#i think i'm just mentally stuck in 2014

[marzipanandminutiae]

Saw a post where you mentioned you broke into an abandoned mental hospital during college and I gotta ask: Did you go to GCSU? if not, how many fucking colleges have abandoned mental hospitals nearby?

I went to the University of Massachusetts Amherst, actually

it was the Belchertown State School in Belchertown, MA, which no longer exists (although there were, from 1992 to 2006, two abandoned mental hospitals nearby- BSS and the Northampton State Hospital)

also, to clarify a bit, my friend and I didn't "break in" in a literal sense. that just sounds more dramatic than "a door was off its hinges in one building and another had a ground-floor window open." my friend, a lifelong local to the area, had broken into boarded-up buildings on the campus with a crowbar before, but I was concerned about the police station next door and had never done urban exploration before. so we stuck to places we could enter without any Breaking required

I should also add that we never had any intent to vandalize, steal, etc. we only wanted to look around and that's all we did. as with many such places, BSS was shut down largely due to inhumane conditions, and we didn't want to make light of the ill treatment people had suffered there. we just wanted to see the abandoned buildings

it was wild. looking back, I'm not sure Enter An Abandoned Hospital Building With Only One Friend, A Phone That's Getting Sporadic Reception In Said Building, And A Powerful Flashlight is something I'd do again, even though it was the middle of the day- they don't show you in fiction that when those windows are boarded up, that's heavy-duty plywood. it's not just a few measly little planks at an angle. it was DARK in there, punctuated only by places where skylights had been left uncovered, and the occasional room where the window coverings had fallen or been prised away. One of those rooms had an antique wheelchair in it, near the window; one of the eeriest things I've ever personally seen

navigating stairwells was a bit of a nightmare. it had rained recently, too, so the floors were wet and gritty. I ended up ruining a cheap pair of ballet flats and throwing them away afterwards

and for weeks afterwards, I couldn't stop imagining every building I entered in the same state. now that I knew what decades of abandonment looked like

anyway they tore BSS down in 2016, the year after I graduated. I think it had developed a problem with arsonists, and they'd been wanting to do something with the land anyway. plans for an assisted living facility have gone back and forth since 2014, finally being approved last year according to a news article I just found. not sure if it's been actually built yet or what

[ckret2]

who were your 3 previous blorbos that you mentioned in your reblog about the most compelling emotions to give characters (I've only been following this account since after TBoB dropped lol)

(For context anon is asking about this post where I said in the tags that I'd inserted loneliness in 3 of my last 4 blorbos as the primary most compelling additional emotion, and then Bill got loneliness but also a bunch of other fresh new horrible emotions.)

Okay, in chronological order, my past 4 Top Blorbos that I decided to headcanon "I bet deep down they're devastatingly lonely and it's gonna be fascinating to write about":

1. Ghidorah specifically from the 2014 legendary continuity of Godzilla movies.

In King of the Monsters, Ghidorah is an alien monster that, as far as anyone can tell, mainly just wants to destroy Earth.

In various different Godzilla continuities, Ghidorah is: 1) an alien with a history of planet-devastation who travels between worlds encased in a meteor; 2) mind-controlled by a multitude of alien species for the purpose of planet-devastation; 3) made into a giant monster out of three tiny harmless innocent pets for the purpose of nation-devastation; and 4) unlike most other Godzilla monsters, completely friendless and without allies, except for the one time they and Gigan were mind-controlled together.

So I stuck that all together and went "what if they were created by aliens out of three pets for the purpose of planet-devastation, but they escaped and now wander aimlessly between planets destroying them wherever they go because after being used as an apocalypse machine that's the only thing they know how to do, and they've never had any friends or allies except for a brief stint working alongside Gigan?"

And spending an eternity flying from planet to planet without meeting anybody just to destroy it and move on sounds like a very lonely existence.

2. Alastor Hazbin, based solely on the pilot ep & the comic, since that was what was released when I was in the fandom.

He's a superpowered serial killer best known for going on a rampage that devastated the city like 90 years ago; he's also extremely gregarious, charming, and chatty. He tries to strike up conversations with everyone everywhere he goes, and everybody is terrified of him. I think he's a guy that NEEDS a social circle of like 100 friends to feel fulfilled, and when we meet him in show he has like, 2.8 friends. Niffty & Husk each count as .4 friends because from the pilot we can't tell if they're actually friends or if they wouldn't have anything to do with him if they didn't owe him.

Plus he fits into a very specific character archetype that I'm fond of, which is: super powerful super competent guy, unparalleled in his field, desperately bored (& depressed) because he's conquered all challenges and is craving something, ANYTHING to give him mental stimulation, and thus is pursuing more & more dangerous or stupid quests when we meet him in canon; doesn't realize that his "boredom" is actually loneliness and the real cure for his misery is getting emotionally close to other people and getting involved in their lives, something he'd previously shunned during his monomaniacal quest to become The Best.

