#i think i or someone else has made a post like this b4 but I'M FEELING IT

[xxbl00ds0akeds3raxx]

hey, fifi? seraphina? my love, my one and only… we really need to talk.

i was reading through your old posts and i found some REALLY weird stuff there.

like, okay, i know we’ve talked about ur other… flings before. i’ll tolerate them for you, you still know that. but.. what’s this about working at the brothel??? PLEASE tell me someone was joking writing that… in all of those asks… this has to be some weird joke, right???

at least with ur modeling and streaming, i can keep you safe. no one can hurt u there. but the brothel? sure, the whole town is crawling with rapists, but why would u intentionally go where they’re all gathered??? u even SAID that u KNOW it’s unsafe. why do u keep working there? it has to be a joke. if it’s not, u need to quit.

please. I can get us a flat or something since u can’t stay at my house. or get my parents to like u more. It’ll just take a bit more time. u don’t have to keep working to earn money. or at least not there. i could keep us safe, and happy… i just don’t know why u don’t trust me to do that!!

…i need to go look through the rest of ur posts now too. don’t block me, i have other accounts too, you already know that. u can’t keep hiding these things from me.

is there anything else u want to admit now too?? u know i'll find out eventually.

i’m TRYING to be good for u here. but it’s getting really fucking hard. i'm just trying to protect u.

…please reply.

- kylar

hhh hello kylar! my love, my pretty boy!!! umm!! tha thing abt my old posts is that they r old! ^.^ no need to look through the rest of them. not that i'm hiding anything from u— i just think we should talk b4 u... mmm, rile urself up more maybe ??

ofc i have no reason 2 lie to u sooo ahaha... ^_^ yes, i used to work at the brothel. i mean...,, i technically still do but mostly just to restock the facilities! i dont dance anymore. except for fridays,,, but all of that is very meticulously planned out and none of it is real! just a show!! briar makes sure it's safe 4 me bc umm the audience rlly likes me and i make her a lot of money so i can't just... quit really–

i don't have 2 fuck anyone there anymore, so its okay, right?? i could go over tha terms n conditions of shows w/ u if it'd make u more comfortable ??? ^^' i swear ik what i'm doing & i am being safe now, i didn't tell u bcos i knew u wld get worried and i never want to make u upset im sorry :((

baby, that sounds wonderful but... how would you even afford a flat— ? i mean, i could pitch in of course, but i still have to pay off bailey :/ and i have 2 be responsible 4 robin as well,,, u know im working hard 2 get on ur parents good sides but it will take time ಥ_ಥ

i do trust u!! i know u have my best interest in mind <3 it's just that um... sometimes wat u want isn't... realistic- like,,, even if i did quit, the problems wouldn't go away. i made my bed n now i gotta lie in it & until i have tha resources to cover it up,,, its smth we have 2 live w/ 〒▽〒 ghhh im sorry that i've dragged u into all of this :( i will make it up 2 u i promise !!!

u are being so good and i'm so proud of u, i love u so much <3 plz be patient w/ me, i'm also trying,,,

[480pfootage]

If you don't mind me asking, what's so appealing to you about Kate The Chaser and Nurse Ann?

Well there's not really a concrete factor that appeals to me from the both of them.. they're both really interesting characters on their own right and it'll be hard to just pinpoint it into something that they have in common so I hope you don't mind a little.. rant

I recall knowing both these characters from way back when the fandom was in its prime. I wasn't very interested in them as a kid due to the lack of content they had.. Kate was really just there to act as the "girl in the group" for the proxies and Ann didn't have anything canon to her except that she was against Judge Angel and whatever else was in her reference sheet... Kate was the one that got to me first when I came back into the fandom. I had some spare money and bought Slender: The Arrival and Kate's story was so.... awesome

Even in the context of my own canon Kate is one of the only proxies that regrets what she has done/what she's doing other than Tim (the writings on the walls b4 the radio tower shows her admitting her guilt). Brian's apathetic and Toby likes the hunt. Yet she's still forced to keep doing it which we can see with her sort of rabid act in her levels in STA. What I find really interesting about her is her relationship with the other characters in her story, especially with CR (as much as I hate him). She's tricked into believing that the radio tower was safe when all CR wanted was to lead her to her death. The guilt she must've felt after fleeing from CR once she heard of his Alex Kralie-like plan and leaving him to get mauled by Charlie. The guilt she feels when she gets moments of clarity and realizes that she's making Lauren go through the same thing. And when it's all over and she's left a burnt shell of herself.. stumbling and doing whatever she's asked to do without the need of force.. Her and the side of her that growls and bites are one of the same.. awesome

