#i think i'm just mentally stuck in 2014

[tetheredbysin]

with the announcement of carlos signing with williams, there's also been a lot of talk about rookies for the remaining seats.

which led my brain into making me have a dream where the 4 remaining seats were all filled, not with rookies, but with retired drivers.

jenson button to alpine, sebastian vettel to vcarb, nico rosberg to mercedes, kimi räikkönen to sauber.

what a beautiful place my mind is to live in.

[crownmemes]

True Detective Sentences, Vol. 3

(Sentences from True Detective (2014-). Adjust phrasing where needed)

"Oh, I speak crazy. I'm fucking fluent."

"I think at this point, I deserve an explanation."

"My whole brain's a bunch of missing pieces."

"You may not realise this, but I've been pretty damn patient with you already."

"Do you want me to feel threatened?"

"I'll take the hard truth over a nice lie any day."

"You're a mean drunk."

"What if the ending isn't really the ending after all?"

"This is a crime scene! Why don't you pretend like you know what you're doing?"

"The thing about the dead is that some come and visit because they miss you, some come because they tell you something that you need to hear, and some of them just want to take you with them."

"Don't confuse the spirit world with mental health issues."

"How scared do you have to be to run out on the ice without any shoes?"

"Even the dead get bored."

"I knew you didn't stay in town for the lovely weather."

"Do you want to say it first or should I?"

"That's the last time we do that!"

"Yeah, that sticks with you, doesn't it? Not being good enough?"

"It's called quid pro quo. You tell me something, I tell you something."

"Nobody wanted to work with you. Nobody wants to work with you now."

"Does it really look like I survived?"

"She's just young. She's trying to do the right thing."

"Do this and the job is yours."

"I have to do something, but I can't tell you what it is."

"Time is a flat circle and we are all stuck in it."

"It's going to be one of those nights, isn't it?"

"I am not merciful, you understand?"

[einsatzzz]

♡ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐒. ♡ Tag 10 followers you’d like to get to know better

TAGGED BY @dreamieparadise (thank you! 💜)

TAGGING. @azaracyy @social-muffin @yenosiria @shiawase-rina (feel free to ignore if u don't want to do this hehe also my brain is not braining rn, 4 ppl is my max, whoever wanna do this can do so too!)

✧. ┊ 𝑵𝑨𝑴𝑬 : Ein! People I comm'd probably already saw my irl name but let's close our eyes 😆 Tho if we're friends, you can ask for my irl name. (lowkey I'm more used to being called Ein than my irl name)

✧. ┊ 𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑨𝑺 : Just Ein again lmaooo

✧. ┊ 𝑮𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹 : I've been suspecting that I may highly likely be nonbinary but I'm too busy with my work and hobbies/personal projects to find out about it now.

✧. ┊ 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑹 𝑺𝑰𝑮𝑵 : Aries!

✧. ┊ 𝑯𝑬𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻 : 150cm - 152cm 🧍‍♀️ around two years ago, I went to my annual physical exam and got a height measurement of 152cm, which made me happy bc I've been 150cm since high school. But then this year, I got 150cm...so I...I shrunk...?👁️👄👁️ I will never let go of that 152cm.......I'm still 152cm in my heart...

✧. ┊ 𝑺𝑬𝑿𝑼𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀 : Somewhere in the ace spectrum (maybe ace, maybe gray, idk bruh), but I'm too busy with work and hobbies/personal projects to find out what it is exactly.

✧. ┊ 𝑨𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑮𝑬 𝑯𝑶𝑼𝑹𝑺 𝑶𝑭 𝑺𝑳𝑬𝑬𝑷 : According to my smartwatch app, it's 5 hours 👍✨

✧. ┊ 𝑫𝑶𝑮 𝑶𝑹 𝑪𝑨𝑻 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵 : I love both! But I'll just say I'm a dog person because I have a pet dog lol

✧. ┊ 𝑩𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑲𝑬𝑻 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑺𝑳𝑬𝑬𝑷 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 : I don't really pay attention to it that much, but I really like the soft & fluffy ones.

✧. ┊ 𝑫𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑴 𝑻𝑹𝑰𝑷 : Japan again!!! Going on a one week trip there improved my physical and mental health, fr fr, not kidding. Maybe I should just live there idk. Also wanna visit online friends' countries and meet with them! Most feasible rn are SEA countries hehe I'll save up for it and visit someday my SEA homies, you know who u are. Second most feasible is Europe, because I will highly likely apply for a Schengen visa sometime in the future but not so soon.

✧. ┊ 𝑩𝑳𝑶𝑮 𝑩𝑰𝑹𝑻𝑯𝑫𝑨𝑻𝑬 : I just checked and my first post is around August 15, 2014. But it should be a few years older than that because I lurked A LOT in certain fandoms before my first post. Safest bet is probably around 2011, which is when I was obsessing over Ina11 and stalking ask accounts here.

✧. ┊ 𝑾𝑯𝒀 𝑰 𝑴𝑨𝑫𝑬 𝑨 𝑻𝑼𝑴𝑩𝑳𝑹 𝑩𝑳𝑶𝑮 : I wanted a tumblr account to follow ask accounts of my favorite characters.

✧. ┊ 𝑼𝑹𝑳 𝑴𝑬𝑨𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 : It was from an Uta//Pri Drama CD called "Masquerade Mirage" and the character that my oshi (Ai) is playing as back then is named "Einsatz". I was very down bad for Ai back then, you don't understand. Anyway, the actual "Einsatz" username was already taken so I added a few z's at the end since I'm too lazy to think up a new one (idek that it's a german word). Mutuals/friends back then started to call me "Ein", I just rolled with it and now it's just stuck to me. I don't really wanna change it anymore, even if Uta//Pri isn't an active interest of mine now.

