherlock had hoped for.

Disbelief, anger, a hint of something akin to sadness and then… determination.

“What on Earth makes you think that I-- God, Sherlock, I--”

Something in the earnestness of John's entire reaction, in the repulsion he displays at the thought of what Sherlock implied, makes something almost warm settle beneath Sherlock's skin, and the sensation is not unlike that he had experienced when he had looked around the police cars and ambulances outside the school where the cabbie had been shot, only to see a short little man with a deceivingly innocent look stand with his hands in his pocket and survey the crime scene as if he had no idea what had happened.

“You're uncomfortable with the fact that you like hurting me, as this is not something you've ever done or wanted to do before, at least not consciously, and it doesn't fit your mental image of who you are. Trust me, it fits you very well from an outside point of view. You like giving people what they need, and this is what I need. You also have latent dominant tendencies which you have only ever allowed yourself to express, in appropriate ways, during your military career, but which you otherwise try to repress, seeing as you don't want to be ‘that kind of bloke’, especially when it comes to women. I bet a few of your lady friends would have been intrigued, but you'd hated it, because it would have reminded you of your uncle. I, on the other hand, am - and I quote - ‘an arrogant arse’, and am not likely to agree to anything I don't really want, and the ‘arrogant arse’ part does make it all the sweeter, doesn't it? To answer your question; since you're not comfortable with what you want, it's not a very difficult deduction that you find my inclinations to be abnormal just like you find your own interest in the activities to be so.”

It's rattled off as a deduction, and in way, it is one. It's just that it's a carefully worded deduction thrown out as haphazardly as if had been about John's latest flu patient on the clinic.

An act. Method acting, an aquired skill.

Sherlock picks up his phone from his pocket and starts typing. He's typing random Google searches, mostly aiming for effect. In the chair opposite of his, John stares and slowly rubs at the bridge of his nose.

Performing a faked nonchalance that he knows John will see through, displaying something troubling but true beneath, pretending that he is oblivious to John seeing through him. It's a strange act, in which highlighting the truth is the objective rather than obscuring it. And yet.

And yet, it's an act, because it's measured and planned, calculated to make John feel like he's glimpsed something Sherlock had attempted to hide or tried to repress.

In the beginning, Sherlock had been just as inexpert in understanding others' reactions as he still sometimes pretend to be. It has proved useful over and over again, people assuming that he doesn't pick up on such things, and more over, it serves to obscure the fact that he often does, but can't always interpret what he picks up.

“That's not-- Christ, Sherlock.”

John groans, drops his hand from his face and absently massages the - psychosomatic - pain in his thigh.

“Oh, I don't fret about it. Just get over whatever stupid moral objections you have towards subjecting me to pain and degradation and get on with it,” Sherlock says without looking up from his phone.

His random Google searches must have been less random than he thought, given that he's looking at a list of results for ‘non-sexual submission’.

With a sigh, Sherlock opens up a new tab and tries to think about anything case-related to Google.

“What about you?” John says just as the silence begins to settle between them.

Sherlock looks up, searching John's face for any underlying meaning.

“You said I'm better at deducing inclinations than motives for murder, but I'm still not sure about your motive for wanting… this,” John clarifies, his voice measured and calm.

“Oh, that's far less complicated than in your case," Sherlock says, suddenly feeling compelled towards a cheerful honesty.

“Oh?”

“I'm a sensation seeker, you already know that. Pain is sensation. Pain administred by someone else is slightly less predictable sensation. You do the math,” he offers, finding that he doesn't even have to act to get that truth out just as blasé and nonchalant as it feels.

“Sensation seeker?” John echoes. “You really expect me to believe that anything that concerns you is that simple and straightforward?”

“I'm an - sober - addict. I solve crime to get a kick, just like you. My brain rots in absence of stimulation. How much more reason do I need?”

“You could get that stimulation anywhere, and with far more skill and less complications.”

Sherlock takes a breath, reviewing his options.

He could jump straight to the issue; ask John what he thinks that means, but he won't, because there are words he'd prefer not to have any of them voice. He could bite back, pinning this on John needing to feel special and telling him it's only about efficiency, which in part, it is. He could also-- no.

“Don't flatter yourself, John. Being gay is not the same thing as being desperate to be fucked by anything with a penis and a pulse.”