3. Biiiiiiill Cipher! You came in with TBOB, I don't need to say a lot about this.

He's surrounded by people who worship, adore, and fear him, but emotionally intimate with none of them. He has lots of friends but none of them are real friends, because he can't be open, honest, & vulnerable with them (he doesn't even know how), and because he's closed himself off to the needs of anybody else in return and can only see the people around him as obstacles or resources.

He desperately craves attention because he desperately craves love, but when he gets attention & love, he's lacking whatever it is he needs to feel like he's loved, and so he always needs more.

And that's just one of the many, many things that are Wrong With Him.

4. And the current hyperfixation taking over my life, Aku from Samurai Jack.

He's created as an adult, super-powered and already knowing all about the world around him, as the only being of his kind. His first interaction is thanking his creator for making him, only to be told his creator intended to destroy him and then he gets attacked.

He single-handedly (single-handedly! by himself!!) conquers most of the world; the only minions he has during this time are temporary shadow-things he makes out of his own essence. When he decides solo conquest is taking him too long, he gets an army of unfeeling robots.

There's no evidence he has any friends, allies, lovers—any positive relationships except for a smattering of loyal underlings. Most underlings obey him out of fear. He spends most of his time alone; his socialization comes from hiring mercenaries and from visitors who have come to grovel before the leader of the world in hopes of currying his favor. When he's emotionally struggling, he'd rather split into two people and pretend to be his own therapist than talk to somebody else about his problems. In a side comic of dubious canonicity, he claims that he's not alone thanks to the presence of a guy questing to murder him who hates his guts.

Maybe he doesn't care! Maybe in the little The Sims user interface hovering over his life and showing his needs, he doesn't have a social meter that needs filling. He's never acted lonely.

But I think it's juicier to imagine that's because he doesn't know how lonely he is because he's never had so much as a glimpse of the alternative.

In spite of being proudly evil, when his oppressed subjects start looking to Jack as a hero, Aku's immediate desire isn't for them to stop believing a hero could save them; it's for them to see him as their hero.

[crownmemes]

True Detective Sentences, Vol. 3

(Sentences from True Detective (2014-). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Oh, I speak crazy. I'm fucking fluent."

"I think at this point, I deserve an explanation."

"My whole brain's a bunch of missing pieces."

"You may not realise this, but I've been pretty damn patient with you already."

"Do you want me to feel threatened?"

"I'll take the hard truth over a nice lie any day."

"You're a mean drunk."

"What if the ending isn't really the ending after all?"

"This is a crime scene! Why don't you pretend like you know what you're doing?"

"The thing about the dead is that some come and visit because they miss you, some come because they tell you something that you need to hear, and some of them just want to take you with them."

"Don't confuse the spirit world with mental health issues."

"How scared do you have to be to run out on the ice without any shoes?"

"Even the dead get bored."

"I knew you didn't stay in town for the lovely weather."

"Do you want to say it first or should I?"

"That's the last time we do that!"

"Yeah, that sticks with you, doesn't it? Not being good enough?"

"It's called quid pro quo. You tell me something, I tell you something."

"Nobody wanted to work with you. Nobody wants to work with you now."

"Does it really look like I survived?"

"She's just young. She's trying to do the right thing."

"Do this and the job is yours."

"I have to do something, but I can't tell you what it is."

"Time is a flat circle and we are all stuck in it."

"It's going to be one of those nights, isn't it?"

"I am not merciful, you understand?"

[rcguevariant]

DASH GAME ; BEHIND THE MUN

NAME: Rebecca. Becca, Bex, or Becky for short.

PRONOUNS: she/her

MOST ACTIVE MUSES: Rogue is the only muse I'm actively writing atm. I have a blog for one of my OCs, too, but I haven't been on it for a while, and Idk if I'm going to go back to it at all.

EXPERIENCE: I've been RPing on tumblr since 2014 or 2016. I've had lots of different blogs, pretty much always OCs of mine, usually Marvel/MCU. I dabbled a few times in writing canon characters from fandoms other than Marvel, but those attempts were very short-lived. Rogue is the first canon character I've stuck with writing for this long, and I think it's because I always felt a connection to/identified with her.

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: I love fluff, and, though I'm not overly experienced with writing smut because I rarely get the chance to write it, I love it, too, though only with certain people and my muse is in the mood for it. I enjoy angst sometimes, too, but I have to be in the mood for it.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: I try to match the length of my partner's reply. (If I don't get my reply at least close to the length of my partner's, I usually get kind of anxious, feeling like I'm making them do all the work.)