[renardtrickster]

Because I’m a nosy old lady by nature, I cannot help but check in on the green horse man like once a month or so and yeah, it’s never surprising but it also stopped being disappointing because I guess at this point I know he’s beyond hope. It’s like he’s stuck in 2014 like most of the people who got their following from gamergate but was far too much of a neet to truly rise or fall like many others from that time but instead wallowed in his pit he dug and pissed and shit in himself.

I think what's more tragic is that he isn't quite stuck in 2014. It is true that he is a bit of a holdout because he's still posting about how feminists get mad and cry when they turn on TV and not every single female character is fat and in a burqa. I'm not saying that "anti-feminism is kind of a done topic", it is still a serious issue. It's more that the focus of contemporary discourse is more on queer rights and multiracialism, and it's kind of notable to argue "feminists are dumb because they do gender equality poorly" when nowadays the messaging is "women don't deserve rights, females are like dogs that you can have sex with". Andrew Tate type stuff. So he's 2014 in the sense that this is when his biases were formed, and so that's basically where he goes mentally when dealing with new information.

At the same time, things have advanced. The common joke is that the anti-sjws of 2016 are, at this point, either ethnonationalists or transgender furry ancoms. That's broadly true (guess where I'm at), but the dichotomy implies that becoming a full-fledged fascist is as active a decision as cutting off and going anti-fascist. I alluded to this before, but you don't need to do anything to get worse. You just need to let the water rise around you. I like to inject levity into discussions on serious topics, but I wanna be clear that the trans groomer or Haitian pet-eating thing would have been parodically extreme even in 2016, when people were still downplaying the "Mexico is sending us rapists and thieves" stuff. "They're outsiders, coming in to prey upon your women, pets, and children" is the language of genocide, and everyone giving credence to the idea that this is any way real is a knowing or unknowing stooge to fascist politicians trying to instigate a pogrom.

Which is why I say that if there's any value to checking up on him, it's in that he's in the "moderate" part of the alt-right pipeline, and as such you can kind of guess what positions have become acceptable to say out loud.

[alloveydovey]

Blah blah, dramas of this month. This is the ACTUAL month of rewatch lol.

It’s Okay, That’s Love, 2014 (kdrama) 8.5

A psychiatrist who has issues getting intimate in her relationships meets a flirty famous author who might have a lot more issues than he lets on.

Okay, so, mixed feelings. It's very different from what I've seen before, so that's a good thing. It took me a while to get into it because I didn't like the secondary characters that much. One of them is 28 and is after a high schooler, and the other one has a whole family somewhere but lives with FL, ML, and the dude in love with the teenager-- and like? He's also in a weird relationship with his ex-wife. Maybe I can't take complex characters cause what is this man doing with his life? Or maybe that's part of the theme of this drama. What are we all doing? lmao, anyway. It's more adultish, and it deals with mental health. Zo In Sung and Gong Hyo Jin are great, their acting very natural, and their chemistry is fire. It did take me a while to end it, sooo... I don't know. I'm still not sure how to rate it. Overall good, though.

One Spring Night, 2019 (kdrama) (rewatch!) 9 ⭐

A librarian meets a pharmacist. She’s already in a relationship, and he has a kid outside of wedlock.

I guess this is where cultural differences collide. This drama would make absolutely no sense where I'm from. ML is a father whose girlfriend runaway after having the child... ok? Single parents (even young ones) are a common thing where I'm from. FL breaks up with her boyfriend, but he, her father, and his ex's father as well don't seem to get the memo and insist on a wedding... absolutely insane. I do get it, though. I get that in their culture, such things (maybe a little hyperbolic) happen, so I forego the cultural contrast and absolutely adore this drama. It's one of my favorites. And not just because of Jung Hae In (although, yeah, he was the reason I watched it the first time lol). The whole cast is amazing, you hate almost every man in it, but the women... the women are so worth it. Hae Ji Min is such an amazing and realistic FL. And the comfort... It's one of those cozy dramas perfect for watching every once in a while. Even the repetitive songs hit differently.

Because This is My First Life (kdrama) (rewatch!) 9

FL loses her job and on top of that doesn’t have where to live. ML wants monthly rent to keep up with his mortgage. A wedding contract ensues.

This is probably my favorite marriage contract/fake relationship drama. Also, the softest FL and ML ever. Even with their awkwardness, Jung So Min (I loooooove her) and Lee Min Ki manage to grasp you. My only two cons are the ending and one of the secondary couples. The unnecessary, always present separation between FL and ML. Sometimes it makes sense, sometimes it doesn't. I feel like it might have made sense here, but at the same time it was one of the separations I hated most. Happy ending, though, so yay. I loved the girl with the bra problem and the sentimental boss, they were badass. But yeah, I hated the other secondary couple that broke up and made up over and over again. Extra notes: It was the first drama I saved music from lol.

Boys Over Flowers, 2009 (kdrama) (rewatch!) 7.5

Jan Di gets a scholarship at a rich kids' school and stands up to the F4, a group of popular guys who love to bully the shit out of everyone who they dim as bothersome.

I watched BoF when I was fourteen, and to be honest, I didn't remember much other than the fact that it wouldn't be one of those dramas I'd rewatch again. Well, let's ignore the fact that I'm here watching it again lol. I’m into 00s dramas lately, they’re kind of addictive so I had to re-check this one.

I didn’t remember Joon Pyo being so soft. I mean, still a menace to society, yes, but I think my mind got stuck with the first episodes and I low-key forgot that he actually falls for Jan Di way earlier in the drama and that he's just a caricaturized dumbass. And as for our FL, she could be a pain in the ass, but Jan Di could also be pretty fucking badass. Obviously the drama is way outdated, an adaptation from an even more outdated manga, and has a million red flags. Outside of that, I didn't think I'd be able to rewatch it. It gets extremely annoying at one point, but maybe the nostalgia won me over, and I low-key mostly enjoyed this. Extra notes: One of my favorite secondary couples/ Fuck Ji Hoo I never liked him lol.