The words seem to have the intended effect; John’s mouth falls open for just a second, and then he shuts it again, clearly deeply uncomfortable.

“I didn't--”

“Good, continue not to make that mistake, then.”

In the silence that settles before John clears his throat and returns to the kitchen, seemingly having forgotten about his sandwich, Sherlock rationalises his own utilisation of John's discomfort with the subject, seeing how it efficiently ended the conversation and additionally might prevent any further inquiries about his own motivations.

For once, there's not much more to it than what Sherlock's already disclosed.

Conditioned, sexual response to certain kinds of pain and a vague and rather objectifying sexual attraction to John's more dominant behaviours notwithstanding, sensation is his main motivation.

It crawls under his skin as he sits there, waiting for whatever crisis John's currently having to settle and for this conversation to - hopefully - tip the scales in his direction.

It's not even the pain he desperately needs, at this point.

Which, in turn, is more than a bit unsettling.

(Earlier parts live on ao3 - and also, @brilliantlyburning wondered about John’s motivations; here’s my - or Sherlock’s? - take on it)

#inconsequential #sherlock #ficlet #d/s undertones #though they're not really undertones anymore are they?#I'm not sure what counts as undertones #nuances of such things have never been my strong suit #anyway I have no other explaination for this than the fact that this is my personal sandbox and I have a great time #also today's seven hour train journey with constant interruptions made writing easier than reading

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yungrudd · 8 years ago

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“The PhilosoFIEND” ::: (FAQS)

Yung Rudd presents... The PhilosoFIEND

1. What is “The PhilosoFIEND”?

The Philosofiend, in a nutshell, is a philosophy-driven blog that delves into the mind and musings of me, Trinbagonian artiste and writer, Yung Rudd.

All blog posts will be curated at this link: http://thephilosofiend.tumblr.com

2. What inspired you to do this blog?

Well I’ve always been a fan of writing, and I spend a lot of days researching, and interpreting information. I’m also a well-traveled guy, and I’ve lived in several countries which has shaped my mind a lot. I have, in my opinion, a lot of objective world views, a futurist mindset and a history of helping people for the better, so I just wished to continue that trend in a world full of ills, misinformation and largely unfounded opinions.

3. What kind of topics do you plan to cover on The PhilosoFIEND?

It will be an array of topics, ranging from everyday questions of human life, to socio-economic issues, belief systems, psychedelics, science and education. I’ll also be sharing quotes, videos and articles from my favourite philosophers, scientists and social figures, and taking suggestions from readers on what topics they’d like to see me cover.

I’ll also from time to time be sharing psychedelic and mood music on my blog to put readers in a mood when digesting my words.

4. What do you plan to achieve with The PhilosoFIEND?

My desire is simple: to help people by educating them and giving some well rounded information and POVs. I hope to give some new and refreshing perspective on topics that may be tainted by norms and cultures, or even open peoples’ eyes to things they’ve never thought about or been exposed to.

I’d also love to reinforce the ideas of people out there who may have similar views but not necessarily have it represented in their social groups or in a figurehead.

All in all, I just want to help the world for the better.

5. What do you think will set this blog apart from any other one of its kind?

Just the fact it is me who is writing it, sets it apart already. While a lot of the things I may cover may not be profound or unheard of, a lot of it is not a norm or is unknown by many other people. All I want to do is educate and enlighten, and hopefully I can do so in a way that makes this blog popular and desirable.

If it’s one thing that I plan for this blog to stress on, is using dictionary defined words to avoid confusion of folks who either have a slang-based or cultural understanding of the words and concepts I’ll be covering as opposed to the official definition. At the start of every blog, I’ll be defining the topic using Google definitions in image form, and as the blog goes on, I will hyperlink the definition of words that I believe can confuse people based on cultural and/or slang influence.

6. Are you open to criticism, discourse and other opinions?

Very. It is my openness to all of the above, coupled with a dedication to truth, facts, honesty and objectivity that I think has really shaped a lot of my perspectives.

On all posts, I’ll leave the “reply” option open on my Tumblr, as well as leaving open the “Ask” button for challenges and other questions, and the “Submission” button for new topics, and even longer challenges that can’t fit into the “Ask” tab. All history of discourse will be found right here. I also encourage folks who see this on Facebook to leave comments underneath the post itself if you are not a member or user of Tumblr.

