#i think i need to go to sleep token rehab

[scarlet-and-ultraviolet]

Okay guys not sure if I've gone absolutely insane here but I have not been able to get that video of Vessel and IV kissing out of my head. Am I completely wrong or DOES IT LOOK LIKE VESSEL/IV IS LIFTING UP IV'S MASK SO VESSEL CAN ACTUALLY KISS HIM ON THE MOUTH???????? Please, I need that to be what I'm seeing!!

as you can see I have a problem and have been sitting here going frame by frame, back and forth trying to figure out what is happening 😅

[angst-fairygodmother]

Since you do Umbrella Academy now, can you do one where you visit Klaus in jail/the hospital/rehab and have to say your his spouse/partner in order to get in even though you're not actually together, but you wish you were so it stings?

A/N: Fake dating? I like the way you think ;) Word Count: 3255 Rating: M - references to drugs and rehab, swearing, self-depreciation

‘Guess who got thrown back in rehab’ calls were a not uncommon part of your friendship with Klaus Hargreeves, made as a courtesy so you’d know he wasn’t dead when he missed your weekly breakfasts. It would happen every couple of months when, in his impaired state, he pissed off a cop, or when he decided that the beds there were easier than trying to find one elsewhere (no matter how many times you offered for him to just move in with you he’d remained stubbornly against ‘becoming your burden’). He’d do the required time, get his sobriety token, and be right back where he started.

What was unusual was that this was not one of those calls, because you had already gotten one a few days ago and there was no way he would have been discharged, and for all the crap he pulled, he was smart enough not to get kicked out for misbehavior.

“Heeey Y/N!” his voice echoed, tinny and distorted, over your answering machine. “This place is swanky.” You tolled your eyes at his exaggerated tone. “They give us phone privileges and free time to do crossword puzzles or whatever ex-addicts do. Anyway, I’m very lonely and very bored and I miss you. You should come see me. Guests can come whenever, how weird is that? But they also do a big ‘family dinner’ on Sundays if you’d like to be part of something terrible. Love you! Come visit!”

You could hear the manic grin on his face as the message cut off with a slam. He didn’t mean anything by the words, he never did, but still they made your heart skip a beat. Anyone with half an ounce of common sense would know better to fall for their best friend, especially when he was a hopeless drug addict with, understandably, no desire to change his ways. And you knew that. Yet here you were, already mentally rearranging your schedule to let you go see him sooner rather than later, thoughts half-consumed by the idea that his gorgeous green eyes might have a special spark for you, shining on your account.

~

You shifted uncomfortably behind the woman at the reception desk ahead of you, fretting at the slightly frayed edge of your shirtsleeve, waiting for your turn to speak to the dour-looking man.

“Next!” he called gesturing for you to approach as the woman moved aside to sign in on a clipboard.

“Um, hi,” you said awkwardly, pressing your lips together. “My name is Y/N. I’m here to see Klaus…Klaus Hargreeves? He called me and asked me to come and visit, but I wasn’t home so he left it as a message and I don’t know if there are any other permissions I need or anything I was supposed to do first, he just said to come by…” you put on your most apologetic look.

He barely looked up from whatever he was doing at the desk behind the counter.

“Are you family?” you weren’t sure whether boredom or annoyance was the stronger emotion in his tone, only that it somehow carried both. “The first two weeks are limited to one designated visitor and they have to be family.”

“Oh…I…”

Your mind raced. Klaus’s message had sounded like he really wanted you there, and you were one of the few people who could say they put up with him long-term. His family were never there for him and basically saw him as a hopeless failure, so if they were the only company he was allowed to have then he would be spending his time completely alone, and probably disappointed that you didn’t stop by.

The receptionist raised an eyebrow expectantly.

“I’m his fiancé,” you blurted out before the thought could fully process.

“Fiancé?” he echoed incredulously. “Hargreeves didn’t mention a fiancé.”

“…our…families don’t like us much, so we keep the engagement secret. I mean his family doesn’t like me and mine…think…well…”

“That he’s a waste of space and you could do much better?”

“Excuse me?” you bristled at the way he sounded like he was stating the obvious.

“He’s here because he decided to mix a truly stupid amount of cocaine and ecstasy. I’m sure he’s every parent’s dream match for their child.” He rolled his eyes. “Wait here.”

He slapped a cardboard sign onto the counter that read “Please Wait, Someone Will Return Shortly” and walked briskly off down the narrow corridor.

The minutes seems to drag on like years as you waited, sure that your half-cocked story would be blown out of the water and you would be banned from the facility, maybe even escorted out by burly, terrifying security guards. You chewed anxiously on your lip, rubbing the skin of it raw.

Then, the man was back, sitting at his desk with a sigh.

“Sign this waiver.” He gestured at you vaguely with a clipboard.

You skimmed the document, noting that it mostly contained affirmations that you were not smuggling drugs, weapons, or other contraband to the patients in the facility or from them to other people, and signed it quickly, nearly throwing it in your haste to return it and get to Klaus before anyone caught on.

“Room 31, on the left. Visiting hours are over at 4pm. This isn’t the honeymoon suite at the Ritz, and Steve gets very angry when he makes his rounds and catches anything hinky.” The man waved you down the hall and you felt your face burn in embarrassment as you scurried away from him.

You stopped in front of the indicated door and hesitated, unsure whether you should knock or just walk in. The decision was made for you seconds later when the door flew open and a skinny blonde woman stumbled out, nearly crashing into you and staggering down the hall with a slurred and mumbled apology. You turned to watch her go, puzzling over how someone in rehab could seem so utterly sloshed and jumped when you heard someone cheerfully call your name. Turning back to the still open door, you spotted Klaus dangling upside down from the top bunk of the set of beds in the little grey room.

“Well don’t just stand there, get in here and give your fiancé a hug!” he laughed, arms outstretched.

A soft smile on your face, you walked over to him, closing the door as you passed. His arms wrapped around you, face pressed to your torso and soft curls tickling you. You tried not to blush as you returned the oddly positioned hug. After a moment, you both let go and he nimbly swung himself upright before dropping over the rail to stand beside you.

Gesturing dramatically to the man sleeping on the bottom bunk, very naked body only barely covered by a sheet, he shouted, “Y/N, this is my roommate Brady. Brady, my future spouse. Brady here has just gotten done having some amazing sex and will be out completely cold for the next several hours, don’t mind him.”

“Why are you shouting?” you asked, giving him a puzzled expression.

“What?!” you rolled your eyes as he rubbed at his ear and it became clear that he was, as usual, exaggerating. “Well as I just mentioned, Brady decided to hook up with one of the girls from the klepto hall, but decided to bring her here even though I was already occupying the room, and the two of them needed a truly heroic volume to drown them out. Frankly, it’s a damn shame we were warned against this visit having a conjugal nature, or I’d invite you to help me return the favor.”

He winked at you and you flushed cheeks hot with embarrassment and the knowledge of how easily you would have agreed to such a suggestion.

“Is there somewhere we can actually sit to hang out, or do we have to cram into the eighteen inches between your mattress and the ceiling?” you asked, looking more thoroughly around the room which held little more than the bunks, two sets of clear plastic drawers, and a wire shelf which held towels and toiletries not unlike what would be found in the bathroom of a cheap motel.

He held up a finger, indicating for you to wait, or possibly that he liked your idea, you weren’t sure which, and scrambled back up the ladder to his bed. A moment later he had stripped it down to the mattress and used the bedding (a sheet, a pillow, and a thin, scratchy blanket) to arrange a makeshift seating area in the corner.