Love in Contract, 2022 (kdrama) 8

FL works as a wife for hire. In between various clients, she’s had a consistent one for the past 5 years, a quiet and awkward man who she doesn’t know much about. Now, when she decides to retire, she has doubts about how to approach the end of their business relationship (fake marriage) with her longest and favorite husband/client.

I should stop reading drama reviews before watching them cause, unlike everyone else apparently, I enjoyed this drama a lot. Sure, it’s not perfect, but it’s far from being bad. The chemistry between Park Min Young and Go Kyung Pyo is everything. It also has an openly gay character who is possibly my new favorite character ever. It does drag at the end, but I don't think it diminishes the rating of the drama.

A Piece of Your Mind, 2020 (kdrama) 8.5

ML is trying to capture the personality of the woman he loves (but hasn’t seen in years) inside a device he invented. A classical music recording engineer ends up connecting with that same woman, and they both meet in— spoiler.

I admit I still haven’t finished this one but I’m really into it. Great story, great visuals, great OST. It’s a slow drama, but I feel like it’s meant to immerse you in its little melodrama world. It's both heartbreaking and comforting at the same time. Apparently, it has a low rating, and I can understand why it might be that way because it's a soft drama, but I absolutely adore it. Jung Hae In never disappoints. Also, Chae Soo Bin might be becoming one of my favorite Korean actresses.

Rich Man, Poor Woman, 2012 (jdrama) 8

Poor Woman is restlessly looking for a job and ends up working for the project of Rich Man’s company. Poor woman likes Rich Man. Rich Man is bratty and in serious need of social skills. However, fire chemistry ensues.

This drama was a surprise, for sure. The chemistry between the leads is amazing (old rom-com style), and the storyline itself, though sometimes focusing a little too much on the company and the partners-turned-rivals, is quite capturing. I did wish that it could concentrate a little more on the two leads and their romance since they were great together. I usually hate when dramas have their leads get together in the last episode (jdramas do this so much man) but here... well, I hated it, but it's okay cause they were cute af. (Also there’s a follow up movie apparently).

Haven't finished yet and don't know if I will ⬇️

Amidst a Snowstorm of Love, 2024 (cdrama) 8

ML falls in love at first sight with a girl in Finland. She plays billiard which is coincidentally the sport he gave up.

I have a lot of mixed feelings here because, yes, this is extremely romantic, which is what I always look for. The chemistry absolutely takes the cake, and the actors deal with it incredibly well. But... For me, love at first sight lacks substance. I rarely like it, and here, it felt like she liked him because he was good-looking and attentive (sometimes a bit too much... like back off, she's not a kid), and he liked her because... he just did. She obviously had great qualities but, yeah, I don’t know. I need a little friction to enjoy a good romantic drama. Also, it's not important, but I don't like billiards, so a lot of this was a bit boring for me. The writing felt also a bit off.

I might finish it because the characters and setting are interesting enough. Romance is cute and seems promising as well.

My Boss, 2024 (cdrama) 7

An inexperienced lawyer ends up sharing a flat with her boss after they accidentally rent the same place. Both are complete opposites.

This is actually from January, but I tried seeing if I'd be able to finish it now and still no. Back then I was looking forward to this one cause it seemed like a cute silly rom-com, but it might have been a little bit too much on the silly. The actors are okay, their chemistry is fine. I guess what really made me drop it was the writing. Which was not good... at all.

[greenfiend]

you may have addressed this is your other post, but i'm just curious... regarding the DID theory (which i love btw), do you think the implication is that much of the show's action isn't actually happening/is all in will's head? or is it more of a metaphorical representation of his DID where the characters who are his "altars" manifest as real people in the real world? the idea makes a lot of sense to me after reading your posts, but I guess I'm just wondering to what extent you think they will take the DID storyline... will it remain metaphorical or will it be an actual diagnosis that Will is revealed to have?

Re: this post about DID/Will's internal world

Thank you so much for your ask! I really love discussing and diving into the implications of certain theories and it’s hard to sometimes find others who want to really be open to this conversation. This is likely because- a lot of people hate this theory. I get why too. It essentially shatters all their previous viewpoints on the show. Making a lot of other theories invalid. It makes some of my previous theories invalid too- but I’m okay with it. I tend to shift my theories all the time when new evidence is brought to my attention. We are all bound to be wrong about some things. If you truly want the truth, you must use the scientific method. Make a hypothesis, then attempt to disprove it. I'm having trouble disproving this one at this time. If anyone has any points against it, I'm all ears! Let's discuss!

Now, is it real or just inside Will’s head? GREAT question. One I don’t have an answer for quite yet but- I’m leaning towards the latter right now. I keep thinking of all the dreaming references, the play within a play, a memory within a memory etc etc…

Though I want to make this VERY clear: it doesn’t mean it’s all just a dream and none of it is real. A lot of it IS real. It’s based off of the reality that Will has experienced. Plus- it’s real to Will. He’s experiencing it, so it’s real in that sense. Like to a person with schizophrenia, their auditory hallucinations are real to them even though it’s not real to us. I ALSO believe that the following characters are real in both Will's head and reality: Joyce, Lonnie, Hopper (I'm on the fence...), Jonathan, Mike, Nancy, Holly (maybe?), Karen, Ted, Lucas and Dustin (at least I *hope* so). The ones that have "died" or that the writers alluded to having prior plans to "kill" off? NOT REAL. They're likely all alters. @strangertheory has also brought up the possibility that those that are real (Mike, Jonathan, Joyce etc) are introject alters, meaning the alter versions of real people that Will conjured up... or willed into existence if you will...

Not sure if they will explicitly diagnose Will with anything but there will likely be allusions to it.