I want to stress however, that while I’ll be open to opposing ideas and willing to respond to them, I’ll generally refrain from paying much attention and respect to overly subjective and/or unfounded/unsupported points of view. I’ve linked the dictionary definitions to all those words as well, so that there is no confusion as to what I mean.

7. How often will The PhilosoFIEND be updated?

The personal writings and musings will be either fortnightly, or monthly. The blog will probably updated daily with at least one quote and/or video, article or song.

I’ll also be responding to challenges and suggestions of past blogs inbetween the postings as often as I possibly can.

8. Is it just going to be in written form?

For now, the main blog posts will be written. However, I definitely would like to start doing some, if not all the posts in visual form as well, since that is a very effective way for people to digest the information I have as well, both time wise and appealing to all senses.

I plan to respond to some of the criticisms and questions with videos as well, especially if they are plentiful and/or repetitive. Once my cameraman has time as he’s currently busy with other work, more and more of the blog will be put into visual form.

But make no mistake - even if I do visuals, I will always do the written posts as well. I love to write and part of me hopes that it’s well rounded, and supported enough to maybe even used as academia one day.

That’s all folks! Thanks for reading and supporting The PhilosoFIEND!

Peace & Love

#the philosofiend #philosofiend #faqs #philosophy #trinidad #tobago #trinidad and tobago #rudder #isaac rudder #isaac foderingham-rudder #blog

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tarafinalmajorproject · 5 years ago

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Final Evaluation:

As I sit here in lockdown it’s hard to believe what life was like at the start of this year when we first began this module, being in University and not knowing what was about to come ahead of us. I started the year on a rocky start as a result of my hospital visit on the final week of the previous semester, still being ill and not sure when I was going to recover made me worried and anxious about how this semester would plan out and whether I’d manage to the best of my ability like I usually would. I came up with a proposal, one in which would be a pocket assistant for those suffering from chronic illness. I knew there was scope to this proposal, however the scope would quickly run out because healthcare is something in which I have previously worked on in Level 5 and therefore basically already knew the answer to the problem before even starting it.

I had a week or so going back and forward with myself, thinking of different concepts and ideas in which I could base my final project on however none seemed to be that challenging of a problem for me. I had the solution already just from thinking of the idea, I was coming up with ideas and problems which were built on already thought out solutions. It’s important to note the timing of this semester whereby the COVID-19 pandemic was already well established within China and all travel to and from there was suspended from the University. This is when Mark came to me with a real life problem, how can teaching be conducted when the teachers are unable to go across to China to give their lectures, and more so, how will this plan out for students in which are already within the UK. This problem basically meant that half the students were in China which has a time difference of around 7 hours to the UK and the other half were here in the UK. Meaning lectures were near enough impossible to plan out where everyone was free to join.

This however, wasn’t the only problem within this project it was infact one of many as the pandemic began rapidly spreading within the UK making situations here at home very different to what it was when we first returned to University. This created a lot of uncertainty to everyone as to how this would eventually plan out before the inevitable did eventually happen in March when the UK declared a lockdown. This not only meant that not only all UK learning moved remotely, but also meant that the students in which I was working with within this brief were now either stranded, trying to get home when flights were being cancelled across the board and then the ones who eventually did make it home had to go into quarantine in hotels or hospitals set up by the Chinese governments. This created greater restraint now in terms of teaching group lectures as the UK classes were split into two with the 7 hour time difference but there was also probably a bigger more stressful problem for these students who were unable to get home, stressing about finding flights and them being cancelled all to be put in complete isolation when they do eventually reach home.

Another problem was the restraints in technology, the Great Firewall of China created various barriers in terms of what services students could access to for remote learning. The current form of communications across all students and lecturers was WeChat as all had access to it and there was the ability for calling, sharing files and communications within it. However, this in itself had its constraints. It was perfect for out of hours communications and sharing however for full remote learning many felt that it wasn’t the best platform. For example when someone does share a file within a group chat, this doesn’t go in a folder or anything, if they want to access it again they have to scroll up the whole chat in order to find it. WeChat however does have mini programs which are essentially apps within an app and includes ones such as WeDrive (similar to Google Drive) Tencent Meeting (used as the video calling service) and WeDoc (which is essentially Microsoft Word). Moreover, it wasn’t as simple as just finding another service in which has everything all in one place and allows lecturers to regain some control, this was because of the Great Firewall where there’s strict regulations as to what people within China can access via the internet. Therefore the solution had to be one in which didn’t require a VPN for students to access.