Now Ann.. She appeals to me in the way that her tits bounce and she's dead joking I think I really got into Ann after seeing a drawing of her done by @/fatheroplants ... I understood that she was dead and she kills only to make sure her body stays working and all that but actually seeing it drawn... Stitches falling apart.. her insides showing.. wowwww... Of course I had to make up some parts for her since she doesn't really have anything i could go off on.. but to me she's a ww2 nurse that made a deal with slender to keep on living during so she could keep healing to the best of her abilities. I feel like Ann is a much needed character in the pasta universe due to her being kind. Not like those who think they're doing the right thing with their killings, but someone who is genuinely kind.

okay rant over I'm sorry for not going into too much with ann but this post is long enough! TLDR they're awesome characters and girl pastas need more attention and analysis done on them!

[blxetsi]

armin arlert, mikasa ackerman, and eren jaeger polyamorous headcanons (modern au)

armin arlert x gn!reader, mikasa ackerman x gn!reader, eren jaeger x gn!reader, mikasa x armin x eren x gn!reader

warnings: uhh fluff, this is very long, reader has a gf b4 getting w ema,

this is like my first post since feb that isnt a request 😍😍😍 how did i pull this out of my ass

- obv eren, mikasa, and armin have been besties since childhood so its no wonder they all got together first 🤩🙏

- and theyre all hot so why wouldnt they wanna date each other

- i think armin and eren wouldve gotten together first, and then invited mikasa into their relationship

- the three of them have been officially going steady for like over a year now, and its going really well

- they didnt really expect you to drop into their lives tho

- youre an old friend of historia's and you two reconnected after you moved to the city, securing yourself a decent paying job working as a writer for the city paper

- you usually get the boring stuff, never able to get a good story to write about, focusing your time on heartwarming stories in the community or the sports column

- its boring but it pays the bills

- you were thankful when historia called you during your lunch and asked if you wanted to get drinks at a bar with her and a couple of other friends

- of course you said yes

- so historia and her girlfriend ymir picked you up after work, having dinner with them after a long week was the best, but you were a bit nervous to meet all of their friends

- thats how you met eren, mikasa and armin

- at first you were sure that mikasa and eren were dating, seeing as mikasa had her head on the taller man's shoulder, while his arm was wrapped around her

- but when armin leaned down to give mikasa a kiss before heading off to the bar you werent so sure

- ymir pulled you away to get more drinks and explained to you what the situation was, while commenting on the way you gawked at the three of them before

- you were embarassed to say the least but they didnt bring it up that night so you hoped the throuple didnt notice (they did)

- you really hit it off with all of them though, especially sasha and jean, and were constantly talked about among the friend group

- because of your demanding job dealing with writers block and deadlines you couldnt really meet up with all of them often, usually just having sleepovers at ymir and historia's apartment, the three of you drinking while you wrote on your laptop

- after a couple months of casual hangouts with historia and ymir and their friends, you kinda became one of them too which was nice

- you were added to the groupchat, you all followed each other on social media, and a certain brunet had taken a liking to you

- eren didnt know why exactly he was so attracted to you but he was, maybe it was your hair, or how pretty your skin looked even when oily or with breakouts, maybe it was your smile or your body or your sense of humor or you kindness or maybe it was all of it

- eren jaeger would always stay faithful to his boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they could add another person into the mix, more to love right ?

- he had only known you for a couple of months though, he didnt want to jump the gun and bring this up with his partners so soon, especially if they didnt feel the same way he did

- and it would be a bummer if you turned out to be a bad person or smth

- so summer rolls around with lots of memories being made with your new friends, as well as friends from work, and you get a girlfriend ??

- shes not really your girlfriend you two have only been out on a couple of dates and she kisses you a lot but, you havent talked about labels

- one night you, along with your friends are back at the same bar where you first met them

"so, tell us about the girl youre seeing." ymir says, smirking over her beer.

eren's ears perked up at the mention of you seeing someone. "girl ?"

historia nodded. "mhm ! y/n's been talking to someone recently, they've gone on dates and kissed and stuff."

"and stuff, jesus tori you make it sound like we've had sex." you sighed.

the blonde just laughed, leaning her body onto her freckled companion.

"well ? what about her ?" eren asks. armin slapped him on the arm, already having suspicions about eren's interest in you.

your shoulders sagged. "well, she's great and everything, truly..."

"but ? is there a but in this ?" connie asked. sasha started laughing at connie's use of the word but, while jean slapped the girl on the arm because of her reaction.

you shrugged, swirling what was left of your fruity cocktail in your glass. "well, i'm not sure. she's very lively, and sweet. but i don't know, i just don't see myself being able to be in a steady relationship with her."