PET PEEVES: Probably my biggest pet peeve is cliques/clique-iness, where someone writes with a certain group/clique and won't even give anyone else a chance. Another pet peeve of mine is drama and people who create it (this ain't high school, get that sh*t out of here😤). It also irritates me when people post political things on their blog. Politics is something no one's ever going to agree on; it's just going to cause problems and drive a wedge between people who could have otherwise had fun writing together. Please, I beg you🙏; I come here to get away from the stress of that and have fun.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE?: I think I'm a lot like her, yeah. It's probably the reason I always identified with her so deeply even back when I was a kid. (I don't like what X-Men 97 has done to her, but that's a can of worms I'm not gonna open here and now.) The comics version of Rogue and her other iterations, though, I definitely see myself in. I'm spunky and sassy, and I also know too well what it's like to feel isolated and lonely, to distance yourself from everyone else. I was bullied growing up, so, aside from my family, I lived a very isolated life. Even now, I struggle to interact with people and connect with people; I'm much better with it than I used to be, but I still struggle with it. Also, I suffer from a few different mental illnesses, so I know what it's like to be at war with your own mind, to get lost in your own mind amongst the chaos.

TIME TO WRITE: Any time I have time, motivation, and focus.

Tagged by: @compelledcurator @fartemis-crock @mywilliingheart

Tagging: @cinemachaos @biblicallyaccuratemcu @amischiefofmuses @alwaysxinxtrouble @marvelforged @vuulpecula @bothsidesofaquestion @jesse-vaudry and anyone else who wants to

[alloveydovey]

Blah blah, dramas of this month. This is the ACTUAL month of rewatch lol.

It’s Okay, That’s Love, 2014 (kdrama) 8.5

A psychiatrist who has issues getting intimate in her relationships meets a flirty famous author who might have a lot more issues than he lets on.

Okay, so, mixed feelings. It's very different from what I've seen before, so that's a good thing. It took me a while to get into it because I didn't like the secondary characters that much. One of them is 28 and is after a high schooler, and the other one has a whole family somewhere but lives with FL, ML, and the dude in love with the teenager-- and like? He's also in a weird relationship with his ex-wife. Maybe I can't take complex characters cause what is this man doing with his life? Or maybe that's part of the theme of this drama. What are we all doing? lmao, anyway. It's more adultish, and it deals with mental health. Zo In Sung and Gong Hyo Jin are great, their acting very natural, and their chemistry is fire. It did take me a while to end it, sooo... I don't know. I'm still not sure how to rate it. Overall good, though.

One Spring Night, 2019 (kdrama) (rewatch!) 9 ⭐

A librarian meets a pharmacist. She’s already in a relationship, and he has a kid outside of wedlock.

I guess this is where cultural differences collide. This drama would make absolutely no sense where I'm from. ML is a father whose girlfriend runaway after having the child... ok? Single parents (even young ones) are a common thing where I'm from. FL breaks up with her boyfriend, but he, her father, and his ex's father as well don't seem to get the memo and insist on a wedding... absolutely insane. I do get it, though. I get that in their culture, such things (maybe a little hyperbolic) happen, so I forego the cultural contrast and absolutely adore this drama. It's one of my favorites. And not just because of Jung Hae In (although, yeah, he was the reason I watched it the first time lol). The whole cast is amazing, you hate almost every man in it, but the women... the women are so worth it. Hae Ji Min is such an amazing and realistic FL. And the comfort... It's one of those cozy dramas perfect for watching every once in a while. Even the repetitive songs hit differently.

Because This is My First Life (kdrama) (rewatch!) 9

FL loses her job and on top of that doesn’t have where to live. ML wants monthly rent to keep up with his mortgage. A wedding contract ensues.

This is probably my favorite marriage contract/fake relationship drama. Also, the softest FL and ML ever. Even with their awkwardness, Jung So Min (I loooooove her) and Lee Min Ki manage to grasp you. My only two cons are the ending and one of the secondary couples. The unnecessary, always present separation between FL and ML. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't. I feel like it might have made sense here, but at the same time it was one of the separations I hated most. Happy ending, though, so yay. I loved the girl with the bra problem and the sentimental boss, they were badass. But yeah, I hated the other secondary couple that broke up and made up over and over again. Extra notes: It was the first drama I saved music from lol.

Boys Over Flowers, 2009 (kdrama) (rewatch!) 7.5

Jan Di gets a scholarship at a rich kids' school and stands up to the F4, a group of popular guys who love to bully the shit out of everyone who they dim as bothersome.

I watched BoF when I was fourteen, and to be honest, I didn't remember much other than the fact that it wouldn't be one of those dramas I'd rewatch again. Well, let's ignore the fact that I'm here watching it again lol. I’m into 00s dramas lately, they’re kind of addictive so I had to re-check this one.