Another example of problems within this is the internet and WIFI restraints within China, they do not have access to high fibre WIFI and that meant that having video links wasn’t going to be easy due to the slower internet speeds which has the potential to cause lags, connection problems and disconnections which on a whole can make the process of remote learning more stressful and time consuming as to what it would be if it was face-to-face learning.

I feel I could list the problems in which I had to have in mind when finding a solution to this problem so I feel the best way to show them is to summarise below:

The Great Firewall of China and it’s restraints on what can be accessed by Chinese students and what could be created within these guidelines.

WIFI restraints within China meaning poorer connections.

Different whereabouts of students at different stages of the lockdown.

Time differences between the UK and China.

The effects of lockdown on students.

Cultural expectations and differences between countries.

The blur between professional and personal life which has been caused by the use of WeChat (many want this blur to be removed according to my primary research earlier in this blog).

Constraints of live lectures (having to screen share but the quality being in LQ so you cannot see the fine details of what lecturers are showing.

The inability to hand in work over WeChat and share feedback efficiently.

The inability to see attendance of who’s viewed pre-recorded lectures and content which has been uploaded.

My initial solution to the problem was to create a sub app to WeChat called WeLearn, this would essentially have all of the features in which both lecturers and students want such as submissions, attendance, shared file folders, announcements etc and putting them all within one app. I wanted to follow the theory of least astonishment when creating this and keep it within the WeChat family and therefore have a familiar feel and look as the app so many are used to, whilst also being an easy route into making sure the application would follow the firewall of China guidelines. The app would bring in not only professional communication communications which would be set apart from personal, but also be a outlet for submissions and feedback, meetings and lectures and a file portal all within the same app. This would hopefully minimise the amount of applications both students and lecturers are having to use in order to teach and learn effectively.

However when researching more about the topic area before I created this application I came across an app called WeChat Work, which essentially was the same principle as what I was aiming for within WeLearn. I therefore felt it was best here to change my strategy slightly as to reinventing a whole new application based on the same foundations as WeChat and rebrand the user journey of the already existing WeChat Work. This meant that I had to conduct detailed backwards engineering of the application to see how it works, what features it has within it and what if any problems were there within it. On initial inspection I felt the user journey was very long winded and had a lot of features within it that education sectors wouldn’t necessarily need to function. Moreover, the languages within it went between Chinese to English and meant that I needed the help off Kris to translate these sections of the app for me.

Therefore as a solution I wanted to minimise the user journey of the application and I feel the best way in which I could do this would be to section off education sectors and professional sectors. It seems the app can be used for both of these and therefore the features aren’t used or needed by either or at some times. Therefore I feel it would be best to prompt the user to state which one they are and in turn the features and user journey would be tailored towards that. Moreover the UI of the application would be kept consistent and familiar to WeChat with only some changes to the navigation at the bottom of the app and the branding of it which would follow my initial WeLearn branding as per research suggested. I also as per communications with both lecturers and students decided to have the platform across both mobile and tablet/desktop. This would suit everyone’s needs and learning and teaching habits and therefore be fully accessible to all that is using it.

To summarise the project, I conducted a survey with some lecturers on how their experience has been within remote teaching and whether my project did actually hit some of the problems in which they may have had these last months. It was apparent that there was some problems present with remote learning surrounding areas such as attendance, network signal and time differences. These are all something In which I already had assumptions of problems in which could be created by remote learning when I was coming up with a solution, therefore it is somewhat a relief to see they actually are and are something in which my solution could hopefully help relieve.

I really enjoyed this module and the live brief I had the opportunity to work on, I feel it really made me open up on research and problem solving and therefore I can see some clear improvements within my work more so than I would have if I’d have stuck with my initial proposal.