Some food for thought: the UD remains "stuck" the time Will went missing, as if Will himself is "stuck" in the past. There are multiple references to the fact that Will is from the future or has "seen into the future". The Planck's Constant number given by Suzie is incorrect for 1985. That number wasn't used for Planck's Constant until 2014... Which COULD mean that all of this is set in "the future" but Will has been living in the past. School counsellor Ms. Kelley has a necklace shaped like a key with a clock on it. Much to think about...

Anyway! I hope we have more conversations about the deeper meaning of the show. I personally believe a lot of it is about trauma, mental health, fighting past demons, and learning to love.

By the way, if you're interested in discussing theories feel free to join my community -> click here.

[pussyluvr2000]

Tbh i cannot relate to a lot of the tumblr girlies / indie girlies. When they were having their pro an@, lana del rey, waif moment in 2014 / 2015 i was so fucking androgynous that my mom actually asked me if i was transgender. I feel kinda blessed to have been such a tomboy as a young gay. I didn't entirely escape body image issues, but I did certainly escape a lot of the mental and physical trappings of femininity that my peers became accustomed to. I'm not nearly as gender-nonconforming as I was when I was younger, but I think it's stuck with me. I was telling a girl I dated about all this and she asked, "When/what brought about this femme-ification?" Tbh idk. I think once my body became a certain amount of womanly I felt I couldn't cross-dress as convincingly anymore. Maybe I like some of the positive feedback. Idk. I still mostly just dress however and do whatever I want.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

alsoo i wanna say sth

I feel safe reading ur fics and convinced that chan might also enjoy a thicker girl, i mean have you seem his muscles ?? I know it’s an HC but it’s believable in your writing and it makes me feel loved :( because i dont really love myself even tho im 10000/10 and i doubted if someone like chan would if he ever got the chance to.

listen, chan is just a man. men are complex human beings who might have all sorts of likes and wants and preferences, which is why i write him the way that i do. plenty of God-Looking men out there like bigger girls, just like plenty of them won't.

we'll never know him Like That, but it's my belief that any man worth you giving them the time of day will be able to appreciate them bigger bodies (but then again, i'm demisexual so i don't know if my way of thinking will match those of other people out there lol).

i'm super flattered that you can feel safe and loved reading my fics ): you have no idea how warm and fuzzy that makes me feel, and it honestly makes me want to write more chubby reader stories. i'm about to word vomit and possibly overshare so bear with me please lmao

i was born in an environment where culturally we're "supposed" to look a certain way (the phrase "most beautiful women" was used often, but when you looked at those "most beautiful women" they referred to, they were always thin, hypersexual, perfect looking models in the public eye that i just personally never related to). i've always been chubby, i do have big bones under all that fat, too, i've also always been a bit masculine for someone who was afab (which stuck out like a sore thumb in that environment of hyper-feminity), and i was even ridiculed sometimes because of the way i looked (even by family members).

thankfully, it's not affected me as much as i know other people have been affected by it (probably because my autism honestly dismissed the fact altogether most of the time as it wasn't Interesting to me), but it has taken me a long time to accept my body regardless, and it's something i'm still working on to this day. the 'fake it til you make it' mentality worked wonders for me, as well as looking at people with bodies like mine and stop criticising them based on the preconceived notion of beauty that had been ingrained in my brain. eventually, as i started to find other people more beautiful, i was able to look into myself and appreciate the same traits in me.

all this to say, this is why when i write my chubby/thick/fat reader fics i try to make the fact as neutral and normalised as possible, because i personally feel like the more we normalise our bodies the easier it gets to accept ourselves. and i feel like maybe that's why so many big babes find a safe space in it. dunno, maybe i'm overthinking it hahaha

additionally this comic changed my brain chemistry when i first read at it in 2014.

[camp-counselor-life]

Im in college and last year was my first year as a counselor, I had a really fun time but as this summer gets closer I still havent applied and down know why im so unsure about going again. I just didnt make many friends with the other counselors and feel kinda like weighted down by the idea of going again. How have you kept the motivation to work with camp so long ?

Ok, so, I've been thinking about this for the last hour while I go about my life, and I think that working at camp is honestly less about "fun" and more about what you're getting out of it overall.

Like, if asked I say that camp is a fun experience, which it is, but that's not necessarily what I was getting out of it that mattered to me. I didn't make a ton of friends either, mostly because I'm an awkward and unsocial person, but the friendships I did made supported me a lot and that was a big factor in coming back. Just having the one friend was enough. But I'll tell you all my reasons:

In 2014, I came back because I had been diagnosed with a mental illness and needed to be home, but also didn't have a whole lot of other job prospects where my parents live for like internships. I had enjoyed my first summer and that was enough. I also had a close friend who was going back and I had liked the experience overall.

In 2015, I switched camps, and came back because I was having second thoughts about med school and the only thing I really wanted/could think of that I could do to do was have a camp experience again.

In 2016 I came back because I had such a rewarding experience in 2015 with my CITs that I changed my whole career trajectory to spend more summers at camp. That was my director summer, and I almost quit several times, but I stuck around because this was my career goal and I wanted the experience. Plus I'm not a quitter.

In 2017 and 2018, I came back because I wanted the mentorship and experience as an assistant camp director, but also because my time at camp felt unfinished. I could have done a dozen different things, but camp called to me, and so I went back.

I've spoken about benefits of working at camp before, but some ideas of things that might speak to you include mentorship, communication practice, youth work experience, and spending time outdoors or being active. For me, being active and having a varied work schedule were key in managing my mental health. I also really enjoy kids and believe in the Girl Scout mission.

Fun can be enough, but it's ok if it isn't. Best of luck in your decision!

[xaryxarybdis]

hello!!!! i have a very indulgent writing question as i am working on a short story for my creative writing class😭 for your work on archive of our own, i bequeath nothingness by no one, what inspired some of your perceptions on time loops and nihilism? what were your key inspirations for writing?