"so you're gonna end it ?" eren asked. you thought he seemed a bit too eager about your failure in the love department.

"why do you care so much ? you like the thought of me being lonely ?" you shot back, before downing the rest of your drink.

"no i just-"

"i think what eren means is," mikasa intervened, her smooth voice calming you as she looked at you with a smile on her face. "is that there's no point in staying with her if you can't see yourself with her. don't lead her on."

you nodded. "you're exactly right my friend. which is the plan for tonight because i," you quickly checked the time on your phone. 8:17. "have a date with miss molly at nine, so i will be taking my leave."

the group engaged in a chorus of boos for leaving so early, while you chuckled and took the lighthearted insults thrown at you by sasha and connie with ease. grabbing all of your things you put down two twenties onto the table. "i'll see you guys later, have a goodnight." as you walked off you heard jean yell "have a good time you heartbreaker !" making you shake your head

- the date with molly went less then well. she yelled, and cried, and even tried hitting you at one point. your walk back from the park was spent blocking her on every form of social media you followed her on, and when you got back to your apartment you spent the night in a hot bath before retiring to bed

- meanwhile, armin and mikasa were trying to pry the truth out of eren, who was constantly denying his attraction to you

- finally mikasa took one for the team "eren, you aren't alone with the way you feel, i do too." this made eren more willing to open up to his partners

- armin doesnt say anything about you, only saying how youre kind. he doesnt feel the way that his girlfriend and boyfriend do, but he knows that may change

- soon enough, more time flies and christmas rolls around, with you all deciding to have a secret santa get together.

- historia invites everyone to her home on christmas eve, with ymir begrudgingly allowing it

- bertholdt and annie come too, reiner not being able to make it due to going home for christmas, while everyone else decided to stay in the city

- you picked out your secret santas at the beginning of november so you would all have enough time to find something for each other, you hoped whoever picked your name gave you something good

- after hours of games and karaoke and drinking you all decided it was time to open the presents

- ymir got socks from bertholdt, connie got an ugly beanie from ymir, historia got new pens from mikasa, mikasa got knitting needles from annie, annie got a dumbell from eren, jean got a not so appropriate t shirt from connie, jean gave sasha more comic books, armin gave new stationary paper to bertholdt, sasha gifted you that new biography you've been wanting to read and you gave armin your old copy of frankenstein by mary shelley

- he was surprised but very thankful, "how did you know i needed a new copy ?" "well i remember you said eren spilt water on your old one, and the pages just stuck together so i thought you might as well have mine"

- it warmed armin's heart that you remembered something so insignificant, and opened him up to the thought of being with you

- the rest of the night was spent with hugs and thankfulness, cheering when the clock struck 12 and it became christmas day

- after getting things cleaned up everyone decided it was time to leave, with armin, eren and mikasa offering to give you a ride home

- a ride where armin straight up kissed you in the backseat

- you stopped him of course, thinking that it was weird he would cheat on his partners right in front of them, while they were shocked all on their own for different reasons, armin who didnt have feelings for you KISSED you

- and surprisingly armin took the lead in explaining how he felt, why he kissed you, an apology for doing so, and an offer to start dating all three of them

- your heart was pounding in your ears and your entire face felt hot, it was probably the alcohol, or the way his lips felt so soft when they touched yours, so you said yes.

- its not smooth sailing from there

- youre kind of awkward

- this is your first relationship where you really feel like you could love these guys (you already do) but its also your first relationship with multiple people

- the trio start inviting you over more often, soon for sleepovers, and start inviting themselves over at your own place, mainly eren

- he just comes at random times, sometimes when youre not even there and waits for you, or stays and cleans up a bit before leaving

- armin and you share a deep love of literature, and you often find yourselves in hot debates about whatever youve read (mikasa and eren have to pry you two away before things get physical)

- mikasa likes to cook with you, she shares recipes that her mom taught her, and her and armin love to cook dinner together whereas eren is the breakfast maker of the household

- the first time you slept in the same bed as them you were so nervous your whole body thumped to the tune of your heartbeat, you were convinced armin could even hear it as he was laying beside you, but eren wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his large chest before whispering "youre as stiff as a board, relax honey"

- eren snores, mikasa drools, armin has those dreams where you fall and then violently wake up before you hit the ground

- slowly but surely you stop thinking about your relationship as the trio and you, but as all of you together, and that really helps you come out of your shell a bit

- you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and there may be bumps along the way, but you like being with armin, eren, and mikasa. they make you so happy, it feels like the happiest youve been in a long time