As this is my last module before finishing 3rd Year and this degree I’d also like the opportunity of this evaluation to thank Mark for all his help and support these last 3 years. He’s always been there to help whenever needed and really made University and unforgettable experience. Looking back now on my briefs I can see how much I have actually improved over the years and I really do feel it’s down to him and his help. I feel I am now set for the future of whatever is held for me and I really hope I can still help out in any way on his courses when needed in the future. Thank you Mark.

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cowgirls021997universe-blog · 5 years ago

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The Thighgap Obsession and Facts about in Media today and helpful solutions to this “Epidemic.”

In regard to the growing influence of social media around our youth, the media has started to dictate how our kids and teenagers should look. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr are great examples of advertising this obsession: The thigh gap. What is a thigh gap? Well according to the article “New Teen Obsession,” the thigh gap is characterized as “clear space between the [upper] thighs when a girl is standing with her knees together. Girls now captivated by this shocking trend, girls are pressured into excessive weight loss through eating disorders, much like anorexia and bulimia. To execute this problem social media needs to limit or none the less stop promoting these extreme body images, also there has to be a combined effort of the public and the media to lessen the effect of these body issues.

What is anorexia? According to WebMD “Anorexia affects both the body and the mind. It may start as dieting, but it gets out of control. You think about food, dieting, and weight all the time. You have a distorted body image. Other people say you are too thin, but when you look in the mirror, you see your body as overweight. Anorexia affects both the body and the mind. It may start as dieting, but it gets out of control. You think about food, dieting, and weight all the time. You have a distorted body image. Other people say you are too thin, but when you look in the mirror, you see your body as overweight.” This is not just a social media fad, it has become somewhat of a disease, a disease fueled by the realm of social media. This trend of eating disorders is another way of achieving the thigh gap.

Historically the image of women hasn’t always been skinny, according to BuzzFeeds video, of depicting women’ s ideal body types throughout history(Buzz) contradicts this very trend of anorexia and the thigh gap, starting from the BC ages in Egypt and China’s health look with small wastes and wide hips, to the Victorian eras of Rome, Greece, and England, sporting the plump robust woman, of wealth, and youth, but in the last decades around the 1960’s women no longer wanted to look plump and curvy like Marylin Monroe, but more thin and sickly, in the 1990’s the thinspo sicklook was all the rage, and this look has spilled over to the 2000s with the introduction to social media, and model body types, though we have plus size models like Adele, for example, little girls as young as six watch television shows with skinny mini teenage girls, and this just escalates until their old enough to be online and this trend is fire and has been popular for the last 10 years, and even on magazine covers you see models who are all airbrushes and boney, but is this healthy? Of course not, but because society accepts it, people think it is. In that sense anorexia is ok.

Though girls aspire to be thin, the thigh gap had pushed girls over the edge into achieving the slimmer figure in the wrong way. According to Angela Guarda; and associate professor at the John Hopkins School of Medicine explained that she had noticed that now even “YouTube videos [are promoting] how to achieve a thigh gap.” Though the thigh gap is “risky and virtually impossible, [ some] exceptionally thin models have it, which is now held up as beautiful among countless Tumblr pages, and blogs, as well as other social media sites. And not even that but the thigh gap devotees “flood the zone with images of thigh gaps, bony [protruding hip and] collar bones, and confidence crushing messages disguised as “inspiring” quotes.”

For example, many girls see quotes like: “I want to be skinny,” or even outrageous ones like “Had a piece of toast today, but I’m not thin enough, I have to lose more weight…” Girls are going too far, resorting to advertisement and participation of this dangerous and outrageous standard of online beauty.

Why does anorexia affect girls more than the male demographic? “Given that eating disorders disproportionately affect women, it is not unreasonable to assume that men differ from women in clinical presentation, personality, and psychological characteristics. My guess would be that they differ. My reasoning is this: males and females grow up facing different pressures and expectations.” We as a society have always thought of men as a masculine buff more hefty figure, as where women are more glorified and feminine, this is the defined gender gap, that has reined high throughout the last couple of decades females are portraying themselves more submissive and weak in the media than before, and due to this gender gap it is just heightening the impact of the sick and helpless look anorexia advertises. But underneath the look, mental health accompanies by society is to blame. But some beg to differ that “One argument has been that because eating disorders are so rare in males, the nature of the illness must somehow be atypical in males. The second line of discussion has suggested that there must be something different about males who develop an eating disorder. For example, it has been suggested that a higher proportion of males with eating disorders might be homosexual.” But that brings us to the connection between the brain and gut.