Hello ! First of all, my apologies for taking so long to answer, I hope this doesn't reach you too late to be useful. And don't worry-I love talking about writing and everything it implies, and I guarantee you your question was no less self-indulgent than my answer will be.

Concerning the time-loop aspect of the story, the most immediate source of inspiration that comes to my mind is the movie Edge of Tomorrow (2014). The movie itself is a fairly classic action flick, but I remember seeing it when it came out and immediately being completely enamored with the concept of a time loop that isn't the classic groundhog day-type situation, but rather one where the loops are dependant on the death of the protagonist. So that definitely stuck at the back of my mind and ultimately inspired the way I wrote I bequeath nothingness to no one. I have not looked into the matter and this particular movie might not be the first piece of media to put this particular spin on the idea of time loops, but it's the one I personally came across during my formative years, so that's the one I'd quote as an inspiration.

The nihilism part of your question was much more difficult for me to answer, because I found it much more difficult to reverse-engineer where most of this stuff came from. So I'm afraid my answer might not be quite as complete as you might have wished, and for that I apologize. I think part of the difficulty that much of it is simply part of the greater cultural canon I grew up in, though I can pinpoint some key elements: looking back, a lot of the sense of absolute alienation from the rest of human society can be traced back to Albert Camus (esp. The Stranger, wherein the protagonist's profound otherness and decaying sense of reality really stuck with me). Moreover, I remember reading Kafka's Metamorphosis not too long before writing this particular piece and while I don't disagree with all the classical interpretations of the story, I felt very strongly that it also served as a particularly striking metaphor for mental illness (or, well, at least mine): the sensation of slowly transforming into something monstruous and unrecognizable, of being put away in a room, neither allowed into human society nor to escape it entirely, but kept quietly, with an iron grip, at arm's length. More pertinently, I think Sasuke's mental state in the story has a lot in common with that of the protagonist of Kafka's tale: he, himself, is slowly changing, metamorphosing, into something he feels is profoundly alien, while all around him, the world stays the same, stays normal in a way he knows he will never be again.

The last work I will quote as inspiration will sound random as shit, but hear me out, I swear I have a point in there somewhere: Thomas Harris' Hannibal, third installment in his Hannibal Lecter series. I fucking hate this book. It makes me unjustifiably angry. Not because it's bad, it's great. I just hate what it does to its Main character with a passion.

Now, for context (and spoilers ahoy): Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal both follow Clarice Starling, a young FBI agent who, for reasons unclear and unimportant to our purposes, attracts the attention of the titular character Hannibal Lecter, who then proceeds to slowly, thoroughly fuck up her life. Towards the end of the book, Clarice’s life clearly has gone past the point of no return: even if she survives, she has no life to return to. Her career is gone, she is under suspicion from the law, and even her friends are in danger by association. She is cast adrift, and there she has one choice: let the man who did this to her die (not even kill him herself - simply let his death happen), or try, herself, alone, with no support, against overwhelming odds, to save him.

Here is the thing about Clarice Starling: she is not a heroic paragon of virtue. She’s a cool, calculated person, who’s clever enough to recognize in herself seeds of ruthlessness that could become evil. But here is the thing about Clarice: she chooses to do good. It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t come to her instinctively, as it does some people, because she consistently, relentlessly, makes the choices that will benefit others. And here, at the end of her journey, where all around her is darkness, and the world is screaming at her that everything and everyone is terrible and cruel and unjust, she drops the sickest line of Thomas Harris’ entire career:

The world will not be this way within the reach of my arm.

This simple sentence - both acceptance and refusal, a decision to stand her ground on this undeniably dark earth - crystallises Starling as one of the most memorable characters I’ve ever read in fiction.

And then Thomas Harris just goes and fucking ruins it. The tl;dr: she succeeds in saving Hannibal Lecter’s life, he kidnaps her and brainwashes her into eating people with him, they’re in love and they go off into the sunset, to live happily ever after. The end.

In a book series about the most fucked-up murders you could possibly come up with, this might be the most repulsive thing to happen. Because, let’s be clear: Clarice Starling, at this point, is dead. The one we know, anyway. She dies the moment she saves Lecter, because what comes out of what he does to her next is a scrambled mess of the parts that used to make up Starling, but now make up this still, eerie, bobbing doll. For the reader, who has followed in Clarice’s footsteps for two books, it feels as close to a profanation as can be. It’s obscene. And perhaps it’s the point, but what I wanted to get at is: Sasuke, too, is not a “naturally” good character. His morals are fucked, he doesn’t know what normal is, he commits acts of objectively great evil. Like Clarice Starling, goodness is something he has to seek. Part of his growth is learning that not only goodness is a choice he has to make, but that it is one he can make. That the world is dark, and cruel, and terrible, but that he doesn’t have to be. He can refuse this dark and unjust world the right to be this way within the reach of his arm.

So, basically: if only out of spite, I like to think a little bit of Clarice Starling lives on in Sasuke. (She deserved better and I will die on this hill, thank you very much.)

The last source of inspiration I’ll quote is, quite simply, folk tales. More specifically folklore about fairies and elves, who contributed quite a bit to my version of Kaguya. I won’t divulge the exact area I come from because I don’t want to dox myself, but in the version of the tales I grew up with, the fair folk lives in the mirrors and crevices of the world: the water-smoothed caves underfoot, where you can still hear the slow, unescapable tinkling noise of water dripping; the burrows under the roots of elder trees; the back of a man’s mind; the hollow heart of the moon.

In the stories, the fairies, nominally, look humanoid. But they’re wrong: their limbs are too long, their fingers too tapered, their faces too pointy, too smooth. They’re imitating us, but they always get it just a little bit wrong. It clearly inspired this line in particular:

[...] its smooth white face, a triangular imitation of humanity, human skin threaded over a lion’s skull.