- you like watching eren and armin dance in the living room while you and mikasa cuddle on the couch, before the boys pull you two up as well

- you like when armin reads to you, his soft voice reciting the words of the great gatsby

- you like it when eren can just tell youve had a rough day, and pulls you into a hug like hes protecting you from all the bad things in the world

- you love being with them. you love them. and you think that theyre it for you

i rushed the ending bc im fucking tired but i kinda wanna do a poly!series with like sasha, connie and jean, or annie, bertholdt and reiner, or any other poly ships u guys may request !

so yeah pls give me feedback it rlly helps me figure out whether you want a polyamorous series (or just like what i write in general), and it would be my first series ever which would be super cool anyways

yeah requests open for poly!ships anyways

[captainclervals]

2 lazy to log into my frankenstein acc to send this anyway…

i’ve made a post abt this b4 on clervalsteins i think maybe not actually but i do really enjoy exploring the idea of walton teaching victor love again (even if it’s never mutual romantic love between them), especially after henry. how much would victor have to relearn and understand while also finding out things that are new . . . IDK IF THIS MAKES SENSE !! but it’s just the idea of victor finding a sense of love again in walton whether it’s platonic or romantic, in ways that clerval couldn’t touch because they were special to walton or ways that hadn’t been touched Since him.

either way victor would never share those thoughts with walton since he’s terrified of hurting another person… ANYWAY sorry if you literally can’t answer this i just saw u wanted to talk abt frankenstein to people but i am horrible at dms so i send this

I saved this for when i could sit and type up a response at length because YOU ARE SO RIGHT. YOU. YOU GET IT. POINTS.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE CONCEPT!! I don't know why it appeals to me so much bahaha it's not just tragedy (the effects of which might be painful but are so interesting to explore in stories) but it's also the. hmm. hm. the opportunity for them both to learn something new, to improve their worst qualities, to unwittingly stumble across a compromise by each giving up what they want most and finding that by giving up their own selfish hopes or desires and no longer trying to apply certain roles to each other, they can learn who each other really is and appreciate for who they are, not who they hope they'd be

wait this has to go under a readmore i'm about to ramble so much

because like. at the start. there's so much one-sided passion and walton falls in love with the concept of victor more than who victor really is. he knows his whole life story yet doesn't really know him at all, he's just this picture of someone educated and refined who made that expedition into the uncharted territory of science and discovered something incredible and he's everything that walton admires and wishes to be and there's this weird.... parasocial element... he knows everything about him factually but doesn't truly know him personally and theres a massive gap to be bridged

i've written up so many fics on this concept but i LOVE speculating on the possibilities of how their relationship could have developed. walton is simultaneously the perfect person to teach victor to love again but also the worst person. he shares some of victor's worst unhealthiest traits, but he also has enough traits similar to henry that victor can't just close off from him entirely even though its agonizing to receive that sort of tenderness and hear that poetry coming from someone else. if victor keeps his eyes shut, the hands tucking his blankets around him or smoothing back his hair feel so familiar, but not in the comforting way that grounds him and reminds him that he's safe, but familiar like a ghost of someone he loved, and it only reminds him of what's not there anymore

and he commits himself to taking walton as his second chance, not seeing him as his own person worthy of respect and honesty and understanding, but as someone victor can make it up to, a chance to do things differently. if he hurt walton, not only would he have the guilt of him alone, but another fresh wave of the guilt he's had over henry, and his family, like it's happening all over again and he knows he can't handle that so he resigns to appeasing walton just to stave off that guilt—but doesn't consider the guilt of hiding his feelings from walton and confusing him and making him feel even more distanced because he can tell victor is unhappy, but victor is an expert at not telling the truth about the reasons for his misery and didn't learn his lesson about telling the truth, however bitter and painful, to save those around him even more pain, so by keeping it to himself in hopes of not hurting walton he just hurts him even more

they could both learn SO MUCH through each other in repairing their faults.... and i'd like to think that with time together, they do start learning who they really are. victor doesnt have to feel like he owes walton what he gave or couldnt give to henry. walton realizes that victor is just another person, deeply flawed, and instead of elevating him on a pedestal and keeping himself beneath him, he starts to see him on equal grounds. he wasnt a beautiful mysterious gift left by some divine intervention in waltons path meant just for him to fill that empty place in his heart like nobody else could—he's just a person who lived his own life and made his own decisions. and even though walton spent his life longing for someone just like victor, already in love with him before theyd ever even met, itd never mattered to victor whether walton existed at all, and when he accepts that it opens up a new kind of respect. the healthy kind of respect between friends, the kind that lets you talk candidly and be honest and set boundaries and love each other a lot more as a result