He gestured to the pillow as if it were a grand throne. “For you.”

You sat, squirming a bit to get comfortable, and leaned back against the cool brick. As soon as you settled, he attempted to flop down beside you, long, leather-clad legs draped over your lap, and smacked his head against the wall in the process.

“You know Klaus, head trauma is probably not the best way to score an early release,” you teased.

He rubbed his head, wincing dramatically.

“I’m not trying to get out this time,” he said after a moment. “I’m really going to do it, follow the steps and get clean.”

You raised an incredulous eyebrow.

“I mean it. I don’t want to leave and get high again right away. I’ll…see someone or whatever about the ghost thing.��

“Who are you and what have you done with my Klaus?”

A strange expression crept over his face when you called him before his stubborn pout quickly returned.

“I’m serious, Y/N.”

“Okay,” you nodded, reaching out impulsively to take his free hand in both of yours. “I’ve always believed you can do whatever you set your mind to, and I’ll be here for you no matter what. But can I ask just one question?”

“Well sure, anything.”

“Why now? What’s different this time that you want to do this?”

“Technically that’s two questions.”

You narrowed your eyes. “And you’re deflecting.”

He shrugged sheepishly. “There’s…someone. They mean the world to me. And as Ben pointed out, no one wants an addict around, not long term. We just waste space and cause frustration. So I have to change if I want to be worth their time.”

“Woah, hey. Back up. You are more than your addiction. I am happy for you that you want to get clean, but you shouldn’t do it for someone else. For one thing, if they care about you, they’ll learn to accept that part of you and support you through it. Until and unless it’s the right time for you to get clean for you. Otherwise, you’ll end up hurting yourself, and probably self-sabotage, and it’s going to be worse in the long run. Or they’ll be your only reason to stay clean and if you lose them…”

“I…” he stared at you in silence, at a loss for words for possibly the first time in all the years you had known him.

“They make me want to be better though. They deserve better than the gutter trash, the absolute garbage, I’ve become.”

“Stop putting yourself down like that,” you growled in frustration. “It’s not helping and more importantly, it’s not true. You are funny and kind and give the best damn hugs in the entire world, even when with anyone else they’d be hella awkward. And that is worth something. Someone doesn’t see that, then you’re the one that deserves better.”

“Well…I’ve never exactly talked to them about it before, but I get the feeling they only see the best in me, somehow, and I want to be that version, their version…”

You sigh and nod. “Like I said, I’m here for you, no matter what. And I’m proud of you for wanting to make a serious try at sobriety, I hope that’s clear. I just…don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I know. I love that about you, Y/N. You’re always looking out for me.”

He smiled softly at you, shifting to rest his head on your shoulder, making it so that he was practically sitting in your lap.

“So, do I know this mystery person?” You asked, returning his smile and absently running one of your thumbs across his knuckles. “Because if not, I insist on meeting them soon and assessing for myself whether they’re good enough for my best friend.”

Your voice felt forced, strangled by the lump in your throat at the thought. You cared enough about him to want him to be happy, but it still stung in the little, jealous part of your brain that he couldn’t open his eyes and really see you, find that happiness with you.

He was silent for long enough that you wondered if he had fallen asleep on you. But when you turned to check, you found his bright green eyes staring up at you in awe and adoration. You bit your lip as you met his gaze, his focus briefly drawn downward to it before returning to the rest of you.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmured, breath tickling the side of your neck and sending shivers down your spine. “And so fucking clueless.”

You shoved him playfully to hide the way your heart raced as it dawned on you that he returned your feelings just as strongly, but he was not deterred in the slightest. He turned to lean over you, a charming smirk plastered on his beautiful face, bracing himself with one hand pressed to the wall beside your head and the other still caught between your own.

“Do you have any idea how badly I want to kiss you right now, Y/N?”

You looked up at him through your eyelashes coyly. “What are you waiting for, an engraved invitation?”

His lips dropped to yours in an instant, a growl of desire escaping in the last seconds before you connected. Your hands slipped over his shoulders, toying with the curls at the nape of his neck, and his newly freed one rose to cup the back of your neck, pulling you closer. His tongue ran along your bottom lip before he nipped at it playfully and you parted for him, sighing happily into the kiss. Your tongues danced together, exploring, teasing tasting. His fingers tangled into your hair, and one of your hands curled to grip his shoulder, nails dragging against his shirt. You couldn’t think straight, hazily aware of the need for oxygen, but not caring, not when you had him, like this, finally.

Reluctantly he pulled away, laughing as you leaned forward, chasing his retreating lips, and the two of you gasped and panted for air.

“That was even more amazing than I could have dreamed of,” he sighed dazedly. “And believe me, I’ve dreamed of doing that a lot. And…more than that.” He waggled his eyebrows at you.

You laughed, shaking your head in mock annoyance at him and he pouted.

“Why haven’t you ever said anything before?” you asked. “We could have been doing that for ages.”

“Ages? I like the sound of that. Let’s start now.”

He straddled your waist and leaned in, your second kiss just as hungry as the first, but much shorter as you pulled back.

“You’re deflecting again.”

“I had hoped that ravishing you would be enough of a distraction you wouldn’t notice.”

“You should know me better than that,” you teased. “Just answer the question and we can return to the ‘ravishing’ sooner.”

“Is that a promise?” his brows arched flirtatiously and you rolled your eyes.

“Because, fundamentally, I am a coward,” he sighed. “I know you can do better and I’ve never done anything in my life to deserve someone even half as incredible as you and I was too scared to risk losing the one good thing in my life.”

“Oh Klaus,” you tilted your head to one side and looked at him a little sadly. “You could never lose me, no matter what.”

He smiled, hopeful and tender.

“And if we’re going to be together, you can bet your ass we’re going to work on that dreadful lack of self-esteem.”

“Later.” He waved his hand dismissively. “Right now, we’re doing the fun stuff.”

Grinning, you leaned forward to kiss him again, and you both jumped at the sudden, pounding knock on the door.

“Your visiting time is up,” a voice called, drill-sergeant loud even through the wood. “You have ten minutes to clear out before I throw you out.”

Klaus sighed.

“To be continued I guess,” you said, and this time it was your turn to pout, but he remained in his spot, seated over you.

“I’m not quire done with you,” he countered, voice low and seductive, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to your jaw. “And I can get a lot done in ten minutes.”

You felt him smirk against your skin as your pulse fluttered at the suggestion in his tone. Practically melting under his touch, you let him shift you so that you were more stretched beneath him, head tilted back to still rest on the wall and chest thrust slightly upward, opening up access to a wide swath of skin. His teeth trailed lightly down the column of your throat until he reached the point where it met your shoulder and bit down. The sound you made was somewhere between a yelp and a moan, and he chuckled, filing the sound away and resolving to try and draw it out of your again in future contexts.

He continued to lavish attention on the spot, alternating soft bites and suckling with soothing his tongue on the mark, while you ran your fingers through his curls, nails scratching against his scalp in a way that drew purring groans from his lips.

“By the way, you know,” he murmured, tracing kisses back up to the spot beneath your ear and from there along your jaw. “I’m all for getting married, but don’t you think you should at least buy me dinner first?”

“What?” you frowned, the cover story you had used to get in completely forgotten in the wake of all that had happened.

“I’ve never even been in a long-term relationship, so imagine my surprise when I was informed this afternoon that my fiancé was here to see me.”

“Oh. That. I, uh…I panicked. The receptionist said family only and that was the first thing I thought of.”