Kaguya - and, by extension, the concept of godhood in the story - resembles the folktales’ fairies as well in the sense that she is unchanging. If you fall into Fairyland, you are surrounded with creatures that incomprehensibly older and more powerful than you are. To them, you are, at best, a toy, at worst, vermin. But the fairies have one weakness: they do not change. They’re immortal. They cannot. But you, mortal, you have this thing they cannot name and yet so desperately crave: a heart.

This is how you outwit the fairies, in the stories: you endure. You are vermin, and like vermin you can be stamped down, but never for long. This is what the stories tell you: be patient, be watchful, be clever. Be strong, for you must endure; be cunning, for you must learn. Do the one thing they cannot do: adapt.

Sasuke’s story is pretty much a retelling of that one.

I realize now that this is getting horribly long; I apologize. (Though I did warn you: once you get me talking...) I’ve probably missed a lot of influences that i’ll feel stupid for not recalling later, but that’s life, I suppose. I hope this was helpful to you in any way, and, if not, then at least entertaining. If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask them, I think I’ve made it obvious that I would be delighted to answer. And if you ever want to share what you wrote with me, I would be absolutely honored to read it! (Though I perfectly understand if you cannot or would rather not share it, I just want you to know the option is open if you so choose.) Have a wonderful day!

[titsgirlbuffy]

Tagged by @doggirlbuffysummers, thanks for the tag friend!

1. Three ships: I Cannot rate things or narrow down three from my many fandoms, but since it's my Buffyverse blog tagged in no particular order I'm highly invested in Cordelia/Phantom Dennis, Gunn/Wesley, and Angelus/Darla (plus the rest of their polycule, but the parents especially compel me).

2. First Ship ever: ooooooo hard to remember. I read a lot of fanfic for both Twilight and Harry Potter back in the day, but I think that was highly dependent on Good Fic Writers and I didn't actually care about the ships in isolation. So it's a tossup between two gay werewolf characters from someone's original story on Wattpad that I was following circa 2014 (one of the werewolves had a female soulmate, but he said fuck destiny and did a claiming bite on his boyfriend instead. it was formative), or Frerard (if anyone was in bandom 7 years ago and remembers a very popular fic in which they escape a mental hospital together hit me up. I recommended that to a real human being once)

3. Currently listening: I'll be honest it's mostly just random songs I associate with these shows right now. If I Ever Leave This World Alive comes on my shuffle and I cry cause it's about Doyle

4. Last movie: I just finished watching Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II, and before that I made @transangelus watch The Room with me

5. Currently reading: Is Data Human? The Metaphysics of Star Trek by Richard Hanley. Also I've been trying to read Marcus Aurelius's Meditations for months but I'm stuck on a bit where he's saying some people are simply inferior. Ancient Romans, man

6. Currently Watching: Buffy season 6 and Angel season 3 (we are going chronologically hehe). Oh and Leverage!

7. Currently consuming: does this mean like food or...? If it's food, I am somewhat addicted to making microwave mug cakes and putting rose syrup in the batter.

8. Currently craving: The Motivation To Write Something Down Please Dear God. Too Many Fanfic Ideas In My Head

Tagging: I have no idea who's done this and who likes tag games but @captain-peroxid3 @anyachristinaemmanuellajenkins @ifihadmypickofwishes whoever else is in ze mood

[twitchytwitchtwitch]

I think for a long time my depression became an inextricable part of who I was. I say "was", because I want that to change. I stopped doing Things, because I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't go swimming, or visit friends, or go for walks, or read, or drum, or dance. I couldn't try new things. I'm saying "couldn't" because it felt like a couldn't. It is possible I could have, but it sure didn't seem like it.

I've had the thought before that I had stagnated during that extended period, and never quite left it. University was an end to that, in some ways. I was doing something new. I was learning and growing. But I think I began to stagnate there, as well. And I have most certainly become stagnant, now, in life. And I would like to not be. I want to try new things. I want to rediscover my past loves. I have already found some- reading, swimming, writing dumb blog posts.

When I think about who I was before I was depressed, I go back to third grade. That's a long ways ago- third grade was 2004, so that's 18 years ago (yikes the passage of time). I go all that way back, because fourth grade is when I identify things as starting to go downhill (developed a toxic relationship with a girl who would be my bestfriend/bully through to the end of junior high). Eighth grade is when the hormones and angst and I think truly the beginning of mental illness started to set in. I started selfharming, which went through all the way past when I dropped out of school in grade twelve. It would have been about... 2014? When I really felt like I was Okay Again. I went back to school and got my high school diploma. I could do things again- I got out of bed every day, I had social interactions, and I felt happy. That was pretty cool.

There was growth and learning in university, obviously. I think all education will cause growth and learning, but it was entirely unavoidable in social work and child and youth care. It is truly required to be a good worker in this field (though I have definitely met people who have not succeeded in the assignment and aren't great workers). I learned and grew to be more open, more accepting. I learned to shut up and listen more, and to actually take in the information I was given, and process, and put the knowledge into practice- I think especially about this when working with marginalized individuals and groups. Like, if a BIPOC human says 'hey that thing is racist', the correct response- at least how I have been taught- is to say 'okay, thank you for calling me in', and then you THINK about the information, you understand the issue- probably do more research to understand it better- and then you don't do the thing anymore! And like maybe you help other people to not do the thing anymore! Anyways the point is that I definitely learned and grew in those 5 years. I grew as both a practitioner, but also just as a human in the world. But honestly I don't think I changed very much.

Sometimes I get freaked out by reminders of mortality. My grandfather had a health issue in 2022, and had to move out of his house and into a care facility. He's still very independent, but he's also 99. That freaked me out. I started calling him regularly, and going and visiting regularly (I haven't much the last month because my mental health has been at a Big Time Low), because it was frankly just a kick in the butt 'hey. People die. Go spend time with people. With your grandfather.' I struggle with that feeling of being freaked out. There are people you want to interact with because you're scared you may never talk to them again. But you can't just interact with those people. That's not how it works.