I didn’t remember Joon Pyo being so soft. I mean, still a menace to society, yes, but I think my mind got stuck with the first episodes and I low-key forgot that he actually falls for Jan Di way earlier in the drama and that he's just a caricaturized dumbass. And as for our FL, she could be a pain in the ass, but Jan Di could also be pretty fucking badass. Obviously the drama is way outdated, an adaptation from an even more outdated manga, and has a million red flags. Outside of that, I didn't think I'd be able to rewatch it. It gets extremely annoying at one point, but maybe the nostalgia won me over, and I low-key mostly enjoyed this. Extra notes: One of my favorite secondary couples/ Fuck Ji Hoo I never liked him lol.

Love in Contract, 2022 (kdrama) 8

FL works as a wife for hire. In between various clients, she’s had a consistent one for the past 5 years, a quiet and awkward man who she doesn’t know much about. Now, when she decides to retire, she has doubts about how to approach the end of their business relationship (fake marriage) with her longest and favorite husband/client.

I should stop reading drama reviews before watching them cause, unlike everyone else apparently, I enjoyed this drama a lot. Sure, it’s not perfect, but it’s far from being bad. The chemistry between Park Min Young and Go Kyung Pyo is everything. It also has an openly gay character who is possibly my new favorite character ever. It does drag at the end, but I don't think it diminishes the rating of the drama.

A Piece of Your Mind, 2020 (kdrama) 8.5

ML is trying to capture the personality of the woman he loves (but hasn’t seen in years) inside a device he invented. A classical music recording engineer ends up connecting with that same woman, and they both meet in— spoiler.

I admit I still haven’t finished this one but I’m really into it. Great story, great visuals, great OST. It’s a slow drama, but I feel like it’s meant to immerse you in its little melodrama world. It's both heartbreaking and comforting at the same time. Apparently, it has a low rating, and I can understand why it might be that way because it's a soft drama, but I absolutely adore it. Jung Hae In never disappoints. Also, Chae Soo Bin might be becoming one of my favorite Korean actresses.

Rich Man, Poor Woman, 2012 (jdrama) 8

Poor Woman is restlessly looking for a job and ends up working for the project of Rich Man’s company. Poor woman likes Rich Man. Rich Man is bratty and in serious need of social skills. However, fire chemistry ensues.

This drama was a surprise, for sure. The chemistry between the leads is amazing (old rom-com style), and the storyline itself, though sometimes focusing a little too much on the company and the partners-turned-rivals, is quite capturing. I did wish that it could concentrate a little more on the two leads and their romance since they were great together. I usually hate when dramas have their leads get together in the last episode (jdramas do this so much man) but here... well, I hated it, but it's okay cause they were cute af. (Also there’s a follow up movie apparently).

Haven't finished yet and don't know if I will ⬇️

Amidst a Snowstorm of Love, 2024 (cdrama) 8

ML falls in love at first sight with a girl in Finland. She plays billiard which is coincidentally the sport he gave up.

I have a lot of mixed feelings here because, yes, this is extremely romantic, which is what I always look for. The chemistry absolutely takes the cake, and the actors deal with it incredibly well. But... For me, love at first sight lacks substance. I rarely like it, and here, it felt like she liked him because he was good-looking and attentive (sometimes a bit too much... like back off, she's not a kid), and he liked her because... he just did. She obviously had great qualities but, yeah, I don’t know. I need a little friction to enjoy a good romantic drama. Also, it's not important, but I don't like billiards, so a lot of this was a bit boring for me. The writing felt also a bit off.

I might finish it because the characters and setting are interesting enough. Romance is cute and seems promising as well.

My Boss, 2024 (cdrama) 7

An inexperienced lawyer ends up sharing a flat with her boss after they accidentally rent the same place. Both are complete opposites.

This is actually from January, but I tried seeing if I'd be able to finish it now and still no. Back then I was looking forward to this one cause it seemed like a cute silly rom-com, but it might have been a little bit too much on the silly. The actors are okay, their chemistry is fine. I guess what really made me drop it was the writing. Which was not good... at all.

[renardtrickster]

Because I’m a nosy old lady by nature, I cannot help but check in on the green horse man like once a month or so and yeah, it’s never surprising but it also stopped being disappointing because I guess at this point I know he’s beyond hope. It’s like he’s stuck in 2014 like most of the people who got their following from gamergate but was far too much of a neet to truly rise or fall like many others from that time but instead wallowed in his pit he dug and pissed and shit in himself.