“The first thing you could think of was promising to marry me?”

“Oh shut up. He bought it, and you didn’t challenge it or he wouldn’t have let me in.”

“And boy am I glad I did.” He paused, drawing back to look down at you, eyes tracing your face as if memorizing every pore. “But I don’t mind it. I like the sound of it, the idea is quite nice actually…”

You could tell he was just speaking his thoughts as they came to him. Still it made your heart skip a beat and your face flush at how quick he was to leap to the idea of the two of you getting married for real, and how completely okay, more than okay, you were with it too.

“Slow down there Klaus,” you cautioned, placing one hand on his chest to rest over his heart. “Let’s stick to pretend, for now, and maybe we can discuss the real thing once you get out of here…”

He grinned, standing and pulling you to your feet before wrapping you in his arms in a hug that you never wanted to end.

“Deal.”

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Switching Sides: Part 13 (HLITF)

if anyone possibly wants to get on a tag list I’d be happy to make one

👉 @theshove 👈

If you wanna catch up, Part 12 is right here! Happy reading :)

Premise: Growing up in a life of crime in a Japanese mafia, Atsuko Motomori has seen enough injustice to last her a lifetime. To try and give back to the universe her family has taken so much from, she dreams of being a detective from a young age. Her twin, sharing her disgust for her father and many uncles, just wants an ordinary life away from the crime, paing and suffering. Instead, she wants to be in the spotlight with the soft notes she makes with her cello. In their escape of 2015, on their coming of age birthday, they must split ways, never to be together ever again. If one was found, they didn’t want the other dragged down with them. Atsuko, having changed her name and appearance as best she can without a scalpel, sets off to start her life of car chases and arrests.

Four years in a seemingly dead-end police station in the middle of nowhere, being passed over time after time for promotion, Atsuko finally gets a shot at her dream, having been sent to an academy for the best candidates in the country by her boss who had always kept an eye out for her. After discovering her boss may have made her bite off more than she could chew, Atsuko must become the slave of a dominating instructor!? Who so just happens to be the captain of the most famous police unit in Japan? Not to mention a total knockout! Will Atsuko finally achieve her dream? Or will her new instructor put her through the wringer?

Warnings: Language, Reference to sexual activity, Forceful nature, Abuse, Kidnapping, Torture.

~~~~~~

A week and a half had passed since I awoke in the hospital. My recovery was slow, painstakingly so, and I found my thoughts trailing back to every painful memory I had. But, no matter how scared and depressed I got, Kaga would always somehow show up, explaining he had more questions for me, and I would be able to slowly explain to him the same story I had been repeating for days at that point. It was almost comforting and with the silent stare he showed me every time I was able to complete the tale, I felt myself connecting with reality a little bit more. It showed me, reporting to him, that I had lived through it.

~~~~~~

"He's being sentenced today," Juna announced as she sat on the couch in my room, eating some noodles she had bought on the way over. We both stared out the window, the sky raining down hard pellets on the city below. It was a soothing sound to fill the silence that followed her announcement.

"What... What if he doesn't get imprisoned?" I couldn't help my imagination get the better of me. What if he was set free when all the evidence magically disappeared? What if the defence was able to create enough reasonable doubt for the jury to deem him innocent? What if he didn't get a long enough sentence?

I had filmed a video of my witness statement for the courts several days ago, and that was traumatic enough. If I had to do it again in an appeal the defence made up to weaken the case, I wouldn't be able to go up in front of the world and tell my story. I couldn't share with them all my years of weakness as I allowed myself to be abused by the man who was meant to protect me.

"He's going to be put away, Katsu. Don't even put that into the universe." A displeased expression flew over Juna's face as she turned to me, cringing even at how I could think of that happening. I knew it was irrational. The case was solid. There was no way for him to snake out of this one. But, still... I couldn't help but worry.

"Oh!" Juna suddenly gasped, placing a hand on her bursting belly. She was a matter months away from the due date, so the gasp in surprised caused fear of a miscarriage to circulate my brain. I called out, questioning her what was wrong as I lifted the sheets off my legs. She laughed, jumping up and pushing me back on the bed before I could even rest my covered feet on the cold floor. I was only allowed one assisted lap around the hospital floor a day, and I had already used that token up.

"It's fine. I'm fine. Here." She smiled, taking my hand and placing it where her's had previously been. There, I felt a pressure poking from her belly and recoiled in uneasy disgust. She laughed at my childish reaction to her baby kicking and went to sit down again.

Biting the tip of my thumb, the reality of her birthing a child of her own hit me again. At least, for this one, they might not have to worry as much as we did growing up. They would still be hidden from the world, hidden from what remained of my father's mob, but maybe they would have some freedom to be happy and childish for longer than we did.

"That smells really good." I sighed, trying to distract myself from those lingering thoughts, referring to her takeout food. It felt like years since I had swallowed something solid. My stomach felt empty most of the time, but thanks to the IVs, I never felt truly hungry. Just a little uncomfortable.

Juna laughed at me, explaining that she knew I wasn't really allowed solids yet. "I had pudding yesterday! Come on, just a noodle." I pointed one finger up to show how little I needed. My jaw almost felt weak; not using it for so long. She laughed again, picking up a strand between two fingers and dropping it into her mouth teasingly.

The more we talked and she teased me, the more relaxed I became. It was only when she left did I ever let my thoughts return. Let them consume me the way they did. As she told me what romantic thing Kanto had done this morning, a knock came to my door. We both turned and my eyes grew at who stood there.

For a moment, I saw the man that fed me when I was in captivity. He smiled, holding a bag of candies in one hand, showing it to me like it was a prize. I yelled, screaming as I jumped out of my bed and pushed myself to the back corner.

"No! Go away!" I cried out, him watching my reaction made his expression fall.

"Katsu! Katsumi, calm down! It's just Noburu." Juna ran to me from the other side of the bed and held my shoulders to try and stop my kicking. Tears streamed down my face as I begged for the man to leave. I didn't want the kindness he showed me, I was so sure it was what made me feel the true extent of the pain I felt.

Soon enough, nurses came rushing in, pushing passed the man that stayed in the doorway, face blank with shock. When they couldn't calm me down, I felt a sharp pain in my shoulder and my consciousness quickly faded.

~~~~~~

"This is the worst day she's had so far." Katsumi's doctor told the man and woman that stayed in her room as she slept in the bed. After her breakdown, the surgeon was called to help explain why she had reacted so vividly and check up on her condition. Luckily, she hadn't ripped a stitch from her surgery.

"But she knew Noburu before it happened. Why would she think he was one of her captors? She hasn't seen him in weeks!" Juna fretted, sympathetic worry spreading across her face as the bartender looked at the sleeping beauty guiltily.

"I don't know, but you can't come again. Not until she's healed. She still has weeks of rehab ahead of her." The doctor turned to the young man and he nodded solemnly.

"Surely she'd learn to remember what Noburu really looks like?" Feeling sorry for the man she knew loved her sister, Juna pleaded his case.

"It's too risky when she's still in this vulnerable stage. When she can fall asleep unaided and have a peaceful night, then you can try. I'm sorry, but you need to leave." Doctor shaking his head, Noburu left, leaving the treats he knew Katsumi would have loved on the table at the end of her bed.

~~~~~~

"What's this?" Instructor Kaga asked as I laid in my bed, staring intensely out the window. When I was sleeping, I had another dream about my captors, but this one seemed so surreal, it had really shaken me up. I hadn't talked to any of the nurses and my mood, not to mention my mental stability, was completely at rock bottom.