According to the Anatomy of Anorexia, Levenkron states that “tragically anorexia has become a prominent amount he disorders of “choice” [as our national culture] differs.” (Levenkron 23) For example, little girls are starting to have feelings of “inferiority,” (Levenkron 29) and great low self-esteem. According to Sara a high school student previously resorted to anorexia, to achieve the thigh gap explained that she frequently visited sites glorifying the thigh gap, this pushed her to believe that what she was doing was perfectly normal. The sites offered “photos of slender-legged models, testimonials, on how to achieve the thigh gap, and [including] tips such as chewing food but spitting it out before swallowing it.” (Salter) Sara then explains that the site also posted Holocaust victims as inspiration to keep it up. This was to make her feel better about her struggle to lose weight. Sara like many teenage girls faces this problem more and more frequently due to the beauty standard, that is set up by the internet public. According to Kim Van Durme, Elke Craeynest, Caroline Braet, and Lien Goossens book about eating disorders states that “Eating disorder symptoms refer to both behavioral (e.g., dieting) and cognitive symptoms (eating, weight and shape concern) of eating disorders, which may be exhibited without meeting a specific eating disorder diagnosis. This is especially the case in adolescents, who often show less explicit forms of disordered eating than adults.” This is because the youth has something to

reach, and their mentality changes due to the environment explain

they surrounded in, whereas an adult doesn't really go online and google search, “how to get a thigh gap” Instead that is the main search among young girls trying to change their image to fit societies standards is the thigh gap.

Tumblr is one of the biggest social networks promoting this trend. It has become “pro-ana, (pro-anorexia)… [Women use hashtags such as] “thinspo, anorexia, depression, hip bones, thigh gap, and even sexy. What is so appealing about a bunch of 16-year-old teens walking around with protruding bones, and saggy sickly skin? Well, that’s just the fad. Dr. Oz, a medial professional has called girls on television to be aware of this extreme diet faze, because it can lead to anorexia and even more prolonged eating disorders. (Oz)

But not everyone is opposed to the thigh gap, for example, Cosmopolitan, the women’s magazine, endorses the thigh gap by stating big thigh cause problems, like trying to get pants on, or undesirable chaffing when wearing dresses, and the slapping of fat thighs when running, and the end of this list of about 15 problems tick thigh(ed) girls understand there is a contradiction stating that all sizes and shapes are beautiful... sure. Not only that but there are numerous posts about girls boasting about how they have consumed 500 calories of the last two days, or they post exercises and eating plans to achieve that desirable gap.

Due to the growing problem media sites like Tumblr and Twitter have offered adolescents “free helplines run by the Nation Association of Eating Disorders,” to help address the problem, and prevent further health risks. The media needs to be careful about what they promote because it not only has created ludicrous fads but has posed a danger to the health of the female teen population trying to slim down just to be accepted. But in reality, the thigh gap is genetic and not achieved by diet unless it is excessive. And beauty standards, are not even a real thing, they are unreal expectations of a women’s body that is unreasonable, and very dangerous to achieve. And what skeleton is beautiful?

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carafox01-blog · 7 years ago

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NCFE LEVEL2 PHOTOGRAPHY

VISIBLE INVISIBLE

FINAL IMAGES

RESEARCH – Assignment 2 & 3, Unit 2, Task 4 &5, 2.1,2.2, 2.3, 2.4

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

LOST Vs LOSS – taken on Samsung Galaxy S6

Crystal Ball f18 1/60s 45mm ISO1.6

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Visible Invisible f5.6 1/80s 45mm ISO250

Today, I am presenting my final assignment images for Dreams and Realities. I have said before that I didn’t expect this project to be quite so personal, and to mean so much to me, but here, in this project I’ve laid myself bare, and am presenting the way that I feel about Invisible Illness.

My research was a fairly organic process, starting with Fibromyalgia Awareness Day on May12th, I was aware that so many other charities have their National Awareness Days, yet although there is an awareness day for FM it went largely unnoticed. I found a small piece online about a publicity event in Morecambe, and took inspiration from it. Coupled with lots of research on artists and photographers who have their own unique voices and ways of portraying their pain. Using techniques I have learned in the last 3 terms, I started to explore and experiment with various techniques. Some using simple methods, such as composition and some using Photo editing suites on both PC and my mobile phone.