I recently got a similar kind of... motivation? Inspiration? Realization?? I'm not sure what to call it. But it was basically me going 'when was the last time I tried something new? When was the last time I actually stuck through with a new thing?? When was the last time I really challenged myself???' So I'm working on that now. That's where the singing class, and trying guitar, and learning about philosophy have come from. Singing class to learn something. Guitar to try and stick through with something. Philosophy to challenge myself to understand an area I don't have an inherent interest in. I want to understand. I want to learn. I want to grow.

I'm not mad that I stopped moving. I'm sad that I lost those years to depression- like I have literally lost them, I can't remember most of it- but I'm not mad at myself. Not right now, at least. I don't see a benefit to being mad at myself (that's a first). I just want to grow. I don't want to change who I am. I want to evolve. Ian evolves into... something. Not because who I am now is inadequate, or not enough. But because I want to see what else I can do.

My mum wishes everyone a happy Hogmanay every year. I've started doing that, too, the last few years. Mostly because I like the common 'blessing' that people- that my mum- use for it. May the best you've ever seen, be the worst you'll ever see. I would like to see what I can see from my next vantage point.

[mochimiyaas]

HI EM !! happy belated valentines <33 just popping in here for that ask game: 9, 12, 36, 43 >:DD

ask game

HI HI TRAU!! been a while!! happy belated valentine to you too!! 🥺❤️💜

9. which do you prefer? hot or cold coffee?

i don't mind coffee either way tbh; i do tend to buy iced coffee or those bottled starbucks cold coffees (mocha, caramel, vanilla, etc.) more though..... hm...

12. what kind of day is it?

(.....i'm gonna assume this question refers to weather) it's really nice out! lots of sunshine, 65 degrees fahrenheit. though we're supposed to get lots of rain the next couple/few days. i'm preparing myself mentally for my inevitable migraines those days. aaaaa

36. how many times have you changed your url?

not much to be honest. i made this account way back in 2014?? or was it 2018? when did the haikyuu manga end? around then. and stuck with it ever since. if i want to "change my url" i just make a sideblog with the new one. lol how many times have i changed my theme tho~ is another question~ ahahahaha *looks away* ........thinking of changing it again, actually. i've had nothing but shiba yuzuha on the brain lately. aaaaaa

43. what's your take on spicy foods?

AHAHAH i technically have no tolerance for spicy foods. orz. some korean i am /j

i don't mind spicy??? i'll eat spicy foods like pepperoni, mild salsa, OH! TEOKBOKKI (probs spelled that wrong—)!!! i love teokbokki! but anything insanely spicy??? nahhhh! there are certain dipping/spicy sauces that are all-spice-no-flavor. don't like those! i prefer the sauces that have a flavor to them as well as a tasteful kick.

the thing is,,,,,,,. my stomach will immediately violently complain! so i try to avoid anything spicy/too spicy. ehehe orz

[captain-alex-grayson]

Behold! My chaos wall. A lot of shifting was done because of the PC monitor. My laptop is a 15 inch and obviously not that tall, so my usual desk setup had to switch to avoid losing some pictures. The borderlands, pictures of Pinky, the warped tour ticket, the envelope with my name on it, and the drawings of nature and Saitama are all from 2018 to now. It is a pretty good timeline of my interests from the past 10 years of my life. From finding new music to playing games that when they released, I thought were absolute dog shit. I played a first-person shooter for real for the first time and loved how irreverent Borderlands is. I discovered Waterparks in 2018 and also started listening to more Metalcore. I grew up on numetal, so this was expected. I very much lived here on tumblr from 2014 to 2016, and it shows. One thing is for certain, throughout 10 years of my life that super cringe (I will always be a little cringe lbr), very reserved teen died. She became not as cringe and less reserved about parts of life. There are parts of you that will never change, and sometimes those parts don't need to. This wall is my growth of interests and knowledge that excites me. It is a tiny bit of my culture and my family. My new discoveries and old favorites. It shows my grief and the coping with loss. It's a very stupid, very silly, and overall a very large chart of 10 years of my life; and I haven't even finished taping up everything I have for this wall. Maybe things will leave (Newt, Newt will be leaving I don't do my HP cosplays anymore); perhaps another band will be canceled and I'll have to move them to my music box of shame. Who knows. I'm extremely sentimental about the trivial (and inherited hoarder tendencies from my family's mental illness, but I've gotten better at donating and throwing away) and the nontrivial. It's not complete growth, it's an expansion of myself; and when I look at it after sitting back in my desk chair or pausing my game from my bed, I see not just the printed pieces of paper stuck with divine intervention but also I can visualize myself from 15 to 25. Which is insane to me. 3 or so years ago, I deadass thought I wasn't going to make it to my quarter life crisis. I'm here, I made it. It sucks but it's this or nothing, so I'll take this and complain the whole way. Taking pictures of this wall to show off my room just had me thinking is all. I've currently got a shoulder injury, and my body doesn't just let me do crazy shit and walk it off anymore, so I'm confined to video games and social media.