I think what's more tragic is that he isn't quite stuck in 2014. It is true that he is a bit of a holdout because he's still posting about how feminists get mad and cry when they turn on TV and not every single female character is fat and in a burqa. I'm not saying that "anti-feminism is kind of a done topic", it is still a serious issue. It's more that the focus of contemporary discourse is more on queer rights and multiracialism, and it's kind of notable to argue "feminists are dumb because they do gender equality poorly" when nowadays the messaging is "women don't deserve rights, females are like dogs that you can have sex with". Andrew Tate type stuff. So he's 2014 in the sense that this is when his biases were formed, and so that's basically where he goes mentally when dealing with new information.

At the same time, things have advanced. The common joke is that the anti-sjws of 2016 are, at this point, either ethnonationalists or transgender furry ancoms. That's broadly true (guess where I'm at), but the dichotomy implies that becoming a full-fledged fascist is as active a decision as cutting off and going anti-fascist. I alluded to this before, but you don't need to do anything to get worse. You just need to let the water rise around you. I like to inject levity into discussions on serious topics, but I wanna be clear that the trans groomer or Haitian pet-eating thing would have been parodically extreme even in 2016, when people were still downplaying the "Mexico is sending us rapists and thieves" stuff. "They're outsiders, coming in to prey upon your women, pets, and children" is the language of genocide, and everyone giving credence to the idea that this is any way real is a knowing or unknowing stooge to fascist politicians trying to instigate a pogrom.

Which is why I say that if there's any value to checking up on him, it's in that he's in the "moderate" part of the alt-right pipeline, and as such you can kind of guess what positions have become acceptable to say out loud.

[greenfiend]

you may have addressed this is your other post, but i'm just curious... regarding the DID theory (which i love btw), do you think the implication is that much of the show's action isn't actually happening/is all in will's head? or is it more of a metaphorical representation of his DID where the characters who are his "altars" manifest as real people in the real world? the idea makes a lot of sense to me after reading your posts, but I guess I'm just wondering to what extent you think they will take the DID storyline... will it remain metaphorical or will it be an actual diagnosis that Will is revealed to have?

Re: this post about DID/Will's internal world

Thank you so much for your ask! I really love discussing and diving into the implications of certain theories and it’s hard to sometimes find others who want to really be open to this conversation. This is likely because- a lot of people hate this theory. I get why too. It essentially shatters all their previous viewpoints on the show. Making a lot of other theories invalid. It makes some of my previous theories invalid too- but I’m okay with it. I tend to shift my theories all the time when new evidence is brought to my attention. We are all bound to be wrong about some things. If you truly want the truth, you must use the scientific method. Make a hypothesis, then attempt to disprove it. I'm having trouble disproving this one at this time. If anyone has any points against it, I'm all ears! Let's discuss!

Now, is it real or just inside Will’s head? GREAT question. One I don’t have an answer for quite yet but- I’m leaning towards the latter right now. I keep thinking of all the dreaming references, the play within a play, a memory within a memory etc etc…

Though I want to make this VERY clear: it doesn’t mean it’s all just a dream and none of it is real. A lot of it IS real. It’s based off of the reality that Will has experienced. Plus- it’s real to Will. He’s experiencing it, so it’s real in that sense. Like to a person with schizophrenia, their auditory hallucinations are real to them even though it’s not real to us. I ALSO believe that the following characters are real in both Will's head and reality: Joyce, Lonnie, Hopper (I'm on the fence...), Jonathan, Mike, Nancy, Holly (maybe?), Karen, Ted, Lucas and Dustin (at least I *hope* so). The ones that have "died" or that the writers alluded to having prior plans to "kill" off? NOT REAL. They're likely all alters. @strangertheory has also brought up the possibility that those that are real (Mike, Jonathan, Joyce etc) are introject alters, meaning the alter versions of real people that Will conjured up... or willed into existence if you will...

Not sure if they will explicitly diagnose Will with anything but there will likely be allusions to it.

Some food for thought: the UD remains "stuck" the time Will went missing, as if Will himself is "stuck" in the past. There are multiple references to the fact that Will is from the future or has "seen into the future". The Planck's Constant number given by Suzie is incorrect for 1985. That number wasn't used for Planck's Constant until 2014... Which COULD mean that all of this is set in "the future" but Will has been living in the past. School counsellor Ms. Kelley has a necklace shaped like a key with a clock on it. Much to think about...

Anyway! I hope we have more conversations about the deeper meaning of the show. I personally believe a lot of it is about trauma, mental health, fighting past demons, and learning to love.

By the way, if you're interested in discussing theories feel free to join my community -> click here.

[dieweisserose]

It's been a while since I posted here. I think for the first time in about a decade, I feel... happy? Not every day, to be sure. There's still a lot of anxiety and anger and sadness in my life. I just feel like I have a way out of it. I have strategies for it. I was incredibly stressed yesterday, and then I recognized the tasks I was avoiding and started to tackle them. I am reconnecting with folks I haven't gotten close to in years. I have been actively fighting again for the first time in years.