"Juna left it for me. You can have it, I'm not allowed to eat." I groaned, shuffling onto my back and sitting up to see Kaga already sifting through it. From what I suspected, he had come to tell me the result of my father's hearing, but all he had done so far was steal my-get-well-soon presents.

Sitting in silence, I bit the tip of my thumb to distract the nerves in my stomach. Kaga seemed very content with chewing on the soft sugary treat gifted to me.

"Will you tell me already?" I called out, throwing my fists into my mattress in irritation. Kaga looked at me with a raised brow, his demeaningly concerned look replaced on his face. "My father's trial. You came to tell me what happened, right?" I asked again, needing to know. The anticipation was too much.

"I don't know yet," Kaga grumbled and returned to the squishy cake in between his fingers. I frowned, crossing my arms and turning to look out the window again. It was still raining, even though a day had passed since I was last awake.

The silence was almost too much to bear, so, with a desperate need to cover my thoughts, I grabbed the remote controller on the table beside my bed and pointed it to the radio on the counter across the room. Classical music with a leading group of strings burst from it and I closed my eyes as I tried to drown out my thoughts and every sensory memory I had of weeks prior.

Suddenly, the volume decreased significantly and my gaze shot open to see Kaga standing beside it.

"Are you 90?" He frowned, throwing the pink packaging of the cake in the trash can by the door as he returned to the couch.

"It's my sister's. She helps me calm down." I sighed, turning it up again, although keeping it lower than before as it seemed to annoy him so much. Then, Kaga sprung up again, approaching my bed.

"You won't be able to recover if you just block it out." He placed a hand on the bar above my head and the other on the guarded rail on my bed, leaning in close so all my senses were enveloped by him. His smoke and cologne scent. His face was all I could see. His words repeated over and over again in my head. The warmth of his chest emitting onto my slightly cooler body. My eyes grew wide and I felt my heart stop due to the proximity.

"You need to learn to deal with that if you want to return to the academy." His voice was low and the comment made my head jerk in surprise. He thought I was going to return to my old life? After all the trouble I caused?

"There's no chance I can get back in. My entire resume is fake, let alone my application. I thought I was going to get kicked if I didn't work for you." I frowned my brows, saddened to have to admit I would never be able to complete my dream. Looking down, I found the arm he had encompassed over me. Running my gaze down to his hand, I noticed his knuckles white with pressure.

Before Kaga could retort, a small voice came from the doorway. "Instructor, I have the files you asked for."

Watching Kaga draw back, my eyes locked with a girl I once had a close connection with. She looked tired, a little worse for wear, but most of all, she was teary-eyed.

"Naruko," I uttered under my breath, honestly shocked to see her here. She just stood there, holding onto a beige folder. Kaga stormed over, snatching it from her.

"You're late." He grumbled, taking it and reading through it. I gulped when Naruko's gaze didn't fall from mine.

"Would you come here already? I can't exactly get up." I smiled through blurry vision, trying to reconnect with the girl I left behind. Her shoulder slumped and she ran towards me, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"What the hell, Atsuko! I thought you were dead! I mean, you were dead! How could you betray me?" She shouted in my ear the name she knew me by, tears flying down her face and onto my shoulder. I bit my lip guiltily.

"I'm sorry but... How did I betray you?" I laughed when she pulled back and showed me an out of character frown.

"You said we would graduate together! Why did you leave?" She frowned and my breathing stopped. The happiness I nurtured from seeing her slowly died as I was reminded once again of what I couldn't accomplish.

"He's got life." Kaga suddenly announced, drawing both of our attention towards him. He still had his gaze in the folder, but I knew what he was talking about. My father... He's going to die in prison?

"What?" I asked, feeling Naruko's confusion as she was pushed further into the unknown of my situation. Even though I had an idea of what he was on about, I wanted to make sure. I wanted to make sure I wasn't being hopeful.

"He's got 100 years in jail for ratting some of his partners. He’ll probably be dead by the time that’s up." Kaga seemed hesitant at first but still told me. I gripped the sheets by my leg and reached for my phone on the table.

"You, go back to the academy." Kaga shot a glare at Naruko and she quickly followed his order by running to the door. Before she left, she passed me a meaningful smile and closed the door behind her.

"You're going to recover and you're returning to work," Kaga announced once he was sure Naruko was gone as I stared at my phone, desperately trying to make sense of the clusters of blur in front of me. My vision still hadn't corrected, but I was growing a sense of understanding when I could see the characters. It was so frustrating, trying to see when I knew couldn't. No matter how hard I squinted or how sternly I stared at the object, I couldn't make sense of anything. I couldn't even see my sister's face when she hugged me. I couldn't see myself in the mirror. Just a blur of skin and the white of my hospital gown.  

"I can't! How am I supposed to be a detective when I can't even stop this from happening?" I shouted, suddenly enraged by how poor my eyesight had gotten, throwing my phone into the wall of my hospital room to dismiss my problems. It fell into reconnectable pieces at the force.

"I became a cop to protect us, but I failed at that. Juna got kidnapped and I put her baby in danger. All I did at the academy was make mistake after mistake. My recklessness put complete strangers in danger! A boy almost lost his mom! How can I work when whatever I do gets people hurt?" I shouted, tears spilling from my eyes when I didn't care who heard me. I was angry and sad and broken and I just wanted to cry.

Suddenly, I felt arms around me. My head was pulled against a soft, hard surface and I felt a warm breath on my hair. My eyes widened when I realised Kaga was holding me, trying to calm me down.

"You're always so damn loud." I heard him mutter as more tears spilt from my eyes. I clutched the arm around my front for support, needing to know that I wasn't in that room. I needed to know this was reality because lately, I've been having trouble differentiating.

“Just shut up for a minute and remember where you are. Forget the past. It won’t do you any good.”

At some point during my pathetic weeping, with the little sleep I had been getting, I slipped into unaided unconsciousness, something else I’d been struggling with since I was saved.

[ilovemygaydad]

title: repeat (again and again)

summary: virgil sanders relied on a very specific weekly routine, and when a new server messes that up, he isn’t sure how to feel

pairing: analogical, background royality

word count: 3.2k (this.... got out of hand)

warnings: male eating disorders (talked about without many specifics, but it touches a lot on reasoning and the real-world ramifications of it), eating disorders, relapse, unspecified anxiety disorder, obsessive behaviors (such as obsessive cleaning, dislike of change, reliance on routine behaviors, etc.), anxiety, crying, sadness, self hatred, swearing, self disgust, panic attacks, food mentions, eating, mentions of stomach flu/illness, chronic dumbass disease, flunking college, therapist mentions, and possibly something else

a/n: i used my Insider Info from @fandomsandanythingelse to write this for their gf, @trifilingass-ailantofmyemotions! they said that the best thing that i could write would be analogical and oblivious mutual pining so bad that they needed to be told to get together. i kinda.... went angsty and long on this, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sue me ig

---

Virgil Sanders needed things to be a very particular way. All the time. His clothes were folded the same way every time, and if he messed up even the tiniest bit, he would have to refold the whole thing. His dorm was spotless; his bathroom was disinfected every morning. He hadn’t changed his personal style since he was sixteen.

Most of all, he loved routine. On the same day at the same time every week, Virgil would go to the diner on the corner of 7th and Main, sit in the same booth, and order the same thing.