I much prefer an outcome of like. its never mutually romantic, and as much as walton craves that type of relationship, he knows victor doesn't want it, and he accepts that and respects it and is content to have him in his life in any capacity. and to some degree victor can't understand it because he knows walton wants that intimacy, how can he be happy with it out of reach? he's an explorer at heart, his dream is to be the first to set foot where nobody else has, shouldnt victor be that temptation for him? but he never tries to recklessly conquer his heart despite that overwhelming level of devotion and passion.

and slowly victor could realize that there's different ways to love,, he would hate to acknowledge that what he feels is love because he's learned how love puts people in dangerous situations—look what happened to everyone else he loved, admitting love is just putting a target of misfortune on them, admitting it would be telling the rest of the world to turn on them—but could he actually call it love? it doesnt feel anything like he felt for his siblings, or the rest of his family, or his friends, or henry, and somehow it's both the familiar and unfamiliar in one, and secure and confusing, and he doesn't want to delve into uncharted territory anymore or learn new secrets about the depths of human emotion or pinpoint something else undiscovered—he didnt give his creation a name and he doesnt even want to try giving this a name. if he doesnt give it a name, he can't claim it and it can't be a part of him

meanwhile walton doesnt even consider the semantics. he doesnt need to justify how he feels by separating it from everything else and putting it in a box. he loves victor in a different way than hes ever loved anyone else and he's so acutely aware of how overwhelming and consuming it is but he knows that it's still love, and that the love he feels for victor doesn't replace or negate the love he feels for his sister or his nieces or his friends. and victor can slowly learn that aspect too, learn that feeling and accepting a new love doesnt mean he's replacing the old ones, or dismissing them, or trying to forget they ever existed, and a fresh love that brings him happiness doesnt mean he's just selfishly moving on from the ones who suffered. his brothers and sister and parents and friends and henry all loved him, they wouldnt want him to wander alone and aimless in misery the rest of his life, they would want him to find love and safety somewhere

and the moment he stops living like a martyr and piously renouncing any comforts or joys in life and devoting himself to emotional suffering just to "make up" in any degree for what he's done, he actually could start recovering and growing. then he could genuinely start pouring love and energy and compassion into others the way he never truly could when he was focused so much on himself and his own feelings and maybe at some point he could accept that, while it is a tragedy that he couldn't have given so much of himself in the past to those he loved, and while maybe he could have prevented so many of those disasters, what he does in the present is still worth it

[borom1r]

wait omg I didn't know it was your birthday?? hsnsjsjs genuinely sorry if I missed a post but!!! happy birthday <33 talking w u genuinely makes me so happy and I'm rlly glad we're friends!!!

But um!! Adz asks!! Honestly I wld like to hear abt some of his mannerisms and the way he perceives the things around him and subsequently how he interacts! I know you've talked a bit abt that b4 but I'm genuinely so curious - and it can be either his protogen form or the other, whichever you prefer!! And then like, maybe more abt the first time Sen kinda realized he loved Adz/that his feelings went beyond wanting to protect him!! I hope that's not too much + that it helps at least a little,,

ahh dude it’s ok u didn’t miss anything;; my birthday isn’t actually until the 10th but it’s been uh. hitting a little hard that out of my family the only person who reached out is my Mother (im rlly glad we’re friends too!)

+ aa! ok for Adz’s perception I think it’s very much key that he was a medic. a specially-trained, genetically engineered medic who was designed to recognize injuries automatically and read people to such a degree that he could see past whenever anyone was downplaying things— so he’s both incredibly analytical and observant. this shows in his photography, in that it’s not so much an artistic pursuit as it is a way to catalogue things he values. very often it winds up looking like textbook photography, because he is detached by necessity and by training. his passion for it comes not from the pursuit itself but from the fact that he is expending time + energy to have a physical memory.

that’s also part of why he’s so standoffish after being freed from Primogenitor control— he was MADE to be detached, because it wouldn’t do to have a field medic getting emotional every time a Protogen he was deployed with suffered a crippling injury or died, and it’s not easy to break out of that mindset. he’s reacting to suddenly being faced with the reality that each life around him is just that: a life with value belonging to a unique being with hopes and dreams. he’s not an unfeeling machine and neither is anyone else around him, and suddenly he’s staring down photographic memories of Protogen after Protogen he either watched die or actively put out of their misery because, statistically, it just wasn’t worth it to try to save them (except it WAS, he just didn’t have any control). the idea of getting close to someone again and being intimately aware of their status because that is what he was made to perceive is… difficult.