I just... I am myself again. It's been so so long. From 2017 to 2022 was a dark period, partially due to a person, but I would never have gotten there if I hadn't already hated myself, if I hadn't been on a slow and steady decline since 2014. I felt I didn't deserve better. I felt like I was a failure who could never succeed. I felt like a monster pretending to be a person, so when I was around someone who told me that, I believed her. I know now I'm not and I never was.

I am ambitious. I am a fighter. I fight for the ones I care about. I am incredibly empathetic. I'm an extrovert. I'm awkward, sure, but not in a way that actually matters. I am a natural leader. I read people well and am good at getting them to use their strengths together. I'm a great listener. I pick up on most mental tasks easily. I can get stuck sometimes, but I'm a hard worker and a good friend. I am stubborn as a fucking mule. I am defiant.

I've always been all of those things. Now I care about myself. Now I am learning to like and maybe even love myself. I never have before. I have never ever felt like I had potential. Fuck that. I'm making it happen. I will be the person I want to be.

[lebihanto-universe-blog]

Be Irresistible, Click Here Are you questioning the future of your relationship? In this video, we explore six powerful signs that indicate a breakup might be ... fuzzy blanket 80s ballads blasting and empty ice cream pints I think we all know what this means size going through a breakup if there's one thing that's true about breakups it's never easy for anyone it's ironic as we search for love and happiness we focus on uncovering the secrets to a successful marriage the signs a couple is compatible and which factors can best predict their long-term happiness in a relationship to the point that we get tunnel vision while we weren't paying attention psychologists have stumbled upon an unusual discovery breakups have unexpected benefits researchers whose work we will be touching upon later can all attest to this even though breaking up is hard to do staying in a relationship that's no longer good for you just might be worse so if you're in a relationship and wondering if a breakup might be good for you here are six signs that a breakup might be good for you a quick disclaimer though we're not telling or encouraging anyone to break up if you're thinking about breaking up with a partner because of serious relationship struggles it would be better to talk to a trusted friend or mental health professional about your specific situation alright let's get into it here we go again if you and your partner rehash the same arguments over and over you might feel like a broken record stuck in a loop on Groundhog Day while it's perfectly normal and healthy for couples to get into disagreements from time to time repeating the same argument can be unproductive according to a Healthline article from 2019 by Cindy Lamont this is a Telltale sign that it's time to break up repeating the same arguments means that you've already reached an impasse in your relationship there are certain things you just cannot agree to disagree on or refuse to compromise maybe this thing is something important to you both maybe not if you feel that you and your partner aren't compatible in your views and values this may be a sign that a breakup could be good for you that's not what I want for our relationship to stand the test of time you and your partner need to have a shared idea of your future together and mutually agree upon goals that speak to your core values as a couple the moment these goals become misaligned then it's definitely going to cause a rift between you two sometimes the two ideas may be totally different but other times it can even look like your partner deciding their goals are more important forcing you to put your ideas on hold and according to a 2014 study about breakup benefits having a greater sense of self-direction is one of the benefits of breaking up with someone so if you're feeling like there's no room for you and your beliefs and goals in your relationship it might be time for a breakup to allow you time to flourish I'm fine as with any relationship romantic or platonic the emotional needs of both parties involved need to be met to feel satisfied by the relationship these needs can be quality time affection Assurance Mutual trust respect you get it so if you're in a relationship where your needs are no longer being met then a breakup might be good for you if you stay in a relationship where your needs aren't met it's possible that you may begin to ignore your own needs or resent your partner for ignoring them as was shown in one study by Stack hurt and bersic emotional distance while your whole world certainly doesn't need to revolve around your significant other for it to be considered a loving and healthy relationship you do need to have a certain amount of emotional closeness and intimacy with one another as studies like Abdul kalaks have pointed out the greater the emotional Intimacy in the relationship the better the couple's quality of life and psychological adjustment you've noticed yourself growing closer to other people and wanting