For over a year and a half, Virgil would arrive at Patton’s Diner between 1:55 and 2:05 in the afternoon on Saturday. He would sit in the booth furthest from the door, and exactly five minutes after he arrived, Patton would take his order. He ordered black coffee, pancakes and eggs with a side of turkey bacon. The eggs and bacon had to be on a separate plate to prevent them from touching the pancakes, and everything needed to be made away from the other food. He felt bad every time that he ordered because he knew that he was creating so much work for Patton and the cooks, but he was always reminded of the first time he’d gone to the diner.

He had thought that everything would be fine. Well, Virgil had hoped that things would be fine, but he was desperate for something to eat, and he had already used up his meal tokens for the week. He’d heard that Patton’s had good food for dirt cheap, so he’d gone there. It wasn’t a big deal. He was just eating out.

Except it had been a big deal because when his plate of food was delivered by the bubbly server, he had started sobbing because the eggs were touching the pancakes, and those foods don’t mix, and now they were both ruined, and he’d spent all of four dollars just to waste both his money and the diner’s time because he couldn’t even eat some damn food like a normal person. He was a fuck up with too many standards for such a shitty person and--

“Oh my goodness, kiddo, what’s wrong?” Patton asked, and oh god, Virgil was crying in front of the owner.

“T-Touching,” Virgil said vaguely.

“I’m sorry, hon, but I don’t understand. Can you explain a bit?”

“Th-Th-The eggs,” he stuttered out. “And p-panc-c-cakes.”

“Oh,” Patton said, and Virgil knew that he had fucked up. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you wanted them separate.”

Virgil opened his mouth to speak, but Patton cut him off by saying, “Hey, how ‘bout I take you to the back, and you can tell me exactly how you want your food? My husband has a lot of issues with food, too, and it always helps to work together to make sure everything is okay. Maybe this will help you, too.”

So, despite all odds, Virgil followed the man into the back, and they made a very detailed plan on how to make Virgil’s order for whenever he returned (and an additional plan for if he wanted to order something else--which he wouldn’t because he knew that he liked pancakes, eggs, and sausage, so why would he order something else). After seeing that Virgil liked to sit in the same booth, Patton had even begun to steer people clear right around when Virgil would be coming in. Every time that Virgil walked into Patton’s Diner, he knew exactly what he was getting himself into. 

And then it wasn’t.

---

Virgil had entered the diner at 2:01 on Saturday. He sat down in his booth, and he browsed his phone for five minutes. And then it had been seven minutes with still no Patton. At ten minutes, Virgil had become so anxious that he had focused on folding napkins into little paper boats.

“I apologize for making you wait so long,” a voice to his left suddenly said, making him jump. He looked up and saw a young man that he didn’t recognize with a notepad. “There was a miscommunication in the kitchen that I needed to attend to. How may I help you?”

“Um,” Virgil said very eloquently. “Where is Patton?”

“He came down with the stomach flu yesterday and asked me to take over his shift today so that he could stay home. Well, I requested that he stay home to take care of himself and risk getting any of our customers sick, but that is besides the point.”

“Oh.”

The man nodded his head and brought his pen back to his notepad. “What may I get you? Do you want to start with something to drink?”

How was Virgil supposed to put this politely? “I, um... I don’t--I’m not sure if I want to eat here right now.”

“What? Why? Have I done something to dissuade you from eating in our restaurant?” The man’s expression almost looked hurt.

“No! I, uh--I have really strict... dietary restrictions, so Patton always makes my food special for me.” Virgil noticed that the man’s eyes narrowed, and he hurried his speech up to dig himself out of the monumental hole that he was in. “I mean, like, I’m sure that you’d be totally good at making the meal, but I don’t want to put the work onto you. It’s a really big task, and it always takes Pat forever, so, like, I’ll just buy some instant ramen from Kwik Trip or whatever. I’m sorry for wasting your time--”

Virgil scrambled to stand up and run from the diner, but the man held up a hand, effectively freezing him in place. “You’re the one who can’t have his food touching, correct?”

“Yeah...” Shame crept into his voice despite himself.

“Patton left me with directions for you. I’ve already prepared your meal--that was actually why I was stuck in back for so long. The others were trying to help, but they kept messing things up by accident.” The man smiled, and Virgil felt his heart melt.

“Oh... Thank you, um...?”

“Logan.”

“Virgil.”

Logan gave Virgil a kind handshake. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ll retrieve your food right now.”

---

“Are you studying at the university?”

Virgil glanced up from his environmental science homework to Logan, happy for a distraction from the horrible problems spread in front of him. Logan had started to show up more often when Virgil was visiting; Patton would come to quote-unquote “take his order,” and Logan would bring it to the table. “Yeah. I’m majoring in Psychology and Counseling, but there were a few summer courses I wanted to try. Do you go to school here, too?”

“Ah, no,” Logan said, suddenly looking sheepish. “I flunked out of school first semester.”

Virgil, you’re a fucking idiot.

“Oh my god, I’m so--”

“No, it’s okay. I’m... I think that it’s more important that I’m recovering than working myself to death in school.” Logan placed Virgil’s food down and sat in the booth across from him. Absently, Virgil wondered why he worked on Saturdays now since there were more than enough servers and cooks on shift.

“I don’t know if this is inappropriate for me to ask ‘cause, like, we’re pretty much strangers, but... what happened?”

Logan smiled reassuringly. “It’s alright. I actually went to MIT on a full scholarship in biomedical engineering. It upsets me to no end that I ended up throwing that incredible opportunity away, but the past is in the past, right?

“When I was seventeen, I somehow got it into my head that I was overweight. The thought is completely illogical because I was at the ideal weight for my height at the time. I almost completely cut back on eating to lose weight--I’m certain that you’re familiar with anorexia nervosa--and told myself that what I was doing was best for me.

“Things seemed fine for a while. I was accepted to college and graduated high school with high marks, and I was seemingly crawling towards my ideal weight. In my mind, my life couldn’t have been better.

“But once college hit, I pretty much stopped eating altogether. Without the energy to function properly, my grades started slipping. When my grades started slipping, I began to throw myself into days-long study binges where I neglected food and sleep completely. By the end of the semester, I had worked myself into the ground, and I ended up needing to go to rehab for nearly a year until I was stable enough to return home.”

Logan took a heavy breath, grounding himself for a few moments before he continued. “Patton insisted that I moved in with him and his husband so that I could be nearby and for proximity with a trusted therapist. You know Dr. Emile Picani, don’t you?”

Virgil nodded. “Yeah, he’s one of my professors.”

“He’s been my therapist since I moved here in April. He’s proven to be extremely helpful for my recovery, but I suspect the main reason that Patton wanted me here was so that he could protect me. I’m his little brother, and he worries about me.”

“Patton’s your brother?!” Virgil burst out, clamping his hands over his mouth to control his volume.

“Yes?” Logan cocked his head. “I thought that was obvious.”

Rolling his eyes, Virgil smiled brightly. “Just because you know that you’re brothers doesn’t mean that I know that you’re brothers.”

“I regret befriending you.”

Virgil’s heart fluttered in his chest, but he disregarded it. “Aw, so you do like me!”

With a groan, Logan stood up and began to walk away. “I never said that.”

“Wait, Logan!”

“Yes?” Logan asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re getting better.”

---

“Patton? Where’s Logan?” Virgil didn’t like how his voice quavered. He told himself that it was simply because his routine of over two months had been broken, not because he missed talking to Logan. All of his nerves were because school had started up again, and he was still getting used to it. That was it.

“Roman took him to the museum today, kiddo. There was a new exhibit about stars added, and Logan...” Patton’s words faltered, and he placed Virgil’s plates down to cover. “Well, I’m sure he’ll tell you all about it next week, alright?”