[lebihanto-universe-blog]

Be Irresistible, Click Here Are you questioning the future of your relationship? In this video, we explore six powerful signs that indicate a breakup might be ... fuzzy blanket 80s ballads blasting and empty ice cream pints I think we all know what this means size going through a breakup if there's one thing that's true about breakups it's never easy for anyone it's ironic as we search for love and happiness we focus on uncovering the secrets to a successful marriage the signs a couple is compatible and which factors can best predict their long-term happiness in a relationship to the point that we get tunnel vision while we weren't paying attention psychologists have stumbled upon an unusual discovery breakups have unexpected benefits researchers whose work we will be touching upon later can all attest to this even though breaking up is hard to do staying in a relationship that's no longer good for you just might be worse so if you're in a relationship and wondering if a breakup might be good for you here are six signs that a breakup might be good for you a quick disclaimer though we're not telling or encouraging anyone to break up if you're thinking about breaking up with a partner because of serious relationship struggles it would be better to talk to a trusted friend or mental health professional about your specific situation alright let's get into it here we go again if you and your partner rehash the same arguments over and over you might feel like a broken record stuck in a loop on Groundhog Day while it's perfectly normal and healthy for couples to get into disagreements from time to time repeating the same argument can be unproductive according to a Healthline article from 2019 by Cindy Lamont this is a Telltale sign that it's time to break up repeating the same arguments means that you've already reached an impasse in your relationship there are certain things you just cannot agree to disagree on or refuse to compromise maybe this thing is something important to you both maybe not if you feel that you and your partner aren't compatible in your views and values this may be a sign that a breakup could be good for you that's not what I want for our relationship to stand the test of time you and your partner need to have a shared idea of your future together and mutually agree upon goals that speak to your core values as a couple the moment these goals become misaligned then it's definitely going to cause a rift between you two sometimes the two ideas may be totally different but other times it can even look like your partner deciding their goals are more important forcing you to put your ideas on hold and according to a 2014 study about breakup benefits having a greater sense of self-direction is one of the benefits of breaking up with someone so if you're feeling like there's no room for you and your beliefs and goals in your relationship it might be time for a breakup to allow you time to flourish I'm fine as with any relationship romantic or platonic the emotional needs of both parties involved need to be met to feel satisfied by the relationship these needs can be quality time affection Assurance Mutual trust respect you get it so if you're in a relationship where your needs are no longer being met then a breakup might be good for you if you stay in a relationship where your needs aren't met it's possible that you may begin to ignore your own needs or resent your partner for ignoring them as was shown in one study by Stack hurt and bersic emotional distance while your whole world certainly doesn't need to revolve around your significant other for it to be considered a loving and healthy relationship you do need to have a certain amount of emotional closeness and intimacy with one another as studies like Abdul kalaks have pointed out the greater the emotional Intimacy in the relationship the better the couple's quality of life and psychological adjustment you've noticed yourself growing closer to other people and wanting

to spend more time with them instead of your partner then there's a good chance that the two of you have already drifted apart let's say you and your friends are out for a night on the town celebrating someone's recent promotion when it's time to go home are you happy to go home to your significant other or do you try to convince the group to grab some food before calling it a night what about after work do you run errands or make plans to avoid going home this could be a sign that it's time to break up the light switch relationship like we said before breakups suck being in an on-again off-again relationship can just keep that pain coming back around and around think like Ross and Rachel every time they broke up they were sad telling the other friends how they missed each other and even more jealous of new partners now there's nothing wrong with finding love with the same person the second time around remember even Ross and Rachel ended up together but there are differences between TV and real life when you're in a true on-again off-again situation it can be confusing and emotionally draining both parties involved when you go back to the on-again phase this might be done out of loneliness and a desire for something familiar according to a 2009 study by Melissa Ramsey Miller in instances like this it's ultimately better to let them go and move on yourself than to keep you both trapped in this unhealthy cycle and are you better with or without does your sense of obligation to your partner keep you from chasing certain dreams or limit the opportunities you allow yourself to pursue do you feel that certain opinions or beliefs between you and your partner Clash so you minimize them to avoid conflicts do you get the sense that your personalities don't complement each other well this can be a difficult thing to admit but you owe it to yourself to be honest if you answered yes to any of these questions it might be worth thinking about what it may be like if you weren't with them anymore studies as the ones by Alicia Franklin in 2015 and the 2013 study led by Thai tashiro showed that there are considerable benefits to breaking up like the ones we've discussed here while it's never easy to let go of someone you love and and a once happy relationship the truth is that sometimes people grow apart and our paths can take us in different directions in life as the famous Marilyn Monroe quote goes Things Fall Apart so better things can fall together ultimately even the heartbreaking end of a relationship can lead to a lot of beautiful personal growth and self-discovery are there any other signs that you know of that could mean a breakup may be good for you let us know in the comments below see you next time ...

[flowerstokiev]

I'm taking back my old username. I hate that I felt the need to change it from "flowerstokiev" bc I didn't want anyone to think I was making a statement. I came up with that name bc I myself am Ukrainian. The flowers were my sadness with everything. I wanted to go to uni in Sevastopol. The invasion happened on my last fucking year of secondary school, as I was filling out applications. How bright my thoughts were back then, how hopeful I was for the future. I'm in a different country now, an entire ocean away. Why do I still care? That was almost 10 years ago, what will any of this accomplish? I still feel so lost, like there's no direction to go in for me. My mental health is too fucked for me to do normal person jobs so I'm not even sure what career I want to do, that I can stand for a few decades even. But I gotta be honest, I really don't know if I'm even going to make it another decade. I've put sooo many miles on this body and I'm still self destructive as ever. I know I've made progress but I also feel like I haven't gone anywhere. I feel like I'm mentally stuck in 2014 and the world just gets darker and more grey as time passes by like a flower wilts and dies.

I don't even know if fixing my relationship with food is worth it at this point. I'm broken as fuck with my safe foods having a 400% price increase since 2yrs ago. I'm trying to self harm through food sometimes by like dumping hot sauce on it and forcing myself to eat it. I can't eat after I make it, it has to sit for like 15 minutes or whatever number my head feels like today. I can't even let myself enjoy the stuff that takes up like 25% of my income. Like fuck, something like 65% is taken up with rent, bills, and taking care of 3 cats that have all been dumped on me and/or decided I'm their mom now. I'm too soft to kick them out even though I'm allergic and guess who can't afford allergy meds anymore. Yee fucking ha. To top it all off, I don't have any blood relatives left. Last of my line at a whole 26 years old, what a time to be alive.