this gives him an interesting personality combo of Just Kind Of A Dick and Really Nurturing, because he HAS all these skills and never had any say in how he used them— which is why his and Sen’s first meeting was after Sen got in a fight, and Adz spends the entire time patching him up while verbally tearing him a new asshole for being so stupid as to get into a four-on-one fight even IF he’s a combat Proto. Adz can’t just walk away, but goddamn it he’s gonna make sure Sen is painfully aware that THAT was some fucking bullshit, mister, and next time he might not be there to patch Sen up! (which makes Sen smile because oh, so there might be a next time where Adz IS there?)

as far as specific mannerisms, he’s very tactile in general— so is Sen, but it’s mostly evident when he’s focused. Adz NEEDS to have something to do with his hands; if he gets really worked up Sen will let him snuggle up against his side + play with his fur until he calms down. that is by far his favorite stim; Adz is also prone to rearranging things/fiddling with the space around him. he NEEDS things to be as close to perfect as possible, easily regulated and overall safe. especially now that he’s close to someone because the idea that Sen could be hurt by something he could control is distressing; of course he’s trained to dismiss unavoidable risks (if he wants to cook, he can’t very well tear out their stove) but he will rearrange their knife drawer multiple times because he can control that but it’s also. a knife drawer. he winds up buying an actual knife block after a while because he was just never happy with the drawer, and the thought wouldn’t leave him alone.

that’s actually a source of some issues for them at first, because Sen was trained to ignore his own body and fight as long and hard as possible, so to him, he could be missing a limb and be “just fine” but Adz would freak. they work through it of course, and Sen has learned to say “I think I’m fine” (acknowledging that to him, yea, he’s fine, but uh. he might not ACTUALLY be) and will usually follow that up w/ asking Adz for a status check— which gives Adz a way to dispel his nervous energy by focusing in on diagnosing Sen, and will give him clear steps for treatment if Sen really needs it. (they’ve definitely had small accidents that still made Adz kinda jumpy; Sen’ll ask for a status check + Adz will tell him he’s at “approximately 90%” and that a hug will bring him back to full functionality. it’s Adz’ way of asking for reassurance without actually. asking for it sjkdhfkskjf. thankfully Sen is always willing to hug him for as long as he needs)

Adz likes to click his claws against his visor while he thinks (a reflection of my headcanon that Adam likes to hold things in his mouth ^^), and has a difficult time getting rid of things— both because he never had things before and now, like, they’re His Things, they’re evidence he exists as a Person, but also because he genuinely just gets attached? I think I’ve mentioned this before but Protogen do, at times, wear clothes + Adz’ fashion sense is heavily inspired by Lawrence’s in 3D! specifically his cut sweater outfit + heavy coat. Adz wore his favorite sweater until he literally couldn’t because it had fallen apart so much (an oversized, extremely soft cream-colored sweater— Sen replaced it for him + they’ve already had to patch the elbows on the new one). he doesn’t hoard things but once he Has something, he will use it until it falls apart completely because he feels bad replacing something that’s technically still functional (something that definitely stems from his trauma around having to abandon Protogen he absolutely could’ve saved, had the Primogenitor puppeting him allowed it)

+ as for Sen realizing he loved Adz <3

fhdhf it was… very much a process (for them both tbh) because Sen had a very similar mindset drilled into him of “you can’t care about people because they will die or get severely injured and you won’t always be able to do something” — less so for combat Protogen because they weren’t intended to analyze injuries like a medic, but it still wouldn’t do to have every Proto lugging around their fallen teammates just to get them to a medic. so they’re both coming into this a little wary, Adz moreso than Sen but still.

and on the flip side, Sen is also not used to being treated like he’s worth something. Sure, every Proto is replaceable, but combat Protogen are especially so— designed to be churned out and destroyed as fast as needed to fuel any ongoing Primogenitor conquests. nobody cared if they lived or died, and that’s a ghost that haunts Sen for a long, long time.

I think a big moment where it hits for him is when Adz is showing Sen his newest photographs (I think he uses a Polaroid-style camera for the most part; he prefers the physicality of it, without the hassle and time of developing the prints) and Sen realizes nearly all of them are of him. Mostly just putzing around their apartment, not doing anything noteworthy: cleaning a little, exercising, looking out the window. When he asks Adz about it, Adz just shrugs and turns one of the photos over in his hands; “I like remembering you.”

and Sen knows why Adz takes pictures, because he wants physical copies of moments he feels are most important. He’s making a choice to remember, not being forced to by implants in his brain, and it’s a very powerful way for Adz to come into himself beyond what the Primogenitors made of him. and Sen is staring down at a pile of memories that are 85% him. All these moments where Adz thought “this will be important, this is a memory I want to hold on my hands” and it’s him. he doesn’t express it out loud but that is a very powerful thought when he’s been struggling with this idea that he is inherently worthless.

it takes him a loooot longer to say it out loud but that is absolutely the first time Sen realizes he loves Adz, for realsies, and doesn’t want to let him go

[joyofbebbanburg]

Wrote this for @amofbebbanburg

My amazing sister. Now it's not spell checked or anything I am actually recovering from wisdom teeth removal so super tired, alot of pain and falling asleep alot so bare with all my mistakes and fuck ups

Love you girly.