“Yeah, of course. Thanks.” The two smiled at each other, and Patton walked back to the kitchen.

Virgil took a sip of his coffee and tried to drown the icky feeling in his stomach.

---

“Logan!” Virgil cried as soon as his friend walked into the diner the following Saturday. Logan found himself with his arms full of Virgil, who held him tightly. “Where were you last week? You worried me sick... Please don’t break routine without telling me in advance next time.”

“I apologize. I didn’t realize that I had become a part of your routine, or I would have stopped by before I went to the museum.” Logan’s skin felt cold when Virgil pulled away from the hug, and he followed his friend to their usual booth.

“Dude, of course you’re part of it!” Virgil scoffed. “You’re, like, the most important part.”

Logan felt a bit faint, but he chalked it up to having a difficult few weeks. “That’s very kind of you to say.”

“Shhhh! Stop with the sappy shit and move on to telling me about your museum date with Roman.”

“It was nice,” Logan said, powering through the thoughts that were telling him to shut up, idiot. “Roman wanted to take me out because I... had been relapsing for about two weeks, and he knew that I needed something to help my spirits.” Hot, uncomfortable tears welled up in his eyes. He didn’t enjoy feeling weak, and relapses were lapses of time where he was only weak.

A cool hand placed itself over his as he squeezed his eyes closed. “It’s okay for you to be upset right now, Lo. Eating disorders are very difficult beasts to overcome, and you are fighting that battle with courage. Relapses are are a natural part of all recovery.”

Choked laughter forced its way from Logan’s throat. “Who are you, and what have you done with Virgil?” He opened his eyes and caught Virgil’s worried gaze, which quickly shut him up.

“Seriously. It’s okay.”

Logan nodded slowly, moving his hand in Virgil’s to squeeze it. “It’s okay.”

Everything is okay with you.

---

“Guess who fuckin passed, bitch!” Virgil yelled as he burst into the Sanders’ apartment. Logan was sitting on the couch, wrapped up in a fluffy blanket, but he jumped up to catch Virgil’s tackle.

“I knew that you would, Virge.” Logan gently set Virgil onto the couch and sat next to him. Their new routine during winter break was for Virgil to come to the Sanders’ apartment every day at five for dinner, and they always watched an episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved before the food was done.

“Whatever. I owe it all to you and Picani for helping me trudge through this semester without having nearly as many panic attacks as I would have otherwise.” Virgil sighed, leaning into his best friend’s side. “Speaking of Picani, how was therapy today?”

“It was good. Those ‘affirmations’ that he’s been having me do are really helping.” A happy feeling fluttered in his chest as he pressed back against Virgil. Life felt really good.

Patton and Roman erupted through the door not a second later, making even more of a racket than Virgil had. Logan secretly despised his friend and family for being so unnecessarily loud every single god damn day. He did. He really did.

“How are my favorite boys?” Patton asked as he dropped his bags of groceries on the kitchen table.

“Virgil passed all of his exams, and I have been struggling to keep warm all day.” The body pressed into his side nuzzled closer.

Roman dramatically placed his own bags on the table, draping himself on his husband. “We missed Virgil’s entrance again! At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was able to teleport to and from his dorm.”

“You miss me every day.” Virgil rolled his eyes. “Maybe you should think about planning your schedule three minutes earlier.”

“Um, rude! We feed you, and this is the thanks we get? Sass and endless cuddling with Logan?”

Both Virgil and Logan nodded.

“You two are the worst.”

“Trust me,” Logan said, allowing Virgil to finish.

“We know.”

---

“Logan, kiddo, can you come here for a second?”

“Just a moment,” Logan called back, gently placing the spring-themed cookies into the fridge to cool. His brother was sitting cross-legged on the desk, holding a picture frame in his hands. “What do you require from me?”

Patton took a deep breath. “What do you like about Virgil?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Patton said. He looked at the ceiling as if to gather his thoughts. “Why did you decide to befriend him? What traits drew you to him?”

“Simple. He’s kind, caring, and intuitive. He is wise beyond his years, yet humble due to his anxiety. Although he likens himself to the bad parts of thunderstorms, I feel as though he doesn’t truly grasp that his presence can be healing and soothing. His emotions can be volatile at times, but he is able to recognize his faults and strive to do better. Overall, Virgil is a good person, and that is why I befriended him.”

“Mmmm. Do you love him?”

Logan cocked his head. He must have misheard Patton. “What?”

“Do you love Virgil?”

“What?” Logan repeated. “Where would you have gotten that idea?”

Patton shook his head, glancing lovingly back at the frame in his hands. “Friends--even best friends--typically don’t go on long tangents about what they like about their friends where they basically wax poetic for a minute.”

“I--What are you insinuating?”

“I think, kiddo,” Patton said, hopping off of his desk to stand in front of his brother, “that you’re in love with Virgil.”

“I don’t--I can’t be in love with Virgil!” Logan protested. Patton gave him a Look, and all of the puzzle pieces clicked into place. “Holy shit, I’m in love with Virgil.”

Outside, one of the workers called, “Regular’s here, Pat!”

“Kiddo, I think it’s time to tell him how you feel.”

Logan vehemently disagreed with that statement. “Absolutely not, Patton. What if he rejects me? Guys tend to stray away from me because--you know.”

A deep frown marred Patton’s usually cheerful face. “You’re scared, and I understand that, but you need to take chances every once in a while. You’ve known Virgil for almost a year. He’d been nothing but supportive of you.” He had that stupid expression that meant that he was going to be all wise. “Those are just cognitive distortions in your brain, honey. You can’t listen to them. You’ve got this.”

“Cognitive distortions,” parroted Logan. “You’ve got this.”

“Go get him, Lo!” Patton cheered, shooing Logan to the front of the diner. 

Virgil was sitting at his normal booth, and for the first time since they had met, Logan realized how absolutely stunning he was. While Logan was all sharp angles, Virgil’s features were soft and round. His slight form was obstructed by his giant hoodie, but his face was pulled into a concentrated scowl as he scribbled something in a notebook. A tiny portion of his tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth.

It took what felt like an eternity for Logan to muster up the courage to sit across from Virgil. Patiently, he waited for Virgil to finish writing. In all actuality, Logan was grateful that he didn’t have to speak for a few moments, so he let his mind wander. His eyes drifted out the window, watching as pedestrians walked past in calming waves.

“Lo? Hey, you there, bud?”

Logan’s attention snapped back to the present. “Yeah, sorry. I zoned out for a second.”

Ever perceptive, Virgil’s face creased with worry. “What’s on your mind?”

You can do this. It’s like a Band-Aid. That’s what Virgil always says.

“It has come to my attention that I...”

No. He couldn’t do it. Virgil was going to hate him forever, and--

“Hey now, star-shine.” Virgil set his hand next to Logan’s so that they were only millimeters apart. “It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.”

Logan moved his hand at a snail’s pace, wrapping it around Virgil’s as lightly as possible. It would be okay. He could do this. “Virgil, I harbor romantic feelings toward you.”

“Oh,” Virgil breathed, and for a fraction of a second, Logan thought that he had messed up, but Virgil’s tone turned to loving awe. “Oh, Logan. That is the stupidest way to say that.”

And Logan had been right all along. “If you are going to reject me, would it be impossible to be kind--”

“Lo, no, I love it. I love you, I just hadn’t realized it until you said it in that ridiculous, scholarly way of yours.” 