to spend more time with them instead of your partner then there's a good chance that the two of you have already drifted apart let's say you and your friends are out for a night on the town celebrating someone's recent promotion when it's time to go home are you happy to go home to your significant other or do you try to convince the group to grab some food before calling it a night what about after work do you run errands or make plans to avoid going home this could be a sign that it's time to break up the light switch relationship like we said before breakups suck being in an on-again off-again relationship can just keep that pain coming back around and around think like Ross and Rachel every time they broke up they were sad telling the other friends how they missed each other and even more jealous of new partners now there's nothing wrong with finding love with the same person the second time around remember even Ross and Rachel ended up together but there are differences between TV and real life when you're in a true on-again off-again situation it can be confusing and emotionally draining both parties involved when you go back to the on-again phase this might be done out of loneliness and a desire for something familiar according to a 2009 study by Melissa Ramsey Miller in instances like this it's ultimately better to let them go and move on yourself than to keep you both trapped in this unhealthy cycle and are you better with or without does your sense of obligation to your partner keep you from chasing certain dreams or limit the opportunities you allow yourself to pursue do you feel that certain opinions or beliefs between you and your partner Clash so you minimize them to avoid conflicts do you get the sense that your personalities don't complement each other well this can be a difficult thing to admit but you owe it to yourself to be honest if you answered yes to any of these questions it might be worth thinking about what it may be like if you weren't with them anymore studies as the ones by Alicia Franklin in 2015 and the 2013 study led by Thai tashiro showed that there are considerable benefits to breaking up like the ones we've discussed here while it's never easy to let go of someone you love and and a once happy relationship the truth is that sometimes people grow apart and our paths can take us in different directions in life as the famous Marilyn Monroe quote goes Things Fall Apart so better things can fall together ultimately even the heartbreaking end of a relationship can lead to a lot of beautiful personal growth and self-discovery are there any other signs that you know of that could mean a breakup may be good for you let us know in the comments below see you next time ...

[totaldramafan-lauri]

A decade on this hellsite (affectionate)

So, while I'm working on putting the finishing touches on this chapter, and am getting ready to work on other stuff as well, I...I have an announcement....

This is something I should've said yesterday, but I misremembered....

Uh...

I dunno how to say this super eloquently, but....yesterday was my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr! Wooooo!!

Yup! I joined Tumblr on November 6, 2013, and I've stayed here ever since! W-well, give or take a few hiatuses, but....I-I never LEFT, and that's what I'm celebrating....XD

When I first joined Tumblr, I did so to please a couple people I looked up to, who wanted to talk to me more. I'd been lurking on the website for quite a while beforehand, and didn't have a blog because I thought I wasn't an interesting enough person for one....and I also lowkey feared being made fun of. Yeah, I thought that Tumblr was a competition to get the biggest following, and if no one paid attention to you, you might as well not exist. That kind of mentality was pretty much drilled into me by the state of my current fandom at the time, which was ruled by a select few popular blogs and everyone else had to either conform to what they liked and hated, or get mocked.

How stupid of me, right? Tumblr is more than just the fandoms on it. Tumblr is literally whatever you make of it. You choose what to do and say, and who to engage with. Heck, even if you don't wanna talk to ANYONE, you can still use it for yourself. XD

Originally, this was purely a Total Drama fan blog. Then, over time, as I got more and more comfy with it, I talked about personal things more often, and then branched out, and just made it a me blog, in around 2015 or so. This ended up being the right choice. It became a second home, and grew with me over the years. I've gone through a lot - different special interests (many of which ended up being very important to me), a lot of personal changes, getting more comfortable with certain parts of myself - and Tumblr has captured all of that. At this point, I don't do anything for the attention. I just like putting it out there.

I've even accomplished things that 2013 me would've never tried...like, slowly embracing self-shipping culture, and all the fics I've written because of it. In 2013, I had my fictional crushes, but I was embarrassed about them and usually hid them behind OCs. And I'd never written a full fanfic. I was a former roleplayer. And now....Holy crap, I'm not saying I'm a GREAT writer, but...t-to try it, like it, and then KEEP DOING IT?? I call that an accomplishment....

I've met many people, including good friends, and....I-I like to think that....I-I've matured thanks to it. When you're in one place for a decade, it really influences you a lot, even in less obvious ways. I was a LOT more spontaneous ten years ago. I-I said some insensitive stuff that I didn't realize at the time. I stuck my nose in places it didn't belong, and I let myself get too pressed over the opinions of people I didn't even like. I don't do any of that anymore. I'm a lot more picky with what sides of my fandoms I talk to now. I'm still not perfect, but I've grown a lot, and it's cool to think....that this blog is essentially a document of my emotional journey.

(Not to mention all the Eurovision seasons, heheh....)

Does that mean my old posts from 2013 and 2014 are worth reading nowadays? HECK no, but I'm happy they exist.

I-I'm sorry that this is so word-vomit-y, but......point is, thanks for ten years. Here's hoping I'm still here in 2033. Until then.....I-I have an update:

I dunno why I didn't do this sooner, but I have a "Current Interests" page now, which I plan to update frequently. This'll make it easier to keep track of what I'm into at the present time. So that I no longer have to hide anything....just...laying it all out there for people.

I thought I needed it. I've just been lazy for waaaaay too long. XD I need to act my age and let people know what they're getting into.

[marmorada]

So, this needs backstory I think, because it might seem like a weird overreaction if you don't know my existing obsessions lol.