Also I do not own any pics or video.

*************

You were an actress for the hit show Vikings.

You got act along some some great people but theres one man in particular you enjoy working with..in fact you play his love intrest. You bare his children in the show and everything.... Alexander Ludwig.

You were madly in love with him and it seemed as if he loved u back that even the fans picked up on this during interviews or just when you both are out together or posting about eachother

Some where super sweet but others...were not.

Some wanted Alex with someone better in their eyes and some loved you guys.

You and Alex had basically became a couple but with no label

You knew for a fact he was not seeing ot talking to anyone, and he knew the same was true for you.

But fans decided to break you guys apart. They had no idea that you and him didnt have a label.

Some fans made fake edits that looked real but if you looked close enough you could see it was edited or they used old pictures and edit those to make it look up to date.

They posted them everywhere after you latest interview with Alex. (Think of the video of travis placing his hand on the glass looking like hes grabbing Kate's butt )

Alex had put his hand on the glass so fans blew saw it looked like he was touching your butt. You caught him and laughed while playfully pushing him and he pulls you close and kissed your head but kept you in his arms.

This is what pissed some fans off and the pictures where released

You and Alex had just finished an interview where they asked if you guys were a couple and you both smiled and just said

"We have alot of fun with eachother. Shes my best friend and I can share the world with her." Alex said

"And I feel the same hes my best friend and I share everything. My whole world with him. So take that as u may" u had smiled

After the interview you and Alex went out for lunch and then back to his hotel room to relax a while.

You both ended up in a heavy make out like normal...you just wish you knew what you and him were.

But you were not turning down a make out or anything more from him.

You guys did feel like a couple so maybe you were but no label. Maybe he assumed you both where together alrrady.

He eventually got up to take a shower and you scrolled thru Instagram.

That's when u saw the pictures

"Omg Am Is not who Alexander needs. He knows it too because he was caught kissing this beautiful woman and it's not Am" a fan shared some edited pics. Then u saw the video

https://youtu.be/4LRtL3x6HhU

You jaw and heart dropped.

It looked so real.

What if u assumed wrong..what if he only saw you as a fuck. What if you were nothing more than someone to be with until he could see this woman again....

Your eyes watered

You quickly wiped them away though. You guys never had a label so you can't be upset but you can stop this before you get hurt worse.

Alex steps out the bathroom after his shower and he drys off but stays naked.

"Hey actually I need to head back to my room. I'm just not feeling well and I dont wanna get you sick " you lie and stand up grabbing ur bag

"Hold up let me walk you" he says jumping up and throwing on pants a shirt.

"No it's okay Alex you dont have too. I can get myself there. No worries. Really don't wanna get you sick hun especially if ur gonna wanna see ur other girl after this press tour ends tomorrow. You dont need to be sick." U fake a smile and get out of his room fast an lock yourself away in your own room.

Alex stood there shocked. You said he had another girl....but he didnt. He only had you. He only loved you. No one else but you.

He sat on his bed and scrolled thru insta when he also saw this pictures and captions..he knew u had seen this but these where clearly fake. Because in these pics be does have his tattoo on hid arm and he has a new on that no one has seen b4 and hed use that to prove to you he loves you

He called you but u never picked up. He text you and you replied one time.

"Alex look I think you should finally commit3to your girl. Honesty if I knew you were seeing someone...I wouldnt have been with you. But I was and I fell for you and I need space know so we can be friends again later...but just friends...I wont the the whore everyone thinks I am by being with you. Because that's not the person I am. I had a great time with u Alex but I'm the one who ended up burned...goodbye " you sent to him and blocked his number and sobbed

Alex couldnt text you or call and he was panicking. He knocked on your door but u ignored it.

You refused to see him unless work related.

"Am it's not real....its just you...always has been and you'll see I'm telling the truth. He says and you hear him walk back to his and You sighed.

Alex placed back and forth until he made a choice

He went live and waited for enough followers..mainly you.

You joined but only for a bjt.