It was Logan’s turn to say, “Oh.” Neither of them seemed very good at communicating right now.

A very doofy smile spread across Virgil’s face, and he laced their fingers together for real. “We both know that I hate breaking routine, but... I think that it’s time to make a new one. Saturdays at two pm are for dates at the diner. How does that sound?” 

“I think that it’s the best idea that you’ve ever had.”

[2isted-chocol8]

Heeeey💓💓 do you have fic recs for zackray??

I do!! And like, a lot! So prepare yourself! Though not all are *explicit* Zackray, they all show their relationship in different ways! These are a lot of my favorites in no particular order:

Oneshots / few chapters

Last resort by sukikobold - Complete

Now that they’re out of the building and the cops have (mostly) given up chasing them, Zack and Ray discuss what they could do for income. Unfortunately, they have very different opinions on what is acceptable.

I like the characterization in this one, as well as their interactions. I had a few laughs, and the second chapter is quite sweet despite the circumstances.

Graveyard shift by reaperzack - Complete

Rachel is pretty sure the guy who always comes in around three in the morning to buy a large coffee with a triple-shot of espresso is a serial killer. He also tips ridiculously well, though, so she doesn’t really care about things that aren’t her business.

This one is hilarious and one of my favorites. I read it again from time to time, and had a good laugh. Is a simple au that works. 

Touch Starved by redawilo - Complete

Although it wasn’t too surprising when she thought about it, Zack had been oddly familiar with Ray ever since he rescued her from the rehab center. There was nothing indecent about it, of course, but she was starting to wonder if he was capable of not being in physical contact with her. Not that she minded.

If you want a good dose of fluff, this is your fic.

Worth a Thousand Words by sukikobold - Complete

Zack had a lot of fun playing with that camera on B3. He figured it might be even better now that there weren’t any more psychos trying to kill him. But there’s one thing he absolutely refuses to take a picture of.

This one is so short but so sweet! It explores a different face of Zack and I loved it so much.

Outcasts of the abyss by Gottemorto - Complete

“Teach me what it’s like to be human." Neither of them were human in the slightest - but out in that vast ocean where they were nothing but outcasts in the eyes of their own kind, a strange promise shall form between an apathetic mermaid and a monstrous land-dweller.

This is a mermaid AU that strangely works. Also the writing is A+

A Little White Christmas Lie by MarshmallowBirb - Complete

It’s Christmas Eve and Zack and Ray have a little bit of money to have their Christmas meal at a buffet. The catch is, they have to pretend to be married to get the best price.

I remember I laughed with this one, and it is really a fun situation to observe. Liked it!

That Which We Call A Rose by kiichandesu - Complete

“ Isaac Foster ”That’s the first name he’s ever given. He doesn’t know where it came from and what it means, but he quickly grows to hate it. A study of the many labels Zack is given, what he thinks of them, and how he lives with them.

I’m a sucker for this type of fics and this one delivers well. Really well.

Moondrop by Sasaria - Incomplete

“There have been sightings of pirate ships lately. Especially that pirate ship, the one that only appears on nights with a full blue moon. Have you heard of it? It’s called the Angel of Death…” Rachel Gardner’s never believed in fantastical pirate stories, but one stormy night, while aboard her parent’s cargo ship, she’s kidnapped by a sinister pirate named Zack. “I needed a token, a sacrifice,” he says with a glint in his eye. She can smell death on him as he touches the knife’s blade to her throat. “You fit the bill perfectly.”

It has only one chapter so far, but the writing is amazing and I’m a sucker for pirate au’s. 100% recommend.

After the Story Drabbles by Redawilo - Complete

A collection of drabbles that are more things I wanted to get out of my head than actual fics.

Four short chapters, sweet, and full of fluff. What more can you wish for?

I Love You by reicherufosuta - Complete

Zack can’t sleep. He thinks about the truth he could be unaware of.

Really short, really sweet, and completely worth the read.

Multichapters / Long fics

Between Silence and Sound by Sasaria- Incomplete, 23k words

Having escaped the strange building, Zack and Rachel steal a car and remain on the run for several months after. It’s on long stretches of road and under diamond-bright stars that they realize there are so many things to be discovered about one another. —「 Road Trip · Nonlinear Fic · Character Study 」

For the love of god read this fic. It is REALLY good and I love how the author makes the characters feel real, and the writing is AMAZING. Can’t recommend this one enough.

Quiet like a fight by shanatical - Incomplete, 70k words

The odyssey of Rachel Gardner, who isn’t actually as Quirkless as she once thought and has zero compunctions against using that to get what she wants. Being stuck in Japan is a bit more of a hurdle than a death sentence and a high-security institution, but she and Zack have dealt with steeper odds, she’s pretty sure. Plus Ultra, as they say.

Okay, this is not a Zackary fic, and is a my hero academia crossover. But it’s stupidly good, I’ve read it twice and since it’s my rec list I’m putting it here. The writing is really good and all the characters are amazingly written too. Go read it.

Scaring darkness away by LinkedSoul - Incomplete, 250k words

There’s a corpse into Zack’s dumpster - his usual hideout when he’s chased. And he’s chased, so no choice, he hides into the dumpster with the corpse. Who turns out to be a living girl called Rachel Gardner, who comes from a fucked up place like him. He should have killed her before, but he thought she was a corpse and now it’s too late: he’s already beginning to get attached to that brat. What a mistake. It might as well be Zack’s most beautiful mistake.

This one is pretty known and has a slow start, but I’ve been enjoying the latest chapters more and more. A really nice au that explores Zack’s and Ray’s relationship. Really good if you want a really long read!

NSFW (because of course) 

(I’m really picky with these lol)

A Perfect Life by MarshmallowBirb - Complete

After a night out, Zack attempts to take a bath. But Ray isn’t going to let him take it alone. 

Okay, I’m gonna be sincere- This one’s my favorite nsfw one. The characterization is amazing, the writing is really good, and I enjoy the way it’s handled. It’s one of those that I re-read from time to time, so, I really recommend it.

Ecstasy of the damned by Marshmallowbirb- Complete

Rachel Gardner has been the only one able to see a certain black-winged angel for as long as she could remember. When her parents shipped her off to a convent, she thought she’d never see him again. But she might have underestimated the lengths Zack would go to be reunited with her.

I’m really picky with explicit works, but this one did the trick for me. Also I’m a sucker for fallen angels au’s so there’s that.

Pillow Talk by ShipperTrsh - Complete

Their oath still replays in his head from time to time, he knows damn well he isn’t a liar, but he feels more at peace next to her. The timing never feels right. Zack wants to keep seeing more and more of her expressions. He doesn’t know where he’s going with this – whatever this is – with her, but he just keeps running with it for as long as he can. God he’s never felt so relieved and disorientated at the same time.

This one is sweet. Like really really sweet. So sweet it will give you diabetes. And you won’t regret it.

Authors with various Satsuten related works that I enjoy and u should definitely check and see if they have something of your liking

Sukikobold

Linkedsoul

Khymer

Reicherufosuta

Reaperzack

2isted_chocol8 (yes, I will shamelessly put myself in here because yes)

Anddddd I think those are most of them. Have a nice read!

[znqrlbhybbx]

Ugh. The robot has had a really bad cold the past week that she got from her friend Michelle, who happens to be the sister or cousin of my dead boyfriend Alex Newman's father; who owned Rock Records in downtown Chicago. They gave Michelle medication for walking pneumonia. She won't take it because of the possible side effects. I don't want to get sick.