Invisible illnesses are pertinent to me, and my own health, but I also want to be able to raise consciousness among others, with regard to these conditions. As I went along the path with this project it seemed to gain a life of it’s own, and I suddenly had so much to say. I hope that with this project, I have used visual language and media such as photography to try and change our perception of these conditions. I found myself looking at the themes of becoming or being invisible, missing or hidden under the surface.

To some degree, people judge you by what they can see, but FM, CFS, M.E, and many others illnesses do not leave visible scars. Most of the scars and pain are hidden. We wear ‘masks’ to hide our pain, we pretend to be fine to the wider world, yet in reality we suffer pain and anxiety. I wanted to be able to explore these themes with my photography. The wider world cannot see bones sticking out or blood, and we often find we are dismissed or disbelieved. The real truth is, we’re not okay. We are just coping as best we can. I think raising awareness is the first step to finding that help.

Feelings of anger, resentment, fear, anxiety, loss are all real aspects of having a long term condition. I found inspiration in the work of Frida Kahlo, Maurizio Anzeri, Rene Magritte, Vivienne Strauss and Marcelo Monreal. Each of these images, for me, conveys a sense of missing, of sadness, of pain..

Forgotten. Vivienne Strauss (image by permission of Vivienne Strauss)

The Only Way out is Through Vivienne Strauss (image by permission of Vivienne Strauss)

The Two Fridas 1939 http://www.frdakahlo.org

The Broken Column, 1944 Frida Kahlo http://www.fridakahlo.org

Francesca Woodman Self deceit

Image from Google

Image from Pinterest

Image taken at Photo Londonf7.1 1/200s 14mm ISO640

Maurizio Anzeri f5.4 1/160s 33mm ISO 1.2KB

Frida Kahlo – Image from Google

Rene Magritte – Image frtom Google

Marcelo Monreal – Image from Pinterest

Finding these images took me along the path of finding what I wanted to say with my own images. On a personal level, the research has made me look into new forms of creativity, in terms of embroidery onto photographs. Something I will definitely carry on with after the course finishes.

THIS IS ME.

Exploratory images 2.1, 2.2

Here are the original, unedited images for my Dreams and Realities assignment:

Flower girl – f3.5 1/160s 9.73mm ISO100

Crystal Ball – f18 1/60s 45mm ISO1.6LYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Crystal Ball – f18 1/60s 45mm ISO1.6

Taken on Samsung Galaxy S6

– Image by John

Invisible -f5.6 1/80s 35mm ISO250

Invisible – f5.6 1/80s 45mm ISO250

Frida? – f5.4 1/30s 31mm ISO800

MISSING. f5.3 1/80s ISO1.2KB 30mmOLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

MISSING f5.3 1/80s ISO1.2KB 30mm

VISIBLE INVISIBLE

Final images. 2.3, 2.4

Channeling Frida. After showing my images in class, there was mostly positive criticism from my classmates and tutor, but as ever, I am my harshest critic. I posted my image of “Frida” on my blog and despite positive feedback, I was unhappy about the hair on my fringe. I tried to remove it using the rubber stamp tool in GIMP editing, but there was too much hair for me to do it successfully, and it would have ruined the image. So I settled for making the clump of mascara and the hair across my eye, disappear. If I were to print this image, I would be inclined to use a rag paper like Hahnemuhle, German etching because there’s a lovely soft surface texture to it. I’d probably keep the print fairly small, maybe 8″x6″ because it’s quite an intimate picture which invites the viewer in.

Missing. In class, there was also some criticism about the quality of the light, but that was rather unavoidable in the confines of my tiny, dark hallway that has no natural light. My tutor, felt this image may have had more impact if the secondary image of me walking upstairs was somehow ‘separated’ from the primary image of my shoes on the stairs. Personally, I am not sure about this, because my intention when I took the photo was that I portrayed myself walking away from the grey-ness of pain… missing out on dancing, fun, and a fulfilling life. The shadow of the person invisible illness has made me become. I am walking up the stairs to a brighter future, a stronger self. I’m happy with the choice of use of colour and black and white in the image. It represents that feeling of being somehow ‘missing’ in life, the juxtaposition of sadness and loss, with the colour overlay of my walking upstairs to strength, conquering that loss.