Enough to hear him rip a new one on the fans who did the edits

"I know the people who made the ed ih ts are here and in want to say. You guys are sick. Trying to ruin peoples lives just because you dont like a person you dont even know!

She was my girl...and I had the perfect woman..but because some fans hated that ymthey had to ruin things...I was going to show her tonight something special..it would have made us official but...we couldnt because sof you people who made the edits...Amqnda baby I know you watching ..please just look. " he says and he lifts his shir my his bicep (the other one)

Ut was your name in runes and u teared up.

" it's always been you...so come here babygirl " he says and ubbo ln red to his room and knocked.

He turned off his live and opened the door

"Alex .....you..love me?" U ask and he chuckles

"Yes baby. Only you..now come back I cant sleep without my woman next to me" he says.

"ur woman?" U asked

"Yes ur my woman now " he smiles and yall share a sweet kiss.

"I love you..only you" he says and brings u in to have a sweet passionate kiss.

You weren't sure how things would go in the future but right know its looking pretty damn great. Your happy where your at for now.

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/540333002743372/posts/2796680837108566/

👏 ty!

But not to blow it out if proportion, there's huge similarities between a leo sign & a possible narcy in general, though im not sure which or both characteristics are the case 🤔 Both show signs of being closed off & are slow to open up for example, which i found intriguing. Both together represent positive vs negative & everything in between. I wouldn't want to make an excuse for myself to be okay with his behavior in any way, but ive accepted he is who he is 🤷‍♀️ & love him anyway regardless of what he may think of me or the bad I may think of him. There's alot of good underneath the mystery, & its that goodness on the inside that attracted me to him in the 1st place. It makes me wonder though how complicated of a person he really is on the inside 😅 Im not saying he is a narcy, only that its a possibility & doesn't hurt for him to look into it to maybe be more knowledgeable of a person for his own benefit.

Yes i do ache for him still, whether its due to being under a narcys power, or that we didn't get to experience what being a real couple was really like & missed out on alot, & the breakup in general...im hurting, & i will be for a while. And maybe i am making every excuse whether hate him or not, idk. Im a confused mess & im just trying to figure it all out with what 0 to little closure i was given

Shouldn't be stressing about it at all but I cant help myself with all the good from it I choose to see it outweighs the bad...which it did, not cuz im passive af lol,but cuz I wholeheartedly see the best in them even now. I even fueled their ego cuz it made em happy to see em smile & in turn made me happy, I was completely genuine but I know now I was enabling it lol. I know they tried their best but in the end things fizzled out for themselves to where I became the source of their problems, my worth to em just wasn't enough supply anymore for them to be happy. Maybe they didn't wanna hurt me & themselves anymore, technically both were suffering in diff ways & he thought we'd both be better off? I didn't think so though & was willing to see it through & improve on my end..step into gear the last few weeks to show how great I was doing lol, I didn't wanna lose him. Aight ima stop talking about him from now on b4 i get in trouble 😅

Granted I have my issues yes, but I know exactly who I am after years of figuring myself out lol.

I put myself into these positions cuz I have alot of love to give & become in denial of whats actually happening, i end up being a pushover to make someone happy. But I love & care so much even as a friend, that I still want to help even after the fact 🤷‍♀️ I don't put anything against them at least not anymore as I know its just the way they are. I've accepted it.

Sorry but let it be known for their own benefit, I've done extensive research for months now on this cuz knowledge is power, without the other knowing 😅. But i mean well 100% & with love for the other.

I knew deep down it wasn't going to last, I saw it all happening right infront of me & i couldn't do anything about it.

There's diff levels ofcourse, my own mother was the worst of it 😒 why years ago I went back to her like a lost puppy dog & I didn't know any better. Bringing it up to these people are a challenge in itself as most if not all don't know, why I keep things to myself for the most part & endure through my pain. But I know now for future reference to surround myself with people who love me for me faults & all, i have a lot of that already 🥰 I am for a fact relationship material, & anybody especially from now on...has to prove to me, show me they're worthy 1st b4 i ever jump into a relationship again. Which is why being friends 1st for yrs even with someone has always been the best thing for me to pick a suitor. Though idk how much time I have now in finding some1, but thats God's plan

Know your own shortcomings if u want to become a better u, dont put it on someone else to lift u & themselves up with little to no effort to do the same for them...its alot of weight for 1 person lol.

Aight ima stop talking about him from now on b4 i get in trouble 😅 I'm moving on, but with 1 last thing I want to help him with.

Dont have to come back to me, as a friend yea im keeping that promise. but U be good as well darlin ❤ love u stupid

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/20kz6N5J5G5SpXW1kgUnqE?si=r_3pVFFuRw6g_xbpjilJNw