When I was in high school, my OCD came into the forefront and made me totally nonfunctional. I'm talking couldn't leave my room or eat food or anything, and despite intensive therapy the miasma clung to me very hard. Despite having the strategies I needed I couldn't pull myself out of the mentality. At this point I had been out of school for months and had had to drop my AP classes, so I landed in Film once I got back. Our first assigned film ended up being I'm Not There by Todd Haynes, a surrealist quasi-biopic about Bob Dylan. It felt like a wakeup call. For the first time I realized what art could mean and do. Not just that, but it was mine. This was the kind of art I was born to do. It ended up being such a powerful distraction that I couldn't spend my energy on compulsions anymore.

Before this I was a very rigid, structured and humorless person. I avoided anything that made me feel weird or uncomfortable and conducted myself rigidly because I'd always had anxiety and didn't want anything rocking the boat. I've always been an artist, but hyperrealism was the limit of my ambition back then. I didn't think I should go to art school. I became a completely different person after this. I pored over Tarantula and The Secret Life of Salvador Dalí. I started meditating to try and access the kind of inspiration the great Surrealist masters reported. I listened to Dylan and other songwriters for hours, as if I could peel back the membrane and learn what made them tick. I actually joined tumblr originally for rare Dylan photos lmao. I realized to be a real artist I needed to stop the agoraphobia and collect real experiences. I was never a "summer of love" person but I got very interested in 'the scene' otherwise. If it was weird, I wanted it. I also became obsessed with horror precisely because I couldn't withstand it. I started testing my limits with all the horror movies I could find, and eventually it crystallized into an interest in horror that focused on the nature of inhumanity (this is important).

So of course both artistically and out of leisure I'm all very bound up in Rock n Roll. I've seen Bob Dylan live twice, I have a vinyl collection including Rolling Stones bootlegs, a Jefferson Airplane first pressing (Surrealistic Pillow), tons of Lou Reed...

It was a great several years. Of course, things have changed since I got my art degree. My mother got cancer, and I never really recovered. Where my first OCD obsession was about my own mortality, up close and personal knowledge of hers was devastating. I've been depressed and have pushed deep art away since 2014. It got worse when she was killed 4 years ago. I've been passively searching for something that fulfills my interests but it always feels like things miss the mark.

For whatever reason, Youtube has been showing me recommendations for videos with views under a thousand. And so the other day, this was what it showed me:

Now, I am still rigid in some ways. Everything has to be perfect for me to experience a new piece of art the first time. (I refuse to relegate this to streaming and must instead buy a blu ray and get a player of course, in the same way I don't listen to classic rock albums until I have a really old vinyl record...) And things are different this time. I don't have my whole future in front of me, and I'm stuck in a difficult living situation. I am in the middle of a row with my father who I really can't escape from in this tiny little house. Something is wrong with my hands neurologically that won't be tested properly until December, so I can't draw or sculpt about it. So it feels like it's not the right time to dive in. I've been watching the video on loop for days. Of course I am deathly fucking afraid it won't live up to the hype I've created...

So, when a movie that's a horror rock opera tragedy about the corruption of art, with a protagonist losing his humanity, with the best visual style I have ever seen comes by? And it's directed by the guy that fucking filmed Carrie? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Look, there are rock operas and horror films and good visuals. But altogether? And with a VERY strong emphasis on visual design (this being distinct from cinematographic aesthetic) coming together in one of the coolest costumes possible, something I am sure was rearranged for each shot to ensure precise composition between the mask and his eyes? They even change the makeup between shots for proper emphasis without regard towards continuity. And I'm convinced there are two masks with slightly different contours... The fact that it juxtaposes tragedy with glam rock ridiculousness, that they're willing to do with something as weird as metal teeth and a flamboyant singer named BEEF-- Everything about this movie is (apparently) done completely at the whims of De Palma here. It's art in its pure form, fully supported and realized.

The movie, naturally, was a total box office failure. But I don't think anybody making it cared. What studio greenlights gothic Faustian fiction crossed with glam debauchery????

I mean, the whole story of this movie is that this guy is so dedicated to his artistic vision that he is clawing through death. A lot of the time, art about art feels like masturbatory kitsch garbage to me, but not here. William Finley's passion here is so arresting. Other people might attribute these unbridled shows of emotion to scenery chewing, but to me it's sincerity.

It's like part of me is back and insisting I don't let go. I have to find a way to be who I was supposed to be.

Maybe, when I finish my professional certs and finally get a job that combines my graphic design degree and new technical skills and get away from my father, I can. I will probably never become a filmmaker, which, underneath the fine art and writing I've always held close, I have secretly considered the epitome of art. But I can try.

There needs to be a word for when you're so overpowered by an artistic work that you can't do anything else for days and days