Lost vs loss. The image below is my favourite 🙂 It’s an image of myself with my hand over my mouth, a silly selfie, but I think it works the best of all my Dreams and Realities images. The hand over my mouth represents all the things I’d like to say, but don’t. Perhaps I’m stifling the sarky comments when people say “Oh, but you I look really well…” or ” …Have you tried Vitamins/Turmeric/Cabbage soup/Unicorn horn” (…or some other snake oil 😉 Despite not being taken with my camera, the image works. After drawing lines over and over on the image using the (snapseed) editing tools on my phone, I changed the colour, and contrast to make a strong, bold image that is abstract and striking. I would like to print this image using Fujitrans Crystal Archive C-Type paper, which is a translucent display material perfect for setting into a light box. I’ve had a lot of feedback on this image, from fellow students, friends and family. The best comment was from one of my previous tutors, who said that he hoped I would blow it up really large and hang it on the wall. 🙂 If I had a large enough space, I would print it at maybe 40″x30″, but since we live in a normal house, I think we are actually intend to print it a smaller and set it into a light box to show it at it’s best. (Tripod carrier is an engineer, and is very clever at making things! Yay! :))

LOST Vs LOSS – taken on Samsung Galaxy S6

There But Not There. Next we come to the crystal ball image, which was really a bit of an in-joke. Like a magic trick, I’m there but not there….. I took the photo outside using natural light. I took two shots of the crystal ball, one with myself in the background and the other without. Using GIMP, I cut out the image of my upside-down reflection in the crystal ball and laid it over the the top of the image without me in it. I’m not very likely to print this image, but if I did, I think would use a glossy paper to compliment the shininess of the ball, and I would print the image quite small, deliberately, so that the viewer would have to peer into the crystal ball to see the image.

Crystal Ball f18 1/60s 45mm ISO1.6

My next submission is Visible Invisible, the title of my project on Dreams and Realities. Among the letters is hidden the word invisible, but it’s not immediately apparent, you have to look closer for it. I often use cut out letters in my journalling, and when scrapbooking one day, I thought it could make an effective image. I took the image using a shallow depth of field to keep the letters nice and crisp. The photo was taken using natural light, indoors. Using GIMP editing suite, I layered the background of letters with another shot of myself, that John took in class a while ago. I removed the contrast and colour by making the image transparent and overlaid it on top of the letters. If I were to print it, I would use a giclee print on a matte surface because I think it would suit the cut out letters and the more ethereal quality of the image of me. I think a small size print would work best for this image, again because you have to draw the viewer in to look closely.

Visible Invisible f5.6 1/80s 45mm ISO250

Flower girl. I love this image. Partly because I adore flowers, plants and gardening. Hidden inside me there is a beautiful garden. I retreat there when I need to. In a course that I am currently doing on living with long-term conditions, we meditate and use mindfulness techniques. I ‘sit’ in an inner garden and find calm and tranquility. There’s no judgement, or stuff I have to do or be, no critical internal monologue.

There’s also an element of the mask we wear connected to this image. There is an inner growth and change, a flowering. I feel vibrant, bold and hopeful. Completely inspired by the work of Marcelo Monreal, I used GIMP to ‘cut’ out sections of my face and then cut and pasted sections of a photo I took earlier of a beautiful clematis, in my garden. Time constraints and family commitments meant that I haven’t been able to go quite as flower-y as I’d like, but I think overall, I am happy with this image. I would definitely want to use a photo rag paper to print this image, because of it’s velvet-y texture, which would add softness to the flowers and a 3D-ness giving the image a pictorial depth.

This course, along with my photography is helping me to blossom and develop. There is a better, brighter future.

That’s my lot for now. I’ve now reached the end of my course. Time for me to stretch my wings and fly… Time to get out and about in this gorgeous weather and put into practice all that I have learned. I do want to carry on my blog, if real life doesn’t get in the way, so I hope you’ll be hearing more from me.

Thank you, readers, for all the encouragement, support, and lovely comments. X

TTFN.

DREAMS AND REALITIES NCFE LEVEL2 PHOTOGRAPHY VISIBLE INVISIBLE

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