This means I'm stuck with her here. At home. With me. Where I still don't have a room and still am not allowed to bring anything of.mine inside. And I had to pull some serious gang gang shit to get her to feel sorry enough for me to give me my bed back. It worked. That was brilliant. Kudos to all involved.

I rounded up enough to be good for a few more days and who knows what's going to happen after that? Right now I'm concentrating on sleeping obsessively sleeping and knowing the creatures that were sent to destroy me are doing their jobs elsewhere and away from myself and my loved ones. Never have I ever been so terrified of Magick that's been sent to me and although I'm well knowledgeable about certain things, that shit was rude, fucking rude; if I deserved these things, they would have done what they were created to do and I wouldn't have made it past new years. Some of these things were hanging on for years.

Food stamps and insurance phone interview Thursday so if need be I can always do my 3 day rehab at Norwegian American when I run out because when I run out I am not gonna be out there strutting around because I need money for drugs.

...Although I have a wonderful idea of making a cute withdrawal porn with my darling Big D, I haven't gotten his opinion on it yet and it might be a bit much for him to handle since all of you had a hand in being all suspect on me which I forgive you for and I completely understand why. I just think it would be a fun way to do something unfun. ;)

I'm not copywriting my idea. You should try it. I'm sure it will make a decent amount of tokens.

Really wish this ring was real but it's a pretty good fake.

;)

[sumofmanythings]

#TransformationTuesday: 8 Ways To Develop a Healthy Relationship With Food

This week for #TransformationTuesday, we are talking about food. I’m pleased to introduce, Nieta from CleanCheating.com. Nieta is a Food/Fitness Blogger and former caterer.  Her fitness journey began in 2006 when she joined Weight Watchers and lost 60 lbs.  After a series of life events, she eventually gained all but 13lbs back.  It was then that she made some lifestyle changes and began to live healthier. Her approach to fitness and food is extremely practical and easy to incorporate into a busy lifestyle.   Follow her and learn more about her wellness journey on simplycleancheating.com. She has a wealth of wonderful information, fitness tips and great tasting recipes!  Thank you Nieta for your contribution to “The Sum of Many Things”! 

 8 Ways to Develop a Healthy Relationship with Food

By: Nieta/Simply Clean Cheating

 “I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for answers.”--Unknown

Food/Fitness Blogger. HR Professional. Former Caterer. As you see, I LOVE food.  My daily afternoon snack was 2 bags of chips, Doritos were my preference, a candy bar, and a bottle of juice because, hmmpphh…I don’t drink soda. Yeeessss, I thought I was better than a soda drinker at 250lbs. One cold and rainy Black Friday afternoon, sitting on my couch in my undies, after consuming a plate full of carby Thanksgiving goodness, I felt something crawling on my stomach. After jumping up several times and not seeing anything, I realized that was my stomach touching the couch. It’s time I said. I checked into rehab (Weight Watchers) the next day. I lost 60 lbs. in only 8 months….just to gain all but 13lbs. of it back.  A few years later, after having my son and losing 30 lbs., I got a new job, yay for me! What I didn’t know is that they are about that #officelife. There was food everywhere. I gained 28lbs within the first year. So why did this keep happening? I’m doing everything right….right?

 1. Eat mindfully.

Our body is amazing. It automatically does what it’s supposed to do like tell us when to eat and when to stop; but we don’t always listen. IF you’re pants are tight: STOP. If you are full and can’t eat another bite, but your mind wants to keep going because it’s Aunt Carol’s banana pudding: STOP. If you are developing the "itis" (Google it) while you’re eating: STOP.  Listening to your body’s cues will help you manage how much you’re consuming.

 2. Everything in moderation.

I ate a donut today. I did. It’s our busy season at work and I woke up craving carby, sweet, glazed goodness. But I also worked out at 5 am and again when I got home. I don’t deprive myself, nor do I gorge. I eat what I want when I want, but in moderation. Deprivation will always lead to failure. Your will power might be victorious in one situation, but what about the next? I’m not endorsing eating bad foods. Today’s donut was an anomaly, it’s not every day. It’s human nature to want what we can’t have; this is why I give myself a “Can Eat” foods list vs. “Can’t Eat.” Fries aren’t evil, they are just fries. How you manage your consumption defines future choices.

3. Eat that donut, but the timing has to be right.

They say don’t go to the grocery store hungry because you will buy things you don’t need and you will over spend; and who wants a skinny wallet and expanding waistline? If you do decide you're in the mood for cookies or fries, pick a time when you're not hungry for a full meal, so you don't overdo it. "If you're starving you'll consume more of it.

4. Eat when you’re physically hungry.

I only eat when I am hungry. Yes, that sounds easy but it took me a while to get here. When I have my moments, like mindlessly eating my son’s cheese crackers, I ask myself why am I eating this? Do I really want it? Usually the answer is “no.” Am I eating them because I’m bored or dinner’s not ready and I’m really hungry? Target your emotion and find other ways to resolve them. Emotional eating is usually linked to soothe stress and anxiety. This causes us to crave higher-calorie, fattier foods. We try to mask what the emotion is teaching us with food.  

5. Eat breakfast.

You know why they call it breakfast? Because you break your fast from sleeping for 8 hours… or if you’re like me, 4-6 hours. Eating a balanced breakfast manages your hunger throughout the day, takes your body out of starvation mode, and gives you more energy.

6. Don't keep challenging foods in the house.

Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies are my weakness. I can pass on tons of food, but those are my kryptonite. I know this so I walk right past those cookie pushers. Identifying what your triggers are, you can take small steps to redirect them. Instead of buying it and leaving it in your fridge to keep tempting you, don’t bring it in the house.

7. Don't sit down with the whole bag.

My co-worker gave me a gallon sized bag of pistachio biscotti once. Why? Because I did a favor for her and she was giving a token of appreciation. As grateful as I was, I stared confusingly at that huge bag like I stare at reality stars who actually think they add value to the world. I passed them out to other co-workers.  I know who I am, and I bet you know who you are. I had one and kept it moving. Don’t deprive yourself, but manage your situations.

8. Don't "make up" for a meal.

I believe in balance. We’re human, so every meal won’t be a contender for the cover of a health magazine. If you have a regular workout schedule, follow it. Don’t go harder or starve yourself because you had a bad meal.  Restriction=Binging because now, you’re hungry.  

The problem was I didn’t have a healthy relationship of food. I didn’t understand its impact.  I remember when I was on Weight Watchers I would eat 2 pts. for breakfast, 4 for lunch, and a 2 pt. snack, then eat everything in sight when I got home because I had 20points left. I would eat three 100 calorie packs at 4pts. each, just because I had points left. I didn’t know HOW to eat. Additionally I was putting things in my mouth faster than I was burning it off. I didn’t understand carbs. I thought complex carbs=#winning. What I didn’t know is you can have too much of a good thing. What I didn’t know was oatmeal for breakfast, that brown rice bowl from chipotle for lunch, honey in your sweet potatoes for dinner, and a skinny cow ice cream sandwich was carb overload. I didn’t understand to not go back for seconds…and thirds just because it’s my favorite. Fitness is one day and one meal at a time. Find your balance and find your “why.” Now days I don’t look for answers at the fridge because I stopped asking it questions I knew the answer to.

Learn more about Nieta’s amazing transformation and fitness journey at at www.simplycleancheating.com

Instagram: @simplycleancheating

Facebook: @simply Clean chEATing

Pinterest: Simply Clean ChEATing

As always,

Take care of yourselves as well as one another

D. Sanders