#i think i need to stop thinking abt this its giving me psychic damage

[clairenatural]

i have very many thoughts about sam dean codependency for evelyn evelyn song aaa! (featuring: copy paste) (i definitely super did not refrain from imagining an animatic) (and i hyper promise i’m not a w*ncestie, i just heard this song and thought “hmmmmm”)

— maybe shortly pre-flagstaff —

sam: Why do we bother to stay?

dean: Why are you running away?

sam: Don't you feel like severing?

dean: Everything's just come together at last

sam: It's broken, I don't want to play

— (in the animatic i would put a childhood flashback™ in here)

sam: What shall we wear tonight?

dean: What shall we eat today? (this one crushed my heart particularly well!) (possible reference to the whole “dean ‘hustled’ for money whenever j*hn left them for too long” hc.”

— fast forward to dean’s 17th bday, and dean getting back to the motel room post nun incident —

dean: Fill my glass, let's drink a toast

sam: This is your birthday,

dean: so why am i weeping?

> short fast forward to later that night

sam: At your side,

dean: I feel like a ghost

sam: I wake up first,

dean: and I stare at you sleeping

— fast forward —

sam: I want to be famous.

dean (maybe post-hell pre-cas?): They're watching us anyway

— second bigger fast forward —

dean and sam: We grew up so very close

(animatic: the cool silhouette transition) A parasite needs a host (short flash of wings behind them. both of them are shadows except for dean having bright blue eyes/sam having red eyes. this is michael lucifer. this looks much cooler in my head.)

dean: I’m only trying to do what is best for us

sam, Angy: Well, I never asked for this, I never wanted this All that I want is some time to myself

dean (maybe super short flashback?): Looking in your eyes, I’m coming home

sam: Just get away from me, please just stop touching me, you’re always trying to be somebody else (that last one hits dean very very hard in the performative masculinity. he flinches.)

— here is a lot of flashbacks time —

sam: Well, you’re only scared of me

(transition)

dean: But you never cared for me

(transition)

sam: Why don’t you let me free?

(transition)

dean:‘Cause you’d never dare to be

— and then it’s dueling flashbacks? idk how explain, but just. lots of hard hitting stuff for “‘Cause you never listen, you’re always insisting (I’m just/just stop) reminiscing, I feel something missing, I just want (you here with me/my privacy)” —

God (can’t we just get along/won’t you leave me alone)?

(this is where my imagination ends. i am aaaaaaa.) (i don’t usually go in for like. brother meta i’m mostly a heller but sjsjsjsjjsjsjs aaaaa it’s about thE CODEPENDENCY?? IT’S ABOUT THE AGENCY ISSUES??? also thinking about this gave my psychic damage and i *had* to spread it.)

this is already long (ty for all the detail ily) so answer under the cut!

ok anon i’ve been holding onto this for a few days until i could sit down and actually look at it but YES let’s talk about sam and dean and codependency and evelyn evelyn 

(also. I'm so sorry we live in a world where we have to disclaim we aren’t w*ncesties whenever we talk abt the brothers ajsdhasjdad but thank u anyway)

i don’t know what more i can say tbh. thank you for taking me step by step through your cinematic masterpiece, i can imagine it and it’s! perf someone make the amv...like. the fundamental toxicity at the core of their relationship being that sam craves independence and dean cannot give that to him. and on the flip side sam fundamentally doesn’t understand why dean can’t let him leave and dean doesn’t understand why sam would even want to. it’s the “sam sees their relationship as siblings but dean sees it closer to parent and child” of it all. i am not a brothers meta writer but it DOES drive me insane!!!!! 

The entire last part (i know u did a very nice job describing stage directions for this but presented here, in its entirety):

We grew up so very close A parasite needs a host I'm only trying to do what is best for us Well, I never asked for this, I never wanted this All that I want is some time to myself Looking in your eyes, I'm coming home Just get away from me, please just stop touching me You're always trying to be somebody else Now I realize I'm not alone Well, you're only scared of me But you never cared for me Why don't you let me free? 'Cause you'd never dare to be 'Cause you never listen, you're always insisting (I'm just/just stop) reminiscing, I feel something missing I just want (you here with me/my privacy), God (can't we just get along/won't you leave me alone)?

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