#i think i'm tired of looking at this painting now lol but i'll still pin it

[ambivartence]

when the midnight comes

[myvelouri]

I'm feeling so bad so went to my job to get this awesome nightmare before Christmas figurine set I saved at work when I closed last night. They didn't let me buy it after closing! Such assholes!

So, yeah I ran into my coworker, that one that's younger but she looks alternative as fuck. She's got tattoos, she has thick rimmed glasses, she wears black pants, she looks like she listens to rock lol, but she doesn't really. She's got matte black nails too. I'm clearly too old for her though because she said her parents are strict and would freak out if we hung out or something, I try to hang out with her cause she's actually really fuckin chill. It makes me sad a bit that we can't hang out.

But yeah ffs everytime I go to my job she ends up being there, it's a coincidence, I swear, but I joke around with her you know. And I usually take her shifts if I need any. Other co-workers see me and they think I'm trying to get with her. Look, just cause I'm talking to her doesn't mean I'm trying to fuck her! I actually didn't, but I'm somewhat starting to like her. She just got a fuckin septum piercing! I was like did you always have that and I just didn't notice?! And she's like no this is new. And she had her hair a lil curly but the top pinned back, man she looked cute as fuck, I didn't say anything. But I told her she looks different lmao. I don't know. I told her I paint my nails matte black too, but ppl freak out so I don't anymore.. she said fuck them just do it. Our other annoying coworker came and he was trying to get her to do his work! She wasn't having it. And legit I told him he does the same thing to me. I've even told her he does that! We both get tired of him lol.

I don't know. I'm the one who usually messages her first. Actually the only times she messages me is work related. It sucks. I can tell. So I mean, it might just be that she doesn't want to be close since I'm older or something. I guess. Hm

Oh well.

I still don't feel that much better. I'm so scared of this virus I have. I can't have sex let alone masturbate, for who knows how long. Do you know how devastating that is? And I have to be very careful as my dad is on medicine that totally suppresses his immune system since he has an autoimmune disease, rhumatoid arthritis. Poor Dad. And so yeah, I CAN NOT pass this virus on to him, it would never go away. And I feel like filth. The stress of having to be constantly aware of this... It's taking a toll too. How am I supposed to do this for potentially up to 2 years?... Or forever?... No.. it goes away. I wish I knew how I got it.

My coworker, I would rather call her my friend but I don't know, same gal, she actually got her tattoos the same place I got my ears pierced lmao. She uh, she was interested in hearing about my tattoo ideas so it seems she does like talking to me, you know? She said she wants to have everything done while she can cause in her field of work she can't have these piercings and such. I said by then it'll probably be more acceptable. She's going to be a doctor I believe. Smart ass. I'm trying to be a rock star, but also optometrist. I'd love that.

I wanted to talk to her more but every other co-worker gets all googly eyed. Also I don't want to get her in trouble. So I left.

Idk I'll text her sometime... I'm better at talking to her in person though. Whenever we text she seems to end it abruptly after a bit. Hmmmm idk.

I'm so weird now.

I'm weird as fuck now aren't I?

What the hell man